Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the main characters in this story. This story takes place themorning after the gauntlet all the way until the day before the first few minutes of the very first episode of Xena: Warrior Princess.
Summary: Ares tries his best to get an irritated Xena to come back to him only to have it backfire horribly.
Warning: In this short I try to make sense of how Xena went from rushing to fight for the greater good to having intense suicidal thoughts. Enter Ares, the God of War who drives her to near insanity.
The Afternoon after the harsh gauntlet I awoke on my back in the middle of a small open field. The sound of birds chirping, delighting in the sun made my concussion feel so much worse. My shoulder ached from the dislocation I had suffered in the gauntlet last night. I could feel where my blood had dried pulling at the fragile scabbing just barely starting to heal. Not to mention the several broken ribs. Or the swelling in my jaw on the right.
“Ow.” I whimpered on delicate breaths, sitting up I clutched my throbbing ribs admittedly feeling fragile. A look at the bloodied and torn leather dress I was wearing really didn’t help my state of mind or my outlook.
What did help was standing just under a tree in front of me, making me give a painfully wide smile. I saw my horse Argo eating the grass. She was already saddled though it wasn’t the saddle I had specially made for the animal, making me wonder how she not only managed to escape the soldiers but to find me after the assumed death march I’d taken the night before.
“Argo, you are amazing. I see they tried to ride you huh?” I asked, feeling a spark of joy that at least I still had the horse I had raised from a baby.
Knickering happily, Argo's head whipped up from her grass meal, seeing that I was sitting up, she neighed, happily bouncing over to me, giving me a burst of energy to stand up to greet the eager horse. I opened my arms and had a chest full of Argo’s nuzzling head. I smiled and scratched her behind the ears, getting a happy knicker from the big goof, “Did you at least get a goodnight's rest, my gorgeous?”
More excited breaths and her feet stomping in place showed that she was high in energy and in need of some vigorous exercise. I laughed a bit at the horse’s ready to go attitude when she turned to her side and laid on her belly to accommodate my injuries. I rolled my eyes thinking, ‘Always taking pity on your old mom huh?’
“Get up Argo. I’m fine.” The horse knickered like she was laughing at me then stomped her way back to her full height.
I run my hands along the horse’s neck walking around her adjusting every single one of her straps trying to get the best fit I could get with the ill fitting riding gear. Wishing I had a dagger or something sharp I could use to bore a hole in the leather straps. The horse didn’t even have her saddlebags and I had to wonder if she either slipped the gear or if she had just left after getting a saddle. There was a slight chance though it was less likely that the stable hand Jodi heard about the gauntlet and decided to take pity on me. Grabbing whatever saddle she could and throwing it on the loyal warhorse and sending her out after me.
“Alright girl. That’s the best I can do for now. Are you ready to go?” on Argo’s snort of excitement I couldn’t help but smile.
I grabbed the saddlehorn forcing sore muscles to pull myself up the large animal grunting in immense pain when I threw my leg over her back. Even going so far as to let my sore body sit on the massive animal more than I normally would. I still grinned when I felt the surge of power that came from Argo as she started to methodically move forward. I quickly noted that she was doing her absolute best not to jostle me as much as she normally would. I acknowledged that I really must look horrible to the animal for her to be so careful. The thoughtful act made me cringe as I gave her a flick of the reins encouraging her to pick up her pace to a much preferred trot. Part of me craves the extra pain from the quicker pace.
“Come on now, let's go find that nearby cave I stocked a few years ago huh? We can get you a better fitting saddle and who knows maybe I can find myself something better than bloody rags to wear. I have a lot to atone for and it wouldn’t do to show up looking this ragged.”
***
The first hour of riding was miserable even though Argo seemed to be determined to take careful steps along the path, oftentimes slowing down trying to slip it by me. I had a concussion that came with a healthy dose of all of its horrible symptoms, made even worse by my mind’s insistence on going over the bloody path I’ve taken thus far in my violent life. Growing my nausea to extreme heights.
As the second hour ticked by I could feel the migraine dim to a dull headache. The blurry vision wore off and with it my uneasy stomach had settled. I was still babying my shoulder but everything else seemed to be healing up fast enough. As I started feeling better health wise my brain turned even more to the past or more accurately the evil things I’d done thus far. The thoughts made my whole body stiffen up making Argo pick up her pace.
The next hour flew bloodily by, as the people that I killed flashed torturously before my mind’s eye. Each one hitting my heart with what felt like physical blows. I was gasping by the fourth hour, ‘How can I ever pay that debt back?’ I fell back into the saddle as I came to the sudden realization that I never would be able to put so much as a dent in my blistering path. Maybe I could make up for some of it but never enough. My heart ached for the people I have endlessly affected.
I was so lost in the memories that I was forced forward in the saddle making me grunt in pain, my ribs getting jarred as I slumped forward, all caused when Argo came to a sudden stop on her own. Not realizing where I was until I looked to my right and saw the vines and bamboo stalks that blocked the cave entrance behind them.
“Good girl Argo.” I jumped down and patted Argo’s neck in thanks for getting us there even though I had been completely lost in tortured thoughts, “Come on lets get you out of this thing. You must be so miserable.”
I guided us around the wall and into the cave going to where I had a torch waiting on the wall. I struck a couple of flint rocks easily starting a flame and dropped the flint back into the hollow space in the wall. As the cave lit up the flame revealed the large stash of several wagons most were filled with treasure, others containing clothes and armor, while others still held weaponry of all types.
A little further into the cave held a fully stocked medical supply neatly laid out on an elaborate marble table. In the back left side of the cave held a bed complete with side tables. The cave even had a full complement of specialty gear for my prized Argo. Who had already found the stash of dry horse feed. I walked over to Argo and began removing the ill fitting gear.
After the horse was freed I noticed that she had a skin irritation from the saddle, the sight making me grimace in sympathy. Knowing it needed time to breathe I turned my attention to her feet lifting each one and cleaning out the junk. Then inspecting her shoes seeing that they looked brand new I left them alone. I turned my attention back to just behind Argo’s front legs. The skin was just starting to look irritated and raw from the saddle.
I went to the table that had medical supplies. I grabbed a herb grinding bowl and began filling it with a few carefully selected herbs. Some for the swelling, and any pain Argo might be experiencing I added a few more to protect her from infection. I grabbed a masher and began working the herbs adding a bit of water until I had a thick paste. I walked back to my patient and kneeled next to her. Gently rubbing the paste over her injuries.
“We’ll need to make sure we don’t put any pressure on these until they’ve had a chance to heal, Argo. Looks like we’ll have to stick around for a little while huh?”
“Give it a week and you will be as good as new. In the meantime I’ll use that time to try and figure out how to make up for what I’ve done. Would you like that girl?” Argo neighed her approval as she came out of the bag of oats. I smiled at the morsels of sticky oats on her lips and chin. Then her head disappeared back into the sweet smelling food.
“It will be hard if not impossible. I've done a lot of bad things, you know?” Argo purred her lips at me though she didn’t come out of the bag again. That was good enough for me.
While Argo filled her belly I began looking at the meaningless amount of trinkets I had deemed worthy of my time and the lives of the people who owned them before I had taken them. Lifting a handful of gold coins from an open chest filled with them. There was easily enough here to feed all of Greece for at least a few years and when I thought of the other caves filled with similar caches I felt disgusted.
“Argo I’ve been a real fool.” I said letting the coins fall back into the chest. Out of nowhere I felt like I was being watched, ‘How did they get so close without me knowing?’ I thought as I looked around the bright but clearly empty of other life cave. It only took a moment to look around and discern that. Realization dawned on me of who it was and I turned back to Argo.
His voice was a rich baritone and was about the smuggest thing I’ve ever heard, in all honesty it fully disgusted me, “What's foolish is what you’re doing now.”
I turned around at the sound of the man instinctively grabbing a random sword from a nearby table and holding it up at him. My lip snarled in disgust at his comment and clear arrogance. I was able to recognize who he was before he had even said a single word.
A growl left my throat as I glared at him, “Ares.”
“The one and only.” he grinned, “Tell me Xena do you really think any of this is worthy of you.” Ares waved a hand and suddenly I looked down seeing that the dried blood had been cleaned and I was wearing a beautiful wardress made of slick black leather, complete with a cape, my favorite sword and chakram on either side of my hips. A look over to Argo revealed that she too had been upgraded, though for Ares credit he hadn’t secured the straps around her injured sides.
“What do you want?” I asked him, lowering my sword but keeping him in my line of sight.
“You renounced me Xena. Was it worth it?” The smug smile on his face made me want to raise my sword again but instead I threw it back on the table.
I thought back to the night when I had seen what my men had done in Ares’ name. When they murdered that infant and officially snapped me back into reality, “You knew my rules. If you want to get technical you renounced me first by using my men to commit genocide. Leave me alone.”
Ares sighed and raised his eyebrows high up on his forehead, “I’m here to offer you a deal. If you come to my temple in Corinth and leave me one of these trinkets of yours. I’ll let bygones be bygones.”
“Look, Ares. No offense but I have to make my own way now.”
“How? By helping villagers? Saving babies? It’s time for large scale war Xena. The world needs more mayhem not less.”
“You’re diluted Ares.”
“Well I’m in good company. You're not only responsible for what you’ve done Xena. You have your army and the others that you’ve trained leeching on your atonement as we speak.”
He had hit me where it hurt but it wouldn’t do to show him that, so instead I deflected with, “I don’t have an army, they kicked me out. Or have you forgotten?”
“Oh Xena they would have never been as good as they are if it wasn’t for you. In fact most of your old men would have died long ago had it not been for your intervention. Their sins are inherently yours.”
He was right, still I was livid at his audacity, in a harsh growl filled with loathing I growled, “I trained them to leave children and their mothers alone. Those were your orders so that was on you Ares.”
“I might have pushed them but you taught them Xena. You helped turn their souls as black as ours and you know it!”
“My soul is black because of what you and Alti did to me.” shame had dulled my voice and left me feeling drained still I would never show that to the God of War.
“That is also true. Believe me I know my role. Do you know your’s?” With a cocky smile he disappeared on the back of my angry glare.
In a fit of rage I picked the sword up and flung it across the cave watching with some satisfaction as the metal became embedded into the rock where Ares had just been nearly to the hilt. Hearing the echo of Ares’ laughter.
Once I knew he was gone I collapsed under the weight of my newly claimed guilt, unable to get the infant out of my head or its gurgling screams as it had died.
“I tried so hard to save you.” I whimpered in defeat but even still I couldn’t bring myself to cry. I wasn’t willing to take the little relief that crying would surely provide. Instead I sat on the cold floor of the cave tallying all the extra baggage and the seed of near certainty that the world was better off without me in it.
***
The week was miserable, sure I had one of the known worlds best beds tucked in the back corner of the cave but I hardly slept in it. Instead I laid down at the entrance of the cave. Anxiously listening to the now never ending sound of my seemingly limitless body count. I watched in abject horror as my victims were killed all over again in my mind's eyes one after the other. Not needing to worry about reruns with a life as bloody as mine has been. I had also tended to Argo’s wombs diligently. All the while Ares had made sure I didn’t get a single day from his annoying presence and he used the visits seemingly to try and drive me insane. A part of me knew that it was working. I could feel the tendrils of evil slipping slowly back into place.
“I’ll end it all before I let myself turn back to my old ways.’ I thought ruefully.
I sighed and got up going over to the pile I had made throughout the week. I had a decent amount of medical supplies, a bedroll, some cooking gear, a pestle and mortar to grind up the medical herbs and a few other things I figured I could use. I started filling one of the black sacks, while still listening to the deafening screams inside my own head. I felt a sudden rush of tension racing along the length of me and I knew Ares was back to ensue more torture on me.
“Come back to me Xena. I’ll give you the world.” His voice was soft for a change as though he were speaking to a beloved wife he was attempting to get back after a devastating fight. It made my eyes roll while the rest of me revolted.
“I’ve heard that line before Ares. How many times do you need to hear it, huh? I’m done.” Having had enough I turned away from the dark haired God and moved over to Argo checking the perfect fit of the saddle and tucking the now fully loaded saddlebags over the front of the saddle horn.
Ares sighed aloud: although I could still hear the smile in his voice when it said, “Tell you what, I'll give you some more time to think about it. If you decide to come back to me just call my name. I’ll show up.” I could only imagine what the god had up his sleeve but I knew it would be horrible making a part of me gulp with abundant nervousness for what the future would hold.
Finally alone I went to grab Argo’s reins suddenly wanting to get as far away from this place as possible but after a quick internal thought. I instead removed the saddle and bags, putting them on to the wagons with the chests full of coins. With a huge smile I started stacking a few more chests onto the wagon filling it with treasure just enough that I knew Argo could comfortably pull. Argo was also endowed with a great amount of strength and I knew she would appreciate more weight as a chance to show off her own will. Even still I put in a little less than she could handle.
With a huge exhale I looked at the labor I’d undertaken, “It is time to give back.” A look to the darkened skies changed all that. I turned my attention to the soft bed in the back of the chamber knowing a good night’s rest could do wonders for my still burning shoulder. I licked my lips and took a healthy drink of water before I began putting the surprisingly lightweight but well constructed gear that Ares had given me onto the cart.
I brushed Argo thoroughly. A pre apology of what I was going to put her through in the morning. After Argo was taken care of and I had stripped out of my armor. I collapsed into the bed and was asleep almost instantly.
***
Argo looked at me oddly as I attached the cart to her cart-saddle, as though asking me where I was going to go. I patted her neck saying, “That's alright girl I can walk. There are plenty of people out there that can use this money, we have to get it to them.”
After a quick final fitment test on the harness straps I patted Argo’s neck and took her reins, “Well let’s go do some good for a change.” Argo neighed her approval as we walked to the now open entrance. I had already cut the bamboo stalks to get the cart out before I even saddled Argo up this morning.
***
It only took us an hour to walk to the next town. When we climbed our final hill I was stopped dead in my tracks. The village that had once been a thriving and bustling place was now littered with ash and the dead scattered in the streets. Only two structures stood at the edge of the town now made of little more than ash. A feeling of dread settled in the pit of my stomach as I noted that only men were in the streets.
Swallowing hard, I untied Argo from the cart. Jumped onto her back with a viscous, “YAH!” spurring her on with a firm squeeze of my ankles. Argo charged into what was left of the village already full of rage as though she was running into the thick of war itself. As we got into the town I grabbed the bag of pre prepped medical herbs and a waterskin clutching them in my hand in the hope that I would find people alive inside.
Reaching the first structure I hurled myself up and over Argo’s head before she could even stop. I landed by the door which I promptly opened. When my eyes adjusted to the dark interior I felt a bile rise in my throat. The women and children were tortured to death in the most gruesome ways imaginable. Unable to face the horrors I turned away from the sights, and smells starting to shut the door but a whimper stopped me. I ran into the building every inch taken revealing a new level of depravity. I found a young woman badly beaten and bare. I leaned over the woman who was barely breathing.
While I attempted to help the woman who had a heavily bleeding injury to her abdomen. I pressed a piece of cloth against her injury and she began to speak, “They came in the night. Killed the men who fought them, beat and raped everyone else.”
“Try not to speak. You need your energy.” I reached for my bag of freshly prepared medicinal herbs. I mixed a few together that would treat her pain, swelling and a few other things. Putting the mix in her mouth I gave her a bit of water.
The woman accepted the drink with a sputter, then settled tired eyes on me, “You shouldn’t waste your time on me. I’m not going to make it.” I didn’t want to tell her that she was the only sign of life I’ve had so instead I ignored her and began looking over the woman’s body. Both of her arms were broken in several different places. Her legs didn’t fare any better. Tears were threatening to coat my own face as I realized just how brutal the invading army had been.
“It was Darphus’ arm-.” She started to say but before she could finish she passed away.
I felt the odd sensation of being watched and heard the shimmer before I could look and see Ares standing on the other side of the woman. As smug as ever he taunted me, “This is on you Xena.”
“No Ares you’re the one who did this. You weren’t satisfied with the destruction I gave you. You are the one who pushed for this. That’s why you sent me to attack Hercules hoping he would take me out, remember!”
Ares clucked his tongue and simply stated, “Semantics. You could stop this at any time Xena. Just take me back and I’ll give them back to you tenfold.”
“They don’t want me to lead them or have you forgotten me being sent through the gauntlet so soon?” I could feel my frustration with this God amplify with every word he spoke. Wanting to get away from him I stood up and began walking further into the structure checking for any signs of life on the cripled and maimed bodies surrounding me.
Ares smiled and followed after me, “Okay so you don’t want them back. How about I give you a bigger and better army. One that you can use to crush them.”
I gave a frustrated sigh and spun on him, “Why don’t you go rule your own army? Why don’t you take that army and shove them…”
Ares almost turned red with anger, he put his hand up to halt my words but didn’t wait for my reaction instead he growled, “Watch it Xena. Don’t go offending a God any further than you already have.”
“I am not in the business of killing babies, Ares. That’s not my only gripe either, I don’t want to do this anymore. Just go find some other puppet. I’m sure there are better warlords out there.”
“Oh but there isn’t. You are my chosen because no one can truly hold a flame to you. Not even your precious Hercules.”
“You know he is precious if for no other reason than he pulled me out of your spell. I’m done with that life of killing for the sake of killing. I’m done pillaging. I’m done inflicting my will on people who don’t need it! I am going to fight for those who won’t or can’t defend themselves! I will squash Darphus and his cronies if he keeps this up! You can work with me or against me. Those are your options.”
Ares smiled brightly, he nodded his head once as though he understood and with a wave of his hand he disappeared in a cloud of explosions. I knew he had no idea what I was speaking about but I threw my hands up in the air in frustration and moved on trying to find anyone in need of my help.
I checked the rest of the people in the barn then moved onto the other structure. The disappointing endeavor took most of the day. I didn't find a single survivor. It was a grim walk past gruesome scenes as I made my way out of the barn. I whistled for Argo before my boot was even past the threshold. The house was the worst of it as it had been the one where they kept most of the children.
Numbly I got back up on Argo looking at the cart holding the treasure. I rode over to it and by the time I got there I had made a decision. I dismounted quickly and began attaching the harness back to the cart. Thinking that I could at least give them a proper death ceremony, pay for their final passage across the River Styx, and I’d give them a little extra just in case. But then I would have to go after the rogue army. After all Ares was right I was responsible for their actions as well as my own.
After I got the cart rolled into the barn I removed the harness from Argo, setting her free from her reins to go find herself some food and water while I completed my grim task.
***
Ares shimmered into being in a large lavish tent. Decorated with navy blue curtains a large bed made of the softest down feathers in the land. He sat on the bed not having to wait long for a tall dark man to enter confidently into the space. The god not going unnoticed triggered the man to open his mouth to call his guards. Before he could form the words the God spoke.
“Draco. Is that anyway to greet your God?” His voice was full of sarcastic skepticism. Ares narrowed his eyes on him.
“Right and which God are you supposed to be?” Draco on the verge of laughing was shocked as he was lifted high into the air by a firm hand on his throat. He looked down to the camp and subsequent ground which was now a hundred feet below either of them. Spurring wild visions of himself smashed to bits spread in bloody remains about the prized tent he held so dear.
“Sorry Ares. I didn’t recognize you.” Draco stuttered, attempting to hold on for dear life to the God’s forearm.
In a poof they were returned to their original positions. Draco collapsed to his knees holding his neck, his head bowed to the God of War. Ares sprinkled off his hand over Draco who was on his knees before him.
“That’s more like it. See now, was that so hard?” Ares quipped watching the large man cower before him.
“I need you to do something for me. Go and get my men ready to go to war.” Ares grinned as the man rushed from the tent as though Cerberus himself was viciously chasing after him. Leaving Ares alone to gloat, “Your will is my command Xena. I’ll use this army to crush your enemies then you will take me back.” His arrogance even made him believe it.
***
Once the men were ready Ares snapped his fingers and they appeared in front of Darphus’ freshly broken camp. Xena’s old army snapped to attention as they took in Draco’s already fuming men. Ready to take part and even die in the God of War’s battle.
Draco drew his sword and raised it high, hearing his men clear their own sheaths he shouted, “For Ares!”
Under Draco’s order his army charged into the camp the battle was intense as Xena’s training showed with nearly everyone of her ex soldiers with the exception of those few recent recruits.
Still Draco had the numbers and was willing to use every single one of them to win Ares' war.
***
The next morning I woke up feeling refreshed and full of rage. My cuts had healed and my head was clear, in point and injury. My arm was another story. It ached as though I was still in the midst of relocating it. That didn’t stop me. I still had plenty left to do before I could leave the village. I got up and continued the rest of my mission in the town.
The night before I had got a lot of the work done like I was able to finish dressing the dead in sheets. I managed to get a lot of the fire piers built though I still had twenty two left to construct. I had the material already gathered but I still needed to set them up. Plus I still had to move the bodies and give out the coins.
***
It took me three whole nights before I had the mass ceremony ready to burn. Once I lit the piers I sang the ceremonial death song. Waiting a few moments to make sure they were well lit. I hung my head making my way to my gear. I whistled for Argo who was seemingly waiting for me just around the corner. As she ran up to greet me I couldn’t help but notice that Argo was seemingly as angry as I myself felt. I refitted the gear that Ares had given the golden Palomino before mounting the animal with angry purpose.
“Yah, Argo!”
We rode determined into what was left of the rest of the day oblivious to the happily singing birds. Only able to concentrate on the trail of my enemies. Mindful of the huge lead that they already had on me. No matter what, they had to deal with breaking and making a huge camp each night. A thing I didn’t need to worry about.
***
Three hours into the hard ride I slowed Argo to a trot making the horse whine with unspent energy, “I know Argo, there is never enough time in a day.”
I dismounted to let Argo cool down. As we walked I ate a smoked salmon and cheese sandwich. As well as taking a few hardy drinks of water from my leather waterskin. I grumbled at the sun already starting to go down. Glad that summer would be coming in a moon and a half, and with it bring longer days where a woman can actually get things done.
I figured I would walk Argo another fifteen minutes before I set up camp. Knowing this part of Greece like the back of my hand I already had a place in mind.
***
After I got the camp set up and had a nice fire going. I turned my attention to the saddlebags that held what precious little I had deemed I needed for the journey ahead and after I was done searching the black saddlebags I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and let out an exaggerated, “Pfft.” I clearly had no sense about what it took to make a good saddlebag inventory anymore.
Ares had put a little food in the bags when he had first given them to me. Seeing as how there was only enough calories to last maybe one or two meals he intended it to be soon. A clear ploy to make me want to come back sooner. Good thing I love hunting. In fact I would hold it among my top five favorite pastimes. With a near giddy attitude I made my way to a river with the intent to fish and take a cold refreshing bath. Maybe not in that order.
***
Draco chuckled as he proudly held Xena’s banner up, “I have a feeling these will be very useful. If nothing else they can be a trophy of what I accomplished this day. Men, gather this crate and anything else you think I might like and put them in my tent cart.” he threw the banner back in the crate turning an arrogant look at one of his soldiers that was lounging against a nearby tree.
Queuing both him and several other soldiers to leap into action, Draco smiling turned his attention to the twenty-three prisoners that had been taken. Well over a hundred of Xena’s old army saw the writing on the wall and had abandoned the rest of them not having the faith in their new leaders that they had with Xena. If they had stuck around Draco doubted that either army would be left standing to tell the tale. Not with the losses he had taken at their deadly hands. Knowing he had little choice he made the only real decision he had left.
“Xena trained you men well. Which is why I’m going to offer you a deal. Become a recruit in my army or die.”
***
After fifteen more villages of incrementally worsening villages or the remnants of those villages I once knew so well I became certain with Ares’ help that I could never redeem myself. Once I had that settled I had to deal with the fact that the only real way to keep the world safe from me was to take me out of it. It was literally only a matter of time before my old ways reared their ugly head. I could feel my rage build on every breath whether it was coming or going. A sudden thought of my last words to Draphus before the gauntlet began, “I’m going to bury you.”
A large full tooth smile claimed my mouth as a plan to do just that formed in my mind. I was going to kill two evil birds with one surgical stone. If I can keep up this pace with Argo I should be able to catch up with them in a strategically perfect place. Once we were all buried beneath the mountain we could even battle it out.
***
I couldn’t help a disappointed grunt when I rode up on a large group of my old army only to see that they had been ravaged by another army. I slowed Argo down to a walk as we picked our way carefully through the maze of dead men. I identified Draco’s colors nearly immediately. He was a formidable man from what I had heard although I easily calculated that for every man of mine that went down twenty nine had been taken from Draco. I do admit feeling a bit of pride in the statistics.
At the end of the battlefield I noted that my old men weren’t all there. I had seen evidence of heavy desertion as I had ridden Argo through the dead. In the middle of the battlefield I found several men tied up with their throats slashed. As I looked at their faces I suddenly remembered that they were in the gauntlet. They had either not laid a hand on me or had helpfully pushed me down the line. Giving me some much appreciated boosts past men that weren’t so kind.
I pondered that given the losses Draco had suffered he would have benefited from recruiting from my old army. A part of me wondered if he had heard of the betrayal I suffered. I wondered if he attacked them just for the trophy of owning some of the men that I had painstakingly trained. If that was the case then maybe Draco could fix what my rampage had broken inside of the few loyal men from that day.
As I left the field of battle I turned Argo back to look once more confirming that Darphus was not among the men either which made my blood run cold. On my side I could see where some men had left using the coverage of the forest to escape unscathed. Making their way in much lower numbers towards the road. I got the feeling that they weren’t Draco’s men. Further away from the battlefield I found out that Draco and his army had appeared out of nowhere and left the very same way.
Information no sooner uncovered than Ares was in front of me smirking proudly he boasted, “Well Xena, how about that?”
“About what Ares?” a part of me relished as I tortured the God with my feigned ignorance and my indignant attitude.
Ares smacked his lips, placing one of his hands on his hip in frustration as the other gestures wildly towards the field of battle I had just so carefully picked my way through, “I took care of them for you.” his head rolling in disgust that I hadn’t already known.
“I didn’t ask for that.” I lowered my head in mock confusion, my body playing dumb as well as I casually waved it off.
Ares rolled his eyes, gesturing back to the battlefield before saying, “This is what you wanted, and I think we can both agree I owe you.”
‘I wanted to rip them apart with my bare hands. If they managed to kill me in the process, so be it. At least then I would be sure that my influence will never cause such destruction again.’ I thought bitterly.
Taking my silence as an invitation Ares continued gruffly, “Now we can get you back on mission.”
“I’m done with that life. Besides, did you forget how to count? Draco missed well over a hundred men. As you so poignantly pointed out, I'm responsible for them.”
Another disgust filled lip smack as he lowered his own eyelids before a look of understanding took its place and then the pride showed up again, “Well you did train them, you taught them how good it feels to purge the land.” Ares smirked, “Draco recruited ten of your men. Don’t worry I only allowed him to recruit from the pool of men who helped you in the gauntlet. Clearly Darphus wasn’t among them. They will never make it out of the lowest rank with him.”
“Where did you take Draco?” I asked, belittling my interest as much as possible.
Ares smiled as though he expected the question, “Don’t worry your pretty little head about that. I sent him back where I got him.”
I rolled my eyes and flicked the reins, Argo starting to walk forward in response. I already knew that the God would not give up Draco’s location and I had long since grown tired of the needy God.
“I’ll see you soon Xena!” he chuckled.
“Yah!” Argo sped up to a full run leaving a trail of dust where the God would have been.
***
An hour into the ride I noticed that the remainder of my ex army had regrouped. The next town was only a half a day's ride away. From the trail left by the men that is where they were headed. That is where I hoped to find them.
***
“Gods keep them.” I whisper under my breath as I ride an equally seething Argo into the small village. Seeing that the army had strung entire families up by their knees or ankles seemed to have an enraging effect on both of us. I could feel my anger giving way to pure rage the further into town I got.
Halfway through the town I saw one of the bodies swinging. Almost as though they were still alive and trying to give one last feeble effort to find freedom.
“Yah!” I squeezed Argo’s sides and lifted myself from the saddle speeding towards the middle aged man.
“Hang on, I gotcha.” I said while I leaped off of Argo and landed next to the man using my sword to slash the ropes with one hand and catching the top part of him in my other. I eased what I had managed to catch of him to the wooden fence behind him. I untied the rope on his leg watching as a slow line of red washed into the pale leg. I grabbed my waterskin from Argo’s saddle. I knelt beside him and slowly fed him some water. Noting that his head though still red and swollen seemed to already be going back down.
After he drank from the waterskin he grabbed the hand that was holding it, making my whole body flinch. I looked into the man’s eyes assuming I would see malice but instead I saw something I had never seen directed at me. Kindness and thankfulness. I could feel my right eyebrow curl down in confusion as the man with his horse voice blathered as though he was eternally grateful to me.
“May the God’s bless you for helping me! I wouldn’t have made it much longer if you hadn't found me. Did you know that if you hang a man upside down by a knee or an ankle they eventually die quite terribly? How did I not know that?”
“What happened here?” I asked, I stood up uncoupling from the gratitude. Feeling like I didn’t deserve such things. I began looking at the other bodies still dangling, not seeing anymore survivors. I turned my attention back to him.
“It was supposed to be Xena’s army but I’ve seen her raid towns. It wasn’t her. I'm sure of that.”
“Why do you think it was supposed to be m..her army?” for the life of me I didn’t know why I lied and I don’t think I ever will truly understand it though at the time I easily reasoned that I didn't want to frighten the fragile looking man. Though the heavy shame upon my shoulders seemed limitless and the most likely culprit.
“They had her banners, but it wasn’t her. Xena is always at the head of her army plus she already owns this town. She always protected us from other armies. And she never messes with the kids! You have to believe me!”
“It doesn’t matter now.” I said, watching as his skin went from red to a pale deathly gray, effectively slashing my hopes for him to pieces.
“It does matter.” He said, with his last breath, at the time I couldn’t fathom what he meant.
“I’ll get them for this.” I growled angrily. Feeling so sad now that I could almost burst, though tears weren’t something that I felt I deserved to shed. I had to own them, letting them ravage me internally until eternity ends.
I stood up frustrated and even more confused than ever before, why did it matter so much to the man who attacked him. Ares’ words ringing in my ears telling me that it was all my fault. I looked up to the toddler that was swinging next to the man I had tried to save. The little boy was already rigid.
“I won’t let them do this again!” I leaped backwards onto Argo’s back spurring the horse into a fierce run out of town.
***
As the sun dipped beneath the line of mountains the army had been traveling towards I began to slightly panic. My hometown was in the path of these assholes and I had hoped to catch them today but it seemed that Apollo had other plans. I did use every inch of daylight I could but when the moon replaced the sun and darkness became prevalent I had to admit defeat and dismont Argo. That didn’t stop me. I walked in front of her diligently picking out each step where Argo could safely walk guiding her along the path the soldiers had taken. It wasn’t very fast but at the very least it kept us moving long into the night.
***
I had been walking Argo throughout the night and given my internal clock was correct I would see the sunrise in as little as two hours. As we had grown closer to the mountain I could finally see the many fires burning in a small military camp. With any luck I would reach them, free their horses and get out of the camp by the time the sun surfaced on the horizon.
***
From my perch in a huge oak tree I watched as the army slept peacefully in the camp. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and hang my jaw at how lax the camp appeared. The four people who appeared to be in sentry positions were even asleep. One going so far as to even still be gripping a rum jug.
“Welp. I guess that is my cue to show these boys why we kept watch.” I made my way carefully into the camp just in case someone got up for whatever reason. They had the horses secured to a line of trees. Not even giving the animals enough room to lay down if they had wanted. I could feel my rage again build as I inspected the malnourished and barely alive animals. Horses are an army's best friend, any general worth their salt knows that.
They had once been magnificent under my leadership; they were given far more freedom and care. Now they looked like Death herself was but an inch away from them. I patted the horses and untied them as I walked the line they followed. They looked honestly glad to see me. Argo appeared in the trees just behind me bumping a few of the other horses with her own face. Clearly happy to see her old friends.
When the horses were freed I grabbed a fighting staff that was leaning against one of the tents thinking with a degree of glee that I could beat Darphus to death with it. I mounted Argo taking up the lead as the horses willingly followed me away from the sleeping camp and up towards the nearby mountain pass. Leaving a nice trail for the soldiers to track. I couldn’t help the grin I had as I pulled Argo’s reins back a bit letting the other horses climb the ravine. They would only be able to go one direction from this point on and I would need to be at the back to get all the horses to go into the dark cave system ahead.
When all the horses were ahead of us I clicked my tongue at Argo urging her into a walk behind the others. I tried not to stress the animals too much but when a few of them tried to fight going into the cave Argo spurred up and whipped her head in anger urging them into the cave with her front hooves kicking near their rears. Eventually getting the animals to move forward into the darkness. While the horses moved further down the cave trail I began taking in my kill zone.
I looked up the steep cliff and saw a ledge that would be high enough and deep enough to hide myself while the soldiers filed in. I flung the fighting staff up there. Thinking that I could use the stick to keep them all inside with me if nothing else.
The cave at this time of the day was not completely dark. It was lit by the sun itself that was at the perfect height in the sky to cast its long tendrils the length of the near straight shot cave system, so that as soon as we got far enough into the cave the sun at our backs lit the cave just enough to settle the nervous energy from the horses.
The end of the cave opened up to a breathtaking valley, lush grass and freely flowing mountain streams made it seem idyllic. When the first horses made it to the other side I could hear their happy squeals as they bounded into the open fields. Their excitement spread easily all the way to the back and into Argo as the herd began picking up its pace until we were all but stampeding through the mountain. When Argo and I burst free into the valley it was with a happy leap.
“Whoa girl.” I chuckled, rubbing the horse’s flicking neck.
When Argo calmed down enough I dismounted and began slowly removing Argo’s gear. Feeling cathartic in that it would be the last time I interacted with the loyal beast if my plan worked. I took Argo’s brush from one of the bags and began giving Argo the most extensive brushing I’ve ever given her. Taking my time to say goodbye as I did.
Once Argo’s coat shined I placed my hand on Argo’s neck, “Take care my Argo.” I waved my hand towards the other horses. A look into the field showed the free horses jumping for joy, filling their bellies: some with water, others with freshly plucked grass, and some even swimming in the gentle waters of a lake in the distance. I smiled knowing that they would be happy in the lush fields.
***
With the horses freed. I alone made my way back into the now darkened cave. With each step entombing me with the raised voices and visible only to me visions of the men dying gruesomely around me. Every step echoed the pain of my actions and those of my ex army. The children in the villages weighed on me the heaviest. The silence was becoming quite deafening at this point. I was so deep in the cave now that not even cheerful song birds could be heard.
I stopped fifty feet into the cave looking around. I felt a reckless wave crash over me. I could still smell the sweet grass and horses on the other side. I had used the light along the way to examine the walls of the cave. I knew that with a good shot with my chakram I could go back the way I had come back into safety and be sure the tunnel would be impassable. It was with desperation to shut out the death crowding my head that I instead threw it now.
Watching it explode against the sides of the cave entrance fifty feet away before it returned back to me. I caught it letting the momentum dissipate by letting it take my arm around in a circle that ended with me slamming the weapon back into the hook on my hip. The impact and momentum forcing my body downwards onto my legs. The cave rumbled as rocks began tumbling towards the opening and starting a slurry of falling rocks and gravel. I watched the daylight end in a thick dust that rapidly approached me. A part of me hoped the cave would swallow me up but instead the majority of the cave-in stopped just a few feet shy though it did manage to cover me in a thick dusty sediment.
When my eyes finally adjusted to the darkness of the cave and the dust settled I gave a final look around. I felt certain that at least this end of the trap would finish the job. I turned and walked back up the half a mile of the slightly steep cave. Back to the mountain pass where I would wait for my intended targets. As I walked I could only think of the destruction I had seen my old army cause after they ran the gauntlet on me and took over. I couldn’t believe what they were capable of doing. What Ares the God of War himself had wanted me to become. What I had allowed the men to pull when they were under me. How could I have been so blind? How could I be capable of the things I had done myself?
Suddenly as clear as day the screams of a young woman in a cave much like this one broke through the sudden darkness. The exception was that one had led to the ocean and it was teeming with hungry crabs. I remember giving the order to tie the young woman down. The men did as I ordered then stood there for a moment. They were looking at me as though they were asking for mercy on her behest. I had never been so cruel and they didn’t know what to make of it. They looked scared to move as though they would fail a test if they really left her there.
“Leave her for the crabs!” I growled, my eyes transfixed to the scene playing out before me. I could just barely hear the men make a swift exit over the woman’s desperate pleas for help.
I stayed for a moment. I could already see the crabs coming out of the ocean towards the crying squirming woman. I was hypnotized as the first crab pinched her leg, making her scream out in extreme pain. Quickly followed by even more pinches from the others. The crabs are now pulling at her, taking chunks of her muscle and skin towards their hungry little mouths. I noted that they seemed to start chewing even before it reached their mouths. To this day I have no idea how I had plastered the cruel smile on my face and turned to walk out of the cave. Leaving the poor woman to a horrible fate.
I snapped out of the past and back to the present struggling to come back into my senses. I noted that I was now at the other end of the cave. While my eyes adjusted to the bright sun hanging overhead I put an arm over my eyes. When my vision cleared I looked up the large cliff on the other side of the entrance looking for the perch I had deemed suitable on my way into the cave. I took a breath and began climbing up to the ledge that would offer suitable cover while the army moved into my trap. I need to be sure I get every last one of them. I couldn’t risk even one getting loose or they could rebuild their numbers and start all over again.
When I reached the top and pulled myself up I took in the sight of the gray mountain that I now perfectly matched because of the dirt I was covered in. A plan B occurred to me as I looked at the rocks teetering just on the verge of an avalanche. I knew it wouldn’t take much to free them and if I did it just right it would seal the cave even deeper than the other side. Tartarus if I wanted I could kill them all with one or two moves. The reach and a shove and I could just call it a day. They wouldn’t even know what hit them.
I grabbed the staff I had thrown up before entering the cave. An embarrassingly large part of me regretted that I wouldn’t be using it to beat Darphus with like I wanted. While another part of me felt delighted with the idea. I buried the staff deep into the center. My eyes and mouth widening in shock when even the ground under me shuttered and growled in protest. As the earth settled around the protruding stick now forty percent buried in the pile up I couldn't help but smile at the stick's newly given potential. It would guarantee that the chakram dealt enough blows to the rocks and gravel pile to cause an avalanche.
“There you are all ready for a purpose and I called you worthless.” I snickered at the inanimate object, choosing not to dwell on the fact that I was so far over the edge that I was transferring my own feeling of uselessness onto the stick. If only I could pull the sympathy I was giving to the stick to bolster my own self worth but it would do little to sway my dark feelings where I am concerned. Alas I was beyond helping myself and I knew it.
I poked the stick gently as I thought, ‘I’ll be using you and a final chakram throw to seal us all up in there. After all, what else will be able to ease this new consciousness of mine if not the pain of going against an army alone in a dark cave until the bitter end. Accompanied with the fact that I’ll know that none of us will be able to escape to terrorize the world anymore.’
I still had at least a candlemark before the army was in position for my ambush so I sat on the edge of the cliff letting my feet dangle over the ledge. As I stare down at the mountain pass where I expect to see the army. My mind again takes me back to the terrible past I’d lived. The insane things I’ve done. No matter what I do I‘ll never be able to wash away what I’ve done. If I go on living I put the whole world in danger. For now I know that it is best that I erase the monsters I created. I’d worry about the rest later when I inevitably conquered the rest of the men I once called mine.
Only an occasional breeze was able to pierce the toxic void I had been falling into since I lost my army and it only got worse after I had a conversation with that little boy from a village that they annihilated. Admittedly the lack of my army is slowly getting to me. After all, I'm so used to being constantly surrounded by the countless men and women that worked for me. A near constant source of noises that argued, bickered and laughed now left me alone with the crazed memories of the destroyer of nations. If nothing else it drove the point home for me though: I truly was alone and rightfully so.
I let a sigh pass from my lips for what had to literally be the millionth time so desperate for any noise at all. Desperate for anything to break the rippling quiet. I was more than just thankful when the familiar sounds of an army marching in the distance replaced the obnoxious void my mind had become the last few weeks. I couldn’t help the grin as I heard my plan coming together. I was almost concerned that the army would have gone a different route though it would have been a death sentence for the remaining generals. After all it’d be hard to live down literally losing all of their horses and not doing anything about it. Especially after the cowardly retreat that killed a majority of them.
I felt every muscle in my body become tense all at once. The eerie feeling of eyes staring at me from a place that held nothing but motionless unfeeling rocks and boulders. I knew what it was. He was finding so much delight in my desperate attempt to catch up to the rogue army that I once controlled with his blessing. I turned away from where I knew the God of War was, feeling my disgust rising in my stomach. Maybe if I ignored him he would leave me alone for once.
“Really Xena?” his voice oozed in his self assured confidence, I could hear the air crackling as he materialized stealing the space and causing what had occupied the space to be washed away in several tiny implosions. A thing that had once impressed me immensely but now was just a reminder of what the being really was.
For at least this moment I hated being right. I didn’t normally but now I truly did. I rolled my eyes but didn’t acknowledge him, still staring in the distance where my old army would soon be. I couldn't help but gloat when I thought of how much slower the army seemed to be without me at the head driving the charge. Another part of me wondered if the God had somehow figured out what I was up to.
“What is the plan then Xena? I told you all you have to do to get them back is to take me back.” it didn’t take a single look at him to know he was giving me that smug smile even though my back remained turned from him.
That was it. I realized just how much I hated him. I could feel my blood start to boil at that very moment. Nevertheless I stood up and nonchalantly stated, “I have no interest in taking you back Ares or leading those heathens again. As for my plan, you will know it soon enough.”
“You’re going to try to kill them all. Aren’t you?” The obvious cheer in his voice made my stomach revolt yet again. I was so grateful at this point for my self inflicted hunger strike.
Ares gave a frustrated sigh and moved in front of me grabbing my arm which I quickly yanked free, nearly ripping it from the socket when I looked at him I know it was full of rage for the babies they killed for the kids and mothers they had maimed, it was with rage that I took a fighting stance, and it was more a growl that I said, “Back off Ares!”
“Okay!” Ares grinned, lifting his hands in surrender and bowing his head in his mocking humility kind of way and taking a step back before going on, “I get it. You need a little time. I can be patient but it will come at a price Xena.”
“You don’t get it Ares. You are not in charge of me anymore.” I sneered angrily, with yet another roll of my eyes brought on by his arrogance. I can’t believe how I was so naive when I was younger. To have fallen for his partial truths that hid the true consequences of my so-called leadership.
I watched his jaw clench as he leaned back with his hand on his sword’s hilt. He smiled oddly satisfied before he said, “If you bury yourself down there with them I’ll transport you into a lava pit before you ever hit the ground. That means no revenge for you, just the agony of knowing that they will go on and you will have perished. By the way this will be your last chance to kill them. I’ll never let you get this close to them again Xena.”
I felt my rage fully engulf me now, I shouted out, “May the God’s damn you Ares!” In seconds I had my own sword drawn pulled back and going for his throat.
“Have fun with your little stick Princess.” Ares snickered disappearing right before my blade slashed the space where his neck would have been. Leaving me to glare at the space he had left. Fearfully speculating that he was not even going to give me the honor of a good death.
‘Now how will I end it?!’ I swallowed hard at my intrusive thoughts as I struggled to think of another way to protect this world from myself. I could only assume it was only a matter of time before I reverted back to my old ways. It's hard to change your ways. A feat made nearly impossible when a God is trying to stop me from doing it. With a heavy sigh I plopped back down onto the edge of the cliff trying to drum up another way out. Though I didn’t have long to ponder those thoughts, it was only a couple of minutes before I could see the first points of the lead banners on the horizon.
Slowly I could see the men of my old army, as dwindled as it had become, as they marched forward towards my kill zone. Giving me a much needed change of subject. God’s how I wanted a fight to the death at that moment. I sighed and tucked myself down onto the ledge waiting for my only opportunity to stop them.
I hadn’t given them a choice; they had to come after the horses or they would be left with exhausted warriors carrying their camp on their own shoulders. It would take several villages to get back to a decent number let alone train them to be able to go into war and that meant months of lost loot deemed too heavy to transport. They all had to come because they had no idea what they were facing, especially since Ares had thrown an army at them from out of nowhere.
When they got closer I could see my banners waving proudly at the four corners of the marching army. My teeth subconsciously clenched as renewed rage swept over me. The teen wasn’t lying when he said ‘my army’ had dismantled his village. He just didn’t know that I had nothing to do with them anymore: at least not until I saw what they were doing in my name.
Now from my perch I watched as the last of them filed past the kill point. I had trained and worked with every single one of them and I taught them well. They took what they learned from me and twisted it to fit their savage purposes. They killed babies, kids, and women alike, burning entire villages to ash after they’ve taken what they wanted. Now it was up to me to stop their bloody path across Greece.
I couldn’t help but snort when I saw only half of the cowards that led the revolt hiding at the back of the army. Darphus however was perfectly placed two thirds of the way back of the march. I enjoyed watching him disappear into the cave the most. He was sure to survive the collapse. As the last of the men trickled into the cave, the betraying generals waited outside just out of the danger zone. Discussing from the sound of it the ousting of Darphus. Wanting to keep them there I let out my battle cry watching terrified eyes turning up to look at me. Hearing my name in frightened voices carrying the name deep into the cave. It let me know they would at least know who trapped them there.
‘It would have been a good fight, one that I might have even won.’ I thought waiting for the rest to spot me hiding in plain sight.
“I saw your handy work. Still using my name huh?” I smiled wickedly; oddly proud of the Destroyer for thinking this one up.
I grabbed the fighting staff in the loosening rocks, twisting and pushing: laughing and leaping away as the avalanche began. Successfully burying most of the men alive in a thousand pounds of rocks and dirt. I watched with some form of sick satisfaction as I heard the men crying from their trapped positions under the rock and inside of the mountain.
Eighteen of my old men, a couple of them lieutenants, scrambled out of the path of the falling debris, three of them not moving fast enough succumbing to the painful blows. I could literally feel my eyes burning as the Destroyer surfaced from deep within me. It was her who had viciously laughed, finding so much joy in their suffering. It was her that thought of the slow but effective end to the army. Alti never bothered to explain that I would at times be completely taken over by the zealot being, anytime it suited the entity.
The destroyer laughing turned her attention to the cowards that she had saved for her own entertainment. I could feel her delight shining from our shared eyes. Suddenly as one the fifteen men, some who had once been my lieutenants, looked up no doubt seeing the crazed destroyer almost giggling at another perfectly executed plan as they instinctively met the killer gaze lurking above them.
My battle cry tore from my throat as my body flung itself spinning towards the men below. A merciless laugh escaped my lips as I drew my blade. Those men lucky enough to be below me reaching for their own weapons. I landed with my feet shoulder width apart and my targets ahead of me. I began twirling my blade in front of me watching each of the frightened men closely. I couldn't keep the smile from my face. As I thought through each second of the coming fight.
“Come on men! It has been less than half a moon since the gauntlet. We can take her!” I gave the man credit for his bold statement even though he was hiding behind the men he had painstakingly coerced into betraying me.
It was then that I realized that this was the first time that I had ever completely and truly worked with the destroyer. I felt as though we had finally bonded over our shared hatred of the men in front of us. Sure our reasons were different. The Destroyer wanted revenge for the gauntlet while I just wanted them to quit massacring everyone they came into contact with.
With our newfound alliance came something else it seemed that our connection deepened. All at once my body became ours and we moved into the kills as one. Watching with a wicked smile as they quickly fell to my blade, a throw of the chakram slashed between two men from the head of each before moving lower, my sword still slashing and cutting my way until finally I stood alone among only dead men.
The chakram caught my attention as it returned to my right arm. I caught it letting my arm spin with the weapons momentum until slamming it back into my holster.
“Well. I can’t say that it hasn't been refreshing. Yeah I feel a little better.” I yelled loud enough for at least a few of the men trapped in the cave could hear, wiping my sword blade on the body of one of the men spread out beneath me.
One of the men screamed out, “Xena you can’t do this!”
“Can’t I? Huh. Pretty sure I promised Darphus that I would bury him if he went through with the gauntlet.”
I felt my blood rushing through my veins when Darphus spoke up, “I made a mistake, Xena. Are you really going to bury me alive for it? You saw what Draco did to us after he appeared out of nowhere. Technically I saved your life.”
I laughed at that, “You mean when Ares attacked you.” it wasn’t a question.
“Ares!” a man in shock shouted, “You said that he was backing you, Darphus. You lying scum!” I heard the telltale sound of a sword starting to be unsheathed.
“Now, now, boys. No fair fighting without me. Ares did visit him of that I have no doubt.” I heard the blade sink back into the sheath, “You see Ares wants me to go full dark and kill everything in my path. Oddly, I don't want that. So he decided to turn my own army against me. To turn my rage for this world back on. He knew a good way to do that was the slaughter of children. All that made me do is hate him even more.”
“If you get us out of here we’ll join back up with you Xena.”
“Funny.” I leaned against the new barrier, “I had originally planned for all of us to be inside there. Ares took that from me. What you’re talking about however ha. Why on earth would I take you spineless bacchae back? Do I strike you as a stupid woman? No. You’ve made your decision and your bed. Now it’s time to die in it.”
“We had no choice but to keep using your name and banners Xena. We needed to bolster our numbers after they attacked us. You should be proud of us. We tried to do better.”
“Not from what I saw in the villages you visited. No, I didn't like that one bit.”
I indulged the still reeling Destroyer and listened to the muffled screams for a few minutes. When word had reached all the trapped warriors that they were well and truly stuck they got really loud screaming their disbelief. As I listened, the ruckus suddenly became an odd silence. As the men realized what I had done to them and just how I intended them to die.
I climbed over the mountain back to the valley I had left Argo in. Hoping the horse didn’t get spooked too bad by the cave-in. Finding her happily munching the tall grass with another of the freed horses.
With a distracted mind I found my hidden riding gear and gave a whistle. It didn’t take long for the golden horse to run up behind me. I grabbed hold of the saddle blankets and turned back to the horse who had turned her side to me ready to accept the riding gear.
“If you knew what I just did up there I don’t think you would be so accepting of me, Argo.”
In response to my words Argo pinned her ears back craning her neck to look at me, before nudging me with her long nose. Letting me know she didn’t agree before neighing and straightening her long neck with a distempered up and down motion. I sighed petting the horse that was still shining brightly in the sun from the supposed last brushing I had given the loyal warhorse. Making gentle strokes to the animals back before placing the blanket in its place.
I sighed and rolled my eyes knowing I would start to spill my guts to the animal that knew everything about me because of that very trait I’ve always had with her, “I can’t let them go on with the knowledge I gave them, not with the way they are using it. Oh and Ares showed up again and blew up my whole plan! Now I have to find a new way out of this world. You know that guy is really testing my patience!”
Argo blew her lips at me as though she was taking Ares' side on this so I narrowed my eyes at her and pursed my lips, “Whose side are ya on huh?” playfully nudging the horse’s shoulder. When I turned to the tree to grab her saddle she playfully retaliated with a playful nip to one of the leather straps on the back of my battledress pulling me off kilter but I kept my purpose intact. Gathering the gear into my sobered hands that I could see so clearly dripping red.
I turned back to Argo and as I fit the horses gear I finished explaining, “Anyways I buried them alive in a cave. Yeah okay it’s not even the worst thing I’ve told you let alone done in front of you. I just had to stop them. If I let them go on knowing they were only getting worse with every village - no - I’m doing the right thing, right?” The horse again responded but this time in agreement. Watching the horse shake her head in agreement made me feel oddly better about the situation.
“Okay I trust you Argo.” I mounted the horse with a leap, issuing a victorious yip as I spurred the horse into a gallop. I needed to get away from the terrified screams that the Destroyer was lavishing within. I rode Argo fast into the valley next to the ending chain of fault-block mountains, the high cliff face showing the passage of thousands of years. The mountain really was beautiful, and it felt good knowing that I at least got to see something so breathtaking before I met my well deserved fate.
Before this I had been riding Argo hard in order to catch up with the army, although the added bonus was that the sound of the horses' hooves pounding down the well worn road had offered a lot of relief from the war playing in my mind on a seemingly endless track. However now that I had done what I had set out to do I felt lost. Needing to clear my head and seeing that Argo was well past tired I slowed the mare to a walk to let her cool down gently. Knowing full well that the horse was in fact my only real friend in the world at this moment.
I sighed atop Argo: my shoulders and back aching from the unconscious act of slumping my normally proud and stoic shoulders. Taking in the lush green grass in the valley knowing that the horse could eat her fill if given half a chance. I could hear a river in the distance. I knew the mare was well past a water break at the very least. I made the decision to set up a campsite for the night. Give myself some time to think. I pointed the horse in the right direction following my ears, the sound driving us deeper into the vegetation. Soon we came upon a stand of trees with a game trail.
Another sigh as I bring Argo to a halt. My heart felt shattered in my chest and the only thing that seemed to help was sighing; though the relief was short lived and fleeting. Letting my ears take in the parts of the forest that my eyes could not. I could hear the flurry of excited birds playing in the heat of the day, the sound of smaller creatures scurrying around in the underbrush.
I jumped off of Argo patting the side of the horse's long neck, “Just a little further and we’ll take a break for a while. How about that?” Argo gave an appreciative neigh: she needed a break badly and honestly I did too.
I walked Argo through the dense vegetation until we finally reached a large but gently flowing river. The game trail widened into a perfect spot to make camp. The trees would offer a sort of privacy, while I try to figure out this whole end of life thing. I was leaning heavily on the idea of ending it all. Unable to take another moment of my mind and guilt. I kept taking in the area as thoughts raged against me as a whole, a couple of fallen trees would allow for a place to sit and the clearing offering for the ability to make a cooking fire.
I started to unburden the faithful warhorse of the riding gear. It had been a rough few days, and my body was moving at a snail’s pace. After the events with the kid from the village I had hit the road to catch up with the army. Now and so soon after wiping out my ex-army I was exhausted emotionally. I wasn’t the one who destroyed the villages but there were plenty of others in my past that I did have a hand in destroying. So many that I could literally see myself taking part in the mayhem.
The warhorse was proud and didn’t show how tired she really was but I knew if I didn’t give her a few days to rest I could kill her from the exertion. The thought made me want to give the horse her freedom even if I did decide to torture the world even more with my existance because if she stayed with me she could become another victim to add to the seemingly ever growing list of the Destroyer of Nations.
The horse freed from her gear leaned her strong cheek against my forehead. Argo could sense the turmoil boiling in me and wanted to offer comfort, but I knew I had no right accepting it. Instead I pulled her brush from the saddlebags mindlessly brushing her down until she was shining. I put the brush back in the gearbag and turned to face Argo, finally offering her a shiny red apple that I had taken from the saddlebag, letting her eat it out of my hand. The horse became extra lippy at the last bite. As she played with the last piece in my hand not really eating it as she took a minute just to tickle my hand with her whiskers drawing a burdened smile from me. I stroked her neck in appreciation and apology for the rough few days.
After Argo finally finished the apple she gave an appreciative neigh, bouncing her head in delight, her long mane flopping around with her bouncing feet in the soft grass. Argo bumped her nose against my chest pushing me back playfully, drawing a laugh from me against all the negative thoughts: the horse knowing exactly how to pull me from my funk if even just for a moment.
“Go on girl, take in the sights. I’ll be fine.” I offered a final pat to the strong neck, and gestured for her to move away, in honesty this could be the last time the horse would see me alive. I just couldn’t stop myself from thinking how much better off the world would be without the Destroyer of Nations in it to wreck the havoc that I seemed to be so helpless but to inflict onto others.
The warhorse watched me for a few moments before snorting her frustration and going to drink from the river. After drinking her fill she turned back to me gesturing to the river with her front hoof. Her head bobbing up and down as she stomped and huffed. I know she wanted me to drink but I just stared at her blankly.
The horse’s eyes showed her fear, at my blatant disregard for my own life. Argo went to my packs using her mouth to open the one where she knew she’d find the skin that held my water. I watched with an arching brow as the horse moved up to me and pushed the skin into my hand. She gave a mournful look snorting softly. I looked at the skin in my hand, then patted the horse's long neck.
“I’m sorry, Argo.” I whispered my voice cracking under my brutally dry throat.
Knowing that she had made her point, Argo lowered her head sullenly before finally turning away, sadly walking away from the camp back to the valley. At this point she was free to go or come back either way it would have to be her own decision. I sighed as Argo finally left my line of sight although my ears still followed her trotting. I stared at nothing real for a while, my mind falling into the darkness that I had let my life become.
All the lives that I had taken, in the heat of battle; or just along the way. I sighed, finding a fallen tree and sitting on it. Letting the dark thoughts consume me as the God Apollo finally dragged the sun beneath the horizon. The darkness sweeping across the world unnoticed by myself. Folding my hands in front of me, trying to continue the seemingly hopeless battle to figure out what would come next for me if anything at all.
I didn’t bother to make a fire, I didn’t unpack my bags, I just sat there most of the night. Until I became dreadfully if not numbly tired. I laid on the ground not bothering with the bedrolls, even as I lay there shivering. No matter. If I kept up with the way I had been going, starvation would soon claim me granting the world a peace I couldn’t see with myself still a part of the world. Angrily pushing thoughts of my seriously dry throat out of my head just before the God Morpheous finally claimed possession of me. Leading me to walk among those I've killed in stunning detail.
Didn’t I once cherish reliving a kill or two in my dreams. Wasn’t it something I had once even encouraged in myself using my dreams as a way to see what I had done right in a fight or even in those rare instances to pick apart what I did wrong. Now every blow seemed wrong, every slash I imagined as a deeper cut to my own flesh. I could feel Ares somewhere lurking in nearly every kill. Some I had seen him smirking as he leaned against one object or another watching me as I made plans to one day rule the world. It really was no small wonder that my old army had become what they were.
No dreams were not really what they used to be anymore and honestly I longed for even just a second of silence.
***
The next day I awoke in the harsh grip of abject terror swiftly sitting up. I looked ahead of me for the screaming infant, but only found the line of tall trees I had slept under. I rubbed my face feeling absolutely exhausted. A part of me was frustrated that my now four days without water and food hadn’t done its worst to me yet. My body felt stiff as the dehydration sapped water away from less vital muscles.
The heat of the day is a stark contrast from the cold of the night that had seeped mercilessly into still sore muscles from the gauntlet. The bruises had faded but the dislocation of my arm was still tender even though I had set it almost immediately after I crawled over the line. Not to mention the fact that I had foolishly slept in full armor. The sword and scabbard had been digging into my back the whole night. Secretly I had done it on purpose, needing to inflict a bit of pain to the heartless warrior I believe myself to be.
A sudden thought occurred to me: if I did die in my sleep, my body just lying here would undoubtedly be found by some warrior or another. They would claim my head and my weapons. Claiming to have defeated me in battle. The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth. I looked at the distinct custom armor I wore. It would certainly reveal who I was long after the rest of me had decayed past recognition. “I could always bury my armor than I’d just be a nameless body. Left in decaying peace for whatever that's worth.”
I laughed at my musing and the image it brought forth in my head: though it was a joyless laugh. I sat in silence for a few minutes though my head was screaming with the innocent cries of my endless parade of victims. Not even the normally soothing act of battle had eased the visions of carnage. Making matters even worse I was starting to think that I may never get another moment's peace again. I pushed my sword into the dirt by leaning backwards harder into the dirt. The action forced the sharp metal of my armor into my back inflicting just that much more pain to myself. Trying to silence my mind but it was to no avail.
I let out a frustrated groan opening up my eyes to take in the so-called splendor of the world. I was surprised to see that Argo had been lying next to me. Assumidly to keep me warm as the temperatures dropped last night. My own body had betrayed my wish to freeze under the stars by cuddling up to Argo’s warm back and her returning the snuggle by wrapping her long neck around my head to rest her chin on my upper arm.
Feeling suddenly restless I got up off the hard ground. When I moved Argo snorted her protest and looked at me with a level of excitement in her playful eyes. I tried my best to smile back at the horse but the night was filled with the horrors I had committed and the morning seemed to offer nothing but more of the same. I felt so lost as I began putting Argo’s gear on. Skipping breakfast seemed like a perfect way to avoid the long mindless ritual of making something and eating it.
I didn’t know it at the time but I honestly wouldn’t have the time. I climbed on top of Argo and clicked my tongue, squeezing my thighs against her sides and letting the massive animal carry me away into the new day. My heart was racing wildly at some unknown but fast approaching event. I falsely assumed it was anxiousness for the death I had yet to fully embrace.
End of part one of two - to be continued