DISCLAIMERS: in Part 1

Hidden Desires, Part 3

©2002 -Vertigo-

The small blonde sat on the couch in her parents' condo, watching Fred eat his peanut butter cookie with enthusiasm. Brooke smiled as the tiny dog worked that treat with determination, having only two teeth left. A huge yawn overtook her and she leaned back and put her feet up on the coffee table. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. Brooke was exhausted and wanted to sleep more than anything, but lately, sleep hadn't come to her no matter how hard she tried. Her lips began to curl up at the sides as she replayed her recent visit to the Fuzzy Belly Deli. Boy, that Ida was a nut! Poor Cayden, what she has to put up with. I hope there aren't many more like her. Brooke smiled wider when she remembered Cayden's expression as Ida began to sing. Cayden. Cayden is such an unusual name. I wonder where it came from? What's her background? I never saw eyes that color blue before. Brooke's shoulders dropped down and her body began to relax. I wonder if she has a boyfriend... she's not married, unless she's one of those married people who refuse to wear a ring. She's so gorgeous, I can't imagine her being single. I know if I were a guy I'd be all over her. The blonde felt her cheeks get warm. I can't believe I thought that. She giggled nervously. I'm not a guy. I'm not supposed to be thinking that way... unless it's true and I really do have a crush on her. Brooke felt her heart begin to race and she took several deep calming breaths to bring it back to normal. No reason to panic. It's perfectly normal for a woman to have a crush on another woman. It happens all the time. She nodded trying to convince herself. You hear the stories of girls having crushes on their teachers, and babysitters.... uh oh... I'm not a teenager with a case of hero worship am I? I'm a grown woman. Blonde eyebrows furrowed. Ok, so I have a crush, so what? It's not like I want to have sex with her... I wouldn't even know what to do. Brooke's head lolled back and visions of Cayden's smile filled her head. She thought about their brief conversation and how the tall woman behaved and she gasped out loud. You know? I think she was flirting with me! The blonde blushed. Yes! She was! Sooo, she's gay huh? Well, gay or not, I'm sure she's taken, she's too attractive not to be and why do I even care? I'm not interested in her that way. I just want to be her friend. Yeah, that's it, her friend. A happy feeling washed over Brooke and in less than five minutes, she was sound asleep.

********************

Cayden rushed off of the subway and hurried home. She had picked up a pint of Ben & Jerry's and it was at that perfect melty stage. The tall woman had a date with her bed, the remote, and a spoon, and she couldn't wait. It was the only date she ever looked forward to. Her pride hurt and she didn't know why. She didn't ask Brooke out, so she never really got shot down, but she felt awful just the same. Yes, my bed, and a spoon, she thought as she fished her keys out of her back pack. Just me and my ice cream. Cayden kicked the front door closed behind her and tossed her keys on the table. "I'm home." she called out wearily as she pulled off her shoes. Unable to wait until she got to her room, she took off her sweaty top as she entered the kitchen. She retrieved a spoon and stuck it in her mouth, opening her shorts on the way out.

"Hey, in here." Wade said from the living room.

Cayden balled up her shirt and stuck it under her arm as she turned for the living room. She knew she'd have to share her grief with Wade sooner or later, and she opted for later, knowing he'd allow her the time. All she wanted was the quiet safe haven of her bed. "Hey, I'm not much in the mood..." Cayden stopped short of the couch in horror.

"Um... Cayden... this is Shelly. You did remember you had a date tonight?"

The tall woman held her balled up shirt to her chest in an attempt to cover herself. "Oh... yeah... right..." she stammered, glaring dangerously at Wade, the spoon still in her mouth.

Shelly, never taking her eyes from Cayden's well filled out bra, stood and held out her hand.

Cayden, one hand holding her shirt, the other a pint of melting ice cream, shrugged. "Umm, I better..." she nodded at her bedroom and ran away.

Wade chuckled nervously and ran after her, leaving Shelly sitting there grinning like a wolf. He tapped lightly at the closed door just as he heard the spoon hit a wall, and prayed Cayden would forgive him.

"I hate you."

"No you don't," he said, entering the room. "You love me."

"Not now I don't. GOD! I was standing there in my bra!"

"Oh please, like a lesbian never saw a woman in her bra before."

"Wade!"

"Alright, so you're embarrassed right now, it's not the end of the world. Would it make you feel better if I went in there without any pants?"

"Fuck off."

Wade cringed. "Honey, it's okay, really."

"Easy for you to say, and what the hell is that out there anyway? You said she had one tattoo! She's covered in them! And she's HUGE!"

"Yeah, well... so she's a little muscular. You never minded the occasional butch."

"Butch? Wade, she's a little more than butch. You know that's not my type!" Cayden threw herself on the bed and frowned.

"She's really sweet. La La Bird likes her."

"La La Bird is no great judge of character. He loves you."

"Come on Cayd, just go out to dinner with her."

"No. I'm not going, make up some excuse."

"Cay..."

"NO! I don't want to go anywhere with anyone, especially someone that looks like that!"

"Okay, what's wrong? This is much more than Shelly."

Cayden sighed heavily and flopped across her bed. "I had a bad day, a really bad day. I shouldn't take it out on you or Shelly, but I really want to be alone tonight." she pouted.

"Honey, maybe going out will take your mind off of the bad day."

"I'm not going anywhere with her. No. She's covered in tattoos, she's one big walking bicep. Wade I like women! She's not a woman!"

Wade leaned over Cayden and raised both his eyebrows in surprise. She was never so abrasive. "What's gotten into you?"

Cayden slumped deeper down into the bed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't say things like that, I had a really really bad day."

He knew the answer to the question already but had to ask. "Wanna talk?"

"Not really. Maybe later. Wade, I really don't want to go anywhere tonight."

"Please, pretty please..." he stuck out his bottom lip and put his head on her lap, whimpering.

"No, Wade!" she insisted, moving out of the way of La La as he jumped on the bed. "And watch it!" She told the cat who was sniffing the ice cream.

"Look Cayden, I'm sorry, I'll go out with Shelly tonight. It's okay."

Wade looked so pathetic and crestfallen that Cayden felt guilty. "You really think going out will make me forget my day?"

"Depends. What happened?"

"Nothing. I'll tell you later. Go tell Shelly I'll be out in 20 minutes. I need a quick shower."

"Cayden you're the best!" Wade jumped up and down with excitement. "I owe you big time!"

"Remember that. Oh, and take this with you." she threw the soft container of ice cream at him.

**********************

Brooke was at the country club, sitting at one of the bright white umbrella tables sipping a cocktail. She was smiling and relaxed as she watched the golf carts trickle by. Grant came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. She smiled and leaned back into the warm body, reaching up and covering his hand with her own. Something was wrong, but not enough to alarm her, just a small niggling feeling that something wasn't quite right. She felt Grant's body move, his head lowering for a kiss. She tilted her head back and opened her eyes at the last second to meet seductive blue eyes. Their lips met briefly before Brooke knew what to do. "Cayden!" She shouted, waking herself up from the dream. She looked around in confusion, not remembering where she was or how she got there. Recognition slowly dawned on her and she groaned. "Jesus!" she blurted out loud. "What the hell was that?" She questioned her dream. It disturbed her. "Great. I finally fall asleep and I'm having lesbian dreams." She was irritated and upset. It was dark out and she had no idea how long she had been asleep. "I can't believe Grant didn't call." she muttered, fumbling for the lamp switch. Once the light was on, she looked at her watch. "Ten thirty! Oh my god!" She jumped up off the couch and ran out the door.

*********************

Cayden was miserable. Shelly was not only self centered, but crude and a bore. All she talked about was herself, how much weight she could press, how big the circumference of her thighs were, and she even stood up in the middle of the restaurant to flex her butt. Cayden had to admit, it was a very nice looking butt, however, it alone couldn't make up for everything else. When Shelly wasn't singing her body's praises, she was bragging about her sexual exploits and conquests, of which, Cayden felt she was next. The brawny woman used every excuse as an opportunity to reach over and touch the tall, unhappy brunette. All Cayden could think of as she picked at her food was in which manner she was going to kill Wade. She wasn't hungry to begin with and Shelly wasn't helping.

"So, maybe we'll go back to my place for a few drinks?" Shelly asked with a leer.

Cayden rolled her eyes. Shelly didn't even have the couth to address the question to her face. If Cayden's breasts could talk they would have told Shelly to fuck off, but since they don't, and Cayden had more manners than her breasts, she declined politely. "Actually Shelly, I'm really tired tonight. I'd love to go home and hit the sack early."

"Well... if you say so." The woman looked offended.

Cayden, with her need to be nice to even the worst people, felt badly. "You know, I have cramps." she said by way of an excuse.

"OOhhhh." Shelly nodded in understanding. "Why didn't you say so earlier? You're right, you'd probably be better off resting." She said sympathetically.

The tall brunette nodded and tried to look pained, which wasn't hard.

***********************

"I'm home!" Brooke yelled as soon as she walked in the door. She was surprised when she didn't get a response. "Grant?" she asked nervously. All the lights were out and the house was quiet. She turned on the hall light and checked the bedroom. The house was empty. Worried, Brooke ran to the answering machine and played back her messages. The last one was from Grant, he was going out after work and probably wouldn't be home until late. He told her not to worry.

Brooke didn't mind at all when Grant went out after work with the guys. Some days, working at the Stock Market were crazy, and more stressful than others and he needed to unwind. But tonight, Brooke was feeling rather mushy and she was still disoriented from falling into such a short, deep sleep. She wanted to be hugged, needed to feel a strong arm around her right now. The blonde sighed and trudged into the bedroom and without bothering to turn out the light, took off her clothes and climbed under the covers. Traces of her earlier dream came back to her and she felt her heartbeat increase with nerves. "I can't believe I did that." She mumbled to herself. "I should have known something was wrong from the get go. I was smiling at the Country Club. It had to be a dream."

********************

Wade, a tall, lanky, sandy haired man, was lounging around in his pajamas waiting for his roommate to come home. He never knew what to expect after a blind date, but it was usually bad. He grimaced when he heard the door slam and Cayden's determined footsteps heading for his room. He threw the covers over his head and steeled himself.

Cayden flung open the door and shouted. "That was the last... LAST date you ever set me up on!"

The lump shook. "I'm sorry, but the party you're trying to reach is not available at this time. If you leave... EEP!" The covers were thrown off and Wade winced at Cayden's outraged expression. "Cayden.. now, now... you dont want to do anything rash."

"How could you tell me she was sweet? She's a brute! She nearly suffocated me and choked me at the same time with her kiss goodnight!"

La La Bird came galloping into the room to see what the commotion was about.

"OOOO! You kissed her?" Wade asked excitedly, his brown eyes twinkling.

"NO! She kissed me. She practically climbed into my lap in the car and stuck her tongue down my throat! Even after I told her I had cramps! I had no idea the human tongue could be so long! She couldn't stop touching me all night and she spoke drectly to my breasts the whole time!" Cayden fumed. "And another thing... did you happen to notice all her tattoos are skulls and devils and generally death themed?"

"You have cramps? You shouldn't be ovulating until the ..."

"Wade!"

"Well... " he chuckled nervously. "I actually never met her before tonight. Joey knew her and said she was nice..."

"Joey? What the hell does a drag queen from Iowa know about my taste in women? I can't believe you set me up with someone you didn't know!" Cayden picked up a shoe from the floor and tossed it at him.

"Hey! No need for violence! La La hates that sort of thing." he pulled his cat closer for protection.

"I should kill you!" Cayden still seethed.

"You can't kill me. You'd wind up in jail and they all look like Shelly in there. You'd be someone's bitch in a minute and then you'd miss out on all my blind dates. Not to mention my fabulous cheese omelets."

Cayden cracked a grin despite her anger. "Yeah, well, that was it. I'm never going on a date again. I hate women anyway." she pouted.

"Ya know, men aren't all they're cracked up to be." he tried to joke.

"I don't want men either."

"Oh, come on, Shelly wasn't that bad."

"Yes she was!"

"Fine. See if I care. Be an old spinster lady who's house the neighborhood kids TP on Hallowen."

"Sounds fine to me. Women suck."

"Ok, Cayd, spill it This is about what happened today at work. Was it Ida? Or Blanche "you should drop dead" Hoffman?"

"No, and I still don't want to talk about it,"

"Cayd..." Wade sighed sadly as he watched his friend pout her way out of the room. He wanted so much to run after her, but he knew Cayden, when she was ready, she'd talk.

*************

Brooke was laying in a hammock, on her side, with Grant spooned up behind her. It was cool and breezy, the birds were singing and the hammock swayed slowly, lulling her into a wonderful relaxed place. Brooke sighed in contentment and pulled Grant's arm tighter around her body, holding his hand against her belly. She looked down at his hand, the fingers were long and smooth and she started caressing them, smiling at the sigh of pleasure from behind her. She studied the fingers carefully, a warm pleasant feeling washed over her and she snuggled deeper into his body, even though she knew something about his hand wasn't right. With a playful giggle, she shifted, bringing the hand higher till the thumb brushed the underside of her breast. The happy groan behind her wasn't Grant, it wasn't even a man, but Brooke felt so comfortable, so contented where she was that she didn't seem to care. She moved the hand up even higher, until it covered her breast completely. Behind her there was a sharp intake of breath, followed by a long satisfied moan.

"Brooke..."

Brooke shivered at the deep purr. There was no mistaking who it was. "Cayden." she breathed, humming her pleasure, holding the strong hand securely beneath hers, pressing it into her breast. "Cayden." she mumbled, running the fingers of her free hand up and down the strong arm. Cayden was kneading her breast, making her groan, causing her heart to pound wildly in her chest. Brooke's fingers explored the muscular bicep, the strong hairy forearm.

Hairy?

Confused green eyes popped open and Brooke struggled, caught between her dream and reality. Looking down and seeing herself clutching Grant's hand to her breast alarmed her. The dream replayed itself vividly and she gasped. Cayden? Climbing out of bed quickly, she stood in the middle of the room to catch her breath and calm her racing heart. Oh god! What's happening to me?

************************

The tall brunette dug her spoon into the half-eaten ice cream and talked back to the television. It took a while to relax the night before and finally fall asleep and when she woke up, she was cranky. Having the world's fattest cat sprawled across her face didn't help any and she knew the only cure for a day like this was Ben and Jerry. Cayden was greatful that Jodie had other plans for today and wouldn't be at the shop until later. She wanted to be alone. She didn't mind the occasional customer, that was her job, and small talk was easy. She didn't want anyone getting into her brain, and Jodie was great at that. Making herself comfortable, the shop keeper put her long legs up on the counter and tipped back her chair, settling down to watch TV and drown herself in bits of caramel and frozen marshmallow.

Only a few minutes had passed when the bell tinkled, signalling a customer. Cayden looked up and groaned, No, not today.... please... why me? See glanced up at the heavens and narrowed her eyes wondering what she did to deserve this. "Hello Mrs. Hoffman. What can I do for you?"

The stooped over old woman with her beard and mustache, whose long hair looked like it hadn't been washed in months, pushed her wagon towards the counter. "What?"

"I SAY, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU TODAY?"

"What the hell are you yelling at me for? Are you crazy?" the old woman bent over and pet her poodle who was deperately trying to escape the wagon.

Cayden watched the old woman catch her breath with concern, and tried speaking louder than normal, but less than a shout. "Mrs Hoffman, you shouldn't be running around in this heat."

"Yeah, well, what the hell do you want me to do starve? I had to go shopping you miserable son of a bitch! My Princess was going to starve too if we didn't come here to buy her food!" she yelled.

Cayden took a calming breath. "I have your case of food in the back, let me go get it, take a seat and relax."

The old woman sat in one of the two chairs in the store and harrumphed. "Good. It's too hot out there for anyone to be running around, even the Nazis."

The tall woman rolled her eyes.

"You know they're on my fire escape? I saw them, those bastards. They were stealing my brassieres!"

Cayden couldn't help herself. "The Nazis?"

"You're damned right, those sons of bitches. They climb up my fire escape at night and steal my brassieres! And my girdles! Cheap bastards!"

Cayden leaned over the wagon to pick up Princess and put the food inside.

"That goddamned foot doctor! He should break a leg! It's not my fault he has no business in this heat! He cut my toe on purpose! What did I do? I'm a helpless old lady! The son of a bitch should break a leg!"

Cayden frowned and put the poodle back in the cart. "You know Mrs. Hoffman, I think Princess needs a haircut. A shave actually." She suggested, unable to feel the dog's skin through the thick layer of matted fur.

"She's fine! What do you want her to drop dead? I have an air conditioner! She'll get arthritis! You stupid son of a bitch! My Husband's dead! My name is Blanche!"

"Blanche, I really think Princess should be shaved..."

"Shut up! What do you know? What are you a doctor? That stupid goddamned foot doctor should break a leg! Do you think you know everything?"

"Didn't say that I do... Blanche."

"You should eat fish you know... it improves the memory. But not pineapple soda. I had diarreah for a whole day and even kaopectate didn't help. When are you going to find me a male for my Princess? I want her to have puppies! Do you know that spiders eat cockroaches? The spiders keep biting me and Princess, we have sweet blood, I always did because I eat sweets. But not you, you sour puss. You probably eat lemons with salt for breakfast."

Cayden took Blanche's check out of her hand and rang it up. "Have a nice day." she bit out.

"Drop dead you miserable know it all!"

**********************

Grant whistled as he left for work. He was surprised when Brooke woke him in the middle of the night for sex. She wasn't a very sexual person and usually had to be reminded of how long it had been since the last time. She wasn't even much of a tactile person either, but once and a while she liked to be cuddled. Grant loved those times because one thing always led to another and he was guaranteed some those times. Brooke never actually denied his advances, but when she wasn't into it, it wasn't as much fun for him. But last night, she woke him up specifically for sex and while it was completely out of character, who was he to argue? He could tell there was something wrong though, but every time he questioned it, she just became more aggressive and Grant wasn't a fool. He dropped the subject like a hot potato. What's more, she was fast asleep when he woke up, and of all things there was a smile on her face. He was loathe to wake her up but had to and did so gently. She looked confused and even frightened when she awoke, but turned into her irritable self as soon as she became more alert. Grant couldn't help but grin, knowing he put that smile on her face.

********************

Brooke was not happy. She had a very emotionally confusing night and still wasn't sure why she needed to make love to Grant so desperately in the middle of the night. She was sure though, that it had something to do with her dreams of Cayden, which were becoming more frequent, and more sexual. Just this morning she was dreaming of Cayden and they were making out like teenagers in the back of a movie theater. What she found most confusing about these dreams was that they were turning her on. It's one thing to have a simple crush, it's a whole other thing to dream about having sex with another woman... and like it. Brooke's mind was all jumbled when Bev stuck her head over the partition.

"I'm sorry Bev, did you say something?"

"I just wanted to borrow your stapler, mine's jammed again. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"No, you're not, but it's ok if you don't want to talk about it. Just know that you can, ok?"

"Thanks Bev."

After the older woman returned the stapler and disappeared into her cubicle, Brooke sat quietly and thought. Should I talk to Bev about this? Green eyes drifted to the wall that seperated her from Bev. She may just understand. Then again, do I even want to talk about this with anyone...

part 4

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