DISCLAIMER: This is merely satire. You know for laughs only. No offense is intended and no offense should be taken.

FEEDBACK: Send to p.phair@comcast.net

RED SOX: Believe

THE 2H'ers

by

phair

Part 5

Connor was struggling with the cuff around her wrist. She tried pulling and pushing and licking but she couldn't get it to budge over her thumb. In frustration, she finally growled at it.

"Oh, that'll work," Sammi said with a snort.

Connor turned her pent up frustration on the woman next to her in the limousine's back seat. "You have to have the key! There is no way you'd let him chain us together without an escape route. You're way too shallow for trust like that. So, hand it over."

"For the tenth time in ten minutes, I do not have the key," Sammi emphasized her words with air quotes. "If I did, don't you'd think I'd be out of here by now. We haven't even sat down to dinner and your bitchin' and complaining and your fidgeting is starting to bruise my wrist. Really Connor, this is not way to start a relationship."

"Start? Did you say, start? If I remember correctly, we already know each other pretty intimately. Wasn't it you who gave me a hand job in your trailer when we were suppose to be running lines? Then you dumped me on the floor to return the favor. If I remember correctly you wax way below your bikini line and you have a cute little tattoo that says…,"

"Driver, put the divider up please," Sammi shrieked as she covered Connor's mouth with her hand. "Really Connor, no need for lover's secrets to become front page this soon in our reunion."

"ffragg ooova," Connor huffed behind the hand.

"Well, yes, same to you, darling."

* * *

The limousine slid silently up to the curb in front of Q. A gang of photographers and gawkers were already crowding around to see who would be one of the elite seven diners. Sammi nimbly jumped out of the back seat as soon as the driver opened the door. She had to give a firm tug to get Connor to follow.

"Greeting Kids!" She waved with her free hand and flashes started to pop and cameras started whirling.

"Who's your friend, Sammi?" Somebody called from the throng.

"Oh, this is my date, Connor. You guys didn't see her movie, DUMBSTRUCK, because you're all too stupid like me," Sammi announced.

An excited murmur began and cameras were being worked overtime. Somebody yell out "Date?"

"Yes, well, you've all heard of Speed Dating and Jewish Dating; tonight Connor and I are inaugurating Bondage Dating," Sammi explained with a flourish as she raised their cuffed wrists.

"Shit," Connor hid her face in her free hand.

"Are you telling us you're gay?"

Sammi chuckled as she started to make her way through the crowd, "Honey, I put the 'die 4' in dyke."

"Oh, God," Connor fell in behind Sammi trying to hide her face as much as possible.

"So you're coming out tonight as a lesbian, what about your husband?" another voice questioned.

"Him?" Sammi paused a moment at the restaurant's door, "Oh, Luke adores women almost as much as I do. I guess, he's a lesbian too. Gotta run folks. Dinner's waiting."

A man in black leather pants and a tight leather vest was waiting in the outer vestibule. Both women stopped while he checked the clipboard in his hand.

"You are Mr. Rattenbury's guests?"

"Yep," Sammi flashed her biggest smile.

He used the key hanging from the chain on his belt to unlock the door behind him. Pulling the heavy door open, he cocked his head to indicate they should enter. Sammi hesitated slight but Connor was eager to get as far from the photographers as possible and pushed the taller woman ahead.

The inner space was dimly lit. It was a cavernous room furnished with three tables and chairs and five strategically placed fold out screens. The wood was deep brown and the upholstery was leather. It gave the room a musky smell.

"I am Elroy. This is my place. You will sit at table two. Follow me."

Elroy was a short man. His head was shaved. And, in a town that worshiped physical beauty, he was entirely non-descript; not fat but not thin, definitely not strong. He came off as aloof. Although, that may have been just because he also chose to ignore the handcuffs.

"Probably not the most unusual apparel he's ever seen here," Connor thought to herself as they were seated.

"Dinner will be out shortly. You," he pointed to Sammi, "are having the Cristal Rose 96 salad. It is an entire head of lettuce, surrounded by a half dozen home grown tomatoes, four cucumbers, two carrots, eight onces of Beluga Caviar, six ounce of spinach, four hard boiled chicken eggs, a touch of shark meat, a sprinkle of…"

"Fairy dust?" Connor couldn't help herself.

"…pepper and served in a light wash of our house dressing; Cristal Rose 96 vinaigrette."

"Shoot, no croutons," Connor continued to bait the man.

Elroy gave a tolerant smile, "And, your captive is having prison loaf."

With a snap of his fingers, Elroy summoned two young men in tight leather pants and white shirts to the table. They immediately removed Connor's place setting.

"Prison loaf? Twenty grand and I get prison loaf, whatever the Hell that's suppose to be," Connor question Sammi.

"Why don't you order something to drink? You could stand to lighten up a bit, sweetie."

Connor got a wicked look in her eye. "Okay. Tell you what, Elroy, bring me a bottle of Johnnie Walker Green. No need for a glass as long as I'm not getting a plate with my prison loaf."

"And, for the hostage taker?" Elroy did not seem amused by the pair.

"I think, I better stick with water," Sammi cleared her throat.

* * *

Three hours, two bizarre meals, half a bottle of Johnnie Walker, and considerable help from the waiters later, Connor and Sammi were back in the back seat of the limousine. As soon as they pulled out into traffic, Connor climbed up on Sammi's lap and planted a searing kiss on the weary woman.

"Driver put the divider up. God Dam it put it up now!" Sammi managed to bark out.

"Come on, Baby, forget him. I want into your pants," Connor was trying to figure out Sammi's belt.

Sammi gave an exasperated sigh, "Connor, honey, you're very drunk. You don't really want to have sex with me tonight."

"You know, you're right…"

"I knew you'd come to your senses," Sammi kissed the top of Connor's head.

Connor eased off Sammi's lap. "Sorry. Just stupid drunk. Do you have the key? I starting to feel like I might get sick."

Sammi gave a reassuring smile and reached into her pocket. She pulled out the small silver key to their freedom. Before she could unlock the cuffs, Connor grabbed the key away.

"No, Connor, don't," Sammi shouted over the hum of the power window descending.

"Fair's fair," Connor hiccupped as she hurled the key out the window. "You're right, Sammi. I don't want to have sex with you. I want you to fuck me like I'm your prison bitch."

"Oh, for God's sake," Sammi cried out as Connor launched herself back onto her lap.

Sammi was going to push her away. She really was. But, Connor's hot little mouth managed to snare Sammi's nipple. Connor's free hand caught the other breast and started a gentle stroke. Sammi let out a moan. When Connor's knee made contact with Sammi's crotch, the actress completely surrendered.

"Looks more like I'm your bitch, Connor."

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