Disclaimer – I do not own them. I do own this fic.

Notes – Xena POV. Set it where you like. Xena angst with a dollop of light subtext.


Have Mercy on Me

Spheeris spheeris1@yahoo.com

I don't know if the gods really listen to a damn thing. But I know they like to slip down to the ground, they like to reach out and mess up a life or two.
As if humans need that kind of assistance.

I used to tear up the world. I didn't need to be immortal to do it.
I would take my sword and carve out any space I wanted, never-mind the blood or the bone that got in the way.
I ruled the world. And I lost the world.
I thought nothing could be as bad as that. Nothing could be as bad as watching all my plans go up in smoke.

But I don't know much of anything now.
I know how to walk and how to run. I know how to stand and how to fight.
I am familiar with anger and with grief.
My fingers know the hilt of leather-bound brass and my skin knows the feeling of wind.
And all those things I can't conceive of... I leave them behind.

She is here and wanting something I don't know how to give.
Or if I even have the very thing she so desires from me.
I know a lot about fear. I know very little about love. I know a lot about hatred. I know very little about joy.
All those things I let go of so very long ago, they haunt me now as she turns away.
As she walks away, I retreat my vision back to the ground.

I don't think the gods hear a thing. If they did and if they cared, then the dead would be alive and the pain would be healed. But they just play around with the mortals.
As I have played around with the notion of being whole and real, of deserving this girl's devotion.
And as she has played around with being my friend, my salvation.

But I don't know much of anything now.


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