Disclaimers: See Chapter 1. Any other comments can be sent to me at bironel@gmail.com
Synopsis: A novella about the an insanely wealthy white woman's search for her soul mate and the debt ridden black woman writer, with a vivid imagination, who tries to keep out of her way.
Surviving the Exhaust Fumes of Life
When Worlds Collide, It's Difficult to Distinguish the Darkness from the Debris
Nailah stared at the cafe from across the street. This was the place where she met Jo for coffee three Sundays in a row. Jo had stayed in Vancouver , a bit longer, busy trying to reconnect with her past while Nailah was trying to stay under the radar.
Nailah waited for ten minutes across the street before going inside the cafe to make sure no one was following her and that no one was waiting to ambush her inside. This early in the morning, she noticed there was only two costumers inside, an elderly married couple, apparently a couple, with their Yorkshire Terrier and a armful of newspapers from seemingly all over the world.
While scoping out the cafe, a blond haired, blue eyed, twenty-something, homeless junkie asked Nailah for purple cheddar cheese and ice cream.
After arguing for twenty minutes, Nailah stopped trying to convince the young junkie that although ice cream can be purple, cheddar cheese didn't normally come in that color, not unless something was wrong with it.
That provoked the junkie to argue loudly that Nailah had a problem with things that had something wrong with themselves and that kind of prejudice should never be tolerated.
Nailah told the Junkie that it was much too early to be arguing about trivial things. She preferred to do that in the afternoon-- to which the Junkie understood, concurring with Nailah's logic an agreed to meet with Nailah at the same spot later in the afternoon so they could continue the argument.
Nailah: Well you have an absolutely fabulous morning.
Junkie: If I can't get any purple cheese I'll take some junk. You got any junk?
Nailah: Sorry fresh out. I'm going over there to satiate a different addiction.
The Junkie drifted her frantic eyes in the direction Nailah pointed, then glanced at the women who didn't carry cheese of any color should the situation warrant it, then back at the cafe.
Junkie: You should be careful with that stuff. You ever had acid reflux?
Nailah: To my knowledge no.
Junkie: Count yourself lucky.
The Junkie waltzed off in a soul train fashion, dancing to songs only she heard, in search of scoring purple cheese and other junk elsewhere in the city.
Nailah entered the cafe and ordered a cafe au lait short and sat down at a table which allowed her to both watch the front door and through the window to the street. She looked over her detailed list of objectives for the third time on her laptop since she and George brainstormed it. She took a sip of coffee, and grimaced. It was bitter. No amount of sugar and milk could mask the bitterness of the dark brew in her mug.
But she did try.
Nailah looked around the cafe periodically to make sure that no one had followed her inside.
She sighed wondering whether of not she was doing the right thing. She waiting until that part of her which lived life cautiously would step in and stop this mad plan she had concocted in a fit of anger and frustration.
Hood Rat Nailah: I say we call that witch up and curse her out. Then blow up her loft!
Her more analytical mental aspect was surprising silent as though she had vacated Nailah's consciousness.
No it isn't revenge. This isn't a crime. I'm not a criminal. I'm just retrieving my misplaced property , Nailah thought as she waited for Jo to show up for their Sunday morning coffee.
Nailah wasn't all that fond of coffee but she did enjoy Jo's company but she didn't want to monopolize their time together with the craziness of her life. Jo called her to let her know she found out some information about her long lost love. Nailah agreed, needing it as a distraction from her own woes.
Nailah watched, through the window of the cafe, as a taxi pulled up to the curb outside the cafe and Jo got out of the cab with her attendant Pascal. Nailah frowned. Pascal got out the cab and didn't assist Jo at all she just stood there looking at her as she struggled to get out of the cab.
Nailah wondered if Pascal neglected Jo's needs often. She didn't like Pascal. She found her to be a surly woman and often wondered why Jo kept her around.
Jo sat down smiling at her young friend, while Pascal sat with a scowl that suggested that they had better places to be on an early Sunday morning than to be there with her with Nailah.
Nailah: Is everything ok with you?
Jo: My bursitis was acting up today. I had to have a serious talk with my body about not falling apart all at once. I'm glad you came out today. It's not good to lock yourself away everyday.
Nailah: I was excited for you when you told me the news over the phone. Are you going to relocate here in Vancouver permanently since you found your first love?
Jo: I'll be going further south before winter gets here. I nor my bursitis does well in cold weather. Pascal let's get some coffee for you and I, add a danish or muffin for yourself. I'll have a toasted bialy with soy cheese and some fresh blackberries. Any thing else for you Nailah?
Nailah: No I'm good.
Jo handed Pascal some money and Pascal got up from the table to place the order.
Nailah: Is everything ok with you?
Jo: Yes why?
Nailah: You rarely take Pascal with you unless your joint pain makes it to difficult to get around.
Jo: So how is it going with your young man, George is it? And what's going on with you and the woman who has upturned your life? Did you use the info I gave you yet?
Nailah: George and I are just friends. I wasn't able to use that info yet because the strumpet cut the legs out from under me.
Jo: I heard about that! Monstrous! Playing god like that! It isn't natural! Please tell me you are going to make that evil woman pay dearly?
Nailah: She'll get what's coming to her but enough about my life, so what did you find out about YOUR past?
Jo: He's still alive! He's a retired widow he has adult children. I found out where he lives.
Nailah: Wow you found out alot. Do you want me to go with you when you go to see him just in case... you know... it doesn't go as you hope it does?
Jo: That's sweet of you dear. But I don't plan to rekindle anything. Just to get some closure. I expect nothing other than that.
Pascal walked back to the table with one mug of coffee, one hot beverage in a paper take out cup and a danish. She set on mug down and toasted bialy with a cup of soft soy cheese in front of Jo.
Pascal: They are out of blueberries Madam. Enjoy your breakfast.
Nailah: Pascal's not staying?
Jo: Pascal needs to get moving if she going to get a jump on everything she needs to do today. Pascal I need you to get that object we found yesterday. I won't leave Vancouver without it.
Pascal: Yes Madam. I understand.
Pascal leaves the cafe, hailing a taxi outside.
Nailah: Did you two do go shopping yesterday?
Jo: I found the most delightful little gem that I have to have. I would be heartbroken if I didn't get it.
Nailah: Well I'm gonna miss you when you leave.
Jo: We are friends and friends do visit one another from time to time. So I'll definitely have a wonderful place to visit you, during the warmer months, of course.
Nailah: If it all goes well maybe I can purchase a larger place to live. Then you can save on hotel costs. But you don't have to bring Pascal.
Jo (laughs): I will certainly take you up on your generous offer so I wish you much success with your “secret mission”. Remember everything I told you about that insane family.
Nailah (leaned closer, whispering): Just one question. Are there any siblings or other family members that I need to worry about? I didn't find anything else and I researched everything.
Jo: Only one daughter, as I recall. My late husband knew about the poor mother. One day she just disappeared. I heard rumors that she died many years ago. When I come back, I'll promise to leave Pascal behind. Vancouver is wasted on her. She sulked the entire time we were here.
-----
Amanda glanced at the infant sleeping in the bassinet Gerald brought as she got dressed to go to the gym. She briefly noted for the hundredth time since she and the baby came home from the hospital, infant was long, in fact she was twenty-two inches long when she was born. A painful twenty-two inches of internal organ disruption.
The infant also came into the world with a full head of tightly curled, Afro-esque red hair. That was curious because no one in Amanda's immediate family had that hair color trait. The baby's skin was the color of cafe au lait. Amanda smirked as she surmised where those physical traits came from.
As she tightly tied the laces of her cross trainer sneakers, she was relieved that the baby didn't look like a freakish science project. She made arrangements to institutionalize it, if anything went wrong.
Amanda ruminated about the fortune teller's prediction of baby Jessica's existence. She was resolved that she was NOT going through THAT painful process again. She couldn't fathom how women routinely forgot the discomfort and the breath stealing pain of giving birth. She immediately closed the Amanda Baby Factory, the moment the doctor slapped Baby Jessica's little butt.
Amanda sauntered down the hallway from her private rooms with her ponytail bobbing back and forth behind her. She gathered her gym back. She went to the gym everyday after she and baby Jessica came home. She had to get her body back in pre-pregnancy shape. Pamela was giving her a belated post-natal party at the end of the week and Amanda was determined to look absolutely amazing when she showed up.
Amanda (bellowed): Surinder!
As always Surinder appeared as though he emerged from out of thin air, from the very walls of the loft, if it were possible.
Surinder: Yes Ma-am.
Amanda: I'll be out at the gym until two. I have a late afternoon meeting so I'll change at the gym. You placed my change of clothes in the car?
Surinder: Yes Ma-am.
Amanda: I should be back late tonight. I need someone to get to the island and retrieve my clubs today. I tee off the morning before Pam's shindig on Saturday night with some clients.
Surinder: Someone has to stay with Baby Jessica Ma-am.
Amanda: Where is the nanny I hired?
Surinder: She arrives tommorow morning Ma-am. I've arranged for a car to pick her up at the airport and bring her straight away here.
Amanda: I'd prefer YOU to get my clubs and not some messenger service. Call Gerald if you can't find someone else. Set up the guest room. See you late tonight.
Surinder: Will you be having a late repass tonight Ma-am.
Amanda: Something light. Fruits, water you know the drill. Let me get going or Raoul will torture me for being late and not in a good way.
Amanda breezed out the front door of her loft.
She stepped into the empty elevator, pushed the down button and breathed a sigh of relief that she was able to escape again. A strange feeling of guilt peeked out and she clamped down on that nonsense as she donned her sunglasses. This was witnessed by Surinder on the elevator security camera's in the loft's security closet before he placed a call to Mr. McGnathy.
-----
Amanda was absolutely exhausted. She looked at her PDA to check the time. It was 2 AM in the morning. She checked her schedule for the rest of the day.
Good I can sleep late. Only one lunch meeting downtown , she thought, while riding in the back of her leased sedan with complementary driver/security guard.
Between meeting her professional and social obligations, Amanda spent the rest of the day and night dodging annoying tabloid press. Amanda closed her eyes catching a short cat nap in the backseat before the car stopped in front of her building.
Too short of a nap.
Amanda got out the car and the driver assisted her upstairs with her gym bag and a few shopping packages up to her loft. When she opened the front door she tiptoed in to make as little noise as possible.
As she quietly stepped pass the livingroom--
Gerald: It's 2:30 AM in the morning Amanda.
Amanda turned to see an irate Gerald holding and rocking a sleeping Baby Jessica in his arms.
Amanda: I don't need a mother, Gerald! I got along well without one for many years! I learned how to tell time when I was a little girl Gerald. As I recall YOU taught me because my parents were too busy.
Gerald: Seems like history repeating itself doesn't it.
Amanda: Gerald I'm tired. I need my beauty sleep or things will be very ugly later today at the luncheon.
Gerald: It's not vital that you make that meeting you could skip it. Everyone knows you just had a baby.
Amanda: I want to be at that meeting.
Gerald: Did it ever dawn on you that I may have had plans tonight? Plans that didn't involve baby-sitting.
Amanda: I'll make it up to you. What plans did you cancel? I'll treat you and your date to a night on the town.
Gerald: That's not the point Amanda!
Amanda: Don't lecture me!
Gerald: You put all this into motion! And everyone EXCEPT YOU has to deal with the consequences. This little lady needs at least one consistent parent, a mother, not a parade of strangers taking care of her.
Amanda: Don't you think I know that! After Pam's party I'll get it together.
Gerald: I do see you are trying Amanda. You didn't curse once at me even though you wanted too. I'm off to sleep.
He handed the bundle off to Amanda, who held Baby Jessica awkwardly.
Gerald: She'll be up in two hours so if I were you I'd make the best of the time before her next feeding.
Gerald left the living room leaving a tired rich heiress now very awake by the prospect of a screaming baby -- the heir to her vast financial empire.
Amanda: What's the news on the elusive Tall One?
Gerald popped his head back into the living room.
Gerald: Seems Ms. Brown comes from a modestly enterprising tribe. I found the Aunt is visiting family in Canada , Vancouver BC , specifically. Her family owns and runs a highly successful seafood restaurant up there. I've sent some people up there to check it out.
Amanda: That is the Pacific Northwest , isn't it? I'm getting tired of press speculating that she doesn't exist. I should have gotten picture of her and leaked it on the net.
Gerald: You only keep photos of your sexual conquests, as I recall. Ms. Brown is just a project.
Amanda: I can't have my enemies getting their hooks into you. You know just a little too much about me.
Gerald: Speaking of which, your mother has filed yet another lawsuit against the foundation and you specifically.
Baby Jessica opened her eyes, an hour earlier than her scheduled feeding. Amanda looked down and groaned.
Amanda: If she didn't I'd get very suspicious about what mischief she was up to. (Looks down at an awake Baby Jessica) Grandma is trying to annoy me to death. But you couldn't give a toss about that. One track mind this kid has. The pumped bottles are in the fridge right?
Gerald: Used that last one four hours ago. Since I don't come with a built in meal serve plan looks like Mommy is gonna have to provide from the source.
Amanda (aghast): Breast-feed??? I can't breast-feed! Where is the pump? I can pump! All I do is pump! Moo!
Gerald: You haven't breast-fed her once?
Amanda (defensive): She gets breast milk… from the bottle.
At this time, Baby Jessica wasn't certain why she felt uncomfortable but she did. She was mildly surprised that she realized that she was a... she. What wasn't a she, Baby Jessica wasn't quite sure about but she knew what she was, not what she wasn't and that was okay in her curious world of new and strange things.
All these discoveries floated away when the discomfort in the middle of herself made itself known again. This was different from the annoying wet and warm feeling that came with those very unpleasant smells. She really wished who ever did that would stop doing it. The smells and the wetness were just too much to deal with. What was particularly curious was that those annoying events happened alot.
This will not do! Baby Jessica decided. She was a bit bewildered because she really didn't know what it was she decided exactly, just that she decided something and it was becoming very unsatisfactory that there were no solutions immediately after her decision making. She really didn't know what a solution actually was and wouldn't be able to describe it if it was missing. All that mattered was that something important was missing and it wasn't being replaced as quickly as Baby Jessica would have liked. Whatever quickly meant.
And so she whimpered, then cried-- loudly.
Amanda: Rushed about the loft looking for her pump holding a discontented and loudly crying baby.
Gerald (yelled from the guest room) By the time you find it you could have fed her already. Good night!
Amanda thought the appropriate curse word but didn't utter it aloud. She looked down at the unhappy baby in her arms and sat down on the floor resigned to change her world forever. She removed her blouse, slipped out her bra and positioned the baby's mouth close to one of her sensitive nipples, hoping the baby instinctively knew what to do and boy did she!
Once Baby Jessica latched on with a powerful suction, Amanda's eyes almost bulged out of her head. It was a slightly painful tingly sensation as the baby suckled.
Amanda looked down at the baby. She stared at her curiously. She could hardly believe this person was once inside of her. It seemed like a fiction to her that people grew inside other people, even though she went through the entire ordeal.
There were drops of water on the baby's forehead. Amanda thought the little rug-rat was working up a sweat getting her whole body, fists and feet into the feeding processes.
One would think I starve you the way you're carrying on , remarked Amanda. She wiped away the sweat off the baby's forehead but it kept reappearing and Baby Jessica didn't feel remotely overheated, as she began to settle down.
Amanda looked up at the ceiling above wondering if there was a leak. Just because she was wealthy didn't mean common life annoyances didn't plague her from time to time. She didn't see any water damage in the ceiling but she did feel water drop from her cheek. She checked her face and discovered that SHE was the source of the water drops.
Why was SHE crying? She wasn't sad. Amanda guessed it was some sort of allergic reaction to breast-feeding. She couldn't fathom how her tear ducks were connected to her nipples. She concluded with the thought, T he human body is weird, fun but in weird sort of way .
-----
The next day, Surinder met the new nanny Mrs. Ena I. Moon at the airport. She was a middle aged widow with impeccable credentials. The fact that she spoke five languages, English, French, Japanese, Portuguese, and Spanish was the reason why Amanda chose her from the other applicants think that she could teach Jessica to be multilingual before starting school.
Mrs. Moon settled in nicely to life at the loft. Always available for the baby's needs but discrete enough to stay out of Amanda's way.
-----
Pamela's soiree, celebrating Amanda's advent into motherhood, was an over the top affair, replete with half naked serving wenches, various rooms for public sex play and a live band. Pamela decided it was in good taste to forgo having the illegal intoxicants in deference to Amanda's maternal state, much to the displeasure of a few of the guests.
The discontented partygoers complained quietly for fear they would be forever banned from future events Pamela held at her three story townhouse.
Looking absolutely amazing in a Lauren Felton black cocktail dress. Slowly sipping the one and only vodka tonic she planned to have for the evening, Amanda drifting like a ghost between the various sex scenes, a disconnected voyeur.
She had pumped enough milk to feed Jessica earlier that day until the late morning so she could indulge and enjoy herself at the party.
She noticed one woman, petite blonde, a full D cup, which she tended to fancy but that woman was otherwise engaged in a quarrelsome triad over some trivial matter. All the other potentials partners present at the party were past conquests, although enjoyable not necessary to repeat.
A tap on her shoulder and a blast from Amanda's past: Ivette looking even more lovely that she did over four years ago. Ivette lend closer to kiss Amanda on the lips, which Amanda allowed.
Ivette: Long time no see, Amanda.
Amanda: My money has been put to good use. You look amazing, Ivette. How is Nathaniel?
Ivette: Nat left ages ago. He didn't want to be a father.
Amanda: Sucked for you.
Amanda took a small sip of her cocktail and looked about the room. Ivette smiled.
Ivette: We never had to resort to bitchy chitchat before.
Amanda: As I recalled we screwed like rabbits so talking wasn't really on our to do list.
Ivette: Maybe we should have spoken more. Maybe if I told you why I pulled away, we'd be celebrating the birth of OUR second child tonight.
Amanda: Someone once told me, looking back tends to cause accidents directly in front of you.
Ivette (continuing): You never let me know you were interested in having a family. I would have stuck around if I knew that. I did adore you and I still do.
Amanda: I'm taken.
Ivette: Where is this wonder woman who tamed the wild and unattainable Amanda De Klerk-Zwart? If you were still mine I would be by your side AT ALL social functions.
Amanda: You attained me then cast me aside. Besides who says she tamed me?
Ivette: This supposed wife of yours isn't a real person. No one has seen this woman. She just a figment of your fertile imagination to keep everyone at bay. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I never wanted to do that to you I just wanted to have children. At the time Nat was the better option for that than you. I'd like to attain you again and this time it would be for keeps.
Ivette leans in giving Amanda a smoldering kiss before pulling back into a smirk then walking off. Amanda watched Ivette's hips sway as she drifted away through a thong of dancing men and women. Amanda felt something in her hand and noticed for the first time a business card in it: Ivette's business card.
Amanda made eye contact with Pamela who gestured for Amanda to come with her.
Pamela: I didn't know she was coming. She does move around in the same social pool we do.
Amanda: Like a shark. She just looking for her next meal ticket. She got all she's gonna get from me.
Pamela: You stared at her like YOU could eat her up.
Amanda: I need another two weeks to recover anyway. I guess that's why I'm not feeling this tonight.
Amanda finishes her cocktail then yawns. She checks her wristwatch.
Amanda: It's uglier than I thought. It's four in the morning.
Pamela: Got to leave before you turn into a pumpkin?
Amanda: Something like that.
Pamela: You're gonna be scarce on the scene aren't you? I want to ask you about what Ivette said. Actually what every one is saying. Is this woman you married real? Because if she is I'm pissed that you didn't let me plan your bachelorette party and wedding celebration. And I'm really vexed she didn't come here with you.
Amanda: You've met her at my loft. She's probably still pissed at me.
Pamela: Wait! You married your writer??!! You never went after those people before. She's cute. I'd go for her though. You two had another miscommunication?
Amanda: She took off, before--
Pamela (interrupts): Does she know… you know, about the baby?
Amanda: If there are newspapers and TV where she is, I'd have to guess, yes, she does.
Pamela: That was almost a year ago! Has she even seen the baby?
Amanda set the empty cocktail glass down on a tray carried by a naked young woman, grabbed her wrap and responded over her shoulder as she left her party--
Amanda: No she hasn't.
-----
A week after Pamela's party and avoiding Ivette's numerous phone calls, Amanda read in the tabloids that she and Nailah were headed for divorce. The potentially three ring circle of a divorces. She cursed under her breath knowing that distorted detail must have come exclusively from Pamela. She rose from the couch and poured another cup of tea, her third one in the morning. She took a few sips of the hot beverage.
Over the edge of her tea mug, Amanda watched Jessica trying to interact with Surinder. She noted that the baby didn't smile at her. She seemed to save her attempts at smiling exclusively for Gerald and Surinder.
Amanda began to sob uncontrollably.
Crying because she still didn't feeling very attached to Jessica. She knew she should feel motherly but she didn't. This time she knew her tears came from the depths of her anger.
Sad because Amanda only breast fed the baby that one time and couldn't bring herself to do it again. Why, she couldn't admit to herself. Sad because she was certain that Jessica hated her like she hated her mother. Sad because in all this she felt so alone and realized that all the money and all the experiences and the external trappings of being an adult didn't chase away those lost and lonely feelings that plagued Amanda as a little girl.
This crying spell lasted that entire day and didn't end until two weeks later when Amanda surmised she cried her tear ducts dry. Surprisingly, her nipples were unaffected.
Amanda then plunged into a deep, dark depression that lasted for two months. She pumped milk for Jessica but didn't hold or interact with her, otherwise. She left those duties to the Mrs. Moon and Surinder.
Amanda handled all her work duties from a laptop while sitting on top of her bed, wearing pajama's.
Surinder was extremely worried about his employer which was why he called Mr. McGnathy who arranged therapy sessions for Amanda. She reluctantly attended these sessions after the two older men staged an intervention in her bedroom, threatening to bring Ivette in to assist them.
-----
Before Baby Jessica's fifth month of life, Amanda sulked in Doctor Aimee Isabella Morgan's office which had warm peach colored walls and soothing earth tones of beige, brown and forest green embellishments.
Doctor Morgan wore her silver hair in a chic, short boyish hair cut. She was a fashionable heavyset woman who sat on a chair next to the couch where Amanda laid, crying her eyes out.
In the earlier sessions with Doctor Morgan, Amanda would fix an grimace on her face and say nothing. She thought speaking about her feelings would accomplish nothing. She knew the drill having been in therapy before. It took over seven sessions before Amanda noticed that the good doctor was actually listening to all her nonverbal screaming, so today's session was a breakthrough.
Amanda: I can't breast feed her! I can't!
Doctor Morgan: Does she bite you? Is it too painfully feeding her? Perhaps you feel guilty because of your physical discomfort. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Sometimes breast feeding is very painful to new mothers. Sometimes babies may be allergic to their mother's milk. There are solutions that you can use that doesn't make you an unfit mother.
Amanda: You don't understand! I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to poison her.
Doctor Morgan: You see your breast milk as poison to Jessica?
Amanda: I don't want to do to her, the things my mother did to me.
Doctor Morgan: Do you feel comfortable discussing your mother?
Amanda: I don't feel any connection to Jessica. Is that how my mother felt about me?
Doctor Morgan: Why do you think your mother felt no connection with you?
Amanda: She tried to drown me when I was four years old.
Doctor Morgan: How did that happen?
Amanda: My father and mother were arguing. He demanded that she teach me how to swim. My mother… my… she dropped me in the pool… in a four feet deep pool. My feet didn't touch the bottom I was too small. She just stood there watching me struggle almost drowning, doing nothing. Our family lawyer saved me. My mother told him that she was teaching me to swim that she knew my survival instincts would kick in and if I did sink she was prepared to pull me to safety.
Doctor Morgan: Although it sounds harsh her explanation sounds plausible.
Amanda: Harsh? Plausible? She told me on my sixteenth birthday that she should have tried to drown me when no one else was in the house.
Doctor Morgan: Why did your mother dislike you? Did your father like you?
Amanda: He and his lawyer Gerald were my best friends up until I developed breasts. Then father abandoned me. He would avoid me then assuage his guilt by buying me expensive gifts. He did that until he died. Before my father's fatal accident, he planned to divorce my mother and provided a small sum, which I made available to her. She complained it wasn't enough. She has been suing me every year since for the past twenty years. She can always find a court somewhere on this planet that will entertain her legal fiction.
Doctor Morgan: If you had these parental concerns why did you choose to have a baby?
Amanda then explained about the fortune teller, the attacks on her life, about her journey which lead to finding Nailah and having Jessica. Doctor Morgan listened without revealing any judgments on her face.
Doctor Morgan: Do you let fortune tellers dictate all aspects of how you run your life? How you conduct business at De Klerk-Zwart Publishing?
Amanda: Of course not.
Doctor Morgan: So why did you allow someone you don't know dictate how you should run your personal life?
Amanda: I've already entertained that this was one of my more stupid moments.
Doctor Morgan: I don't think you were stupid. I think you were very smart in how you went about all this. Highly intelligent. It's admirable what you were able to get accomplished but I don't think you aren't fully aware of the real reason why you did all of this.
Amanda: To stop all those attacks on my life!
Doctor Morgan: Now you're not being honest with me. Or yourself. A competent security team could have solved that problem for you. You followed the advice of a fortune teller for one reason. You have to say it. If I tell you it won't help you. You'll just reject the truth. You have to speak the truth. Your truth. You're safe here. No one will judge you or hurt you, if you speak YOUR truth.
Amanda shot a doubtful look at Doctor Morgan.
Doctor Morgan: So Amanda, why did you look for Nailah, cultivate her talent, trick her in to marrying you and have a child with her?
Amanda: I don't know…
Doctor Morgan: You are a capable woman. Intelligent. Decisive. Why did you do all that?
Amanda: I said I don't fucking know!
Doctor Morgan: Stop hiding! You don't hide you're sexually, so why are you hiding from this?
Amanda pouted.
Doctor Morgan: Let me help start you: I did all this because… now you finish that statement.
Amanda: I did all this because… because… because… because… I… to MAKE someone love me. I wanted the family I never had. That fortune teller… she told me… she told me… exactly what I wanted to hear.
Doctor Morgan: Don't you just love the clean simplicity of honesty? I know I do. Now that you know you can't MAKE anyone love you. The risk of loving anyone is that they WON'T love you back. Even children. Your love for them has to be unconditional. There is no other way to parent. Conditional love will result in the same dysfunctions as having no love at all. Jessica may never smile at you, she may not understand you, but you created her and she deserves nothing but your love for your efforts. Love without expectation. I can't say it hurts less when you do it that way but I will say it lets you be open for when love returned is genuine.
When Amanda left she therapy session with Doctor Morgan she felt lighter than she ever felt before. Her driver helped her in the sedan and she noticed for the first time in eight visits that the therapist office was on Church street.
Amanda smiled to herself, recalling her visit to Nailah's aunt's home and their interaction.
The driver got in and started the car. They drove off from the parking space up to the red light at the end of Church street.
Through the tinted windows of the sedan, Amanda also noticed Doctor Morgan was walking through the crosswalk to cross Church street in front of the sedan. She looked at Doctor Morgan not in the way she normally sized up women for sexual pleasure. Amanda just looked at the professional woman as she crossed the street. Doctor Morgan exhibited a confidence that Amanda played at having but insecurely knew deep down that she didn't. Doctor Morgan had a maturity and inner strength that seemed eternal, almost like a goddess.
The good Doctor was stepping out to get lunch.
Watching Doctor Morgan, Amanda noted that her short silver hair looked absolutely white in the sunlight. Then she noticed how Doctor Morgan resembled that fabled fortune teller, who was a catalyst for all the craziness Amanda brought into her life recently.
When that thought careened around Amanda's head, Doctor Morgan stood across the street, turned around and looked directed at the tinted windows of Amanda's sedan and winked at Amanda before she disappeared in the deli.
As the car drove off, Amanda sat in the back seat slack-jawed. Staring at the entrance of the deli.
No it couldn't be , Amanda muttered to her,
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Mrs. Moon was getting Baby Jessica ready to go outside for the first time. She bathed the baby in oil instead of water so as not to dehydrate her delicate skin. She fed her, dressed her in warm clothes and placed her in the turquoise Stokke Xplory™ stroller that Amanda brought for Baby Jessica online.
Surinder: Please be back by 1 PM. Ms. De Klerk-Zwart wants to speak with you this afternoon.
Mrs. Moon: Of course Mr. Surinder. The little one and I will go to the park for an hour. Should I pick up anything?
Surinder: No, thank you for offering.
Mrs. Moon rolled Baby Jessica out of the loft as Surinder went to prepare dinner for Amanda who would be arriving at the loft after her therapy session.
When Amanda returned to the loft she waited for Mrs. Moon to return with her daughter until 3 PM before she went to the park looking for Mrs. Moon and Baby Jessica. At 4 PM, she called the police.
At 6 PM Gerald came over to the loft to comfort a frantic Amanda. At 8 PM the police confirmed that they found an empty turquoise Stokke Xplory™ stroller in the park but they could not find anyone who saw the older woman with a baby.
At 11 PM still not officially considered missing, Amanda had to be sedated when Gerald's investigative team found surveillance video at the airport of a woman fitting Mrs. Moon's description getting on an international flight to Paris with an infant boy.
At 6 AM the next day Gerald was distraught when his investigative team lost the trail of the woman in Nice, France. They planned to follow up Mrs. Moon identification to see were she could have taken Baby Jessica.
All Amanda knew was her world had been throughly destroyed because her Jessica was kidnapped. Through her tears she laughed bitterly at how deep a connection she felt to her only child now that she was snatched away. She then did something she hadn't done since she was four years old, she got on her knees and begged any deity listening to please give her back her daughter safe and sound.
Don't Yell “Spoon” in a Restaurant
Nailah stood outside in park area behind the Art Gallery watching the people protesting with large colorful signs and loud voices behind a police barricade fifty yards from the Fairmont Hotel on West Georgia Street. Nailah had gone to the art gallery to get out the apartment for a bit when she heard the commotion. She asked a policeman, who had a watchful eye over the protest, what was going on.
Policeman: Medical convention. These folks are protesting some crazy doctor who developed a technique to basically make sperm obsolete. If I wasn't on duty I'd be right beside them protesting.
Nailah: That wouldn't be an Asian female doctor?
Policeman: Yep same crazy dame on all those TV news shows.
Nailah digested that info with a quick release of shallow breath. She scanned the large crowd of angry people and noticed they were mostly shouting at a smaller group of women shouting back at them.
Nailah: What are those women over there protesting?
Policeman: They are members of some woman's group who support these scientists playing God. Probably lesbians.
Nailah moved away from the officer staring at the events before her.
Hood Rat Nailah: I bet that Doctor is in that hotel.
Detective Nailah: Just because the conference is being held there doesn't mean that she is there right now.
Hood Rat Nailah: Nothing wrong in finding out is there?
Detective Nailah: We're not blowing up the hotel.
Hood Rat Nailah: We're gonna do something else just as satisfying.
Nailah walked across the street and entered the hotel. When she entered the grand lobby her eyes were captivated by the impressive chandeliers. She approached the concierge desk and inquired about the medical conference.
Concierge: May I help you?
Nailah: Yes I need a schedule of the sessions for the medical conference being held here today.
Concierge: This event is exclusively for medical staff who would have received the schedule, prior to attending the conference.
Nailah: I understand that but I wanted to attend the session on genetic techniques? I'm a doctoral student at UBC and I wanted to attend that session. They had no further information at my department at UBC.
Concierge: My son goes to UBC! Listen since you aren't one of those nut jobs outside, let's see…
The concierge scans her desktop flat screen. Nailah hears the rapid pressing of keys on a keyboard.
Concierge: Mezzanine level two, Grand Hall. The lecture will be given by Doctors Li and Faber. What are you studying?
Nailah: I'm working toward a PhD in Venganza biology.
Concierge: That's sounds very mysterious and complicated.
Nailah: Trust me it is. I really appreciate this. I'll be able to explore the material discussed here in class back on campus.
Nailah walked up the stairs to the second level mezzanine, entered the Great Hall and sat in the back as the conference attendants fill their seats on a wave of their chatter.
Hood Rat Nailah: Venganza Biology? What the hell is that?
Detective Nailah: Venganza is spanish for revenge.
Hood Rat Nailah: Sweet!
The lights dimmed and the attendee quieted down. A woman introduced both Doctor Helen Li, MD and Doctor Wilhelm Faber, MD/PhD listed their notable accomplishments. The introduction took a decent twenty minutes before the honorees took the stage.
Doctor Faber was the first presenter. From his brief overview, Nailah's mind was a jumble of new terms: polymerase chain reaction, thermal cycling, and enzymatic replication. Nailah scanned the crowd and discovered she wasn't the only one confused. Since most of the attendees were medical doctors, that observation made Nailah a tad nervous, about being ill in the future. She coughed nervously, until a man sitting next to her handed her a cough drop.
When Doctor Helen Li took the podium between her clear delivery, the easy to understand multimedia presentation, those new terms became part of Nailah's more esoteric lexicon.
Nailah added concepts and terms such as Fine Needle Aspiration (FNA) cytology, assisted reproduction, and intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI).
It was this ICSI technique that Dr. Li altered. She discussed how instead of using washed sperm, she used the genetic material inside the egg of the donor, amplified it, then under a microscope using multiple micromanipulation devices such as micropipettes and microinjectors, she stabilized the mature egg with gentle suction applied by a microinjector.
A thin, hollow glass micropipette was used to collect the donor genetic material which was then used to pierced through and into the inner part of the mature egg and the genetic material was then released into the cytoplasm of that egg. After the procedure, the mature egg was placed into cell culture and checked for signs of fertilization.
Detective Nailah: We should have studied this subject in college. This stuff is fascinating.
Hood Rat Nailah: Well that witch doctor is still gonna get the wraith of re-gifting the negatives. Her ability to teach doesn't absolve her.
Detective Nailah: You make me so proud. Using million dollars words in a twenty-five cent sentence! I AM rubbing off on you!
Hood Rat Nailah: Don't get warm and fuzzy like a kiwi over it. Got some nerve injecting our stuff inside other folks stuff without asking permission or anything! Got some nerve, She! She tested the wrong champion!
Detective Nailah: You sound like Uncle Red with his thick West indian accent! He used to say “a dead man can't run from his coffin”.
Hood Rat Nailah: The least of her worries is a coffin!
The lecture concluded after an intense round of Q&A where some in the audience asked questions Nailah wanted answers to. Doctor Li was surrounded by folks who had further inquires and Nailah stood among them.
Doctor Li spoke to each and every one and the crowd quickly dispersed until she turned to face Nailah.
Doctor Li: Please tell the hotel management that the water was much too cold. I prefer it room temperature. Make sure there is no ice in the carafe tommorow. I want the press in the first front rows but no flash photograph. I will be going to the spa. I'd prefer it if no one else were using the facilities.
Nailah (staring directly at her): Excuse me?
Doctor Li: Is there something wrong with you? Do I have to repeat myself?
Nailah: No.
Doctor Li: Let's be thankful for miracles.
Doctor Li was called over by Doctor Faber to greet some VIPs interested in speaking with her but not interested in standing among the more common attendants at the lecture.
Detective Nailah: What irony. We're the reason she's getting all this attention and she doesn't recognize us!
Hood Rat Nailah: Racist bitch!
Detective Nailah: Don't be so quick to play the race card. She is seeing us in a different context from the one where we first interacted with her.
Hood Rat Nailah: A context where every mofo up in here is a doctor or someone wearing a white coat on the daily and making far reach decisions affecting all kinds of folks and she runs on the automatic to ASSUME that we work for the hotel? What do all those factoids suggest to you, Cool Breeze?
Detective Nailah: Racist bitch.
Hood Rat Nailah: Sometimes racism works to an advantage-- one we're gonna exploit. Real talk.
Nailah left the room and asked for directions to the hotel spa.
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Doctor Li left the Great Hall, collected her messages from the concierge, made a few phone calls on her cell, checked her e-mails on a courtesy computer and then arranged for a total body relaxation package at the hotel spa.
Doctor Li walked into the spa and was directed to remove her clothes, donned a large towel and prepared for the body wrap in the dry sauna. Doctor Li was luxuriating in the sauna when she was beckoned to lay on the table. She dropped her towel and laid down, completely naked, on the table. She felt the cool mud being gently applied to her skin.
Doctor Li: That feels… amazing. I need a bikini wax. I'd like that done as well.
The Spa attendant messaged a lovely smelling lotion into Doctor Li's hair, messaging her scalp. Doctor Li moaned pleasurably. Her hair thick with the lotion was wrapped with a cloth.
When the salve was applied to her entire back, including her legs, Doctor Li turned over, laying on her back. A pair of cucumbers were placed on her closed eyes. The same cooling salve was apply all over Doctor Li's body, head to toe, including her neither regions.
Then the spa attendant stopped. Doctor Li laid on the table resting until the salve began to itch a bit.
Doctor Li: How long does this stuff stay on?
No one responded but the itching intensified. Doctor Li wiggled on the table.
Doctor Li: Take this stuff off! It itches!
No one responded.
Doctor Li sat up and removed the cucumbers from her eyes. She looked around the room and found herself alone. No spa attendant.
She winced as the itching became increasing unbearable. She turned and noticed a sign: Use Shower, if itching starts.
Doctor Li: Imbeciles!
Doctor Li hopped off the table and rushed to the shower station. She found a large bottle of liquid soap and a sponge. She turned on the water mixing the hot water adequately with the cold, stepped under the water fall and scrubbed her itchy body. In moments she was a wet mass of bubbly suds.
She washed and scrubbed until the itching began to subside. As she rinsed her body off for the fifth time she noticed, the soap suds at here feet weren't going down the drain on the floor. The soap bubbles were blocked by something and the water was pooling on the floor.
Doctor Li: This place has horrible plumbing! I should have stayed at the Grand Hyatt.
Doctor Li turned off the shower, grabbed a towel. When she dried her self off she noticed that she was given a bikini wax. She smiled wondered how they did that without the pain that comes from the hardened wax being pulled from the skin. She surmised they use some sort of depilatory.
It was when she moved to dry and brush her hair that she realized they used depilatory on her head as well. She frantically rushed to a mirror and discovered that she didn't have hair on any part of her body!
That was when she screamed and when Nailah happily skipped up West Georgia Street toward Robeson pulling gloves off her hands--- the gloves she used to apply to depilatory to Doctor Li from head to toe.