Disclaimers: See Chapter 1. Any other comments can be sent to me at bironel@gmail.com
Synopsis: A novella about the an insanely wealthy white woman's search for her soul mate and the debt ridden black woman writer, with a vivid imagination, who tries to keep out of her way.
Fatherhood??
For months, Nailah kept a low profile. She quietly researched the information Jo told her to arm herself. She decided to wait until she was no longer a hot news item to discretely contact Ms. De Klerk-Zwart and get her life back under her control. Nailah decided that she wanted this so-called sham of a marriage publicly annulled, effective immediately for her silence and she wanted to be forgotten and left alone.
How to Stop Hating and Learn to Recognize the Truth
After her final treatment with Doctor Li, Amanda walked down the corridor from the hospital to the parking garage. She got into her rental and sped out to the three story parking garage onto Thomson Street .
Amanda's luxury sedan rental pulled in front of the Grand Hyatt hotel and the hotel Valet rushed over to assist her out of the car and jump in to park it a VIP parking space.
Once inside the hotel, Amanda waited for the elevator. When she got in, a tall man rushed to catch the elevator she was in. He smiled and nodded at her then silently stood beside her as the elevator rose.
Amanda noticed that he didn't press a button to select any floor. She slowly placed her hand in her hand bag and took comfort in feeling the cold metal of her pistol under her fingers.
She silently vowed she would shoot first should this man move towards her. The elevator silently rose to the penthouse suite level of the modern hotel.
Amanda moved further back into the elevator pressing her back against the elevator car wall. The elevator doors opened and the man got out first quickly walking down the hallway. Amanda exited afterwards and slowly made her way to the closed door of her suite. She watched the man disappear around the corner before she took out the keycard to enter her room.
When she placed her hand on the door knob, the door was quickly yanked open from the inside and Surinder found himself facing the barrel of Amanda's black handgun.
Amanda: Shit Surinder! I almost shot you!
Surinder: I would be very grateful if Madam didn't.
Amanda puts her pistol back into her bag.
Amanda: Sorry about that but I've been a bit jumpy.
Surinder: I would not have shown you how to use one if I didn't think you would. Mr. McGnathy suggested that I stay here with you until your due date.
Amanda: I don't plan to stay here that long Surinder. (Rubbing her flat belly) My kid's gonna be a full American citizen! Besides, the Singapore office is now running smoothly I don't need to micromanage everything here.
-----
For months, Amanda got bigger, ate a bit more healthier under both Surinder and Gerald's annoying watchful eyes and she seemed immune to further attempts on her life and other intrusions. However, it was frustrating that she had to stay hidden because her resources still could not locate the elusive Ms. Nailah Brown. She had gotten desperate enough to check various prisons and morgues for missing black women. It was depressing to learn that there were so many dead black “Jane Does” no one came forth to claim.
Apart for the frequent bladder trips to the bathroom, Amanda's pregnancy was progressing well without any complications. Three weeks before her due date Amanda, decided to have the birth announcement leaked.
That should smoke Nailah out of hiding , she thought.
Three Weeks Later...
Sitting at a table in the empty main dining room of his family's restaurant, Seun smirked as he surfed the web for the latest sensational gossip on various sites and blogs.
Nailah returned to the restaurant after picking up the new print advertisement blues from the printer. She noticed Seun laughing in front of the computer screen and was loath to find out if there was any more bad news pertaining to her.
Seun looked and smiled: Congratulations Stud-ly!
Nailah: I don't want to hear about it! I have a plan to stop all this nonsense and I don't care to know what lies that woman is telling about me!
Seun: I just thought you'd like to know that at 3 AM eastern standard time you became the proud parent of a seven pounds, seven ounces, baby girl.
Nailah: Unlike you I don't waste time reading that garbage. And I- Say what???
Seun: Shouldn't you hand out cigars or something? They say that a few magazines want to pay you two crazy kids a million dollars for the first pictures of you first born daughter.
Nailah: Come again??
Seun: Daughter. Your daughter. Just born hours ago.
Nailah looked up to the ceiling for any sign that this was just another misunderstanding or that perhaps God had gotten bored with her life and at least switched the channel.
Nailah: I think I would know if I were pregnant Seun. That's the kinda thing a woman wouldn't miss. Not unless she's in a coma. I'd remember because it would mean I had sex. You know what sex is don't you? Of course you do since you probably have it more often than me. Not that the sex you have would ever produce progeny, you have it nonetheless. Wait, before you go on because I know you will. I too know what sex is and what sex isn't. Eating ice cream. Tasty, pleasurable but alas not sex. I had ice cream yesterday for dinner. As I recall I had attempts at sex, but attempts aren't sex. And sex is what you gotta have to have babies. I didn't make up these rules, a higher authority did. If it were up to me, I'd make having babies as arbitrary as being rude or being a jerk or just being stupid. If you're a jerk bam you're pregnant. If you're rude, bam preggers! If you're stupid… well maybe not that because then what's to stop you from having stupid babies, you know? Besides, the job for being all knowing and creating rules like that is kinda taken so according to the rules set forth, sex is the only way we all get here. End of story.
Seun: But--
Nailah (interrupts): Now I don't know who wrote that I just had a baby and I don't want to know. I want to have a cup of tea, proof these blues for the print ad and get them out to various magazines, newspapers and tourist guides before the end of the day. Then I want to ride Tyrone home, shut out the world and eat more ice cream because sex seems to be eluding me at this time in my life.
Seun: They didn't say YOU had the baby they said your wife had your baby .
Nailah: Good for her now she has someone she can devote her wacky attention to and forget about me.
Seun: But umm--
Nailah (interrupts): I just got that stud-ly comment. What kind of education do they have up here? I don't have the equipment to assist that crazy weirdo with her current creative project. She probably brought that kid and is passing it off as her own. I wouldn't put it past her. I didn't sell one to her! But let me tell you she's not getting a cent of child support out of me! That's not my kid!
Auntie: That's what your father said.
Nailah and Seun looked up to find that Auntie had entered the restaurant with JB.
JB: Let's not bring up that old business. The past is done. And regardless our Nailah turned out to be a wonderful woman. It was his lost that he didn't get to know her.
Auntie: If this baby were yours would you just let her keep her, like she kept your novel?
Nailah: Of course not! I wouldn't subject my kid to her madness. But there's no way, whoever she's brought, is my kid. I never had any children and I was never pregnant. I feel sorry for the kid. I really do but it really isn't my problem.
Sometimes, Life is a Cut and Paste Affair
It's strangely wonderful how gravity works. How things thrown or dropped with just enough force follow a perfectly balance trajectory of an arc.
Fractals are interesting as well, especially when objects, particularly hard one's, shatter upon impact on the floor or a wall in a fractal manner. This dynamic display of the natural laws of life in Nailah's apartment livingroom reached a crescendo when her 99 cents candy dish hit George in the nose at the same time he peeked into her living room, curious about all the loud noises that came from within.
George (grabbing his nose): Damn it!
Nailah looked up and out, from her news induced fury, at George. It was the first trickle of blood from his nose that pulled tears from Nailah's eyes. Amidst the wreckage of what was once her neat, relatively dust-free living room, she sank to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably…
Hood Rat Nailah (soliloquy): Yo hold up Money! How you gonna just jump ahead like that? I mean how you gonna start in the middle, almost at the end and expect folks to keep up?
Detective Nailah (soliloquy): Are you insane? Why must you deal solely in street currency? And you just can't demand quid pro quo from the creator…
Hood Rat Nailah (interrupting soliloquy): All I'm saying is, our life ain't no Tarantino movie. Back that “tish” up and begin from the begin! We got just cause for the mayhem, real talk! Stop wigging Sherlock Brown, I got mad respect. You seen how I anagramed the profanity? Where's my love? What? What?
Very well.
On a typical British Columbian Saturday morning, Nailah woke up eager to explore some new bike trails. She had been neglecting her bicycle to her preoccupation with the thrills only Tyrone could provide. She ate a decent breakfast, donned a particularly figure flattering biking outfit, a purple number consisting of a sleeveless jersey, with a logo for the Heroes fictional TV character, PETRELLI FOR SENATE, and matching padded bike shorts.
It was when she checked the weather conditions on the early morning TV news program that her world changed in a dramatic way.
Female reporter: ...today with south winds at six miles per hour, expect and over cast day 19 O C possibly getting to 22 O C. Back to you Crystal and the entertainment news.
Crystal Divine: Thanks Cindy. I'm here on location on Thomson Street in Singapore . On quiet, urban street in a distinctly Asian city, with Doctor Helen Li, a specialist in IVF the procedure for in-vitro fertilization. Doctor Li thank you for your time.
Doctor Li (preens for the camera): The honor is mine.
Crystal Divine: It's amazing that you were able to assist one of the most famous power lesbian couple, the world renowned jet setting heiress Amanda De Zwart Klerk and her new legal partner, the elusive Ms. Nailah Brown, in conceiving a baby genetically liked to both women. Lesbian couples and women of means who want to be mothers will be lining up to consult with you. It must be amazing to be you right now.
Doctor Li (continues preening): It's an honor to be at the pinnacle of science aiding society.
Crystal Divine: There have been death threats. Some are calling this procedure an assault on the concept of the virgin birth, which has caused some religious groups to angrily protest your remarkable results. What are your feelings about that?
Doctor Li: I am a woman of science. I leave the esoteric to those who deal in intangibles. I deal only in facts.
While the conversation continues, the images on the broadcast screen change from the two women having a civil conversation to the chaos of angry protesters across the street from the hospital carrying signs which illustrated anthropomorphic sperm characters themselves carrying signs which read: HIGHLY SKILLED for CENTURIES, now OUT OF WORK.
Doctor Li (continues smugly confident): There will always be those who fear change. Fear the progression of knowledge and its use in mastering our world. We can't let fear bind and confine us. I don't live my life in fear. No one should. It's counter-productive.
-----
Nailah stood frozen, mouth agape, her fist full of a glass of juice quickly emptying its contents on the floor, splashing its fruity goodness all over her new biking purple and black shoes.
When the scan of Nailah's four year old picture flashed for the hundredth time on the TV screen, she felt a curious shaking inside her body. She blinked and looked down seeing that she was still as stone but she felt this strange vibration that she couldn't see. She heard her name again and reluctantly looked at the TV screen, her personal horror show.
-----
Crystal Divine: You've met Nailah Brown during the procedure. What's she like? The public are clamoring for information about her and photos.
Doctor Li: Since Ms. Brown was a patient, I'm not at liberty to divulge her private information. All I can add is that she's a highly intelligent.
Crystal Divine: Is she short? Tall? The world is curious and so am I. If I know Amanda De Zwart Klerk and I do since I've interviewed her numerous times, Ms. Brown must be absolutely amazing, if she's real. Our research team has found out that she attended private schools all the way up to high school. Then she attended the exclusive Culver Prep School on scholarship. She then attended a state college. But we haven't been able to recover any yearbook photos of her. The only statement we found online linked to Ms. Brown is an angry written tirade on a conspiracy website against student loan agencies. All Ms. Brown has left us with is an old childhood photo on the back jacket of the book The Witch's Hammer , can you discuss the rumor circulating that Ms. Brown doesn't exist except on paper and that Ms. De Zwart Klerk used an anonymous MALE donor for this procedure?
Doctor Li: I can assure you that Ms. Brown is a real person and that baby Jessica was the result of genetic material collected from two adult pre-menopausal women. While the procedure isn't perfected for all women, I was able to handle genetic material which was in excellent condition.
Crystal Divine: Well what was so different in this situation that made this a successful?
Doctor Li: The condition of the material. The donor sample had minimal physical alterations to the genetic samples harvested.
Crystal Divine: Thank you Doctor Li. And for the Elusive Ms. Brown, we'll probably receive a lot of e-mail from women world-wide who'd love to “borrow” a deposit from you. This is Crystal Divine reporting. Back to you Cindy.
-----
It seemed to Nailah strange that she should be so still while her inner self whorled around in a violent storm. So she calmly decided it would be best for her psyche if her immediate environment matched how she felt inside. And it all began when she threw the now empty juice glass into the screen of the TV set.
Hood Rat Nailah: I didn't want that old set anyway. Now we can get one of those flat screen TVs!
Detective Nailah: I rather enjoyed the stereo unit, the coffee table, and that old acoustic guitar we were meaning to learn how to play. I'll miss the chess board. We'll never find all those pieces. And why was it necessary to tear up the love seat again?
Hood Rat Nailah: I did want to learn how to play that thing. Damn this place looks just like the end of every historic riot after an injustice. We trashed OUR stuff up! It would have been better if we blew HER stuff up!
Detective Nailah: We have no expertise in explosives! Just let it go!
Having a Man Moment or Two
On a clear Wednesday evening, Nailah rode on Tyrone along Route 7, until it turned into East 9 th / East Broadway. She leaned into her right turn ending on Mount Pleasant until she found the two level Yellow Social Club and Bar on the corner of West 8 th and Scotia Street. She parked and dismounted Tyrone, taking off her helmut and placed her gloves inside it. Carrying her helmut under her arm, Nailah walked up to the building and knocked on the closed heavy red door Social Club and Bar.
A large bear of a man opened the door, Nailah dwarfed him by a foot. He looked up at her a grimaced.
Bear Man: This ain't a dyke club. Go over to East Hastings . They got everything over there.
Nailah: I'm here for a meeting. Isn't the Psych club meeting tonight?
Bear Man: Next week is for the females.
Nailah: But this is the right night. I checked. It's the Psych Night: “The Trouble with Women” group I want to go to.
Bear Man: Sorry but you don't fit the requirements.
Another male voice from inside the bar, yells out of the Bear Man to hurry up because the meetings is about to start.
Bear Man (yells back): I gotta get rid of this chick first.
Friendly Man: Let her in. (laughs) Maybe she can make us some sandwiches. I'm tired of these stale nuts.
The other men in attendance laugh as the Bear Man steps aside letting Nailah in. Nailah puts her motorcycle helmut down on a stool.
Nailah: I'll make you all any sandwiches that you like if you can help me.
Angry Man: Did you tell her this ain't no dyke club?
Nailah: I'm not a dyke!
Angry Man: You ain't a man either. And this here is a men's only meeting.
Nailah: That's not what it said online.
Nailah puts out a printout of the description of the night meeting that she found at Meetup.com.
Nailah: I registered for the meeting and it confirmed that I was a new member. Let's see. (reading for the printout) Are you slowly being driven crazy by a woman in your life? Come to Psych Night to vent. I'm here to vent.
Bear Man: Thought you said you weren't a dyke?
Nailah: I'm not! This woman is trying to destroy my life. You guys must know how to deal with women like this! Everyone thinks my life is one big joke. But I'm the only one not laughing!
Angry Man: Women are the gateway to hell. How do we know she ain't a spy? Remember last year when Scotty's ex beamed him up good. He's serving 15 years. Remember? (Addressing Nailah): This is a place where we vent using iambic pentameter, female. If you can't roll with the verbiage, then get the hell out!
Nailah: You mean poems?
Friendly Man: New members must recite their woes. Rhyming helps.
Nailah: Um, okay.
Friendly Man: Whenever you're ready.
Nailah (clears her throat): All I wanted to do was write, until I bumped into this rich white woman who convinced me she could be my publishing knight, but after many, many pages, the witch stole my book, in stages. Then had to ovaries to switch the script so instead of just being “took-en”, now I am impossibly hitched. And beyond my abilities, to procreate with agility, the witch has created my demise, making me into something I despise. For inside her womb, grows an impossibility which has turned my life into a tomb.
Angry Man: I thought you said you weren't gay?
Nailah: I'm NOT! I can't think how she did all this I wasn't sleep walking through my life. Now George won't have sex with me because he thinks I'm using him!
Angry Man: That's what women do… use men. They use us as ATM's. They use us to have babies. Then think we're too stupid to figure anything out without them. I hate women.
Friendly Man: I'll have sex with you.
Nailah: Really???
Angry Man: This ain't “hook up” hour. Besides he'll sleep with any women. His wife has denied him sex for over twenty years.
Nailah: What??? Then why get married?
Angry Man: I'm dealing with my bitch of a soon to be ex-wife who wants to ruin me financially. And the big dude you met at the door, his mother won't leave him alone. Now we all got woman troubles. But the trick is what do you want to do about it? This ain't no bitch about bitches meeting this is a place where we brainstorm ideas. So what you want to do to rectify your situation? If this female is legit she'll bring the noise. If she's a plant, I say we toss her out on her ass!
Friendly Man: Think of the thing you most want to do but probably wouldn't.
Nailah thinks for a second.
Nailah: I want to blow her damn billion dollars loft to smithereens!
Bear Man: You're the man.
Nailah: Problem is, I don't want to be.
Angry Man: Alright female, you can stay. (Points to another man) You're next.
Psycho Man (clears his throat): In the darkness of the night, kill my wife before she takes my life. If she struggles, if she fights, probably will take me all the night. If I'm caught and go to jail, proudly I'll sit in my cell. Kill my wife before she gets me, like last time when she ran me up that damn tree. The end.
Nailah (whispers): Is he off he's meds?
Friendly Man: Nope his wife tried to poison him twice and tried to run him over with the family truck. We got him down from the tree. Eventually one of them is going to die a violent death. We have a pool. You interested?
Nailah (aghast): What are the odds?
Friendly Man: Five to two in favor of the wife. She had two other husbands before him and they both died mysteriously.
Nailah stares at Psycho man who seemed to be bothered by the invisible fly he kept swatting away and muttering to the invisible person next to him.
Nailah: Put me down for five.
-----
Two months later, Nailah sat in the front row of the funeral parlor besides the members of her Wednesday Psych Night Poetry Group: Angry Man sat the furthest away from her wearing his characteristic scowl, Bear Man sat next to him, followed by Friendly Man, then Nailah.
They were all attending the funeral of Psycho Man. They were the pall bearers for Psycho Man, their fallen comrade.
It was a closed casket affair because the only remains of Psycho Man were a left ear, a pinky finger, a right big toe and no amount of formaldehyde and makeup could make that presentable enough for an open casket. Nailah thought that there was nothing more disturbing that severed body parts.
Body parts, they belong together, like peanut butter and jelly, she thought
The members of the Wednesday Psych Night Poetry Group periodically shot individual stares of menace at the wife of the deceased.
Psycho Man's widow wasn't even charged with his murder, even after over twenty witnesses heard her scream “I'm gonna kill ya! I'm gonna rip you apart and they ain't gonna find all the pieces!”
Friendly Man thought that the most admirable thing about Mrs. Psycho was that unlike his wife, at least she kept her promises. That insight didn't go over so well with Angry Man, who had to be carried out of the funeral home in a fit of rage.
Nailah watched the former Mrs. Psycho as she worked the crowd and seemed to be sizing up husband number four, the funeral director.
Detective Nailah: Ever notice the word “fun” begins the word “funeral”?
Hood Rat Nailah: Don't over think it. Think about us having to help carry that heavy looking casket.
Detective Nailah: There isn't anything remotely fun about this at all. Mildly entertaining but admittedly not fun. How much can a toe, finger and ear weigh?
Hood Rat Nailah: That casket doesn't look light. We could get fibroids or something!
Nailah: Ugh! I want a different head!
Friendly Man: I wouldn't say that too loud. The widow might hear you and oblige.
After Bear Man read the eulogy and Angry Man was let in to say a few words, if and only if, he behaved himself, the people who came to pay their last respects gathered outside the funeral home to accompany Psycho Man on his last ride to the cemetery.
A heavy set woman fashionably dressed approached Nailah and Friendly Man at the grave site and spoke with them.
Heavy Set Woman: Oh you two got here very fast.
Friendly Man: We are the pall bearers Ma-am.
She smiled at him then nodded her cheeky jowls at Nailah.
Heavy Set Woman: It's fortunate that she came with you isn't it? I know how you men tend to get lost and won't ask for directions. I used to tell my husband, god rest his soul, “James stop and ask, someone must know how to get where we're going!” but no he never would. Absolutely mind boggling isn't it? Why are men like that, so set in their ways.
Nailah (annoyed): Are you mental damaged? In case the numerous rows of tombstones don't register through the thick haze you call a brain, this is a funeral!
Heavy Set Woman (aghast): I was just making conversation.
Nailah: Normal people would just offer their condolences considering the circumstances. Not banter about stereotypes!
Heavy Set Woman: Well I never liked Mr. Peterson anyway. I thought he was insane.
With that the heavy set woman lumbered off on the uneven footing of the grassy knolls. Nailah rolled her eyes and spied Angry Man making obscene gestures behind the retreating woman's back.
Nailah: Who is Mr. Peterson?
Friendly Man: What's left of him is in the casket we just carried.
Nailah: Who was that horrible woman?
Friendly Man: Mr. Peterson's former mother-in-law.
Nailah: In some cases, perhaps death is the reward.
-----
Nailah was breezing through the video game mission, blowing everything up. She was playing the latest Grand Thief Auto™ game on her video game console. Nailah navigated her character through an in game mission which required her to rob a bank then aid her character's escape while being surrounded and thwarted by aggressively violent police characters. She directed her game sprite down an alley, shooting cop sprites along the away and blowing up patrol car blocking her progression with complete abandon.
Hood Rat Nailah: This is what I'm taking about! Yeah You want some of this? Say hello to my big buddy!
Detective Nailah: How does playing this game resolve any of our issues with the thieving wench?
There was no comments forth coming.
Detective Nailah: Anyone? Anyone? Bueller??
Watching Nailah's progress in the popular video game was Angry Man and Bear Man, who sat on beside her. Friendly Man was at home working on the seduction of his wife, attempt number 312,457.
Angry Man: You're a beast, female. A beast!
Nailah: Is that a good thing?
Angry Man: In the game, it's an admirable quality.
George had been knocking on Nailah's door for five minutes. He could hear sounds of animated life inside but no one came to the door. This was puzzling. So he looked through the open livingroom window to spy Nailah playing video games with her new “best friends”.
George (yells into the window): Will someone let me in!
Angry Man: You got any food or drinks out there with you?
George (lying): Yeah.
Angry Man (directs Bear Man): Open the door for the guy. This female's gotten the furtherest in the game than both of us and I wanna see the end of this board.
Nailah's eyes were glued to the screen and her thumbs a frenzy of movement.
Nailah: This female has a name.
George: I thought you wanted me to come over and help you search online.
Nailah drops the game controller, jumps up and embraces George who stands stiffly, halfheartedly returning the full body hug, effectively leaving her computerized sprite vulnerable to attack.
In absence of Nailah's divine guidance, the video game character was immolated by an exploding police car within the video game.
Angry Man: Damn it! You have to start the board over!
Nailah turns off the game and the TV monitor.
Nailah: You guys don't have to go home but you do have to bounce. I have business to attend to with George here.
Angry Man: Don't let her use her feminine wiles to manipulate you Son. That's all these females know. They have no honor.
George: No one manipulates me.
Nailah: Why are you playing me about this way?
Angry Man: Even given your present situation, you're still on probation. A scorpion is still a scorpion, no matter how much it tries to be something else.
Hood Rat Nailah: I thought we was boys. You see how they do me! Screw humanity! I'ma hang with ferrets. At least they're entertaining.
Detective Nailah: If given the opportunity, you'd have sex with that intensely dissatisfied man. I would hope that you wouldn't consider that hairy one.
Angry man shakes George's hand firmly, in solidarity of brotherhood. Angry Man and Bear Man leave Nailah's apartment as Nailah pulls George into the dining nook next to her kitchen to the “sleeping” laptop resting on the tabletop.
George: You certainly have a lot of male friends for a lesbian.
Nailah (narrows her eyes): I'm not gay, George. Get it straight, don't get it twisted. Now you promised that you'd help me redress my situation.
George wakes of the laptop with a finger stroke.
George: What do you want to do?
Nailah: That woman stole all aspects of my creative energy, my novel, my DNA and I want redress! And it dawns on me that successful thieves, like Ms. De Klerk-Zwart, think differently from unsuccessful ones.
George: What are you talking about?
Nailah: I beat that game three times already. In the game when you jack a car from another character, before you take it, it's changes into your car and when the cops chase you, in the game, it's like, what you chasing me for? When they crash into the people, the building, each other, and you know, that's what they get ‘cause this car here, is my car!
George: How long have you been playing that game? I just gave it to you a week ago.
Nailah: Don't look at me like that! What else am I supposed to do? I can't go to work. Seun thought it was best that I stay undercover and work from home. I can't go out shopping! I haven't ridden Tyrone for two weeks! I go to the garage to polish him but it's not the same. All my family members worldwide are being accosted by strange men and women asking questions about me, trying to get photos of me, trying to find out where I live. These strange, nosy people have contacted family members I've never met! Two men came by the restaurant looking for me. That pit of evilness has made me a prisoner in my own apartment and these walls are closing in on me George! I would have been sitting in the corner drooling if it wasn't for that video game. Thanks again by the way. You want some gratitude sex?
George: No.
Nailah: And they call me gay. Anyway when I beat the game that last time it dawned on me how to be a successful thief.
George: What?
Nailah: How to be a successful thief. Successful thieves think differently from unsuccessful thieves. Unsuccessful thieves know they are taking shit that don't belong to them. It helps to listen to hip hop when playing the video game. The music gives me the illusion of a serious swagger. The cursing is a conforming side effect. Anyways, successful thieves they operate on another mental flow. They don't think they're stealing. They believe they're acquiring their OWN property that was unexpectantly misplaced in someone else's possession. So I need to reclaim property that has been misplaced in Ms. De Klerk-Zwart's various vaults. That's where you come into play.
George: What do you expect ME to do?
Nailah: Helping me regift these negatives that thieving witch gave me as presents.
George looked at Nailah confused with a bit of angst.
George: Do you know what they do to men like me in prison? They anally rape ‘em! Hell no! Woman, I ain't do all this struggling; no baby mama drama; actually using condoms and learning to like ‘em; finishing college then grad school only to work as a taxi driver for years before I get a white collar job with poverty level wages; never driving while being black, I take mass transit; avoiding all illegal intoxicants; keeping my hands up high over my head when I shop in stores so they don't think I'm stealing anything; and most importantly do you know how difficult it is to stand as still as statue whenever a policeman notices me, so he or she won't think I'm reaching for a gun? Hell no! I'm not gonna get caught in that trap! Sistah, you're on your own trying to take that crazy rich woman down. Yeah I said it! She's crazy! All these sperm around and she probably spends enough money to take the entire continent of Africa out of poverty, to take genetic material from you? You got the wrong brother!
Auntie (from the closet called the guest bedroom): What all that yelling? I swear Nailah, you were so quiet in your teens and during those college years, now you're pushing forty and you and your rowdy, rude friends--
Nailah: Auntie they already left! I'm speaking with George! (whispers) My mislaid paper totals in the billions and you'll get half.
George (whispers): Half of what exactly?
Nailah (whispers): She is holding 30 billion of MY misplaced euros.
George (whispers): How much is that Canadian?
Nailah (whispers): Approximately 48,000,000,000 Canadian dollars. But act fast because you know how currencies go up and down in value against one another.
George (whispers): Half?
Nailah (whispers): Half. And sex on demand.
George: Okay deal.
They shake on it and turn their attention to the stream of data George gets access to through various hacking techniques, bringing Nailah closer to her goal.