Midnight Musings

by thenorm

Disclaimers: The characters here belong to RenPic/MCA/Universal and I just borrowed them for a little while. This vignette depicts a loving relationship between two women (gasp!), but it's all in your mind (just like the show!)

Please let me know what you think. thenorm_chabak@yahoo.com

Gabrielle stared at Xena's sleeping form. 'Funny,' she thought to herself, 'she used to be the one keeping watch at night. Now I can't sleep.'

Memories flooded her heart about Solan, Dahok, and Hope. Hope. The child she never knew. The child she had to lead to death.

Deep in the night, she knew, no matter how many paths they travelled, trying to make her whole, there was still that piece of her, waiting in the darkness.


She had wanted a child so badly before. After all, she was there in the temple when Ephiny gave birth. And Xena, Destroyer of Nations, had given birth. Of course, her child had changed all that.

The waterskin was empty of poison when she tried to drink it. The sadness in her heart when she watched Xena walk away overwhelmed her.

It was until the horse incident that Gabrielle had even realized that she had been angry. It filled her with shame to think that she was capable of betraying Xena as she had in Chin. It hurt her heart to realize that her jealousy drove her. At last, she knew, she could understand Xena's battlelust, thought she might deny it.

And they lived through it, loved through it, found their way back to each other.

Then Hope, full-grown, came back. So did the pact with Ares.

And even by leaping in between Xena and Hope, landing in that pit of unholy fire, did neither she nor her daughter perish.

Somewhere in those travels afterwards, somewhere, coming in from the darkness, she felt Xena reach for her. It was hard not to recoil, not from the pain of her touch, but because she, herself, felt so dirty.

A smile crept onto her face as she laughed silently. Somewhere, in all this mess they called a life, Xena's smile became the light shining through the darkness.

Funny, she thought she'd been in love with Perdicas. He'd thrown down his sword, tired of fighting, as she had secretly hoped Xena would. Then Najara seemed to be everything she wanted Xena to be.

In the end, there could only be Xena. Filled with battle-lust at times, and not afraid to finish what others had started. Xena, her warrior, her lover, her muse who could somehow peer into her soul and embrace her with her heart.

No matter what noise filled their ears in the Amazon village, or what truths they sought in the land of the elephants, there was only one truth that really counted. They were bonded. Not just for life.

Through it all, there would always be Xena.

She pushed the past away and slipped into her lover's awaiting embrace.


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