Ryan slid carefully from the back seat to the ground, into Janna's arms, who then sat her carefully in the wheelchair she had parked next to the truck. She carefully raised the leg extension on the chair and gently lifted Ryan's cast-encased leg onto it, gazing down into her mate's eyes as she did so.
"That okay, honey?"
"Yep."
"Good. Let's get you inside."
"Just a minute, Janna. Let me enjoy the fresh air for a bit." Ryan tilted her head back and enjoyed the feeling of the sun on her face, and breathed deeply of the late-spring, flower-scented air. "God, babe, that feels nice. I had missed the sky...and the sun." She looked around at the impeccable yard. "Who's been taking care of the yard?"
"Dan and the kids."
Ryan smiled. "I'll bet Robbie's been a big help." She held a real soft spot for her four-year old nephew.
"Yeah. When I was here yesterday he had his little play mower and was following his Dad around as he mowed the lawn. It was the cutest thing." She grinned.
"I want to see the pictures, Janna."
Janna put her hands on her hips mock-indignantly and asked with a smile, "Now, how do you know I took pictures?"
"Because, babe, I know you better than I know myself. Besides, how do you make your living?"
"Taking pictures."
"I rest my case. Wheel me around back?" She looked up at her wife adorably.
Janna grinned. "Sure."
She pushed Ryan along the driveway around to the back of the house and parked her beside the deck.
As Ryan gazed around their comfortable yard, her gaze rested on the lovely gazebo next to the house, and she sighed.
Somewhat sadly she said, "I won't be able to enjoy that for quite some time, will I, love?"
"Honey, let's just think about how nice it will be when we can use it again, okay?" She leaned down and kissed the dark head in front of her.
"What's this, 'we', Janna?" She looked back and up at her mate.
"I'm not using it without you."
"That's silly, Janna."
"Ryan, it wouldn't be the same, and if you can't enjoy it, neither can I. Besides, is it any sillier than giving up alcohol and caffeine because your wife is pregnant?"
Ryan just gazed at her with a wide-eyed look of amusement. Finally, she grinned and shook her head. "I guess not."
"Come on, love. Let's get you settled, and then I need to go to the grocery store. There is no food in this house."
"Okay, yeah. I am pretty tired."
Janna turned her around and wheeled her around to the ramp in front. "I wonder if we should put a ramp there in back, too?" She wondered aloud and then looked at Ryan. "So you can go out in back."
"I wouldn't bother, hon. I can use the front ramp and go around. I'll probably be glad to get the exercise. Anyway, I don't need to go farther than the deck in this thing, do I?"
"I guess not."
As they rolled up the walkway, their unfriendly neighbor could be seen working on a flower bed next to their property line.
"Afternoon!" Ryan called, smiling.
The woman pointedly ignored the cheerful greeting, but her little girl, Michaela, ran to the fence and called happily, "Hi Janna. Hi Officer Ryan!"
"Hi Michaela!" They called in return as her mother scowled. Just then, the woman's husband exited their garage and walked to the fence.
"Officer...welcome home."
Ryan held her shock in check as she replied with a warm smile, "Thanks, and it's Ryan."
He nodded. "Ryan. Good luck to you." He smiled at each of them and then glanced pointedly down at his wife and returned to his garage. "Micki, come help Daddy, please."
"Okay, Daddy. Bye Janna, bye Officer Ryan!"
"Goodbye Michaela," they called warmly in unison.
Janna smiled and shook her head as she unlocked the front door and pushed it open.
"Janna, one day soon, I'm afraid I'm gonna give that damn woman a piece of my mind."
"Honey, don't make waves. You'll just give her more ammunition. Let's not play her game, huh? Her game sucks." She pushed Ryan into the front room and stopped in the entranceway.
"Janna, what's this?" Came the shocked response
"This is our bedroom for the near future. You can't make it up the stairs anytime soon, and I didn't want you stuck in the back guest room, so I fixed us up in here." She walked around and knelt in front of Ryan. "Don't you like it?"
"Um, yeah...I like it...a lot. Thank you honey." She grasped Janna's hand. "That was very thoughtful, Janna."
"Honey, your comfort means a lot to me. Here you have the TV, the stereo, a nice bed, all your books. It wasn't a hard decision." She moved back behind the chair and pushed Ryan over to the bed. "Come on. Let's get you settled."
Ryan nodded and Janna engaged the chair's brakes. "Look, the bed lowers to make it easy to get in and out of the chair. She showed Ryan the bed control and depressed it, lowering the bed.
"Excellent, Janna," Ryan said as she used her strong arms to lift herself out of the chair and onto the bed, wincing as she did so. Janna helped swing her heavy leg on to the bed.
"That hurt, huh?"
"Yeah, my damn ribs." She blew out a breath. "I think it's about time for a pain pill, too, Janna."
"It hasn't been four hours, honey."
"I'm taking them every three, Janna."
Janna gazed at her with concern, but nodded. "I'll get them out of the truck. Be right back."
When she returned, she caught Ryan grimacing in agony and trying to take a deep breath.
"Here you go, love." She said as she entered the room. Ryan quickly wiped the agonized look from her face and tried to smile.
"Thanks, Janna." She said as Janna handed her the pill and a bottle of water.
Jesus, she's still hurting badly. She lied about that. Janna took a deep breath, feeling rather dejected, but buried the emotion and put on a cheerful face for her wife. "Any special requests for dinner, love?"
"No, hon. Whatever you feel like. Don't go to any trouble." She gazed compassionately at Janna as she added, "Janna, I don't expect you to cook when you don't feel well. We can do take out...every night if you want. You know that's no problem as far as I'm concerned."
Janna smiled and brushed Ryan's hair from her eyes. "I know, honey...you'd have no problem with In and Out Burgers every night. We may do a lot of take out until I feel better...cooking is very hard when I'm nauseous, and the kitchen odors..." She scrunched up her nose and frowned.
"I know, Janna, so you take it easy too. I expect you to spend a lot of time resting in this big bed with me." She looked down at the massive bed. "This thing is huge, Janna!" She grinned jauntily up at her mate and added, "Plenty of room for fun, too."
"Ryan, you are so incorrigible! Barely home five minutes and already thinking about sex. You get some rest and we'll discuss it later."
"Yes, ma'am."
Janna leaned over and kissed her. "That's my girl. I'm going to the store. Be back in a bit."
"Bye, love. Be careful."
Janna grinned. "Always."
Ryan winced and quietly said, "I've heard that one before...and so have you. Look how true it was." She looked down at herself and sighed.
Janna went back to her and gave her a warm, loving hug. "I love you, Ryan. Rest now."
As she pulled the Explorer out of the driveway, Janna thought, her emotions are so much closer to the surface right now. I'll need to watch my step. She sent a burst of love to her mate through their link, and felt it return. She smiled.
"Janna, hurry up...it's starting," Ryan called from her bed.
"I'm coming!" Her mate replied as she came down the hallway, juggling a large bowl of popcorn and two bottled juices. She handed the big bowl to Ryan and set her juice on the table beside the bed, then climbed up next to her mate.
Janna grinned as she saw the parade beginning. "Cool, just in time. Honey, this first group is the highlight of the entire parade for me." She uncapped her mango juice and took a sip.
Ryan read the banner at the start of the parade. "Dykes on Bikes?" She looked at Janna, amazed. "They're serious?"
"Yes! Why wouldn't they be?" Janna looked comically at her mate. "Honey, it is San Francisco, and it is the Pride Parade, so most everything is done tongue in cheek, but that is a legitimate group, and they always begin the parade. Ooh, look, here they come!"
Janna's enthusiasm was infectious, and Ryan grinned happily as she took a handful of popcorn. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head moments later, however, when a Harley sporting two bare-breasted women was featured prominently on the screen.
"Jesus, Janna! Can they show that on local TV?" She looked at her mate wide-eyed.
"Yep! They always do. Though, I'm usually there enjoying it in person." She smiled. "Good old channel 20."
"I'll bet you are...enjoying it, I mean. Is that typical? I mean, is there lots of nudity?"
"Oh, my God, honey...it's San Francisco. Of course! Ryan, even the non-queer events usually feature open nudity. Like the Bay-to-Breakers Race. Oh, God, what a blast that is to see!"
Ryan looked at her mate as if she were seeing an entirely new side to her. "Janna, have you ever been nude in public there?"
"No...well, um, sort of, once." She giggled.
"No fucking way, Janna! My modest little girl?"
"Honey, it was years ago and I was incredibly drunk. I, um only know about it because my friends took pictures. I don't actually remember it." She looked sharply at Ryan as she added, "Anyway...what do you care? You have no modesty whatsoever, Mrs. Norden-Zamora! I can totally see you topless on one of those bikes, Ryan!"
"Oh, hell no! No fuckin way, babe...I'm an officer of the law, for Christ's sake!"
"Honey, no one would know that. And anyway, it's all in the spirit of fun and freedom."
Ryan took a sip of her juice as she eyed the screen and muttered, "There's such a thing as too much freedom."
"Ryan! I'm surprised. I really thought you might be able to get into something like that." She pointed to the screen showing the very large contingent of women on motorcycles.
Ryan gazed thoughtfully at the TV Screen. "Well, I might sort of enjoy us riding our bike, but topless? I don't know, Janna."
"Honey, it's a political statement. You know, 'We're here, we're queer, we're strong, we're independent, deal with it'."
"Hm, I guess." She looked sideways at Janna and grinned jauntily as she added, "I definitely wouldn't mind being surrounded by all those tits."
"Yeah, there is that, too!" She returned the grin, but slapped her mate lightly. "Maybe taking you there isn't such a good idea."
Ryan grinned, but sobered quickly as she added, "I'm sorry we couldn't make it this year, baby. I know how much you wanted to go. March, see your old friends, show me your old hangouts. I really am sorry, Janna."
"It's okay, Ryan...you couldn't help that. We can see it on TV and not have to deal with the wall-to-wall humanity. And honestly, the sheer number of big, swinging penises can be a little overwhelming."
"Oh, yeah? I'll bet Jay and Doug have a great time!"
"Oh, Jesus...you have no idea. You'll find out next year. What an experience that is! Last year I rode on the AIDS Crisis Center float with them. I think I actually blushed a few times. But, God, it was great." She sighed, and Ryan's sense of dejection at disappointing her mate was renewed.
Fuck. I have really let her down. Fucking asshole. Stupid, arrogant, fucking asshole. She sighed deeply and spared a quick glance at her mate. Janna's face lit up with a smile just then, as the queer family legion marched by.
"Honey...there we are...next year." She looked at Ryan and nodded toward the screen. "How about it?"
Ryan gazed at the gay and lesbian couples marching joyfully with their children, many of whom were being pushed in strollers. Sure...if I haven't gotten myself killed in the line of duty by then. Shit...I need another fuckin' pain pill already. She was so lost in her morbid thoughts that she didn't answer Janna, and then Janna felt her melancholy through their link.
"Ryan...honey? Don't get down on yourself, please? It's not a big deal. The way I've been feeling, I don't think I'd have an enjoyable day out in the fog all day, marching, dealing with the crowds, fighting for a toilet, trying to find food." She grabbed Ryan's hand and caressed it. "This year I'm much better off watching it from here."
Ryan gazed at her sadly. "If you say so, Janna." She returned her gaze to the screen and continued to wallow in self-loathing, spurred on by the chronic pain that was returning vengefully. God damn this fuckin' pain!
"Honey, do you want some Reiki?" Janna asked softly. She was feeling Ryan's pain as stabbing sensations in her own leg and chest.
"No, Janna. Just watch the parade. Maybe you'll see some friends."
Oh, boy. Here comes the self-pity and hatred again. Jesus! Janna sighed as she wondered what tack to take to counter Ryan's sudden sour mood.
"Janna. I can feel that you're worrying about me. Stop it, please. I don't deserve it."
Janna counted to three but said what was on her mind anyway. "What do mean you don't deserve it?"
Ryan blew out a breath. "Never mind. I don't feel like talking about it right now. Just watch the parade."
Janna counted to ten and then just sighed and checked her watch. Silently, she got out of bed and went to the kitchen for a bottle of water, which she handed to Ryan with a Percodan tablet when she returned. "If you won't take Reiki, at least take your pain medicine." She returned to the bed and sat quietly by her mate's side.
"Alright." Ryan downed the pill and looked sheepishly at her mate. "I'm sorry...I'm not trying ruin your show."
Janna said nothing, but picked up Ryan's hand and laid it in her lap. They spent the remainder of the afternoon watching the Pride festivities in a less than jovial mood.
One week later.
"Oh yes, Janna...fuck me, baby...make me forget," Ryan moaned. She rolled her head on the pillow as Janna stroked her deeply. "Make me forget, baby."
Janna kissed her again and inserted a third finger, knowing her mate loved to feel her fully inside of her on occasion.
"God, yes! More, baby...your fist...please," she panted.
Janna took a deep breath and relaxed, sending calming energy to Ryan through their link. She felt Ryan's body relax and then her own arm and hand relaxed and she gently inserted the fourth finger, then slowly made her hand as long and as narrow as she could, tucking her thumb inside her hand, and slowly, gingerly slipped her hand completely inside her lover. With great care, she slowly opened her hand, filling her wife's soft, warm cavity. She gently, slowly flexed her hand, feeling Ryan's velvet-smooth walls envelope it.
"Oh, shit...yes, Janna...yessss," Ryan moaned. As her lover's hand filled her completely, the pleasure nearly overcame her and her strong climax was set into motion. "Janna, baby...my love." She rode the waves of pleasure deliriously, mumbling, "Janna... that's so good, baby...thank you."
"You're welcome, love." Janna kissed her mate's warm belly and moaned her own pleasure as Ryan's muscles contracted almost painfully around her hand. She shifted onto Ryan's healthy thigh and rode out her own release as her mate writhed in ecstasy below her.
When both bodies had stilled, they lay together, letting the warmth of their love fill their souls. For more than an hour, Ryan forgot her pain and her despondency, while Janna forgot her mate's intense pain and the corresponding ache that washed over her own soul.
Later, as the sun sat high in the western sky, filling the room with a soothing, deep yellow glow, Janna folded the towel and set it on the bed bedside the others. Ryan sighed as she did the same from where she sat on the bed.
"What's wrong, Ryan?"
"Nothing, Janna. Nothing new anyway." She said sullenly.
"You've been pretty upbeat today...may I ask what changed that?"
Ryan considered glaring at her wife, but reminded herself that she was only asking because she cares, so answered, "I realized that the Fourth of July is Tuesday, and Friday is the anniversary of the day we met. I had plans, that's all." She shrugged unhappily.
Janna looked down at the towel in her hands and sighed. "I'm sorry, Ryan, but we can still celebrate, you know. And face it, you are okay...you're alive...you're here with me...we're happy. Can you try counting your blessings?"
Ryan dejectedly tossed the towel on the bed and ran her hands through her hair. "At the moment, no, Janna...I'm having trouble doing that." She blew out a breath, not wanting to be angry with her wife, but having a hard time fighting the oppressive emotion.
Janna was engaged in the same war at that moment and suddenly, the weeks of her wife's despondency caved in on her. "How many times do I have to tell you, Ryan, that self pity does not become you?" She faced her wife angrily.
"How would you handle this, Janna? In the same situation? I've got a fucking cast on my leg that weighs a hundred pounds, I can't move, much less walk, the fucking pain pills don't work, I'm bored out of my mind, I can't help you, I can't be there for you in any way, I'm nothing but a burden..."
"Stop! Fucking stop it already, Ryan! I've heard it all...a hundred times. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm more sorry than you can ever know, but we have to work together to make the best of this." She shook her head and rubbed her stomach as more nausea hit. "I'm sick, Ryan. I don't have the strength right now to deal with another bout of self pity." She left the room, saying quietly, "Call me if you need anything. I'll be on the couch." She went across the hall to the living room and lay down.
"Fine! Go hide...see if I fucking care. And don't worry, if I need anything I'll get it myself. You don't have to trouble yourself." Ryan yelled angrily, the anger taking full control of her senses. Despite her love for Janna, she couldn't see past her pain and depression. Self pity...fuck that! She has no idea. No fuckin' idea.
Janna tried to take a deep breath, but was stopped by the sobs in her chest. She wanted desperately to be able to deal compassionately with Ryan, but her own discomfort overcame her, and left her severely short of patience. As she lay trying to calm herself, and put down the nausea so she could go in and comfort her mate, she heard a crash in the other room, followed by a string of curses. She jumped up and ran to the doorway of the family room, only to see Ryan haul back and throw another book. The large hardcover bounced off the entertainment center and hit one of her guitars, knocking it off its stand and breaking a string.
Janna gasped and looked at her wife wide-eyed, then tore her gaze away and looked at her favorite guitar lying broken on the floor. She walked over and picked it up, then held it before her and said, "This is a two thousand dollar guitar!" She looked back down at the instrument, assessing the damage done to it.
"Big fucking deal, Janna...you can afford ten times that!" Ryan sneered angrily.
Janna looked at her wife with disbelief. "Forget the cost then...it's my favorite guitar!"
"Great...you care more about that fucking thing than you do about me!"
Janna gasped, feeling like she had been slapped. When her breath returned, she whispered, "I can't believe you think that, Ryan. It's absurd."
"Believe whatever you want. Leave me alone." She rolled over sullenly and looked at the opposite wall.
Janna stood in front of the bed, stunned. "Fine. I'm out of here. I'll see you later." She carried the guitar with her and left the room.
When she sensed that Janna was gone, Ryan rolled back over and looked up at the ceiling. "Fine." She whispered. "Just fucking go."
A few minutes later, Janna returned holding her backpack and motorcycle helmet. She spoke coldly, "I'm leaving. I'll be back later with dinner." She didn't wait for a response and turned away.
Ryan looked after her, shocked. "What? You're taking the bike? Where are you going?" She received no answer. "Janna!" She heard only the kitchen door slam, followed a few moments later by the roar of the Harley's engine.
"Fuck! Fuck it all! Janna!" She tried to get out of bed and into her chair, but heard the motorcycle leave as she did so. No! She can't handle it well enough yet! Janna...God!
Janna started the bike, immensely pleased when it roared to life under her. She gunned it and took off down the driveway, enjoying the pleasant rumble beneath her and between her legs, but not as much as she usually did...when her arms were wrapped around her mate. She shook off the happy memory, wanting only to feel numb for a while. She flew down the street, with no particular destination in mind. She knew only that she had to be alone for a while. She needed space to think through their dilemma.
As she heard the bike roar away, Ryan's shock and anger turned to concern. She had only given Janna a few lessons on the machine, and though she had done quite well, her small frame handling the large bike impressively, Ryan didn't believe she was accomplished enough yet to try to take off on her own. Shit...Janna, please be careful...God, please be careful! She covered her eyes with her hands. Fuck! What have I done? I've driven her away. She rolled her head in agony and began to sob.
Neither woman could feel the other's pain through her own pain. Both felt lost and alone, though they were neither. Their unseen guides, including their grandfathers, kept them within their compassionate gaze.
As Janna headed west, into the setting sun, she realized where she was going: to the quiet spot on the island where Ryan liked to take her. Where her father had taken Ryan and Zac to fish when they were children. Through the dark visor, she gazed at the sun as it sat just above Mt. Diablo. El Diablo. So beautiful...so unlike your name, Janna thought. Some of the ice around her heart melted at the lovely site, and she had to admit, at the thought of going to Ryan's special place. God, I love her, but she's making it so hard...
As she roared along the twisting two-lane highway, she reveled in the feeling of freedom the motorcycle gave her. The bike felt good...very, very good, beneath her. It felt good to control the harnessed power and energy of the large machine. To shift her body slightly and have it respond by turning. It gave her a feeling of power...something she had lacked the past month. She realized then that she had been feeling completely powerless since Ryan's accident. I should have noticed. I should have felt the imbalance in my power chakra. I have really been neglecting myself.
She turned the bike off the highway and onto the small road that ran along the river. Soon, she came upon the large oak. Their oak. They had come to this spot several times, the first immediately after their wedding reception. They liked to go there to watch the sun set, always sitting spooned together, as one. Janna pulled the bike to a stop and hopped off. She took off the helmet and set it on the seat, then sat against the majestic oak.
At home, alone in the large bed, Ryan was miserable, worried sick about Janna. God, please let her be all right. Bring her back to me. Grandfather, please watch over her. Through her worry, she completely forgot about her own physical and emotional pain.
Janna sat for long minutes, lost in her thoughts and seeking guidance. As she watched the sun dip below the twin peaks, she missed her mate acutely. I wish she were here with me. I don't ever want to watch a sunset alone again.
"Be patient with her, Granddaughter. She is a proud and stubborn woman." The wise voice of her wife's grandfather spoke clearly in her mind.
I know, Grandfather. But isn't pride a sin?
"No, Granddaughter. It is a silly emotion...born of fear. Help her to work through it. Use the love."
I will, Grandfather, thank you.
"Remember..."
Remember the love...yes.
"She's afraid, Janny. Be there for her. Be strong." Her own grandfather's voice spoke then.
Grandpa? Yes, she is. I'll try...I love you, Grandpa.
"I love you, too, Janny. Remember."
Yes. Janna threw her head back against the tree and cried quietly, moved by the loving presence of their grandfathers. Thank you. As Grandfather Sun sank below the horizon, she took a deep, cleansing breath and blew it out, releasing the fear and anger she had been holding onto. She centered herself, pulling clean fresh air and energy into her body and reasserting her intention to love her mate no matter what. To remember their love. Always.
As the sun set, plunging the room into darkness, fear clenched at Ryan's gut. Janna...where are you? She looked at the clock on the VCR. Almost an hour and a half. Where is she? She began to pray quietly, asking her guides to watch over her mate.
"Granddaughter. Your pain has opened the door to fear. You have let it in. You must chase it away. Remember."
Grandfather! I'm sorry...I'm afraid to lose her, Grandfather. How can she want me when...
"Granddaughter! She loves you. You must chase this fear away before it eats you. Remember, Granddaughter."
Ryan sobbed. Yes, Grandfather...thank you. I will not forget the love again. "Remember the love," she spoke aloud to the empty room. "Remember the love."
A few minutes later, she heard the motorcycle roar home and was filled with relief. God! Janna...thank you! When she heard the kitchen door open quietly, she sat up in bed and looked expectantly at the door to the hallway. She heard Janna striding down the hall and then she turned the corner and entered the room, pulling the helmet off as she approached, dropping it and her backpack to the floor as she climbed onto the bed wordlessly and pulled Ryan into her arms.
Ryan returned the embrace tightly. "Janna...I was so worried about you...I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Janna."
Janna kissed her hair and mumbled, "I'm sorry I worried you." She pulled back and looked into Ryan's eyes. "I didn't mean to. I just needed some space. I love you, Ryan."
"Love you, Janna...so much. So much." Ryan mumbled as she pulled Janna close again.
Janna turned her face and captured Ryan's lips gently, then with more passion as she tried to communicate her love to her mate. The message was received and returned, and the burgers and fries in Janna's backpack grew cold before they were remembered and retrieved some time later.
The warm crystal gave off subtle, but very definite, vibrations, tickling the hand that gently grasped it. Thank you, rock-friend. Janna silently voiced her gratitude for the crystal's amplification of the healing energy as she held it above her wife's injury. She felt the Reiki enter her body and travel along her arm, into the crystal, where it exited, magnified.
"That is so hot, Janna...right through the cast." Ryan remarked as she lay on her back.
"Good...that's the idea. What does it feel like at the fracture site?"
"Besides heat...a comfortable heat...it's tingling. It's not the usual gentle tingle of Reiki, it's more...energetic. I can almost picture the bone knitting."
"Keep picturing that...that in itself will speed healing. Our minds definitely affect reality."
"Yep." She remained quiet for a few moments, then added, "I guess when I get down and in a pessimistic mood, it doesn't help my healing, does it?"
"No, hon. I don't think it does."
"Janna, there won't be any more episodes like I had yesterday...I promise you." She gazed sincerely into her partner's vibrant eyes.
"I know, Ryan. And I will be more understanding when you're down. Since we talked everything out, I think we both understand where the other has been coming from."
"Yeah Janna, you're sick and I'm an asshole." Ryan grinned to soften her words.
Janna smiled and held a finger to Ryan's lips. "Shh! I won't hear that about my beloved."
Ryan grinned and kissed the finger, then licked it seductively.
"Honey, we're doing healing right now...save that for later, please." She sent calming energy to Ryan through their bond and Ryan relaxed, closing her eyes. Janna smiled. "Mm, I think that's good there. I'll do your lower leg now."
"Okay," Ryan replied sleepily. "The energy's hitting me hard, babe," Ryan said as she yawned.
"You're gonna miss your sponge bath at this rate, love." Janna said as she moved to sit next to Ryan's lower leg.
Ryan's eyes flew open. "I'm awake."
Janna grinned but didn't say anything. God, she's so transparent! She must have plans for us later. She took a deep breath to dispel the excitement she felt at the prospect and tried to refocus on her healing.
Next to her, on the bed, Ryan smiled. She felt Janna's desire and excitement as a giddy joy and it filled her with happiness. We're gonna be okay. Thank you, Grandfathers. Thank you so much. As a solitary tear escaped from Ryan's eye, Janna leaned down and kissed it away, knowing exactly what emotion had caused it.
Later, the comforting light of a dozen candles illuminated the makeshift bedroom as Janna entered, carrying a plastic tub of water. She set it on the table next to Ryan's side of the bed and gazed comically down at her wife. Ryan was stretched out on the bed, already naked, waiting patiently for her.
"All ready, are we?" Janna smiled down at her.
"Mm, hmm. Are you ready? Tonight it's a double bath."
"Oh, it is?"
"Mm, hmm. Sit down here. You're first." Ryan sat up, gently grasped her hand and pulled her down onto the bed, settling her between her legs. "But first, these clothes have to go." She leaned forward and kissed Janna's neck while she tugged at the oversized t-shirt she wore. "God, I love you in my clothes, baby."
"I love to wear them, Ryan." Janna murmured as she leaned back against Ryan. "I don't think they'll work much past the sixth or seventh month though, do you?"
"I guess not." Ryan mumbled against Janna's neck before kissing it again.
"Is this a bath, or a seduction?"
"Both."
"The seduction part is progressing nicely, I must say."
"Mm...good." She pulled Janna's shirt off. "No bra...thank you, baby."
"My pleasure."
Ryan caressed Janna's breasts while kissing her neck and throat and the soft moans nearly distracted her from the job at hand. She pulled back and sighed as she gazed at her beautiful wife, then reached for the soft, soapy washcloth. She dipped it in the warm, scented water and rung it out before bringing it to Janna's back. She tenderly washed her mate, gently scrubbing with loving care.
"Ryan, that's so nice," Janna murmured contentedly. "But are you sure you feel up to it?"
"Yes, I do. I'm still feeling the Reiki...not hurting at all right now. You've been taking such good care of me for a month, let me take care of you a little, okay?"
"Sure, love. Thank you, baby." She picked up Ryan's left hand and kissed it tenderly.
"My pleasure," Ryan responded as she continued with the loving attention.
She finished with Janna's back and moved down the length of an arm. As she leaned forward, her breasts caressed her mate's back.
"Mmm, Ryan..."
Ryan answered her with a soft bite to the side of her neck, and Janna threw her head back and moaned.
"God, Ryan, forget the bath," she mumbled as she turned and embraced her mate, capturing her lips as she settled in her lap. "Does this hurt your thigh?"
"No, stay there."
"Good." She captured Ryan's soft lips again and savored them passionately.
Ryan mumbled into Janna's mouth, "You're gonna have to go get hot water again, love."
"'S'okay...you're gonna need washing after what I do to you anyway."
"Oh, Jesus, baby..." Ryan fairly panted as she pulled Janna tightly against her, kissing her deeply.
Janna continued the kiss for several minutes, then gently pulled back and leaned down to capture Ryan's breasts with her mouth. "Oh God, baby, you taste good...I haven't been able to do this for way too long."
Ryan's answer was an unintelligible part moan, part pant. She buried her hands in Janna's short hair and arched her back, forcing closer contact. Her ribs had been wrapped on the previous occasions they had made love since the accident and the renewed contact was driving her nearly to delirium.
"God, Janna, it's...it's been so long, it's...like the first time," she gasped.
"Mmm..." Janna was enjoying her dessert too much to break away to comment. She stroked an excited nipple erotically with her tongue while gently rolling its twin between two fingers.
"Janna, God..." Ryan moaned. "I need you, baby."
"Mmm..." She switched and attended to the other nipple, nearly sending Ryan over the edge.
"Janna, please, baby...that's too good." She tried to pry Janna's lips from her breast and when she was successful, captured them with hers. She kissed her mate deeply again, and then went for her breasts.
Janna leaned back on her hands without complaint. "Ryan...God, Ryan, I'm seeing fireworks."
"Already, baby? Good." Ryan mumbled around a mouthful of nipple.
"No...uh, really...oh, God...no, really, love...outside...I just saw a...a firework in the sky," she muttered breathlessly.
"What?" Ryan looked up into Janna's eyes. "Oh, yeah...they must be starting...I didn't know we could see them from here...trees are so tall."
"We're pretty close."
"I'm very close, baby." Ryan grinned against her treat.
"Close to where they're firing them, silly!"
"Oh!" Ryan gave the nipple below her lips one last delicious lick, and pulled back. "Help me to the window, baby."
Janna sighed, but hopped off the bed and pulled Ryan up. "You're not supposed to be up on this leg yet."
"It's just to the window, Janna...please?"
The gorgeous, imploring baby blues just could not be denied...the ability didn't exist within Janna's framework, so she held her arms out to her mate. Ryan grinned as she grabbed them and pulled herself to her feet, rather unsteadily.
"Whoa, that's a little tough after a month on my back."
"Be careful, love...take it slow." Janna backed up, holding Ryan securely, and helped her the several feet to the west-facing window. They stood arm-in-arm watching the colorful show in the sky for several minutes. The relative darkness of the room behind them preserved their modesty as they both stood naked by the window.
After several minutes of standing, Ryan tired and Janna helped her back to the bed, where she gently lay her down and knelt between her legs.
"May I continue with my dessert now?"
"Please do, Janna."
"Thank you."
She commenced gently making love to her wife, slowly and thoroughly, to the boom of the nearby fireworks. Very shortly, Ryan saw fireworks of an entirely different variety as she blissfully screamed Janna's name.
The act was repeated for Janna very shortly thereafter, making it a Fourth of July that they would remember for quite some time.
Janna lay blissfully sprawled across her mate's increasingly strong body as the morning sun filtered in from the back of the house, illuminating them in it's soft light. As her mate slept, Ryan ran her fingers gently through her soft hair. It almost feels like my accident never happened. As if today were June 4 instead of July 4. Somehow, I know now that we will be okay.
Janna stirred then, and smiled against Ryan's breast. Before even opening her eyes, she gently kissed the soft skin below her lips. Ryan closed her eyes and smiled as she embraced Janna.
"Morning, Janna."
"Morning, Ryan. How are feeling today?"
"Blissful, Janna. Absolutely blissful. That loving you gave me last night was some mighty fine medicine, baby."
"Not to mention the crystal Reiki, huh?" Janna said as she grinned up at her wife.
"Oh, well, that too!" Ryan squeezed her mate as she added, "Janna, I feel like we've come through a major battle. Like, I don't know, there are still some minor skirmishes to be faced, but we've won the biggest battle."
"Honey, I'm feeling the same way. It's like we've faced the major challenge and conquered it. It's a wonderful feeling." She moved off Ryan and leaned on her elbow. "I had help...throughout the process. During the roughest times, your Grandfather visited me, and yesterday, out on the island, my Grandpa did too."
"Christ. My Grandfather kept reminding me too. To..."
"Remember the love." Janna finished, quietly.
"Yes, to remember the love." Ryan caressed Janna's cheek with a long finger.
"I would venture to say, Ryan, that from this point on, we will both be hard put to forget the love."
"Can't see it ever happening, Janna. I honest-to-God cannot."
Janna's answer was to lean down and kiss her wife tenderly, after which they commenced their morning Tantric connection, which progressed into slow, gentle lovemaking. After sharing their love, they lay together quietly, Ryan in Janna's arms.
"Ryan, last week, Georgie called and invited us over for a barbecue today. Since things weren't going too smoothly then, I told her it didn't look like we'd feel up to making it. She said that if we were feeling better, to come on out. It's only a few cops and their families." She looked down at the strong cop in her arms. "Would you like to give it a try for a little while? It's up to you, and we certainly wouldn't have to stay long." She kissed the dark hair below her chin. "But I think it might be good for you to get out for a while...see some of your friends. John and Sara are going."
"Are they?" Ryan continued caressing Janna's arm, which lay draped around her, as she considered the idea. "I would sort of like to get out for a while. Why don't we, honey? See how it goes. But if I start hurting, I'd want to leave before Super Bitch makes another appearance."
"Super Bitch has been vanquished. She won't be making another appearance." She kissed Ryan's head again. "And I would definitely want to leave as soon as you start hurting. You're making progress now and I don't want any setbacks."
"I feel like I am making progress, that's true...finally. Maybe when I see the doctor on Friday, he'll tell me that I can start using crutches."
"Maybe, honey. That would be great. I have an ob/gyn appointment next week...if you're on crutches, you can go with me. That would really be great." She kissed her love again and sighed before adding, "I need to get up, love. My stomach needs food again, and then I think I'll get a shower. Do you want a sponge bath before I shower?"
Ryan grinned. "That would be nice, Janna, thanks. Just in a few strategic areas, though. I, um, I think I'll wheel myself in to the guest bathroom and we can do it in there."
"Sounds good, baby. Come into the kitchen with me?" Janna hopped to the floor and held her arms out to Ryan.
A grinning cop let herself be helped into a t-shirt and shorts, and then into her wheelchair and wheeled into the kitchen for a pleasant breakfast with her wife. It was the first one they had shared together in the kitchen since the day over a month earlier when she had nearly been killed.
"To Ryan!" Captain Sam Carlson boomed.
"To Ryan!" The chorus of voices shouted as the guest of honor blushed fiercely. Her wife, standing behind her, leaned down and kissed Ryan's cheek before taking a sip of sparkling cider, and then sharing the glass with her wife.
Shortly after their arrival at Sam and Georgie's Fourth of July barbecue, her Captain had offered a toast, honoring his Officer for her bravery. It was a precursor to the official award ceremony to be held a few weeks later. Ryan found herself wishing she could wheel her chair into a hole in the ground, but took the praise graciously.
After the toast, Janna wheeled her to a round table under a large umbrella and parked her next to their friend Sara, then left to fill their plates with food.
As Ryan leaned over to see the baby she was nursing, Sara said, "Ryan, it's great to see you here. How are you doing?"
Ryan grinned down at the beautiful three-month old boy and answered, "Not too bad, Sara, thanks. I think I've turned the roughest corner. This is my second pretty good day in a row. I feel like I'm on a roll now." She grinned, then looked her friend in the eye as she added, "I owe so much to Janna, Sara. She's really stuck by me...and I haven't made it easy for her."
"She loves you, Ryan."
"Yeah, well, at this point that's almost a miracle, so I'm counting my blessings."
Just then, Janna returned with their food and sat down. "I see John, Jr is having his lunch too."
"This is actually his fourth meal today, but I guess since it's lunchtime, we'll call it lunch," Sara said happily as she grinned down at her son.
"When will he start taking a bottle so his Aunt Ryan can feed him?" Ryan asked.
"He takes a bottle now from John. He handles the night feedings."
"Oh, my God...what a prince!" Janna exclaimed.
"Jesus...I didn't know he had it in him." Ryan grinned.
"Didn't know who had what?" John asked as he arrived and sat next to his wife and son. He kissed first his son, then his wife before he started eating.
Ryan looked at Janna and grinned widely. "Didn't know you were so into the Daddy thing. So that's why you're tired in the morning, huh?"
"Nah...it's nothing." He waved off the question.
"Yeah, right, like all guys do that."
John eyed his friend. "I'll bet you plan to, Ryan."
"Well, yeah, John, but I'm not a guy. I'm her mother."
"You may be her mother, Ryan, but you're also as much a guy as any man here...and you know I mean that as a compliment." He pointed his fork at her.
"I do, yeah. Thanks, buddy." She grinned at her friend, warmed by his endearing statement. Janna and Sara looked at each other and shrugged.
"Ry, where's your beer?"
"I'm abstaining, John...because Janna has to."
"Christ...you're kidding!"
"Nope. It something I want to do."
"Shit, I never even considered that." He looked sideways at his wife, who declared, "That's okay, honey, I didn't either."
She raised her eyebrows at Ryan and said, "That's commendable, Ry."
Ryan shrugged. "Not really." She attacked the steak on her plate. "Lots of meat here, honey...thanks." She grinned at her mate.
"No problem, babe...you need your protein...eat up." Janna smiled before taking a big bite of salad. She returned the fork to her plate and speared a tomato, then fed it to her wife.
"Mm, good." Ryan's eyes sparkled her thanks.
John and Sara watched in fascination as Ryan and Janna continued to share food with each other from their plates, oblivious to the attention, and obviously very much in love.
The day ended with Ryan and Janna sitting spooned together against a tree, enjoying the backyard fireworks display with their friends.