All That Matters
S X Meagher
Kylie slowly emerged from a deep sleep, her body trained to answer the sun's call. She was hot and sticky, but when she tried to toss the blanket off, she had so little strength that it barely budged. Willing herself to wake up, she realized why she was both so hot and weak.
Blair's naked body adhered to her own like a second skin. Groggy as Kylie was, she smiled and hummed a quiet tune reflecting the pleasure she felt at this realization. Once again, she tried to fling the blanket away, but this time it uttered a protest. Her eyes opened, and she saw two sets of brown eyes giving her a sleepy scowl. Nicky was lying between her legs, and Nora was on Blair's hip, the dogs’ weight effectively holding the blanket in place.
She managed to push the blanket off her torso and pull a leg out, and in a few seconds she began to cool down. Looking at the clock, she saw that it was 5:45, and she gave herself permission to stay in bed as long as humanly possible. The last time she'd seen the clock, she'd been burrowed between Blair's legs, exploring her body like an archeologist investigating the ruins of an ancient city. She recalled the blonde's weak entreaties to give her release, Blair insisting that Kylie had been torturing her for hours. The doctor had glanced at the clock and realized it was after 2:00 and found that her lover had a valid point. She'd focused her efforts and brought the smaller woman to a quiet, enervating climax from which Blair had immediately fallen asleep without so much as a good night kiss. But Kylie didn't begrudge her partner the abrupt ending to their evening. They'd touched and talked and kissed and explored each other for six hours, and she realized they'd gone a little overboard in their enthusiasm. But she wouldn't have given up a moment of that time — no matter the prize. Blair had thoroughly surprised the doctor on every level, and each surprise had been better than the last.
The smaller woman moved a little, peeling her neck and shoulder from Kylie's skin. Her eyes opened and saw a pair of smiling blue eyes gazing at her. "Hi," she said, her own mouth curling into a slow smile. "Whatcha doin’?"
"Looking at you and thinking about how wonderful last night was," Kylie said.
Blair reached out and patted Kylie's leg, her movements not very focused yet. "It was wonderful," she agreed, "but as soon as I pee, we need to sleep some more. We've got a very busy day planned."
"Yep." Blair managed to wrench herself from her lover and take care of her morning requirements. When she got back into bed, she smelled of toothpaste and her body felt much cooler.
"What do we have to do today?" Kylie asked.
"First, we have to sleep until at least nine o'clock," Blair said. "Then we have to have a little something to eat. Then we have to start making love again. I thought of at least five things that I have to do to you today, and I'm not gonna let these ideas slip away without trying them." She faced Kylie and said, "You inspired me."
Kylie gazed at her, blue eyes gone a little wide. "I guess we don't need to have that 'Are you sure this was the right decision for you' talk, huh?"
"No need. The only thing I'm wondering is why we didn't start doing this the day I moved in." She wrinkled her nose and giggled, making Kylie do the same in reaction.
"As I recall, you were kinda in a bad mood when you first got here," the doctor said.
"One more thing you need to learn about me," Blair said. "Great sex always gets me out of a bad mood. Remember that for the future."
"It's in the vault," Kylie assured her, tapping her temple to underscore the point. Then she kissed her partner for the first time that day, delighted with the thought of making it the first of hundreds, or even thousands, of kisses they would share if they could summon the stamina required for another day of lovemaking. She was confident that Blair was up to the challenge, but she had a few doubts about her own heart, given the way it was beating just because of the loving smile the beautiful blonde woman was giving her.
The couple lazed around the house all day Sunday, not straying far from the bedroom. But instead of making love all day, they took three naps, managing a good one after breakfast, another after lunch, and a quickie before dinner. They watched a mystery on television that evening, and Blair was almost horizontal by the time it was over.
They went to bed at 10:00, and at around 2:00 a.m., Blair blinked her eyes open and had a bit of a start when a pair of wide-awake eyes blinked back at her. “Hi,” Kylie said quietly. “You feeling okay? You were grumbling a little in your sleep.”
“I’m fine … fine.” She smacked her lips together and asked, “Why are you awake? I’m not snoring, am I?”
“No, of course not,” Kylie said, even though Blair had been. “I’m too wired to sleep. I’m just lying here watching you and thinking of how incredibly lucky I am.”
“Hold that thought. I’ve gotta pee.” She rolled out of bed, making both Nicky and Nora murmur their displeasure at being disturbed. “You’re much more even-tempered than your dogs,” Blair added as she departed.
“They’ve never been my dogs, and they never will be,” Kylie called after her. “They’ve been yours from the start.”
After a few moments had passed, Blair called out, “Hey, Kylie? Would you come here for a minute?”
Before the last word was out, Kylie was standing in the doorway, looking hyper-alert. “What is it?”
“Will you brush your teeth?” Blair had just finished doing the same thing, and even though Kylie thought the request a little odd, she took the new brush that Blair offered and did as requested.
“Is my breath that bad?” she asked, a little white circle of foam forming around her mouth.
“No, it’s not bad at all near as I can tell. I just love the taste of a freshly scrubbed mouth. It’s one of my … quirks.”
“Okay,” the doctor said agreeably. “It’s 2:00 a.m., and I’m brushing my teeth because my lover likes a squeaky clean mouth. Works for me.” After they’d both rinsed, they headed back to bed, and after some minor complaints from the dogs, everyone was comfortable again.
“You’re too far away,” Blair said, running the flat of her palm down her partner’s long arm and taking her hand.
Smiling, Kylie scooted closer, now practically rubbing noses. “How’s this?”
“That’s good. I don’t want to waste a nice, clean, mouth. How about a little kiss?”
“Fine idea,” Kylie said, her mouth immediately seeking Blair’s. They kissed for a long time, and every time Kylie cranked up the intensity, Blair stayed right with her. The doctor felt a small, warm hand slip under her T-shirt and start to play with her breasts. “Oh, that’s nice,” Kylie sighed. “You have such a tender touch.”
“Not always,” Blair purred, adding a little force as she pinched a nipple. “Sometimes I can be quite evil.”
“Oh, I like evil women,” Kylie growled, her breathing becoming slightly irregular under Blair’s determined touch.
“Roll onto your side so I can cuddle up behind you,” Blair said. Breathing a tiny sigh of disappointment that the game was ending, Kylie did so, giving her partner a final kiss goodnight. But as soon as Blair snuggled up behind her, her fingers started to explore again, moving from Kylie’s breasts down her belly, to finally slip into her boxers. “Lift your leg for me, baby,” the blonde whispered, making chills chase down Kylie’s spine. Immediately, the knee lifted, and the foot settled onto the mattress as Kylie waited for Blair’s touch. She gasped with pleasure when the cool fingers spread her open and dipped into her wetness.
Blair wedged her arm under the taller woman's body so she could hold her tightly. When the blonde had her fully under her control, her fingers dipped and swirled across the slick flesh, playing her like a fine instrument. With her lips so close to Kylie’s ear, Blair took advantage of the position and whispered some decidedly wicked intentions, making Kylie squirm under her assault.
“Good God,” the doctor gasped as her body shook and shuddered through an orgasm that caught her completely by surprise.
Blair lifted her head and kissed Kylie’s neck, nuzzling her lips against the warm, moist skin, delighting in the salty taste. “Mmm … nice,” she purred, holding her even tighter. She delicately removed her hand from the swollen tissues, but didn’t travel far. Staying inside the roomy boxers, she splayed her hand across Kylie’s mound and felt the pulsing that continued for long minutes. “So nice,” she breathed into her pink ear. “Sleep now, baby.”
“Don’t you want …?” Kylie began, but Blair shushed her.
“I don’t need a thing other than to hold you,” she said. “Just close those pretty eyes and sleep with me. That's what'll make me happy.”
“’Kay.” Blair could feel the larger body begin to relax, and before she could say another word, she felt the rhythmic breathing begin.
“I love you, Kylie.” She kissed her neck once again, smiling to herself as she drifted off as well.
Blair was just getting ready to go home the next day when Kylie called from her cell. “Hi. I’m gonna be stuck at the hospital for a while. I want you to stop at C’est la Vie and pick up some dinner.”
“Okay,” Blair said, smiling fondly at her partner. “Any idea what I’m in the mood for?”
“Funny. But now that you ask, I think you should have two different kinds of vegetables and some of that good wild rice salad with the raisins and citrus dressing. Gotta keep you regular.”
“You will let me control my own digestive tract when I'm not pregnant, won't you? I mean, I've done pretty well on my own …"
"I'm not controlling you," Kylie said. "You don't like to be controlled. I'm reminding you and making suggestions. I'm merely being helpful. There's a very big difference."
"Oh, I see. Sometimes the difference is hard to see. I'm glad you pointed it out to me."
"That's what I'm here for," Kylie said.
"Well, you do a good job, Doc. Now, how about you? Will you be home for dinner?"
“Doubtful. But buy enough for me, and if I don’t eat it tonight, I’ll take it with me for lunch.”
“Is everything okay, honey? You sound a little stressed.”
“I love it when you call me honey,” Kylie said, obviously pleased.
Blair chuckled and said, “Why is it that as soon as you sleep together, you start calling each other little pet names? I heard myself calling you babe and baby all weekend — and I didn't even realize I was doing it.”
“I like it,” Kylie said. “I like being your honey.”
“My honey didn’t answer my question,” Blair reminded her. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah. I’m a little worried about a patient. I reversed his vasectomy, and he’s had some unexplained bleeding and swelling. I need to stick around until I’m sure we’ve got it under control.”
“Well, make sure you get something to eat if you’re there past dinner, okay? I worry about you.”
“Promise,” Kylie said. “Give the puppies a kiss for me when you get home.”
“Will do. Wake me if I’m asleep.”
“Would you rather sleep in your room tonight? I hate the thought of disturbing you.”
“Kylie, my sleep’s gonna be disturbed for the next two or three years. It’s no big deal. I want to sleep with you, even if it does mean that I’m woken up once in a while. Besides, I’m sure I’ll wake you up twice a night with all of my bathroom visits.”
“But I get back to sleep faster than you do.”
“True, but irrelevant. I love you, and I love sleeping with you. So get your cute little butt home as soon as you can.”
“It’s a deal,” the doctor agreed, smiling brightly.
She was agitated from a long night at the hospital, but Kylie got into bed as soon as she got home, hoping that having Blair near her would calm her enough to sleep. When she was only halfway into bed, Blair woke groggily. “What time is it?” she mumbled.
“Just after 2:00. Sorry to wake you.”
“Mmm … that’s okay. It’s time to pee anyway. Be right back.” She was gone for a few minutes, and when she returned, Kylie could smell the toothpaste on her. Blair cuddled up and nestled her cheek against Kylie’s chest. “What happened, honey? Wanna talk about it?”
“Nothing, really,” Kylie said. “It was one of those odd situations. He had a slight fever — seemed like he might have an infection. Then he had some bleeding, and after we got that controlled, his scrotum started to swell. We worked on him all day, trying to figure out what was going wrong, and then — Poof! — he was fine.” She shook her head and said, “I’m obviously glad that he’s okay, but it’s frustrating when unexplained things like that happen. My mind’s racing from spending the evening with the internist that I called in. We both just about sprained our brains trying to figure out what was going on, and we were getting ready to call in another doc when everything cleared up. Weird.”
“You’re all agitated, aren’t you?” Blair soothed, pushing Kylie’s hair back so she could gaze at the smooth, strong planes of her face.
“Yeah, a little. Maybe I’ll get up and read or play some music.”
“Let me help,” Blair insisted, drawing her into an embrace. “A little love will calm you down, won’t it?”
Kylie’s face lit up in a smile. “Well, it might. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to experiment a little.”
“That’s what I love about you,” Blair murmured, “your total commitment to the scientific method.” She pulled her even closer and captured her lips in a soft kiss that quickly grew to heated proportions. Kylie was hyper-sensitive due to being tense all day, and with just a few minutes of kissing and fondling, she was begging for Blair’s touch. “Mmm … I don’t want to touch you,” the smaller woman whispered, “I want to taste you.”
“Damn, but you have great ideas,” Kylie said. “Where do you want me? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
Giving her a fantastically sexy look, Blair urged her to come closer. Once she was kneeling upright, Blair put her hands on her hips, guiding her until she was poised over her face. “Come on,” she urged, her leer making Kylie shake with anticipation. “I won’t hurt you.”
Returning her heated gaze, Kylie lowered herself just enough to allow Blair’s tongue to reach her. “Oh, God!” she moaned, her whole body shivering from the delicious sensation. “Jesus! Yes — just like that, baby. Just like that!”
Blair’s tongue slipped all around her heated flesh, investigating every furrow and depression — loving her thoroughly. She kept trying to make the experience last, slowing and lightening her touch. Kylie had her own timetable, though, and in a remarkably short time, she began to groan, her body unable to wait another second before it was engulfed in a shuddering climax. Immediately rising up a few inches, she held onto the headboard, her legs shaking under the strain. “Slide down and rest on me,” Blair urged, stroking her quivering thighs. “You won’t hurt me.”
Kylie did because she couldn’t hold herself up for another moment. Still breathing heavily, she rested upon Blair’s shoulders and chest, letting her lover’s tender touch soothe her. When she was certain that her legs would hold her, she swung one long leg over Blair and collapsed onto the mattress. “God, you’re good at that,” Kylie gasped, still trying to catch her breath. "Are you sure you didn't take some kinda class?"
"I'm sure," Blair said. "It's really not that different from doing the same thing to a man," she added. "You find the most sensitive spots and work on them until you get the reaction you want. Doesn't seem that tough to me." She smiled at Kylie, then gave her a kiss on the nose. "It helps if you really enjoy what you're doing. And I do."
Smiling in return, Kylie rolled over and started to nibble on Blair’s lips, thrilling to the taste of herself on her lover’s mouth. She quickly noticed, however, that her attempts to whip Blair into a frenzy were being met with soothing kisses obviously intended to extinguish, rather than fan, the flames. Lifting her head, Kylie gave her partner a puzzled look. “Not in the mood?”
“No, I’m satisfied,” she said, smiling warmly. “I’d love for you to hold me, though. Maybe kiss my neck and back to put me to sleep?”
“Sure, honey, if you’re sure that’s what you want.”
“It is,” Blair said, getting into position. Kylie began to kiss and nuzzle the skin across her shoulders, and in just a few minutes, Blair fell asleep, murmuring nonsense words as sleep overtook her.
Placing one more warm kiss right between her shoulder blades, Kylie was asleep just moments after her partner nodded off.
The next afternoon, Kylie was at the sink peeling some potatoes when Blair snuck into the house quietly. The dogs ran to the door to greet her, but they didn’t make much noise, so Kylie was unaware of her partner creeping up behind her. Not wanting to startle her, especially when she had a potato peeler in her hands, Blair said quietly, “Don’t move, you big, gorgeous hunk of woman.”
Kylie stilled immediately, waiting for Blair to make a move. “Should I be afraid?” she asked, her voice growing deeper and taking on a sexy timbre.
“Depends.” Blair came up behind her and formed her body against Kylie’s. “Are you afraid of a very horny woman who's been dreaming of bedding you all day long?”
“No,” Kylie said, chuckling softly. “That’s never been a fear of mine.”
“Just stand there and let me explore a little.” Blair’s hands started to move over Kylie, and soon the doctor was pressing her butt against her partner. Determined fingers started to unbutton Kylie’s shirt, and as soon as the third button was undone, short fingernails raked over her hardening nipples, making the doctor squirm.
Kylie grasped the counter, needing some assistance to keep herself from turning to rip Blair’s clothes off her. Now one small hand held her belt, and the other started to lower the zipper on her chinos, then slipped inside. Blair’s free hand tugged the shirt from the pants, allowing unfettered access to the sexy bikinis. “Damn, you wear nice underwear for a lesbian,” Blair said.
“You were expecting what, Jockey shorts?”
“No,” Blair chided her, playfully slapping her butt. “I guess I believed the stereotypes, though. I thought you’d wear some sensible white briefs. Nothing too fancy.”
“Au contraire, ma petite chou. The sexier the better. I love the feeling of silk and satin caressing my body. You’ll never find me in sensible briefs.”
“I love sexy undies,” Blair murmured, biting Kylie sharply on her sensitive neck and making her yelp. “And I particularly like them on you. Your body is a total turn on.” Blair’s fingers roamed from Kylie’s navel down to the apex of her thighs, stopping to caress and tease at various points of interest.
The dark head lolled back and rested on Blair’s shoulder, and Kylie’s breathing became ragged and labored. Tilting her head just enough to be heard, she whispered in a surprisingly fragile voice, “Do I really turn you on?”
Blair’s hands stilled, then she wrapped both arms around the larger woman’s body, holding on tight. “That’s kind of a silly question, baby. Why would I dream about you all day, then rush into the house and start touching you before I even had my shoes off, if you didn't turn me on?” She took another few nibbles of Kylie’s neck, swiping her tongue along the path she’d just kissed. “I thought about how you taste and how deliciously soft and smooth you are.” Holding even tighter, she rubbed against her lover’s backside. “You make me wet, Kylie. Hot and wet.”
Unable to restrain herself another moment, Kylie turned and wrapped her partner in her arms. “Sorry. I'm feeling a little insecure today.”
Blair pulled back so that she could look into her eyes. “Why? Have I done something …?”
“No,” Kylie said, shaking her head. “I let myself worry about your making love to me two nights in a row and not letting me reciprocate. I let my imagination run wild and thought maybe you were having a hard time getting turned on enough to have sex.”
Pulling back even more, Blair searched Kylie’s eyes questioningly. “Sweetheart, we were having sex — and we were having it because I wanted to. I’m the one who made the overture both nights. Why would I do that if I didn't want you?”
“Uhm … could we talk about this a little? I think we need to get a few things sorted out.”
“Aren’t we talking now?” Blair asked.
“Sure. But I want to eat soon. You know you get indigestion if we don’t eat pretty early. You go change your clothes, and I’ll finish preparing dinner. Then we can chat while it cooks.” She turned Blair into the direction of her room and patted her butt. “Go on now.”
“Back in a minute,” she said. “C’mon, pups, you know you love to see me naked.”
When Blair returned, Kylie was sitting outside, the warm, late afternoon sun on her face. She looked up when Blair came out and twitched her head to indicate the chair next to hers.
Blair sat down, holding Kylie’s hand once she got settled. “Okay, let’s have our first sensitive chat.”
“We’ve had plenty of sensitive chats, and you know it,” Kylie said.
“Yeah, but this is a sensitive lover's chat,” Blair reminded her. “That’s always a delicate situation.”
“This is no big deal, Blair. I just want to understand how you’re feeling about things and tell you a couple of things about myself.”
“Okay, shoot. What do you want to know?”
“Well,” Kylie said, clearing her throat as she realized she actually was a little nervous, “I guess I want to know what happened. It seemed like you were turned on and then lost it. I’m worried that I made you lose it.”
“Bad supposition,” Blair said. “Yes, I was turned on; that’s why I wanted to make love. But I never ‘lost it’ as you put it. I was satisfied after loving you, so I stopped.”
“But … what?” Kylie asked, befuddled. “How does that happen?”
“I had a really good sandwich for lunch today,” Blair said, in what the doctor might have termed a dazzling non sequitur. “A little brie, some baby lettuces, tomato — heirloom, I think — and a touch of Dijon mustard. Really tasty. I only ate half of it though. Wanna know why?” she asked, her eyes twinkling.
“Sure,” Kylie said. She’d remained patient throughout her lover’s seeming tangent, knowing the point would be made clear.
“’Cause that’s all I wanted. I could have eaten the rest and ‘finished,’ but that would have been too much — and the whole experience would have been ruined by my forcing myself to eat it all. I’m like that about sex, too, Kylie. I like a little sex quite often, and a lot of sex every couple of days.”
“And making love to me is …?”
“A little sex,” Blair said, smiling broadly. “I love the seduction and the build-up best of all. And it’s so much fun to watch you get turned on. It’s really fascinating for me to be honest. I mean, I never stopped to consider how easy it is to tell when a woman’s aroused. I thought it was only patently obvious with men.”
“No, we telegraph pretty well, too,” Kylie admitted. “So … you really like that, huh?”
“Yeah,” Blair said, grinning sexily. “It’s very hot — makes me tingle in a good place. A favorite place, really.”
“Okay,” Kylie said, nodding. “I think I understand that. That’s not how I’m put together, but I can accept variations in an organism.”
"So last night, I felt like turning you on. I was awake, and you looked all delicious, and I thought it would be fun to taste you for a while. It was, by the way. After I watched you get all hot and excited, I felt satisfied. I don't know why, but I was happy and content. I just wanted to be kissed and cuddled."
"Okay. I believe you. That will never happen to me, but I know we're not wired the same way. So what happened on Sunday? Was that different?"
"Yeah, it was. I woke up in the middle of the night, and you were wide awake. I knew I could make you sleepy with just a little touching, so I offered. It worked, didn't it?"
"Yeah, but you don't need to do that."
"I know I don't need to, sweetheart. I want to. When you have a backache, I want to rub it. When you have a bad day, I want to make you a nice dinner. When you're having trouble relaxing, I want to help you relax. That's one way to show how much I love you."
"I love you, too, and I want to make sure you don't feel obligated to do any of that stuff."
"Kylie, when I make the first move, you can rest assured that I’m doing it because I want to. I’m not the kind of woman who’d touch you because I thought it was my job. That’s not my style.”
“I was a little worried that you thought I expected sex every night,” Kylie admitted. “I mean, I’ve told you I liked to have sex a lot, and I thought you might just be trying to please me.”
“Well, I do want to please you, but I also expect you to ask for what you need. We’re both big girls.”
“I can do that,” Kylie said. “Although I’ll probably hold back a little while you’re pregnant. I really am hyper-sensitive to not making too many demands on you while your body is going through so many changes.”
“Kylie, really, I don’t need you to do that. I want to know when you want to have sex, and that includes after the baby comes. I’m not gonna want to be touched for months, but that doesn’t mean you have to go without.”
“I’m not going to expect you to service me when you’ve got a tiny infant suckling on you every couple of hours! I can take care of myself. I’ve had lots of practice.”
Getting up from her chair, Blair sat down on Kylie’s lap. “Not squishing you, am I?”
“Nope. Feels nice,” Kylie said, nuzzling her face into the side of Blair’s neck.
“Look at me,” the smaller woman said.
Kylie did, gazing at her partner for a few moments.
“Now, listen to me. I hope we’re gonna be together for a long while; don't you?”
“Yes,” Kylie said decisively.
“It’s important to me to ensure that we’re both sexually satisfied — all during our lives together. Sometimes I won’t feel like being sexual, sometimes you won’t. But I want you to tell me when you have the urge. I can’t guarantee that I’ll always be able to summon the strength to take care of you, but I promise I’ll always try. It’s important that we take care of each other — in every way.”
“I’ll try, Blair,” Kylie said. “I’ve never been in a relationship where I asked for everything I needed sexually, but I promise I’ll give it a go.”
“I want you to do what you need, Kylie. If you want to please yourself — by all means, go right ahead. But if you want a little help from your bedmate, make sure to give me a nudge.”
“I’ll promise if you’ll promise,” Kylie said.
“Okay, it’s a deal. I should warn you, though, that lately, my needs have been making themselves known in the middle of the night.”
“Bring it on,” Kylie said. “I can handle you any hour of the night or day.”
Later that night, Blair lay on her back, panting softly as she tried to catch her breath. “My God, woman, where did you learn to use your tongue like that?”
“Years of practice,” Kylie said, snuggling up to her. “I’m gonna have to start wearing a football helmet to bed if you continue to enjoy my talents, though. I swear you’re gonna snatch me bald-headed.”
“Such a complainer. I never knew what a delicate little flower you were.”
Kylie leaned over her, capturing her lips in a heated kiss. “I’m a hothouse flower. Emphasis on the hot.” She bent to kiss her again, lingering for a long while and gently exploring Blair’s mouth with her tongue.
As she pulled away, Blair looked at her for a moment, then smacked her lips together while she made a face. “Uhm … embarrassing question time, Doc. Do you like the way I taste?”
“Oh, yeah,” Kylie said enthusiastically, “most definitely. Why?”
“’Cause I’m not so crazy about it,” she said. “I noticed it the other night, but I thought it might have been my imagination. But that’s not it. I taste really different than I used to, and if it’s unpleasant, I want you to tell me.”
“Honey, there’s nothing unpleasant about you. Your vagina undergoes a shift in its pH balance when you’re pregnant. It’s probably a little more acidic than it used to be. That’s what you’ve noticed.”
Blair rolled her eyes. “It’s more than a little acidic, babe. I used to taste kinda sweet. But now …” She looked down at herself. “God knows what’s going on down there. I’ve got stuff gushing out of me non-stop!”
“It’s perfectly normal to have some discharge. It’s nothing to be worried about.”
“I’m not worried,” Blair said. “I’m disgusted!” She started to chuckle, then leaned against her partner and said, “They don’t tell you all of these nasty little secrets before you get pregnant. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you!”
“I could tell you exactly what makes up that discharge if you’re interested,” Kylie said. “It’s nothing particularly gross.”
“No, thanks,” Blair decided. “I like my non-medical diagnosis of grossness. And I want you to promise that if it starts to offend you, you can touch me with your hands or the vibrator. I swear that when I get back to normal, you’ll be suitably impressed with how sweet and clean I taste.”
“Well, I think you’re perfectly delightful now. No need to change.”
“You win a free orgasm for making the pregnant woman feel better,” Blair said. “When would you like to claim your prize?”
Kylie rolled onto her back and spread her legs invitingly. “Oh, any time in the next twenty or thirty seconds would be fine with me.”
On Friday night, the couple decided to celebrate the end of the workweek with dinner out. They chose a romantic northern Italian spot in Brentwood, and Kylie indulged in a half-bottle of wine. When the server came over to take their dessert orders, Kylie asked for an espresso for herself and some steamed milk with a spoonful of honey in it for Blair.
As the server departed, the blonde gave her a fond glance and asked, “What’s next? A martini for you and a Shirley Temple for me?”
“Not a bad idea.” Kylie nodded. “I’ll have to remember that next time I order wine.”
Giving her a long, thoughtful look, Blair commented, “You seem very relaxed tonight. Are you feeling particularly happy?”
Reaching across the table, Kylie covered Blair’s hand with her own. “I haven’t had a bad day since you told me that you loved me.”
A delighted grin settled onto Blair’s face, and she finally nodded in agreement. “You have been even happier than normal. It’s so nice to know that it’s because of me.”
“It is,” Kylie said.
Blair ran her thumb across the back of Kylie’s hand, looking contemplative. “During our friendship, there’ve been times when I thought you were as interested in the baby as you were in me,” she said. “It’s a relief to realize that’s not true.”
“Not by a long shot,” Kylie insisted. “I swear, I wouldn’t feel any different about you if you weren’t pregnant, Blair. You’re the woman I love. The relationship we’ll each have with the baby is an entirely separate thing. One doesn’t depend on the other.”
Looking at Kylie with love in her eyes, Blair asked, “Have you thought about what you want the baby to call you?”
The server returned with their drinks, and as he left, Kylie said, “No, I guess I haven't. Any suggestions?”
“Well, we could let him decide. I’ve read that most kids take the name you try to force on them and do what they want, anyway. It’ll be a little harder for us since we need two variations of Mom.”
“Huh?” Kylie asked, looking blank. “What … what do you mean?”
Now Blair looked puzzled. “Don’t you want him to call you mom or mommy or mama? I assumed —”
“Blair, that’s your title!” Kylie’s eyes were as wide as the saucer that her espresso cup rested upon. “You’re his mommy!”
“Well, who the hell are you?” Blair asked loudly, causing a few heads to turn in their direction.
Kylie blinked at her, then cocked her head in thought. “I’m his … I’m his …" She looked at her with wide eyes and said, "We've always referred to me as Aunt Kylie. I haven't had time to think about this, Blair. I assumed you’d be the mommy, David would be the daddy and I’d be …” She shrugged her shoulders, looking perplexed. "Kylie?"
“Is that what you want?” Blair asked quietly, looking more than a little disappointed. "Do you just want to be my lover? Is that how you want Mackenzie to think of you?"
“No, no … I … I want to do whatever you think is best, Blair. I need you to take the lead here.”
The server passed their table, making eye contact; Blair looked up at him and asked, “Do you have any biscotti?”
“Yes. We have a hazelnut and an almond dipped in chocolate.”
“One of each, please,” she instructed, raising an eyebrow in Kylie’s direction, warning her not to even think of making a comment. She sipped at her steamed milk, waiting for the server to deliver her cookies. When he returned, she dipped the hazelnut into the milk, smiling in satisfaction when she took a bite. “I’ve only gained seventeen pounds, and I don’t want to hear a word out of you.”
“You’re doing great,” Kylie said, “but you’ll start to gain weight faster now. I know it’s a pain, but every unnecessary pound will make you more miserable as you go along.”
“I realize that, sweetheart, but I couldn’t have wine with dinner, I couldn’t have espresso and I can’t have my favorite aperitif. I’ve got to have some extravagances, or I’ll go nuts.”
“I know,” Kylie said sympathetically. “I don’t mean to supervise you. I know you hate that.”
“I do,” Blair said, “but I love you. Sometimes ya gotta take the bad with the good.” She held the biscotto up to her partner and instructed, “Bite.” While Kylie chewed, Blair said, “We're having a failure to communicate here. I was under the impression that we were going to raise this baby together. Remember that?”
“Of course I do!”
“Well, why do you act surprised when I suggest he'll call you mom? Isn’t it obvious that he would?”
Kylie shook her head, looking thoroughly perplexed. “The way we've set this up is a little amorphous, Blair. It's clear that you're the mom, but we've just started to talk about my co-parenting with you. I didn't realize that you'd want Mackenzie to call me mom. I'm thrilled, but I'm also a little surprised.”
Blair cocked her head and stared at her partner for a few moments. “I think of Mackenzie as ours, Kylie —both yours and mine — equally.” Looking even more confused, she asked, “Don’t you feel that way? Don’t you want that?” She dropped her gaze, and her lower lip began to quiver as she whimpered, “Please, God, don’t tell me you feel like David did.”
“No!” Kylie said with alarm. “I swear that’s not it!”
“Kylie, I’m divorcing him because he said he’d feel like a step-parent. I’m not going to raise this baby with you if you can’t love him as your own!”
“Oh, Blair,” the doctor said, “I’m stunned. Of course I want that — I didn’t realize that’s what you wanted.”
“How could you not realize that?” Blair asked, her voice still shaking. “Haven’t you been listening?”
“Of course I have. But the situations aren’t the same, honey. For the first four months of your pregnancy, I was just your friend, and David was clearly the father. Things got a little nebulous when you moved into my house, and even more so when you decided to divorce, but it was still you and David. I haven't had very much time to adjust to my role here. Give me a chance.”
“Are you sure this is what you want, Kylie? Do you want to be a parent to the baby?”
“Yes! With every bit of my heart, I do,” she vowed, gripping Blair’s hand tightly. “I didn’t realize that you wanted me to share him so completely. I assumed you’d want to be the one calling the shots.”
Blair let out the breath she’d been holding and felt her good mood start to return. “Are you sure that you’re the lesbian?” she asked, wrinkling her nose. “I thought you people were into merger.”
“You have a lot of stereotypes about my people,” Kylie said, the tension broken. “Where in the hell did you get them?”
“I dunno. TV?”
“Well, that explains it.” Kylie reached out and captured her nose between two fingers, giving it a tug. “I suppose, Ms. Spencer, that I’ll accept any name that our baby chooses for me. I like all of the choices.”
“I call dibs on mommy,” Blair said.
“You picked that because the baby books say that’s the easiest name for most babies to handle,” Kylie said.
“There has to be some benefit in doing my homework,” Blair said, playfully sticking out her tongue.
“You did a cool thing by deciding to name him Mackenzie,” Kylie mused. “Now he’ll have both our last names. That'll help people connect the dots that he’s my son, too.”
“Well, he won’t really have my last name,” Blair reminded her. “But there’s no way I’m going back to Schneidhorst. Few women have ever been so elated to abandon their maiden names!”
Kylie laughed along with her partner, then tilted her head and said, "I haven't asked many questions about your divorce because you haven't seemed to want or need to talk about it. But now … I'm a little more invested in what happens."
Blair reached across the table and took the doctor's hand. "You're very involved now." She reached into her purse and took out her Palm Pilot. "Let's see," she said, scrolling through her files, "I filed a few days after you got back from Vermont —"
"You did?" Kylie was staring at her partner. "I didn't know that!"
Blair looked at her for a second, her brow furrowed. "I told you I was divorcing him. Why would I wait?"
Kylie shook her head rapidly. "I guess I thought you'd think about it for a while."
"Nope. I'm not the type. When I make up my mind — I act."
"I guess that's why I'm here," Kylie acknowledged, scratching her head with a half-grin on her face. "I tend to wait until there's no option. Heck, if I'd been the one who was married, I'd still be waiting for David to have that epiphany."
"Acknowledge your failures, accept responsibility for what you've done, then move on," Blair said, her chin determinedly sticking out. "The sooner you let go, the sooner you can move on to something that works for you."
"That's my girl," Kylie said, smiling. "Your moving on has been the best thing that could’ve happened to me."
"Same goes for me," Blair said. She looked at her Palm again and said, "David defaulted, so my petition was granted. But because I'm pregnant, we have to wait until the baby's born to determine child support and custody. So, in essence, I'm divorced. I'm only waiting for the final order."
"Wow, that seems like it was awfully easy," Kylie said. "I thought he'd put up more of a fuss."
"No. We had a prenuptial agreement, and we didn't have any jointly owned assets. A divorce doesn't have to be devastating if you plan ahead."
Kylie looked at her partner while Blair put her Palm Pilot away. "Do you want to … do something like a prenuptial agreement for us?"
Blair shook her head. "No. I talked to my attorney, and he said it wasn't necessary since we won't be legally married. We'll keep our assets separate, and everything will be clean."
Kylie stirred her espresso, staring into the dark liquid for a few moments. "I'm surprised you got around to doing that. It's only been a week."
Blair reached out and touched her lover's hand. "I think ahead, Kylie. Don't over-think this. I was talking to him about my divorce, and while I had him on the phone, I asked about you and me."
The doctor held up a hand. "It's all right. I was only wondering."
Looking at Kylie until she looked back, Blair said, "I didn't plan on divorcing David when I signed a prenup, and I don't plan on leaving you, either. But if something does happen, and this doesn't work out — I wanted to know where I stand. Being prepared isn't a sin, is it?"
"No, no, of course not," Kylie said. "I know it's important to you to have answers to these kinds of questions. No big deal."
"Yeah," Kylie said, smiling. "I'm positive." I’m positive I don’t want you to know how insecure this makes me feel. But I know this is how you are, and I have to learn to accept it.
When they arrived home, they both put on their pajamas and went into the den to play with the dogs and watch the early news. Blair was wearing a pair of Kylie’s flannel boxers and one of her T-shirts, and Kylie had on a nearly identical outfit. “It must be a woman thing,” the doctor mused. “I’ve never had a lover who didn’t wind up wearing my boxers and T-shirts to sleep in.”
“It’s definitely a woman thing,” Blair said, snuggling up to Kylie. “Your shorts are just big enough to fit comfortably over my stomach, and your shirts smell like you as long as I can grab one before you toss it in the laundry. Nice combo.” They were sprawled across the sectional sofa in a new, more intimate configuration, with Kylie stretched out and Blair with her back resting against her partner. This position allowed Kylie to wrap an arm around Blair’s belly, letting her feel close to the baby as well. “Mackenzie is really kicking up a storm,” the smaller woman said, patting Kylie’s hand.
“I love feeling him,” the doctor said. “It feels like we're really communicating.”
“To me he's communicating that he’s so big, he has to kick against my skin.” She was quiet for a moment, then said, “Sometimes it feels so strange, Kylie. It’s hard to get my brain to believe that there’s another person inside my body. I … I can’t explain the way it makes me feel.”
“I don’t think anyone can really understand it unless she’s experienced it,” Kylie said. “Just like I don’t think I’ll ever be able to feel exactly like you do about Mackenzie. I mean, I’ll love him with all my heart, but you have a hormonal connection that’s uniquely maternal. Our species has survived because of that maternal bond. I truly think it’s the most powerful force of love there is.”
“I feel it,” she murmured. “It’s so powerful it takes my breath away. There’s a little person, weighing less than two pounds, inside of me, and even though I’ve never met him, I’d give my life for him — without question.”
Kylie tightened her hold and nuzzled her face into her partner’s neck. “I know you would,” she whispered. “I can feel how intimately bonded you are. It’s very moving for me.”
“I’m so glad I have you,” Blair said, her voice catching the tiniest bit. “It was so wonderful to be your friend, but to have this closeness is absolutely divine.” Hugging her lover’s arm tightly to herself, she added, “I'd just about convinced myself that I’d be alone for years — if not forever. It’s not easy for single moms to find dates, and it would have been a lot harder for me since I’m so picky. You’re a very unexpected, very welcome gift, Doctor Mackenzie, and I’m damned glad that I have you.”
“So, everything’s good?” Kylie asked softly, her low, warm voice burring against Blair’s ear.
“Yeah. Everything’s very good. I’m happy, Kylie. I’m happy with you, and I’m happy that you want to be a mom to the baby. We’re gonna be great together.”
Kylie spent a few minutes kissing Blair’s neck, slowly working her way down to her shoulders. She wasn’t trying to arouse her, merely trying to show how much she enjoyed touching her.
“Sweetheart, would you put some music on instead of the TV? Mackenzie much prefers music. Maybe he’ll calm down a little if he hears his grandfather and the CSO play.”
Kylie did as she was asked, and when she returned, she urged Blair to lie down and put her head in her lap. She picked up the bottle of moisture lotion that had taken up permanent residence in the den and squirted some into her palm, warming it. Lifting Blair’s shirt, she started to rub the lotion soothingly into her skin, and in a few minutes, the combination of her gentle movements and the calming music resulted in significantly less activity in Blair’s uterus. “You’re magical,” the smaller woman murmured. “He loves your touch as much as I do.”
“I can’t wait until I can hold him in my arms,” Kylie said. “I mean arm. I’m gonna have you in the other one. Thank God we’re not having twins.”
Blair snorted softly, then said, “While you were rubbing me, I started to think of my grandmother. Have I ever talked about her?”
“No, you haven’t,” Kylie said, thinking about the day Werner’d said that Blair was exactly like his mother. “Tell me about her.”
“She was my father’s Mother, my Gramma Lilli.”
“Did she live in Chicago?”
“Uh-huh. Rogers Park. My grandfather died when my father was still in high school, so it was only the two of them for a while. Luckily, my grandfather had a successful business, and his partner bought out his share, leaving my grandmother enough money to live — not well, mind you — but enough to survive at a comfortable level.”
“What did your grandfather do?”
“He was a watchmaker, and when they came to America, he went into a partnership with another man; they created a pretty successful jewelry store. It was down in the south Loop on Wabash.”
“Came to America? Where were they from?”
“Germany,” she said, lifting her eyes to meet Kylie’s. “Didn’t you know that?”
“No, I had no idea,” she said.
“With a name like Werner Schneidhorst, you thought my father’s people came over on the Mayflower?”
Kylie chuckled softly. “No, of course not. I didn’t realize he was born in Germany. Why did they leave?”
Now Blair sat all the way up and looked at her confusedly. “How much wine did you have? There was a little thing called the Holocaust …”
“Blair, I swear this is all news to me. I didn’t know you were Jewish!” Shaking her head, she asked, “Are you Jewish?”
“Kinda,” she said, “but not really.”
“A little more detail would be helpful,” Kylie said.
“Okay. My Gramma Lilli was Jewish and was pretty observant when she was a girl. She was a bit of a rebel and started dating my grandfather against her father’s wishes. He basically disowned her for dating a gentile, so she turned her back on her religion and her family.”
“Wow. How hard that must have been on her.”
“I’m sure it was, but she never talked about it. I only know the story because my grandfather told my father the whole scoop.”
“So what happened? Why did they leave Germany?”
“Well, they were really in love, and they got married. My grandfather’s Lutheran minister wouldn’t marry them, so they had to marry in the Hamburg City Hall. My grandfather’s family wasn’t happy about his marrying a Jew, so things were strained there, too. Gramma got pregnant with my father not long after they were married, and they struggled along while he served his long apprenticeship as a watchmaker. He had an uncle who had a shop, and he assumed he’d be offered a salaried position after he finished his apprenticeship, but that never developed. They were in bad shape, Kylie, but my grandmother had two brothers who really cared for her, and they managed to stay in contact against their father’s wishes. They scrimped and saved and gave my grandparents the money to come to America.”
“When was this?”
“1936. Good timing, huh?”
“Damn! How fortunate!”
“Yeah. Who would have guessed that being disowned by your families could wind up saving your lives?”
“How did they survive?” Kylie asked.
“My grandfather had some acquaintances, and he got hooked up with this man — the one who became his business partner. Lots of hard work paid off, and they were finally able to open a decent store — and they did all right. Things didn’t go as well for my Gramma’s family, though. As far as she could ascertain, her entire immediate family was murdered.” She said this very quietly, and Kylie could feel her body start to shake. Pulling her closer, she held her for a long while, soothing her with her touch and with gentle kisses upon her forehead.
“I’m so sorry, Blair,” she finally whispered. “I’m so sorry she had to lose her family twice.”
“Yeah, that’s it,” Blair said, sniffling. “She lost them twice. She was such a loving woman, Kylie. I can’t imagine how callous you’d have to be to cut off all contact with your child because she disobeyed you.”
“Don’t be too harsh on your great-grandfather. That was a different time and a different culture. I mean, in retrospect, it was wise for the Jews to be suspicious of gentiles.”
“Yeah, I know you’re right, but it’s still beyond my ken.”
“Was your father raised as a Christian or a Jew?”
“A little of both, I guess. They celebrated Passover, but they also celebrated Christmas. When I was young, we went to Gramma’s for Passover, but it was more of a cultural thing than a religious thing. I swear, I didn’t know we were Jewish until I was in the sixth or seventh grade.”
“Do you consider yourself Jewish?”
“I had a few years in high school when I tried to establish my identity as a Jew. I think I was searching for a group to belong to. As I learned more about the genocide, I decided that we had to claim our Jewishness so that our numbers were greater. I reasoned that if everyone who had Jewish blood claimed the faith, we’d have a real force.” She smiled up at Kylie and said, “I went to a very progressive high school. Everybody had a cause.”
“So what happened? Why did you drop it?”
“Well, to be honest, I didn’t get much support from my family. My dad didn’t make a big deal about it, but the whole thing kinda confused him. He was technically a Jew, since his mother was, but he didn’t feel like he was. He identified more with the German side of his heritage. Probably because of the composers and conductors,” she said. “Gramma liked retaining some of the cultural aspects of her faith, but she didn’t see the point of my actually joining, either. I went to a couple of local temples, but they discouraged me, as well. I would have had to convert, since my mother wasn’t Jewish, and when I told the rabbis that my parents weren’t crazy about the idea, they didn’t think it was wise to pursue it. They both said it was something I should look into when I was an adult.”
“Have you had any urge to investigate again?”
“Well, I’ve had plenty of time, but I haven’t done it.”
“I’ll support you if you’re interested, honey. Heck, I’ll even keep a Kosher kitchen.”
“You’re a good sport, Doctor Mackenzie,” she said. “I guess my only reason for wanting to do it is to make a political statement. My grandmother lost so many to hatred that it seems like I should replenish the ranks as much as I can.”
“Tell me more about your grandmother. It sounds like she was a big influence in your life.”
“Oh, she was,” Blair said. “I think about her all the time now; she'd be so happy about the baby." She started to cry again, but forced herself to stop. Laughing softly, she said, "My dad says I’m exactly like her emotionally.”
“Tell me how?” Kylie asked, already privy to Werner’s thoughts on the matter.
“I think I’m most like her in my ability to move on,” Blair said. “She lost her family, her faith, her country and millions of her fellow Jews. But you would never have known any of that from her. She had this incredible ability to be thankful for what she had and to make the best of it. Every day that she woke up, she was happy to see the sun in the sky. When I’d ask her to talk about growing up in Germany, she’d tell me the cutest little stories. She had hundreds of little tales, and she made it sound so idyllic, Kylie. And I don’t think she did that to humor me. I think that’s how she remembered it. She talked about her father like he was the sweetest man on earth, and he disowned her!”
“Remarkable,” Kylie said.
“She was remarkable,” Blair agreed. “She’s the one who used to talk to me about being adopted and how blessed the whole family was to have me be a part of it. Honestly, she’s the one who made me feel proud that I’d been chosen by my family — rather than being angry that my birth parents had given me away. It seemed like a good thing when she talked to me about it. She used to tell me that my parents had no other way to have children, and that she wouldn’t have had a grandchild if they hadn’t been able to adopt. I knew how much she loved me, and I felt really great about being chosen to be her granddaughter.” She sniffled a few tears away, then pulled back when she noticed her cheek was wet. “Are you crying?” she asked, turning around to see Kylie’s red eyes.
“That’s such a wonderful story,” she said, her voice shaking. “I’ll bet you made her very happy, Blair.”
“You know, I did,” she said, a note of pride in her voice. “I saw her every Sunday — at a minimum. When I was little, she watched me during the evenings when my parents were both at work. Then later, when I was old enough to ride public transit by myself, I’d hop on the bus and go up to Rogers Park and see her in the afternoon. We spent a lot of time together, Kylie, and it was wonderful for both of us.” She looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, “You know, I really wanted to go away to college, but her health was failing, and I couldn’t bear to be too far away. That’s the only reason I chose Northwestern. I was ten minutes away on the Evanston Express.”
“When did she die?” Kylie asked.
“When I was a freshman in college. She started having heart palpitations, but by the time they got her to Evanston Hospital, she was gone. That was a very, very hard time for me.” She blinked away a few tears and gave her partner a watery smile. “Still is.”
“What was her family name?” Kylie asked softly.
“Simon,” Blair answered. “Lilli Simon.”
“Well, Lilli wouldn’t do for a boy, but Simon has some real appeal.”
Wordlessly, Blair turned in place and buried her head against Kylie’s chest, crying for a long time. The larger woman soothed her with her gentle touch, and finally, she was able to speak. “You know me so well. That would mean so much to me.”
“It would mean a lot to me, too. We have to honor the woman who made you feel so special.”
"Mackenzie Simon Spencer sounds very cool."
"Uhm … what would you think if we switched the names around a little bit?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't think your grandmother should have second billing," Kylie said. "She means too much to you for that. I think the baby's name should be Simon Mackenzie Spencer."
"But … but … I want to name him after you!"
"Blair, I've never been more touched than I was on the night you told me that. I swear that's the truth. But I'm here, and I'm going to be here for him every day. Your grandmother won't be. Naming him after her will let him know that he has mommies who love him and grandparents who love him and great-grandparents who would have loved him as much as we do, even though they'll never get to meet him."
Blair looked up at her partner and asked in a shaky voice, “Will you take me to bed and cuddle me all night long? I need to be close.”
“Of course I will. I’ll cuddle you every night. I promise.” She kissed her gently, then helped her up from the deep cushions, draping an arm around her shoulders as they made the short trip, eight tiny feet scampering after them.
The next evening, Blair was out late. Kylie tried to wait up for her, but found her eyelids closing at her usual bedtime, so she gave up. The blonde tried to sneak into bed, but the dogs leapt up right before she pulled it off, waking Kylie. "Hi," she said groggily. "Just get home?"
"Yeah. I met some new clients for dinner. They want to list a very expensive house with me, but they both talk like they've been given truth serum. Do people really think I give a damn about where they grew up and what they think the stock market's going to do this year? I wanted to shake them and say, 'I want to sell your house and get a commission! That's all I care about!'"
"Come here and let me calm you down, baby," Kylie said. "I think my mouth is still nice and minty."
"Aw … you're so sweet." Blair cuddled up as well as she could, and they kissed for a long time. Kylie's hands roamed up and down Blair's back, massaging her a little as they kissed. When she felt her lover start to relax, Kylie rolled her onto her other side and kissed her neck and shoulders, a surefire method for lulling her to sleep.
“Know what I like?” Blair asked, her voice a little groggy.
“I like that sometimes you kiss me for a while and then stop.”
“I love kissing you — for a few minutes or considerably longer,” Kylie said.
“You know what I mean. I’m sure there are guys who like to kiss, too, but I never dated any of them. They were always so goal-oriented. Kissing was a short stop on the way to fucking.”
“Hey, I’m goal-oriented, too,” Kylie said. “It’s just that kissing you until I feel all warm inside is my goal.”
“Oh, Doctor Mackenzie, you are such a catch.” Blair cuddled a little closer and burrowed her butt into Kylie’s lap. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Kylie placed a gentle kiss on her partner’s neck, then patted her belly. “I love you, too, Mack … Simon. You get some rest so your mommy can, okay?”
"It's hard, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Kylie said, laughing softly. "I've been trying to call him Simon every time I think of him, but it's gonna take some work."
"Do you really want to change his name? It was incredibly generous of you to offer, but — "
"I'm certain. Besides, Simon's so much easier to spell. If he was Mackenzie, he wouldn't be able to spell his own name until he was in third grade."
"Don't tease. I really want to make sure you want to do this."
"I'm absolutely positive," Kylie said, “but you have to be certain, too."
"I am," Blair said. "I love the idea. Then he can have both of his mommies’ names as last names. Hey, you know we could hyphenate them."
"No, no," Kylie said. "That's too much. I'm more than happy to provide his middle name. Let him decide how much of it to use. If he likes me, he might choose to be called Simon Mackenzie Spencer. Very formal," she said, smiling.
"They only refer to serial killers by all three names," Blair teased.
"Tell that to … Robert Lewis Stevenson or Henry David Thoreau or Elizabeth Cady Stanton or George Washington Carver."
"Next time I see 'em," Blair promised. "Now pat Simon to sleep."
Kylie did, and the baby calmed down after a few minutes. She leaned over and kissed Blair's belly, and the baby did one last somersault and calmed again.
"He likes your kisses, too."
"Just wait until he gets out here. I'll be kissing him so much, his skin will chap."
"I wish I could take him out for a while tonight. I'd love to have my old body back. That's what you ought to work on — a removable uterus."
"I'll get right on it," Kylie said. "Remind me in the morning." She kissed Blair one last time, put her hand on their baby and was asleep in seconds.
Kylie woke immediately when her partner got out of bed at 3:00 a.m., then patiently waited for her to return. She was a little surprised when Blair walked over to her side of the bed and sat down. “You awake?”
“Uh-huh,” Kylie answered, sounding alert. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I wanted to see if you’re interested in fooling around a little.” She pushed Kylie’s hair from her face and trailed her fingers across her cheek. “Had another sex dream.”
“Sex dream?” Kylie asked, the room just bright enough to show her smile. “Tell me about it. Maybe we can recreate it.”
“Ooo … that’s a very good idea. It was really vivid — really sensual.” She leaned over a little and took Kylie’s hand, placing it on her breast. Her voice dropped into a low, sexy register, and she said, “I was straddling you while I was on my hands and knees …”
“I like it so far,” Kylie said, her own voice taking on a sexy tone. Her hand started to compress the flesh it rested against, moving slowly and gently.
“You were propped up a little so I could reach you easily, and I’d lower my breasts down to your mouth — switching back and forth. You sucked on them so sweetly — gently stimulating them until they started to tingle. Of course, every little suckle made my clit throb,” she purred, sliding Kylie’s hand down between her legs.
“Mine’s throbbing now,” the dark-haired woman growled.
“So urgent,” Blair said softly. “Slow down a little now. Take it nice and easy. I need you to be gentle and tender with me tonight — let me experience all of the sensations.”
“Let me go brush my teeth,” Kylie said, starting to sit up.
“Don’t bother,” Blair said. “I don’t need a bit of foreplay. All I need is that sweet mouth on my breasts.”
Kylie reached over and removed Blair’s shirt, then started to trail the tips of her short nails over her skin.
“Perfect,” the blonde murmured. “That’s what I need — truly perfect.”
After a few minutes, Blair pulled away and got Kylie into the position she thought would work best, propping her up with several pillows. Standing, Blair pushed off her boxers and then climbed on top of her, straddling Kylie like she had in her dream. Kylie lifted her knees to provide a little stability, then Blair leaned in close and let her breast dangle just above her lover’s lips.
Kylie looked up, her face flushed with pleasure. “There’s no more arousing sight in the whole world.” She took the breast into her mouth, tenderly laving it with her tongue. She didn’t exert any pressure, knowing that Blair was still very sensitive. She heard her own satisfied growl, then another from her partner as she bathed the swollen flesh with kisses.
As her breasts were being caringly loved, Blair began to urge her lover to suck a little harder, something that Kylie did with great reluctance. “Come on, baby, suck me,” she growled, making Kylie shiver from head to toe.
Kylie increased the pressure a tiny bit, then stilled completely, taking her mouth away. Reaching out, she grabbed the bedside lamp, drawing it close enough to switch it on. “What’s wrong?” Blair asked in alarm.
Shaking her head while taking a tissue from the box, Kylie brought it to her mouth then inspected it carefully. Nodding, she switched the light off and got back into position. “No big deal,” she said. “It’s only a little colostrum secretion.”
Immediately, Blair climbed off her and flopped onto the mattress, draping an arm across her eyes. “Oh, that was sexy.”
“Hey,” Kylie soothed, leaning over her. “Don’t let little things like that bother you. It’s no big deal.”
“It must have been for you to stop and spit,” she said, obviously on the verge of tears. “It must have tasted horrible.”
“Oh, honey, that’s not true,” Kylie insisted. “I’m a doctor — a scientist. When I notice something out of the ordinary, I look at it. It’s part of my makeup, I swear. I thought that what I tasted was a little colostrum, but I wanted to be sure. I’m really sorry if I ruined your mood, baby.”
“I grossed you out,” Blair muttered, starting to cry.
“You did not! Honey, I swear that I only wanted to take a look and make sure the fluid was clear. There was nothing gross about it! It actually tasted kinda good, and the next time you leak a little, I want you to taste it so you know how pleasant it is.”
“I’m gonna do this again?” she asked, obviously alarmed. “Then we won’t play with my breasts anymore.”
“Honey, this is gonna happen every once in a while — with no stimulation at all. Your breasts are getting ready to work. They’re making sure all systems are go.”
“I hate this,” she cried, rolling onto her side and turning away from Kylie. “Somebody else is in charge of my body!”
Cuddling up behind her, Kylie tucked an arm around her, curling a hand up under her belly. “Come on, sweetheart, don’t let it get to you. Someone else is in charge of your body, but the one in charge is our baby in there. Little Simon's like a pilot in an airplane, checking all of the controls before take off.” She trailed her hand up across Blair’s abdomen, then hefted one of her breasts in her hand. “He wants to make sure there’s plenty for him to eat when he gets here. That’s all.”
“I feel freakish, Kylie,” she sniffed. “My breasts are leaking, there’s always something going on with my vagina. It doesn’t feel like my body anymore.”
“Sure it is, sweetheart, but you have a boarder for a few more months. Once he moves out and gets his own room, you’ll be back to normal in no time.”
“Are you sure?” Blair’s voice was shaking, and Kylie could hear how much she needed to be reassured.
“I’m absolutely positive, sweetheart. You’re gonna be in control once again. Promise.”
“It’s so weird,” the smaller woman grumbled. “There are so many changes. I really wasn’t prepared for this.”
“I know,” the doctor soothed, “but there are some good changes, too.” She gave a gentle squeeze to the breast she was still holding. “You tell me how your breasts tingle and react to the slightest touch. That can be good.”
“Yeah, that's good,” Blair agreed, sniffling.
“And you’re extra sensitive down here, too,” she whispered, tickling lightly between her partner’s legs. “That’s been kinda good, hasn’t it? You get aroused so easily, and you have such intense orgasms. I know how good those feel.”
Blair nodded, her tears now dry. “I’d like to keep the orgasms, even after the baby’s born.”
“We’ll have to see what we can do,” Kylie purred. “Maybe I can do my job extra well.” She started to move against the smaller woman, rubbing her body against her back. “Let me give you one of those nice, big orgasms. You know you want to.”
Sounding tentative again, Blair asked, “Are you sure you want to?”
“Oh, yeah,” Kylie growled. “I’m positive that I want to. If you’re not in the mood, I’m gonna have to go solo. You’ve really got me going.”
Blair rolled over to face her partner, giving her a decidedly sexy look. “Take off your shorts, sweetheart.”
Kylie did and managed a smile as Blair snuggled closer and started to kiss her. Her hand settled on Kylie’s leg, and she gently urged her to raise it. As soon as her fingers slid into the larger woman’s wetness, Kylie pulled her mouth away to gasp in relief. “Oh, yeah,” she panted, closing her eyes immediately to go back for more of the fiery kisses.
Urging Blair into the same position, Kylie’s hand slipped down to nestle between her legs. Murmuring against Blair’s mouth, she growled, “You make me so hot!”
“Mmm,” Blair moaned, holding onto Kylie with a rabid intensity. “Make me come, baby. Make me come now.”
Slipping her tongue into Blair’s mouth while her fingers slid through the copious wetness, Kylie tried to stay focused, keeping her pace even and smooth, even though Blair’s questing fingers were about to drive her mad. She slid two fingers into her partner as her breathing became labored, then caressed the glans with her thumb, making Blair’s body jump and twitch. Just as the first spasms of her climax rolled through her body, Blair felt Kylie start to respond as well. She thrust her tongue into her mouth as her fingers slid into her hot, wet flesh, and soon, they were both crying out lustily, entwined in each other’s arms.
“I love you,” Kylie whispered, her voice shaking. “I love you so much.”
“Hold me tight,” Blair begged. “Cuddle me all night long.”
Wrapping her into a snug embrace, Kylie smiled down at the smaller woman as she lay her head on her shoulder. “Go to sleep, love,” she soothed, the vibrations from her chest rumbling against Blair’s cheek.
“Love you,” the blonde murmured before falling asleep immediately.
“I love you both,” Kylie whispered, making sure that her hand was resting upon her growing child before she drifted off as well.
“Can I invite Nick to go to the Bowl with us tonight?”
“Sure. By the way, you don’t need my permission to invite people to do things with us.”
“Well, I thought I’d ask this time,” she said, “’cause he’s a very perceptive guy, and he’ll pick up on our closeness. I guess I’m asking if it’s okay to tell him about us.”
“What part of 'Tell everybody' didn't you get? I thought you told him already. He’s your best friend, Kylie!”
“I didn’t want to do it until you gave me the okay. I mean, you know him, too."
“Yeah, but I don't see why that matters. Who have you told, anyway?"
"Just the guys at work. I don't know why, but I haven't been in the mood to tell anyone else. It's like our little secret.”
"Do you think your parents will be unhappy?"
"No, no!" Kylie’s eyes brightened as she said, “My mom will be ecstatic! She really likes you.”
“Not your father?” Blair asked, intentionally narrowing her eyes.
“He likes you fine. He’s not the type to express his feelings verbally. But he spoke with you, and was interested enough to ask you what you do for a living. That’s a lot from him.”
“Tough audience,” Blair said.
“Well, I think I’ll tell ‘em tomorrow when I call. What about you?”
“Oh, I’ve got to tell mine in person. I thought I’d do it when we go to Chicago for your father’s birthday.”
“Dreading it?” Kylie asked.
“No, not really. I think they’ll be confused, and I think they’ll worry about me, but that should be about it.”
“I hope so,” Kylie said, a sympathetic look on her face. “I don’t want them to upset you.”
“They’re both exposed to a lot of gay people, and they’re both very liberal in their views. Trust me, honey, they won’t blow a gasket.”
“Nick might,” Kylie admitted, chuckling to herself.
“Nothing,” the doctor said. “Just thinking about Nick. I’d like to tell him in person, if you don’t mind.”
Blair approached her partner and linked Kylie’s hands behind her back. “Honey, live your life. You don’t need my permission to do things. Obviously, it’s polite to tell me you’re leaving the house, but that’s all you need to do. I’m used to a lot of autonomy, and it makes me uncomfortable to think you feel that we have to ask permission to come and go.”
“I don’t,” Kylie said, shaking her head. “I’m not usually like this, really. I’m trying to get a feel for how we should treat each other.”
“We should treat each other like adults, who each have jobs and outside friends and interests. I want you to do what you want to do, Kylie. When you’re happy, you’ll be a better partner, and the same is true for me.”
Kylie dipped her head and kissed her, lingering for a moment to suck on her lower lip. “My problem is that you’re the only thing on my mind,” she said. “I’m sure the feeling will fade, but I love falling in love.”
“I love it too, sweetheart. Now go see your buddy, and when you come back, bring us some lunch.” She patted her firmly on the butt and ordered, “Don’t rush home, either. Live your life, Kylie.”
Before she left, Kylie gave Nick a call to make sure he was home, then took off. She arrived at his condo a few minutes later and gave him a sunny smile when he opened the door before she had the chance to buzz. Giving him a kiss, she went in and stood just inside the doorway, suddenly feeling a tiny bit uncomfortable.
He put his arm around her shoulders and led her out to his small but comfortably appointed balcony. “Get you something to drink?”
“No, thanks. I came by for a couple of quick things. One, we thought you might like to go to the Bowl with us tonight. Last chance for classical music, you know.”
“Oh, I would have loved to, but I have a date. I’m seeing that flight attendant I told you about.”
“Oh … the flight attendant, huh? Is she cute?”
“Yep. And she’s bright, too. I really like her. I think you will, too. Maybe I’ll have you over for brunch to meet her.”
“Love to.” She shifted a bit in her chair and cleared her throat. “The other reason I dropped by is to give you the bad news about Blair,” she said.
“Yeah. I know you’ve had a little crush on her since the night you met her, but it’s not gonna get a chance to blossom. She’s in love.”
“Going back to her husband?” he asked.
“Nope. She fell in love with a really charming, good-looking, talented doctor. You know how they are,” she said dramatically. “That’s a tough person to go up against, Nick. The cards are stacked against you.”
“She didn’t!” he gasped. “She fell in love with you?”
“Hey, don’t say it like she should be committed!”
“Oh, Kylie, you know that’s not how I meant it. I didn’t have any idea that she was … gay. It’s no surprise that you care for her — but I didn’t think you played on the same team.”
“Surprised the hell out of me, too,” she said. “But she’s a very determined woman when she decides she wants something. And she decided she wanted me,” she said, hitching her thumb at herself.
He reached over and grabbed her knee, waggling it enthusiastically. “I’m happy for you, buddy. I never guessed you’d wind up with Blair, but I'm very glad to hear it.”
“Yeah, I’ve obviously been looking in the wrong places all these years. I should have been looking for pregnant straight women.”
“So … she's not gay?"
"Not up until now," Kylie said.
"Huh. Any problem with that?” he asked. “I mean, I can’t imagine this isn’t a big adjustment for her.”
“No, no problems,” Kylie said. “She doesn’t seem to think the jump is a very big one. She’s a very open-minded woman.”
“Open-minded is one thing. Denial is another,” he said soberly. “Are you sure she knows what she’s doing? I’d really hate to see you get burned here, Kylie.”
“I think she’s got both eyes open, Nick. I really do. She’s a very decisive woman when she’s chosen a course of action."
"Wow," he said, looking a little uncomfortable. "So … can I be the man of honor at your commitment ceremony?"
Kylie squirmed in her chair and gave him a thoughtful look. "I don't think she's at that point yet to be honest."
"Oh." His eyebrows lifted, and he cocked his head. "So you're only dating?"
"No," she said, making a face. "It's more than that. We love each other, and we're gonna co-parent the baby."
"Wow! That's a big deal!"
"Yeah, yeah, it is." She let out a breath and told him what had been on her mind. "Here's the truth. I'm ready for a permanent commitment, but Blair's … well, she's just divorcing her husband. I know she loves me, but she hasn't given me the whole 'I can't live without you’ thing that I feel for her. That doesn't mean that she doesn't love me," Kylie insisted. "She's cautious, and I don't blame her."
"You mean because of her marriage?"
"Yeah, that, and the fact that she's pretty cautious emotionally anyway. She's very logical — even about emotional topics. It's hard for her to really let go."
"But you feel loved, right?"
Kylie smiled a full, easy smile that made Nick smile back. "Oh, yeah. I know she loves me. Maybe not as much as I love her right now, but she'll get there. I trust her completely, Nick. I also trust her judgment.”
“And I trust yours,” he said. He stood up and Kylie did, too. They hugged each other for a long time, with Kylie squeezing her friend as hard as she could.
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