Hateful Youth

In my youth I hurt so many
With careless thoughts and deeds
I daily caused my mother's tears
With no thought for her needs
A sweeter woman never breathed
She deserved much better
She tried so hard to love me dear
But I wouldn't let her
So full of angry rebellion
I was mad at the world
And took it out on one and all
My rage, at them, I hurled
And now, in shame, I look back
At all the hurt I caused
I'd give my life to take it back
But I must bear this cross
I'm much the dif'rent person now
And yes, it hurts my heart
To recollect my hateful youth
And know it left its' mark
The past is something I can't change
No matter my desire
And though I've turned my life around
I can't forget my ire
My mother has forgiven me
I've changed the way I live
No longer am I a hellion
I try my best to give
A helping hand, a thoughtful word
To make up in some way
For all the heartache that I caused
But there is one delay
Though twenty years have come and gone
And hateful ways I've left
One thing still blocks my cleansing
I can't forgive myself

Terri Lyn Stanfield

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