Chapter 18

Taryn threw the Beanie Baby across the room. Her mood was decidedly foul and no amount of sweet-talking was going to lift her spirits.

JJ picked up the toy and placed it back on the shelf."If you have to be destructive, then do it to your own property."

"Sorry." Mumbled Taryn.

JJ placed a plate of spaghetti in front of Taryn. "You’re not usually in on a Wednesday evening. What happened to Wednesday night out with Jace?"

Taryn shrugged. "She has another date."

"What? With the girl she met at the bar?"

Taryn shook her head. "No, that was Melanie. According to Jace, she was too clingy and wanted to move in after their initial date! This woman actually works across campus in the psychology department. Apparently, she spotted Jace with me at the Country Club, and collared her in the parking lot last week."

JJ placed a forkful of pasta into her mouth, chewing carefully before she swallowed. "So, why are you so down? I thought you wanted Jace to date?" JJ felt sorry for Taryn. She hadn’t been in regular contact with the Center Director, and knew exactly whom Jace’s dates were, and how far they had gone. JJ had even given Jace further pearls of wisdom, and encouraged her to keep experimenting. Judging from her roommate’s reaction, it was definitely having the desired effect.

Taryn pushed her food around her plate. "I did…I mean I do."

JJ noticed the Freudian slip, but kept quiet.

"I just didn’t think she’d be this enthusiastic about it. This is the fifth woman she’s dated, and it’s only been a month." She replied grumpily.

JJ took a few more mouthfuls, and then checked her watch. She didn’t want to be late picking Cory up from class. "I didn’t think you were interested in Jace. You were the one who needed their space. The woman is only doing what you asked."

Taryn pouted. She knew JJ was right, but having it pointed out to her wasn’t helping her mood. "I know. I just didn’t think it would eat into my time with her." Taryn stated.

JJ sent a piercing gaze Taryn’s way. "Taryn, as far as I can tell, Jace and you spend plenty of time together. As friendships go, you spend a majority of time with each other. If I’m not mistaken, isn’t Jace usually at Jane’s on a Monday evening while you tutor Taylor?"

"Yes."

"And, don’t you usually go to the movies on Wednesday evenings, and then dine out?"

"Yeah." Taryn knew she was acting like a child. She couldn’t help it. She’d heard all about Jace’s last date in great detail, and the emotions that had surged through her body had made her sink to the depths of despair. The thoughts of another woman touching Jace made her feel sick. Not that Jace had mentioned anything physical, but when Taryn had asked, Jace had blushed. Taryn’s mind had filled in the rest. She looked up when the relentless computer tech continued to list her time with Jace.

"You even stayed over at her place last weekend because Helen and Jo stayed here."

"I know."

"So, what’s the problem? It’s not like you can’t see her at work!" JJ stated.

Taryn didn’t answer JJ’s rhetorical question at first. She knew darn well what the problem was, but didn’t want to admit it. "I don’t know. I guess I’m just frustrated. It’s been nearly four months since Marti and I split up. I guess I’m ready to start dating again — I just wish I didn’t have to go through the whole dating process. Why can’t I just wake up one morning and find the perfect woman right in front of me?" Taryn knew the answer to that question, too. She had found the right woman, but had been too pigheaded to admit it. Now, it looked like her window of opportunity had been missed.

JJ looked at her depressed friend. She knew what she had to do next if her matchmaking plans were to come to fruition.

***

"Hey there. How’s it going?" JJ asked as she met Jace in the small corridor that linked the Center to the staff offices.

Jace grinned. She hadn’t seen her friend in a few weeks. "Not bad. Work has calmed down a little. So, what brings you here on a Thursday afternoon?"

JJ ran her fingers through her hair. "I was coming to ask either you or Jane a favor. It’s Cory’s birthday this weekend, and I wanted to make it special. She’s three thousand miles from home and I know she misses her family, especially since Mike’s wife had the baby. I was hoping to get her a ticket to see her new niece, but she has classes. So, I thought I’d surprise her and take her to Vermont for the weekend. I know it’s a bit short notice, but could she take tomorrow off?"

Jace chewed on her bottom lip, mentally reviewing the plans for the next day. "Walk with me to my office." Jace led the way, and then closed the door after JJ had entered. "It shouldn’t be a problem. She’ll have to make the hours up. I’ll email Patty and let her know. Cory’s in her office now, if you want to go and tell her the good news."

"Thanks, I’ll let her work a little longer. I wanted to touch base with you. We haven’t spoken for over a week. I hear through the grapevine that you’ve been very busy this week!" She wiggled her eyebrows in a similar fashion to Jace’s own habit.

Jace rubbed her chin and grinned. "I took your advice, and I’ve been on a few more dates since we last talked." Jace replied. "Thanks for all the help. I’m definitely feeling more confident. Is the plan working?"

JJ smiled. "I’d say so. According to our friend, you’ve had eight dates with five different women. She’d pretty pissed, but trying not to admit it. How were your dates this week?"

Jace relaxed in her seat. The dates had been good. The women had been pleasant, and Jace had always suggested activities that required minimal contact and conversation. Since starting her dating experience, she had been to the cinema three times, bowling twice, had two home cooked meals, and the prior evening she had ventured into Boston to see a play. "Not bad. My list of films I wanted to see has decreased. Vanessa was interested in going out again this weekend, but I’m not sure. She was getting a little pushy, and this would be our third date. I’m a little wary about that. So far my limit has been only second dates. If I went on a third date, I wouldn’t want to give the impression that I was really interested.

"Well, you could do Cory and I another favor and spend some time with Taryn this weekend. She misses you, buddy."

"Really?" Jace felt like a ten-year-old who’d just been given a bowl of candy.

"Really. She was pissed last week when you missed your usual Wednesday night meet, and then last weekend you were out. I think last night was the icing on the cake, when you called to cancel. She’s definitely been a monster to live with."

Jace paled. "But, last night she sounded fine when I called her to cancel. She said she had lots of college work to do."

"She has. At first, we thought her bad mood was due to an increase in college work, but she finished her thesis proposal a few weeks ago, and still didn’t seem to be happy."

Jace frowned. She hadn’t realized her behavior was having such an adverse affect on Taryn. "Well, the proposal is just the first part. She now has to actually do the research. She always seems okay when we meet up."

JJ threw her hands up in defeat. "Hey, I’m just telling you what I see. I think it’s time you challenged her again. You’ve knocked off one of her reasons. She wanted you to date; you dated. I think you need to see where she stands within herself. She talks to Cory, and I’ve heard a few things, but I wouldn’t want to break any confidences. The rest is up to you."

"No, I understand. I appreciate what you’ve done so far. I’d have never had my first date if it hadn’t been for you."

JJ grinned. "Hey, I just nudged you in the right direction." JJ stood and reached over to shake Jace’s hand. "Thanks again. Cory and I will be back Sunday evening. Would you like to come over for a piece of birthday cake?"

Jace nodded. "Sure. Just text me with a time." She handed a business card to JJ, and then she watched the tall woman saunter out of her office. When she was sure no one was around, she flipped open her cell phone and pressed the speed dial button. She waited for it to connect. "Hey."

Taryn checked the Caller-ID. "What’s wrong?" She asked, concerned that Jace had called her during the workday.

"Is that any way to greet a caller? We’re going to have to work on your people skills. And they call me brisk!" Jace watched the little Einstein character on her desktop tap impatiently; reminding her she had to complete her report. "Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to see if you would like to hang out later."

"No date?" Taryn snapped sarcastically, instantly regretting the words as soon as they left her mouth.

Jace smiled as she heard the tension in Taryn’s voice. Ooh, someone’s in a bad mood. She thought. "Nope. No date. My night off, and I wanted to spend it with a friend. If you’re busy, I can see if Jane wants to play."

Taryn’s mood suddenly lifted when she realized Jace had chosen to call her over Jane. "No, I’m sorry. I was in the middle of a tough section of my research project. I didn’t mean to snap."

"Do you need any help?"

"If you’re offering, I’ll take anything."

Jace grinned. "I’ll take that remark as a compliment. How about I get a couple of subs and come over after work?"

"Steak and cheese?" Taryn asked meekly.

"With mushrooms. I sense we need to go for the big guys. You sound really down."

"I am." Taryn admitted. "Give me a call when you’re here. I’ll check what Cory and JJ are doing."

"Didn’t JJ tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Taryn demanded.

Jace twirled her pencil in her fingers. "She’s whisking Cory away for the weekend. She just asked my permission for Cory to have tomorrow off. That reminds me, you’ll be running the groups solo. If you need additional help, I’m around." The ringing of her office phone pulled her back to her work. "I have to go, my other line is ringing. Catch you later." She switched one phone off, as she picked up the other.

**

Jace juggled the bottles of beer and subs, while she unclipped her cell phone. Flicking the phone open she pressed the speed dial. "Hey, I’m right outside the back door."

"Okay. I’ll be down in a second." Taryn placed her laptop on the table and headed for the door, and down one flight of stairs. She pulled the door open. "Hey." She smiled when she saw the goodies in Jace’s hands. "You’re a sight for sore eyes."

"Thanks, I think. Come on, I’m starving." Jace headed for the stairs. "You get the plates and I’ll grab the napkins." Jace had been over to the apartment enough times to know where things were.

Taryn placed the subs on the floor. One of the sofas was covered with her notes, books, and old research papers. "I can clear some room if you’d prefer to sit up there." Taryn took a napkin out of Jace’s hand and passed her a plate.

Jace looked at the scattered work. A smile curled on her face when she remembered back to her time as a student. Research papers were definitely no fun. She looked back at Taryn and saw the dark circles under her eyes. "When is it due?"

Taryn pulled at the paper, separating the pieces and placing a large sub onto her plate. "Chapters one to three are due on Monday." She saw the raised eyebrows and concerned look coming from Jace. "Don’t worry, I’m not that silly. It’s basically an expansion of the proposal. I have the entire introduction completed, and I’m pretty sure the method is correct. The professor spent a lot of time going over sample sizes, and different designs. My main problem is the literature review. He wants eighteen pages, and I can only stretch it to fifteen. I’ve triangulated my research like the professor suggested, but I don’t know what else to talk about." She chewed on her meal. Her mood was definitely improving. There was something about Jace that soothed her spirits. Besides work, she hadn’t seen Jace in a while and missed the feeling of safety the tall woman always gave her.

Jace opened a beer and passed the bottle to Taryn. She did the same for herself, and then split her sub into two pieces. "Would you like me to look at it?"

Taryn sucked enthusiastically on the bottle; the cold beer instantly quenching her thirst. "You’ve worked all day looking at reports. Do you really want to spend the night looking at mine?"

Jace nodded. "Answer me honestly, Taryn. Would you really be able to relax tonight knowing that you have to hand it in Monday?" She saw Taryn shake her head. "So, how about you stop being so pigheaded and let me take a look at it."

Taryn passed the dog-eared report over to Jace. "I can print you a neat copy if this is too messy."

Jace shook her head. "No, this is fine."

Taryn turned the stereo down, to aid Jace’s concentration. She tried to sit still, but found her nerves a little on edge. She felt very open, letting Jace read her academic work. She winced when she saw Jace pick up a pencil and begin to make notes. She observed the dark-haired woman. She definitely seemed more relaxed than she had when they’d first met all those months ago. Taryn watched as Jace’s brow furrowed. She tried to settle back and just observe her friend. She really had missed Jace’s company. Since the night out at the ice arena, life had not been the same. Jace appeared to be the big catch whenever they went out together. Taryn had accompanied Jace to the Country Club, and had coaxed the tall woman into dancing with a few women. Taryn hadn’t realized how hard it was going to be watching Jace with other people.

After ten minutes, Jace looked up from the paper. "Remind me next time to bring my reading glasses in!"

"I can run out to the Jeep, if you need them." Taryn said apologetically.

Jace shook her head. "No. I’m finished here. I’m impressed, Taryn. This is really good. I’ve made some notes in the margin on the introduction. The method looks sound. My only advice would be to extend your literature review to look more in the area of learning communities. Your whole statement of the problem is what American colleges do to retain students, and why some of the earlier things such as reading centers, math labs, and advising sessions no longer work with at-risk or probation students. You’ve discussed Supplemental Instruction, and why we haven’t used it with this population. You’ve done a good job with the cost-effectiveness of group learning, but you need to talk about why we put the students into common classes. You need to broaden your search to learning communities. I think that could be your missing link. There’s a specific group of guys that have researched this stuff…" She tried to remember the key people from her readings. "Vincent Tinto is one of them. I’m pretty sure his work can be found online. I have a subscription to The Developmental Education Journal; they’re in my office. You can plow through those tomorrow, if it’ll help."

Taryn lifted her laptop onto her lap. She began to type in the college web page, and went straight to the college library and database page.

Jace looked at the laptop and noticed there were no additional wires, except the power cord. "How can you get online without a link to the phone cord?" She leaned over to further examine the machine.

Taryn looked up, realizing she had drifted into a study zone. She flashed the inquisitive woman a smile. "It’s the perks of living with a computer tech. JJ went for a wireless cable connection. It’s awesome. Cory has her laptop, and I have mine. See the card in the side?" She watched Jace nod. "The blue box over there is the signal box. JJ’s computer is the main server for our machines. I can print from here, and even share my files to her computer. It’s really wild! Okay, help me find what I need, and I’ll reward you big time."

A few hours later, Jace stretched her hands above her head and removed her glasses. She had succumbed to getting them when Taryn’s searches for information required a second person looking for articles. Jace’s contacts in other colleges meant she had freedom to search more databases. Jace had jumped onto JJ’s desktop, and the two of them had sent the article names back and forth to prevent duplication. She looked over to see Taryn sitting on the floor with a highlighter in her hand and a pencil tucked behind her ear. The woman was endearing, and Jace’s heart swelled. She wanted it to be like this all the time. She missed Taryn’s company way too much. She collected all the articles, and then separated and stapled them. She walked over and settled back next to Taryn, handing the blonde the research papers. "Here you go, but I am demanding you take a short break. Too much work is bad for you. Doctor’s orders!"

Taryn dropped the papers. "That’s not fair, you’re not a medical doctor."

Jace poked out her tongue. "Well, I am a doctor. And I’m demanding you give me some quality Taryn time." She pouted and nudged Taryn.

Taryn cracked her knuckles and placed the notes into tidy piles. "Okay, I’m all yours. I can work on this thing over the weekend, especially with JJ and Cory away."

Jace waited for Taryn to clear the sofa, and then stretched her body out over the three seats. "How are things going here? We haven’t had a chat in ages."

Taryn shrugged. "Same old, same old. We get on well. However, I feel like I’m in the way a lot of the time. I know JJ’s recently been promoted, so I doubt they need my money like they used to. I was thinking about maybe getting my own apartment."

"Seriously?" Jace asked in surprise.

Taryn relaxed on the other sofa. "Sometimes I am, and then I think about how stir crazy I get when left to my own devices. How do you do it?"

Jace yawned and rubbed her face. "I don’t know. I like my own company, and it’s nice to do what I want, when I want. But I do get lonely."

Taryn’s interest was piqued. "Well, you’ve had plenty of company recently."

Jace closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure how much to disclose to Taryn. She was tired of playing games, but didn’t want to scare the younger woman away. "It’s been interesting."

Taryn saw the tired expression on Jace’s face. She was desperate to know more. "I was surprised you didn’t date Jenny more. You two seemed to get on really well at the bar." Jenny had been the first person that Jace had shown any interest in. The petite blonde had targeted Jace the first night in the bar and had pursued her, until the tall woman had given in and handed her a phone number.

Jace opened her eyes and looked over at Taryn. "She was nice, but she had an irritating laugh. We didn’t have much in common. I need to be mentally stimulated."

Taryn nodded, "What about the new woman?"

"Vanessa?"

"If that’s her name. What’s she like?"

Jace took a moment to think about the question. She was trying to assess what Taryn wanted to hear. Enough of the games. "Vanessa’s a psychologist. We went out to dinner on Saturday night. She’s pleasant company, and we had a good time. Last night, we went into Boston. The show was good and she asked me to go out Saturday. I’m not sure whether to go."

Taryn sat up straighter, trying to work out how Jace felt about this new woman. "How old is she?"

"My age. She just turned thirty-five. She works for a practice down in Plymouth and lectures at the college three times a week."

"What does she look like?"

Jace rolled onto her side. "What is this, twenty questions?"

Taryn bristled at Jace’s statement. "I’m sorry. It’s not my place to ask."

Jace shook her head. "No, it’s me. I’m just tired of the same old thing. I don’t know how anyone does this dating thing. I’ve only done it for a month, and I’m tired of the same old questions and routine. How the hell did you survive all those years, participating in this age old ritual?"

Taryn fiddled with her hands. "Well, I didn’t exactly participate in the art of dating. I went for the even older ritual of just plain old screwing." The bitterness in her voice was clear. "Have…have you gone past kissing with any of them?"

Jace shook her head. "No. I don’t think I could do the one-nightstand thing. I have trouble letting people I know within my personal boundary space, let alone complete strangers! You know me and my hula-hoop of comfort." Jace liked to think of her own comfort space as an invisible hula-hoop surrounding the circumference of her body. When she wanted physical contact, she was often the one who initiated it. In fact, many people were scared to make the first move. Her intimidation had worked well, and definitely to her advantage while out on her dates. Only one of her dates had tried to go further than Jace’s chaste goodnight kiss. Jace hadn’t been in touch with Amy since that event. Jace saw the hurt expression on Taryn’s face. "Come here!" She ordered, opening her arms for Taryn to climb into.

Taryn saw Jace’s open arms and flew across the living room. She had missed the strong hugs, and the feel of Jace against her. She settled into Jace’s arms. The taller woman had moved over on the couch, but remained in a reclined position. Taryn wrapped one arm over Jace’s waist, and at the same time she placed the other under her head. She breathed in Jace’s clean smell. Despite a day at work, Jace always smelt fresh. "Thank you. I needed a hug. I’m feeling very lonely and depressed."

Jace pulled Taryn closer to her. It felt so right. She had danced, and held a few women either in the pub, club or on the odd date. Nothing had even come close to how she felt when Taryn was in her arms. "I’m here for you, Taryn. Anytime you want a hug, you give me a call and I’ll be here. I promise."

Taryn kissed the front of Jace’s shirt. "Thank you." She closed her eyes and felt the pressure of the day drift away.

***

Jace opened an eyelid and winced. Her neck was squashed to the side, and the light of day hurt her sleep sodden pupils. She opened the other eye and squinted at the cable box. Her vision took a few moments to clear. Nine thirty. Her mind registered. "Shit! Nine-thirty!" She looked down at the tangled mess of clothing, and the blonde head tucked under her arm and into her chest. "Taryn! Sweetheart! Wake up!" She nudged the sleeping woman even harder. "Taryn, wake up!" She said a little louder, trying unsuccessfully to get out from under Taryn’s legs.

"Stay." Came the mumbled tones from Taryn’s lips.

"Taryn, wake up now. For God’s sake it’s nine-thirty. We’re late, and in big trouble!"

Taryn could hear the demands in the voice beside her. Her mind tried to shut the noises out, but the persistent shaking and urgent cries made her filter in the words more clearly. When she heard the final statement, her eyes shot open. "What? No way!" She held her hand up to block out the bright morning light.

"Way!" Jace replied grumpily. She searched around, looking for her cell phone. She spotted it on the coffee table. "Hey, move over. I need to call the office, and then we need to get up there."

Taryn stood up too quickly, and wavered unsteadily. She used Jace’s shoulders to catch her balance. "Shit! We must have fallen asleep."

"For twelve bloody hours!" Jace muttered.

Taryn couldn’t help but smile. "You sound so much like Cory. Since when have you used the word ‘bloody’?"

Jace rubbed her face and ran her fingers through her tangled hair. "Since I feel asleep with my grad assistant, and made us late for work!"

Taryn rubbed Jace’s shoulder. "Call Jane and see what’s happening. I’ll go and jump in the shower." She looked at Jace’s crumpled pants and blouse. "Do you have any meetings today?"

Jace shook her head as she waited for Jane to pick up. "Not anymore!" She snapped back.

Ignoring Jace’s tone, Taryn stretched before she commented. "Good, because you’re going to have to wear something of JJ’s today. You can’t wear those clothes again. It screams to everyone that you didn’t go home last night."

Taryn ran her fingers through her short wet hair and wrapped the towel around her body. She opened the bathroom door, instantly feeling the cool air mix with the steam of the bathroom. She wandered out into the living room area, and looked over at Jace. The tall woman was looking out of the window. She had her back to Taryn, but tension hung around her. "I’ll put some coffee on."

Jace turned around, too worried to even take notice of Taryn’s scantily clad body. "We don’t have time. Jane wasn’t happy. She’s been calling my house since eight. Apparently, I’ve missed my meeting with some angry parents. She called here too, but I never heard the phone."

Taryn blanched. She turned her eyes to the phone receiver. "I turned the ringer off last night. I didn’t want to be disturbed by telemarketers. I…I had no idea we’d fall asleep."

Jace brushed past Taryn and headed for the bathroom, cursing internally. She never slept in. She had never been late in her life! She locked the bathroom door, and took a huge breath. It’s no big deal! Jane covered for you. Relax. Jace looked at her tangled hair in the mirror. She tried to pull her fingers through the knots unsuccessfully. "Shit!" She had been hoping to get away with a quick wash, not wanting to waste time on a shower.

Taryn heard the hum of the shower. She tried hard to rationalize Jace’s reaction. Quickly, she ran through JJ’s closet, picking out a pair of blue jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. Leaving the clothes on her roommates’ bed, she scurried into her own room to pull out her own clothes.

Jace dried herself off quickly. She looked around the bathroom, trying to find anything that would help tame the mass of curls. She opened the cupboard under the sink, and found a wide toothed comb and a ponytail holder. Thank you, JJ. I owe you. After tying her hair into a braid, Jace looked at the sad eyes staring back at her. She should have been happy. She had just spent a night wrapped in the arms of the woman she loved. But like some cruel twist of fate, their night together just seemed to reinforce why they couldn’t be together.

Taryn heard the bathroom door open. "I put some clothes on the other bed."

"Thanks." Jace replied as she headed for the unfamiliar room.

Taryn watched Jace disappear into the room. She couldn’t help but admire the naked flesh that the towel did not cover. Jace’s body looked very firm and naturally tanned. She shook her head and wandered into the kitchen. She wanted to make sure Jace got something wet inside her body.

Jace pondered her dilemma. She had no clean underwear. She looked at the previously worn pair, and back at the jeans Taryn had lain out. "Why me?" She groaned aloud. Unsure of what would be worse: used panties or commando style. She finally decided to turn the old underwear inside out. There was something wrong with going commando style in someone else’s jeans. With the decision made, Jace quickly pulled the clothing on, and gathering her used clothes in her hands. She opened the door and headed for the living room. "Taryn, I need some deodorant. Can I use yours?"

Taryn ran into her bedroom and grabbed the stick off her bureau. "Here you go. How do the clothes feel?"

"Good."

Taryn passed Jace a glass of juice. She saw the frown appear on Jace’s face. "We have a few minutes. We’re already late, what’s five more minutes?" She raised her brow in question. "Just drink up!"

Taryn grabbed a pair of sneakers, and collected Jace’s shoes from the door. "Are you going to be okay in these shoes?"

Jace looked at the navy dress shoes. "I don’t really have a choice." She swallowed the juice in a few gulps, and slipped the shoes onto her feet. "I’ll meet you up there."

Taryn watched the tall form rush out of the apartment door. Dejectedly, she collected her keys, put her jacket on, and followed in Jace’s footsteps.

***

Jace rushed through the back door of the Center. She had thought about going her normal route through the front door, but with the time reaching nearly ten thirty she knew she would meet Terri and double her workload. She also didn’t want to meet any disgruntled students while she was still annoyed. She headed to Jane’s cubicle. Her colleague was talking with a student. She knocked on the open office door. "Hi. When you’re done here, can I have a word with you?" Jace caught Jane’s eyes, sending a silent apology to her friend. She continued to her own office, and set about calling the parents she had so rudely stood up.

Taryn walked into the smaller study room. Thankfully, she had only missed the first study session and half of this one. She looked at the bleary-eyed students in front of her. She sympathized with them all. Jessie was frantically pulling forms from different student portfolios. "Morning." Taryn muttered to her colleague. "I’m sorry I’m late. The alarm didn’t go off." She lied. It wasn’t like she could tell the truth. I fell asleep with the boss, and it felt so good I didn’t want to wake up!

She stood in front of the students and opened the textbook. "Okay, today we’re going to begin our first exam cram."

Jane knocked tentatively on Jace’s door. The dark cloud hovering over Jace’s head was practically visible. "Hi."

"Hey." Jace replied, her feelings brightening when she saw Jane’s concerned look.

"I’m sorry I snapped at you this morning. I was just worried, and had things on my mind. You’re never late, and when you missed meeting with those parents, I had you dead and buried on the highway. Plus, with no Cory or Taryn first thing, I had to think on my feet with the study groups. She’s in now by the way."

Jace pointed to the spare chair. "Take a seat, Jane. You’re making me nervous."

Jane took the offered chair, and appraised her supervisor’s clothing. Her usually clean-cut suit had been replaced by a black and gray sweatshirt which was slightly too big for her. "It’s a good thing you did miss those parents…I’m not sure they’d have been impressed by your wardrobe."

Jace glanced down at the sweatshirt. "I know." Came the curt response. "I didn’t have a choice!"

"Why?" Suddenly, Jane understood what had happened. "Oh! You didn’t sleep at home, did you?"

"No."

"Oh my God, what happened? I didn’t think you had a date last night."

"I didn’t. I went over to Taryn’s to keep her company. We got involved in her thesis, and ended up falling asleep."

"Didn’t she set her alarm? Taryn’s usually very organized."

Jace shook her head. "No. We didn’t plan it. She was feeling a little lonely. I was lying on the sofa and she came over for a hug. I don’t know whether it was the couple of beers, or just bone tiredness, but we both fell asleep. I’ve never slept for so long. I don’t know what happened! My internal clock must have overloaded or something, because the next thing I knew it was bright outside and I was calling you."

Jane examined Jace’s features. The younger woman looked even more haunted than before. She had secretly hoped that over time, Jace would find someone on her dates that could replace her feelings for Taryn. The torment she saw in front of her was heart breaking. "Hey, everyone’s late once in a while. You’re human, Jace."

"It’s a sign, Jane. Don’t you see? It’s a sign that Taryn and I are not meant to be. Someone’s trying to show me that this relationship will interfere with our working relationship!"

"Bullshit!"

Jace’s eyes rolled wide. She’d rarely heard Jane swear. Let alone use expletives directed at her. "It’s not! Every time we get close, something happens to break the bond. It’s as if we were never meant to be!" Jace fiddled with her pen. She had thought about nothing else since her drive up to the College. She needed to change the subject, she couldn’t think about Taryn anymore. "So, what else did I miss this morning?"

***

Taryn was grateful when the last study group finished. She reclined back in her seat, and tapped the pencil on the table for a moment or two. After filling the attendance sheet in, she pulled out the planning sheets for the following week. She filled in the dates at the top, stopping when she wrote 14th February. St. Valentine’s Day! Great — just another reminder of my crappy life! A movement to the left caught her attention. She looked up, and couldn’t keep the tiny smile off her face. Jace was standing at the office mail trays. Taryn chewed on the end of the pencil while she appraised the woman. At work, Jace carried an air of sophistication that separated her from others. Taryn had been able to split Jace the director with the Jace who was her friend. Yet today, in the casual clothes, Taryn saw Jace, the woman she cared so much for. She hadn’t managed to talk to Jace, and just knew the brooding woman was harboring some regret about their night together.

Jace picked up her mail, sifting through the various directives and withdrawal letters. She took a few moments to check Terri’s urgent list, and then turned to go back to her office. Her eyes were drawn to the corner study room. She saw the blonde’s imploring look. She gave Taryn a brief sad smile, and then continued her journey back to her office.

***

Taryn carried the cups of coffee back into the Center. She placed one of the cups on Jessie’s desk. "I wanted to say thank you for this morning. I hope the group didn’t cause you too many problems."

"No. It was good practice. I was a little nervous, but they seemed really friendly. Where’s Cory? I was really worried when neither of you turned up."

Taryn drew in a deep breath. "Thanks for the concern. Cory’s partner whisked her off for a romantic weekend in Vermont. It’s her birthday on Sunday." Feeling lonely and depressed, Taryn decided to get away before Jessie asked how she was feeling. "Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks. I better go and deliver the rest of these drinks. Have a good weekend, if I don’t see you before."

Her next stop was a very frustrated aunt. "Hey." She placed the beverage in front of Jane. "I’m sorry about this morning, Jane."

Jane assessed her niece. She was amazed to see dark circles under her eyes. Surely, after twelve hours of sleep, Taryn should have been refueled. "No worries. Accidents happen. Jace explained it to me. You don’t look too good."

Taryn shrugged, unconsciously rubbing her eyes. "I’m just lacking my caffeine fix, and still feeling a little discombobulated. I can only imagine what Jace is like. I’ve never showered and dressed with such speed. It was like being trapped in one of those Home Alone movies."

Jane smiled in sympathy. "Well, I’m sure when you look back on it, you’ll smile. I was just worried. It was so uncharacteristic of Jace. In four years she’s never been late. In fact, when I think about it, this year was the first time she took days off for illness."

"Really?" Taryn asked surprised at this knowledge.

"Really! Her job is her life…or was."

Taryn looked up at the last words. She saw concern etched in the lines of Jane’s face. "Is that a warning? I get the feeling you’re trying to tell me something. If you are, then just spit it out. I’m not in the mood for cryptic clues."

Jane licked her lips, sucking the bottom one in, trying to stall for time. She’d never purposefully fiddled in Jace’s life. She couldn’t afford to get involved, but she’d just witnessed her friend’s destructive nature first hand. Jane had met Jace coming out of her office; the tall woman had nearly knocked her flying. Burning blue eyes had fired daggers at her, and with no words spoken, Jace had stormed out of the Center. Jane had looked into Jace’s office and seen previously stacked files scattered all over the floor. "She’s not coping. I don’t know what went on last night. I was going to say it’s none of my business, but when it causes my supervisor to behave so out of character, I have to begin to question what’s going on."

Taryn clenched her fists. Jane’s defense of Jace hurt. "What do you mean, she’s not coping? And, there’s nothing going on!" Taryn tried to calm her temper. Taking a few deep breaths, she calmly repeated. "Nothing’s going on. We fell asleep…period!"

"So, why has Jace trashed her office and stormed out of the Center?"

Taryn’s calm resolve didn’t last long and she flashed angry eyes at Jane. "How the fuck should I know!"

Jane returned matching eyes to Taryn. "Watch your language, young lady! Remember where you are, and whom you’re talking to!"

"I’m sorry. Hell, why am I apologizing? I never started this conversation. You did. I remembered exactly where I was. It was you who brought my private life into the conversation. Why the heck am I getting the blame for Jace’s action? I haven’t spoken to the woman this morning. She was mortified when we woke up, and no doubt blaming herself for her actions. Quit pointing fingers!" Taryn tried to control her breathing. She had stopped attending the anger management classes. The few strategies she had picked up seemed to have helped her, and she really hadn’t encountered any situations since Thanksgiving. She dropped her head and closed her eyes. What the hell is happening here? After a few moments of complete calm, Taryn opened her eyes and looked at her concerned aunt and supervisor. "I don’t know what’s going on with Jace. But, I would never hurt her…not intentionally."

Jane rubbed her niece’s arm. "I’m sorry I snapped. I didn’t mean to vent at you. It was an eventful morning." Jane rubbed her temples, wishing desperately that she had stayed in bed. "You didn’t see her, Taryn. She looked crazed. I know what I’m going to say won’t come as a surprise to you. Jace told me you know all about her life: the troubles with her family and lack of interpersonal relationships. Taryn, she’s never had to deal with being in love before." She saw Taryn’s eyes go round in surprise. Jane continued. "Now, remember back to high school and all the crushes you had. How did you feel?"

Taryn leaned against the wall. She closed her eyes and tried to remember the old days when her hormones had overtaken all sensibilities and made her do crazy, stupid things. She grimaced. It had been so natural back then. All her peers were in the same situation, but imagining those feelings in a grown adult made Taryn shudder. "I don’t understand. What makes you think she’s in love? She told me last night she hadn’t liked any of her dates."

Jane looked disbelievingly at Taryn. "You don’t get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

Jane slapped her hand to her forehead. "I must be the only sane one around here. She’s in love with you! She has been for a long time. She’s confused, and doesn’t know what to do. She tried to follow the rules you set, and for Jace that’s damn hard. She’s usually the one to set and enforce them. Something’s going on inside her head, Taryn, and it scares me. She’s been going on these dates just to appease you…" She forced her mouth shut knowing she had said too much. The shocked stance of her niece immediately confirmed that.

Taryn’s mouth dropped open. "But…but she seemed to be enjoying the experience. She loves going to the club."

Unable to block the torrent of words, Jane gave up any resolve and let her anger spew forth. "Wake up, Ryn. She goes because you take her. She enjoys it because it’s the only chance she gets to hold you, and not have you question her motives. She picks safe dates because she’s scared out of her mind they’ll want to take the physical aspect further. She has no experience, and rather than think about her feelings, you forced the issue. She wanted you to be the one to lead her into new pastures. She wanted her new friend to love her for the woman she is." She saw a lonely tear etch its way down Taryn’s pale cheek. Compassionately, she pulled her young niece to her.

"I’m sorry. It sounds like I’m blaming you and I’m not, Ryn. I mean, I do understand the reasons you gave her. You acted maturely and with your brain, rather than your loins. I’m proud of you, I really am." She pushed her door shut, pleased that the Center was so quiet. Friday afternoon in the Center often resembled that of a morgue, and Jane knew she shouldn’t be having this conversation in such a public place. She continued to hold her niece, and felt the silent sobs wrack the young woman.

"I never meant for this to happen." Taryn sniveled. "I was just so scared myself. I gave her the excuses because I was frightened…I didn’t want to lose her. If I fall in love with her…she’ll leave me. They all do." Taryn broke down in Jane’s arms.

Jane rocked the frail girl in her arms. Taryn’s crumpled body brought them both to the floor. She held her niece like she had so many times in the past. When the wracking sobs had quieted down, Jane pulled her head away from the blonde ruffled head. "You can’t go on like this forever." She lifted Taryn’s chin so like eyes met each other. "Taryn, you’re a beautiful woman. You have never valued your own worth in this world. Do not let one man’s hate turn you against everyone. You deserve every chance to be happy…you just have to learn to trust people. I know we all let you down…and your mom was the only constant in your life. I can’t bring her back, Ryn. I wish I could. But, you have a family who loves you, and a woman who worships the ground you walk on. I know you care for her, Taryn and she knows that…but she’s holding out hope that you love her. I think you should, at least, set her straight."

Taryn nodded briefly. Her throat was hoarse and dry. She tried to lick her lips. The weeks of loneliness had built up the flood of emotions that had just cascaded onto her aunt’s shoulders. "I’ll go and talk to her."

Jane looked away, contemplating her next move. She’ll find out some time! No more secrets! Her internal psyche berated her for keeping quiet. She’s already upset. You may as well deliver the double whammy! "Before you go, I need to tell you something…about Patrick."

Taryn’s heart lurched. The bastard’s name always seemed to have that effect on her. "What’s he done now?"

"He crashed his car the other night on route 18."

"Pity he didn’t kill himself." Taryn spat out.

Jane controlled her temper. Taryn had every right to despise her brother. "I didn’t tell you, because I know your opinion of my brother. Anyway, he broke his arm. The police tested his alcohol level because his speech was slurred, and they were going to charge him with a DUI. Fortunately, he was under the drinking limit, and he was the only one involved. His car swerved off the road and hit a tree." She took a deep breath. No matter what Patrick had done in his fifty years, he was still her brother and she cared for him. "The doctors think the accident wasn’t solely careless driving. The doctors did some scans, and they think he had a mild stroke or blacked out. The results came in this morning. Bill called me earlier…I was on my way to tell Jace when she ran out." She waited to see what Taryn’s reaction was. When her niece made no move to leave, she delivered the rest of her news. "Patrick’s liver isn’t working properly. He has cirrhosis of the liver…they’ve given him a few months."

Taryn opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She had dreamed of this day many times in her life. The day when she heard that her tormentor wouldn’t be around. Now that it had happened, she felt numb. There were no words to describe what was running through her mind or body. "I…don’t know what to say. I can’t deal with this now. I need to leave…I’m sorry."

Jane watched her niece leave. She had hoped to some extent that Taryn would have shown some grief, or expressed anger at the information. The calm eeriness with which Taryn had taken the news was distressing. Jane packed up her own belongings. There was nothing that needed to be done, and if everyone else was going to take the day off, then she was going to do likewise. She needed the comfort of her husband’s arms.

Chapter 19

Taryn looked up from her thesis report. At least I got this finished. She had managed to direct her dark mood into her studies, but it was late and she still hadn’t heard from Jace. Taryn tried her telephone number one more time. She had left numerous messages on Jace’s answering machine. On leaving work, she had driven by Jace’s house but the familiar Jeep had not been in the driveway. She had tried to get through to Jace’s cell phone, but all calls went directly to the voicemail. Where are you, my friend? Unable to concentrate on anything else, Taryn grabbed her car keys and headed out of the door.

Jace pulled the Jeep onto her drive. She had seen Taryn’s Camry parked out front. She turned nervously to her date. "Vanessa, I have to apologize. It seems I have a guest. Let me open the door, and I’ll see what my graduate assistant wants. I asked her to drop by if she needed any help on her report. I didn’t realize she’d be so eager." Jace winced at the lame excuse. She hadn’t expected Taryn to be on her doorstep at such a late hour.

Vanessa stroked the side of Jace’s face, feeling the twitch of muscles under her fingertips. "Anything, sweetie. I’m just pleased you decided to call and take our relationship further."

Vanessa’s voice dripped honey, and turned Jace’s stomach to a mass of jelly. The panicky woman opened her door, and dutifully went around to let Vanessa out. She walked the psychologist to the front door and let her in. Breathing in deeply, Jace turned and walked toward Taryn’s car.

Taryn watched the bizarre scene in front of her. Jace had brought a woman back to her house. The blonde felt stupid. She had worried all evening about the tall woman, and here she was about to screw another woman. She was beginning to regret listening to her aunt’s words of warning. The blonde started the engine and was about to drive away when she saw Jace heading her way. "Shit! This is all I need." She lowered the driver’s window and waited for Jace to arrive.

Jace bent over and leaned on the car door. "What’s up?" Good start! Hey, Taryn. How are you? Would have been a better opening. Think with your brain, moron, not your nerves.

Taryn took in Jace’s tight top and cleavage. She had never seen the woman dressed so provocatively. "I was worried about you. In fact, you scared the shit out of Jane. I just came around to see how you were doing, but I see you’re doing fine!" Taryn spewed out, jealousy turning her rational thoughts to mush.

Jace looked toward the front door of the house. She could feel the tension rolling off the blonde. "I had things on my mind. This morning made me realize a few things, and I needed to clear my head."

Taryn had yet to look at Jace’s face. When she did, she saw a stranger. Gone was the woman she had opened her heart to. In her place was a cold, stone-faced outsider. She could see the narrowing of Jace’s pupils. The look aimed at her was one of loathing. Taryn bit her lip to prevent the tears from falling. She put her arm on Jace’s. "What happened?"

Jace shook her head. "I can’t do this now. Vanessa’s waiting."

"Vanessa? But…I mean…last night you weren’t interested in dating anymore."

Jace shrugged. "So, I changed my mind. I’m not getting any younger, and there are women out there that actually want me." She shot back at Taryn. "Anyway, I should go. Thanks for your concern. I’ll see you Monday. Can you let Jane know I’m okay?"

Taryn turned stormy eyes Jace’s way. "I have no idea what I’ve done to deserve this treatment." She tried to connect to the old Jace. When she got no response, she sucked in the cool night air. "But, I am not your lackey. When you can find some time to think about others before yourself, you might want to call your best friend yourself..." Jealousy and anger mixed inside her, and she decided to swing the lowest blow possible. "She found out her brother is dying, and could have done with her friend today." The shock of the statement made Jace stand up straight. Taryn took that opportunity to gun the engine and drive away.

Jace pulled her fingers through her hair. When was life going to return to normal. She headed back to the door. Her heart bleeding and her spirits deflated.

***

Jace knocked on the deck door and walked in on the family breakfast. "Good morning." She smiled sheepishly at Jane.

Jane turned tired eyes to her friend. "Hey yourself."

Jace took a seat at the table. "Hey, kids."

"Auntie Jace, here. I wuv you, Auntie Jace."

Blue eyes sparkled with delight when she heard the clear pronunciation. "Hey, handsome. I love you, too." She turned to Jane. "When did that happen?"

Jane smiled proudly at her youngest son. "Tuesday, I think." She looked at Bill to confirm her date.

"You’re right, love. Tuesday was the day I brought the Christmas photos home. Tom saw the one of you and him, and he said your name correctly." Bill commented.

Jace buttered some toast. Joining the Weston family for weekend breakfasts had been a common event over the years. Jane always made more than necessary, just in case her friend stopped by. She listened to the family list what they wanted to do that day. She waited patiently for the children to finish their breakfast and leave the table, before she asked the question that had kept her awake for most of the night. "I heard about Patrick."

Bill nodded sadly. "It was in the cards. He’s been drinking heavily for over thirty years."

"So, Taryn caught up with you?" Jane asked.

Jace nodded. "Briefly. She didn’t say much. What’s wrong with Patrick?"

Bill stood up and wiped his hands on a napkin. "Speaking of Patrick, I’ll go and visit him this morning. Then you can visit him this afternoon, and I’ll take the kids out. Good to see you, Jace." He bent down to kiss his wife on the lips. "Don’t fret too much, okay?"

"I’ll try not to." Jane stroked Bill’s cheek. "Thanks, sweetheart." She turned sad eyes Jace’s way. "It’s good to see you this morning. One less person to worry about."

Jace watched Jane’s eyes flit over her face. Jane looked worn out. The usually perky woman was washed out and the fire in her eyes had smoldered to nothing. She felt guilty for causing the woman extra stress. "I didn’t realize."

Jane shrugged. "You’re not a mind reader. I tried to tell you yesterday, but you had your own problems. How’s Taryn holding up? I think the news came as a shock." She watched Jace chew her bottom lip and recognized her friend’s nervous habit. "You did talk to Taryn, didn’t you? You must have, otherwise you wouldn’t have heard about Patrick."

Jace poured some coffee. She stretched her sore and tired legs out in front of her. "Kind of. But, you don’t need my problems. Tell me about Patrick."

Jane took a few minutes to tell Jace about the accident and the tests. "We went last night and he’s not in a good state of mind. The doctors say he’s going through some kind of withdrawal. He hasn’t had any alcohol since Tuesday, and that’s a long time for an alcoholic. The medications help, but they can’t give him too much until they work out how damaged his liver is. The accident may have accelerated his liver disease. Basically, he’s a mess, both physically and emotionally."

Jace took Jane’s hand. "I’m sorry. Talk about being self-centered, my troubles pale in comparison. There I was sulking because I was late, and you were coming to terms with your brother’s illness. How long will he be in the hospital?"

Jane shook her head. "I don’t know. He may be released this weekend, or in a week or two. He’s lucky in a way. Bill said that he was close to being fired, and if that had happened he’d be without insurance. Mom’s distraught. I think dad realized something was going to happen. Patrick’s been on a path of self-destruction all his life."

Jace got out of her chair and stood behind Jane. She massaged her friend’s shoulders. "Why don’t you go and have a hot bath? I’ll look after the kids. You deserve a few moments of indulgence, and you look exhausted."

Jane stood up and the two women hugged. "What would I do without you?" Jane asked as Jace released her. A bath sounded wonderful and might help her sort out how she was going to explain to Jace that she had spilled her guts to Taryn. Oh boy, the calm before the storm.

***

Jace watched as Taylor and Josie played on their PlayStation 2 console. She listened to the friendly sibling rivalry. Tom was content to play with his Thomas the Tank Engine set, and Jace occasionally helped him set up the track and trains. She looked up when she saw a revived Jane in the doorway. "Feeling better?"

"Much. Thanks for watching the kids."

Jace smiled softly, "No problem."

Taylor dropped his controller and sat closer to Jace on the floor. "Is Ryn coming today?"

Jace looked down, surprised by the question. "I don’t know, Tay." She saw the frown on his face, and tried to cheer him up by tickling him. He pushed her hand away every time.

"I’m going to play in my room, Mom."

Jane watched her son mope out of the room, and sent her daughter to cheer him up. "I swear the Walton hormones are rife in this household. Speaking of Taryn, did she say whether she was coming over? I tried to call her cell and home number last night, but she never picked up. I didn’t think to call yours. I should have known she’d be with you."

Jace didn’t want to upset Jane any more than she already was. "She didn’t say."

"How was she?"

Jace thought about the question. "She was a little out-of-sorts." Okay, now you’re bending the truth. She was a lot out-of-sorts. "How did she take the news when you told her?"

Jane swallowed the nervous lump. "Patrick’s news was a shock to her, especially after I’d blamed her for your mood swing. Speaking of which, what happened yesterday? Your office looked trashed."

Jace felt the tidal wave of red flush over her face. In her anger, she had kicked wildly at anything in her path. "Would you believe my own style of anger management?"

Jane nodded. "What happened?"

Jace stretched out on the floor. "Nothing. Hormone overload…who knows! I just couldn’t concentrate. Taryn kept creeping into my system, and I needed to vent my frustrations. I went home, changed into my own clothes, and then I went for a drive." It was the truth, except she left out her phone call to Vanessa, and the trip to pick up the psychologist for their date. A thought niggled in the back of her mind. She watched Tom cuddle up to his mom. She continued to observe the mother/son interaction until she realized what was on her mind. "Why did you blame Taryn?"

Jane kissed her son’s head and watched as he stuck his thumb in his mouth. "Hey little guy, no going to sleep, it’s way too early for your nap." She used her son’s presence as an excuse to avoid the question. When Jace’s questioning expression didn’t change, she knew she had to tell all. "I…I was quite upset yesterday, Jace. I’d just found out about Patrick when you pushed past me. I wasn’t thinking rationally when I saw Taryn, and my mouth wasn’t entirely engaged to my brain."

Jace stiffened. "And?"

"I may have told her more than she needed to know."

Jace tapped her knees nervously, "About what? Damn it! Tell me what happened! You’re making me nervous as hell."

The mother blew out a sigh and repositioned her son on the floor. "Jace, watch your language. You know he mimics you."

"Sorry. Come on, how bad can it be?"

Jane steadied her nerves. "I told her the truth. I told her you were in love with her, and just dating to make her happy." She waited for the eruption, but it never came. The silence made her uncomfortable, and she continued with the story. "It gets worse. I told her she had to put you out of your misery, and tell you how she felt. I didn’t mean to betray you. I was scared out of my mind. I’ve never seen you so disturbed."

Jace shook internally. She saw the remorse on Jane’s face, and decided to swallow her anger. Her friend had explained the circumstances, and she knew Jane wouldn’t have done it intentionally.

"Talk to me, Jace. Anything…but don’t give me the cold shoulder. Didn’t Taryn tell you about it? She promised to talk to you."

"No. She never mentioned it. She wanted to check on how I was, and then told me about Patrick." Jace thought back to the short, sharp conversation that she had had with Taryn. It wasn’t a lie, maybe just a small omission of the truth.

"So, she wasn’t mad at me?"

Jace had no idea how Taryn felt. She had treated Taryn like a stranger. She had been too wrapped up in her own world to think of others. "Why would she be mad at you?"

Jane fiddled with her damp hair. The bath had refreshed her soul, but now her spirits were heading south again. Why couldn’t life be merry? One day, that’s all she wanted. One day of peace, quiet and a little family harmony. "I always seem to jump to conclusions or blame her. I know she thinks I’ve never been on her side of the court. When she was young, I always sided with her mother. Then, when Bill came along I stayed with him, rather than go to Ireland. I live in the same house as the man she detests and look after his needs, and I chose to defend your needs over hers. I didn’t want to cause a problem between the two of you, and I wasn’t meddling, I swear."

Jace climbed on the sofa and took Jane in her arms. "Hey. We’re fine. Taryn and I are fine. Come here, you’re worn out." She kissed Jane’s head. "You didn’t do it maliciously. I know you love me, and I appreciate you fighting for me." She rocked her friend in her arms. When did life become so complicated? A smiling face came to her mind. Oh, yeah, since she came along! Jace thought sadly.

***

Taryn pulled into Jane’s street and swore aloud when she saw the navy Jeep parked in the driveway. "Fuck!" She drove past the house and turned back onto the main road. She had drunk herself to sleep the previous night. Demons floating through her mind had been suppressed by the numbing of the warm alcohol. The pounding hangover hadn’t helped quell her depression. She had finally managed to clear her mind and body of the alcohol enough to drive safely to Jane’s, only to find the enemy already camped out in the house. She drove around the neighborhood. For years, Patrick’s presence had banished her from her home, and with her new knowledge of his hospitalization, she had sought the comfort of her family. She pulled over and parked the car. Unsure what to do with her time; she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. Finally, when she couldn’t resist the temptation anymore, she flipped the glove compartment open and took out the opened pack of emergency cigarettes. Taryn flicked the old lighter, amazed that it lit on the first attempt. She put the butt of the cigarette to her lips and passed the other end across the flame. She sucked in her first lungful of smoke. Her body rebelled from the shock of a long gone habit. She spluttered lightly, but continued to drag from the Marlboro Light. Silent tears tracked down Taryn’s pale face. She leaned back against the headrest and closed her eyes. The nicotine in the smoke was beginning to affect her body. Her pulse rate increased, yet she felt strangely relaxed. The loneliness invaded the safety of the car, and Taryn couldn’t control her emotions. She flicked the butt out of the window and lit up another cigarette. Three cigarettes later, and with a very sick stomach, Taryn put the car into drive and headed back to her aunt’s. She had things on her mind that wouldn’t or couldn’t wait for Monday.

***

Jace heard the car pull onto the drive. She went to the window expecting to see Bill’s truck. Her gut twisted when she saw the gold Camry outside. She couldn’t hide. Taryn wouldn’t have missed seeing the Jeep; it was right in front of her. She looked at the bodies of her sleeping friend and tiny son. Sucking up all the strength she had, she opened the front door and put a finger to her lips.

Taryn was slightly thrown off by Jace’s actions. She felt the tall women lead her to the kitchen. She shrugged her arm from Jace’s grasp, but continued to follow the intimidating woman. She watched Jace close the kitchen door, and then erupted. "Who the hell do you think you are? I came here to visit my family, not to be ordered around, and shepherded into the kitchen."

Jace gritted her teeth. The woman was impossible. Taryn reeked of alcohol and cigarettes. "Jane’s sleeping. She’s on the edge, Taryn. Patrick’s illness is eating away at her and she feels bad about yesterday. She thinks she’s stirred trouble between us and upset you. So, I lied. I told her we were fine. And if you care about her, you will play along!"

Taryn walked over to the kitchen counter. She wanted to put some distance between her and the livid woman. She ground her teeth as she thought of a quick retort to Jace’s demands. "Fine. Where are the kids?"

Jace backed up to the door. She hated seeing the animosity in Taryn’s eyes. How can twenty-four hours be so different? "Josie and Taylor are upstairs. Tom is sleeping with Jane."

"Where’s Bill?" Taryn took some steadying breaths and glared at Jace. What went wrong between us?

Jace closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "He went to see your father." She unconsciously murmured. The slam of a hand on the countertop drew her attention to what she had said.

"Don’t you ever use those words around me!" Taryn seethed. "You pretend that you understand, but you know nothing." She rushed to the door, but a tall, menacing form blocked her escape. "Let me past!"

Jace continued to block the blonde’s getaway. "Where are you going?"

"I’m not staying here with you. I’ll come back later."

Jace gripped Taryn’s hand. "Stop being so childish. Your aunt needs you, and you will be here when she wakes up. She needs you. Grow up, Taryn! Stop running, and start thinking of others before yourself."

Taryn’s eyes darted to Jace. "Like you did yesterday, you mean. Don’t talk to me about being fucking childish. You’re the one who ran! I didn’t do anything wrong, and suddenly I’m dropped…all because you were late for work. Give me a break. I’m not the one who’s running! Let me go!"

Jace contained her fury. She turned steel eyes on Taryn. "Where are you going?"

"I’ll be upstairs with the kids." Taryn grabbed hold of the door handle.

Jace turned her eyes away. "Well, I suggest you stop off at your bedroom first. You reek of smoke, and I can smell alcohol on you. The kids don’t need to see you turning into Patrick!" She dropped her hold on Taryn and moved away from the door. She didn’t need to look at Taryn to feel the glare piercing her chest. Her heart crumbled into a million pieces.

***

Jace didn’t know how long she sat at the kitchen table. The rumbling of her stomach brought her to the here and now. She decided to rustle up a midday snack for the Weston family. She took her time preparing the meal. She tore the iceberg lettuce into strips. Each tug resembled a tear at her heart. She sprinkled croutons over the lettuce, and then went in search of the Caesar dressing and Parmesan cheese. She liberally poured the dressing over the salad and then tossed the contents of the bowl. Finally, she grated the cheese and set the bowl on the kitchen table. Jace looked up as Bill walked into the kitchen, "Hey. How is he?"

Bill grabbed a piece of lettuce out of the bowl. "Much better. They’re thinking of releasing him tomorrow. I need to take Jane down there with me later to persuade them otherwise. We can’t manage Patrick and the three children. Where’s Jane?"

"I left her sleeping in the living room, Tom’s with her."

"And the others?"

"They’re upstairs with Taryn. I’m going to fry up some chicken and put it on the salad. Do you want to spend a little time with Jane? I’ll call you when it’s ready." She patted Bill on the back as he passed her by.

***

Taryn sprawled across Josie’s bed. Begrudgingly, she had taken Jace’s bitter advice and changed into an old sweatshirt and cleaned her teeth. Luckily, her hair was so short that the aroma hadn’t clung as much as it could have. The kids had put the Cartoon Network on, and Taryn was somberly watching the mindless trash that passed as children’s entertainment. Her spirits had lifted slightly when Taylor had hugged her fiercely to him, and said how great it was to have her there on a Saturday. She cuddled closer to Taylor, needing to feel the comfort of another human being. Jace’s behavior over the last twenty-four hours had turned Taryn’s life upside down. She had been prepared to open her heart to Jace, and let her know how deep her feelings were. Now she could barely tolerate being in the same room as her.

"I’m hungry, Ryn. Do you think mommy’s awake?"

Taryn checked her watch. "She might be, buddy. Let’s go down and check. If she’s not, I’ll make you some macaroni and cheese."

"Mac and cheese! You’re the best cousin ever."

"Taryn, will you help me braid my hair later?" Josie piped up. Taryn looked at her cousin, surprised at the question.

"I’ll try." She answered, not sure exactly how to braid hair. When her female friends had participated in girl bonding sessions and sleepovers, Taryn had always been too busy, or preferred playing cards and hanging out with the boys from school.

Josie stood in front of her bunk bed looking up at her big cousin. "Why are you not with Marti anymore?"

Taryn sat up on the bed. Josie’s questions were definitely challenging her. "We fell out of love."

Josie nodded. "My friend Sonya did the same to Jon. She said she didn’t love him anymore, and she likes Ricky."

Taryn listened in amazement as Josie filled her in on the trials and tribulations of nine year old dating. When she could get a word in edgewise, she directed her next question to Taylor. "Who are you sending Valentine’s cards to?"

The young boy blushed. "Ugh! No way. I’m not sending any mushy cards to girls!" Involuntarily, he fluttered his eyelashes Taryn’s way. "But you’re getting one…and so is Auntie Jace. Are you going to send a card to Auntie Jace? Mommy says you send them to people you love. I love you, I love Mommy and Daddy, too, and Tom and Jace." Taylor counted five fingers as he said the names.

"What about Josie?" Taryn asked.

Taylor poked his tongue out at his big sister. "She’s mean to me…but mommy says I have to. Are we going to get some food now? I smell food. Can you?"

Taryn breathed in deeply. She smelled chicken and bread. She clambered down off the bunk, and reached over to help Taylor. Together, the three of them ran down the stairs. Taryn released Taylor’s hand when she reached the bottom step. The thought of eating a happy family meal with Jace made her stomach twitch. Suddenly, her appetite disappeared. She poked her head into the living room, hoping to find her aunt in there. When she saw the discarded blanket and empty sofa, she sullenly went toward the delicious smells.

"Taryn, Bill said you were here. Thanks for watching the kids for me."

"Oh mom, she didn’t watch us. We’re big kids now. She was hanging out with us." Josie retorted. "I’m going to be ten soon. I’m practically a grown up."

Jace couldn’t hide the smile when she heard the precocious comments. She reached over for some bread rolls, and accidentally brushed fingers with Taryn. The blonde instantly recoiled her hand, and refused to make any sort of eye contact with her. What did you expect? You insulted her, dropped her like a hot potato, and flaunted another woman in front of her eyes! You practically yanked her heart out and stomped all over it. You’ve lost her forever. Jace had taken some of Taryn’s words to heart. She had run. Taryn was all she could think about day and night. Her lateness to work wasn’t the issue. It was the fact that Taryn was a subordinate, and she had been willing to break every rule to be with her. Her work had once been her only passion, and she had been willing to let it all go for a woman. She had honor, and being with Taryn would break that code of honor. Her work was suffering, and she had needed to make the break from the blonde. And, on Friday things had been going well until Taryn had shown up at her place. At that moment, any progression towards a physical relationship with Vanessa had been washed away by Taryn’s presence, and now her biting words.

"The food’s excellent, Jace." Jane commented.

"Thanks."

Jane looked from Taryn to Jace. She had noticed the stiffness in both women, and their lack of interaction wasn’t right. She caught Jace’s eye and lifted an eyebrow in question. Her response was a quick smile, and then Jace returned her attention to her food.

Jace waited until Jane’s attention was on Tom, before she kicked Taryn under the table.

The blonde stifled a cry of pain. She instinctively looked up at Jace. "What?" She mouthed.

"Pretend!" Jace mouthed back fiercely.

Taryn glanced surreptitiously at her aunt. Great, what the fuck are we supposed to talk about? "How are your fish doing, Jace?" She shrugged slightly when she caught exasperated blue laser beams fire her way.

"Doing good. They miss you, Taryn." She answered with a hint of sarcasm.

Jane relaxed a little when she heard the comment, and saw Taryn’s wide smile in response.

Taryn’s jaw ached. She had been smiling at Jace for the last five minutes. She was very aware that her curious aunt was watching her movements. She had been trying to think of some conversation that would deflect the attention off her and Jace, and more onto a collective conversation. "Is the Center open over spring break?"

Jace looked at Jane and shrugged. "Your call."

Jane held her hands together. "We haven’t decided yet. Last year we were open the whole time, and the grad assistants came to some compromises about their work schedule. Jace and I have been discussing whether to do the same this year. Jace has nothing pressing for you all to work on, and we may need you to bank hours for June. The deal would be that everyone gets the two weeks of spring break off, but when June arrives everyone would owe us extra hours. What do you think?"

"Sounds like a fair deal. We still end up having more time off, and we all stayed extra hours last June anyway. Two weeks off would give me a great opportunity to job hunt."

Jace was caught off balance. She hadn’t considered Taryn’s future. "Where are you thinking of going?" The question came out without her thinking.

Taryn shrugged. Not because Jace had asked the question, but more because she had no idea and was putting off thinking about all the application forms. "I was going to look into vice-principal positions, or maybe positions similar to Jane’s." She saw Jane’s surprised look. "I know I haven’t got the counseling degree, but most of your job requires you to supervise or delegate jobs. I’ve had experience with support programs, and I think my thesis would provide me with a great opportunity to get a foot in the door. I was toying with the idea of doing my doctoral degree, but it depends on my living expenses."

"You seem to have plenty of options. I’m sure Jace and I can look around the colleges we have regular contact with." She saw the tall Director nod in agreement.

"Mom, can I leave the table now?" Taylor whined. "I ate all my lunch!" The seven year old held up his plate as if to prove his point.

"Sure. Taylor, can you do mommy and daddy a favor?" Jane asked as the young boy pushed his chair under the table.

"Yes."

"Daddy and I have to talk to Auntie Jace and Taryn. Could you be a big boy and look after your little brother?" Taylor nodded his response and held his hand out to Thomas.

Josie watched the boys leave the room. "I’m going to help him. I am the oldest, and the most sensible." She skipped out of the kitchen, whistling as she went.

Jane looked over at Bill and took his hand. She needed his strong support. She had been very unsure about proposing her plan, but after watching Jace and Taryn interact over lunch, she felt certain they would agree. "Bill tells me that the hospital may be releasing Patrick very soon. The problem is, we don’t have the resources to care for him here. I called my mother, and understandably she wants her son near her. Bill and I are going to go to the hospital later and talk to the doctors. If they agree that Patrick is strong enough to fly, then we’ll go from there."

Jace chewed slowly on her bread. She hadn’t given much thought about what was going to happen to Patrick after leaving the hospital. "How are your parents going to cope with Patrick’s illness? No offense meant, but they’re hardly spring chickens."

Bill nodded. "We talked with mom a little last night, and there’s a residential nursing home near their condo. It has fulltime nurses and specializes in patients with liver disease. They originally planned to fly out here, but dad feels the trip would be more debilitating than good for mom."

"How’s gram doing?" Taryn asked concerned for her grandmother’s health.

"Not too good, Taryn. I think she wants Patrick near her, so she can make her peace with him. She wants to be near her son when he dies." Tears made their way down Jane’s face. She wiped at them and squeezed Bill’s hand, trying to transfer some of his strength to her own frail emotions. "Our problem is getting Patrick to Florida. We can’t send him on his own, so if it happens I want to be the one to go out with him." She turned to Jace. "It will mean me taking next week off either way. Will that be okay?"

Jace nodded her head firmly. "Jane, take what you need. I can cover for you. We don’t get busy until after spring break. Just leave me a list of things you need covering, and I’ll make sure it’s done. I can spread out the probation students’ weekly advising to the grad assistants trained in advising."

"Thank you."

Bill cleared his throat. "We actually have a bigger problem if Jane does go to Florida. At the moment, it’s just a hypothetical situation. But if we assume she’s going, then we have to consider the kids. Unfortunately, with the mild winter, my manager has brought forward our latest building plans. We start a new project next week. The big problem is it’s in New Jersey. We fought long and hard to get the bid on this project, and it will generate a good profit if we hit our targets on time. We’re already a man down with Patrick’s absence. My manager won’t let his lead foreman take any time off, which means I can’t be here for the children. Any other two weeks would be fine as my parents could take them, but my mother and father leave for a cruise on Monday."

Jane took the rest of the conversation out of Bill’s hands. "Taylor and Josie can’t afford to miss any school, and I don’t plan to be away for more than a week, maybe two. School break is coming up after President’s weekend, and then there’s Tom. I would take him with me, but he’s at that energetic age, and he would be too much for my parents to handle. It wouldn’t be fair to make him sit in a hospital room all day." She turned to Taryn and then to Jace. "We were hoping that we could look to you guys for support. Taryn, we wanted to ask if you’d move back in for a while and look after the children when Bill’s not around." She saw Taryn’s jaw drop, and the brown eyes widen with surprise.

"I…sure…of course. But, I have work and school to consider. I wouldn’t be here all the time."

Jane nodded in understanding. "I know you have commitments, and that this would be a huge sacrifice on your part. Three children are a lot to handle. Taryn, what I’m about to say is not meant to hurt you." She saw distrust in Taryn’s eyes and took her niece’s hand in hers. "Tom is really getting used to you being around, but he can be temperamental when his schedule is off. I think it would make sense if Jace were around, as he has a bond with her."

Taryn nodded. "I understand." She looked across at the brooding woman opposite her. Great, I’m going to be living with the enemy!

"This is where you come in, Jace. I wanted to know if you’d help out, too."

Jace met Taryn’s stare. Shit! The one time I want and need my space, and we’re going to be stuck playing happy families together. She nodded her agreement to Jane, pasting a huge smile to her face.

Taryn watched Jace accept Jane’s offer. The smile on Jace’s face never reached her eyes, and Taryn could tell the Director was just as pleased with the solution as she was. She turned to her aunt. "You, Bill and the kids are my family, Jane. My only family." She glanced over at Jace as she said the words. "It’s my place to be with them. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they’re well taken care of."

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