Love's Masquerade

By Radclyffe

www.radfic.com

Your interview has been scheduled for Monday, March 17th, at 10:00 a.m. in Suite 4000, the Palmer Building, 1900 Rittenhouse Square.

It was eight-thirty. If she walked slowly, stopped at Starbucks, and read the morning Inquirer, she'd only be half an hour early.

Early is good. Early shows interest; early shows reliability. Early shows punctuality. She grimaced. Early is desperate. And I'm not desperate yet.

Eight-forty. She stopped in front of the walnut-framed, full-length mirror just inside the entranceway and checked her appearance. Medium height, medium build, medium-length golden-blond hair. Ordinary in every respect. The pale green suit was well-cut if not terribly expensive and the ochre silk blouse, an admitted extravagance, was both. Outside on the marble steps she turned sideways to allow the third floor tenant to pass on the narrow staircase.

"Aud! I was going to call you." The small, tawny-skinned woman in a Temple sweatshirt asked, "Today's the big interview?"

"Yes. Hi, Shylock." Auden agilely circumvented the black and brown mixed-breed terrier by her friend's side and escaped to the street. "Wish me luck."

"You don't need luck," her friend avowed, juggling leash, a cup of coffee, and a take out bag as she unlocked the door. "You've got brains. Call me later. I want to hear everything."

Auden took a deep breath and started off. I just hope there's something to tell.

Despite every delaying tactic she could devise, Auden was still fifteen minutes early. When the brass-plated doors of the double wide elevator slid silently open on the top floor of the Palmer Building, she found herself in the reception area of the executive suite. A perfectly coiffed redhead looked up from behind the adjoing desk with a practiced smile.

"Just a moment." A half-swivel on the leather chair, a flash of fingers flying across a keyboard, a series of entries scrolling down the computer monitor. Another pleasant smile. "I'm sorry. I don't see your name. Perhaps it's with another division? I doubt that Mr. Pritchard-"

"Thank you." Auden followed through a paneled walnut door into a labyrinth of hallways with smaller rooms opening on either side to yet another set of double doors.

The redhead pressed an intercom discreetly set into the wall. "I have Ms. Frost, Mr. Pritchard."

Once inside, Auden found herself facing a tall, thin man who looked to be about fifty, with a full head of dark hair and steel blue eyes. She held out her hand.

"Ms. Frost," he said in a well-modulated baritone. "Please sit down. Our records indicate that you were initially scheduled to interview for a position in the non-fiction division."

"That's correct." Perplexed, Auden raised an eyebrow. "And I take it there's a problem?"

"An embarrassing one-for me." He folded his hands and leaned forward. "It seems that the positi-"

A door on the far side of his office opened and a woman walked in. "Abel, have you got-"

Both Auden and Abelard Pritchard turned in the direction of the woman who stood in the open doorway. She was taller than average, with unruly jet black hair and obsidian eyes that appeared fathomless in contrast to her pale complexion. Her gaze locked with Auden's, and without moving her eyes from Auden's face, she murmured in a throaty tenor, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had an appointment."

"Neither, apparently, did I," Pritchard said. "I'm afraid I failed to inform Ms. Frost that the position for which she was scheduled to interview had already been filled."

"Editor?" The newcomer leaned a shoulder gracefully against the highly polished woodwork of the doorframe. "Have you experience?"

The scrutiny from the penetrating eyes was as tangible as a touch, and Auden found her throat suddenly tight as she replied. "Yes."

"Abel, can you please assemble the necessary paperwork and show Ms. Frost into my office?"

Pritchard rose stiffly, then indicated the doorway through which the dark-haired woman had disappeared. "If you please, Ms. Frost."

Auden had no choice but to follow and soon found herself looking once again into dark eyes flecked with bits of silver and gold. Lovely, hypnotically beautiful. Like the woman.

Auden blinked, and the spell was broken. Once again she held out her hand, and the returned grip this time was just as firm as Mr. Pritchard's, but the skin cooler, and the skin very soft. "I'm happy to meet you."

Auden tried not to look as shell-shocked as she felt. She hadn't expected an interview with the president of the publishing company, nor had she expected Haydon Palmer to be quite so well, so Young? Commanding? Stunning?

While Haydon flipped pages, Auden took advantage of the opportunity to study her. She didn't look much older than Auden's twenty-five, although her pale flawless skin, draped elegantly over chiseled cheekbones and sculpted jaw, made it difficult to delve beneath the beauty for the usual clues. From where she sat, Auden could make out a few faint lines at the corners of deep-set eyes, but these could have been from laughter as well as years. Only the barest hint of shadows bruising nearly translucent lower lids marred the otherwise perfect face. The hands that held the sheet of paper were long fingered and finely boned. Oddly, Auden could discern a faint tremor in them. For some reason, that unwitting confession of physical vulnerability caused Auden to catch her breath sharply. She found Haydon Palmer infinitely more attractive in the face of this slight hint of human frailty.

Hays glanced up to find Auden's blue-green eyes riveted on her face. The gently searching look was soft and soothing on her skin. As silence descended once again, Hays allowed her gaze to roam over the woman who watched her with a faint question in her green eyes.

Reddish highlights glinted in thick golden hair, full red lips parted faintly, and the delicately drawn features, coupled with the glow of honey-tinged complexion, created a visage worthy of a portrait gallery. The suggestion of a strong body tempered by gentle curves completed the picture of an extraordinarily attractive woman.

Auden dragged her eyes away from Haydon Palmer's face, hoping to dispel the disquieting distraction the woman's presence created. She cleared her throat and replied in a steady voice. "Miller's was a scholarly press. I started out editing the art and literature publications, and for the last year, was the education division manager."

"No," Auden answered carefully. "I won't pretend there are no differences, but the mechanics must surely be the same."

Hays leaned back in the dark leather chair and crossed her ankle over her knee. "Who's your favorite romance writer?"

Auden hesitated. If this was an interview, it was the oddest one she had ever encountered. "Biographies, social commentary some history."

"I don't know." Auden contemplated the question, surprised that she hadn't a clue to the answer. "I suppose I've never had enough time."

" Not usually," Auden admitted. I could never really relate to it. I've always been bored.

No. You probably don't have time for casual escapism, do you? Hays passed a hand over her face and straightened slightly, realizing that she shouldn't have even begun this interview. There'd just been something so compelling about the look in Auden Frost's eyes that first moment in Abel's office. Inquisitiveness, intelligence, strength. She sighed, wondering if her weariness showed. "I'm sorry, Ms. Frost. I am looking for someone to fill a very specific position." She paused, uncharacteristically undecided. Then she shook her head, allowing reason to rule instinct. "However, I don't believe the job is well-suited for you."

"Or rather, you don't think I'm suited to it." Auden wasn't able to keep the irritation from her voice. It rankled her to realize that Haydon Palmer found her lacking. That reaction made no logical sense, but she found herself determined not to be dismissed so easily. "Do you mind telling me why?"

Haydon's eyebrows arched in surprise. "When's the last time you read a work of lesbian fiction?"

Auden stared. After a beat of silence that seemed to last forever, she answered. "I took a women's studies course my junior year in college." Auden leaned forward, intent and curious, forgetting her annoyance. "Why?"

"Because I just acquired a small, independent lesbian publishing company. It was about to go under and I tossed them a net." For an instant, a hint of pleasure glimmered in her eyes.

"No," Hays said distinctly. "I need a director for Palmer Publishing's new division of lesbian fiction."

"Well," Auden said after a beat of silence during which she tried not to appear stunned, "I can see where the problem is."

Hays blinked. Auden Frost's face was a study in concentration. She most definitely was not flirting. "All right."

"Unless you intend to run the division yourself, you'll need someone who can structure it from the ground up," Auden stated, hoping that she'd be able to think her way through the issues without revealing that she hadn't much of a clue what the problem was. The only thing she did know was that she wanted the job. Not because she needed the job, which she did, but because she wanted to show Haydon Palmer that she could do it. Why that mattered, she had no idea either.

"I intend to be involved in the formative stages, but I can't run the operation myself," Hays replied regretfully. "I have other commitments."

"Well, then, you'll want someone who can determine the market value of each submissions as well as their technical merit, negotiate with the authors, and work with your editors."

Auden's eyes flashed. "You think I'm not suitable because I don't read Nora Roberts?"

"No." Hays smiled at the ire in the woman's voice, impressed by her confidence and passion. "Because you don't read Thane Cutlass or Laura deHart Young or Susan Smith."

"Why do you want this job?" Hays asked, completely serious. Her head throbbed, but she automatically dismissed the discomfort. She watched instead the fascinating texture of emotions playing across Auden Frost's beautiful face.

"Because it's creative on every level-literally and literarily." Auden surprised herself with what she said next. "Because this division is new, fledgling, and I've been sequestered among the staid and the sheltered for too long."

"Are you adventurous, then?" Hays asked unexpectedly, wondering how the conversation had turned from the professional to the personal so effortlessly. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so invigorated.

Hays stood, steadying herself with one hand on the desktop as a faint wave of dizziness passed quickly through her. She extended her other hand as Auden stood to take it. "Welcome to Palmer Publishing, Ms. Frost."

"Thank you, Ms. Palmer." Auden held the cool fingers in hers as she lingered in the depths of dark eyes. "I'm looking forward to working with you."

Hays gave a start and sat up suddenly, blinking in the bright afternoon sunlight streaming through her office windows. "What time is it?"

"Late night," she muttered, knowing he probably didn't believe her. "I didn't miss a meeting, did I?"

"No. There's nothing on your schedule until the financial review at four. Why don't you go home for a few hours." And really sleep.

"I'm fine. I need to review the authors' contracts from our newest acquisition."

"How did the meeting go with Ms. Frost?" he inquired. "I feel badly about that mix-up. I'll offer her another interview as soon as an appropriate position opens up and send a letter of apology, of course."

"You won't need the letter. You can apologize to her in person tomorrow, if you really think it's necessary."

"Just like that?" The last thing he wanted to do was argue with her, but each day she seemed to grow more impulsive, more reckless. And it wasn't her business decisions that concerned him. She'd lost weight and clearly wasn't sleeping.

"Editing. Not publishing. When we discussed the acquisition of WomenWords, the plan was to hire someone who could act independently from the onset." Not for you to take on more work.

"Auden Frost is capable of running the division." She remembered the spark of excitement in Auden's blue-green eyes and heard the anticipation in her voice. Her own spirits lifted fleetingly, a rush of pleasure long-forgotten. "The only thing she lacks is experience with the genre."

"Run that by me again, slowly," Gayle Dunbar instructed. She sat across from Auden at the small kitchen table in her third floor apartment.

"I am the new director of the lesbian fiction division at Palmer Publishing." Auden couldn't keep the glee from her voice.

"Uh-I'm ecstatic for you, honey, I really am. But how in the hell did that happen?"

"It's a bit complicated," Auden confided with a grin. "I'll just give you the short version."

Gayle listened intently, absently petting Shylock's head as the dog snuggled in her lap. "Wait a minute. Back up. Describe her again."

Blushing unexpectedly as she remembered the way Haydon Palmer had looked leaning against the door, the charismatic intensity she exuded with no effort, Auden struggled to describe her. "She's about my age, very beautiful. Strong face, sharply-sculpted. Black hair, intense dark eyes. Taller then me, tight and lean. Deep voice, kind of smooth and sultry."

"Hey," Gayle protested good-naturedly. "A surgical residency is very demanding. I need to balance all that mental stress with a little fun."

"I don't know that Haydon Palmer could be described as fun. She seemed so focused, so single-minded."

"Tall, dark, handsome passionate-sounds like she made quite an impression on you," Gayle observed, one eyebrow raised. That's something new. In more ways than one. "So, is she gay?"

"I don't know. How would I know?" Nonplussed, Auden blushed again. "We didn't get personal."

"It was a job interview. She wouldn't ask that," Auden said stiffly. And even if she had asked, what would I have said? "I don't know what I am. Not much of anything, I guess"?

"If you're waiting for bells or thunderclaps, you'll wait forever." Gayle gave a pained look, genuine this time. "Aud-there just aren't any virgins after twenty any longer. You're practically an endangered species."

"I know." Anxious to change the subject, Auden continued, "Listen, I need your help and not in the dating arena."

"Do you know how many books I have?" Gayle screeched. "I've been collecting them for years."

An hour later Auden stretched out on her bed with a dozen books spanning almost twice as many years arrayed around her, all of which Gayle had recommended as popular examples of the type of book she would soon be expected to evaluate and publish. For the first time, the task seemed daunting.

She perused the pile and settled on one because she liked the cover. It depicted a windswept coast, wild and dangerous looking. Secret Storm.

"The wind blew softly in the darkness, caressing her skin with gentle fingers. It was soothing, reassuring, and hopefully, would be healing. The air still held the heat of the day, as did the sand sifting between her toes as she walked along the deserted beach. It was after midnight, and all of the tourists had long since retired for the night. This was the time of day she liked to walk the beach. There was something about the darkness and the unending roar of the surf that calmed her. Maybe it was the simple fact that the ocean never slept, never tired. Or maybe it was because she felt so comfortable in the darkness. Who knew, who cared, as long as the peace came?"

Sentences streamed before Auden's eyes, but she wasn't thinking about structure or narrative style. With the first words, with the first hint of the wind's subtle caress, she had done nothing but feel. The loneliness of walking alone, waking alone, being alone ambushed her, and distantly, she ached.

Rune Dyre rubbed her eyes and rolled her tight shoulders. The cup of coffee by her right hand had grown cold, but she lifted it and sipped absently, rereading for the fifth time the paragraphs she had written. Frowning, she highlighted a phrase, deleted it, and typed something new.

I had expected the room to be empty, but it wasn't. She was sitting in a chair before the desk, one slender leg crossed over the other. Her skirt had abandoned decorum unawares, baring pale skin as it kissed her thighs in a delicate caress. Without even knowing her name, I wanted to trace my fingers over the landscape of her soul. As I stepped closer, she looked up, and her very acknowledgment gave me life. Blue eyes, almost green, washed over my face, leaving heat in their wake. My pulse rose, called forth by the drift of her gaze traversing my skin. The breath left my body, my heart pounded. Until the sound of the sea was all I could hear.

She ought to have been surprised at my uninvited entrance. But that wasn't what I saw in her eyes. There was a question. Who are you? And without even knowing the answer, there was welcome. Let me touch you.

If she had held out her hand, I would gladly have taken it and followed, unto death.

Rune clicked the save icon, scribbled a note on one of the dozens of post-its scattered over the surface of her desk, and stood. She winced at a sudden cramp in her back and glanced at the clock. Two a.m.

Auden had an eight o'clock meeting with Haydon Palmer and the last thing she wanted was to be late. As she stood in the shower, savoring the heat working its way into her tired flesh, she thought of the book that had quickly captured her imagination the night before.

The scene of a woman awakening to only memories lingered powerfully in her mind still.

The sound of waves crashing to shore beyond the open window was hypnotic and soon had her reminiscing of lazy mornings lying like this with her lover beside her. They always seemed to waken at almost the same moment. Maybe it was the fact that they were so in tune with one another's mind and body. Whatever it was, they both treasured the rare mornings that they could stay in bed together, watching the sun slowly rise over the horizon, making slow, gentle love until a different hunger drove them from the bed.

She closed her eyes, remembering her lover's touch,feeling again those slow caresses and feather-light kisses as they nearly drove her insane. Remembering how she had begged for release from the sweet torture. Making love had been their way of pushing the darkness and evil from their lives.

Auden had never awakened in the arms of a lover. She'd never had anyone touch her in passion nor take her beyond herself to a place of only feeling. She'd read the passage over and over again, and although she had never experienced that connection, the emotions had felt far from foreign. She could see the two lovers, safe and secure in one another's arms, rejoicing in their love. Someday, she imagined that she would have a lover, but she had never formed an image of what that would be like. Friendship, companionship, affection. These things she could envision.

Was this romance? If it was, then she had been wrong in thinking that she could not relate to it. Fleetingly, she wondered why she'd been holding her breath as she'd read, envisioning the lovers touch.

Rune sat in front of her computer with a fresh cup of coffee. After four hours of sleep, the most she ever slept at one time any longer, she felt unusually refreshed. Her dreams had been remarkable, too-leftover images of the scene she had written. Tantalizingly erotic, mercilessly taunting visions of a beautiful woman just beyond her reach. Far from awakening frustrated by the unrequited passion, she was invigorated by the lingering arousal. It was good just to have the memory of desire rekindled.

Even though Secret Storm will ALWAYS be my favorite, I just love your new web story. I thought at first that Dark Passions would be too hard to read. It wasn't at all what I expected. Will this be available in print like your others that have come out already?? I hope so!

Glad to hear that you liked Dark Passions. Its publication is on hold for now. As you probably noticed on the website, WomenWords has closed and will not be publishing any longer. I'm not sure what will happen with the new publisher, but I'll post any news I have on the site or the news list.

Rune scrolled through the half dozen other messages, most from readers, and answered each. When she'd finished, she opened the file she'd been working on last and reread the final passage. Had the face she'd created with barely adequate words been the image in her dream? Sighing, she checked her watch and closed the program. The next scene would have to wait.

When the door to her office opened only seconds later, Hays stood, smiling as Auden entered the room. Her new director looked vibrant. Unaccustomedly, Hays was aware of a swift surge of anticipatory pleasure at their meeting and wondered when it had happened that the business had become only a responsibility. "Good morning."

"Yes, isn't it?" Auden smiled, her nerves vanishing at the sight of the warm welcome in Haydon Palmer's eyes. The publisher looked every bit as attractive as she had the day before, although the shadows beneath Haydon's eyes seemed slightly deeper. Auden felt the smallest jolt of concern.

Hays gestured to one of the leather sling-back chairs in front of her desk where Auden had sat during the interview. "Please."

"I thought you might reconsider once you had time to reflect on the specifics." Hays watched Auden carefully, wanting very much to see the light of excitement dance in her eyes again. Such a small thing. And such a pleasure.

"No," Auden said firmly. "I spent the night planning a crash course on getting to know my new field."

"Must make for an interesting syllabus," Hays replied, laughing. She leaned back, aware of her tension only as it left her. Auden would be staying. "And a large one."

"I read quickly." Auden recalled falling asleep with the book on her chest, something she had done countless times in her life. The difference had been that the evening before, she'd hadn't read with her normal efficiency and focus. She'd lingered, savored, reread passages. She hadn't wanted to rush the experience; it was too surprisingly pleasant. "I'll be up to speed before very long."

"Before we get down to talking about personnel, projections, and deadlines, we need a name." Hays laughed softly at the quick look of confusion that passed across Auden's face. "For the new division."

"Oh, of course." Auden blushed, aware that Haydon Palmer's gaze had not strayed from her face for an instant since she had walked into the room. The intensity of that scrutiny was both unusual and exhilarating. "What did you have in mind?"

"Oh, not me," Hays said with a shake of her head. "I thought we'd give the honors to the new division director."

"I don't have any idea what might be appropriate," Auden protested. To her surprise, Haydon rose and came around the front of her desk, stopping only a few feet away. She leaned her hips back against the front of the desk and tucked her hands into her pants pockets. The jacket flared behind her, drawing the white shirt taut across her chest. Fleetingly, Auden thought that she had described the publisher appropriately to Gayle the day before. Lean and tight and nearly vibrating with tension. She caught her breath as she felt the energy pour from the woman in front of her, stirring her own excitement.

"I'll give you an idea of where to start," Hays offered. "As you know, Harlequin Romance has been around forever, and they're practically the gold standard in terms of romance fiction-at least if you happen to be straight."

Auden couldn't read a single thing in the other woman's expression that might suggest either a question or a revelation. Gayle's words came back to her. Is she gay? Does she know you're not?

Does it matter? Auden realized her attention had drifted, and she quickly refocused, fearing that she had missed something important. That is so unlike me!

Hays was saying, "In recent years, the tone and direction of romance fiction has changed with the evolving role of women in today's world. There are more career women who marry later or not at all, more single women who are sexually active, more women who don't think that finding a husband is the most important function of their existence. Because of that, Harlequin started Blaze, their new "sexy" division." She grinned. "I wish I could have been in that boardroom when they discussed how they were going to structure that new baby."

Auden found herself laughing at the image as well. "All right, I get the point. But let me ask you this-has lesbian romance fiction followed the same trend? Has it changed much in the last twenty or thirty years?"

"In some ways, yes. There are far fewer coming out stories, and those that are don't tend to spend a lot of time depicting characters who struggle with the idea of being a lesbian. There are more stories about having children and dealing with the challenges of being a couple in today's world." Hays shrugged. "But still, what drives romance fiction remains the same, whether it's lesbian or heterosexual, twenty years ago or today."

It was Auden's turn to lean forward, caught in the spell of Hays's deep, smooth voice. "What things?"

"Dramatic tension-emotional resonance, sexual attraction, and the struggle to overcome whatever obstacles prevent the lovers from being together."

Hays lifted a shoulder. "As much as any one genre is formulaic. There are certain elements most writers and critics consider important in a mystery, for instance. The same could be said for a good romance."

"I've never thought about these things before, not in the context of a work of fiction," Auden confessed. "I haven't read enough to recognize all the elements, but last night..."

"I started reading a book-one that was recommended to me by a good friend who has an enormous collection of lesbian fiction. The book captured my attention so quickly-it took me by surprise. I wasn't consciously aware of the formal elements, but now, in retrospect, I can recognize the things we've just been discussing in that book."

"Rune Dyre's Secret Storm." Auden smiled self-consciously, remembering how the story had unexpectedly captivated her. "I love to read, but it's never been an emotional experience for me. Last night, it was."

"Well, then," Hays finally said, "let's see to the first order of business. What about that name?"

Auden still held Hays's dark eyes, watching the tiny flecks of silver and gold flicker through their onyx depths. Emboldened, she said quickly, "How about...Destiny Books, a division of Palmer Publishing?"

"Destiny. Yes," Hays said softly. "That would be at the heart of things, wouldn't it?"

"Now that the important task is finished," Hays said with a wry grin, "we need to get you settled."

As she spoke, Hays gestured with one arm toward the second door that led to the interior hallway. Auden followed Hays into the maze beyond, finding herself in the central core of the top floor suite. They passed a large conference room and the kitchen, then stopped three doors down from Haydon Palmer's corner office at the open door to another expansive office. After a quick glance, Auden turned to Haydon with a gasp of surprise. "Surely you can't mean for me to have this?"

"Yes." Hays shrugged. "It's empty, it's conveniently located, and the coffee up here is very good."

Auden laughed. "Believe me, I'll take it even without coffee privileges. I just can't believe no one is using it."

Surprised by the unanticipated revelation, Auden leaned one shoulder against the open door frame. Haydon stood a foot away, her back against the opposite side of the opening.

"How long have you run the company?" Auden asked before realizing that that was probably an inappropriate question. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Technically, six years," Haydon replied, not entirely certain why she was answering. "I was always involved in the company though, in one way or another, even when I was in college. Before I took over, I worked from here."

"Am I?" Hays smiled, but her eyes were remote. "I've never really thought of it that way." Straightening, Hays said abruptly, "Let me show you the rest of the floor and then I'll leave you to get settled. The computer in your office is already on-line, and I put you in the system this morning. Your email address is AFrost@PalmPub.net."

"I have to be." Hays's expression was impossible to read. "There'll be a planning meeting this afternoon at three with Abel, myself and you. Feel free to knock on my door if anything comes up before then."

Auden watched until Haydon disappeared into her office, recognizing the sudden reserve in the publisher's manner and fearing that she had gone too far with her personal questions. It was unlike her to do that. In the four years that she had worked at Miller, she had maintained friendly relationships with everyone, but she knew very little about the private lives of her colleagues. Now, after only twenty-four hours, everything about Palmer Publishing intrigued her, most especially its formidable director.

What's the word on the takeover? Has anyone contacted you yet? Should I start looking around for a new home?

When I am going to see your submissions for the Eros series? Are you posting it on HeartLand? Keep me in the loop, huh?

Rune smiled at the invitation, but had no desire to play. There were too many things she had to do. Deadlines seemed to come so much faster now, even if they were only self-imposed ones.

No word from the new publisher, but I wouldn't worry just yet. You know how slow they are.

I'm working on the material for the anthology but I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's not coming out quite as I planned. I may post some, not sure yet.

"No, not turning out quite as I planned at all." Rune closed her eyes, tilted the chair back, and tried to clear her mind. For her, words had never come from conscious thought or intention; they came from some deeper place, from the dark well of hidden dreams and secret desires. They came unbidden, uninvited, demanding to be written, to be seen, to be heard.

She opened her eyes, leaned forward, and placed slender fingers on the keyboard. Gaze turned inward, stillness suffusing her being, she typed.

It was hard for me to believe that she didn't know how attractive she was. I got the sense that she rarely thought about herself. I knew as we stood together, talking, that she had no idea the effect she had on me. My heart raced, my skin tingled, and my palms grew damp. I struggled not to let her see the faint trembling in my hands, although I doubted she would recognize my desire. Still, I needed to be careful.

It was impossible, this attraction, for more reasons than I could say. I wasn't free, even had the possibility of touch existed between us. I reminded myself of this even as I raised a hand to brush away the wisps of hair straying across her cheek. Her green eyes widened, deepening like the shoals in shadow, and her full lips parted as if to bless my coming. I had thought my touch might startle or surprise, but seeing her expression, some foolish part of me believed that my fingers against her skin would not be unwelcome. She gave me no real reason to believe that, or any indication that it would ever be true. No sign--only the stillness in her face and the trilling beat of blood beneath the alabaster skin of her neck. She waited as my fingertips hovered above her cheek, her gaze warming mine, and the pleasure of the moment was so acute my breath escaped me on a sigh. She smiled at the sound.

To my amazement, hope rose within me. Such a foreign emotion, so long ago lost. Although I knew it doomed, I allowed the emotion to linger, savoring the swell of heat that followed close upon the dream.

The words, or more correctly, the emotions that had inspired them, exhausted her. Rune leaned back in the chair once more, acknowledging fatigue and allowing her lids to close. Lights flickered behind her eyelids, ghostly afterimages of the characters, both real and figurative, that had streamed across the computer monitor, dancing just out of reach. Often, she didn't realize what she had written until she discovered her imaginings captured in the regimented march of sentences down the screen.

This anthology was proving more difficult than she had anticipated. The baring of fantasies and dreams and desires was proving far too personal a revelation to make while still hoping to remain unaffected. She hadn't thought her words had the power any longer to draw emotion from those places she had safely locked away. She'd been wrong.

These snippets of time, moments captured through a glass darkly, had been wrenched from her depths, leaving blood streaking the surface of her soul. But then again, perhaps it was not her words, but their inspiration, that had turned the key and flung wide the door behind which she had sequestered her longings.

"Yes? No, I haven't forgotten. Thank you." With a sigh, she stood and let the misgivings along with the once abandoned dreams slip away.

These are the authors currently under contract to WomenWords, Destiny's forerunner.

Email addresses, titles of works currently in progress, and a list of submissions pending are attached for your review.

Auden opened the file and perused the eight names. Her eyes stopped on one. Rune Dyre.

"Ah, wonderful." She thought of the half-read book on her bedside table, and suddenly, she couldn't wait to get home to finish it. She hadn't yet figured out what had captivated her so immediately, but the urge to return to the world between those covers was almost addicting. Pleasurable and exhilarating, but dangerous. She smiled to herself. Dangerous, adventurous-those terms had never been applicable to her ordered world before, and yet in a matter of hours, they had begun to feel familiar.

Ten minutes before the conference was scheduled to begin, Auden gathered her notes and started down the hall. The door to Haydon's office still remained open, but the publisher was not behind her desk. When Auden heard a soft moan, she moved a few inches into the room and glanced around.

Haydon Palmer lay on the sofa, her jacket off and discarded on the coffee table beside her, her shirt unbuttoned far enough to reveal the subtle swell of pale breasts. She reclined on her back, one leg partially off the sofa, resting on the floor. An arm dangled freely as well. She appeared to be deeply asleep.

Uncertain as to whether she should leave or wake her, Auden stood rooted to the spot. When the sleeping woman twitched as if an electric current had discharged through her body and moaned once again, Auden forgot about propriety and crossed quickly to her side.

Now that she was closer, Auden could see the sweat beaded on Haydon's ashen forehead and her eyes fluttering rapidly beneath the nearly translucent eyelids. Kneeling next to the sofa, Auden placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and whispered softly, "Ms. Palmer?"

Hays's eyes flew open, their dark brilliance eclipsed by the remnants of sleep. She blinked and murmured unbelievingly, "Auden?"

"I'm sorry," Auden said softly, her fingers registering the trembling in Hays's body. "I wasn't sure if I should wake you."

"Forgive me," Hays whispered, caught between the undertow of dark dreams and the pull of Auden's tender gaze. "I hadn't meant to fall asleep."

"You needn't apologize to me." Auden stifled the urge to stroke her damp cheek. "I thought I heard you are you all right?"

Hays blushed and sat up quickly, rubbing her face briskly. "Fine. Don't trouble yourself."

Surprised by the rebuke, Auden began to rise. She was even more startled when the publisher grasped her hand.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so short. I appreciate the wake-up call." Hays tried to grin, hoping her acute embarrassment didn't show. Then she noticed Auden's concerned expression change swiftly to one of alarm. "What-"

Hays could feel it then, the warm trickle from her right nostril. She knew what it was and reached quickly for the clean handkerchief that she kept in her pants pocket. Swiftly, she pressed it to her nose and leaned her head back. "Sorry."

"No, it'll stop in a second." Hays dabbed at her face, then sat up as the trickle slowed. "And please, call me Hays."

Auden was probably more frightened than the minor incident demanded, but the memory of that soft moan made her heart twist. Auden watched as Hays tucked in her shirt and reached for her jacket. Without the blazer, Auden saw that the publisher was thinner than she had realized. Hays wasn't frail by any means, but even now there was a fine tremor in her hands. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Fine." Without meeting Auden's gaze, Hays shrugged into her jacket and crossed the room to her desk. She collected her laptop and slipped a Waterman pen into her breast pocket. "Shall we get started on our new project, then?"

"Yes," Auden replied, recognizing the shift in tone and assuming a professional one to match. "Let's do."

When Auden and Hays reached the conference room, Abel Pritchard was there waiting.

"For the time being, Auden," Hays said after taking her place, "I thought we could borrow help from the existing divisions until you had a chance to interview and choose your own section heads. The only exception is going to be graphics, because they pretty much cover everyone."

"What about marketing?" Pritchard interjected, raising one eyebrow. Hays's use of Auden hadn't escaped his notice, nor had the way her voice dropped a register when she spoke to the young woman. Lord. Is that what this impetuous hiring is all about? Hormones? That's not like her.

"That's the next thing I wanted to address," Hays responded. "Liz Nixon, the previous president of WomenWords expressed interest in coming over to marketing. It makes sense to me, because she knows her authors so well. What do you think, Auden?"

"Good. I thought you might want to interview her sooner rather than later to see if it seems workable."

At that, Pritchard's usually guarded expression registered frank surprise. "I should imagine you would be in a better position to judge that, Hays. Marketing is a key position."

Hays said with a bite to her voice, "Ms. Frost will choose her own people. A strong director, one who is clearly in charge, is what makes a division work."

Auden watched the exchange silently. Haydon Palmer did not look as if she would back down in the face of Pritchard's disagreement. She's very impressive.

When there was no further rebuttal from Pritchard, Hays rifled through the papers in front of her, then continued.

"Initially, we need to focus on three main areas-marketing, solidifying our author base, and moving ahead with the works in progress. I want to get those books to press as soon as we can."

"I'll need copies of every manuscript as soon as possible," Auden said. She looked at her own list. "Graphics will need to get image files transferred, and I'll want to see the projected covers. I'll also need any style sheets and partially edited works from WomenWords' editors oh, and any formatted files they've already done."

"I'll have all that for you by the end of business tomorrow," Hays replied, making another note in her laptop.

"The more the better," Auden remarked, the corner of her mouth lifting in a faint grin.

Hays grinned as well. "For now, I believe there are only six titles slated for publication. In addition, there's an anthology of erotica in the early stages, too. Apparently a compilation of new works from several of the authors."

"Until we've established Destiny's presence in the market," Auden said, "we'll need to keep the previous stable of authors, if they're worth keeping. I intend to contact each of them within the next day or so. I'd like to meet with them if it's feasible."

Hays looked momentarily surprised, then lifted a shoulder. "That will be up to you. There are discretionary funds available if you see the need to woo anyone with complimentary accommodations."

"Fine." Auden was pleasantly surprised by the degree of autonomy she had been given.

"For now, nothing at all." He stood and collected his papers. On his way out he added, "Haydon, don't forget to fill Ms. Frost in on the promotional event."

Hays leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and sighed. "God, I hate those things."

"What things?" Auden asked gently. She had the strangest desire to brush back an errant lock of dark hair that had fallen across Hays's forehead. She willed herself not to move. "Hays?"

Softly, lids still closed, Hays answered. "I thought it would be a good idea to launch the new division with a promotional reception and cocktail party."

"It sounds like a nightmare." Hays opened her eyes and leaned forward, resting her forearms on the table. She grinned ruefully. "But it's good business. You'll need to be there, of course."

Hays's hands rested inches from hers and Auden stared at the subtle pattern of veins and tendons beneath the delicate skin. The very fine tremor would have been unnoticeable to most, but Auden was looking for it. "You should go home," she said without thinking. You're not well.

Hays stiffened and closed her hands tightly, angry with herself for letting down her guard. How had that happened? "Feel free to bring a guest."

Hays nodded once, curtly, on her way to the door. "See you tomorrow, then, Ms. Frost."

Once back in her office, Auden couldn't forget the image of Hays lying so exhausted on the sofa, obviously in discomfort. Rubbing her temples, she pulled up the list of authors from WomenWords and forced Hays's face from her mind.

Rune worked without a pause. She'd had glimpses of the scene for hours, images and half fragments of dialogue breaking into her consciousness whenever she let her thoughts stray. The words were like a melody that played over and over in her mind, tantalizing sweet and just as elusive. She was in a rush to capture them before they slipped away.

In my sleep, I ache, trapped in an ocean of fear. I cannot find the surface, the light eludes me. There is no air in my lungs, no sound to my cries. Then, distantly, the echo of her voice washes over me. She anchors me, instantly calming the restless uncertainties. I long to float within the circle of her arms, surrounded by her sweet fragrance, soothed by the melody of her touch.

I can't move. The weight of my disbelief drags me down, far beneath the waters of my despair. Just as the welcome blackness claims me, she speaks my name. My name breathed from her lips is like a hand stretched down through the murky depths, beckoning me to follow. My desperately reaching fingers just miss hers. I am losing the battle. I am losing.

She touches me, her skin-her skin warm on mine. Even in my sleep, the light caress infuses me with hope. I cry out for her and, without hesitation, she carries me to shore. Tenderly, she cradles my head in her lap and strokes my forehead, consoling me.

My heart pounds, visible beneath the shell of my body, and she presses her palm to the place where it is breaking, healing me. I draw a breath, her fingers rising with me, never leaving my skin. Never leaving me. She banishes the pain, and I open my eyes to thank her.

Rune read the passage slowly, an unfamiliar longing twisting through her. Not truly unfamiliar, merely forgotten. She could almost feel the fingers on her face, the tender touch.

As soon as Auden let herself into her apartment, she walked directly to the rear of the apartment and into her bedroom. Once there, she curled up on the bed and reached for Secret Storm.

As with the night before, she was soon absorbed. Again, the hours passed unawares.

She could taste herself on her lover's mouth, surprised to feel her own body stir again even as the vestiges of the orgasm that had racked her only moments before lingered. Sliding down her lover's finely muscled form, she paused at the hollow of the arched neck to place a light kiss before continuing the slow descent, savoring every inch along the way. Pushing herself up on one hand, she slowly bit an erect nipple.

Smiling, she slowly took the small nipple into her mouth, flicking it with her tongue until it was harder still, and the soft moans became urgent gasps.Her own lids were heavy, her eyes hooded with desire, as she lowered her head to kiss the taut stomach and lick a small circle around the trim navel.

"I want to see your face when you come for me,"she murmured, nipping at the soft skin of her lover's inner thigh, then blowing a light breath on the soft curls between taut thighs.As she felt her lover's hand stroke her cheek, she lifted those trembling legs over her own shoulders and bent to drink the sweet nectar that was, and only ever could be, love.

Auden closed the book abruptly and stood, dropping it onto the bed. It wasn't as if she hadn't been expecting the sex, it was just that she hadn't expected it to affect her the way it had. She was aroused. Unmistakably and uncomfortably so.

She walked rapidly through the apartment to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of ale from the refrigerator. She opened the bottle, poured the dark liquid into a glass, and took a large swallow.

Alone, she sat at the kitchen table, rubbing the cool glass across her forehead as her body slowly returned to normal. "What have I been missing?"

"Hey, come on in," Gayle said in surprise as she opened her apartment door at the sound of a quiet knock.

"I heard you come in, and I was still awake," Auden explained sheepishly. "I know you're probably beat."

"Nah, I'm wired. I always feel that way at the end of a shift." Gayle grabbed Shylock's leash and said, "I have to run him around the block. Wanna come?"

Once downstairs, Gayle asked, "What are you doing up so late? Aren't you usually in bed by now?"

"Your homework? Oh...your reading list." Gayle laughed. "Which one did you read?"

"Ahh," Gayle said, stopping abruptly to disentangle Shylock's leash from around a fireplug. "Did you like it?"

Gayle stopped at the corner of 23rd and Pine and leaned her shoulder against a light pole. "Okay. What's going on?"

Auden placed her hands in the pockets of the hunting jacket and rocked from foot to foot, searching for the words to explain her strange disquiet. "I really liked the book. I didn't expect to. I mean, I want to go home right now and read it over again."

"It's not so different than any other book, right? Any good writer will do that-draw you in."

"Of course." Auden hesitated. "But it was more than just a transitory sense of connection. It was recognition." She drew a deep breath and looked into Gayle's eyes. "I saw myself."

"This is going to sound so dumb," Auden mumbled. "I knew their pain and their loneliness, and in the end, I felt like their joy was mine."

"Yeah," Gayle said softly. "I know what you mean. I guess that's why I love reading them so much. I don't think when I read those books. I just feel."

"So, Aud," Gayle teased gently, "that particular book has some pretty hot stuff in it, too. Did it turn you on?"

Gayle laughed. "Did you have to do the old 'substitute a man for one of the women' thing, like I substitute a woman for the guy in straight books?"

"What?" Auden's confusion was plain in her voice. "Why would I oh. No, I just enjoyed the two of them together." They were so beautiful. So right together.

"No," Auden said softly. Haydon Palmer's face flashed through her mind. "Not exactly."

She couldn't remember how she had gotten to bed. Her mind was suffused with half-images and broken fragments, elusive memories fluttering on the edge of consciousness. Her body was strangely lethargic, too, floating in that indolent plane between sleep and wakefulness.

The next instant, she became aware of the firm arm wrapped around her waist, and the heat of the body pressed to her back as she lay curled on her side. Warm breath blew rhythmically across her neck. Carefully, she inched away, only to be stopped by the hand tightening against her stomach and a soft murmur of protest. Almost immediately, that hand, which had been softly stroking her stomach, drifted higher, cupping her bare breast. Sharply, she drew in a breath as a swift shaft of arousal pierced her. Her thighs clenched as the muscles deep inside contracted. She felt the sudden urge to press her hips back into the heat that flared against her buttocks, but she resisted, lying as still she possibly could.

Another muted murmur, lips against her skin, and a swell of moisture anointed her thighs.

"Oh," she gasped as a warm mouth explored her neck, then a teasing tongue traced the rim of her ear. This time, she couldn't help the small jerk of excitement that seared through her. Rocking back against the soft breasts and firm thighs, she heard an answering moan. Struggling to contain the onslaught of sensation, her vision clouded as other senses burst to life. Her skin tingled, light danced beneath her half-closed lids, and passion beat in her bones.

Fingers lightly explored her breast, then brushed the nipple which was already so hard, already so sensitive. Everything pulsed in a single rhythm now-her body, her blood, the swiftly swelling heart of need between her thighs. Her mind emptied even as her flesh erupted with sensation. Excitement hammered in her depths, and she pulled her lip between her teeth to still her cries.

The mouth on her grew more insistent, biting lightly in time with the rhythmic pressure on her nipples. It was more than she had ever imagined, and far less than she required.

Not thinking, not questioning, she turned onto her back, grasping the tormenting hand, drawing it from her breasts, down over her abdomen, finally pressing it between her thighs. Her body was screaming for release, her clitoris stiff and pulsing, achingly hard. The first touch was electric, and she reared up, stomach clenched-desperately watching as the fingers beneath her own stroked her. Her breath left her in a rush; she was dying, poised on the precipice of discovery.

Even as the plea escaped her lips, she turned her head, eyes wide, searching for connection as her climax hovered just out of reach. As tender fingers closed along her length, drawing her closer with agonizingly exquisite pressure, she met obsidian eyes, flecked with silvers and golds.

"Oh God," she cried, squeezing with the hand still caught between her thighs, legs jerking as the orgasm raged. "Oh God, oh God..."

When Auden arrived at work, she nodded hello to Alana and started down the hall toward her new temporary office.

"Yes?" Auden's pulse skipped a beat, and she hoped the faint flush she felt rise to her face didn't show.

"She wanted you to know that she would be out of town for several days, and that you could refer any questions to Mr. Pritchard."

It's probably for the best if I don't see her for a while. Clearly, too much has happened too fast. I just need to get my sense of balance back. A few days with nothing to distract me should set that straight.

She headed for her office, already thinking of whom she needed to contact, steadfastly refusing to think about the early morning dream.

I'd like to arrange a meeting here in Philadelphia at your earliest convenience to discuss future projects with you personally.

Palmer would be happy to assist you with travel and accommodations. Let us know what you may require.

Auden sent similar emails to the other seven authors she had inherited. To her delight, when she approached the lunch room for coffee, she saw that Hays's office door was open and voices emanated from within. Her happiness was short-lived, however. In passing, she was surprised to recognize not Hays's deep tones, but Abel Pritchard's distinctive baritone.

Something in his tone, a totally uncharacteristic edge of anxiety, brought Auden up short.

Auden moved hurriedly away, but as she poured coffee, she was still thinking about the odd snippets of conversation. When she turned around, Pritchard was standing in the doorway watching her.

"Ms. Frost. You have the information about the reception Saturday evening?" His tone was formally cool.

Auden smiled thinly. "I don't make it a habit of eavesdropping, but the door was open, and I heard a bit of your conversation. Hays Ms. Palmer didn't look well yesterday. I was just wondering-"

When she returned to her office, Auden punched in a familiar number, then replaced the receiver. A few moments later, the phone rang.

"Sweetie, you can wear anything you'd like." Auden couldn't help but smile when she talked to Gayle. The young surgeon's enthusiasm was contagious.

Auden held the door wide and stepped aside so Gayle could enter. She caught a whiff of whiskey and smoke. "You strike out tonight?"

Gayle flopped into the overstuffed chair in Auden's living room. "Not really. I had an offer or two."

"But I didn't feel like it." Gayle swung her legs over the arm of the chair and leaned her head back, gazing at Auden out of half-closed lids. "I think I'm getting old."

"I'd take someone who could stand my mood in the morning over hot sex right about now."

"You think the two are mutually exclusive? Love and good sex?" Auden curled up in her chair, running the edge of her soft flannel shirt through her fingers. She thought about the women who had so captivated her in Secret Storm. The love and affection and physical passion the two had shared. That's fiction, Aud. Come on!

"No, not really. Just rare." Gayle stretched and grinned. "So what are you doin'? Homework still?"

"Oh yeah-she's one of my faves." Gayle sat up and leaned forward, her eyes dancing. "Which one?"

"Web version?" Auden felt like she was suddenly speaking another language. "What are you talking about?"

Gayle sighed and rose, holding out her hand. "Come on, baby. You need some more lessons."

A minute later they were perched in front of Auden's computer. Gayle typed: www.HeartLand.com and clicked go. Seconds later, the website appeared.

Welcome to Rune Dyre's fiction domain. Enter, linger, enjoy. These are love stories disguised as fantasies, mysteries, and chance encounters. The lovers are women and their love is physical.

Auden took the mouse from Gayle, followed the links to the stories, and clicked on the first chapter of Dark Passions. Her visual memory was nearly eidetic. Immediately, she saw the differences from the manuscript she had just read. But the changes in some places were subtle.

"This is crazy," Auden muttered, scanning quickly through several more pages. "This is my manuscript."

"Well, actually," Gayle pointed out, "it isn't. It's a beta version. An early draft."

"Promo?" Auden gaped at her, incensed. "How about lethal competition? Why buy the book when you can get it here for nothing?"

"Lots of reasons," Gayle said with an unconcerned shrug. "The print versions are just more of a good thing. Extra scenes, more dialogue, smoother prose-the pleasure of holding the book in your hands and reading it anywhere you want. A lot of authors do it."

Gayle stood and rubbed Auden's shoulders. "Wait a few days before you get yourself in an uproar. I'll show you around the web. We'll check out some other authors, see what's on other sites."

Auden thought about what she had read so far, the physicality and raw emotions and sexual passion. And her own unexpected responses. "No, it certainly wasn't."

Alone in her office in the Palmer building, Auden curled up in one corner of the plush brocade sofa, her shoes on the floor, her stocking feet tucked beneath her. Outside her windows, snow fell steadily while inside, she was lost in a scene that contrasted sharply with that quiet tranquility.

The stranger led her up a flight of stairs and into a darkened apartment. "Wait here."

She was aware of lights being turned on in other rooms and the sound of soft music. She stood and waited, not thinking at all. When at last she heard sure footsteps approaching, her body stirred in anticipation. The effect this woman had on her was inexplicable, and lost in the moment, she didn't try to understand. She responded purely with her senses, and she liked that sense of abandon. She didn't want to think. She wanted to feel.

She followed the blond stranger into a bedroom lit solely by soft blue lights in a recessed ceiling track. She could make out a small table next to a large rectangular bed which dominated the otherwise bare room. When the stranger turned suddenly to face her, she stood absolutely still. In silence, the stranger reached out and loosed the buttons on her shirt, being careful not to touch the skin laid bare as the shirt fell away. Once exposed, her nipples contracted almost painfully, an urgent plea for contact.

She hesitated only for a second and then unbuckled each of her heavy black boots and pulled them off. Naked except for her leather pants, she stood before the stranger, still waiting. A slender hand traced the muscles in her shoulders and arms, then a palm lay against her chest and pressed, softly massaging the muscles beneath the smooth skin. Eventually, those hands moved down to her abdomen, carefully avoiding her breasts, outlining flickering muscles with deliberate strokes.

The slow, wordless survey set a fire simmering in her belly. She felt her clitoris swell and moisture flow in response to the stimulation. Her chest was covered with a thin film of sweat. She was panting in the still room.

"You can say anything you want to me right now, but after this, no more. I won't hurt you, but once I start, I won't stop until I'm done."

She looked back steadily, searching for a clue as to who this woman was. The face was edgy and strong. The eyes, even in the half-light, were piercing and clear. Inexplicably, she sensed not danger, but honesty. "I'm all right."

The stranger nodded once and then moved purposefully to the side of the bed, reached somewhere beneath the frame and pulled out soft padded leather restraints. Deftly the stranger bound her left hand and ankle, then moved to the other side, and repeated the actions, leaving her securely but not painfully bound with her arms and legs spread.

The stranger stood once again at the foot of the bed between her outstretched legs, slowly removing her own shirt, baring her upper body. Small high breasts accentuated the finely muscled torso, and a pulse beat close to the surface of a pale throat. Silence enclosed them in the cone of blue light.

She was bombarded with conflicting sensations. The feeling of being helplessly bound was at once frightening and exhilarating. She wanted this woman on top of her, she wanted her inside of her, she wanted more than she could put words to. Her inability to actually seek her own release made her even more acutely aware of her desires. Her clitoris strained against the seam of her pants, threatening to explode just from the constant contact as her hips rocked back and forth. She stifled a groan as she stared transfixed at the stranger's body, so close to her and yet so completely untouchable.

After what seemed like hours, all sense of real measure lost, the stranger placed both hands firmly on either side of her jaw, moving surprisingly gentle fingers over the flesh and bones of her face. Then, with one hand under her chin, the stranger pulled her head back, exposing her neck to its fullest.

Fingers traced the vulnerable structures of her throat, resting on the fragile windpipe as the blood rippled through the pulsating arteries just below the skin. A tongue ran lightly from her collarbone to her ear.

A voice, barely a whisper. "I don't want you to move. Just keep remembering my hands on your throat while I'm making you come."

The words made her hips jerk. She bit her lip to stifle a cry. She had never felt so physically vulnerable in her life. The restraints on her arms and legs were barely perceptible and yet she was totally immobilized. Now, with her throat exposed, locked in darkness, she felt as if she had lost control of her very life. Despite the helplessness of her position, she was powerfully excited. She feared that the merest touch was going to set her off.

Dimly, in the last part of her thinking mind, she knew she could break the spell of her own bondage by a word to the stranger. But she didn't want to escape. She wanted to feel what the stranger aroused in her. She wanted to know how far into her physical self the stranger could take her.

Suddenly a sharp sensation centered in each nipple as hands caught her breasts, squeezing the erect nipples hard. She gasped at the sudden contact, her back arching. The entire surface of her body was sensitized with need. Her clitoris twitched urgently.

Suddenly, the small pinpoints of almost-pain disappeared, and a leather belt was placed the length of her abdomen, the buckle resting between her breasts. The soft tongue of leather was pressed into the moist folds between her legs. The edges of the belt rode against her distended clitoris, and the roughness against the exposed nerves pushed her close to orgasm. She pulled against her restraints for the first time, wanting connection, needing to feel the heat of a body against her own.

When lips finally claimed hers, their tongues met in a probing duel. When fingers slipped inside her, the belt trapped beneath the palm rubbing the length of her distended flesh, she moaned frantically. Her inner muscles contracted hard around the hand. When a thumb slipped beside the leather to beat an insistent rhythm against her clitoris, she closed her eyes tightly, jaw clenching, and tried to resist the aching need to come. But she was too far gone; her body arched and bucked as she closed down on the fullness within, ripples of sensation flooding into her thighs, coiling through her belly. A strangled cry escaped her lips as the pounding in her head fused with that in her body, and her orgasm crested in one wave of unbound fury.

She was drifting on the edge of consciousness when the stranger straddled her, a leather-clad leg on either side of her thigh. She pushed her hips upward to meet the desperate downward thrusts, all of her energy immediately focused on bringing the stranger the same pleasure she had just experienced. The stranger gasped brokenly, jerking erratically, fingers clenched on her upper arms. There would be bruises. When the stranger stiffened, then climaxed, moaning uncontrollably, she closed her eyes, triumphant.

Auden rested the manuscript in her lap and closed her eyes. She'd read enough of the first draft of Rune Dyre's Dark Passions to know that it wasn't at all what she'd expected. Her reactions to the passion and intimacy she'd discovered in Secret Storm had left her in turmoil, but never more so than after reading this first encounter. She'd read the scene, in fact, reread it, several times, and was taken aback to find herself stirred both emotionally and physically. That fact confused her. If she had been asked, she would've answered categorically that such a scenario would never have stimulated her. Now, she knew differently, and yet she knew not what that meant.

Why has nothing ever affected me this way before? What is there about two people...no, not two people...two women...

A knock on her open door caused her to jump in surprise, and she turned, falling unexpectedly into Haydon Palmer's eyes. Auden caught her breath, her heart racing with sudden pleasure. "Hays!"

Hays sat on the opposite end of the sofa, faced Auden, and smiled. "You look right at home."

"Very well, I think. I met with Liz Nixon Friday afternoon about the position in marketing. I like her. She has some good ideas."

Hays hadn't expected anyone to be in when she had come in to catch up on the paperwork she'd not been able to do the last few days. One of the most frustrating things about the illness was the inability to concentrate. It stole from her the one thing she valued the most, her ability to work. "So, did you offer her the position as head of marketing for Destiny?"

Hays laughed. "Then by all means, go ahead. I've talked with her several times, and if she seems like a good match to you, I'm all for it."

"I have a feeling that he isn't entirely pleased with me as your selection to head Destiny."

"Enthusiasm. Desire. Drive. I never wanted an experienced director, because too often they come with preconceived notions of problems. You don't have that. You're fresh and optimistic."

Auden wasn't certain how to reply. Am I those things? It pleased her enormously that Hays viewed her thus. "I'm loving every minute of it."

"It's not exactly what I expected. I've only read through a handful of the popular published titles, but this one is far different. Are you familiar with it?"

"Then you know that it's a very dark story, well outside the norm of sexual expression. The very topic is going to prevent some people from reading it.""

"And you think that's a reason not publish it?" Hays's question was quiet, thoughtful.

Auden was brought up short by the question. Because that was exactly what she had been thinking. "Destiny is a brand new imprint. I assume our goal is to establish a profitable division. To me, that means that every book needs to be a bestseller. Or at least, we need to believe that it can be."

"Finish reviewing Dark Passions," Hays suggested. "If you still feel the same, do whatever you think is best."

"Thank you." Auden appreciated that Hays was giving her veto power, and she had every intention of using that power well. "I haven't finished it, and it's not fair to judge a book by...oh God I was about to say something stupid like 'by its cover.'"

"No, it probably isn't." Hays grinned, and they both laughed. "You're coming to the promotional event this evening?"

Hays walked to the window. "It's snowing quite heavily for this late in the season, but a spring blizzard is not unheard of." She turned, leaning a shoulder against the window casing. "Are you driving tonight?"

Surprised, Auden shook head. "No, that's all right. I'm bringing a friend, and I'm not certain precisely when she will be available."

A friend. Of course. Certainly she would have a date. Hays pushed away from the window, her expression remote. "I'll email you a list of the attendees, in case there's something you want to review before this evening."

Hays departure, as so often seemed to be the case, left Auden feeling slightly bewildered and oddly bereft.

Outside, the snow is falling, but inside there is warmth. Not just warmth, but light. It astounds me that I have not noticed before the absence of heat, for I know that I have grown cold. I realize, too, that shadows have served as the only illumination for so long, I have forgotten the brilliance of the sun.

She has no idea, of course, that I gather close to her warmth like the homeless on a street corner with their hands out-stretched to the pathetic flames guttering in an ash can. Beseeching, hope long gone. The walking dead unaware that life passes by on the other side of the street. I am embarrassed that she might guess how I wait for each smile, hunger for the light that dances in her eyes, thirst for the fire in her voice that makes my heart beat hard enough for me to feel it, reminding me that blood still flows, that life resides within me still. Hours, days, may pass and I am unaware of my living presence. My body moves through time, but my mind does not register that the moments of my life are ticking away unnoticed.

Then, with a word, she stops the clock, and I can almost see the hands turning backward, returning to me what I thought I had lost. It is not time that we need, but the belief, however false, that we have time. When love is absent, we need the belief that it exists-around the corner, untarnished and unspoiled-waiting there to save us.

I wonder that she does not see beneath my charade and recognize that I cling to each word, grasping each spark with desperate fingers, happy for the flame that sears my flesh. I wonder if I were to touch her skin if it would burn, knowing I would not care, if only I were to feel

Hays swiveled away from the monitor toward the sound at the door, sliding instantly into the blue-green seas of Auden's eyes. She might have made a sound as she tightened inside, pulled too quickly from the dimension of sensation and unfettered emotion, unguarded and undefended. She closed her fingers to hide their trembling, her fists resting on her desktop.

Auden stood at the door, lips parted, poised to speak, staring into Hays's face. Her dark eyes were filled with longing, and something else. Something that even from across the room looked to Auden like desire. Flushing, Auden said hastily, "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize..."

"No," Hays said quickly, her throat sounding thick to her own the ears. "It's all right. I was just catching up on some correspondence."

"There was something else I wanted to talk to you about in regards to our new authors," Auden said quietly, forcing each word out with deliberation. What she wanted to do was run. Because the other thing that she wanted to do was walk across the room and place her palm against Hays's cheek. She'd never wanted to touch another human being as much as she wanted to touch Haydon Palmer in that moment.

"What is it?" Hays asked hoarsely. What is it in your eyes? Pity? Can you possibly see what no one else can?

"It seems that some of the authors are posting unpublished works on the Internet."

"I'm not entirely certain that's something we should encourage or even allow," Auden continued quietly.

Hays got to her feet, briefly aware of a surge of dizziness that quickly abated. "Some of these authors were actually discovered from their Internet posts. Many of their fans evidently follow the progress of a new work by reading the Web versions. It's a new kind of marketing."

"That's just the point." Auden's mind was beginning to clear, as if she were breaking free from a dream. "It's not marketing at all. These works are being distributed free to anyone who might want to read them."

Hays lifted a shoulder insouciantly. "Some of the readers who have access to these Web versions are unable to acquire the books any other way, either because of the prohibitive costs or because of where they live. I believe that many of the authors feel that this is a community service."

"I think that today's marketplace is different than it was ten or fifteen years ago," Hays pointed out. "These Web versions are akin to the chapters some publishers put at the ends of their books to promote sequels or other titles."

"Chapters are one thing-entire story lines are something else again." Auden was adamant, but her impatience was tempered by concern. Hays was swaying slightly, and she was very pale. "Hays?"

Hays jerked, realizing that she had been watching Auden's lips but not listening.

"Yes. Fine." Hays stepped out from behind the desk and moved closer to the windows.

Hays stood in profile before the window, the snow just beyond seeming to envelope her in its swirling mists. She seemed so isolated against the stark beauty, and starkly beautiful herself. Auden felt an unfamiliar pang of pleasure so acute it was painful. What is it that you do to me?

"I'm not saying you're wrong, Auden," Hays said gently. "But you're going to get resistance from some of these authors if you ask them to pull their works from their Websites."

Auden shrugged, a ghost of a grin curling at the corner of her mouth. "I guess I'll get a chance to see how good a negotiator I am then, if it comes to that."

Smiling at the compliment, Auden still shook her head. "I hope that your confidence in me is not unfounded."

"Thank you just the same," Auden replied softly. For inviting me into this world. For your faith.

Here's the first of my Pleasures series. Thought you might like to ride along<g>.

Are you going to make the Palmer soiree tonight so I can finally meet you ftf? Come on, you've been teasing me long enough.

Besides, we can compare notes and watch women together. Oops, sorry, There I go being PI again.

Be there, huh? Oh-and tell me if this gets you hot. Cause if not, I'll have to retire<g>

Without much thought, as she had done dozens of times before, Hays opened the file and began to read Thane's vignette.

I'm a morning person. I'll spare you all the rapturous details of why I love the mornings. Suffice it to say, it's quiet, the hours seem longer, and there's a sense of owning everything around me that is at once comforting and inspiring. She's not a morning person. Or perhaps it's fairer to say, she is not any kind of person until after two cups of coffee and a slow perusal of the newspaper.

On this particular Saturday morning, I find her at her usual place, starting on her second cup of coffee, engrossed in the local news, and still looking a bit sleepy. I can tell that she has showered, but I know from the slightly bleary, soft smile she tosses my way that she is not yet awake.

There's something about seeing her in her robe, when I am fully dressed, that turns me on. I love to be dressed when she is naked. I especially love to have sex with her when I'm clothed, and she is not. I love the damp patches she leaves on the denim of my thighs, the faint reminder of my effect on her. I look at her this morning, and my stomach instantly clenches with want.

She loves to kiss. Me, I enjoy it, but it is usually a warm-up for what I'm really after. The appetizer. For her, it's an entire feast. I've never experienced kissing quite the way I have with her. I'm in sweatpants and a tight faded T-shirt, barefoot. I've been in my office writing for several hours. I pad across the room and gently lift her by her elbows. She looks at me, a question in her eyes. I smile, sit in her seat, and pull her down onto my lap. She is naked under the robe. I knew she would be.

She settles into me, the way she does when she's falling asleep or not yet awake in the morning. I curve my arm around her shoulders and with my free hand lift her chin to kiss her lightly. She murmurs softly, a happy, contented sound. She brings one arm around my neck to lightly grasp the hair at my collar, threading it through her fingers. Her eyes are almost closed. Then she very gently takes my lower lip between hers, sucks it in slowly, running the tip of her tongue along the sensitive surface. I feel that soft caress streak through my entire body, landing like a laser beam between my thighs. I groan softly, and she smiles against my mouth.

Taking her time, she moves to my top lip and explores it, sucking, nibbling, licking. This makes me crazy. And she knows it. My mouth opens slightly, my tongue barely touching hers. I can feel myself grow hard, the wet heat seeping through my sweatpants. She shifts a little on my lap, pressing her weight into my crotch. I open my legs further, letting the pressure gently massage my aching flesh. Her kisses are firmer now, but still controlled. She strokes the inside of my lips, the tip of my tongue, the under surface of my teeth--slowly, claiming every part of my mouth. Somehow, I've ended up with my head leaning back from the tug of her fingers in her hair. Somehow, she is in control, her other hand under my chin as she kisses me slowly, deliberately, thoroughly. I'm way past hot now, swollen, needing her to touch me so badly. And she knows it.

She knows if she touches me, strokes me just a little, I'll come all over her hand. Maybe even if she doesn't, the pressure of her hips, the thrust of her tongue, will be enough. She moves her mouth a breath away. "Don't you dare."

I close my eyes tightly, concentrate on her tongue probing me gently, and loosen the tie on her robe. I cup her breast; she is warm and soft in my hand. I run my thumb gently over the nipple, feeling it tense under my touch. She gasps, drawing her tongue back for an instant. Her hips are moving rhythmically now, rocking in my lap as she works her way around every corner of my hungry mouth. I slide my hand to the other breast, finding the nipple already erect, and pinch it firmly. She moans, and I catch her sounds in my throat

Hays looked away, trembling. She'd read Thane's erotica many times. Usually she found Thane's direct, unvarnished style enjoyable, and on occasion stimulating, even though not much actually stirred her physically in recent months. Now she was painfully aroused.

She leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and waited for the urgency to pass. She hadn't anticipated this reaction. Any other time she probably would have welcomed the feelings, the unmistakable testament to the fact that she was still living and breathing. Any other time, being this excited, she would have gladly surrendered to the rhythm and cadence of the words, allowing the images to stroke her to satisfaction, accompanied by her own barely perceptible touch in the background of her consciousness.

She was a writer, and words were as tangible to her as flesh. She might be in one instant an observer, in another a chronicler, in yet another, a participant. This time she had been only herself, joyously experiencing a gifted moment with a woman she desired. And this time, the woman had a name and a face-and the whisper in her ear was a too familiar voice. This was far too real to confine to the margins of a page, the borders of a monitor. This was passion spilling out over her in an agony of need.

Hays brought trembling fingers to the keyboard and closed the file without looking at it again.

At six-fifteen that evening, Auden went upstairs to Gayle's apartment and knocked on the door.

"I'm in the bedroom." When Auden entered, Gayle smiled and asked, "How you doing?"

"I don't know," Auden said softly. "I've been having the strangest sensations for days."

"Oh yeah?" Gayle crossed to her dresser, sorted through her underwear, and selected black silk bikinis. She stepped into them, then a pair of tailored tuxedo pants, and pulled on the ruffled white shirt she had selected to go with it. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe it's just the fact that I've been doing nothing except reading lesbian fiction twenty-four hours a day, but I seem to be thinking about women...and sex...a lot. I thought at first that maybe it was just everything I was reading-I connected with so much of it so strongly. The characters, the love, the-passion." Auden lifted her hands. "You said it yourself the other night-when the story is done well, it makes you want to be the characters."

"Yeah," Gayle said doubtfully. "But reading Gone with the Wind never made me want to screw Clark Gable." She laughed. "But it did make me want to do unmentionable things to my gym teacher."

"I'm having a similar reaction." Auden shook her head, frustrated. "So what do you think it means?"

"That's a leap. Have you ever thought-before this, I mean-that you might be gay?" Gayle tucked in her shirt and reached for the jacket that went with the tuxedo.

"Not consciously, no," Auden admitted. "I've always thought that I just wasn't particularly sexual. I enjoyed the company of most of the men I dated, but I never felt an overwhelming physical attraction for any of them."

Gayle took Auden's hand and softly stroked her fingers. "I don't know what to tell you. It could be a crush. Even straight girls get crushes on other women sometimes. It doesn't necessarily mean you're gay."

"I'm a little worried that I'm confusing what I'm reading with real life. I mean, after all, romances are fiction. That's the whole point, right?" Auden studied Gayle's fingers moving on her skin. She found the touch comforting, but not erotic. "After all, I know I love you, and I've never well "

"You'll know when someone makes you feel what you need to feel." Gayle gave Auden's shoulder a little nudge. "Like the things that turn you on in your homework."

"I think what I need is to concentrate a little more on real life and accept that fiction is just that. A fantasy." Auden gestured with her chin toward the door. "Come on, finish getting dressed and let's go to the party."

"Yeah," Gayle said as she went back to her dresser. "I want to get a look at the woman who's turned your head. You will see that I meet her, right?"

Auden didn't reply, but the idea of Gayle anywhere near Hays bothered her unaccountably. Yet another new sensation she wasn't certain how to explain.

When Auden and Gayle stepped outside, both of them murmured in dismay at the rapid accumulation of snow on the streets and sidewalk. Once inside the cab, Gayle gave the driver their destination and asked, "How are the roads?"

"Radio says this is going to keep up all night. This city goes to hell with less snow than this."

"Thank God I'm not on call tomorrow." Gayle leaned back in the seat next to Auden. "It's going to be a bitch getting anywhere if this keeps up."

The trip should have taken ten minutes even at rush hour, but it took nearly forty because the cabbie had to detour down several side streets to avoid cars stuck in the snow or to make room for emergency vehicles trying to clear the drifts. When they reached the Four Seasons on Logan Square, it was almost nine p.m.

"I have a feeling there'll be plenty. With this weather, I'd be surprised if everyone who RSVP'd actually shows up."

Upon entering one of the two banquet halls on the second floor, Auden was surprised to see the number of people present. There seemed to be close to seventy-five people present, a preponderance of women, most in stylish evening clothes. She couldn't see Haydon Palmer anywhere.

"There are a lot of good-looking women here tonight," Gayle noted with approval. "This should be fun."

At that moment, someone called Auden's name, and she and Gayle turned in the direction of the voice. An attractive, athletic-appearing blond with sparkling blue eyes approached, smiling brilliantly.

"Liz, hello," Auden said, pulling Gayle forward with a hand in hers. "Gayle, this is Liz Nixon. She ran WomenWords and hopefully will be our new head of marketing."

Liz turned her attention to Gayle, her eyes sweeping from Gayle's striking profile down her tight, compact body. "It's a pleasure."

"Will you promise to forgive me if I talk business with Auden for just one minute?"

"Not at all." Gayle leaned close to Auden and murmured, "I'm going to find a waiter. I'll bring you back the fruit of my victories."

"Thanks." Auden squeezed her friend's forearm gently. "I'd really appreciate it."

As Gayle moved away, Liz followed her with her eyes for an instant, then turned back to Auden. "Girlfriend?"

From across the room, Hays saw Auden and a striking tuxedo-clad woman enter. Her heart leapt at the first sight of Auden, who looked beautiful in an off the shoulder black silk dress that accentuated her graceful curves. Auden's companion was cover-model perfect. They were a gorgeous couple. Hays could look nowhere else, noting the small intimate gestures between the two and the way that the woman in the tux leaned into Auden when she spoke close to her ear. Every touch was painful for Hays to observe.

Eventually, she forced herself to look elsewhere and noted the approach of another woman she had been observing from a distance for the last hour. Tall, close to Hays's height, but heavier built and ruggedly good-looking, the brown-haired woman approached her with a directness that spoke of utter confidence. When she was within conversational distance, the newcomer extended her hand.

"Thanks. This is a nice shindig you put together. I've already talked to several reviewers and scheduled a signing at Giovanni's."

"Glad to hear it," Hays said. "I was hoping that in addition to all of us getting acquainted under casual circumstances, it would be good networking for the new authors."

Thane nodded in agreement. "I haven't met Auden Frost, the new director, yet, but I'm looking forward to it. Is she here?"

Hays indicated Auden across the room. "She's talking to Liz Nixon. You know Liz, of course."

"Oh yeah. Liz and I go back quite a ways." There was an unmistakable note of familiarity in her tone. "Auden Frost is the blond?"

"Yes." Hays watched Thane study Auden, saw the way her eyes moved slowly over Auden's face, then drift down her body. She saw the appreciation flare in Thane's dark brown eyes. Is everyone here tonight going to be attracted to Auden?

Abruptly, Thane turned her attention back to Hays. "It was nice meeting you, Hays. I hope that we will be very happy with each other for a long time."

"I have a feeling that we will be." Hays found Thane to be every bit as vigorous and direct as their email association suggested. In time, probably not long hence, she would need to tell her about Rune. This was not the place, however.

Watching Thane walk away, Hays recalled the last vignette Thane had sent her-the heat and the lust in the passionate images. Hays wondered, too, if the sensual scenes Thane wrote were a product of her imagination, or her experience. She had a feeling that Thane Cutlass would be an imaginative and adventurous lover. That idea bothered her quite a bit as she followed Thane's unerringly course directly toward Auden.

Auden sensed a feather light touch upon her skin. There was no one nearby, but her gaze was drawn across the room. Haydon Palmer leaned with a shoulder against an enormous marble pillar-in the crowd, but not part of it. Even from a distance, she was singularly striking. Her black hair was untamed and her pale complexion as flawless and still as the stone at her back. The dark suit she wore cast her figure in stark relief against the alabaster column. Auden's lips parted in a soundless murmur as their eyes met. A smile twitched at the corner of Hays's mouth and was just as quickly gone. Auden took one step forward, and then, as so often happens in dreams, Hays was gone. Could I have just imagined her there?

"Here you go," Gayle said, handing Auden a plate with assorted bite-size delicacies.

"Margo Elliot is here tonight, and Thane. You can forget Rune, though. She never makes public appearances."

"Not as long as I've known her." Liz looked past Gayle into the crowd and smiled-a slow, fond smile. "Well, here's one of the infamous crew now."

Auden turned and found herself looking at a woman with eyes the color of rich, fertile earth and a tousled head of wavy hair a slightly deeper shade of brown. "Yes?"

"Believe me, the pleasure's mine." Thane smoothly enfolded Auden's fingers in her palm.

For some reason, Thane's handshake made Auden's skin tingle. Embarrassed, she pulled her hand back as soon as she could without appearing too obvious. "I'm so happy you could be here."

Liz moved closer, lifted her face, and kissed Thane fully on the lips. Drawing back, she murmured, "Hello, Thane."

"A pleasure to meet you," Gayle replied in a tone of voice that Auden had rarely heard. She sounded the way Auden imagined a great jungle cat would sound if it could purr a greeting.

"There's a signing table across the room. I'd be happy to inscribe one for you," Thane said lightly, never taking her eyes from Gayle's.

For the next few minutes, the four women spoke companionably of the event, new releases, and Destiny's imminent launch. After a polite interval, Auden turned to Gayle and said quietly, "Will you be all right for a few minutes here?"

"Go ahead." Gayle gave her a little push, still watching Thane. "Don't worry about me, Aud. I'm sure I'll find something, or someone, to occupy my time."

Auden worked her way through the crowd, trying to reach the point where she had last seen Hays. When she finally reached her destination, Hays was nowhere to be found. Another familiar face, however, was nearby. "Good evening, Mr. Pritchard."

The militarily erect man inclined his head infinitesimally in her direction. "Ms. Frost."

"I wouldn't know." For the first time he looked away, then quickly back. "It's usually her habit to put in an appearance at affairs such as this and then slip away as soon as possible. She has a great deal of work to do."

"Yes, I know." There was just a hint of warning in his voice, as was so often the case when Hays was the subject. He was protecting her, or isolating her, but Auden had yet to understand why. Whatever his motives, she didn't intend to be deterred. If Hays was here, she wanted to see her.

"The weather outside is deteriorating rapidly," Pritchard informed her. "I'm about to make an announcement that we've reserved a block of rooms here for anyone who wants to spend the night. I've taken the liberty of getting you and your friend a suite."

"God, I hope we aren't marooned beyond tomorrow morning." She had visions of trekking across town in heels.

"Apparently, this storm is of blizzard proportions, and if that's the case, it's doubtful that any vehicles will be running before Monday morning."

"Terrific." Auden glanced around the room. "Well, I guess we'll just have to consider this an adventure and make the best of it."

She smiled at him once again and moved off into the crowd. After another five minutes of fruitless searching for one particular face, she found a door marked 'Lounge' and pushed through. The lights were off and the space was unnaturally quiet, especially after the continuous low rumble of voices in the ballroom. On the wall opposite the door, large windows admitted a soft silver glow from the street lights surrounding Logan Square. Outside, the snow continued to fall, a heavy curtain of unbroken white. She was about to step back into the ballroom when she heard the familiar deep voice.

Auden stood still, searching the shadows. A dark figure, backlit by moonlight and snow, rose from one of the sofas near the windows. Auden couldn't see her face, but she didn't need to. She knew the unmistakable profile and the sharp, strong form. "No, actually, I was looking for you."

"Were you?" Hays's voice held a note of surprise. I would have thought you would have been completely occupied once Thane found you.

"Yes." Auden made her way carefully between the tables, chairs, and sofas until she reached the couch where Hays sat with a hip on the broad arm. Closer to her, Auden could make out the publisher's features in the illumination reflected off the snow, but shadows remained. Shadows always hovered in Hays's eyes, no matter how bright the light. "I saw you earlier across the room and then you disappeared.

"I have a relatively low tolerance for gatherings such as these. Every twenty people or so I have to escape for a while."

Auden laughed softly. "It's a tremendous success. Everyone is incredibly enthusiastic-authors, staff, and promoters alike. I had hoped that Rune Dyre would be here, however. I wanted to meet her."

Charming. Yes, I suppose she is. And suave and very attractive, too. But she doesn't intrigue me. Not like you do. Auden lifted a shoulder. "She's very nice. More importantly, she promised me a look at her new manuscript soon. Now, if I can get a few of the other authors to commit to sending me their current works-in-progress, we'll have a full schedule for the next eighteen months."

"Yes," Hays said quietly, watching the light play across Auden's features, one half of her face outlined in moonlight, the other lost in darkness. "It would be a start."

"Mr. Pritchard tells me that we may all be marooned here for the next day or so."

Hays walked to the window, glancing down to the Benjamin Franklin Parkway below. Logan's Square, with its large central fountain, empty now save for snow drifts, was shrouded in white, as pure and untouched as any fantasy world. "I believe he may be right."

"Yes. Very," Hays said softly, taking advantage of the shadows to drink her fill of Auden's face, caught in a halo of starlight.

Auden turned slightly, her eyes moving to Hays's face. "Will you be staying, too?"

The room was so very still, and the world so very tranquil, and the beauty of the night-and the woman-so excruciating that Auden hurt in a place she hadn't known existed. Why do you do this to me? You and no one else?

For an instant she glimpsed the fragile woman beneath the impenetrable exterior.

"If I'm lucky, sometimes I find a treasure just waiting for someone to look beneath the surface. It doesn't always happen, but when it does, it's like a gift."

"What is it?" Hays's heart beat quickly, her pulse thudding in her ears. Auden had the strangest expression in her eyes. Sad and yet impassioned, all at the same time.

"You'll think I'm being silly." Auden almost touched her, but she held back. This is not like that. They were lovers.

"In Dark Passions..." Uncertain, Auden held Hays's eyes and saw her pupils flicker in the moonlight. "It was a moment like this one-when the silence was filled with secrets."

She's asking you, but you can't answer. You shouldn't be alone here with her like this. Hays drew a deep breath and lied. "No, neither do I. There is a great deal of pain in that book. Look outside-the night is filled with joy."

"Yes, I know." Auden shook her head, smiling ruefully. "Sorry. I can't seem to keep these things out of my head."

"You needn't tell me," Hays said with a faint laugh. "I'm as attached to those fairy tales as you, I'm sure. But real life is rarely like our fantasies."

"So I've been told." Auden knew that whatever connection had shimmered on the air between them had vanished. She had ventured too far inside Haydon Palmer's walls and been reminded, yet again, that such intimacy was not welcome.

"I should get back to our guests," Hays said, retreating from the window into the darkness of the room.

When they stepped out into the brightly lit ballroom, Auden watched Hays slip into the crowd. Nearby, Abel Pritchard observed her with thinly-veiled displeasure. She glanced at him quickly, then turned to look for her friends. Whatever threat he thought she might pose to Hays's controlled world, he was clearly wrong. The only one whose balance was the least bit affected by their relationship was her own. Haydon Palmer was unassailable.

"Hey!" Gayle said from so close by that Auden jumped. "I hear you and I are going to be roomies tonight. I just called Mrs. T and she said she'd walk Shylock as far as the sidewalk. If he didn't do his business there, he could hold it."

"He'll survive." Gayle lowered her voice. "Besides, this could be fun. I told Liz and Thane they could come up for a while and we'd talk after the party is over."

"No." Auden realized she sounded harsher than she meant to. She forced a smile. "I'm not in the market for a date. You go right ahead."

"Hey, Aud," Gayle said softly, "I was only fooling. They're nice women. It'll just be talking, I promise."

Auden took Gayle's hand. "Sweetie, we're all over twenty-one here. If you decide you want to spend a little private time with one of them, we're in a suite. Go ahead."

Gayle burst out laughing and slid her arm around Auden's waist. "Come on, then-let's go find the infidels."

She came to me out of the darkness, silhouetted in moonlight, as ethereal as a dream. But this night, she was not a whisper of longing to disappear on the edge of awakening. She was solid and real and I could feel her heat so very near upon my skin. Together, we watched the world dissolve into pinpoints of starlight reflected off the falling flakes. Outside, the night was untarnished, untouched by disappointment or loss. Inside, with her close by my side, I could not remember why I despaired--my skin was too alive, my heart too full, my mind lost to all save the sense of her. Had I been able to think, I would have realized that I was no longer thinking at all. There was only her.

As she stood facing the snowscape, perfect in the radiance of otherworldly light streaming into the still space, I stepped behind her and rested my fingertips on her bare shoulders, deserted by the dark gown below. The strength beneath the smooth skin astounded me. Everything about her was alive. Energy streamed along my fingers into the very marrow of my bones. For one brief instant I feared that I could somehow steal her life, feared too, that that might be what I truly desired. She was everything I was not-most critically, alive.

But then she turned and I saw her eyes, and I knew that nothing could diminish what lived within her soul. She could only call forth what had lain buried for so long in my own. I had no words and she seemed to ask for none. She merely waited. There were questions in her eyes, yet she did not ask. I could hear her questions thunder in the air between us. She trusted me to answer. Trust such as that is a gift beyond flesh, beyond breathing, beyond existence. She offered me that, a kind of immortality, and I so desperately wanted it. But I could not take without giving, and to give, I must confess.

I had lowered my head without realizing it, until our lips were nearly touching. I could taste her in the air between us. The flesh of my bones ached to feel her in my arms. But if I confessed, she would know. And if she knew, it would change everything.

Sometimes, the price of honesty is loss. I would rather desire without having, than to hold her for an instant, only to lose her forever upon the next breath.

Hays threaded both hands into her hair and cradled her face in her palms, breathing shallowly. Her head ached, her stomach twisted with an urgency that was foreign to her, and beneath it all, was rage. Why now?

The door to the business center opened and Hays lifted her head. She had been working in semi-darkness with only the lights of the two computer monitors sitting side by side on the work counter, but the hallway beyond was brightly lit. Auden's figure was clearly outlined.

"That's all right." Hays glanced at the wall clock. It was four a.m.. "I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd work. You too?"

Hays stood immediately, steadying herself with a hand on the back of the desk chair. "I'll go."

"No," Auden said swiftly, impulsively grasping her hand. "Its not you I want to be away from. There's a mini-party going on in my suite, and I just..." She looked away, embarrassed.

"What happened?" Hays asked softly, staring at the fingers curled around her own as she sat again.

"I felt slightly out of my depth." Auden brought her gaze back to Hays's, finding gentle acceptance in her dark eyes. She sat beside her, pulling the chair close until their legs nearly touched. "I'm not exactly as I seem to others, I guess."

Hays leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, her chin resting in the palms of her hands as she gazed at Auden. "I think you're bright, capable, energetic, and altogether...fascinating."

"You don't need to say anything." Hays regarded her steadily. "Why were you uncomfortable upstairs?"

Leaning toward Hays, drawn into the hypnotic depths of her unflinching gaze, Auden whispered, "Because the atmosphere was intimate and I didn't feel that way about anyone."

Hays lifted her hand, then slowly traced a finger along the edge of Auden's jaw. "You should have."

Auden trembled. Hays's fingers rested lightly on her chin. All that remained to her was truth. "I think I'd like to start with something simpler."

"Oh?" Hays's voice was deep; she was vibrating with tension. Leaning forward further still, she slipped her palm down to Auden's neck, her fingers moving to the back and into her hair. "Like what?"

Hays watched the emotions swirl in Auden's green eyes-vulnerability, strength, trust, longing. Her throat was so tight she couldn't breathe. Auden.

I would rather desire without having than to hold her for an instant, only to lose her forever upon the next breath.

And when Auden felt the first brush of Hays's lips, she understood. Every particle of her being coalesced into the singular space where their mouths met, and then she was aware of nothing beyond the silken warmth of the lips moving slowly over hers. The first touch was tender, but not tentative. They came together, flesh on flesh, with a rightness that defied logic, joined by a kiss that was as familiar as a beloved song, and as captivating as a new sunrise.

Dimly, Auden was aware of Hays's fingertips resting feather light against the angles of her jaw, tilting her face as Hays gently ran her tongue along the inner surface of her lips. Auden leaned into the kiss, resting both palms on the center of Hays's thighs. The muscles beneath her hands were as tight as steel wires, singing in a high wind. She could feel Hays's heart beat inside her mouth, and she turned to liquid heat in the far reaches of her being. A pain like hunger, but far more critical than any physical need, surged through her.

Auden slid her hands higher up Hays's thighs until her fingers rested close to Hays's hips. Hays moaned, a broken sound.

Hays slid her tongue into Auden's mouth, thirsting for her but fearing that with the first taste, like with the first drop of water in the desert, she might drown from the pleasure of it. When Auden's tongue welcomed hers with a long slow caress, need settled like a fist between her thighs. It had been so long that she had lost the ability to control what she had thought not to experience again.

"Auden," Hays gasped, torn between escaping and begging for her touch. She moved her mouth a fraction away, instantly aching at the loss.

Auden rested her forehead against Hays's, breathing unevenly. "There are...so many reasons...why this is a bad idea."

"You can't...possibly imagine...them all." Hays groaned, her eyes closing tightly.

"We should...stop," Auden murmured. She had never felt anything like what this one kiss had done to her. Just the absence of Hays's lips against hers was unbearable. "Oh God."

"Auden," Hays moaned again, drawing back further still, her fingertips brushing along Auden's face until they broke contact.

"No," Hays whispered fiercely. "Don't. Let it be as simple and as perfect as it was."

Auden allowed herself to do what she had wanted to do almost every time that she had seen Hays since the moment they had met. She placed her palm against Hays's cheek, her fingers gently trailing through the dark hair that fluttered down onto her forehead. "Yes. I will."

Then, on legs that shook badly, Auden got to her feet and made her way carefully to the door. "Goodnight, Hays."

So softly that Auden almost didn't hear, Hays replied, "Goodnight, sweet Auden."

When Hays stood, a wave of dizziness rolled over her, and she was forced to sit. Grimly, she leaned her head back, but not before she felt the first telltale trickle against her lips. Drawing a handkerchief from her trouser pocket, she pressed it to the corner of her mouth, watching through half-closed eyes as she caught the bright red drops against the pure white linen.

Auden let herself quietly into the suite, intent on reaching her room without awakening Gayle.

"I thought sure you'd already be...in bed," Auden said awkwardly, standing in the middle of the room, confused and uncertain. I thought sure you'd be with someone by now.

Gayle shrugged sheepishly. "I think I might have just made one of the dumbest moves of my life. I turned down an invitation to go to bed with Liz."

Crossing the room, Auden curled up on the sofa next to Gayle. "How come you said no?"

"I wish I knew," Gayle said, her tone thoughtful and at the same time surprised. "It wasn't exactly an explicit invitation, but I could tell that she was interested."

Something flickered in Gayle's face that Auden could not decipher. It was an expression that was rare for her confident friend. For a second, Gayle looked a little lost. "She left right after you did. I guess she's set her sights on you."

"God, I hope not." Auden found Thane attractive, but she hadn't been drawn to her, hadn't felt a connection, hadn't been pulled into her eyes the way

"Well, I hope you don't have anything against just socializing with her," Gayle continued, "because I kind of agreed to, um...oh, hell..."

"I just said that you and I would meet the two of them at the 2-4 Club next weekend for drinks. It's not a date. It's just a friendly get-together."

"Gayle, the sexual tension was so thick up here it was hard to breathe. I had to leave, for God's sake."

"That's why you left?" Gayle gaped at her, then just as quickly looked concerned. "Did Thane say something to you? Did she make you uncomfortable?"

Auden shook her head. "No. Nothing like that. It's just that, it was like, well, like everyone was testing, trying to figure out if there was the possibility of something happening. I mean, after all, we're all single..." She hesitated, not knowing exactly what she meant to say. We're all lesbians? Is that what I was going to say? That's what Liz and Thane thought.

Leaning forward slightly, Gayle rested her fingers on Auden's. "I didn't know you felt that way. I guess I was just thinking about my own possibilities. Geez, I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about." Auden smiled faintly. "Nothing happened. It was just, I don't know, I felt like things were happening that I wasn't ready for."

"But you're not ruling it out anymore, are you?" Gayle asked softly. "You're thinking about being with a woman, aren't you?"

Am I? I've been doing nothing but imagining women together, reading about their lives, reading about their problems, reading about their joys and sorrows and desires and passions. And all of it has seemed so familiar to me, so right. And then tonight... Auden drew a deep breath. "I think I might be doing a little bit more than just imagining."

"Yes, that was it." Auden laughed a bit unsteadily, struck by the understatement. "One simple, perfect kiss."

"Jesus," Gayle murmured reverently. "There's been something about this night that makes me feel like I'm in another world."

Auden felt Hays's mouth on hers again, felt muscles straining beneath her hands, heard the soft moans of pleasure that were almost pain. "Yes. A dream world."

Hays lay on the king-sized bed in the dark, fully clothed, her eyes closed, her mind a confusion of reverie and remembrances. Her body still stirred to the sensation of Auden's lips, Auden's breath, Auden's fingers pressed tightly to her thighs. Desire coursed along the sinews and vessels of her limbs and burned in the core of her, smoldering hot like the embers of a fire long banked, then blown to life on the cold night air. Her palm lay on her abdomen and the muscles twitched under her trembling fingers. Her chest was tight, each breath spun on a thread of pure yearning. Behind closed lids she saw Auden's face, soft with arousal, and she conjured the feel of Auden's body, warm against her skin. Despite every warning, against all reason, she allowed the essence of that imagined touch to fill the void within her soul.

With a muted cry, she at last turned on her side, curled desperately around the dream, and surrendered to restless sleep.

Thane bent over the laptop centered on the small desk in one corner of the room, her shirt sleeves rolled up, a split of champagne from the mini-bar open by her right hand. The dawn was not far off, but it was impossible to tell through the curtain of snow that fell steadily outside her windows. She worked without pause, a faint sheen of sweat on her forehead, unaware of the hour or her own weariness. The night had abandoned her to solitude, and she struggled to give form to what she would not have, come morning.

I love moments like this, right after you come, when you can't move because the aftershocks are still softly rippling through your muscles, twisting in your depths. I love the way you fall into me, pinning me to the bed with your spent desires.

I reach down and pull a sheet up over us-I don't want you to get chilled. You settle into my arms, heart still pounding, head on my shoulder, one leg over mine. You're trembling with exhaustion; I can taste you on my lips. You murmur, "I love you".

"I know," I whisper back. I did not come when you came, although I grew harder with each pulse of your orgasm in my mouth. When I am inside you, surrounding you with my lips, holding your passion on my tongue, there is only you. My own need is like distant thunder. Now the urgency has come roaring back, and I ache for relief.

Your hand moves aimlessly over my breasts and belly as you drift near sleep, occasionally rubbing my nipples, tugging for a fleeting second then abandoning them. My clitoris, still rampant, twitches, and I spread my legs just a little. You snuggle closer, wet and hot where your leg straddles my thigh. We are lying so still, I can hear our hearts beating in time.

Your hand drifts slowly down the center of my abdomen; I hold my breath. I know you might fall asleep any second, but I start to pray you will touch me. I glance down. My clitoris is visibly swollen, pushing up, throbbing steadily. If you'll just stroke me, I know I'll come right away. Now all I can feel is the pressure building between my legs. I lift my hips, trying to get you to move your fingers down-you are so close-I am so close. I only need the briefest pressure to push me over. I'm hanging there now, barely breathing, waiting for you to give me what my body is screaming for.

"Touch me, please, baby," I beg. "Just rub your fingers over me. I wanna come so bad."

Your hand is still and I'm in agony, wondering if you're asleep. I shift my hips, trying to press my clitoris up against your fingers. My hand edges toward it; I can't help it. It will only take a second, and I am so close alre

Ever so slowly, your fingers move lower between my legs, brushing through my wetness. Helplessly, I groan, and I can feel you smiling against my skin. Slowly you fondle me, sliding my lips between your fingers, tugging them apart. My legs are like steel, they're so tight. My hands are digging into your shoulders. I'm whimpering, low constant pleas for you to make me come. I'm so stiff, I hurt. Do you know how much this is killing me?

My hips are off the bed now. I'm trying desperately to move your fingers where I need them so badly. I can't see. I can't even breathe. You slide down, rubbing the tips of two fingers over the exposed nerve endings. Slow circles, coating the engorged length with my own come.

"You're going to make me come," I moan, my whole body twitching now. I think I hear you laugh, but my mind is turning to heat and color-I have no thoughts, only a pounding need to explode, desperately seeking some relief. You're working me between your fingers, and I can feel myself getting ready to explode. You feel it, too. My insides clench, my clitoris spasms once, hard, and I start coming.

"Now touch yourself," you order as you push your fingers into me and start pumping.

I'm shouting, coming hard, my fingers stroking in time to the rhythm of your hands pulling the orgasm from me in long, deep thrusts. I stay on myself until the quivering slows; you cup all of me with your hand, squeezing me gently until you milk the last tremor from my exhausted flesh. I contract around your fingers, gripping you tightly. Muscle by muscle I relax against you, still moaning softly as the last of the orgasm trails through my belly.

You let out a sigh of satisfaction and fall asleep. I drift off, your hand still held inside me.

Thane leaned back and blew out a long breath. At least frustration is good for something.

She rubbed both hands over her face and stared out the window, trying not to imagine what Liz and Gayle were doing at that moment. Standing, she winced at the cramps in her shoulders and thought about taking a shower just to relax enough to sleep. But the insistent thud of arousal still plagued her, accentuated rather than assuaged by the scene she had written. She decided there were easier and more pleasant ways to put herself to sleep. Swiftly, she closed the drapes, shed her clothes, and slid naked into bed. Then she slipped her hand beneath the sheets.

When I am inside you, surrounding you with my lips, holding your passion on my tongue, there is only you. My own need is like distant thunder. Now the urgency has come roaring back, and I ache for relief.

At the knock on her door, Auden rolled over in bed. She hadn't been asleep. She'd been lying with her eyes closed, picturing Hays's face just before they'd kissed.

Gayle entered, waving a sheet of pale red stationary. "I went downstairs to raid the hotel shops before everyone else who got marooned along with us thought of it. I got you some clothes."

"Thank god. I owe you." Auden sat up, pulling the sheet with her. "What's with the red flag?"

Gayle looked down at the single page and read, "Palmer Publishing invites you to join us for brunch today from ten til three."

When Auden and Gayle exited on the mezzanine level, Gayle tugged on Auden's arm. "There's Liz. Want to sit with her?"

"Sure." Auden followed Gayle's gaze and saw the blond, gesturing to them with a smile.

"Hey!" Liz called as Auden and Gayle approached. "Have you looked outside? It's amazing. Snowdrifts and white outs. We might as well be in Alaska."

At that moment, Auden spied a lone dinner and said impulsively, "Do you two mind if I leave you?"

Gayle looked where Auden was staring. A black-haired woman in a dark double-breasted jacket, white shirt, and jeans sat alone with a pile of papers spread out beside her plate. She was gorgeous. In a barely controlled whisper, Gayle asked, "Holy geez. Is that her?"

"You want to talk shop with the boss over breakfast?" Liz interjected. "Boy, you two are a matched set. Everyone says she does nothing but work."

"It's early in the game," Auden said off-handedly. "I just want to get a jump on things."

Gayle made a small snickering sound and Auden shot her a mock-threatening look, but Liz didn't notice.

Looking up in surprise, Hays smiled and half-rose. "Good morning. No, not at all. Please, sit down."

Auden settled her tray on the small round tabletop, then sat as Hays took her seat. Reaching for her coffee, Auden remarked, "This is nice of you. This brunch."

"Well, I'm grateful to the people who came last night, despite the bad weather forecasts."

"Mmm hmm. Just good business to be so thoughtful, huh?" Auden regarded Hays with a raised eyebrow and a half-smile.

"So, how are you today?" Hays leaned forward slightly as she spoke, her dark eyes searching Auden's.

Spellbound, Auden watched the colors dance in Hays's midnight irises. "Are you asking me about last night?"

"I wasn't going to bring it up either," Auden murmured, "but I can't pretend it didn't happen."

"Are you sorry?" Hays took a breath, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. "Are you upset? Auden, I never meant to upset you."

"It complicates things just a bit, don't you think?" Auden asked, unable to decipher the hesitation in Hays's voice. "Professionally, I mean?" Her food lay untouched, the coffee forgotten. Help me understand what happened. Tell me what you feel.

Hays's chest tightened, and she raked a trembling hand through her hair. Her head felt light. "Last night-it was, I don't know-I wasn't thinking. You were so-" beautiful, so alive, and I wanted you so. "I didn't mean to offend you. If you feel I took advantage of my position-"

"No, of course not." Embarrassed, Auden shook her head. "Please, it's not necessary for you to explain. I'm not upset. I just didn't want there to be an issue between us."

"Good," Hays said on a rush of air. The room suddenly seemed too hot, and sweat broke out on her face. "This has been...an unusual weekend, to say the least."

Auden laughed shortly. "To be sure." When Hays didn't reply, Auden glanced at her and was instantly concerned. Hays was extraordinarily pale. "Hays?"

"I'm sorry." Hays blinked, but her vision wouldn't clear. She could barely see Auden's face. "Would you please excuse me?"

Before Auden could answer, the publisher abruptly rose and, just as precipitously, collapsed to the floor.

Distantly, Hays heard voices, but they sounded as if they were under water, garbled and indistinct. She opened her eyes, but found that she could not focus. Nevertheless, she sensed a familiar presence and felt a comforting touch on her cheek. The warmth of gentle fingers grounded her, holding her tenderly to the earthbound plane.

"It's all right." Auden's voice was calm and soothing, despite the fact that she was terrified.

Hays blinked and managed to make out Auden's worried features bending near. "How-what happened?"

"Oh, Jesus." Hays closed her eyes, struggling to control the nausea and dizziness. When she opened her eyes again, her vision was clearer. "Help me get to my room. Please."

"Just lie still." From where she was kneeling by Hays's side, Auden looked up, grateful to see Thane standing nearby. "Go get Gayle."

Hays struggled to a seated position and rested her back against a chair to wait for her head to stop spinning. She took a steadying breath and reached behind her, bracing a hand on the seat. "Please, Auden. Just help me up. I don't want everyone here to see me like this. Please."

There was something in Hays's eyes, a sheen of desperation that was so out of character for her that Auden's heart turned over. "You're so pale. I'm afraid you'll hurt yourself."

Auden rested her fingers fleetingly on Hays's cheek. "All right. But hold onto me and go slowly."

Just as they were getting to their feet, Gayle pushed her way through the crowd of curious people who had gathered nearby. Her gaze went immediately to Hays and her eyes narrowed. "What happened?"

"No." Hays breathed heavily but her voice sounded strong. "I want to go upstairs."

Gayle had taken Hays's wrist and had two fingers resting over the radial artery, taking her pulse as she scanned Hays's face. "Upstairs then--but you have to let me check you over once we're in your suite."

"Auden, would you wait out here while I take a look at her?" Gayle requested quietly as Hays made her way slowly but steadily into the bedroom.

Auden sat on the plush sofa in the well-appointed sitting room, replaying again and again the image of Hays as she fell, so unbelievably pale, a fine mist of sweat on her forehead. She remembered the way Hays had looked that afternoon in her office when Auden had come upon her moaning in her sleep. Hays had been ill then, too. Most of the time, in fact, she seemed on the edge of exhaustion.

She couldn't bear the thought of Hays suffering. What if she's seriously ill? What if Gayle is calling for an ambulance? Can they even get here in this storm?

After an interminable wait, Gayle at last returned, shutting the bedroom door quietly behind her.

"She needs some sleep, Auden, but she wants to see you." Gayle smiled, the kind of smile a doctor speaking to a worried loved one uses. "Don't stay too long, okay?"

"Hi," Auden said softly as she stepped into the bedroom and carefully closed the door. Hays sat propped up on the bed, still fully clothed, but with the top two buttons of her shirt open.

Auden sat, her left hand a few inches away from Hays's where it lay on top of the covers. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. I'm sorry if I worried you." So lightly as to be almost unnoticeable, Hays rested her fingers on Auden's. "Apparently, I skipped one meal too many and was so busy talking to you that I forgot breakfast as well. Nothing to be concerned about."

Without thinking, Auden laced her fingers through Hays's. The small bit of contact was enormously comforting. "I understand if you don't want to talk about it, Hays. But please, I'd rather you didn't lie to me."

"You have no reason to trust me, and I'm not asking you to. Not now. Maybe someday-" Auden looked away, then with a tremulous smile, continued. "I have no idea why I feel so close to you so quickly. It doesn't make any sense, but then not much has for the past week or so. There's something between us, and even if it's simply friendship, it feels special."

"I know." Hays's voice was low, husky, barely audible. "I can't explain it either, but I feel it."

"I want you to know something," Auden said with absolute conviction. "Everything about last night, not just the kiss, was perfect. And that is something that I'll never forget."

"No, neither will I." Hays smiled faintly, resting her head back on the pillows. She was so very tired, and the touch of Auden's hand made it so difficult to think. But for the first time in longer than she could remember, she felt peaceful, without fear or sadness, and she didn't want to lose that tranquility. She didn't want Auden to go.

Auden saw Hays's eyelids flutter and realized she was fighting sleep. Carefully, she began to withdraw her fingers from Hays's grasp. "You need to rest."

There was such a look of unguarded need in Hays's eyes that Auden wasn't sure she could answer. Her throat was suddenly so tight she couldn't swallow. What she wanted to do was take Hays in her arms and shelter her, keep her safe.

Auden leaned forward and with her free hand brushed the hair back from Hay's forehead. "I will if you promise to close your eyes and try to sleep."

For the longest moment, Hays simply stared into Auden's eyes as if she were searching for deliverance in their tendr depths, then she nodded wearily. "I promise."

Auden sat unmoving for a long time, listening until Hays's breathing became slow and regular. Finally, she leaned down and kissed Hays's forehead. Ever so softly she whispered, "Sleep well, sweet Hays."

When Auden stepped out into that hall, she met Abel Pritchard, who looked more disturbed than she had ever seen him.

Auden didn't want to talk about Hays without her knowledge. "Hays can tell you when she wak-"

"She won't remember, Ms. Frost." A soft sigh escaped him. "Please. It's important-for her."

There was something about the sadness in his voice that made Auden's stomach twist. She was frightened. No, more than frightened. Thinking about Hays being ill made her sick at heart. Quietly, she told him everything she could recall, which wasn't much because it was over so fast.

"Yes, very nearly so. A minute, no more." Auden tried to sort through the jumble of memories, colored by her own sudden alarm.

"No, I don't think so. No." Auden's heart was pounding now. "Mr. Pritchard, what-"

"God, no. It was just a second and then she seemed to recover." Auden steadied herself with a hand on the door.

Pritchard drew himself up, his eyes having regained their glacial clarity. "I appreciate your assistance, Ms. Frost. Please forgive my earlier outburst."

He nodded, then stepped through the door into Hays's suite. The door swung closed, leaving Auden alone in the hallway.

"Hi," Auden said quietly as she walked to the large double windows and pulled back the drapes to look out. "It's still snowing."

"Yeah." Gayle joined her at the window. "Fox Weather said it would let up sometime near dawn."

"Another night." Auden watched the snow fall and thought about standing in the moonlight with Hays looking down on the square, warmed by her voice in the still night and stirred by the feel of her in the dark, even though they did not touch.

"Liz called," Gayle said gently. "She and Thane want to come by and play cards. You up for that?"

"You don't have to tell me any details," Auden said, finally meeting Gayle's gaze. "Just for tonight? Is she all right?"

"Oh honey," Gayle murmured, brushing her fingers over Auden's cheek. "What's that I see in your eyes?"

Auden played cards with Gayle, Thane, and Liz with only half a mind. She couldn't think of anything except Hays, knowing that she was right down the hall, but not knowing how she was.

She crossed quickly to the telephone and snatched it up. "Hello?" Turning her back to the group slightly, she murmured quietly, "Are you all right? Do you need to speak to Gayle?...Are you sure?...What, tonight?...No, no, I wouldn't mind at all."

When Auden hung up the phone, she found that the other women were all watching her expectantly. "Would it ruin your game if I dropped out? That was Hays. She wanted to talk to me about business."

"She says that she is, but I'm not sure that I believe that." Auden's discomfort was clear. "Will you be okay if I leave?"

"Hey," Gayle said with a small laugh, placing her fingers lightly on Auden's wrist. "I've got a little more than a day before I have to be at the hospital for another twenty-four hour shift. Believe me, there are worse ways to spend it than trapped in a hotel with a couple of good-looking women."

Auden studied Gayle intently. "You know, I've never seen you when you've been trying to make a connection with a woman."

Gayle lowered her voice even more, although Thane and Liz were bickering over who had lost more times at poker and were not listening. "You mean, cruising?"

"If you're trying to hit on Thane, then it is. If not, then I'm worse at this than I thought."

"I can't read her at all." Gayle sighed. "She probably flirts with everyone, and besides, I still think she's hot for you."

"I am not interested in Thane Cutlass," Auden whispered vehemently. "And she does not look at me the way she looks at you."

Gayle grinned. "Old sorority signal to tell your roommate to sleep somewhere else."

A minute later, Auden was finally headed where she had wanted to be all evening.

Auden waited with a flurry of anxious anticipation in the pit of her stomach. Then the door swung open, and Hays stood before her, hair wet from the shower, eyes clear and bright.

"You said you needed to talk to me about business," Auden finally managed. Her heart hammered in her chest, and it was suddenly difficult to swallow. Her gaze kept returning to Hays's lips, which were parted slightly, as if words had been spoken that she had not heard.

"Yes." Hays hadn't moved. Was afraid to move. Because she was in danger of taking that one small step forward and pulling Auden into her arms. God, how she wanted to recapture that dizzying feeling she had experienced the night before, of being so lost in that kiss, of being so alive. Which was why she stood rooted to the spot, the breath burning in her chest, her stomach seething with urgency. "I " She forced herself to think. "Would you like dinner?"

"Dinner?" Auden hesitated, trying to get her mind to work and her attention away from the idea of threading her fingers into Haydon Palmer's thick, wet hair. "Yes. All right. Here?"

"Mmm," Hays murmured, mesmerized by the way Auden's eyes drifted over her own face, as languorous as a caress. "I'll order room service and we can talk."

Auden drew a long breath and stepped around Hays toward the sofa. If I don't get out of touching range, I'm going to do something to embarrass us both.

To distract herself from the way Auden looked in the tight black jeans, Hays walked to the desk phone. "Requests?"

"Ah salad and " For the first time, it occurred to Auden that she was alone in a hotel room with a woman. Not just any woman. A woman whom she had kissed. A woman she still wanted to kiss. And she had no earthly idea how she was supposed to behave. She wasn't certain she would be able to tell if Hays wanted anything to happen between them. She wasn't certain how much she herself wanted to happen between them. A kiss was one thing, but considering the way she had felt when they had kissed last night, she wasn't sure that a kiss was all she wanted. And that just might be crazy.

Hays had been the one who had said just that morning that the kiss wouldn't be repeated. Hays was ill, and Auden was supposed to be there to talk abou-

Hays's smile was kind and gentle smile, and Auden's tension immediately eased. No matter what happened between them, of one thing she was suddenly very certain. It couldn't be wrong. "And whatever pasta entree they have."

"Done," Hays said firmly. After placing the order, she crossed the room and sat next to Auden on the sofa. "I'm going to be away from the office for a week or so."

Auden's stomach clenched. Hays looked a hundred times better than she had six hours before, but she didn't look well. There were smudges under her eyes and the faintest of tremors in her hands. "Are you all right?"

"No, I've got a bit of a bug, apparently. Nothing all that serious, but it's kicked the hell out of me the last few days." She looked away for a second, then smiled softly. "I suppose Gayle told you."

"Yes," Auden agreed, knowing there was more. "A little time off sounds like a good idea. You should-take care of yourself."

Hays grimaced. "The timing is bad, what with all we have going on now with Destiny. You can email me or call me if there's a problem."

"I'm sure there won't be any problem," Auden said, thinking that the last thing Hays needed was to be bothered with work when she obviously needed to rest. The thought of not seeing her, even for a little while, was more distressing than she could have imagined. "I've got plenty of reading piled up, and Mr. Pritchard and I need to finalize the new appointments. Liz will be-"

"Auden," Hays murmured gently, leaning toward her but managing, just barely, to resist touching her, "I want to hear from you." For one insane moment, Hays wanted to tell her everything. About Rune and the illness and what she felt every time they were together. Everything. All of it. She wanted so terribly not to be alone with the pain of it tearing at her any longer, but still she held back. Tell her and everything will change. She'll never look at me the same again. And the way she looks at me is the best part of my life.

"Hays," Auden said carefully, resting her hand on Hays's where it lay palm down on Hays's thigh. "You're shaking."

"It's nothing." Hays's voice was gravelly, strained with the effort to sustain her silence.

"My entertainment choices are limited," Hays warned, grinning with a semblance of her usual charm. "Can I tempt you with cable TV?"

Once in the bedroom, they propped pillows against the wall and reclined side by side on top of the covers in the center of the king-sized bed facing the entertainment center. Hays worked through the stations until she found a classic movie channel where a black and white film was just starting. "Huh-Rebecca. Is this okay?"

"Me, too," Hays said as the music rose and the credits began to roll. She leaned her head back and dimmed the room lights. "Your romantic aide is showing, Auden."

"Did you?" Auden watched the lights from the screen flicker over the sharp planes and angles of Hays's face, spellbound.

"Uh huh. So," Hays asked, as she settled into the pillows, "who did you want to be?"

"What?" Auden asked, watching Hays's profile soften as she began to relax. You're so beautiful. Do you know?

When Hays slipped into sleep, Auden debated leaving, but when she started to move, Hays's eyes flickered open for an instant.

When Auden returned to her suite, she entered the sitting room just in time to see George Clooney shoot what looked like a harpoon into Cheech Marin's chest. She stopped dead and stared at the television, unable to make sense of what she was seeing. "What in God's name are you watching?"

Gayle looked over from where she was curled up on the sofa with a bag of potato chips in her lap. "From Dusk Till Dawn. It's this really great Quentin Tarantino vampire cops and robbers movie."

"No big deal." Gayle stared straight ahead. "Thane left a few minutes after you did. Liz and I hung out until we got to the point where we were either going to have to go to bed together or call it a night. We called it a night."

"I'm curious," Auden said as she collapsed with a sigh next to Gayle and put her hand into the bag of potato chips, "as to why you're turning Liz down."

"I don't know, exactly," Gayle said pensively. "She's terrific. And she's hot. And I like her. I just don't want to sleep with her."

Gayle gave Auden a quick glance and grinned unselfconsciously. "You've seen me drag home enough near strangers over the last seven years to know that sometimes the only thing it's about is sex."

Gayle shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, Aud. I really don't. Do you think anyone does, really? We give all kinds of reasons why we want one person and not another, and why we're attracted to someone. But maybe in the end, it's just a matter of timing and circumstances. Or hell, I don't know, fate."

"Maybe," Auden said, leaning her head back against the sofa and watching the vampires surround George Clooney and Juliette Lewis, thinking that perhaps destiny was the answer after all.

Hays woke a little after five a.m. She lay on her side, still in her clothes, and before moving, before anything else, she reached out a hand, but the bed beside her was empty. She had known it would be, but for just an instant, she had hoped.

The room was dark, the day not yet dawned. She ran her fingers lightly over the pillow next to her, trying to feel the depression where Auden's head had rested. The crisp cotton was cool, and there was no trace of her that lingered, not even the subtle scent of her perfume. That absence struck Hays as more cruel than anything she could remember feeling since she had learned almost eight months before that she might be dying.

Such a simple thing to miss, the sense of a woman next to you in the night. She hadn't realized just how much she had missed it until she had fallen asleep with the comfort of Auden by her side. Being near Auden reminded her of many things that she missed and had not thought to experience again.

She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. Their kiss felt like an isolated moment out of time, born of unusual circumstances during a fairy tale weekend when reason had been suspended. It had been perfect, and perhaps that's the best it could ever be. Even had she been certain of the future, it was possible, even likely, that Auden's interests lay elsewhere. Common sense told her that any kind of involvement with Auden was impossible, even if Auden were interested. And that had yet to be established.

"And it really doesn't matter, because I can't get involved. Not now." She swung her legs to the side of bed and waited for the inevitable dizziness to pass. Then she made her way to the bathroom and stripped off her clothes, trying to put the memory of Auden's soft voice, reassuring her as she fell asleep, from her mind. She couldn't remember falling asleep, only the sense of rightness she had experienced stretching out next to Auden on the bed. Auden. Auden's voice in the dark, Auden's hand on hers, Auden's mouth-

No matter how she tried to distract herself with the details of the day, as she turned on the shower and waited for the water to get hot, she was still thinking about Auden. Thinking about her smile, about her gentle strength, about her tender comfort. When she stepped into the shower, she imagined what it would have been like had they truly slept together and awakened side by side. They would be together now.

Thirty minutes later, Hays used her room card to let herself into the business center. Within seconds, she was logged on and checking her email.

I've been busy socializing with Destiny's new director along with Liz and another friend. Pretty tough being snowbound with beautiful women <g>. In fact, I'll be back in Philadelphia next weekend, because I've got a date to go dancing with Auden, her friend Gayle, and Liz. Tough duty, huh? What I won't do to further our cause <g>

Seriously now friend, when can I expect to see something from you for Eros? I know what you said, but I know what you're like when you're first getting into something new. You never think anything you're writing is decent. So send it to me. You know I'll tell you the truth.

Hays reread the words: "I'll be back in Philadelphia next weekend, because I've got a date to go dancing with Auden, her friend Gayle, and Liz."

Auden. First name basis. Well, it's not like that's a surprise. Hays almost didn't reply. But she had to. She might be out of time.

I'll send what I've done so far for Eros later today. I'm not promising I'll let it stand for the anthology, but you should have a look at it.

There are some things we need to discuss face-to-face. I'll email you later this week and maybe we can get together on Saturday in Philadelphia. I'm not certain I can make it next weekend, but I'll try.

Hays clicked send before she could change her mind. She had tried for so long to keep her writing, that most private part of her life, of herself, untouched by the vagaries and inconsistencies and small betrayals of daily life. But she couldn't any longer. Thane deserved to know, after all they had been to one another. And if Thane is seeing Auden she'll find out soon anyway Thane and Auden

She couldn't deal with that thought, not today, not after the previous evening with Auden. But there were truths she had to face now-her world was getting smaller and her secrets too difficult to keep.

Auden picked up the receiver on the first ring. "Hello?...Hi." She turned her back to Gayle, who was stretched out on the sofa cradling a cup that held the last of their morning coffee. "How are you? Good, that's good...No, that's not necessary. Really I all right, thank you."

When she put down the phone, she found Gayle regarding her with a questioning look. "That was Hays. She said there'll be a limo here in an hour to take us home."

"Ooh, I do like that woman. Besides being drop dead gorgeous, she makes things happen."

An hour later, Abel Pritchard, Auden, Gayle, and Hays rode in uneasy silence during the ten block ride from the hotel. Even in a Hummer limo, a ridiculous lumbering monstrosity of urban chic transportation, it had taken forty five minutes to navigate the narrow unplowed roads to Auden's street.

"Can you make it?" Hays asked with a frown, stepping out into the snow. Gayle plowed a few feet ahead, leaving Auden and Hays alone.

"We'll be fine," Auden assured her. From the look on Hays's face she had a feeling that Hays wanted to walk her to her door. Hays seemed fine, but her color was a little too flushed. She has a fever.

"Will you call?" Auden asked. She hadn't intended to ask, but suddenly faced with the prospect of not seeing Hays for days, she couldn't stop herself.

"If I can," Hays murmured. "You'll email or leave a message, if you need anything?"

"Yes, all right." Auden knew she had to go. Hays wore only her suit jacket and she was starting to shiver. "Please, take care of yourself."

A simple request. One she'd heard so many times in the last months. For the first time, Hays considered it seriously. "Yes. I'll do that."

They regarded one another silently for another moment, gusts of snow swirling from the drifts around them.

Auden smiled softly, touched Hays's uncovered hand with her own bare fingers, then turned resolutely away.

Gayle stopped by Auden's apartment before leaving for the hospital. "I'm outta here. God, what I wouldn't give to have that Hummer right now!"

"Call me later?" Auden had changed into a flannel shirt and baggy, threadbare jeans. "I'll be up. I want to finish my first read through of Dark Passions."

Gayle, in jeans and work boots, leaned against the doorway, her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket. "Ooo, that is so hot. I wish I were staying home all nice and cozy reading that, instead of schlepping off into the snow." She shrugged good-naturedly. "Ah well, enjoy it while I'm off working away. I'll talk to you later."

Alone, Auden started a fire in her living room and curled up in the old leather arm chair with a glass of wine. Her thoughts kept drifting back to Hays. How Hays's mouth had felt when they'd kissed, how Hays had looked falling asleep, how Hays had sounded when they'd said goodbye.

Auden's eyes turned to the pages, and without realizing it, first her mind, then her imagination, fell prey to the power of Rune Dyre's magic.

Auden looked up automatically at the sound of a log falling in the fireplace, absently watching the sparks dance to their death. Barely aware of the interruption, she shifted, curled her legs closer beneath her, and found her place.

With a start, Auden blinked unfocused eyes and looked around in confusion, stunned to find herself alone. She stared in confusion at the book in her hands, expecting the warmth of woman. Gasping, she fixed on what she had just read. Kyle and Dane. Kyle and Dane. Not Hays and

Shivering, she stared across the room at the dying embers. She was chilled, but her skin was hot, her blood racing. She held the pages in trembling hands. It had been so very real, and it was so very clear what she wanted. What she needed.

Gayle climbed up out of the subway tunnel and made her way toward the emergency room entrance of Temple University Hospital. There were few people out and even fewer vehicles. The Hummer limo that slid to a stop across the street in the emergency room turn around would have been impossible to miss, even if she hadn't recognized it. She stopped, watching as the rear door opened and two people stepped out. Abel Pritchard carried a suitcase. Hays Palmer had a slim briefcase in her right hand. Gayle waited until they disappeared inside the hospital. Hays deserved her privacy.

As she made her way through the snow, Gayle tried to pretend it was possible to dictate matters of the heart.

The first few days of the week were hectic, but it was impossible for Auden not to wonder where Hays was and if she was all right. When Liz Nixon appeared at her office door, a big grin on her face, Auden greeted her with a smile. "Sit down. It's great to see you."

"What about Margo Elliot's Pale Imitations? That was almost ready for typesetting when we cut back on production at WomenWords."

"Assuming we could finish the edits, I don't have a cover, and even if I can pull one of the graphic artists on such short notice, I haven't even seen the production specs yet." Auden rapidly ran through the list of things that would need to be done in order to get the first title out. "I don't know if anyone's available to typeset, or how much lead time I need."

Silent, Liz waited, a faint smile on her face. Auden's eyes were bright, her expression intense.

Auden stood, pacing quietly. Finally, she turned to Liz. "You're the marketing director. If you think it's important, I'll go email Hays about it right now."

"No." She hadn't wanted to intrude on Hays's personal time, and she was grateful for a legitimate reason to contact her. Any kind of communication would set her mind at ease. "I'll get back to you just as soon as I can."

Hays awoke from an unplanned nap feeling refreshed. Her headache had finally resolved, and she could read without any blurred vision. She felt terrific and wanted to go home. She wanted to make the weekend meeting with Thane, and more than that, she wanted to get back to work. Mostly, she wanted to see Auden.

"You need a full course of antibiotics. Your white count is still well above normal."

"No more blood." She was adamant. "We agreed we'd keep that to a minimum. Emergencies only."

"This was an emergency. Hays, you were so anemic you could have had a stroke or an MI. Plus this infection could have killed you in the state you were in."

"You almost waited too long this time." He looked truly sorry. "I can't let you go home yet."

Sighing with helplessness and frustration, Hays opened the laptop that sat on the narrow surface of the bedside table. She quickly scanned the messages, and then stopped at one, her heart pounding.

Forgive me for bringing up business, but Liz feels strongly that Destiny should promote its first title at the Manhattan book fair April 11th. Pale Imitations is almost ready to typeset.

I've enclosed a deadline schedule if it's a go. I'll be here until 9 or so tonight.

Hays grinned as she opened the attachment and scanned the file. Abel is going to have a heart attack.

Suddenly energized despite the fact that it was after ten and she'd been in the office since seven that morning, Auden began jotting notes about the things she needed to discuss with Liz. I'll need to call-

He walked a few feet into the room and regarded her thoughtfully. "Getting Elliot's book ready to go?"

"I'm sorry, I should have called you earlier today but by the time I got to it, it was later than I-"

He held up a hand, and he actually seemed to smile, for perhaps a second. "I understand. Hays filled me in."

Smiling, Auden swiveled to her computer, planning to shut it down for the night. She saw the mail icon on the task bar and checked her email.

Seriously, he'll want to go over things with you soon, so I thought you'd want to be prepared.

In a single room on the upper floor of Temple University Hospital, Hays read the message by the dim light of the computer screen and laughed out loud. Yes, I'll see you soon.

Across town, Auden extinguished the lights in her office and walked down the silent corridor toward the elevators. Good night, Hays. Sweet dreams.

"You can't back out now." Gayle applied a dab of scent to the hollow at the base of her throat and regarded her friend's reflection in the mirror. "I can't handle both of them."

Gayle turned, hands on her hips. "Okay, let's get something straight. I definitely kiss on the first date. I even occasionally screw on the first date. I do not do threesomes." She paused, looked thoughtful. "Although with Thane and Liz "

"They expect me to know things." Auden looked away, embarrassed. "About being a lesbian. About sex."

"Oh, honey. You don't really listen to me when I'm teasing you, do you?" Gayle rested her forehead on Auden's. "It's fine that you've waited. In fact it's beautiful. And no one needs to know, except maybe Ms. Right. And not even her, if you don't want to tell her."

As Auden followed Gayle downstairs, she thought longingly of her comfortable chair, a warm fire, a glass of wine, a good book filled with good-looking women, and a chance to dream. She thought, too, that in a day and half, she'd see Hays.

Thane lay awake for a long time in the unfamiliar living room, and finally, she rose and made her way carefully to the computer tucked into the corner. She worked for an hour, then checked her mail.

The soft voice from behind her and the gentle fingers on her neck caused Thane to smile. "Everything is great." She gestured to the computer. "Sorry. Do you mind? I swear I wasn't snooping."

"Okay." Thane was having trouble thinking about much except the way those liquid eyes drifted slowly over her face. Swiveling suddenly on the chair, she reached out and took the woman, who was clad only in a long T-shirt, into her arms, settling her onto her lap. "I didn't mean to wake you. I just couldn't sleep."

"Liar. You must be a writer." She laughed and threaded her arms around Thane's neck. "You could come sleep with me."

"That would be better than okay," Thane murmured, rubbing her cheek against the hard nipple beneath the thin cotton. "But maybe not just yet."

"Why not?" Unerring fingers slid into Thane's hair and massaged the sensitive places at the base of her neck. "We're adults. And just in case you hadn't noticed, we're both interested."

"Oh, believe me. I noticed." Thane drew a shaky breath, her insides flooding with instant desire. "You said something last night while we were kissing."

"Did I?" Warm lips moved over Thane's ear, a tongue slipped along the inner rim, making her groan. "I can't remember saying much of anything."

"You said..." Thane's head was swimming. "...that you wanted to have more than a one-nighter."

Finally, Thane drew away and ran a finger over the sensuous mouth, swollen now with arousal. "I want to start this off right. Slow."

Definitely free to meet today. I'll see you at eleven-thirty at the Striped Bass. Looking forward to it.

As to last night, in case you were wondering<g> -- Let's just say that it was everything I expected and more.

Oh, Christ. Hays stared at the email, eyes drawn to the attachment. She knew just where Thane had been the night before, and with whom. She'd been trying all week not to think about Auden's outing with Thane, Gayle, and Liz. Now, confronted with the reality of it, the last thing she wanted was to share Thane's experiences, even if they were filtered through the artist's lens and changed by the process itself. The words, if not the facts, would still hold the image of Auden.

I'm not counting on anything, just hoping, as I shower slowly, covering every part of my body with thick, scented suds. I can't help imagining it is your hands sliding over my sensitized skin, and just the thought of your fingers smoothing along the edges of my desire, makes me throb.

I dry off, careful not to linger near responsive areas. When I'm this ready the merest touch will make me wet. Still, as I pull the soft, well-broken-in leather pants over my naked legs, I know I will be soaked before I get the zipper closed. The ridged seam presses against me. I'm stone hard. I'll be harder still before the night is over, and I might very possibly end the night alone. Again. With nothing for comfort but this anticipation, and the lingering memory of you.

I don't know how it happened, what turn of events led me away from the noise and the crowd and the uncertainty back to your apartment, but here I stand.

I stand, my butt resting against the rounded back of the sofa, waiting as you watch me from just inside the door. Part of me is praying. Can you feel my need in the dark, hear my desire in the silence?

You turn on one dim light, then step to me silently, taking me in-not brazenly, not boldly, but through still, calm, steady eyes. I look back, trying to give nothing away. But it's hard to be cool when your bones are melting. My trembling hands rest on the leather sofa back as I present myself, expose my need, bare not just my body, but my soul. The air between us crackles with currents of unspoken desire.

You flicker a smile, then lower your gaze-down the plane of my chest, over my belly, to the space between my thighs. Your finger follows your glance, tracing the center of my body lightly to linger on my fly, pressing. I make a sound, a moan, I think. Before I can draw another breath, you kneel between my parted legs, a palm on each black-clad thigh. The muscles in my belly clench at the first faint touch.

Then your face is against the leather covering me, pressing hard enough for me to feel the ache in my clitoris, and a warning tingle ripples down my legs. I swallow the next moan, trying not to pump against you. I want it to last. I want to come so very badly. I look down, watching you through the haze of need as you slowly touch me. I want it to be what you want it to be.

You slide the zipper down, spread the material, grip the waist band and pull hard--almost but not quite exposing me. The leather rides against my swollen flesh and the sudden pressure almost makes me come. My arms shake with the effort of keeping myself upright. I am barely breathing, struggling not to move. Your arms circle behind me, kneading my buttocks, pulling me hard against your face. Your chin striking my rigid clitoris, trapped by soft leather, and sends fire along my spine. I am dying; I am silent. I want you to have what you want.

The tip of your tongue flicks at me, toying with me, making me twitch, the pleasure unbearable. I think I might fall. I grip the edges of the sofa harder, straight arming it, determined to take it for as long as I can. My head is already swimming, my stomach in knots. As you slowly draw the leather down, you press your tongue lower, running along each side of the shaft, then rocking it back and forth. I bite my lip. I taste blood. I am poised to come, have been for hours, but I will wait until you have taken what you want.

You tug my clothes to the floor, push a shoulder between my legs, parting them, opening me. Your tongue slides between slick folds, releasing a flood of passion onto your lips. You lick it greedily, bring your thumb to spread me wide, and dive deep inside with your mouth. It hurts to breath; my thighs are shaking, muscles cramping. I choke on a groan that threatens to become a wail. I won't last.

You suck my arousal into your mouth, pulling gently, tormenting me. I'm whimpering-I can't help it. You hear it, but you have the decency not to laugh. You allow me to believe that I am still in control as you enter me. The sudden pressure hits my clitoris-I didn't think I could get any harder, but I do. It hurts I'm so ready now. Gasping, hips jerking, I keep my eyes open, focus on you watching me, and will myself to hold on. The entire surface of my body is electric. I'm suspended by a thread from the edge of orgasm, painfully swollen, internal muscles contracting spasmodically around your fingers. I want you to take what is yours.

Mercifully, blessedly, you take pity on me. Thrusting into me, you pull all of me into your mouth, sucking hard, working over the shaft, across the exposed tip. My head snaps back, a strangled cry escapes me, and-oh, god, finally-I start to come. Wave upon wave, pulsing, mind-wrenching, consuming. I'm sobbing, falling-you hold me up, strong arms wrapped around my thighs.

You lift your lips from me for an instant. "Not until I have it all," you whisper, before you suck me into your mouth again.

Hays stared at the screen, not certain of what she'd just read. Well, she knew what she'd read. Jesus, Thane wrote the kind of sex she could taste. But there was something else going on, in this vignette and the last, and she couldn't quite grasp it. If she didn't know better, she'd think that Thane was in love.

The thought made her stomach twist. She closed her eyes-the words, the images-scrawled across her mind in vivid detail.

Thane followed across the large open space toward a corner table where a dark haired woman sat with her back to the room. She stopped in surprise when the woman looked up. "Ms. Palmer?"

"Hays, remember?" Hays stood, smiling, and extended her hand. "And Rune Dyre as well. Hello, Thane."

Hays laughed and gestured to the seat opposite. "I thought we'd best meet before things got much more complicated."

"You've done one impressive job of keeping your identity a secret." Thane leaned back in her chair, shaking her head, a grin lifting one corner of her mouth.

"First it was simply a personal matter," Hays said reflectively. "Then it just became who I was when I was writing-not just to associates or readers, but to myself as well. It didn't feel like a secret; it just felt natural."

The ease with which Thane said Auden's name caused Hays' stomach to lurch. Until now, she'd been able to avoid thinking about Thane and Auden and what might have transpired between them. It took her a moment before she was certain that her voice would be steady. "I haven't decided. Probably. Eventually, I'm sure she would find out, and I don't want her to feel compromised by working with me as Rune and not knowing."

Oblivious to Hays' silence, Thane continued, "Have you made a decision about the Eros anthology? Are you going to let me use those vignettes?"

"Jesus, do you think mine aren't?" Thane laughed. "The one I sent you this morning was written after-"

Hays's heart pounded rapidly and her head felt light. She couldn't hear this. "Look, Thane-"

"Terrific? Jesus, I'll say. She's got me tied up in knots." Thane shook her head. "So how about you? Is there a woman behind those scenes you've been writing?"

Auden sat on the couch, thinking about the previous night. A knock on the door brought her back to the present. Barefoot, she padded over and called, "Yes?"

Auden opened the door and smiled at Gayle. "Somehow I didn't expect to see you today."

"Thane had an appointment." Gayle grinned sheepishly "Have you got more of that coffee?"

A moment later, Gayle returned with her own mug, kicked off her shoes, and curled up in one corner of the sofa facing Auden..

Gayle studied her coffee cup for a moment, then met Auden's inquisitive gaze. "We didn't sleep together."

"Yeah," Gayle said slowly. "It surprised me. It's not like I have anything against being physical when you both want to be, but it was awfully...sweet."

"I know," Auden said softly. "But I don't have anything else to do, and I enjoy the work."

"Aud " For a heartbeat, Gayle considered telling her about Hays's condition. But she couldn't, and not just for professional reasons. She knew that Auden would not want to learn something that private from anyone except Hays. She took a deep breath. "I'm glad."

Auden walked quietly through the deserted hallways, her heart leaping when she realized that the door opposite the coffee room was standing open. When she looked in, she was almost afraid, expecting to be disappointed.

Hays glanced up from the papers in her hand, her eyes sparkling, unable to suppress a wide smile. "Yes, I am. And so are you."

"You look ... rested." It was the first time Auden had ever seen Hays when she didn't look tired. You look wonderful.

"I suppose I should take a vacation more often," Hays agreed, staring at Auden as if to memorize each detail. "But I hate to be away."

Auden craned her neck but did not see a cup on Hays's desk. "Do you want some coffee?"

Auden gestured her down with one hand. "Don't be silly. I'll be right back. That is, if you don't mind ..."

When Auden returned a few moments later, Hays was waiting on the sofa. Auden sat beside her and put the two cups down on the low table in front of them. Hays reached for hers at the same time, and their hands briefly touched. Hays caught her breath sharply at the contact, and Auden gave a small start. They both drew back, careful not to look at one another.

"So," Hays asked in what she hoped was a conversational tone, "how are you progressing with the project?"

"I've contacted everyone involved, and we're geared up to start tomorrow." Auden wondered if her voice was shaking. She was finding it difficult to concentrate on anything except the subtle hint of Hays's cologne.

The way Hays said her name felt like a caress. Auden forced herself to focus. "I'd say I'm about hip deep at this point."

"I stand corrected." Hays laughed as she stretched one arm out on the sofa behind Auden's back. God, it feels so good to be back. She couldn't think of anything she'd rather be doing at that moment than sitting here with Auden. "Have you handed off the manuscripts to your editors yet?"

Auden shook her head. "I know I'll need to learn to delegate, but I really want to review these first works myself before they go to anyone else."

Concerned, Hays said seriously, "It won't help if you burnout from overwork, Auden."

"Still," Hays continued, leaning forward to rest her hand on Auden's arm, "it's Sunday afternoon and here you are."

"You're here, too," Auden pointed out quietly. She stared at the fingers, strong and steady, on her arm. When she raised her eyes, Hays's face was very near. Auden couldn't take her eyes from Hays mouth. Her lips were parted slightly, and Auden felt again their softness, felt the gentle press of a tongue along the sensitive inner surface

Hays nodded as Auden bolted from the room, then collapsed back against the cushions. She was shaking, her hands were trembling, and for the first time in months, it had nothing whatsoever to do with being ill. It had everything to do with being alive. It felt wonderful-and terrifying.

Auden lunged across to her desk and snatched up the receiver. Panting slightly, she announced, "Auden Frost."

"I was in the other room. What's up?" Auden settled her hip onto the corner of her desk and struggled to concentrate. All she could think about was how much she had wanted to kiss Haydon Palmer a minute ago. Correction-still wanted to. Her heart was hammering and every nerve fiber in her body jangled. She realized that Gayle had been speaking and she hadn't heard a word. "What? I'm sorry."

"Anyhow, Teddy called a little while ago from her hotel. She's checking out and, well, staying here tonight."

There was a moment's silence. "Last night she slept on the couch, and that might be where she's sleeping tonight, too. It's up to her. I don't intend to rush her."

Auden shook her head, smiling faintly. "I'm not sure any of your friends would recognize either one of you."

Gayle laughed with her. "I tend to agree with you. At any rate, the reason I'm calling is to share a little gossip."

"I have to go, sweetie," Auden said, her mind working furiously. "Good luck tonight, no matter who sleeps where."

By chance, I happened to learn that you might be in town. I realize that this is very short notice, but I am very anxious to meet with you. I am free this afternoon or tomorrow. I'll be happy to accommodate your schedule in any way that I can.

Please call me at 215-555-8950 or e-mail me here with your itinerary. I look forward to meeting with you soon.

Auden sent the message and leaned back in her chair. What she wanted to do was go back to Hays's office. She knew she had no reasonable excuse to see her again today. And most importantly, what she was feeling had nothing to do with her job. She glanced at the papers and manuscripts heaped on her desk, desperately searching for something to occupy her mind.

Fortunately, her computer made the familiar sound that announced incoming mail. To her surprise, she had a return message from Rune Dyre. She opened it, scanned it, and frowned.

"I just got a very strange e-mail from Rune Dyre." When Hays failed to answer, Auden walked over to her. "I had heard that she was in town, and I contacted her again about a meeting. In her e-mail reply, she suggested that I talk to you."

Hays turned away from the window, meeting the question in Auden's eyes. In a voice that was faintly apologetic, she said, "I'm Rune Dyre."

It took a moment for the meaning of Hays's words to register. Then Auden was bombarded with a plethora of images from Rune's works-words and phrases and scenes she practically knew by heart. Vivid visions of passion-tender, gentle caresses; wild, magical moments of abandon; dark needs and desperate joinings. You wrote all those things? Are those your needs, your fears, your desires?

"Auden?" Hays hadn't expected the distant, almost pained expression in Auden's eyes. "Auden, are you angry?"

"No...I...I'm just surprised. I've read everything she's...you've written." Auden tried desperately to make the connection between the woman she knew and the works that had moved her so much. "You're very good, Hays."

Despite herself, Hays was pleased. "It means a lot to me that you think so." She reached for Auden's hand, grasped it very lightly, her fingers just curling over the edge of Auden's palm. "Are you sure you're not angry?"

"It's just going to take me a little while to get used to it. When I think of Rune Dyre, I have this image of her that I've constructed, I guess, from reading her your books. Now I wonder...are any of the things I've unconsciously assumed really true?" She shook her head, laughing faintly.

"I think part of the reason that I've kept Rune's identity a secret is that I wanted my work to be the focus, uncontaminated by my presence. I like being the anonymous voice behind the words."

"You're not interested in celebrity?" Auden was aware that their hands were still linked, their fingers lightly clasped now. She liked the contact, but she liked the warmth in Hays's eyes even more.

Hays laughed. "I don't think there's any real danger of that, but I've always been very private about the things that matter most to me."

As they talked, they'd drifted even closer together, until their bodies were almost touching. Hays, slightly taller, inclined her head to hear Auden's soft words, and she felt Auden's breath flutter against her cheek. "I knew somehow that you would."

Auden stepped back. "I...I'm sorry. I'm still a little stunned..." Her head was filled with a roaring sound; her legs were shaking, and she was so aroused, she knew it must show in her face. "Hays, I..." want you and I don't know how to tell you.

Hays gently placed her fingers against Auden's mouth. She felt her tremble, saw the desire in her hazy green eyes. We can't do this here, not in the office. Because if we kiss, I won't stop, and I don't want to make love with you here, not this way-even if you want to. "I'm the one who should apologize for springing this on you. I just don't want it to " come between us " be a problem for us working together."

"No. It won't." Auden wondered if only she felt the desire. The expression in Hays's eyes-so intense, so serious-was so hard to read. "I should...get back to work."

"Yes. So should I." Hays hesitated for a moment. "I'm very glad you're here, Auden."

"So am I." Finally in control again, Auden smiled wistfully. "A few days from now, when I've turned the whole place upside down trying to get this book out, you might think differently."

Auden sat for a long time in her office, reading things she knew she wouldn't remember the next day. When she finally left her office, the light shone from beneath Hays's office door, but the door itself was closed. She did not pause as she walked quietly by.

Thane studied her watch. "It's been nine hours, five minutes, and ... twenty two seconds since I've kissed you. Does that count as taking it slow?"

Gayle pulled her through the doorway, barely giving the taller woman a chance to grab her overnight bag.

"I'd say you've shown remarkable restraint," Gayle muttered as she pressed her mouth to Thane's. Gayle kept the other woman pinned against the door with the weight of her body as she pulled Thane's shirt from her pants and slid her hands over bare skin at the same time.

Never taking her lips from Gayle's mouth, Thane shrugged out of her jacket and then tugged at the snap on Gayle's jeans. She stopped herself just as she was about to slide her hand down the front. Gasping, she said, "Say no now, if you don't want-"

"I want. I want," Gayle growled, pushing her hips hard into Thane. She found a nipple beneath the silk shirt, captured it between thumb and forefinger, and tugged on it as she squeezed.

"Do you want to say no?" Gayle teased, her mouth on Thane's neck, biting gently. "Do you, baby?"

Chest heaving, Gayle stepped back, grasping Thane's hand. "Come into the bedroom."

They moved quickly, shedding clothes along the way. By the time they reached the side of the bed, they were both shirtless and without shoes. Thane opened her pants herself, not trusting what would happen if Gayle touched her just then. "You, too," she urged.

Gayle lay back on the bed, lifted her hips, and pushed off her jeans. One small lamp glowed on the far side of the bed, and they looked at one another almost shyly in the muted light. Gayle held out her hand and Thane took it slowly.

Gently, Thane settled herself between Gayle's thighs, her arms on either side of Gayle's shoulders with her fingers resting against her jaw. Gayle's leg was hard and smooth as it slid against her own heated flesh. "Ah, God, you feel so good. Everywhere so good."

"Mmm." Gayle wrapped her arms around Thane's shoulders and pushed her thigh upward, drawing a gasp from the woman above her. "Oh, baby, you're still ready, aren't you?"

"All day." Thane's voice was husky, her eyes unfocused. When Gayle brushed a hand down her back, gripped her hips, and started to rock into her, Thane groaned again. "I won't be responsible for what happens if you keep that up."

"You're going to get your wish." Thane trembled and pressed her face against Gayle's shoulder. "Soon, if you're not careful."

"Do you want to?" Gayle pressed her lips to Thane's ear, finding a spot just inside the rim that made Thane twitch when she licked it.

"Oh Christ, yes." She pushed her clitoris, wet and hard and close to bursting, along the length of Gayle's thigh.

"How do you want it, baby?" Gayle bit the soft earlobe, tugging it between her teeth. Her voice was low, barely more than a growl. "Do you want to come in my hand, or in my mouth...or with me inside you?"

Thane jerked and arched her back, giving a small cry as she edged close to climaxing. She couldn't keep her eyes open, could barely manage sounds. "I want you...to have...what you want."

It was Gayle's turn to utter a cry, and she quickly put both hands on Thane's shoulders, pushed her over onto her back, and rose above her in one smooth motion. "Look at me. Baby, look at me now."

Thane, breath coming in sobs, fixed on Gayle's face as Gayle reached between her legs and slid into her. When Gayle's palm brushed over her clitoris, Thane came instantly. As Gayle's mouth covered hers, swallowing her cries, Thane clenched around Gayle's fingers, heaving with each wracking spasm.

When Thane finally opened her eyes, she was lying in Gayle's arms, her cheek cradled on Gayle's chest, one leg over Gayle's thigh. She felt like she'd been hit by a truck. Her muscles were rubbery and her head was fuzzy. There was a faint buzzing sound in her ears. She couldn't remember ever feeling so good in her life. "Christ, I'm wrecked."

"Good." Gayle kissed the top of Thane's head and stroked her shoulders and back. She felt a faint aftershock ripple through Thane's body, heard her gasp, and she smiled. "That's just what I wanted."

"When can I see you again?" Thane sat on the side of the bed, watching Gayle get ready for work. Earlier, she'd lain awake listening to Gayle shower, thinking about the night before. It hadn't been what she had expected-parts of herself that she hadn't even realized existed had suddenly emerged.

"Friday night?" Gayle was unusually hesitant, uncertain, wondering if she were expecting too much. She'd said that she'd wanted more than a night, but Thane had never answered. I never gave her time; I looked at her standing outside in the hall, all sexy charm and deep brown eyes, and the only thing I wanted was to get my hands on her. Well, I had that. Now what? "Teddy?"

"Listen," Thane murmured, her cheek resting against the top of Gayle's head, hands softly stroking her back. "I know it's kind of soon to ask, but I'll be going to New York for a book convention the weekend after this one. Would you come with me?"

"Enormously." Auden stood up. "But not to you. Was there something you needed me for?"

"No, I just wanted to say hello." Hays stepped into the room and closed the door. "And I wanted to see if everything was okay, after yesterday."

"At first I was a little disoriented, I guess. I needed to find a way to connect the two of you." She lifted a shoulder, frustrated. "Does that make sense?"

"Why that one?" Hays was having trouble following the conversation because she was watching the way Auden's lips moved as she spoke, the way the color of her eyes shimmered from blue to green, the way she tilted her head when she concentrated on a thought.

"Because there's so much passion, of every kind." Auden took a breath and took a chance. "I can't read it and not lose myself thinking of you."

They weren't close enough to touch, and Hays was glad, because she wanted to, so much she ached. "Is that bad?"

"No, but it makes working effectively almost impossible." Auden held Hays's gaze. "You seem to have that effect on me."

"I'm glad." Auden's smile was just a bit tremulous, and she was almost shaking with the effort it took not to take the last step forward. She was going to have to touch her now, or find some neutral ground. "Speaking of work I need to make about a hundred phone calls."

Hays reached behind her for the doorknob, still looking at Auden. "I'll talk to you later?"

Fortunately, Auden had so much to do that she managed to concentrate on work and not on how badly she had wanted to walk into Hays's arms the instant they'd been alone. The next time she checked her watch it was close to seven p.m. After pushing aside the checklist she'd been methodically going though, she turned to her computer to check her mail.

Sorry it's taken me so long to get this to you. I've just sent you the raw material, hot of the press as it were<g>

As we talked, we moved closer, not just in body, but in spirit. In that subtle communication of the soul that needs no words. It happens every time we're together, and I knew that this time, I must touch her. I was so lost, so far from light and air and the beat of my own heart. So long a stranger to all that spoke of life. She pointed the way with the hand she offered.

She raised her head, inadvertently bringing her lips very close to mine. I felt her breath against my cheek, felt her fingers graze my hand, felt my blood flow through long arid plains.

Auden went back to the first and read all of Rune's vignettes. When she stopped reading, she was shaking. She's bleeding to death and she won't tell me why.

"What?" Hays crossed the room and stopped in front of Auden's desk, her stomach roiling. Auden was pale and so frighteningly still. "I don't know what you mean."

Auden passed a hand over her face, then met Hays's worried gaze. "Secret Passions. They're about us, aren't they?"

"Yes." Auden walked to the coat rack beside her door, pulled on her overcoat, and then looked at Hays. "Rune Dyre-I looked up the etymology last night, after you told me. Beloved secrets. Close enough?"

"You didn't mean for me to read those. I'm sorry." Auden shook her head, and when she spoke, her tone was hushed. "You are so beautiful, Hays."

"Let me walk you home. It's late." Hays sounded frantic. She was. "Auden, please."

Tell her now. It's not fair-she has to know. Before anything happens. Hays was afraid if she told her that she would never again be certain that the look in Auden's eyes wasn't pity. God, I don't want that. Not from her.

It took less than ten minutes to walk to Auden's house. When they faced one another in the dim glow from the sconce above the door, Auden said quietly, "Come up stairs. Stay with me tonight."

Hays tensed, torn between wanting her and wanting not to hurt her. "There's something you need to know."

Auden unlocked the door and pulled Hays into the foyer, out of the cold, then looked into her eyes. "Do you have a lover?"

"Shh." Auden reached for the lapels of Hays's raincoat and gently pushed the coat off her shoulders. She hung their garments in a small closet nearby, then turned back to Hays. "I think that's about as far as I can get with the rest of the night without help."

There was something so vulnerable in Auden's eyes that Hays's uncertainty vanished like mist in the sunrise. She rested her fingers beneath Auden's chin and tilted her head up until their eyes met. "I think I can help some with that part."

Like the first time, this kiss began gently, a fragile meeting of lips that whispered a greeting. Auden placed her palms against Hays's chest, softly stroking just below her collarbones as they leaned into one another, bodies slowly joining. Auden moaned softly as Hay's tongue slipped delicately into her mouth. She loved the firmness, the fullness of having Hays inside of her that way, and that image, that thought, invoked her desire with unexpected ferocity.

Gasping, Auden brought her hands into Hays's hair and kissed her hard, their tongues matching stroke for stroke. Then she drew away, her voice husky. "I want to be in bed with you."

Auden led the way, her hand in Hays's. She stopped by the side of the bed. "There's something you need to know."

"Only if you want to tell me." Hays lifted the hand she held to her lips, kissed each finger, saying quietly as she did, "I have dreamed of your touch, ached to touch you." She met Auden's gaze then kissed her lightly on the lips. "That's all I need to know."

Auden wrapped her arms around Hays's shoulders, trembling. Quietly, she confided, "I've never done this before."

"Oh, sweet Auden." Hays drew her gently closer, both hands resting in the hollow above Auden's hips. With her lips pressed to Auden's forehead, she said hesitantly, "I don't know if I'm worthy."

"You feel so good so right." Auden kissed the tip of Hays's chin. "I haven't been saving myself, Hays. There's just never been anyone who's moved me enough for me to want this. I want this with you."

"And I want this with you." Hays slid a hand beneath the edge of Auden's sweater, circled her fingers over the smooth back. "I want you, so very much."

Auden found Hays's mouth, kissed her again, exploring her deeply, then eased back to run her tongue lightly over the surface of Hays's lips. Hays groaned and Auden smiled. "You're so beautiful. I want to see you."

Hays nodded, pierced by the aching sweetness of Auden's request. "Anything you want."

With trembling hands, Auden carefully unbuttoned Hays's shirt, drew the bottom from her trousers, and slowly slid it off her arms. Her gaze was still fixed on Hays's as she lifted off her own sweater and undergarments in one motion. As she brought her hands to Hays's breasts, she whispered, "Touch me back."

Hays shuddered at the first light brush of fingertips on her skin. Then she lifted Auden's breasts in her palms and rubbed her thumbs across the hard points of her nipples, feeling them harden even more.

"Auden," Hays moaned. Her thighs shook as she pressed into Auden's hands, wanting more of her touch. "We'll go as slowly as you like stop whenever oh, god " Auden had begun to squeeze her nipples, drawing them firmly, rhythmically, between her fingers. The surge of excitement that shot through her almost dropped her to her knees. "Wait "

"Did I hurt you?" Auden asked, her voice foreign to her own ears. Her eyes were riveted to Hay's breasts in her hands, in her hands. "Hays?"

"It's been a very long time," Hays confessed. "You're making me a little crazy."

Hays pulled Auden close, their bare breasts pressing together, drawing small cries from both of them. She brought her lips to Auden's ear. "I want to touch you everywhere. I want you to touch me. Let's lie down, because I can't stand any longer."

They stretched out facing one another, and Hays kissed the side of Auden's neck, then her throat, then the ridge of her collarbones. With one hand, she cupped Auden's breast and circled a nipple with her tongue.

"Oh my dear god," Auden gasped. Without conscious thought, she shifted closer, pressing her breast to Hays's face, arching her hips into Hays's body. Fitfully, she stroked Hays's back, kneading the taut muscles, urging her with soundless pleas to take more. "So good you feel so good."

With her mouth still on Auden's breast, Hays smoothed her palm down Auden's abdomen, gasping as the muscles flickered and clenched beneath her fingers. Auden moaned and pushed harder, sliding a leg between Hays's thighs. The pressure against her fiercely ready flesh made Hays's head go light. "Oh yes," she cried, her eyes shut tightly, struggling to ignore the warning pulsations beginning in her depths.

They kissed, needing contact, as together they opened snaps and slid zippers and freed themselves of the last barriers. When at last they were naked, only a whisper of space between them, they were both breathing heavily.

Auden searched Hays's eyes, finding the refection of her own gripping need in their obsidian depths. "Is this all right?"

Hays groaned, unable to stop her hips from jerking once before she reined in her desire. "It's perfect."

"I never imagined that being this excited could make you kind of crazy," Auden murmured, stroking her fingers down the center of Hays's abdomen.

"Crazy how?" Hays's breath was coming faster. The caress was making her harder and the aching need to ease the pressure was escalating.

"I want to do things to you." Auden rested her forehead against Hays's and looked down the length of their bodies, marveling at how exquisitely beautiful Hays was. She traced a hip bone, following the hollow across the top of Hays's thigh to the space high up inside her leg. Then she caressed the soft skin there, the backs of her fingers brushing the fine hair between Hays's legs, damp now with arousal.

"Anything," Hays sighed, surrendering. She settled onto her back, resting on her elbows to look down, awestruck to see Auden bent over her body, the blond hair falling delicately across one elegant cheek. Take anything. Everything.

Then all thought fled as Auden touched her. Falling back, Hays clutched the sheets in her fists, legs stretched tight, as gentle fingers opened her. Trembling, she cried out softly.

"What is it?" Auden asked, hearing the quiet moan, feeling the muscles in Hays's thighs spasm beneath her breast.

Auden's heart beat wildly as she moved quickly back up to Hays's side, her palm once again on Hays's abdomen, her lips on Hays's mouth. "Why should we wait?"

Hays stopped the hand that was moving lower on her belly, then ran her fingers along the curve of Auden's hip, over her thigh, and up the inside on her leg. "Let me bring you with me."

"Auden," Hays murmured, her fingers dancing higher, "you don't need to do anything. I just want to touch you."

For an instant, Hays stopped breathing as she crossed the last boundary, reverently seeking Auden's passion. She found her full and hard, warm and so very wet. "Beautiful," she whispered.

Auden lifted her hips, inflamed by the light caress. Beyond words already, she slid her fingers between Hays thighs, finding the reflection of her own desire there. She stroked the length of Hays's clitoris and felt Hays answer with an echoing caress. "I want oh, I "

Hays circled and pressed and teased until Auden whimpered, ignoring the tug of Auden's fingers on her own turgid flesh. She knew when Auden grew harder still that her orgasm was near, and then she eased a finger inside her.

"Hays," Auden cried, the new sensation jolting her from the cloud of her approaching climax. "Oh, that feels more, oh god more."

Hays held back, stroking Auden's clitoris gently, waiting for the pleasure to open her further. Then, shaking with the effort to be careful, Hays entered her again, first one, then two fingers, filling her completely just as she felt Auden peak. Auden came with a sharp cry, closing around Hays fingers, rocking into her palm.

The incredible beauty of it was enough to drive Hays to the edge and when Auden, in the midst of her release, pressed inside her, Hays shuddered and tumbled after her into orgasm.

When Hays awoke, it was morning and Auden was asleep with her head on Hays's chest. She didn't remember drifting off, only climaxing in Auden's embrace and the peace that had followed. As Hays stared at the ceiling, watching the patterns of light chase across the pale surface, she tried to remember when she had ever felt so content. She couldn't recall a time.

Auden lay motionless, feeling the faint tremors in Hays body, watching through half open lids Hays's hand trembling against her arm. There were bruises on the inside of Hays's forearm that she had not seen in the dim light the night before. Her heart twisted at the sight and she tightened her hold around Hays's waist.

"Are you awake?" Hays voice was muffled, her face shrouded in Auden's blond hair.

"Yes." Auden turned her cheek, kissed the soft skin of Hays's breast. "You're not thinking of leaving, are you?"

"Because," Auden said carefully, "in almost everything you've written about us, you only come so close. And then you leave."

Hays was quiet, trying to distinguish her feelings from her fears. "Auden, I'm not sure I can stay."

The words were not wholly unexpected, not after the tears she had just felt dampen her hair. But still they struck deeply, terrifyingly close to the heart of her own uncertainties and doubts. "Last night if it wasn't-"

Auden took Hays's wrist in her hand and turned her arm up to the light. There were puncture marks in the center of the bruises. "Is this the problem? I know you can't be using drugs."

Hays was silent, struggling between the need to share her burden and her desperate desire to go back to the moment before Auden had awakened. Back to that moment of pure and simple joy. But she couldn't go back, anymore than she could change what would happen. And Auden deserved to know. Had to know. Now, before it was too late.

"I have a condition." Hays wasn't sure she could go through with this. Auden was trembling. "Auden-"

"Tell me." Auden pushed herself up on the bed, Hays's arm still around her shoulders. She looked into Hays eyes, saw her anguish. "Oh, sweetheart." She caressed her cheek. "Tell me."

"Is it serious?" Auden was having a hard time getting her breath. I will not scream. I will hear this.

"Auden, I'm sorry. I should have told you before last night." Hays ran a hand through her hair, uncertain whether to continue. Auden was so pale, her eyes wide, tormented. "Jesus, this is wrong. I shouldn't be doing this to you." She broke Auden's hold, pushed back the covers, and swung her legs to the floor. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have slept with you last night. I have to go."

Auden sat up, wrapped her arms around Hays, and pressed her chest to Hays's back. She nestled her face against the side of Hays's neck, her lips close to Hays's ear. Tenderly, she asked, "Do you think I'll just let you walk away -- after last night?"

"I'm not going to argue that with you," Auden said simply. "I just want you to tell me what this is all about."

Hays turned her head, met Auden's gaze. "It's a problem with the bone marrow. I don't make blood cells, or the ones I make aren't normal, so that leads to the recurrent anemia and infections. Eventually, the bone marrow will quit working all together or it will start making malignant cells or I'll get a serious infection. No matter what, the bottom line is...I die."

"How long can you live with this?" Auden felt numb and she was glad. It enabled her to ask the questions she needed to ask.

Hays looked away and Auden closed her eyes. To her horror, she felt tears coursing down her cheeks, but she didn't think she could stop them. She wasn't crying for herself, she was crying for how alone and frightened she imagined Hays must feel.

Auden pulled Hays back onto the bed, into her arms, and drew the covers around them. "You haven't hurt me. I I'm all right."

"Stop saying that." Auden stroked her hair. "For god sake's, it's not your fault."

"And stop saying that, too! Last night was beautiful, and it always will be." Auden threaded her hands in Hays hair and pulled her head up. "You need to call Alana and tell her you'll be late."

"Because you aren't going anywhere until I have the whole story. And I don't intend to let go of you any time soon." She couldn't bear the thought of letting Hays out of her arms. She needed to hold her, to feel her body, warm and solid. Alive and so very precious.

"I love your official 'I'm at work' phone voice," Gayle said. "Did you page me a few minutes ago?"

"Yes. Can you meet me at the deli at 19th and Samson?" Auden felt tears threatening. Goddamn it. This has got to stop. If Hays sees

Forty minutes later Auden sat with a cup of coffee in a back booth at R&W deli and prayed that Gayle wouldn't be late. She was so desperately lonely, she didn't think she could stand it.

Just the night before, entire worlds had opened for her, emotionally and physically. Hopes and dreams had sprung from the carefully guarded recesses of her unconscious to flower under the gentle hand of a tender lover. She longed for Hays's touch, everywhere, again and again. She wanted to explore Hays, to caress her, to inflame her. She wanted to feel Hays's body convulse beneath her hands and watch her face dissolve into orgasm. She wanted her. She wanted her.

"Jesus, honey, what is it?" Gayle slid into the booth across from Auden and took her hand.

"I want to talk to you about myelodysplastic syndrome." She's been saying it over and over in her mind all morning, and it came out surprisingly easily. She didn't even want to scream this time.

Gayle drew a sharp breath and scrutinized Auden's face. "You know about Hays, don't you?"

"More or less." Auden tried to gather her thoughts. She was so scattered. She wasn't normally like this. "We slept together last night." Her smile wavered, and she shuddered faintly. "This morning she told me about her condition."

"I can't remember everything," Auden confessed. "I can't remember what she said about about survival." Her eyes were wounded, vulnerable, as she looked into Gayle's. "I can't remember and I can't make her go through that again."

Gayle didn't want to be the one to tell her. What she wanted was to make the pain go away, not add to it. "How do you feel about her?" Gayle asked quietly.

"Yeah. I knew that." Gayle touched Auden's cheek gently. "I'm gonna have to be a doctor here, okay? It might be rough."

"I know the basics." Auden was surprised at how calm she felt now. She wasn't alone any more.

"She told you about transfusions, antibiotics, clotting factors if she's bleeding. Supportive care, right?"

"Those things are temporary, and the real treatment is risky. She needs a bone marrow transplant, and you can't do that unless you destroy all of her own bone marrow first." Gayle fell silent, waiting for Auden to digest the information. Jesus, I hate this.

Auden's voice trembled. "There must be an awfully big 'but' coming, or she would have done it already."

"There is. Once her bone marrow has been ablated-wiped out-she's defenseless. She'll have no clotting factors, no immunoglobulins, no way to resist infection. A fair number of people die in the peri-transplant period."

"She's young, and that's in her favor. But you can see why her docs are probably delaying, especially if she's been reasonably stable."

"There's a decent chance of cure." Seeing hope flare in Auden's eyes, Gayle hurried to add, "But it's not a guarantee."

Gayle shook her head. "There are a million things that could go wrong along the way, Aud, even if she survives the transplant initially."

Auden smiled, and this time it reached her eyes. "Those sound like good odds to me."

I apologize for the delay in getting back to you regarding your request for a meeting. Although I realize it is short notice, if you are free this evening, I would be delighted if you would join me for dinner.

I've taken the liberty of sending a car to your home at 7:30pm. If you are otherwise engaged, I hope that we can reschedule for a more convenient time.

Thank you for the invitation. I am very much looking forward to seeing you this evening.

Then she jumped up, pushed papers into her briefcase, and rushed to the door. She was a block from her house when she ran into Gayle.

"Wait a minute. Rune? Rune Dyre?" Gale stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk. "You're seeing Rune Dyre?"

Auden took Gayle by the arm and tugged her along. "I thought Thane would've told you. Hays is Rune."

"No, Teddy didn't tell me. I'm going to kill her," Gayle grumbled as she followed Auden inside and through to the bedroom. "I can't believe it. Hays is Rune?"

"I'm still getting used to it, too." Auden pulled out a dress and a pair of black silk trousers, and held up one in each hand. "Help me."

"Ooo, sending a car. One of these days you're going to have to tell me what it's like sleeping with one of the goddesses of romance."

"Maybe." Auden blushed, but she smiled with delight. "Besides, you've got a love goddess all your own." She ducked as Gayle threw a pillow, then gestured to the clothes again. "Come on so what do you think?"

"If you don't know the agenda, I'd wear the pants with a slinky top." Gale nodded her approval at a burgundy silk blouse that Auden held up for her inspection. "Perfect. So, Auden, tell me-is Hays anything like Rune in bed?"

"Hays is passionate and intense and incredibly sensitive, exactly as Rune's writing would suggest. I didn't compare the sex point for point." Auden smiled shyly. "That would require more mental power than I'm capable of when she's touching me."

"Jesus." Gayle flopped back on the bed, arms outspread, groaning. "Auden, cut it out. I'm not going to see Teddy for three more days."

"Yeah, but I didn't expect you to get that really sexy tone in your voice when you answered. Jesus."

"Well, you've never heard me talk about sex before. Come to think of it, I never have." Auden reached down and grabbed her friend's hand, pulling her to an upright position. Then she turned in a circle. "What do you think?"

"I think you look gorgeous." Tenderly, she said, "I hope you have the most wonderful evening."

"I can't wait to see her." A shadow passed across Auden's face. "Sometimes I forget all the rest of it. Sometimes for a minute or two at a time."

Gayle took Auden into her arms, resting her cheek against Auden's. "I'm going to be with you every step of the way." She kissed her lightly on the forehead. "And tonight, try to pay a little bit more attention during the good parts. I'm dying to know if she makes love like she writes."

Auden slid into the back of the town car, self-conscious and charmed at the same time. A small cream-colored envelope lay on the seat next to a single red rose. Her name in bold script was written on the front.

Last night was the most beautiful evening of my life. I doubt that I will ever be able to show you how much it meant to me, but I'd like to try.

Auden's eyes filled with tears, and she quickly looked out the window. What am I going to do if I lose you now?

"Here we are, Ms. Frost," the driver announced as the car slid to a stop in front of a brownstone separated from the street by a low wrought iron fence and box hedges. Two sconces on either side of a massive wood door lit the short walk up to the marble steps.

"Thank you," she said as she stepped from the vehicle. She'd tucked the envelope in her coat pocket and held the rose carefully in her right hand. As she walked up the sidewalk, the front door opened. Hays stood backlit by the soft glow from a chandelier in the foyer beyond.

Behind them the car slipped away. Hays took Auden's free hand. "Please come in."

Auden followed into the wide foyer, scarcely noting the antique furnishings and carpets. All she could see was Hays. She wore simple black trousers and a black silk shirt, open at the throat with sleeves that bloused slightly as they tapered to broad French cuffs. Gold links sparkled at her wrists. Auden watched her move, and for a fleeting instant, felt her stretched along the length of her own body. She gasped.

"Be careful with it," Auden murmured, as she slid the coat from her shoulders and handed over the stem. "It's very special."

For an instant they stood close together, their eyes holding, the air about them growing still and thick with silence. A pulse beat steadily in Hays's neck, full and strong. Gently, Auden rested her fingers there. Hays closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Auden whispered as she pressed closer, bringing her other hand to rest against the back of Hays's neck, her fingers trailing into hair. "But I've wanted to do this all day."

Auden's kiss was slow and light, the merest brush of lips over Hays's, a gentle exploration of the very inner surface of her lips. All she wanted, everything she wanted at that moment, was to feel the warmth and tenderness of Hay's body as the blood flowed vigorously beneath her fingers with each beat of Hays's heart. When Auden drew her mouth away, Hays's eyes were open, the pupils wide and flickering faintly. She was breathing shallowly.

Hays blinked and her vision cleared a little. Then she grinned. "Rune would have a sexy line right now."

"Mmm," Auden acknowledged, unable to take her eyes from Hays as she placed the coat and rose aside.

Hays held out her hand and Auden took it, then followed into the dining room. The room was high-ceilinged and lit with another chandelier that cast warm shadows over the space. The formal table had been laid with two settings, one at the end and the other immediately beside it. Silver covered serving dishes sat on adjacent warmers. Very elegant. Very intimate.

"Anything you like." Hays pulled out Auden's chair for her, then took the adjoing seat. She leaned over to lift a bottle of wine from a standing wine cooler, then held it up for Auden's inspection. "May I?"

"Yes, please." Auden indicated the serving dishes as Hays poured. "Tell me you cooked this."

Smiling, Auden shook her head. "I'm actually glad that you didn't. I'm not sure I can ever match this as it is."

"You don't need to," Hays said seriously, taking Auden's hand and raising it to her lips. She kissed her palm. "This is to say thank you."

"Don't," Auden whispered, the meal forgotten as she watched Hays's mouth lightly touch her skin. "Don't ever say thank you to me for loving you."

"Oh, god, I really said that, didn't I?" Auden closed her fingers around Hays's hand, sensing that she was about to draw away. "It's true. I won't take it back."

Hays was silent for a long moment, then shook her head. "I can't let you do this."

Auden shifted her chair and put her hand under Hays's jaw, very gently turning her head. Looking into her eyes, Auden demanded, "Which part would you like to stop? The part where we talk, or the part where we work together, or the part where we touch?" Auden took a steadying breath. "It's all part of what we have, and I don't want to give any of it up. I want more, not less."

"Is six months, a year, going to be enough?" Hays's voice was harsh, heavy with anger and frustration. "This was supposed to be a romantic evening and look what's happened already." Hays sat forward, her expression intent. "Is this what you want your life to be about? Talking about my illness?"

"No, it isn't. But this is part of being with you, so I'd like to talk about it now." Auden leaned forward and kissed her again. "Explain to me why you haven't had the transplant."

"Because the quality of my life has been decent and I have things to do with the time I have left." Hays's voice was low, thick with resignation and the finality of acceptance. "I don't want to waste any of it if the transplant doesn't work. And I hate the idea of letting them kill off what's left of my defenses. Of dying without even being able to fight."

Auden was suddenly very cold, and she tried not to shiver. She put her hands in her lap and clasped her fingers together. The room was pleasantly warm, but her body was ice. "But you'll do it, if there's no other choice?"

Auden couldn't stand it. She couldn't have this conversation and be this far away from Hays. "Do you think we could cover the food and sit by the fire for a minute? I'm freezing."

"Of course." Hays stood, her expression instantly concerned. "Don't you feel well?"

Hays slid her arm around Auden's waist, instantly comforted by the embrace. Five minutes later they were curled up on the sofa in the living room facing the fire. Auden reclined in the curve of Hays's body, her feet tucked beneath her, her shoes abandoned on the floor. Hays had covered them with a knitted afghan, and had one arm around Auden's shoulders, her cheek resting against Auden's temple. "Better?"

"Mmm," Auden nestled against Hays's chest and watched the flames dance, listening to the steady beat of Hays's heart. Such an incredible, miraculous thing-this woman, this life. She thought of Rune's scene of two uncertain lovers seated before a fire in very much the same way as they were now and how the lovers had eventually surrendered to desire. She remembered the passion and the tenderness and the sweet, sweet longing as if those feelings had been her own. Suddenly, she wanted to live, not dream, that moment with Hays. "I want to make love with you tonight."

"I want you, too," Hays breathed against her ear. "So much I can't think of anything else."

"Is there anything we need to be careful about?" Auden tilted her head, searched Hays's face. "Could I hurt you somehow?"

Hays shook her head. "I've just been transfused. I can tell when my counts are dropping. Headaches, bruises the bleeding starts. I'm okay now."

Auden turned so that she was lying in Hays's lap, her breasts against Hays's, her arms around Hays's neck. "Good. Because I have this terrible, terrible need to touch you everywhere, and I can't guarantee your safety."

Hays laughed, her heart lifting at the teasing note in Auden's voice. "How come I'm not scared?"

"I don't know," Auden murmured, working on the buttons of Hays's shirt with one hand. "You should be."

"I want very much to be with you with nothing separating us, not even clothes and if we get naked here, we'll freeze."

"How can I refuse?" Hays slowly sat up. "I'll show you the bedroom and then come down and put the food away."

Upstairs, Hays flipped a switch which lit a bedside lamp, then turned and caught Auden around the waist, pulling her into an embrace. The kiss lasted longer than Hays had intended. Auden's mouth was so warm, so soft, that she was immediately lost in the sweetness. It wasn't until she realized that they were both panting slightly and that Auden's hand was under her shirt, stroking her abdomen and sending delicious tremors down her thighs, that she drew back. "Just something to remember me by while you shower."

"Oh," Auden breathed in a throaty whisper. "Believe me, I won't forget. Hurry back."

They both hurried, and only moments later Auden emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her body, to discover Hays sitting on the side of the bed, barefoot but still in her clothes. She'd started another fire in the bedroom fireplace and turned out the lights. The room was warm, the air shimmering with firelight and promise.

"Hello again," Auden said as she approached. Now that they were here, in the bedroom, in the undeniably beautiful and intimate surroundings, she felt both shy and excited. Another first time. Another memory to be cherished.

In an unusually hesitant voice, Hays said, "I didn't get undressed. I thought maybe you'd want to do that."

Auden caught her breath, her legs suddenly so weak she had to fight to stay upright. "Oh, yes. Yes, I would."

Slowly Hays stood and took a step forward, stopping inches from Auden. "Is here okay?"

"Perfect." Auden found it difficult to speak, her throat was so filled with emotion. Desire, gratitude, wonder. Slowly, she began to unbutton Hays's shirt, spreading the material open as she moved down her body. Hays stood facing the fire and the flames' reflections danced along the surface of her skin like otherwordly fingers. "I love the way you look."

"I'm glad." Hays shivered lightly as Auden bent to kiss the inner surface of her breast.

"I'm sorry I'm not as practiced at this as you," Auden murmured, releasing the button on Hays's waistband.

"Oh no," Hays whispered, cupping her palm beneath Auden's chin and staring intently into her eyes. "You're exactly what I need. Take your time-I want every touch to last a lifetime."

"Don't." Hays's voice was tender. "Keep going. You make me feel so good. Please."

Smiling tremulously, Auden nodded. Then, as her hands grazed the skin of Hays's abdomen, she forgot her grief, lost in the splendor of the moment. She slipped the shirt from Hays's shoulders and let it fall onto a nearby chair. Hays's nipples were hard, enticingly erect, and Auden couldn't resist fondling them, gently squeezing until Hays softly groaned. Emboldened, Auden brought her mouth to Hays's while at the same time sliding her hands beneath Hays's trousers and pushing them down over her hips.

"Auden," Hays gasped, as she felt Auden's hands caress the length of her back. "I've never felt like this before."

"Like how?" Auden pressed her mouth to the hollow below Hays's collarbone and sucked lightly on the soft skin. Releasing the towel, Auden let it drop to join the trousers on the floor, and pressed against Hays, wrapping her arms around her waist. She was naked, and Hays's briefs were all that remained between them now. "Hmm?"

"Like oh " Hays swayed and had to steady herself by gripping Auden's hips. "Like I could stay in this one spot forever and never want for anything else."

Auden slowly traced a finger along the inside band of Hays's briefs, running along her hip, then over the crest of bone, and dipping low over her belly. Hays's hips lifted as her legs tensed. "We can stay here forever," Auden promised as she worked her palm beneath the material and pressed lower, her fingers threading through soft curls, baring her completely. "But I want everything."

Hays closed her eyes, her attention riveted on the single point of arousal millimeters away from Auden's fingertips. All thought, every sensation, each iota of awareness was fixed on the instant when flesh answered need.

Taking Hays by the hand, Auden stepped to the bed and drew the covers down. Softly, she smoothed her palm down the center of Hays's body, resting a cupped hand between her thighs. "Teach me what you like."

Hays stroked the back of Auden's neck with trembling fingers, staring at the delicate hand lightly holding her. "I like everything you do. I like " Her throat closed off as Auden slid one finger along the side of her clitoris.

"That?" Auden's voice was hoarse. A huge fist had closed around her heart, and it was hard for her to breathe. She had never been so excited in her life. She moved her finger, felt the stiff shaft pulse. "Do you like that?"

"Oh yes. Yes." Hays pressed her left hand hard against the bed, the other clutching Auden's shoulder. She watched Auden stroke her slowly, the twin sensations of sight and touch almost too much to bear.

"You're so wet." Auden smoothed her fingertips through the evidence of Hays's passion, astounded at the rush of warmth between her own thighs. She drew her fingers upward, felt the echoing pulsation in her own engorged flesh. "So hard."

Hays fought to keep her eyes open, but her vision dimmed as Auden's caress became firmer, faster.

"Uh huh," Hays managed, staring through half-closed lids at the hand circling between her thighs, every muscle clenched, her hips rocking, nerve-endings on the brink of going off in Auden's hand.

Auden wasn't sure which was more beautiful, the way Hays felt thrusting beneath her fingers, or the way she looked, poised to orgasm. She drew a surprised breath, her eyes locking with Hays. "Oh my god." Hays's pupils dilated, flickering wildly. "I can feel you coming."

Legs tightening around Auden's hand, Hays tensed, gave a small cry, and shuddered into orgasm. As the pleasure jolted through her, she pulled Auden into her arms, needing as much contact as possible. The weight of Auden's body bearing down on her, the hand still massaging her exploding flesh, set off another round of spasms, and she cried out again.

"Oh sweetheart," Auden moaned, her face buried in Hays neck. It was all too much-the wonder, the excitement, the heart wrenching beauty of the woman in her arms. Tears flooded her eyes, wet her cheeks, even as her own body soared and burst into flames.

It was impossible to tell who sheltered whom as they rocked one another in the aftermath of passion, each murmuring assurances and tenderly stroking away their mingled tears. Facing one another, arms and legs entwined, their smiles were twin reflections of vulnerability and awe.

"Oh, sweet Auden." Hays's heart nearly broke to see the tears shimmer again on Auden's lids. "No."

"Promise me you won't give up, Hays." Auden threaded trembling fingers into Hays's hair, forcing Hays to look at her. "Promise me you'll fight."

Auden lay in Hays's arms, her head nestled in the crook of her lover's neck. "I guess it would be a problem if we both showed up late for work again, huh?"

"Mmm." Hays made lazy circles on Auden's back, unable to think of another thing she would rather be doing. "Would it bother you if people knew?"

"About us?" Auden kissed Hays's jaw. "God, no. It's going to be all I can do not to put a big sign on you at the convention in New York saying 'don't touch, she's mine.'"

I'd like to be yours. I'd like to be yours forever and beyond. Hays pressed her lips to Auden's hair, unable to answer. She hadn't been so close to tears so often since the day that she had learned why she was too tired to work and why the smallest cut bled for hours. Auden was the answer to every dream she had ever dreamed, the embodiment of every love story she had ever written, and now that she'd found her, it was too late.

"Hays?" Auden felt the sudden tension. "Too soon? I didn't mean to sound so possessive-"

"No." Hays's voice was hoarse with the struggle to hold back the tears. "Not too soon at all." Too late. Can't you see that it's already too late? She cupped Auden's cheek and kissed her mouth softly, a lingering kiss that spoke of cherishing and devotion. "It's not necessary, but I'll wear a sandwich board saying 'Property of Auden Frost' if it would make you happy."

Auden leaned up on her elbow and searched Hays's face. "Then what is it? What hurts you?"

Hays looked away. Auden drew her face back with a finger against her chin. "What is it, sweetheart? Please tell me."

"Believe me, you have me." Auden kissed her lightly, then drew away, studying her eyes. Waiting.

Auden bit the inside of her lip, determined not to cry. She nodded, praying that the moisture pooling on her lashes would not fall.

"But I'm afraid that I will," Hays admitted, "and I'm afraid it's wrong to let you love me."

"I already do love you." Auden stilled the protest she knew was coming with a finger against Hays's mouth. "I do. Accept it or don't accept it, but let it be because of what you want, not because of what you fear."

"No buts." Auden rested her hand on Hays's abdomen, softly stroking her. She loved the way Hays's skin felt, so soft, and so different than the firm muscles beneath. She loved touching her and couldn't imagine a day without being able to. If she thought about that possibility, she knew she would scream. "Tell me about the bone marrow transplant."

Hays closed her eyes, and for a moment, Auden thought she wouldn't answer. It took everything she had not to push. She just continued her gentle caresses, letting Hays know she was not alone.

Odds. The word, the concept, when applied to Hays's life, was indescribably terrifying. Auden took her time, making sure her voice was steady. "That's good then, right?"

"My hematologist wants to try something new. Temple Hospital is one of the few places in the country that has experience with something called a mini-bone marrow transplant." Hays grimaced. "It's complicated."

"The process is simpler in some ways than traditional bone marrow transplants. It's a lot shorter, which means that I wouldn't have to stay in the hospital for weeks. They use less chemotherapy and radiation before the transplant, which means that I'm not likely to have the side effects-hair loss, GI bleeding, nausea and vomiting-the list goes on." She swallowed hard, threading her fingers through Auden's. "That's the good part."

"The theory is that the cells from the donor are healthier than my own bone marrow, and they will attack my sick cells and kill them, then repopulate my bone marrow with all new healthy cells." Hays smiled, but her eyes were damp. "If that happens, there's a better chance of cure than with any other treatment."

"What's the downside?" Aud knew there had to be a reason that Hays hadn't done this already. But God, just hearing about it gives me hope.

Hays tried to sound nonchalant, but her entire body was rigid. "This process, where the healthy cells kill the bad cells, can end up involving healthy tissues, and there's a chance that I could have other organs fail. Then " she gave a small laugh. "There's always the chance that it won't work quite right, and the healthy cells will kill off my bone marrow but not repopulate, leaving me with nothing at all. So the downside is the same as what we're looking at now-I die."

"What are the chances?" Auden was nauseous and hoped it didn't show. She wanted someone to be angry with; she wanted someone, something, anything, to blame; she wanted a weapon with which to fight back. Having none of those things left her feeling helpless and grief-stricken and, unless she fought it, defeated. If she felt that way, she could only imagine what it must be like for Hays.

Auden remembered what Gayle had told her about the conventional methods. "That sounds decent. Will you do it?"

"I think so," Hays said softly, touching the corner of Auden's mouth with one finger. "If I do, we won't know for a while if it works. Until then, you and I should put this on hold."

"I don't want you to be hurt by all of this, Auden. I don't want you to suffer through the treatments, and even then-"

"Stop. You don't get it, do you?" Auden spoke quietly, tenderly. "I love you. It isn't conditional. If we waited for guarantees, we would wait a lifetime. I want every minute that I can have with you."

Auden wouldn't have cried, she was certain of that, if Hays hadn't. But the sight of Hays's tears was her undoing. With a small cry, Auden gathered Hays into her arms and pressed her lover's face to her breasts. She didn't tell her not to cry, but merely held her as tightly as she possibly could. As Hays sobbed, great bone-racking, shattering sobs, Auden's tears ran silently down her cheeks. She threaded her fingers in Hays's hair, caressed her, wrapped arms and legs about her, offering a physical shield with curve of her own body, as if that would ever be enough. She had never felt so powerless in her life.

After a while, Hays quieted. She pressed a kiss to Auden's breast, then lifted her face until she could meet Auden's concerned gaze. "Auden, I'm sorry. I've never done that before."

"Well then, I'm glad you did it now." Audrey kissed her and brushed the last of her tears away with a thumb. "Are you all right?"

"Better." Hays managed to grin, a fairly good rendition of her usual one. "We're going to have to hurry if we're going to keep our reputations intact at the office."

"Well, we should certainly keep our priorities straight." Auden didn't want to go, but some part of her insisted that they should. As much as she wanted every second of Hays's time, together, like this, she instinctively knew that they needed a semblance of normality as well. "Do I get a rain check?"

With more willpower then she would have thought she possessed, Auden moved away. She regretted it immediately as her body screamed in protest and her heart joined in. "One at a time will do nicely."

"They're all yours, an endless supply. Every rainy day, you'll get a make-up day in the sun."

"I'll love you no matter what the weather." Auden kissed her, then jumped from the bed.

Hays lingered a moment as she watched Auden leave the bed and start for the bathroom. It was such a small thing, but she cherished how simple, how normal, the moment felt. Auden had a way of making her life seem both ordinary and enchanted at the same time. Auden made anything seem possible.

Hays followed the sound of her lover's voice, a line Rune had written playing through her mind.

"If she had held out her hand, I would gladly have taken it and followed, unto death."

Two nights later, Gayle hurried down the stairs to unlock the front door. She'd been watching the clock for the last hour. Through the frosted glass, she could barely discern the outline of a figure standing on the porch, but it was enough to make her heart race. She disengaged the deadbolt and pulled open the door, wondering for the tenth time in as many minutes if everything would have changed during the time they'd been apart. Maybe it had all been just a weekend fling. Then she looked up into the softest brown eyes she had ever seen and watched the grin break out on Thane's face. Friday night had never held such promise. "Hi ya, sexy."

"Hey," Thane said, leaning forward to kiss Gayle on the mouth. "I missed you like hell."

"Well, that was the perfect thing to say. You're scary, how good you are." Gayle put her arms around Thane, kissed her again, then took her hand and led her inside. "Then again, you are a writer."

"That wasn't a line," Thane said quickly, stopping Gayle at the bottom of the stairs with a hand on her arm. Her expression was very serious. "I meant it."

Gayle paused, saw the hurt in Thane's eyes. Gently, she rested her palm against Thane's cheek. "I'm sorry. That was me being tough. I was worried all week that you might change your mind about wanting me."

"No," Thane said softly, turning her head to place a kiss in Gayle's palm. "I want you. I want us."

"Jesus, you have to stop saying everything I need to hear," Gayle admonished, but her tone belied her words.

Laughing softly, Gayle threaded her arm around Thane's waist and started up the stairs. "Then write us one."

As they climbed to her apartment, Gayle said, "I didn't make dinner reservations anywhere. I wasn't sure what you would want to do. I can call somewhere or-"

Thane put down her overnight bag, put her arm around Gayle's waist, and led her to the sofa. Pulling the other woman down on her lap, Thane said, "You know what I'd really like?"

"What?" Gayle kissed Thane's lips, then her cheek, then nuzzled her neck, biting lightly. "What would you like, huh?"

"Ah that would definitely be one thing." Thane smoothed her hand down Gayle's arm, then along her thigh, pulling her tighter into her lap. "Christ, you feel good."

"If you make me feel any better, you're not getting any dinner." Gayle couldn't believe how quickly Thane could make her hot.

"What I'd like to do," Thane murmured, drawing her fingers up the inside of Gayle's leg, stopping just short of the vee between her thighs, "is watch a video, eat pizza, and make love to you until you scream."

Gayle moaned softly, pressed Thane's hand against the heat between her legs, and moved her lips softly over Thane's ear. "Would you mind very much if we reversed the order?"

Thane shifted until Gayle was beneath her on the couch and deftly opened the button on Gayle's jeans. "Not in the least."

Gayle opened her eyes and realized that she was alone. For one heart stopping instant, she thought that Teddy had left her in the night. Sitting up, she took rapid stock of her surroundings. Teddy's pants were lying over the arm of a chair across the room, and her overnight bag was standing open on the floor. She's still here.

Quickly, she climbed from the bed and pulled on the first thing she found, which happened to be an oversized flannel shirt. She didn't bother with anything else. In the living room, she became aware of several things-the enticing smell of coffee emanating from the kitchen and, even better than that, the sight of Teddy, wearing a T-shirt, sweatpants, and no shoes, sitting in front of the computer. "Hey, baby. What are you up to?"

Thane turned from the computer, blushing. "I'm sorry. I usually wake up really early, and I knew I'd probably disturb you if I tossed and turned. I didn't think you'd mind if I-"

Gayle stopped her with a kiss. "I don't mind. Well, I missed you when I woke up, but I think you made up for that by making coffee."

"Good," Thane said as she stood, threading her arms around Gayle's waist and pulling her close. She slid her hands down Gayle's back, over her buttocks, and underneath the tail of the shirt. When her palms met flesh, she drew a sharp breath. "Oh, man. Jesus, the minute I touch you, all I can think about is getting naked with you."

"You'll get no complaints from me," Gayle replied, pressing against Thane as she nuzzled her ear. "Are you working?"

"Uh-huh." Thane's attention at that moment, however, was totally focused on the subtle contractions of the muscles under her hands as Gayle gently thrust her hips. "Writing."

Gayle worked her hands under Thane's T-shirt, then upward to her breasts. As she rubbed her palms over the instantly hardening nipples, she groaned softly. "Oh yeah. Good idea."

Before they could reach the bedroom, a knock sounded on Gayle's door. Gayle groaned again, this time with frustration. "It's either Mrs. T. about Shylock or it's Auden. Do you mind?"

"No," Thane said hoarsely, although already her body was pulsating with need. "Go ahead." She settled her hips against the back of the couch as Gayle went to the door. Watching Gayle walk, enjoying the line of her long legs and the incredibly rich color of her coffee and cream skin, was almost as good as touching her.

When Gayle pulled open the door, Auden took a step inside, saying "Hi," then stopped abruptly when she saw Thane. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot-"

As Auden started to back out the door, Gayle caught her hand. "Hey, no. I haven't seen you all week." She turned and looked at Thane over her shoulder. "Do you think you can keep things warm for a while?"

Auden nodded and five minutes later she was pouring coffee for them in her kitchen. "I'm really sorry about interrupting you two. I've totally lost track of time."

"I've been looking for you all week, but your apartment has always been dark." Gayle reached for the coffee Auden offered. "Thanks."

"Things have been really hectic at work this week," Auden explained. "I think I told you that we're pushing to get Margo Elliott's book published for the convention next weekend."

"Mmm, you mentioned it." Gayle observed her friend intently, wondering at Auden's faint agitation. "Problems?"

"Nothing that doesn't happen fairly routine, apparently." Auden crossed her legs beneath her on the chair and rested her elbows on the kitchen table, her chin in her hand. "I think we broke some kind of speed record getting the galleys back, but when I overnighted them to Margo Wednesday, she decided that she hated the cover. Now, mind you, this was a cover based on the design that she sent us from an artist she's been working with. And now, at the eleventh hour, she decides it doesn't fit the tone of the book."

"Can't you just tell her she has to accept the cover?" Gayle pulled a banana out of a basket on the table and started to peel it. "After all, you are the big boss now."

Auden lifted a shoulder and made a face. "I could. But it would piss Margo off, and since I'm the one that stepped up the timetable and put a rush on things, I'm trying not to be too much of a dictator at this point."

"I spent most of Thursday night and yesterday babysitting graphics and making sure that they were getting the revisions to her for her input. Somewhere around midnight last night, we finally got a consensus."

Auden blew out of breath. "Well, assuming that Margo doesn't want any substantial changes to the text after she reviews the galleys this weekend, and assuming there are no delays with the printers, it should be a go."

"I imagine that has more to do with the fact that you'll be spending the weekend with Thane than that you'll be looking at books for three days."

"Well, there is that." Gayle grinned. Eyeing Auden speculatively, wondering what had really prompted the early morning visit, she asked, "And what about you? I suppose you've been doing nothing all week except working? Which is why you're never here?"

Smiling softly, Auden ran a finger around the rim for coffee cup, unused to talking about something so intimate. Because I never had anything to talk about before. "I've been at Hays's every night this week."

"Now why aren't I surprised?" Gayle reached across the table and took Auden's hand. "Is it fabulous? Are you happy?"

Auden met Gayle's eyes, and she didn't even try to hide the tears. "It's she's everything is incredibly wonderful. It's just that "

"Is it normal that I can't stand to be away from her? I'm not sure if I feel this way because that's what being in love feels like, or if it's because I'm afraid " her voice broke and she looked away. After a few seconds she finished, "or if I'm just afraid of losing her."

"Oh, Aud. Sweetie. No." Gayle felt like weeping herself. It was unbearable to think that something which should be so joyous could be accompanied by such pain. "What you're feeling for her is absolutely, perfectly normal. At this point you shouldn't be able to think of much more than getting her clothes off every time you see her. In a few weeks, you'll probably be able to have a conversation. It will take at least a few months before you can actually make it through dinner and a movie without wanting to rush home early and jump into bed." Gayle squeezed Auden's hand. "What you're experiencing is the good stuff, sweetie."

"Listening to you, I'm starting to feel tired already." But Auden laughed and her heart lifted.

"How's Hays?" Gayle hoped that her tone sounded normal. Just an ordinary question.

"She's good. She's unbelievable." Gayle smirked and Auden smacked her on the arm. "Stop."

Auden drew a long breath, knowing what the real question was. "Her health seems fine. Her color is good, she doesn't appear to get fatigued, and there's been no bleeding.

"That's great." Gayle made a conscious effort to lighten the conversation. "So, when are you heading up to New York?"

"The convention officially starts on Friday. Palmer is going to have a booth and I'm planning on going up Thursday to make sure everything is in order."

"Believe me, I know. Rune-Hays-announced it on her website three days ago and the e-mail response has been amazing. I think a lot of people are coming because she's going to be there."

"A little," Auden admitted. "I'm not even used to the fact that we're together yet, and I'm sure not ready to share her. Still, it's good marketing. She's going to do a book signing, even though her published books aren't Palmer's. But it's a good opportunity to push the release of Dark Passions, and I think I've talked her into doing a reading."

"Holy God. If she reads anything from that, you're going to have to put a bodyguard on her door. I hope you plan on staying in the same room."

"I told her that I wanted separate rooms." Auden looked troubled. "It's a business trip, and the first time that Rune has made a public appearance. It just seemed better for Rune to be Rune and not confuse the issue."

"Who's confused? Haydon Palmer is this gorgeous young publisher and Rune Dyre is probably the sexiest, most romantic lesbian author on the planet-with the exception of Thane Cutlass, of course-and you're sleeping with both of them. It's perfectly clear to me."

"That's kind of how I think of it, too," Auden agreed, smiling. "Now I need to shower, change, and meet one of them at the office."

"That's right. You're in that 'can't get out of bed' stage, too. You have to tell me all about that next time we get together." Auden stood, her expression affectionate. "Things okay there, though?"

"If they were any better I'd run screaming." Gayle grinned sheepishly. "She's too good to be true."

"No, she's just what you deserve. If I don't catch up with you again in the next few days, I'll see you in New York."

Gayle stood as well and put an arm around her friend's shoulders. "You can count on it. And until then, don't do anything except enjoy her."

Gayle's heart swelled. Turning, she raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? I thought you were working?"

"Oh." For a moment, Gayle wasn't certain what to say. She adored Thane's fiction, but it was Teddy she was sleeping with. She wasn't entirely certain if Thane Cutlass's writing was part of their new relationship.

"What?" Thane noted the small line that creased the smooth skin between Gayle's brows. Worriedly, she asked, "Does it bother you that I was working during our time together?"

"No, of course not. I think your work is amazing. I'm really happy that you were able to do it here. It's just "

"What?" Thane rose and crossed the room. Leaning close, she rested her hands on Gayle's hips.

"Gayle, honey, I'm a writer. I want everyone to read what I write." Laughing, Thane took her hand and walked to the computer. Then she sat and patted her lap. "Sit here and have a look."

A minute ago, at least, I was. We started out naked together, turning about each other in the warm spray-fighting over who would get the shampoo first. I hadn't intended anything-really-I just wanted to run my soapy hands over your body, to wash your back. Ten seconds ago, even, I was innocent. Then I reached around you for the bath gel and our bodies collided.

Thane was very still, her cheek pressed against Gayle's breast, her eyes closed. She could hear Gayle's heart beating. In her mind, she saw the words she had written and waited for judgment.

Absently, Gayle stroked Thane's arm as she read, settling her hips more comfortably between Thane's spread legs, one arm around her lover's shoulder, toying with her hair. With the other hand, she scrolled.

Our skin touches lightly, belly to belly, thigh to thigh, the silken hair between our legs blending gently in the warm streams of water coursing over our bodies. When I slip my arms around you to reach your back, our breasts meet. My nipples, instantly erect, slide over yours, sending pulsating shocks of pleasure straight down my spine. The flickering contact teases me, starts a tingling between my legs, but the fleeting pressure on the aching tips of my breasts is not hard enough, not long enough, for what I need.

Gayle's nipples tightened and the muscles in her thighs clenched. She was very aware of Thane's mouth a breath away from her skin. She threaded her fingers into Thane's hair more tightly and unconsciously pressed her breast against her lover's face.

I secret a hand between us, find your nipple and squeeze, once, twice, before circling your breasts with my soapy fingers. The soft weight of you in my palm is an invitation to feast. My mouth is watering. Lifting both breasts so the warm cascade rinses the soap away, I bend my head, lick the clear drops from the tight, hard tips and drink your passion.

You close your eyes and grasp my hips, pulling me tighter. Moaning, you push a muscled thigh between mine, arching your back as my teeth claim flesh. We reach for each other at the same time; I find your clitoris just as you touch mine. You stroke

"I don't think I can read this with you so close to me," Gayle said, her voice husky and low. "It's wonderful, but all I can feel is you."

Eyes closed, Thane nuzzled a nipple, found it hard and tight, and sucked on it through the soft, worn flannel. "Too late. Keep going."

You stroke me steadily as I roll the length of you lightly between my thumb and finger. Legs spread, hips pushing slowly forward, our soft sighs mingle. We mirror each other's movements, speeding up, pressing harder-bringing each other closer with each stroke, moaning now on trembling legs. I search for your lips, clinging to you, and our mouths meet, tongues joining, sucking hard on swollen lips. I'm so hard now

Gayle moaned and fumbled for Thane's hand, drawing it beneath the waistband of her sweatpants, pushing it between her thighs. "Feel what you've done to me."

Very lightly, Thane ran a single finger over the tip of Gayle's clitoris. Gayle gave a strangled cry, and pressed her own hand over Thane's. "Oh, don't stop."

I'm circling my hips on your hand-it feels "So good." I can't bear it. You turn me away from the stream of water, kneeling quickly, both hands opening me for your lips. I'm so full, so hard, so close to exploding-so ready to come. Your tongue presses into me, warm and sweet "Oh, yes, right there. Yes. That's so good." pulling the pleasure from me on a flood of arousal. My back is against the wall as you lean into me, sweeping your tongue up the length of my clitoris "I'll come if you keep touching me there." making my head light and my stomach twist. I can feel you moving against my leg, wet and hard, and you make me want "Oh baby, I want " to come. You are rocking against me as you suck me now, both of us moaning. "I'm so close, so close now." Your fingers are inside me, your lips tugging at my clitoris "I need to come. I need..." your tongue working it back and forth. I'm going to come soon. I won't come until you say-but oh, god-I need to-tell me when you start to come, tell me when I can come, tell me when "I'm coming coming" soon, soon, please tell me, tell me, tell me

Gayle clung to Thane, pressed her face to Thane's neck, trembling and shivering. "Oh, Jesus. I can't believe you."

"What?" Thane whispered, smoothing Gayle's hair, kissing her temple gently. "What, honey?"

"Everything," Gayle said with a sigh, overcome with the pleasant torpor. "You are so fucking talented, and so beautiful, and so good."

"Nah, not really." Gayle bit Thane's ear weakly. "But I would like to try reenacting that shower scene."

"Is that by any chance what you had in mind when you let me read that?" Gayle met Thane's gaze and arched a brow. "Hmm?"

At a little before seven Friday morning, Hays gently fondled Auden's hair, letting the silken strands slide slowly through her fingers. She thought, as she lay in the utter stillness, feeling Auden's heart beat against her chest and sensing her own answering rhythm, that this might be the finest moment of her life. When a breath of warmth against her neck became a kiss, she knew that the woman curled in her arms was awake. "Good morning."

"Mmm," Auden sighed, stretching indolently, nestling closer to Hays. "God, you feel good."

"Yeah, I do." Smiling, Hays turned her head on the pillow and kissed the corner of Auden's mouth. Steadfastly, Hays ignored the faint pounding behind her eyes. Headache. It had been lingering just beyond the edges of her awareness for several days. It hadn't made itself completely known until last night, when they'd reached the hotel in New York City.

"You ready for today?" Auden shifted until she was lying on top of Hays, her head propped on one elbow, one leg between Hays's.

"It'll be more than two hours," Auden pointed out. She ran her finger along the edge of Hays's jaw, then tapped her chin affectionately. "An hour of book signings this morning, and one this afternoon. And you're not going to be able to just disappear in between. Rune is popular. She has devoted fans. They want to meet her."

"I know that," Hays grumbled good-naturedly. "Which is the real reason I agreed to come. Other than it makes Liz happy, and she's so hard to deal with when she's cranky."

"Ah," Auden crooned, fitting herself still closer to the curves and planes of Hays's body. "You have nothing to worry about. Ever."

Hays caught the back of Auden's head in her hand and pulled her down, kissing her with unexpected fierceness. She slid her other hand to the hollow at the base of Auden's spine, holding her firmly as she pressed her leg more tightly between Auden's thighs. Auden moaned softly and Hays's felt herself grow hard against Auden's skin. As they explored one another's mouths, small teasing touches became hungry thrusts, and Hays's desire stirred urgently. Along with the rising arousal, her headache unexpectedly ratcheted up a notch, and she bit back a gasp of surprise.

"You make me so excited so quickly," Auden murmured when Hays broke the kiss. She rocked her hips, her lids heavy with desire. "Is there time?"

"Time enough." Hays read the need in her lover's eyes. No amount of discomfort could distract her from this moment. Auden was wet against her leg and breathing heavily, hips rolling insistently. "I love how you get, so passionate, so ready."

"You " Auden arched her back, moving in short hard jerks now. "You do this to me." She gave a small cry and grew still, her body rigid. "I have to stop. It's too much."

"No, keep going." Hays's voice was hoarse, her vision wavering with the pain. "I want to see you come."

Auden bit her lip, her stomach muscles quivering as she fought the need to orgasm. "It's all right?"

"It's wonderful." Hays brought her hands to Auden's breasts, cradling them as she grasped her nipples. "Just watch my face. See how you please me."

Auden braced herself with her hands on either side of Hays's shoulders and stared into the gold and silver-shot depths of her lover's eyes. She wasn't aware of moving, of moaning, of twisting beneath the tormenting fingers that drove her ever higher. All she knew was Hays-her tenderness, her patience, her passion. The steady pressure on her nipples merged with the pounding pulse of blood between her thighs and the first ripples of orgasm whispered along her spine. "Oh!"

"Yes." Hays's heart beat frantically and she was faintly dizzy but all she cared about was the beauty of watching Auden approach her climax. I love you.

In the final instant as her muscles clenched, then shattered, Auden closed her eyes, the image of Hays's face, alight with love, emblazed on her soul. Still coming, she collapsed into Hays's waiting arms and held on tightly.

"I feel " Auden struggled to catch her breath and tried again. "I feel a little selfish."

Hays pushed the damp hair back from Auden's face and kissed her. "Oh, no, darling. You've given me something so special." She drew a long breath, pulling Auden even closer. "You've given me your trust."

"I love you, Hays. I'd give you anything." Auden slid a hand down Hays's belly, but Hays stopped her with a gentle grip on her wrist. Auden tensed at the unexpected restraint. "What?"

"Can I take a rain check?" The headache was brutal, and Hays feared the nausea was coming next.

"I'm a tiny bit preoccupied." Hays managed a grin. "Thinking about the convention."

"Ah. Rune's debut." Auden laughed and stroked Hays's face. "Sure. I'll collect from you tonight." She leaned over, kissed Hays's breast once, then bounded from bed. "Let's shower and get dressed, and I'll treat you to breakfast."

When Auden disappeared into the bathroom, Hays switched on the bedside light and sat on the edge of the bed. She examined her arms and looked down at her thighs, her heart plummeting. There were bruises where Auden had pressed her hands when they'd made love the night before. Bruises that shouldn't be there, not so soon. Oh, sweet Auden. I am so sorry.

"Here's my card," Auden said to the middle-aged woman in the windbreaker and jeans. "It sounds like a great storyline. Send me the manuscript when you have it ready, and I'd be happy to take a look at it."

As the woman turned away, Gayle edged through the small group of people until she reached Auden's side. "Hey. How's it going?"

"Terrific. This is so much fun. I've been talking to writers, other publishers, artists and of course, readers. It's amazing." Auden took in her best friend at a glance. As usual, Gayle looked hot in skin-tight hip-hugger jeans and a painted-on black top that stopped somewhere in the vicinity of her navel. When she stretched, Auden glimpsed a hint of gold against her slightly darker skin. "Hey," she said, lifting the bottom of Gayle's top. "What have we here?"

"I'll bet that was fun if Thane was helping out." Auden looked over her shoulder toward the table on the far side of the conference room where Thane and Hays sat signing books. "They're attracting a lot of attention."

"Uh, Gayle, sweetie, I don't think it's the pants-I think it's the leather vest with nothing under it. I about died when she walked out of the elevator."

Gayle groaned. "When I saw her upstairs I was too pheromonally impaired to censor the outfit. All I could think was 'yummie yummie yummie.' "

Auden laughed. "Well, I don't believe you have to worry. She's too busy working to get into trouble."

Gayle watched the line moving slowly toward the authors. "Hays looks mighty tasty, too. Who would have thought that stone-washed jeans and a white shirt could look so appetizing?"

"Depends on who you put them on," Auden murmured, watching Hays return a book to a woman waiting at the head of the line. When Hays smiled, Auden's heart did a flip. "God, she's gorgeous."

"Enough," Auden hissed. "No more culinary commentary on my girlfriend, if you please."

Auden followed Hays's hands as she opened a book, carefully held it flat, and signed with a flourish. "Better than good. Better than anything."

Thane pushed her chair back and stretched. "I want a drink. How about you, buddy?"

Hays shook her head. She could barely focus, and she was afraid that if Auden saw her right now, she'd be able to tell something was wrong. "I'm going to find someplace quiet and decompress for a few minutes. I think Auden wants us at the opening reception at six."

"Where are they?" Thane asked, scanning the room. "I saw Gayle and Auden talking a while ago, but I don't see them now."

"I lost track of them. Auden and Liz are probably off in a corner somewhere with their heads together discussing marketing strategies."

"Gayle said she might sneak off to the gym," Thane mused. "I can't believe I miss her this much after just a few hours."

Thane was uncharacteristically quiet for a long moment. "Yeah. Well, I am. I'm not so sure Gayle believes me, though."

"Well, I've been around." Thane shrugged. "Not as much as people think. Not everything I write is autobiographical." She laughed. "And this is different-it's not just good fun and sex. Gayle is like no one I've ever met it's like she knows me, or at least sees me, and she seems to like what she finds." Thane grimaced. "Jesus, that didn't make any sense, did it."

"Not true," Hays replied, thinking of Auden and all the things she'd never needed to explain. "It makes perfect sense."

Hays felt it at the same moment. She fumbled for her handkerchief, but Thane pressed a couple of paper napkins from a nearby tray into her hand. After a minute, Hays muttered, "Thanks."

"Yeah." Hays's voice was muffled. "Look, I'm going to go upstairs and get cleaned up. I might be late for the reception. If you see Auden " Her voice trembled, and she almost lost it. Everything was coming apart so fast, she could barely think what to do next. "If you see Auden, just tell her I got held up. Don't mention this, okay?"

"No. I'm fine. It's stopped." Hays shook her head carefully. "I've got to go. Listen, Thane. About Eros-go ahead and use my stuff if you want."

Thane stared at her, startled by the sudden change in direction of the conversation. "Great. Excellent. We'll have to get together and decide which ones we want and how to order them. Maybe talk to Paula Young about tossing in a couple. She's popular with the soft romance set."

Two minutes later, Hays was upstairs in her room. The first thing she did was make a series of phone calls. Then she sat down at the desk and booted up her laptop. As she typed, her hands shook.

Forty-five minutes into the reception, Auden was starting to get worried. Neither Hays, nor Thane, nor Gayle had appeared. It wasn't absolutely obligatory that the authors attend the opening reception, but most did. And she and Hays had agreed earlier that Rune should go.

"Sorry we're late, Aud," Gayle said, genuinely contrite. "We lost track of time."

"No. I haven't seen her for hours. By the time Liz and I got done talking to the people from Lambda Book Review, Thane and Hays had finished with their signings. I thought the two of them were off doing author stuff or just hanging out." She tried not to sound as panicked as she felt. "I went up to my room for a few minutes and called hers, but there was no answer. I just assumed we'd meet here, so I came back down to network some more."

"No, the last time I saw her, she said she was going upstairs to-uh, she said she'd see me here."

"Was she all right?" Auden asked sharply, aware that Thane was uncomfortable about something.

If you see Auden, just tell her I got held up. Don't mention this, okay? Thane hesitated.

"Where are you going?" Gayle asked urgently, hurrying along beside her with Thane following on her heels.

Once in the elevator, Thane looked from Gayle to Auden. "What's going on? Does this have something to do with her fainting at the Four Seasons?"

"Sure." Thane rested her hand on the back of Gayle's neck, stroking her softly. "Okay."

The instant the elevator doors slid open, Auden rushed down the hall and knocked on Hays's door. "Hays? Sweetheart? It's Auden."

When she'd tried three times to no avail, Auden turned to Gayle, desperate. "What should we do? What if she's lying in there and needs help? What if oh, god, what if she hit her head or-"

"I'll call the hotel manager and play the doctor card," Gayle said quietly. "I'll ask them to send someone to check, okay?" When Auden nodded mutely, Gayle added, "Come on, our room is down the hall."

Auden paced the room while Gayle placed the call and asked for the manager, wanting to scream as she listened to Gayle explain that she was a doctor and that she was concerned about a guest with a life-threatening illness. Life-threatening. No. Oh, no. Not now. Not so soon.

When Gayle hung up and looked at Auden with a stunned expression on her face, Auden almost did scream. "What? What did he say? What is it?"

"This is weird," Thane muttered from across the room. "I've got an email from Rune. From this afternoon."

"It's another Eros submission. Probably just something she's been meaning to se-"

Time is so arbitrary, its measure totally dependent upon how we mark its passage. When we follow the conventional milestones, meting out our lives with birthdays and graduations and anniversaries and funerals, we are left with vast stretches of empty space along the way-time lost forever, never to be filled. As time grows short, the significance of each moment increases, until finally every heartbeat is of monumental importance. Or so it seems at first.

I have discovered, almost too late, that the measure of time is not just arbitrary, but meaningless. She has taught me that a touch is a lifetime, a kiss forever, and that our passion transcends the limitations of our fragile existence to reach eternity.

I no longer worry about the beat of my heart-I need only the memory of her to live on. My soul, my very being, pulses with wonder at the places within me she has filled, with gratitude for the wounds she has healed, and with everlasting devotion for the love she has given. In her arms, I found passion and peace and a place to rest.

No matter where I travel or what road I take to reach my destination, I will always have the comfort of her hand in mine and the soft whisper of her voice reminding me that I do not need to be afraid. This, this has always been my secret desire, and now I need search no further.

Thane: Please see that Secret Passions is dedicated to Auden, with all my heart. Rune

Thane's voice was a hoarse whisper. "Will somebody please tell me what the hell is going on."

"Hays and Auden are lovers," Gale said gently, her arm around Auden's waist and her free hand on Thane's shoulder. "I forgot that you didn't know."

"I figured that out, love," Thane said softly. She looked up at Auden, wincing to see her undisguised anguish. "This message-how sick is she?"

A few seconds later, Auden fumbled her key card into her door and rushed into her room. A folded sheet of notepaper lay just inside on the floor. With trembling hands, she reached for it.

Sweet Auden:
I've never had the words for what you mean to me.
There is one thing, though, that you should know.
I love you.
Hays

Auden spun around, the note held out in her trembling hand. "I have to find her."

Gayle took the note and stared at it for a long time. She thought of her oath, she thought of her best friend's agony, and she thought of a woman facing her greatest challenge alone. She thought, too, of one of the most important things she had learned as a physician-that love had the power to work miracles. She met Auden's frantic gaze.

In less than an hour, Gayle and Auden were on their way home. A few miles from Philadelphia, Auden turned from the window and the night.

"I can guess some of it." Auden was having a hard time keeping her mind from fragmenting. In one instant she was angry, the next terrified, and the next panicked. Right now Hays was somewhere alone-and in pain-and Auden wasn't with her. She'd begun the day in Hays's arms and now she wasn't sure that she would ever touch her again. Stop. You don't even know what's happened. You won't be any good to her this way. She mustn't see you cry.

Auden closed here eyes and imagined Hays's face as she'd looked down upon her at the instant of orgasm, tender and loving and strong. The anger slipped away. "She has never wanted me to be hurt because of her illness or to suffer through the trials of the treatment. If she's sick, really sick now, she'll want to spare me."

"Of course she is, and I won't even try to defend her." Gayle slid closer on the back seat, wrapping her arm around Auden's shoulders. "But she's probably as scared and confused as you are right now." Auden tensed and Gayle hugged her. "I'm sorry, honey-God, I-"

"No," Auden interrupted. "You're right. I'm sure she is frightened, which is why I need to be with her. She thinks she's protecting me, and when I'm not so furious with her, I love her for it."

"I already know she might die." Auden's strangled laughter was tinged with wild pain. "Anything worse than that you want to add?"

"Ah, fuck." Gayle squeezed the bridge of her nose and tried to sort out her desire to prepare Auden for what might be coming from her wish to protect her friend from as much pain as possible. "If she's doing what I suspect she's doing-"

Gayle nodded. "That's my guess. It's going to be dicey for a while-she could get-really sick."

"I know. She's told me." Auden felt steadier the longer they talked. "Do you think they'll start tonight?"

"I don't know-maybe. If she's " Gayle stumbled for the right words. It was hard to keep her doctor shield in place. Auden was her family.

Gayle set her jaw. "If she's deteriorating, and she might be, since she was just treated a few weeks ago and is symptomatic again already, they'll jump on this. I imagine they'll start the chemotherapy as soon as they can."

"Not right away-maybe not at all. It depends on the regimen they're using to prepare her for the transplant."

"I don't know. It sucks, Auden, but you're not legally Hays's family." Gayle balled her fists, because it killed her to say that, knowing that Auden meant more to Hays than anyone in the world. "I'll do what I can."

Auden thought for a moment, then dug in her briefcase for her PDA and phone. After a moment, she punched in a number and waited, holding her breath. "Abel? It's Auden Frost Are you with her?" She expected him to hesitate or hedge, and his rapid reply surprised her.

"I just left the hospital," he answered with what almost sounded like relief. "Where are you?"

His voice was eerily flat. It was frightening to hear Abel sound overwhelmed. "What about the transplant?"

"Christopher is catching the red-eye from Los Angeles, and they've started the drugs. It could be as soon as tomorrow."

"I don't care, Abel. I love her, and I have to see her." Auden's voice grew stronger. "If there's some list of priority visitors or something I want on it. Tonight."

"If they're treating her on an investigational study, the protocols might be pretty strict, even if all the precautions are not absolutely necessary. She might be in an isolation room already."

"Gowns, maybe gloves and masks everything possible to keep her from getting infected while her immune system is knocked down from the chemo."

"I'm not sure, Aud," Gayle said softly. It hurt so much to hear Auden's anguish, Gayle wondered if she was going to be able to stand this. She wished then that she'd asked Thane to come with them instead of encouraging her to remain at the convention. Suddenly she longed for the solace of Thane's presence and understood poignantly how much Auden must want to be with Hays. "We'll find out soon. We're here."

While Gayle leaned forward to instruct the driver on where to wait for them, Auden glanced at her watch. Ten-thirty. She squared her shoulders and pushed open the car door. "Okay. Let's go."

Ten minutes later they were standing at the nurse's station while Gayle spoke to the head nurse. "I'm Dr. Dunbar and this is Auden Frost. We'd like to see one of your patients-Haydon Palmer."

Auden hated the place for no good reason at all. The halls were clean and bright and cheerily painted in pastel tones. And there was a nice big sign saying Oncology and Hays was the "new admission." She wanted to find Hays and take her away. Take her home. She wanted to light the logs in the fireplace and hold her beneath the soft afghan that had sheltered them as they'd made love and make sure that nothing ever hurt her ever again. Auden bit her lip and closed her fists so tightly that her nails nearly pierced her palms.

"No, that won't be necessary. Dr. Rosenberg just this minute called and said it was fine that Ms. Frost see the patient any time. Just be sure to follow the posted instructions. Room 651."

"She's got a big day scheduled tomorrow," the nurse called after them. "I wouldn't stay too long."

Auden followed Gayle to the end of the hall where two rooms opened off a small ante room that held scrub sinks and cabinets holding cover gowns, shoe covers, disposable surgical gloves, and surgical masks. A prominent yellow sign stated "Isolation" above a list of rules. Both doors to the patient rooms were closed.

"Just put on those booties and a yellow gown," Gayle instructed. "Then take off any jewelry and scrub your hands in the sink with the surgical soap from the dispenser for two minutes."

"Yep. Fine. They're not requiring a mask or gloves, so you're set." Gayle gave Auden's arm a squeeze. "I'll wait out here."

Carefully, Auden opened the door and stepped into a room. A single bed was lit by an overhead light fixture turned down to its lowest setting. "Hays?"

"You're unstoppable." Hays sounded weary but alert. "How did you find me so quickly?"

"I had help." Auden walked to the side of the bed. An IV pole stood on one side of the head of the bed, blood flowing from a bag connected to an intravenous line that went into a vein in Hays's left arm. There was another intravenous line taped to her right arm, and clear fluid from several smaller intravenous bags were infusing into that one. The chemotherapy? "How do you feel?"

Auden desperately wanted to touch her, but she wasn't certain it was safe. She curled her fingers around the steel railing that separated her from her lover. "I asked you first."

Silence ensued and Hays relented. She was so very glad to see Auden that she couldn't bear to keep fighting her. "I had a monster headache a few hours ago, and the blood has helped a lot. I can't feel anything from the chemotherapy yet." Hays lifted her right hand and placed it over Auden's on the rail. "There's a good chance I'll be out of here in a few days. I don't suppose I can talk you into leaving and waiting for me to call you?"

"When will that be, do you think, when you call?" Unable to stop herself, Auden entwined her fingers with Hays's. "Will it be when you come home in a day or two? Or will it be after all of the treatment is over? Or will it be in six months or six years when you've decided that it's safe for me to love you?"

"The only easy way is for me to be with you." Auden brushed her free hand through Hays's hair. "And to answer your question, I was really pissed at you for a while, but I'm mostly over it now. I only have to see you and I forget how mad you make me."

"I want to kiss you so badly. I hate not being able to touch you as much as I want to."

For the first time, Hays smiled. "We made love last night and this morning. I don't think there's anything remotely contagious about you, and if there were, I've already been exposed." She tugged on Auden's hand. "I would like it very much if you would kiss me."

Auden leaned over the rail and placed a soft, lingering kiss on Hays's mouth. "Will we have to stop this for a while?"

"I think kisses will still be allowed. Chances are I won't be much good for anything else in the beginning." Hays looked away. When she spoke again, her voice was low, tormented. "I'm so sorry about this. Jesus, you deserve so much more."

Tears trembled on Hays's lashes. "I thought it would hurt you less than if something went wrong here."

"Well, you were wrong. But I forgive you because I know you did it out of love." Auden caressed the top of Hays's hand with her fingers, wanting so much more but settling for this small contact. "I can wait to make love with you again, but I can't wait in limbo somewhere not knowing what's happening to you."

"One of these days I want you to say I love you without sounding sorry." Auden gripped the rail tightly. "That's what I want."

"Oh, sweet Auden." Tears trickled softly down Hays's cheeks, unheeded now. "I'm not sorry that I love you. I'm not sorry that you love me-never that-it's the most precious thing that's ever happened to me in my life."

Auden smiled, a sure, certain smile. "You, Haydon Palmer, have made me the happiest woman in the world."

Hays brushed at the tears on her face and heaved a great sigh. "I believe I'm going to have to concede this argument. You're indefatigable."

"Thank you. It's about time you admitted that." Suddenly serious once again, Auden asked, "Tell me what's going to happen in the next few days."

"Tomorrow morning I get a low dose of full body radiation. Tomorrow afternoon or Sunday morning, I get the stem cell transplant from my brother."

"The sooner the better, apparently." Hays held her gaze unflinchingly. "My counts are in the basement. Alan is worried that I won't bounce back again. He thinks we should push ahead before I get too weak."

"I see." Auden's voice was a whisper. "Is Abel taking care of the arrangements for your brother?"

"All bases covered." Hays shifted restlessly under the thin hospital blanket. "I'll tell Christopher about you tomorrow. You won't need to feel awkward with him."

"There's something you should know," Hays said quietly. "Abel has medical power of attorney for me and he knows my wishes. If anything happens, he'll take care of things with the doctors. You can trust him."

"Is there anything you want me to know? About that?" Auden's heart was in her throat. This was not a conversation she had expected to have at this point with the woman who had walked into her life and not only captured her heart, but claimed her soul. Not know. Not yet. But here they were.

Hays shook her head. "I promised you I'd fight. I will, I swear. But if I can't anymore, then I want you to know " her voice broke. "Just know it's all right to let go."

"It's okay." Hays's voice was gentle, her fingers on Auden's arm caressing softly. She was crying, too, but didn't notice. "You're perfect. You're everything. I love you."

"God," Auden gasped, fumbling with one hand to pull Kleenex from a dispenser on the bedside table. She could barely reach but she wouldn't let go of Hays's hand. Finally she managed it and wiped her eyes. "I adore you."

"Well, I'll hold you to that. And just as a reminder " Auden looked around the room, then asked, "Do you happen to have a pen and paper in here?"

Reluctantly, Auden released Hays's hand, went to the closet, and pulled out the briefcase. In a second, she returned to the bedside with a pen and note card. She wrote for a moment, then asked, "Can you write?"

Hays read, I owe you -- the next sunny day.Laughing, she signed her name and handed it back. "Rain check?"

"Uh-huh. They're starting to add up, Palmer." Auden slid the card into her pocket, leaned over, and kissed Hays again. "What time is your treatment?"

Mindful of the nurse's admonition not to stay too long, Auden forced herself to release Hays's hand. "You should get some rest. I'll come back in the morning."

Hays felt as if a huge lead weight had settled in her stomach. She wanted to beg Auden to stay. She wanted to climb out of the bed and go with her. She glanced up. The second unit of blood was almost in. She'd feel better now. They could go home, make love, wake up together. "Auden," she whispered. Don't leave me.

"I'll be here first thing." Auden's voice shook. She took a step backward in the direction of the door. I will not cry again.

Auden was almost at the door but she wasn't certain she could go through. "I will. I love you."

"'Night," Hays called, her left hand wrapped tightly around the rail. As the door slowly swung closed, she shut her eyes, the better to remember Auden's face through the long night ahead.

Outside, Gayle pushed away from the wall where she had been leaning as she waited. "You okay?"

Auden shook her head, not trusting her voice, and leaned into Gayle for support. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs.

"Okay, sweetie," Gayle said gently, threading her arm around Auden's waist. She wanted to say everything would be all right, but she had long ago abandoned merciful lies. "Let's get you home."

Auden and Gayle were halfway down to the lobby in the elevator before Auden spoke.

Gayle quickly hid her surprise. This kind of illness was hell on couples, even when they'd been together for years. "It's hard, honey, I know. You've had a lot thrown at you in a short time. First you come out, then you discover that your new lover is terribly ill. No one would fault you for needing to step back."

"Hays will understand. Take a few days off from work, maybe even get away for a little while-give yourself some time to absorb what's happened." Gayle's expression was compassionate. "I'll talk to Hays if you want and explain why you're not here. I know she'll be glad that you're taking care of yourself. She'll want that."

"I love you," Gayle said softly as the elevator doors slid open on the first floor, and she walked out. She stopped, turned, and looked back in surprise at Auden, who was still in the elevator car. "Aud?"

"I can't leave her." Auden smiled faintly. "That's what I meant. I'm going back upstairs, and I'm staying with her until someone tells me it's not safe for her if I'm there. Otherwise, they'll need dynamite to get me away from her."

Gayle grinned, a wave of relief passing over her face. "Ah-all's right with the world again."

Once back on the oncology floor, Auden repeated the washing and gowning routine, then quietly opened Hays's door. If Hays were sleeping, she didn't want to wake her. There was no movement from the still figure in the bed. Stepping carefully, Auden lifted the one upholstered arm chair and moved it closer to the bed.

"That's good," Auden whispered, struggling with her own tears of fatigue and fear. "I love you."

"No, honey. It's just before midnight." Auden shook the bedrail slightly. "Will you promise not to fall out if I put this thing down?"

Carefully, Auden lowered the rail on the right side of the bed and pulled her chair as close as she could. Hays edged to the side of the bed, and they linked hands below the intravenous line taped just above Hays's right wrist. Then Auden leaned down, stretched out an arm on the bed behind Hays's head, and snuggled her face close to Hays's on the pillow.

"You never have to thank me for loving you," Auden said quietly before she kissed the corner of Hay's mouth. "I promise that you will always have the comfort of my hand in yours." She smoothed Hays's hair. "And that I will always be here so that you won't be afraid."

"Sweet Auden-my secret passion, and so much more." Hays looked into Auden's eyes, soothed by the tender gaze. "I love you."

Auden was awakened by a muted cough. She jumped slightly, turned her head, and almost cried out at the cramp in her shoulder. She'd finally fallen asleep curled up in the chair. Hays's hand was still in hers.

Rubbing her stiff muscles, she regarded the middle-aged man with dark curling hair and the bluest eyes she'd ever seen, who stood just inside the door. She glanced at Hays, who seemed to be still asleep. The fact that she hadn't yet awakened was unusual, and she was still very pale, almost colorless. Heart twisting, Auden placed her hand protectively on Hays's shoulder as she looked questioningly at the newcomer.

"The nurses can move a lounge chair in here for you," he said quietly. "They have some sort of cot, too, if you'd rather."

"Unless she shows signs of infection or her white count drops dangerously low, yes." He stepped closer and Auden saw that he carried a clipboard under his right arm. Flashes of navy blue chinos and hiking boots showed beneath the yellow gown. "I'm Paul Rosenberg, Hays's hematologist." He extended his hand.

"Hello. I'm Auden Frost, Hays's " Auden glanced at Hays, wondering if there was one word to encompass everything that Hays meant to her. How is it that when it matters the most, words fail?

Hays stirred, moaned softly, and opened her eyes. Immediately, she looked for Auden, smiling in relief when she saw her. "Hi."

"Hi." Auden lifted Hays's hand and brushed it against her cheek before lightly kissing her fingertips. "How are you?"

"That's my question," Rosenberg said with affection as he stepped up to the bed. "Morning, Hays."

"Hi, Paul. Okay, I guess." Hays slowly pushed herself up and blinked several times. "My head feels a little fuzzy, but no pain anywhere." She gave Rosenberg a hopeful glance. "Any chance we can hold off?"

"I'm afraid not." His eyes were soft with kindness, but his tone unyielding. "The red cell transfusion you got last night will mask your symptoms for a while, but the medications just aren't stimulating your bone marrow any longer. You need viable cells before a serious complication develops. You need the transplant now."

Hays's hand shook in Auden's, and Auden squeezed gently, saying, "It's time, sweetheart."

"We'll do the transplant later this afternoon. Your brother called me from the airport. I reviewed things with him, and he's ready to go. He'll be here by eleven so we can harvest his bone marrow and prepare the material for transplantation."

"Is it painful?" Auden asked, feeling as if she had sawdust in her throat. It was really going to happen.

"Not really. Christopher will be sedated for the harvest and his back will be a bit sore for a few days. Once the marrow is processed, Hays will get something that looks like a blood transfusion through the large vein in her neck."

"It'll be okay," Hays said reassuringly, having heard the infinitesimal tremor in Auden's voice.

Auden smiled at her. "I know." Then she fixed Rosenberg with a steady gaze. "And after that?"

"If there's no temp spike, which might indicate an acute transfusion reaction or some kind of infection-home tomorrow or the next day, two days of outpatient chemo, and then we wait."

"Evidence of engraftment uh, signs of graft survival-a rising white count, healthy cells on a blood smear, and eventually a bone marrow biopsy to check for repopulation of Hays's marrow with normal cells." He spoke matter-of-factly, watching both Hays and Auden as he spoke.

"So soon?" Hope resounded in Auden's voice and she glanced quickly at Hays, whose expression was guarded.

Rosenberg continued, "For the initial take success of the graft, yes. Then, of course, we'll have to monitor for graft rejection or host reactions or a flare of the original disease."

Hays turned to Auden. "It will be months, maybe longer, before we really know anything."

"That's okay." Auden brushed her fingers lightly down Hays's arm. "I can handle the uncertainty, as long as I have you."

"Well," Rosenberg said briskly, "the nurses will be in shortly to get some blood for the baseline values, and the you'll go down for the radiation. I'll see you both later."

"Pretty much." Hays swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat up. "I'm tired as hell, but I'm used to that. Nothing hurts." She stood. "I'd better get cleaned up."

"Sure." Auden transferred the remaining bags to a pole with wheels next to the bed. "Okay?"

Hays grabbed the pole with one hand and leaned to kiss Auden's cheek. "Yeah, thanks. I got it. You can shower in there if you want."

"Hmm." Auden stroked Hays's back as they made their way to the adjoining bathroom. "I guess you can't join me with those lines taped all over you, can you?"

Three hours later, Hays was back in bed, asleep, after having spent two hours in Radiology receiving a single dose of total body radiation. While she'd been gone, Auden had taken a cab home, packed an overnight bag, and returned. She'd also picked up some work. She sat in a chair by the bedside, a manuscript propped on her knee, a pen in one hand and the other resting on Hay's head.

When the door opened, Auden looked up at the dark-haired man with silver at the temples, obsidian eyes, and aristocratic features who regarded her with interest.

"Christopher?" Auden stood, glancing once at Hays, assuring herself that she was resting comfortably. She's not bleeding. She's safe here with me.

He nodded, regarded Hays asleep for a long moment, then and beckoned with his head to the ante room outside. Auden followed and extended her hand.

"Yes," Christopher said, "although I would have wished for different circumstances."

"I as well." Auden took a breath. "I know Hays didn't have a chance to tell you--"

"Abel mentioned you when he picked me up at the airport," he said as they faced each other in the small space. "Things are moving so quickly, he was just trying to bring me up to date. I hope you don't mind. "

"Yes. I'm glad you're here." Christopher looked toward the closed door. "How is she?"

"I've been waiting-hoping-for the call to come. I'm just happy I can finally do something for her."

I'll be happier in a few months, when she's out of danger. Auden forced a smile. "Where's Abel?"

"Parking. I wanted to see Hays before the procedure. I only have a few minutes, but if she's asleep-"

"No, go in. I'm sure she'd want to see you. And Christopher thank you for getting here so quickly." Auden's voice broke, and she paused, swallowing hard. "Paul Rosenberg seems to think time is...critical."

He met her eyes, and his held the same intensity she often saw in Hays's. "I'll do it a dozen times if we have to."

"Let's hope that isn't necessary," Auden whispered as he disappeared into Hays's room. Because she only has one chance.

Hays sat upright in bed, a new intravenous catheter taped to her chest, waiting for the bone marrow aspirate from her brother to be harvested, prepared, and delivered. The new line ran into the subclavian vein just below her collar bone and from there, directly into her heart. Her eyes were open, but their expression distant, as if focused on some inner landscape only she could see.

Auden sat beside Hays in a chair pulled close to the bed, pretending to read. Finally she dropped the pen and sighed. "I can't concentrate." Auden reached for the hand that Hays extended and lifted it to her cheek, rubbing the back of Hays's fingers over her skin. "Are you absolutely certain that this won't hurt?"

"It's painless. From what I understand, the entire experience is rather anti-climactic. The infusion of Christopher's cells goes in, and then we wait."

Hays hesitated. "A little-excited, too. I'm trying not to hope for too much " She turned on her side and searched Auden's eyes. The love she sought was there, steady and sure. "But I want a life with you. I want that so much."

"I love you." Auden leaned close to brush the hair from Hays's brow, then stroked her face. "We'll do whatever we have to do to make that life happen."

Hays grasped Auden's hand, entwined her fingers with Auden's, and held on tightly, needing to believe. She was still holding on when Paul Rosenberg walked into her room four hours later.

He fussed with the line and the bags for a moment, and then stepped back, observing the flow of harvested cells into Hays's blood stream. "They'll float around for a while and eventually find their way into your bone marrow. Then they'll set up housekeeping and get busy reproducing. Smart little buggers."

"Let's hope so," Hays said fervently, watching the slow migration of life into her body. "How's Christopher?"

"Fine. He's out of recovery already, but sore. Mr. Pritchard took him to your place."

As soon as he was gone, Hays pushed to the far side of the bed and said to Auden, "Come lie here next to me."

Carefully, Auden settled beside Hays, taking her lover's hand and leaning her head on Hay's shoulder. "Can you feel anything at all?"

"I can feel you," Hays whispered into her hair, unexpectedly calm and content. "That's all I need to feel."

Auden turned her head and kissed the corner of Hays's mouth. "I can feel something."

Three weeks later, Auden clung to that belief because she had no other choice. Hope seemed to be all there was left.

"I'm going to admit her for observation," Paul Rosenberg said quietly as, a few feet away, a laboratory technician bent over Hays, drawing yet another blood sample. "She should be showing signs of repopulation by now."

"And she isn't?" Auden was amazed at how calm she sounded. Inside, she was screaming. Hays looked terrible. Her color was beyond pale, her eyes, always so intense, were dim with pain and exhaustion. She'd lost weight in the weeks since the transplant, and, for the past twenty-four hours, had been too weak to leave the house.

"No. The chemo and radiation have worked-her bone marrow has shut down, and her blood counts are very low. That's the good part. The problem is, Christopher's cells don't seem to be flourishing."

"What are we looking at here?" The question terrified her, but she had to know. She wanted to be ready. Hays would need that.

"If her counts don't rise soon she'll be at risk for hemorrhage and infection. I'll transfuse her tonight, and we'll keep a close eye on her temperature." He gave Auden an encouraging smile. "This may just be a bump in the road. In a week, we could all be celebrating."

As the technician left with her tray of blood samples, Auden crossed to the stretcher and leaned down to kiss Hays's forehead. Hays's eyes were closed and her breathing shallow. "Darling?"

"That's all right." Auden stroked her cheek and managed a smile of her own. "Paul wants to keep you here for a bit."

"I'm not alone," Auden replied softly, her throat thick with tears she would not shed. "I'm with you."

"Auden, please call her." Hays's voice was thin with fatigue. "I need to know that you're okay."

"I'm all right." Auden bent near and kissed Hays's cheek again. With her lips close to her lover's ear, she whispered, "I have you, and that's all I'll ever need. I want you to remember that no matter what comes, I'll be with you."

"Then you should sleep." Auden was grateful that Hays had closed her eyes again and could not see her face. She bit her lip and steadied her voice. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

Auden smiled and reread the message. It was so good to hear from Rune regularly again.