Ah…summer is here

and you know what that means…

sun…sand…surf and…



The Royal Academy of Bards

is proud to present

The Bard Challenge #9:


The Challenge is to take one of the classic TV shows listed below and insert Xenaverse characters into the main character roles and then write a story, a script, a skit…something <.g.>

If you are a graphic artist…the challenge is to insert Xenaverse characters visually into (your choice of) the opening logo or a scene from the show.

Can't you just see it:




The hilarious misadventures of a wannabe warrior, her famous Warrior wife and their best friends and co-conspirators in mayhem,

Eph-el and Fred-ponin Amazon






Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick

They're half human, half horse–you can't really miss the big guys! We've seen male Centaurs at war, at home and on the road....but have you ever seen any Centaur women? We know that Centaurs sustain their race by mating with human women {OW!} on occasion. But is that the only way? Ephiny Amazon reports..."Hay Baby, the fascinating world of Centaurs."

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick

When Gabrielle Bard of Potedaia tells a tale, you are instantly transported to far away places in the times of ancient Gods, Warlords and Kings. Her words weave a magical spell...you see vivid battles, where the hero and the greater good triumph over long odds and a variety of enemies.

It's hard to believe that this little village girls grew up to be bard, Amazon queen, and warrior all in one. She's radiant, regal, and still just a bit bewildered by all the fuss that comes with being an Amazon royalty.

She tells correspondent Otere DeStory..."It's awesome, it's flattering, and I'm very grateful. But I never did find out if an Amazon Queen beats a Warrior Princess."

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick

Callisto...tough as nails. Woman, Warrior, Survivor, Bitch. As a child, she watched as her birthplace of Cirra was engulfed in flames and vowed revenge on those responsible.

"I will never stop hating you, Xena. Do you hear me, never," at one point she declares vehemently. "You killed my family, my soul, my reason to live and love and I will spend eternity seeking revenge."

Then in a bizarre turn of events, she ends up both the father of Xena's baby and the baby herself. Michael Archangel reports on the strange case of..."Okay Cirra, Cirra, whatever ba-by, ba-by."

I'm Herc Sonozeus...These stories and JoxerRoonie tonight on 4 candlemarks

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick



Here's the story of a bard named Gabby

Who ran away from Potedaia, her home.

While traveling, she met up with some warriors,

and ended up Princess of the Amazons.

Here's the story of a warlord named Xena,

who conquered the world all on her own.

Then her army forced her through a gauntlet,

and she was all alone.

Then one day this Warrior met this Bardie

And they knew it was much more than a hunch.

That this group would somehow form a family,

that's they way they all the Amazon Bunch.

The Amazon Bunch.

The Amazon Bunch.

That's the way they became the Amazon Bunch.





Who's the one causing all the pain and misery


Hey, there! Hi, there! Ho, there! You're now in her army!


Kill'em All! Many Skills! Kill'em All! Many Skills!

Forever will the battle cry be heard, AI YI YI

Come along, as we plunder the nearest city




In Xe we trust


She is the best





Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,

A tale of a fateful trip,

That started from this Grecian port,

Aboard this tiny ship.

The mate was as inept as you can get,

But the skipper brave and sure.

Five passengers set sail that day,

For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.

The weather started getting rough,

The tiny ship was tossed,

If not for the courage of the fearless crew,

The Argo would be lost, the Argo would be lost.

The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle,


The Skipper too,

The Amazon and her wife,

A Bard, a warrior and a blonde whack-o

Here on Joxergan's Isle.




Just some good ol' gals,

Never meanin' no harm,

Best warriors I ever saw, following amazon law since the day they was born.

Fightin' with swords,

chobos and staves.

Fighting to the death, so they'll never be slaves.

Livin' their lives,

The only way they know how,

Living all off the land, as Gaia will allow.

Just some good ol' gals,

Party often as they can,

Showing absolute proof, you can life in a group, without a man.



Go ahead…I dare ya. Try to find a loophole…first one to find a legitimate loophole gets a special prize. Send it to me at PHIL728@aol.com.


ROOOL #1a: Participants MUST use only XWP-verse characters

(**with one exception, see below**) and set the show in

XWP-verse time and location…NO TIME TRAVEL, NO UBER CHARACTERS. This means it must be set in ancient Greece, Rome, India, Norseland, Chin…but please no Japa...that gives me issues. And a headache.

<.At least I still have a head.>

Also, no J&M, no A&M and definitely, no clones! They are considered alternate timeline and/or uber characters, NOT XWP.

You will have to adapt to the technology of ancient times. The essence and the spirit of both shows being parodied must remain.

**the exception is Amazons...gotta love'm but the XWP-verse didn't include a whole lot of them and then killed off a bunch...so if you use Amazons in your story, you may invent and name them. I mean, maybe they were there already...y'know, lurking in the background. Maybe the role of "Amazon holding up the post" was actually a character named Rhana or the role of "Amazon getting the stuffings beat out of her" was actually a character named Kayla. OR maybe since *I* like Amazons and these are *MY* roools...we'll let this exception stand.

Get it? Got it? Good. <.bg.>

And…FYI…Ephiny and Solari are definitely not dead, no matter what season you set this in…unless you kill them. <.g.>

ROOOL #1b: Participants must use one of the classic shows from the list below…ONLY the list. Failure to follow this roool will get your show cancelled before it airs. <.bg.> The current list shows the available shows for the writing category of the challenge, those that have been chosen already are indicated. ALL shows are perpetually available for the graphic category.

The list:
• 60 Minutes (TAKEN)
• Alice
• All in the Family
• Bonanza (TAKEN)
• Bosom Buddies
• Candid Camera (TAKEN)
• Charlie's Angels (TAKEN)
• Cheers (TAKEN)
• Dallas
• Dragnet(TAKEN)
• Facts Of Life(TAKEN)
• General Hospital
• Get Smart
• Gilligan's Island (TAKEN)
• Gomer Pyle, USMC
• Green Acres (TAKEN)
• Gunsmoke (TAKEN)
• Happy Days (TAKEN)
• Hogan's Heroes (TAKEN)
• Hollywood Squares (host/assistants/announcer/contestants) (TAKEN)
• Home Improvement
• I Love Lucy (TAKEN)
• In Search Of… (TAKEN)
• Lassie(TAKEN)
• Laugh In
• Laverne And Shirley
• Leave It To Beaver (TAKEN)
• Little House On The Prairie (TAKEN)
• MacGyver (TAKEN)
• Mary Tyler Moore (TAKEN)
• McHale's Navy (TAKEN)
• McMillan and Wife (TAKEN)
• Mission Impossible (TAKEN)
• Moonlighting (TAKEN)
• Murder, She Wrote (TAKEN)
• Night Court (TAKEN)
• Quincy (TAKEN)
• Road Runner
• Rugrats (TAKEN)
• Taxi (TAKEN)
• The A Team (TAKEN)
• The Avengers (TAKEN)
• The Beverly Hillbillies (TAKEN)
• The Brady Bunch (TAKEN)
• The Dukes Of Hazzard
• The Fugitive (TAKEN)
• The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (TAKEN)
• The Golden Girls (TAKEN)
• The Gong Show (host/judges/contestants)
• The Honeymooners (TAKEN)
• The Mickey Mouse Club (TAKEN)
• The Odd Couple (TAKEN)
• The Price Is Right (host/assistants/announcer/contestants) (TAKEN)
• The Tonight Show (Johnny and Ed version) (TAKEN)
• The Waltons (TAKEN)
• Three's Company (TAKEN)

ROOOL #2a: Writing category participants are limited to only one entry. First come, first serve on the show titles….once the show is picked…it comes off the list and no one else can choose it. Time stamps on the "I request this show" emails (to me) will determine who gets it. Graphic category participants may enter as many times as they wish. ONLY one entry per show, however.

ROOOL #2b: Participants may also include short "commercial breaks", if they so choose…for an extra bit of fun. Items being advertised are completely up to the writer but should remain in the context of the spirit of the challenge.

ROOOL #3: The writing entries will be posted anonymously. The graphic entries must be signed by the artist.

ROOOL #4: Story length or format is left completely up to the bard.

Graphic entries need to be kept at 125K or less.

ROOOL #5a: Please do not reveal your participation to anyone who has the potential for being a voter…the only exception being…

ROOOL #5b: You may use a beta reader, but please keep the number of beta readers to a reasonable limit…anything more than three will be considered a violation of…

ROOOL #5c: Posting any of your entries on any other sites or lists (private or public) before the end of the contest is a BIG NO NO.

ROOOL #5d: Participants will limit themselves to one revision before airing. Driving Steph and Ruth nuts by asking them to code and recode is not a good thing. I know...they tell me. Often. I will have to hurt you before they do. If you want to post a revised or expanded story AFTER the contest is over...the Academy will be happy to post it under your bard listing.Once. Trust me.

ROOOL #6: There is no number six.

ROOOL #7: Please do not stuff the ballot box or lobby for votes...we at the Academy have gotten very good at identifying this behavior. We won't publicly embarrass you but we will quietly eliminate you from the contest.

The Academy folks are everywhere and know everything…we will find out.


The "Roools Committee":

Steph (Ms Mighty Munchkin),

Cadryn, Ruth, and I, the great OZ™

reserve the final say on everything and anything concerning this challenge.

It's our sandbox <.Nyah.>

Tell'em what they can win, Johnny…

The top three vote-getters will receive a RAOB prize package

in addition to the fame and adulation of the masses.

We will also have our own version of the EMMY Awards…called, coincidentally enough, the Bardies.


Cool, huh?

Entries go to: academy_contest@yahoogroups.com

Deadline for entries is July 6th


Return to the Academy

Return to the Contest page