Not Everyone Likes Fish

By: Lucylee

December 1st , 2011

Disclaimers: The characters of Xena: Warrior Princess are owned by MCA Pictures and used here without permission. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this story.

This story shows the loving relationship between two women. If stories about two women making love offend you, or you are not old enough to read it, please stop reading now.

Sex? Yes.

Naughty language? Not really.

Violence? Accidental and no one is permanently injured.

Humor? Gods I hope so. Or else I failed miserably.

There are many first time stories out there that have Xena and Gabrielle coming together in perfect harmony. Their lovemaking is the picture of perfection and nothing ever goes wrong. This is not one of those stories. Mine is a Xena and Gabrielle first time story where everything goes hilariously wrong.

This started off as a challenge from some friends to see if I could write a silly sex scene with Xena and Gabrielle using the words: Hippopotamus, Doily, and Sniff. It took on a life of its own and became a story instead of a scene. This is my first attempt at fan fiction, and while not perfect, it made me laugh. I hope it makes you laugh too.

I hope you all enjoy.


It had been a long day of traveling, nothing particularly strenuous, just some highway badies and thugs. Xena and Gabrielle had found a nice secluded spot to camp for the evening. It was their typical small clearing in the forest with a nearby lake. They always tried to camp near a stream or a lake if they could help it. After they set up camp and had a nice fire going, Xena decided to go catch some fish for dinner. While Xena was gone, Gabrielle tended the fire and made sure that their camp was as cozy as it could be. When Xena returned she brought back two huge fish and Gabrielle cooked them up for dinner. They ate in companionable silence. This was not unusual for them. This was the time of day where Xena stared at the flames of the camp fire and Gabrielle tried to guess what she was thinking. After they were done eating Gabrielle grabbed her sleeping shift and announced she was going to go bathe in the lake. Xena declined to go with her, saying that she wanted to meditate.

Xena watched Gabrielle disappear from view. She didn't like lying to Gabrielle, but technically it wasn't a lie. She did want to meditate. Meditate on the beauty of her friend. Xena sighed. ‘My friend'. Xena loved that she got to spend so much time with Gabrielle, but sometimes she just wanted to be alone. Tonight was one of those nights. She had a particular itch that needed to be scratched and even though she would have preferred for Gabrielle to take care of that for her, she was pretty sure Gabrielle would not want to be a part of it.

Xena sighed. So while her beautiful friend was off frolicking naked in the lake, she was going to take care of some urgent business.

Xena walked over and lay down on Gabrielle's bedroll. She knew she shouldn't and she knew that Gabrielle would be really mad if she found out. But she couldn't help it. It smelled like Gabrielle and that helped her feel like her fantasies were real.

While staring up at the stars, Xena trailed her hands down her chest and touched her breasts. Thinking about how sometimes Gabrielle seemed to be fascinated by them. Xena considered that maybe she should find more excuses to be naked around Gabrielle. Maybe that would encourage Gabrielle to be more fascinated and maybe want to explore a little bit. “Oh yeeaaah” Xena moaned, imagining Gabrielle curiously exploring her breasts.

She could feel the wetness between her legs already. She pictured Gabrielle naked in the lake and she slid her hand between her legs. “Gabrieeellle” She breathed. It didn't take her long to climax. Gabrielle was great inspiration. She could make Xena wet just by look at her. Xena wasn't sure exactly when she had fallen in love with Gabrielle. But there was no doubt about it. She was hopelessly in love with Gabrielle. She would do anything for her. Gabrielle made life worth living.

‘If only I could tell her how I feel' Xena thought. ‘But if I did she would probably never speak to me again. Gods I wish she loved me the way I love her. But I know she doesn't. She's always falling for those stupid pimply faced boys.' Xena's mood had suddenly turned sour. She'd thought that giving herself release would make her feel better. But now she felt more frustrated than ever. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to restrain herself from slapping the stupid smile off the face of the next stupid boy that hit on Gabrielle.

Xena rolled onto her stomach and buried her face in Gabrielle's bedroll, inhaling her scent. She loved the way Gabrielle smelled. Xena lost herself in Gabrielle's smell until she heard Gabrielle coming back to camp. Xena sat up quickly and straightened Gabrielle's bedroll. As she was straightening she realized she had left a wet spot. Panicking, Xena adjusted the blanket so that it covered the wet spot, hoping Gabrielle wouldn't notice. Xena had just made it over to her own bedroll when Gabrielle came back into camp.

Xena tried to look like she had been meditating. But she was afraid her breathing would give her away. She opened her eyes and looked at Gabrielle. She looked so beautiful. Her hair was wet and her shift clung to her slightly where she had missed a few spots while drying off. Xena smiled.

Gabrielle walked over and sat on her bedroll. She had a very nice bath in the lake. She wished Xena had gone with her. Xena was so much fun to swim with. Plus she loved spending time with her best friend. But she understood Xena's need to have some alone time. She knew how independent Xena was. She looked over to Xena and caught her staring before Xena quickly look away. Gabrielle took a deep breath, intending on starting a conversation with Xena, but whatever she was about to say was instantly forgotten when a strange smell met Gabrielle's nose.

“What is that smell?”

Xena looked up. “What smell?”

“It smells like…” Gabrielle sniffed the air. Then bent over and sniffed her bedroll.

Xena closed her eyes and held her breath, waiting for the explosion of utter disgust and anger from Gabrielle that she was sure was coming.

“It smells like fish. Xena have you been eating fish in the bedrolls again?”

“What?!?” Xena expelled the breath she had been holding in a whoosh of air.

“Fish. It smells like fish over here. Have you been eating fish in the bedrolls again? You know how I hate that. “

All Xena could do was stare at Gabrielle. ‘Is she serious?' she thought to herself.


“Huh? What? Oh… yeah. Uh, fish… yes. Um, I was eating…fish in the bedrolls. You caught me. I'm sorry.” Xena couldn't believe her luck. Gods bless Gabrielle's naivety. Xena felt so relieved that she felt like laughing, although her heart was still beating a little faster than she would have liked it to be. Xena pursed her lips and concentrated on relaxing and getting her heart rate back under control.

Gabrielle, oblivious to Xena's internal struggles was still grumbling about Xena's snacking habits. “Really Xena, what is with your crazy obsession with fish anyway? Every time I turn around you are either wanting to fish or eating a fish.”

Xena shrugged. “I like fish.”

Gabrielle gave her an exasperated look. “Of course you like fish. Everyone likes fish Xena.”

Xena raised an eyebrow. “Actually Gabrielle not everyone likes fish.”

“You're kidding.”

“No I'm not. There are actually people out there that don't like fish.”

“Really? How is that possible? Is there something wrong with them?”

“Yes really. And no there is nothing wrong with them… at least I don't think there is.” Xena didn't like the direction this conversation was headed. She picked up the wineskin and took a big swig. Maybe a little wine would calm her nerves a bit.

“But Xena how can someone not like fish?!? It's delicious, especially yours.”

“What?!?” Xena started choking on the mouthful of wine she had just swallowed. The wine skin slipped from her nerveless fingers and flopped to the ground, spilling the rest of its contents.

“You catch the best fish. They are always so big and succulent. I don't know how you do it.” Gabrielle looked over to Xena to find her on all fours, her body wracked with coughs. Gabrielle crawled over and began slapping Xena on the back.

Finally after a few minutes Xena's coughing fit subsided. Xena sat back on her heels and took long deep breaths. Her face was flushed and her eyes were still watering from choking. In a raspy gasping voice Xena managed to choke out “…Many skills”.

“What?” Gabrielle inquired. “Oh the fish thing, yeah you do.” Gabrielle slapped Xena on the back one more time before moving back over to her bedroll.

Xena, who was still concentrating on breathing, was not expecting Gabrielle to touch her and when Gabrielle slapped her on the back she lost her balance and fell forward, face first into the puddle of wine.

Ack! Xena cursed as she sat up trying to wipe the dirt and wine from her face.

Surprised, Gabrielle turned around and chuckled at the sight before her. The mighty Warrior Princess with her face stained red from the wine. “Oh Xena, you look like my Uncle Morose.” Gabrielle fell back onto her bedroll and dissolved into a fit of laughter.

Xena, who was afraid to do or say anything, just sat there trying to figure out which god or goddess she had made angry. Surely she was being punished for something. Her face was sticky and sore and she was pretty sure she had dirt up her nose.

After Gabrielle had managed to get herself back under control, she sat up and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Oh Xena I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh at you. Are you ok?”

“Peachy” Xena grumbled. Her pride hurt almost as much as her face. ‘What has come over me? I had better get myself under control before I make a complete jackass of myself.' She thought.

With an exasperated sigh Xena leaned back against the trunk of a tree. Or at least that's what she thought she was doing. Actually the tree was a good 5 feet behind her, so she landed flat on her back with a muffled thwump. Unable to believe she had done that, Xena just laid there staring up into the darkness. ‘What is going on?!? There is always a tree behind me when we camp. Always! I always lean against it and sharpen my sword. What is going on here? Is somebody moving the trees around?' As ridiculous as that sounded even inside her own head, Xena still narrowed her eyes suspiciously and looked around for the tree moving culprit.

Gabrielle eyed Xena with some apprehension. Xena wasn't acting like herself and that worried Gabrielle. She didn't want to come right out and ask Xena what was wrong. She knew Xena would never answer her. No, she figured her best bet would be to try and get her talking about something, anything, and maybe what was really bothering Xena would slip out. Gabrielle groped for a topic.

“So who doesn't like fish?” Gabrielle asked innocently

Xena could feel a headache forming behind her eyes. Maybe if she just pretended to be asleep, Gabrielle would drop the subject and go to sleep too. Unfortunately the dirt up Xena's nose picked that particular moment to make itself known and Xena sneezed. Xena sneezed so hard that it propelled her into a sitting position and scared away all wildlife in the area. A couple of deer had heart attacks and keeled over where they stood.

Xena sat there trying to recover. There were stars dancing in front of her eyes. She went to shift her position a little and realized her breeches were wet. ‘Unbelievable.' She thought. ‘I sneezed so hard I peed on myself'. Xena actually began to wonder if maybe she had died and hadn't noticed. Was this Tartarus? ‘Nah if I had died I would have noticed. Wouldn't I? I mean I can't be dead. At least I don't think I can. I don't remember dying. I feel like that would be a memorable event. But maybe I am dead. But who or what killed me? Wait a minute, I can't be dead. Gabrielle is here. At least I think that's Gabrielle.'

Xena crawled over to the furry lump that was Gabrielle. When Xena had sneezed it startled Gabrielle so badly that she dove under her bedroll and was still hiding under there. Xena studied the amorphous lump for a second, trying to figure out which end was which. Finally she gave up and gave it a random poke somewhere in the middle.

Gabrielle shrieked and sat bolt upright. She was now nose to nose with Xena. “What did you do that for?!?” Gabrielle shouted, rubbing her arm pit.

Xena closed her eyes. “Please don't shout. I have a horrible headache and I'm right here. I can hear you. In fact I could probably even hear you if you whispered.” Xena finished the last part of her sentence in a whisper.

“Alright.” Gabrielle whispered. She was annoyed and confused about being startled and then poked in the arm pit. She looked at Xena and decided that questioning her right now would probably not be the wisest course of action. Xena looked like she might strangle someone, and she didn't want to be that someone. “I'm going to work on my scrolls.” Gabrielle whispered and turned to get her stuff.

Xena got up to go search for something to wipe her face with. Some of the wine had gotten into her eyes and it was really starting to sting. She looked through the saddle bags but couldn't find anything among her stuff that she didn't mind staining with wine. She always traveled very light and only carried the necessities. Gabrielle on the other hand tended to hang onto things. Xena snuck a look over to Gabrielle. Gabrielle was lying on her stomach on her bedroll deep in thought over a scroll. Xena opened up the compartment of the saddlebags with Gabrielle's stuff in it and began to riffle through it. She made sure she kept her back to Gabrielle, effectively blocking what she was doing from Gabrielle's eyes. Xena moved aside shifts, breeches, scraps of parchment, and dried flowers. Xena picked up the dried flowers. ‘What in Tartarus is this? Gabrielle has dead flowers in her bag. Doesn't she ever clean this thing out? Geez!' Xena tossed the dried flowers onto the ground. ‘I had better not find any dead bugs in here.' Finally Xena came across an oddly shaped piece of fabric. ‘What an odd scrap of cloth.' Xena looked at it for a moment. It was white with a very intricate pattern. It was also round. Xena snorted. ‘Why in the world does she have this? It's too small to make a good bandage. You can't even tear it into strips. Gods she will collect anything.' With that thought Xena used the white cloth to wipe her face.

Gabrielle was trying to concentrate on the story she was writing, but to not avail. She just couldn't concentrate. With a grunt of frustration Gabrielle got up and headed into the woods.

Xena saw Gabrielle get up and hurriedly put the stained cloth behind her back. She tried to put on an innocent look, but with her dirty stained face, she only managed to look slightly deranged.

Gabrielle shot Xena a strange look as she walked into the woods. ‘Alright enough is enough. When I get back I am going to find out what's going on with her.'

Determined, Gabrielle found a bush with good leaves and went to squat behind it. But as she was pulling down her breeches she noticed someone looking at her. Gabrielle squealed and tried to run, but her breeches got tangled around her knees and she fell butt first into the dirt. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness she realized it was not a someone, but a something. There was a dead deer staring at her. ‘What in the world?' Gabrielle stood up and tried to dust the dirt off of her butt. She bent down over the deer. There was no arrow wound or any other sign of injury. It was as if it just dropped dead for no apparent reason. ‘What a strange night.'

While Gabrielle was in the woods, Xena took that opportunity to hide the stained cloth and her wet breeches under her bedroll. She would deal with them later. Feeling much more comfortable, Xena made sure she knew where the tree trunk was and settled down against it to sharpen her sword. She took a deep cleansing breath and relaxed against it. ‘There. Everything's ok now. I'll just sit here and sharpen my sword and forget about the rest of this ridiculous evening.' Xena smiled to herself as she slid the whet stone down her blade.

Gabrielle returned to the camp and sat down on Xena's bedroll near Xena's knees. “I just saw the strangest thing out in the woods.” Gabrielle was still pondering the deer she had found.

Xena stopped sharpening her sword mid-stroke. “You didn't eat any berries while you were in the woods did you?” Xena was trying not to panic.

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. “No Xena I did not eat any berries. And before you ask, no I didn't eat any mushrooms either.”

Xena sighed with relief. “Good.”

Gabrielle narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

“Oh no reason, it's just that sometimes you have a tendency to eat things that aren't good for you.”

“Like when?!?”

Xena's eyebrows rose so high that they disappeared under her bangs. “Like when? Oh gee Gabrielle I don't know. Let me see if I can come up with example. Hmmm.” Xena tapped her chin dramatically as she pretended to think. “Well there's the squid, the drugged nutbread, the berries, and let's not forget the mushrooms last week.”

Gabrielle frowned. “All right all right. I see your point. Enough already, but can we please forget about the mushrooms?”

“Oh no. Uh uh, nope. No way. Not after what you put me through. I'm never going to let you forget that.” Xena pursed her lips in an effort to keep from smiling. At the time the mushroom incident wasn't funny. But now she found teasing Gabrielle about it hysterical.

“Please Xena.” Gabrielle pouted. She stuck her lower lip out as far as it would go. She tried to put on her best sweet and innocent face so maybe Xena would take mercy on her.

For her part, all Xena could do was stare at Gabrielle's lower lip. It was so perfectly shaped and pink. Xena just wanted to suck it into her mouth and… “Ouch!” While Xena had been lost in her fantasy she hadn't realized that she had been sitting there on the log with her mouth open, staring at Gabrielle's lip. She started to unconsciously lean forward towards the object of her fantasy when she scraped her inner thigh against her sword. Xena dropped her sword and stared down at her bleeding thigh, dumbfounded.

Gabrielle was just about to inquire about the odd expression on Xena's face when she saw Xena cut her thigh. Gabrielle jumped up to grab something from their saddlebags to press against the cut.

Xena reached down and grabbed the scrap of cloth from under her bed roll and pressed it against her thigh. The cut wasn't very long or deep. It wouldn't even need stitches. “It's alright Gabrielle. I'm fine.”

Gabrielle turned from the saddlebags and saw that Xena already had something to hold against her wound. Gabrielle walked back over to Xena and kneeled in front of her knees. Without thinking Gabrielle reached her hand between Xena's thighs and put her hand over the cloth.

Xena felt Gabrielle's warm hand against her inner thigh and couldn't help but gasp as a bolt of heat shot straight through her.

Gabrielle noticed the gasp and took it as a gasp of pain from the wound. “Xena let me take a look at that.” Without waiting for a response, Gabrielle grabbed Xena's knees and wrenched them apart. Holding them wide, Gabrielle removed the cloth from the cut.

Xena's whole world was turned upside-down. The woman of her dreams, the love of her life, was kneeling in front of her with her head between her legs. Suddenly Xena was very dizzy and was finding it increasingly difficult to breathe.

Gabrielle studied the cut for a moment before she realized something strange. Xena wasn't wearing any breeches. Gabrielle had never seen another woman's sex before and couldn't help but stare. She cocked her head to the side and looked at it with rapt interest for a few moments before she realized she was staring. Utterly embarrassed at being caught staring at her best friend's most private place, she raised her head to stutter an apology. But the look on Xena's face stopped her.

Xena couldn't tell if she was in Tartarus or the Elysian Fields. Gabrielle was on her knees between Xena's legs, staring with fascination at Xena's sex. Xena could feel the cool night air mixed with Gabrielle's warm breath against her sensitive skin. It was enough to drive her mad. Her pupils dilated and her nostrils flared. She was breathing as if she had just run a marathon. Her heart felt as if it would beat right out of her chest.

Gabrielle was puzzled by Xena's reaction. ‘Does the cut really hurt that badly?' Gabrielle looked back down at the cut. It wasn't bad. Xena suffered injuries worse than this all the time. Confused, Gabrielle asked “Xena are you ok?”

Xena merely blinked.

“Xena… Xena. Xena!”

The fog was starting to lift from Xena's brain and she vaguely heard Gabrielle shouting her name. “Huh? What?”

“I said are you ok?”

Xena contemplated how to answer. She finally decided to go with “Uh huh.”

“Xena what is going on with you? Where are your breeches?”


Gabrielle rolled her eyes. “You know, breeches, the things that you wear to keep people from seeing your butt.” Gabrielle replied sarcastically.

Xena's brain was still foggy and she dumbly looked down at herself. She was still spread open and was obviously aroused, but she didn't think Gabrielle had noticed. She removed Gabrielle's hands from her knees and closed her legs. She looked down into Gabrielle's frowning face and knew that she was waiting for an answer. Xena had no intention of telling Gabrielle that she had wet herself, so she fixed Gabrielle with her best warlord stare to let her know the conversation was over. Unfortunately, Xena's eyes were still stinging from the wine and she couldn't hold them open very long without blinking. Effectively disarming the warlord stare. Huffing, Xena crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. She hadn't pouted since she was a child, but these were extreme circumstances and she didn't know what else to do.

Gabrielle stared up at her best friend. ‘I don't believe it! She's pouting.' Deciding it would be best to change the subject for now, Gabrielle decided to tell Xena about the deer in the woods.

Xena listened as Gabrielle told her about the strange deer in the woods. She decided they had either died from age or fright. She had seen animals die from fright before. Glad to be talking about something other than people who like fish and her lack of breeches, Xena was happy to talk about odd animals.

“You know Gabrielle, finding a dead animal in the woods isn't really that strange. If you want to hear about strange animals I can tell you about strange animals.”

Gabrielle couldn't believe her luck. Xena was actually talking. She was going to tell her a story. Xena, woman of few words, was going to tell Gabrielle a story! Gabrielle sat up straight and folded her hands in her lap, intent on hanging on every word Xena said.

Xena chuckled at her friend's reaction. ‘Gods it doesn't take much to make her happy. I really should try more often.' “Alright. There is this one strange creature I saw when I was in Africa. It looked kinda like a cow only it was brownish gray and in the water. It was called a hiphopannonimus.”

Gabrielle blinked. “A what?”

“A hiphopannonumus.”

Gabrielle blinked again. “Do you mean a hippopotamus?”

“That's what I said. A hiphopannonimus.”

Gabrielle tried not to smirk. “Hippopotamus.”

Xena frowned. “What about it?”

Gabrielle didn't want to make Xena mad, but she also didn't want her friend going around calling it a hiphopannonumus. “Xena it's not a hiphopannonumus, it is a hippopotamus.”

Xena frowned.

“Look, repeat after me. Hippo…”




“Amus not anus. Good. Let's try it again. Hippo…”

Xena growled.

“Xena please? Hippo…”

Xena snarled. “Hippo.”


Xena bared her teeth. “Potamus.”

“Great Xena! Now put it together. Hippopotamus.”


Gabrielle sighed and gave up. Yes Xena. That's right. Hiphopannonimus.

Xena gave her a smug smile and reached down to pick up her sword.

Gabrielle rolled her eyes and reached down to pick up the bloody cloth that had fallen to the ground. When she picked it up her eyes widened as she realized what it was. “Xena!” She bellowed.

Startled by Gabrielle's sudden outburst the whet stone slipped in Xena's hand and she cut her palm on her sword. Enraged by the fact that she had cut herself twice in one night with her own sword she cursed, stood up, and chucked her whet stone into the woods. Closing her hand into a fist to try and stop the bleeding she turned to Gabrielle. “What?!?”

“You….you…..I can't…. this is….what the…. where did….” Gabrielle was so angry she couldn't form a coherent sentence.

Xena stared at her suspiciously. Maybe Gabrielle had eaten some more of those mushrooms after all. Xena moved closer to Gabrielle. “Are you alright?”

Gabrielle was shaking with anger. “IGONNAKILYOOOOO!” She yelled in Xena's face.

Xena took a step back, bewildered.

Gabrielle took a shaky step forward. “IGONNAKILYOOOOO!”

Xena was completely lost. “Gabrielle speak Greek.” She had no idea what Gabrielle was trying to say. But it was obvious that she was angry.

Gabrielle stood directly in front of Xena and rose up until she was nose to nose with the Warrior Princess. “Igonnakilyoooooo.” She hissed.

Frightened by her friend who had obviously been possessed by some kind of demon, she tried to back up, but found her back pressed up against the tree. ‘Oh great.' She thought ‘NOW the tree decides to be behind me.' Xena made a mental note to check to see if trees moved around on their own.

“Now Gabrielle, I don't know what the problem is, but if you tell me I'm sure we can work it out.” Xena said in what she hoped was a helpful tone of voice.

Xena didn't think it was physically possible, but Gabrielle got even closer. Her nose was now smushed into Xena's.

Being pinned between Gabrielle's nose and the tree, Xena tried to think fast. “Gabrielle I don't know what Igonnakilyoo means… wait…Igonnakilyoo….Igonna…I'm gonna… kilyo… kil yo… kill you… Imgonnakillyou… I'm gonna kill you! That's it! I'm gonna kill you!” Xena said excitedly “Wait…why do you want to kill me?”

Defeated, Gabrielle slumped to the ground and started to cry.

Xena, having no earthly clue what was going on dropped to her knees to try and comfort her friend. She landed right into the puddle of wine, staining her knee red. “Gabrielle what…?”

Gabrielle whispered “You ruined my doily.”

“Your what?”

“My doily! You ruined my doily!” Gabrielle threw her head back and wailed.

Xena had no clue what she was talking about or what to do. So she reached out her hand and tentatively patted Gabrielle on the head.

Gabrielle sniffed. “Xena my grandmother made me that doily before she died.”

Xena's first reaction was ‘What a stupid name. Doily. I've never heard anything so dumb sounding in all my life.' Xena was about to share her opinions of the ridiculous sounding word with Gabrielle, when the other part of what Gabrielle said sunk in. She then realized what she had done. “Oh Gabrielle, I'm so sorry.”

Gabrielle sniffled. “How could you?”

Xena felt like the lowest creature on earth. How could she have done this to her best friend? Xena put her arm around Gabrielle's shoulders and kissed her on the top of the head. “Because I'm a jackass. I am a selfish jerk, a complete moron. I hurt my best friend. I don't deserve you.” Xena sat slumped next to Gabrielle.

Gabrielle looked over at Xena's face; her head was dropped in shame. Gabrielle could tell she was truly sorry. She didn't know what it was, but there was just something about Xena that didn't allow her to stay mad at her for long. Gabrielle reached over and lifted Xena's chin so that she could look into her eyes. “Hey, it's ok. You didn't do it on purpose. I know you would never hurt me on purpose. Just don't go through my stuff anymore. OK?”

Xena couldn't believe she was being forgiven so easily. She didn't know whether to feel bad or happy about that. Xena felt like she deserved to be punished for what she did, but at the same time was glad that Gabrielle had forgiven her.

Gabrielle wiped her tears. “I never really liked the doily anyway. I just kept it for sentimental value. But it's alright; I still have the dried flowers from her funeral.”

Xena froze. ‘Oh gods!' She turned to find Gabrielle walking towards the saddle bags. “Gabrielle!” Xena screamed.

Gabrielle ducked and spun around looking for the cause of Xena's scream. “What?!?”

Xena tried to think of an excuse for her outburst. “Uh. My hand hurts.” She finished lamely.

“Your hand hurts?” Gabrielle looked at her skeptically.

“Uh. Yeah. I, uh, cut it. It hurts.” Xena mentally rolled her eyes. ‘Gods I'm pathetic.'

Gabrielle looked at her quizzically and walked back over to her and sat down. “Let me see your hand.”

Xena reached out her hand to Gabrielle. Gabrielle checked it over and declared that it didn't need stitches, just a bandage.

“Gabrielle we are out of bandages. Look it's fine. It's not even bleeding anymore. I'll be sure to be careful with it until we can pick up some more bandages tomorrow.”

“Xena don't be silly. We have to wrap it in something. We have to keep the dirt out of it and I don't want it to start bleeding again.”

“Well what are we going to use as a bandage?”

Gabrielle thought for a minute. “Give me your breast dagger.”

Xena hesitated, but at the determined look on her friend's face she relented and gave her friend the blade.

Gabrielle grabbed the hem of the sleeping shift she was wearing and began cutting a strip off of the bottom. Xena was about to protest Gabrielle ruining a perfectly good sleeping shift just for her, when she realized that she had absolutely no problem with Gabrielle wearing a shorter sleeping shift. In fact Xena momentarily considered cutting herself again just so Gabrielle would cut more material off of the already skimpy sleep shift.

Lost in her musings, Xena almost didn't notice Gabrielle grab her hand and start to wrap it. “Xena what has gotten into you tonight? You are acting strange.”

Xena really wasn't in the mood to talk, but she felt like she owed Gabrielle at least that much for ruining her grandmother's doily. “Just a bad day I guess.”

“Are you sure that's all it is?”

“Yes Gabrielle. It's just one of those bad days. They come along every now and again.”

“They should have a name.”


“Bad days, there should be a special name for particularly bad days.”

“Like what?”

Gabrielle pondered the question. She had finished wrapping Xena's hand, but Xena didn't seem to notice. Gabrielle was content to just hold Xena's hand until she noticed and pulled it away. But Xena was too busy avoiding eye contact with Gabrielle to notice her hand.


“What?” Xena looked up, confused by the strange word.

“Monday. Really bad days should be referred to as Mondays.”

Xena snorted. “Gabrielle that will never catch on.”

Gabrielle was not ready to let go of Xena's hand and was really enjoying talking to her so she fished for another topic. ‘Fish! That's it.' “So Xena, you never did answer me. Who doesn't like fish?”

Xena looked skyward. ‘Oh what the Hades, why not? This has already been the night from Tartarus. I might as well finish it off.'

“Xena? Are you sure you're ok? You keep staring off into space.” Gabrielle was genuinely concerned for her friend.

Xena smiled. It was nice to have someone watch out for you and take care of you, although she would never admit it. “Yes Gabrielle I'm fine. Actually you would be surprised by the amount of people that don't like fish.”

Gabrielle frowned. “But why? They're delicious. Why wouldn't someone like something that's delicious?”

Xena blushed slightly. “I guess some people don't think they're delicious.”

Gabrielle was confused. “But they are. How can some people think they aren't?”

Xena tried to think of a way to explain. “Well different people have different tastes. We don't all like the same things. For example, I like port and you don't.”

Gabrielle was about to argue that it wasn't that she didn't like it. It was just that she wasn't terribly fond of the way it burned on the way down, but decided not to. “Do you think port is delicious?”

Xena paused. “I wouldn't call it delicious.”

Gabrielle smiled triumphantly. “Then that is not a good example. We are talking about things that are delicious. Can you think of anything that you find delicious that I don't like?”

Xena squirmed. “Uh… Not off the top of my head anyway.”

“So these crazy people who don't like fish, they have to like something. What do they like?”

“Pork I would imagine. Most people like either fish or pork. Some people like both. Occasionally you will come across someone who doesn't like either, but they are very rare.”

“Oh I like pork too.”

Xena scowled. “I know.” She grumbled.

Confused by Xena's shift in mood, Gabrielle said “You like pork too don't you? I've see you eat it.”

Xena sighed. “Yes Gabrielle, I like pork too. But I prefer fish.”

Gabrielle smiled, still holding Xena's hand. “Me too.”

Xena shot Gabrielle a sideways look and felt a blush creeping up on her again. This was ridiculous. She was the Warrior Princess and Warrior Princesses don't blush! Xena suddenly became aware that Gabrielle was still holding her hand.

Gabrielle had begun rubbing her thumb back and forth across the back of Xena's hand. Xena swallowed. She wasn't sure what she should do. She liked the feeling of Gabrielle holding her hand, but she was afraid of the reaction she knew her body would have to Gabrielle's touch.

Gabrielle noticed that goose bumps had appeared on Xena's arm when she started stroking the back of her hand. Intrigued, Gabrielle let go of Xena's hand and trailed her fingers up Xena's arm. The goose bumps intensified and Gabrielle could hear Xena breathing slightly harder. Gabrielle's fingers continued their curious exploration across Xena's collar bone.

When Gabrielle's fingers brushed Xena's collar bone, Xena gasped and pulled away. Gabrielle, afraid she had done something wrong, immediately started to apologize. “Xena I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just…”

“It's ok Gabrielle.” Xena assured her friend. She didn't want her to feel bad. “You didn't hurt me. My skin is just a little sensitive there, that's all.”

“I'm still sorry. I just like touching your skin. It's so soft. I like the way it feels.”

Xena could feel her insides starting to melt. She could also feel an all too familiar wetness forming between her thighs.

Gabrielle reached out and touched Xena on the thigh. Xena's thigh muscles twitched violently at the contact. “Does it bother you when I touch you?”

Xena didn't know how to answer. She didn't know if she COULD answer. Her mind didn't seem to be working correctly. All she could focus on was Gabrielle's hand on her thigh.

Gabrielle wasn't sure what to do. She liked touching Xena and was ecstatic that Xena was letting her. But at the same time Xena seemed to be in some kind of distress and Gabrielle didn't want to cause her friend any pain. Slowly she trailed her fingers up and down Xena's thigh.

Xena closed her eyes and tilted her head back. At the moment she wasn't concerned with the repercussions of her actions. All she could focus on now was the delicious sensations on her thigh.

Gabrielle smiled. Xena finally seemed to have relaxed and was enjoying being touched. Gabrielle still couldn't believe Xena was letting her touch her. She was afraid of doing something wrong and having Xena ask her to stop.

Xena was lost in a world of sensations. She stretched out her legs in front of her and laid back on her bedroll. Gabrielle trailed her finger tips up and down Xena's left leg. When she moved over to the right she noticed the red stain on Xena's knee. Gabrielle looked up to Xena's face and saw that it too still had a red stain on it. Gabrielle chuckled internally. ‘Poor Xena, she has had a hard night.' The red stains on her friend reminded her of another strange thing about that night. She remembered that Xena wasn't wearing any breeches. She also remembered staring at Xena's sex. She couldn't believe she had done that. But she couldn't help it. There was just something about seeing her friend so intimately. Gabrielle's eyes traveled unbidden up Xena's leg and stopped right at the edge of her battle skirt. She couldn't see anything under her skirt. But the knowledge of what lay just out of her sight made her stare harder.

Xena felt the nature of Gabrielle's touch change. It went from gentle stroking to almost a sensual caress. Xena opened her eyes and what she saw took her breath away. Gabrielle was massaging her thigh and staring at her crotch. The sight caused another jolt of heat to rush straight between her legs. Her thighs instinctually clenched, pressing against her swollen sex.

Gabrielle noticed the movement and looked up into Xena's face. That was the second time tonight she had been caught staring at Xena's crotch. But something about the look on Xena's face let her know it was ok. Xena didn't look angry. She looked…..expectant? Gabrielle couldn't tell. She put her hands on either side of Xena's torso and leaned over her to get a better look at her face in the shadows. As she leaned over she felt something wet pressing against her palm.

Xena was paralyzed. Gabrielle was leaning over her and bringing her face dangerously close to Xena's face. She held her breath as Gabrielle's face stopped directly over hers. ‘Oh gods! Is she going to kiss me?'But suddenly a strange expression passed over Gabrielle's face.

Gabrielle sat up and in her hand were Xena's wet breeches. Xena's eyes widened and she felt herself die a little inside. ‘No no no! This can't be happening! She was about to kiss me. Just put the suspiciously wet breeches down and pretend that didn't happen!' But no such luck. Gabrielle looked from the wet breeches, to Xena, back to the wet breeches again.

“I can explain those.” Xena said sheepishly.

Gabrielle did her best imitation of Xena's raised eyebrow.

“Well, um, earlier…when I sneezed… I uh… you know.”

Gabrielle's eyebrow arched comically high. Xena briefly wondered if it was going to escape from her forehead and become part of her hairline. “Xena are you saying you peed your pants?”


Gabrielle cocked her head to the side. “Are these your breeches?”


“Is this pee?”


“But you didn't pee your pants?”


“Well Xena, I don't know who you have been letting urinate on your underwear, but I suggest you ask them to stop.”

Xena scowled and attempted to get up and walk away, but Gabrielle caught her arm. “Let me go!” Xena yelled.

Gabrielle, refusing to let go, tried to calm Xena down. “Xena I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad. Please don't be angry. Stay here.” Gabrielle was furious with herself for ruining the mood. Xena may never let her touch her again. With that thought, Gabrielle tightened her grip on Xena's arm, determined to not let her go until this was settled.

Xena was embarrassed, sore, angry, frustrated, sticky, and wet. All she wanted to do was get away from Gabrielle and maybe go punch some trees. They certainly deserved it for all their shenanigans this evening. “Gabrielle I said let me go!” She tried yanking her arm free, but Gabrielle had a death grip on it.

“No Xena. I will not let go until you calm down. Let's talk about this.” Gabrielle pleaded.

“I said no!”

“But Xena..”

“NO!!!” With a mighty yank of her arm she wrenched her arm free from Gabrielle's grip. Unfortunately, she pulled so hard that she accidentally back handed Gabrielle in the face when her arm flew out of Gabrielle's grasp.

Gabrielle fell face first to the ground and lay there motionless.

Xena just stared. She was in shock. What had just happened? ‘Oh gods! I hit Gabrielle! I hit Gabrielle! Oh gods!' Xena felt so many emotions at once she didn't know what to do. Anger, fear, sorrow, shame… she had hurt Gabrielle. Hurt the woman she loved. She deserved to be beaten. She deserved the worst tortures of Tartarus. She deserved… she actually couldn't think of anything at the moment that was bad enough for what she deserved. She was afraid she had really hurt Gabrielle. Afraid that Gabrielle would hate her, wanted Gabrielle to hate her, yet hoped she wouldn't hate her. Xena panicked. She had to make this right somehow, but she didn't know how to make it right.

She rolled Gabrielle over onto her back. There was a bruise already forming on the side of Gabrielle's face. Xena's heart broke. She began to sob. “Oh sweetie, Oh sweetie I'm so sorry.” She began kissing every inch of Gabrielle's face, being careful to only place feather light kisses over the bruise.

Gabrielle awoke disoriented. ‘What happened? What's going on?' Then she remembered. Xena hit me. ‘But wait…' Gabrielle felt Xena kissing her face and heard her soft murmurs of apology. “Xena?”

Xena pulled away slightly and looked into Gabrielle's confused face. “Oh Gabrielle I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. It was an accident. I don't ever want to hurt you, not ever, but that's all I seem to do. I'm bad for you Gabrielle. I don't mean to be, but I am. I don't blame you if you hate me. I'm so sorry, so sorry. I love you.” All of that came out in a rush before Xena could stop it.

It took Gabrielle's brain a moment to process all of what Xena had just said. She was pretty sure that was the most Xena had ever said to her at one time. Plus Xena wasn't known to ramble. She was usually calm and to the point. But looking up at Xena, Gabrielle could see panic in those startlingly blue eyes. She could feel Xena's arms shaking as they held her. As she stared into the face of the woman she loved, all was forgiven. ‘Wait a minute. The woman I love? I love her?'

Just then all of the feelings she had been having for Xena rushed to the forefront of her brain and played out before her eyes. All the times her belly flip-flopped when Xena smiled at her, the unexplainable pressure in her lower abdomen when she saw Xena naked, the need to touch her. All of that suddenly became clear to her. ‘Oh gods. I love her. I'm in love with Xena. I'm in love with Xena!' Then another piece of information wiggled itself into her brain. What was that last part Xena had said? ‘Did she say she loved me?' Gabrielle tried to replay Xena's frantic run-on sentence again in her brain. Yes, she had definitely said she loved her. Now all those looks Xena had been giving her made sense. All the times she had caught Xena staring at her. The times she felt Xena's muscles twitch when she touched her. ‘She's in love with me too.' Gabrielle smiled.

Xena, who was still holding Gabrielle cradled in her arms, was watching Gabrielle intently. She held her breath while she waited for Gabrielle to announce whether she hated her or not. She had not immediately punched Xena in the face and stormed off. So Xena took that as a good sign. Xena watched the play of emotions flicker across the bard's face. She was deep in thought about something, but what that was, Xena couldn't guess.

Finally Gabrielle seemed to come to a decision. She smiled and looked up at Xena. Xena waited for Gabrielle to say something. But she had been holding her breath for so long her face was starting to turn blue. Gabrielle reached up and caressed Xena's red stained face. Xena was afraid to move. She wasn't sure if Gabrielle was actually caressing her, or if she was trying to disarm her enough to slap her full in the face. Xena wouldn't have blamed her if she did. She prepared herself for the slap. She had no intention of trying to stop Gabrielle. She knew she deserved it.

What Xena didn't expect was for Gabrielle to lean up and whisper “I love you too.”, before placing a small tender kiss on Xena's lips. With that, Xena fell back into a dead faint. The breath she had been holding whooshed from her body when her back hit the ground.

‘Was that supposed to happen?' Gabrielle thought. ‘I always read that when you kiss your true love you hear birds singing and see shooting stars and rainbows and magic fairies dance around you and play the panpipes.' Ok maybe not that last bit, but Gabrielle had a very creative imagination and she had had quite a bit of time to think about it over the years.

“Xena?” Gabrielle called. Nothing. Gabrielle tentatively poked Xena in the ribs. Nothing. ‘Oh gods! Did I kill her?' Gabrielle was really beginning to become concerned. She knew rule number one for waking the Warrior Princess was never shake her. But she had to know Xena was ok. Gabrielle grabbed Xena by the shoulders and gently began to shake her. “Wake up Xena. Please wake up.” When Xena didn't immediately awake, Gabrielle shook her as hard as she could. “Xena!”

Xena awoke with a snort. She sat bolt upright, arms flailing and yelled “Not the pygmies!” She looked wildly around trying to figure out where she was. Her eyes then fell on Gabrielle who was sitting there staring at her wide eyed.

“Oh. He he. Sorry about that.” Xena ran her fingers through her hair and tried to piece together what had happened. She had fainted. ‘Ares' balls I fainted! I might as well turn in my warrior card right now. I'm not a warrior. I'm just a blushing, fainting, idiot…. Wait a minute…' Xena's mind then returned to what was going on right before she fainted. She couldn't quite remember. She was having trouble figuring out what was dream and what was reality. Did Gabrielle say she loved her? Or was she dreaming? She was pretty sure the pygmies were a dream. But she looked around just in case, her eyes coming back to rest on Gabrielle.

“Uh, Gabrielle?”

“Yes Xena?” Gabrielle replied timidly

“Um, what happened right before I, uh, blacked out.”

“You mean before you fainted?”

Xena knew she was never going to live this night down. “Yes before I fainted.”

“You don't remember?” Gabrielle was slightly worried she had made a mistake.

“If I remembered, I wouldn't be asking you.”

“You don't remember anything?” Gabrielle was hurt. Their first kiss and Xena didn't even remember it.

“Gabrielle my mind is very jumbled right now. I'm not sure what I remember.”

Gabrielle sat looking at the ground.

Xena lifted Gabrielle's chin and looked into her eyes. “Please. Do what you did right before I fainted again.”

Gabrielle was hesitant.

“Please.” Xena said in a heartfelt whisper. In that moment Gabrielle knew she could never refuse her anything. She would do anything for this miraculous woman who held her heart.

Gabrielle leaned forward and placed a hesitant kiss on Xena's lips. When Xena didn't pull away, she kissed her again.

Xena felt like she was floating. Gabrielle was kissing her! Gabrielle loved her! With that knowledge, Xena leaned into the kiss and entangled her fingers in Gabrielle's hair to pull her closer.

“Ouch!” Gabrielle yelped

Xena pulled back, concerned. “What is it? What's wrong?”

“My face.” Gabrielle lightly touched her bruised face. “It's a little tender.”

“I'm sorry.” Xena hung her head.

“No it's ok. We just have to be careful of that side of my face.”

“You sure?”

Gabrielle smiled “Yeah.”

Xena leaned forward and captured Gabrielle's lips again, being very careful not to touch her bruise. She gently put her hands on Gabrielle's shoulders and eased her back onto her bedroll.

Gabrielle broke the kiss and looked into Xena's eyes. “I love you.” she whispered.

Xena smiled and stroked the un-bruised side of Gabrielle's face with the backs of her fingers. “I love you too.” She leaned down and gently kissed Gabrielle's lips. Xena wanted so badly to grab her and kiss her passionately, but she was afraid of scaring Gabrielle. She knew that Gabrielle was just coming to terms with her feelings and she wanted her to be sure.

Gabrielle pushed up on Xena's shoulders until she had rolled Xena over onto her back. Gabrielle quickly straddled Xena and pinned her to the ground. She grabbed Xena's hands and laced their fingers together while pulling them above Xena's head. Xena winced as her cut palm was stretched and pushed against Gabrielle's. She tried to hide her look of discomfort, but Gabrielle saw it.

Gabrielle let go of Xena's hands and sat up. “I'm sorry.” Gabrielle said quietly while looking at Xena's stomach. She couldn't bring herself to look Xena in the eyes.

“It's ok. Don't stop. I like it when you touch me.” Xena put her hands on Gabrielle's waist. Gabrielle still wouldn't look at her. Xena knew she needed to do something to get Gabrielle to relax. With a mischievous glint in her eye, Xena began to wiggle her fingers and mercilessly tickled Gabrielle's ribs and sides.

“Xena!” Gabrielle shrieked. Gabrielle tried to wriggle free from Xena's grip, but Xena's hands we so big it was hard to escape the merciless fingers.

Gabrielle effectively ended the tickle torture by going completely limp and slumping unceremoniously to the ground. She looked so funny that Xena started laughing. Gabrielle lay on the ground panting and holding her sides, while Xena lay on her back shaking with silent laughter. Gabrielle, who still had one of her legs across Xena, could feel her shaking.

“What's so funny?” Gabrielle panted.

“You!” Xena chuckled.

“Why? What did I do?” Gabrielle pouted.

Xena laughed harder. “You…….” Xena was trying to explain, but every time she opened her mouth she started laughing.

Gabrielle sat up and crossed her arms. This was not how she imagined her first time to be. She imagined candles and flowers. Not her partner laughing uncontrollably at her.

Xena realized that she had hurt Gabrielle's feelings. “I'm sorry Gabrielle. I was just trying to get you to relax.”

“Why were you laughing at me?” Gabrielle tried to ask without sounding pathetic, but it didn't really work.

“Because when you fell off of me you looked like a sack of potatoes.” Xena tried to playfully poke Gabrielle in the ribs, but Gabrielle batted her hand away.

“Great, just what I want my lover to think of me, a sack of potatoes.” Gabrielle looked dejected.

“But you're my sack of potatoes. And I love you.” Xena gave her a lopsided grin.

Gabrielle was about to come back with a retort, but then she realized that Xena was trying to be sweet. ‘Well it wasn't exactly a Sappho poem and she did just call me a sack of potatoes.' But she knew Xena wasn't very good with words so she decided to let the backhanded compliment go. She looked at Xena's smile and heard all of Xena's words of love without her having to say them.


“Yes Gabrielle?” Xena sat up

“Don't ever call me a sack of potatoes again.” Gabrielle said with a slight smirk

“Deal.” Xena leaned in to seal it with a kiss. When her lips were a hair's breadth away from Gabrielle's she wove her fingers through Gabrielle's hair. “Ugh! Aphrodite's tit!”

Gabrielle had closed her eyes in anticipation of the kiss. The last thing she was expecting was for Xena to yell in her face. “What?!?”

Xena pulled her hand away from Gabrielle's hair. “What in Tartarus is in your hair?”

“My hair?” Gabrielle reached behind her head and touched something sticky.

Xena leaned closer to examine Gabrielle's hair. “Ugh. It's wine.”

Gabrielle looked down at the offending wine puddle. She frowned. “Let's move over to my bedroll. Your's seems to be booby trapped.”

Xena couldn't help it. At the word “booby”, Xena looked at Gabrielle's chest and unconsciously licked her lips.

Gabrielle noticed and playfully slapped Xena on the arm. “Xena! You're terrible. Come on.” Gabrielle got up and walked over to her bedroll. Xena followed.

They both sat on Gabrielle's bedroll. Xena pulled Gabrielle onto her lap, wincing as Gabrielle's butt pressed against the cut on her thigh. Gabrielle tried to inquire about the cause of Xena's obvious discomfort, but Xena silenced her with a kiss.

Xena was careful to keep her hands away from Gabrielle's head. Between the bruise and the stickiness, she knew it was an accident waiting to happen. She slowly ran her hands up and down Gabrielle's back, afraid of moving too fast for Gabrielle. It was easier to keep her passion in check now with the constant pain in her thigh.

Gabrielle knew Xena was trying to be gentle with her. She appreciated the effort; however, she wanted more and didn't know how to go about getting it. She would have felt silly having to ask for it. Especially since she didn't know exactly what she wanted. All she knew was that she wanted to kiss and touch Xena everywhere. She decided to just start kissing Xena more passionately and maybe Xena would get the hint. She put her arms around Xena's neck and pulled her closer, crushing her lips against Xena's.

Xena tried to hold in her grunt of pain. Her face was smushed against Gabrielle's. Her nose was at an odd angle and she was sure her lips would be bruised from being crushed against Gabrielle's teeth. She opened her lips to remove some of the pressure.

Gabrielle still had a death grip on the back of Xena's head. She was trying to convey all of her wants and needs through her kiss. She hoped Xena was getting the message. Just to be sure she tightened her grip and tried to pull Xena closer.

Xena began to moan and flail her arms in an attempt to break Gabrielle's iron grip. When she had opened her lips, her bottom lip had gotten stuck between her teeth and Gabrielle's and she was sure she tasted blood.

Gabrielle felt Xena moving and thought Xena was finally getting into it. But when she tasted blood, she let go of Xena's head and leaned back. Xena looked like she had been stung by a bee on her lower lip. It was swollen to at least twice its normal size.

“Xena what happened?” Gabrielle was concerned.

“Nuffin. I hip my wip.” Xena's huge lip and the blood in her mouth were interfering with her speech.

“You did what?” Gabrielle was confused.

“I fed I hip my wip.” Xena grunted. Gabrielle looked more confused than before and there was no way she could annunciate better. So she tried to pantomime getting hit in the lip.

Gabrielle cocked her head to the side watching the little show. ‘Why on earth does Xena want to play charades now? Oh well, maybe it's some kind of foreplay I don't know about. I know Xena has lots of experience. I'll bet she knows all the best foreplay. Ok I'm game.'

Gabrielle watched Xena pointing to her lip. “Your lip.”

Xena nodded, and then pretended to slap her lower lip.

Gabrielle frowned. “Slap.”

Xena shook her head no, and then pointed to her lip again.

“Your lip.”

Xena nodded then made a pained face and pointed to her lip again.

Gabrielle thought for a second. “You don't like your lip.”

Xena gave her a baleful gaze and slowly shook her head no.

Annoyed and short tempered, Xena pointed to her lip again.

“Your lip.”

Xena smiled a humorless smile and nodded. She then began a series of frantic gestures that she hoped would get her message across.

Gabrielle sat back so she wouldn't get smacked by Xena's whirlwind of arms. When Xena was finished, Gabrielle thought about it for a while and then said triumphantly “The Birth of Athena.”

Xena growled and stood up, dumping Gabrielle off of her lap as she went. “I fed I hip ma wip! Ma wip!... Afuly YOU hip ma wip. You cwuft ma wip wif you teef!” Xena had begun pacing around the fire.

Gabrielle still wasn't entirely sure what she was saying, but she got the gist of it. She stood behind Xena so that when Xena turned to pace the other way she ran right into Gabrielle. “Oof!”

“Xena did I do that?” Gabrielle put her fingers near Xena's lip. “I'm so sorry. I never thought I would be this bad at it. I don't blame you if you've changed your mind.” Gabrielle was trying hard not to cry.

Xena's heart melted. She could never stay mad at Gabrielle. She pulled Gabrielle into a hug. “I lub you.”

Gabrielle giggled. “I lub you too.”

That earned her a look from Xena.

Xena laid down on Gabrielle's bedroll and held out her hand to Gabrielle.

“Oh Xena are you sure? I don't want to hurt you anymore. Plus we can't kiss with your lip like that.”

Xena motioned again for Gabrielle to come lay with her.

Xena was lying on her side, propped up on her elbow. Gabrielle lay down in front of her and mirrored her pose. She was determined not to do anything wrong this time.

Xena knew that her lip was too sore for kissing, but that didn't stop her from wanting to touch those luscious lips. She leaned forward and brushed her nose against Gabrielle's several times. Gabrielle smiled. She then snaked out her tongue and slowly licked Gabrielle's lower lip. A sharp intake of breath was all she heard from Gabrielle. Xena smiled. She continued to sensuously run her tongue along Gabrielle's lips.

Gabrielle was loving this. Xena's tongue felt so good. Gabrielle wanted to do it too. Gabrielle tentatively opened her lips and snaked out her own tongue and touched it to Xena's. The feeling was electric. Gabrielle moaned, but held herself in check. She didn't want to get over enthusiastic and do something stupid again.

Xena was afraid of what Gabrielle might do. Her lower lip trembled slightly in fear. But so far Gabrielle was just slowly and gently playing with her tongue. Xena relaxed a little. True she was tough, but she still didn't enjoy getting injuries.

Gabrielle was careful to stay away from Xena's lower lip. She was running her tongue along Xena's upper lip to the corner of her mouth, when she tasted something sweet. “Mmmm” Gabrielle moaned and licked the corner of Xena's mouth and tasted the wine again. She trailed her tongue up Xena's cheek following the trail of the wine stain.

Xena felt Gabrielle's tongue stray from her lips and go to her cheek. She sighed as she felt Gabrielle's sweet tongue caress her cheek. Xena moaned. But then the sensation changed from a soft caress to a full lick. Xena opened her eyes. Gabrielle was licking the whole one side of her face like a cat. “Gabielle?... Gabielle.” Xena whispered, trying to get Gabrielle's attention.

“Mmmmm.” Gabrielle moaned. Xena's cheek was so soft and tasted so good. The wine had stained pretty much the whole one side of Xena's face. Gabrielle was determined to lick it all off. She heard Xena calling her name and that only encouraged her to lick more. But when she felt Xena pushing on her shoulders she pulled back to look at Xena's face.

Xena was all about kissing with tongue, but she wasn't crazy about her whole face being covered in saliva. She desperately wanted to wipe her face, but she didn't want to hurt Gabrielle's feelings again. She decided she would have to distract her.

“What's wrong?” Gabrielle asked. Worried she had done something wrong again.

“Nuffin.” Xena lied. “Dere fumpin I wanna fow you.”


“Juf way bap.”

Xena got up, and with her back to Gabrielle, discreetly wiped her face off, then stood at the foot of the bedroll facing Gabrielle.

Gabrielle looked up expectantly at Xena. She had no idea what Xena was about to do.

Xena smiled down at Gabrielle, a mischievous sexy smile. She reached up and slowly slid her shoulder straps off of her shoulders.

Gabrielle gulped and her eyes widened. She now knew what Xena intended to do and she gripped the bedroll to keep from trembling.

Encouraged by Gabrielle's reaction, Xena continued. She loved a good seduction. She was a little worried that Gabrielle's eyes might bug out of her head, but she figured she was a skilled healer and she would deal with it if the need arose.

Xena reached behind herself and started to unlace her leathers. She swayed slightly on the spot as she did so.

Gabrielle watched with rapt fascination. She couldn't take her eyes off of Xena's swaying torso. It was like she was being put under a spell. She was being hypnotized by Xena's sensuous body.

Xena was in her element and loving it. Slowly, painfully slowly to Gabrielle, Xena slid her leathers down until her breasts sprang free. She smiled as Gabrielle gasped and licked her lips. Xena made a show of caressing her breasts, cupping them as if offering them to Gabrielle.

Gabrielle began to sit up, but Xena shook her head no and motioned for her to lie back down.

Grabbing her leathers again, Xena slowly slid them the rest of the way down until they were around her ankles, never breaking eye contact with Gabrielle. She slowly straightened back up and kicked her leathers off to the side with one foot. There she stood in front of Gabrielle, naked in all her glory. She stood still for a few moments as she let Gabrielle's eyes rake over her body from head to foot and back. Xena was well aware of the effect her body had on people. Gabrielle's ravenous gaze made Xena's legs tremble, but she tried not to show it. Xena knew her backside was just as perfect as her front, so she turned so that Gabrielle could gaze at all of her. She wanted to offer up all of herself to the woman she loved.

When Xena bent over and took off her leathers, Gabrielle stopped breathing. Her mouth dropped open and she held the bedroll in a white knuckled grip. It took all of her will power to not jump up and tackle Xena. She wanted her so badly that her whole body was a trembling mess. Then Xena turned around and Gabrielle gasped. Then all was silent…until Gabrielle burst out into laughter.

As Xena turned around she heard Gabrielle's gasp and smiled to herself. She was glad that she was giving her love pleasure. ‘Just wait Gabrielle.' she thought. ‘If you think this feels good, just wait until I touch you. Oh baby I'm gonna make you feel things you've never even dreamed of.'

Xena stood there thinking of all the things she wanted to do with Gabrielle, when all of the sudden she heard Gabrielle start laughing. It wasn't a small chuckle either; it was a full belly laugh that had Gabrielle clutching her sides with tears in her eyes.

NEVER, in all her years of seducing people had anyone EVER had this reaction to Xena's body. Xena was completely dumbfounded. She had no idea what was going on. ‘What is so funny?!?' Xena didn't know what to do. She felt like an awkward teenager again. She had always been confident about her body, but now here she was presenting herself to the love of her life and Gabrielle was laughing at her. Xena crossed her arms protectively over her chest and tried to hide the look of hurt on her face.

By this point Gabrielle was laughing so hard she couldn't see straight. Tears were streaming down her face and her sides felt like they were going to split open. It took Gabrielle a moment to notice the look on Xena's face. When she saw Xena's face the laughter instantly died in her throat.

Xena turned away from Gabrielle fighting to keep herself from crying. ‘Damn it, she can laugh at me all she wants, but I will not give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry.' Xena turned to find where she had kicked her leathers.

Realizing that she had hurt her friend's feelings, Gabrielle got up and stood in front of Xena. Xena had her head down and tried to step around her.

“Xena please let me explain. I wasn't laughing at you. You are beautiful and I love you.”

Xena ignored her and tried to push past her to get to her leathers. She felt utterly exposed and desperately wanted to cover herself.

Gabrielle placed her hands on Xena's shoulders. “Xena you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You could be a goddess. You are so sexy you take my breath away.”

Xena stopped. She wanted to ask Gabrielle to explain, but she knew she sounded stupid trying to talk with her swollen lip and she didn't want to give Gabrielle another reason to laugh at her. So she just looked at Gabrielle, letting the hurt in her eyes show.

Gabrielle felt her heart constrict painfully in her chest. She had hurt Xena. Really hurt her. Gabrielle now understood just how much Xena loved her, to be willing to open her heart and be vulnerable. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Xena in a comforting embrace. “I love you so much Xena. I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you.” She began kissing Xena's chest.

Xena wrapped her arms around Gabrielle and kissed her on the top of her head. Then she pulled back and gave Gabrielle a questioning look.

Gabrielle understood. “Well you see Xena, when you turned around, at first all I could think was how beautiful you are. But then I noticed something strange.”

Xena quirked an eyebrow

“Well….Xena…. your entire butt is red. You must have sat in the wine.”

Both of Xena's eyebrows shot up into her bangs and she immediately tried to turn around and look at her butt.

“I wouldn't have laughed except for your butt looked exactly like a painting I once saw of a baboon butt.”

Xena stopped spinning around trying to look at her own butt and stared at Gabrielle. “A wap?”

“A baboon butt. It's kinda like a monkey.”

Xena narrowed her eyes. ‘So you thought I had a monkey butt.' Xena didn't say anything, but she didn't have to. Gabrielle knew what she was thinking.

Gabrielle was trying hard not to laugh again. “No Xena the color reminded me of… oh never mind. It doesn't matter. I shouldn't have laughed. It just surprised me that's all. I'm sorry.” She leaned closer to Xena. “Can we please pick up where we left off?”

Xena swallowed and attempted to talk around her big lip.“I don know.” Xena pretended to think it over. “You weawy hurp my feewings juf now”. Xena sat down on the bedroll. “I fink you fould give me a wittle fhow to ceer me up.” she smiled.

Gabrielle felt a bit apprehensive. She had never stripped for anyone before. Sure she had taken her clothes off with Xena to go swimming and to bathe, but this was different. Gabrielle reached under her shift, grabbed her breeches, and slowly slid them down her legs.

This got Xena's attention. Xena only got a glimpse of Gabrielle's golden patch before it was covered again by her shift. Xena growled deep in her throat. She wanted another look, and the look she was giving Gabrielle was nothing short of predatory.

Gabrielle gulped and blushed with embarrassment. As far as she knew she had never had this effect on anyone before. Xena looked like she wanted to eat her alive. Gabrielle decided she wanted to make this moment last, so instead of taking off her shift, she began to sway her body and slowly spin as she danced around the fire.

Xena was hypnotized. When Gabrielle would spin, the bottom of her shift would flare just enough to give Xena a brief glimpse of the treasures hidden underneath. She wanted more. She needed more. She got up into a crouch and continued to watch Gabrielle unblinkingly.

Gabrielle felt like her skin was on fire. Never before had she felt so alive, so in control of her body. She had Xena wrapped around her little finger and she knew it. She basked in her new found sexual power as she danced around the fire.

Finally she came to a stop in front of a crouched Xena. “I love you.” Gabrielle whispered. Then she took off her shift and flung it over her head.

Xena stared open mouthed at Gabrielle. She had never seen anything so beautiful in all her life. Gabrielle was hers, all hers. Xena smiled.

Gabrielle began to feel a little self conscious. “Xena.” She whispered.

Xena stood and embraced Gabrielle. They both moaned at the contact. Xena could feel Gabrielle's skin pressing against the length of her and it felt delicious. She could feel Gabrielle's breasts pressing just below her own. She could feel Gabrielle's golden patch tickling her thighs. Xena sighed in contentment. She ran her hands up and down Gabrielle's back, feeling the goose bumps erupt in their wake.

Gabrielle's hands were not still either. She ran her fingers through Xena's hair, occasionally pulling it when her fingers would hit a tangle.

Xena hid her face in Gabrielle's neck, partly because she wanted to lose herself in the smell of her lover and partly to keep herself from whimpering when Gabrielle pulled her hair.

Xena let her hands slide down Gabrielle's back and over her butt. There Xena stopped and grabbed two handfuls of the luscious mounds. ‘What the…' Xena rubbed her hands against Gabrielle's butt again. ‘What in Tartarus is on her butt?' Xena leaned her head forward to peer over Gabrielle's shoulder. Gabrielle's skin glowed pale in the moonlight. There, where there should have been two perfect pale mounds, instead were two very dirty cheeks. ‘Zeus' left nut. How did she get dirt on her butt?' Xena almost laughed, but caught herself in time. The last thing they needed was another distraction. She knew that if she laughed at Gabrielle now, they might never consummate their love. But Xena found the view extremely funny and tried to lean even further over Gabrielle's shoulder to get a better look.

Gabrielle felt Xena leaning further into her and in turn tightened her embrace as well. ‘Xena is so sweet. She never lets anyone see this softer side of her. Aw, she is cuddling with me.' Gabrielle smiled.

The death grip Gabrielle now had on Xena was starting to cut off her supply of oxygen. In the interest of self preservation, Xena lay back on the bedroll, pulling Gabrielle with her. Xena decided to let Gabrielle set the pace.

Gabrielle found herself lying on top of Xena. The feeling was incredible. She looked deeply into Xena's eyes and saw the love shining back at her. Afraid that she might hurt Xena's lip, Gabrielle decided to kiss her neck and chest instead.

Xena had no problem with this. The feel of Gabrielle's lips on her was electric. She ran her fingertips up and down Gabrielle's back, encouraging her to continue her exploration. When she felt Gabrielle kissing her breasts she gasped and held Gabrielle's head in place.

Gabrielle felt Xena grab her head and knew she must be doing something right. Xena had the most perfect breasts. Gabrielle made sure she devoted equal time to kissing each one. When she reached out her tongue to lick a nipple, Xena moaned and reflexively spread her legs. Gabrielle was ecstatic. She continued to lick, kiss, and suck Xena's breasts. Xena was moaning and writhing underneath her. Gabrielle couldn't get enough. She wanted to do this forever. However, she was starting to get a crick in her neck so she rose up and adjusted her position, effectively slamming her knee right into Xena's crotch.

Xena screamed and her body tried to curl itself into a protective ball.

Gabrielle sat up, horrified. “Xena?!? Xena are you ok?!? Gods I am so sorry!”

Xena could only whimper.

“Xena?” Gabrielle began to cry.

Xena reached out her hand and held Gabrielle's. They stayed that way for a few minutes until Xena had recovered a bit. Xena knew no one would be touching her down there for a few days until the bruise healed, but that didn't mean she couldn't touch Gabrielle. Up until this point everything had gone wrong, but Xena was determined to salvage this night. She motioned for Gabrielle to lie down and then lay next to her.

Gabrielle was still mortified that she had hurt Xena, again. But Xena seemed to want to continue, and she was more than willing to comply.

Xena drew lazy patterns on Gabrielle's skin with her finger tips. Enjoying how she was making Gabrielle quiver. She wanted so badly to kiss her, but she didn't think she could with her swollen lip. So she settled for rubbing her face against Gabrielle's skin. Gabrielle's skin was so soft and felt so good. Xena rose up on her elbows and slowly lowered herself onto Gabrielle, making sure to support most of her weight on her elbows and knees. She lowered her head and rubbed her face against Gabrielle's perfect breasts. Maybe this night wasn't so bad after all.

Gabrielle had her eyes closed and her head back. She had never felt anything like this in her whole life. It felt exquisite. She never wanted it to end.

Xena adjusted her weight and slowly trailed a hand down to rest on Gabrielle's hip. She paused there, massaging Gabrielle's hip bone. Xena wanted her to know where her hand was. She didn't want to startle Gabrielle. The way this night was going, she didn't want to take any chances. Her sex quivered at the memory. Then Xena guided her hand down between Gabrielle's legs. Gabrielle was completely soaked. Xena smiled as she continued to rub her face against Gabrielle's breasts. She dipped her fingers into Gabrielle's wetness and felt Gabrielle arch her back. She found Gabrielle's swollen nub and began to slowly move her fingers in circles.

Gabrielle felt like her brain might explode from all of the sensations coursing through her body. The feel of Xena in her most secret place was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Gabrielle couldn't think, she could only feel. She was lost in a world of sensations. Then suddenly she needed to feel Xena's body, all of Xena's body. It was an overwhelming urge that had to be satisfied NOW. Without thought, Gabrielle took her arms and pushed against the one arm holding Xena up. Effectively making Xena's arm buckle and have her full weight come crashing down on Gabrielle.

The majority of Xena's weight came crashing down on Gabrielle's midsection, resulting in a very loud fart.

They both laid there motionless for a few moments, until the smell of Gabrielle's fart wafted up and over them. Xena tried not to gag.

Xena gave up. She was done. There was no way they were going to make love tonight. They were covered in so many stains and bruises. They looked like they had both been in a fight…and lost. Gabrielle looked so sad and dejected that she knew she had to say something. But she was afraid Gabrielle wouldn't understand her with her swollen lip. The swelling had gone down some, but she was still very careful to annunciate.

“Gabrielle sweetheart, I love you and I want to make love to you, but this just isn't going to happen tonight. I think we both need time to recover.”

Gabrielle nodded “I'm sorry for ruining everything.”

Xena lay on her back and opened her arms to Gabrielle. “You didn't ruin anything.”

Gabrielle very carefully moved into the comfort of Xena's arms. “But I…”

Xena silenced her by putting her fingers over Gabrielle's lips. “You love me and I love you. That's all that matters. Don't worry, when the time is right we will consummate our love and it will be perfect.”

Gabrielle smiled.

They snuggled into each other's embrace and enjoyed being new, almost, lovers.

Xena was almost asleep when she heard Gabrielle murmur “Fish.”

“What?” mumbled Xena sleepily.

“Your fingers… they kinda smelled a little bit like…. Xena!”

“My fingers smell like me?”

“No. I mean yes. I mean…. before….my bedroll. When I came back from bathing my bedroll smelled funny and I couldn't quite place what it was. It was you!”

Xena didn't respond.

“You were….were…. on my bedroll. Weren't you?” It was more of a statement than a question.

Xena didn't know what to say, so she just lovingly stoked Gabrielle's face.

“Why?” Gabrielle inquired.

“Not everyone likes fish Gabrielle. I'm just glad that it turns out YOU do.” She smiled at Gabrielle and kissed her on the nose.

Gabrielle smiled back and snuggled back down into Xena's embrace. Xena was almost asleep again when she heard Gabrielle softly inquire “Can we have fish for breakfast?”




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