Chapter 20

Jace pretended to watch the television. Taryn had chosen to sit as far away from her as possible. Taylor had put Spy Kids in the DVD player, but had soon gotten bored and challenged Josie to a bike race around the yard. They had promised not to wander too far, or leave the quiet neighborhood. Furthermore, Taryn had made them swear to stay by each other’s side, and Jace knew the children would be safe and keep their promises. Tom was settled at her side, mesmerized by the action on the television screen. Jace had been running different scenarios and schedules through her head. She knew it would take a team effort to get through the week at work, and more importantly in the house: a team effort that would require good communication and mutual trust. She glanced over at Taryn, who was giving a good impression of being involved in the film. Jace knew better. Months of observing the younger woman’s mannerisms had taught her well. She could see the subtle tapping of Taryn’s foot on the rug, a definite sign that the blonde was pissed about something. She also knew that Taryn only bit her nails when she was stressed, or trying to sort something out in her mind. She had watched her do the same thing on Thursday when they’d been trying to fix her research paper. Her paper! She should be home working on her paper. It’s due on Monday! "Don’t you have a paper to finish?" Jace blurted out.

Taryn turned her attention to Jace. "No." She looked back at the screen.

Jace strummed her fingers on her legs. "I thought it was due Monday."

"It is." Taryn didn’t even turn her head to look at Jace. It hurt too much to see the animosity in her eyes.

"When did you finish it?"

Taryn couldn’t resist turning angry eyes to Jace. She couldn’t believe the woman had the audacity to question her. One minute she didn’t want Taryn around, and the next she was demanding answers. "Not that it’s any of your business, but I did it last night while I was trying to track down a good friend. I tend to turn to work when I’m worried or stressed. But it turns out I had nothing to worry about…my friend was doing fine without me!"

Jace looked at the bundle of energy that was now Taryn. A mixture of hurt and anger emanated from the corner of the room. Neither woman blinked, nor could they tear their eyes away from the other. Jace knew Taryn had every reason to be angry with her. Jace dropped her eyes to her lap. Suck it up, Xanthos. She’s right…you ran. She has no idea what’s going on in here! Don’t make it worse…think of the kids, mentored Jace’s psyche. The Center Director looked up, placing a stoic mask of calm and control on her face. "Taryn, when Jane and Bill arrive home they are expecting to see the guardians of their children getting on. Jane will not leave if she thinks we can’t manage. We have to put our personal differences aside and work together…for the kids." Taryn’s head swung her way when she mentioned the children.

"Don’t use the kids to fight your battles, Jace. I know exactly what we have to do. It doesn’t mean I have to talk to you when they’re not around."

"I know. But we need a plan for next week. Bill leaves Monday morning and Jane will probably go then, too. That leaves us with tonight and tomorrow to plan schedules and write a list of questions for them to answer."

Taryn listened to the practical side of Jace. She had been thinking the same things. She had been trying to work her own schedule into the kid’s. She turned her body so it was facing Jace to try and show non-verbally that she was prepared to compromise. "I agree."

Jace let out a silent sigh and thanked whoever was listening that she had made a little progress with Taryn. "Okay, I know a little about their general routine when we’re on vacation, but I don’t really know what their school schedule is. We’ll need to work out school bus times and someone needs to be home at the end of school. Tom’s schedule is going to be the biggest challenge, as he only goes to day care in the mornings. After that, Jane’s mother-in-law usually takes him."

Taryn looked around and saw Josie’s writing pad under the play table. "Hold on. Let me draw a schedule planner. We’ll need to plot our schedules, and the kids, and see where the gaps are. We could try and get JJ and Cory to help us out."

"Good point." Jace liked Taryn’s thinking. She hadn’t thought to ask their friends to help out. She squeezed the bridge of her nose and scratched her forehead. "Let me go and grab my glasses. We can work at the coffee table.

Taryn watched Jace leave the room. She took that time to compose herself. She had been blown away by the situation. It seemed so surreal. She needed to call her grandparents when she got home. She wanted to check for herself how they were doing and send her love. She placed Tom on the floor and set up a few of his favorite toys by him. She gently ran her fingers through his hair and smiled down as the boy grinned at her. After checking to make sure there was nothing around that could hurt him, she turned her attention to the writing pad. She carefully drew a five-column grid. In the first set of horizontal blocks, she wrote each person’s name. In the vertical blocks she added in times. She looked up when Jace walked through the door. "Are you planning to stay at your girlfriend’s house this week or go on a date?"

Jace recoiled at the question. She thinks Vanessa’s my girlfriend! "No." She stated bluntly.

Taryn felt the animosity and looked up from her pad. "I was just checking. It’s Valentine’s Day on Thursday and I didn’t know if you were going to be around. It doesn’t bother me, if you want to go out, I’ll be around."

Jace had given no consideration to the commercialized day. She had never had anyone special to spend it with before. "It’s good to know you’ll be here."

They spent ten minutes filling in their individual schedules. Both women had a pretty clear idea when the children had after school activities. Jace looked at the planner. So far they only had gaps in a few areas. She looked at Taryn. "I have a late meeting set for Tuesday and you have class. What’s Cory’s schedule like this semester?"

Taryn looked at Jace. "She’s in class Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. I could ask JJ. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, or I could skip class."

Jace shook her head. "You can’t miss class. It’s too near to midterms and your comprehensive exams."

Taryn looked at Jace in amazement. The woman was constantly telling her what to do. "One night won’t matter." She caught Jace’s glacier stare, and was in no mood to have another encounter with Jace’s sharp tongue. "But I’ll check with JJ tomorrow."

"Good." Jace surveyed the schedule. "We’re fine for the morning bus run, as we’re both around. I can drop Tom off on the way to work. Do you have any assignments due next week?"

Taryn mentally reviewed her syllabus. Her Tuesday class was a seminar in leadership. Each student took a subject and presented the leading research to the class. It wasn’t too intense. She wasn’t due to present until April. Her research class didn’t meet very often and her research was going well, especially since Jace had helped her. She looked at the side of Jace’s face. The woman was furiously writing times and dates down, erasing some and replacing them with others. Taryn took in the stress lines at the corners of Jace’s eyes. She had to fight her own emotions and not stretch out her fingers to trace the lines. It wouldn’t take more than a second to turn Jace’s chin her way and kiss the rich red lips. Where the hell did that thought come from? The woman infuriates me! Taryn’s common sense chastised her. "I don’t have much on this week. Why?"

Jace had felt the blonde’s eyes on her and had fought the desire to turn and smile. In her heart, she didn’t want to argue with Taryn, but the distance kept her safe, kept her sane. "I wanted to make sure you’re school work wouldn’t suffer. You’re going to have Tom on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, and will have to be home for the kids after school. Hopefully, JJ will cover Tuesday night."

Taryn looked at the schedule for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The afternoon sessions were blank. "What are we going to do with Tom on those days." She ran her finger down the three columns. She saw Jace look over her own schedule.

"I think I can put off some meetings and rearrange some others for Tuesday and Thursday. I’ll pick Tom up and work from home. It shouldn’t be too much of a hassle. He has an afternoon nap and I’ll be here for when the kids come home from school."

"Are you sure? I can always take the time off and make up the hours next week."

"No. I may need you to do the follow-up probation advising. It’s going to be hell trying to rearrange Jane’s workload, and you know the students from group." Jace scribbled her name into the blank columns and stared at the full schedule. She felt an overwhelming feeling of responsibility filling her body, as she realized she was going to be in charge of three children for a whole week. She glanced over at the younger woman. She wondered if Taryn was feeling as nervous as she was. She wished she could turn back the clocks and go back a day. Go back to when Taryn’s smile filled her soul, and where the smallest gesture said so much. "I think we’re all set." She passed the piece of paper to Taryn. "Check it over, and then we’ll make a list of questions to ask Jane and Bill when they get home."

Taryn scanned the schedule. It looked fine to her. She leaned back against the sofa. "Car seats are a priority. You’re not going to fit three children in the back of your Jeep with the car seat. I can borrow the seat from Bill’s truck."

"Good point. I’ll just take Jane’s RAV." She wrote that down as a reminder. "What else do we need to know?"

Taryn looked at Jace’s face. She noticed the twitch of her eyelids and the slight bags around her eyes. It was a sure sign that the woman was worried or nervous. She’d displayed the same nervous tick when they had been discussing her family and sexual experiences. Taryn took a deep breath, and decided to try and build a tentative truce. "Are you okay?"

Jace looked up. "I’m fine. Why?"

"No reason. You just look a little nervous."

Jace straightened her shoulders and placed an emotionless mask over her face. "I just want to get this sorted out before they get back. I want Jane and Bill to go away having complete confidence in our abilities."

Taryn nodded in agreement. The couple completed their numerous questions, and had a huge list by the end of the session.

***

Jace watched the end credits roll. The children had been little angels to look after, and Jace was becoming more confident about the upcoming week. Taryn had driven to the local McDonalds with Taylor, and picked up dinner for the children. Jace and Taryn had decided to hold off their own dinner and eat with Bill and Jane. After the kids had eaten, Jace had changed Tom into his sleep clothes and they had watched a family movie together. Jace had spent the remainder of the afternoon and evening at a comfortable distance away from Taryn. The blonde had not spoken to her without a reason, and Jace hadn’t forced the issue. At least the animosity had calmed down, and they looked to the rest of the world like a happy family.

Taryn kissed Taylor on the cheek. "I’ll be up later to tuck you in. Josie, remember to clean your teeth and please be quiet. If Tom wakes up, you’re going to be the one to read to him!"

Jace watched the tender interactions of the cousins. When the children began climbing the stairs, she added her own comments. "Your mom and dad will be home soon. I promise they’ll come and talk to you when they’ve had dinner. Be good! Remember, only an hour of television and a minimum of half an hour of reading." She directed blue eyes to blue eyes. "Did you hear me, Taylor?"

The little boy nodded. "Yes, Aunty Jace. I promise."

Jace walked into the kitchen. Her body was exhausted. One day looking after children and she was ready to drop. She had no idea how she was going to feel after a week with them. She placed napkins on the table and glasses for their drinks. Then she phoned the order through to the pizza parlor. "Taryn, I’ve ordered the pizzas. What do you want to drink?" Her question went unanswered. She poked her head into the living room, but Taryn wasn’t there. She looked out of the window, and caught the shadow of a person heading to the back deck. She returned to the kitchen and looked through the window. She saw the tiny red ember hanging from Taryn’s mouth. She slid the deck door open and restated her question.

Taryn’s heart clenched when she heard the slight creak and groan of the door against the runners. It was too hard to pretend when the kids weren’t around. She sucked in a lungful of smoke and closed her eyes. She wanted to block it all out and get rid of the hurt and confusion. "I’m okay. I’ll grab something when I get in."

Jace leaned against the doorjamb. The cold, frosty February air made her shiver. She looked over at Taryn. The blonde was leaning against the deck rail, looking out at the stars. She looked cold. Jace watched as Taryn’s hand lifted to her mouth. She tried to ignore the cigarette; it was none of her business. "You should put your coat on. You’ll catch a chill!"

Taryn turned stormy eyes Jace’s way. "I’m fine. Stop fussing over me." She choked back the tears of confusion. She missed her friend. She wanted the closeness they had once had so many hours ago. She thought back to the Thursday night hug and remembered the way Jace’s arms had gone around her body. She had felt protected and wanted. She had finally found a port in the stormy seas of life, and suddenly that warm cozy place had been destroyed. Ripped away without a word of warning.

Jace couldn’t see the expression on Taryn’s face. She wished she had turned on the deck lights. "The pizza will be here in half an hour." She turned away and shut the door. Shutting out the one thing she really needed in her life.

***

Taryn began placing a few items of clothing in her bag. She looked around the room. In such a short time she had felt like she was home. Now she had to decide yet again where to live. Jane’s news had been bitter sweet. The hospital had agreed to release Patrick and allow him to fly. Bill had managed to get two tickets to Florida, and the flight was leaving early Monday morning. Jane and Bill had asked Taryn to reconsider the option of moving back into the house for good. It was a big decision, and Taryn needed someone to talk her plans over with. The first person she had thought of was Jace. Immense disappointment had swept through her when she realized that option was no longer open to her. She stopped folding the clothes when she heard the apartment door slam shut. She poked her head out of her bedroom. "Hey strangers!"

JJ let Cory down when she caught sight of her roommate’s inquisitive stare. "I was just practicing carrying this fair maiden across the threshold."

Cory playfully slapped JJ’s arm. "One weekend in Vermont and she’s got the marriage bug! How was your weekend?"

Not wanting to answer that specific question, Taryn went back into her room and grabbed a package off her bed. She walked back out and handed it to Cory. "Happy birthday. There are some more cards on your bed and a package that arrived yesterday." She kissed her friend on the cheek and went to grab some beers.

Cory ripped the paper off the present. "Thanks! These books are just what I wanted. How did you know?"

Taryn passed a cold bottle to each woman. They clinked their bottles together. Taryn grinned as Cory opened the first book and began to read the chapter. "I went to Amazon, typed in your email address, and got your wish list!"

Cory blushed. "Did you read all my wish list? Some of those items were just a joke I used on JJ!"

Taryn feigned shock. "Say it ain’t so! Don’t ruin my image of you two! I like to live my romance and sex life through you two. How was the trip?"

JJ took their bags into the bedroom, leaving the two graduate assistants to catch up. She flicked her cell phone open and typed in a short message. After checking the recipient’s number, she sent it on its way. Coming back out of the room with her cell phone in her hand, JJ directed a question to Taryn. "We’re going to order some Chinese. Shall I get the usual, or do you want something different?"

Taryn slowly sipped on her beer. She relaxed into her seat as she listened to Cory’s excited chatter. The package from England was soon opened and Cory yelped delightedly when she saw the chocolates and edible goodies that she missed eating. They had all shared the white chocolate buttons. Taryn’s eyebrow had risen in question when JJ had placed four plates on the table. Her unspoken question was soon to be answered by the buzzing of the front door.

"Can you get that, Taryn? I’m having problems fitting so many candles onto one cake!" JJ yelled from the kitchen.

Taryn was sure she heard the slap of a towel across jean-clad legs. She smiled at her roommates’ playful antics. They certainly were a fun-filled couple. She opened the door and froze to the spot. I can’t believe the nerve of the woman! She rips me a new asshole, and then turns up on my doorstep with flowers, fumed Taryn internally.

Jace swallowed as she took in the angry glare. I knew I should have ignored that damn text! Shit! Say something you, dork.

Taryn spoke quietly, through gritted teeth. "I don’t know what your game is, but I’m not playing anymore! You can’t hurt me, and then show up here with flowers, expecting to worm your way back into my heart."

Jace’s eyes flashed in shock and irritation. The woman is self-obsessed! She bent close to Taryn’s head. "Take your head out of your ass for one minute, Taryn, and think of others. I’m not here to see you. JJ invited me over for Cory’s birthday. The flowers are for her." Jace stepped over the threshold, and placed the yellow carnations on the coffee table.

Taryn continued to stare at the space that Jace had just vacated. Her stomach churned, and she was sure she was going to throw up. She had never been so embarrassed in her life. Fuck! Jace said that all employees got flowers on their birthday. She hadn’t realized the woman had been serious. She hadn’t thought things could get any worse between them, but apparently it could. She closed the door and pasted a huge grin on her face. It was Cory’s birthday, and she was not going to ruin it. Thanks, J. We are going to have to work on this sharing of information issue! She knew she couldn’t be mad at her friends. They didn’t know that all hell had broken loose over the weekend.

JJ slapped Jace on the back. "Thanks for coming."

Jace picked the flowers up off the table and passed them to Cory. "Happy birthday." She received a kiss on the cheek as a thank you. Unsure of what to do or say, she sat quietly on the couch furthest away from Taryn.

JJ and Cory spent the majority of the meal telling the other two about their weekend. Every now and again, the couple would look at each other and shrug. There was something not right about the interaction between their friends. Cory looked at Taryn’s drooped shoulders and sad expression. She couldn’t wait any longer. "So, how were things here? Any news?"

Taryn glanced sideways at Jace. When Jace made no move to answer the question, Taryn took a deep breath and filled the others in on the accident. She saw twin shocked expressions. "So, I’m moving out for the week, maybe even longer. Jane and Bill have asked me to come home for good."

Jace’s head whipped around at that comment. She hadn’t stayed long after the pizza had been devoured the previous evening. She had heard the news about Patrick, and had wanted to get home and sort out her own problems.

Cory hugged Taryn. "We’re here for you, mate. Anytime you need us. Whatever you decide, we’re here for you."

JJ returned Cory’s sentiment, and headed to the fridge to collect the birthday cake. Jace watched JJ disappear into the kitchen. She really needed to talk to the computer tech and get some help in resolving her problems with Taryn.

After the birthday cake had been eaten, Jace approached JJ about looking after the children on Tuesday evening. "JJ, Taryn and I need to ask you a favor."

"I’ll do it." JJ replied without even hearing the question.

Jace smiled. "We need someone to cover Tuesday evening with the kids. I have a late-running meeting and Taryn has to go to class. She will need to leave Jane’s by four. Can you sit with the kids until I return from my meeting?"

JJ frowned. "Oh. I have a meeting Tuesday, but I’m pretty sure it finishes at three. Let me go and get my planner out of the truck. I wrote it down in there."

Jace stood up with JJ. "I’ll come with you. I want to see Jane before she leaves. If I go now, I’ll have time to get home and pack." She turned to Cory. "Happy birthday." Then she glanced at Taryn. She hadn’t spoken directly to the blonde since her arrival. "I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll be at the house before Bill leaves."

Cory watched the door close behind the two brunettes. "Okay, I’ve held my tongue long enough. What’s happened between you two?"

Taryn flopped her head down on the armrest of the couch. She groaned as she heard Cory ask the question. She hadn’t wanted to direct the attention from Cory’s birthday onto her. "It’s nothing. I think we’re both in shock about the events in the Weston household."

Cory moved over to the same sofa as Taryn. "Do I look like I was born yesterday? You didn’t say two words to each other all night. Last week you moped around like a lovesick puppy, moaning because she canceled an evening with you. Today, you get the woman in the same room, and you look like you despise her. So, I ask again, what happened? You didn’t do the deed, did you?" Cory’s eyes widened with shock.

Taryn shook her head, but she couldn’t help laughing at the goldfish impression Cory was pulling. "Close your mouth, Cory. If I were a mean person, I’d let you keep thinking that! We didn’t do the ‘deed’ as you so happily refer to it. To be honest with you, I have no idea what’s happened between us. On Thursday, she came over and we had a great time. She helped me with my thesis. We talked for a little while, and then after I got a little morose, she offered me a hug. We fell asleep on the sofa, and didn’t wake up until after nine."

"No way! She’s always at the Center for seven-thirty."

"I know. Since then, she’s avoided me." Taryn left out the section about Jace trashing her office. Even though they weren’t talking, she had promised Jace her loyalty. "I went over there on Friday night and interrupted her date with Vanessa. Yesterday, we quibbled a little. It’s nothing, Cory. We’re going to be living together this week. I’m sure we’ll sort out our differences."

***

Jace led JJ out of the door. She looked back and saw that JJ had stopped walking. She turned inquisitive eyes to her friend.

"What happened between you and Taryn?"

"Nothing."

"Jace, you were so excited on Thursday. What happened?"

Jace leaned against the wall at the bottom of the apartment steps. "I ran."

JJ looked at Jace. "I’m assuming we’re talking in the scared-out-of-your-mind running and not the thing you do every morning." She could tell from the stress lines on the brunette’s face that the weekend had been a tough one. "Take a seat. If I know my woman like I think I do, she’s up there dragging the information out of Taryn. We have a few minutes. I’m offering a friendly shoulder with no judgment."

Jace looked at open, honest eyes and took yet another leap of faith. "I panicked. I came over here on Thursday and we had a great evening. I was so exhausted and we ended up in a hug on the couch. I’d only meant to comfort her for a few minutes, but it turned into twelve fucking hours! Can you believe that? I’ve never slept so long in my life. I wasn’t even comfortable, but my body didn’t seem to notice. Everything else disappeared while she was in my arms, and she was my only focus. When we woke up, I was very disorientated. And I was in a foul mood after I realized I was late. I had a lot of time to think that morning, and I decided that Taryn and I could never be a couple. She takes my mind away from my job, and it’s suffering. So, I left work early and went out on a date with Vanessa. Things were going well, and I was prepared to take the next step physically, when Taryn turned up. I found out about Patrick and spent Saturday at Jane’s. Most of it with Taryn, but neither of us has been very civil."

JJ listened to Jace’s monologue. "Did things progress with Vanessa?"

Jace shook her head. "I’d really thought about it. Vanessa was making overtures at me, and I decided a little bit of experimenting couldn’t hurt. After I saw Taryn, I couldn’t get her image out of my mind. I kissed Vanessa, but it didn’t hold a candle to my experience with Taryn. So, I feigned tiredness. She’s hoping to take me out this week, but I don’t think I’ll go. I’m just not ready. I can’t get Taryn out of my head. I’m still trying to work out how I could have been so cruel. Why did I treat Taryn so badly?"

"You’re scared Jace. It’s okay to be frightened." She saw innocent eyes staring back at her. "We’ve all been there, friend. I was so afraid of Cory. The feelings I had for her were uncontrollable. I’d never met the woman, and yet I jumped on a plane to see her. I never thought about it, I just did it. When I returned, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. She was everywhere I went. She haunted my dreams, and the countdown to our next meeting was horrendous. I craved her, Jace. I would have done anything to be with her. Being scared is just part of being in love."

Jace listened. It was comforting to know the feelings she was having were normal. But it still didn’t justify her breaking the rules to be with Taryn. She verbalized these thoughts. "I know. It was an excuse really. I’m not strong enough to resist her, and I can’t break the rules. I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am and I’m proud of my achievements."

JJ nodded. "I understand, I think. But you owe Taryn an explanation. She’d support you. I’m pretty sure she’d wait for you. Don’t throw your future away over four months! In June, she leaves the Center and moves on. Now, you have two choices. You can either let Taryn move on and leave your life forever, or she can move on and become your life. I think the choice can still be yours. Just don’t leave it too long, Taryn’s not one to wait around."

"I know. I wish I could retrace my steps, starting with Friday morning. That reminds me, I have some of your clothes in the Jeep. Taryn let me borrow them. I hope you don’t mind?"

"No worries. So, besides not talking to you, how’s Taryn holding up with the news of Patrick? I know there’s no love lost between them, but it must have been a shock."
Jace opened the door to the apartment block and stepped into the chilly night. She held the door for JJ. "That’s the worst part. I think she’s struggling to deal with it. She couldn’t talk to Jane because she’s was so stressed, and you guys were away. The one person she thought she could talk to dropped her without any word. She came in yesterday reeking of smoke and smelling of alcohol. I think she’s on a path of self-destruction, and I doubt she’ll let me in again." She saw JJ head in the direction of her Jeep. "Don’t you need to get your planner from the truck?"

They reached Jace’s Jeep, JJ turned to Jace. "I don’t need to check it. I know the meeting finishes at three, as my boss has to go early. I wanted an excuse to talk to you. Jace, promise me you’ll call. If you need a friendly shoulder, advice, or just someone to hang out with, then I expect a phone call. Think about what I said, Jace. Taryn does care for you. She wouldn’t be acting this way otherwise. I’ll see you Tuesday."

Jace patted JJ’s arm. "I’ll try my best, J. Thanks for the chat."

***

Piercing screams prompted Jace to leave her bag in the Jeep. She ran full speed up the driveway to the house. After struggling momentarily with her key in the front door lock, she exploded into the hallway and through to the kitchen. The wailing cries of Tom were deafening to anyone within a mile radius of the Weston household. Jace looked at the scene in front of her. Taryn was rocking Tom in her arms, valiantly trying to get the young toddler to stop crying. Jace saw the look of relief on the stressed grad assistant’s face. "Can I help?"

"Take him. He’s driving me crazy." Taryn passed Tom to Jace. She was both relieved and disappointed as the tot settled quickly into his aunt’s arms.

"What happened?" Jace asked, as she wiped a tissue over Tom’s tear stained face. The pained brown eyes gazed back at her, and she was relieved to see the temper induced red flush slowly dissipate.

"Nothing happened." Taryn replied defensively. "Taylor and Josie finished breakfast and went upstairs to change. Tom just began to grizzle. I tried to feed him, but he didn’t want anything. He’s been crying for ten minutes. Where were you? You were supposed to be here before Bill left." Taryn accused, still feeling inadequate at Tom’s sudden pacification.

Jace placed Tom back in his booster chair and settled into the chair opposite. She picked up his spoon, wiped it, and then placed it carefully in his hand. After that, she wiped the pot, which was splattered with yogurt, and placed the contents in his bowl. "Eat it nicely, Tom." She turned back to Taryn. "I’m sorry. There was an accident on 106 and I was stuck in the long tailback. It covered both lanes of traffic. I tried to call you, but my cell phone was dead. Which reminds me, I need to recharge it. I really am sorry."

Taryn shook her head. She could hardly blame Jace for something out of her control. Frustrated at her own neediness, she snapped at Jace. "I’m going to sort the others out. The bus will be here soon." She walked out of the kitchen feeling a little more settled now that Jace had arrived.

Jace surveyed the kitchen. It looked like a bomb had exploded on the all the counters. She saw two brown bags with a T and a J written carefully in the middle. She was pleased to see Taryn had remembered to sort the children’s lunch out. She watched as Tom finished his yogurt, and then handed him a piece of cold waffle. "What’s wrong, buddy?"

"Miss, mommy. Where gone?"

Jace ran her fingers gently through Tom’s hair. "She went to visit gram and gramps. She took Uncle Patrick with her. He’s not very well, Tom, and needs your mommy’s help." She had no idea how much he understood.

"Daddy gone work." Tom replied.

Jace wiped Tom’s mouth. "That’s right. Daddy’s gone to work. He’s gone far away." She saw the sadness in the little brown eyes. "But Auntie Jace and Taryn are going to stay with you. We’re going to have lots of fun!" She sent a silent prayer to whoever was watching that her words would be true. She didn’t want a week of crying or arguments, especially between the adults of the household. "Come on, Tom. Let’s go and see where the others are."

Taryn looked up as Jace walked in the playroom. "I think they’re all set. Taylor can’t find his math homework. I’ve written a note to his teacher apologizing, and I included an explanation of the current situation. It’s always useful for a teacher to know what’s going on at home. I’ve promised Taylor we’ll search for it tonight, but I asked him to get an extra copy of it, and we’ll go over it later." She ran her fingers through her hair. She had been grateful for Bill’s presence earlier that morning, because she had at least managed to shower.

Jace lowered Tom to the floor, and then leaned against the wall. She watched Taryn rearrange her short hair and wipe at a stain on her sweater. Taryn looked like she was ready for bed and it was still so early in the morning. "How did it go last night?"

"Jane and Bill brought Patrick home later than expected. He was his usual cheery self…not! He was full of abusive language, and told Jane there was no way he was going to Florida. Finally, Bill gave him a choice, Florida or nothing. He told him that if he stayed here, Jane would not be his caregiver. They left early this morning before anyone was up. Bill came back briefly to switch cars and then took off. He left his new work number on the fridge, along with his cell. Oh, he also gave me a few signed checks in case of an emergency. I told him we could manage, but he insisted. I didn’t want to leave them lying around, so I placed them in their bedside table.

Jace nodded to show she understood, and then caught Taryn’s pained eyes. "How are you holding up?" She imagined Taryn’s last encounter with her father might have been hard. If she’d had this foresight, she might have come over the previous evening. But she wasn’t even sure Taryn would have welcomed her presence.

"I’m fine, now that you’re here. Tom obviously doesn’t like my company. I’ll walk the kids to the bus." Taryn exited through the opposite door, choosing to walk the long way to the kids’ room rather than walk by Jace. The woman unnerved her, especially when she was trying to be nice.

***

The director had grabbed a laptop from the Center, and had asked the Technical Department to enable her off-campus log on support. She was thankful that she could hook up to Jane’s cable, and managed to access her campus email and her web drive on the college server. Tom hadn’t settled well to his afternoon nap, and when she had finally managed to get him to sleep, Jace had welcomed the silence. She checked her email, and then continued with her report until her silence was broken by the cheerful yells of Taylor. Jace looked up from her work. Is it that time already? She had barely started her report. She smiled at the young boy, and took off her glasses as he entered the living room.

"Cool! A laptop! Can I use it?"

Jace shook her head. "I’m sorry, Tay. I have to do my homework on it. Speaking of which, what did your teacher say about yours?"

Taylor passed Jace a note written by his math teacher. "I have to go and look for it. I remembered in class where it might be. When is Ryn coming home?"

Jace checked her watch again. "Not for a few hours, buddy. What does Grandma Weston do with you after school?"

Taylor shrugged. "It depends. Sometimes she lets us play outside in the yard. Other times we can watch TV."

"Not until we’ve done our homework, idiot." Josie piped in. "Hi, Aunty Jace."

"Hello, Josie. Apologize to your brother. It’s not nice to call people names, especially that one."

Josie rolled her eyes, but soon stopped when she felt the penetrating stare of her aunt. "I’m sorry, Taylor. It just slipped out." The young girl turned to Jace. "We have to do our homework and read before we’re allowed to play. Unless you, as the guardian, think we can be trusted and let us out to play." She shimmied up to her aunt and placed an angelic smile on her face.

Jace shook her head. The child was definitely precocious. She sent a quiet thank you that she wasn’t Josie’s teacher. The girl was obviously very used to speaking her mind. "Well, not this guardian. I think I’ll follow Grandma Weston’s advice. Go and do your homework, and then you can play. Leave your homework out so Taryn can check it when she gets home."

***

Taryn walked through the quiet household. Work had been hectic. She had worked with the probation groups in the morning, and afterwards had taken a few of the overflow advisee’s that were booked in to see Jane. The last hour of work had been spent going over Jace’s ‘to-do’ list. She had actually felt a little sorry for the director after she’d finished writing the extensive list. She heard faint giggles coming from upstairs. She followed the noises, only stopping to drop her bag in her room. She peeked into the playroom, and saw a mass of bodies squirming on the floor. Jace appeared to be on the bottom of the pile. Taryn caught signs of Jace’s long fingers searching for children’s ribs to tickle, as the bodies continued to torment her. "Hey there." Taryn announced her arrival. A little put out that no one had noticed.

"Ryn. Come and tickle Jace." Taylor screeched from his perch on top of Jace’s chest.

Taryn smiled at the young boy’s enthusiasm. She watched as Tom helped his brother tickle Jace’s neck. The tall woman’s eyes were wide open with laughter. Josie’s body prevented Jace from sitting up, and the nine-year old was valiantly tickling Jace’s ribs. "You don’t need anymore help, Tay. You look like you’ve got her bested."

"Tha…nks." Panted Jace, as she tried again to shift her body without hurting any of the children. "I could use some help. They’ve been doing this for the last half an hour, and if they don’t stop…" She smiled sweetly at Josie. "I will be forced to empty my bladder all over the floor.

"Ugh, gross!" Josie muttered, immediately removing herself from Jace’s writhing body.

Taryn took pity on her boss and scooped Taylor up off of her. "Hey, buddy. Where’s your homework? You did make them do their homework, didn’t you?"

Jace pulled Tom into the air, and used her stomach muscles to pull her body into a sitting position. "Credit me with some common sense. The children did it when they came in. I told them to leave it out for you. I figured you were more up-to-date with what was required by a seven and nine year old." She felt Tom squirm in her arms, and smelled an all too familiar aroma emanating from his pants. "Who’s on diaper duty?"

Taryn grinned evilly. "You are. I’ve just been appointed homework monitor!" She winked at Jace, and left the playroom.

Jace shook her head at Tom. "Your cousin definitely has a mean streak in her. She may be a cutie, but she’s hard work."

"Cootie. Hard work." Tom repeated, as Jace lifted him onto the diaper mat.

***

Taryn grabbed herself a soda, and then added a second one. She needed to talk about Tom with Jace, and it felt selfish just thinking of her own needs. She found Jace in the living room, typing furiously and cursing out loud. "Here." She passed the can to Jace. "Problem?"

Jace nodded, took the can and returned her eyes to the screen. "There could be. The funding for next year has been frozen. They need me to resubmit the data we gave them at Christmas. They’ve also pushed up one of the meetings for tomorrow, and I’m not prepared. I was supposed to have completed my January report, and approved the attendance software we sent away for." She rubbed her neck. The constant act of bending over the laptop had caused a crick in her neck.

Taryn nodded. She had seen the large manual for the Accutrack program on Jace’s desk. "Did you get much done today?"

Jace lifted her eyes. "I tried, but Tom’s routine is thrown off. It took him ages to settle. It seemed to me that as soon as he did, the other two were home and Tom was awake. It’s a good thing you don’t have anything planned for tomorrow. I don’t know how Jane and Bill do it."

Taryn bit her bottom lip. She hadn’t handled Tom very well that morning, and the thought of the little boy throwing another tantrum scared her. She hated having to admit this to Jace, but she needed some strategies and hints to help in case it did happen. She blew out a nervous breath, which seemed to catch Jace’s attention.

Jace knew Taryn’s actions by heart, and could sense that the young woman was desperate to ask her something. She saw Taryn nervously chew on her bottom lip. Frustrated at her own piling workload, Jace blew out an exasperated breath. "Just say what’s on your mind, Taryn. Neither of us has time for the usual cat and mouse game we play around each other." She knew she’d snapped, but her own routine was severely screwed up, and she felt a little like Tom.

"It’s nothing." Taryn snapped back, pissed that Jace had read her so well.

Jace closed the lid of the laptop. "I’m sorry. It wasn’t meant to come out like that. It must be important, because you’re doing your ‘should I, shouldn’t I’ dance." She rolled her head from side to side, and grimaced when she heard her neck crack slightly.

"I’m worried about tomorrow. What if Tom doesn’t settle when I pick him up?"

Jace yawned, and blinked the tired tears away from her eyes. "He seems better. We had a little talk, and as much as a two-year old understands things, he appeared to understand the main points. This morning he was confused. For the past two years, his mother has always been there. This morning she wasn’t, and he didn’t understand. He’s more perceptive than people give him credit for. By the way, he likes ice cream, but give it to him wisely. Too much and he’ll get sick. Use it as a reward for him doing what you want. It always works for me. I usually promise him a little bowl if he naps." When there were no further questions, Jace lifted the laptop cover and continued with her email.

Chapter 21

Taryn woke to the sounds of nothing. She strained her head to try and ascertain if the children were up. Her bed was warm and she snuggled further under the covers, trying desperately to ward off the usual morning chill. She untangled her bed shirt, sleeping in clothes definitely took some getting used to. Her time with Marti had been spent sleeping naked. Taryn enjoyed skin-on-skin contact. It had taken her a while at the apartment, but she had finally realized that her room was her own private zone, and had continued the naked ritual. There was something quite erotic about her skin moving against cotton sheets. Here in her childhood bedroom she had opted for pajamas, just in case the children needed her in the night. She glanced around her large room. Her thoughts turned to the offer her aunt and uncle had given her. Did she want to move home and be part of a family? She knew over time, she could move into Patrick’s section of the house. In a bizarre way, it would be his inheritance to her. She shuddered just thinking about him. She should feel something, but she didn’t. The guy was dying and she felt nothing. Taryn stretched her body out under the covers. The warmth of her cocoon made her want to turn over and sleep a little longer. She looked at the sunlight creeping under the blinds. Panic gripped her chest and she glanced at the bedside clock. It read eight thirty!

"Not again!" Muttered Taryn, as she flung the bed sheets away from her body and rushed out of the door. "Hey, guys. Wake up! We’re late!" She rushed into Josie’s bedroom and stopped dead in her tracks. Josie’s bed was empty and already made. Taryn looked around. She couldn’t see Josie’s school clothes or bag. She went to find Taylor, but found his bedroom as barren and tidy as Josie’s. Taryn sniffed the air. She could smell the very faint aroma of waffles. On the way past her room, she grabbed her housecoat and slippers, and practically tumbled down the stairs. The kitchen was desolate. Remnants of breakfast were scattered in the sink. Taryn caught sight of a post-it note stuck to the counter top. It read:

Didn’t have time to do the dishes.

Tom needs collecting at 12pm.

Call or email me if you need anything.

J.

Taryn shook her head. How the hell had she managed to get three children up, dressed, fed, and out of the house without waking her? She felt useless. Jace didn’t need her help.

Dejected, she grabbed a cold waffle off the plate and poured a lukewarm cup of coffee. She walked back up the stairs and climbed into bed. She put her wristwatch on and set the timer for eleven-thirty. There was no way she could afford to be late picking Tom up from day care. Taryn picked up the syllabus for her Tuesday class and began to read the assignments. She needed to find two research articles, and write a reaction paper on one of them. It was something she should have done at college the previous day. She yawned, stretched, and headed for the shower.

***

Jace lightly strummed her fingers on the tabletop. She checked the conference room clock. I should have woken her. What if she doesn’t pick Thomas up? She will. No one can sleep that late, she internalized. Her mind was not on the meeting, and she had struggled to give her monthly report to the committee. She had reported Jane’s absence, and had received the usual sentiments of sympathy from people who wanted to give her colleague their support. Her thoughts were not on the budget, but on a small blonde that she had left fast asleep in bed.

Jace had woken earlier than usual and had gone on a shorter morning run. On her return, she had showered in the main bathroom, and then collected Tom from his bed. The little boy had enjoyed his morning bath, and the couple had bonded over rubber ducks and Thomas the Tank Engine. Once Tom had been dried and dressed, she had left him in his playpen and woke the other children. They had had a competition to see who could get dressed, and tidy their room without waking their cousin. Jace had wanted Taryn to get some extra sleep. The blonde woman had not looked well the previous evening, and Jace felt a few more hours of sleep might help. Breakfast had run smoothly, and Jace had been surprised to find them all ready to leave on time.

Her mind returned to the present when the Chairperson of the budget committee called her name. She was required to resubmit the projected numbers of freshmen special admits and the services they would offer, by the end of the week. She was tired of having to fight the same red tape every year. After two hours of sitting in the chair, she was relieved when the meeting was called to an end. She checked her watch, wondering if she should call Taryn just to make sure she was up. She shook her head. She’s a goddamn adult, Jace. Stop mothering everyone and do your damn job!

***

Taryn looked around the family office. The desktop computer was the center feature of the room. There were two large desks on either side of the room. The shelves were filled with books from counseling to architecture and building. Taryn remembered back to her childhood, a time long before computers. She remembered her grandfather sitting at the oak desk. The man always seemed to be writing or doing his accounts. Her grandfather’s business deals had afforded the family a comfortable legacy, and she was sure it was that money that was paying for Patrick’s nursing needs now. She glanced at the other desk. There were pendants over the top, depicting the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots. She looked at a picture of Patrick and his very first car. She remembered her Gram telling her stories of how proud he was when he bought it. Taryn smiled sadly. It was a shame the guy hadn’t had the same feelings about his daughter. She looked at the desk drawers and wondered what secrets lay waiting to be discovered.

The graduate student pressed the print button, and waited patiently for her reaction paper to print. It had taken her quite awhile to find a decent article. Her professor was very particular about the articles they wrote about. He preferred they critique the latest research data, rather than personal opinion articles. After stapling her report together, she glanced back at Patrick’s desk. What harm would it do? The guy was going to be dead soon, and all the contents would be poured into a brown box and placed in the attic. She had a right to know what her so-called father considered important. She looked at the key sticking out of the lock. It couldn’t be that important if he’d left the key in the lock. She felt like a thief as she slowly turned the key, hearing the click as the old-fashioned lock snapped open. She pulled the drawer toward her, and stared at the contents. Inside was worthless trash and memorabilia. Old racing tickets, Red Sox ticket stubs, and lottery slips. Taryn moved some of the debris, and pulled out a little black book. Inside were names of women, written alphabetically. The guy’s life had been a sad cliché. She wondered how many other women he’d treated like her mother. How many other children out there were his unclaimed kin? She continued to move the sparse contents of the drawer around, disappointed that she hadn’t found anything that told her more about the man she hated. Her hand stopped on a small, brown padded wallet. She looked at the tiny photo holder. It bulged slightly. She opened the top cover, expecting to find old cards and business numbers. What she found shocked her to the core. Each section was filled with photos of her. She flicked the pages. It was a chronological diary of her formative years. Inside were all her school photos, up to the age of about twelve. She flicked through the dog-eared photos of her smiling face. She turned over the one of a toddler sitting on Santa’s lap, and read the inscription: ‘Taryn Meghan Murphy Walton – aged 2 years 1 month, 1973’. She recognized her mother’s handwriting, and the name she had lived with until she was old enough to realize Patrick was never going to accept her. When she had turned eighteen, much to the disappointment of her grandparents, she had dropped the Walton part of her surname. She remembered back to that decision; if the man hadn’t been prepared to recognize her, then she had been damned if she was going to recognize him. She flicked through the photos one more time, and then placed them in her sweatshirt pocket. She glanced at her watch. In a few more minutes, she would need to pick up Tom. She wiped her itchy eyes, refusing to allow any tears to drop. She soon heard the familiar beep of her watch timer, and collected her belongings.

***

Taryn chuckled as Tom passed her yet another storybook. "Hey little man, it’s way past nap time."

"One more, pease." Tom handed Taryn the nursery rhyme book. "Do actions."

Taryn looked at the dog-eared book. Jane had mentioned that the nursery rhyme book was a sure way to get the toddler to sleep. She read the first rhyme, vaguely remembering the childhood actions. "Show me the actions, Tom. I’m an old lady, and I can’t remember them."

The boy pouted, "Auntie Jace does actions."

Taryn scowled. Auntie Jace is a fucking saint! Taryn was tired of hearing about all of Jace’s good points. Everything she had tried to do with the tot had been compared to his precious Auntie Jace. If only the young boy knew how his saint had crushed her heart and left her when she needed her most. She felt the photo holder press into her side. Everybody left her. She felt the photos that had been locked away burn a hole in her side. All those years she’d believed she was nothing to the man, and now this. Why had he kept them? Why had she looked? Tears came to Taryn’s eyes, and she couldn’t stop them falling. She watched them fall onto the cardboard book, and felt tiny fingers touch her face. She looked into brown eyes that mirrored her own.

"Taryn got boo-boo?" The boy asked innocently.

She smiled through watery eyes. "Taryn has a boo-boo."

Tom kissed her sloppily on the check. "Tom kiss it better. Where hurt?"

Taryn pointed at her heart. "In here, Tom. It hurts in here."

The little boy lowered his head and kissed Taryn gently on her heart. "All gone. Better. Read rhymes now." His wide, toothy smile touched her soul. If only old wounds could be mended by a simple kiss. She read the nursery rhymes and even tried to do the actions. Her aunt had been right, five minutes into the tunes, and the little whirlwind was fast asleep.

Taryn spent a long time holding her cousin and watching him sleep. She wondered how often her mother had done the same for her. She was so glad that the boy would never know rejection like she had felt. He had a house full of love and a godmother that would go to the ends of the world to protect him. The previous evening, Taryn had watched the two at play. Jace’s love for the boy had shone in her eyes, and Taryn had recognized the expression as one she had seen many times aimed at her own face. She remembered back to the evening when they had kissed. She remembered the sweet taste of Jace’s mouth and the tiny tremors that had shook the tall woman. Taryn thought back to the previous Thursday, those same eyes had shone with love for her. What had happened during that long night to turn those feelings against her? What had Taryn done to be rejected by the one person she had trusted above all others? She let the tears fall; there were no more barriers to hold them in.

***

Jace pulled onto the driveway, relieved to see JJ’s truck parked outside the front of the house. She had been pushed to the ends of her patience all day. She had been desperate to call the grad assistant, or email her to find out how things were. But she hadn’t been sure how Taryn would perceive the call. She didn’t want Taryn to think she was checking up on her. She opened the front door, and smiled when she found her counterpart straddled by three giggling bodies. "Hey, JJ. I see you’ve found their favorite game. How have things been?"

JJ waved an arm in the air. "Hey. Okay, guys. Time out. I need to talk to Auntie Jace. Five minutes, and then we’ll play some more." The tall hockey player ran long, nimble fingers through her loose hair, which had come untied during the playful scuffles. "That’s better. The kids have been great. Jane called and talked to them. Tom got a little upset, but Josie straightened him out. They all ate their dinner, and Taryn told me to tell you they have done their homework." She turned to make sure little ears were not listening in on their conversation. "Please tell me you two are at least talking."

Jace indicated that JJ should follow her into the kitchen. "Guys, be good and keep an eye on Tom. I’m going to make some dinner for the adults." She checked to be sure the children had heard her, before she headed to the kitchen. "We’re talking. Well, when we have to." She saw the raised eyebrows and shrugged. "It hasn’t been easy. Yesterday, I arrived here late, which didn’t help Taryn’s mood. Tom had decided to have a mini meltdown. Last night, she arrived home and I had my own problems with trying to do my work while watching the kids, so I was snappy. Then, this morning I left her to sleep in, and haven’t heard from her all day."

"Busy lives, huh?" JJ sympathized.

Jace nodded. "Never a moment’s peace and quiet. I wanted to broach the subject yesterday evening, but I had to complete my report. By the time I’d finished it, Taryn had disappeared on me."

"Do you need help cooking dinner? You don’t have to do this, Jace. Cory and I can get take out."

"No way. You’ve just spent three hours with the kids. It’s the least we could do. Is Taryn definitely picking Cory up?"

JJ nodded in response. "Last I heard."

***

Jace picked up the slumbering child off Cory’s lap. "I’ll just go and put this little guy to bed." She walked over to Taryn, cradling the small boy against her body. "Tom, give Ryn a kiss goodnight."

Taryn reached over, brushing against Jace’s arm. The electricity between them virtually crackled. Blue eyes met sad brown. Taryn gave a weak smile as she kissed Tom’s head. "Night, Tom. Sleep tight."

"Night, Ryn. Boo-boo gone?" The little boy mumbled sleepily.

"Yes. All gone, Tom."

Jace had heard the little boy’s question. She looked at Taryn’s tired face. She had expected to see the dark circles gone and a brighter, bushier-eyed grad assistant. "Be back soon." She walked up the stairs and lay Tom down on the changing mat. She looked down into brighter eyes. "Hey there, little guy. Don’t go waking up on me! We’ll have you all cleaned up and a nice fresh diaper. Did you have a good afternoon playing with Ryn?"

"Ryn got boo-boo. She cry." The little boy innocently stated.

Jace’s concern took over. "Taryn cried?" She saw the little head nod in return. "Why was she crying, Tom?" Great, now I have to get my information from a toddler!

"Hurt here." Tom placed his finger over his chest, and then he giggled as Jace placed the wet wipe over his tiny bottom. "Cold, Auntie Jace."

"I know, buddy. All done." She picked up the nursery rhyme book, and began reading some of his favorite pages. Her mind wouldn’t settle. She kept thinking about Tom’s words, and where he had pointed. Taryn had been crying because she was sad.

***

Jace piled the dirty plates into the dishwasher. Taryn walked into the kitchen. She had just seen her roommates to their car. "I can do that, Jace. You did all the work this morning. Why didn’t you wake me? I could have helped out!"

"It’s okay. I’ve nearly finished." She wiped the counter top, not able to meet Taryn’s eyes. The stranger she saw there hurt her. "I thought you might appreciate a lie in. You looked tired, and you did breakfast duty yesterday. I was trying to help."

Taryn turned tired, irritated eyes Jace’s way. "I don’t need your pity, Jace. I am capable of looking after my cousins. Yesterday was an off day. Tom wasn’t used to me, and he never will be if you don’t give me some of the control. Tomorrow, I’ll get breakfast and you can leave for work at your usual time." Taryn stormed out the kitchen, not waiting to see Jace’s reaction.

Jace threw the sponge across the kitchen. Nothing she did seem to appease the angry, young woman. She flipped open her cell phone, and scanned down the saved numbers. She looked at the name flashing in front of her. You’re running again! She needs you, Jace, and you need her. Stop running for once in your life and listen to me! Don’t do it! She’s just as scared as you are. It’s time one of you stepped up to the mark and said the scary words! Her inner psyche screamed as Jace’s thumb hovered over Vanessa’s name. She flicked the phone cover shut, and lifted her head to the ceiling. What the hell do I do now?

***

Taryn sat on her window seat. She felt like a sneaky teenager, secretly smoking out of her bedroom window. Her mother had caught her once and grounded her for a month. She blew the smoke out and watched the gray fumes swirl on the wind of the cold winter’s night. The stars twinkled up above and she tried to work out which one was her mother’s. She leaned her head against the wall. She spotted Orion’s Belt and moved her eyes a little to the left. One star in particular twinkled more than the others. She smiled. "Hi, Mom. What a mess I’ve made of my life. I miss you." A lonely tear tracked down her cheek. She threw the cigarette butt out of the window and picked up the bulging photo holder. She took out each photo and read the back. The first picture in the pack was of a tiny fair-haired baby under a Christmas tree. The inscription on the back made the tears flow faster. ‘To my daddy, Merry Christmas, Taryn Meghan, 2 months, Christmas, 1971.’ The handwriting was not that of her mother’s. She recognized the scrawny, spiny handwriting that was her Gram’s. Her grandmother had been persistent in trying to get Patrick involved in the early years of Taryn’s life. She flicked through the inscriptions, noting the changing handwriting and sentiments, until it was only Taryn’s first name and the year scribbled on the back of each one. She was surprised to see a small photo of her graduation from high school. The photo had been taken at a distance, but Taryn could make out her features. She checked the date on the back of the picture just to be sure. Printed neatly on the back was the date 05/89. She saw the faint pencil markings TM HS graduation. She closed her eyes. Why had the bastard pretended all those years that he didn’t care? She had the evidence in her hands. He had gone to her graduation. He had cared. Why hadn’t he ever told her? The pain she felt tore at her guts. It was worse knowing the truth. She wished she’d never looked. The old saying was coming true; curiosity definitely did kill the cat. Knowing was worse than the not knowing. She’d never get a chance to ask him, and she didn’t even know if she cared. She dropped the photos on the floor and stared up at the star. Why you? Why not him? I need you, Mom! I can’t handle this alone, she silently pleaded to the bright star.

***

Jace peered into each bedroom. The little nightlights helped her see that every child was where they should be. Content that everything was shut and locked up, Jace continued down the hallway to her bedroom. She had stayed up much later than she had originally planned, trying to clear her inbox and work through the ‘to-do’ list that Taryn had prepared for her. Every time she had cleared an urgent matter on the list, she had subsequently checked her email to find that Terri seemed to have sent an even more pressing one. She glanced at Taryn’s door as she passed by. There was no light coming out from under it. She hadn’t seen Taryn since their altercation in the kitchen. Taryn had remained upstairs all evening. When Jace had called the children downstairs to talk to their father on the telephone, Josie had informed her that they were playing a game of Clue with Taryn. Then later on, Jace had heard Taryn reading to Taylor when she had checked to make sure that Josie was in bed.

On entering her temporary bedroom, Jace pulled off her sweatshirt and pants. Earlier that evening, she had learned a valuable lesson that work clothes were to be removed before playing with the children. She unhooked her bra, and sought out her nightshirt. The last item she removed was her panties. She collected the undergarments, and placed them in her makeshift dirty basket. She carefully hung the sweat pants and top over the armchair. Her body was exhausted. She missed her down time after work. There was something to be said about living alone. She wasn’t used to the constant activity. Even when she’d spent time on vacation with the kids, she always managed to escape to her room or leave for a while. She opened the bathroom door. As soon as she did, she noticed the adjoining door was ajar. She knew she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t resist looking in on Taryn. Tentatively, she pushed the door a little until she could slip her head around it. She looked into the dimly lit room. She could make out a huddled mass in the middle of the bed. She listened carefully, and could faintly pick out the hum of deep breathing.

Jace looked around the bathroom the two women were sharing. She looked at the photo on the wall. It was of two women who had their arms wrapped around each other. Jace could tell one was a younger version of Taryn. She assumed the other woman was Taryn’s mother. She looked closer at the photo. There were definitely similarities between the two, but Taryn really was her father’s child. Jace looked at her own face in the mirror. She knew part of what Taryn felt about her father’s rejection, but at least she was saved from having to look at her tormenter’s face every time she looked at herself in the mirror. She picked up Taryn’s shower gel. She had missed its fragrance. When Taryn had stayed at her home, she had left a bottle and Jace had taken guilty pleasure in showering in the scent. It had given her a small comfort when she had caught the whiff of the perfume in the lonely days that followed. She finished her bedtime ritual and left the bathroom. Her head turned to the door leading to the Taryn’s bedroom. She unlocked it and opened it slightly, leaving it exactly as she had found it.

It took ages for Jace to settle. She couldn’t get comfortable. Every time she got settled, a noise outside or a creak in the old house would bring her back to consciousness. She knew her system was on overdrive because of the children. She had heard and read so many horror stories of children being taken in their sleep. She lay staring at the ceiling. As she lay there, a whimpering sound drifted into her room. She turned her head to the baby monitor. She moved closer and listened to see if Tom was awake. She heard the heavy, deep sounds of a child asleep. Her heart slowed down, and she lay back against her pillow. She checked the clock; it was nearly three in the morning. She definitely needed to sleep. She snuggled deeper into the pillow and closed her mind. She tried some breathing exercises she had learned in a yoga class. Again, she was raised out of her meditations by crying. She looked at the monitor. The red light blinking showed it was working. Unnerved, Jace got out of bed and went to the door. Slowly, she opened it and peered out into the dark corridor. She stood still and listened. Nothing. She walked back into the room, the urgent nagging of her bladder reminding her that she should empty it before getting too comfy. Jace sighed. She was going through the night of hell.

Jace looked at the toilet. She hadn’t had time to close the adjoining door or turn the light on. She didn’t know what to do. Did she flush the toilet and risk waking Taryn, or leave it unflushed and hope she got to the bathroom before Taryn? She opted for the latter. Taryn never usually moved in the night, nor was she known as an early riser. Jace was just about to close the bathroom door when she heard the whimpering again. This time she knew exactly where it was coming from. She tiptoed across the bathroom and pushed the adjoining door. She peered around. The room was darker than before. Without the aid of the bathroom light, Jace struggled to make out Taryn’s shape in the dark of the room. After a few moments, she heard a throaty sob and saw the thrashing of the bed covers. Without thinking, she shot across the room, nearly injuring herself as she slipped on small pieces of paper scattered on the floor. Jace peeled one of the offending objects off of her foot and stood by the tall bed. She gently nudged the sobbing woman. Taryn didn’t respond. Jace climbed onto the bed and took the crying woman into her arms. She could feel Taryn’s labored breathing against her chest. She knew Taryn was still asleep. The blonde wouldn’t have let her near if she’d been awake. She rocked Taryn slowly. She was pleased when she felt the smaller woman’s tense body relax against her, and the wracking sobs quieted down. Jace felt the clamminess of Taryn’s body, and wondered what demons were torturing the poor woman while she slept.

***

Cory helped Taryn pack away the files. The groups had gone well, and the students were beginning to value the extra support. She looked over at her quiet colleague. She hated seeing her friend so somber. She had expressed her thoughts to JJ, who had finally admitted her part in trying to match make. At first, Cory had been disappointed that JJ had kept these secrets from her. But then she analyzed her own actions, and realized that she hadn’t told JJ everything Taryn had told her. They had both wished they could bang the two women’s heads together, but had agreed to not meddle in their affairs. "You still look tired. Are you sleeping okay?"

Taryn shrugged. "I think so. I even went to bed early last night. I have a lot on my mind, Cory. I think I’m dealing with my problems in my sleep." She lowered her voice, aware of the fact that the room they were in was linked to many others and had no enclosed ceiling. "I just wish I knew where I stood with Jace. One minute she’s all concerned, and the next she’s snapping." She thought about her comment and then added. "It’s not all her, though. I had a chance last night to talk to her, but my pride got the better of me, and I bit her head off instead."

Cory continued to tidy up. She saw the dejected look on Taryn’s face. "Have you heard from Jane or Bill? JJ said she spoke to Jane briefly yesterday, but the children had grabbed the phone before she was able to ask how things were."

Taryn nodded. "Bill called last night, and Jace spoke to him. I think Jane called back, but Jace answered yet again. I was hiding upstairs. I really should swallow my pride and talk to her. She must have left the house early this morning, because there was no sign of her when I woke up. The shower had been used, and her bed made. I told her last night that it was my turn to do breakfast duty and to leave the children for me to deal with, and she did."

"You sound surprised that she let you. I saw her before group started. She looked like hell. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was out on the town all night."

Taryn looked at Cory. "She looks that bad?"

Cory nodded. "Go and see for yourself, if she’s still there. Doesn’t she have to leave in a minute to go and get Tom?"

Taryn checked her watch. "I should check in with her."

Reluctantly, Taryn made her way down the bustling corridor. She saw the line of students outside Jessie’s office. She hadn’t realized how many students her aunt saw, until they had tried to disperse them to the other assistants. She reached Jace’s office. The door was open, and Taryn spent a few seconds to look critically at her boss. Cory was right; Jace looked awful. Taryn tapped the open door, and for a fleeting moment she saw the real Jace. In front of her was a worried and scared woman. As quick as the emotions had appeared, they were gone. And in their place was the cold, calm expression of Jace the Ice Maiden. Heavy bags made Jace’s usually striking eyes seem lackluster. Her face was paler than normal, and her sharp wits seemed dulled. "Hey."

Jace assessed Taryn’s features, unaware that Taryn was scrutinizing her own sleep deprived system. "Hey, yourself." The younger woman still looked tired, but nothing like what Jace had expected. Taryn’s sleep had been restless and every time Jace had risen to go, Taryn had cried out and held her in place. In the end, Jace had watched the dawn rise over the house. She had finally managed to escape Taryn’s embrace and return to her room unnoticed by the other woman. On the journey back to her room, Jace had seen the discarded photos. She had wanted to stay and look at them, but she hadn’t wanted to be caught snooping. She was already in Taryn’s bad books. She didn’t need to give the blonde any more ammunition.

"I…err…I wanted to catch you before you left." She saw Jace squeeze the bridge of her nose. She knew that was a sign that Jace was tired and overstressed. "Any news from Jane?"

Jace rubbed her palms over her forehead, scratching the edge of her hairline as she did so. Taryn was an enigma. She ran hot and cold. Jace didn’t have the patience or the will to deal with any more tantrums. Her nerves were at their very edge, and her sleep-deprived body desperately needed some calm. She forced a smile onto her face. "She called last night. Patrick’s a little more settled. He’s reacting well to the drugs, but has lost a lot of weight since the weekend. Your Gram isn’t doing so good." She saw the flash of panic streak across Taryn’s face. "I told Jane you’d call her tonight." She saw Taryn open her mouth and expecting a biting comment, she interrupted the blonde before she could speak her mind. "I know I had no right to plan when and who you call. I didn’t know what to do and your aunt was upset."

Taryn closed her mouth as she listened to Jace explain her actions. When she felt Jace had said her piece, she continued with her original thought. "I was going to say thank you. I’ll call Gram tonight, I promise. Did Jane say when she was coming home?"

Jace shook her head. "Close the door, Taryn." She watched as Taryn closed the door and took a seat opposite her. "No. I don’t think it’ll be this weekend. I got the impression that she’s staying there until he passes. I spoke to Bill, and he’s pretty worried about her. She’s had a lot to deal with over the past few months, and I know she’s more concerned about her parents. Bill said the doctors have given Patrick a month, at the most. He apparently has had some warning symptoms, but ignored them. He went to the doctor earlier this year and they did a few tests. He was given tablets, but chose not to take them. He couldn’t be on the tablets and drink." She saw Taryn’s eyes widen in disbelief. "I know. That was my reaction last night. Bill is in a quandary. He wants to come home and see the kids, but he also wants to support his wife. His manager has given him Friday off, and Monday is President’s Day. I suggested that he catch a plane to Florida. He’s going to call and see what you think. He feels like he’s putting us out by asking us to take the kids over the weekend."

Taryn looked at Jace’s forlorn expression. "He should be with Jane. I’ll talk to him. Jace, you look worn out. I can pick Tom up if you need a break."

Jace sat up straight and stretched out her muscles. The confident, straight-faced woman in front of her was nothing like the frightened child she had held through the night. She wondered if Taryn even knew she had been there. She doubted it from the innocent statement. "I’m okay. I may even take an afternoon nap with Tom. I’ll see you later, Taryn. Forward any emails you think need my urgent attention."

Taryn took those words as an instant dismissal. She reluctantly left the office. At least they had managed to have one civil conversation. It was a start.

***

Jace blinked back the itchy, tired tears that misted her eyes and affected her concentration. She was past those years when she could miss a night’s sleep and not have it affect her the next day. She looked over at Tom’s slumbering form, and desperately wanted to join him. She checked her email one more time, keeping her fingers crossed that Terri had sorted out the student workers’ time card problem. Several students had not been paid for their services in January, as the Payroll Office had mislaid the bundle of slips. Terri had backtracked through the system, and filled in the hours she had in the database. The new time cards needed Jace’s signature and the Center stamp before they could be approved. Terri was going to give the slips to Taryn, who had offered to bring them over as a favor. So far, Taryn had kept up the front that she was just Jace’s grad assistant. No one, besides Cory, knew that the two colleagues were co-habiting at Jane’s house. Taryn still hadn’t revealed that she was Jane’s niece, and Jace hadn’t encouraged her to. She didn’t want people giving Taryn preferential treatment because of whom she was related to. Her email downloaded, she was surprised to see a separate email from Taryn. Usually, the grad assistant’s emails were all titled with FW to indicate that they were forwards. She opened the mail.

From: T1murphy@waterford.edu

To: Jxanthos@waterford.edu

Subject: Dinner

Jace,

I got the time cards. We managed to track down the odd student who still had to pass their slip in, and I added theirs to the pile. The cut off day is tomorrow. I sent out emails to remind those still outstanding.

I hope you get this before you prepare dinner. I’ll pick up some take out food. I hope you like KFC. I thought it might save you a task and cheer the kids up. If Bill and Jane aren’t coming home, we’re going to have to tell them. KFC may cushion the news.

I hope you got some rest. Don’t forget Josie will be at Kate’s, as it is Girl Scouts’ night. And Taylor will be late as he is hanging with Scott. Kate’s mom will drop them off later. It’s on the schedule.

Email me if this isn’t okay.

Taryn

Jace reread the email. It was definitely an improvement on their communication of late. She hit the reply key.

From: Jxanthos@waterford.edu

To: T1murphy@waterford.edu

Subject: RE: Dinner

Taryn,

KFC sounds fine. I’d forgotten about the after school arrangements. Tom’s asleep, and I’m making headway with the other work. Thank you for chasing the time cards.

Jace

***

Taryn closed the Weston front door quietly behind her. The Center had grown quiet later in the afternoon. She’d been able to clear her list of jobs, and even answered some of Jace’s non-priority mail. When she had received Jace’s reply, Taryn had tried to get as much done as possible, in the hope of going home and maybe trying to talk to Jace before the other children arrived. She had been using Jace’s desk, and on the next day’s desk planner had spotted VD printed in Jace’s handwriting. The rational side of her had associated VD with Valentine’s Day. The irrational and jealous part of her had put Vanessa Date to the letters. She needed to find out what Jace thought of her, and more importantly why she had acted like she had the previous Friday.

Taryn tucked the Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket under her arm, and just as quietly tiptoed through to the kitchen. After putting the bucket in the fridge, she went in search of Jace. Her previous suspicions were confirmed, when she caught sight of Jace’s slumbering form. She was cuddled up to Tom. The little boy had his thumb tucked into his mouth, and was nestled in the crook of Jace’s neck. Her dark hair framed his face. They both looked so angelic, and Taryn wished she had a camera. It was rare that she saw this side of Jace. She had only seen Jace asleep a few times. Usually, it was Taryn that fell asleep on Jace, or woke up too late to observe her friend asleep. Friend. Is she still a friend? Taryn asked herself silently. She knew the answer was yes. No matter what happened, her life was interwoven with Jace’s, even if it was just the connection through her family.

Taryn looked at the loose hair hanging over Jace’s forehead. She knew that if she touched the hair it would be soft like silk. She liked the way the curls bounced, and couldn’t resist moving one of them off Jace’s eyes. She was halfway done when pale blue eyes connected with hers. Embarrassed at being caught, Taryn froze. She smiled weakly, and indicated her hand to Jace. "I…I was just …" What the hell was I doing? I’m sorry, Jace. I was just feeling your hair because I couldn’t resist you! Wake up, Taryn and just move your hand! She dropped the curl and sat back on her haunches.

Jace lifted her head slightly, and subtly tried to wipe the drool that had pooled at the edge of her mouth. "Is it that late?" She rubbed her eyes and tried to move without waking Tom.

Taryn shook her head. "No. I left a little early. I was hoping to get home and help you deal with the kids. I know Jane struggles to get dinner and the kids’ homework done when they’ve been out. Taylor has spelling to do and math. I…" She paused, suddenly filled with uncertainty. She sucked in a deep breath. They needed to talk and try to at least clear the air. She didn’t want to spend the whole weekend hiding upstairs. "I was hoping we’d get a few minutes to talk…about us."

Jace looked over surprised that she’d heard those words coming from Taryn’s mouth. She had had similar thoughts herself, but hadn’t been brave enough to voice them. "Sure. But I need to wake Tom. If he sleeps too long, we’ll never get him off later."

She saw uncertainty flutter into Taryn’s eyes. "I’m not saying we shouldn’t talk. We should. It’s been hell sharing a house with you, and not really communicating. I’m just trying to be practical. The last thing I want is interruptions. Can we do this later?" Realizing that Taryn might take her words as a rebuttal, she leaned over and grabbed Taryn’s hand. This action forced Taryn to look at her. "Thank you for being brave enough to make the first move."

Taryn forced a small smile onto her face. If Jace was willing to be nice, then she could try. "You’re right. Let me wake him up and change him. It’ll give you a chance to wake up properly. You look a little better." Taryn lifted Tom into her arms. The young boy was not good when he woke up, and if not handled properly, he was prone to meltdowns. Taryn appreciated this fact and gently rocked the boy, coaxing his eyes awake with soothing words.

***

Jace listened as Josie rambled on about the number of cards she was going to receive the next day at school. The young girl had proudly displayed the ten cards she had gotten at Girl Scouts. Taylor had blushed when Josie had teased him because he had received a card from a sister of one of her friends. Jace had given no more thought to the day. She had briefly scribbled a reminder when JJ had made the comment. But since the disastrous events of the weekend, her thoughts of wooing Taryn had completely disappeared. She looked over at the blonde. The dining atmosphere had definitely improved since Taryn had held out the white flag. They had even had simultaneous eye contact, no daggers had been shot, and no one had died in the process.

"Aunty Jace, is mom coming home soon? I drew her a card and forgot to give it to her." Taylor said as he picked at his chicken.

Jace could tell the young boy was missing his mom. She was just thankful that Taryn helped fill the void. She didn’t want to think about doing this on her own. She had a natural bond with Thomas; he was like her own child. But the other two children had been independent thinkers when she’d met them, and sometimes she found communicating with them difficult. She looked at Taryn, hoping the younger woman would take over the conversation.

"Your mom called yesterday, and she’s going to be staying with Uncle Patrick a little longer. She won’t be coming home this weekend or next week."

"But next week is vacation time. We always take trips with her!" Josie whined.

Jace looked at Taryn. Neither woman had considered the upcoming vacation. The college and school vacations never matched. Jace knew that Jane always took the school vacation week off from work, and then made up her hours at spring break. "Taryn and I will be here. We’ll definitely take a trip on Monday. Guys, we need you two to help us out. We’ve done pretty well this week, but next week could be difficult for both of us to take time off. We’re already working a lot harder because we’re covering for your mom. Do you understand?" She saw Josie nod, but Taylor still looked very upset.

"Is dad coming home?" The young boy asked.

Taryn decided the best way to approach the topic was to treat both children like small adults, and explain the best way she could about what was going on. She knew that a lot of children acted out because they didn’t know why things were happening. She took Taylor’s hand. "Taylor, your dad isn’t sure. Have you ever wanted to do two things at the same time, and both things have been really important to you?" She saw Taylor nod. "Well, your dad wants to come home and spend time with you, but he also feels he should be with your mom. Uncle Patrick is very ill. The doctors are doing everything they can, but they don’t think they can mend him. His liver is very damaged. You know what a liver is, and what it does for the body? Remember, we studied it the other week, right?" Again she watched the boy nod. His blue eyes were filling with tears. She squeezed his hand. "I’m telling you this because you’re a big boy now, and I know you miss your mom and dad, but they have other responsibilities. Your mom needs to help Gram and Grampy, because they’re very sad. Your dad doesn’t know what to do. He misses your mom and wants to make her feel better. He wants to give her one of his magic hugs. But if he goes to Florida, he can’t come here as well. He’s going to phone later and see what you guys think he should do. We wanted to let you know what was happening."

Jace caught Taryn’s eye and gave her an encouraging smile. She could tell that Taryn was an excellent teacher, and would make a good leader. She had a fighting spirit and a way with people, when she wasn’t being irrational. "Do you have any questions?"

"Is Uncle Patrick going to die?" Josie asked.

Jace looked at the young girl. She was always so forthright. No messing around, or talking around a point. She always wanted to know the facts. Jace nodded her response.

"Are we going to go to Florida to see him? Why isn’t Taryn looking after him? He’s her daddy." The young girl turned to Taryn. "When your mommy was sick, you looked after her. Mommy said you went to live in Ireland. Why don’t you go and look after Uncle Patrick, and then mommy can come home."

Taryn flinched at the comment, but didn’t react. Josie was just using childhood logic. It was true. If circumstances were different, she would be the one caring for her father. "It’s not the same, Josie. You know Uncle Patrick and I don’t get on. I can’t leave my classes either."

"So, how am I going to send mommy my card?" Taylor asked again.

Jace sighed. "We can send it tomorrow. If you give it to me, we can same day Fed Ex it through the college. Your mom will get her card. Just to be sure, we can send her an e-card as well. Your mom said there were Internet computers in the hospital. How does that sound?"

"Okay. I’ll go and find it. I made cards for everyone."

Jace looked at the sad expression on Taryn’s face. She knew Josie’s comment had upset the blonde woman. Jace had been impressed with Taryn’s handling of it. She had half expected Taryn to explode at Josie, and run out of the room. Instead, Taryn had kept her calm and given a decent explanation. Although she could see that Taryn was on the edge of having a mini meltdown. Her body seemed tense, and Jace could feel the vibrations of the table against Taryn’s agitated leg. "Are you okay with what we’ve said, Josie?" She tried to use the girl’s advancing maturity to their advantage. "We’re going to need you to help us look after Taylor and Tom. You’re nearly ten, and we know how grown up you are. What do think your dad should do?"

Josie chewed thoughtfully on her fries. She liked being treated as an adult. She really did miss her mom, but she knew how much her dad loved her mom, too. "I miss him, but I think he should go and be with mom. He always makes her smile, and you and Taryn are cool. I’m sad about Uncle Patrick." She paused feeling a little uncomfortable with both women’s eyes on her. "Can I leave the table? I need to do my homework." Uncharacteristically, she hugged both Jace and Taryn before she left the room.

Jace wiped Tom’s mouth and let him out of his seat. "Do you think we did the right thing telling them?"

Taryn peeled the skin off her last piece of chicken. She had been thinking the same thing. "Yeah. At least they know what’s going on. They may not like it, but it may help them to be more cooperative. And I think they’ll both tell Bill to go down to Florida. Do you mind tidying up while I go and help Taylor find his card and homework?"

Jace shook her head. "I’ll be fine. I’m going to take Tom for a little ride. I think the kids could do with a treat. Do you want anything?"

Taryn shook her head and disappeared out of the room.

***

The family sat on the long sofa. Taylor had managed to find his Valentine’s card, and enjoyed surfing the Internet with Taryn. He had sent both his mom and dad an online card. Taryn had also sent one to JJ and Cory. Taylor had enjoyed adding his message to that one, and had wanted her to send one to Jace. Taryn had made some excuse. She didn’t think their friendship was anywhere near exchanging Valentine’s card. Taryn thought back to earlier in the day. She had tried to explain the whole Valentine Day tradition to Cory. The Brit had been amazed that everyone sent cards to anyone. The tradition in England was to send a card to the person you loved or wanted to date. Many times those cards were left unsigned, and that would add to the mystery. She looked over and saw Jace’s eyes rolling and her eyelids fluttering. Taryn gave the tall woman five minutes before she was out for the count.

Taryn had been right. Jace had fallen asleep. Bill’s telephone call had interrupted Jace’s dozing. He had been happy that the women had told the children what was going on. Taryn had been extremely proud when she had heard her cousins tell him to go down to Florida. They had sent hugs and kisses for their mother, and when they’d put the phone down, there had been minimal tears. Jace and Taryn had promised to do something fun with them over the long weekend. Taryn checked the time on the video. "Okay guys, off to bed." She heard the groans and moans of rebellion. "No arguments. You know the rules on a school night." She hugged and kissed each one, and giggled as they jumped on a semi-slumbering Jace.

"Night, guys. We’ll be up in ten minutes to tuck you in. No disturbing Tom."

"Night, Auntie Jace. Night, Ryn." Two tired children mumbled back.

***

Forty minutes later, and three children sleeping in bed, both women were back downstairs.

"Here, you look like you could use this." Jace passed Taryn a glass of wine. She had picked up a few adult goodies earlier while she’d been to the shops.

"Thanks. How was Josie?"

"Her usual practical self. What about Taylor?"

Taryn shrugged. "It’s hard to say. He seems okay and quite excited, but I think he internalizes a lot of his problems." She saw Jace’s eyebrows rise. "Don’t say it…I know it runs in the family."

Jace leaned back against the sofa cushion and closed her sore eyes. She was way too tired, but she knew she’d promised Taryn a chat. She just hoped it didn’t get out of hand. Her emotions were raw, and she didn’t think she could cope with any more of Taryn’s anger.

Taryn caught Jace’s furtive glances from the corner of her eye. She really wanted to talk to Jace, but also knew the woman was running on empty. She took a few more gulps from her glass of wine, trying to pluck up the courage to ask Jace what had gone wrong. She turned in her seat.

Jace saw the motion to her left and steeled herself for the conversation she was about to have. She turned her head and caught Taryn’s questioning gaze.

"You look bushed. Are you sleeping?"

Jace bit her bottom lip. Taryn had no idea that she was the reason for her tiredness. Jace rubbed her face and smiled at Taryn. "I didn’t get much sleep last night." She saw Taryn’s forehead burrow into a frown, and knew she could either wait for the question or expand on the reasons. "I worked late on those reports. I didn’t get much done on Monday afternoon. I forgot the kids were coming home later than usual, and was trying to clear my desk so I wouldn’t have much to do. When I came to bed, I was too wired to sleep, and then I heard you."

"Me?" Taryn squeaked.

"You." Jace smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "I heard crying, and assumed it was Tom. But the monitor wasn’t picking it up. Then I thought it was the kids, but when I checked there wasn’t any sound coming from the corridor. At first I thought I was hearing things. Then it became louder. The bathroom doors were open, and when I peeked in I saw you thrashing around the bed and crying out. I tried to wake you, but you weren’t responding. In the end, I climbed onto the bed and held you. You took a long time to settle, and every time I tried to leave, you cried out." Jace fiddled with her glass. She hadn’t looked at Taryn the whole conversation.

Taryn squirmed in her seat. She had no recollection of Jace’s visit and it frightened her. "I’m sorry." She mumbled. "Did you get any sleep?"

Jace nodded. "Little catnaps. I’ll be okay. I think this week’s been unsettling for everyone. I know my routine’s been shot to shit."

Taryn smiled. She knew Jace was trying to make her feel better. "Thanks, Jace. For being there…for looking after me."

Jace turned in her seat, and took in her friend’s somber face. A week could certainly drag when people weren’t talking. And things were definitely different between them. They had gone back to their awkward mode of communicating. "I promised you I would. That hasn’t changed, Taryn."

Taryn licked her lips. Her eyes flickered around the room as she digested the information. Finally, she sucked in a lungful of air and let it out slowly. She needed to know the answer to her unspoken question. "What happened Friday, Jace? What did I do?"

Jace grimaced. "You didn’t do anything. You were right, Taryn. I ran. I got scared and I ran."

"Why?"

The question was simple enough, but the answer was so complex. How did she relay her feelings to this woman? How did she tell Taryn how she felt? And how did she tell Taryn there couldn’t be anything, when deep down inside she yearned to be with the woman? She shook her head. "I’d like to say it’s complicated, but it’s not. I was stupid. I blew everything out of proportion. To you and Jane, we’d just overslept, no big deal. To me, it signified this huge change in how I viewed things. Taryn, I have never been late for work. My body clock never allows me to sleep in. I’m up with the larks, and out running. My nervous energy has always pushed me up and about. Last Thursday night, I lost myself in…you. It felt so right, and at the same time so wrong. I was scared, Taryn. I’m sorry."

Taryn continued to bite her tongue. She had wanted to jump in so many times with a comment or a comeback, but that was what had gotten them into this mess. She knew she needed to remain calm. She needed to hear what was going on inside the complicated woman’s head. "Scared of what?" She knew most of the answers. Jane had told her, but she needed to hear Jace say the words.

Jace’s eyes remained fixed on her lap. She felt out of control, and her emotions were frayed from lack of sleep. She really had nothing to lose. Taryn had made that abundantly clear with her actions and comments. She chewed the inside of her lip for a few seconds, and then began to speak. "I was scared that people would begin to see I was vulnerable. I was scared of how you made me feel. And, I was scared that those feelings would make me fuck up, and I’d lose all I’ve worked for."

Taryn’s heart lurched when she heard the honest words. She restrained herself from reaching over and pulling the woman into a hug. They needed to get everything out, and find out exactly where they stood. No more games. She knew with Jace that it would be all or nothing. "How do you feel about me?"

Involuntarily, Jace’s eyes lifted to Taryn’s. The question had caught her by surprise. She had expected a question about her job, not about her feelings. She struggled to break the contact, and could see no malice in Taryn’s dark, probing eyes. "I can’t get you out of my head. I can’t work because you’re all I see. I can’t sleep because your body is in the next room. I can’t smile because seeing you hurt and knowing I did it, kills me." She tried to swallow, but a lump had settled in her throat and caused her voice to break. At that moment she knew there was no going back. "I think …I’m…err…in love with you." She felt her eyes tingle and itch, and she knew that tears were on their way. She breathed in deeply and closed her eyes, trying valiantly to keep some control over her crashing emotions.

"What about Vanessa?"

Jace fidgeted in her seat. "Vanessa’s not important. She knows that."

"Things didn’t look like that on Friday. Did you sleep with her?" Taryn knew it was none of her business, but the thought had been burning in her mind all week. She had never felt jealousy like she had on Friday.

Jace turned fiery eyes Taryn’s way. "No."

"Did you want to?"

Jace shrugged dejectedly. "I thought I did. I just wanted to be normal. I went out on Friday purposely to try and rid my mind of you. You’d made it perfectly clear New Year’s Day that we couldn’t be together. As callous as it sounds, I wanted to get the sexual experience, so you’d see me as an equal. Jane’s only slept with one man and no one thinks anything different about her. I haven’t slept with anybody and suddenly I’m different, and no one wants to know. I’m tired of being different."

"That’s not true, Jace!" Taryn stated. She knew Jace’s insecurities were linked more to her past, than present.

"It is."

"What happened?" Taryn knew she needed to deflect the conversation off an argument. She wanted to know what Jace did and thought. Quibbling over little facts would just end up with one of them storming off. At the moment, she needed to be the strong one. She could tell that Jace was nearing the end of her emotional stability. She might never get another shot, and she really needed to know what Jace wanted.

"I’d spent the evening flirting and she responded to all my suggestions. It wasn’t difficult. I knew Vanessa wanted to make our relationship more physical. All the others, Taryn, were just to make you think I was dating." She admitted sheepishly.

Taryn nodded. "I know. Jane told me."

"I know. She was worried about me."

"So was I. So, what made Vanessa different?"

Jace shrugged. "She was very persistent. She took the lead a lot of the times, and pushed my personal boundaries. I’d finally gotten my head into a place where I could consider being physical, and then you were there right in front of me. I never meant to push you out, Taryn." She glanced at the puppy-dog eyes. Her heart melting and her guilt rising. "But, I couldn’t get you out of my damn head. I thought that if I distanced myself from you, I’d do better at work and on my dates. It didn’t work. After you told me about Patrick and Jane, I realized how stupid I’d been. I felt guilty that I’d been so self-obsessed that I hadn’t bothered to ask Jane how she was doing."

Taryn touched Jace’s leg, initiating the first contact between them. "You weren’t the only one."

"The rest you know. I meant to apologize. But after my attitude, I couldn’t blame your actions or thoughts toward me. I promised not to hurt you…and I did. I did it intentionally, Taryn. I promised that I wouldn’t hurt you and I did." Jace couldn’t stop repeating the same sentence.

Taryn’s resolve broke and she moved over to hold the crying woman. Why was life so damn hard? "Shh. You didn’t mean to, Jace. It was self-defense. I’m still here and I’m still your friend. Nothing’s broken, Jace."

Jace tentatively placed her hand over Taryn’s heart. "This is. Tom told me. He said you were crying."

Taryn smirked. "Wow. I’m going to have to watch what I say around him. I see we have a little spy in our midst!"

Jace flashed a smile at Taryn. Her eyes were blurred with tears and her head hurt, but it felt good to finally have her friend back. She wiped her nose on the back of her hand, and tried to breathe through the blocked appendage.

Taryn passed Jace a tissue. "Here. I think you and Tom are spending way too much time together. You’re picking up his habits. Wipe your eyes and blow your nose. My problems were my own doing. I snooped where I shouldn’t have."

Jace stopped mid blow when she heard Taryn’s remark. "What happened?"

Taryn shook her finger at Jace. "That’s another story." She saw Jace frown. "And I will tell you. I just think we should concentrate on one thing at a time. I’m tired of us playing emotional tennis. I ask you something, and you respond with a question. Then I reply with a question, and we end up going back and forth. We need to sort out what’s going on between us."

Jace’s eyes brightened. "What do you mean?" She asked coyly, trying to get a rise out of Taryn.

"See you’re doing it again!" She saw the mischievous grin and playfully swatted the smiling woman. "It’s good to see you smile, Jace. I’ve missed that."
"I missed seeing you happy, as well. How have you been this week? I mean, how do you feel about last week?" Jace mumbled.

Taryn knew Jace had spoken from her heart, and she also knew the rule still stood between them. If a question was asked, they either answered honestly or not at all. "Friday morning, I was surprised and shocked that we were late, but I didn’t have the same knock-on consequences as you. I actually had the best night’s sleep in a long time."

"Me, too." Jace added. "Sorry, go on."

"I knew you were all discombobulated and panicked. I was a little disappointed that you couldn’t see it as just an accident. When you were still grumpy at work, I began to wonder. Then I got my ass chewed inside out by Jane."

"I’m sorry. She’s very defensive when it comes to me." Jace admitted.

Taryn’s smile faded. "I know. It made me mad and jealous. I was jealous she defended you so vehemently. It was like a repeat of the incident before Christmas. I thought she knew me better. She accused me of toying with you, and she also said I was running. We had a little family meltdown and she told me a few home truths." Her smile returned when she saw Jace’s surprised expression. "We ended up in a crumpled pile on her office floor. She felt guilty and told me I needed to tell you how I felt, either way. That’s the main reason why I was camped on your doorstep last Friday."

Jace’s eyes widened. She gulped back her question. Her body stiffened, and she could feel the blood pounding in her ears. "I blew it big time, huh?"

"We both did."

Jace took Taryn’s hand, and also a very deep breath. "So, how do you feel about me?"

"Jace, when I gave you those reasons last month, I omitted one big thing. I didn’t tell you how scared I was to take that step into a relationship with someone who wasn’t safe."

Jace pouted and frowned simultaneously. "Explain what you mean by ‘safe’."

Taryn brushed her fingers against Jace’s cheek. "I mean, going into a relationship with someone who could break my heart. I’ve come to rely on you so much for friendship and support. I’ve finally found someone who I can be open and honest with. You don’t take any shit from me, Jace, and you give as good as you get. That’s exciting, but also scary. There’s a passion between us that I’ve never felt before. I was too scared to tell you this. The reasons I gave were real. Jane was afraid that I made them up because I was running. But I really did want you to be sure, and I did need time to sort myself out. And I learned a lot these past six weeks."

Jace took Taryn’s fingers in her own and stroked them gently. She looked into frighten eyes. "What did you learn?"

"The main thing was how jealous I was that other people got to hold and spend time with you."

Jace pulled Taryn’s hand to her lips. She lightly brushed her lips over the skin. "They meant nothing, and we did nothing."

"You kissed them." Taryn pouted.

"Some of them. But it was nothing like our kisses at New Year’s. I was only doing it because JJ said it would get your back up." She bit her lip when she realized her admission would get her friend in trouble.

"JJ said what?" Taryn pulled her hand away from Jace’s lips.

Jace took Taryn by the shoulders and turned her to completely face her. "JJ was just trying to help me. She figured out how much I liked you. Apparently, I wasn’t very subtle. She just gave me a little dating advice. I mean, the books give you information, but nothing that you can actually use when you’re faced with a decision. She told me you liked me." Stop talking! You’re just opening your mouth and dropping JJ further into trouble. Quit while you’re ahead! "She cares for you, Taryn. She didn’t think you’d ever act on your feelings because of who I am." She saw the tense lines begin to appear across Taryn’s face. "Don’t blame her. She never said anything that she heard in your house. She just told me what she thought."

Taryn looked at Jace’s panicked expression. She wasn’t mad at JJ, a little irked, but not mad. "So, did you learn anything from the dates?"

Jace nodded. "I definitely know that I like women. I like going to gay bars, and I definitely like holding you and dancing. This whole experience has made me realize that I am gay, Taryn, and proud of it."

"I’m pleased."

"So, I got reason number five out of the way. I’ve dated, and I know what I want. Reasons number three and four were about how you feel. You just said you cleared your head, and I think after four months being on your own, those two reasons are no longer acceptable reasons now." She saw Taryn open her mouth.

"That still leaves reasons one and two." Taryn rebuked.

"I told you. Reason one doesn’t apply to us. You’re not some innocent undergrad, and I’m not marking your assignments or quizzes. It wouldn’t look too good, but it’s not our biggest problem."

Taryn nodded. "I know. But I’m still your employee, Jace. If people found out, you could lose your job."

"I doubt it." Jace muttered.

"But you’d know, Jace. Could you handle breaking that rule? Even if they didn’t fire you, you’re reputation would be screwed."

Jace nodded. She looked into dark eyes as a thought hit her. "You’re talking as if you’re thinking really seriously about this. Do you want this?"

Taryn looked into azure, bright eyes. It was the happiest she’d seen Jace in a long time. She nodded. "The other things I learned were that I miss you when you’re not around. And I like being held in your arms…and that I’ve never been kissed and had such sensations run through my body before. I hate it when we don’t talk, and I struggle to keep my hands to myself when you’re around."

"So, what does that mean?" Jace asked. She knew she was entering territory that she’d sworn she’d never go into, but life was too short and she was sure they could work something out. She wasn’t going to risk losing Taryn. Not when she’d finally found someone to share her life with.

"It means, Jace Xanthos, that I think I’ve fallen in love with you, too. It means that I can’t bear to be away from you. And if you don’t kiss me, I’ll be forced to throw myself at you."

Jace gulped. She took Taryn’s face between her hands and held it steady. Her body shook and the nerves made her arms tremble. She leaned forward, never taking her eyes off Taryn’s face. She saw the blonde tentatively lick her lips, and then her eyes were shut. She could feel Taryn’s breath on her face. The heat consumed her body. She took one last breath, and felt Taryn’s lips connect with hers. Electricity shot through her body, and she felt the warmth spread all over. Her heart raced and her hands slipped around Taryn’s neck and back, as she instinctively pulled Taryn closer. Her breasts arched into the smaller body and her groin throbbed. Seconds turned into minutes, and Jace’s body shuddered with unexpected sensations. Finally she broke away, gasping for air and needing an anchor for her swirling emotions.

Taryn pulled Jace into a hug. She needed to keep the connection alive. She had a feeling if she gave the inexperienced woman time to think, they’d be back to square one. She pulled back a little to look at Jace’s tired features. "I think it’s time for bed!" She stated quietly.

"Alone?" Jace asked even quieter.

"No. Together." She saw the fear cross Jace’s eyes. "To sleep…together."

She saw a happy expression replace the fear. "To sleep." Jace mumbled, holding onto her anchor for all she was worth.

Part 11

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