Wall of Silence

By

Gabrielle Goldsby

(AKA GabGold)

See part 1 for disclaimers:

The Jacuzzi's motor kicked in causing the water to oscillate around us. Even the warmth from the steam was not enough to keep my nipples from rising in the chilly night air. Riley held my butt with her one large hand and pressed me intimately against the hard muscles of her stomach, her skin radiating heat like a small furnace. I put my hands on both her biceps in an attempt to stabilize myself. The round muscles in her arms flexed and then hardened beneath my hand causing me to moan in response.

I turned away again. For some reason I could not get enough air through my nose when kissing her. I needed to think. There was a reason why I shouldn't do this, wasn't there? I didn't want to hurt Riley. But Riley isn't hurting, my mind supplied helpfully as her much beleaguered pink cast came up to gently coerce my face back in front of her. God, she is not going to let me think. I got clearheaded enough to realize that I was crossing into dangerous territory. She would kiss me or squeeze me in that gentle, loving way she had and I would be lost until the next time we allowed each other to breath.

The kisses continued for what had to be another fifteen minutes before I had to break away from her sweet prison. I slumped into her and closed my eyes. With one arm around my back she held me so close that our billowing t-shirts were momentarily crushed between our bodies.

If I had to look back, if I had to put my finger on a point when I lost all control of the situation, it would have to be there. As aroused as I was, as much as I wanted Riley Medeiros, it wasn't until I felt the rapid beating of her heart that I think I gave up all semblance of denial.

"We should get out of here I'm getting all pruny," she said lowly, and I could tell she was as reluctant as I was to stop the pleasurable kisses. I nodded and, with help from her, scooted away and started to get out of the Jacuzzi. I watched her casually as she stood. Her t-shirt was almost see-through and, although it was tinged a slight blue from the chlorine, I could see every muscled contour of her body. I stood up as well, hoping that Riley would admire me in the same way I had just admired her. She did.

"Oh good…. It's as cold as a witch's tit!" I said, basically ruining the moment but too damn cold to care. All pretense of trying to look cute was already out the window as I ran into the cabin, my arms crossed in front of my chest. Even Riley, the living torch, was shivering violently.

"You get in the shower first. You should leave your clothes on and get some of the chlorine off before you bathe," she said, already walking toward the living room. I followed behind her trying hard not to drip water as I went. Riley didn't seem to have any problem with it so I gave up and kind of did a frigid hop over the cold, hardwood floors.

"What are you going to do?" I asked as I reached the bathroom.

"Put more wood in the fire," she said as a shiver coursed through her body. "I'll just take my clothes off and get warm while you rinse off." For some reason she was talking to me with her back turned, something I had noticed Riley rarely did. I don't know if it was because of her hearing or if it was personal etiquette, but when talking to Riley, you got her full attention.

I walked into the living room just as she placed another log on the fire. She shivered and was about to stand up when I put my hand on her shoulder. She paused, and then continued to rise as if she was thinking of something to say before she stood.

"R…Riley why don't we get in the shower together? I mean we have on clothes."

"It won't bother you?" she asked quietly. She turned around and looked me in the eye as if to gauge my truthfulness.

I walked away from her quickly, refusing to get into an eye to eye with Riley. I would always lose that battle of will. Yeah, it was going to bother me to have her so close. Hell yeah. And in the shower? I could already see more than most people see when they sleep together and now we are going to stand under a shower together. I told myself to calm down, but by the time I had adjusted the shower faucets and put my head under the warm water, I was halfway hoping that Riley would not take me up on the offer.

I opened my eyes to find her standing in the entryway to the bathroom looking much as she had the morning of my nightmare.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded and tried to wipe the water from my eyes as she stepped into the shower. I moved back and let her share the showerhead that was above us. The other two came in from the sides but the pressure wasn't nearly as good.

We rinsed ourselves in silence, both of us going out of our way to avoid touching each other in the confined space. Riley kept her right hand on the wall so as not to get the cast wet. I watched as she put her head under the water and closed her eyes. She suddenly looked younger than her twenty-six years. I wanted to comfort her, but I was afraid of my own feelings. I looked away just as she opened her eyes. Her one-handed rinsing took on a desperate quality after that.

"Foster, I've got about as much of the chlorine as I can out of these clothes. You go ahead and shower, I'm going to get out of here. I'll take one after you're done." Once again she wasn't looking at me. She had already started to leave the shower when I stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"Riley?"

She turned and looked at me, one eyebrow raised quizzically.

"Come here." I wonder if she knew it was coming. I don't think I did. The electricity that had been crackling just below the surface for two weeks returned full force. Something passed over her face that was akin to fear, then arousal, and then the kind of wariness that people have when they are unsure if they can trust someone.

A psychologist could probably tell you a lot about me in the fact that all of those emotions on Riley's face served to send me into overload. My dream, the heavy kissing, even my situation, all pulled together and created an explosive mixture that, if I had been smart, I would have seen as dangerous. I never professed to being all that smart.

Sexual tension flashed between us as I watched her trying to decide whether she should just walk out of the bathroom or come to me as I requested.

This feeling was so foreign to me that I was drunk with its power. I watched her, my eyelids feeling too heavy for me to keep up.

"Foster, I can't…"

"I'm not asking you to. Not anymore." Her eyes jumped to mine as she searched my face for something that would tell her that what we were about to do was ok.

Come here, Riley." I said it firmly this time. I was used to using my voice to give orders. I could tell that her reaction was automatic. She was standing in front of me in an instant her eyes blinking as if she couldn't figure out how she got there.

"Put your hand up on the wall," I ordered, and again she did as she was told, the pink cast flashing obscenely in the corner of my eye. I ignored the urge to break eye contact with her and, instead, stepped closer. There was a pulse beating in her throat that told me of her agitation. "I don't want it to get wet. Okay, baby?" she nodded that she understood.

I reached up and with my hand on the back of her neck I pulled her closer and kissed her firmly. Her lips quivered underneath mine, fanning my ardor like fresh air to a flame. Feelings flooded through me as I backed her against the wall, my hand snaking beneath her shirt. I paused, my already closed eyes tightening as my fingers came in contact with the soft skin of her stomach. I felt Riley inhale and then I felt another brief movement that I think was her one last ditch effort to get things back under control. I ignored it as, fingers spread wide, I trailed up her muscled abdomen until I reached the soft skin beneath her breast. She flinched as I ran my thumb over the nipple of her right breast as my left hand followed the path that my right had forged. Soon I was cupping her breasts in my hands; her ragged breathing told me that she was enjoying my ministrations. I finally released her mouth and she opened her eyes. I wondered about the look of fear that was now openly on her face.

"Do you want me to stop, Riley?" I asked, momentarily forgetting that it had been me, not Riley, that had put a stop to any past lovemaking.

She shook her head, her lips forming the word no though I never heard any sound. My hands were already at the edge of her soaked t-shirt. I pulled it over her head, leaving her upper body exposed to my hot eyes. It was me that caught my breath as I got my first look at the muscles I had only just recently touched for the first time. Riley unconsciously brought up her free hand to cover herself, but I stopped her with a gentle hand on her wrist.

"No…please, I want to look at you." Her hand dropped but a quick glance up at her face told me that she was almost sick with apprehension. Why, I don't know. I have never seen anyone as beautiful as Riley Medeiros. Each muscle, each curve, was perfect. Almost as if someone had brought the comic book character to life, not the other way around. My hands came up and I stepped closer as I gently cupped her breasts in both hands and closed my eyes as my mouth closed over one of her nipples.

There was a flurry of movement from Riley. Her good hand came up to, I'm sure, push me away. I quickly increased the pressure on her breast causing her to inhale sharply.

My hands trailed down Riley's back and wiggled expertly beneath the elastic of her shorts. I was gripping her ass and pulling her into me when I felt her shudder.

"Riley?" She opened her eyes and blinked a few times. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, but I could tell that she was a bit winded by what was going on so I backed away and grabbed the soap. I pulled my own shirt off, instantly knowing how Riley felt when I looked at her. Riley watched me hungrily, as I approached her lathering the soap in my hands.

"We need to get the chlorine off of us, all right?" She nodded and I handed her the soap. I'm sure she thought we would bathe ourselves. She was wrong. I had every intention of washing her.

She jumped as my hands glided over her breasts, her skin feeling silky beneath my fingers. She leaned back against the wall and her eyes closed as I touched her with the pretense of helping her wash. I gently coaxed water from the shower over her firm breasts and down her tapered stomach then pushed my fingers beneath the waistband of her shorts and, except for a soft inhale, she didn't move. I squatted as I slid the shorts down her legs and helped her step out of them. From my position, I could see the rapid rise and fall of Riley's stomach. I was sure it was now more arousal than nervousness. I studied the triangle of hair for a moment as droplets disappeared into the dark thatch and joined a stream of water that poured from her. I leaned in to kiss her, pausing as the smell of chlorine managed to almost, but not quite, cover the smell of her arousal. It was so vague, so light, that I almost thought I was imagining it. I kissed her gently, the water from the shower dousing my hair fully before I rose. Riley's lips were parted now, though her eyes were still shut. I stepped between legs that were spread just wide enough for me to stand between and I placed my lips on the pulse at her neck and sucked gently.

"Foster, I can't stand up," she moaned weakly.

"Yes you can, sweetheart. Just lean back," I whispered, not bothering to remove my lips from her neck. The whole time I kissed her, my eager and hungry hands continue to rove over her body. They rested on her hips for a moment as I kissed her trembling mouth. When they gently slid to her stomach she jumped and I paused, uncertain whether I should proceed or not. I waited, desperately trying not to be disappointed if she wanted me to stop. I had never felt such a frantic need to pleasure someone like I did with her.

The fear of rejection was not strong enough to cause me to stop my hand from moving across muscles that felt like skin stretched across steel and down to the water slicked smoothness of her sex. She did jump again, but this time instead of stopping I simply soothed her by continuing my ministrations. The water felt good on my back as I kissed along Riley's cheek and down to her neck again. She arched her back causing one of my fingers to slip between the lips of her sex and across her clitoris. Riley's clitoris was full with her need, and the mere fact that she was so aroused sent my own arousal up a level. I was surprised to feel the insistent heat between my own legs, but pushed it to the back of my mind and continued to stroke against the silky wetness that was preparing Riley for my entrance.

I should have taken more time with her, but I couldn't. I had never felt rushed in lovemaking before, a fact that had gotten me called more names than I can mention. The lack of anything other than a vague sense of arousal gave me a fairly steady hand.

However, with Riley my hands were shaking. The evidence of her arousal made me think of the dream that had haunted me every time I looked at her. I couldn't wait any longer. My fingers sought and found Riley's opening, my thumb continuing to press into her clitoris. I closed my eyes and prayed that I wasn't hurting her as my finger slid into her tight opening. I felt a slow shiver move through her body and I paused to let her get used to me. The water that sloshed down on my back had ceased to become a pleasure and now felt like one more thing that was keeping me away from Riley. Her hips were slowly relaxing and I began to move my finger in and out of her. I wanted to enter her with one more finger, but feared it would be too much for her so I contented myself with pressing closer to her and putting firm pressure on her clitoris with my thumb.

Her hips began to take on a confidence as I withdrew my finger almost fully and slowly eased it back in. I took her nipple into my mouth and she moaned and shifted her stance so that her legs were further apart. I tugged gently on her nipple and pressed firmly against her mound. I felt her muscles tighten around my finger once, and then begin to spasm. I didn't hear her make a sound, but I looked up just in time to see a grimace cross her face. She gritted her teeth and, head thrown back, a corded muscle stood out in her neck as she met her orgasm with a determination that aroused me to no end. The grimace and the way her muscles tensed told me how powerful her release really was. The hands that held me close were incredibly gentle and not once did she say a word. I slowly and reluctantly withdrew from her and hugged her, resting my head on her shoulder. Finally, I leaned over to cut off the water. I could feel her staring at me, waiting for something that would tell her that it was okay, that we were okay. I remembered to check her cast, hissing as I noted it had indeed gotten wet.

"Don't worry about it, Foster. It isn't that wet," she said, her face looked slightly impassive as if she didn't know quite what to think of what we had just done.

"Riley? You're not regretting this, are you?"

"No, no I'm not. I wanted you… I just… I know you didn't want this to happen."

I stepped out of the shower to hide my surprise at her statement. She was right. I had been resisting making love with her all this time. I didn't understand why I had finally given in. Hell, I hadn't just given in; I had gone after her as if I were in heat or something. Now I was uncertain how to answer the questions she was sure to have. Riley followed me out of the shower, holding on to the cast as if to protect it against something.

"Riley, I don't know what to say."

"It's okay, Foster. I won't expect more from you," she said flatly and walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her body. Stunned, I watched her walk away from me. I felt certain I had pleased her, I had felt her body orgasm; the evidence of it was still on my hand. Was she angry with me? I thought she wanted...

"Riley?" I walked out of the bathroom to find her standing in front of the window staring out into blackness. I ignored my initial urge to just turn away and leave her be. I touched her lightly on the shoulder. "I thought this was what you've been wanting, Riley. I'm sorry if I upset you, if I moved too fast, I didn't mean to."

The shoulder beneath my hand began to shake and I jerked my hand away as if scalded. Fear swept through me. I hadn't imagined it had I? Surely she hadn't asked me to stop.

She turned to me then and I saw the tears in her eyes that instantly brought tears to my own.

"I did want you."

"Then why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong. I guess I just realized."

Then it dawned on me, Riley was finally clueing in to what I had known all along. Our relationship had no real future. How could she ever be with someone like me? I would always be looking over my shoulder. And for as long as I was with her there was the possibility of her getting into trouble too. I knew all this, I had thought of all of it when I was still trying to deny my attraction for her, but it hurt now that she knew it too.

"I realized how much I love you," she said.

The shock of it was all consuming. I stood there, my mouth opening and closing as she said words so unfamiliar to me that it was as if they could have been spoken in another language. She watched me for a moment before turning away embarrassed. "You don't have to say anything. I know how you feel already."

"Riley, no, you don't understand. I…no one has ever said that to me." I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her body. I lay my head on her back and inhaled deeply before speaking. "Can you…can we back off a little?" I felt her stiffen and I squeezed her tightly to make her listen to me.

"Hear me out, baby, please. There is so much going on inside me right now. It isn't fair of me to ask, I know it isn't, but can you let me sort a few things out? I'm not going anywhere. At least not if I can help it, okay?" I must have stumbled into the right words because her body relaxed.

"I'll give you all the space you need, but I can't change how I feel."

"I don't want you to." She turned in my arms and I tried really hard to meet her eyes. "I just don't want to hurt you anymore than I have to."

A pained grimace crossed her face and I knew it was too late. No matter what I did, I would hurt her. So I pulled her tightly against me and blinked rapidly into her chest refusing to feel sorry for myself.

"Can we just… can you hold me? I want to be close to you." I was finding it easier to tell her how I felt and the answering squeeze that I received from her was enough to make the pressure in my throat subside if only for a moment.

We climbed onto the bed and she instantly wrapped her arms around me. Even though she was supposed to be comforting me, I felt the need to ease her discomfort as well. My mouth brushed the soft skin of her breast and mingled with a salty tear that I had not known would escape. "Everything's going to be okay, I promise," I said, and as one part of my brain rebelled that I couldn't promise that, the other part stood fast. I had no choice but to make good on my promise because I loved her too. I just didn't know how to say it yet.

I had been drifting in and out of wakefulness, my sleep-numbed senses registering that Riley was no longer in bed. Suddenly the bed dipped and I felt Riley pull the sheet over herself. I opened one eye as she settled down. Her eyes were closed, allowing me to study her unobserved. I felt like I needed to imprint her permanently on my brain synapses. I stared at her dark hair that looked even darker against the white of the pillowcase and worked my way down.

"You took your cast off. Was it because it got wet?"

She opened her eyes quickly, the startled look in her eyes quickly giving way to embarrassment. "I was going to take it off anyway, though."

She looked sad, almost as if she was in need of a hug. I moved closer to her and was startled when she moved away from me. I was so surprised that I'm sure that she saw the pain in my eyes.

"I was just sort of embarrassed…" she said and I slowly moved back to my side of the bed. "I never told anyone that."

"I know." I was the one keeping her at arms length. She was willing to throw caution to the wind, but I had been afraid of hurting her. I could tell from her voice that I was hurting her anyway. Even though she said she understood, I don't think she did. I'm not so sure even I understood anymore.

"Riley, maybe we should talk about this."

I never got her answer because the sound of a phone ringing interrupted us.

"Shit, I forgot there was a phone in this place," I said as Riley slid off the bed. I flushed hot as she ran in front of the double doors, the early morning light cascading off the long, muscular angles of her body.

She stood next to me, tall and naked, as she answered the phone.

"Hello?"

I pulled the blankets up over my chest like a prude, but that didn't stop me from taking in an eyeful of Riley.

"Oh, hey, Dani." Boy, the mere mention of that woman could dampen my spirits. And wasn't it like her to call when things where just starting to get interesting?

"Oh no, I forgot all about…did she say anything to you about what they are going to do? Yeah? Are they planning something big?" She paused for a moment and then said, "Yeah, I know." Then, "She's good." And from the way she answered it I could tell that Dani was asking about me. Riley did that quiet laugh of hers and my eyes went to her breast instantly to see if they were shaking. But, of course, she had already turned away from me so I just saw her back. "How about you and Bailey? Were you able to work things out?"

I decided to get up and splash my still hot face with some water and give Riley a little privacy. I brushed her backside as I passed, causing her to jump and give me a little smile.

The cool air on my skin was a little bit of a shock. I looked at myself. My lips were swollen and my neck was slightly pink. I touched my lips and caught the faint scent of Riley's skin on my fingers. She loved me. How is that possible? I asked myself even as a slow smile forced its way onto my lips. I walked back into the bedroom to see Riley now clothed in a t-shirt staring out at the ocean.

"I have to go home, Foster."

Her words came as a shock even though it had occurred to me weeks ago that this haven that we had hidden ourselves in would have to end at some point. I just wished it didn't have to end so soon.

She said she has to go home. Now it's your turn to say something, dummy.

"Foster?"

"Uh, yeah, um, could you give me a minute here?" I went back into the bathroom under the pretense of using the toilet, but in truth I needed time to calm myself. The fear that had been in the back of my mind since we had come here was about to come true. I had thought, or should I say hoped, that Riley would stay through the summer like she had initially planned. I had pushed away our impending separation with the reassurance that we had two months together and to think about parting would simply taint the little time that we had left.

My fingers gripped the sink as I stared at myself in the mirror. The circles under my eyes were almost non-existent and I seemed to have grown into my haircut because I honestly couldn't remember it looking any other way. That gaunt, haunted look that I somehow had accumulated over the years seemed to have faded. I looked loved. I realized, with a sadness that I can't explain to you with words, that she made me happy. And now? Well, now it was going to be time for me to make my own way.

Straightening, I determinedly walked out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom that I shared with Riley. She was sitting in a chair when I walked in and she stood up so fast that it caused me to jump. I hadn't been expecting her to be seated there.

"Foster?"

"Hi, baby," I said and stepped into her arms to hide my uncertainty.

"Why did you run away?" she asked, her deep voice muffled in my hair. I closed my eyes. Her voice, I was going to miss her voice so much. I shrugged to keep from having to speak. "Foster, I need to go home."

I nodded. "I know. I heard you." A small kernel of hope blossomed. "Um…will you come back?" I asked her as she tried to gently push me back so she could look at me. I fiercely refused to let her, my fingers digging into her t-shirt, my face turned to the side.

"Foster, can you look at me please?" I could tell that her voice was becoming distressed and I didn't want to be the cause of it. So I nodded and stepped back, trying hard not to make contact. "Of course I will come back. But I was hoping you wanted to come with me. It would only be for a few days. It's my brother's birthday and I told him I wouldn't miss it."

"Your brother's birthday?" I repeated dumbly.

Riley nodded, the worried frown still creasing her forehead. "I will understand if you don't want to go but it would only be for a few days and then we could come back here." She seemed to be talking faster than usual and I was having a hard time understanding her.

I shook my head and she stopped speaking abruptly, a long sigh leaving her body like air from a slowly deflating balloon. Disappointment and pain flew across her features and then were gone so fast I almost thought I had imagined it.

"But what would we tell your family?"

"I already told them that I met someone and that I wanted to spend time with her before I returned home."

"You did?" My voice was high and shocked. "But when?"

"Back in LA."

"Back in LA?"

"Yeah, I told them a little while after you left my place angry about the picture. I, um, I was having a hard time giving you your space so I did a lot of calling home."

"But, but how? How did you…?"

"I just knew, Foster." She looked embarrassed but sure of her words. "I just knew how I felt, what I wanted."

I didn't speak. I just stared at her, shocked at how strong a person she was and surprised that I hadn't noticed before.

"I don't want to put your family in danger."

"We'll be careful. To them you will just be Foster. Someone I met at school."

"So do they know you're a lesbian?"

She grinned at that and I instantly felt better. "Yes, for a long time now. It isn't an issue." I nodded taking it all in. "So will you come with me? Please? We can take things slow I know that we both sort of…"

"Overstepped the boundaries?" I finished for her, a small smile on my lips that she answered with a smile of her own. "Okay, I'll go with you," I said, against my better judgment. The smile that I got from her was almost enough to make me completely sure that I had done the right thing.

We were on Highway 1 headed to Santa Rosa by noon. After agreeing to go with Riley, I had been struck with a case of nerves so bad that on several occasions I had been tempted to tell her to go without me. The thought of the disappointed look on her face and how much I would truly miss her were enough to make me continue to get ready, however. Riley said that her family would respect my privacy and that I should tell them that I had a late start in school like she did.

I glanced out the window and then over at my quiet companion. There was so much about me she didn't know, so much about her that I didn't know. She said she loved me but I was having a hard time believing it. How does one just fall in love within a few weeks? Wasn't that just for storybooks and paperback romances? Did that really happen? I must have been looking at Riley for a long time because at that very moment she turned to look at me as if she had heard what I was thinking. She smiled gently at me before returning her eyes to the road.

"How long will it take to get there?"

"About two and a half hours. More depending on the traffic," her eyes searched my face briefly. "Are we going to be okay, Foster?"

I saw her reach for me and then think better of it, her hand dropping listlessly on the plaid seat between us. "Better than okay," I said with a smile that was for her benefit. Riley's answering smile took some of the desperate edge off of mine and made me feel warm inside. "We're going to be fine." She looked at me for a moment, a curious look on her face.

"I know we will. I've never had any doubt."

"How can you be so sure?" I asked. The smile was still on my face but waning at the corners as my nerves crept into play. I covered her hand with mine and looked down at the two. It just seemed so right, her large darker hand and my smaller lighter one. She moved her hand so that it was now covering mine and gave me a little squeeze.

"I just am."

The drive to Riley's family's house was a quiet one after that. All the doubts and the fears came flooding back to me. Each one I successfully pushed away, except the last. What if Riley's family doesn't like me? What if they don't think I'm good enough for her? There was a part of me that believed that I wasn't. I looked at her from the corner of my eye and watched her check her rearview mirror. We were so different. I was loud; she was quiet. I got mad and I don't think she ever got mad. Well, except at me, and in those cases she cursed, which seemed to be something that only I could drive her to do. She seemed to care about people and I… Well, I have been told that I care about only myself. I rubbed my thumb across the back of her hand. No, I care about her now.

I closed my eyes and prayed for the first time since my mother left my dad and me. I had prayed so hard back then that she would come back and she never did. Back then I prayed for myself. Not my father, not her, but me. I wanted her to come home to me. Now I prayed for Riley. I prayed that nothing bad would happen to her.

"Getting tired?"

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"Are you tired?" Her voice lowered as if she was asking me something intimate.

I shifted uncomfortably, as I was unable to stifle the wave of desire that swept through me. "A little."

"We should be there soon. You can take a nap if you like."

I didn't answer, but I was silently thinking of the irony of the situation. For years I had not been able to sleep and within a span of weeks, I had lost my partner, killed someone, met someone I cared about, and finally had a few good nights sleep. I smiled self-derisively. Someone had a cruel sense of humor. Whoever she was, she could just go fuck herself.

"Why don't you lay back and get some sleep."

"I can't really sleep. My mind keeps thinking even though I don't want it to."

Riley made a lane change, looking in her rearview mirror and signaling even though a glance in my mirror told me that there was no one anywhere near her. I wondered if Riley had ever torn the tag off of a pillow or smoked pot or, hell, a cigarette even.

"Do you need to talk? I mean, is what happened last night bothering you?"

I stiffened slightly, then relaxed. "No, it doesn't bother me, Riley. I just…"

"You don't think it was a good idea, right?

"Do you?"

"Yes. I wanted you. I wont lie to you and I'm not going to regret being with you."

"Do you think it's smart to enter into a relationship?

"Sex doesn't make a relationship, Foster. We had one before last night."

"But I can't offer you anything, Riley. Back in LA I could have taken you out, maybe. I don't know, spent more time with you? Now I'm…I don't know who the hell I am. I don't know how the hell I got into this mess and I don't know how I'm going to get out. It's not fair for me to ask you to live your life always looking over your shoulder."

"Foster?" she said sternly and instantly I knew that I had upset her, again. I didn't mean to, but she wanted to talk and I wanted to tell her what was bothering me. "Are you speaking for yourself or me?"

"I don't know," I waffled. I hated trick questions and something in me said, 'This is a "trick question": proceed with caution.'

"I am an adult, Foster, I make my own decisions. I have for a very long time."

"I understand that, Riley. But your being with me could get you into trouble."

"It's a risk that's mine to take," she said quietly but firmly. The hand that had been resting on top of mine joined its mate on the steering wheel. Her fingers gripping it so hard that I could see the whiteness around her knuckles.

I mulled that over in my head. It took me a minute, but finally I realized that I had been quietly told to shut the fuck up. She said, "it's a risk that's mine to take." Not willing, not going to, but mine. Meaning, it's my choice not yours. Meaning, I'm not going anywhere. I suddenly felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Riley signaled and took the Fullerton exit causing apprehension to settle back over me instantly.

"Almost there," she murmured under her breath as if she were trying to prepare me for the impending doom. "There's something you should know."

"Um, what?" I asked, almost squinting as I prepared myself for the worst.

"My brother and Rachel like to tease a lot. If it gets to be too much just tell them to quit."

"Mmmm, okay," I answered. She calls her mother Rachel?

I was going to ask her about it, when she pulled the car off the road and onto a long winding driveway. Riley's house came into view and for some reason it made me feel better seeing it. The roof was pointed like an English Tudor and the windows in front were large and welcoming. The house itself didn't look all that big but it did have a huge front porch with one of those old-fashioned porch swings. Riley parked the car in front of a detached garage that was painted the same pristine white as the house. It had been fitted with a basketball hoop and I wondered if Riley played. She was certainly tall enough for it. She pulled the keys out of the ignition and reached into the back to grab Bud's cage.

"Ready?" she asked me.

"Um, sure," my mouth answered while my mind screamed no.

I couldn't tell you why I was so nervous. Well, yeah, actually I could. In all my life I had never met anyone's mother. Even when I was dating girls while in high school, the parents hadn't known I was seeing them so it had been easy. You know. "Hi, mom, this is my friend Foster from school. She's going to sleep over." I twisted my mouth derisively. Those days hadn't lasted long.

The trees in the neighborhood were all oak. There was one other house on the street and there appeared to be no cars parked in its driveway. I didn't see a sidewalk to speak of which was odd I thought. I would ask Riley about it later. We walked toward the house and I noticed that to the right of the stairs was a large ramp, presumably for wheelchair access. I took a deep, calming breath as Riley opened the door and stepped into the house.

I was immediately assaulted by the smell of cinnamon and chocolate. The smell was so close to those that I associated with being held by Riley that I immediately flushed with arousal. My God, if the scent is hereditary I'm sure I'll be kicked out of here in no time, I thought to myself. Riley grabbed my hand and led me down a hall. I noticed that there was an electronic chair rail that led up some stairs and I wondered if Riley had relatives that were disabled. The house was immaculate. The walls were painted a bone-white color that looked as though it had just been freshly applied. The hardwood floors were scrupulously clean and although the furniture was tasteful, there wasn't much of it. This was my kind of place.

Riley led me in through what had to be a dining room and pushed open a door that led to the kitchen. The chocolate and cinnamon smell was emanating from there. A woman sat at a small table reading a newspaper. Although her hair was gray now, at one time it had probably been as dark as Riley's. She wore blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and what looked to be moccasins with small blue beads on the top. I noted that, like Riley, she wore very little jewelry except for a small chain around her neck and a silver bracelet. She brought her cup up to her lips, not bothering to look up from her paper, and sipped from it before setting it down. Her looks were nothing like Riley's but there was something about her that was so familiar that it took me a moment to figure out what it was. She looked so still, so quiet. It's hard to explain but the same thing was synonymous with Riley. When we fished, when she read, when she did anything, she looked quiet and serene. I don't think I have ever mastered the art of sitting still, let alone being serene.

"What, no welcome?" Riley said so quietly that I thought she was speaking to me.

I opened my mouth to answer when the gray haired woman looked up and a smile split her face so wide that it encompassed me in its warmth. She leapt up from the table and launched herself at Riley. Riley picked her up, much as she had done with Dani, and twirled her once before kissing her soundly and setting her down.

"My God, Riley, look at you. You have been hitting them hard, haven't you?" She slapped Riley in the stomach and I wondered if it was a Northern California greeting that I hadn't been told about. "I was afraid you weren't coming. When did you get in? Wait until he sees you. And this is your…"

"Yeah, this is Foster." Riley answered her before she could ask if I was her girlfriend.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs.…"

"Call me Rachel." She enveloped me in a strong hug that had about as much power as Riley's did. At first Rachel looked frail. Her skin was as dark as Riley's and she looked to be in her early forties. Certainly not old enough to have a twenty-six year old daughter. We made small talk about the drive up and I could tell Rachel was under the impression that we had come directly from Los Angeles.

"I better go pick up Brad. Riley, I'm sure you can get yourself and Foster settled in. Your room is all ready. Clean sheets and everything." She gave Riley a quick kiss on the cheek and my hand another squeeze. "We are so glad you decided to come with Riley after all. She said she didn't think you would."

I looked over at Riley, one eyebrow raised, but she was looking down at the floor. "I don't know why Riley didn't think I would come. I jumped at the chance to meet you and Brad. Riley talks about you all the time," I said with a smile. I was hoping to make a good impression and to give Riley a little dig at the same time.

"She does, does she? Well then, Foster, you must have really laid it on her then, because that child hasn't had a talkative day in her life." And with that she gave me a sly wink and walked out the door. I inhaled sharply and blinked. Laid it on her?

Riley smirked. "That's what you get."

"Laid it on you? She meant sex? Does your mom know you have sex?" I sputtered, irate that Riley could be so careless. "Oh God. Do you think she knows?" I asked as I brought my hand up and sniffed my fingers.

"Oh my God, Foster. I can't believe you." Riley shook her head and walked out the door with me trailing after her.

"What? What?" I called after her, but she just shook her head again and headed up the stairs.

Riley's room was gorgeous in a simplistic way, as was the rest of the house. She had hardwood floors with no rugs to speak of. Her bed was smaller than I would have thought, but it was a pickled oak sleigh bed with a neutral colored comforter and matching dust ruffle. She had a matching dresser, an end table with a small lamp, and her bookcase was filled with books that I would have to check out at my leisure when she wasn't watching my every move.

To her what I said was, "great room." To myself I thought, I can't wait to snoop.

"Thank you." She smiled proudly. "I remember when I bought the furniture. I was seventeen. It was my first big purchase."

"You bought your own furniture?" Damn, I was impressed. Even though I lived on my own, I can't say that I was all that self-reliant until I actually joined the police academy at age twenty-one. "Yup, I slept on a mattress on the floor for nearly a year." She grinned and bounced on it looking at me with a shy smile on her face.

"Uh, Riley?"

"Uh huh?"

"Where do I sleep?"

"With me." Her smile was innocent enough.

"Uh, with your mother downstairs? Oh no, I'm not going to …no way, Riley. I'm sorry but that's just a little too close for comfort."

"Actually, Rachel's room is right next door. Brad's is downstairs." She was definitely enjoying herself and, although a repeat of last night's wonderful interlude was more than a little appealing, I didn't feel right about sleeping with Riley with her mother right next door. It seemed, well, you know, wrong.

"Uh, isn't there a couch or something I can crash on?"

"Nope, our couches are too small, even for you."

"Oh, uh, maybe I should head back to the cabin, you know, after I meet Brad." I looked around nervously. After what we had shared, there was no way I was going to be able to sleep with Riley without touching her.

"Nope, Rachel would think we had a fight. She worries about me too much as it is."

"And why do you call your mother Rachel? Everyone I know calls their mother mom or mother. What's with this Rachel crap?" I thundered, and instantly regretted snapping at her. I was nervous and lashing out. Riley stood up and walked toward the door, her mouth tight as if she wanted to tell me off but refrained from doing so.

"I'm scared," I blurted out. She stopped, her hand on the doorknob.

"What?" She turned around and looked at me. I'm not sure if she was mimicking me or if it was a habit she already had, but her eyebrow was raised as mine often was when I was confused about something. She looked so much better doing it.

"I'm scared," I repeated, meeting her eyes. Even though there was still a small part of me that wanted to bluff and bluster and start a fight, the other part of me was more willing to try to explain to Riley what I was feeling.

I sat down on her bed, my elbows on my knees, hands hanging between my legs. I'm sure I must have looked pathetic because Riley forgave me enough to walk over and sit down next to me. "What are you afraid of?"

"What aren't I?" I admitted and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

You know, I went through most of my life acting as if I wasn't afraid of shit. Sort of making loud noises and hoping my ghosts would be scared off. But on the whole, I think I was always afraid of what I might feel.

"I'm afraid that Rachel and Brad won't think I'm good enough for you."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know," I grumbled. I felt a hand on my back and she lifted my chin.

"Tell me why you feel this way."

"Because I never wanted anyone to like me before. I told myself I didn't care and for a long time I didn't. It was easier to be alone. Then no one could…could leave. You know?"

She nodded and released my chin. "I'm not going to leave you, Foster."

"Riley, you can't…." I was going to tell her that she couldn't promise that. But I couldn't. See there was a certain part of me that needed to believe her. I needed to believe that I wasn't this total waste of time for her. I needed to believe that I was worthy of her feelings for me. Because if she should change her mind…

Again I couldn't keep myself from reacting to my apprehension, so I jumped up and walked over to Riley's dresser looking for something to toy with. But her desk was completely clean, devoid of anything that would tell me about her, anything that I could fiddle with.

I looked up in the mirror and was shocked by her sudden appearance directly behind me. "I told you how I feel. I won't change my mind... I couldn't if I wanted to. And I don't want to."

I nodded and continued to watch her through the mirror. She was looking down at me, her hands raised and hesitated before settling on my shoulders. The fact that she had to look down kept me from seeing her entire face but I could still see her confusion and fear. "Foster, I'm trying."

She turned and walked out the door and I turned to see her just as she closed the door behind her. I crossed the room, my hand reaching for the knob, but something stopped me. She was upset, very upset, and I needed to give her space. A small sound reached my ears, a board squeaked as someone shifted their weight just outside the door.

"Riley?" It was quite possible that she didn't hear me, but a few seconds later I heard her walking away from the door. I returned to Riley's bed, this time holding my head in my hands. God what am I doing here, I thought. I leaned back and stared up at the ceiling. I wondered if Rachel had kept her from painting the clouds on her ceiling as she had at the theater. It would have been a shame; they had been so pretty. Suddenly out of nowhere there were tears. I let them come because I didn't have the energy to stop them. I cried for Riley because she loved me and I cried for me because I didn't think I could love her well enough. I cried for Smitty, Monica, and their son and I cried for the monster that was Harrison Canniff because there had to be something that made him that way. And in the end, I was probably responsible for causing us all pain.

"Wake up, sleepy head." I inhaled sharply, sat up and almost knocked a glass of water from Riley's hand.

"Whoa, sorry," I said, my voice husky from sleep and crying. I had apparently fallen asleep with my booted feet hanging off of Riley's bed. I quickly reached up and rubbed my eyes to make sure I had no residual crusties trailing down my face.

"You have a nice cry?" she asked, not fooled for a minute.

I sighed. I had resolved to try to be better about everything. There was so much that I had to be thankful for and it all lead back to her. "Yes, I did," I admitted, and waited for the dreaded conversation that I was sure would come from the admission.

Instead she leaned closer to me, a smile on her face as she admitted, "So did I." Her lips were warm and sweet and, even after last night, still so shy. I kissed her back hungrily at first then gentled my lips. This wasn't the time or the place for passion. Both of us were a little bruised, a little scared, and just needed comfort. My hand went to her neck and my thumb caressed the pulse that I knew would be thrumming there. Her lips began to tremble, then steadied. I eased away from the kiss, nuzzling the sides of her mouth, reluctant to stop.

When I finally pulled away from her, my hands on either side of her face, I looked into her eyes and I said, "I'm going to try too, okay?"

It wasn't what I wanted to say; it wasn't even half of what I felt. But it was the closest I could get to letting her know how much I appreciated the love she was giving me.

She smiled and tried to brush my unruly hair back and probably made it even worse. "You should come downstairs." She handed me the glass of water and without so much as a wince I drank the whole thing. Her hand rested lightly on my thigh. When I was done a thumb instantly came up to wipe away the excess water from my upper lip. I understood how she felt; it was hard to keep my hands off her as well. "It's dinner time."

"Oh my God. What time is it?"

"A little after 5:30. We sort of eat dinner early here and…"

"Oh, Riley, I'm so sorry. I thought… I slept for over two hours!" I said horrified. "Your family must think I'm so rude."

"No they don't, silly." She pulled me to my feet. "Don't worry about it. We took the time to get caught up with each other." I was kicking myself. I had a prime opportunity to snoop on Riley right in plain view by letting her family ask her questions I was too chickenshit to ask. Now I had missed it. In two hours they could have covered a lifetime of gossip.

"Come on. Brad can't wait to meet you."

I froze as she turned toward the door attempting to pull me after her.

"Uh, wait…what did you tell them about me?"

She paused, a small smile on her face. "I told them I was in love with you."

"W…what? Oh, oh my God!" I collapsed back on the rumpled bed, my eyes blinking rapidly as I tried to comprehend what she had just said.

Riley seemed to think something was funny because I looked up just in time to see the tail end of one of those silent laughs of hers.

"What did they say?"

Riley shrugged. "They said congratulations. When is the wedding?"

"Oh good Go… You're kidding, right?"

"Nope."

I glared at Riley for a moment, then asked carefully. "And what did you tell them?"

With a perfectly deadpan face she said, "I told them next month if I could find the right ring."

My jaw dropped and I stared at her in utter shock for about three heartbeats before she grabbed me up off the bed and hugged me tightly. "You are so funny, Foster Everett," she whispered before placing a kiss on my mouth that made the back of my neck tingle. She set me back down and said, "Come on, Brad is waiting to meet you."

I let her pull me downstairs only just barely managing not to drag my feet. "So, um, that was a joke right, baby?" I asked just as she pushed through the door to the kitchen.

"Here she is," Rachel announced as Riley swung the door opened and dragged me into the kitchen. Once again the now familiar and wonderful smell of chocolate and cinnamon assaulted my nose along with something else that smelled mouth watering. I determined it to be pot roast and only just managed to keep myself from licking my lips. It had been some time since I had had pot roast. I had lived alone for a long time and it'd already been established that I can't cook to save my life. As Rachel approached me, somewhere deep in the back of my mind I wondered if the reason I had never even bothered to learn to cook was because it was something my mother had loved to do. She always cooked the most wonderful dinners for my father and me. In fact, most of my memories of her were in the kitchen.

I was brought back to reality when my hand was grabbed and I was pulled toward the breakfast nook. His hair was just a tad lighter than his sister's and his appeared to be about as curly as hers was straight. His eyes were a coffee colored brown like his mother's and he had a huge grin on his face as he pushed away from the table. I'm glad my hand was already out, otherwise I might have appeared rude when I didn't react quickly enough to his greeting.

Brad was in a wheelchair. He was wearing black sweats with a small Nike swoosh on the side. His feet were encased in a pair of pristine white Nikes and he wore a white tank top that looked like it was made of mesh. Arms and shoulders that looked like they were sculpted out of metal bulged from the tank top as he expertly wheeled his chair forward with one hand so that he was close enough to shake my hand.

"Nice to finally meet you, Brad."

He grinned widely, his brown eyes twinkling as he looked from me to Riley, then back again. "Nice to meet you too, Foster. Did Riley forget to mention something to you?"

I shifted nervously as he continued to hold my hand. Eyes appearing way older than sixteen looked at me with amusement. Yes, she had forgotten to mention Brad's confinement to a wheelchair. Even though I had seen the ramp and the chair lift it had never occurred to me that it was for her brother.

"Huh?"

"She didn't mention that we hug here?"

"Hug?"

"Yup," he nodded somberly. "If you're going to be marrying my sister then you're family. Which means, I don't want a handshake, I want a hug."

I was already bent over to give him a hug when his words sank in. He had said I was going to be marrying his sister. Marrying his sister!

"I...I…" I turned towards Riley, desperately hoping she could tell me subliminally what the hell was going on. A movement to my right and a chuckle from Rachel caused me to break the heated eye lock I had with Riley. Brad wheeled by and slapped Riley hard on the stomach, for which she barely responded.

"Nice one, Sis, but she sure doesn't say much." He rolled out of the kitchen, leaving me very embarrassed and Riley seemingly unbothered by the whole situation. For someone who doesn't like to be teased she sure can shell it out.

Dinner was a boisterous affair in which I listened to the teasing insults that Riley and Brad traded across the table, with Rachel occasionally stepping in to moderate. Brad and Riley obviously had a close relationship and Rachel seemed happy to have them together. I, however, was still in shock. The dinner that Rachel prepared looked excellent. And even though my stomach growled urgently, I just couldn't seem to bring myself to put any of it in my mouth.

"Your dinner all right, Foster?" Rachel asked, and I noticed that everyone was looking at me. I had been so deep in thought that I hadn't noticed that the lively conversation had stopped.

"Oh yes, everything is wonderful, Rachel. I guess I'm just a little tired still is all," I lied.

"Dang, Sis, don't you let her sleep?" Brad asked as he stole a potato from Riley's plate. Much to my chagrin, I blushed. I wasn't used to talking about sex so openly. Especially with the mom and sixteen year-old brother of the woman I had ravished only the night before.

"Brad, leave Riley alone," Rachel said fixing Brad with a stern glare. Riley gave him a mocking smile as she picked up her fork and stabbed one of his potatoes and popped it into her mouth. "I think it's kind of cute that they can't get enough of each other."

Riley's jaw seized and she looked like she was going to be sick. For some reason this made me feel better. Now she knew how I felt. I picked up my fork and cut into my pot roast with vigor. I cleaned my plate, the whole time talking away with Brad and Rachel while Riley, still embarrassed from the looks of things, seemed somewhat subdued.

After dinner Rachel sent Riley and I for a walk while she and Brad cleaned up. I ran into the house and grabbed a cap. Even in this quiet community I couldn't seem to bring myself to relax completely. I wondered if I ever would.

"I'm sorry about the teasing," Riley said after we had been walking for a few minutes.

"That's okay, I enjoyed it. You must have missed them when you were at school."

"Yeah, I did."

"Can I ask you something?" Riley slowed and gave me her full attention. "Their teasing, it doesn't seem to bother you." I didn't need to elaborate because she smiled ruefully.

"They love me." I nodded. I could see where that would make a difference.

"I can't believe how big Brad is getting. In a few years he will be giving me a run for my money on the bench press." Her voice was proud as she said it so I nodded politely. I didn't really know what that meant, but Brad did indeed look strong and healthy.

"No sidewalks," I commented aloud.

"Nope," Riley said as she reached down to take my hand. "The people around here wanted it to continue to look rural." I suddenly felt only slightly overwhelmed.

"Riley…did you… Why did you let your family believe we were going to get married?"

She didn't answer me for a minute and I was afraid she hadn't heard me.

"Why…"

"We were just playing around. They asked me if it was serious and I told them the truth." I looked up at her to try to gauge her mood, but couldn't tell if she was sad or happy or just simply stating a fact.

"What did you tell them?"

"That I would love to marry you but…you probably wouldn't agree to it. They thought I should at least try so I told them I would think about it. Brad said I should just go out, get a ring and just…ask."

"Oh." This is where I should have told her, bad idea. This is where I should have said, at the very least, we were moving too fast or something. But I didn't and in the end I'm sure she knew what I was thinking because she sighed.

"We were just kidding around, Foster. I told you, they like to tease a lot. We should head back before it gets too late."

I nodded and we walked back, still holding hands but each lost in our own thoughts. When we got back to the house Rachel and Brad had just slipped in a movie and asked us to join them. I followed Riley's lead by plopping down on the floor with my back against the couch that Rachel had curled up on. I was a little disappointed when Riley didn't resume contact with me but I pushed the thoughts away and tried to pay attention.

At some point Riley's hand crept into mine and with a sigh I squeezed her hand and started to relax.

After the movie Rachel said good night and headed up to bed. Riley yawned and declined an offer by Brad to play a video game.

"I'll take a rain check for tomorrow, okay? Be right back," she said and walked off.

"She upset?" Brad asked me as soon as we were alone.

"I don't think so."

"She isn't mad, because, you know, of what I said, is she? I mean, I was just kidding." He started plucking at the arm of his chair and it immediately reminded me of Riley doing the same thing with her cast.

"No, I think she's good. Just a little tired."

"Cool," he said, but I could tell he didn't believe me.

Riley came back then much to my relief. She held up Bud's cage and said, "Look who we forgot on the porch."

"Hey, Bud," I greeted my little friend, feeling a bit guilty at having forgotten about him.

"Hey, cool. I didn't know you guys had a hamster," Brad said as Riley handed him Bud's condo.

"Mouse, and his name is Bud." I tried not to feel pleasure at the fact that Riley didn't correct Brad's assumption that Bud belonged to both of us.

"Can you get him fed and play with him a little? I'm tired and I think Foster is too."

"Sure." Brad took Bud's cage and wheeled off past the stairs to an area of the house that I had yet to see.

I followed Riley up the stairs and into her bedroom noting that Rachel's door was closed even though a small light trailed from beneath the door.

"She always sleeps with a light on," Riley informed me as if she'd heard my unvoiced question. I nodded and shut the door behind me. I noticed that Riley must have brought our bags up because they both sat neatly next to the bed and I hadn't seen them there earlier. I looked through the bags until I found my toiletries.

"Uh, should I take the bathroom first or…"

"No, you go ahead," Riley said as she rifled around in the bag. I nodded and grabbed a t-shirt as well. I felt awkward and I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. Riley had seen me completely nude already but we were in the same house as her mother and brother. Hell, her mother could still be awake right next door. I took less then fifteen minutes to shower and brush my teeth.

"All yours," I told Riley lightly as I walked into the bedroom.

"Thanks," she said politely and closed the door behind her. Something had changed between us. Had I done something wrong? Said something I shouldn't have to her family? I sat down on the bed and pondered all of the possible reasons that I sensed a tension between Riley and me and couldn't come up with anything.

Riley came out of the shower, her hair still wet and wearing black shorts and a t-shirt. I watched the muscles in her legs flex as she bent down to toss her brush back in her bag.

"Everything okay?" I couldn't help asking.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Because you seem so quiet. Look, I'm sorry that I was so difficult earlier. You know I'm not used to this. For most of my life it was just me and my father, you know, and I'm a little nervous about how to act around your family. I sort of want them to like me."

"They do like you. Here, stand up." Riley pulled the covers back. She sighed but didn't get into the bed. "May I sleep with you or would you rather I sacked out on the floor?"

"I would like to sleep together if that's okay with you?"

"Yeah," she said, a small smile appearing on her face. Had she been worried about it? I climbed into bed and closed my eyes tightly as Riley switched the light off. A few seconds later I felt the bed dip as she lay down beside me. I lay stiffly with my face turned away from her and my eyes tightly closed because I knew that my newfound libido would kick in at any moment.

"You still awake?" she asked.

"Yeah, I am." I had turned on my stomach with my head turned away from her in the hope that I could just lay there and not want her as I had last night.

"I'm really glad you're here." She turned on her side and touched my back. I imagined that I could feel the warmth of her hand through the blanket and my shirt.

"I'm glad I'm here too," I told her truthfully, grimacing against the erotic images from the night before. She finally lay down and I turned over onto my back. My eyes wandered up to the ceiling. Someone, it had to have been Riley, had placed glow in the dark stars up there complete with constellations. They probably blended with the paint during the day. Remembering the clouds on the ceiling of her place in Los Angeles and her response to my questioning her about them made me want to hold her even more. It was going to be a long few days.

Longer than I could have ever dreamed possible.

I opened my eyes and, in what was fast becoming a habit, reached for Riley. I was disappointed to find that she had already gone. I sat up and looked around the bedroom. It took me a few disoriented moments to see that there was a note left on the dresser. I picked it up and read it.

Decided to work out with Brad

Will save you some breakfast.

Sleep in as long as you want.

on the dresser for you to sign.

I picked up the pen that she had left there and signed Brad's birthday card with an idiotic flourish and an equally idiotic smile on my face. For some reason Riley's note made me exceedingly happy. The fact that she would have me sign her brother's birthday card…well anyway, it made me smile along with that "Love, Riley" that she probably wrote without thinking.

I glanced at the clock and noted with some shock that it was only a little after eight. I wondered if Riley's entire family were early risers. I pulled out a clean pair of jeans, a bra, a t-shirt, and socks. For some reason I felt apprehension settle in my chest. I was eager to see Riley, but I felt like something was about to happen. Sort of a niggling warning in the back of my head that told me to be prepared, but wouldn't tell me why. Premonition. That's what they call it, right? I brushed my teeth and stared at myself in the mirror wondering what had made me so lucky that I would find someone like Riley to love me when I was conceivably at my lowest point. I spit into the sink and smiled; maybe I should be asking Riley what made her so unlucky.

I found my way to the kitchen, tentatively poked my head in, and found Rachel reading the paper and sipping something that looked hot.

"Morning," she said with a welcoming smile.

"Good morning."

"Have a seat." She got up and walked over to the stove. "Riley said you were a late sleeper."

"I usually am," I admitted as she placed a plate in front of me with enough food to feed two people. Eggs, four thick slices of ham, and hash browns with toast. I salivated greedily.

"Have Riley and Brad already eaten?" I asked cautiously. Rachel probably figured out exactly why I was asking because, much to my embarrassment, she chuckled.

"They have, it's all yours. Riley said you liked to eat, although I almost didn't believe her by the way you picked at your dinner last night."

I stopped just as I was about to put a nice large piece of ham into my mouth. I sat my fork down and met Rachel's eyes. "I'm sorry. I really am glad to be here with Riley. It's just that I was a little nervous to be meeting you and Brad. I know how much she cares for you and I was worried about making a good impression." The realization that what I had said was true was still not enough to make the flush that covered my face more bearable.

Rachel chuckled and waved her hand as if to say I was being silly. I noted she seemed to be relieved. "Riley was a little worried this morning."

"She was?" I said, as I was unable to keep myself from taking a bite of the succulent ham.

"Yes, but I think she will feel better once she sees that you're all right." I frowned at that but continued to eat. The sound of a rubber ball being pounded against pavement caused me to glance out the window just in time to see Riley launch a basketball into the hoop above the garage. "I guess they're back from their run." Rachel said as she ducked her head to peer out the window at them. "I'm going to leave you to finish your breakfast in peace. It's a beautiful morning out. Join me when you're done."

I could only nod because I had already stuffed my face full of the delicious potatoes. I polished my breakfast off in no time. Taking my plate and glass to the sink, I washed each of them and left them in the drainer to dry. I noticed that there were a few empty pans on the stove, probably from the breakfast Rachel had cooked, and I washed those too. I wasn't exactly stalling, I told myself as I uncharacteristically wiped the stovetop. I was just trying to thank her for two wonderful meals.

Finally, having nothing else to do with myself, I walked to the front door of the house and paused at the screen door. Brad had launched the ball at the rim and Riley had yelled as it bounced there three times before rolling in for a basket. I pushed the screen door open and stepped out onto the porch.

Rachel glanced up at me and patted the spacious porch swing next to her. "Have a seat."

I nodded and did so nervously. I leaned back and let the early morning sun beam down on my head as I watched Riley and Brad play basketball. She looked so happy. Almost as if she knew what I was thinking, Rachel bumped her shoulder into mine and said quietly.

"She's something special, isn't she?" I glanced over at her quickly and then back to the two siblings.

"Yeah," I said and then much to my embarrassment I had to clear my throat.

"You know, you two act like you haven't even been out on one date together and yet Riley tells me you've been seeing each other for a month now."

"She did?" I need to talk to Riley about making sure that we have our stories straight. She would not make a good criminal. "Um, yeah. Well, uh, we haven't really. I mean we were taking it slow."

Rachel grinned and continued to push the swing with the tip of her toe causing it to sway gently. "Well, how slow you planning on taking it?"

I opened my mouth and closed it. I was so out of my element here. I had never had any reason to talk to the parents of the girls I had been with. Now here I was with Riley's mom and she was asking me why I hadn't put some of my nonexistent moves on her daughter. "Uh, I don't know."

"Well, have you talked about it?"

The question was so conversational that we could have been talking about anything. So I answered her as vaguely as I could and hoped that she would let it go. "Um, a little." It would serve her right if I told her in explicit detail how Riley and I had "talked about it" the night before last.

"You have… You're not a…"

"NO! No…" I said a little too loudly, as Brad launched the orange ball towards the basket and crowed as it sailed smoothly home.

"Well, I'm pretty sure Riley has, but she isn't that open about her sex life."

"Oh…" I just want her to stop talking. If I could just skulk back into bed, that's what I would do right now. I wonder if Riley would be interested in taking a nap.

"She isn't afraid, is she?"

Okay, that's it. "Uh, Rachel, I'm sorry but I just can't have this conversation with you. I mean you're her mom."

"Well, I was just wondering if maybe I should talk to her or something." Rachel looked like she was having a hard time keeping herself from laughing. I'm glad someone is enjoying this conversation because it sure as hell isn't me.

"She isn't afraid. We just…there have been some things that have been going on that I need to think about before I can get into a serious relationship."

"Hmm, so it's you that's holding back. I thought so, but I wasn't sure."

Riley pulled off her t-shirt, leaving her in shorts and a black sports bra. She twisted the shirt and began to snap it at Brad who retaliated by throwing the ball at her. She caught it and, with a huge grin on her face, went up for a lay-up, then threw the ball back.

"God, I'm probably going to spend the rest of my life yelling at one of those two to put their shirt back on." I almost missed her comment because I was too busy looking at Riley's stomach muscles flex as she laughed at something Brad said.

I decided to try to change the subject again. "Riley and Brad really get along great, don't they? I have never seen two siblings as close as those two."

I looked over at Rachel. She was watching both Riley and Brad with a proud light in her eyes. "I think it's because of what they have both gone through. Riley has always been very protective of Brad, even before the accident."

Accident? I had assumed that Brad had always been in the chair. The way he handled himself and his cheery attitude made me think that he had been this way all his life. I wanted to question Rachel more, but didn't want to appear to be snooping so as casually as one can be in this type of thing, I asked her. "How old was he when it happened?"

"About two weeks after his sixth birthday. Riley was about fourteen. A few months shy of fifteen, actually. It was a horrible time."

Conversations like this always made me uncomfortable, never mind that I brought it up in the first place.

"It was easier after we found Riley."

I was so busy looking at Riley that the statement almost went over my head.

"I had a hard time dealing with my anger. The whole time he was in the hospital he kept saying that I needed to find her because she might need us. I have to admit that I wanted to separate myself from the Medeiros family completely. I didn't want any reminders."

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't Riley be there when Brad was in the hospital?"

Rachel looked at me sharply then her eyes softened. "She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" And what the heck did she mean separate herself from the Medeiros family completely?

Rachel sighed and closed her eyes for a beat too long before opening them to look at me. "That I'm not her biological mother? Brad isn't her biological brother?"

"What…?" I turned to watch Riley grab Brad's chair and turn him around before trying to grab the ball, which Brad launched for another flawless shot.

Rachel watched Riley and Brad for a minute. "I thought she had finally come to terms with everything, but I guess she hasn't."

"I'm starting to think she doesn't trust me…"

"Oh no." Rachel's voice took on a very serious tone. "You're the only one that she's brought here besides Dani. Don't believe that she doesn't trust you because she obviously does… or you wouldn't be here."

"She keeps things from me she shouldn't." I found myself saying. What the hell was I doing?

"And do you tell her everything?"

I turned to look at Rachel and with some surprise, realized that I could answer the question honestly. "Yes, I tell her everything. Some things are… I don't even realize that they're there, but I tell her as soon as I think of them," I said awkwardly.

Rachel nodded.

"Rachel? Can you please tell me what's going on? Was Riley adopted?"

"No, she would never let me go through the proceedings for the paper work. She was afraid her…mother…would find out about it and turn it into a big scandal."

"Rachel, please." I hadn't missed the hesitation, or the spark of anger. I felt helpless. A feeling that would usually cause me to get angry. In this case I just felt sick. That sort of deep down sick that made you not really want to hear what was coming next even though you'd asked.

"Foster, I think this is probably something that Riley should be telling you but …since I already blundered into it and I can tell how much she cares about you, I'll tell you what I know."

I nodded and waited for her to continue. It seemed to take her a few moments to get her story going. From the look on her face, whatever it was had caused this woman a lot of pain.

"As I said before, Riley isn't my biological daughter but I have known her since before her father died. My husband left me when I got pregnant with Brad. I moved to Oakland because it was cheaper than living in San Francisco, which is where I'm from originally." She looked at me as if that was an important point to remember so I nodded quickly in the hopes that she would continue.

"Anyway, Riley's family," she sighed and then continued. "Riley's family lived in the house next door. They didn't have much money but you could tell that there was a lot of love there."

"Her father died though, right?" I was slightly confused but still trying to keep the conversation going.

"Yes, he died when Riley was about nine. The family and I had never been all that close but Riley was a sweet child even then and her father and mother…well it didn't take a rocket scientist to see how in love they were."

"When he was killed, it seemed to take the life right out of Riley's mother. It was like watching a human being die slowly. Nothing mattered to her, including Riley. She started to mistreat her. And the sad thing is that it went on for so long and no one said anything until it was too late, not even me."

I gripped my armrest as I watched Riley shake silently at something Brad had said to her. "She didn't hurt her physically, did she?" I asked, my stomach already a tumbling mass of anger and fear.

"No, not from what I can get out of Riley. But there are things that are just as bad as being hit."

I finally made myself loosen my grip. "What do you mean?" Even as I asked the question I flashed to myself sitting alone in my room. Day after day talking to myself and making up stories in which my mother came back and all of a sudden we would become the loving, touchy-feely family that we never were in the first place.

"I don't think she was hit, but I think after her father died Riley's mother started to drink." I closed my eyes in a desperate need to shut out what Rachel was saying. I had been there. I had known a pain so deep that I had turned to alcohol and though I was fully aware of what could happen, I did it anyway.

"I think she started ignoring Riley, and soon Riley was going to school and working part time to keep food on the table. I'm not sure where the money from the military went but soon they just seemed to have nothing. I helped when I could. Riley would baby-sit Brad whenever I needed to go out and couldn't take him with me. Occasionally things would get so bad over there that Riley would come over and ask of she could sleep on my couch." Rachel stuck her thumbnail in her mouth and bit down on it. Her face was set from pain as she watched the two people she loved most.

"What was her mother doing to her?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"From what I could glean from Riley, and what the rest of the neighborhood and I could hear, it was a lot of verbal abuse. The house was never clean enough. Riley never cooked the right stuff, and sometimes worse. That she was stupid and she wished…wished that she had never wasted her time having a kid."

I grimaced. I knew loneliness as a kid; probably spent so much time dreaming up the perfect family and mate that I wouldn't know either if they slapped me in the face. It's one of the reasons I have such a hard time connecting with people. I have always blamed my father's inattentiveness for that. But he never once hit me that I could remember, or called me stupid, or anything like that.

"Anyway one day I got…called in to work on my day off. It was in the afternoon so Brad was outside playing. I asked Riley to keep an eye on him for me. I needed the overtime and I knew that Riley could use the money. She'd told me that Jackie, that was her mother's name, Jackie…" She paused as if wondering if the name had something to do with what had happened. She shook her head to get her herself back on track and continued. "Jackie had stolen her check and bought alcohol with it. Riley wasn't able to pay the PG&E bill so they had been without electricity for a week."

"I came home to find the block taped off and dozens of ambulances and police everywhere." Rachel stopped rocking and stared off in to the distance. "I remember knowing instantly that it had something to do with Brad. Something terrible. So, I stopped my car in the middle of the street and ran past three policemen before I got to him. He wasn't conscious, and Riley, well she was crying so hard that I couldn't even get the story out of her. All I could see was that his bike was destroyed and, the way his body was twisted…I thought he was dead."

I felt the horror of the moment roll off of her and embed itself into me. I reached over and grabbed her limp, moist hand and squeezed it. She didn't acknowledge my action but I hung on to her hand and waited for her continue.

"It was days later that I found out Riley had said that a car that she had never seen before came barreling down the street at twice the speed limit, jumped up on the curb, hit Brad and then kept going. She was so shocked that she didn't think to get the license plate number."

"Oh God," I groaned. Brad had been so young. He must have been so frightened. And Riley… I could tell how much Riley cared for Brad and if her feelings were half as strong then as they are now, she had to have been traumatized.

"I lost track of time while Brad was in the hospital," Rachel went on mechanically. I wondered if I should tell her she didn't have to continue. There was no sign of the woman that had teased me a few moments before.

"It was a month before he came out of his coma and even then he wasn't exactly coherent. The doctors were afraid that he would be a vegetable, but once he woke up… Well, Brad is a very determined person and even at six years old he was determined not to be stuck in a bed for the rest of his life." She chuckled as Brad once again stole the ball from a taunting Riley and launched it into the hoop.

"But, I don't understand. How did Riley end up with you? She told me that she went to high school here?"

"She did. Grades ten through twelve."

A tear escaped from Rachel's eye and trailed down her cheek. "The police came and found me at the hospital. Riley had gone into the police station and …well she told them that she'd lied. She said that her mother had hit Brad. Not some…stranger as she had said at first. Her mother was drunk and…. I don't even know if she knew what she did."

My mouth opened and closed as I fought to say something, anything that made sense.

Rachel continued. "They'd already picked up Jackie and put her in jail. They put Riley in a foster home because she had no other family. So I didn't see her again before the trial.

"The trial became sensationalized because of the fact that Riley turned her mother in. It was in all the papers before the trial got under way. Then that scum lawyer that was appointed by the courts convinced Riley's mom that the way to beat the rap was to somehow prove that Riley was doing this to get back at her. Riley's mom had found out that Riley was gay…they used the fact that I am a single parent, and therefore no doubt a lesbian, against her and tried to convince the jury that Riley's mom had forbidden her to see me."

"Oh my God, they tried to say that there was something between you and Riley?".

"Yes." Rachel's lips thinned in disgust. "Luckily the jury didn't buy it for a minute. The trial only lasted three weeks. She got thirteen years because it wasn't her first offense and because she left the scene. I think they were especially harsh with her because Brad was so young."

I resisted the urge to say good. Thirteen years was nothing compared to the pain that Brad had had to go through; I was sure of that.

"I didn't know what happened to Riley. And I'm ashamed to say that I didn't care. Even though she had done the right thing, deep down I blamed her for her mother's actions. It wasn't until Brad kept insisting on seeing her after he woke up that I started to really wonder about her. I worked for a law firm that had their own private investigation agency. They had great benefits and they were pretty understanding about my need to be with Brad during his therapy. I was able to utilize one of their best people to track down Riley. I tracked her through about three foster homes before she disappeared."

"Disappeared?"

"Yeah, she ran away. For whatever reason, she decided the streets were a lot better place to be, so one day she left for school and just never came back."

"How old was she?"

"Only fifteen. The bastards didn't bother reporting her missing for a few months; they said they thought she would come back. I think it was because they wanted to keep receiving the checks for her from the state. It wasn't until my investigator started questioning them about her that they reported her missing."

"So how did you find her again?"

"The firm I worked for sort of quietly took up my cause. They started asking around. I still had a picture that I had taken of her and Brad the summer before so they used that. It didn't take them long to find her in a flophouse along with a bunch of other kids. When they told her that I was looking for her she refused to see me. Even left the place where she was staying and hid somewhere else. It was another month before…before she finally called me and asked if I could meet her at a small coffee shop near Lake Marriet in Oakland."

Both of us watched as a now heavily perspiring Brad and Riley began squirting each other with the contents of their water bottles.

"She'd changed a lot by then, I almost didn't recognize her. She had hardened, you know, sort of gone into herself. She had let someone chop off all that beautiful hair she had and her eyes…I don't know, they were so empty that I was almost afraid of her. Even then, though, the first thing out of her mouth was, "How is he?" When I told her that he was out of the coma and the doctors felt that he would one day be able to lead a full and productive life, she broke down and cried."

I looked away from Rachel blinking. Why didn't you tell me any of this, Riley?

"I begged her to come see him but she wouldn't. The best she would give me is that she would meet me at the shop weekly to hear about Brad's progress. We would laugh over things that he would do and say. I don't know how that kid always seemed to keep his chin up. Lord knows he didn't get it from me." Rachel leaned back and sighed. "I kept telling Riley that Brad had been wanting to see her, but she'd refused to go see him the whole six or seven weeks since I had found her. But she would always have me take him little notes that I would read to him saying how much she missed him and how proud she was of him."

"Why wouldn't she see him?"

I thought Rachel wasn't going to answer me at first but finally she said, "Because she blamed herself."

"But she wasn't the one driving."

"I know she wasn't, but you have to understand…I blamed her, too. At least at first." I started to speak but Rachel interrupted, "You can't understand, Foster. You just can't know what it's like until you go through something like that. You start to blame everyone including yourself, especially when the one who is really guilty isn't owning up to it. Riley was an easy target for my wrath for about a week and then I came to my senses. But I was so worried about my little boy that I couldn't think about how she must have been feeling. I locked her out of my heart. All I had was saved for Brad."

I nodded and turned back as if I was watching Riley and Brad. But, in truth, I wasn't. "So what happened to make her finally come see him?"

"I don't really know. One day I came to the hospital and one of the nurses that I didn't know all that well told me that my daughter was in with Brad. I knew it was Riley before I actually saw her sitting there at his bedside. She had come to see him while he was asleep. When I walked in the room, she just sort of started crying. She seemed so… I don't know, devastated. I hadn't even noticed how tired and unkempt she looked until that moment. Like I said, most of my thoughts and worries had been reserved for Brad."

"Why did she hide the fact that she was visiting him?"

"I don't know. We never talked about that either. But as Brad began to make progress it became obvious that there wasn't much else the hospital could do for him. He needed a specialist and the best one at the time was a Doctor Farrell who was in Marin County. I decided to move to be closer to the facility and I asked Riley to come with me. She agreed, and she's been as much my daughter as Brad is my son since then. She even got a job and went back to school. She worked for a few years and went to the junior college so that she could go to a four-year university and get a degree. She refused to take any help from me; I even had to agree to let her pay me back for the Land Cruiser and the computer in installments. Even then she made me buy a refurbished laptop. She said she wanted to do it herself. And she did."

I could tell Rachel was proud of Riley. Hell, in truth, so was I. "She told me you gave her the Cruiser and the computer. She didn't mention that she was paying you back for them."

Rachel laughed, "She didn't, huh? Riley has never been one to toot her own horn."

I didn't know what to say so I sat quietly, my mind pondering the pain that Riley had gone through at such a young age.

"I'm glad that she found someone, Foster." The ache in my chest was threatening to make me cough so I cleared my throat.

"What makes you say that?"

"Because she's been through enough in her life and she deserves to be happy. She's had to grow up too fast. There is a lot that she won't even tell me. I can tell that she loves you. Maybe she'll tell you the rest, in time."

"I don't know if we've reached that point in our relationship."

"You may not have, but she has. You notice that every so often she will look over here to see if you're okay?"

"No, I hadn't noticed."

"Yeah, she does that a lot with you."

"I care about her too."

"I know. I just hope that will…."

"What?" Rachel shook her head. "No, tell me what you were going to say."

"She isn't the type that loves easily, Foster, and she seems to have opened up to you for some reason. Don't mistake her feelings for less than what they are. She isn't like that with everybody. In fact, the only person that I know she is that open with is Dani and Lord knows how that one got her to open up. But even with Dani she holds herself back.

With you, there's something different. I just hope you aren't going to leave."

"Leave? Why would I do that?"

"Look, I wasn't born yesterday. I can tell that you're uncomfortable and I see you looking behind you. Something tells me that if it weren't for Brad's birthday you two wouldn't be here right now."

I looked down at my hands, embarrassed at how close she was to the truth.

"It's …nothing personal."

"I know. You're running from something. You don't have to tell me what, it isn't important. It's just, there may come a time when you start to regret the ties that you have with her. I may not have given birth to her but she's still my daughter and I don't want to see her hurt."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Can you promise that, Foster?"

"No, but can anyone?"

"No, I don't suppose they can. But you can sure go out of your way to make sure you have as much time with her as possible."

I watched Riley squat down in front of Brad and adjust his leg before looking up and saying something. She stood up to look toward the front porch directly at me. My stomach clenched as a smile appeared on her face and she raised her hand. I mimicked her gesture effortlessly and she returned to her game.

Rachel explained that Brad would be going fishing with some buddies the following morning so the day was meant for just family. I felt sort of self-conscious about my own presence but she explained quite patiently that, according to Riley, I was family. After Brad and Riley showered, he opened his presents and Rachel and I ooh'd and ahh'd like we hadn't just wrapped them an hour before. It made me feel wonderful even though I didn't let her know that. Rachel cooked a special dinner consisting of Brad's favorites that was followed by a piece of birthday cake for dessert. Well, three pieces for me but I was hoping no one was counting. A video was the natural conclusion to a quiet day at home. I felt positively gluttonous with the amount of food and care I was gleaning from these people.

"I'm stuffed," Riley said, as we plopped down on the floor with Brad parked behind us to watch a video. Rachel had excused herself from watching the movie saying that she had a headache and was going to bed. I hoped my conversation with her earlier hadn't caused her to become upset. Certainly when Brad had blown out his candles and I had taken the picture of all three of them together she hadn't looked as fatigued as she did now. I sighed causing Riley to look over at me, one eyebrow raised in a silent question. I smiled at her and patted her leg before getting up.

"Hey, you guys, I'm going to go get out of these jeans. They're getting a little tight around the middle."

"Was it because of the second helping or the fifth?" Brad asked, a teasing grin on his lips.

I sniffed and tried to look put out. "Well, I always try to do what I can. There are people in…Hollywood who don't get enough to eat, you know." I laughed and ducked a pillow that Riley tossed at me. "Go ahead and start the movie. I'll be right back."

I padded up the stairs and entered our room. Our room. I chuckled and shook my head. I was sure Riley would get a kick if she heard me say that. I rummaged through my bag for something more comfortable to put on and, finding nothing, did the same with Riley's bag.

"Why, you little sneak," I said aloud, as I pulled a gold foil covered piece of chocolate from a pouch on the side of Riley's bag. I fished around until I came across two more. Grinning, I unwrapped one and popped it into my mouth then put the others back where I had found them. I had solved the mystery of why Riley always seemed to smell like chocolate. She apparently had a fondness for Hershey Kisses with almonds and hid them among her clothes. Not the healthiest of snacks so I'd have to tease her about them when I got back downstairs.

I continued rooting through the bag and finally came across her neatly folded gray Joe Boxer pants. Rising to my full height, I caught a look at myself in the mirror. My happy grin softened a little as I walked toward Riley's dresser. I pushed my hair back a little and noticed that my usually pale skin seemed to have a glow to it. I may have actually tanned instead of burned for once. My eyes even looked darker. Probably because of my new hair color, but I still looked…well different. Happy? Maybe that was it. I was happy. Damn. I shook my head and turned away. Here I am admiring myself in the mirror and the movie's already started. I quickly shucked my pants, my mind wandering to what Rachel had told me about Riley.

With everything she had been through you would think that she would steer clear of someone like me. Her mother was a drinker and the first few times Riley saw me that's pretty much all I did. I paused, one foot in the pajamas and one foot out. I wondered if she'd noticed me cause she felt sorry for me. The idea that Riley would be doing this… helping me out of pity, hurt. For about two seconds and then I remembered the way she held me, the way she looked at me when we were alone at the cabin, and the way she looked when she told me she loved me. Regardless of what made Riley notice me in the first place, she loved me now, and that's what mattered. I sighed. I should really talk to her about stuff; let her know how I feel about her. I smiled. God, I have a hard time talking about myself as it is. This was going to be hard. But she deserved to know. I'm not sure what I'll say but…I didn't ever want to sleep without her again. I never wanted to go one day without seeing her smile, feeling her hand in mine or resting on my leg. Maybe I'd tell her that, I decided as I stopped to look at myself again…uh, no. I'm not sure I'll tell her all that, but she should know…

I had bent down to roll up the leg of the pajamas when I heard a buzzing noise. After a quick look in the direction of the noise I continued to roll up the pants, not wanting to keep Riley and Brad waiting. A second buzz caused me to look for the source. I followed the noise to Riley's bag and looked inside. A third buzz emanating from a small pocket in front of the bag led me to Riley's cell phone. I recognized the number instantly. It was from Secrets.

"Hello?" I said cautiously.

"Riley?" I didn't recognize the voice at first so I didn't say anything. I told myself that I was being silly for the feeling of utter dread that was now stealing over me. "It's Stacy."

I wasn't being silly. Something was wrong. "Stacy? What's wrong, have you been crying?"

"Foster?"

"Yeah, it's me. What's up, Stace?"

"Is Riley with you?" she asked. Her voice sounded hesitant and unsure, totally unlike the Stacy that I knew.

"Yeah, she is." I sat down on Riley's bed, my heart pounding fast and hard in my ears.

"Maybe I should talk to her first. I don't know…"

"What? No! Damn it, Stacy, tell me what's wrong?"

"Foster…someone killed Marcus."

"Marcus? Someone…How could…?" I was sure I heard wrong. Marcus wasn't dead. He couldn't be.

"I'm sorry. I know… after Smitty…I just thought you would want to know."

"H…how? What happened?"

"I don't know. The police are classifying it as a hate crime."

I put my fist to my head. A hate crime! A hate crime?

"Foster, listen to me," Stacy said urgently. "I wanted to speak to Riley first because I know you will want to come back. You shouldn't, Foster. I don't know what's going on, but I think they are still looking for you. You need to stay away."

I nodded before I realized that Stacy couldn't see me. "I know," I said dully.

"Foster, are you okay?"

"Yeah…Yeah, I'm okay." I said, but I wasn't okay. Suddenly it all came flooding back with a vengeance. Marcus's excitement over snooping through the records, my telling him to leave it alone. But what if he hadn't? What if he had been murdered because he was sticking his nose into something he didn't understand?

"…Foster, are you still there?"

"Uh, yeah Stacy. I… I should go."

"Take care of yourself, okay?"

"Okay."

I ended the call. Still dazed, I walked down the stairs and sat down on the floor next to Riley and pretended to watch the movie. Marcus, my friend…Marcus was dead. My breathing became shallow as it occurred to me that this was the second friend that I had lost this year. At that moment Riley caused Brad to laugh loudly. I watched as she ran practiced fingers over his ribs and he crossed toned arms over his chest like a little girl.

Riley.

"Foster, help me," Riley called out breathlessly as she struggled with Brad.

"I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well." I got up before anyone could say anything.

"Foster, what's wrong?"

I didn't turn around because I knew I was going to cry and I didn't want to do that to her. I didn't want to do that ever again. I kept walking, hitting the stairs at a dead run. I could hear her footsteps behind me but I didn't stop to wait for her to catch up. I burst through the door and headed straight for the bathroom.

"Foster?"

I heard her call out. I had a vague glimpse of her worried features as I shut the door and locked it. I sank down on the floor, my hands on my head. "Oh God, what if someone killed Marcus because he was snooping." Smitty had looked bothered, frightened even, when I had mentioned that I was going to turn myself in. Had they somehow found out? Was I the reason for his death? For Smitty's? No, Smitty killed himself and Marcus…

"I have to go back," I whispered to myself. In my pain and heartache over Smitty's death I had not followed through. Something I never failed to do normally. It's different when you're the suspect, when you're the guilty party. It was easier for me to believe that Smitty had committed suicide because of family problems. But what if he hadn't? What if it had something to do with me?

A soft knock at the door followed by Riley calling my name interrupted my chain of thought. I needed to get away from Riley and her family before they were hurt too. It was time for me to leave. And even though I had drilled into Riley that I would eventually have to leave, I realized then that I had never thought the day would come. I never had any intention of leaving her. I smiled as I felt something strange in my chest. A tear escaped before I caught it and brushed it away. I opened the door to the bathroom and ran into Riley's arms, burying my face in her chest.

"What's wrong?" Her voice sounded confused and scared I squeezed her tighter needing to comfort her as much as I needed to be comforted.

"I don't know," I lied. "I guess it just hit me all of a sudden."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No…would you just hold me?"

"Of course I will," she said. I could hear the worry in her voice.

I buried my face in her chest. Her family must think I'm a mess, I thought miserably. I allowed her to lead me to the bed. My God, I can't believe I'm going to leave her. But my mind told me that I had to. I had to leave her so that she could be safe. If anything were to happen to her I could never forgive myself. I would have eventually had to leave her anyway, right?

She seemed to sense that something was going on because she held me tighter than she had ever held me before. I squeezed her back and felt the warmth of her tears.

"Foster…?"

"Shhh, no. Not tonight. Please don't…."

I don't know what I was asking her not to do but I wanted her to hold me. I needed to be as close to her as I could be. All my embarrassment and resolve to not make love to her with her family so close was forgotten as she pulled my shirt over my head. I kissed her hard, my mouth giving no quarter and asking for none. Silently I was begging her to take me. Clothes dissolved as if helped by an unseen hand and then we were nude and kissing each other. It seemed like her hands were everywhere I needed them to be until I felt so much heat in my center that the mere weight of her pressing into me wasn't enough.

I wrenched my mouth away from hers. "Riley, please. Inside of me. Now."

She complied, instantly thrusting inside of me so hard that I almost cried out before I remembered where we were. Her mouth closed over mine as salty tears trailed down her cheeks. She knows, and she's hurting. I'm so sorry, baby. I held her tighter as she continued to push into me, my passion systematically heightening as I moved with her. Riley's headboard had started a staccato on the wall. That sound could not be misconstrued for anything other than what it was. I closed my eyes and held her tighter than I had ever held anyone in my life. I listened to her breathing as it increased every time I lifted to meet her. I felt the wild beating of her heart as she probably struggled, as I did, to keep at least one tether on control. The light film of moisture beneath my hand told me how much that control was costing her. And there, as always, was her scent. That wonderfully endearing, sexy scent that I was trying to burn into my memory… just in case. I was moving with her because this was one more moment that we could share together. One more thing I could think about when I was alone. And deep down I hoped she would do the same. When my body tensed, my eyes opened wide from the shock of it and for one clear moment I saw those stars on her ceiling and I made a wish before my eyelids became too heavy. Muscles that I had forgotten that I owned began to tighten rhythmically around her fingers.

"Yes," she said, her lips still on mine as she softened her passionate attack on my senses. My body continued to grip her fingers until her now gentled thrusting slowed to a stop. She kissed me long after the ripples of pleasure had dissipated. Tears rolled down her cheeks and pooled with those on mine. Eventually, they coalesced at our lips where they were sealed between us like a promise.

I awoke before the sun came up the next morning. The house was completely still, as if it had taken a front row seat in a play in which I ruin my life. Riley's breathing was soft and even. I slowly removed my arm from around her and made my way into the bathroom. I wanted to take a shower to soothe the pain in my aching heart but I couldn't risk waking Riley and the rest of the house, so I simply washed my face and body with a washcloth. My mind was already blanking on what I was going to do when I got back to Los Angeles and how I was going to get there. I needed to take care of this but, if I could, I would get back to Riley and make it up to her.

I walked out of the bathroom fully clothed and approached the bed where she slept. Bud was still in Brad's room so I would have to leave him there. I sat the note that I had painstakingly written in the bathroom on her nightstand, propped against the lamp so that she would see it when she first woke up. Her face was completely shrouded in darkness and although I wanted to kiss her goodbye, I couldn't. She would wake up then for sure, her responsiveness to me working against me.

I had taken half the money from the envelope, feeling like a thief as well as a murderer. I explained in the letter that I would try to get the money back to her as soon as I could.

I had also confessed to loving her with all my heart. And I did. I wanted to be with her, that's why I was doing this. And if she would have me, I would try my best to come back. Leaving her was going to be the hardest part of the journey but I knew that it was for the best. I had contemplated taking Riley's car at least as far as the interstate but I decided against it. I would have hated for her to have to explain to Rachel that I had not only taken her money, but also her car.

The air was cold around me as I walked towards the street corner and hooked a right. I vaguely remembered the way we had come back from the mall and it was not hard for me to get there. Because of the early morning there was hardly any traffic. Hitchhiking is not something that I would recommend but the 9mm's gave me some semblance of safety and I was reluctant to spend any money. I was determined to send it back to her even if she wouldn't have me back. I sat there for what seemed like nearly an hour and waited as several truckers passed me by without so much as a flash of their brake lights. I shivered. I had taken one of Riley's shirts but I was still freezing.

A semi approached the freeway entrance and I stuck my thumb out with as much confidence as I could muster. Something deep inside of me wanted the truck to keep going so that I could go back to Riley. To my surprise, the semi passed me then eased to a halt. The passenger side door swung open and with a sigh of relief, as well as resignation, and a reassuring touch to my guns, I jogged up to the open door and pulled myself into the cab. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I saw that there was a woman driver. Her short gray hair covered her head like a knit cap. She looked at me with doe brown eyes that flashed with humor. The lines on her face were probably from equal parts sun and laughter. She pulled us back onto the interstate and asked me where I was headed.

"Los Angeles."

"Well I'm not quite going that far, but you're welcome to go with me as far as Bakersfield. What's your name?"

I paused for a split second before answering. "Morgan Foster."

She glanced at me before smiling. "My name is Edwina. Most people call me Eddie."

"Thanks for stopping, Eddie."

"Welcome, Morgan." I couldn't be sure, but I thought she said Morgan a little sarcastically, as if she didn't believe that it was my real name. Stood to reason, I guess. I didn't look much like a Morgan. "You shouldn't be out here. Real dangerous for a little thing like you to be hitchhiking." I almost laughed at her. Didn't she know that I was a walking time bomb? Anyone that tried to help me ended up dead.

It was silent in the cab of the truck for another few minutes. "You running from something, honey?"

I sighed. I really just wanted to sit there quietly, not give Eddie my whole life story. I answered her as shortly as I could and hoped she got the picture. "No, running to it."

"That's funny 'cause someone is sure going out of their way to pull us over." I looked out of my passenger side mirror. I didn't see anything for a moment and then I saw Riley's blue Land Cruiser. She was behind the semi weaving in and out of traffic and flashing her lights wildly

A thrill of unbridle joy went through me and I let a large grin spread over my face. She came after me. I watched, transfixed, as I admired Riley's driving like a nitwit. She drove on the shoulder of the freeway in order get around a slow moving lime green Gremlin. She then sped past a white Cadillac to jump in front of it. If I had known her back when I learned defensive driving I probably wouldn't have wrecked two cars. I was snapped from my reverie when Riley suddenly came within inches of running into a car that she was trying to pass. "Oh God, pull over. Please pull over before she kills herself," I yelled to Eddie. Riley swerved around another vehicle. "Please hurry." My fingers gripped the armrest tightly.

"All right, all right. I just need to find a place that is long enough," Eddie said from behind me but I didn't take my eyes off Riley.

Eddie finally pulled the semi over to the side of the road and I opened my door and hopped out. Riley came to a screeching halt behind us and jumped out. The hazard lights were still flashing, the engine running, and she didn't bother to shut her door. Her face was tight with anger. She looks like she's going to kill me, I thought, and as she stalked closer, I stood my ground, shivering. She stopped inches in front of me, her ice blue eyes burning me with the force of her anger. But then her face crumpled. I reached up to hug her but she stepped back.

"Don't."

"Riley, I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare! After what… How could you just leave with out saying anything?"

"I had to damn it! There's something going on. People are dying and I'm afraid...I'm afraid it's because of me. Because of what I did. I explained it in the note." I shook my head in frustration because all I really wanted to do was go back home with her and forget everything. "You cried last night, I thought you knew that I was going to…" The look on her face silenced me.

"I didn't know, Foster." She said, her voice breaking on my name. "I cried because I was happy. I thought you were finally willing to let me in."

Do you know that you can actually hear a heart breaking? It's not a shattering sound or a hard crack like you would think. It's a weak pounding, a steady loss of energy, and a loss of hope; like air escaping from an inner tube. And it hurts. It hurts like hell. Especially when you're the one who caused it. I reached for her again and even though she let me hug her this time, her body was stiff and unyielding. She stood silently as I tried to speak over the pain. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you Riley. But I have to do this." She gently moved me back so that I was no longer able to hide from her hurt.

"Then I'm going with you," she said and I could tell by her expression that there was no room for discussion. She stared at me for a moment. "I'm sorry about, Marcus."

"So am I."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going back to LA to see if I can find out who killed him. See if it is somehow connected."

"What if it isn't?"

"Then I'll do whatever you want. I promise."

"You won't run away again?"

"No. No more running away."

She nodded and looked at the semi that was still sitting on the side of the road. "Are your things still in there?"

"Yeah," I answered gently. "I'll go get them. It's cold out here, why don't you wait in the car?"

"No, I don't think so," she said almost angrily as she followed me.

I walked forward and looked up into the cab. "Everything okay?" Eddie asked, her eyes full of amusement, as I grabbed my bag from the floor. I'm sure she thought that Riley and I had had a lover's quarrel and that we would go home and make up. I only wished it were that simple.

"Yeah, everything will be."

Riley's face was stony as she told me to stay in the car when we got back to Rachel's house. There was no sign of life as I sat waiting for her to return. I would have liked to have said goodbye to Rachel and Brad but I understood why Riley wouldn't let me. She probably figured if I didn't say goodbye before, why should I now. Riley came out of the house within fifteen minutes of going in. Speaking quietly into her cell phone, she tossed her bags in the seat behind us with barely a glance in my direction.

"All right, thanks, Mason. I'm sorry your permits didn't come through, but thanks for letting me use the theater again." She listened, "All right. I'll give you a call in a few days." She ended the call and dropped the phone in the seat. Without so much as a glance in my direction or back at her home, she started the car and we were on our way. And I, wisely I think, didn't say one fucking word for a very long time.

The ride back to LA was a tense one. I wished for Riley's sake that I could let this go but I couldn't. There was something not quite right here. I had lost two friends in less than two months. I tried to convince myself that Smitty's death had nothing to do with me, that he had been having family problems. But it just didn't feel right. My reaction to the whole thing was also atypical. I didn't ask questions. I didn't ask to see the autopsy report; I didn't want to see it. To look at it would be to own up to my own guilt.

I looked over at Riley's pensive features. "You okay?"

She didn't answer, just nodded and continued to watch the road. I put my hand on her thigh and frowned when I felt the tenseness there. She wasn't okay, and in truth, neither was I.

"Riley, I want you to know …" I stopped and tried again. "If you want me to…I'm not on a death mission here. I'm not trying to get caught. I just need to do this. Something in my gut tells me this isn't right."

"I know you can't let it go, Foster." She glanced at me then back at the road. "They were your friends."

"Right," I said, relieved that she understood.

"Then why can't you understand that I can't let you do this alone? I love you." I opened my mouth and closed it again. Every time she said that I felt like grabbing her and asking her if she understood what she was getting herself into. A muscle worked in her cheek as I stared at her.

"I do understand, Riley. I'm just scared. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I don't want you to get hurt either."

"Riley, please, we've been through this. I'm not going to do anything that will get me hurt. You have to trust that I'll be careful."

"Then you will have to trust me as well." Her voice was quiet but determined. She spoke as though her teeth where clamped tight and she never once looked at me.

"Riley." I squeezed her thigh to get her attention, but aside from a flicker of her lashes there was no other response. "Riley, I'm trained for this kind of thing. I know how to handle this."

She looked at me then. "What if you're right?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if you're right, Foster? What if this does have something to do with you? What if these people had something to do with Smitty's death? Smitty was trained for this, too, wasn't he?"

She was right. There was nothing more I could say. I looked over at Riley, hoping to see some softening of her expression, but there wasn't any. She was determined to see me through this. But afterwards….

Our arrival in LA was about as unexciting as it could get. The night air was cool and crisp. Riley's friend had left the marquee on above the theater, probably in order to keep people from parking in the parking lot and doing illegal things. Riley cut the motor on the truck.

"Wait here." Before I could protest she was out the door and disappearing into the darkness. I frowned. It was perfectly understandable that she would be upset, but her behavior was starting to get on my nerves. I hadn't asked her to come with me and as far as I was concerned, I could do what I needed to do easier without having to worry about her safety too.

I opened my door just as she came into view near my window. I stared at her antagonistically and she turned on her heel and went to the door of the theater. I heard the sound of a lock turning and she reached in and turned on a light. She held the door open and I led the way to her small apartment. We walked into the neat little space and I smiled slightly as Riley voiced my thoughts.

"I never thought I would see this place again," she said as she walked past me to set one of our bags down on the counter.

"Me either." I watched her look around and the anger and frustration that I had felt towards her faded as fast as it had sprung up. Riley had given up a lot for me, for no other reason than the fact that I needed help. She was putting herself in danger for me and I was reacting as if she were the enemy. Of course she was worried, I would be too if the shoe were on the other foot.

"Foster, I…"

"Riley, can we…"

"You first," we both said in unison and then, embarrassed, smiled at each other.

"I'm sorry for putting you through…everything. I just have to do this." I said gently, because I could tell by her face that she was still very upset.

"Then I have to be here, too."

I nodded, wondering what I had done to deserve her in my life. I tried to pull her to me, then tried not to feel hurt when she held herself rigidly away for a brief instant before melting into me. "I just don't want it to end."

"I know. I don't either. But I need to know what happened."

She stepped away from me and nodded. I let her go and pretended to be looking for something in my bag.

"Where will you start?" I could tell she was making an effort to keep her voice light.

" I need to find out exactly how Marcus died. I only know what Stacy told me."

"Then what?"

"Then I want to find out what he'd been up to. Hopefully he let the stuff connected to me go."

"And if he didn't? What then?"

I couldn't help it. My mouth tightened as I sat down on the bed. I pulled out a cloth that I had used to clean the guns and sat broodingly staring at the floor. I removed the clip from the gun and began to methodically clean it before I realized that she was still waiting for my response. I met her eyes calmly.

"Either way Marcus is dead and someone is going to pay."

(C) 2001 Gabrielle Goldsby

To be continued