I Found My Heart in San Francisco

Book 1: Awakenings

By: S X Meagher

Disclaimers: See Chapter 1

Feedback: I'm consumed by self-criticism; therefore only positive feedback will be read. If you enjoyed the story please stroke my fragile ego, if not, flush it from your memory bank and move on. You can email me at sx_meagher@mindspring.com

Chapter 2

On Thursday at 5 p.m. Jamie pulled into her driveway, fresh from a visit to her favorite market. She was stunned and a bit dismayed to see Jack's Honda Accord parked in front of the house. "Oh shit, not tonight!" she moaned aloud. "Ryan will be here soon!"

She grabbed her grocery bags and made her way into the house. Jack was sitting in the kitchen with Cassie, drinking a Coke and looking very relaxed. Jamie pasted on a smile and greeted him as she put her bags down on the marble counter.

"To what do I owe the honor?" she asked as she crossed the kitchen and kissed him.

He rose and enveloped her in a hug. "I had to drop off some research at the office and I figured this would be a good place to ride out rush hour. I thought we could have dinner before I have to head back," he said as he began to investigate the contents of her bags. "Ooo, this looks good," he said as he pulled out the fresh pasta and the marinara sauce. "What are you making?"

"Oh honey I would love to, but I have a classmate coming for dinner. We're working on a special project together and we need the time to discuss it," she said with more regret than she really felt.

"What kind of projects do you have for English classes?" he asked absently, as he continued to poke through the bags.

Jamie was unreasonably annoyed at his interest in her purchases. She began to take the items out of his hands as he removed them from the bags. She put the salad ingredients on the counter by the double stainless steel sinks, and placed the pasta and sauce in the refrigerator. She snagged the chocolate gelato and placed it in the freezer. As he looked longingly at a fresh loaf of Italian bread, she took pity on him and relented. "I can try to make you a little something before she gets here," she said tentatively.

He gave her his little puppy dog look as he said, "I don't want to put you out, Jamie."

Cassie made her presence known by saying, "Jack, why don't you let me take you out to dinner. You and I don't get to spend much time together, what with Jamie monopolizing all of your time".

Jamie was completely grateful to her roommate for this unexpectedly thoughtful offer. Jack looked like he wanted to refuse, but when Jamie just looked at him with a blank expression he shrugged his broad shoulders and said, "Okay Cassie. That would be great. Can we wait until Jamie's guest gets here so I can have at least a few minutes with my girlfriend?"

"Sure Jack, I'll be up in my room. Call me when you're ready."

Jack sat back down as Jamie began to prepare dinner. He chatted about his day and updated her on the progress of his law review article. Jamie tried to stay interested, but the intricacies of the R.I.C.O. laws as applied to the violation of restraining orders against protest groups did not really hold her attention. She was also very nervous about Jack meeting Ryan. Why didn't I think this through more thoroughly? Now this will be a whole big thing. God, I hope she doesn't look too gay tonight.

Jamie handed Jack plates and silverware, followed by napkins and place mats. "You may as well make yourself useful, honey".

"I guess this is good preparation for married life," he admitted. "I suppose this will be my job until I train one of our little tow headed offspring to do it."

Jamie was surprised and touched at his train of thought. Jack did not often speak of his vision of their future. He usually spoke of his future career or things they would do together. But it was rare for him to speak of having children.

"Are kids important to you Jack?" she asked after a while.

"Well, yeah, I guess they are. I've just assumed we would have a few. Aren't they important to you?" he asked with a note of shock as he turned to look at her.

"Oh, yeah," Jamie agreed as a genuine smile lit up her face. "I would love to have a raft of little blonde copies of you," she said as she drew near and placed her arms around his neck.

He bent down willingly and began to place several tender kisses on her lips. The softness of his kisses contrasted with the slightly rough feel of the stubble on his face. She hugged him tightly and smiled as he returned the hug enthusiastically and increased the intensity of his kisses. Uh uh, Jack, she thought wryly. I'm not going to change my mind no matter how turned on you try to make me. She began to release him when the door to the living room opened and Mia and Ryan strolled in. Jamie jumped in surprise nearly hitting Jack's chin with the top of her head as she did so.

"Knock it off, lovebirds, your company is here," Mia commented, stating the obvious.

Jamie stared open-mouthed at Ryan, completely nonplussed. Slightly tousled black hair hanging loosely around her shoulders. Black leather baseball style jacket covering a tight black t-shirt. Black jeans topping sleek black low heeled leather boots. In her right hand was a shiny black motorcycle helmet. Oh, my god. She looks like the centerfold for 'Big Dyke Magazine!'

"Hi, Jamie," the black clad vision uttered.

"Hi," Jamie eventually choked out. Jack cleared his throat as he stepped back out of Jamie's loose embrace.

"Hi, I'm Jack Townsend," he said as he extended his hand when it became clear that Jamie was not going to introduce him.

Jamie regained her composure and her manners and eventually gave proper introductions. Cassie came downstairs moments later and was included in the scene. Jamie noticed both of her roommates eyeing Ryan critically, passing raised eyebrow looks between them. Oh shit! Mia must have told Cassie about my class. They're really giving her the once over. Not that it would be too tough to guess that she's gay, she thought wryly.

"So, what is this project you two are working on?" Jack asked Ryan innocently.

Ryan gave Jamie a little glance and allowed her to answer. "It's just a little project for our psych class. I'll tell you all about it later Sweetheart. We've got to hurry up and eat and you two need to get going," she said to Cassie and Jack. "I'm sure you've got a ton of work to do tonight," she told Jack.

"Okay, I know when to leave," he said with a small smile. Jamie gave him another hug and a kiss as he and Cassie made their way out. Mia, however, apparently found this all too interesting and made no move to depart.

"What's for dinner?" she asked as she peeked at the pans on the stove.

Jamie came up behind her and physically removed her from her position. "Ryan and I are having pasta. You are having whatever you make for yourself after we leave," she stated with authority.

"Okay, okay," Mia laughed as she retreated. "Can I at least get a soda? And maybe a little of that bread?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes, Mia, you may have some bread," Jamie responded generously. "Then scram."

"You run a pretty tight ship around here, Jamie," Ryan said after Mia scampered out with her purloined bread.

"Those three would have eaten every bite," she replied knowledgeably with a shake of her blonde head.

"Well, I don't blame them. It smells great," Ryan said. "And I really am starving. I didn't get a proper lunch today."

"I forgot to ask you if there were any things you don't eat. I figured pasta was on almost everyone's list."

"I don't eat anything that's currently breathing," Ryan stated. "Other than that, I'll eat it."

Ryan proved herself true to her word. Jamie had made the entire two pounds of fresh pasta in order to have leftovers for lunch the next day. But Ryan acted as though her two massive helpings of pasta were the bare minimum required to keep her going. Jamie mused that she had never seen a woman eat quite so much, but her thoughts were interrupted by Ryan beginning to eye the salad bowl. Jamie pushed it over to her and Ryan bent her dark head down and ate every bite, finishing off the loaf of bread along with it.

"Do you have room for some gelato?" Jamie asked warily, knowing that her guest had to be full to bursting.

"What flavor?" Ryan asked thoughtfully.

"Chocolate," came the response.

"I've always got room for chocolate," Ryan said without hesitation.

"What flavor would you have refused?" Jamie queried her teasingly.

"I can't think of one, but you can't be too sure," Ryan replied prudently.

Jamie had only bought one pint of the freshly made gelato and as Ryan finished her second bowl she regretted that she had not bought two. "Um...have you had enough?" she asked hesitantly as Ryan leaned back in her chair with a satisfied smile on her lovely face.

"Why, is there more?" she asked as she looked around the kitchen hopefully.

"Are you teasing me again, Ryan?" Jamie asked with a tolerant smile.

"Just a little," her new friend replied. "I think that delicious dinner has managed to actually fill me up for a change," she admitted. "Not an easy task, I concede."

"You do have a healthy appetite," Jamie observed tactfully. Healthy for a defensive end!

"Hey, I'm a growing girl," she replied happily.

"Don't grow too much or I'll need a stepladder to talk to you," Jamie said with a smile.

"That's not the direction I would grow if all of my meals were that delicious," Ryan replied with one of her dazzling smiles as Jamie blushed at the compliment.

After they quickly cleaned the kitchen they made their way to the front door. "Would you like me to drive?" Ryan asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Sure," Jamie replied as she handed her the keys to the Porsche.

"No, I mean would you like to ride on my bike? It's the perfect ride for a visit to a lesbian bookstore," she stated smugly.

"I've never been on a motorcycle before," Jamie admitted with a little nervous laugh. "But I've always thought they were cool..."

"My motto is 'Always give in to temptation'," Ryan said with a sexy leer than made Jamie's knees slightly weak.

"But...I don't...um...have a helmet, wouldn't I need one?"

"That's why I brought this one in," Ryan reassured her. "I thought we could adjust it where the light was better."

"Isn't this yours?" Jamie asked as she narrowed her eyes in concern.

"No, mine is on the bike. This is my extra one."

"Okay, I'm game," Jamie replied with significantly less hesitation than she felt.

Ryan leaned over and placed the helmet on Jamie's head. She fidgeted with the strap until she was satisfied with the fit. Gripping the helmet with both hands she gave it a little tug. "How does that feel?" she asked, looking closely at Jamie's face for her reaction.

"Feels great...let's go," she stated with false confidence. She grabbed a tailored butterscotch leather jacket from the coat closet and slid it on as they walked out the front door.

"Wow, that is a good looking bike!" Jamie enthused. She regarded the aqua and cream-colored Harley with a critical eye. She knew absolutely nothing about motorcycles, but it was clear that this one was well loved. The leather was supple and immaculate, the chrome gleamed and the paint was perfect.

"Yeah, I really love this one. I've had a Yamaha, a Honda and an Indian. But this one really sounds like a bike. You feel it all the way through your spine," she said proudly as she trailed her hand lovingly over the saddle.

Jamie was unsure of what that really meant, but she figured she would find out soon enough. Ryan threw her long leg over the saddle and pushed the bike off the kickstand. "Come on," she said as she held out a hand.

Jamie took her left hand and placed her right hand on Ryan's shoulder as she swung her leg over the seat. It was a stretch but she accomplished the feat with a little hop on the planted foot. She settled down comfortably, feeling a little exposed as she nestled her thighs behind Ryan's.

"Hang on tight," Ryan instructed. "Feel free to put your arms around my waist. All you have to do is hold on and lean into the turns like I do. And don't worry, you'll have fun," she said as she patted Jamie lightly on the thigh.

Jamie privately admitted that she was already having fun. She loved sitting on the big bike, so close to Ryan. She realized that she inexplicably felt safe and protected by this near stranger. As the bike roared to life, she understood what Ryan meant about the sound. She definitely heard it, but she realized that she felt it with her body more than her ears. Wow, this is pretty intense. The intensity grew as the bike began to cruise down the street. Involuntarily, she threw her arms around Ryan as the bike moved through its gears. There was a small jerk with each shift and she unconsciously held on tighter.

As she become accustomed to the sensation Jamie realized that this was truly a glorious feeling. She had never realized how insulated she was while in a car, even a small convertible like her own. This, however, was a feeling of complete freedom. She almost felt as if she was flying. She could smell the flowers and the scent of damp grass as they passed the well tended lawns. Wow, why would you ever ride in a car if you had one of these?

The trip was over much too soon, and as they pulled up in front of the bookstore Jamie regretted having to get off the bike. Ryan let her get off first, then she propped the bike on its stand and killed the engine. As Ryan turned to face her she reflexively returned the huge grin on Jamie's face.

"I take it you enjoyed your first time?" she teased.

"That was awesome, Ryan!" she gushed, her enthusiasm bubbling up. "I had no idea it would be so cool! Why would you ever ride in a car?" she asked with a puzzled look on her flushed face.

"Well, when it's under 50 degrees and raining, cars start to look pretty good," Ryan said with a wide smile as she slid her arm around Jamie's shoulders.

She held the door open and waited for the smaller woman to enter. Placing her hand on the small of her friend's back, she followed her into the cozy store.

Jamie was very aware of how Ryan seemingly unconsciously touched her. She treats me kind of like a guy would if we were on a first date, she mused. But it doesn't feel like she's coming on to me today. It feels like that's just part of her personality. She's obviously used to being in charge. I wonder if lesbians really have roles when they're together? If so, Ryan's definitely the guy. But a guy with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous body!" she thought with a smirk as her friend guided her further into the store.

The place was larger than it looked from the street. It was roughly divided into two separate spaces, the one in which they were standing which was the coffeehouse/entertainment side and the other which housed books and other items. As they stepped more fully into the space Jamie saw that the front of the room held a small elevated platform that was obviously a stage. Near the right side of the room was a coffee bar. Behind the bar was a small window that must have led to an unseen kitchen. A woman was busily making coffee drinks for the customers who were seated at the scattered small tables. Towards the rear and left side of the space were comfortable well-used sofas and a few overstuffed chairs. They did not match nor seem to be terribly clean, but they lent a comfortable familiarity to the room that appealed to Jamie.

Ryan caught her wandering gaze and quietly asked, "Would you like to sit and have a coffee, or would you rather look in the bookstore for a bit?"

"Since it's not too crowded let's look around first, then maybe we can sit down for a while. Will there be entertainment later?"

Ryan looked up at a good sized chalkboard near the stage. Multicolored chalk letters heralded the name of a performer and the notation ë8:00 p.m. Tonight.' "Yeah, in about an hour," she replied as she checked her enormous watch. Jamie grasped her hand and took a look at the timepiece.

"God, Ryan, what does that monster do?"

"Well, I have to time my clients so they don't overstay their hour," she replied reasonably. "And sometimes I'm doing two people at once, so I need two timers." She indicated the two timers with her index finger. "And I use it for running and swimming. See, it has two lap counters," she indicated them both. "I also use it as my alarm in the morning, and every once in a while I can get a little nap in at work", she said with a conspiratorial wink.

What in the hell does she do for a living!!

Just as Jamie was forming the question a short, pleasant looking middle aged woman appeared from behind the bar. She was heading right for them and Jamie noticed Ryan's face light up in a smile.

"Ryan O'Flaherty, as I live and breathe!" the woman gushed in a broad, theatrical Irish accent.

"Hi, Babs. It's good to see you again," Ryan said as she gave the small woman a big friendly hug. "This is my friend Jamie. Jamie, this is Babs Jablonski, she owns this den of ill repute," Ryan teased.

Babs elbowed Ryan sharply in the ribs as she grasped Jamie's hand in a firm shake. "Any friend of Ryan's is still welcome here," she joked in her normal voice.

After a few more minutes of banter, Ryan showed Jamie to the bookstore. She was surprised to find the store sectioned off in categories, just like at a regular bookstore. But these categories were a bit different than the ones found at Barnes & Noble. 'Coming Out', 'Lesbian Sexuality', and 'Lesbian Parenting' caught Jamie's eye as she glanced around the small space. She also noticed that there was a section where CD's and tapes were sold. She strolled over to that area and realized that none of the artists were familiar to her.

"Are these um...'lesbian specific' singers?" she asked tentatively while holding up a CD for Ryan's inspection.

"That's a cute way to put it," Ryan said. "I would say for the most part these artists are lesbians, but there is a good bit of generic women's music also, along with some self help and spirituality tapes," she said knowledgeably.

"How do you know so much about this place, and how do you know Babs?" Jamie found the courage to ask, hoping that she wasn't prying too much.

"When I was a kid, I couldn't get into the bars, even though I thought I looked quite mature," she said smugly. "I read about this place in one of the lesbian newspapers I found in the Castro. I came over one day on BART and I became such a pest that Babs took pity on me and let me hang out on the weekends and earn a few bucks helping out."

"So you've known you were gay for a long time?" Jamie asked with interest.

"I'll tell you the whole sordid story," Ryan agreed, "but let's finish up in here first."

Jamie spent quite a few more minutes looking carefully at the titles that lined the lilac painted wooden shelves. "I must admit, this is all a bit surprising to me," Jamie said with a touch of embarrassment. "I guess I just never thought that there would be a whole cottage industry catering to lesbians like this. Do you think it's necessary, Ryan?" she asked thoughtfully.

Ryan seemed to consider her question for a moment. She gazed at her carefully as she replied, "Yes, Jamie, I really do. When you think about it, gay people are the only minority group that doesn't share their minority status with their parents. When people come out, many of them are overwhelmed by the experience. Even if their parents are supportive, they don't know how to help. Places like this can be a lifesaver for people who are really struggling. I know it was for me," she said somberly.

"I can see that it would really help someone who was sure of their preferences," Jamie stated after a moment. "But what about girls who are just confused? Don't you think this could push them into a place that they don't really belong?" she asked with a look of concern on her face.

"I know you don't know all of the lingo but gay people really prefer to have their sexuality be considered an orientation rather than a preference, Jamie," she said clearly.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "What did I say?"

"You referred to someone being sure of their preferences," Ryan explained. "It's not a real big deal but it's not a preference for me."

"Okaaay," she said slowly, drawing the word out while she considered this. "I don't really see the difference..."

"Okay," Ryan said quickly. "I assume you consider yourself heterosexual, right?"

"Well, yeah," she laughed. "So does Jack," she added with a grin.

"But if you broke up would you accept a date from a woman?"

"Uhh..."Jamie found herself absolutely dumbstruck at this question. She seemed to have lost her ability to speak but Ryan replied for her.

"I take it that's a 'no'," she said helpfully. "I think sexuality is like that for many if not most people. You focus on one gender for your sexual attraction. You don't look at the whole human race and decide which one you slightly prefer, Jamie. Your orientation leads you to only look at men as sexual partners, right?" she asked quietly.

"Uhh...right!" she finally said, as a deep blush covered her face and neck. "Right!" she said again for emphasis.

"Please don't be embarrassed, Jamie," she said gently. "You're not offending me at all." She smiled sweetly and maintained eye contact as she continued. "That's how it is for me too," Ryan advised. "I don't 'prefer' women. The thought of being with a man sexually has as much pull for me as being with my dog. And that's not a put down of dogs or men," she added with a laugh. "It's just something so outside of my orientation that both of those options seem equally far-fetched to me."

"Okay," Jamie said slowly. "I think I get your point. And I can see why having it called a preference could be offensive."

"Sorry if that seemed like a lecture," Ryan said. "But I figure that you want to understand this stuff or you wouldn't have taken the class."

"Absolutely!" she agreed. "Now do you remember the rest of my question?"

"Verbatim," she said with a waggling eyebrow. "I don't think a place like this can push someone into a life that wasn't right for them, Jamie. The purpose of this type of place is not to recruit. It's to help people figure out their true orientation and learn to be comfortable with it."

"But," Jamie interrupted, "what about all the girls and women who are just dabbling in lesbianism? It sure is popular now to have 'done it' with a woman."

"I doubt that those women will eventually consider themselves lesbians," Ryan replied. I think for many of them it is a rite of passage, kind of like getting a tattoo or a piercing. In the long run though, that might be a good thing...it might remove some of the stigma from being gay if more people had some experience with the act."

"I guess you could be right, but how do you think it will affect those women who are just playing around in the long run? Jamie persisted.

"You're kind of making it sound like the Scarlet Letter, Jamie," she said with a tiny frown. "For many women having sex is just that...sex. It's no big psychological incident for most women if they're just playing around. They know they're just experimenting. I think the women who have a harder time are the true lesbians. For many of them having sex with a woman finally confirms their feelings. Then they have to deal with all of the fallout from that realization. And that's where this place comes in."

"I guess I see your point, but this is a lot to absorb. It's kind of like visiting another culture. It takes time to get acclimated," she reasoned.

"Maybe some coffee would help," Ryan suggested with a smile. "Let me buy you one."

As she settled down into a burgundy velour sofa Jamie accepted two large mugs of latte' from Ryan. She waited until her friend was seated at a polite distance and handed one mug back to her.

"Ohh, this is good. I like the little sprinkle of chocolate on the top," she said as she licked a white foam mustache from her top lip. "Do you have time to tell me the story of your sordid lesbian past?" she teased, reminding Ryan of her earlier promise.

"I've only got an hour," she replied as she looked at her watch, "that should get us through a year or two if I gloss over the scary parts," she drawled.

"Was it really hard for you Ryan?" she asked as her face grew serious. "I mean, you seem very happy being gay now."

"Yeah, I am perfectly content with who I am now, sexually at least," she said with a smile. "But it was really hard for me. I mean, I knew from a very early age that I was somehow different from the other girls. But I didn't understand how I was different...I just knew there was something."

"Did you have boyfriends when you were younger?" Jamie inquired gently.

"Nope...never had one. No dates, no crushes, nothing! And I don't think I ever will at this point," she replied with a small smile.

Jamie gave her a tentative smile as she shot a look up and down her rather voluptuous but still sleek form. "I don't mean to embarrass you, but how did you avoid having boys hound you? You're pretty gorgeous, you know."

"Thanks," Ryan grinned. "I was lucky because I went to an all girls high school, so that took some of the pressure off. There weren't any guys around to make it obvious that I wasn't interested. I was really into sports and the girls I hung out with weren't very boy crazy either. Plus I was almost 5' 10" by the end of 8^th grade. I was a head taller than the boys my age until I was 16 or so."

"So you really had no interest in going out with guys?"

"Zip," she said decisively. "I liked boys, but I thought of them as friends. I just couldn't imagine kissing one of them. I really didn't understand what was going on with me. I mean, most of my friends talked about guys they liked and by high school guys were the main topic of conversation for most of my classmates. But it was not until the end of my junior year that it all fell into place for me."

Jamie waited expectantly for Ryan to continue. But her face had clouded and she stared into her mug with a very sad look on her face.

"We don't have to talk about this, Ryan," she said softly as she placed her hand gently on Ryan's forearm.

She looked up at her with such pain in her eyes that Jamie had to resist the urge to reach out and wrap her in a hug. "It's okay, Jamie," she replied with a little catch in her voice. "I knew I was gay because I finally realized that I was madly in love with my best friend." She pursed her lips as she needlessly added, "Let's just say that she did not share my feelings."

Jamie slid her hand down and grasped Ryan's hand. She gave it a little squeeze as she caught and held her gaze. "I'm sorry," she said simply.

Ryan's lips slowly curled up into a shy smile. "I don't know why, but I'm kind of embarrassed by this," she admitted, as a look of shame passed across her face. "I know it was a long time ago, but it still hurts me to think about it. Those early wounds don't ever seem to go away. When I think of that time, I feel just as devastated today as I did then," she admitted with a forlorn look.

"Well, I think it's her loss to refuse a prize like you," Jamie said before she could censor the words falling out of her mouth.

Ryan looked at her with a large measure of surprise on her face, but she recovered to give Jamie a huge crooked grin. "Easy for you to say now, but I was kind of a mess back then."

"I rather doubt you were ever a mess, Ryan," she replied confidently.

They passed the next few minutes in idle chatter. Ryan stood after a bit and shrugged out of her leather jacket, folding it neatly and placing it over the arm of the sofa. Jamie had a hard time controlling her desire to stare at Ryan's sculpted body, starkly outlined by the skin tight French cut t-shirt that covered her. To her relief Babs approached again. "Hey, Irish, are you gonna ride again this year?" she asked as she nodded her head toward a large poster proclaiming the 5th Annual California AIDS Ride.

"Yep, I'm doing it again," Ryan replied. "Don't worry Babs, I'll be hitting you up for a sponsorship sooner than you wish."

"Oh Ryan, that is so cool! Every year I watch the news coverage of the ride. But I've never known anyone who has done it," Jamie enthused.

"Well, now you do," Ryan said, sounding pleased. "And don't think I won't try to wheedle money out of you too," she added as she pinched Jamie's cheek.

"No problem. I would be honored to support you," Jamie quickly responded

"Don't make it easy on her, honey," Babs replied. "She can already sweet talk the silk off the corn. Make her work for it."

As Babs wandered away, Jamie continued her inquiry. "How many times have you done the ride, Ryan?"

"Every year," she replied with a note of pride in her voice. "This will be my 6th."

"I really admire your dedication," Jamie marveled. "It must be quite an ordeal."

"It's not too bad if you stay in training throughout the year. I just do the same amount of riding all year, so it doesn't seem like that big a deal. There is one day of the ride that is a real bear though. It's an inland day, so there isn't much of a breeze, and it's mostly uphill all day. That's the time you just wish you could get in the sag van and ride the whole way."

"Sag van?"

"Yeah, the ride is fully supported. There are vans to help you if you can't make a hill. Some people use the vans to get up the worst of the hills. And of course, some get injured and have no choice," she replied.

"I would love to come and watch you all take off this year," Jamie stated, surprising herself at her forwardness.

"You could get a really good view, if you rode instead of watched," she teased.

"I could never do anything like that," Jamie complained. "I am way too much of a wimp."

"That's what most people think. But it's not a race, it's a ride. The point is to challenge yourself. People with AIDS are challenged every day just to survive. This is a really great way of showing your support," Ryan explained.

"You know, I don't know anyone who has had AIDS," Jamie said as she wracked her brain.

"You're lucky," Ryan said as a flash of pain clouded her face, "You're really lucky."

---

At 8:30 sharp Ryan stood and stretched and gracefully slid her jacket back on. She held a smooth hand out to Jamie and said, "I can't be late for work, so I've got to run."

They rode the short distance in silence which was fine with Jamie since she needed all of her concentration to focus on the sensations of the ride. She had to admit that she enjoyed the experience even more on the return trip, now that she felt more comfortable being with Ryan. God, she is so easy to talk to, she thought. It feels like we've known each other forever.

As the bike pulled up in front of her house, Jamie struggled to get off with a little assist from her new friend. The engine was still running as Ryan retrieved Jamie's helmet and secured it. "I had a nice time, Jamie, thanks for going with me."

"I really enjoyed it, Ryan. Thanks for being such a good tour guide and for giving me my maiden motorcycle ride," she added with a grin.

Ryan reached out and gave her shoulder a little squeeze. "Always happy to initiate a new convert," she grinned with that devastatingly sexy smile. "See you tomorrow," she called out as she roared away.

Jamie was so occupied in watching her ride away that she did not see Jack glaring at her from the front door.

---

As Jamie made her way to the door, she noted with alarm that Jack's Accord was still parked in the driveway. Oh, oh, this is probably not good. She hit the first step of the wraparound porch as the front door opened.

"Hi," Jack said quietly with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Hi, yourself," Jamie replied as casually as possible. She made sure that she was smiling and did her best to adopt a neutral expression. "This is a nice surprise," she said, as she stood on her tip-toes to wrap her arms around his neck and give him a kiss. She noted with alarm that he did not respond to the kiss and in fact seemed to move back away from her touch. She stepped back slightly and placed her hands upon his broad chest as she looked up into his eyes with concern. "What's wrong, honey?"

"Where were you tonight, Jamie?" he asked while looking directly into her eyes.

"I had to work on a class project with Ryan, like I told you," she answered with more than a touch of defensiveness in her voice. "Why?"

He backed away from the door and turned to cross the parlor. He began to climb the staircase, apparently to go to the bedroom. She noticed that he looked very tired, and his posture did not carry its usual confident attitude.

Jamie began to follow him up the stairs. She grabbed his hand as she caught up with him and pulled him to a stop. "Jack, what is wrong?" she demanded with growing alarm.

"In private," he responded wearily

Jamie was beginning to panic as her mind grasped wildly for an explanation for his obvious anger. In their two years together they had never had what most people would call a fight. Of course they had disagreements, differences of opinion and the like. But they agreed on most of the important issues in life and both of them felt more comfortable keeping their relationship on an even keel. Usually, when one or the other was angry they would think of a reason to take a short time out, until the storm had passed. Jamie also realized that she usually gave in when there was a potential trouble spot. But tonight, there was no way out.

Jack entered her room and she followed close behind. He closed the door and made his way to her stereo system. He considered her CD's for a moment before he made his selection and loaded the disk. Turning the volume louder than Jamie would have chosen he walked over to the love seat in front of the far window. He sank into the comfortable cushions and dropped his head into his hands. He looked weary and frustrated and Jamie knew this was going to be very bad.

"I feel like you've lied to me, Jamie," he finally said behind sad and confused blue eyes.

"Lied to you? I've never lied to you Jack," she said as she walked over to the loveseat and dropped to her knees right in front of him. She tried to grasp his hands but he shook her off rather roughly.

"Why didn't you tell me about this class, or about this...woman?" he demanded as his eyes bore into her.

"What?! WHAT?!" she demanded in a louder voice. "What on earth are you talking about? What is the big deal?" She was becoming angry now both at his attitude and his obvious disapproval. "I'm taking a stupid psych class. Since when are you so interested in my schedule? May I point out that you never once asked me what I was taking this term? You acted completely uninterested," she said defensively.

"Jamie this is not a class that a normal girl should take," he explained as if talking to a slow child. "Why would someone like you want to spend their time learning about the 'Lesbian Experience?' "

Like a jolt, a light came on in Jamie's head. She took a deep breath and asked slowly, "How did you know the name of the class, Jack?"

Now it was his turn to look defensive. "Jesus, Jamie, you're out late, on a motorcycle no less, with some big