Pure Bliss?
A Bard's Challenge

by Sam Ruskin

The lush green carpet of the glade Xena had found welcomed the warrior and bard, as well as the little one. The deep woodsy scent from the nearby forest wafted in on the slight breeze and they could hear the water lapping the shore from the lake, just out of sight. After unpacking and getting Argo settled, Xena set about the thing uppermost in her mind: Getting Eve fed and put to sleep. She loved the infant more than life but, by the gods, enough was enough. Tonight she wanted her bard and she wanted her BADLY.

Gabrielle found some firewood only a short walk away and started a fire, without delay. She showed Xena the waterskins and the tall warrior nodded in understanding. So far, so good, both thought.Eve chose that particular moment to gurgle. To the ex-warlord, it sounded eerily like a giggle.

It had not even been one full candlemark when alert ears picked up an unusual sloshing sound. Switching the suckling child to the other breast, Xena turned to see an angry and soaked-to-the-skin Bard lift a brow in warning. 

"Uh oh," the warrior whispered to the slurping infant.

"Don't think I didn't hear that oh, I-Have-Many-Skills-and-Whispering-Isn't-One-of-Them."

Gulp. Blue eyes looked silently into another pair, similarly hued. Xena wanted to know what had happened. She really did. But not enough to cross an angry Gabrielle. Nope. No way. Do not piss off the sexy, little ...oops, good thing she didn't hear that...sexy, talented, beautiful bard. There ya go, the warrior mentally praised herself. Now she was getting the hang of it.

"Yes. I fell in. All right?" The petite blonde went about heating water for tea and putting together the ingredients for a fine venison stew with what she had gathered, as well as the never ending supply of all things ever required, kept in Argo's miracle pack.

Xena wanted to get up and go to her lover. She longed to just take Gabrielle into her arms and show her how much her warrior-mate missed the private times they never seemed to have any more.Watching the shivering bard, the Warrior Princess thought the Amazon Queen could do with some warming up. Maybe a full body massage? Slow and thorough with lots of deep kisses along the way. 

That is what she WANTED to do. But, alas, she had this sucking machine attached at the nipple and was pretty much stuck where she was, at least for the moment.

Once the stew was bubbling properly, Gabrielle looked for her shift. Finding it, she tossed it onto the bedroll before beginning the task of peeling the wet leather from her tight body. The irritated blonde tried just pulling the top off but leather gets real friendly when it's wet and the soaked bard realized, with a sigh. No, she was going to have to do this the hard way. Hearing the audible GULP from the other side of the fire, she smiled to herself. OH, this might be fun, after all, she thought.

Keeping her back to her strong lover, Gabrielle made a show of untying the leather laces. At this point, she could have easily slipped the top loose and onto the bedroll, but what would have be the fun in that, she silently giggled. Oh, no, she was gonna make a certain milk machine squirm. Reaching behind her in such a way as to press firm breasts forward and into full view, she groaned as she tugged the crisscrossed fabric from her flesh. It was a dramatic action in as much as it released firm, pink breasts from their prison and left them at the mercy of the cool night air. Naturally, the two pink nipples immediately stood at full attention. Small warm hands opened and covered cool flesh with hot, firm palms. Fingertips splayed outward to caress and knead. Meanwhile, a very warm warrior wiggled and shifted and tried to get comfortable against the tree; never losing sight for a moment of the glistening object of her hungry, watering mouth's desire. Gabrielle was so enjoying the sounds coming from behind her that she hadn't even noticed the sexy moan that escaped her own lips when the cool evening air hit her needy, aching body.

Sprizzzzzzzzz. Crackle. Sprizzzzzzzz.

The topless bard turned abruptly in the direction of their dinner. Venison stew boiled over into the flames catching the juices which soon sizzled, crackled and popped, threatening to destroy a perfectly fine meal. This was UNACCEPTABLE.

"Hades' Butt!" muttered the small blonde as she dashed over to rescue their dinner. Seeing a perfectly good meal in jeopardy had temporarily dulled the little warrior's senses. She completely forgot she was naked from the waist up. The crackling, spluttering, popping stew did not. When she leaned in to remove the lid, some of the boiling liquid leaped up and attached itself to the soft, creamy flesh.

"Yeouch! Ouch! Ow, that really hurts." Tears filled green eyes as she abruptly tossed the lid into the flames.

Having already laid Eve down to sleep, Xena leapt to her feet and had her lover in her arms in less than a full heartbeat. Being the healer she was, Xena knew that burn would need moisture and fast. Pausing only long enough for crystal blue to capture and love emerald green, she immediately applied warm wetness to the afflicted area. She took the bard's breast fully into her mouth and swirled the splattered flesh with her healing tongue.

"Xena, you don't have to do that. It really is....Oh, gods."

Just as Gabrielle's knees went weak from the pleasure her lover's mouth was inducing, Xena pulled the bard in tightly against herself. The Amazon Queen melted into her lover's embrace and pressed the injured breast more fully into Xena's mouth. In one swift motion the Warrior Princess lifted the moaning Amazon into her arms. Gabrielle tangled her small hands into dark tresses and circled her powerful legs around her lover's hips. Casting a quick glance toward the bedrolls, both women were relieved to see a still sleeping child. Xena began to caress the bard's firm buttocks and pull the blonde hard into her. A fiery passion was building up inside the dark warrior's soul as she licked and sucked at her soulmate's breast. Gabrielle had managed to slide down just enough to press her mound into Xena's in a rapidly surging rhythm.

"Uhm..Ohhh...Gaabrielllllle. So good. Want you so much."

Needing no further encouragement the little bard dropped to her knees and pulled her tall lover to the ground with her. Hot, swollen lips were just about to touch with a driving need that had been building for weeks.


Frozen in place with less than a quill's width between starving lips and tongues, both groaned. Gabrielle closed her eyes against the near agony of what she knew was about to happen. Xena growled, closed the distance for a kiss that fell far short of her hopes, and then ran to the screaming infant.

"By the gods, Xena," came the near whispering whine from the still trembling bard of Poteidaia. After several deep breaths, she managed, "What happened? Is Eve all right?"

Brushing the offending bugs from the infant's face and hands, the new mother complained. "She is butI most assuredly am not."

Amazingly like a child, Eve had rolled over and gone right back to sleep. Xena grinned. "Now, where were we?" Her glance fell upon her still topless lover. She allowed her blue eyes to fill with the desire and passion that only Gabrielle could fulfill.

Gabrielle squealed in surprise when Xena scooped her up into powerful arms, letting her large, strong hands gently knead the firm behind of her beloved bard. Their mouths met in a searing kiss as tongues danced and made love in the scorching caverns of pure delight. The blonde woman locked her legs around her partner's frame as their tongues continued to entwine. Xena moved to slowly and gently lay her love onto the bedroll below. Breathing became ragged as Xena placed herself between the legs of her waiting lover. Gabrielle's hips raised to meet her beautiful companion.

"Yes, Xena. Please. Yes, my love."

The moon was bright overhead and the stars were dancing in the sky. What better setting could a person have to make everlasting love to the love of one's life? This was the thought shared by two as the gentle thrust and slide motion began in earnest.

"Mmmmmm. Oh. OH..." The loving moans blended so perfectly it was impossible to tell where one voice ended and the other began.

The rocking pace had started to grow fierce when the water began to fall from the heavens. Slowly Xena began to place gentle kisses along her wife's neck and continued down to first one breast and then the other. Gabrielle's breathing became heavy and more rapid. With each kiss and every touch the tall beauty could hear the pleasant moan of her lover. The two far too long denied tongues begged entrance into heaven hoping that the angel within would want to dance.

"Yes, Xena. By the gods, I have missed you. I love you....Don't stop."

"Um. Gabrielle. I think we are getting rained on here."

Ignoring what she herself had just said, Xena slowly but deliberately continued her assault. The Amazon Queen reached her muscled legs all the way around her wife's hips, locked them in place and began to quicken the pace as she felt her lover's legs begin to tremble with the approaching orgasm. Feeling Xena so close always sent the bard to the edge of the precipice and she dug her fingers into Xena's tight rear as they neared their mutual goal. Just as the world was about to tilt, the skies opened and the rains came down harder.

"Gods. Gabrielle, we have to get Evie out of the rain."

"Nooooooooo. Don't you dare stop!"

One painfully denied Warrior Princess rushed over to take the small child out of the rain, which left the bard soaking wet, yet again..in more ways than one. Xena did a whole body shudder when she caught the expression of unbelievable frustration and pure $%^&*(on her wife's face. The ground shook and Xena was convinced it was from the force with which her lover had just struck it. She watched as her wife struggled to her feet, groaning and cursing with every move.

Xena gulped loudly and leaned in to the child, "Oh, Evie. You really gotta go to sleep here or your other momma is gonna kill us both."

The warrior watched as her very distracted wife dashed about the campsite, mumbling to herself the whole time.

"Look at that. Now the stew has rain in it. Great. Just great. A perfectly good venison stew becomes rain soup. And look at poor Argo. Sorry girl. We didn't feed you yet either, did we?"

The Palomino whinnied as if in reply and nodded her head in encouragement for the babbling bard to continue.

"Great, just great. What did I ever do to the gods to deserve this? OK. I'm the irritating blonde. I get that. I don't like it but I get it. Just once, not forever mind you, must ONCE, I'd like things to go my way."

Argo and Xena watched as a very angry, aroused, satisfaction-denied, wet and deliciously naked bard shouted at the heavens. Tiny sparkles seem to float amid the raindrops.

"I'm your chosen. Why me? Don't I do all that is asked of me? Well? Don't I?"

Gabrielle jumped as Artemis suddenly appeared at her side. Before the Bard could question her patron goddess, more sparkles twinkled to the ground and Aphrodite floated in with the usual fanfare.

"Chill, Brie, babe." The Love Goddess commanded.

"Oh, Dite, shut up." Her sister reprimanded.

Xena whispered to a dozing Eve. "Uh oh, Evie. When the gods start showing up you're in big trouble."

"Why don't you just bring your whole immortal family down here? I mean, it's not like we were DOING anything!"

Ares joined them. "Whoa. Did you hear that? Blondie here has a temper."

"Yep," Xena groaned, "sure does."

"Screw you, War God." The bard was pissed off and had no intention of playing nice with this particular god at this particular time,.

"Um, honey. That might not be the best choice of words here, love," Xena warned. Gabrielle shot her a look that immediately silenced the warrior.

"No. Screw you." Ares returned the verbal volley, only inches from green fire.

"Get out of my face, Ares." The angry little warrior/bard tugged into the still drenched sleeping shift. "Just tell me...which one of you DID this? Or did it take ALL of you to mangle our romantic evening THIS badly?!"

Sensing danger, Xena tried to calm her wife. Eve began to cry again as a foul odor rose up, filling the small glade. Ares moved away, scrunching his face. Aphrodite smiled and Artemis surprised everyone by simply taking over. She picked up the small, soiled child, changed her soiled diaper and began rocking her back to sleep. The silence around them caused Artemis to look up.

"WHAT!?! I'm a virgin, not an idiot."

Before he could say a word, Ares found himself being backed against a tree by one furious, frustrated and fuming Warrior Princess who was joined by the Goddess of Love, herself. The War God raised his hand, instantly halting the rain.

"I'm outa here." And he was gone.

Gently, Aphrodite put her arm around Gabrielle's shoulders. The Goddess of Love had never made a secret of her affection for the little blonde and was especially understanding of the current situation.

"HoooKay, Babes. Here is what we're gonna do." Taking one more look deep into the aching, hungry green eyes, the love goddess sent sparkles into the air and when they floated to the ground the rain-soaked, stew-covered, poop-scented glade was transformed into a lover's paradise.

Artemis rose, holding a snuggling Eve in her arms, and moved to her sister's side.

"Chosen. Warrior. You just got the two most expensive baby sitters in the known world."

Xena's brow lifted into her hair line. Gabrielle looked to her tall lover, expectantly. The Warrior shrugged, smiled and nodded.

"Laters," Aphrodite giggled.

"Tomorrow," Artemis said quietly, rolling her eyes at her ditzy sister.

Just that quickly, they were gone and the most beautiful, if not the only, sounds in the glade were two beating hearts and the quickened breathing that promised to be ragged again soon. Yes -- very, very soon...and long into the night.

And so it was that what had threatened to be complete disaster, blossomed into pure bliss.

Thanks for reading.

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