CHAPTER ELEVEN
It was two days later before Chris saw Jessie Stone again. Wednesday morning on her way to the Rock to meet Roger for breakfast, she saw the lone figure jogging ahead of her. She recognized the short, dark hair immediately and she slowed, watching the tan, muscular legs keeping a beat as Jessie methodically pounded the dirt, arms pumping at her sides. With intentions of driving past without stopping, Chris nonetheless slowed. When Jessie looked up and grinned, Chris found herself stopping and waiting.
"Morning," Jessie breathed, wiping the sweat from her brow. She leaned on the Jeep's door to catch her breath and Chris was surprised at her nervousness as she stared back at Jessie Stone.
"Hi," Chris greeted. "Been at it long?"
Jessie laughed. "About fifteen years."
Chris blushed. "I meant this morning," she clarified.
"I know you did. About thirty minutes. Thirty more to go." Then Jessie straightened and rested her hands on her hips, offering Chris a genuine smile. "Did you get my message on the trailhead?"
Chris smiled back. "Yes. Glad you made it out safely, Jennifer Parker."
Jessie shrugged. "Well, I had no choice. I would hate to have gotten lost or something and have them send some man to find me since you were already out on the trails."
Chris pressed her foot down, stirring the motor just a little before answering. "I'm sure they would have radioed me and I'd have rushed back down to save you."
Jessie showed off even, white teeth as she laughed. "Well, it would have been my lucky day then."
Chris only nodded, deciding that this game had gone on long enough for now. She shifted the Jeep into first gear. "Gotta go."
"Going to work?"
"Breakfast. Then work."
"Rock House?"
"Yep."
"Any good?"
Chris laughed. "If you like things greasy, I guess."
Jessie leaned down and stared into her eyes, making Chris catch her breath. "And do you?"
"Sometimes."
Jessie stood up again, away from Chris. "Well, it's a start."
Chris was afraid to ask what she meant by that, so she pulled away.
"See ya."
"Hey," Jessie called after her. "What's your name?"
"McKenna," Chris said, driving off. She took a deep breath and looked at herself in the mirror, then grinned at the flushed face looking back at her. Shifting into fourth, she thought she might be out of her league with Jessie Stone. All flirting aside, she still suspected that J. T. Stone had major problems. Or Jennifer Parker, whoever she was pretending to be today.
*************
Jessie jogged down to the trailhead of Elk Meadow, then slowed to a fast walk as she entered the woods, smiling to herself as she passed the sign-in sheet without writing down her name. She looked up at the blue sky. Yes, that was exactly the color of the woman's eyes. McKenna. She had a nice smile, too, Jessie admitted. And if she were honest with herself, she would admit that the little game of seek and conquer that she usually played was not working on this McKenna woman. Jessie wasn't even sure she wanted it to work anymore. She suspected that this McKenna was a nice person and if she were in the habit of making friends, she might make one of McKenna. But she had no friends. She had no relationships of any kind in her life, save the seek and conquer types she saw once and then never again.
Jessie looked once more to the sky, thinking you could tell a lot from a person's eyes. Warm, friendly blue eyes. She went back to her walk, wondering if she would ever see those eyes again.
*******************
Chris watched the steam rise from her coffee cup and contemplated telling Roger that Jessie Stone was back. But it really wasn't any of her business. Jessie obviously didn't want anyone to know or she wouldn't be using an alias, so Chris kept quiet.
"What are you going to eat?" Roger asked, breaking into her thoughts.
"I think I'll just have toast this morning."
"She eats like a bird," he told Margaret, who was waiting patiently for their orders. "Let me have the pork chop with scrambled eggs. Extra hash browns. We know McKenna will be stealing off my plate."
Chris ignored him and sipped from her coffee.
"Awful quiet this morning," he commented.
"Just tired, I guess."
"Hmmm. By the way, Matt has a crush on you," he said.
"I know."
"What are you going to do about it?" he asked.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"He must know I'm gay. What else can I do?"
"Might have been easier to tell him you've got some guy back at Yosemite," Roger suggested.
"Nope. I'm not going to hide, Roger. You know me better than that."
"Yeah. But Matt's a good guy. I hate to see him following you around like a puppy dog."
"He does not. Bobby follows me around like a puppy dog."
Roger laughed. "Yeah. Bobby's got a bad case of hero worship."
"But, I really like Matt, you know. I wish we could be friends and not worry about all that other bullshit."
"Speaking of," Roger said, nodding toward the door.
Matt walked to their table, his long hair tied in the familiar ponytail.
"Morning McKenna, Roger."
"Hey, Matt," Chris said. "What's going on?"
"Roger's got us assigned to the South Rim today."
"Horses?" she asked as she glared at Roger.
Roger smiled sweetly at her. "Got two different groups of backpackers out there. Fifteen total. They're taking the trail up from Tahoe. They should be in our area today or tomorrow, so I thought we'd keep a lookout. They left Tahoe on Saturday."
"You know those backpackers don't want us baby-sitting them, Roger," she said, already hating the idea.
"A lot could have happened between Saturday and now, McKenna. Besides, it's not like we're swamped up here and can't take the time."
"You could have told me this yesterday," she complained. "Now I've got to go back and get my pack."
"If I'd told you this yesterday, then I would have had to listen to you complain for two damn days."
"It'll be fun, McKenna. We'll get to camp out. I'll meet you at the stables." Matt left them with a wave and Chris again glared at Roger.
"Thanks a lot," she said dryly.
"I didn't want Matt out alone that far and Robert is . . . well Robert's allergic to horses or something," Roger explained.
"Robert Hatcher is about as worthless as they come, Roger. Matt works his butt off around here and Hatcher sits on his ass acting all important-like in the office, ordering the maintenance guys around like he's the boss. And Matt's been here three goddamn years longer. Hell, I do more around here than Hatcher and I'm S. A. R."
"Calm down, McKenna. Hell, I know he's worthless, you think I'm blind."
"Then why does he get away with it?" she demanded.
"It's just politics, McKenna. His daddy is some big shot in Washington and his grandfather was some big shot with the Department back in his day and that's just the way it goes. Besides, Hatcher moves around a lot. Every couple of years, he requests a transfer, so I figure we'll make it as unpleasant as possible for him and he'll move on and then we can get someone else. Maybe get Bobby hired on."
"Well that's the best news I've heard. Bobby is much more than a volunteer around here."
"Yes, I know. And we take advantage of his willingness to help but that's partly his fault, too."
Chris stood and fished a couple bills out of her pocket, pausing long enough to steal a mouthful of hash browns from Roger's plate.
"Gotta keep up my strength." Then she winked. "See you later. I'll radio when we hook up with the hikers."
"Yeah. And McKenna, I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate everything you do. I warned you your S.A.R. duties would be limited and I'd have you helping out all over the place."
"Roger, I love the quiet here. I wouldn't trade it for Yosemite even if you had me cleaning bathrooms."
"Well, as long as we still have a budget for maintenance, I'll keep you out of the bathrooms. Now get going. Don't keep Matt waiting."
Chris drove back to her cabin to get her pack. She always kept it loaded and ready to go, just in case. She added a couple more freeze-dried dinners and filled the water bottles. Anytime she went out on the South Rim Trail, she packed enough for several nights. Rummaging in the fridge, she found an apple that was salvageable and some cheese. She grabbed a package of crackers and thought that would have to do.
"Sorry, fella, but you're on your own," she said to Dillon. She filled his food bowl up and scratched under his chin for a second. "Don't eat it all the first day."
Ten minutes later, she was saddling her horse while Matt checked the charge on their radios.
*******************
Jessie sat on her porch that evening, listening for the owls. She had not heard the piano music since that first night and she wondered why. As she filled her wineglass again, she thought of Annie. She had been putting it off, she knew. It was the reason she had come here in the first place, to see Annie. Not to hike the trails and meet new people and pretend she was on vacation. She knew Dr. Davies was right. If she were to ever find peace in her life, she would have to talk it out with Annie, get some things off her chest, find the closure to that chapter of her life and attempt to make a life of her own after all these years. Dr. Davies had said she could call if she needed. At the time, it sounded like a great idea and something to fall back on, should things get rough. But she felt fine, really. Even the prospect of seeing Annie was not nearly as frightening as it had been. Maybe she would stop seeing Dr. Davies. Maybe she would feel like a whole new person when this was all over with.
She looked to the sky, still pleasantly surprised to be able to see the stars. It had been too many years of searching for them from her apartment balcony for the stars to be familiar to her now. As her eyes scanned the sky, she thought of McKenna and wondered where she lived. And with whom. She unexpectedly thought of her father then, remembering all the evenings he would be called away to look for a lost hiker, the days before search and rescue. She would beg him to let her go along, but he always made her stay, saying one lost hiker was enough. Of course, she knew the trails better than he did.
McKenna? Why did the woman intrigue her so? Perhaps because she had so blatantly ignored Jessie's attempts at seduction. Few women said no. In fact, Jessie couldn't remember the last. Well, she had never been one to pass up a challenge.
********************
Chris and Matt sat around the campfire eating their instant dinners and drinking coffee. Their horses were tied nearby and their tents glowed in the dim light, a backdrop for their shadows that danced in the red embers each time the wind blew.
She felt him watching her but she ignored him, poking instead into the fire. She really did like him and wanted nothing more than for them to be friends. And maybe she was reading too much into it. First Bobby, now Roger telling her that Matt wanted more than friendship, she took everything to mean more than it was. Maybe Matt simply enjoyed her company as much as she did his.
"Can I ask you something, McKenna?"
"Of course." Here it comes, she thought.
"Well, I need some advice. On women," he added.
She cleared her throat. "On women?"
"Well, I mean, you are one and you date them, right?"
It was with difficulty that she swallowed the coffee she had just sipped. Again she cleared her throat. "Well, I do know women, yes."
"It's Donna, at the Rock," he explained. "I mean, I've been here four years now. I've always liked her but she treats me like her pal. You know, like you and me."
Chris nodded, thinking how very ironic this conversation was turning out.
"I've seen her through a terrible marriage and now a divorce and still, she talks to me as if we're just buddies."
"But you're attracted to her?" Chris asked.
"Yeah. I mean, surely she knows. I talk to her all the time."
"Matt, you talk to everyone all the time. I've been to the Rock with you. You make the rounds, you know nearly everyone there, why would she think she's special?"
"I've stayed there past closing before, just talking with her. She's confided in me, I've confided in her. I mean, we are friends, but I want it to progress to the next level and I don't think she knows that."
"Matt, it is very rare for men and women to be friends. I mean, especially straight men and women. And it's just because there is always that sexual undertone lurking. Maybe she's felt safe with you, because she didn't think you were interested in her that way and she's allowed a friendship to build between you. Maybe she sees you treating her the same way you treat everyone. As friends. Maybe she sees you there with me and thinks something's up with us. Who knows?"
He shook his head. "No, McKenna, everyone knows which way you lean."
Chris stared at him. "Everyone? It's not like I have a girlfriend or anything."
"Can we deal with me first?" he asked.
She laughed then and he joined in and she felt herself really relaxing around him for the first time.
"You know, Matt, I really like you. I was actually afraid you wanted . . . well, that you thought we could be more than friends."
"Oh, come on, McKenna, surely you didn't buy into Bobby's matchmaking?" "No, of course not," she lied. "It's just that we've never talked about it, you know. And I do like going to the Rock and having a beer with you and not having to worry about anything."
"Me, too." Then he nudged her shoulder. "But back to my problem. How should I approach this with Donna?"
Chris laughed, relieved that they finally had everything out in the open. "I would probably invite her over to my place for dinner, which I have elegantly prepared myself. A nice bottle of wine, maybe fresh flowers on the table, some quiet music. But don't lose what's brought you together in the first place." At his raised eyebrows, she continued. "Your friendship. If it's a nice evening, you might sit outside and just talk. Don't leap directly from friendship to dating, Matt. Make it subtle. Let her know that things don't have to change between you just because you start dating. And don't rush things. Have a nice dinner and when it's time to end things, a soft kiss, just to let her know that it wasn't just two buddies having dinner."
"What if she doesn't want me to kiss her? I mean, what if she really only does want a friendship?"
Chris shrugged. "Maybe she's not thought of the possibility of anything else. It may take her time to readjust her feelings, Matt. Like I said, don't rush things. Start doing things together, outside of meeting at the Rock, just the two of you. Get to know each other on another level."
"You know, all of this sounds really good, but I'm not exactly a great cook," he said. "I may run her off just by preparing the meal."
"I'd offer to help, but if I could cook, I wouldn't spend damn near every night eating Dave's crap."
Matt was silent for a moment, then looked up and waited until Chris looked at him. "You know, Hatcher's been talking to her a lot lately. He never paid her the time of day before, but it's like he knows I'm interested so he's making this some kind of competition."
"Hatcher is a bastard. And people around here know it. I wouldn't worry about him, Matt."
"Yeah, but women just fall all over him."
"Hell, you look at him from a distance and he's gorgeous. I'll be the first to admit he's one of the most handsome men I've ever met. But you get close and look into his eyes and they're just empty. And then you get to know him and find out what a bastard he is and you really know the meaning of 'beauty is only skin deep'."
"You're probably right."
"Can you name one person around here that he's friends with?"
Matt shook his head. "No. He usually eats alone when he comes to the Rock. Other than flirting with the women there, he doesn't really talk to anyone."
Chris slapped his shoulder once. "Right. So don't worry about him, will you?"
They sat in silence awhile longer, one of them occasionally stirring the fire but they were both lost in thought. Chris let her mind drift to Jessie Stone, wondering what she was doing tonight. Sitting alone in her cabin, thinking of her father, no doubt. Or Annie. Why did she really come back here?
It was early afternoon the next day when they came upon the backpackers. The two groups had joined up and all were accounted for. The only problem was an annoying blister one of the women had developed and Chris offered to wrap it for her. Matt radioed Roger and they headed back, leaving the backpackers to finish their hike alone, but only after Matt had sufficiently teased Chris. The woman with the blister was a cutie and she had scribbled her name and phone number down and shyly slipped it into Chris' pocket.
At twilight, they were still some six miles from the trailhead, so they camped again, this time near the creek. They fell asleep listening to the water softly tumble over the rocks and down into the canyon. Chris thought it was the most peaceful night's sleep she'd had in weeks.
They took their time over breakfast the next morning, making it back to the station by noon. She and Matt gladly accepted Roger's offer of an afternoon off, even though the weekend crowds were starting to come into town.
"Ellen's cooking tonight. Why don't you come over?" Roger offered.
"No, thanks. I think I'll stay in and keep Dillon company. Maybe next time."
Chris was tired after two days on horseback and two nights sleeping on the ground. She took a long, hot shower and for the first time, wished there was still a tub. A long soak would do wonders. She was just drying off when her cell phone rang and she walked naked into the kitchen to answer.
"McKenna," she said.
"It's Annie. I missed you last night."
"Oh, Annie, I completely forgot. We were out on the South Rim the last two nights. I just got back today."
"Is everything okay? Anyone hurt?"
"No, no. We were just checking on some backpackers coming from Tahoe." She changed ears as she walked back into the bathroom to finish drying off. "Listen, can we make it tonight?"
"Of course. As long as you don't mind leftovers."
"Annie, your leftovers are better than my cooking any day," she said. "I'll be there at six."
Chris hoped Annie didn't bring up Jessie tonight. If there was one person Chris wanted to tell about Jessie being in town, it was Annie. She parked in her usual spot under the Juniper and went inside after a brief knock. She had been joining Annie for dinner at least once a week, sometimes two, ever since Roger had introduced them. She looked forward to their visits and the chance to eat a good vegetarian meal that was something other than Dave's surprises or her own pitiful attempt at cooking.
"Chris, I'm back here."
Chris now knew that was her studio. Annie had two walls knocked out of a corner room and glass installed and it offered her great views of the mountains and trees around her home. She did most of her painting there. Chris made her way back, exclaiming over how much Annie had finished in the last week.
"You're almost done," she said, inspecting the painting Annie was working on. It was of Sierra Peak, the most prominent landmark in the area. It was to be a gift for her.
"Not quite. A few more days, perhaps."
"It's beautiful, Annie." Annie told her that she had never given one of her paintings away and Chris was honored to be the first.
"Thank you, Chris, but I sometimes wonder at your judgment. You like the one I did of the elk and we both know they look more like cattle than elk," she said and they both laughed.
Before dinner, they took their wine to the back deck and watched the squirrels. Annie asked about the backpackers and Chris rattled on, bringing Annie up to date with the happenings in town, all the while keeping Jessie's name at bay. It wasn't until after dinner that Annie brought her up.
"I got my new list of books and Jessie will have a new one out by Christmas."
"Really?"
"This will be number seven, by my count."
"I've only read four," Chris said.
They were quiet for a moment, then Annie said, "You know, sometimes I have half a mind to just call her up. If I thought it would do any good, I would. But I'm sure she's working through sixteen years of hatred that's built up. Maybe if I ever get one of her books where the mother doesn't die, I might take a chance."
"I wish you could, too, Annie. It shouldn't be this way between families."
"What about your own? You've never mentioned them."
Chris grinned. "We don't exactly speak."
"And you're giving me advice? Shame on you."
CHAPTER TWELVE
On her way to the Rock the next morning, Chris again passed Jessie jogging and again she stopped.
"Where have you been?" Jessie demanded as she leaned on the Jeep's door.
"South Rim Trail, in the backcountry."
"Searching for?" Jessie prompted, a grin slashing across her face.
"Backpackers."
"Find them?"
"Of course." Chris thought Jessie was much prettier than her picture made her out to be, if that were possible. Her eyes weren't quite as lifeless in person.
"You're not working today, are you?"
"Yep."
"It's Saturday."
"My turn," Chris explained.
Jessie nodded. "Where will you be?"
"I'm in the office this morning. Then I'll just be making the rounds, probably end up at Lake Trail this afternoon."
"Maybe I'll see you there, McKenna. I've been wanting to get in a little fishing."
With that she ran on and Chris watched her departing back, her eyes lighting on the back of muscled thighs. She finally realized she was still sitting in the middle of the road and she drove off, honking once as she passed Jessie.
After a quick lunch of cheese and crackers, Chris filled her water bottle and headed out to Lake Trail. The Ranger Station had been busy that morning and she knew that Lake Trail was the easiest and therefore, would be the most crowded. The cabins were full for the weekend, as was the lodge. Bill and Peggy had rented out all of their bikes and the dirt roads around town were crowded with hikers and mountain bikers alike. The beautiful late-summer weather continued, bringing with it people from the city wanting to be outdoors. She stopped at the trailhead, glancing at the sign-in sheet. Six people in one group; there goes the wildlife, she thought. Another two; bird watchers. They should've started earlier. A group of four, two of them kids. Jennifer Parker. Chris smiled and looked up. Fishing? Two other names were listed below, but Chris scarcely noticed as she closed the lid and headed off down the trail. She hadn't expected Jessie to be here already. She had planned on making Lake Trail her last stop but because of the crowd, she thought she better make a quick run through before heading out to Fire Lookout.
It was almost a half-mile to the lake, then the trail followed the shore and connected back to the start, about two miles total. The Lake Trail cutoff, which hooked up with Ridge Trail, was about a mile into the hike. She walked briskly, coming upon an older couple with a poodle on a leash. She nodded and smiled, then barely got out of the way as the poodle decided to attack. She rolled her eyes as the couple pulled the barking poodle down the trail, disrupting the quiet of the lake for miles around.
Chris kept an eye out along the shore. She spotted Jessie at the first turn, standing by herself out on the point, expertly casting a fly rod. She watched for several minutes before walking up.
"Any luck?"
Jessie turned around and smiled. "Hi, McKenna. I'm afraid not. And I was hoping for fresh trout for my dinner."
"Then the luck's all with the fish," Chris said.
"And here I was going to invite you to dinner."
Chris laughed. "Please don't kill one on my account."
Jessie cocked her head and frowned. "Don't like fish?"
Chris shook her head. "I'm more of a vegetable person."
"Good Lord, a vegetarian? I thought I left them all behind in the city," she said.
"I manage."
"So, you want to come?" Jessie asked.
"Come where?"
"Dinner?"
"Where?"
"Cabin seven," Jessie said, her back still to Chris.
"Henninger's?" Chris asked, knowing very well it was.
"Yes."
"Okay."
"Six-thirty?"
Chris looked around at the crowds and shook her head. "Seven?"
"Fine. I'll have the first glass of wine without you."
Jessie turned around and their eyes met for a moment, then Chris motioned to the trail with a quick toss of her head.
"Better go."
"McKenna?"
Chris stopped and looked back. "Yeah?"
"What's your first name?" Jessie asked, again capturing her eyes.
"Chris."
Jessie nodded. "I like it." Then she turned back to her fly-fishing, leaving Chris staring after her.
It took Chris longer than normal to make the loop as she stopped several times to answer questions and offer suggestions on other hiking trails. She stopped on her way past the point, but Jessie was already gone. At the trailhead, Jessie had signed out just like she was supposed to. Chris laughed at her comment. 'No fish died today!'
Chris ran into Bobby later and sent him on Ridge Trail as she took the route up Fire Lookout Trail. There was a large group at the top, all enjoying the view without the benefit of the tower. Since the incident this summer with the two boys, Roger had the steps taken down and new warning signs up and they'd not had a bit of trouble.
She spent a little time up at the top, answering questions and just enjoying the views herself before heading back down the mountain, using the short-cut Bobby had shown her.
It wasn't until she was driving home that she realized she had intentionally put Jessie Stone from her mind. She tried to ask herself why, exactly she was going to dinner with her and she had no answer, other than she found Jessie attractive and she would be the first to admit that she was extremely curious about this woman's life. And her sudden return to Sierra City. But she just couldn't shake the feeling that she was cheating on Annie somehow.
After her shower, she took time to relax on the deck with a cold beer. It had been a busy day and she was feeling the effects of her afternoon hikes. Dillon was attempting to sneak up on a squirrel and she watched him for a moment then her eyes traveled on into the woods, thinking it would be so much quicker just to walk to Jessie's cabin. But more polite to drive. It wasn't as if they knew each other well enough for such informal visits.
At a quarter to seven, she picked out one of her few remaining bottles of wine and with a quick pat on Dillon's head, was gone. She drove slowly, enjoying the evening. The days were getting shorter, she noted. And cooler. Wouldn't be long before the snows came and she would trade her hiking boots for snowshoes and skis.
She enjoyed the winter, if only because it allowed a slow-down from the hectic summer. Of course, search and rescue took on a whole new meaning in the snow. And instead of quiet nights on the deck, she would spend quiet evenings in front of the fire.
She found Jessie's cabin without difficulty and parked next to the rental car. She had a long sleeved T-shirt tucked into jeans and had opted for white athletic shoes instead of her usual hiking boots. She knocked on the door and waited until she heard Jessie call for her.
"I'm back here."
Chris grinned. How many times had she heard Annie yell to her those very words? She was standing in the kitchen counting the bottles of wine on the counter when Jessie came in from the deck. Eleven bottles. Seems she and Annie had something else in common.
"You certainly didn't have to bring anything," Jessie said. "Least of all wine." She smiled warmly at Chris. "I'm glad you came."
"Thanks for asking. There aren't a lot of opportunities for dinner out around here."
"Well, here, let me pour you a glass of wine. Or would you rather have a beer?" Jessie offered.
"Wine's okay."
"And you can take your bottle back with you. I think I have plenty."
Chris followed Jessie onto the deck. Two wooden chairs, identical to her own, were waiting and she sat, stretching her legs out.
"Nice evening, isn't it?"
"Yes. Nice," Chris agreed. "It was a busy day. This time of year, everyone is trying to cram in as many weekends as possible before winter."
"Have you been here long?" Jessie asked.
"Just since summer. I transferred from Yosemite when they opened up a full-time S.A.R. here . . . ah, search and rescue," Chris clarified.
"Oh. So I guess you are pretty much on your own then."
"Well, I've known the manager here, Roger Hamilton, for years." Chris did not miss the surprised look that crossed Jessie's face and she had to stop herself from tossing out Annie's name as well. If for no other reason, Jessie was still Jennifer Parker to her.
"How nice," Jessie murmured.
They sat in silence, both looking out towards the woods, lost in thought. Before long, the owls started calling and Jessie smiled.
"There," she said softly. "Every night I wait for them."
Chris laughed quietly. "So does Dillon."
"Who?"
"My cat. He's terrified of them. He sits in the window while I'm on the deck and his eyes get so big every time they call. I think he's afraid they're going to swoop down and carry him away."
Jessie frowned at her words. "Where do you live?"
Chris pointed towards the trees. "Number eight."
"You're kidding?" Jessie laughed, then nodded. "So, you're the one that likes piano music?"
"Sorry. It relaxes me after a busy day. I didn't realize it carried this far."
"No, it's okay. I liked it."
They sat there with the dark approaching, not speaking, just listening to the quiet. Chris wondered at Jessie's subdued demeanor this evening. She was being polite and friendly, but the teasing, flirting woman Chris had first met was absent. Chris wondered if the mention of Roger's name had thrown Jessie into a tailspin. Chris was about to speak when the timer on the oven disturbed the silence.
"Good. I'm starving," Jessie said.
She got up, leaving Chris to follow. Jessie's empty wineglass stood on the counter and Chris filled both hers and Jessie's and carried them to the table.
"I had to really put an effort into dinner, you know. I've never cooked for a vegetarian before."
"Can't be that hard," Chris said.
Jessie laughed. "You don't cook, do you, McKenna?"
"Not much, no."
"How do you make it out here without cooking? It's not like there are fine restaurants on every corner."
"Well, I eat an awful lot of pasta."
Jessie laughed again. "Guess what's for dinner?"
Chris sat while Jessie lit a candle and placed it between them. A plate of steaming pasta and vegetable casserole followed. Chris bent over her plate and inhaled, smiling as the scent of garlic reached her nose.
"Garlic," Jessie said unnecessarily. "It's on the bread, too, so I hope you don't have a hot date after dinner. You'll run them off."
"A date? In Sierra City?" Chris chuckled. "Not hardly."
"Oh, surely there are lots of eligible . . . people here."
Chris noticed the hesitation and took her cue. "A few eligible men, yes. But if I desire female company, I have to go to Sacramento."
"And do you?"
"Go to Sacramento?"
"Desire female company?"
Chris grinned. "On occasion, I do both."
Their eyes held for a moment and just when Chris saw Jessie's dark eyes begin to soften, Jessie pulled them away, instead motioning to Chris' plate.
"Well? What do you think?"
Chris took a bite and grinned. "Mmm. Excellent."
"Good."
Chris broke into the garlic bread, tearing off a piece as butter ran down her fingers. Without thinking, she brought her hand to her mouth, licking the butter off a knuckle. She looked up and found Jessie watching. Their eyes locked together again for a brief second and this time it was Chris who pulled away.
Apparently all those nights of reading J. T. Stone's books and fantasizing over her picture on the back had caught up with her. For the first time since meeting Jessie Stone, Chris had permitted her attraction to a damn picture to surface. As she had told herself on numerous occasions, Jessie Stone was no woman she wanted to get involved with. Having hot, uninhibited sex, now that was another matter.
Chris blushed at her thoughts and shoved another bite into her mouth. Perhaps on her next weekend off, she would go into Sacramento and hit the bars and try to curb her suddenly active libido.
She fished for something to get the conversation flowing and decided to get a little personal. Maybe she could find out something about Jessie's personal life, something she might be able to share with Annie.
"Where are you from, Jennifer?"
Jessie looked up, apparently surprised at the question or maybe the name, Chris wasn't sure which.
"New York City," she finally said. "I'll be here a week or so."
"Well, you're a long way from the East Coast. Just vacationing or did you come to California on business?" Even to her own ears, the question sounded forced.
"I'm sort of in-between jobs," Jessie offered.
Chris nodded. "Do you like it here?"
"Very much. I jog Elk Meadow every morning. I've been to Ridge Trail and now Lake Trail," she said. "It's been very relaxing."
On impulse and quite without thinking, Chris heard herself speak.
"I'm off tomorrow and Monday. I was thinking of hiking into the backcountry and camping out. I would love company."
Jessie put her elbows on the table and cradled her chin.
"That sounds like fun. Are you sure you're up to babysitting a city girl out there?"
"I may be wrong, but you hardly look like a city girl. I've seen you out there, remember. Fly fishing?"
Jessie shrugged. "Anyone can take lessons." Then she leaned closer. "Maybe I was trying to impress you."
"And you certainly did." As their eyes held, Chris felt herself drifting into dangerous territory. If it were a game of seduction they were about to play, Chris would most definitely lose. Even now, she felt herself sinking deeper into the dark depths of Jessie's eyes.
It was with difficulty that she pulled away. One deep breath and a sip of wine later, Chris was able to again focus. "So, camping? You up for it?"
Jessie visibly relaxed, leaning back in her chair and twirling her wineglass slowly between her fingers. Chris relaxed, too and moved far enough away from the table to rest her ankle across one knee.
"I don't have a backpack or sleeping bag," Jessie said.
"I have a small pack you can borrow. And a sleeping bag, I'm sure I can round one up."
"In the morning? Early?"
"Well, not at the crack of dawn, but we should be on the trails by 9:00. The place I'm thinking of is about a six-hour hike. That'll give us time to set up camp and explore around a bit before dark."
Jessie smiled, excitement showing in her dark eyes. "Sounds like fun. Where should I meet you?"
"I'll pick you up and we'll go to the trailhead from here. I'll bring the food. Nothing fancy, though. Freeze-dried."
Chris left before ten, after they had finished the wine but before they opened another bottle. It had been a pleasant evening, Chris admitted. And the prospect of a camping trip excited her. She fished between the seats and found her cell phone, quickly punching out Bobby's number at the lodge.
"Are you asleep?"
"McKenna? No. What's wrong?"
Chris laughed. Bobby was always on duty. "Nothing. I need a favor," she said.
"Oh? Need me to cover for you tomorrow?"
"I'm off tomorrow," she said.
"I didn't think you took your days off, McKenna. Roger says you're there practically every day."
"Maybe I haven't had anything else to do before. Now, I need a sleeping bag."
"Now?"
"First thing in the morning."
"Why?"
"Why do you think? To sleep in."
"You have one."
Chris sighed. She should have called Matt. She would be off the phone by now. "Maybe I'm taking a friend with me," she offered.
"Really? Who?"
"Jesus Christ, Bobby! Can I borrow the goddamned sleeping bag or not?"
"Okay, okay. Come by in the morning."
"Thank you."
She tossed the phone back between the seats. She would be lost up here without Bobby, but sometimes he could be a pain in the ass.
********************
Jessie opened another bottle of wine anyway. She pulled on a sweatshirt and sat out on the deck, her eyes going immediately to the sky. The owls were no longer calling and it was very quiet, not even a hint of a breeze to stir the trees. The days were still warm but as the calendar marched through September, the nights warned of the winter to come. Jessie was almost sorry she wouldn't be here. She could envision nights by the fire while the snow fell outside.
She glanced to the trees, wondering if Chris had made it home. Jessie liked her. Liked her a lot, she admitted. For the first time in many, many years, she actually felt like she was forming a friendship with someone and she wasn't exactly sure how to proceed. Chris wasn't someone to be played with, that was for sure. Unfortunately, Jessie had made a career out of playing with people's feelings. She was very good at it. But Chris . . . she was different. If Jessie were the spiritual type, she would think that there was a reason for Chris' presence in her life. She had never let anyone in before but she had a sudden urge to cleanse herself by pouring out all the sordid details of her life. And not to someone who was paid to listen to her. What would it be like to talk to a friend? To tell a friend about past hurts? To share the joy of her childhood? And the devastation of her father's death?
But she sighed. Not exactly a great start on a friendship using an alias. And Chris knew Roger Hamilton. Now that was a name from the past. Had he been here all these years? If anyone were to recognize her, it would be Mr. Hamilton. Now she would definitely avoid the Ranger Station. The last thing she wanted was a stroll down memory lane with Roger Hamilton.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
It was nearly ten by the time they signed in at the trailhead. Picking up the sleeping bag had taken longer than expected. Bobby had been full of questions and not in the least bit concerned with the time. Then, on impulse, Chris had stopped at Ellen's to pick up a freeze-dried dinner for Jessie. The meatless ones she had at her cabin weren't exactly her favorites anyway, so Chris thought it would be rude to subject a meat eater to them.
They headed up the mountain, taking the South Rim Trail. Jessie had packed lightly and the one change of clothes, jacket and few toiletries easily fit into the small pack Chris had brought for her. They were dressed identically in shorts and T-shirts, both of their sweatshirts having been shed shortly after making the first steep hill on the trail.
Jessie was in excellent shape and kept pace with Chris almost effortlessly. She occasionally asked Chris the names of certain trees and shrubs but mostly they talked of other hiking trips they had been on. Jessie admitted that she had not been in the woods since high school.
Chris raised her eyebrows questioningly.
"I'm thirty-three," Jessie said with a grin. "You?"
"The same." Hadn't Annie told her Jessie's birthday was in the fall? "When's your birthday?"
Jessie's lips twitched, then she finally grinned. "Soon."
"Soon?" Chris nodded. "In other words, none of my business?"
Jessie shrugged. She couldn't remember the last time she had actually acknowledged her birthday. It was a time her father had always made special for her. There was never a birthday cake from her mother, but her father would somehow produce one, throwing an impromptu party at the Ranger Station, balloons and all. October 10th. A date that never failed to come around, but one she wished she could forget. She had such happy memories of her childhood. Why was she always so sad when she thought of them?
"Hey."
"Hmm?"
"Okay?" Chris asked.
Jessie shrugged again. "Just thinking."
Chris nodded but said nothing. It would do no good for her to bring anything up now. Instead, she hiked on, leaving Jessie alone with her thoughts, her own wandering to Annie. Annie would absolutely kill her if she ever found out Jessie was here and Chris had kept it from her.
At twelve-thirty, they were getting close to timberline and the rim of the mountain. The views had changed dramatically. No longer were the Spruce and Pines blocking the surrounding mountain range. Now the terrain turned rugged. Large outcroppings of rocks littered the mountainside and Chris chose a flat one to sit. Jessie laid her pack next to Chris' and stretched her back before sitting on an adjacent rock.
"Lunch?"
"I'm starving," Jessie said. She took a deep breath, finally letting her eyes settle on the view. "God," she whispered. "It's beautiful."
Chris smiled and nodded. "Sure is." Then she pointed to her right. "There's a trail off of the South Rim that goes up a little higher and hits the ridge of the next mountain. You can see Lake Tahoe from there."
Jessie nodded, remembering. Her father had taken her up there once. It was a difficult hike for her at the time but the view had been worth it.
Chris watched the emotions cross Jessie's face but said nothing. She still had no idea why Jessie was back in Sierra City, but maybe this little camping trip would serve as a bridge to her past.
After their light lunch of cheese, crackers and an apple, they hiked another three miles before Chris got off the trail and followed a stream down a canyon a short ways.
"As a backpacker, you're never supposed to get off the trail," Chris said with a grin.
"But you know a spot?" Jessie asked.
"A little flat area beside the stream, just before it cascades over the mountain as a waterfall. Great views from there."
Jessie nodded. She knew the exact spot. Another little secret that her father had shared with her.
"How did you find it?" she finally asked.
Chris shrugged and stopped, balancing on a boulder in the middle of the stream.
"I like to hike along the streams, hop rocks, get my feet wet," she said and laughed as she nearly fell in. "I love the sound of water," she added. "I just found it by accident, really."
"Tell anyone?"
"Are you kidding?
"Good."
Their eyes locked for a moment, both breaking into slow smiles. Then Jessie followed Chris along the rocks, laughing good-naturedly when she slipped and dunked one boot into the cold water up to her ankle.
They were silent as they followed the stream and before long, Chris loosened her pack and laid it away from the rocks in dry spruce needles. She motioned for Jessie to follow. They walked on, the roar of the falls making its presence known.
Jessie let her mind drift back, remembering the time her father had shown her this place. Their secret place, he had said. They would sneak off and make sure no one followed them, then pitch their tent where they could sit and watch the sun set, listening to the sound of the falls. She wondered if Chris knew there was a trail going down to the falls. You could walk all the way down and stand behind the cascading water. Jessie remembered sticking her face into the cold spray, afraid she would be knocked down by it's force, but her father had been there, holding her.
Chris watched Jessie now, saw the small smile touch her then disappear just as quickly. She wondered what it was Jessie was remembering.
Jessie let out a sigh and shook herself, warding off . . . something. She finally let her eyes slip back to Chris and met her curious gaze.
"It's beautiful here."
Chris held her eyes a moment longer. For a second, Chris was certain those dark eyes had opened to her, revealed their true self. Then they closed again, the same mysterious dark gaze that Jessie normally fixed her with securely in place.
"Yeah. This is one of my favorite spots."
Chris walked to the edge where the stream sloped downward before disappearing over the side of the mountain and looked out over the distant canyons, the peaks rising up beyond them in the west. It was a clear afternoon, still warm for early September. The nights had been getting cooler, hinting of autumn, but the days remained warm and cloudless.
There was no sign of a previous campfire, no charred rocks to mark a spot and Jessie watched as Chris gathered some now and cleared an area. One of the rocks that Chris picked up was black on the bottom. Apparently, Chris dismantled the fire ring when she left, leaving no sign that she had been there. Just like her father used to do. Jessie shrugged off the depression that threatened and went about gathering small twigs to start their fire. There was a fallen pine nearby and she broke off larger limbs and hauled them over to the fire ring, breaking them with her foot and stacking them neatly in a pile.
They set up the small tent and took out the sleeping bags, then Jessie surprised Chris by pulling a bottle of wine out of her backpack.
"You packed that?" Chris grinned. "Weren't too concerned about weight, were you?"
"And aren't you glad?" Jessie asked. "Or do you want to have coffee with your dinner?"
Chris laughed. "Tell you what. I'll share my tent if you share your wine."
"Hardly a fair trade, seeing as it's not raining." Jessie clutched the bottle to her chest and raised an eyebrow seductively. "You'll have to do better."
"Okay. I think I have a sleeping bag to bargain with."
Jessie seemed to consider this, her eyes raised into the trees. Then she looked back at Chris, her eyes twinkling with delight.
"Sleeping bag for half my wine? Okay, McKenna, I accept."
Chris nodded, enjoying the unexpected playfulness. By the look on Jessie's face, she was enjoying it too. They worked in silence again, Jessie breaking up sticks for the fire and Chris laying out the few cooking utensils and pots she had brought along.
"I think I'm going to hike the stream a bit," Chris said.
"Go ahead," Jessie said. "I brought a book." She pulled out a worn paperback and waved it at Chris. "I'll just sit and relax."
"Okay. I won't be gone long."
Chris walked back the way they had come, hopping across the rocks until she came to the trail. She crossed over and picked up the stream on the other side. She had been camping here twice before and both times had intended on exploring upstream but had ended up perched on a rock overlooking the falls and canyon. She thought this time she would leave the view and solitude to Jessie. She had really lightened up since the first couple of encounters and Chris was beginning to enjoy her company. She wanted nothing more than to confront Jessie with her true identity, to talk about Annie, to find out why she was back, but Chris admitted that it really wasn't any of her business. And if Jessie wanted to be Jennifer Parker for a few days and escape from her real life, who was Chris to haul her back to reality?
She stopped after nearly a half-hour; the trees casting long shadows over the stream as the sun was sinking lower. If she were to catch the sunset, she would have to hurry.
She found Jessie leaning against a rock, book held opened in her lap but she was looking out over the canyon.
"You're back," she said. She lazily moved her head to glance at Chris, a sleepy smile on her face.
"How's the book?"
Jessie shrugged. "One of those self-help books. Mostly bullshit," she said.
Chris laughed at the sincerity of Jessie's words.
"So you took a nap instead?"
Jessie grinned. "This crap always puts me to sleep." She motioned to the sky. "I was afraid you were going to miss the show."
"Of course not. That's why we're here."
The sun made its way over the ridge, far to the west, shooting orange and reds their way. Jessie opened the bottle of wine and they each poured some in their drinking cups. They sat against the rock, quietly watching the sun fall from view, their eyes filling with the deep colors of sunset, brilliant reds and oranges changing to a quiet pink. Overhead, the cedars and pines whispered their secrets as the wind caressed the branches and carried scented air into their faces.
Jessie couldn't imagine a sight more beautiful. The colors were even more splendid than she remembered and she shut her eyes for a moment, trying to forever embed it in her memory.
She felt Chris watching her even before she opened her eyes. A faint rosy haze remained where the sun had been only moments ago and she turned to Chris, their eyes locking in the last light a day.
"Beautiful," Jessie whispered
"Yes, very."
"Thank you for letting me share that with you."
Chris' smile was as soft and unhurried as the sunset had been and Jessie felt herself being pulled into those blue eyes. Unfamiliar feelings washed over her and she didn't know what to make of her rapidly beating pulse or the difficult time she had catching her breath. She let her eyes slip briefly to Chris' mouth, wondering if her lips were as soft as they appeared.
Chris pulled her eyes away, silently acknowledging the growing attraction between them. She wondered if her attraction was simply a result of finally giving life to a picture on a book. Chris still wasn't certain that she liked Jessie Stone but she suspected she had yet to meet all of her.
She moved away, leaving Jessie staring after the long-gone sun. She started the fire easily, then put water on to boil for their dinner. With the dark came the chill of night and Chris moved into the tent, stripping off her shorts and pulling on an old, comfortable pair of sweats and bulky sweatshirt.
Jessie did the same, taking the small flashlight from Chris' hand. When she came out of the tent, she was holding up toilet paper.
"Gonna take a trip to the woods," Jessie said shyly.
Chris nodded. "Don't go far."
"Don't worry. If you hear me scream . . .."
"I'll come running," Chris assured her. She watched the light flash into the woods as Jessie disappeared behind a Spruce. A short time later, Jessie came back, discreetly tossing her toilet paper into the fire.
"Much better," she said.
Chris watched as Jessie sat cross-legged on the ground close to the fire. She added more wine to each of their cups and handed one up to Chris.
"Thanks."
They ate dinner in relative silence, sharing thoughts occasionally, but mostly content to listen to the crackle of the fire and the sounds of the forest as it came alive after dark.
Jessie washed up their few dishes in the stream and Chris got the fire going again, adding some of the larger limbs Jessie had collected earlier. They sat down across from each other, with the flames leaping between them the only barrier. Jessie held up the wine bottle.
"Enough for one more each, I think."
"It was an excellent idea," Chris said. "Not exactly practical," she added.
Jessie waved her off. "Backpackers have too many rules. A quick up and down trip, there's absolutely no reason a good bottle of wine can't be brought along."
"Had you been packing in the equipment, you might not have wanted the extra weight."
Jessie leaned forward. "But I wasn't. That's what I brought you along for."
Chris laughed. Jessie's eyes sparkled across from her. Maybe that was why her next words nearly caused Chris to choke.
"You're extremely cute, McKenna. You know that, right?"
"Cute?"
"Extremely cute," Jessie corrected.
"Well, I . . . thanks," Chris stammered, hoping Jessie could not see her blush.
"Not beautiful or anything like that, McKenna. I don't want you to get a big head," she teased.
"I'll try to keep the swelling down," Chris murmured.
Jessie let her gaze slide from Chris into the fire. Maybe a pick-up line in another life, but she meant it sincerely now. Not only did she find Chris attractive, she liked her. And she couldn't remember the last time she had thought that about another person. She covered the smile on her face with her hand, amused at her own thoughts. She could pick up a stranger in a bar in two minutes and be inside her panties in five. She had practically hit Chris over the head and still she showed no interest in Jessie at all.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. Chris' blue eyes weren't exactly expressionless and Jessie knew when another woman found her attractive. She just wasn't used to the wariness that Chris showed. Didn't matter anyway. Why ruin what was turning out to be an interesting friendship? A friendship might be something they could carry with them. Anything else, and Jessie would run.
"Ah . . Jennifer?"
Jennifer? Jessie mentally shook herself. When you used an alias, it helped if you remembered the name.
"How long are you going to be vacationing here?"
Jessie shrugged. She should just tell Chris the truth. She didn't know why she was using a damn alias anyway. If her purpose was to see Annie, what did she care if anyone noticed?
Chris watched the questions fly across Jessie's face, wondering what decision she was coming to, what lie she would tell Chris next.
"Like I said, I'm in-between jobs, so I'm not really in a hurry. I haven't decided yet."
Chris nodded and held Jessie's eyes in the firelight. She dared her to look away.
"Tell me about yourself," Chris suggested.
"Why?"
"Because I want to know."
"Just like that?" Jessie gave a nervous laugh. "Just because you want to know, I'm supposed to tell you?"
Chris leaned forward, still holding Jessie's eyes captive.
"Yes."
The silence continued as Jessie felt words form and threaten to spill. She fought with herself over what to tell Chris, if anything. It would be so much simpler to pretend to be Jennifer Parker who was between jobs, and not some deranged author named J. T. Stone.
Chris watched Jessie's face, saw the shadows cross it in the soft light of the fire. She could let it go, she knew, but she sensed Jessie's need to talk, even if Jessie didn't. And besides, she'd had quite enough of Jennifer Parker.
"Tell me . . . Jessie," she whispered.
Jessie drew a sharp breath. Had she been standing, she was certain her legs would have failed her.
"How . . . how did you know?"
Chris gave a half smile. "I have your books."
"Fuck," Jessie said. "Well, I feel foolish."
"You could always tell me you're just a celebrity looking for privacy, thus the name change," Chris suggested.
Jessie laughed. "Hardly a celebrity."
Chris added a couple of logs to the fire while she allowed Jessie to collect herself. Now it was her turn to keep secrets. Jessie had no need to know that she and Annie were friends. No need to know that Chris already knew everything about her childhood.
"I grew up around here," Jessie said after taking a deep breath. "A lifetime ago."
"Tell me."
"I wouldn't know where to begin," Jessie said.
"How about the beginning?"
Jessie gave a small laugh. "I had a lovely childhood. As seen through the eyes of a child, anyway. It was pretty pathetic when I think about it now. I grew up out here in the mountains and my father took me everywhere. He was a ranger right here in Sierra City," she explained. "He took me camping and hiking and fishing. Everywhere he went, I tagged along. I was happy."
"What about your mother?" Chris asked.
"I had a mother in name only," Jessie said bitterly.
"What do you mean?"
"She lived in the same house as us, but it was like she was a stranger. We didn't talk, really. She and Jack didn't exactly have the ideal marriage. She wouldn't even share a bedroom with him. They seldom spoke to one another."
"Jack? You always call him that?"
Jessie shrugged. "He didn't like me calling him Dad."
Chris raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.
"I . . . worshiped him. He was my best friend. My only friend. I went everywhere with him, did everything with him." Jessie looked through the fire at Chris. "He died when I was still here. Seventeen."
"I'm sorry," Chris murmured.
Jessie shrugged again. "A long time ago. I left shortly after he died. I couldn't stand being here with her." Jessie stared into the fire, remembering. "I went to San Francisco, got a job, started college. Writing was just an outlet at the beginning. I never thought I'd actually make a living at it."
"So you're here . . . visiting?"
Jessie laughed. "Hardly. My therapist says I've got unresolved issues that I need to work through."
"And are you?"
Jessie smiled. "Working through them? Not yet."
Chris pressed on. "So you're not here visiting . . . you're just what? Going back in time?"
"She's still here," Jessie said quietly.
Chris said nothing. It was the most difficult thing she could remember doing, but she kept her words to herself.
"I'm a good listener," she offered instead.
Jessie gave a small laugh. "I've paid a fortune over the years and here you are offering a freebie."
"Still an offer."
Jessie let out a heavy sigh. The rehearsed words she'd said over and over again in therapists' offices wouldn't come. Instead, she said something she'd not yet put words to herself.
"I'm scared to be here."
"Scared?"
"Terrified. I didn't even realize it until now," she said quietly, her words taken away with the breeze.
Chris moved around the fire and sat next to Jessie, their knees touching lightly as she settled beside her. Jessie's amused smile and quick nudge with her shoulder surprised her.
"I'm not scared of the dark, McKenna."
"I just . . .."
Jessie's hand reached out and squeezed Chris' thigh.
"No. Stay."
Chris relaxed, trying to ignore the burning of her skin where Jessie's hand still rested. "What are you scared of?"
Jessie searched the blue eyes across from her. She saw understanding, compassion, concern. Things she wasn't used to seeing. Not even when she paid for it.
"I don't know what it is. I feel like there's something here, something watching me maybe. I don't know," Jessie said, her voice turning almost to a whisper.
"Let's talk, then," Chris suggested. "Your therapist told you to come back. It's been what? Sixteen years you said? Why now?"
"To see her. Annie Stone."
"Your mother," Chris stated.
"She gave birth to me," Jessie said. "She was never my mother."
Chris had to bite her lower lip to keep her words to herself. She knew that soon, she would be getting in over her head.
"You said you did everything with your father but nothing with her," Chris prompted.
"For as long as I can remember, it was always him. I mean, Chris, I have no memories of her at all, other than just this figure in the house. As a kid, it was just him. Hiking, camping, dinner. Everything was with him."
"As a kid? What about when you got older?"
"Older?"
"Yeah. Like a teenager."
Jessie stared into the fire, trying to remember. Her memories were always so vivid, like it was only yesterday. But in her memories, she was always a child.
Did they still camp? Fish? Had she still followed him around? She must have. So why couldn't she remember?
"Jessie?"
"I don't . . . I don't remember," she whispered. "I can tell you about my eighth birthday. My ninth." She rubbed her eyes, a headache suddenly forming. "I remember . . . I remember camping. We would hike for miles, it seemed. I was always so tired when we got back. I remember riding my bike from the house to the Ranger Station, I must have been all of ten."
"And at that age, your mother just let you do as you please?"
Jessie laugh was bitter, short. "Let me? Like I asked her? Chris, she wasn't a part of my life. She was just this silent figure in the house. She never really talked to me, you know."
"Did you talk to her?"
Jessie thought back, trying to remember a time they had actually talked about something tangible. The few times Annie had tried to discipline her, teach her something, Jessie had simply run to her father and that was that.
"I just remember silence. There was always a feeling of resentment there," Jessie said.
Chris frowned. "Resentment? By your mother? Or you?"
Resentment by Annie, of course, Jessie was about to say. But . . . why did Jessie carry that feeling with her all these years? Yes, she resented her mother . . . Annie. But why? For not being a mother?
"I've always blamed her for his death."
"Why?"
"He fell off of Ridge Trail into the canyon."
"Why do you blame her?" Chris prompted.
Jessie sighed. She was getting weary of this discussion. Chris' questions were becoming too much like Dr. Davies' questions and soon Jessie would revert to the practiced lies she'd told all her therapists over the years. It was just so much easier than delving into the truth. A rotten truth, she suspected.
"Jessie?"
"I'm tired. How about a walk? The moon's nearly full."
Chris nodded, instinctively knowing that Jessie had reached her limit for the night. "Sure. We can walk back along the stream, might see some wildlife."
Jessie grinned. "As long as it's not something that'll want to eat us."
"Have no fear . . . S.A.R. is here," Chris teased.
Jessie took Chris' offered hand and let herself be pulled to her feet. She didn't release the warm hand holding her own. Instead, she leaned closer.
"Well, I feel completely safe now."
The sudden jolt of desire caught Chris completely off guard. Jessie was too near, her lips far too tempting in the moonlight. Only inches separated them and Chris fought with herself to close the gap, to take what was obviously being offered.
Jessie captured Chris' eyes, watching as warring emotions crossed her face. It would be so easy, she thought. Just a little more temptation, a little more teasing. Then what? Another conquest? Jessie finally pulled her eyes away. She didn't want a conquest tonight. Instead, she squeezed Chris' hand and smiled gently
"Come on, McKenna. Show me the sights."
It was with difficulty that Chris dropped the warm hand clasping her own. She broke up the fire, then brushed away any pine needles that were too close. The embers would catch easily enough when they returned. Then she rummaged in her pack and found the small flashlight. She shoved it into the front pocket of her sweats before motioning with a slight toss of her head.
"Let's go."
They walked in silence, the moon casting enough light as it bounced off the water for Chris to forego the flashlight. They followed the stream until they met up with the trail.
"We can hike up the trail," Chris suggested. "There's an overlook not too far from here. Ought to be pretty with the moon shining over the mountains."
"McKenna, I meant to tell you this earlier," Jessie said as she followed Chris. "There's a trail not far from the tent, it goes along the ledge and ends up behind the waterfall."
Chris stopped short. "You're joking?"
Jessie shook her head. "We camped up there before. Jack took me behind the falls."
"I've walked all around there. I've never seen anything resembling a trail," Chris said.
"It was hard to find, I remember. You have to squeeze between two boulders and you think you're going right over the side of the mountain but there's a ledge there and the trail snakes down from there, right behind the falls."
"Maybe we'll look for it in the morning. Any more secrets you want to share?"
Jessie grinned. "You found the caves yet?"
"Caves? What caves?"
"Guess not."
"Roger's not said anything about caves, Jessie."
"Roger Hamilton may not know about them. They were already closed to the public when my father started working here. He took me there many times," Jessie said. "Not any big deal, McKenna."
"Where are they?"
"I'm surprised you haven't found them, as much as you like to hike the streams."
"Quit teasing me. Where are they?" she asked again.
"After you meet up with the Nevada Trail, past the South Rim, you cross that little creek. At least, it used to be little."
"It still is. Little Bear Creek. You can hop across it."
"That's the one. Follow it upstream into the mountains, only about a mile, I think. You come to a really flat area, all smooth rock. On the left is some outcropping of granite. There are two caves in the rocks there."
"Real caves?"
"Well, not underground or anything like that. One of them is pretty large, probably one hundred feet deep, maybe eight feet high. That's the one they were afraid of. Too many loose rocks. The other one is just a cozy room. Jack took me there once when it was raining. We always kept firewood inside, just in case. We had a campfire right there and cooked the fish we had caught earlier. Stayed totally dry. They're easy to find, if you know what you're looking for, McKenna. If not, you'll walk right past them."
"So when the mountain collapsed, these are just cavities that formed from the fallen rocks?"
"Probably." Jessie shrugged. "I was just a kid. They may have just seemed huge to me. But Jack called them caves."
"Well, next time I'm up that way, I'll have a look."
They walked on in silence, their boots scuffing the rocks, the only sound. Chris led them higher, towards an overlook. She took out her flashlight and cast the beam ahead of them. They came near the edge and stopped, both looking out over the moon-touched mountaintops. The distant peaks all but glowed in the moonlight.
"It's so quiet," Jessie whispered. "Beautiful."
Chris nodded. Indeed, it was enchanting. Her eyes strayed from the moon-kissed peaks to Jessie. Jessie stood, bathed in the moonlight, her face aglow as she scanned the horizon. Chris couldn't pull her eyes away. She had never seen anything more beautiful.
Jessie stood motionless, her eyes fixed on a distant mountain peak. A memory tried to crowd in . . . he was beside her, holding her, keeping her warm. What else? Were they camping? Had they been up this high? She closed her eyes, but still, she couldn't remember. Instead, an image came to her of them camping near the river. She was seven, maybe eight and he had taught her to tie flies that trip. They had fished for hours the next day, bringing their catch home. It was one of the few times she could remember Annie having dinner with them.
"What are you thinking about?" Chris asked quietly.
Jessie shook her head. "Nothing really. Just . . . it's so quiet. No owls. No wind. Nothing."
Chris nodded, not wanting to speak and disturb the silence. She knew they should get back. It was getting late. And colder. But Jessie looked so peaceful standing there, her arms crossed against her waist as she stared out into the vastness.
Jessie felt Chris watching her. She turned and caught her eyes, her breath catching at the unguarded desire she saw there. It was at that very moment she realized she was starving for physical contact, for intimacy. And not from a total stranger she'd just met at a bar. She could imagine Chris kissing her, holding her. She wanted her heart to pound with life like she knew it would, should their lips meet.
Chris swallowed hard, the sound echoing in her ears, so loud, she was sure it was bouncing off the canyon walls, for all to hear. But there was only Jessie, eyes locked with her own. Chris silenced the voice in her head that urged her to turn and go, leaving Jessie to follow if she chose. Instead, she stepped closer to the eyes that beckoned, unable to resist any longer. Their eyes locked again, then Jessie moved into her arms, her mouth searching for Chris' waiting lips. The flashlight fell unnoticed between them as Chris pulled her closer, her hands on Jessie's hips holding her flush against her. Their mouths moved together, tongues meeting as they let their desire rage unchecked.
"Oh, God, yes," Jessie breathed, pressing her hips more firmly against Chris. She let her desire overtake her, felt her knees grow weak as Chris' hands moved up her sides, stopping just beneath her breasts. Jessie tired to remember a time she'd wanted another's touch this desperately. There was none. The countless, nameless list of strangers paraded through her mind in seconds and then there was only Chris, whose hands stoked the fire within her.
Her mouth opened fully to Chris, tongue moving against tongue. Her hands found Chris' and she slid them the few inches to her own breasts, moaning as Chris' warm hands cupped her. Jessie moved against her, her arms sliding over Chris' strong shoulders to hold her close.
Chris wasn't prepared for this. Staring at Jessie's picture for hours on end and the fantasies that followed did not compare to this. She felt Jessie's fullness and she pushed against her. Then, in one quick motion, her hands slid under Jessie's sweatshirt, touching her warm skin. She finally pulled her mouth away, searching Jessie's eyes, seeing mirrored passion. Chris moved her hands upward, stopping just beneath Jessie's full breasts.
"I want you to touch me," Jessie said softly.
"This is crazy," Chris murmured.
"Yes," Jessie agreed, her eyes never leaving Chris'.
Chris found the lacy bra and let her fingers move over it, feeling hard nipples straining against it. Jessie gave her a gentle nudge and she opened her legs, feeling Jessie's thigh slide between her opened legs. She was lost. She quickly shoved the bra aside, her hands closing over warm flesh and her mouth claimed Jessie's with a new hunger. Chris felt herself grow wet with need and she moved against Jessie's thigh, pressing her swollen clit hard against her.
"I want you," Chris breathed into Jessie's mouth.
"Yes. I want you, too."
Jessie's hands moved under Chris' sweatshirt, pushing it away from her flushed skin. She wasted no time as her hands moved up her body, trembling slightly when she found no bra. Her fingers gently grazed swollen nipples and she bent her head back, feeling Chris' lips move away from her own, across her face to find the throbbing pulse in her neck. Insane, she thought. This desire was nearly too much for her to bear. Jessie was always the one to drive women to the brink of desire, not the other way around. Never had she wanted to lay down on a cold forest floor and have someone make love to her. She wanted that now, regardless.
Chris came to her senses moments before she would have pulled Jessie down with her, unmindful of the rocks and sticks beneath them. She pushed Jessie away and held her at arms length, her breath heaving in her chest.
"Jesus," she whispered. How close? How close had she been to ripping Jessie's clothes off? How close was she to pulling her own sweatshirt over her head.
Jessie licked her lips, wanting Chris' mouth again. It wouldn't take much, she knew, and she could have her. Right here, right now. But instead, she took a deep breath and moved away. It would serve nothing for them to lose themselves in this passion that had nearly swallowed them. Instead, Jessie tried to make light of it.
"Wow, McKenna, you sure know how to show a girl a view."
"I . . . I'm sorry."
Jessie cringed. She didn't want an apology. If anything, she should be the one apologizing.
"Don't you dare," she whispered. "We both wanted that."
Chris nodded. Yes. No doubt they'd both wanted it. Wanted more, in fact. But she knew it was best not to dwell on it.
"We should get back," she said. She bent over, searching for the fallen flashlight. Her hands gripped it, turning it over in her palm as she tried desperately to think of something witty to say. Anything to ease the tension that had sprung up between them. Nothing came. Instead she turned and headed back down the trail, hoping Jessie would follow. She did.
They walked to their campsite in silence, finding the embers of the fire nearly dead. Chris contemplated starting it again, if only to delay the eventual departure into the tent. Together. Side by side. Chris physically shook herself. They were tired. They would sleep. That's all.