Copyright © 2012 R. P. Martin
*This is the outcome of choosing option A.*
**This part has been done for a long while. My apologies for the late post. Sorry guys.**
The two women made small talk as Brogan drove them to the new pasta house. Hadleigh was beyond excited but her nerves were starting to seep out through her pores. She started fidgeting and knew she had to find the strength to calm down because she wanted this night to go uncharacteristically well. It was important to her regardless of how worried, scared, anxious and unfamiliar she was with the idea of liking the woman who didn't make it easy for her to stay away from.
“Everything all right?”
“Yes. You'll have to excuse me. I'm a little rusty when it comes to dating.”
“Oh boy Miss Hadleigh, is this a date?”
“I suppose I walked right into that one didn't I?”
“You most certainly did.”
“Fair enough. Yes, this is a date Dr. Brogan.”
“Good and please there is nothing to worry about, I'm in the same boat.”
“I hardly doubt that.”
“Really, why is that?”
Hadleigh looked at the gorgeous woman sitting beside her who was confidently driving her sleek sports car through the city streets, making her way down to Fifth Street. When she paused and looked deep into the professor's profile, she wondered if Brogan was actually telling the truth or not.
“Are you sure this isn't another one of your “ego boost” plots?”
“Absolutely not. Would I roll like that?”
“Oh, I would think you would.”
“You would huh?”
Hadleigh saw the playfulness in Brogan's eyes automatically disappear and be replaced with worry.
“Hadleigh, no, it's nothing like that. I'm a lot of talk but I really am rusty. I haven't been with someone in a very long time.”
The medical student watched Brogan's honest facial expression as they captivated her soul and she knew in that moment that the professor was in fact telling the truth. She knew she would never know for sure but somehow in her heart this woman was being honest and she didn't have to worry about her word.
“I would think you would have dates waiting around the corner.”
“Me too. Actually, it doesn't happen all that often compared to what you think. Plus I just haven't had the right opportunity yet. Well, that is until now of course.”
“Awwww, yes, and the smooth talker comes out again.”
“Is it working?”
“Should it be?”
“There is no doubt in my mind that it should.”
“Is that so?”
Hadleigh smirked at the confident yet still humbling professor but soon looked away not wanting to get lost in those amazing eyes. Once the two women arrived at the pasta house, Brogan parked the car and quickly met the passenger at her door and opened it up for her. Hadleigh wasn't used to the formalities but deep down really enjoyed the attention the professor was paying to her. In her dreams, she always wished for a woman to sweep her off her feet like that. Never in her wildest imagination did she think she could actually have someone seductively make all of her desires come true in reality.
“Hi. Welcome to Fluchia's.”
The medical student noticed that the hostess was eyeing her date but that Brogan had hardly paid any attention to the pretty blonde. There was something so uniquely charming about the professor, something so incredibly heartfelt and so desirable and she couldn't quiet put her figure on it. It seemed that whatever characteristic she had fantasized about in a partner was clearly in Brogan's genes. It made her like the professor all that much more because she couldn't understand the connection.
“Table for two?”
Brogan wasted no time in latching onto the small of her date's back as the duo walked to their designated table. The warmth of the professor's touch was now becoming so intolerably addictive and so endearing that Hadleigh couldn't imagine not having this woman touching her in some kind of way. It was strange because for the most part she couldn't understand what was happening and how Brogan's touch seemed to be almost like a near vital need for her now.
“I trust this is to your liking?”
“This is great, thank you.”
“Chest, your waiter will be here shortly. Enjoy your dinner.”
Hadleigh watched the hostess linger around waiting for Brogan to make eye contact but when the professor never looked at her, she turned on her heels and left. The medical student internally smiled but lost her breath when she looked into the professor's eyes. Brogan was already staring at her, obviously enjoying the view and clearly taking advantage of that close proximity already forgetting about the waiter who was coming over shortly.
“See anything you like Dr. Brogan?”
“What gave you that impression?”
“It's that look. Do you look at everyone like that?”
“No ma'am. Just the special ones.”
The professor smirked and picked up her menu needing a little bit of space from Hadleigh's intense deep brown eyes. If she continued to look into those guarded but soulful eyes, she wondered how lost she would get and she wasn't prepared to scare the poor younger girl off just yet. Especially, not after she had agreed to have dinner.
“Have you decided on what you are going to have?”
“I'm not really sure but I have an idea.”
“You could always ask our waiter.”
Hadleigh didn't have time to answer Brogan when the waiter approached the table. She carefully put the menu down wanting to ask the waiter what was recommended but when she looked up in the face of the waiter, she froze. Her past flashed before her eyes and the memories she thought she had most likely forgotten came smacking her right in the face. She looked into the eyes of her ex-lover and shook her head.
“Hadleigh? Is that really you?”
“Chest? Oh my, what on earth are you doing here?”
“You're look smoking hot. As always sweet thing. How are you?”
Brogan watched both women hug each other like they had known each other for years and the minute the medical student smiled that incredible smile back at the waiter, the professor felt a twinge of jealousy in the pit of her stomach. Dr. Morsen had never been a jealous person, always being so confident about who she was and with whom she was spending time with but in that moment, her vulnerability and Hadleigh's constant rejection were taking its toll on her. All Brogan could do was sit back in her chair and observe the chemistry flow between both women.
“Oh I'm sorry. Chest, this is Brogan. Brogan, this is Chesta, otherwise known as Chest, a friend of mine.”
“Oh come on now Sweetie, don't be so modest. Haddy and I here were lovers at one time. Very good lovers I might add.”
Hadleigh looked at Brogan and saw a tiny lump of emotion gradually glide down the inside of her throat but said nothing. She was for all intense purposes, the absolute perfect gentlemen and again the medical student was left speechless about how magnificent the professor really was.
“Nice to meet you, Chest.”
“Nice to meet you to man.”
The gorgeous brunette watched the professor look away and could feel the tension building around the table but before she could do anything, Brogan respectfully excused herself and headed to the restroom. Hadleigh wasn't really sure what was going on but knew whatever was happening wasn't all that great. She was however grateful that the professor had excused herself. This way, she could make small talk with her ex-girlfriend and hopefully she would leave and that would give her the rest of the night alone with Brogan.
“Soooo, can I see you tonight Haddy?”
“No Chest. You and I talked about this before. You can't just expect things to be like how they were?”
“Oh come on honey, you know I love you. I didn't have a choice.”
“Don't give me that. This isn't the place or the time.”
“Come on Hadleigh. You know baby I didn't have a choice.”
“I'm sure you didn't have a choice to wake up naked with that girl.”
“You always come back to me anyway. I'm your first love.”
“I'm trying to break out of that cycle.”
“For what? For that?”
Hadleigh watched where Chest was pointing her finger and sure enough it was at Brogan. The professor was slowly making her way back to the table but it looked like she didn't want to be there.
“That is none of your business.”
“Oh, so it's still for your books?”
“You know how important it is to get my career.”
“Still sacrificing love for education aren't you?”
“I can't have both right now and you know it.”
“Oh yes, don't I know it.”
“You need to stop Chest. I can't have this conversation with you right now.”
“That's too bad. You might be passing up the best opportunity of your life.”
“How dare you? You don't have the right to say anything about my life.”
“Hey, are you all right?”
Hadleigh turned her head and looked up to Brogan. The professor looked so worried standing there.
“I'm fine Brogan. Please sit down. Thanks for saying hello Chest.”
“You are welcome. I'll be back to take your order.”
Brogan sat down across from Hadleigh and intently looked into the eyes of the younger woman who still looked so flustered. Brogan took a deep breath before asking the medical student what had happened.
“What was all that about?”
“I'm terribly sorry. It seems she still knows how to push my buttons.”
“Are you all right?”
“Would you prefer we go elsewhere?”
“No, this is fine.”
Hadleigh's heart raced a little and now that Chest was away from the table, she thought she could feel the vulnerability and uneasiness from Brogan. It was surreal to have such a confident woman put her emotions and feelings out in the open like that for her to dissect but it was painfully clear to the medical student that there were some unresolved issues between Chest and her. Hadleigh wondered if coming out tonight was actually a good idea after all. All she could do however was look into those amazing dark grey-blue pools of desire and her resolve seemed to melt. She couldn't understand how she could easily just be lost in the woman sitting across from her and yet fight her off at the same time.
“I can take you home Miss Hadleigh.”
The medical student was caught off guard a little by the semi-formal name and slightly frowned. Brogan must have been reading her mind or something but she didn't want to have this night end
so fast. She just didn't know how to fix what had happened and wasn't ready to have Chest so close to her again.
“I'm so sorry about this Brogan.”
“Please, don't apologize for that. You didn't know this was going to happen.”
“No but still. I wanted tonight to happen.”
“Did you? Perhaps it wasn't meant to be just like you keep telling me. Maybe this isn't supposed to happen.”
Hadleigh couldn't believe what Brogan was saying. She felt like someone had punched her in the stomach but knew she couldn't be feeling that especially because she in part had always been apprehensive about tonight. She had always focused on her schooling but now, sitting in front of this amazing woman and realizing that the date wasn't going to happen, Hadleigh felt like the tears were welling up inside her which she also couldn't explain.
“Come on, I'll take you home.”
The medical student watched a speck of sadness flash in Brogan's eyes but when those gorgeous eyes clouded over and drifted away, her heart began to ache. She hadn't said anything but wasn't able to say much either. Brogan helped pull her chair out and held out a hand for her to take which Hadleigh didn't hesitate to take. She didn't want to miss having some kind of contact with the professor even if she couldn't explain it. The contact however didn't last long which only made the brunette's heart yearn for more. For reasons unknown to her, Brogan made her feel so safe, cherished and wanted and having that touch leave her nearly felt like she was losing one of the biggest things in life.
The drive back to her house was torturous and so unfortunate. Hadleigh wanted to say so much to the professor but she couldn't find her words. She wanted to tell her how she felt and wanted to talk about what had happened but sharing her feelings and emotions just wasn't something she was used to doing. She was however fighting herself every single of the way home. One second, she wanted to tell Brogan she liked her and wanted to know what could happened between the two of them and the other second, she convinced herself that it was never going to work. They would just make the best of the friends and that their connection only proved that. She was torn between the deepest desires her heart and soul had only ever dreamed about and her mind which obviously always won. She always followed her mind because it was the sensible and logic way. She could never get hurt that way. Never, right?
“Have a good night Hadleigh.”
“I'm sorry about tonight Brogan.”
As the medical student watched the professor get back into her car, she wondered for the millionth time in those five minutes if she had done the right thing. She wondered if she had been honest with herself and with Brogan. Hadleigh quickly wiped the few tears the edged their way to the corners of her eyes and before they could escape, she turned her heart into stone, not wanting to feel anything anymore. That had been enough for the evening. She turned around, walked into the house and sat at her desk. She took a few deep breaths but didn't realize how long she had sat there until she looked at the clock. She had been there for over an hour and as much as she tried to keep Brogan out of her head, the professor continued to return and like a vicious cycle she had continued to brush the woman away refusing to acknowledge her heart's desires.
Eventually, she got out of her clothes, showered and after putting on some sweat pants and oversized t-shirt; she was back to her studying. She was able to fall into a groove but when she periodically stopped for breaks, she always thought of Brogan and missed the professor. She wanted to email her, maybe even text her but she had no idea what to even tell the older woman. The last time she looked at the wall clock, she sighed knowing the professor would probably be fast asleep given that it was after 2am. Hadleigh turned her computer off and lay in bed but not before taking her smartphone with her.
As she lay there in the complete darkness, the pain of what had happened finally caught up to her. She was restless and sleeping alone, although she was used to it, was yet another sign as to why she was still so very single. She quickly clicked onto her email and to her disappointment found nothing from the doctor. Hadleigh opened the folder she kept all of Brogan's emails in and one by one, read them. She wanted to scold herself for allowing the night to happen the way it did. She turned onto her side and read the last email the professor had sent her.
Until the moment I met you, I believed I was colorblind,
Everything around me was always dull, faded, simple and full of anxiety.
Now, my days are filled with vibrant colours that sooth my aching soul.
I no longer have to mask my desires because I'm no longer colorblind.
You bring me light, shading, texture, brilliance, beauty and complexity.
Most of all you bring me the idea that colours can heal, carry me and control.
I'm leaving now and should be on your doorstep in 20 minutes. Are you ready?
Again, a few tears lazily rolled down past her ear to her pillow but it didn't last long. She had already swiftly wiped her eyes fearing someone would see her showing her emotions. The funny part was that she was alone in her room and there was no one around to see her in that vulnerable position. By now however, she couldn't take it anymore. She had to send the doctor an email apologizing again for what had happened. Could they try it again? She wasn't sure but for now, she just hoped with all of her might that things could go back to the way things were. She enjoyed talking, emailing and flirting with the professor so why couldn't they have that back?
I just read your last email. I'm not really sure what happened tonight but perhaps there is a truth to what you were saying. Perhaps I should be focusing on my education and my studies. I can't however help these feelings I have. No matter how difficult they are to share with you, you probably should know that I am sorry.
Can we be friends?
Hadleigh chastised herself for not telling Brogan she missed her but that was another issue. The medical student wondered if the professor would email me her back or not. They had mostly kept in contact like clockwork and on this night, Brogan hadn't said good night so Hadleigh wasn't too sure if she would get an email or not. There was nothing else to do except to put her smartphone down and place her ear phones in and let the music lull her to sleep. She could always think about her situation tomorrow, after she finished studying. She picked her favourite playlist and immediately closed her eyes after pressing play.
On the other side of town, a bare foot Brogan walked around her house mentally playing over the evening with Hadleigh. She was absolutely positive about her feelings for the younger woman but just wasn't really sure why the medical student was so distant and continuously pushing her away. After all, it's not like she had proposed marriage or anything. The professor had been pacing the hard wood floors of her house for the last couple hours not really knowing what to do, say or even think. She didn't even know if she could actually send Hadleigh an email. Things were so up in the air and she didn't want to rock the boat any more than it already had but she wasn't familiar with what to do in this kind of situation.
Brogan's chest hurt. Her heart pounded in her chest and for the most part, the thoughts that ran over and over in her mind were about the gorgeous brunette and why they just couldn't simply enjoy each other's company, despite whatever was going on in their lives. Brogan didn't understand but respected the younger woman and convinced herself to stay away. She would have to in order to forget about the emotions and feelings she had about the medical student.
Later when the professor had, had enough of walking and pacing, she went to bed but not before checking her email. She desperately wanted to say good night to Hadleigh but honored herself about not doing it. She reprimanded herself and told herself not even to go there which she didn't until she saw that the medical student had sent her an email. It was hard to stay away from Hadleigh but it appeared that it was hard for the medical student to stay away from the professor as well. Brogan tried to be as nonchalant about the whole thing so she couldn't be disappointed.
Brogan read the email, turned the screen off, turned it back on and re-read the email again.
The professor turned the screen off again and stared at the blackness for a bit before saying anything else. She was alone sitting in her desk chair before looking away from the computer. As she walked away from the computer, she finally spoke aloud again.
“As you wish.”
The next morning, the very first thing Hadleigh managed to do before even going to the bathroom was to check her email and again she was disappointed with the fact that she hadn't received an email from the professor. Had she really wanted this? Did she really not want this woman in her life and had she pushed her away enough for her to stay completely away? The medical student wasn't even up yet and hadn't had her first cup of coffee and was already analyzing Brogan's lack of communication. For a woman who was forthcoming, open and so honest with her sharing, this closed up behaviour wasn't jiving very well with the brunette. She didn't like it one bit but knew it wasn't her right to say anything.
Hadleigh spent the next week doing the exact same thing. She studied as much as she could but was often distracted by the professor so many times. She thought it would go away but it never did. She thought things would fall back into place and that their interactions would resume but still, she waited night and day for the email that never came. She thought about and wondered why the doctor hadn't returned the email and the more time she spent thinking about it, the more she missed the professor. She didn't want to be missing Brogan but it was clear that she did.
As she was walking back to her house, her cellphone rang and without thinking or looking at the caller identification number, hoping it was Brogan, she picked it up.
“Hiya sweet thing. How are you?”
Hadleigh's shoulders slumped. She had never changed her telephone number but it seemed weird that after all this time Chest would still call her. She cursed under her breath at how Chest could make her feel so unlike Brogan could. It was surreal the differences and yet, she had no idea why she in part still loved Chest. It was disheartening because she knew without a doubt that her ex-lover wasn't half the woman Brogan was. The medical student realized in that moment that perhaps she was envious, afraid or intimidated by how wonderful Brogan was. She wasn't so sure she deserved that kind of attention from the professor. She was hard on herself and because Chest had always told her she could never do any better than her, she believed she never could.
“Yeah baby, it's me. Miss me? Of course you did. Can I come over?”
“What are you doing calling me?”
“Awww baby, are you still cranky about the other night?”
“What do you want?”
“You of course. I want you. I always want you.”
“Stop. No you don't.”
“Come on sweet thing, it's me your boo. You know I can make you feel good.”
“I'm sorry Chest but I can't do this right now.”
“Aww, does this have anything to do with that old bag you were with the other night?”
“She's not old.”
“Whatever babe. Who is she anyway?”
“It didn't look like nobody. Who is she Haddy?”
“It's none of your business Chest.”
“Is she your girlfriend?”
“No. Listen, I have to go. I have to study.”
“I'm not going anywhere Hadleigh.”
“I have to go.”
“I love you baby.”
“No you don't.”
Hadleigh hung up the phone feeling the frustration wanting to escape from her pores. She however managed to make it home and was shocked to find an email from the professor. Could this day bring her any more drama? She dropped her bags on the floor with a thud. She stood frozen on the spot staring at the computer screen wondering what she should do. Her heart fluttered, her breathe erratically increased and her hands instantly became sweaty. It had been a full week since she had heard from Brogan and now as she stood a few inches and mere seconds from being able to read her words, Hadleigh was scared to death of what the professor had to say.
The beautiful brunette eventually sat down on her chair and focused on the subject line. A simple hello was Brogan's greeting and that immediately threw her off because in all of her previous emails, she was always so inventive, fun and spontaneous with her subject lines. It was never anything this boring. Hadleigh was already analyzing Brogan's email even before reading it so she stopped and finally clicked on the subject line opening up the message.
No need to apologize. Friends it is.
Hadleigh's eyes closed and her emotions seemed to captivate and steal her breath all at the exact same time. She had been distraught this past week but now in this moment, caught up in the memory of Brogan's smile and in that precious gaze, her life seemed like it were crumbling all around her. After all, she has asked for this right?
The younger woman eventually opened her eyes and re-read the short email and wondered how she would reply but in her furry, anger, devastation and frustration clicked out of her email account telling herself she didn't have time for that kind of thing right now. She had an exam to prepare for. It took all of her energy to open up her books and to get started on her studying for the rest of the evening. She kept going back to thinking about the professor and what had happened the last week. She felt she couldn't bare another moment without the gorgeous woman but at the same time, felt she had to keep to her word and stand on her own two feet and peruse her academic career. There couldn't possibly be any room for someone as well as her studies, right? Why was she fighting so much? Why couldn't she just try and accept that Brogan might accept what she could give after all, even if it was very little? She just wasn't sure about anything at this point, especially now with Chest semi-back in the picture.
To be continued...
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