Kasey felt physically ill as she hung up the phone with Koty. She could hardly wait to talk to her and tell her how much she missed her, and that she would be returning to the beach the next day.
'What in the hell was Tina doing in her room? Face it Doc, you know damn well what she was doing there.' It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. 'Jesus.' They had been lovers for three years, she knew all along that Tina was still in love with Koty, and was trying to get her back. 'Why in the hell am I so surprised? God what a fool I am.'
All of the times that Kasey waited to hear Koty tell her that she loved her, now she knew why she never heard it. She never heard it because Koty didn't feel that way. She knew that Koty cared for her. That was obvious, but just as obvious, it wasn't enough. 'I guess Tina got what she wanted.'
As devastated as she was when Sam had gone back to Annie, it seemed like high school stuff compared to her love for Koty, and the loss she was feeling now.
She knew what she had to do. As hard as it was going to be, she knew that she would have to withdraw herself from Koty completely. She loved her enough to let her be with Tina.
Kasey also knew Koty enough to know that she would try to contact her. She would just refuse to see her, and if she did see her it would not be alone, and she would play it off like she didn't care. 'I need to do this. I need to stay away from her. I need a stiff drink.'
Kasey flew out of Houston the next morning. Her father was doing fine and there was no real damage done to his heart from the attack, and Kasey needed to get back to work.
Lynn had asked Kasey what was wrong with her when she could tell that she had been crying. Kasey had told her that she was just really tired and still jet lagged, but Lynn knew she was lying. She did not push it though.
She had hugged everyone and told them that she loved them. She left the car in the airport parking lot for the rental company to pick up, and she boarded her flight to Virginia.
Her flight was straight through without a layover so she knew she would be home in about three hours. She would get home, unpack, take a shower, and go to bed.
Tomorrow she would go to work, come home, and make herself some dinner, take a shower, and then go to bed. She would do this day after day after day until she could get Koty out of her mind.
She knew this wouldn't be an easy task, but it was something that she needed to do. She had been afraid to get involved with Koty for this very reason to start with. After what happened with Samantha she knew not to get involved with someone on the rebound. She had told herself over and over that this was a strong possibility. When would she ever learn?
'Oh well, get over it already, what's done is done and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it but get on with your life.'
When Koty arrived home, she immediately went to the phone to check her answering machine for any messages from Kasey. Exasperated when there were none, she collapsed on the recliner.
She had called Kasey's house, and cell phone several times and left messages for her to call. She even called the clinic and the hospital. She didn't have any phone numbers in Houston for her so she figured that she would just have to wait for now. 'I know she has to be home now.'
For a solid week she had left messages for her but to no avail. She knew that Kasey had caller I.D, so maybe she was screening her calls and when Koty's number showed up she ignored it.
Koty had driven by the doctors house a couple of times, but never saw her car. She knew that she was home from Houston now, because Monty had mentioned that she and Chris had met with the contractor for their office two days ago.
Friday while she was at work, Jamie called and asked for her to meet them at Laces for a few drinks. Needing a break, and a strong drink, she told Jamie she would be there around eight.
As Koty got out of the shower to get ready to go, she lay across the bed. 'Man am I tired.' For a brief moment, she contemplated calling Jamie and telling her that she was just too tired to go, but changed her mind and got up to get dressed.
Koty had a very long week working ten to twelve hour days. Several times she even brought some cases home with her, which was something she had never done before. She figured that the more she worked, the less she would think about Kasey, and how much she missed her. Yes, she definitely needed to go out with her friends tonight. She needed to be able to laugh again.
Koty made her way through the massive amounts of women as she walked through the bar looking for Jamie and Trish. Finally spotting them at a corner table, she walked through the maze to their table.
"Jesus, why is it so damn crowded here tonight?"
"They have some band here tonight called 'Danger'. We didn't know until we got here," Jamie told her as she pushed a chair out for Koty.
"Danger? That's the band that played at the pig roast Kasey and I went to. They're really good. As a matter of fact, Deanne should be here tonight, her girlfriend is the lead singer."
"Deanne? Damn, I haven't seen her in a coon's age. I remember you telling us that she was there. It will be good to see her again." Jamie told her as she looked around for their old friend.
Smiling, Trish patted Koty on the back. "Yeah, and boy did she have the hots for you if I remember correctly."
Koty laughed. "That was a long time ago Trish. Her girlfriend is really hot, and has a voice to match her body. You'll see what I mean when you meet her."
Hands slid around her waist and a body pressed up to her back. "You talking about me girlfriend?"
Koty turned in her embrace and hugged Deanne. "Hey."
Jamie stood up to give her a hug, and Deanne jumped into her arms wrapping her legs around her waist.
"Wuz up gorgeous?" She said as she hugged Jamie and then Trish. "Man it's good to see you guys."
Jamie put Deanne down when a beautiful redhead with a Goddess's body walked up and kissed Deanne then smiled at the others.
"Hey Baby. Guys, this is Roxi. She introduced everyone, and when Roxi turned to Koty, she hugged her and said. "Good to see you again Koty."
Grabbing her girlfriend's hand, Deanne turned and waved. "We need to go setup everything then I will be back to have some drinks with you guys, and a dance with you Koty."
As they turned and walked away, Trish let out a soft whistle. "Mmm, I see what you mean Koty, she is...um...wow. Come on Koty, come shake a leg with me, I love this song."
The band was playing a slow song when Deanne came over and grabbed Koty's hand. "Come with me beautiful, let's dance."
"Is Roxi gonna get mad at you for slow dancing with me? Especially this close? I don't want to have to run and hide behind someone cause she is coming to kick my ass." She chuckled.
"Nah, Roxi is cool. She knows that we go back a long way Koty, and she also knows that I used to have the screaming hots for you."
"Yes really. She's the one Koty. I can feel in my bones, well, and in my jeans of course."
"Wow Deanne, so are you gonna get hitched or something?"
"Or something, but I can positively tell you that for the first time in my life, I'm totally in love."
"That's great Dee, I'm really happy for you!" Koty told her as she pulled her close for a hug.
They had danced through two slow songs, and just as they were getting ready to leave the floor, Deanne felt Koty stop and stiffen, as Koty spotted Kasey at the bar watching her.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing," Koty told her as she pulled her off of the dance floor.
"Bullshit, I may have been gone for a while Koty, but I still know you as well as I do the back of my hand, so what gives?"
"I'll tell you about it a little later ok"
"I promise." Koty gave her hand a gentle squeeze then walked to the table and picked up her drink. Contemplating on what to do, she took a long draw of her drink then walked to the bar where Kasey was standing with Lee and the woman that was with them the night Koty stormed off the dance floor.
"Kasey, can I talk to you?"
Kasey turned and just stared at her for what seemed an eternity then stepped away from her friends, but only a few feet. She was not going to let Koty corner her and break her resolve.
"What do you want Koty?" She asked in such a low voice, Koty almost didn't hear her. "What do I want? I want to know why you haven't returned my phone calls. I want to know why you hung up on me at the lodge, and why you are avoiding me now and won't even let me explain?"
"Koty, I really don't want to discuss this here."
"This is the only place that I can catch you at. Jesus Kasey, you won't talk to me anywhere else."
In a strained voice, Kasey frowned and said, "Koty, just let it go."
"Let it go?" Koty reached out and placed her hands on either side of Kasey's cheeks. "Baby, I don't want to let it..."
Kasey stopped her by placing a hand against Koty's chest, and gently pushed her back.
"Koty, please." Kasey pleaded.
Koty went to say something else, but just stared Kasey in the eyes for a moment. She dropped her hands, turned and grabbed her drink, then walked away. But not before Kasey noticed the tears in her eyes. 'Fuck!'
Koty went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face before returning to the table. 'Fuck Fuck Fuck!'
Returning to the table, Jamie was already walking towards her. "Hey, are you ok?"
She had watched Koty go over to talk to Kasey. Although she couldn't hear what was being said, she could tell that Kasey was rejecting her. The look on her best friends face was breaking her heart.
Koty downed her drink. "I'm just fucking peachy James, and I'm ready to get drunk now."
"Good, cause I got you a double tequila so here, drink up."
"Yuk. Why do you make me drink that crap for?"
"Cuz ya love me."
Get drunk is just what Koty did. Dancing with anyone and everyone, and slamming down the drinks. She knew that she had passed her limit two hours ago, but what the hell. 'What does it matter anyhow?'
Kasey had watched her throughout the night being extremely careless. She had watched Koty hand Jamie her keys when they called last call, and Jamie had to place her shoulder under her arm while she helped her to the car.
Kasey had been miserable as she watched Koty slamming down the drinks like they were water. She knew that Koty liked to drink maybe just a little too much, but she had never seen it to this extent.
Several times she had wanted to go over and take the drinks from her hand and ask her to stop, but stayed planted at the bar. She knew if she had gone over to her, she would grab her and not let go.
Finishing up her drink, she told Lee that she was going to head home. Lee had asked her to join them at the I.H.O.P, but she said that she was too tired and just wanted to get some sleep.
Once she was home, she went to the kitchen to get some ice water, and to pop two aspirins. She climbed into the shower to wash away the smell of stale cigarettes and sorrow.
Letting the hot water pound on her back from the shower massager, she thought about the emotions that Koty stirred in her. There was no doubt in her mind whatsoever that she was in love with Koty, but she couldn't be with her.
'Tina knew what she was doing and there's no way I can compete with her. God I miss her so much.'
Getting out of the shower she walked to the bed and dropped her towel. Crawling under the covers, she tried desperately to will away her thoughts of Koty.
Koty had spent the night at Jamie and Trish's house, obviously not fit to drive the previous night. She had left her car at Laces and was worried about it being there. 'You don't just leave a Jag parked in a bars parking.'
Jamie took her to pick the car up, and Koty sighed with relief when she found that nobody had messed with it. She leaned through Jamie's driver window to give her a hug.
"What are you going to do Koty?"
"I don't really know. It's obvious that she doesn't want to see me anymore. Hell, she pushed me away and told me to let it go. I can't get her to listen to me about that night. I've been convicted without a trial."
"Koty, maybe she is just confused and hurt right now. She's upset over the phone call. Maybe she..."
"It's been a week Jamie, maybe she got cold feet. Maybe she never cared to start with. Maybe she has found someone else. I know that I would probably feel the same way if the tables were turned, but I would hear her out."
"Alright Babes, call me later if you feel up to it. For that matter, if you feel up to it come on over for dinner."
Koty told her that she would think about it, but wouldn't guarantee anything. She gave a small wave as she walked to her car and slowly got in and drove away.
With her head pounding and her stomach upset, Koty knew that this was going to be a long day. 'Christ, why did I drink so much last night? I hate hangovers.' She was almost home when she changed her mind about her destination, then made a U-turn and headed for Kasey's house.
She had to see her. She needed to be able to explain about Tina being in her room that night. If Kasey would just hear her out, she knew that everything would be all right. She couldn't stand being away from her. 'I've got to get her back.'
Kasey had climbed out of bed in a foul mood, and at eleven o'clock, found a bottle of scotch in the cabinet and poured herself a shot to try and calm her nerves. She hadn't planned on doing anything today so if she got drunk then so be it.
"Ugh, no wonder I normally don't drink this stuff." She had just finished her second shot when she heard the doorbell ring. Placing the shot glass on the counter, she went to look through the peephole. 'Oh God, Koty.'
With her heart pounding, she leaned her head against the door and took a deep breath. She backed up, opened the door but just stood there.
"Can I come in for a minute? Please?"
Kasey hesitated for a moment then stepped aside to let her in. She turned to shut the door and walked into the kitchen without saying a word.
Koty followed, leaned against the counter and noticed the bottle and glass.
She watched as Kasey rested both hands on the counter briefly before reaching out and pouring herself another shot, and gulping it down.
Koty blinked. 'What the...' "What are you doing Kasey?" She had never seen Kasey drink anything stronger than a little bit of Grand Marnier. This totally floored her.
"I'm drinking Koty, now will you please tell me what it is that you want?"
"Please Baby, put that down. You don't need this and..."
"Koty! What do you want!?"
"I don't understand Kasey. Why are you so God damn mad at me that you won't even try to listen to what I have to say? Please just let me at least try to explain!"
"Tell me Koty, what in the hell was that woman doing in your room? Will you answer me that?" Kasey yelled as she slammed her glass on the counter.
"The roads were closed off due to the snow storm that they had. She and some friends of hers from work were stranded there, and since the lodge was totally booked she needed a place to sleep."
"So," Kasey said as she turned to Koty. "She just conveniently found you and your room? Don't hand me that shit Dakota."
"Baby, it wasn't like that. It..."
"And just where did she sleep Koty?"
"Jesus Kase, she slept on the floor, but that doesn't matter. Nothing happened!"
"Look Koty, " Kasey said as she downed another shot, "I told myself in the beginning not to get involved with you. I knew that you were on the rebound, and I knew that it would be a huge mistake. I knew..."
"What are you saying Kasey? That I was a mistake?" Koty was quickly reeling out of control.
Tears welled up in Kasey's eyes as she reached into the drawer and pulled out a pack of cigarettes that Lee had left behind.
When Koty saw this she nearly lost it. "So now you have taken up smoking too? You are just full of surprises aren't you?"
"Me? I am full of surprises? You are the one who is full of fucking surprises Dakota Silvers!"
"Baby..." Koty moved closer in towards Kasey. "Please don't do this." She leaned in to kiss her, but Kasey suddenly pulled away from her.
"Please don't Koty. Please just go." She choked back with tears streaming down her face.
Koty backed away with her head hung down, and slowly walked to the door. Without turning around or looking up, she whispered softly, but loud enough for Kasey to hear. "I didn't sleep with her Kasey. I don't know what to do to make you believe me, or to make you understand." She opened the door and left.
Kasey took her glass, drained it, then threw it at the wall, shattering it into tiny pieces. She slid to the floor with her head in her hands and cried with all she had.
There was a big part of her that really wanted to believe Koty, but she didn't know for sure if she believed that Tina slept on the floor, and not in the bed with Koty, and she just couldn't handle that.
Kasey knew how much Koty had hated the fact that Tina had cheated on her, and Koty had never giving her any real reason to believe that she would do the same thing. 'God, I just don't know what to believe.'
She got herself together then pulled out the broom and dustpan to clean up the glass. She had no doubt about her love for Koty. She loved her more than she could ever dream was possible, but she just couldn't go through this again. 'I'm just not that strong.'
She had died a thousand deaths that night when she called Koty's room and Tina had answered the phone. At first, she was sure that she had dialed the wrong phone number. This was definitely one upset she was sure she wouldn't recover from.
When she had seen Koty last night at the club, she wanted so badly to go to her. She had wanted her in her arms, and to have her do to her body the things that only Koty knew how to do. God was she a magician when it came to making love.
Finally done cleaning up her mess, Kasey grabbed the cordless phone from the kitchen wall, then went and plopped on the couch and dialed Lee's number.
"Lee?" She said in a choked voice. "Can you please come over here?"
Without giving Lee a chance to answer, she hung up the phone, curled up in a ball, and cried some more. "Jesus, will this never end?"
She lay there until Lee let herself in the door, and came to sit beside her. She pulled the doctor up close to her so that she could hold her. Lee gently rocked her until her sobs slowed to soft hicups.
"Kasey, what's the matter? What happened Hon?"
"I just had a really bad blow out with Koty, and told her to leave. God Lee, I don't know what to do!"
"What if she's telling you the truth Kase?"
"I know she hasn't given me reason to think otherwise, but what if she isn't? I thought Samantha hurt me, but that just can't compare to this. I am so in love with her Lee."
"Honey, I know that you are hurting really bad right now, but maybe you need to talk to her. You know, just listen to her side of the story."
"I can't right now Lee, I'm afraid that all I will hear is nothing but lies. Maybe that is wrong of me to say but what am I suppose to think?"
"Well, when you are ready to talk to her just give her the chance, and then make your decision."
"I don't know. I just can't stand the thought of her and that woman being together. It's eating me up inside. What if she tells me she wants to get back with her? What would I do then? I can't do it just yet. I don't know if I ever can. I'm afraid."
'Why is this fucking happening to me!?' As painful as her breakup with Tina was, that just couldn't hold a candle to this. Kasey asking her to leave was like ripping out a chunk of her heart. The only other time she could remember this kind of pain was when she lost her parents. It was a different kind of pain, but just as intense.
When she had left Kasey's house, her head was still pounding so she reached into the glove compartment, and pulled out a bottle of aspirin and popped two pills. With nothing to wash them down with, she just swallowed them as is.
As she got a little further down the road her mouth became really dry and the aspirin had left a nasty taste so she pulled up to a 7-11 for a soda to wash it all down.
Instead of turning to go down her road, she headed for the Interstate towards Nags Head, North Carolina. She decided that she would just take a drive down there and maybe just walk along the beach. She knew that she could have just driven to Sand Bridge Beach, but thought the hour and a half drive might help her clear her head.
The detective also knew that it was going to be pretty damn cold down there this time of year, but didn't care so much. At least it should be mostly deserted.
Stopping in Kitty Hawk to get some gas, she picked up a six-pack of Corona, a Slim Jim, and a pack of Denteen Ice, then continued south to Nags Head.
Sitting on the beach with her back to a huge sand dune, there was no one else around her except a man further down, tossing a frisbee with his black lab, and a flock of seagulls gliding above her.
She thought about what had happened in her life in the past year, and shook her head. 'Um, let's see. Breaking up with Tina, meeting Kasey, getting shot, breaking up with Kasey... What more could go wrong? Uh uh, don't even go there.'
Watching the man play with his dog took Koty back to when she was nine years old and she had a yellow lab named Jessie. Jessie was her second best friend in the whole world back then, next to Jamie.
All of the other little girls used to tease her because all she wanted to do was play with the boy's toys, and not those stupid frilly baby dolls like the Chatty Kathy. So she would get Jessie and play with her until Jamie would show up, or the boy's would let her play with them.
Jamie was the only other girl that liked the same things that Koty did. She remembered when they had climbed the fence at the old Foreman Field Stadium in Norfolk when they were closed, and played Doctor in the unlocked bathroom. Right as they were getting ready to leave, they heard a man yell.
"Hey, what are you damn kids up to!?"
They took off running to their secret entrance over the fence between the north set of bleachers and the Old Dominion University College. They didn't stop running until they hit the Tiny Giant on 48th St. and Powhatan Ave.
Collapsing under a tree, they slapped each other a high five and busted out laughing. Once they cooled off, they went inside to buy two RC cola's and two Charleston Chews.
'Man were those definitely the good old days or what?' She remembered how they would take some towels down to the Elizabeth River and lay out on the bulkhead to get suntans.
There really wasn't any beach for them to lay out on down there. The only place that had any sand was in the backyard of this really mean lady that used to try and sick her dog on them if she saw them on her property.
The river was polluted even way back then, but that didn't stop them from swimming in it. Though, it wasn't as bad then as it is now of course. All you really see there much anymore are McDonald wrappers and beer bottles along the bulkhead.
The last time she had gone down there just to reminisce, she could hardly even see the bulkhead because of the brush that had grown up around it. She did get a nice piece of driftwood that had been wedged under the pier though.
The best place to swim back then was at the pool in the new gym that the Collage had built. Her and Jamie had told some people there that their parents worked at the collage so nobody questioned them for being there. That is until a campus cop had caught them one day, and that was the end of that.
They had known even way back then that they liked girls instead of boys. They also knew that they made better best friends than anything else so they had only played Doctor that one time.
Jamie got her first girlfriend when she was thirteen, and Koty was so envious of her at the time. Koty got her first girlfriend at fifteen. The same girlfriend Sheila, that Koty had begged her parents to come pick her up from in the snowstorm. Man would she ever stop having that nightmare?
Yeah, those were definitely the carefree and easy days when the only thing of real importance was summertime, weekends, and sleepovers. No harsh worries except for who was gonna make it as the captain of the softball team.
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