# Chapter 27

The room was cast with an early morning gloom. The huge bed contained two sleeping bodies and one extremely alert dog. Holly’s ears twitched backwards and forwards. The various morning noises of the hotel were confusing her senses. As someone past by the door, she let out a low growl, jumped off the bed, and prowled towards the bedroom door. Her swift exit from the bed disturbing it’s two occupants. A muffled, grumpy voice echoed through the stillness. “Holly, cut that out! Come here.” Sam clicked his fingers and the obedient hound was at his side. He lifted his arm out of the bed and stroked her fur. He was rewarded by a sloppy lick on the face and two wide brown eyes staring at him.

The growling and movement had awakened Cory too. She stretched out her body, and then curled up tightly trying to remove the kinks in her back. It ached, she felt like she’d slept in the same position all night. Her hand touched the edge of the bed. She couldn’t get any further away from Sam if she’d tried. There seemed to be a huge gap between them. Even in her sleep her body remembered how she felt. As if reading her mind, she could feel Sam rolling towards her. Before she had chance to move, she felt his arm snake around her body. Forcefully he pulled her towards him. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want his advances. No more excuses this was the time to talk.

“Sam this isn’t working.” Cory had never been one to beat around the bush. It had felt good to say those words at last.

“She’s just unsettled, Cor. She’ll be better tomorrow morning when she’s used to the surroundings.” He tried to pull Cory closer to him but he felt her resistance.

It took Cory a few seconds to register what he’d said and to resist his hug. “I’m not talking about the bloody dog. I’m talking about us. It’s not working.”

She felt his arms lose all rigidity and she took her opportunity to move away. She turned and looked at him. He’d rolled onto his back and was staring up at the ceiling. Even in the faint light, she could see the muscles twitching as he gritted his teeth. He just lay there. She moved to switch the bedside lamp on and glanced at the clock. The light in the room was misleading. It had just turned 7.30. The curtains were made of thick, red velvet and had done a good job of keeping the bright spring light out of the room. She pulled her knees up to her chest and waited for Sam to respond.

“What do you mean it’s not working? I thought this weekend was what you wanted; a chance for us to be together. You’ve been nagging me for weeks to be more romantic.” He rolled over and grabbed his sweatshirt off the floor. After pulling it over his head he turned towards his wife. He could see the tears glistening on the edge of her eyes.

Cory was shaking. Her heart was pounding. She was scared. The conversation she’d been dreading was finally here and her nerve had disappeared on her. Fear, anxiety and hurt rose inside he. She could feel the tears coming. Finally she found her voice. “That’s just it Sam. It’s too little, too late. I’m not in love with you anymore.”

It was as if she’d slapped him across the face. Sam recoiled as he heard the words. His own eyes filled with tears. “You don’t love me?”

Cory looked at Sam. She’d hurt him. This had been the last thing she’d wanted to do. She wasn’t any good at this. She was way too abrupt at times. She just said it like she saw it. Sometimes her mouth moved before her brain. “I didn’t mean it like that. I do love you.”

Sam was confused. “But you just said you didn’t.”

“I said I wasn’t in love with you. I do love you but it’s not the same anymore. It’s just not working. It’s not what I want anymore.” Cory was struggling to find the words to express herself. She’d thought of many ways to say how she felt but now the moment was here she couldn’t remember any of them.

“I knew you weren’t happy. I just thought it was because of your grandfather and the pressure of work. I thought this weekend could have been like a mini honeymoon. I was planning on us taking a bigger one at Easter.” Sam didn’t know what to do. This was not going as he’d planned. He looked at Cory. There in front of him was a stranger. A woman he didn’t know. “So what do you want?”

His answer was responded by a shrug. “You’ve just said this isn’t what you want. Well if I’m not what you want then you must have some idea of what you want. How you’re going to spend the rest of your life.”

The blond dropped her head. She ran her fingers through her hair. What was she going to do with the rest of her life? She had no idea. But she did know it wasn’t going to be spent miserable. “I’m not happy Sam. I haven’t been for a while.”

“Well let’s talk about it. Sort it out and work through the problems.” Sam was desperate. He couldn’t lose his wife like his father lost his mother. He wouldn’t let Cory leave him. But as he caught Cory’s eyes he realised in a heartbeat that he’d already lost her.

“It’s no use.”

“So you’re just giving up? You’re not even going to try and save the marriage?”

Cory glared at him. “Don’t turn this round and make it all my fault. I’ve tried talking to you. We go through the same conversations. I talk. I lose my temper. I tell you how I feel. You listen. You ignore what’s said and we return to normal. It’s like a vicious circle and it’s killing me. You don’t know how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep or cried on someone else’s shoulder because I feel unloved.”

Sam could hear the hurt in Cory’s voice. Things hadn’t really been that bad. Granted they’d had their low points but didn’t every couple? Wasn’t the woman supposed to whinge and moan? Wasn’t the bloke supposed to agree and then forget? “So our problems are common knowledge amongst your friends?”

“No. It’s not common knowledge but I had to talk to someone. You didn’t want to listen and it was driving me crazy. You just didn’t want me.”

Sam let out a frustrated breath. “So this is all about sex? I’ve told you Cory it’s not you, it’s me. It doesn’t mean I love you less. Plus I’ve tried lately to get you interested and you just pull away. If you’re not playing on that damn computer, you’re working. You are the one who’s been distant lately. You’ve been pulling away.”

“I haven’t been pulling away. I’d given up. There didn’t seem any point in trying anymore. There are only so many times even I can take rejection. A woman’s conditioned from an early age that men want sex. In all the media men are portrayed as being able to screw anything. So imagine how I’ve felt knowing that I must be so ugly and awful in bed that I couldn’t even attract my own husband. It hurt. I hurt. So I pulled away. And to quote your own words ‘I’d been nagging you’. I shouldn’t have to nag you to show me how you feel. It made me feel like you only did it because I’d moaned, and then it lost the passion.” Cory paused. She needed to calm down. She needed to collect her thoughts.

After a few moments of silence, Cory continued. “I understand your family aren’t very affectionate but I am. I need to know I’m cared for. I need to know I’m wanted. And god damn it Sam I need to know I’m loved.” The tears were streaming down Cory’s face, more out of anger than sorrow. She couldn’t believe Sam had noticed the distance between them and hadn’t said anything.

“You’re serious about this aren’t you?” He knew he’d lost her. He could see it in her eyes. Feel it through her voice. She had a strength he’d never seen before. Her body was rigid and even though she was crying he knew they were more for anger. He’d been a fool. He saw her nod in reply to his question. “So what are you going to do?”

She shrugged again. “I don’t know. I’m just so confused at the moment. I’m disheartened with my life. I have no idea what’s going on. My work no longer brings me the fulfilment it used to. Granddad dying has hurt me more than I thought. My marriage has fallen apart. I just wish I could take six months off from my life and escape. Clear my head and try and find some direction.”

“So when did all this start getting too much for you? How long has this been going through your head? Cory you should have talked to me.”

“Like I said Sam, I have talked to you. You say you listened but you never acted on what I said. Sometimes I felt like you were just doing things because I ‘nagged’ you. I felt cheap. Granddad was my guiding light. I feel like everything I ever wanted in life has changed.” She knew it had. She’d known it as soon as she’d admitted to herself that she was attracted to JJ. Attracted to women. She should never have tried to please everyone except herself. In reality she knew what she wanted. She wanted JJ. But now wasn’t the time and place to say that. Sam needed to accept equal blame. They were both responsible for the break up of the marriage. She knew she could have been happy with Sam. But she’d needed hundred percent of the puzzle and the bits he couldn’t give her were the largest sections. She knew he loved her but she needed the security of seeing it.

“But I love you Cory. I do. I know you think I don’t but I do.”

“I know you do. But I need it all Sam. I need romance. I need passion. I want desire. I don’t care if you think it’s just made up in films. It’s not! I know I can have that. It’s not just sex. It’s pure emotion. I want the mush. I want to do crazy things just because I can. I want some independence. I want to be me.”

Sam listened. Her eyes had become alive when she’d begun to talk about what she wanted. “You seem to want an awful lot. What about me? What about what I want?”

“It’s not about you anymore Sam. The past six years have been about you. We’ve done things on your schedule because you’ve wanted to do them.”

Sam was angry now. None of it was true. “Bollocks! I’ve given you everything you’ve ever wanted. I bought the bigger house because you wanted it. I took you on holiday to places you wanted to go. I buy you anything you want because I know it makes you happy. Don’t you dare tell me it’s all about what I want!”

“That’s just it Sam. Those things are materialistic things. I don’t need them. Yes they’re nice but money doesn’t buy happiness. You know I’ve realised that saying is true. I’ve been more alone these past few months than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I would have been happy with a slow dance in the lounge or a spontaneous drive up the hills to watch the sunrise. And I was thinking about what you want. You want a wife who’ll be by your side. Someone who will be quiet and agree with you. You need to be in control and so do i. You want a family Sam. A family I can’t give you. I made a promise to myself that I’d never bring a child into this world if I couldn’t guarantee it would have both parents together to love it. We’re both from divorced families. I didn’t want that for our children. I was so ready to settle and start a family but I gave you the time you needed. You never wanted children you always said that. Then you changed your mind and by that time so had I.” She took a deep breath. As usual it was her doing all the talking. She had so many things she wanted to say. But maybe some things were best left unsaid. “So I just want a break. Time to get my head together.”

Sam had listened. He hadn’t liked what he’d heard but he’d listened. Something was beginning to nag at the back of his head. Something didn’t feel right. This was all too sudden. He was trying to work out when everything had changed. “When did you decide all this?”

Cory thought about the question. How did she answer that? “I don’t know it gradually happened. Christmas I was miserable. New Year was awful. It was supposed to be our sixth year anniversary of meeting. A time to make new promises and dreams and we just seemed to be drifting. We used to make such a big deal about it. This time, the first person I hugged and kissed on New Year’s Eve was Marj. That to me was a wake up call.”

Sam did some calculations in his head. “So about the same time you started playing on those damn Internet lists. Meeting those new people.”

“Those new people as you call them are my friends and they have nothing to do with how I feel.” Was she lying? She’d been feeling trapped and alone before she’d met members of the group. Before she’d met JJ. The openness of the group had helped her accept herself. Accept who she was.

“So does this taking time out of your life include spending any time in Boston?” The question had caught Cory off guard. She should have known Sam would look anywhere for excuses except at his own front door. She didn’t respond to that specific question. “ I’m just trying to work out why suddenly our lives are being thrown into the air. Why you feel you need a break.”

Cory knew what Sam was up to. He was looking for someone to blame. She did the only thing she could. She shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her hands. She didn’t know how to answer the question and she couldn’t think of a way to change the subject. She was saved from answering by a knock at their door. They looked at each other.

Sam responded first, “I’ll go. You’re in no state to answer the door.” Sam got out of bed. He ran his fingers through his short hair. It didn’t help his dishevelled morning look. Cory took the opportunity to go to the bathroom. She had felt her bladder pressing into her stomach as they’d been talking but hadn’t wanted to interrupt the discussions. Hadn’t wanted to break it off before she’d had her say. She washed her face while she was in there and came back to find Sam half dressed.

“It was Mike. He’s taking Toby for a walk along the trail. He wanted to know if I’d walked Holly yet. I should really take her.” He continued to pull his socks on.

Cory looked at Holly. She was waiting impatiently by the door. Her tail wagging furiously. Cory could only imagine how desperate she was. She’d been forgotten whilst they’d argued. Or was it talked. “I understand Sam. She needs to go. Do you want me to come?”

Sam looked at her. “No I need some time alone. I mean I need some time to think. Does Mike know anything?”

Cory shook her head. “I know you think I’ve told the world and his dog about us. But I haven’t. The only person I’ve talked to really is Ange. And JJ.”

At the mention of JJ’s name she saw his face flinch. Cory knew she shouldn’t have said her name. “Go before Holly leaves a puddle. We’ll talk later okay?”

Sam didn’t respond. He just picked up his coat, Holly’s lead and was gone before Cory could say anything else to him.

Sam met Mike in the car park. “I didn’t interrupt anything this morning, did I?” Mike pointed in the direction of the woods as he spoke.

They began to walk, the dogs running ahead of them. “No. We’d just woken up. I guess I was a bit disorientated. Waking up in a strange place. Did you sleep well?”

“Like a rock.” Mike replied.

Neither man said much as they walked. Both were just content with the company of the other. Sam was grateful for this. He wasn’t really in the mood to communicate and took the time to digest what had just happened. The pathway took them through a small wooded area. The crisp morning air felt good. As they headed back towards the hotel, Mike estimated that they’d covered two miles. When they reached the car park Sam headed towards his car. He grabbed an old towel from the boot and began to towel the moisture off Holly’s hindquarters and paws. He didn’t want Holly to make a mess. Mike picked Toby up and held him while waiting for Sam to finish.

“Do you mind if I use the towel on him too? He’s covered in muck. He must have gone down a badger set or rabbit warren.”

“Yep. You hold him and I’ll towel him. He’s a wriggler.” Sam cleaned the mud off the yapping dog as quickly as he could.

Mike held the dog as still as possible but Toby squirmed around in his arms. “So did you and my sister make up after yesterday?”

“Yes.” Sam stopped towelling the dog and put the cloth back in the car.

Mike had expected a little more information but didn‘t push the subject. “So what are the plans for today? Besides a good breakfast!”

Sam laughed. “Yeah, I’m a little hungry myself. I fancy trying another climb but I’m not sure whether Cory’s feeling well. It’s that time of the month if you know what I mean so she may want to go home.” He didn’t want any of the family to know about the split. He was sure he could convince Cory otherwise. Turn on the charm. It had worked for him once.

“Oh that explains the mood swing yesterday. I was a little worried about her. She’s not usually that snappy. I couldn’t get much information out of Clare last night. You know women and their secrets.”

The shorter man flashed a false smile at his brother in law. At least if Cory had told Clare, his sister in law obviously knew how to keep a secret. “Well let’s go and shower. We’ll meet you in the breakfast room about nine. We can decide then.” Sam whistled to Holly and walked towards the building.

Cory had just stared at the door for a long time. A mixture of relief and uncertainty flowing through her. Mike’s interruption had been a godsend. She hadn’t thought beyond telling Sam. Hadn’t considered some of the questions he was going to ask. The big question now was what did she do with her life? She knew it would focus on getting together with JJ, but things weren’t as simple as that. She needed to let off steam. She peeled off her boxer shorts and shirt, and went in search of her gym kit. She’d noticed when Sam had shown the website that the hotel offered a modest gym. She just hoped it had a running machine.

With a towel and her CD player she made her way through the one main corridor of the small hotel towards the reception area. As she rounded the corner she saw the sign that pointed her in the direction of the gym. She opened the door and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the lifestyle running machine in front of her. There was also one bike and a few free weights. Nothing in comparison to her own gym but she needed to just run. Running helped her think.

She programmed the machine for 3.5 miles. Placing her headphones over her ears she began a slow walk, stretching her arms as she warmed up. After a minute she programmed the speed to 7.0. The pace was fast but Cory kept up. As her breathing levelled out and her feet beat a pattern in time to the music she thought over some questions. She had no doubt that Sam would ask them later. She had no idea what she was going to say. Would they stay in the house? What would happen to the animals? Where would JJ and her live if she came to England? How was she going to break the news of the split to her parents? Moreover how was she going to tell her family about JJ? Her mum had appeared to like JJ but would that change if she knew the truth. Cory didn’t have to think about that question for long. She knew her mother would disapprove. She wasn’t sure her family would ever agree to her lifestyle. If she’d been sure of that before she would have told them about Deb.

The more questions that Cory came up with the faster she ran. The sweat was pouring down her forehead. She wiped it away and took a sip from her water bottle. She didn’t have answers to many of the questions. She had ideas but she needed to talk to JJ and Sam. When she was down to half a mile Cory set the speed to 8.0 and sprinted the remainder of the run. As the machine slowed, Cory took sips of water and wiped the sweat away from her eyes. She felt better. She felt free.

When the cool down had stopped, she wiped the machine and settled on the floor stretching her legs. She lay on the floor; knees bent and began a gruelling sit up program. A combination of crunches and slow sit-ups. After a hundred, she flipped onto her front and began doing push ups. She repeated the exercises for three repetitions. She didn’t bother doing weights. She wanted to catch the Sunday evening body pump session and maybe talk Rachel into going. She looked at her watch and decided it was time to go back and face the music.

Sam returned to a quiet room. There was no sign of Cory but her bag was still on the floor so he knew she hadn’t left. That had never really crossed his mind. His wife was anything but foolish. He put a bowl of food down for Holly and stripped for a shower. As he turned the shower on he thought he heard the bang of a door.

Holly didn’t even glance up when the door opened. Cory wondered whether she could smell the sweat or whether she just knew Cory’s footsteps. She heard the shower going. She spent the time getting her clothes ready for whatever was in store for them. She had no idea if Sam would want to stay. She decided to gather comfortable clothes she could both walk, and also sit in should he decide to go home.

They met Clare and Mike in the dining room. Neither had said much to the other. Cory had showered and dressed in the bathroom. When she’d finished Sam had been sitting on the wall outside the hotel playing with Holly. He’d walked the dog back up to the room and asked Cory is she was going to breakfast.

“So what are the plans for today?” Mike asked as he buttered his toast. Cory shrugged and looked at Sam. She had no idea what he wanted to do. She didn’t even know what she wanted to do.

“How about another climb. We could try one of the harder climbs if the girls don’t mind watching.” Sam looked at each woman. He’d thought about going home but as the hotel was paid for he figured they might as well use it.

Cory nodded. She was actually pleased Sam had decided to stay. It would give her time to think and having her brother around would curb the amount of time she and Sam would be together.

“Sure, sounds good. Cory and I can even look at the village or maybe one of the lakes. That’s if you want to?” Clare directed her question at Cory.

The blonde cut up her bacon and sausage and smiled at her sister in law. “Seems like a good plan. I wouldn’t mind looking at some of the shops in Windermere. Are there any good climbs near the lake? Clare and I could catch a trip on one of the boats.” She dipped her meat in the tomato sauce and watched Mike as he opened his small Lake District companion guide.

The rest of the meal had gone smoothly. They’d decided on a compromise that suited both parties. Sam and Mike were to climb a crag on the mountain The Old Man of Coniston. Cory had agreed with Clare that they’d walk, and then wander round the village. It also looked out over a lake, which Cory hoped had tours. As most of the equipment was in the car it hadn’t taken them long to get ready. Cory and Sam had been very civil with each other but nothing more had been said.

The weather had brightened considerably. The mountain seemed very welcoming and the climbers were out in full force. Sam and Mike had struggled to find a clear climb. In the end, they’d settled on joining some others in a joint venture. Clare and Cory had hung out for a bit. Watching several of the men battle each other in a competition to see who could free climb the highest. Both women had been grateful that their partners had more sense and had been happy to just watch. The testosterone levels had risen considerably and there had been moments when Cory had worried about the safety and sanity of some of the climbers. Eventually, Sam, Mike and two other men had broken off from the rest and set out their own climbing area.

Cory had begun to feel restless and the mountain looming before her seemed a challenge. She had walked the mountain several times in college. It had some easy walks that were more like ambles than serious hiking. She really wanted some time on her own, time to reflect on the morning’s events. She glanced at Clare. The younger woman looked half asleep, the few rays of bright sunshine beating down on her face.

“The weather’s turned out nice.”

Clare opened one of her eyes. “Hmm it makes a nice change. I hope this is the sign of things to come. It feels nice to finally get some sun.”

“I’m feeling a little ansty. Do you fancy a walk?” Cory crossed her fingers as she asked the question. She was hoping Clare would turn her offer down.

“Uhh honestly Cory I am way too tired. I felt a bit sick this morning. I put it down to the food we had last night but now I’m not sure. I still feel a bit nauseous. Do you mind if I just stay here?” Clare closed her eyes. She had a small inkling as to why she felt so rough but it was too soon to tell anyone in the family.

Cory smiled. Her wish had been granted. “No. You rest you do look a little peaky. I’m going for a walk. I promise to stay on the main track. I’ll take Holly with me. I’m only going to follow the trail to the top and then come down.” She knew enough about walking to know that walking alone was not recommended but the weather looked good and the trail was simple. Nevertheless, she packed her small backpack with some snacks and water. She made sure a whistle was attached to the pack and her waterproof. Just in case.

Clare repositioned herself. She felt bad for letting Cory go on her own. She was sure Mike would lecture her if he knew what his sister had planned. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” At least she could try and talk Cory out of it.

“I promise. I just want to stretch my legs and then maybe we can go and check out the village.” Cory set off before Mike and Sam knew what she’d planned.

The fresh air and freedom felt good. Holly seemed grateful for the walk and they’d pleasantly strolled along the main trail. Cory had nodded to fellow walkers and exchanged pleasantries with a few. It hadn’t taken her long to reach the top. It was a little windier but the view was spectacular. She’d taken a few shots of the lake and the other mountains looming before her. She found it difficult to call these particular mounds mountains. They seemed like hills in comparison to some of the mountains in other countries. But the landscape was beautiful.

She rested on a little outcrop of rocks and took a snack out of her backpack. As she fumbled around inside her hand fell on her mobile phone. She took it out. What surprised her was the signal was good. She’d expected to get no signal at all. A thought crossed her mind. She shook her head. It was stupid. She glanced at her watch. 12pm. She’d never tried calling JJ on her mobile. For one it would cost a small fortune. For another she wasn’t at all sure she could. She flicked through the memory and found the number JJ had used to call her. Taking a pencil out she copied the code and main number. Calculating the time on her fingers she made it to be 7am. Would JJ appreciate a Saturday morning call so early? She was sure she knew the answer. Looking back at the phone she was positive it was worth a try. Tentatively she punched in the number. Holding her breath that it would ring.

She let out the breath as she heard the ring tone. Once, twice… on the third ring she heard the husky voice of her partner.

“Hello?” JJ had been startled out of her dream by the sound of the phone.

“Hey baby.”

“Cory? Is this you?” JJ was wide-awake now. The sound of Cory’s soft lilt making her smile.

“I hope so otherwise I want to know how many other women call you so early and call you baby!” She laughed. It was good to connect with her girl.

JJ giggled. “I’m sorry. You caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you. It’s a nice surprise. Where are you?”

“Would you believe on top of a mountain!”

“Seriously? On your own?” JJ was concerned now.

“Well when I say mountain I might be slightly exaggerating on world standards. I needed to get away. I talked to Sam this morning.” She could hear JJ gasp as she said the words.

“Oh. How was it? How are you? He didn’t hurt you did he?” The American didn’t think Sam would stoop that low but she wanted to make sure. It seemed strange that Cory had called her, even more that she’d done so from her current location. “Are you on your cell phone?”

It was Cory’s turn to giggle now. “Er yeah. How else do you think I’m talking to you? We don’t have public phones in such remote places.”

“This must be costing you a lot of money. I remember you telling me how expensive it is to use your cell even on local calls. Hang up and I’ll call you back.” JJ climbed out of bed. She knew she’d put Cory’s cell number somewhere.

“Are you sure? It’ll cost you money too.”

“I bet it’ll cost you a hell of a lot more. I’ve told you before the phone company doesn’t recognise it as being anything other than an international call. Let me go to the bathroom and I’ll call you right back. Oh and babe… I love you.” With that she hung up and ran quickly to the bathroom.

Cory stared at the phone. She loved this woman. She looked up to check what Holly was doing. She grinned again as she watched her daft dog trying to catch what looked like a small insect crawling over a rock. The shrill ring of her phone echoed over the barren mountain. It sounded much louder than usual.

“Did you miss me?” JJ had wanted to get back to Cory as soon as she could. She was worried about the blonde. The call had been a nice surprise but still a surprise. The message Cory had told her had been a shock She’d never thought Cory would talk to Sam so soon. She was pleased but concerned.

“I always miss you J. It’s hell not being with you.” Cory’s mood changed from upbeat to melancholy.

“I know. But only nineteen days and counting. So how did the talk go? I’m a little shocked you did it today. I thought you’d leave it for a while.” JJ grabbed the spare pillows to prop her body up.

Cory leant forward her elbows resting on her knees and her head supported by her spare hand. “I was a little surprised myself. We had a shitty day yesterday and he made me mad. This morning I just snapped and it all came tumbling out. Well not all of it. I didn’t mention you.”

“Probably a good thing. So how did he take it?”

“Pretty good. Better than I expected. I’m not sure he really believes that it’s over. He asked questions about my future plans but Mike interrupted and we never got to finish. I think it’ll either be a conversation for later or when we get home.” Cory was already beginning to feel better. Just hearing JJ’s voice helped her to focus better.

JJ digested the information. She had a million questions but sensed Cory was struggling to make sense of it herself. “Well at least you’ve told him it’s over. That was the hardest step. Now we have to decide what to do with our future babe. I’m not sure what’s in store for us. But what I do know is we’ll plan it together.”

“I’m feeling very relieved but scared shitless too J. It’s an enormous step. I can’t believe I’ve done it but I’m looking forward to our life together. I just wish we could make it happen now. So how are things your end?” Cory wanted to hear JJ speak. It didn’t matter what about. She just loved hearing her girl’s voice.

JJ sighed. “Well I waited an hour for the real estate guy to turn up last night just to have him stand me up. I chewed Sarah a new butt hole as she’d arranged it. So this afternoon she’s booked another agency to come out. I’ve told her she’d better get her ass here too. I have a game later on and I’m not missing it. She can deal with this as she’s so keen to get rid of the place.”

Cory could her the frustration in her lover’s voice. “Anything else? Who are you playing?”

“A team from Rhode Island. We should beat them. We did last time anyways. You watch I’ve probably jinxed us now. Let’s see what exciting things did I get up to last night. Umm I ate a frozen meal and watch some reruns of Buffy. I thought of you and reread some of our emails from the beginning.” JJ blushed at this. She sounded such a wuss.

“Ah my little mushball. You’ve kept our emails?”

“Of course. For sentimental reasons of course. Although, now I’ve read up on some of the things they may ask for if you sponsor me. You have to show that there is a romantic nature to the relationship.” JJ hadn’t really been surprised by this fact. She had known people trying to get their green cards through marriage and knew what they’d had to do.

“I guess I should start saving mine too. I have some of them but others I deleted in case Sam got hold of them.”

“Well we have to begin to think about what we’re going to do. You’ve taken the first step Cor. I’m proud of you. Any more thoughts on college?” JJ had really taken to this idea. She hoped Cory would think more about it.

“I did a little surfing and I understand why you have reservations about finding work in the England. I need to talk to Rachel’s husband. He runs a computer company and I know he’s taken on a few programmers from India. He might be able to clue me in to the exact requirements. I thought about the Master’s degree. I’m not sure. On the one hand it wouldn’t hinder me. I would be able to get a job back here. I’d probably be able to get a deputy headship with the extra training. On the other hand, I’m not sure I could do college again. I managed it before mainly because it was physical education and practical. It would depend what they offered. Did Helen find any more information?” Cory had given the degree some consideration. The time away from home had been appealing. She knew she needed to either move schools or take a break. She felt trapped in her current position. It was just such a big step. She’d been in the same school for seven years. They were more like family than colleagues.

JJ was pleased Cory was at least considering the option. “I’m seeing Helen later. I’m hoping she’ll have the brochure. I know she was going to see one of the directors yesterday. I did some calculations. If we sell the house for a good profit I could pay for your college course with or without the assistantship. We’d have to get an apartment near the college. I’m not sure I could pay for another car.”

“I don’t think I’d be comfortable driving on the right side just yet. You’ve thought a lot about this haven’t you?” Cory was pleased that there seemed at least one option. She wasn’t hundred percent happy it was the American option.

JJ picked up Cory’s hesitation. “Cory this is just one option. This is not written in stone. I know you want to explore the UK options too. It’s just something for us to look into when you come over. We have so many other things to look into.”

“I know J. I guess things are just moving so fast for me. I know what I want. For the first time I feel like I have a direction in my life and it feels so good. I want to be with you. Do you know what hit me yesterday?”

“No babe. Tell me.”

Cory felt foolish. “Promise you won’t laugh.”

“I promise.”

“Well I was listening to the songs on the radio on the way up. Most of them are about losing someone or being in love. I finally realised what it meant to truly give up everything so you could be with someone. It’s how I feel about you J. I’ve always been so stubborn before. It’s always been me staying put. Now all I want is to be with you. If that means giving up my job, my home and my friends to move out there I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

JJ paused. She knew Cory was being serious. “I’d move the earth to be with you too babe. I’d do anything even go back to college myself!” With this she laughed, “The only problem is I’m sure they’d ask me to leave after the first semester!”

Cory glanced at her watch. “Shit!”

“What’s wrong?” JJ was a little worried now.

“Nothing I just realised the time. I should be heading back. It’s past lunchtime and I’m sure Clare’s going crazy just watching them climb. I’ll call you tomorrow when I head towards the gym. Then you could call me back and we can talk more about the college option. That’s if Helen gives you anything. It’ll also be more private as Sam won’t be able to overhear. I promise to pay half the phone bill when I come over.”

JJ seized the opportunity to butt in. “Whoa slow down Cory. I don’t mind calling. I don’t mind paying either. You can pay me back in kind!”

Cory giggled; she could almost see her partner wiggling her eyebrows as she said it. “That’s the girl I know and love. I bet you have many ways for me to pay mapped out in that dirty mind of yours. Huh fess up Matthews.”

“Oh I do babe. It sounds good to hear you laugh. I know you feel bad about sneaking around Cory but sometimes you have to do it.” JJ turned the conversation back onto a serious note.

“I know. If he knew all of it I’m sure he’d make my life hell. He’d blame you for everything when it’s not really your fault. The same way I’m sure Sarah blames me.”

JJ agreed. She understood where Cory was coming from. “Okay babe. You should get going. Be careful. Call me if you need me. I have my cell phone, 781 555 7654. Call anytime honey if you need me. Promise.”

Cory fiddled in her bag looking for a pen. She quickly scribbled the number on the back of a sweet wrapper. “I promise and thanks for the call. I feel much better. I love you J. Heart and soul.”

“Heart and soul babe. Have a good one.” JJ hung up. She missed Cory’s presence immediately.

Cory stared at the phone. Thank god for technology she thought as she packed it into her bag and began her descent. She could tell it was going to be a rocky road ahead of her.

Part 28

Mail Jules

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