Disclaimers: See Chapter 1. Any other comments can be sent to me at bironel@gmail.com
Synopsis: A novella about the an insanely wealthy white woman's search for her soul mate and the debt ridden black woman writer, with a vivid imagination, who tries to keep out of her way.
Operation: W. I. F. E. The Search for a Woman in Financial Exigency
Winona, the Graffiti Artist in Balestrino , Italy
Amanda was attending a secret after party being held the shadow of the Castle of Marquis in an abandoned Benedictine abbey in Balestrino , Italy . Amanda smelled the distinctive fragrances of the groves of olive trees that still surrounded the area.
She noticed a figure on a scaffold in the distance finishing on spray painting an intricate text design on the side of the abbey that read “Soulmates Salvage”. Once the artist was finished she jumped down from the three story scaffold to the ground and lit a cigarette to smoke it.
Brown curly hair and light brown eyes smirked at Amanda as the graffiti artist sauntered by Amanda, with her cigarette dangling from tightly shut lips. Amanda followed the tight leather studded pants into the Abbey.
Inside the music was loud, fast and heavy. When the artist stopped and turned to face Amanda, Amanda snatched the cigarette from her lips and replaced it with her tongue. The dance of tongues was an unseen battle inside the artist's mouth until they pressed their bodies tightly together.
When the artist backed off to catch her breath, she introduced herself, as Winona .
Winona : Nice but I'm already in a relationship.
Amanda: Dump her.
Winona smirks then turns away yelling into the dancing crowd.
Winona : Amie!
A thin biracial beauty walks towards Winona carrying two glasses of wine with an expensive, heavy camera hanging around her neck.
Amie: Cheri, ho preso le foto! Ã un capolavoro come sempre. [Translation: I've taken photos of it! It is a masterpiece as always.]
She hands Winona a glass then stares menacing at Amanda smirking behind her, when she notices her presence. Winona downs the wine in three large gulps.
Winona : Grazie amare. Siete stato meraviglioso. [Translation: Thank you love. You've been wonderful.]
Amie: Are we leaving?
Winona : You may stay if you wish but I'm leaving.
Amie: Non capisco. [Translation: I don't understand.]
Winona hands Amie the empty wine glass.
Winona : I've found something better. Ciao!
Winona leads Amanda out of the abbey and into her own personal madness. Although Amie was heartbroken that the woman she supported and loved for years had broken up with her like one uses dental floss, in time Amie's heart mended because Winona had a deeply hidden fear of being discovered a fraud lacking talent which she compensated for with idiotic feats of dangerous risk taking.
So two months into to their partnership, Amanda ran for her life beside Winona in Japan when huge tattooed Yakuza thugs with razor blades chased them through back alleys for money Winona gambled away; Amanda was also there when a jealous ex-lover took shots at them with her award winning bow and arrow. The ex-lover was an olympic silver winner in archery. The ex-lover nearly took off Amanda's right ear during their getaway on bicycles; and Amanda had to pay 220,000 Euros as an under the table payoff to officials to save Winona from prison in Switzerland for numerous indiscretions that crossed several legal lines. Amanda often wondered when did Winona, the so-called artist, ever find the time to actually create art.
Tired of the drama, Amanda spent five months trying to get rid of Winona who resorted to impressive suicidal attempts to guilt Amanda back into her bed. The end of their relationship came when Winona chanced upon something better in the form of a famous, successfully rich female tennis phenom from Australia .
Ivette, the Dancer in Paris , France
A year after the madness that was Winona , Amanda attended a performance of the ballet Giselle at the Opera Garnier. The lead dancer in the role of Giselle was Ivette Dubois. Her nordic blond hair and royal blue eyes captivated the audience. To Amanda's surprise, when Giselle saved Albrecht, with an unselfish act of love, from the evil vengeful witches, she was moved to tears. Amanda was perplexed by the unusual emotional outburst and attributed it to the beauty and grace of Ivette, the dancer.
After the performance, Amanda was more subdued in her approach to Ivette. Having lost the taste of breaking up yet another relationship, Amanda thanked her for her performance and invited her to a party she was giving in support of the arts, through one of her foundations many charities.
Ivette graciously accepted.
At the benefit party later that week, Amanda and Ivette spoke and found they had in common an attraction to one another. A benefit was that Ivette was single. They exclusively dated over a wonderful six months, until the night Ivette brushed off Amanda's amorous advances.
That night turned into a year of a frustrating sexless relationship between Amanda and Ivette. With a powerful and healthy sex drive it didn't take long for Amanda to stray numerous times. Guilt would bring her back to the unsuspecting Ivette until, Amanda discovered that the whole year Ivette was refusing her she was having an on-going affair with her dancing partner the African American ex-patriot, Nathaniel Boone. The affair was difficult for Ivette to hide when she discovered she was several months pregnant.
Ivette left Amanda embittered and five hundred thousand francs poorer when Ivette emptied their joint bank account before she took off with Nathaniel.
Francesca, the Singer in London , England
Amanda decided the next artist she encountered she would help them develop their talents rather than bed them but that plan almost flew out the window when she met Francesca, the gray eyed, jet black hair lead guitarist and singer of the band Love's Lost, that caught her eye at an alternative concert at Koko's on Camden High Street which Amanda attended with friends.
Amanda witnessed the singing sensation take heroin in the ladies room between sets. Once Francesca shot up into her inner space, her body slumped over the bathroom sink in a very un-sexy way.
A major turn-off.
Amanda thought, What a shame because the woman was amazing to watch and an amazing talent.
Etsuko, the Musician from Tokyo , Japan
Amanda finally found someone who fit two out of the three criteria for wifedom set forth by the white haired fortune teller: She was an artist and she couldn't stand Amanda.
Her name was Etsuko Mizutani. She was an orphan who was a trained classical pianist. What she had in talent, Etsuko lacked in social graces. She was a shrill and arrogant woman. The only trait she and Amanda had in common was that they both were impatient women.
Amazingly Amanda didn't meet her at a concert but in an meeting where Etsuko was on the verge of suing De Klerk-Zwart Publishing because of an unfavorable review of her recent recital by a music critic. Etsuko wanted the music critic fired from the Japanese/English magazine entitled In Tune by the parent corporation of which Amanda was the head.
Amanda wasn't going to authorize the firing of a journalist doing his job so she tried to unsuccessfully placate Ms. Mizutani. Amanda invited Etsuko to lunch to discuss the issue to which Etsuko refused. Amanda sent flowers which Etsuko immediately threw away. Amanda discovered that Etsuko loved cats so she had a gray and black set of siamese twin kittens sent to Etsuko. Etsuko kept the cats but responded by filed legal papers to sue Amanda and her corporation. The suit was thrown out in arbitration which Etsuko took personally and narrowed her hatred towards Amanda.
Amanda was no masochist by any means but it took time for her to realize the Etsuko's ire was not specially targeted at her but for everyone who had the misfortune to be human.
Etsuko only loved cats and tea. With the addition of the two kittens Etsuko lived with over fifty cats. While she rarely suffered from allergies, from the concentration of cat dander and hair, Etsuko developed a mysterious acute allergy to all of her beloved cats. Because Etsuko hated people, doctors in particular, she never sought out medical assistance and died from an acute allergy induced asthma attack.
When Amanda found out about Etsuko's death she sent flowers to her funeral, which no one attended, and made arrangements for all those cats, separating them into accepting homes. Amanda thought that the cats shouldn't have to suffer just because their mistress was insufferable.
A month later Amanda read online that Francesca had gone into rehab for a second time. Good for her. Hope it takes this time , thought Amanda.
-----
Amanda sat in the Jeep thinking about the misadventures she had in the past four years in her search for her artist. She was tired of the drama and chaos these women seemed to bring into her life. Amanda could admit that as much as she enjoyed the chase in the past, she would like to slow down a bit. Even though her year and six months with Ivette was a bust it was a nice fantasy there for a while.
The police arrived very quickly and searched the beach house and the beach area searching for anyone who was lurking about suspiciously.
When the sun finally set, Amanda was being question by her Jeep, as a private livery cab arrived with Gerald. As he got out of the silver sedan, he surveyed the scene of flashing lights and men in uniform checking the surround area of the house with bright flashlights. It was as though he stepped into a theatrical production of a detective movie. Gerald spotted Amanda and made his way through the sea of uniformed men to reach her.
Gerald: My client has nothing further to say.
The burly male officer shined his lit flashlight into Gerald's face stopping his progress with a blinding blast of light.
Officer Henley: And you are?
Gerald: Her legal council. Would you point that somewhere else?
Officer Henley slowly extinguished his flashlight.
Amanda: He was just trying to find out if I saw anything Gerald. Given my track record with surprise guests, I'd like to keep the police on page one.
Gerald: While I'm happy you're finally taking proactive measures for your safety but I'm left wondering why are we all the way of here when you were going to stay in the city.
Officer Henley: That could be important. Ms. De Klerk-Zwart…
Amanda: Just call me Amanda.
Officer Henley: Who knew you were coming to the beach house?
Amanda: No one. It was just a spur of the moment sort of thing.
Officer Henley: Your intruder may not have known you were coming out here.
Gerald: You mean someone was squatting at the beach house?
Patrolman: We've swept the entire area. Other than the open front door there is no evidence of anyone other than the homeowner on the premises.
Officer Henley: Seems suspicious… Did you have any alcohol of anything else early this evening? Perhaps you forgot to lock the front door.
Amanda: I didn't leave the house by the front door and when I got here I entered the house through the back door after I sat on the beach for a while.
Officer Henley: I don't look favorably on wasting police resources.
Gerald (examining the Officer's Name Tag): Your social class bias is showing, Officer Henley.
Officer Henley: If I have any more questions, my office will contact you Miss De Klerk-Zwart. Good night.
Gerald shoots a stone cold stare at Officer Henley's back as he walks away from them. Amanda smirked as she stares at Gerald.
Amanda: If that's how you flirt, your potential dates need suits of armor.
Gerald: That was me earning my more than generous salary.
Amanda: You do know Officer Henley bats for our side.
Gerald: The last thing on my mind.
Amanda: That's why you stared a hole in his ass as he walked away. That kind of due diligence gives me a deep sense of gratitude and security.
Gerald (gay male eye roll): Here, you wanted this.
He hands a copy of The Witch's Hammer to Amanda who takes. She borrows a flashlight from a nearby Officer and hands it to Gerald who holds it illuminating the book. Amanda thumbs through the three hundred and eighty six page tome to the ‘About Author' page.
Gerald: It reads: The Witch's Hammer is Nailah Brown's first published novel. There was no further information other than she has resides in the Pacific Northwest . I called the publishing company who referred me to her agent who refused to give any further information not even when I told her that my client was interested in sponsoring a national book tour.
Amanda: Now that was you earning your keep. Who is this little girl in the picture?
Gerald: I surmise it is a picture of Ms. Brown when she was a child.
Amanda: She's was cute.
Gerald: Amanda!
Amanda: Not is that way! Pacific Northwest is a vast territory Gerald… What do you think Northern California, Oregon or the State of Washington ?
Gerald: If I were a betting man I would wager on Seattle , Washington . There is a tiny population of African Americans there. So Ms. Brown may have relatives there. Also Seattle has a DIY sensibility with many small independent presses out there. Additionally, the Clarion Science Fiction Workshop is out there. That maybe where she “workshopped” this latest book.
Amanda: You amaze me sometimes. Thanks for the factoids.
Gerald (fakes being offended): Only sometimes? Actually I just Goggled that on my way here. Amanda listen, she's moved on. Shouldn't you?
Amanda: She's the only one that fits like a glove.
Gerald: What glove??
Amanda: Artist, homeless, despises me! After I took credit for her book she hits all three criteria out of the park!
Gerald: Sometimes so-called gloves don't fit exactly like we want them to Amanda. This will only end in misery if you persist.
Amanda(ignores him): “My” book and this Witch's Hammer are probably very similarly written even if the stories are vastly different.
Gerald: I read some of it. It is good. I'd like that back by the way. I want to finish reading it.
Gerald reached for the book as Amanda pulled it closer to her chest.
Amanda: How does that make me look if she comes out with yet another book and I don't?
Gerald: Hmmm. A plagiarizing thief?
Amanda: Exactly.
She hands the book back to Gerald, who places it under his arm.
Gerald (sarcastically): We can't have that! It's not like you don't have a cadre of lawyers to represent you that could bury her in the dust.
Amanda: I don't doubt your talents Gerald. I just can't let her win this round without my response. And she's hit an eagle. I freely admit it. But I have two powerful strokes to put me up ahead.
Gerald: I thought you wanted to have a partnership with this woman. Partnerships are a hell of a lot of work.
Amanda: Working together and compromise looks nice on paper but in the end there can be only one king. And I'm the king. The sooner Ms. Brown learns that factoid the better it will be for all of us. I want you to leak the contract she signed with me to the press.
Gerald: I strongly advise against this course of action. When she hears about that contract she'll probably come back here and finish your home invader's job.
Amanda: She's not violent.
Gerald: How do you know what she's capable of?
Amanda: I've given her ample opportunities to wring my neck and I'm still here alive and kicking. Now for the win…
Amanda took out her cell phone and dialed a number.
Amanda: This is Ms. De Klerk-Zwart I need to schedule an appointment with Dr. Li. Please have her call me.
A Rude Spin
Nailah tooled around Surrey with George on her new on her new black GT 1000 Touring Ducati Motorcycle. She purchased from a friend of George who was moving back to London to be with his family and he didn't want to ship the motorcycle overseas. She was elated when George's roommate's sister helped her to pass her motorcycle license test.
Nailah felt liberated and powerful on her new ride, even though she was an overly cautious driver. But she glanced at George on his Harley Davidson and smiled to herself that she was part of a posse of two. The ill fated romance between her and George didn't get off the ground but he was fun to hang around even though he still seemed to think they were dating.
Hood Rat Nailah: Let fire this puppy up and see what he can do! Senior citizens with walkers will pass us at this speed!
Detective Nailah: We are going at the legal speed limit. There is no need to speed up besides when did this bike become a he?
Hood Rat Nailah: I just love the vibrating throttle between our legs!
Detective Nailah: Don't most people give their vehicles female sounding names? I'm just wondering.
Hood Rat Nailah: Well this bike's name is Tyrone. Man I wish we could do a wheelie right now.
George and Nailah rode all day, seemingly everywhere. When it was getting too dark to see even with bright head lights, they stopped at a sport bar restaurant.
Nailah felt cool when she threw her leg off from over her ride and she couldn't stop turning around and looking at her “Tyrone' as though it were a wonderful dream as they walked to the entrance of the restaurant. George smiled a knowing, unobserved smile at her.
Once they entered the restaurant the song As by Stevie Wonder was playing over the studio system and Nailah could help but move and sway to a favorite song. George laughed.
When they sat down at a table a very tired but friendly waitress took their order. George was starving so he ordered an root beer, a quarter pound burger well done with bacon and cheese and an order of fries. Nailah ordered a unsweetened iced tea, a house salad hold the cheese, a baked sweet potato and broccoli sauteed in olive oil and with garlic and onions.
George sang some of the lyrics of the song wrong and off key but Nailah laughed. She briefly reflected how strange life could be one moment you could have nothing and the next overflowing with abundance.
Detective Nailah: See how my reflections involve lofty thoughts.
Hood Rat Nailah: Your reflections are promise of how we could be. Mine are a snap shot of who we are at the moment. Real talk. Don't hate.
George (taking nonhuman bites of his sandwich): I really couldn't make it as a vegetarian.
Nailah: It would probably tax you but I was raised a vegetarian so I wasn't difficult for me.
George looked up at the wide screen TV on the wall over the bar and briefly noticed a silly commercial for corn chips. Nailah turned around to see what he was looking at. The next item on the TV make Nailah choke on her broccoli. She turned red coughing.
George: Are you ok? Are you ok?
A bald man at an adjacent table quickly jumps up and performs the Heimlich maneuver on her so effectively that the errant broccoli comes back up and smacks George in the face.
George (wipes his face in disgust) I never liked vegetables.
Nailah smiles sheepishly at her Savior and George.
Nailah: Thank you.
Bald Man: Sip some lukewarm water. Take some deep breaths.
George: Thanks man. You a doctor or something?
Bald Man: Nope.
The Bald man nods his head as he sees Nailah is okay and walks off to pay for his meal and leave the restaurant. George gets up and stoops down beside Nailah.
George: You alright?
Nailah: I'm better. Sorry about that.
George: Don't worry about it. Veggies and I have a sorted history. What happened?
Nailah: I've seen something I didn't expect to see.
She takes a sip of water.
George: Seen what?
Nailah gets up from their table and moves quickly toward the bar. There is another commercial on the TV but she can't hear it over the music being piped over the restaurant stereo system. She tries to get the bartender's attention. The bartender was occupied but finally notice nailah and moved towards her.
Bartender: What would you like?
Nailah: Could you raise the volume on the TV?
The bartender raises the TV volume with a remote then moves off to fix a drink for another customer at the other end of the long bar. Nailah gets closer to the TV to see a face she hadn't expected to see again. Curious, George looks over Nailah's shoulder to see what has captured her attention.
George: She a friend of yours? She's hot.
Nailah (icy): She's NO friend of mine.
On the TV Amanda is overwhelmed by the press who has camped outside her condo apartment building. As questions are fired at her, Amanda is rushed into a waiting limousine which quickly speed off. The news reporter on the scene comments over the images:
Field News Reporter: After the news broke earlier today that one of the world most famous yet private heiresses was secretly married almost eight months ago, her camp has closed ranks and no official statements have been forth coming from the De Klerk-Zwart Foundation. Online sources leaked a copy of the marriage certificate.
Studio News Reporter: So effectively one of the most eligible power lesbians has been off the market for sometime. How were they able to keep this a secret for so long? Do we have any information about who she married?
Field News Reporter: As you may have seen when we showed a copy of the marriage certificate the name of her spouse had be blacked out. There has been speculation that the news was being held until the next De Klerk-Zwart Board Meeting. Viewers will recall recently Ms. De Klerk-Zwart penned a novel. There has been no information released about Amanda De Klerk-Zwart's new bride. We expect her foundation to release that information in a press release tomorrow morning. This is T Duane reporting.
Studio News Reporter: Thank you Duane-
Nailah: I didn't know she was married!
George: Why are all the hot ones coming out gay? Wait a minute, you know her??
Nailah: I had dealings with her and she screwed me over!
George stares wide eyed, opened mouth at Nailah.
Nailah: Not like that you pervert! She stole something from me. I knew she was rich but I didn't realize how wealthy she was. Strange. I've been to her loft and I never saw any spouse. As a matter of fact, she carried on like she was single. I know I wouldn't have stood by an let MY spouse have freaky sex parties in MY house. I don't see no woman, gay or not, letting their spouse/domestic partner or whatever carry on like that!
George: Sex parties???
Nailah: That's all you heard, isn't it?
George (smiles): What kind of sex parties??
-----
Nailah forgot all about the strangeness of Amanda's life when she got home to her apartment. She got ready for bed after dissuading George from assuming he was spending the night with her for the hundredth time. If he wasn't so entertaining she would avoid him.
Dressed in her comfy pj's, Nailah got ready for work the next day by ironing her clothes while listening to music from her stereo. She looked around her small, neat, cozy one bedroom apartment. She reflected on Amanda briefly, remembering how large her condo loft was. She could fit her apartment a thousand times inside Amanda's loft.
When Nailah checked the locks and windows, shut off all the lights and climbed into bed she smiled about her beloved Tyrone securely parked in the garage. She hugged herself pleased with how her life was turning out. She planned to call Auntie during her lunch break to check in and let her know what was going on and she planned get up an hour early to get an hour of writing in before she set off for work.
As Nailah's head hit the pillow and her eyes grew heavy with sleep, she laughed to herself that the book thieving woman probably married her plant Spot.
-----
Nailah was almost late for work. Not because her morning writing session went an hour over what she planned nor because traffic was heavy on Kingsway. She listened to Guitar by Prince on continual repeat while she navigated through the traffic on her Tyrone. She was almost late because she kept obsessing over how shiny Tyrone needed to be before she took off on him.
She was the last person to reach the restaurant in the morning. She parked her beloved Tyrone in the alley behind the restaurant, securing him with a ridiculous variety of theft deterrents and went inside the restaurant through the kitchen.
Nailah took of her jacket and gloves in the office she shared with her cousin Kyland. He was on the phone and looked up at her and smiled then returned his attention to his phone conversation.
She looked at the advertisement copy on her desk and began to work on it. Nailah was so focused on her task that she ignored the cell phone vibrating in her jacket pocket and the resultant ping sounds indicating that messages were saved.
When it was lunchtime, Nailah put her work aside and was shocked to see so many messages from George, ten in all. She shook her head. Then she called her Auntie who was back on the East Coast, as she planned.
The phone rang a few times and Nailah almost thought her Aunt had stepped out of the house and was going to hang up when her Aunt picked up the phone.
Nailah: Hi Auntie! I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time.
Auntie: Nailah???
Nailah: Yes it's me Auntie. Auntie what's wrong? Are you okay?
Auntie: Nailah baby I should be asking you if you are okay. Why didn't you tell me, sugar? I wouldn't have judged you harshly. It was a shock I admit that but I wouldn't have pushed you away. I understand how it can be so overwhelming for you. Especially since you never seemed that way before.
Nailah (puzzled): You are okay right?
Auntie: I'm as healthy as an ox. You should have seen the way I handled those pushy reporters.
Nailah: What reporters? What's going on back there? What are you talking about?
Auntie: Your marriage sweetie. I for one can't fathom why you'd marry HER. I've met her and “Confused” is her middle name, if you ask me. But you can't expect logic-
Nailah (interrupts): Whoa back up! I'm NOT gay and NOT married! Although, George keeps dropping hints right and left.
Auntie: George? The boy who gave you whiplash? You're still dating him??? I don't understand you young people! Why marry someone then resume dating immediate after? Why not just stay single?
Nailah: George is not a boy, he's a man and that was an accident. Now start over again and tell me what the hell is going on back there!
Auntie: Watch your language with me Missy! I raised you better than that! How can you be married here and be contemplating getting married up there. Are you collecting spouses? They let women marry more than once up there??? Perhaps I should move up there too.
Nailah: Sorry about that Auntie but apparently we have a bad connection because I just told you I'm not married and as for George, I'm not marrying him either!
Auntie: No wonder she looked so forlorn when she came by. She was looking for you.
Nailah: Who??? Who was looking for me?
Auntie: That woman… Alice ? Audrey? No, umm Angela, I think.
Nailah: I don't know anyone named Alice, Audrey or Angela!
Auntie: Then why did you marry her? These stupid reporters showed me a copy of the marriage license.
Nailah: What reporters? I didn't marry anyone! Especially not a woman! I'm NOT gay. Now that thief of a woman I was working with- oh wait a minute! I get it now! It's all a misunderstanding, Auntie. You know that woman who stole my novel? I saw on the news up here that she married someone nobody knows. Between you and me I think it's all a hoax. I've been to her apartment numerous times and I never saw this woman she married. She's a thief and a liar. Remember when I had to stay over her house and babysit that gigantic tree she called a small house planet? Wouldn't her so called spouse be doing that not someone she planned to steal from?
Auntie: Honey that's what I'm trying to tell you. The woman she married was YOU. Your name is all over the news as the mysterious woman. The marriage license has your signature on it. I saw it myself.
It's funny when you can't breath, can't cough, can't even talk. Your mouth opens repeatedly like a fish out of water. Nothing in, nothing out. Like oxygen broke up with your lungs and won't return it frantic calls. It's funny in a ha ha kinda way and not so ha ha kinda way. Especially when your chest starts to hurt.
It's funny in how losing consciousness is like going to sleep. It's funny cause you're never prepared for it. It sneaks up on you and then… you're out.
Auntie heard a loud slamming sound then nothing on Nailah's end of the conversation.
Auntie: Nailah? Nailah? Are you there??? Sweetie are you there???
Mental illness is what they can't explain and what you feel you don't need to explain
When Nailah woke up she had a dull headache. She opened her eyes and found herself in a a room lying on a bed. She closed her eyes and heard noises. People talking, people walking, people pushing squeaky carts. She opened her eyes again and discovered her room had one wall, the rest was a large curtain that surrounded her bed. She looked down and realized she was still dressed. There was something attached to her finger. There was a slight beeping sound and someone nearby kept coughing. A loud barking cough.
The nerves dangling from Nailah's cribriform plate of her ethmoid skull bone detected the strong scent of industrial Lysol™. Nailah was in a hospital, the emergency room by the looks of things.
She sat up and pulled the curtain isolating her aside. Men and women dressing a a kaleidoscope of pastel scrub colors rushed between various emergency bays like the one Nailah was in, while others stood or sat in the central station at the emergency room.
Nailah got up and removed the sensor attached to her finger causing the beeping sound to changes to a loud annoying tone. A male nurse approached Nailah and reattached the sensor.
Male Nurse: You hit your head very hard. You have a concussion.
Nailah; I want to go home.
Male Nurse: I'll let your family know you woke up. So rest a bit let the doctor look you over. We're waiting for the results of your test before we can release you.
Nailah: What tests???
Male Nurse: The doctor will explain everything to you. If your tests come back negative you'll probably be allowed to go home. So sit back and relax.
The nurse rushed off to finish other duties leaving a confused Nailah behind.
Cousins Kyland and Seun rushed over to Nailah.
Kyland: Thank god you're okay. When you fell out like that and hit your head, I thought...
Nailah: How long was I out?
Seun: Six hours. Auntie is flying out here to be with you. Dad is going to pick her at the airport. Your friend George took your motorcycle back to your apartment
Nailah absorbed that information with a slow swallow.
Seun: When we got you into the ambulance, you we're yelling that you we're gonna kill her. Who were you planning to kill?
Kyland: Dad said not to say anything about that! You'll just upset her again.
Nailah cried out and put her head in her hands. She looked up at her two cousins with tears in her eyes.
Nailah: It can't be true! Why is she doing this to me?? I must have tortured her in a previous life that's it. Karmic revenge. But I don't remember doing anything bad to anyone! Is it fair to be harshly judged on previous lives you don't even remember?
Seun: Honey marriage is a big step it's okay to be scared.
Nailah (screamed) I'm not married! I didn't marry anyone!
The Male Nurse approached again. He puffed up his chest, setting a “no nonsense” scowl on his chiseled face.
Nurse: Now if you to upset her again I'm gonna ban you two from the ER. You got me? The doctor is coming over. (He winks at Nailah) You might be going home tonight.
Then he walks off.
Nailah: See I still got it! You saw him wink at me. He wouldn't have done that if I were gay!
Seun: Nailah I wink at beautiful woman all the time, because they're beautiful. Doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. Besides that nurse is gay.
Nailah: How would you know? Just because he's a nurse that doesn't make him gay. I'm sure there are a number of straight men who are nurses, hairdressers, interior designers and choir directors!
Seun: I'll concede that maybe true but I dated that particular nurse. He's very gay.
Nailah: Now gay men are cruising me! Will this nightmare never end? I rather deal with the face stealing witch.
Before Kyland and Seun could inquire about the mystery of face stealing witches, Doctor Singh, a short, stocky man wearing a navy blue Sikh turban which matched his navy blue neck tie, approached Nailah's emergency bay bed. He carried a large envelope under his arms, looking at a palm held device in his hand. He looked up at Nailah on the bed and smiled. Seun and Kyland stepped away to give Nailah and the doctor some privacy.
Doctor Singh: All your tests blood, urine came back negative. Let's look at these scans.
He turned on a wall light box and looked at the scans of Nailah's exceptionally hard skull.
Doctor Singh: Good no fractures. No hemorrhages.
He looked at Nailah's face. Took out a pen light and tested her pupils. Then he raised her arms then let them go.
Doctor Singh: Lower your arms. Good. Any neck pain? Or pain radiating down your thighs? Any nausea? Dizziness?
Nailah: No. None at all.
Doctor Singh: Looks good. You've had any surgery lately.
Nailah: Only to repair a hernia. Almost a year ago.
Doctor Singh: Hernia?? I noticed your incision scar, which is healing nicely, but that's not the location for a hernia repair.
Nailah: It isn't??
Doctor Singh: Do you suffer from painful menses?
Nailah: No and I'm still regular like clockwork.
Doctor Singh: I thought you may have had fibroids removed but I suppose it was some other elective surgery. Okay I'll release you tonight. Go home get some rest. If you experience any dizziness, neck or head aches, any numbness, see a doctor immediately. Make sure someone stays with you for the next twelve hours to keep an eye on you.
Detective Nailah: What does he mean ‘elective surgery'?
Hood Rat Nailah: I told you to let's blow that thieving bitch's loft up! But noooo!
-----
When Nailah arrived at her apartment, George was there with a pensive look on his face. George agreed to stay with Nailah while Kyland checked in with his family and Seun checked in at the airport on Auntie and his father.
Nailah sat on the couch in her livingroom not watching TV while George watched her. The silence was uncomfortable.
Nailah (laughs nervously): You've always wanted to stay over here. I suppose delay is not denial. That's what Auntie always says.
George had nothing to add so he silently continued to watch Nailah.
Nailah: Will you please stop staring at me!
George: The doctor instructed us that you be watched for any signs that your condition has deteriorated. That's what I'm doing.
Nailah: Well you're making me uncomfortable.
George: I'm doing you a favor. A life saving favor and it's making you uncomfortable? How about how uncomfortable I felt, as your boyfriend, discovering that you were married to someone else? I don't date married women. Especially married gay women. You could have let me know that.
Nailah: I'm not gay, George. And I can prove it.
George: You don't have to prove anything to me.
Nailah began taking off her clothes. She pulled her blouse over her head without unbuttoning it and unzipped her slacks and began to take them off.
George (stands up): What are you doing??
Nailah: Proving to you I'm not gay. We're having sex.
George: I'm NOT having sex with you!
Nailah stood in front of George with in her baby blue bra and matching panties with her slack pooled at her ankles with her hands on her hips.
Nailah: What do you mean we're not having sex! You've been badgering me to have sex all this time!
George: That's when I knew you were straight. But now I can see right through you. You'll have sex with me and get me all into you then you'll run back to you wife saying I was a mistake and that your were just confused. I'm NOT gonna be your experiment!
Nailah (narrows her eyes): Are you sure you're a man?
George: And the shaming tactics begin! Now I'm definitely not having sex with you so you can just put your clothes back on!
Hood Rat Nailah: Screw this talking! Let's just jump him. I want sex!
Detective Nailah: Trust me I'd know if we were gay. Straight sex should prove the truth!
Nailah: Get your clothes off!
George: You can't make me have sex with you!
Nailah: Don't make me repeat myself George! Strip! Or I'll rip those clothes off you, myself!
George: Actually that kinda woke up Mr. Willie.
Hood Rat Nailah: See I told you! Men need to be taken in hand and dominated! Let's make him our bitch!
Nailah stepped out of the puddle of slacks and in front of George, pulling off his tee shirt. Then she unzipped his jeans- at the exact time Seun opened Nailah's apartment door letting both his father and Auntie into the apartment.
For a frozen moment of embarrassment, there in Nailah's cozy apartment was a angry Cousin JB, a shocked Auntie and a smirking cousin Seun, all while Nailah stood wearing her baby blue bra and matching panties with her hand inside George's open jeans.
-----
Nailah took to wearing sunglasses whenever she went outside without riding her motorcycle, even on dim cloudy, rainy days. But today was the beginning of the weekend and she had to get out of her apartment with Auntie there chastising her about giving mixed signals to George and how she was not handling the responsibilities of married life properly.
Nailah knew behind Auntie's concern she was secretly happy that Nailah landed someone so rich, gender be damned. Mostly because Auntie said exactly that before Nailah ran out of her once cozy apartment in search of new sanctuary.
Early Saturday morning, all Nailah wanted was to disappear in the worst way. Riding her bike to and fro was her attempt at invisibility. She was indistinguishable with her blue motorcycle helmet on and the tinted visor down.
Tyrone her motorcycle didn't judge her. He was dependable. He was fun in a vibrating between the legs kinda way and also in a zoom get there fast kinda way. Tyrone was calmingly reliable. Where she went, he went. She only gave him premium petroleum and she knew she would be diligent with his tune ups and such. It saddened her that Tyrone would probably be the only stable relationship she'd ever have. Then she smiled again as she leaned Tyrone into a tight turn and sped off along the quiet road.
The only silver lining about this fiasco was that the press didn't have any current pictures of her to circulate so as much as her name was being trading around on the internet and in the entertainment press, no one really knew what she looked like, except for the jacket picture of her as a six year old girl on her novel, The Witch's Hammer , that some nosy body put on the internet. That fact didn't stop her from her hiding behind her trusty sunglasses.
She rode her trusty Tyrone around on quiet morning roads while listening to the song Roses by Andre 3000 from the Outkast double album to think and figure out what she need to do. But she kept coming up empty, with her various mental aspects not arriving at any concrete plans either. So her only catharsis was the misogynist lyrics of the song.
Nailah (sings out loud out and off key): “I know you like to think your shit don't stink but lean a little bit closer, see roses really smell like poo! Yeah! Roses really smell like poo! Better come back down to Mars. Better quit chasing cars. What happens when the dope gets low, b**** you ain't that fine. No way! No way! No way! Crazy b****!”
Nailah guided Tyrone into the parking space on Commercial Drive in front of Horton's Cafe, where she planned to meet her friend Jo.
When Nailah dismounted Tyrone, she saw that Jo was sitting outside the cafe with a large cup of coffee on the table in front of her while she read a newspaper. Nailah approached her table. When the shadow of Nailah blocked the early morning sun, Jo looked up at her young friend and smiled.
Jo (smiles): Every time I see you, you have these outrageous adventures. You know you don't have to experience everything to write them convincingly.
Nailah (pout): My life is God's sitcom.
Jo: It can't be all that bad! You aren't looking at this the right way. You got tricked into signing how many documents?
Nailah: Just the one. I thought I read it carefully.
Jo: Simple switch when you signed it probably. But maybe you can make this work for you.
Nailah: How can I make this work out for me?!
A man came from inside the cafe, outside to take Nailah's order at a time when her stomach growled, so he order the oatmeal with some raw honey and a cup of coffee, black.
Nailah (repeats): How can I make this work out for me?!
Jo: The woman you're married to is very wealthy, right?
Nailah: How do I fight that kind of money?
Jo: Well if you didn't sign anything else. Her money is YOUR money too. Isn't it?
Nailah blinks rapidly having not thought about it like that before. Jo sipped her coffee and smiled that it was both smooth and sweet not bitter in taste.
Nailah: Even if that were true how could I… I mean isn't that stealing?
Jo: Community property.
Nailah: But I don't want her money, I want my freedom. And I want my straight status back. I don't wanna be gay! I'm already in a minority group! Which I kinda like overall. I really wear this skin color well and I'd totally put in a request to wear it again in my next life. The gender is cool too. I just don't wanna join another minority group! I'll have to wear ugly unflattering clothes and ugly shoes. I happen to like the way my legs look in heels, even if they are difficult to walk in. I truly suck at playing pool and I'm not particularly athletic. I don't have a mannish bone in my body! I don't want to be a man! Besides women are a pain in the ass! See how one just screwed up my life!
Jo: Maybe you're bisexual.
Nailah: Wouldn't you have to sample both sides of the buffet to claim that?! I only sampled the one side. Oblivious to the other and I don't have the inclination to bump uglies with some stupid, greedy, rich woman. Let alone marry one! What the hell does she want from me? She already stole MY book!
Jo: I just read in the paper that she says you two wrote that first novel together and that the two of you had a lover's spat and you went off to prove you could write one by yourself.
Nailah: The lies that witch can tell!
Jo: Getting some of her money would be a way to get back at her. If it's one thing people respond to is monetary penalties.
Nailah: Unlike her I don't have the stomach to steal things that don't belong to me. Besides if I take her money I'll never get rid of her.
Jo: This De Klerk-Zwart woman… she reminds me of my daughter. Selfish and vindictive. I think I remember something about those people… the De Klerk-Zwart's. Things they would never want anyone to know. My late husband worked for them.
Nailah: What sort of things?
Jo: Stuff that could make that Amanda woman cringe if it was ever revealed.
Nailah: Would you tell me? I could use all the help I can get. Maybe I can use it to get her to leave me alone.
Jo: That might actually work. But if I were you I'd make her pay for your silence.
Nailah and Jo moved closer together as Jo revealed dark secrets of the De Klerk-Zwart family. Nailah ate her oatmeal mesmerized by the juicy gossip she heard, which was definitely a powerful weapon to use against Amanda.
Non-lethal Injections and Other Medical Mishaps
In Singapore , at the Thomson Medical Centre, Amanda wearing nothing but a cloth hospital gown, checked her e-mail on her laptop while sitting in one of Dr. Li's examination rooms.
Dr. Li entered the examination room reading a thick medical records file. She sat down on a stool and place the file down on the table beside the examination bed that Amanda sat on with her legs dangling in mid air. Dr. Li gently touched Amanda on her knee to get her attention.
Amanda looked up from the laptop screen. She then closed the laptop and carefully set it aside on the table on top of her medical file.
Doctor Li: The ultrasound indicates that we have multiple follicles in your left ovary which are mature enough to harvest.
Amanda: Thanks. I've had enough of all those damn injections. My abdomen looks like I've been shooting drugs.
Doctor Li: We'll have to continue with the hormone treatment but we can aspirate your eggs and fertilize them today. Next week we'll implant the resultant embryos and we'll wait another week to see if you are pregnant.
Amanda: So this is my last chance to run away?
Doctor Li: We can stop right now if you wish.
Amanda: Are you sure you have enough material if this doesn't work this time?
Doctor Li: I've amplified the genetic material from your donor to allow you over one hundred opportunities for fertilization.
Amanda: One hundred!
Doctor Li: My genetic amplification technique is very productive.
Amanda: What are the odds we get this in the first attempt?
Doctor Li: We have a 75% chance of a successful pregnancy.
Amanda: That's a high percentage.
Doctor Li: You aren't infertile Ms. De Klerk-Zwart. You'd have a 100% chance of pregnancy through conventional methods.
Amanda: Not gonna happen. And my eegs aren't getting any younger. Alright I'll go with those odds. Lets suck these eggs out of me.
-----
Three weeks later Amanda sat at a table one of her favorite restaurant in Singapore , Broth, eating a delicious dish of Alaskan crab meat, wild mushrooms and noodles, with cucumber & mint. Gerald walked into the restaurant, spotted Amanda and walked to her table. Amanda looked up at him and smiled.
Amanda: I was too hungry to wait for you.
Gerald sat down. The waiter immediately came over to take Gerald's order.
Gerald: I'll have the salmon with the basil and olive dressing and a glass of wine.
Amanda took a sip of her ice water. Gerald stared at the glass of water puzzled. Then he looked at Amanda.
Amanda: How does it go in the States?
Gerald: Still haven't located the elusive Ms. Brown. Some reporters have been dogging poor Surinder but I've released word that you newlyweds are vacationing abroad.
Amanda: Good thinking! I can't have those sycophants stressing out Surinder.
Gerald: What are you going to do when she resurfaces? Why are you drinking water? You never drink water with your meals.
Amanda: I'm pregnant.
Gerald: Wha… wha… you're kidding! You can't be pregnant!
Amanda: The nervousness in my stomach plus the report from Doctor Li says I am. God I'm pregnant! Planning it and being it are two different worlds.
Gerald: My goodness! I remember when your parents brought you home from the hospital! And now you're having a baby!
Amanda: I think I'm gonna be sick.
Gerald (annoyed): If you don't want this baby why did you go through all this?
Amanda: No I think I'm really gonna be-
Amanda jumps up from the table and rushes to the restroom.