15.
Bethany and Gino Cioffi were very happy to see me, gave their condolences about my mother, and we briefly reminisced before they left for their evening out. We were supposed to be there maybe a little over an hour before Tommy came home and relieved us of duty. Tommy was recently divorced and had moved back to his parents' home so that he could get back on his feet. It would be good to see him, too. 'Aunt' Bethany made the statement (with a humorous lilt) that she had always hoped Tommy would find a spirited girl just like me to marry...with one obvious exception, of course. Maybe, if I had been straight, I would have gone after him because he was quite the handsome heartthrob in high school but as I admired the gorgeous blonde by my side, I was glad I was destined to be with innies and not outies. 'Uncle' Gino winked at Lisa and told us that at least somebody in the family ended up with me, a comment that made us both blush and provoked a jab in the side from his wife.
After Lisa's aunt and uncle left and following a tour of the refurbished apartment, Lisa and I ventured down into the closed store, deciding to keep the lights off as the street lights outside provided enough brightness for me to see that nothing had changed with the quaint interior. She deactivated the alarm system and we walked around, sharing memories of separate and collective good times there.
"You know," Lisa began, with a hint of impishness in her tone, "I always wanted to play that game that you and Lesley use to play with the shopping cart."
Laughing, I shook my head. "We were lucky we didn't break anything in the store or injure anything on our bodies. And Lesley always used to accuse Tommy of cheating in my favor because she said he was hot for me."
"He was. It made me insanely jealous thinking you might actually end up with him."
I studied her briefly. "Really? You had no idea about me back then?"
"Only what was wishful thinking. I thought if you were a lesbian, Lesley would know and that would have been the end of your friendship."
"But...she didn't act like that back then. The only reason I didn't say anything was that I didn't think she could keep it to herself."
"She wouldn't have, believe me. And the only reason she seemed to act so differently in high school was that she went through a phase where she knew going against the grain would get her noticed."
"So all her defense that one day of Joey Lassiter where she stood up to everybody was bullshit?"
"Remember all the kids that made fun of Joey? Remember the guy she really liked at the time, Ryan Machain?"
"Yeah?" I wondered what one had to do with the other.
"Remember how he was all into political correctness and was heading a student committee against high school bullies?"
"Ah, so she did it just to get his attention." Why didn't I know that about her?
"Yep but they only went out once. He found out what a liar and a phony she was."
She told me she didn't go out with him again because he was dull. "Jesus, did I really know her at all?"
"Probably as well as anyone. You knew exactly what she wanted you to know."
I was really jarred. Had I been so wrapped up in my own world of secrets and hurt that I never saw Lesley for who she really was? Or was I just as guilty as everyone else of seeing only what I wanted to see? I felt Lisa tugging on my sleeve which nudged me out of my momentary self-scrutiny and I looked at her.
Her eyes were sparkling in the darkness, reflecting the limited light that was sneaking into the store. Once again, she took my breath away. "Kiss me."
She didn't have to say it twice. I pulled her to me, sooner than she expected me to, startling her, and I hungrily covered her mouth with mine. She unleashed the animal inside me and I wanted to devour her right there in front of the huge wall-length, clear glass window that faced the street. We probably stayed lip-locked, on display for anyone who walked by and really wanted to look in and see, longer than we should have. I didn't care, though, I could have stood there, kissing her all night. As it was, she had to gently push me away, breaking the kiss.
"God, Hunter," she gasped. "I can't believe how damned weak in the knees you make me."
"Yeah? Just wait until later," I promised.
"Braggart," she grinned, slowly backing away from me.
"Yep, I am. And you know I can make good on it, too." I walked toward her. "How much more time do we have before Tommy's expected?"
"About a half-hour. Why?" An expectant, sensuous grin played on her lips. "Just what do you have in mind?"
"This." I grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up, dumping her in a shopping cart, butt first, so that just her arms, legs, shoulders and head stuck over the top. She was laughing so hard, after her initial struggling, she couldn't have stopped me if she tried. "Ready?" She nodded and I made a speedy trial run up and down each aisle, getting the feel of pushing the car with the balanced weight. "Okay...we do it for real this time. I'll bring you close to the shelves and you have to put into the cart and on top of you as much as you can with your hands. We'll go through once and then turn around and hit the other side of the aisle on the way back. Then I bring you up to the cash register, which is the finish line. Then it's my turn. Since Tommy's not here to ref, we'll have to judge - honestly - who has the most. Anything knocked on the floor and not in the cart doesn't count."
She was still giggling. "I can't believe you guys used to do this all the time."
"It was fun. Putting everything back on the shelves sucked but it was worth the once a month competition. Ready?" I was standing still, pushing the cart out then pulling it back to me.
She put her hand up and pointed forward. "Let's do it."
And, with that, I raced her around the store as she swept anything and everything within reach into the cart and onto her midsection. By the second time around the store, the cart was getting a lot heavier than I remembered it getting in the past. I needed to start working out my arms and legs more. She had cans and other items piled on her pretty high by the time we reached the cash register.
"God, I can't move! This was so much fun. I didn't realize -"
We both stopped dead when we saw the patrol car spotlight shine in the window, directly on Lisa. "Uh oh," was all I could seem to manage. We watched the officer exit her car, putting her baton in its holder and key the mic clipped to her uniform epaulet, probably calling in her location. Her approach to the front door of the store was not aggressive nor threatening, her hand nowhere near her holster.
"It's Kim Fredette, shit!" Lisa said, her voice hushed and a little panicked.
"You know her?" I scrunched down behind the cart as the officer switched on her maglite.
"Yes. She's always asking me out. You know her, too. She used to play center for St. James."
"Kim Ligouri?" She was the girl I used to make out with after the games in a deserted part of the gym. I did not want to see her, even after all these years. The last time we were together, I had agreed to go 'all the way' with her the next time we were supposed to meet and then I panicked and avoided her until I left the area. Fortunately, she attended a rival school which was thirty miles away from Otter Falls, so she was never in town where I had to worry about running into her at every turn.
Flashing her light through the window in the glass door, she illuminated Lisa, obviously recognizing her and knocked on the metal frame with her flashlight.
"Hunter, let her in," I heard Lisa command, her voice still quiet.
Let her in? I didn't even want her to see me, which is why I stayed hidden behind the cart. I was hoping Kim would acknowledge that one of the town's most prominent lawyers was trapped in a shopping cart, in front of a cash register in a fully stocked, dark store, after hours, with probably a hundred dollars worth of groceries piled high on top of her and then leave.
Kim knocked again. "Lisa? What's going on?"
"I'm okay, Kim," Lisa hollered out to the obviously more than confused woman in uniform. "Hunter, let her in," Lisa said, in an urgent whisper.
I remained frozen in place. No, no, no, no, why me? Why Kim? Fuck, fuck, fuck!
"Hunter!" That was a bark. "Let her in!" That was a hiss.
Kim's knocking had turned to pounding and Lisa reached her hand behind the cart and grabbed a fistful of my hair. "Ow, owowowowow, all right!" I slowly stood up, an action that made Kim take a step back and her hand automatically hovered above the butt of her 9mm.
"It's okay, Kim, Hunter's going to let you in," Lisa announced as I put both my hands up, level with my shoulders and walked to the door. I was hoping that maybe I could let her in, Lisa would have a friendly little chat with her and she'd let us both off the hook without even finding out my name. But Lisa shot that in the ass. There weren't that many women in the world named Hunter and I knew, her hearing that and then seeing my face and height, she would put two and two together and I'd have some 'splainin' to do.
It didn't matter that it was sixteen years ago and we were merely horny teenagers. Lesbians had it all over elephants when it came to never forgetting.
She raised her maglite and shined it in my face as I unlocked the door. Once the green and purple spots disappeared, I saw her smirking. "Well, well, well...if it isn't Hunter Roberge. That still is your last name isn't it?"
"Yep. Hi Kim." I closed the door behind her.
She gave me a shameless once over, then turned to Lisa. "Counselor," she acknowledged.
"Sergeant," Lisa returned the titled courtesy, embarrassed to the point of almost glowing in the dark.
I noticed the three chevrons on her sleeve as she returned her full attention to me. "Sorry to hear about your mother," she said, while practically leering.
"Thanks."
"Is that what brought you to town?" She had not changed much. She was still as tall as I was, still thin, still androgynous, still had piercing hazel eyes and a way that she curled her lip on one side that I found quite sexy when I used to get all hot and sweaty with her on and off the basketball court. I wondered if her kisses were still sloppy.
"Yes, it is." I would only share more information under duress and maybe not even then.
"How long are you staying?" Her tone and demeanor reflected that she was still very interested.
Lisa, obviously realizing we had some kind of history, cleared her throat to get our attention. "Uh...does someone want to help me out of this cart?"
Kim turned back to her as I walked over and started removing the items from the cart, placing them on the counter. "Would either of you like to tell me what's going on here?" Kim asked.
"Any way of getting out of it?" I asked, as Lisa clasped my arm and pulled herself to her feet while I held the cart so it wouldn't tip. It took her a few minutes before she could fully straighten up.
"You're good at that, aren't you, Hunter? Getting out of things?" There was a acerbity in her words.
I loaded all of the groceries back into the cart as Lisa approached Kim and smiled. "We're watching my aunt's store until my cousin gets here and we were just having a little fun. We're authorized to be in here, so you don't have to do a report...right?" Her tone was amiable but professional. She was more urging than asking.
"Well...that depends..."
"On?" Lisa tilted her head, waiting for the blackmail.
I slowly moved behind Lisa and put my arm over her shoulder, crossing her chest, my hand coming to rest on her bicep, in a gesture that could have been interpreted as territorial. Okay, so it was blatantly territorial and Kim's eyes widened, especially when Lisa's fingers curled around my forearm. She got the message. There was a challenging look in my eyes and Kim raised her hand in concession, smiling.
She shook her head. "Figures." She keyed her mic. "Lincoln eight to base, code four at this location." When she received a 'ten-four' in response, she studied us both, still smirking. "I got a call that someone reported suspicious activity at this location. Must have been whatever the hell you were doing in that cart." When Lisa opened her mouth to explain, Kim put her hand up again. "I don't want to know. I figured whoever was in here belonged because the alarm didn't go off. Then I get here and find the cutest couple in town doing...something...Anyway, as long as I don't get any further complaints from the Cioffis, I only have to log this as a baseless call I responded to."
"Thank you, Kim," Lisa told her, sincerely. When I was silent, she subtly elbowed me.
"Oof. Thanks, Kim," I added.
"If I was a different type of person, I could threaten to report this as a 10-59 and then hold it over your heads until you bartered with me. And, even though you've turned me down several times, Counselor," she said to Lisa, "and you owe me, Hunter, I'm not the kind of person who abuses her authority like that."
"Thank you, Kim," Lisa repeated, sweetly.
I was a little incredulous."Owe you? Jesus, Kim, that was a lifetime ago and you would actually call this malicious mischief? By what stretch of the imagination? It's certainly mischief but there's nothing malicious about -" Another poke to the ribs. " -Oof. Thank you, Kim."
"I don't forget people who back out on agreements, Hunter. Not when they look like you, anyway. It doesn't matter when it happened, just that it did happen. And how do you know what a 10-59 is? Don't tell me you're a cop, too..."
"I'm a park ranger."
She nodded. "Nice. Okay. I need to get back on patrol. Ladies, it was good seeing you again. Wish I was meeting both of you under different and separate circumstances but thems the breaks, huh? Stay out of trouble." She stepped to the door and opened it and turned back to me. "If...uh...things don't work out with you two, give me a call."
"Thank you, Kim," I recited, a fake smile plastered on my face, locking the door once she was outside. I turned to come face to face with amused, questioning eyes.
"Something you'd like to share with the class?" Her arms were folded across her chest.
"Hey, Lisa! You down there?" Saved by Tommy. "Hey, Hunter, you with her?"
"Yeah, we're both here," I answered.
We heard him come bounding down the stairs. "Where's the girl who launched thousands of my wet dreams?"
"Charming," Lisa commented, laughing, shaking her head. She looked out at Kim, sitting in her patrol car, entering this call on her log. "Seems like you launched quite a few wet dreams back then."
Oh, I was really going to have some 'splainin' to do when we got back to my mother's.
16.
Tommy had changed. He was partially bald and he had a beer gut and love handles that hung over his belt, giving him that 'muffin top' look. He had gone from resembling his mother to being a clone of his father, including the thick, bushy mustache. He still had eyes that smiled and a grin that charmed and a hug that crushed. He was one of the few people who could actually lift me off the ground when he hugged me.
After he gave Lisa's shoulder a quick squeeze and gushed about how good he thought I looked, he noticed the cans in the shopping cart. "Oh, man! You guys played shelf sweep without me? You couldn't have waited?"
"It was kind of spontaneous," Lisa told him.
"Want to play again?" He asked, enthusiastically, bouncing up and down on his heels like a little kid.
"Uh...no," I said, looking out the window as Kim's squad car made a u-turn in front of the store and sped off toward downtown.
He helped us return everything to the shelves and we went back up stairs to catch up on each other's lives. Thanks to Lisa's parents, he was aware of my orientation and other than his 'what a loss' comment, he seemed very okay with it. He also stated that if his beautiful cousin had to be a lesbian, he wished she'd end up with someone like me. I hadn't realized his family genuinely liked me as much as they did. It warmed my heart.
There were some good people in this town. It was unfortunate they had to be so few and far inbetween.
*********************
"You used to make out with Kim Fredette!?"
We were on our way back to my mother's. Lisa was driving and I had just explained to her about Kim's cryptic statements earlier. "She was Kim Ligouri back then and yes. She was safe. She was obvious. She didn't live in town." Lisa was silent, absorbing all this. "Would it help if I said she was a lousy kisser?"
"So why did you keep meeting up with her?"
I shrugged. "Practice?"
She laughed, slapping at my arm. "That's terrible."
"It's true. Why is her last name Fredette now? She couldn't have got married..."
"Well, actually, she did."
"To a man?" I stared at Lisa, surprised.
"Yes. To a man. And they had a kid. They were divorced the year after her daughter was born." She glanced at my face, which must have looked totally blank because I was dumbfounded. Kim Ligouri? Had sex with a man? And had a baby? I was expecting the sky to start falling any minute. Lisa returned her attention to the road. "Don't ask me. I'm not that close to her to know all the dirty little details of her life." Then she glanced at me again, smirking. "Obviously."
"Hey, we just kissed and felt around a little bit, that's all."
"But she wasn't your first?"
"No. That's why she's still pissed. I told her I would and then I...didn't."
"Why didn't you?"
I sighed. "I got scared."
"You? I didn't think you were afraid of anybody."
"We're all afraid of somebody." I glanced out the window. "I didn't want her to be my first."
"So...she wasn't your first. Who was? Anyone I know?"
I snickered. She'd never believe it. "Maybe. Who was your first? Anyone I know?"
"I wanted it to be you." She pulled into the drive way and shut off the car. "And, beside, I asked you first."
I unhooked my seat belt and waved her off. "You probably don't remember her. She left Otter Falls not too long before I did. She was older. Thirty."
"And you were eighteen?"
"Yeah. Late bloomer, I know. You?"
"My first was older, too. She was thirty-three. I was seventeen. It happened at a retreat my parents insisted I go to up near Plattsburg. Actually, she used to live in Otter Falls but I didn't know her then. Very alluring, very persuasive. She was married, though, and that always bothered me." There was a melancholy tone to her voice I found puzzling.
"Mine was married, too."
"So, come on, who was it?"
I reached over and rested my hand on her shoulder. "It was the minister's wife. From the First Congregational Church. Jennifer -"
I heard a sharp intake of breath. "Visson?" I didn't like the look in her eyes.
"Yes. Why?"
"I don't believe this..." She looked stunned.
"Oh, no...you are kidding me. She was not your first..." I was undergoing a sudden kaleidoscope of emotions, the strongest of which seemed to be anger. Jennifer Visson was a predator. I had realized that after I had gotten older and looked back on the experience. Although, I enjoyed the time I spent with her in bed and was appreciative of her personal instruction, I knew she really wasn't a nice person. And now to find out that she also 'busted' Lisa, a silent storm began raging inside me. It was a surprisingly coincidental link but a sexual connection I wish we didn't share. Knowing how Jennifer was with virgins, I could visualize exactly what they had done that first time and picturing Lisa in her clutches was almost too much for me.
"Yeah, she was," she confirmed, quietly.
"Huh." I nodded. "Why don't we go inside and talk about this."
*****************
Lisa and I sat on the couch, her tight against my side, my arm around her, discussing Jennifer Visson and our first times. This was a development about which I could not seem to reconcile my feelings. I had foolishly hoped that Jennifer had learned her lesson with me by getting caught and barely escaping having her family scandalized and her husband's reputation ruined. Obviously not.
After the Vissons left Otter Falls, they moved to just outside Plattsburg, New York. Jennifer began helping out at a Christian retreat near Saranac Lake, a camp that Lisa was ordered to attend by her parents the summer she was seventeen. By that age, Lisa had come out to her mother and father and, apparently, everyone else and Mrs. Riordan thought she, personally, would never survive the 'disgrace' of it all. Insisting that all Lisa needed was to examine her spiritual priorities and deepen her relationship with God, the Riordans sent their youngest daughter to a week long religious camp that focused on reawakening faith to the 'lost.' Lisa said it wasn't a gay rehabilitation center because if there were any other homosexuals there, she didn't come into contact with them. In fact, most of the attendees were housewives sent there by their husbands to try and find their way back to the 'obey' part of their marriage vows.
She said she was very vocal about her orientation which resulted in no one wanting to share a room with her...well, except for this one lecherous maintenance man who was positive he could 'change' her. Within a day, the news reached Jennifer, the aptly titled 'activities director', who volunteered to personally 'guide' her. Lisa then told me that although she was very attracted to Jennifer, her aggressive pursuit unnerved her and she resisted her until her last night there when she went back to her room and found Jennifer, naked, in her bed. Seemed Jennifer had a routine.
I asked Lisa why, if Jennifer was her first experience, she didn't have a vaginal orgasm as that was one of Jennifer's specialties. Lisa explained that although they did 'everything,' when Jennifer entered her, it was with a dildo and not with her fingers, that maybe if that hadn't been so uncomfortable and maybe if she hadn't bled and panicked a little, things would have progressed to that point. But when Lisa expressed hesitation about going forward with any more 'activities,' Jennifer became impatient and annoyed with her and left, making what should have been a rewarding and fond memory, a confusing and disenchanting one.
After sharing my Jennifer Visson story, we went upstairs and crawled into bed. Initially, we just held each other. I was too disturbed to concentrate on anything else. I really wanted to find Jennifer and take her to task, not just for avoiding any responsibility for my situation but for preying on virgins, having to be their very first, an unhealthy obsession that left casualties in its wake. She was a seductive package and she knew it, knew that no curious and willing girl in her right mind would turn down an offer to have an experienced, sexy woman 'show her the ropes.' The problem seemed to be, however, that Jennifer had moved on to not caring if they were willing or not, she would wear her victim down to get what she wanted. And the girls had started getting younger.
When it was just me, I thought it was pretty cool to tell people that I had been seduced by a minister's wife, leaving out, of course, what resulted from getting caught. But finding out that Lisa was nailed by the same woman put an entirely different spin on it and I suddenly realized the bigger picture wasn't so cool. Maybe if my mother had talked or I had said something to someone, the threat of negative publicity for the Vissons and the church may have prompted counseling or sanctions of some sort. Not that I would have wanted anything bad to happen to her at the time because I was too infatuated to think clearly but severe action then may have put the reins on Jennifer's overactive libido. Or, at least, perhaps made her equate humiliatingly harsh consequences with her selfishly lascivious choices. Jennifer would have been forty-six now. I wondered if she was still on the prowl and what lines she may have crossed over the last thirteen years since Lisa.
Lisa's encounters since then had been much more pleasant, not that her night with Jennifer had been horrible because she was quick to say that the sex, itself, was enlightening and definitely fulfilling, with the exception of the upsetting penetration part. Jennifer's behavior following that was a recollection that she did not treasure too much and she admitted that she cried herself to sleep after Jennifer left, feeling very used and, well, sordid.
It didn't matter that it was thirteen years after the fact, my heart broke for her. She deserved a better first time.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Lisa's soft voice broke through my preoccupation as her warm hand made gentle circles on my ribcage. Her head was on my chest and my arm was around her shoulder. When I didn't answer right away, she said, "You know a person's heart rate speeds up when they are thinking angry thoughts. Yours is pounding like a trip-hammer."
"I can't stop thinking about Jennifer and how I wish I had her in front of me right now."
"Right now?" She lifted her head and looked at me, grinning. "I think this would be the last place you'd want her right now." She raised an eyebrow.
That made me smile. "True. If she ever put her hands on you again..."
"Awww, my big, brave girlfriend is going to protect me. My big, brave girlfriend who hid behind the grocery cart from the big, bad police officer." She reached up and pinched my cheek. "How cute is that?"
I took her hand and kissed it. "God, you are such a brat."
She climbed fully on top of me, my arms encircling her, keeping her in place. "You know, though...think about it. It's just one more thing to support my destiny theory. What are the odds that we would both lose our virginity to the same woman?"
"Well, knowing how Jennifer worked, I'd now say the odds were pretty damned good."
She began lightly kissing my face all over until her lips were hovering over mine. "I don't want to talk about her anymore."
"What do you want to talk about?"
"I don't want to talk at all," she said before she rewarded me with a tender yet passionate kiss that eventually led to some very sweet, tempered lovemaking that lasted long into the night.
********************
The next morning something happened that I really didn't like. Lisa had to leave our warm bed to go to her house and get ready for work. No matter what amount of begging I did, she was relentlessly responsible.
How was I going to leave her to go back to California when I couldn't even bear when she left me to go to work? What was she doing to me? I was not like this, this was not me. I'd had prior relationships but none which ever reached this level of commitment and definitely not this fast. It made me wonder if we would burn out as quickly as we caught fire, something that often happened in my past. A woman would ignite my desire and we would start hot and heavy, the flame flickering out soon after and it was obvious there had really been nothing there but sexual attraction to begin with.
My longest relationship lasted just under a year and it was turbulent from the beginning. Yet that tempestuous aura that brought us together was ultimately what tore us apart. The constant head-butting of two strong women who never really had much in common except their gladiatorial nature was doomed to fail, despite how intensely stimulating the sex was. She was someone I still occasionally connected with when neither one of us were specifically dating anyone and we felt the need for some sexual companionship. We discovered we were much better at being fuck buddies than we were at being lovers. She was the last woman I had been with before Lisa.
Something about what was happening between Lisa and I was very different than anything I had ever experienced before with anyone. The completeness that the washed over me in her presence was only matched by the emptiness that held me hostage during her absence. I almost felt a little lost now that she wasn't with me. I didn't want to go as far to say that I was in love with her because the concept of falling in love with someone in four days just wasn't realistic to me. But reality aside, as much as I tried to analyze and downplay my feelings for her, it always circled back to the 'in love' issue. In the past that would have scared the hell out of me but now, with this particular woman, I welcomed it with open arms. I adored everything about Lisa Riordan and I wanted her in my life 24/7 and I knew she felt the same. Now if we could only come to an accommodating agreement on just how we were going to accomplish that.
As I was showering, I was still stewing about the disclosure involving Jennifer Visson. If she lived closer, I would have confronted her. She was four years younger than I was now when she slept with me and only a year younger than I was now when she got Lisa. I could not fathom, at my age, targeting an eighteen-year-old or younger and I could only hope that she was still not luring young sapphic virgins into her (or someone's) bed at age forty-six.
I had no doubt she was still beautiful, was probably one of these women who just got better looking with age, and I was sure she used that to her advantage when preying on her victims. But all that added to her using her position of assumed authority and standing affiliation with a church to achieve some egotistically carnal goal was beyond appalling, it was reprehensible. Especially when she never stuck around long enough to deal with the consequences of her actions. It was deviant behavior like hers that gave the rest of us a bad name.
I suddenly wondered if I could track her down using the Internet or maybe start an online Jennifer Visson recovery group. Okay. I was becoming obsessed and I had to stop.
After feeding Orion, I poured myself a cup of coffee from a pot Lisa had brewed before she left. I retrieved the morning paper and glanced through all four, thin sections of The Otter Falls Daily News, zeroing in on the listed opened and closed court cases and the obituaries to see if I recognized any names. My mother's services were listed and I scanned for my name, spotting it. "One daughter, S. Hunter Roberge from Glendale, California," I read aloud. "Sam must have given the information to the paper." I then found my horoscope which advised me to look beneath the surface of the obvious, not everything was what it appeared to be. And that differed from any other day of my life how?
17.
Returning to the house from delivering my mother's clothes to a very grateful battered women's shelter, where I promised them there would be another load in a couple days of some very out-of-style teenage clothes, I called my Aunt Cissy to see if I could stop by for a cup of coffee. She couldn't say yes fast enough.
I was looking forward to seeing her, to see how much she had changed. My aunt was a brave woman and one of great strength. I admired her greatly. She loved my Uncle David very much and losing him like she did and when she did was crippling yet she never let it show, other than shedding a few tears behind the closed door of the bedroom they had shared for thirty-six years. They had raised four kids and took me in without hesitation. Even though I only stayed with them for two months, it was an unnecessary disruption but she never once asked me why I was there or made me feel like I did not belong. She opened her arms and her home to me and I felt ashamed that I had not kept in better touch.
Aunt Cissy knew whatever had happened between my mother and I was a very serious but a painfully private issue. Whether she had guessed about me or not, I didn't know. There was never any indication that she had and there were never any questions. My cousins also never implied that they had any inkling regarding my orientation. They were curious about what happened with my mother but when I refused to talk about it, the inquiries stopped. Whether my aunt or uncle instructed them to leave it be or not, I never found out. Maybe my visit with her today would give me more insight.
She was at the front door when I pulled into the driveway. I greeted her with a long, warm hug and she linked my arm with hers, pulling me inside. In the last seven years, either I had grown taller or she had grown shorter. A few more wrinkles, a few more pounds, several more white hairs but she was still my Aunt Cissy with the smiling eyes. Pouring me a large mug of coffee, she gestured to the kitchen table, on which there was a big mixing bowl and all the ingredients for the makings of chocolate chip cookies.
I glanced around. The kitchen looked the same, barring a few more knick-knacks, a different wall clock and a new refrigerator loaded with photo magnets of what I assumed were grandchildren. Before I sat down, I studied the pictures on the freezer door and below. "Wow. This one here looks just like Uncle David," I pointed out. "Is...good lord, is that Justin?"
She took a step closer and grinned, proudly. "Yes. He's sixteen now."
"Wow. That's amazing." We took a seat at the kitchen table, opposite each other. Shauna, my oldest cousin, was the third to get married but the first to have kids. It seemed like once she started, the three other siblings followed suit and my Aunt Cissy now had fourteen grandchildren. Justin was nine the last time I saw him and pretty devastated that his grandpa was gone. I got the lowdown on all my cousins, their spouses and whose children were whose from my aunt on the phone.
"Shauna gets home from work about two but has to be at a school conference by three-thirty and would like you to stop by, if you can."
"Yeah, I'd like that."
"And remember I told you that Courtney works at her accounting business out of her house? She would also like to see you since she can't get to Shauna's before three..."
"...uh huh..." Oh, boy. This was going to turn into an all day venture. My two other cousins, Jeremy and Nicole, wanted to see me, too but they also had things going on and would be home at different times and even though they lived in separate sides of a duplex, they wouldn't be able to see me together. As much as I loved Sam, I wouldn't want him right next door to me but the family was very close, not just in their feelings for each other but also proximity, too, all living within eight blocks of each other. I was going to tell her that I didn't have to stop and see them all in one day but it looked like she had already made the arrangements. Thankfully, I didn't have anything else going on until Lisa got out of work and who knew what the immediate future held so it made sense to visit with everyone today if I could.
We exchanged pleasantries and by my third swallow of coffee, Aunt Cissy got right down to business. "Now, Hunter, you don't need to tell me, you know that, but did your mother kick you out all those years ago because you're a lesbian?"
My eyes snapped open and I put the coffee mug down. "You guessed that about me, huh?"
"Honestly, no, I had no clue. Shauna's daughter, Lara, babysits for Lesley and Wally Melendy. She came home on Friday night very upset because Mrs. Melendy was saying terrible things about you to her. Calling you a pervert and unnatural and saying all kinds of disturbing things."
"Lesley knows who Lara is, then?" I was beginning to struggle internally with who I disliked more - Lesley or Dane.
"Oh, yes. Remember Shauna worked for Doug Riordan for two years before she got married. This is Otter Falls, Hunter, everybody knows everybody and everybody else's business. That has never changed. The only exception to that rule I can ever remember is what happened between you and your mother."
"Yes, Aunt Cissy. My mother threw me out because she found out I was a lesbian."
"That was it?" It was not a question of suspicion, as though I were holding out on her, it was more a statement of incredulity. She really didn't need to know the details because I didn't think that mattered at this point.
"That was it." I bowed my head. Even after all these years, it still stung. She reached over and gently put her hand on my wrist.
"Oh, sweetie. Your mother..." she shook her head. "You know your mom and I got along like oil and water, which is why we only tolerated each other at Christmas and weddings. I never told you the reason for that. But it was the way she treated you."
I looked up at her, startled. "Really?" Well, that was a surprise. I had always assumed it was because Uncle David was my father's brother and she didn't want anything to do with that side of the family.
"Yes. Really. I cannot tell you the fights your mother and I used to get into about you. You don't know how many times she told me to mind my own business. She never wanted to let you be who you were, never wanted you to develop your own personality. She didn't even want you to be the mini version of her. It was impossible to see what she wanted from you but if I couldn't figure it out and I'm an adult, there was no chance for you to figure it out."
"She didn't want me to be anything like my father."
"It would have been so much simpler if that had been it. But she tossed your father out when you were almost four. Her unreasonably harsh discipline of you started from the second you could understand the word 'no.' She always acted angry with you."
"She always was. I could never do anything right in her eyes. She would ask me to do something and I would do it and even though I had never done it before, she would go around right behind me, berating me every step of the way for doing it wrong. She used to say, 'can't you do anything right?' or 'if you aren't going to do it right the first time, why do it at all?' I just got to a point where I agreed with her and told her fine, I wouldn't do it then. But that, of course, got me in trouble, too. You know, just a little praise for trying would have been nice."
"Hunter, I don't know what was wrong with your mother as far as you were concerned but I think blaming your father was just a convenient excuse."
"So...you think she always hated me?" I looked up into her sympathetic gray eyes, hoping she would say no. It seemed okay for me to think it myself but if my aunt confirmed that she did, indeed, think my mother really hated me, that would instill a bitterness and a sadness in me I don't think I could ever get rid of.
"No, sweetie, I think she hated herself. For some reason, you were her outlet."
"Why would she hate herself? My mother was very beautiful, very lovely and seemingly very popular. She was a good mother and very well regarded in the community." Did I just say she was a good mother? Well, despite her treatment of me, my two brothers and I did grow up to be productive adults. I was an exemplary employee, quickly rising to the top of my field, keeping Bambi, Thumper and all their little friends safe. Sam was managing his father-in-law's prospering construction business, keeping it successfully afloat and making a name for himself in the entire state, not just regionally. And Dane...well, Dane, even though he seemed to live by his own set of rules, had made a name for himself in local politics and was a big deal at Mom's church. So, in that respect, she was a good mother, instilling some core work values that stayed with us.
"Hunter, I knew your mother before she married your dad. You know that she lived the typical young girl's dream being her junior and senior prom and homecoming queen, she was Miss Otter Falls and second runner up in the Miss Vermont pageant..."
"Yeah, I never heard the end of that."
"Nobody else did either. And do you know why? Because it's all she had to hang onto. It was the last time in her life when she was her own person, when she was in control of her life. Your father came along, this handsome man just out of the Navy, looking like a good catch and she thinks she's going to live the American dream with him."
"Instead, she lives the American nightmare," I finished for her.
She smiled, patiently, and stood up. "Not quite." She went to the sink and filled up a measuring cup with water and returned to the table. Starting to add brown sugar, then white sugar to the big bowl, she said, "To my knowledge your father never raised a hand to her, did he?"
"If he did, I didn't know about it. And believe me, I'm sure if he had, that would have been thrown up in my face, too."
"Then it wasn't quite the American nightmare." She looked up, watching me watch her prepare the dough. "They'll be done before you leave. I'll make sure you have some."
"Thanks, Aunt Cissy," I grinned, happily, feeling like a little kid again. "Can I maybe have some dough, too, before you use it all?" She looked at me, waiting. Then I remembered. "Please?" Jesus, I was a little kid again.
She laughed. "Courtney is always saying to me, 'Mom, I don't care how old I get, I come back into this house and I feel ten years old again.' I guess we parents always have a way of doing that, huh?" She returned to the subject of my mother. "Some of us tried to tell Sarah that she was making a mistake but she wouldn't listen. She was stuck on the fact that, together, she and your father were the perfect couple. I mean, yes, they looked fabulous together, like right out of a movie magazine, but he played her from the beginning. Your Uncle David talked to your father the night before the wedding, begged him to call it off. But, without going into details, your father wasn't about to give up your mother at that point."
"So you're saying it really was my father's fault my mother was the way she was?"
"Not at all. It was both their faults. Your father should have left her alone. Period. Devastatingly handsome, though he was, he was a scoundrel from the word go and your mother deserved better. So did you kids." She added the chocolate chips to her mix and continued to stir. "On the other hand, your mother should have been less focused on what other people thought or how it looked for her to be with anyone who had less than matinee idol looks. Appearances were everything with her and she tried to maintain that. Especially after your father left."
"And I never fit in with her standards of what was acceptable. I never heard the end of her disappointment because her life wasn't what I wanted, her pointed disbelief that I didn't have a date every weekend or a steady boyfriend or any of that stuff that was of no interest to me. There was never any let up of that tone, you know? The one that always said, what's wrong with you? You're not good enough, you'll never measure up. She ridiculed everything I did. Whatever it was, it was never right." The frustration in my voice was clear.
"Just because you didn't do it her way doesn't mean it wasn't right," Aunt Cissy stated, gently. "You were always a very pretty girl and you've grown into a stunning woman. You seem like a beautiful soul, too, sweetie. Why she never chose to recognize that, I'll never know. Why she chose to take her own personal failings out on you is something I'll never understand. Your brothers could get away with murder but you caught hell for everything." As a consoling gesture, she handed me a soup spoon full of cookie dough loaded with dark chocolate chips. Dropping the first batch on a cookie sheet, she popped them into the oven and brought the coffee pot over to refill our mugs. "Your mother should never have disowned you because you happen to like women better than men. We have no control over that kind of stuff. Why, hell, if it was acceptable to be angry at my kids because of who they fell in love with, I wouldn't be speaking to three of them. If your grandmother followed that philosphy, she should have disowned your mother. I'm sure no woman you brought home to your mother would have been any worse than her bringing your father home to your grandmother."
She wasn't really telling me anything I didn't already know but it was nice to hear that someone else noticed it, too. It just validated my belief that I really wasn't a bad daughter. We spoke frankly about my mother and my father and I learned little tidbits of information that helped put together a clearer picture of why my childhood may have been so miserable.
Then she echoed the words that had us all perplexed. "So when your mother left you that house, that just shocked us all."
"I can honestly tell you that it shocked me the most. I still don't know why she did it, no one else seems to know, either, and I don't know if I will ever find out."
"Do you think she left you the house as, maybe, an apology?"
We both contemplated that idea for a moment and both shook our heads at the same time. "Nah, me either. I guess the only one who knows the answer to that is her."
After four cups of coffee, a half-dozen hot cookies and two hours of 'catch up' conversation, it was time to go. I wanted to head home and take a nap but there was no way I could fit that on my immediate schedule. Aunt Cissy filled a bag with a dozen more cookies and placed them on the table for me. I was just rinsing out my coffee cup in the sink when the doorbell rang.
"Hunter, sweetie, would you get that? I need to get this batch of cookies out of the oven."
"Sure," I told her as I grabbed another fresh, warm cookie off the cooling rack. I walked to the door and opened it to find a middle-aged woman standing there, holding a clipboard and a fistful of leaflets. She was a few inches shorter than I, full-figured, nicely dressed in a red pantsuit, but a little haggared-looking. She had shiny red hair pulled away from her face by a barrette, dark eyes, rosy red lips, rosy cheeks and an odd yellowish-colored nose. She reminded me of a life-sized Tickle Me Elmo. "Yes?"
"Hi, I'm Vicky Stancliff and I'm here to remind you to get out and vote next month and when you do, your vote for Dane Roberge for congress would be appreciated." She was about to hand me something with a photo of my brother's smug face on it when I leaned back away from the doorway.
"Aunt Cissy, are you going to vote for Dane next month?"
"Hell, no. The little turd doesn't deserve it," she called back.
I returned my attention to Vicky, looking a little uncomfortable. "Sorry. Not interested."
Before I could close the door, she said, "Maybe that's because you really don't know him."
I raised an eyebrow and looked at her, pointedly. "And how well do you know him...Vicky?"
"Oh, well, my husband has worked with him for the last two years. We think he's just what this town needs to represent it."
"Well, that woman in there? She's his aunt and she's known him for the last thirty-one years and she thinks if he gets elected, this town will be in deep bat guano. And her opinion is good enough for me."
She looked as though she were about to say something but I told her to have a nice day and closed the door on her. Following a promise to my aunt not be a stranger in her house, I took my bag of cookies and left to reconnect with my cousin, Shauna, then Nicole and Jeremy, then Courtney. Then home.
My cousins, and what I met of their families, were very glad to see me and the only time the issue of my orientation came up was when Shauna and I discussed the incident that prompted Lesley to vent her prejudice on Shauna's daughter. Shauna told me that her daughter, Lara, was no longer allowed to babysit for the Melendy's two boys. She also looked up at me, in all her five foot, three inch glory and promised she would kick my butt if I left again and didn't keep in touch.
When I was leaving Shauna's house, her doorbell rang. As I was on my way out, I told her I would answer it. And there was Tickle Me Vicky with her clipboard and leaflets. She blinked at me and asked if I was the lady of the house. I told her I was not and hollered in and asked Shauna if she were going to vote for Dane.
"That lying little son-of-a-bitch? If he was the only candidate running, I wouldn't vote!" was her response.
Vicky's eyebrows shot up. I smiled at her. "Guess you got your answer."
"But..."
"That woman in there? Well, she's his older cousin and she's known him his whole life and if she finds him too dishonest to vote for, that's good enough for me."
"That's no reason not to vote for him. All politicians are dishonest..."
"Listen, she wouldn't believe anything Dane Roberge said, including if he said he was lying." It took her a moment to think of a response to that and during her hesitation, I reminded her to have a good day and I shut the door. I decided to wait until she left before I bid my goodbyes again to Shauna and drove on to my next visit.
I stopped at Jeremy's first. He was at home, putting the finishing touches on a deck he had been working on the last couple of weeks. He had changed over the past seven years in that he stopped looking so much like his mother and started resembling his father, which meant he physically favored me more than my own two brothers did. I felt an instant warmth from Jeremy that I never felt from Dane and it made me suddenly wonder when and why things had gone so wrong between my little brother and me. I was introduced to Jeremy's wife when she brought us each a beer and we sat on the soon-to-be-completed deck and caught up.
They were both fascinated with my career as a park ranger and Jeremy's wife invited me back to talk to their nine-year-old daughter sometime as she seemed to be obsessed with the environment and cop shows on TV and that perhaps my job would be a natural path for her. I told them that maybe before I left, we could all spend an afternoon at Evergreen Ridge and I could explain to her exactly what it was that I did for work and see if that interested her. She was, after all, only nine. By ten, she might decide she'd rather be a professional wrestler.
I glanced at my watch, noticing the day was flying by and my cousin, Nicole, came to her back door, advising me she was home, so I hugged Jeremy and his wife, telling them to call me about setting up a date for that walk in the park. Just then, we heard a voice behind me say, "Hi. I knocked and rang the bell out front but you must not have heard me..."
Turning around, I came face to face with Tickle Me Vicky again. She stopped dead when she saw me. I just grinned at her.
"Let me guess...these are your cousins, too."
"As a matter of fact, yes." I looked at Jeremy and his wife. "This is Vicky. She's campaigning for Dane."
"Augh. I think not. Thanks but no thanks. It's bad enough he's in the family," Jeremy grimaced.
Vicky's perky expression fell and she thanked them for their time and turned to walk around the house.
Laughing to myself, I reiterated quick goodbyes and rushed through Nicole's back patio door and got to her front door just as the doorbell rang. "May I?" I asked my cousin, who was clearly wondering what ailed me. When she shrugged and nodded, I opened the door to face...Vicky. "Well, hi there."
"Another cousin?" she asked, her tone more annoyed than defeated this time.
"Uh huh." I stepped aside, allowing her a access to Nicole, who stepped up next to me in the doorway.
Ignoring me, Vicky put on her best smile for Nicole. "Hello. My name is Vicky Stancliff and I'm -"
"Are those leaflets promoting Dane Roberge's campaign?" Nicole interrupted, seeing the contents of Vicky's hand.
"Um...yes..."
"You're wasting your time here, lady," Nicole told her. "If this were 'Survivor.' he would have been the first one voted off the island."
Glaring at me, as though I had caused Dane to be so hated, she thanked Nicole and left.
"Poor thing," I said, as Nicole shut the door. "I wonder if she's met anyone who actually wants to support him."
"My guess would be only the bartenders of the Moose Club."
It was then I gave my youngest cousin a hug and we went back outside and spent another hour with Jeremy and his wife.
Poor Vicky must have thought the fates had it in for her because the timing was perfect that when I was leaving my cousin Courtney's house after a lovely visit, I opened the door to run right into Tickle me Vicky just as she was about to ring the doorbell. She didn't even bother to stay and talk to Courtney, she just growled at me and left.
******************
An hour later, after Lisa had arrived to pick me up to go to her house for dinner and to spend the night, the doorbell rang. As I was feeding Orion, I asked Lisa to get the door and after a second I heard her shout in to me, "Hey, you want to sign up to support Dane in the election?"
I shot up and what could only be described as an evil grin adorned my face. It couldn't be. I practically sprinted to the door, appearing behind Lisa with a shit eating grin on my face.
"Vicky! Long time, no see!"
The woman dropped her clip board and just stared at me. "Who are you?"
"I'm Dane's sister."
"And you don't like him either, do you?"
"Not much."
Tickle Me Vicky just shook her head. "That's it. I quit. I'm going to go work for Bill DeMartino. At least everybody likes him."
18.
Lisa was going to cook me dinner but I talked her into letting me show her my grilling skills instead and after impressing her with my salmon and other outdoor culinary talents, we sat on her patio long into the night, Oz and Deke at our feet, napping contentedly. We went to bed close to midnight and made passionate love for nearly two hours before we fell asleep. When I closed my eyes, she was securely in my arms, her back tight against my chest and when I awoke the next morning, she was spooning me. Everywhere our bodies touched, my skin was on fire. I still could not believe the overwhelming sensations this woman stirred up in me. I never wanted her to let me go.
The next morning, she dropped me off at home and then went to her office, leaving me with a kiss and a smile. I loved that it was the last memory I had of her to get me through the day until I saw her again. I could not believe how much in love with this woman I felt.
After I made myself another cup of coffee and read the paper, I looked up the name of the realtor my mother stipulated and dialed the office number.
The agent who answered, a very nice gentleman named Todd Jardine, had been expecting my call but when I told him that I would like to set up a meeting with him, he advised me that there was a problem. When I asked him what that might be, he became quite nonplussed and then finally blurted, "The validity of the will is being contested by your brother, Dane, citing 'Undue Influence.' I just received legal notice this morning. There seems to be some question regarding who the true recipient of the house should be. Sorry, Ms. Roberge, but until it gets straightened out, all business dealings must be put on hold."
"I understand," I told him, through clenched teeth. "Thank you, Mr. Jardine, I'll be in touch." I placed the receiver in the cradle. "Why that little son-of-a-bitch." I picked up the phone to call Sam at work.
*******************
Within an hour, both Sam and I were sitting in my mother's attorney's office. Ray Palmisano was a short, sturdy man in his approximate mid-sixties, a full head of more salt than pepper hair and a nose pink and bulbous from too many years of hard drinking. His office was messy, cluttered with law books, files and stray papers and it reflected his appearance. His shirt was only half tucked in and his tie was still knotted but pulled down to accommodate the first two open top buttons of his shirt. My initial impression of him was not a favorable one.
I had called Lisa after I notified Sam that Dane was contesting Mom's will and told her what was going on. After she asked me who the lawyer was, she advised me that he was an experienced probate attorney, had a decent reputation but that he had been practicing here for forty years and he was getting tired and could get lazy if not made to toe the line. She further said that there had been rumors that he was going to retire for the last five years but life-long, loyal clients, like my mother, convinced him to stay in business.
His secretary brought all three of us coffee and Palmisano laid out the necessary paperwork on his desk in front of him. He then looked up at me.
"So you're the mysterious daughter. I've wondered about you for a long time."
Sam and I exchanged glances and then I looked back at Palmisano. "Wondered what?"
"Just...wondered." He didn't elaborate and he returned his focus to his desk. "Okay, here's the deal. Your brother, Dane, is alleging Undue Influence. And what that means is he feels that somebody influenced your mother by excessive insistence, that she was improperly pressured to leave the house to you, Sarah, and because of that pressure, she was unable to refuse."
"Hunter," I corrected.
"Excuse me?" He looked back up at me.
"It's Hunter. No one's called me Sarah since I was born," I half-smiled at him, hoping that might help break the air of tension in the room. It didn't. When he focused back on the file on his desk, Sam reached over and patted my arm.
"So just exactly what does this mean, Mr. Palmisano?" Sam asked him. "There's really no basis for this, right? You know Hunter had no influence over my mother, they weren't even speaking, and you and I worked on all of this will together with my mother."
"This is just going to be more a nuisance than anything else. Think of it like a ref calling a technical foul in a basketball game and the offending player's coach challenging it because he knows it's a bad call." He sighed and rubbed his bloodshot eyes. "As you have already seen, Hunter," he put extra emphasis on my name, "the distribution process is temporarily suspended when a will is contested. I think I can prevent this from getting dirty and hopefully from getting too expensive and I will do my best to keep it out of the courtroom. But if there is anything I need to know that might contribute to the validity of his claim, I need to know right now." His eyes bore down on me, accusingly, and I'd had just about enough of his attitude.
"I had no contact with my mother for sixteen years and as Sam will tell you, I didn't want the damned house to begin with!"
"Hunter," Sam said, gently but firmly, placing his hand on my forearm.
"I would appreciate you not cursing in my office," he told me, in a tone that was reminiscent of a reprimanding father.
"Well, I haven't done anything to cause this and neither has Sam," I said, defensively. "What, does Dane think that Sam unduly influenced our mother to leave me a house I didn't even want? That doesn't even make sense."
Palmisano shrugged. "No, it doesn't. Honestly, though, neither does her leaving you the house, especially with you being so estranged for so long."
"But you sat right here when she adamantly insisted that the house and everything in it, including the cat, go to Hunter," Sam reminded Palmisano.
"Indeed I was," he nodded.
"Okay, so all the accusing tones aside, what happens now?" I asked.
"Well, while the claims of invalidity are investigated, the probate process will grind to a halt. Even though we're sure that Dane has no legal ground to stand on this can still take up a great deal of time and money, and can throw the will proceedings off schedule completely." He focused on me. "So if you had any specific date to return to the west coast, you may want to consider postponing it."
"Great," I said, trying to temper my frustration.
"Look, I've dealt with your brother before and I understand he can try your patience..." Palmisano began, in an attempt to be appeasing.
"Try my patience? Mother Teresa would have smacked him by now." I crossed my arms.
"So what's our next move?" Sam inquired.
"We wait," he stated simply.
****************
"I knew he was being too quiet," I said to Sam, outside Palmisano's office building. "Not seeing or hearing from him in any manner after that night in the house was just too out of character for him."
"He doesn't have a leg to stand on, Hunter," Sam soothed. "He can scream Undue Influence all he wants but that will is ironclad."
"Nothing is ironclad these days. Regardless, you and I know it's not about that. Dane may be a buffoon but he's shifty. He knows that will is solid, he just wants to cause trouble for me. He knows by everything having to be put on hold, that's going to cost me money I don't have and time I can't take away from my job."
"He's always been a sneaky little prick, Hunter, you know that."
"Yeah...but something else is going on. He knows I know about his hushed up DUI arrests and he knows by publicly coming out, I could turn his political aspirations upside down by making him look like the hypocrite he is and yet he's willing to take the risk that I would run him into the ground with the local press. Why?"
Sam contemplated this. "Maybe knowing you don't have the time or money to fight him, he thinks you'll just give up and give him the house."
"He should know by now I never give up as far as he's concerned. It's got to be something else. He wants the house. Bad. Why?" I looked at Sam. "It's not about me. It's about that house. I'm just a pawn. What's in that house that has him so determined to get it, that he'd be willing to give up his future in politics for?"
"You know..." Sam stopped, thinking back, "he has been pretty pigheaded about the house ever since he found out that Mom left it to you. You may have a point."
"Why did she leave it to me, Sam? That just doesn't add up. You knew her better than I did, why would she do that?"
He leaned against the Jeep. "Actually, Hunter, nothing against you but I thought that was strange, too. I was pretty sure she was going to leave the house to Dane because he acted almost indentured to her, especially the last few years. And if, for some reason, it wasn't left to Dane then it would definitely come to me...but then she pulls this one-eighty and is unyielding about leaving it to you. No explanation, just 'I want Hunter to have the house and everything in it, including Orion'."
"I'm sure Orion was just for spite." Ideas were swirling around my head, none of which made any sense.
"You and Orion making peace?"
"So far. She's calmed down or she's making me think she has. But she's been sleeping on the bed with us, down by our feet and we actually have all our toes left. I'm still cautious but..."
"How's that going, anyway?" Sam inquired, with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. "You and Lisa?"
"It's going really well, as though we've always been in a relationship. Honestly, nothing in my life has felt more right."
"And how does that figure into your going back out west?"
"We've got to talk about that. Soon."
"Well, now, thanks to Dane, it looks like you'll have a little more time to do that."
*******************
Sam and I said goodbye and I called Lisa to brief her on what had transpired in Palmisano's office and she and I agreed to meet for lunch. There was a big part of me that just wanted to drive to Dane's and confront him (before I pounded him into the ground) and ask him outright what he was up to. This had more to do than with him just feeling slighted, I could feel it. Was there something about the house I should know about? Was there something inside the house Dane didn't want me to know about? Was there something in that house my mother didn't want Dane or Sam to have? What had started out as an annoying inheritance was now turning into an annoying riddle and one in which I was determined to find the answer.
Sam had further told me that something happened about three months ago that changed the dynamics of the relationship between my mother and Dane and it was an occurrence that neither shared with him, or anyone else, it seemed. He said that since then things were 'prickly' when they were around each other, even though they both tried to disguise it. I asked him why he had not brought this up before and he told me that there was no need. Our past conversations concerning our mother or brother were usually short and anything but sweet. And, honestly, he added, he hadn't thought much about it. He was surprised she hadn't become fed up with Dane's obnoxious antics a lot sooner.
I asked him if, to his knowledge, Dane had spent any concentrated time in the house alone since our mother died. He told me he didn't know but he doubted it. Mom succumbed to a massive stroke on Tuesday morning and he and Dane were busy making arrangements and just coping. Between then and the time I arrived on Thursday night, pretty much all of Dane's time could be accounted for. Sam went on to say that that Dane did make a comment after I left the get together at Sam and Trina's the night I arrived that he hadn't expected me back so soon, if at all. Perhaps that explained why he had taken his time getting into the house.
Pulling into a parking space in front of Lisa's office, I was about to shut the Jeep off and go inside to get her when I saw her walk out her door and down the steps toward me. I hadn't realized I had been so keyed up about what could possibly be going on that I might now be right in the middle of until I saw Lisa's smiling face and suddenly my tension visibly melted away. But it didn't last long.
Climbing into the Jeep, she said, "I've taken the afternoon off. After I talked to you, I got thinking about something that I know was also bugging you. So I called Sam and asked him if he had fixed your room up after you left, with all your trophies and memorabilia and stuff displayed and he told me no, he never touched your room. He told me the last time he saw it, which was years ago because your mother always kept the door closed, most of your belongings were packed in boxes and there was nothing on your walls, vanity or bureaus. I think we need to go back to the house and look in your room."
I put the Jeep in gear and sped off. What the fuck was going on?
19.
I took Lisa to her place first, to change her clothes and look in on the dogs. Then we drove back to my mother's and we were met at the house by Sam. When we converged on my old room, I suddenly felt like I was in the middle of a Nancy Drew mystery, complete with Bess and George by my side.
As Lisa started pulling clothes and boxes out of the closet, I began rummaging through drawers and Sam started removing pictures, posters, paintings and articles off the walls and from around the room.
"What's with Palmisano?" I asked Sam, as we sorted through our individual tasks. "Why his attitude toward me? I've never even met the guy before."
"He's very fundamentalist Christian," Lisa offered. "I would guess he knows you're gay and is just being civil because of his long-standing alliance with your mother."
"But how would he know I'm a lesbian? I'm pretty sure it's not something my mother confessed to him and I would say his gaydar is probably worse than Liza Minnelli's."
"Well, I certainly didn't tell him," Sam volunteered, leafing through a carton containing magazine memorabilia of Sigourney Weaver from 'Alien' and Aliens.'
"He and Lesley's husband, Wally, go to the same church. I would assume he found out that way. I bet you were a big topic of conversation, especially after we dropped Lesley off on Saturday." Lisa held up my letterman jacket and smiled, before tossing it on the floor.
I nodded. "That makes sense," I agreed, as I rifled through a drawer with rolled up socks. I picked up a handful and pitched them onto the bed. I could always use socks.
"Just what are we looking for?" Sam asked, almost sounding frustrated.
"I don't know. Mom hated me, Sam. Despite what you say. Her leaving me this house does not make sense. Just like leaving this room like this, especially if you didn't turn it into a shrine, doesn't make sense, either. She's trying to tell me something, or make some point. Just exactly when she turned into Miss Marple, I don't know. But as for what we're looking for? I hope I'll know when I see it."
For two hours we turned that room upside down and found nothing out of the ordinary. It went from being an orderly sanctum to looking like a bomb went off in it. The three of us started on our feet in different sections of the room and ended up sitting on the floor facing each other amid piles of clothes, books, pictures and just...stuff. I hadn't realized I had collected so much junk. And that my mother had actually kept it.
Glancing out the window, I could tell by the angle the sunlight was hitting the panes of glass that we had entered into later afternoon. It would be dark in another few hours. My brother reached around behind him and rubbed his stiff, lower back just as my adorable companion let loose with a thunderous stomach growl. Blushing, focusing on her crossed ankles, she mumbled, "Must be getting close to supper time."
Running my hand through my hair I looked at Lisa then Sam and gestured the disorder in the room. "Well...it sounded like a good idea."
"Yes, it did," Sam agreed, looking around. "Are you going to pick up this mess or just throw everything in boxes and bags and haul it away?"
I shrugged. "I might look through it again...I saw some things I forgot I had that I might not throw away after all."
Lisa dug through the heap and fished out my letterman jacket. "I call dibs on this." She put it on, pushing the sleeves up onto her forearms. It was about four sizes too big for her and it looked so cute on her that even Sam couldn't stop from grinning.
"Aw, isn't that sweet? Next thing I know, you'll be pinned," he laughed.
"Pinned? They haven't done that since the sixties, have they?" Lisa asked.
"Unless he meant this," I countered, tackling her, straddling her and holding her wrists to the floor with my hands.
"Ooooooh. Lisa likes." She laughed, looking deeply into my eyes.
"Sam likes, too," my brother stated, standing up. "And that would put me into areas my shrink wouldn't be able to help me through for years so, on that note, I'm out of here."
"Sorry for the false alarm, Sam," I told him. I should have walked him to the door but I really didn't want to move.
"Don't worry about it." He glanced at his watch. "I can probably get an hour in at work before quitting time, so let me get back to that. Call me if you actually do find something." Then he smirked at us and said, "It's okay, I can show myself out."
"Good. Make sure the door's locked behind you," I called after him as he descended the stairs. I looked at Lisa, hungrily, once I heard the door close. "I don't want any surprise interruptions," I purred before lowering my face to hers.
"Finally," Lisa said, in mock exasperation, "I get to have sex with you in your bedroom. Another fantasy fulfilled."
"Yeah? Well, a fantasy of mine right now would be to have you in nothing but my jacket."
She sighed in restrained excitement, her breath ragged, her eyes sparkling up at me in anticipation. "Then make it so," she whispered.
*******************
It had been interesting making love to Lisa in my old bed and having her attired in nothing but my vintage maroon and silver high school jacket, while I kept all my clothes on. But what made the experience better was exorcising the memory of the only other woman who had ever been in that bed with me.
Cuddling after a very satisfying coupling, while Lisa dozed in my arms, my mind was running on overtime. In between thinking I was turning into a sex addict, I could not kick the feeling that my mother was trying to tell me something. Why do the transformation of my bedroom if there was nothing to find? Had Sam been wrong and had Dane been in the house without his knowledge? It was possible. But, then, if Dane already found what may have been hidden in this room, why would he still go ahead with contesting the will, unless it was just to be a bastard? If there was even anything to find in this room. This was just so confusing.
Lisa stirred and then switched her position, nestling up against my side. We had been keeping some pretty late hours with our marathon sexcapades, so it was understandable that she was tired. Even though I was preoccupied with the house issue, soon I was napping right along with her.
I had slowly, softly, absentmindedly rubbed my hand up and down Lisa's backbone, under the jacket, and lulled myself into a light sleep, when I was startled awake by Orion's pacing around on the bed. She appeared agitated and was meowing to the point of almost a howl.
"Shhh, you'll wake Lisa," I quietly admonished the cat, who jumped around the foot of the bed before walking over Lisa and standing on my chest. Orion then turned in circles, continuing to meow. "What is it, Lassie?" I joked, keeping my voice low, "did Timmy fall down the well?"
It was then I smelled the smoke. Paralyzed, I stopped all movement and took a few measured breaths to make sure I had not imagined it. Nope. It was getting thicker and starting to burn the back of my throat. I grabbed Orion and shook Lisa, frantically.
"Lisa! Come on, baby, we've got to get out of the house, let's go!" I raced out of bed and pulled her to her feet. Groggy and dazed, she woke up quickly when I blurted that I thought the house was on fire. "Put these on," I threw a pair of sweat pants at her and while she slid those on, I grabbed a t-shirt and handed that to her as I yanked her by the wrist out into the hallway.
There was smoke beginning to roll up ominously around the ceiling in the upstairs but not excessively so. Something was burning but I wasn't so sure it was in the house. We raced downstairs, Lisa pulling the t-shirt on and we ran out the front door. My adrenaline was surging through my system so completely, I didn't realize until much later that Orion was digging her claws into me, drawing blood. She was no doubt as frightened as the rest of us and because she probably saved our lives, I could forgive her anything. All the past evils that cat had done to me were now absolved.
Once on the front lawn, with my throat and nasal passage stinging with ash and my heart pumping nearly through my chest, I spotted the source of the smoke. The garage was on fire and flames were starting to lick the side of the house. "Lisa," I removed embedded nails from my skin and handed Orion to her, "hold her in your jacket." I ran to the Jeep, got in, put it in neutral and rolled it down the driveway into the street, parking it. Lisa had snatched her cell phone on the way out and was calling 911 while I was able to get to the hose without getting burnt. Hauling it out as far as its length would let me, I began spraying the side of the house with water to hopefully saturate it to discourage the flames from jumping completely. However, if the fire department did not get there soon, it was going to be a wasted effort as the garage was becoming fully involved.
It was then I remembered that Mom's car was still in there and, although it was disabled, it probably still had gas in it and there were, no doubt, other accelerants in the garage. This was not good.
Lisa ran up to me, Orion still safely ensconced inside her jacket. "The fire department is already on its way, one of the neighbors called."
We were both coughing, as the wind was blowing the smoke right at us. "Lisa, I need you to get back. I don't know what's in the garage that might be combustible and -"
"Then you get back, too!" She shouted.
"I will when the fire department gets here. I have to keep water on the side of the house."
"No! Saving this house isn't worth your life!" Her tone was determined and pleading and, with her free hand she was tugging on my arm.
She was right. If there was a secret in that house, it would die in the fire. I stopped squeezing the handle and dropped the hose, moving back with her to the street where neighbors and onlookers had started to gather. Only moments later, three trucks from the fire department and one paramedic unit sped in and set up, hooking into the hydrant near the driveway next door and went to work immediately. The roar of the hoses coming to life and the rush of the water hitting the side of the garage like a monsoon nearly overpowered the crackling and hissing of the flames.
"What happened?" The question came from whom I assumed to be the captain. He stood in front of me as the paramedics attended to both Lisa and me. One EMT was treating a cherry-colored mark on my palm that had already begun to blister, where I had held the hot nozzle. I really had not noticed the pain until he began dressing the wound, which suddenly felt like my hand was holding a hot coal impaled there by a dagger. It was definitely a second degree burn.
I watched as the powerful stream from the fire hoses made quick work controlling the flames of the engulfed garage. "I don't know. We were in my room and the cat came in acting crazy and then I smelled smoke. We got out and that's when we saw the garage on fire."
"When was the last time you were in the garage?"
"Yesterday afternoon. Listen, there's a car in there and it may have gas in it and there may be some other flammable -"
"Thanks, I'll tell my guys." As he rapidly walked away to inform his men, I was approached by a unformed police officer.
"Excuse me, Miss -?"
"Roberge."
"I'm going to need to get some information from you. Are you okay to talk to me now?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." And I was, even though my throat, nose and eyes still burned. I answered his general questions which included giving him all my vital information, whether or not I owned, rented or was just visiting the house and what I was doing at the time the fire broke out. After I gave him all the details he was looking for, I asked, "Any indication this fire was set?"
The policeman seemed surprised. "Are you suggesting this may have been arson?"
"What I'm saying is that I don't think this fire set itself."