Immortality and Greek Wizardy Part 5

The Battle Of The Wizards

By: Pat Winterburn

For my friend Steve. Who kept bugging me about finding my owl.

Disclaimers: To whoever owns the rights to Xena Warrior Princess I apologize.

Violence: Corporate violence

Sex: Please, I hope so. And could someone make me a drink for after.


Xena had a ritual before each battle. She would take a long hot bath, allowing the steam to cleanse her mind of any unimportant details. Concentrate on the battle ahead. Out think your enemies strategies. Go over every map, in her mind. Every hill, lake, river and mountain. Never leave anything to chance. Come well prepared to fight, even if it was a lost cause, out numbered or just plain suicidal.

She made sure her armor shone brightly and her sword, so sharp, it would slice a man in half.

She would never forget to brush Argo down to a fine shine, saddle her, with polish on the brass buttons that would blind the approaching army. The horse fed and watered, exercised and made ready on a moments notice to take off to the destination before them.

The battle field just ahead would soon see the carnage left behind by this warrior woman. The smell of death and blood would make even the strongest of warriors to fall upon their knees and vomit. The loss of men and horses would be a tragedy today. All because a greedy king would not sit and listen to reason. He could not find it in his soul to allow his people the freedoms that they richly deserved. He was ruthless and evil and today he would die at the hands of Xena Warrior Princess.


Time is such a curious thing. The hands on a clock go around and around and never seem to stop anywhere. They just keep moving. But, as each second of the hands of time click, mortality is alive and moving about in it's daily business. The planet moves about with no care about time other then their meeting. Time to be at work or school, an all important appointment or home relaxing with family. Time to wake up. Go to sleep. Have breakfast, lunch or dinner? Time revolves around everything and everything revolves around time.

Time is what my story is centered around today. A careless moment in time, when questions should have been first, not after. A very cocky wizard, who meant well, did not follow the proper precedures of wizardy and is now been called before the board of inquiry, almost 3000 years later.

"Why so late?" "Why now?" I asked Aphrodite. "Your not even on the Wizards Councel." "How can they send you to escort me back to the Wizard Realm?"

"Duh!" "Because I put you into this mess and now you have to clean it up."

"Me!!!!" "Your in this too!"

"Sorry Wiz, I'm a God, don't have to do anything." "Be ready in 2 hours." "Ta, Ta!"

"Ah, shit!" "Only me." I say to my image in the mirror. "Big dope!" "They are going to dis bar me as a wizard." "I just feel it."

"Well, let's really piss them off." "I've got big shoulders."

"So, I can't bring anyone in with me?" "Never piss off a wizard, who's had lots of 21st Century verbal and combat training." A nasty toothy grin looks back at me in the mirror and a certain warrior princess and her bard come to mind.


A ray of light shines into Xena and Gabrielle's bedroom. The sleepy bard gives her concent and I appear before them.

"Good morning, my friends, I have come for a favour." I quickly blurt out before loosing my nerve.

"No, get lost!" a cranky warrior mumbles. "No favours before coffee." "You know the agreement." Gabrielle mutters.

"Sorry ladies, coffee later, right now I need to wear you."

A pair of green and blue eyes open wide at that comment, but it was to late.

In the blink of an eye, they were on my t-shirt I was wearing. Sort of like the ones you see at those sci-fi conventions.

Only I can hear Xena and Gabrielle's voices on the t-shirt and right now the language, even a sailor would cringe.

I simply explain to them, that this is the only way I can get their help. Otherwise I'm on my own and for this mission I'm going to need backup and ideas.

I finish showering ,and as I finish dressing, Aphrodite appears and waits for me.

I am dressed in a 21st Century outfit. Blue jeans and shirt, brown western boots, brown belt, the t-shirt underneath with Xena and Gabrielle on the front and my "I have many skills" ballcap, that says Xena.

Of course the councel, will be displeased with my attire, but to Tartarus with them. I owe them nothing, I work for Aphrodite and this hearing is bogus.

As I put the key into the wizard realm, I recalled Argo. What a proud horse she was.

Xena never rode another horse into a battle. She trusted Argo with her life and Argo was a fine loyal animal, that never let her master down.

After this mess is over, I must take Xena and Gabrielle to visit her in the Elysian Fields. I'm sure they miss her.

My thoughts are quickly brought back to the present. I have been instructed to wait outside in this area filled with chairs. I am given a number and when it is called, I am to hand it to the caller and follow him. Why do I feel like i'm waiting in a dentists office? Must be the gnawing feeling in my stomach.

"Girls!" I whisper. "It's time to meditate for awhile and focus my thoughts."

"I'll focus your thoughts, when we get out of here!" "I'm going to kick your ass all the way to Mt. Olymipus!" Xena growled.

"Please quit sweating wizard, your shower is wearing off." Pleads Gabrielle.

"Sorry girls." I sigh. "I'll make it up to you as soon as I can."

My number is called. My time is up. Only "The Fates" know what's in store for me now.

"Wilham!" I sneer. "I might have known it was you who called me here." "Still pissed because I tossed your ass out of the wizard games a hundred years ago?"

A nasty grin forms across his face and I can see his eyes light up in delight at my being called here. He stood there in his robes looking like a hungry rat eyeing a piece of cheese. He seemed thinner then the last time I recalled our encounter. His face was drawn, cruel looking and I could feel the hatred he had for me. I felt nothing but disgust for this once great wizard. There was something about him, a dark coldness that made my skin crawl as I watched him begin to speak.

"How dare you come dressed like that into this sacred kingdom!" "You should be ashamed of yourself!" He rants.

"I'm here Wilham, because I have to be, not because I want to be." "Now, get on with your bullshit, or else I'm leaving." "I have people needing me."

Wilham rises from behind his desk and starts to unroll a lengthy scroll in front of him.

"You have been charged with the crimes of interference of the human race and of the interference of the realms, to which you have changed the course of history."

"These are serious charges, Wizard Tapesus, and you have been found guilty by your fellow wizards." "Therefore I hearby sentence you to .........................

I never did heard those final words of his. Faster then my thoughts could process, Xena and Gabrielle's bodies had jump out of their protected cover and stood beside me ready for battle.

I sent a fireball at Wilham and watched him fly across the room.

Xena had leaped onto the table, sword swinging at anything that moved or tried to move.

Gabrielle had knocked two guards over and pinned them with her sais'.

The room fell quiet as I walked over to Wilham.

"You have no control over me, Wilham." I spat. "I control my own destiny and my own fate." "Not you!"

"You will never interfere with my life ever again." "Do you hear me!"

Wilham slowly arose from the floor and faced me with such hatered in his eyes, he looked at me and tried to speak, but only whispered.

"We will hunt you down for this wizard." "There is no escaping."

"Do so, Wilham, and it will be for the last time." "For I will defeat you." I calmly stated.

Looking for my warrior friends, I smiled and said. "I think the parties over, time to go home."


Of course Xena and Gabrielle had both chewed my ass out good that day. But, at least Xena had thanked me for the fight. She had enjoyed flexing her sword again. Gabrielle had made me promise, "no more t-shirts." To which I happily agreed.

Now, we come back to the issue of time. It seemingly does not heal all wounds and I knew it would be no time before Wilham and his henchmen would come after me.

A small white snowy owl, sat on my shoulder and preceeded to give me owl kisses on my cheek. "Guardian", I cried. "Where have you been?" "You missed all the excitement the other day."

Another nibble on my cheek and then she began to whisper into my ear. "He's coming, it is time to leave."

I'm sure my heart stopped beating for a moment when her words were spoken.

"I'm not leaving, Guardian." "I will fight." "He will loose."

"No." She replied. "He has unlocked the secret of the Ancients, and he will use their power to destroy you." "Even Aphrodites power can not match his."

"But what of Xena, Gabrielle and the girls?" "They will be unprotected." My voice sounding almost pleading.

"He is only after you and they can't help you this time." "Please, we must leave!"

I can only trust my small friend and hear her words. We leave. Back to my old cave, to figure out what to do and how to do it. Even I am not foolish enough to battle the power of the Ancients. I will need a weapon more powerful then fireballs for this war. I take a moment for my soul to stop aching for the people I love. This freedom I have come to know and all the lives my heart has touched over the centuries. Somewhere there has to be an answer to this maddness.

Perhaps a history lesson is the answer!


There was a time when two gods ruled the earth. Dahok was one and the other was only refered to as The Ancient One. Their epic struggle for light and darkness has been told over the ages, to the point where no one really knows what happened or how the dispute was settled. All we know for sure is the earth survives with both light and dark halves. Some say it was a comprimise, in order not to destroy each other. Others say the battle still rages on with no one winning.

It was during this time, however, each god created an army of wizards, to protect the light half of the world, the other the dark half. It still holds true today, except the wizards work together now trying to keep the earth from dying, of mankinds cruel and unusual treatment of their home.

As the wizards grew more powerful throughout the ages, all their acquired knowledge had been recorded and stored in what was known as the "Book Of The Ancients." All mystic powers, potions and spells were carefully listed and kept in the "Kingdom of the Wizards." This is were Wilham would have access to it and he must of found a spell, which could not be counteracted by another spell. Thus, Guardian's fear for my safety.

In the old part of my library, there was a large section of these spells, left to me by my ancestors. It was going to take a lot of time and reading on my part, but, it seems, while hidden away, time was on my side.

Three days of research finally turned up a clue as to what Wilham, could use against me. It was an ancient curse as such. It gave the ability to Dahok or the Ancient One to dissolve a wizard of their power, leaving them helpless in the face of their enemies. There was no reference to a remedy, as no wizard who was ever stripped of their powers, lived to find one.

Surely this could not be my fate, cast upon me by the wizards councel?

For if Wilham thinks for one minute he is going to put the whammy on this old wizard, he should check his horoscope. "Falling objects, may indeed block your path today."

"Aphrodite!" "I need to see you!" "Aphrodite!" This time a little more force behind my voice.

"Wizard!" "I'm in the bath, buzz me later."

Arrrrgggg, goddess!!!!! Well, if Mt. Olympus won't come to the wizard, then the wizard will go to Mt. Olympus.

Aphrodite lay in a sunken marble bath surrounded by bubbles and bath boys. Her long blonde hair was being gently washed by one dark haired attendant, while her body was being washed, two, three.........

I think I had better announce my arrival.

"Aphrodite!" I called very clearly. "I need your help."

"Pooh, Wizard!" She pouted. "I'm a little busy here."

"Not as busy as you will be, if Wilham is able to strip me of my powers."

"You'll have to look after the girls and the babies."

That got her attention. Bathtime was quickly over with and we were sitting alone in her chambers.

I explained my suspicions quickly and we needed to come up with a plan. If my fears were correct and Wilham's ancestors were from Dahoks side of the family, not only were Xena and Gabrielle in danger, but possibly all of humanity.

Aphrodite called for the Olympian Historian. He was given the task of tracking down Wilham's family tree, to see if I was correct.

A few hours later the historian made his discovery. It seems in the ancient times a dark male wizard fell in love with a light female wizard, producing a child. Both of the parent wizards were stripped of their powers by their respective lords, but the Ancient One having compassion for the innocent child, aloud him to live and be raised as a light wizard, knowing in his heart, the child was half dark.

Somewhere down the lineage, would the dark side surface?


There was something about sitting here alone in the cave, that brought saddness to my heart. Silence. I could not hear the voices of my loved ones laughter, nor of the four babies, to which I have become so attached. My heart also ached for my own lover, for I had not spoken to her for days now. I guess it was time to break this silence. I called Sally.

"Hey, it's me." softly speaking into the pool of knowledge. "I'm here in the cave, with the owl."

"Tap, you've got to come home!" Urgency in her voice. "Xena pitched a fit because you left." "She threw her chakram in the livingroom, smashing Gabrielle's antique vase." "They got into an argument." " Sandra and Amy came in to see what was going on." " Then all four started to argue." "Worst of all, Aphrodite came in to break it up by throwing a love spell on them." " The orgy was on and now everyone is angry, embarrassed and upset." "And, the babies won't go to sleep at night, because their favourite wizard doesn't sneek in to tell them a bedtime story."

"I guess i'm busted on that one, aren't I?" My face beet red from embarrassment.

"Yes you are wizard and I miss you." She spoke softly.

"If I come home, I could endanger everybody." "I haven't decided what else to do." My brow coming together in a frown.

In the back of my mind, I knew of only one course of action to take, but the thought of it frightened even me.

"I am going to the Temple of the Ancient One." I told her. "Maybe I'll find the answer in there."

Gathering up my traveling clothes, I took one last look around my precious cave.

How many times in my life had I come here to sort out all of lifes problems with the answer that I would hope to be the right one. So far my batting average was very good. But to travel to the temple of the Ancient One? How foolish would I be to think that" She", might leave me a clue, as to my answers. Was I just being cocky, in believing in myself? Or was this just another "time" in my life? Those questions and many more, would soon be answered. I hope.


I stood before the temple. My body shaking from not only fear, but amazement. Why was it so run down looking? I thought the councel had decided centuries ago to maintain the building. This was truly disrespectful to the one who had created us. I concentrated on the area and with a sweep of both my arms, the building was fresh again. The flowers bloomed, trees were full of leaves and even the sky seemed to be bluer in colour.

"Not a bad place to die, if it happens." I said to Guardian who decided to travel with me. She just looked at me, then turned her head.

We walked inside the building. The smell of must and mould, made my eyes water and nearly turned my stomach.

"Yuck, what a stink!" As I covered my mouth in disgust. Again I had to use my magic to clean up this once hallowed sanctuary of our noble Ancient One.

I proceeded to the library, in hopes of finding any of the ancient records. Nothing.

Everywhere I looked, nothing.

"I guess they moved everything to the Kingdom of the Wizards." I said hoping that Guardian was near.

The only thing that seemed to be left, was the throne that was still in the middle of the room. A smile stretched across my face as I pondered what it would be like to sit in it.

"Hey, why not?" "No ones here." I thought.

Wrong answer. As I sat there smugly, a white light surrounded me. A small figure appeared before me and I could feel it's power. It felt like my body was shackled. I couldn't move. The light danced around me, whispering to me, in a language I could barely understand. It was the ancient language of the wizards.

"This is what I get for speaking Greek and English all the time. " I said to no one in particular.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand." I called out.

Swiftly I could feel the entity entering my body, a powerful surge of engery ignited me.

"Wow!" I cried out. "That's one hell of an orgasm!"

Giving my lungs a few moments to breathe some air, I soon felt my brain kick into gear and realized what this was all about. The Ancient One had blessed me with the secrets of the past. It was up to me to stop Wilham from destroying all the good that the light wizards had done throughout the ages.

I also realized something else. It was no accident that I had been chosen to watch over Xena, Gabrielle and their descendants. It seems their blood was also a mixture of light and dark. A smile danced across my face. Guess I don't need to figure out, which one of them is dark and which one is light.

I called for Guardian. It was time to return home. We had a problem to fix and his name is Wilham.


Upon my return, I found one relieved lover, four angry women for leaving them and four unhappy babies demanding story time. Nice to be missed.

Of course they also noticed something that I didn't realize. My appearance had changed somewhat. I had a faint glow to my skin. A white light. Even my eyes looked different. Brighter and clearer. For inside I held the Ancient Ones secrets. A gift for sure.

"Wilham will be here soon." "It is time to prepare." I spoke quietly.

It was Xena's practice throughout her years as a warrior, to take a long hot bath before each battle. "It cleanses the soul," she had once said. We had built a hot tub for just this purpose. Gabrielle, Sandra, Amy, Sally and myself would join her in this ritual. It was our time of friendship and peace, incase one or more of us did not return. I also took the time to make love to my own soulmate. The white light surrounded us both as I took her in my arms and kissed her deeply. Even if Hades, was to come knocking on my door, I would have never had heard him. Never had I felt such love and intimacy. It was as if her body melted into mine. I could feel her blood pounding, her breathing ragged. Hands and lips could not consume enough flesh until that final white light of orgasm shot through our bodies and left us with a final thankyou to the Ancient One.


I dressed in my ceremonial robes. Blue and Green in colour with a gold trim. I had decided on these colours for Xena and Gabrielle's eyes and the gold trim for Aphrodite. The decals on the robe it self were designs of chakrams, swords, staves and sais. A tribute to their history. This was going to be a quick battle. I would win.

The journey to the Kingdom of the Wizards was a short one. Each warrior quickly disposed of the posted guards. With a wave of my hand the chamber doors opened. This time I wasn't going to sit and wait for a number.

As predicted Wilham started screaming about "how dare I etc. etc.", but I held my temper this time and did not blow him across the room. I also noticed something I hadn't on our last encounter. He also had a glow around him. A dark one. He was indeed as I feared. A descendant of the child that the Ancient One had taken mercy upon. The dark side had finally come out.

Like two great CEO's of competing companies we vollied shots back and forth. Each deflecting the others. It was going no where. The other wizards of the councel scattered out of the chambers. Just for fun I vollied one small fire ball at the ass of one councel members I didn't like. Hey, even a wizard has to have some fun. They're all so stuck up. Never was into all that pomp and nonsense.

Wilham stood still for a moment. A familiar scent surprised him.

"You brought her again didn't you?" He asked.

"Yes, I did bring Gabrielle, Wilham." "Dahok may have taken her innocence once upon a time, but you will never touch her or Amy."

"Your time for ruling the councel is over with, Wilham." "Leave now or face the consequences. I said glaring into his cold eyes.

"The blood mixture of light and dark that Xena and Gabrielle have, gives me the advantage." "Leave."

He stood before me and laughed.

"I will allow you this win Wizard Tapesus, but when next we meet........... "

He vanished in a cloud of smoke.


Tonight I sit and watch as the light of the day turns into the darkness of the evening and wonder. The new secrets that have been given to me, I will keep in my heart for the rest of eternity. The Ancient One has surely blessed me with this gift.

A familiar voice calls me to bed Where did that time thing go again? It seems just minutes ago that the sun had set. It has been hours.

"Where are Xena and Gabrielle, tonight? " She asks.

"They're in the Elysian Fields, visiting with Argo." I replied. "I promised it to them."

As I crawl into bed, Sally looks at me and frowns.

"Are you going to glow all night?" "You'll keep me awake."

A devilish smile forms over my face.

"Well as long as your awake." As I gather her into my arms.

In the darkness of the night, two souls dance into the light of the Ancient One.

Time carries on reguardless.

The End.

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