Disclaimers: The characters in this novel are of my own creation, this is an 'Uber' story. Some may bear a resemblance to characters we know and love that are owned by Renaissance Pictures and Universal Studios. Others are based on real life people I know and love. The names have been changed to protect the innocent or not so innocent.

Violence and Naughty Language Disclaimer: There may be the odd swear word and slight violence on occasion. There may also be words that don't transfer across the ocean too well but this Brit is trying her best. They're also not spelt incorrectly just differently!!

Subtext Disclaimer: This story deals with the love and physical expression of that love, between two adult females. There may also be some heterosexual sex thrown in there too!! But then again maybe not! Whatever is here I have tried to make it tasteful and have left some things to the imagination!!

Dedication: I would like to dedicate this to my soulmate ... here's to true love and fate ... the impossible really can happen. Also thanks go to Tiggster who offered to house this on her site initially, and Midgit who put it on hers now.

My thanks go to the many people who have betaread the odd chapters here and there. Your time and help is much appreciated.

Feedback is appreciated of all kinds ... this is my first effort at a story so please be kind ... I can be found at xenajules@hotmail.com

Download

By Jules Matthews (J Y Morgan)

It had been a frustrating day at school, the kids had listened, well most of them but Cory felt there were some who were wasting their potential but in the mood she was in they could all go to hell. She'd had one of those days that starts on a low note and just ends up going from bad to worse. She sat in her car the music on the CD player slowly began to soothe her frazzled nerves. It hadn't been the kids' fault really; the job was beginning to get to her, the job, and the paper work... basically everything. Her life in a nutshell was boring her rigid ... it was always the same coming back to work after the school holidays, the Autumn term was usually the worst because of the 6 weeks of fun and relaxation. She couldn't believe that the term had finished so quickly and that Christmas had been and gone, she hadn't gone away but she had lazed about and it had been a great family Christmas, if only she'd had someone romantic to celebrate it with.

This made her mood dip lower than it already was; the reason being she was married and although Sam and her got on well the passion had died and well they were left with a platonic friendship which was nice but Cory needed more. She needed to feel loved and although she knew Sam loved her she wasn't sure he fancied her. In every department he was the most loving husband there was but there was no romance, no passion and frankly no sex. In the beginning she didn't mind, most relationships start off with passion and then it slowly ebbs away but their relationship hadn't had any fire for a long time and Cory missed the intimacy. She felt unloved and that somehow she was failing as a wife and as a woman. Her image had been dented by the rebuffs she'd received when she tried to initiate any sexual intimacy and quite frankly she'd come to the end of her tether.

It wasn't that she thought she was great looking or a sex machine in bed, but she had had several comments about her looks and body; it was the colour of her eyes that drew people to her, they were the colour of the sea on a warm summer's day and her features were soft but strong. Many people called her cute; others beautiful but Cory saw none of this. Her mind drifted back to her dating days; she'd liked dating, especially the initial chase but after a while and when the thrill had worn off she couldn't put up with the hassle. Her job prevented her spending much time in the week with potential lovers, as there was the marking of schoolbooks and lesson planning. Most people envied her job, as the thought of so many holidays seemed idyllic to them, but once they spent anytime with her they realised that this was just an illusion; that the children's needs came first to Cory, she loved the children and they made the job worth doing.

She'd been single for a while and on a drunken night out she'd met Sam. They'd dated for a year, mainly meeting up at weekends and they got on great it seemed like they had the same interests and watched the same television programmes. They'd moved in together, did the usual things like decorating the house, extending the family with cats and a dog and when he'd asked her to get engaged Cory went along with the flow. It had seemed the right thing to do at the time but on reflection and looking at their relationship now maybe she'd jumped into things without thinking. Family pressure had also played a part; her mother's religious views had caused problems with her 'living in sin'. Men were only after one thing according to her mother and once they got it they were off. This often still caused laughter amongst the family when Sam often enquired what it was he'd been after, as after 5 years he'd still not received it and he was still there. He liked winding the mother-in-law up and Cory's mum bit every time.

Cory was jolted back to reality by the sounding of car horns, the traffic hold up had moved and she was still there. She shook her head and headed towards home. She'd missed going to the gym tonight but her gym partner, Rachel had rushed home to watch a TV programme she'd become addicted to. It was a mythical fantasy program called Xena something or other. Cory had listened as only a good friend would to her friends ramblings about the programme and as tonight was the start of a new series her gym partner and work colleague had apologised about putting her obsession before their regular gym time and had shot off home.

Rachel had desperately tried to get Cory interested in Xena but Cory whilst she listened to her friends avid ramblings, she didn't think it would be her cup of tea. Rachel had also commentated about the remarkable resemblance between Cory and one of the characters, but when Cory had listened to the description of the character, she'd just looked at her friend and commented that blondes with green eyes were a dime a dozen. This had shut Rachel up. Cory had sat down to watch the programme once, she'd missed the start and had only watched a few minutes when she'd been interrupted by a phone call and to be honest she'd never watched any more. She'd looked briefly at the character that Rachel had said she looked like and while there were some similarities the character had long reddish blonde hair and Cory's was very blonde and short. She'd never seen the lead character, well she thought she had, the character had had long blonde hair, brown eyes and was very thin and sort of pretty but Rachel had later informed her that the character she'd seen was actually another character and Xena had been in her body! This was a bizarre concept to Cory and made the show even more unrealistic but still she kept promising Rachel that one day she'd sit down with her and watch one of Rachel's choice.

They had had some very deep conversations about the content of the show; Rachel kept discussing something she referred to as 'subtext'. Cory had needed to have this explained to her and she'd been quite surprised that a lot of it referred to the growing relationship between the two characters, nothing too surprising until she'd found out the two characters were both female and apparently soulmates, according to Rachel. Rachel and Cory had had quite a lengthy discussion about this topic as Cory had often had similar thoughts about this at college.

Her college mates had often teased her saying that the way she went through men one day she'd run out of her quota and end up single and on the shelf. Cory had always replied back with the same remark, that there was a pebble on the beach for everyone, one day she'd find hers. She'd also grown up a huge fan of the 'Anne of Greengables' series and liked the thought of having a 'kindred spirit', someone who was your friend for life and just knew you. She'd liked Rachel's description of what she thought a soulmate was; that there was someone out there that was your other half and when you got together with them they made you feel whole, complete.

Rachel had become an addict to the Internet in her search for background information on the programme. Cory thought this was an asset to her staff training in ICT (Information and Communication Technology), which Cory was the staff co-ordinator for. Her job was to make everyone computer literate especially with the Internet and e-mailing. With Rachel's developing skills she'd have someone else help her train the older members of the staff who were technophobes in the worst possible way. They hated change and were stubborn as mules when it came to taking on new ideas or gaining new skills. Through these web pages, she'd joined a few mailing lists and was discovering the excitement of e-mail. A few months ago, Rachel had gone to the house of another fan, Jo, and met up with quite a few devote fans of the show, a rare breed in such a small country. Whilst there she'd overheard someone say that they were reading a book for the fifth time. A fan fiction book that was linked to the show, something called an uber story.

Rachel had then spent the next month raving about the book. Cory had no idea what an uber story was but in her mind any book that could keep someone entertained for that many rereads was worth checking out. She'd asked Rachel if she could borrow the book and when Rachel had said she'd read it on-line, Cory hadn't fancied reading the book on a computer screen she liked the real thing in her hand. She was a voracious reader and often read whole books in a day. Rachel had suggested she try the bookstores on-line. When the half term holiday arrived Cory had surfed the net and had been surprised that the book was available to buy in the UK. She had no idea what the book was about, she'd only vaguely listened to Rachel's views but she'd give it a go anything to relieve the boredom and here she was 6 weeks later and three rereads.

The book had been a wonderful romance between two women; this factor had surprised Cory only because she'd had no real knowledge of the book's context, it wasn't that she had any problems with who slept with who. In fact she'd often thought about her own sexuality. In secondary school she'd had a huge crush on her PE teacher, Miss Hudson, but she hadn't thought twice about it, I mean didn't everyone have childhood crushes? Cory'd had quite a few relationships at college; she'd found herself attracted mainly to men but on the odd occasion she had found certain women intriguing and if they'd been interested she could have easily been batting for the other team. The thought of telling her parents and seeing the look of disappointment and horror on her mother's face had deterred her; also in her type of job it was best to keep on the 'straight' and narrow, Still she'd found the book most inspirational and comforting in a way she couldn't explain and she wanted to read more. She'd found herself joining a mailing list devoted to the writing of the fan fiction author and now every night she just loved wading through the various e-mails some on topic many off but she enjoyed becoming part of this unique family.

After 30 minutes, Cory finally arrived home, it had been a long journey time wise, she'd stayed at work later than usual, when Rachel had cancelled their plans, she'd decided if she stayed on at school she could try and clear the back log of mounting work. Leaving work so late had meant she'd hit rush hour traffic and that made a short journey very time consuming. As she opened the door to her house, she was welcomed as always by the cats, hungry for food and company. She patted each one on the head and opened the cupboard searching for the food that would quieten down the large tomcat, whose name was Chips. He demanded his food and cried mercilessly until he received it, anyone would think she never fed him but he was adorable ... the perfect companion.

When the cats were fed and purring their satisfaction, Cory's attention turned to herself. She made a mental note of all the jobs she needed to do tonight. She had to feed herself and Sam; wash clothes unless she wanted to do a naked day at work, mark her latest pile of English books and read her mail. Her first choice of activity wasn't difficult, check e-mails there were bound to be loads as the time difference between the UK and US would mean she would have a few to look at. She made herself a cup of tea and settled in the lounge with her laptop. The TV was on with music playing in the background and Cory settled down for a bit of quality 'me' time. Sam mostly worked from home so she didn't often get quality time to herself, today he'd had to go to one of his monthly sales meetings.

The computer slowly downloaded the mails; many were about a role-playing war on the fan fiction list. This sort of thing appealed to Cory she had no idea why, she liked reading books but she'd never really had any inclination to write them, her interest had been poetry at school and college and whenever the teenage blues had hit her she'd put her emotions down on paper. She had vague memories of hearing stories when she was younger linked around myths and legends, there were no storytellers in the family except her aunt, who coincidentally was also a teacher, but she found a pull towards the role playing. The role-playing was linked to the Xena work the author wrote, and as Cory hadn't read them she'd been lost at first but now she'd read enough to understand.

Her eyes drifted over the mails, a grin beginning to curl on her lips as she read the ongoing activities of the chocolate war ... well it was hardly a real war but on the odd occasion some irate reader would often remind the participants that war was real and dangerous. Cory was desperate to join in the battle but she didn't know how too. The list was friendly enough but she was a bit intimidated, she scanned on and then a mail caught her eye. The humour of the mail jumped out at her and she realised that she had a goofy grin on her face.

Please let me join in the search, I will leave no stone unturned on my search for the little one…

The rest of the mail was a blur to Cory she just knew that for some reason this was her opportunity to join in the game. She quickly composed a return mail and hurriedly pressed the send button before she chickened out. There she'd made a move, she hoped her mail would be accepted and suddenly for no reason she felt a calming presence fall over her. She had no idea why she felt so warm and cosy she just did and it wasn't long before she'd fallen into a wonderful peaceful sleep;

She was in a field full of poppies, the smell was fresh and the view ahead of her was the colour of blood. Ahead of her was a tall, dark-haired woman who seemed to be in some kind of conflict with her emotions, the image before her tormenting memories she had spent years trying to atone for and her mind appeared to be racing with anger. Cory felt herself touch the woman's hand, the touch felt warm and her presence seemed to reach into the tall woman and caress her heart and Cory felt the peace; the woman's anger was soothed and as she turned sapphire eyes smiled down at her and she was drowning ........

The sound of purring nudged Cory out of her slumber and as she opened her bleary eyes she was confronted with another pair of eyes but these were not as wonderful as the image she had just experienced and the breath not so sweet, it was Chips, he'd come for his evening cuddle on the sofa.

"Oh Chips, not now honey mum's got to work. Sam will be home soon, I know you want a fuss baby but well if I don't mark tonight I'll never get it done!" The cat was hard to deter once he got comfortable so Cory ended up pushing him onto the floor. She checked the time on the video player, she'd been asleep for an hour and she hadn't done any work, she glanced at the floor, 34 story books to mark, it was going to be one hell of a long evening.

She summoned up the energy and grabbed the books; her mind was soon lost in incorrect spellings and the rules of grammar that she hadn't heard the front door open and an angry hubby enter the lounge.

"Bloody traffic, why they have to put up road works in the middle of rush hour traffic is beyond my logic! The bloody motorway was packed; bumper-to-bumper. Still I'm home now and I'm starving. What's for dinner Cor?"

"Oh shit Sam! I forgot to put something in. I just got so caught up in my marking!" replied Cory, knowing she was about to get a lecture. It wasn't often she had to do any work around the house, usually Sam did all the cooking and cleaning as he was home so often.

"For Christ's sake Cor, you and your school work. I see you found time to download and read your mails. I guess I come pretty low on your priorities now!" He stomped upstairs and Cory rummaged around in the cupboard for the Indian takeaway number. She knew she could easily pacify him with a curry and a few beers. She looked at her pile of work and the computer and she knew her quality alone time was not going to happen, she closed the computer down and focussed on her marking hoping to clear the books away before the meal arrived and then work on cheering up her annoyed spouse. It was going to be a long evening.

As it turned out when Sam came downstairs his mood had brightened and he accepted the apology and hug that Cory gave him. He also had a smile on his face when he saw the laptop tucked away in the corner, switched off. Cory knew he'd accepted her dedication to the job when they'd met and he didn't mind the extra hours she put into planning and making sure the children's work was completed and checked each night, but now her interests had recently diversified and her time spent with him was decreasing.

They had spent the last 5 years in each other's pockets and she felt this was one of their problems, they'd spent so many years being best friends they'd forgotten how to be lovers. Their friendship group was small as they'd both relocated from their hometowns and had lost touch with school friends. Cory's best friends were the friends she'd met at college and whilst they were still good friends they lived all over the country and only met up in the holidays. She missed having her friends around and missed a social life, now she was meeting people with similar interests and she loved it. She'd already met two friends through the mailing lists and they mailed and met up regularly. She liked the fact that these friends were her friends and they didn't view her as part of a couple. She was an individual in their mind. As she thought about these new friends her mind drifted back to her new contact that she'd mailed tonight and she found herself smiling.

The following day seemed to drag for Cory, she'd done a download before school much to the disgust of Sam and there were several new mails about the 'chocolate war'. There had also been one off JJ saying that it was nice that she was on board and that she had gone searching for the missing child and hoped that Cory would catch her up. Cory thought she'd drop JJ a line privately to see if they could come up with a game plan but although she appeared to be an outgoing confident person on the outside she was quite a shy character on the side and really didn't want to appear pushy.

She glanced at her watch it would be another 2 hours before she could get home and download ... something was going on in her body she had no idea why this war game was so important she just couldn't get the game out of her mind. Actually that was a lie, she couldn't get JJ's message out of her thoughts, such a simple message but it had had such a profound affect on her senses. All she knew was that she wanted to make first contact with JJ.

It had been a torment but finally the day was over and Cory made her way home, the weather was lousy, a typical winter's day in England but for once she was so pleased that it was actually raining hard. Due to the rain she'd had to cancel her after school netball club that meant an early get away. She'd practically flown across the car park and the drive home was a blur. It was 10 minutes later when Cory sat in front of her laptop and logged on. She waited impatiently, she hated this part, as it seemed like forever while the computer dialled out and tried to connect her. The waiting was killing her, she'd never been known for her patience or attention span but tonight for some reason the wait seemed longer.

She scanned down the list that was slowly appearing in front of her and there it was JJ Matthews, a private mail. Cory's heart began to pound. She didn't know why, she often had private mail from friends in the UK but she put this down to the fact that this was a mail from across the ocean.

JJ Matthews ... The Search

I hope you don't mind the private mail but we keep missing each other and I thought maybe if we got together and did a joint report we'd be able to come up with some good ideas and possibly get a good reply from others. Your writing style is very good much better than mine I struggle to put my ideas onto paper. What do you think? If you'd rather work on your own I understand. I hope you don't mind me doing this off list.

Cory read the rest of the titles and names that were in her inbox and the rest of the posts concerning the role-play and then she went back to JJ's mail and reread the mail twice before hitting the reply button:

Cory Williams ... Re: The Search

Thanks for the mail ... I was going to mail you privately tonight so you beat me to it. Great minds think alike. I think it's a good idea to work together, you can translate some of these American sayings, as I'm in the UK, and there are some words which I have no idea what they mean (vbg) and I'll do the writing.

One question I've been dying to ask but couldn't pluck up the courage on-line - What exactly is a love seat? We have these in England but they are wooden chairs that face each other and well I can't imagine these being in someone's living room!

Also what is in the bar of chocolate that everyone is going on about, Hershey's I think they're called? We don't have them over here. I have to admit I'm not really one for chocolate but we'll keep that a secret amongst ourselves! (g)

Just keep sending me ideas and I'll put it into sentences! I like your humour ... it made me laugh ... it was one of the reasons I joined the role-playing. So what do you want to do next??

She reread the mail and then hit the send button. She checked her watch and knew there'd be no point in waiting for a reply as there was a good 5 hours difference between the UK and the States and she had no idea what JJ did for a living or where in fact she lived in the US. She decided to clear out her inbox and then do some schoolwork. She went downstairs to the kitchen humming and a smile played on her lips, she didn't even realise she was doing it until she caught sight of herself in the mirror and she noticed that she looked totally relaxed.

She made her way into the lounge, carrying some beverages for Sam and her, she made polite conversation to Sam but he was so engrossed in the latest Premier football match that he hardly noticed her presence. She settled onto her sofa and sat there drinking her glass of Guinness; she found her mind drifting back to the e-mail, or to be precise the e-mail sender. JJ ... it was kind of mysterious she didn't even know if they were initials for a male or female. She found herself wondering whether she wanted JJ to be a man or woman and then figured it didn't matter either way; you could never have enough friends in her book.

Cory was a very social person and her friends were amazed that she'd finally settled down. She'd never really had a long term relationship, well not one they'd known about and she'd often gone out with people, enjoyed the chase and then once she was actually with the person she'd often got wander lust as if she was missing something and off she'd gone in search of it. What it was she was looking for she had no idea, she figured she'd know when she found it, she'd honestly thought she'd found it with Sam but as time had passed by so had their relationship. She knew she loved Sam; he was her best friend and confidant but was that enough. She still felt there was a missing piece, like a jigsaw that wasn't quite finished. She couldn't say what it was she just didn't feel complete.

Her mind went back to the name 'JJ', “Cute!” she thought, “I wonder what it's for; Jane Julie, John Jackson … Well you could just ask!” Cory thought to herself. “No time like the present!” She checked her watch and did a mental calculation well the time was 10pm so the latest it could be was 5pm over there ... it was worth a check.

She muttered something to Sam as she passed his reclined body on the sofa, he acknowledged with a grunt. She quickly ran up the stairs and grabbed her laptop putting it on the office desk, she decided she'd download upstairs, at least she could relax without Sam making comments and he was now watching the golf, which she found tedious. Within 5 minutes she was comfortable and the inbox had begun to fill, 35 messages, her eyes scanned down the list and there, second from last, was the name she'd been searching for JJ Matthews. Cory said a silent thank you to whomever she thought was watching. She opened up the mail.

JJ Matthews Re: The Search

How's it going? Thanks for the reply I was a little worried about sending you a private mail but I was pleased that you agreed. I reckon we go out and do a wider search of the forest pack lots of supplies and stuff. What do you think?

As for the questions a love seat is a two-seated sofa, called a love seat I guess as you get to sit close to the other person. As for the chocolate I'll keep that just between the 2 of us (bg)

I thought I'd introduce myself I'm 32, female and work as a computer technician at a local college. How about yourself?

Cory hit the reply without a moment's hesitation and then she pondered what to write. She had a lot of questions she wanted to ask but didn't want to scare JJ off; she had a habit of asking too many questions.

Cory Williams Re: The Search

Great ideas, I'll think some of them over and put some thoughts down on paper. As for me real life is hectic at the moment it is heading towards a busy time at work, I'm a primary school teacher, so real life and kids just keeps getting in the way! Don't they know there's a war on (g)?

About myself well I'm 28, my birthday is next month, I'm about 5ft 5in, blondish short hair, green eyes. My partner's name is Sam. How about yourself? Oh yeah you don't have to answer this but what does the JJ stand for?

She sent the mail and then began fiddling with her hair, she often found herself doing this, it was a comfort thing she did it when she was thinking things through. She had a few habits that betrayed her true feelings, her confident manner was often a front and if people looked closely they'd notice her nails were often bitten down to the knuckles, the more stress she had; the less nails. She also ran her fingers through her hair when she was nervous or thinking and she fidgeted a lot. She had a tendency to rock when thinking, this drove many of her work colleagues to distraction in staff meetings but half the time Cory never noticed. When thinking she tapped things and fiddled with anything within her grasp, her attention span was practically non-existent, unless she was reading or writing, she was often teased that goldfish had more of an attention span than she did.

She glanced at her watch, 10.30pm, well not much chance of a mail now she decided to have an early night, it was Friday tomorrow and that meant a grueling session at the gym after school.

Friday had flown by and Cory had enjoyed her day, she'd found herself drifting off occasionally a distant memory of her dream reoccurring at odd times. She had images of bright blue eyes gazing into hers and of the smell of brass and leather. If she closed her eyes she could picture a fur rug and the sounds of birds chattering on a spring morning but she had no idea why these images kept recurring. She'd had the same dream for the past three nights and she'd woken feeling relaxed and happy with the world.

It was late afternoon and she was on her way to the gym with Rachel. They'd both moaned so much in July about their expanding waist lines and sagging parts that they'd spent a lot of the holidays running and lifting the odd weights and there had been definite signs off improvement and the chance to gossip and relax after work was good. Rachel was also a great listener and would listen to Cory's difficulties with Sam and in return she would listen to Rachel moan about her own love life and the difficulties she was having with her teenage daughter and son. Cory's favourite part of their workout was the running. She'd never liked running in college and she still found the start of the run difficult but after 10 minutes her body would begin to relax and she just focussed on building up the speed. She'd been working on relaxation techniques and ways to keep her concentration focussed and now she was nearly running 3 miles in 20 minutes.

Thirty minutes later, her mind was focussed on what she was going to do when she got home. She'd had a brief message in her inbox that morning off JJ saying that she had been busy the previous evening but that she'd write a more detailed e-mail when she arrived at work. That would mean that Cory would get it when she arrived home and for some reason her pulse was racing, it had to be the after effects of her run, right? She glanced at Rachel who seemed to have recovered from the race and was now relaxing into her stomach exercises. Cory took a deep breath and settled into her own routine.

Sam was waiting for her as she stepped outside of the gym, the cool winter's night air was bracing and she found herself wishing she'd put her jogging bottoms back on. She jumped into the passenger seat and settled next to Sam. The journey back to the house was brief and Sam and Cory settled into a comfortable silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts.

Her life over the past few months had settled into a routine, she'd download in the morning before school and her mailbox was always brimming with so many diverse mails, questions, stories and information from home and away. She'd spend her day at school and then either go to the gym or do an after school club or meeting but as always the first thing she did when she stepped through the door was to boot up her computer and check her mail. Sam would spend this time walking the dog or cooking the tea and Cory would just sit quietly reading, deleting and replying to messages.

Tonight she was more psyched than usual, she'd spent her time on the way home just daydreaming but she did notice that her thoughts always came back to JJ. As she thought of the name it appeared on the screen before her. The mail had been sent only 5 minutes before.

What can I tell you about me that won't put you back to sleep!! Well I told you I am 32 (an older woman!) I am an only child, spoiled, as any only child should be. Well my life is very settled at the moment. I have a partner; her name is Sarah. We live near Boston, in Massachusetts, in a small but cozy ranch house. As for the initials they stand for Jessica Jane but well it's a bit of a wimpy name. The only person who calls me that still is my father. All my friends call me JJ so I hope you will!

I have lived in Germany, for 3 years. I never got to go to England. I have lived in Houston, Texas. I have also lived in California. I moved back home to be with my father after my mother died.

We, my partner Sarah and I bought this house a few years ago. We have been lucky the things we do to the house are because we want to do them. I am in the middle of re-decorating and furnishing the computer room. So picture me sitting in my guest bedroom filled with piles of junk. My monitor for the computer is on a plastic file cabinet and I am sitting cross-legged with the keyboard on my lap. Not very comfortable I might add my bum is numb.

I grew up in a small town and I went to a college for four years -- Providence College. I love sports; I played softball (baseball for women) and Ice Hockey. I love ice hockey. I did try soccer but I wasn't that great at it.

We don't have any pets; Sarah is allergic to the fur. We have been together for 5 years. We are somewhat opposites.

I hope that my relationship with Sarah doesn't bother you. I didn't want to lie, that is not the way friendships are made. This is always hard for me, not knowing if somebody will dislike me just because of my lifestyle. I mean if they don't like me because they think I am a jerk ok - that I can handle.

Thanks for posting a report this morning ... you write well ... but then again you're a teacher and you're supposed to know these things!

So what kinds of things do you like besides fan-fiction and Xena? I'm assuming you're a Xena fan as you're on the list. I have to admit that I'm not really a fan at all. Haven't actually seen much of the program, my girlfriend was told that this list was a good source of stories based around lesbian romance and I sort of got into it that way.

If you write down what to do about the 'war' we can work out a report and then maybe we can chat over the weekend. It seems Saturday is a good day. Let me know your thoughts.

Okay time for me to ask a question you said you had a partner called Sam and I'm assuming you're a female although Cory could be for a boy or a girl. Is Sam male or female?

Cory read the mail twice, digesting the information and then she hit the reply button.

Have to say I like the name JJ, I guess we all have names we hate; my middle name is Elizabeth and well it kind of embarrasses me at times when mum wants to get my attention and calls me Cory Elizabeth. As for your partner why would I have a problem with it? We met on a list that features stories and topics about same sex relationships, I believe that there is little love in the world as it is and so if you find it you should go for it ... doesn't matter what colour, gender or language they speak. Love is rare so you ought to treasure it.

Sam is my husband; we've been together 5 years. He's my best friend and we get on great most of the time, although if I'm honest we're more the best of friends than anything else.

I've been teaching for 7 years and love it. I live in the middle of England and although the weather drives me crazy at times I like it.

I can't believe on a list like this that I've found someone else who's not into the show! What a coincidence! Spooky really! My friend Rachel introduced me to the list I have promised her that I will watch the show one day!

Well I'm off for a shower as I'm absolutely shattered; I've been to the gym! I ran well and my figure is slowly getting back into shape!!

She sent the mail and then sat there, she could go downstairs and talk to Sam but it had been a hard day and she just wanted some peace and quiet. This was what she missed most about being single; you never had to think about someone else's feelings all the time. She needed quiet time, time to herself where she could just mull over the events of the day and reflect on her life. A bath, that was the answer, a nice long soak in the tub, she usually had a shower after the gym but tonight she just wanted to chill out.

She turned on the taps and slowly peeled off her gym wear. She noticed as she did so that her muscles were slowly gaining back their definition. She'd studied Physical Education at college and whilst she hadn't been the fittest person in the group she hadn't been the worst. She'd quite enjoyed the challenges of the course and as it was mainly practical it kept her attention span focussed and after four years she'd gained her degree.

After college she'd kept her fitness up, she'd joined a netball team and met up with Mandy who became her training partner. Her body had toned up dramatically and if she said so herself she looked good. Then she'd met Sam and the commuting to each other's houses at weekends had meant her gym time and sport time had decreased and as they'd settled into a comfortable life together the weight had begun to creep on. Now she had caught the fitness bug again and her body was beginning to respond.

The bath had finally filled and she lowered her tired body slowly into the small tub. She closed her eyes and it didn't take long for her to relax into a light sleep.

She had the image of someone hugging her from behind; his or her head resting lightly on her shoulder and the breath of the person was gently caressing her ear. She breathed in deeply and although the smell was familiar, it wasn't Sam's; it was a sweet, mildly floral smell like baby's talcum powder. The arms although strong were longer than Sam's and much softer; she felt safe. The arms around her suddenly tightened and she felt herself warm to the touch of the pressed body against hers. Silky lips started nibbling her ear…..

Cory awoke a little startled, she was feeling a mixture of emotions; one of them was fright at the fact that she'd fallen asleep in the bath something she'd never done before. The other one was a tingling sensation coursing through her body, she was feeling turned on and she had no idea why. She shook her head to try and shake the feelings and finally ducked her head under the water and quickly washed the sweat off her body. She climbed out of the bath and dried herself quickly, grabbing her bathrobe. As she went past the office she felt the urge to do one more download before she settled downstairs for the evening.

She entered the office and looked at her watch, 8pm, well someone might be around and want to play. She clicked on the machine and gently tapped her fingers against the desktop as she counted the seconds before the mails started downloading. There weren't that many mails which was surprising but Cory didn't ponder that fact for very long as a familiar name appeared on screen.

Good evening, well it's still afternoon my time but you must be half way through your evening!!!! This time difference thing is kind of weird!

Just a quick question-- does shattered mean really tired, because in the States it usually means "drunk" which I think you use the term "pissed" for; which means
really mad here. I think I might need to employ a translator soon! (vbg) This friendship should be entertaining at least and a learning experience!

Well I'm still at work so I'd better go and look busy! By the time I get home you will be tucked up in bed having sweet dreams (I hope!), so I guess as tomorrow is Saturday we should be able to meet up and swap mails about midday onwards. I'm not too busy this weekend.

The weather over here is amazing the snow is coming down thick and fast! What's the weather like your end?

Cory sat and reread the mail, her lips turning upwards when she read the line about shattered. She could just imagine herself drunk in the gym! She found herself thinking about what she should write next. She had so many things she wanted to ask. JJ had said her mum had died, well she couldn't relate exactly to that but her grandma had recently passed away and it still hurt. She didn't talk about her feelings about this very much and well she just knew that JJ would understand it might be good to put her feelings down on paper. She was slowly coming to terms with the death of her grandmother and it had been two years but you never really recover from a loss of close family and her grandparents and mum had brought up Cory, when her father had left. She'd also found out recently that her grandfather who she worshipped was terminally ill and this had brought back the memories of her grandmother's death.

She settled in front of the computer. She was beginning to feel tired and decided that she'd write the mail in the morning when she felt fresher; she also needed to spend some time this evening with Sam just to keep the peace. She shut down the computer and made her way downstairs.

Cory awoke she'd slept restlessly; she had woken several times in the night covered in sweat and with a worrying sensation in her tummy. She didn't know why she usually slept very heavy and it took a lot to wake her up. She opened her bleary eyes and looked over to the alarm clock, 7.00, typical a weekend morning and her body clock was still on her weekday routine. She put her head back on the pillow, Sam was still asleep and if she moved he was sure to wake. He slept very lightly and every sound or move woke him. She could feel herself growing restless, she needed the toilet and she knew once she got up she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. She crept out of the side of the bed.

"What's up Cor?" asked Sam groggily, " You alright? You fidgeted a lot last night, bad dreams?"

"Sorry Sam didn't mean to disturb you. I don't know what was wrong, must have been something I ate. My tummy feels sickly. Go back to sleep I'll sort the animals out and then I thought I'd go play on the computer."

Sam muttered something under his breath but Cory didn't wait to hear it, she went into the ensuite and did her morning ablutions. She then shut the bedroom door and on her way past the office she booted up the laptop. She made her way down to the waiting menagerie of animals. She greeted each one and gave the cats a cuddle each. They were sat on the kitchen worktops. Some people felt this rather unhealthy but with a huge German Shepherd in the house it was the only place the cats could be fed without Holly devouring their food. She put the meat in the bowls and then turned her attention to the tea making. She switched the kettle on, put a teabag in each cup and a sugar. Whilst waiting for the kettle to boil she ran upstairs and pressed the Outlook Express button then ran downstairs to finish the task. She poured boiling water over the bags and added the milk. She then stirred the contents until the tea had a nice orangy colour and took the teabags out.

Her journey upstairs was interrupted by the morning mail arriving, she glanced at the pile on the mat by the door and decided none of them were urgent and she left them for later. She deposited Sam's tea beside his slumbering body and went into the office. She scanned the mails, a sense of disappointment descending on her when she noticed that JJ hadn't sent her one. She hadn't really expected one as it was her turn to mail but she'd kind of got used to one being there. She opened up a new mail and began to compose the letter.

Cory Williams A little history

Had trouble sleeping for some reason I keep getting these dreams and they wake me up ... the thing is I usually remember my dreams but for some reason I can't quite piece all of this one together.

Well I went to school in my hometown Warwick, a town very near to Stratford where William Shakespeare was born and lived! It's a very quiet town, a few shops and lots of pubs! (I think they're bars to you). I stayed on at school after turning 16 and did my A' levels in Economics, Biology and English Literature, I knew I wanted to teach but I didn't know what in. I'd struggled to get my A' levels my concentration span is so poor that the thought of 4 more years scared me. I got accepted at all my college applications and for some strange reason one of them was for PE. I talked to one of my teacher's and she suggested I go for the Physical Education course as it'd keep me interested and I stood a good chance of surviving the 4 years study. I graduated in 1993 and have never looked back.

Sam and I met New Year's Eve 1994, I'd gone down to friends in Wales and got drunk and met Sam. We have lots in common although we are complete opposites. He's a very quiet, solitary person who likes his own company; me well I can talk for England! He doesn't speak to any of his family except his father and he detests his mother with a passion; me ... well I'm from a very close family, you can't go a week without phoning home or else they send out a search party. This infuriates the hell out of Sam as everyone knows everyone else's business but at least I know I'm loved! So how did you and Sarah meet?

I am a middle child and suffer from the middle child syndrome, never the first to do anything and not the first-born and well I'm no longer the baby of the family! My sister is my true sister, my mum has been married twice and well my real father left when I was 1 and I haven't seen him since. I don't know the specifics ... I only know my mother's side of the story and well if I'm honest I don't think she's telling us everything, apparently they married young and after Kerry and me they just didn't get on. I still haven't got over not knowing my father although my mum married a wonderful man 3 years later and he has been great. It's nice to know he chose Kerry and I and knew what he was getting. They've just celebrated their 25 years together. They fight like cats and dogs but they do love each other. My brother is 5 years younger than me, and called Mike. When my mum and dad split up we went to live with my grandparents and they kind of brought us up. We would spend every weekend with them. My Grandad is my hero, my sister was my Nan's favourite and I am my Grandad's. When we were younger my sister would spend hours helping my Nan in the house-cooking etc, probably why she went into the catering business. As for me I was always out with my Grandad doing deals and scams. I love him dearly and that's why it hurts so much that he is now very ill, he has cancer of the stomach and they've said it's terminal. Talking of which you said your mother had died. If it's not too personal when did she die?

Well it is Good Morning to you I hope! I'm planning on having a lazy day but whenever I plan these something always crops up!

Oh yeah excuse my ignorance but what States surround Massachusetts? I never spell this correctly!! The spell checker always picks it up and I call myself a teacher!

What do you think we ought to do next with our reports??? You're the oldest you decide! (vbg)

You said it was snowing in your last mail so I hope the snow's not too deep!!! It's quite a nice looking but cold day here - I'll speak to you later.

Ps I missed your morning mail ... I hope everything is okay ... I guess you do have a real life to live!! Just me worrying!

The rest of the weekend had gone by in a blur. So much for a lazy weekend! It was now early Sunday evening, she hadn't checked her mail yet ... she'd decided she needed to do her chores, the house had needed tidying, and it hadn't really had a good clean since Christmas and it was nearly February. Whenever she sat in front of the computer the hours seemed to fly by. She was feeling quite pleased with herself as she'd managed to do so much in the time. She'd spent the morning planning her work for the week. She had a busy week ahead of her and she wouldn't be in much the following week as it was her birthday, her 29^th, she was creeping closer and closer to the dreaded 30.

She'd never really worried about her age as she felt young and healthy and many people said she only looked 18, which was true but she'd noticed the odd wrinkle which she called a laughter line and well everyone kept saying that she was getting older and needed to think about starting a family. She had thought seriously about this last year and while she knew she had maternal instincts and loved being around children she didn't feel secure in her relationship with Sam. She knew they were drifting apart, she'd talked to Sam about her feelings about their relationship but Sam had just gone on about the pressures of work and that she read too many books and real life wasn't made up of candles and roses. She knew this to be untrue, she admitted she was a romantic at heart and that Sam wasn't but a little bit of romance wouldn't kill him. She got flowers twice a year off Sam both in the same week, one bunch for her birthday and one bunch for Valentine's Day. When they first started going out this to her had been romantic especially when he sent them to school, but as the years had gone on it had become a habit and Sam just did it out of duty now.

She'd also visited her parents and had spent quality time with her Grandad and was cheered that he was looking fit and healthy. The doctor's had given him a few months in September and being the stubborn mule that he was, he was determined to prove them wrong. He'd put on weight, which was pleasing, as the cancer in his stomach had made eating difficult. He was living with her parents so he was being fed well and looked after which was a relief as he'd found life hard since her Nan had died and hadn't been feeding himself well.

She was now in the lounge, they'd just finished their Sunday meal and she'd surfed the television channels but there was nothing on that she really wanted to watch so she'd relinquished the remote controls and Sam was watching the golf. She placed the laptop by the telephone socket and sat in the corner, like a little gnome, she closed down her work files and opened the e-mail file, the download process began. There were a variety of mails and as she scanned down she saw JJ's name and her heart skipped a beat. She was sure there was a blush on her face. Cory didn't know what was happening to her body. She was married for god's sake but something about this person made her body do strange things. She'd put it down to the fact that she'd finally found someone she could be truly honest with. Well it wasn't hard really as you didn't have to look the person on the other end of the mail in the eye and it was just easier; kind of like writing a journal.

Hey there,

I'm sorry about the lack of mails ... I played Ice Hockey on Friday evening and got taken out in a vicious attack ... nothing too serious; a bang to the head, which made me sick, and a bruised hand. Still that's the price I pay for playing such a physical game ... you should see the other girl!! bg The doctor suggested rest for the hand so typing was out!

I haven't had a lazy day in a long time, good for you ... so did you get to do nothing or did real life take over?

As for rambling, I'm not one for idle conversation but with you it seems very natural. I have always been told I am very hard to get to know I keep too much to myself. What I like about our e-mails is the fact they are part the war, but also we are getting to know somebody as well. It is a little more personal.

My mother was diagnosed with a tumor on her kidney about 7 years ago. That is the renal cell area. She had it removed. I was living in Germany at the time; luckily I had planned a vacation (holiday) for six weeks at the same time. The doctors told us they got all of the tumor and cancer. Well four and a half years later they found it was growing back. In the meantime for me I was back in the States, but living in Texas. To make matters worse I was thinking about moving to California. I asked my mother what did she think should I come home or go there. She said to go. That was in Oct 1997. She got sicker in the end of November of 1997. I saw her at Christmas, by then she was in the hospital and not doing well. I left to go back to California and 2 weeks later my father called me and said to come home. I unfortunately didn't get to see her before she died. She died on Jan 10. I came back home in April of 1998 and will never leave my family again. I never realized how important my family is to me and never want to miss any of it. I hope that makes sense. Sarah was very close to my mother and she was so upset. I was in such shock I don't really remember any of it. I just knew I had to be strong for my father. It took me almost a year before it sank in and I let myself really cry.

I don't speak to my friends from college that much, but my friends from school I do. I have known them for 25 years. So if this friendship thing works out for us (looks good so far) you just might be stuck with me as a friend for a long time. You still have time to back out.

Oh yeah as for our search,I have no idea what to do next. Give me some time to think about it, do you have any ideas? Just because I am the eldest doesn't mean I always know what is best! :-)

In answer to your question Massachusetts is in the Northeast AKA New England. We are on the east coast - the beach is 20 minutes from my
house, we are near New Hampshire, Vermont, New York,
Connecticut, Maine.

The snow isn't too bad but it is very cold outside, though. There has been a warning for frostbite.

Well my computer room won't paint itself so I must tear myself away from the computer and do it. I am going to hit the gym later, whilst there I may come up with some more ideas for out report to the list! I hope I am not too shattered afterwards. (Using my new favorite word)

Cory reread the mail and when she got to the third paragraph she felt a lump form in her throat. The mail had touched her heart and she desperately wanted to give JJ a hug but that was impossible she'd only known her less than a week but the honesty and openness in their mails was comforting and she so wanted to get to know this person better.

Sorry to hear about your accident, I haven't had chance to check my mails until now. We had a busy weekend with one thing and another. Well we've had some very emotional mails this week so I'm going to lighten the mood plus I am one very bored cub here - UK television is not fantastic on a Sunday night - even Sky is crap.

I love Cher (saw her in concert last month with another one of the cubs), Annie Lennox. The Beautiful South, Gloria Estefan, Celine Dion (but I'm only admitting that to you!), Dolly Parton, Tammy Wynette, Bette Midler and Texas - to name but a few.

Nottinghill, Calamity Jane (I love Doris Day), 4 Weddings and a Funeral and best of all The Star Wars trilogy.

I used to love Cagney and Lacey (I was in Sharon Gless' fanclub but that's the only other fan club I've ever been in). I like Star Trek - Next Gen and Voyager but I'm not on any on-line stuff.

My favourite soap is Eastenders and Emmerdale but they're UK shows and you wouldn't know them. I like them as they make my life seem wonderful as every character is usually going through a crisis!

Anyway I hope I haven't sent you to sleep - I think you may have met your match for talking! You said you were redoing your office, how's the refurbishment going?

Have a good evening ... mail you tomorrow ... I might scan some pictures on of me and send you one.

"I said do you want to watch London's Burning? It's the new series. You were miles away. What you doing?"

"You know I told you about that role-playing well I've joined in too. I met someone on there and we've joined forces. She seems really nice; JJ's her name. She lives with her partner Sarah in America." Cory said the last part rather quickly. She knew Sam's views about gay people, he was sort of homophobic and it irritated Cory like mad, especially as she had something in her past that she hadn't told him. To be precise she hadn't told anyone.

"That's usually what it's called when two women live together. Why are you pulling that face?"

"Well at least it's you getting the willies! They certainly don't want them!" She grinned at him and decided it was time to change the subject. She looked at her watch, it was too early to go to bed but too late to really do anything so she decided to have a cuddle and watch London's Burning.

An hour later and she found herself yawning, she was very comfortable, she noticed that they weren't actually cuddling, she was using Sam more as a pillow and his arm was around her but there was no pressure and he hadn't shown any interest in stroking her hands or anything. It was just comfortable like an old friend. This worried her, if she wanted just friendship she'd have married her best friend Angela!

"I'm just going to check my mail one more time. I have a feeling JJ might have mailed me and well it's just nice to get personal mail."

"We've just spent an hour watching the television ... what do you want us to do?" Cory looked at him a tired expression on her face.

"Well nothing but it'd be nice if you paid me as much attention as you do your e-mail mates." Sam whined.

"Look I'll check my mail, then we'll have an early night. You feeling amorous." Cory looked at Sam and noticed he'd suddenly found the remote control interesting and was surfing the channels.

Cory shrugged, it worked every time she mentioned the prospect of sex and Sam suddenly found something else to do. It usually depressed her but at this moment in time she was feeling happy. She just knew there'd be a mail waiting for her. She downloaded and didn't have to wait too long, there it was and she'd known it would be there.

I am glad you decided to write. The office make over is going well, I'm on the painting and it's going pretty good. I have to do a second coat, next weekend. It was funny I was going to write tonight and send you my favorites. So without further ado.

I love Cher; Sarah and I will be seeing her in March. Other faves, Elton John, Melissa Etheridge, Gloria, and believe it or not Mariah Carey (her music not attitude).

The Other Sister (with Juliette Lewis), The Santa Clause, Birdcage, Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar.

Cagney and Lacey - (Sharon Gless oh yeah), Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Party of Five, Le Femme Nikita and my soap opera "Days of our Lives" I tape it.

You didn't send me to sleep!! As for the talking part as long as you don't mind I don't.

You asked me about Sarah. We didn't meet until 1994. We both moved home after broken up relationships and we worked for the same supermarket. I played hard to get, because I was so unsure of another relationship. That was almost six years ago. We are both so opposite sometimes I wonder how we stay together. We have a great time together so that must be it. Sarah doesn't like computers, so she's not into e-mailing lists. She likes cop shows and real life trauma in the E.R. shows-- my stomach can't stand those shows.

My friends from college know me as a different person and we are all from different states. My friends from high school I live near now. I am at the most 1-hour or so from my best friend from high school. When I came out to them and myself they understood and stood by me. My friends are; Nancy (who has seen me at my worst) she lives two streets over. My friend Katy she lives 10 minutes away. My friend Ellen lives also ten minutes away. My friend Patsy (she is gay, too) lives about 40 minutes away and my friend Faye lives about 1 hour away. We hung out in high school and had a passion for sports and didn't drink. We separated in college, but in the recent years have gotten back together. It is almost like we never had years apart.

When it comes to the house, Sarah is the outside person and I am the inside. I hate mowing the lawn and raking leaves. I will vacuum and clean the bathroom and kitchen. I work with all guys - so I don't even bother ironing. I can wear jeans and sweatshirts if I like.

Well I think I have written plenty for this email. Remind me and I will tell you about my job in the next email.

I hope you have a good day (if you are reading this in the evening) or will have a good day if this is morning.

She looked at the clock, it was getting late she could return a mail but it didn't look like JJ was expecting one as the last sentence implied that JJ thought Cory would be in bed. She decided that that was a good place to be. She shut down the computer, collected her things and climbed the stairs to bed. The weekends never seemed long enough and she always got a little down this time on a Sunday, as she knew she had another grueling week at work.

The week went by quickly for Cory, she found herself attached to the computer most of her spare time. She didn't see Sam much at all; she was so wrapped up in her new friendship. JJ and her had been mailing continually throughout the week, they'd answered a variety of surveys about each other generally finding out likes and dislikes. Cory had really enjoyed answering the mails and finding that although they had their differences; she also had a great deal in common with JJ. She'd found her daydreams were becoming more and more focussed on JJ and her night dreams had become more and more real, last night's had been the most realistic.

She'd been by a lake watching the ripples on the water. They were circular in motion as if the water had been disturbed and it was now resettling. She watched the circles decreasing in size; she wasn't watching the circles out of pleasure she was looking for something; someone. Her heart was pounding; she was scared; worried. Her eyes scanned the circles they'd almost disappeared; she turned and went back to the fire. Her heart was still beating and she stirred the embers of the fire. She needed to get wood, she'd need the heat of the fire for later she knew this but had no idea why. She went to the edge of the tree line and bent down collecting thin sticks for kindling wood and thicker sticks for the fire's fuel. As she straightened she felt arms circle her waist and she gasped, dropping the wood as she did so. The arms were wet and drops of water were falling on her shoulders from the wet black hair that was draped over her.

The owner of the arms began to kiss her ears and she turned in the hold and gazed up into the bluest, brightest eyes she'd ever seen. She watched the pupils of the eyes dilate with desire and it warmed her heart to know she was the reason behind this lust. She hoped the same reflected in her eyes. She stared a moment longer willing her partner to drown in her own gaze, to see the desire she hoped was now evident on her face. She closed her eyes and as lips met lips she felt herself melting, falling……….

It had been at this point that Cory had awoken with a jolt. Her heart was racing and she felt cold, like she'd lost her section of the quilt but no it was there covering her. She couldn't explain the chill, she'd been so warm a moment ago and then she remembered the arms. They were the same arms that she'd felt the other day when she'd fallen asleep in the bath but the smell had been different. The smell in this one was muskier, a mixture of leather and river water. She remembered the lake and the fire. Why would she have been out in the woods like that? There was nothing like that near her home. She put it down to just another dream but they were becoming regular, every time she remembered the events of the dream but never the other person, only the eyes and the arms and the smell. She could never picture the face.

She clambered out of bed, trying not to disturb Sam but he stirred, mumbled something before turning over and returning to his own dreams. Cory quickly entered the toilet, did the necessaries and then left the room to go to the office. She'd found herself waking slightly earlier so that she could spend time before work reading JJ's mail.

Her mails with JJ had settled down to a nice regular routine, due to the time delay they were usually read in the morning when Cory got up and she replied in the evening when she returned home. She assumed JJ did the same. They'd traded information mainly about the recent experiences of family deaths, they had happened at a very similar time and they were both still going through the healing process. JJ's comments had helped Cory understand more and Cory hoped her comments had helped JJ. They'd also started replying to each other in different colours, Cory had chosen blue as it was her favourite colour and JJ liked red, they also left many of the comments and questions still attached so it helped them both understand and remember what they had written. This helped them both out as they noticed that although they both spoke English there was a big difference in the usage of words and the spellings. Cory had sent a picture of the animals with yesterday's mail.

She settled to the computer and decided she'd write a few notes to JJ this morning, seeing as she was up earlier it'd be a nice surprise for JJ when she got up. She liked Friday's the day was more relaxed at work and she didn't have to go in so early as most of the morning was practical and the children had all the equipment they needed. She decided to keep the mail brief but personal. She had so many things she wanted to write; she'd found herself slowly opening up to JJ more and more. She often found she could talk to people about everything and anything but her real feelings. She had secrets from her past that had begun to haunt her and she needed someone to talk to. She'd found herself wanting to write things to JJ she'd never told a living soul and she felt good about this. It was kind of writing a journal of her life and she found that some things she'd struggled to get her head round were finally becoming clearer. It was kind of like therapy, she'd finally found someone who understood her.

She decided to glance through the week's mails to decide which questions had been covered and whether she would get inspiration for some new ones.

I've decided you're bad for my workload <vbg>. I've managed to mark 34 books - one set of English - and I still have another set to mark but I get this sudden desire to write you a mail that has no real relevance to life in general!That was a compliment, right? I don't think I have ever been on-line this much since I had a computer.

I'm very caring, can be very self-centred, (me too)I like to think the best of people but this tends to get me into trouble! (Me too), I consider friendship the most important thing in the world,(me too)I am a procrastinator and tend to put things off until the last minuteI'm honest and truthful 99.9% I try to be, it depends on who I am talking to. I usually get tongue-tied. I hate failing at anything.Me too and being wrong. I'm a dreamer - I spend half my life in my head wrapped up in my hopes and dreamsThat is me all over. I think about what if's a lot. Sometimes it is the only thing that keeps me going. I don't tell people about it, I think they would think I am crazy. I have trouble sometimes saying what I want to say I've never been one for words, I am much better at writing it (believe it or not!)

I worry a lot I worry way too much I fidget all the timeI might fidget a lot, sometimes when I am standing and talking to somebody I sway. Or if I am waiting (like today) for a store to open I will pace. I bite my nails(me too) especially when I am nervous.

I've just read this and I think I ought to be put in a mental institute!! Us crazies can stick together. I can be selfish (I am an only child) I am moody (Gemini is my sign) especially when I have PMS- you don't even want to be in the states. I am very confident in myself, I am also a good verbal fighter but I usually give the silent treatment. (Sarah can't stand that.) I can be stubborn. But the one thing my cousin says is that I have a good heart. I will do anything for the people I care about!!!! I am sure there is more. I do hate losing, but not as bad as when I play sports. If things don't go my way I can sulk.

Thanks for saying I write well - I do want to write a book one day - I do write poetry - I haven't shown many people it but I want to post some and need a volunteer to read it!!!!! Any volunteers????Pick me pick me (waving hand frantically to the teacher)

The above mail always made Cory chuckle when she pictured the two of them in a mental institution together. She opened the next one, it had a more serious tone to it as JJ had been having problems in her relationship that Cory easily related to and sympathised with.

Glad you got a chance to go shopping ... some of your comments made me giggle especially this one: I had to go buy some new undies as mine have been strangling me lately (too much information probably).Trying to get a visual as I write!! vbg. Sam and I both needed some more trousers as well - so the store card is no longer empty but we won't have to walk round in the nude!!Oh another visual!!

Sorry to hear about your bust up with Sarah, I didn't realise you had to move things when you hoovered or dusted!! <vbg>That was obviously the day we didn't go to class. I obviously went to your school for cleaning!! We should team up nobody would employ us!We could have fun surfing the web and whatnot.How's it going with you and Sarah?Better we are speaking, but not like usual. It may take a few days. I did sleep in the guestroom. I realized the mattress is better for my back.I know what you mean about having a commitment financially due to houses etc. In order to pay for ours we need both wages - i think that's why a lot of people stay together. Do you do things together - hobbies etc?Not really. We like to shop and go to movies. She can't stand the computer and reads the rag newspaper. She loves to watch TV. I like it but there are few shows she will watch with me.

Sam and I get on very well 99% of the time.Us too but when we fight it is stupid and because she is so picky sometimes. Like I said before I feel like a two-year-old at times, maybe I act like one too.I'm usually the one who starts the sulks or moods(me too). Sam hates it when he's wrong!Sarah, tooHe refuses to argue which gets my goat, as I love a good rowHe's also very caring and supportive of my fads and crazes - he puts up with my selfishness and my obsessions. He doesn't moan when the house is untidySarah complains until it is done and then complains about how I did it. (See above in this email about lifting furniture)

Sam kept saying I was miles away in the car - he wanted to know what i was thinking about - I was miles away - I was thinking of your last e-mail and what to write in this one - I had loads to tell you but now my mind is a blank.Don't worry I hope we have plenty of time for when we forget to say something. I am not going anywhere unless you want me, too.

In the next mail JJ had answered Cory's questions about ICQ and Cory and JJ had both signed up for it in the hope that one day they might find time to chat together.

ICQ stands for I seek you. It is a program that runs in the background. At least that is what the web page says. I am going to sign up either tonight or later tomorrow. It runs in the background and if I have your ICQ number in my list, it will find you if you go on-line then we can somehow chat. I only read the page real quick. www.icq.com is the address

I like mailing to you - I always have this quirky grin on my faceI know what you mean I get a silly grin, actually I look through the emails and find yours first. I especially like it when I get to this point in the mail, as I know I'll get a reply soon and then I get to waffle all over again!What does waffle mean? I enjoy your emails finding out about you and your days. I have not met anybody on the Internet and just become friends. I think it is great. Talk about fate, it was meant to be that you read my email and became part of war.

Cory scanned JJ's latest mail and chuckled at the opening line, which she'd written the previous night.

This time difference doesn't half suck - I don't know how the people on the pack list who have fallen in love conduct romances over it!!I have no idea and yes it does suck. I wish you lived right down the corner so I can drop by and we can really chat. Then I think what if you didn't like me!

Noone is ever around to play! When I'm asleep you're awake, when I'm getting up - you're having sweet dreams - when I'm at work - you're asleep or free to play and when i get home you're at work etc.I really love the way you write and your thought process. My problem is I think these thoughts but I can never get them down on paper. We will have to co-ordinate with each other better at weekends.

Now I've got to go and make the tea (dinner) and watch my programs and you'll be free!!!I got my hour or so in and now it is Super bowl time and I promised Sarah I would watch it. Did you put me in your ICQ thingy? (Now that is real tech talk!!)Not that I'm really complaining as i love speaking to you!Right back at you kiddo.

I'm going to go and surf some fan fiction sites and find a good story to read! I am reading The Pilot's wife, very good by Anita Shreve. It takes place in New England it describes the area where I live to a tea. It is a real book though.

So more about me: If I like a song I will turn it up loud and dance around the house, now that is a sight to see! I love dance music the most.

Okay - American Football is calling me!!!!! Let's figure out a time for next weekend when we can chat!!!!!! Or maybe during the week!

You mentioned you had so many e-mails in your inbox ... why haven't you read them?

PS; I have this friend and her birthday is coming up soon ... we get on well and I want to make up a CD of songs for her birthday but she hasn't answered my questions about dance music etc. I was wondering if you could have a quiet word to my friend for me as I will have to make it very soon as she lives overseas in the UK (vbg). Oh yeah keep it a secret from her, as I don't want her to know!!

Cory reread the postscript and a huge smile developed, she knew this was a huge hint from JJ and she felt warm and cosy inside just thinking that JJ wanted to send her a present. She opened up a new mail and quickly composed a quick mail, she checked it through, grinned at the odd humorous comment she'd put in and then hurriedly sent it as she noticed the time, she'd spent more time than she thought and now she was running late.

She shot into the bedroom forgetting Sam was asleep; he woke up as she ran into the ensuite.

"I'm late, I didn't notice the time. I have to shower and find some track bottoms. You couldn't go downstairs and sort me some out?"

"What have you been doing? You've been up a while?" asked Sam, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"I was reading my mails and well I decided to reply to a few." She looked up at Sam and saw the look of disinterest sweep across his face. He really wasn't interested so she left him and quickly showered.

She was only 20 minutes later than usual when she got to school and soon settled into another Friday at the madhouse.

Chapter 6

The day went smoothly enough, she liked Fridays as they got to leave school pretty much as soon as the kids had gone and Rachel and her were going to the gym. Friday's was their big workout night and they usually spent 2 hours using all the machines. Cory noticed that her mind really wasn't on the task at hand, it kept wandering, she couldn't focus on her run and Rachel noticed.

"You slacking off tonight Cory? What's wrong? Had a bad day? You seemed okay, I didn't hear you murdering any of the cherubs through the wall."

"No it was pretty good really, I feel like I'm making progress with the kids. I'm just thinking about tonight really."

"You going anywhere special?" asked Rachel as they sat on the stretching mat, they'd finally finished their workout.

"No, we never go out. Thought I'd spend a few minutes checking my mails or something."

" Made any new friends?" enquired Rachel as she settled on the stomach cruncher.

Cory paused she needed to do her sit-ups and then she'd tell Rachel all about JJ. She wanted to sound Rachel out about a few things, as she wasn't sure what Rachel's true feelings on certain subjects were. "Yeah I've made a friend in the US ... I'll tell you about her over a can of pop."

The two friends made their way out to the entrance and grabbed a can. Rachel leant against the wall and looked at Cory. "Come on then spill the beans!"

"What?" asked Cory looking puzzled.

"Your new mate ... why all the mystery?"

"No mystery, just met someone who I can talk to. She seems nice we have the same interests and well we're getting on well…." answered Cory fiddling with her laces. " She lives with her partner up the north East Coast."

"Male or female?" asked Rachel looking directly at Cory.

" Male or female what?"

" The partner is it a male or female?"

" Er female. Her name's Sarah, they've been together 5 years." Cory replied looking at Rachel. "Sam doesn't know why I can be so relaxed about it. He has this thing about it being wrong and unnatural. What do you think?" She desperately wanted to know Rachel's view.

"I think it's a man thing Cory. I mean women are just more comfortable around each other, we're used to hugging and telling each other how we feel, they get threatened that we women might actually survive without them!"

" Yeah I know what you mean it's like when I went down with the college crowd for the hen weekend and we stayed at the farm house. Sam asked where I'd slept and when I said I'd shared the bed with Angela he was like freaked out. He just couldn't believe we shared a bed. I had to tell him so many times that nothing had happened." Cory said, laughing as she remembered the look on Sam's face when she'd told him. "He kept saying but what if you'd woken up hugging her?"

"I said she'd have probably hugged me back and then pushed me out of bed to make the coffee!"

" I still say it's because women are just more relaxed around each other. I mean we need the physical contact with our friends, we're not into this macho British stiff upper lip and no touching that the men have, we hug and we kiss our friends and we tell them our inner most secrets. I think most women are just one small step away from being gay, I have had friends who I've been so close to that there was a thin line between friends and involved, but when I think of getting physical with a woman and getting physical with a man, well I just know guys do it for me but I can see why some women choose women. I haven't met anyone yet who hasn't had a crush on another woman at some time in her life. What do you think?" She looked at Cory.

Cory had suddenly found her laces interesting; her head was down, she was hoping the blush on her face was hidden as she was remembering her school and college crushes. " I agree with you, I think you should be with who makes you happy and it doesn't matter about the gender, I just wish Sam would be more tolerant. I like JJ and one day we might meet up I could do without his wise cracks when we do. I can just see the four of us eating dinner together, he'd be making sarcastic comments or something."

" Hey if he won't go with you I'll take the trip, we'll leave the guys behind and have our own adventure."

"So gay people don't bother you?"

"Cory, people are who they are, if they're a nice person and they care for people and they want to be my friend, I don't care what colour, religion, gender or sexual inclination they have I'll be their friend." At this Rachel leant over and gave Cory a squeeze, Cory let out a slow breath, she was glad her friend had such liberal views she had a feeling she might need Rachel's help and advice one day.

They both gave each other a hug as they got to their cars, they'd become close friends and Rachel was a very tactile person. Cory was learning to accept these hugs and return them; they wished each other a good weekend and both drove off in different directions.

She arrived home twenty minutes later to find a quiet house; Sam had fallen asleep on the sofa. He looked so peaceful that she didn't have the heart to wake him; she crept by and went upstairs to download and read her messages, she had one from JJ sent in the afternoon her time. She opened it:

JJ Matthews Re: It's Friday

Good evening Cory

Why have I not read my e-mails??? Well a certain someone a thousand or so miles away has my undivided attention - I wonder who that could be? <vbg> OOOOOOPS! If it makes you feel any better I just delete or I would be in the same boat.

About the postscript, I have this friend who likes general music - she likes pop music but not rap, she's a sucker for mushy songs and loves soul/blues music like Ben E King, Otis Redding, Sam Cooke - she also loves Country especially Tammy Wynette and Patsy Cline. She likes late 80's and 90's and rock bands like Heart and Meatloaf but not many others. Bryan Adams soothes her and she even admits to being hooked on Celine Dion (but don't tell a soul!) - and she has a huge silly grin on her face as she writes this!! Two more questions please don't avoid---- Is there any singer that our mutual friend just really hates. Please could you keep this a secret? I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise for her. <vsg> (very silly grin)

Must go to work - I'll mail you later ... talking of work I am writing this at work so I'd better go and look busy before the boss sees me!

Take it easy kiddo

She glanced at her watch and decided to write the answers to the recent mail and then continue their ongoing discussion about coping with grief. Both of them had found they needed someone to talk to but they never put these discussions in morning mails as neither wanted to depress the other person before they went to work.

After sending the mail she went and had a leisurely shower, this was of her favourite things after a gruelling workout in the gym. She loved the pulsating water beating on her tired muscles and the tingle of the mint shower gel made her feel wider awake. She massaged her sore shoulder muscles. It didn't take long to wash away the day's grime and she sat looking in the mirror as she combed her hair and prepared to dry it. She was thinking of what she could do tonight. She fancied going to the cinema to see a really soppy film but Sam would moan all the way through and make comments and she didn't want that. Still she'd suggest it to him and see what he said, they hadn't been out in ages and maybe a romantic comedy might make him feel in the mood.

She slipped on her jogging bottoms and sweatshirt as if she knew what his answer would be before she even asked and headed out of the bedroom door. On her way past the office a little suggestive voice seemed to pop up and entice her to step into the office and check her mails. She looked at her watch, it had only been 30 minutes, but the nagging feeling wouldn't go away and well what was one more download. She booted up the computer and twiddled with a pen whilst waiting, she was shocked and stunned when there on the screen was a reply from JJ.

JJ Matthews Re: It's the weekend!!!

Hi Cory

It may be the weekend for you ... some of us are still working!! Take pity on me! (vbg) I'm answering some of your questions from yesterday and today, and then I have some for you!

When my Nan died I didn't want to go see her lying in rest; I wanted to remember her the way she had been. It's hard enough to remember her as the vibrant person she was because over 10 years she lost kind of lost her sense of humour but always kept her zest for life and all the illnesses finally took their toll on her spirit, but she was still a beautiful person and always told you what she thought. I wanted to remember her that way. Did you see your mother?

I did see my mother in the casket and unfortunately a lot of times that is all I can picture when I think of her. I think you were smart.

Went to the gym tonight it was good. You said you went to the gym what's your routine?

I went to the gym tonight as well. I usually run 3 miles and then bike, every other night lift weights.

I have so many things I want to ask you, sometimes I feel like I've known you ages and then I realize it's only been just over2 weeks!

I know what you mean about asking questions or saying things. I have a lot to say but now that I want to say them I have forgotten! I should write it down when I think of them and then it'll jog my memory!! Ask any question you like, I usually don't have a problem with answering.

I'm sorry my mail is so depressing I shouldn't go on about my Nan's death ... it puts a bit of a morbid tone to the mails.

I wouldn't worry about the tone of the e-mail. I believe I started the theme. Sometimes you just have to talk about it. I find that every once in a while I just need to talk... you just happen to be the lucky person!!

I talked to my 'friend' and she doesn't really like the grungy stuff - Chemical Brothers, Oasis etc.I've never heard of them!!She hasn't really heard any of Melissa Etheridge's stuff but is very interested and wants to know what the Indigo Girls sound like.I think I can handle that. I promise i won't tell her!Thanks a bunch.But she has had the goofiest grin on her face all day and thinks you're wonderful!Well I don't know if I am wonderful, but if that is how I am being described then I will live with it. Her new friend is pretty cool, too.

Today was a much better travel day then yesterday. I usually have a long commute to work, but yesterday was the worst. I may ask the boss to shift my time a little bit so I am not hitting all the traffic.

Do you have a car??? I have a pickup truck. A Toyota t-100. It is great. 3 years old. It is a green color.

By the way your dog is beautiful, what is his/her name?? How about the cats - do they havenames? I am more of a dog person than cat. (sorry)

Well I think I have rambled on enough- I was going to throw another fact at you, but I have forgotten what I was going to say ... hey it's been a long day!! Oh yeah what do think about soulmates? What is your idea of a soulmate and do they have to be involved?

I hope you have had a great day and let me know if the attachment came.

Take it easy

Cory smiled, she found herself doing this more and more when she read JJ's stuff. She was desperate to actually talk to this woman and even meet her; she just knew they'd get on. She decided that tonight was the night to talk about past relationships. She'd found that when she opened up and told JJ stuff, JJ would respond with facts about herself and Cory was desperate to know about JJ's history.

Cory Williams More about me!

WARNING ... HUGE E-MAIL ... YOU MAY NEED CAFFEINE TO KEEP YOU AWAKE!!!!!!

Time to tell you more about myself I guess.

I have been in love three times in my life, I think ... I mean I've been out with stacks of people but these three have held my attention for longer than 2 weeks.

The first one was at college and it was with a guy called Jon Deacon. He was wonderful and it was like the movies sparks and my heart pitter-pattering when he was near. We went out together for 9 months and I was totally smitten. We got on so well, we hardly argued unless I got drunk and then I'd want him to admit that we'd be together forever and well he never ever did. We got on ace until a girl came back on the scene that he'd always fancied and well she didn't want him for herself but she also didn't want him with anyone else so she flirted with him and he fell for it. He broke my heart and it took years for me to trust and give my heart again and in a way I don't think I ever have properly. My heart was fragile and tattered for ages.

I then met someone else at college and we got on well and we were together for just over a year. We went everywhere together and practically lived together but I couldn't give the relationship what it needed and we finished when I left college. I regret the fact that it was my fault we finished.

A couple of years after leaving college I met Sam and well he gave me the attention I'd been missing. We only got to see each other at weekends so we would go out a lot and stay at each other's. We get on very well and although it's not the heart beating, knee quaking romance he's there for me, and well we have a good life.

On the subject of soul mates I'm divided - I'd like to think there was someone out there that made me feel complete but then it would mean that Sam isn't mine. I guess a soulmate would be someone you can open your heart and soul to. Who you feel comfortable with and want to be with - even if you can't be with them - forever. You think of them constantly and can't get rid of their image from your mind. You have the same likes and dislikes most of the time. They bring a smile to your face even when they are discussing everyday life. You feel a connection to them even though you may never have met them or are likely to. I'm not sure they have to be involved- maybe they should be involved but time and place prevent it. I don't know- I don't think it's exactly like some of the fan fiction stories tell it as that's way up in the clouds. I mean the chances of meeting someone who knows what you're thinking and can feel what you're feeling is a bit unbelievable but it's not like all the stories suggest! So I don't know ... I guess I just don't want to believe because that would mean mine was out there without me.I'm a firm believer in fate and that some things happen for a reason.

As for a car I have a Ford Fiesta about 10 years old, I rarely use it as I get lifts everywhere and car share, trying to do my bit for the environment.

As for the dog her name is Holly, named after my Nan, the cats are called Scampi, Chips and Tom. We have 2 fish in the garden called Mulder and Scully ... couldn't resist after reading the book!!! (vbg) I was always a cat person myself and Sam is the dog person ... cats are so much more independent and they come and go as they please ... a dog takes a lot of looking after!! Which is why Sam does all the looking after.

So how about you ... you said I could ask you any questions so here goes:

What about your love life?

How did you finally meet up with Sarah?

When did you know you were gay? Did you come straight out or hide it?

How did your parents react?

So are you a big believer of love at first sight and soul mates?

You said I could ask anything and well just ignore is if you don't want to answer them ... they're pretty personal things.

Hope everything is okay.

Cory

Cory sat back and read the mail, she pondered deeply about the soulmate reply. Everything she'd written was exactly what she felt when she thought about JJ. They'd only known each other 2 weeks but she'd definitely opened up to JJ. She wondered if JJ felt the same ... she'd have to pluck up the courage to ask one day.

She looked at her comments about love, well I haven't lied there and her mind traveled back to her college days. Her muses were interrupted from shouting coming from downstairs. Reality hit her when she realized she should have made dinner by now. She ran downstairs and went in search of food. She found Sam in the kitchen rooting around in the freezer looking for food.

"Hi, did you sleep well?" asked Cory; desperately trying to work out what kind of mood Sam was in.

"Can't believe I went out like a light, it's unusual for me to sleep in the day. It's just you've been really restless in your sleep Cor, more than usual, you keep tossing and turning and murmuring a name. Is something worrying you?"

Cory sat at the kitchen counter and looked at Sam, she didn't know how to answer the question. There was something nagging at the back of her mind but she couldn't think what. She just put it down to stress at work and they had a discussion about the things Cory could do to release the stress, most of them focussed on her getting her work done and spending less time on the computer. Cory didn't quite agree with this as she often found herself relaxing more when she was reading her mail and replying to the many people who posted on the various lists. The conversation moved on and Cory began to give Sam her dates for the gym.

"You've remembered I'm on a business trip on Thursday night, haven't you?" inquired Sam, chopping the mushrooms as he spoke.

"Oh shit, no it'd slipped my mind. I guess I'll be brave and spend the night on my own it won't kill me!! But we'll have to ask mum and dad to look after Holly ... I'll never get myself organized enough to walk her and she'll be home all day alone."

"I'll ring your parents later but knowing you as I know you you'll panic now for the next five nights about staying on your own. Ring Rachel and ask her to stay over. You can still do the gym then and get some of the planning you've just been moaning about out of the way. Go on she'll jump at the chance to have a night away from the kids. You two can gossip for England!" Sam handed her the portable house phone, which was never very far from him.

Cory dialed in Rachel's number and as Sam had predicted Rachel agreed and they planned a night of gossip and wine, a recipe for a good stress free evening!

The rest of the evening went smoothly, Cory had suggested going out but Sam wasn't keen and suggested they watch a movie and cuddled on the sofa with a bottle of wine. The movie had been a good one Anne Heche and Harrison Ford stranded on a desert island. Cory found herself looking more at Anne Heche and admiring her body. Sam made the odd comment about how it was hard to watch the film and believe the love scenes when the actress was gay. Cory let slip that if was a choice between snogging Harrison or Anne she knew which one she preferred. Sam had commented about Harrison being way too old and all Cory could think about was if only he knew!

Chapter 7

Cory awoke to blazing sunshine coming in through the bedroom curtains. It was a lovely fresh Sunday morning, it was the end of January and the weather was good for this time of year. As she stretched she felt the muscles ripple in her back and a slight ache from her workout at the gym. She liked the firmness of her back muscles and was pleasantly surprised at how quickly her body was responding to the new workout regime. Rachel and her were going to start a new class called Body Pump once work settled down.

Sam arrived in the room with a steaming mug of tea, "Morning sleepy head ... Holly and I have been down the field and she's worn out. I'm off to play a round of golf so I should be gone for a few hours. What are your plans for the day?"

"I thought I'd check my mails, do some marking, write my plans. Same ole same ole really."

"Want to come to golf?" Sam enquired knowing the answer before it came he glanced at his wife.

Cory pulled a face and slid under the covers, "No way I'd rather mark a thousand books than follow you over a golf course!" came the muffled response from under the duvet.

Sam squeezed her leg and patted the dog and went on his way. Cory surfaced from under the covers and glanced at the clock, 9am, well it'd be 4am in the States but there was bound to be a morning message off JJ if she could get her lazy arse out of the bed. She grabbed her cup of tea and bathrobe and made her way into the office. There was a slight chill in the house and as the computer was booting up she made her way to the heating thermostat.

Holly settled herself at the door of the office and Cory sank into the large chair in the office glancing at the piles of paperwork that were scattered around the room. She made a mental note to talk to Sam about getting shelves put up. The connection was going through so she grabbed a sheet of paper to write a list of chores and reminders for the week. It was busy at school and she needed to make sure she had all the things ready for the school's cross country meeting that they were hosting, there was also the night out at an Italian with work for her birthday and she had to visit her parents.

She glanced at the screen, it had started the download and she didn't have to wait long before there it was a mail from JJ. Her heart was beating slightly faster and she noticed her hands were trembling. She had no idea why, all she knew was this was a regular occurrence when JJ posted a mail to her. She put it down to fear of the unknown and opened the post.

JJ Matthews Re: More about me

WARNING - HUGE E-MAIL - YOU MAY NEED CAFFEINE TO STAY AWAKE!! --- Return e-mail just as big, lucky you have no limit.

On the subject of soul mates I'm divided - I'd like to think there was but then it would mean that I haven't met mine yet. Me either. But it's not like the books suggest!

So are you a big believer of love at first sight and soulmates?

I don't know about love at first sight as so much as ooh this person is special and I want to get to know them better.

As for soulmates-- meaning that people are just supposed to be together and they fit together good, then yes. I think my parents were soulmates. They were perfect together (unbiased opinion of course).I think one is very lucky to have that, with the soulmate thing, too. I also do not think it happens as often in real life as it does in the books. Always in the books the two that fall in love, it happens instantaneously and it's like they have known each other for years. At least in some of the lesbian romance novels. I'm a firm believer in fate! Me too and that things happen for a reason, whether it is for the good or bad?

I have been in love three times in my life - For me 4 times. One time it was the first woman I really liked and couldn't stop thinking about. I almost got kicked out of my house for her. She dumped me after a month or so. For her it was a conquest of being the first woman I was ever with. We only got as far as kissing. (But is was good kissing!!)That was Kelly it was hard but I survived.

The second was Tina we lasted 2½ years. Sometimes when I would look at her my stomach did flips. We broke up when we were in Germany. That is a long story. She left me for a man. A man that ended being friends with her so he could get to know me!!!! The next was a different Sarah that was older and attached. We became friends from work. We used to flirt and she would call me a tease (which I guess I was) I knew her while I was with Tina. Well I came home from Germany and was at her house. She grabbed me and it sent shocks through my arm. I looked at her very differently. I was on vacation for a few weeks; I really thought about and sort of tried to become the other woman. I really hate myself for that. The long and the short of it was - she stayed with her girlfriend and I met Sarah about a year later. Here is my how I met Sarah story:

I came back to the States from Germany in April of 1994. I worked for a local grocery store. Sarah came home from Ohio (a different state). She had just broken up with her girlfriend. Sarah started working in the same store about a month later. She says she feel in love with me the first time she saw me. I was afraid of her. She was this tough girl and she slicked her hair back. She also smoked and drank a lot. She stopped smoking when she found out I wouldn't be with anybody that smoked. I think that is love. She stopped drinking about a year or so ago. I used to drink but I was afraid it was becoming a problem and stopped. Now I have the odd beer but nothing to excess (My father used to drink a lot, but hasn't had a drink in 25 years).

Sarah and I went walking on the beach one night and my leg went into a hole and I almost couldn't get out. She helped me get it out and we sort of went from there. She did all the chasing and I let her. I like going to the movies and playing putt putt golf (mini-golf), that bored her to tears but she did it anyway. Once I got to see there was a great person under there I let my guard down. I was also afraid to commit and give my heart to somebody, now I am glad I did. The only scary thing is that I know that Sarah loves me so much more than I love her. My love is growing, for me it wasn't love at first sight. I didn't want that after having it twice and almost wanting to be dead afterwards (at least with Tina).

WAKE UP!!!!! I'VE FINISHED!

Do you know the group Wet Wet Wet? I really like their music. I have the CD's from when I lived in Germany. You asked in one of your e-mails what my accent was like well the movie that was set near here was "Good Will Hunting." If you have seen that then that is my accent.

When did you know you were gay?When I finally came out to myself I was 22. I am almost jealous of some of the people on the list that are 15 or 17 and already know.

Did you come straight out?No way... I was confused, how could I be something that my parents told me never to become. I could look back on my life and say ... Oh I had a crush on her and her and her. I didn't have anybody to talk to - I was a teenager in the 80's, people didn't talk about things like that. There was no Internet like we have now. No chat rooms, no Gay/Straight Alliance. There was no "Ellen Degeneres, Melissa Etheridge" and I was scared of rejection.

How did your parents react?Not very well. My mother cried, and told me "Daddy won't be happy" and my father didn't talk to me for a while, just gave me looks. I didn't tell my mother she asked me and I knew if I lied it would be my last chance to tell her.

You don't have to answer.I really don't mind; would you mind if I asked you some questions. I'm in two minds whether to ask you now, actually I am almost afraid to ask. I don't want to get you mad or anything. Then again you've asked me some personal ones so here goes: In your last mail you said you'd been in love 3 times but only named two of them. So was the second one a woman? Like you said if it's too personal just ignore it's just you mentioned the other two as guys and skimmed over this one.

Well this is turning into an epic and I'm still at work. I hope this mail finds you well and rested after a good nights sleep.

Take it easy kiddo

Cory read the last section of the mail she'd known what the question was going to be before she'd read it, she'd wanted to write the answer in her original mail but she hadn't had the guts to actually put it onto paper. How could she tell someone about her past, about her big secret? She hadn't told a soul for 7 years and now here it was coming back to haunt her.

As she sat there pondering the doorbell rang and Holly shot up barking, instantly on guard dog patrol. Cory glanced out of the window; well there was no car outside so she couldn't tell who it was. She tightened the belt on her robe and made her way downstairs.

She peered through the glass; it was Doug from next door.

"Morning Cory, sorry have I disturbed?" Doug asked as he took in Cory's disheveled appearance.

"No Doug I'm just taking it slow, it is a Sunday you know! Talking of which what can I do for you on this bright cheery morning?" she flashed a grin at him, they'd been neighbours for over a year and rarely spoken except on the odd occasion when they were both gardening out the front and at New Year when they'd had a street party with all the neighbours.

"I just wanted to ask if you fancied going out next week as we share a birthday."

Cory looked blankly at Doug, she had no idea he even knew her birthday was this month. "We share a birthday?"

"Yeah you told me at New Year. Only I have 5 more years experience on this earth than you! So do you fancy it? My brother and his wife are going. Nicki will be there of course."

"Should be okay, I'll have to check with Sam but we had no plans. Can I invite my sister if she's around?"

"Sure the more the merrier! I'll talk to you about times in the week, we just have to sort a babysitter out." He smiled at Cory and then saw the goosebumps appearing on her arms where the robe didn't quite reach. "You'd better go in before you freeze, it just looks a nice warm day until you get outside!"

Cory nodded, said her goodbyes and shut the door. She liked birthdays, especially her own. She was never one to pass up the opportunity to have a good drink and socialize. Having a mother who didn't celebrate birthdays had definitely made her feel like she was missing out on something and so she went out of her way to make birthdays special. She made a note to email her sister and see if she'd come along, they weren't the closest of siblings but when it came to their birthdays they went out of their way to be civilized. Her mind returned to the mail waiting to be replied to, she wandered into the kitchen to put the kettle on, another cup of tea would make her feel better and help her decide.

Her mind was in turmoil here was her chance to actually get something off her chest with someone who would understand and it scared her. She stood in front of the kettle and watched the steam flow out of the spout. She'd made her mind up JJ had been open and honest with her and she owed her an explanation. It would do her good to finally open up to someone about a side of her noone knew about. With the cup of tea made, Cory made her way upstairs and opened up a new mail.

Cory Williams It's me

Good Morning JJ,

I figured that'd be the question; the second love of my life was Deb. We went out for over a year at college and kept it very quiet, we were best friends and lovers, she wanted to tell everyone about us but I wanted the secrecy not her. I think my house mates suspected but they didn't say anything at all - I'd had many boyfriends and had managed to get myself quite a reputation as a man eater - not by choice or action but because of Angela's boyfriend who I'd dumped and as he didn't like it he decided to make my life difficult by spreading rumours. People figured i was still hurting from Jon and that's why i didn't have a boyfriend - the fact that Deb stayed every other night didn't occur to them - and you had to go through my room to get to the bathroom!
I'm only just coming to terms with this really- and Sam doesn't know- i kind of decided that I'd played both sides and when i left college that side of my life was over (very naïve of me)- I spent 2 years after college with no one and then met Sam.

Since getting involved with the list and reading all the fan fiction I'm now having doubts about my sexuality and it scares me. You are the first person I've told, I want to tell Angela but I'm worried about how she'll react and I'm scared of losing her friendship.

So you now know more about me than my best friend and it's good to have someone to talk to ... I'm now worried that Sam will read one of my mails and it'll all come out!
I do want to talk to you about it- maybe I'll have to get an email address that
needs a password that Sam won't know or I'll write an old-fashioned snail mail letter! Then you'll have problems deciphering my handwriting!
There I've bared my soul - I hope you don't think less of me now for my
cowardliness.

I want to write more but I'm scared of losing your friendship, which is ironic as I think this will actually make our friendship stronger, and maybe through talking to you I'll be brave enough to tell Angela. I really do feel like I could tell you anything.

Take care JJ

Cory

Cory sent the mail and suddenly felt the weight of the world shift off her shoulders. She took a deep breath and felt much better at peace with herself. Well it was a step in the right direction and for some reason it'd felt right telling JJ her innermost secrets. She just hoped JJ would feel the same.

She knew in her heart of hearts that things would be fine and that she had found a true friend in JJ: a soulmate. At this thought Cory sat upright, her mind racing furiously, what if JJ was her soulmate. There was no rule that said they had to be involved and she did feel like she knew JJ, her body raced when she saw her name and it was just so natural to tell this woman anything about her. She made her mind up that she would ask Cory in the next mail, if she ever wrote back to her.

The rest of the day flew by and Cory had fitted everything into it. She had managed to visit her parents, ring her sister and tidy up the house and it was now late on a Sunday evening. She had cooked the roast dinner and had just finished ploughing her way through her own creation of Mount Olympus ... their ironing pile! She plonked herself onto the sofa by Sam and snuggled up, he pushed her away. She looked at him with hurt eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing's wrong! Why do things have to be wrong?"

"Well usually when a wife hugs her husband he's supposed to hug her back!" Cory retorted angrily.

"Says who?" replied Sam.

"The books, the movies, real life. For god's sake Sam it's not like I jumped your bones I just wanted a cuddle. It's not like I'm going to get anything else ... you've made that pretty clear." Cory went and sat on the other sofa, she felt hurt and confused and just wanted to feel safe and secure. She had no idea what she'd done as they'd been getting on fine but she felt lonely.

"Look I'm just tired, I have a lot on my mind right now. I didn't mean anything by it. So do you want a cuddle?" Sam sat with his arms open but Cory just glared back at him.

"No, I think I'll go find something to do that won't interrupt your evening activities, I didn't realise I was an inconvenience!" she stood up and met Sam's eyes, "if you're not careful I may find somebody who's willing to let me in and be with them and then I'll be gone in a flash. I'm tired of this Sam, I'm fed up of being ignored and I'm tired of feeling like I'm not a woman. So make your mind up either you're in this marriage or you're not. Either way I want to know." With this she went upstairs and sat in the office staring at the cream painted wall.

She had no idea why Sam had acted like he had. He'd been out playing golf all day and they'd been getting on well, so what was his problem. Most men welcomed advances from their wives didn't they? Unless they were involved with someone else. At this thought her body went cold, as if her blood had froze. Someone else. She'd never even considered the possibility. What if Sam was cheating on her? Her hands were shaking and tears welled up in her eyes, her breathing became ragged and she didn't know why she felt like she did, she just couldn't control her emotions and they poured from her like a dam breaking.

She didn't know how long she sat in the room crying, but by the time she stumbled to the bathroom her eyes were red and swollen. She looked awful and had the start of a really bad headache. She considered her options, she could go downstairs and watch the television but that would require talking to Sam, she could have a bath or check her emails. She dismissed the first one, fancied the second one but the latter was the one that brought a smile to her sullen face. If she checked her mail there was sure to be news from JJ.

She washed her face with cold water and looked at herself in the mirror and said aloud, "Pull yourself together Williams, no man will ever make you feel like Jon did! Remember that! Never give your heart ... that's what you promised! Keep the bargain!"

She began the download and for some reason she felt very nervous, her heart was pounding and her hands sweating. She just hoped that JJ understood about her past. She glanced down the screen there were two mails off JJ, well that was a nice surprise. She opened the first one:

JJ Matthews Re: It's me

Hey Cory,

I had already guessed that the answer would be a woman as you never named her. I don't judge anyone and I'm just pleased you felt you could trust me with your secrets. I hope never to break this confidence. I will always be here to answer any questions and support you through any decisions or just be a shoulder to cry on if you need one.

I figured for some reason that you might need a bit of light relief after baring your soul so I have some more survey questions! We still have so many things that we don't know about each other!

You said you were a bit of a poet ... any chance of reading some of them. If they're too personal I'll understand.

Here is the survey I was just thinking of some things and thought I would write them down, hold on tightly there's quite a list!!

Favorite snack - Mine are M&M's

Football or rugby - Silly question to ask and then answer a completely different answer! Ice hockey (I don't really care for the other two.) I play for a local team so one day you might see me play!

Mariah or Whitney - I guess Mariah.

Backstreet Boys or N Sync - Backstreet Boys

Reebok or Nike - Reebok

Pepsi or Coke - Pepsi

Favorite Spice Girl - Mel G

Favorite body part (male or female) - Legs, butt, hands and boobs. Not necessarily in that order

What do you look at first in a person - I like their eyes and smile.

Sleep with or without pajamas - I sleep with but would prefer without, but won't be the only one in the bed naked!

Do you like jeans (or pants) tight on the butt or loose?? - I like 'em slightly loose! - not baggy like those young people.

Do you think Ricky Martin is just one album hit wonder or here to stay???? I used to think here to stay, but the more I see him the more I hope I am wrong!

Wine or Beer (ale) - Neither, I don't drink (I know you've heard it before) I drink a lot of water!

Cher or Bette Midler ... I like both--don't want to see either of them naked!!

Can you whistle with your fingers in your mouth?? I can't but I am learning (see how tough my day is????) Hey I just learned to whistle and now I am light headed. vbg

What is your favorite type of movie? Mine is comedy, drama, sci-fi

Do you like sneakers, boots or shoes? I wrote mine in order of preference!

Shower or bath- I like a shower!

Favorite undies--- cotton or silk (if too personal pass)

Cotton (You see more traces I am a wild woman!)

Well that should keep you busy and out of trouble ... see I am now finding things for you to think about so you won't get bored!! vbg

Your friend JJ

Cory grinned when she read the mail, no matter what mood she was in; JJ had a habit of brightening even the worst of them. She wiped the tears from her eyes and moved the mouse over the second mail, she had no idea why JJ was mailing her for a second time in one day, the mail was quite recent, it had only been sent about thirty minutes ago. She pressed the open button:

Cory,

Okay you're going to think I'm crazy but are you okay?? I just got this almighty feeling in my chest, kind of a crushing sensation and the need to talk to you. Don't ask me why I felt like this I mean I was just sitting on the couch watching the play offs and my heart was pounding, my head aching and I felt sick. I also had this image of you, it wasn't of the photo you'd sent ... you weren't wearing regular clothes. Anyway I'm worried about you.

Will check later to see if I have scared you away or if you want to hang out with me, like forever! I just feel a connection between us. Do you feel the same? Have I freaked you out?

You're crazy ... needs to go visit the shrink - American friend, JJ

Chapter 8

Cory stared at the mail; she read it over and over again. Had JJ really felt her pain? It was hard to believe but then why else would JJ be mailing. Did she feel a connection? Well there was certainly something there, maybe that would explain the feelings she had when she thought of JJ. She had no idea and she was at the brink of an emotional meltdown, she needed to take her mind off her problems. She reopened the first mail and looked at the questions, well it was a start and she wouldn't have to deal with Sam.

She hit the reply button and soon became engrossed in the topics.

Cory Williams Re: It's me

Hi JJ,

I'm fine, but thanks for worrying! I think there definitely must be a connection as Sam and I have just had a row, nothing major but we seem to be having more lately than usual. I'm not really in the mood to go into details but I will later. You haven't freaked me out ... and it's nice to know you care!! I'm going onto the lighthearted stuff my head feels like mush as I've cried myself out. I promise to tell you later!

So here are the answers to your survey!!

Favorite snack ...

Has to be crisps, I think you call these chips!! I'm a sucker for anything savory, chocolates are okay but gets a bit sickly after a while!!

Football or rugby ...

Well it has to be rugby! I just love watching England play. I have watched them play Wales live and the atmosphere is ace, there isn't the violence in rugby spectating as there is in football.

Mariah or Whitney ...

I can't say I'm overly fussed although I like both their music.

Backstreet Boys or N Sync -

These haven't really arrived in the UK ... we have our own testosterone boys in the UK ... Boyzone and Westlife!! Lots of pretty boys all standing simpering at the camera!!

Reebok or Nike ...

Well being from the UK I have to opt for the British company so Reebok!!

Pepsi or Coke ...

I'm not really a pop person ... I kind of like banana milkshake but other than that I guess a good cup of tea.

Favorite Spice Girl ...

A dead one!! vbg They kind of give us Brits a bad name!! No they're okay in small doses!

Favorite body part (male or female)

Eyes, i love eyes, you can tell a lot about a person's personality from their eyes. Mine are green but I'm partial to blue eyed people. People can disguise all their emotions but their eyes give them away.

What do you look at first in a person?

I look for what kind of person they are, they're personality and if they can make me laugh. The eyes, which I've said before and their presence in a room.

Sleep with or without pajamas ...

I don't wear any pyjamas (notice I use the correct spelling <g>) - I like the feel of fresh linen on my skin and the unrestricted movement ... I am a wriggler in my sleep so I just get tangled in the clothing when I do wear it.

Do you like jeans (or pants) tight on the butt or loose?

I'm definitely a Levis girls fit; they fit the bottom very nicely! Plenty of room for the childbearing hips!

Do you think Ricky Martin is just one album hit wonder or here to stay????

Oh over here definitely a one hit wonder ... he's too suave for my liking!

Wine or Beer (ale) ...

If it's got an alcohol content I'll drink it! Not that I have a drink problem ... I just like to relax occasionally! Give me a few glasses of wine and I'm anybody's!

Cher or Bette Midler ...

Ooh a hard one, both great singers, wouldn't mind seeing Cher naked myself ... not sure about Bette! They are my divas I think they're wonderful!

Can you whistle with your fingers in your mouth?? I can't but I am learning (see how tough my day is????) Hey I just learned to whistle and now I am light headed. Vbg

Hey remember to breath!! Yes I can whistle sort of using my fingers! You definitely need a more exciting social life if this is what you get up to!

What is your favorite type of movie?

I like comedy but give me a night in with a romance or weepy film, a box of tissues and a bottle of wine and I'll be a very happy woman. Plus if I have the love of my life by my side ... what more could I ask for!

Do you like sneakers, boots or shoes? I wrote mine in order of preference!

I have no shoes!! I have about 10 pairs of trainers and 2 pairs of kickers (boots) - i live in them.

Shower or bath- I like a shower!

Shower definitely - every morning - I have my own - Sam doesn't use the ensuite much he uses the bathroom one. But I'm about to go and have a bath as i can practically plait the hairs on my legs!!!

Favorite undies--- cotton or silk (if too personal pass)

Cotton - if I'm wearing trousers i always wear a g-string as i can't stand pant lines and it's just comfier - when I'm wearing track bottoms your everyday briefs - but definitely cotton - i have a few lace no silk.

Okay my questions: I'll try not to bore you too much!!

Any phobias?

I can't stand being alone in the house all night scares the shit out of me. I hate Daddy Long Legs (crane flies) i move out of a room if they're in one. I can only go to the toilet (if it's a solid one - blushing like hell) in my own loo!! But I am learning! It's an expensive hobby. Sam and I went camping the other year with friends and after 3 days we had to book into a hotel just so I could go to the toilet in private! I'm just warning you should we ever meet and I send you on a long morning walk!! Which you may well do as I am quite a moody person in the mornings!

Favourite animals? I love dolphins; I'd love to go swimming with dolphins one day, a dream come true.

Any habits? I bite my nails and chatter incessantly when nervous!! Wait till we ever talk on the phone I'll either ramble on and on about nothing in particular or go very quiet and just um and ah!!

What side of the bed do you sleep on?

Mine's the left side if you're standing looking at the bed from the bottom or the right side if you're lying in it. If I'm really honest I like the whole bed to myself ... I don't think I'm a cuddler but then I'm asleep at the time!! vbg

Does your handwriting slant?

I have a slant to the left but i hold my pen dead weird - goes back to being a lefty trapped in a right-handed body.

Favourite perfume?

CK One as it's subtle!!

Well I'm going for a bath and to think some things over in my mind. Sam and I had a row over being affectionate. Sam and I are having difficulties when it comes to romance and intimate relations. Basically I'd like it and he won't give me any, now I'm paranoid that he's having an affair and going crazy! Any advice??

Take care

Cory

Cory read the mail through and sent it, she checked her watch, realised that the evening was nearly over and felt a pang of regret when she realised that Sam wasn't going to hold out the olive branch to her. Well she'd be darned if she was going to be the first to apologise, she didn't feel like she had any reason to apologise.

She went heavy hearted into the bathroom and poured herself a hot, bubbly bath, the aroma of the bath oil, instantly relaxed her raw nerves and she sank into the foam. Her eyelids were heavy but she resisted the temptation to sleep. Her mind was racing, but on the same track, what were her feelings for JJ. She had to admit that what she felt wasn't just friendship, there was more but what. It was ridiculous, they'd never met, they'd never spoken but in a month she'd become an integral part to Cory's life.

Cory spent about 30 minutes in the bath and when the water went tepid she begrudgingly got out, she'd sorted a few things out in her mind. She needed to talk to Sam but not before she talked to Angela about her feelings and last but not least she needed to talk to JJ, but what would she say?

She went down stairs, it was getting late and work was in the morning she needed to clear the air with Sam. She hated going to bed not speaking, she'd been given some advice once from a work colleague about never going to sleep with an argument lying between you and a loved one. She pushed the door open; Sam was sitting on the sofa he looked up as she entered the room.

"Fancy a cup of tea or a glass of milk?" Cory asked quietly, it wasn't the best conversation opener but it would have to do.

"Glass of milk, but I'd rather not if you're going to pour it over my head!" Sam grinned sheepishly at his wife.

"You might deserve it at times but think of the cost of carpet cleaning!" she ruffled his hair and smiled. Well he seemed responsive, did she risk another fight or just let sleeping dogs lie. She decided on the latter, no need starting something this close to bedtime.

She went into the kitchen, Holly followed unsure of what was happening between her two owners. Cory grabbed a glass of milk and stroked Holly as she returned to the lounge.

"I'm off to bed, I'm knackered. Are you coming or staying here?"

"I'm coming up, I'm pretty tired myself. Cor I'm sorry about earlier, i..um..I didn't mean for you to take it the wrong way, I'm just tired and I'm sorry I upset you. I should have come up to check on you but well .... I'm not good at this emotional stuff."

Cory looked at Sam he was struggling to find the words, apologies were hard for him to give and although she wanted to talk to him now wasn't the time.

They both undressed in silence and slid under the covers; Sam lent over and pecked Cory on the forehead, "Night love."

"Night Sam," Cory sighed inwardly, but for some reason she didn't feel empty, one sentence kept replaying over and over in her head, 'do you feel a connection?' and as she drifted off to sleep all she could hear was her mind saying yes, yes, yes.

Chapter 9

The week flew by for Cory; she'd been in charge of organising the cross-country meeting at her school so the few spare moments she had gone into making sure there wouldn't be any problems. She'd mailed JJ frequently, they'd kept the mails light hearted, neither of them seeming to know how to explain the attraction they felt for each other. Cory hadn't expanded on her ideas about the connection, she figured she'd answer it properly if JJ asked again as she wasn't sure how to explain it to herself let alone someone else.

She was looking forward to her birthday; she'd be 29, one year away from another milestone birthday. Her diary for the next few days was hectic, she was having a meal with Sam and neighbours on her special day, going for a meal with the work girls on the Friday and then going out on the town with the other neighbours on the Saturday. She liked going out to restaurants but the thought of not being able to mail JJ was worrying her, she'd become addicted to JJ's mails, she was like a drug which Cory didn't want to give up. Could she survive three days of minimal contact? She was about to find out.

It was Wednesday night, the cross country had been a resounding success and it was the eve of her big day, she'd got her work load done and was taking a very well earned rest in front of the television. She had things on her mind, well JJ, she'd received her first photo of JJ and it had been a pleasant surprise but she hadn't expected the jolt of familiarity when she'd looked into the bright, sapphire eyes that had smiled at her. They were the same eyes that were in her dreams and they were beautiful. The only word she could think of when she looked at JJ was gorgeous, she was 100% woman and Cory had been very aware of the arousal that had shot through her body. She desperately needed someone to confide in.

She was about to reply to JJ's mail and was trying to figure out if she should mention her feelings for JJ, a problem shared was a problem halved in her book. I mean if they were soulmates of the non-romantic persuasion than that would explain the familiarity she felt for JJ. The chances of them ever meeting was slim and if she just told JJ she had these feelings then they might just disappear. It sounded good in theory especially as both of them were committed to others.

She downloaded her mail to find one waiting there from JJ.

JJ Matthews Pre Birthday Mail

Okay I know it's technically your turn to mail but I've nothing going on over here and I figured I could annoy you!!

So what did you think of little ole me? Okay not so little as I'm bordering on 6ft but you can't really tell from the picture. I know it's long overdue but I had problems connecting the scanner whilst the office was being refurbished. The scanner is now fitting in very nicely in my new office furniture so expect plenty more piccies where those came from.

Well I put myself on no mail from the list, to quote my new UK friend; a certain somebody a thousand or so miles away has my undivided attention. So between taking 45 minutes to reread her emails and trying to make sure I answer them there was no time for the list. Do you know who the person might be!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I am not concentrating that great lately. All I am doing is deleting them. Could you forward any updates? I know there is a list that I can join to get the updates.

I know you're going to be very busy over the next few evenings so your mailing time will be less but I have a few questions for you!! Well it'll keep you occupied for a few minutes anyways!

What would be a great date?

I'd have to say mine is a dinner then a movie, I don't like smoke (do you smoke?) so I usually stay away from bars. After the movie we'd come home, play slow music, slow dance in the middle of the living room--- then slowly make our way to the bedroom and.... take it from there…

How would you spend lazy Sunday afternoon?

Well mine would be, especially if snowing: stay in bed, make love all day only get up to go the bathroom and get something to eat!!!! (Someday I will get that dream.)

What country or countries would you visit that you have not been to:

New Zealand, Australia and of course the U.K.

And finally.... Do you think someone can be in love with 2 people?

Well enjoy your last evening of being 28!! Think of it this way I'll always be 4 years older than you!!

Your friend

Cory sat pondering the last question very carefully. Could you be in love with two people? No was the answer that sprang to mind. It seemed a very serious question to add to the end of a mail. She wondered if JJ had met someone and wanted her friend's opinion. She couldn't help noticing a pang of jealousy wash over her.

Cory Williams Re: Prebirthday mail

JJ,

The cross country went well, a huge success and the other schools gave positive comments so I got lots of praise off the boss so I'm the 'blue-eyed' girl at the moment. Never hurts to keep the boss sweet!

I will answer the questions in reverse order. Can you be in love with 2 people at the same time - my answer would be no - here's why: You can love many people in many different ways at the same time but can only be IN love with one. That person holds your entire heart and if you were in love with 2 people it wouldn't be proper love. I think you can fall in love with someone new but at the same time you'd be falling out of love with the other person. Plus to be in love with two people would mean cheating on both of them. Just my opinion feel free to ignore it.

As for my perfect date I liked what you wrote - that would be my perfect date too. See we are so in tune with each other, probably why we get on so well. I have to add that my date would also involve strawberries and melted chocolate!! Now where did that image come from?? Vbg

JJ I'm not going to be around much the next three nights but how about meeting up for an online chat next week?

Oh yeah I almost forgot I'm off to Angela's next weekend - we always meet up at holiday times, as we can stay longer. I think I'm going to tell her about Deb. I then have a week off, it's a pity you can't come and visit! I have nothing to do that week!! I can but dream that one day we'll meet up!

Well I'd better be going as I'm not getting any younger! vbg

Your kindred spirit

Cory

Ps: I hope you don't mind me saying you are very good looking! If it wasn't for Sam and Sarah I'd be knocking at your door!! vbeg

Cory read the postscript, well it was true wasn't it, she did think JJ was attractive and who knows in a different time or place JJ and her could have been together. Well the ball was in JJ's court now; she'd see how she replied to that mail.

************************************************************************

Cory blinked her eyes open, there was a lovely aroma tempting her out of her deep sleep. She wiped the remnants of drool away from the corner of her mouth and looked to her bedside table, there was a card and a mug of coffee.

Then she remembered it was her birthday, she smiled and opened the card off Sam,

Cor,

Happy Birthday

Love

Sam

Well it wasn't exactly gushing with sentiment but the thought was there. As if on cue Sam entered the bedroom his hands holding a tray and cards tucked under his arm.

"Happy birthday sleepy head! Hope you slept well. The post arrived early - makes a nice change at least you get to open your cards before work. Oh yeah there was a parcel from America as well. The postman was trying to shove it through the letterbox so I rescued it off him. It's off your mate JJ, well I'll leave you to open it and use the shower first."

He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and disappeared into his bathroom. Cory flicked through the cards recognizing the senders by their handwriting and postmark. She picked up the parcel; the handwriting was clear and bold. She tore the tape and open the manila envelope, inside were two wrapped presents and a card. She carefully opened the card, it read:

To Cory

Hope you have a very happy birthday, thinking of you and I hope you like the presents - the CD is a 'Cory Special' and the t' shirt is in my size as I didn't know what would fit. It's from the place I work.

Take care - with love

The handwriting was neat and carefully written, she smiled and reread the last line 'with love' she felt her heart miss a beat, the sentiment that Sam had written hadn't had the same affect as when JJ had written it. She opened the small package, inside was a home made CD entitled 'Cory's Birthday Mix', she scanned the contents and found there were many artists who she liked but songs she'd never heard of. She felt her smile turn into a grin when she realised that JJ had listened to her plea to hear more of Melissa Etheridge and the Indigo Girls, she looked at the titles of the songs:

Season's Change Expose

Count On Me Whitney Houston and CeCe Winin

I take You With Me Melissa Etheridge

Power of Two Indigo Girls

Love Will Lead You Back Taylor Dayne

Good Night Girl Wet Wet Wet

Dreaming of You Selena

You're Not Alone Amy Grant

One Sweet Day Mariah Carey/Boyz to Men

The Power Amy Grant

Through the Fire Chaka Khan

This Used to be my Playground Madonna

I Still Believe Mariah Carey

I'm The only One Melissa Etheridge

You Are the Reason Celine Dion & Carole King

Each title seemed to hold a meaning to Cory, she slipped from the covers and switched on the stereo, as she did so she noticed the time, if she didn't get a move on she'd be late for school. She decided she'd listen to it whilst getting ready, she quickly opened the other present it was a purple t-shirt, she tried it on it was big, JJ was definitely a tall woman and bigger than her in many ways. She decided that she'd use it for a nightshirt; she hugged the shirt to her it had a fresh new smell but a trace of a familiar scent. Her mind was jolted out of its daydream when she heard Sam shout her from the hallway to get a move on.

She walked into her bathroom and turned on the shower whilst waiting for the water to warm up she listened to the first song and the words echoed in her mind

She knew that she felt something more than friendship for JJ and that in itself made her feel guilty because of Sam but did JJ feel the same. Was the CD a sign of unspoken words from JJ? The last song was one of her favourite songs but it was definitely laden with messages. Cory washed the soap out of her eyes and shook her head, 'You're dreaming Cory, she just sent you a CD of your favourites with some of hers thrown in!' She repeated this to herself a few times and continued to wash away the night's sleep.

She quickly dried her hair with the dryer and then set about finding some clean and ironed clothes, there were plenty of clean clothes as doing the laundry was Sam 's job, the ironing was Cory's and she was way behind in this chore. She finally found a pair of black trousers and as she slid them on her mind traveled to the lyrics of the current song playing,

'Wonder if you'll ever see me

And I wonder if you know I'm there.

If you looked in my eyes would you see

What's inside would you even care.

I just want to hold you close

So far all I have are dreams of you

So I wait for the day and the courage

To say I love you !!!!.'

She needed to talk to JJ but what did she say, their friendship was special and she knew she liked JJ but there was nothing that neither of them could do, they lived 3000 miles apart, it was just her imagination playing up. She was lonely and she was reading more into this than there was.

She went into the office, Sam was on the computer, and he looked up, "So what did you get?"

"A CD of my favourite singers but some are songs I haven't heard of and a few of JJ's favourites and a t-shirt."

"You're not sulking because I haven't given you a present are you?" Sam asked.

"No way, the deal was you got me a laptop for Christmas and it would be a joint present. I'm not sulking honest."

"Well it's a good job I know you well, look in the drawer over there."

Cory went to the drawer and opened it, inside was a present. She opened the wrapping paper and inside were 2 more CDs, the latest Shania Twain and Texas. "Sam you didn't have to.. we made a deal but thanks I've been wanting these for ages."

She gave him a hug, and then pulled him up out of the chair, "Come on I have to get to work, the world won't stop because I have a birthday!"

He grinned at her and followed her out of the room.

Work had been good, she'd received gifts off Rachel and some others and they'd all promised to keep her glass filled the following evening. The kids had all sung to her and then spent the day guessing her age. She'd enjoyed the day immensely and the evening would be nice but her priority was to thank JJ. She'd spent time at lunch thinking about her feelings and decided that it was just a crush, she wasn't having an easy time with Sam and JJ was having the same problems so they were enjoying each others company that wasn't a crime and she didn't want to read too much into things, she decided she'd follow JJ's lead and see what JJ had said to her mail the previous evening. She would tell JJ she felt a connection, as that was something she couldn't deny, she did feel connected to JJ in a strange way she felt like she'd known her forever and a day.

Jean had dropped her off from work; Sam had had to go to a meeting. He'd rung her at work and she'd thanked him for the flowers, the ladies at work were always jealous of Cory's bouquet of flowers and when Sam had sent them the first time she'd thought it very romantic now she thought Sam just did it out of habit and always commented on how mad she'd be if he didn't.

She made her way to the office and started the download procedure up, whilst waiting she went into the bedroom to pick out her evening clothes. She decided on her jeans and a jumper she'd received for Christmas off her sister, she searched through her underwear drawer for the appropriate bra and pants and then returned to the office.

Once in the office she noticed her inbox was full with quite a few messages personally for her, she glanced down and found the all to familiar name:

JJ Matthews Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Cory!!!

I take it from the missing mail this morning that you were a very busy girl opening tons of presents. Did you get anything special in the post?

My day has only really just begun but I'm hoping yours was stress free!

Thank you for the compliment about my looks - it was a good ego boost! You're very good looking yourself so we'd make a good pair was it not for our respective partners!! vbg

So I'm making this short, as I know you're a very busy person the next few days. As it happens coincidentally my hockey team has got an away match so I'll be busy too. I'll mail later and tell you how the match went!

Enjoy yourself tonight; think of me skating my socks off,

Love

It was the closing sentiment that Cory noticed, it was the first mail off JJ that had been sent with love as the parting gesture and it made Cory feel very warm inside, she felt like she was on a cloud. This wasn't helping her resolve but if JJ wasn't going to say anything then neither was she. If they were meant to be time would tell.

The evening went smoothly, the meal was wonderful and the company was stimulating to Cory's intellectual needs. She'd had a good day and the following nights were going to be along the same lines, her last waking thought was that she wished JJ could have been a part of them.

The evening out with her work colleagues had been very relaxing and fun, she was the youngest and they all took great care of her, she enjoyed their company and she was just getting ready to go out with Doug and Nick from next door. Her sister Kerry had readily agreed to come out and she was looking forward to seeing her sister again, they hadn't met up since Christmas as Kerry's job took her abroad a lot.

They went next door at 7pm and had Cory had a glass of Guinness and the plans for the evening were laid out, they were catching a mini bus into town and then going to a popular pub and then an Indian restaurant. Cory wished she'd eaten slightly more than she had when she realised they were going to the pub first, still so long as she paced herself she'd be fine.

Her sister and brother in law, Pete, turned up only 10 minutes later than scheduled - this was a miracle, as Kerry was never known for her time keeping. They loaded the bus up and headed into town.

They'd been in the pub for two hours and the alcohol was flowing freely, she found she had a lot in common with both Doug and Nicki, her sister filled her in on all the countries she'd visited lately and Cory found herself feeling very relaxed and happy, her eyes rested on Sam who found socializing difficult but he seemed to be having a heart to heart with Pete, he was swaying slightly and looked a bit worse for wear, she wished she was a fly on the wall and could hear what Sam had to say, it might have given her a little insight into her husbands mind.

She sidled over to him, "How you doing?"

"Fine Pete and I were just discussing football and stuff. I'm starving do you think we could go to the restaurant if we don't eat now I'm going to regret it!"

Cory went over and suggested to Doug that they moved the celebrations to the restaurant, she was feeling rather drunk herself and food would certainly help her dizzy head.

The restaurant was quite quiet and they were seated quickly, they placed their orders with out too much delay they were all seasoned Indian eaters and everyone seemed to have their own curry preference, Cory noticed that Sam had disappeared, she looked at Pete and he said he'd go and search him out, probably held up in the gents.

Ten minutes later Pete arrived back, he'd found Sam feeling poorly and had walked him out the front of the restaurant, he'd given his apologies and had decided to walk himself home, no goodbye or hope you're okay to Cory, she felt abandoned and let down.

She chewed her lip as Pete told her what Sam had said, there were tears glistening in her eyes but there was no way she was going to cry in front of the others, she just couldn't believe Sam had left her in town, he'd never done that before and it was supposed to be her birthday celebration.

"Hey you okay Cory? Kerry asked as she put her arm around her baby sister.

"Yeah just a bit tipsy I guess. I'm worried about Sam."

"He's a big boy Cory he'll be okay. I have to say I'm a bit surprised you two are usually inseparable but you've hardly said two words to each other tonight. You had a row?"

"No I guess the pressures of work and stuff are just getting to us." There was no way Cory was going to discuss her intimate relations with her sister.

The night had turned from a good evening to the worst Cory had had in a while, she just wanted to go home and cry, she just needed to talk to someone, she just needed JJ. There she'd admitted it. She needed contact with JJ.

When they'd finally paid the bill it was coming up to midnight, the mini bus came to collect them and dropped them off, they all had a good hug of each other at the front door and then Pete, Doug and Cory crept upstairs to check on Sam, he looked so sweet lying there in bed. They decided to let him sleep it off.

Cory thanked the guys for looking after her and promised they'd do it again son, she took off her clothes and put on the t-shirt JJ had sent her. She sank down on the office floor against the warm radiator and cried her heart out, she cried for her lost love with Sam and she cried for the new exciting feelings she felt for JJ. Feelings that she'd never get a chance to explore because of the ocean between them and the fact that as far as JJ was concerned Cory was just a friend. She cried for the situation to finally meet someone who had the same likes, dislikes, who understood all she was and all she wanted to be and she'd maybe only ever meet this person once or twice in her life.

She opened up Outlook and pressed receive all. It took a few minutes but the download began, she felt even more alone when she realised there was no mail off JJ. She panicked, had she scared her off with her comments about the presents, then she remembered JJ was out of town and with the time difference she'd not get a mail until morning.

She opened up a mail and decided to pour out her feelings and take a chance.

Cory Williams Depressed Person

Hi JJ

What a crap evening I've had, it started out really good but disintegrated into a mess. Sam got drunk and abandoned me in town, well left me on my own with the others, no goodbye or anything.

I feel so lonely, I know I have to face up to the fact that maybe my marriage is not the fairy tale romance I dreamed of but that's hard to do.

JJ you asked the other week if I felt a connection and yes I do, I feel like I've known you forever and the songs you sent hit home in so many ways. I just think that in another time or place maybe we were meant to be together. I know you and Sarah are together and Sam and I are so it makes it impossible for us to try but I like you a lot.

Anyway I just wanted you to know your friendship means the world to me. I'm off to sleep off my alcoholic state.

All my love Cory

She found her way to the spare room where she lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling, she knew she'd regret her actions in the morning but for now she just wanted to dream about another time and another love.

Her eyes slowly opened she could smell the morning dew on the grass all around her. She snuggled up, the arms that were wrapped around her were strong and they made her feel secure, she pulled closer at the body and felt the warmth transfer from theirs to hers. She could feel the muscle against her softer body. Her hands began a bold wander up the strong back and she felt the muscle ripple and then a giggle, her head lifted and she looked straight into the azure gaze of the woman she loved……….

Cory opened her eyes, she was covered in sweat and there was a heat pulsing through her straight to her core. She was so turned on she was throbbing, she'd never felt like this before, never with Jon or Sam, her legs were trembling and as she shifted under the cover she felt the moisture that had gathered between her legs. Cory closed her eyes, she'd never felt the urge before but she knew she'd have to take care of her own needs, the images in her mind were strong and clear… blue eyes, black hair and a lazy smile. Her hands began to wander over her breasts and one settled between her legs, the pool of moisture was warm and as her fingers dipped into it she felt her body tingle. Her fingers slowly caressed the swollen bud that was the center of her soul, she moved her fingers slowly all the while her mind was playing over the events of the past few months and as she fell closer and closer to edge of her desire one name kept repeating itself over and over again JJ, JJ, JJ. Her muffled cries of passion were soon taken over by gentle sobs as she realised that she'd fallen in love with someone she could never have.

It took Cory a while to surface the next morning, she just wanted to hide under the covers forever, her mind was replaying the last 24 hours, and she had many reasons to hide:

1) She didn't want to confront Sam

2) She was embarrassed that she'd sought comfort at her own hands

3) She'd remembered her mail to JJ and the words she'd written she'd practically spilled her love out to JJ.

She curled up into a ball and felt the tears sting the back of her eyes, she refused to cry anymore. There was a tentative knock at the door and Sam poked his head around the door, "You talking to me?"

"No go away but leave the tea on the counter and get me some headache tablets as you go, they're in the bathroom." She knew she should be angry with him but it wasn't his entire fault and he had made the first move.

He sat on the side of the bed, "Cory I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mixed my drinks and I felt sick and just knew I needed a bed. I guess I should have said goodbye to you first."

"It's okay Sam I'm not mad."

"Why'd you sleep in the spare bed then?"

"You were so fast asleep and well you snore like a wart hog, so i decided if i was going to get any sleep I'd be better off in here." He leant in to kiss her but she turned her head.

"Hey you are mad!"

"No just tired and you smell of beer. Sam I just need some time on my own today." She looked at him and could see that he was trying to keep his feelings hidden. "I promise I'm not mad, a bit unhappy but not mad we'll talk later okay?"

"I'm off to the driving range then, I'll see you later okay?"

"Enjoy yourself, I think I'll have a bath and then a play on the laptop." He leaned in and pecked her on the cheek.

Cory looked at the ceiling, how did she really feel about Sam, about JJ, about her life? She had no idea.

She slowly got out of bed her head was spinning and her stomach was threatening to rebel, she made her way to the bathroom. One glance in the mirror confirmed her suspicions she looked as awful as she felt, her eyes were swollen from crying and her hair disheveled from her restless sleep. She crawled into the shower and let the water drip down her back and over her head.

Chapter 10

After showering, Cory made her way to the office, she was nervous. Would JJ have received the mail? Would she feel the same? Cory's hands were shaking as she booted up the computer and waited patiently for the system to come online. She downloaded her mails and scanned her inbox; there was no mail from JJ.

Cory's mind went into overload, out loud she murmured, "Shit, shit and more shit, I've scared her off!" She sat staring at the screen, of all the times to have sent her running. After an endless amount of staring, Cory's mind began to replay the last mail JJ had sent - she was going out of town! That had to be the reason for the missing mail; JJ couldn't get to a computer! Slowly a smile crept onto her face and her heart filled with a little bit of hope. She hadn't lost her friend after all.

The day passed slowly, too slowly for Cory's liking. Sam had disappeared for 4 hours and had arrived back in high spirits. They'd decided to pay a visit to Cory's parents so she could spend some valuable time with her granddad. He'd looked well and the love and coddling her mum was giving him seemed to be working. They'd stayed a few hours but had then returned, as Cory needed to make sure she had her work planned for the coming week.

She'd spent about an hour on her lesson plans but her mind had wandered, she found the focus of her attention always drifted to the same image; the same person and the same blue eyes that seemed to lift her soul and call to her. She missed JJ, one day without mail and she missed her, she glanced up at the screen. 'Maybe there'd be a mail,' she thought, 'no harm in trying.'

As the emails came down, she spotted a mail from JJ but it had a different home address, with fear and a lot of curiosity she opened it.

JJ@hotmail.com
He y There

Surprise!!! So how did the celebrations go??? I can't get to my normal email right now and I just wanted to send a quick one to let you know I am okay. I thought you might be worried although I did say I was going away. The game went well - we won and the coach has decided we are staying around here for a few days to train and practice against these guys. She had hinted a few weeks ago so I booked my holiday time off work. There are only a few of the players that have commitments at home and if I were honest Cory, a little bit of time away from Sarah would be nice.

We're not getting on, things have changed, and I can't explain it to her as I don't understand it myself but I need some time to think and this trip is the ideal opportunity. I've borrowed a friend's laptop hence the new address for a while. I can't promise regular mails as she is going back to town tonight but I'll try.

I have next week off too - I am trying to decide where to go and what to do!! I have money saved and fancy a trip abroad! So I did think about the UK!! I know it's short notice but you did say half term is next week and I need to take my holiday - anyway it was just an idea. I should be able to get a last minute flight. So what do you think? Should we meet? I leave the answer to you!! I have to go and practice - email at this address, as I won't be home until Friday.

I'm getting excited and I haven't even had your answer!!!

Love JJ

Cory stared at the screen, 'Oh my god she wants to visit!!!!! Shit this could really happen!! Slow down Cory - put your brain in gear she doesn't know how you feel!! She's just a friend. You can do this!!!'

Cory hit the reply button and typed her answer; she'd love to meet up with JJ.

After sending the mail she sat back and a million thoughts whirled through her mind, the most important one was JJ and that she needed to talk to someone, and soon.

The week had flown by and as Friday approached, Cory became more and more agitated. She hadn't heard from JJ, she had sent a daily account of her activities and she knew JJ was busy but the suspense of not knowing if she'd read the email and not knowing if she was really visiting made Cory bundle of nerves. She'd lost her appetite and this had caused much controversy in the staff room, many of them commenting on her being pregnant; Cory had just glared at anyone who had crossed her path. She was hoping that JJ would mail before she went to Ange's this weekend. She had mentioned JJ's visit to Sam and asked if it would be okay for JJ to stay with them. Sam had made some sarcastic comment but had agreed all the same, when he'd asked when she was coming Cory had felt a little foolish replying she didn't know but Sam had put that down to women and their lack of organizational skills. He'd also said he wouldn't be around much as it was nearing the end of the month and he had his regular monthly sales meeting and would be away one of the nights but at least Cory would have someone to stay and keep her company.

Cory had had an industrious hour, she'd finished packing her weekend bag, hoovered and dusted in case JJ was visiting and had decided to leave the food shopping until she knew what was happening, plus with them not being there it would only go to waste. Sam had taken Holly over to Cory's parents and they were leaving as soon as he returned. Cory checked her mail one last time, she was taking the laptop with her but it couldn't hurt to keep checking and JJ had said she'd be home by today.

The download set in motion, Cory waited with anticipation. It was there.

JJ@hotmail.com I'm Home!!!!!

Hey Cory,

A million apologies for the lack of communication the coach had us training every minute of the day and there were no computers anywhere in sight!!! My email provider is still down - some poor excuse about technical problems with the mail slot. I have no idea I just hope they sort it out soon!!

I did manage to get to a phone though and I have booked myself on the first flight leaving Sunday morning. I arrive at Heathrow at about 7pm in the evening, so should I get a bus up to the Midlands or book into a hotel?? I know you're at Ange's this weekend so let me know. I just figured it might be difficult to get transport on a Sunday.

I have had the most awful row with Sarah, I told her I needed to go away, as I didn't think we were in love anymore. She threw everything within her reach at me and I have escaped to my friend's while she calms down.

Needless to say she was less than happy to hear I am going away. She thinks I have met someone else, no amount of denying would have stopped the accusations so I let her throw them all at me. I just hope she leaves my clothes in one piece or I am coming to England butt naked!!

I will be on email all weekend. I hope you and Sam have sorted out your disagreement since the weekend. Is it okay for me to stay? His response didn't sound too enthusiastic! I have money for hotels if you need me to do that.

I am a little excited, okay I lie, and I am so buzzed. I can't wait to meet you and put a body and voice to the image I have of you!!

I hope to hear from you over the weekend and I will definitely know times and flight numbers by tomorrow evening.

Your friend

Cory replied quickly to the mail, reassuring JJ that it was more than okay for her to stay and that most of the time Sam would be working so they would have plenty of time to get to know each other. She explained that as Ange lived near to London she would stay Sunday and they'd pick her up from the airport. As she pressed the send button Sam arrived home so she went downstairs to greet him.

"Were mum and dad okay?" she asked.

"They were fine Cory, your granddad looked a bit pale but your mum thinks he is just tired. I promised them you'd go over on Sunday night when we get back."

"Oh, erm, Sam I just got a mail from JJ, she's arriving late Sunday evening. I said we'd pick her up, I mean it's her first time here and she'll never get a bus."

"Cory, of course we'll pick her up, there's no way I'd let her wander around a strange country all alone. I may not take much of an interest but I'm not a monster at heart!! Now are you packed and ready to go, we need to hit the road. I'm hoping the traffic will have died down by now and we won't get any hold ups.

Cory had spent most of the journey trying to organise her thoughts, she had also decided she was going to tell Angela about the situation. She needed to talk to someone about it and she had to tell Angela something she'd hidden from her for over six years. She didn't know how to tell her but she knew she was ready to admit to her friend who she really was. The question was would Angela understand.

The journey down to the coast took forever, the Friday commuter traffic didn't help and they sat for ages on the road that circled the capital city of London. They'd broken the journey up by stopping off at the roadside cafÈ and Sam was in good spirits despite the traffic. He was looking forward to playing golf with Dave; Angela's other half. Cory had only half listened to Sam's excited chatter about his last score at golf. Her mind wasn't on anything other than JJ. She was still struggling to come to terms with the events of the past 2 weeks; above all she was trying to get a handle on her emotions. All she knew was that being with JJ was of paramount importance and that deep inside she knew her relationship with Sam was over. She needed desperately to talk to someone about it she trusted and she needed to get some of it off her chest before the object of her affections arrived. Maybe talking about it would make it go away or put some sort of different perspective to the situation.

They pulled up outside Angela's tiny terraced house and were greeted with hugs and small pecks on the cheek. They made small talk in the living room until Angela commented on the dinner in the oven and proceeded to pull her friend into the kitchen area.

"So how's it going Cory?

"Not bad, it's hectic at school but it always is this time of year. The children are being pushed so hard to achieve their SATS test results, just so the government can reach their targets. It makes my blood boil! But you know what it's like!" she grinned at her friend who was also a teacher but in a different year group and didn't have the pressure of end of key stage assessment tests.

"What about you and Sam? Are you getting more of it?" Angela asked, there were no secrets between friends or so she thought.

"When did we see each other last? Oh yeah just after Christmas. No we haven't been intimate since Christmas; he's not interested Angela I keep telling you this! I know it's a hard concept to take in but I guess I'm not pretty or sexy enough!"

"Rubbish Cory and you know it! Any guy would love to have you in his life and bed. Have you talked to him?" Angela gave Cory a little pat on the arm as she asked.

"I've tried a million times Ange and to be honest I'm not bothered any more."

"Why the change of tune?" Ange was suddenly very interested in her best friend's love life. For years Cory had often complained about Sam's lack of luster but she'd always wanted it, now after 5 years she'd admitted defeat. This wasn't like her friend at all. She looked Cory right in the eyes, deep chocolate eyes meeting an emerald gaze. "You and Sam are wonderful together, come on, noone else has ever held your attention for longer than two weeks except Jon and he didn't know a good thing when he met it."

At the sound of Jon's name Cory stood up, it had been 9 years but his name could still make her heart jump, the only person to have had her total trust and heart and the hurt he'd caused still made Cory's skin turn to ice. She'd vowed never to let anybody get that close again and here she was letting JJ dive right in.

Cory decided now was the time to tell Angela her deepest secret but as she opened her mouth, the lads walked in searching for food and beers. Cory winked at Ange and whispered, "to be continued!"

***********************************************************************

The evening went well, they sat and watched videos for most of it. Ange and Dave didn't have satellite so they missed out on the recent Friends episodes and Sam and Cory always taped them and brought them down whenever they visited. By 11pm Cory was snuggled up fast asleep her mind 3000 miles away. She vaguely remembered being told it was time for bed and she found the energy to climb the stairs and fall onto the airbed that was theirs for the weekend. Her mind never leaving a tall, dark haired image that had been her constant source of contentment the past two months. She smiled and then let Morpheus take her into his arms.

She woke covered in sweat, with Sam leaning over her holding her arms by her head.

"Hey baby calm down, shush just a nightmare. No one's leaving you, stop worrying."

Cory looked at him her mind was a blank, what was he going on about. "Wha ... what did you say?"

"Shush go back to sleep."

"No, what did you mean by nobody's leaving me?"

"You were crying out in your sleep and waving your arms about like a possessed person, you kept saying 'don't leave me ... please take me with you.' You sounded very panicky; you weren't dreaming about your real father again were you? I thought we got all that sorted?"

"No I don't think I was, to be honest I haven't a clue what just happened. I'm all right now; go back to sleep you've got an early start in the morning. If I need you I know where you are." At this Sam turned over and Cory lay staring at the ceiling. Had it been about her father? She'd had these kinds of dreams before but she always remembered them, this one was different. Her mind wandered to JJ; maybe it was nerves. She was meeting her on Sunday maybe she was feeling insecure, a fear of rejection and thus old dreams of her father were haunting her. Maybe JJ wouldn't like her, wouldn't want the friendship once she met the real Cory. What if JJ was nothing like she expected, what if it was all in her head and there was no friendship or attraction? Questions tumbled around her mind, they settled on JJ's last comments about her argument with Sarah. Would Sarah get violent? Would she hurt JJ? Cory's tummy felt nauseous but there was nothing she could do until morning time so she rolled over and closed her eyes, her mind full of JJ's latest photo, slowly her breathing evened out and she fell into a deep slumber.

************************************************************************

The next morning Cory felt better but she desperately wanted to mail JJ, just to touch base, make sure she was okay. She made her way in her pyjamas down the stairs to be greeted by Ange and Dave making breakfast.

"Morning sleepy head, did you sleep well?" Ange asked as she passed Cory a steaming cup of tea.

"Like a log!" answered Cory, well there was no need to tell the world it had only been a silly dream after all. She glanced up as Sam came into the dining area.

"That's a joke isn't it?" he muttered.

"What is?" asked Cory taking a seat at the table.

"You sleeping like a log last night. I mean usually yes but last night you tossed and turned and then you were shouting out. I'm surprised Ange and Dave didn't come in to see what was going on. You sounded like someone was attacking you!!"

"You okay Cory?" Ange was now at her side rubbing Cory's shoulder and looking at her with concern.

"I'm fine. Honestly one bad dream and you think I'm crazy! Must have been the cheese we had at dinner! Now can we forget about it! Ange can I do a download before breakfast?" Ange nodded and Sam tutted, Cory decided to ignore the latter and went to fetch her laptop from the living room. She settled herself by the phone socket and began the booting up process. Ange came to sit by her with a look of concern still on her face.

"You really okay Cory? You'd tell me if something was wrong wouldn't you?"

Cory looked at her best friend, she had so many emotions running through her mind but her priority was JJ and she just needed five minutes alone time to check and answer her mail. "I'm fine, let me check my mail, I'll just send a quick reply and then I'm yours for the rest of the day. Deal?"

At this, Ange nodded, she knew Cory wasn't a morning person at the best of times and the look on her friends face told her that nothing would ever make her friend conversational first thing in the morning. It was weird how a normally very chatty person like Cory could be so different after a night's sleep. She had always been sullen and non-communicative first thing but today she was very distant. She made a mental note to tackle her friend later when they were on their own.

Cory glanced down the contents of her mailbox, there were well over 200 messages but she was looking for one special name, it didn't take her long to find it and open it up.

JJ Matthews Hiya

Well I'm assuming you made it safely, I hope so.

My day went okay I didn't do much after mailing you - I went home, Sarah and I aren't really talking but I'll tell you more when I see you tomorrow - that has such a good ring to it!!.

Well have a good weekend - I have packing to do.

In answer to your question from last weekend, Cory, I think in another time and place we would have made a fantastic couple. Who knows what fate has in store for anyone? I do know you are the best friend I have ever had and I can't wait to meet you too.

Mail me when you can, let me know how it went with Angela.

I missed you last night.

Your friend

Cory smiled at the mail; they'd made a deal that they'd write a minimal amount so Cory wouldn't worry about being too busy to reply to it. She felt an emptiness in her heart and she realised it was because this didn't sound like JJ there was no humour and this worried Cory. She re read it, JJ had finally received her mail and also felt as she did, maybe that was the reason for the lack of humour or maybe things at home were worse than JJ had let on. She missed her friend, it was amazing how attached she had gotten to someone she'd never actually met or talked to but there was something about JJ that drew Cory to her. She replied to the mail asking JJ if everything was okay on her end and adding at the very end how much she missed JJ but one more day and they'd finally meet. She added how scared she was too.

She shut down the computer and went and sat at the dining table. The foursome made polite morning conversation over breakfast, mapping out the forthcoming activities of the day. Dave and Sam were due to tee off in half an hour so they busied themselves getting their clubs ready and Angela and Cory tidied up the dishes and then they went and showered.

Ange had suggested a walk beside the sea and so they dressed in winter woollies and headed off in the car.

"So, shall we continue last night's conversation Cor?"

"If you want, but I'm not sure you're going to like what I have to say?"

"Why?"

"Because you love Sam and you want Sam and I to be happy!"

"Yeah but if I'm honest I want the best for you, ultimately you're my best friend and I love you more. So start talking Williams or I'll have to torture you!" Ange grinned, silently worried about where this conversation was headed.

"I don't know where to start," admitted Cory fiddling furiously with the zip on her fleece jacket.

"Well let's see where did we get to last night. Oh I know, I was saying you were just getting twitchy because you've been with the same person for so long. I mean before Sam you'd only made nine months with another person ... ."

"No I hadn't!" interrupted Cory, she took a deep breath and looked at her friend who had a very questioning and puzzled look on her face.

"Hold on I've known you ten years, you hadn't had a long relationship before college and Sam is the only serious fellow you've been with since college. Isn't he?

"Yes, he is the only serious relationship I've had since college." Cory knew what the next question was going to be before Ange asked it.

"So how can there have been anyone else? I don't understand what you're trying to say. I mean, you went with Jon at the end of the first year until half way through the second. You were too upset to date the rest of the second year and through the third and fourth years I lived with you. I think I'd have noticed someone hanging around a lot, I mean for God's sake Cor, we had to go through your bedroom to get to the bathroom and there was hardly ever a guy in there. I think I only remember you bringing Spencer home to stay and you ended that suddenly. I mean the only other people in your bed a lot were Deb and me!" Ange looked at Cory as she said this last line and as she watched the blush on her friend's face appear, the penny dropped.

Cory could practically hear the clang as alarm bells were ringing in her friend's mind. She continued to look at Ange; her friend seemed to be struggling with this new revelation. Shit, what was she supposed to say now?

"So, I guess I don't need to tell you who it was or when it was." Cory said shuffling on the spot; she'd never seen Ange so speechless and she didn't know what to say, I mean, she'd just dropped two bombshells on her friend's shoulder. One that she'd had a romance with a woman and two she'd hidden it from her.

Finally, Ange spoke, "I knew you guys were close, I mean there'd been gossip around college, the amount of time you two spent together, the fact you slept in the same bed a lot and you never hung out with guys but Carol, Frankie and I just dismissed these rumours and backed up your honour. Didn't you trust us? How long were you an item? I need a stiff drink Cor!" Ange pointed to the nearby pub and Cory nodded her head. They walked there in silence, all the way Cory kept going over what she would say to Ange, she'd have to talk about Deb of course but how much and would her friend understand and still be her friend. A nervous panic gripped her chest like a vice and Cory felt out of control.

Well, she had to come out of the closet and the best start was to tell her best friend. She had no doubt her announcement that she liked women wasn't what was upsetting Ange, it was more the fact that she'd not told her about it, she looked at her friend, she was unusually quiet and looking very grim.

As they continued their walk Cory kept glancing at her friend, she wanted to say something but what? She decided to let Ange lead the conversation and so she waited until they were settled in the pub with a pint of Guinness and lager in front of them.

"So you going to let me in on this big secret or keep it from me for another 6 years!" the sarcasm dripping from her friend's lips.

Cory shifted in her seat, she'd never seen her friend so angry but then if the tables were turned she'd feel just as betrayed.

"I was scared Ange. I wanted to tell you, in fact I did a few years ago but we were so drunk after drinking 4 bottles of wine that you never remembered and well, it never seemed to come up again. I mean I'd met Sam and figured it was just a phase I'd been going through. Now I know different."

"So how long were you and Deb an item?" asked Ange, smiling slightly more in disbelief at her own naivety than at Cory and Deb's relationship.

"Beginning of our fourth year and a few months after college." Cory replied, "It just happened. Remember that Tequila night at our house when we invited Deb's house to join in. Well, later on when we were all in the C & A absolutely pissed up, I was talking to Deb as she was so down and something I said made her run out and I followed her. She was crying and I hugged her and then we kissed and well it was a light being ignited in my mind and body. I was shocked and the next morning I felt so sick not just because of the alcohol but about the activities of the night before."

"Well that explains Spencer's hasty demise. I always wondered about that, he was the first guy you got close to after Jon and then with a click of the fingers he was gone." Ange looked at her friend and could see she was having difficulty with this conversation. "Cory, I'm not going to stop being your best friend, yes I'm shocked, yes I'm upset but more because you kept it from me for so long."

"I know, I wanted to tell you, and Deb wanted me too, but I was scared, confused ... I don't know, I've known all my life that I like both sexes. I know that men find me attractive and I've tried so hard to try and fit in and be 'normal' but when Deb came along she opened feelings in me that I'd never felt before not even with Jon. I mean I loved Jon so much but I loved Deb in such a different way. We were friends and lovers." At the use of this word Cory could see her friends eyes open wider and her jaw drop.

"Oh come on Ange she practically lived with us. You said it yourself you had to go through the room to get to the bathroom. You're telling me you never thought about why she spent so many nights at our place?"

"I am feeling very naïve and stupid at this moment in time! I just thought she was having a pretty rough time where she lived and you two got on so well. I just put it down to the fact that whilst everyone else in the group had long term boyfriends and you'd sworn off them. I mean we shared a bed loads of times. I guess I must have been a laughing stock to you and Deb.

"Never. Not once did we ever think that. I went through hell trying to be one person for Deb and then trying to be a different person to you guys. I just didn't know what I wanted. I loved Deb and we were good but she wanted me to tell the world and well I wasn't ready for that. I was confused, so very confused and I didn't want to be rejected by you and the others. I'd heard your comments about the few couples we had in the girl's football team. I guess I was chicken. I'm sorry Ange. I'll never keep anything from you again."

Ange looked up she could see the turmoil going through her friends mind and knew that Cory would never have kept this from her had she not had good reason to. "So why did you break up then? I mean if it was so good, why?"

"Well, when we left college, I was so into my new job and getting the work done it was a hard few months and I was back living at home. Deb was at college and well we just grew apart. She wanted me to make a commitment and I wasn't ready. I guess she got bored and she found someone else." Cory looked up a tear trickling down her cheek.

"Oh Cory, you went through that alone. You could have talked to me. I would have listened and tried to understand. I'm just shocked. I had no idea you liked girls, I thought it'd always been guys for you. I mean you sure went through your fair share!" Ange winked at this comment and was pleased to see a smile adorn her friend's face.

"I've had my doubts since secondary school. I mean I liked boys but I had the biggest crush on my PE teacher, she was the reason why I stayed on after we turned 16, she was the reason I went to college. I just put it down to that and I knew men turned me on and stuff but occasionally I'd meet a woman and we'd get on so well I just wanted to be with them. Then Deb came along and well, the responses my body had to her touch made me realise that I liked both. I'm bisexual; there you go I've said it out loud. I just pushed those feelings away after college; I mean I never met anyone who made me feel that way and then I met Sam and I began doubting what or who I was. Then we got together and it was nice but as the years have gone on and the intimacy isn't there, well I'm having my doubts." Cory downed the rest of her pint and held the glass up and nodded to Ange to see if she wanted another one.

"Go on then I feel like I need another, what a bombshell still I bet you feel better! No more skeletons in the closet then!" Ange chuckled at her own joke and Cory just laughed and sauntered off to the bar.

Whilst there, she reflected on the conversation, it had gone better than she'd expected and Ange seemed happier so did she say something about JJ now or wait for Ange to ask. No, she'd tell her friend, she couldn't keep any more secrets from her and she was dying to express her feelings for JJ out loud. She trusted Ange's judgement and she wanted to sound Ange out about things. She paid for the beers and made her way to the corner of the pub where she found her friend fiddling with the beer mats.

"Hey you know ripping beer mats is a sign of sexual frustration don't you? Want me to have a word with Dave?"

Ange tried to throw a punch at Cory but she missed and ended up overbalancing and nearly falling on the floor!

"Cheers!" Cory held her glass up and clinked her glass with Ange's.

"Here's to no more secrets!" Ange held her glass up and large gulp just as Cory opened her mouth.

"Ange I have another secret to tell you."

Ange spluttered and choked on the mouthful, "Bloody hell Cor, what can you possibly have secret now. You're not pregnant are you? You promised me you'd be my bridesmaid in July. I swear if you're not there beside me on that day I'll never speak to you again!"

"Ange which part of our conversation haven't you been listening to! It'd have to be the bloody Immaculate Conception for me to be pregnant! No I am not and not likely to be. I've met someone."

At this statement Ange did choke and it took a few moments of vigorous coughing and back patting before she regained her composure. "You're not joking are you?"

"No, I'm very serious."

"How long have you known him?" Ange looked at her friend and noticed that Cory had begun fidgeting again.

"You definitely have not been paying attention today my friend. After our last conversation you still assume it'd be a guy!"

"Oh shit Cory, just habit I guess. So it's a woman then?"

Cory took a deep breath, here goes; "Yes it's a woman."

Chapter 11

"Bloody hell Cory, how many secrets can one person keep? I can't believe you've kept all this quiet and now here you are telling me you're having an affair!" Ange shouted, looking thoroughly pissed off.

"I'm not having an affair and can you shout a bit louder I don't think they heard you over the other side of the bar!" Cory retorted.

"But you just said you'd met someone!"

"Yes the term was 'met' someone, not slept with them. Ange, this is going to sound somewhat weird so stay with me and let me finish before you bulldoze your way in. Okay?"

"Okay but I'm beginning to worry already." Ange sat back in her seat and placed her head in her hands, staring at her friend who she thought she knew.

"Well you know I recommended a book at Christmas to you," Cory looked up at Ange, who nodded in reply. "Well I joined a mailing list on the internet and one day I joined in sending emails about another story and met JJ and well things have gone from there."

"What do you mean things have gone from there? Details Williams, I need details who is she, where is she and what have you done with her? Fess up Cory I need to know what mess you've got yourself in now." Ange put her hand out to touch Cory's arm when she saw the turmoil of emotions going through her friend's eyes. "I'm kidding pal, just take your time but I still want the details."

"Well we started out just mailing about the story, then we mailed about each other and the mails got more intimate and personal and well I can't explain it Ange but I think she's the one."

"What do you mean she's the one?"

"She's my soulmate Ange; my missing link."

"You're serious aren't you?" Ange asked dreading the actual answer.

"Yes. " Cory replied, a single tear running down her cheek. "I never went looking for this Ange, it just happened and I'm so confused and scared."

"So you're a couple?"

"No. I think she likes me and I sort of told her the other day that I liked her but well we're 3000 miles apart ... "

"3000 miles?? So I take it she's not the lady next door??" This comment at least caused a smile from Cory.

"God no, I wish she was it'd save the phone bill and make things much easier. No she's from America. She lives near Boston, she's 32, has a girlfriend, I've already told you her name is JJ, short for Jessica Jane but she doesn't like that and she's just ... wonderful." Cory's voice wavered on the last section; she picked up her pint and drank the remnants before placing it back down and looking straight into the eyes of her friend. "I know it sounds bizarre Ange but I feel like I've come home."

"Cory I hate to be the person to rain on your parade but I'm going to give you the facts as I see them. Number 1 you've never laid eyes on this person, she could be anyone Cory; she could be an axe murderer for all you know. Number 2 you just said she had a girlfriend and I hate to remind you but you're married. Number 3 you live in two totally different countries and both have homes, families and jobs and finally number 4 you don't even know if she feels the same way!"

"Well when it's put like that Ange yeah it sounds silly but I swear I can't explain it but she makes me feel so happy and safe. Number 1 I know she's not a weirdo, you kind of get a feeling and she's so sweet and honest in her mails, she's just like you and I Ange. Number 2 I know she has a girlfriend but she's already admitted to me that Sarah's not right for her and they're having the same problems as Sam and me. Number 3 yes we do live in other countries but that's what visas were invented for and You and Dave are thinking about moving to Australia so one of us could always move and number 4 I guess I have to just let nature take it's course, if she likes me I should be able to tell and if she doesn't she is still my soul mate, there is still the connection. I know there are obstacles and I know there will be problems but Ange I feel so alive; that has to count for something." Cory sighed and put her head in her hands, she knew it sounded absurd especially now she'd said it out loud but she knew how she felt and she just wished Ange would believe her.

"Cory, you're lonely and feeling unloved, I know you, and you're just bored. You and Sam have problems and rather than face them like an adult you're running. You're an adult now with responsibilities, you have a job, a house and a loving husband, who you made vows to and promised to keep them and you're going to throw it all away on someone you've never met, are probably never going to meet and who may never return your affections. I hate to say this Cory but wake up and smell the coffee. Life isn't like it is in the movie. She's not going to drop everything and come to your rescue, you've made your bed, you chose your life and now you have to live it!" Ange could feel herself shaking; she didn't know whether it was from frustration or anger but she could feel her self-control ebbing away. She loved her best friend but sometimes she drove her to distraction. They'd spent four years at college and Cory's eye was always wandering; she'd never settle on one thing and she always got restless, she felt sure her friend was just bored and all she needed was a good sex session with Sam and she'd be back on track. "Cory all you need is a good lay, you're confusing this with real love. You're clinging to JJ because you feel unloved and out of practice. You and Sam just need to sit down and sort this through and once you've had a mammoth sex session you'll look back and wonder what you were thinking. Her ranting stopped when she saw the look of dismay and hurt in her friend's eyes, Cory's heart was breaking and she'd done nothing to help her.

Tears flowed down Cory's face, she knew some of what Ange had said was probably true but in her heart and soul she knew JJ was the one. "You're wrong Ange."

"Wrong about what?" her friend asked, her voice lowering into a tender tone. "Which bit am I wrong about?"

"All of it, some of it ... it's not about the sex Ange. I've had great sex with Jon and it didn't make me feel as whole as I felt when Deb and I made love. I can't explain it, making love with a woman just makes me feel complete and satisfied, I wasn't a virgin when Deb and I got together but I felt like one; it was wonderful and I threw it all away because I was scared about what others would think. JJ's mails make me feel wonderful and happy, I don't know, but I will meet her and very soon. She's ... she's flying over tomorrow."

"Shit Cory, you could have said!"

"I was going to but your mouth just ran away and well at least I know what you think."

"Oh don't be like that. I've just found out that my best friend is bisexual, has kept it a secret and is now head over heels in love with some girl she's never met and she's meeting her tomorrow. I'm sorry Cory cut me some slack. God I need another drink, you're going to be the death of me!!" Ange picked up her empty glass and passed it towards Cory.

Cory pushed her stool back, wiped her face and smiled at her friend, "I like to keep you guessing!!" She sauntered towards the bar, her mind replaying everything that Ange had said. She ordered two more drinks and some sandwiches to soak them up with. Whilst waiting for the sandwiches she phoned Sam.

"Hey Cor, what's up?" he asked.

"Nothing much, how's the game going?"

"Okay, I'm getting better, I've dropped a few shots but nothing drastic. Dave's leading by a few shots but we still have 5 more holes. So was there a reason for the call or are you just missing me?"

"Ange and I decided to have a chat and well we found a nice pub but we've both drunk more than we should have and we'll need a lift home. Would it be okay for you and Dave to pick us up after your game?"

"Shouldn't be a problem. Which pub you in?"

"The Red Lion, on the High Street. Dave will have to drive their car home. Give us a phone call when you're on your way and we'll get a round of drinks in. Thanks Sam."

"Okay Cory don't drink too much you'll be wasted by this evening and we were going to go to that nice Indian restaurant."

"I won't, one more and that's my limit, see you later."

"Bye." As she turned the phone off the sandwiches arrived and she made her way back to Ange.

"I was just about to send a search party out for you!! What have you got there?" Spying the plate in Cory's one hand and a drink in another.

"I thought we might need some sustenance as it's a bit early to be drinking. A few packets of crisps and a mixture of sandwiches, I just have to go back and fetch my drink."

The two friends ate in relative silence, Ange was trying to come to terms with Cory's announcement and Cory was trying to work out how she was going to cope with JJ's presence all week without doing anything.

Ange broke the silence. "So you don't know how she feels about you?"

Cory looked up, her eyes widened by the change in tact and tone of Ange's voice. "I'm not sure, my mind and soul tell me she likes me, more than likes me but my mind keeps telling me to be serious. I mean she's drop dead gorgeous, she has long black hair, a kind of tan, well to an English person she has a tan, deep blue eyes and she says she's tall. What would someone like that see in little old me?"

Ange nearly choked on her sandwich, "Cory have you looked in the mirror recently? You're beautiful, even if I say so myself, who wouldn't fancy you! I could throttle Sam for what he's done to your confidence, you used to be so full of yourself and confident, now you doubt your own looks. Talking of Sam I gather you haven't told him any of this."

"No, I wouldn't know where to start. It's not a conversation you can have over the dinner table, can you imagine it 'pass the salt honey, oh and by the way I'm gay and in love with someone else!' Would kind of give him indigestion or a heart attack!"

"But if you're serious about JJ you have to tell him, it's not fair Cory."

"I know you don't have to remind me. I haven't said anything because I'm not sure, I mean, what if it is just a figment of my imagination and I meet her and there's no spark; no fire and Sam is really the person I'm supposed to be with. I'd have hurt him for no reason. I don't know what I'm going to do; I figured I'd know more after this week. Does that sound shallow?"

"No I think it sounds sensible, but Cory if you do feel something for JJ you have to tell Sam sooner rather than later. I mean if you did anything it would be an affair and he is just too nice a person to find out about this from the wrong person. You have to be the one to tell him Cory. So if you do find yourself attracted to JJ are you going to act on it?"

"Oh ask me a hard one! I doubt it Ange, I mean, like you said she's got a girlfriend, I have a husband and well it wouldn't seem right. If things turn out and we both like each other then I think we both need to go home and sort out our own lives before we make any promises. To be honest Ange, I have no idea, I'd like to think I would be loyal to Sam but you can never tell when cupid's arrow strikes, it makes us all do weird things. I mean look at you and Mick at college, who'd have thought you'd have slept with him!" Cory's eyes glinted with mischief, she knew she'd hit home when she saw the blush rise up her friend's neck.

"Cory you swore you'd forget about him and me. You promised never to bring that mistake up, I was drunk and lonely!" Ange blushed at her friend and her eyes pleaded for the conversation to end.

"My point exactly! The conversation is now officially closed. Sam and Dave should be here soon; I just wanted you to know what was going on and well... I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulder. Thanks Ange for listening."

"No problem squirt! That's what older friends are for. We share our wisdom with our younger friends!"

"You make yourself out to be ancient. You're 2 years older than me give or take a month!"

"So what's wrong with me?" Ange asked curiously.

"Pardon? I don't understand?" Cory looked over at her friend very confused at the sudden change in the conversation, "There's nothing wrong with you. Why'd you ask?"

"I mean did you ever fancy me?" Ange teased from across the table enjoying the look of confusion that was now clear on her friend's face.

"No way Ange. I mean it's not that you're not good looking and such. Oh hell just because you're female doesn't mean I fancy you, I hate that about people. They think just because you like women that your going to jump the bones of every woman you see. I mean you don't jump every man you see so why should I!"

Cory looked over to find Ange laughing so much her eyes were watering, "I was teasing you Cory ... . I'm sorry I was just trying to lighten the mood."

"No I'm sorry I'm kind of sensitive at the moment. So tell me what's going on in your life?"

"Compared to yours my life pales in comparison but I'll update you on the wedding plans and other things."

The two friends fell into a detailed converstaion centred on Ange's marriage plans and battles with her mother. Cory ummed and ahhed in all the right places and tried really hard to follow the conversation and add her own ideas but her mind kept drifting back to JJ and her latest emails. 'She's really coming over; we're going to meet. What do I say to her? What if I make a fool of myself? What if there isn't any attraction?' Cory pondered on this and found herself falling deeper and deeper into her own thoughts, she knew she shouldn't want this as much as she did. She knew she was being unfair to Sam but the pull towards JJ was too strong. She picked up her pint glass and took sips all the time looking at Ange but her mind was a million miles away.

"So what do you think?" Ange asked quizzically.

"Pardon...What?? I'm sorry Ange I kind of phased out of reality for a second." Cory sheepishly admitted.

"Kind of phased out for a second! You haven't been listening for a few minutes. Let me guess your mind is lingering over Miss Tall, Dark and Distant?"

Cory grinned and threw her hands into the air, "Okay I'm busted. My mind was just replaying her mails in my head. Something's bugging me but I can't work out what."

"Got anything to do with her visit?" Ange asked; realising her friend had a one-track mind at the moment.

"I don't think so. Her mails have been the same happy, chirpy ones but there's something missing. It'll come to me later, probably when I'm fast asleep and wham it'll hit me and then I won't be able to sleep." At this Cory looked up and noticed Sam and Dave coming through the door. She smiled and waved them over.

"So this is what happens to my wife to be

when I leave her in your company for more than an hour? How many have you two had?" Dave asked smiling back at Cory and pulling up a chair.

"You know us Dave, old habits die hard! Can't have Ange becoming a boring housewife! We've had a few but we're still mentally alert, well as mentally alert as we've ever been." At this she hugged Dave and turned to see Sam give her a glare. She decided a trip to the bar for some soft drinks might be the best idea and she escaped the looks.

The bar had been steadily filling all afternoon, there was a football match due to kick off and many of the locals came to watch it on the big screen in the corner. Cory waited patiently at the bar, her mind still querying the mails from JJ when it hit her; the last few mails from JJ hadn't had love written at the end, they'd simply had 'your friend'. She wasn't sure if there was any significance in this. Was it how JJ really viewed her? Was JJ trying to let her know what Cory meant to her? The barman interrupted her thoughts and she gave him her order.

They'd spent another hour in the pub discussing the golf game, wedding and life in general. It was getting late and the lads wanted to get home to watch the match and have a drink as well so they all piled into the car for the short trip back to the house.

Ange had looked over at Cory a few times during the pub converstaion and noting a distant look and the disharmony coming from Sam and Cory she wanted to give her friend some time and space.

"You two going to watch the match?" Sam asked, tossing a beer to Dave who had settled himself down on the two-seater sofa.

"No I'm feeling a little bit tired, I think I need an afternoon nap and then Cory said she'd lend me the laptop to surf some sites that have good wedding ideas." Ange replied in a matter of fact manner.

Cory looked blankly at her friend, she didn't recall having a conversation with Ange about websites.

Seeing the confused look on Cory's face Ange mouthed the words, "play along."

"Yeah, we have free internet weekends so it makes sense Ange surfs them on the laptop. We'll go do it upstairs."

"Makes a change from downloading and sending emails I suppose." Sam grumbled and turned his head to the TV screen.

The girls made their way upstairs, when they got to the top Cory turned to Ange. "I have no idea what your up to but thanks I needed some space."

"I'd already guessed and I thought you might want to check your mail, just in case there's a mail from JJ. Which reminds me, have you two ever spoken over the phone?"

"No we kept meaning to but we could never find a time we were both around. We have done icq a few times and that was fun. I did download Yahoo Messenger as someone had said you can chat that way but I haven't got round to buying a microphone and headset yet. Why'd you ask?" Cory said settling herself on Ange's bed.

"No reason really, I guess I'm just curious about JJ myself. She seems to have captivated you. I don't think I've ever seen you so caught up with someone, you have a twinkle in your eyes when you talk about her I guess I just want to know what she's like."

Cory put out her hand and uncharacteristically stroked Ange's arm, "Thanks Ange, you've been really good about this and I know I'm putting you in a difficult situation. You're a true friend."

Ange pulled her friend into a hug and whispered into Cory's ear, "I always will be; no matter what happens." After releasing her friend she settled down and yawned, "I'm going to take a nap, the phone sockets behind the table. Take your time and say hi to JJ for me. Tell her to pack a few jumpers I heard the weather forecast and it's going to be cold this week."

Cory nodded her head and found herself a spot in the corner of the bedroom, hooked up the laptop and waited the few seconds for it to go through the boot up routine.

There weren't many emails and surprisingly there wasn't one from JJ, disappointed she decided to surf some of the story sites. After 5 minutes her eyes were drawn to a flashing icon on the corner of the screen. It was the green icq flower; on connection to the Internet it automatically booted icq as well. She clicked on flower and there in front of her was the message 'JJ Matthews is now online.' Those simple 5 words made Cory's heart miss a beat.

She clicked on the message box and typed 'hey there'.

A few moments later JJ replied 'Hey there yourself. How you doing?'

'Okay I guess. You got time for a chat?' Cory hit the send button crossing her fingers as she did so; this was exactly what she needed at this present time.

'For you I always have time!' This line made Cory feel very warm all over.

After a few seconds there was a flashing chat bubble in the corner of the screen. Cory pressed the accept button and waited for the connection to go through, her heart was beating faster as it always did when she anticipated a chat with JJ.

JJ Matthews: You okay? You seem a bit down? I can always tell! How's the visit going?

Cory Williams: The visit is going better than expected. I told Ange about college and Deb and stuff.

JJ Matthews: Wow, so how did she take your mysterious past?

Cory Williams: Okay, better than okay she was very supportive. A little bit upset that I hadn't told her but understanding in her own way. She said she loved me and didn't care about my past.

JJ Matthews: Good I don't want to have to come over there and beat her butt around the block. So do you feel better?

Cory Williams: Yeah it feels good to finally have it off my chest. Enough about me, how are the holiday plans going?

JJ Matthews: The VACATION (sorry I couldn't resist that!!) plans are finally sorted. I'm leaving for the airport later. I was in the middle of sending you an email, I have booked a last minute flight that leaves very early tomorrow morning, about 6:00 so I am getting in your time 5pm. It's going to be a long journey. About 8 hours and then the five hour time difference. Is this ok?

Cory Williams: It's more than okay!

JJ Matthews: Have you got a pen and a piece of paper handy? I have the flight details here if you want them.

Cory Williams: Hold on.

Cory looked around the room, she didn't want to disturb Ange who was sound asleep and had been since the end of their conversation. Her eyes wandered around the room and spotted a pile of schoolbooks and a pen. She crawled over to them and spotted Ange's notebook. She tore a page from this and resettled herself in front of the computer.

Cory Williams: Sorry had to find a pen.

JJ Matthews: Ok its American Airlines, flight number AA281. That's all I know except its Heathrow, London. Are you sure this is ok Cory? You're not just being nice and secretly you're dreading a loud yank arriving on your doorstep?

Cory Williams: Hey I'm positive. I had nothing planned and Sam is away one of the nights so I can do the tourist bit with you. I have a little work to do but I figured you might want some time on your own one morning and I can do it then. How long are you coming for?

JJ Matthews: I leave next Saturday. Sarah isn't happy and we've had another fight but I just need to get away and clear my mind.

Cory Williams: Is it that bad?

JJ Matthews: Yeah, I'll fill you in tomorrow. Hey that has such a nice ring to it. I can't believe we will be meting in about 24 hours. How you feeling?

Cory Williams: Truthfully I am very nervous and excited and a little bit scared. Just worried that the great friendship we have built up won't translate in to real life. Does that make sense?

JJ Matthews: Definitely it's exactly how I am feeling too. So where are you now?

Cory Williams: In Ange's bedroom. She's sleeping and I was just checking in and then I thought I'd join her. We spent some time drinking this afternoon and that always makes me tired. So I guess I'd better let you go and do some packing. I'm looking forward to meeting you JJ. I'll be at the arrival gate to meet you.

Take care

Love Cory

JJ Matthews: Yeah I have stacks to do and Sarah has gone out so I will have time to do it all. Take care yourself and I'll see you tomorrow!!

Love JJ.

Corry logged off and shut the computer down. Her heart was racing and her hands were sweaty, it was finally sinking in, she was going to meet her soulmate tomorrow and she wished she knew how JJ felt about her. She lay down next to Ange and closed her eyes, before her appeared deep blue eyes and a sweet smell. As she fell closer and closer to unconsciousness her mind took her into the wilderness and a comfortable presence settled around her.

The wind was gently caressing their naked bodies; the smell of the flowers was drifting over them. She snuggled closer to the body that surrounded her and let the security envelope her like a blanket. The hands that rested on her stomach began to make a small circling motion, each time becoming more noticeable and wider in pattern until the fingers were lightly teasing the very edges of her breasts and then they were gone; only to return moments later teasing higher and higher until she was arching into the touch. Her desire for more prompting her to turn and lay claim on her partner's own body..

Cory woke up to a gentle tap on her arm.

"Hey sleepy, you seemed to be enjoying that dream more than you ought to!"

Cory blinked, slightly disorientated, sleep covering her eyes, she blinked, then focused them on Ange. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"You were moaning Cory, in your sleep, and it wasn't the grumpy type of moaning either!" Ange giggled as she said this.

Cory blushed furiously, not knowing where to hide her face she turned onto her tummy and put her head, face down, on the pillow. "Oh please ground open and swallow me whole!" she mumbled.

"Hey it's nothing I haven't heard before! I did share the room next to yours at college!! Granted I've never heard you solo!! So do I get to hear about this dream?"

Cory peeked up from the pillow and saw a bemused look on her friend's face. "There's nothing to tell really. I've been having the same sort of dream off and on for the past month. I never get to see anything except trees and lakes. I always feel safe and secure in her arms and I get to see the most beautiful sapphire eyes."

"If you never see anything, how'd you know it's a woman?"

At this comment, Cory groaned again and could feel a blush reddening her cheeks. "Jesus Ange, you're having all your paybacks in one day. I don't think I've blushed this much since the day you guys caught me at it in the living room at college!" Ange just beamed and gestured for her to carry on. "How do I know it's a woman; well I feel things. You know!!"

Ange smirked, she liked knowing she'd caught Cory on the back foot, it didn't happen very often and when it did she liked to make the blonde one squirm. "What sort of things do you feel?" she asked innocently.

"Seriously? You're really serious about this?" Cory asked sitting up on the bed.

"Oh yes my friend, I am being serious. I'm curious to know what's got you all red and twitchy!" Ange tried to keep a straight face but the corners of her mouth began to turn up.

"Well usually in the dream the arms are wrapped around me and they're soft but muscular; very tanned with fine hairs. The fingers are long, delicate looking but there's strength in those appendages. They feel feminine. She smells musky, with a hint of cinnamon and some herb scent, I can't describe it but it seems familiar. Most of the time she's holding me from behind and well ... we're naked and to put it bluntly I can feel her breasts against my back and there's no meat and two veg between her legs!"

At this comment Ange threw a pillow at her. "You are disgusting Williams. You always know how to drag a conversation into the gutter!"

Cory grinned, "I aim to please and it serves you right for being so nosy!" She winked as she said this and glanced at the clock. "Crikey it's 6 o'clock. I guess we'd better head downstairs and see what state the lads are in. I have a feeling we could be ordering Indian take away to be delivered!"

As expected the men had consumed more than their fair share of beer and were watching highlights of the football. The evening ended up much as the girls thought it would. They played some board games, watched some television, ate a take away and drank until the early hours of the morning. When they did finally decide to hit the sack Cory had trouble settling down to sleep. Her mind was focused solely on JJ. She'd be heading to the airport soon and then the waiting would be over.

She fluffed her pillows up for the hundredth time and looked over at Sam's sleeping form. He'd drunk quite a lot, so had Dave, and he'd fallen asleep as soon as his head had hit the pillow; this had been evident from the tiny but annoying snores which had been emanating from his mouth every other second. Cory continued to stare at him wondering what would happen in the future. All she knew was she didn't feel any of the emotions for Sam that she thought of when she pictured JJ.

She leant over and kissed him gently on the cheek, whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Cory woke to bright light filtering through the window and the smell of stale beer and curry being wafted very near her nose. She turned her head to see Sam sound asleep; mouth open wide.

"Ew ... definitely a passion killer!" She nudged him awake. "Hey breathe over someone else, you stink!"

"Good morning to you too sweetheart!" Sam replied sarcastically. "So what are we doing today?"

"Well for starters you're going to go and clean your teeth. You're not going down to breakfast like that. Then I don't know; we have to hang around here until later. Ange and I have got some grocery shopping to do, the industrial park is open and they have some sales on. That should keep us occupied for an hour or two. Dave and you can play golf or watch the rugby and then we'll have tea and head off for Heathrow."

"Oh yeah your little Internet buddy is coming to stay. So what's she like? All I know is she likes women and lives in the US; neither are exactly a conversation starter."

Cory frowned at him, "You will be nice to her, won't you Sam?"

"Cory if you like her. I'm sure I'll like her so long as she's not hitting on you!" he joked.

Cory looked up, "What made you say that? It might be a good idea if you kept a low profile next week!" Cory felt herself growing edgy.

"Lighten up Cory i was just teasing. There's going to be sometime over the week when I'm going to be alone with her, I just thought you might tell me more about her so I don't put my foot in it. I swear I'll be well behaved and I'll keep out of your way. Anybody'd think you didn't want me around!"

At this comment Cory felt retreat was the best policy and she headed swiftly for the bathroom, turning as she got to the door, "I'll tell you all about her on the journey to the airport."

Sam watched the retreating body of his wife as she closed the door. He never seemed to be able to do anything right these days. He didn't know how to reach Cory anymore. They'd had a great relationship; well he thought it was good. He gave her everything she needed: he provided her with security, material goods; he helped around the house and they did things together. He knew Cory wanted romance but that was just what she saw in the movies and everyone knew real life wasn't like that. Cory was changing and he didn't like it. Since finding the Internet and making new friends he could feel her slipping from him and he didn't know what to do about it. "The worst thing I ever did was buying her that laptop." He mumbled out loud as he rubbed his head and went in search of breakfast.

The day had dragged for Cory. She'd been shopping with Ange; checked her emails, there had been a very brief mail from JJ saying she was about to begin her journey to England, Ange had cut the lawn and she'd done some weeding and they had just finished eating the evening tea of roast beef, Yorkshire puddings and vegetables.

Sam checked his watch, "We'll have to make a move in about an hour Cory, the M25 should be clear but I don't want to take any chances. We may have to wait an hour in the airport but we can grab some magazines."

Cory nodded her agreement and helped Ange take the dirty dishes into the kitchen and put them in the sink; the lads went to check out the rugby scores on the news.

"So how are you feeling?" Ange asked, patting Cory gently on the back.

"I'm a little nervous Ange, I'm not sure if this dinner will stay down! I don't know whether I'm hoping she's the girl of my dreams or not. If she is then I have some major decisions to make and if she's not I still have to think about where Sam and I are heading. All I know is this next journey is the start of my future; the only answer I may get this week is whether I'll be traveling the road with my soul mate or riding solo!"

Chapter 12

It was coming up to 4am; JJ had just checked her luggage into the Virgin Airlines desk. After booking her seat she went in search of a place to exchange her money, she had no idea how much money she'd need. After a short search she found one, the clerk behind the desk asked her what she wanted.

"To be honest I have no idea. I'm off to England, but I'm not sure how much I'll need. It's kind of a last minute journey." JJ told the bank clerk.

"Does your bank card have maestro or cirrus on it?" inquired the guy.

"Yeah, Why?" replied JJ.

"Well you can use the card in ATMs in the UK. I assume you have a credit card as well?" he looked at JJ as she nodded in reply, "well I would suggest taking about $100 worth of notes and then find an ATM when you arrive at your destination. As a back up, you can use your credit cards but I can do cash as well."

"No the ATM sounds good to me," replied JJ, "So how many pounds will a hundred bucks get me?"

The clerk did a quick calculation. "It works out at about £65.00."

After performing the transaction, JJ found herself seated in the quiet airport terminal, she took a moment to look at the money she had received. The money was colourful, the biggest note was a £20 and purple in colour, the £10 was smaller and orange and the £5 was green. They looked cute. She'd opted for a variety of different bills so she could put them in various places upon her body, better to be safe than sorry in her mind.

It was very early in the morning and the airport was understandably empty. JJ had decided to take the earliest available flight for two reasons - one it had turned out the cheapest option and two she had to get out of the house as Sarah had gone crazy when she'd told her she was going on vacation alone. She sat contemplating the few hours she'd spent at home packing.

Sarah had arrived home from her parents to find JJ packing her bags.

"Where are you going? You only just arrived home, I thought you were spending your vacation painting the bathroom?"

"I need my space Sarah! I need to think things through. I want some time alone. We need some space." JJ said this slowly summoning up the courage to face Sarah and as she did so she continued her task of packing her case.

"So where you going? Up to the house in New Hampshire?" Sarah asked, knowing that JJ's best friend had a vacation house up in Warren, New Hampshire. She'd often asked the couple if they'd wanted to use it but they'd never found a week that coordinated with the weeks that the house was empty.

JJ had a sudden panic; she really didn't want to get into a conversation about Cory and England. She hesitated, at the same time as Sarah's eyes fell on JJ's passport lying on the bed next to her wallet.

"So, unless they have changed the rules on state to state travel, I'm guessing you're going abroad?" Sarah said staring straight into JJ's eyes.

"Err ... yeah. I decided to go and see what England is like." mumbled JJ, wincing as she spotted the anger in Sarah's eyes.

"You're going to fucking England! Don't you think that's a bit drastic? What happened to talking things through? Where you going to stay? Who you going to stay with? What about money?" Sarah was waving her arms and advancing at JJ.

"Sarah calm down, Jesus I'm taking a holiday on my own it's not a crime. I have tried talking to you but you tend not to listen or want things your way or no way. I'm going to stay with a friend." JJ continued to pack her clothes as she said this, wincing again as she felt Sarah behind her.

"What friend? Oh wait a minute not that girl you've been emailing. You said it was just a friendship, I knew something was going on when she sent that card to you." Sarah slammed her hand onto JJ's case.

JJ slowly turned round to face Sarah, her heart beating faster as she saw the pain in Sarah's eyes. "Sarah I said it when you asked before and I'm saying it again, there is nothing going on between Cory and I, we're friends, she's helped me realize that maybe I want more out of life, she listens when I talk to her and she's my friend. Besides I told you she's married. The card was a thank you card for sending her a birthday card." She turned back to her case, she hadn't lied, there was nothing going on between Cory and her, unless her dreams counted.

"Remind me how you two met again?" Sarah asked nastily.

"Jesus Sarah, how many times do I need to explain this to you. I told you we were on a mailing list, they had a role-playing session and we got teamed up together, we share the same interests and she listens to me, end of story. I am allowed to have friends, this is supposed to be a relationship not a fucking prison sentence." JJ slammed the lid of her case shut as she said the last word.

"So what happens between us?" Sarah asked.

"I just figured with us having so many problems and not trying to get solutions we should be apart for a while, maybe we can get some kind of solution if we have time to think on our own, I won't be gone that long. I think we take this week to think. I mean really think, look at what has happened between us over the past 6 years and look at what the future holds. I think the spark has died Sarah and to be honest I don't think I love you anymore." JJ couldn't look Sarah in the eyes, she knew she was breaking her heart but she'd really tried to make it work but Sarah wasn't the one and she finally knew it.

At these words Sarah sank to the floor crying, "JJ you know I don't like being by myself in the house."

JJ felt frustrated, this was the last thing she'd expected, "Well then stay at your parents, you are there enough anyways or have somebody stay in the guest room. I don't care figure it out for yourself for once!" JJ didn't know what to do, heart to hearts weren't her strong point and she tended to become sarcastic and even mean when her defenses were rattled. She wasn't the emotional type but for the sake of Sarah she knelt down and hugged Sarah to her. "I'm sorry, so sorry. Remember, use this time to think, please, we'll talk when I get back, I promise and I'll call when I get there." She gently placed a kiss on Sarah's head and gathered her things and left the house, silent tears tracking down her face.

A flight announcement interrupted JJ's thoughts and so did a rumble from her stomach. She looked around, a bagel and a chocolate milkshake seemed the order of the day. She noticed a coffee shop and went inside, she ordered a shake and bagel and paid at the desk. Her eyes drifting to the news shop opposite, a few magazines might take her mind off her problems on the long flight. She had two books in her knapsack but they required concentration and at the moment any concentration she possessed had disappeared. She browsed the shelves and found the latest edition of her favourite hockey magazine and paid at the counter.

On her way out of the shop she stopped at the departures television and found her gate had been announced. She set off through the x-ray machine and to her gate and maybe her destiny. She arrived in plenty of time, there were a few other people sitting looking just as bored and she tried to work out if they were British or American. Some people were easier to place than others especially as they spoke; it sort of gave the game away.

She hated flying, detested it. She had flown quite a lot in the past. When she'd lived with Tina in Germany she'd flown home a few times and she'd taken a few internal flights but if it was possible to get places by car she took that option. Her stomach felt nauseous and she regretted the bagel.

It wasn't long before they were boarding the plane, first class and advantage flyers first and then slowly by seat number. She was in seat 21a, a window seat, at least she could watch the world go by and if she was tired she had the wall of the plane to lean against. She just hated the confined space and the lack of leg room, if she were to admit it, she was slightly claustrophobic as well but flying was a means to an end and the only way to meet Cory, so she'd have to do it.

Her seating row was called and she proceeded to the gate, she handed her boarding pass to the flight attendant and took it back after he'd scanned it. She headed down the tunnel onto the plane. JJ nodded at the flight attendant and waited patiently as passengers put their bags and cases in the overhead compartments. She personally preferred to put hers down by her feet so she had easy access to it on the flight.

She settled into her seat, putting the pillow and blanket under her arm and taking her sweater out of her bag. At that moment, the passenger who would be beside her through the flight came to sit down; there was a little bit of rearranging done and the odd smile and then silence. JJ opened her knapsack and took out her CD player and magazines and then settled back to listen to the instructions given by the flight attendants. These seemed to go on forever. She didn't really see the point of these, to be honest, if something happened on the plane the chances of survival were minimal but just in case she watched them strap on the life vest.

The captain then announced that the flight would last about 6 hours, conditions being okay and that the in flight entertainment would be on soon.

They taxied out onto the runway and JJ's heart began to race, she hated the take off. She put her earphones on, closed her eyes and gripped the armrest. The words of Melissa Etheridge going round and round in her mind. "Please baby can't you see I'm trying to explain, I've been there before and I'm locking the door and I'm not coming back again" The noise of the engines drowned out the sound of the song and JJ knew take off was imminent, she gripped the rest harder and found herself holding her breath as the plane began it's race down the runway. As the plane lifted off, JJ sent out a silent prayer to whoever was listening and focused solely on the song in her head. "You're the only one, the only one ... ." This song was the song she had put on the CD for Cory and was a song that summed up her feelings for Cory.

As the plane leveled off, so did JJ's heart rate and she began to settle into her seat. She fiddled with the remote control for the tiny TV screen in front of her seat and flicked through the movies listed in the flight leaflet, there was nothing really she wanted to watch or hadn't already seen so she decided to get some shut eye and at least try and look human when she met Cory.

Sleep was hard to find, JJ was exhausted, she'd spent the late evening at Nancy's house telling her about her fight with Sarah, she'd told Nancy about her impending trip to England but hadn't expanded on the reasons except she needed space from Sarah. She tried to sleep for a few hours but when sleep wasn't on the agenda she'd decided a walk on the beach would help clear her head and then she'd driven to the airport. Images of Sarah crying, uncertainty about Cory's feelings and the general noise on the plane interrupted JJ's thoughts and any hope of sleep was futile. Her head seemed to be warring with her heart, her mind kept telling her she was being foolish leaving behind a woman who obviously in her own way loved her and traveling 3000 miles to meet a woman she dreamed of but who was married.

She thought about Sarah and the last look she'd seen on Sarah's tearstained face, a look of betrayal. JJ had known when she met Sarah that she wasn't the love of her life but Sarah had offered her love that was safe and after Tina had left her for a guy, she'd built a wall around her heart. She'd vowed never to fall in love again and here she was taking the same path, falling in love with someone who was married to a guy; would she ever learn. JJ knew being with Sarah would keep her heart protected and the pain away and she also knew it was wrong and unfair to Sarah, but over the years, she had grown to care deeply for Sarah, but they'd had problems. If JJ said one thing Sarah wanted something else, they could never agree even down to TV shows, night after night they watched their own shows, one of them in the living room, the other in the bedroom but rarely together. JJ liked computers and Sarah detested them and begrudged JJ wanting to be on the thing. They were just incompatible and as time had gone on, the differences became more pronounced, this extended to the bedroom. JJ enjoyed sex, she thrived on it and liked to think she was adventurous but Sarah only wanted sex on her terms and JJ had slowly become frustrated and finally taken matters into her own hands.

JJ glanced out of the window, there was nothing to see, she thought about all the reasons to stay with Sarah, besides the security of a home there was nothing there, she thought of Cory and knew that if there was even the slightest bit of interest on Cory's side, she would give up her heart, so long as it was what Cory wanted. This brought doubts into JJ's mind. Would Cory leave Sam for her? Where would they live? There were 3000 miles between them and two different cultures and countries. For god's sake JJ what are you thinking? She banged her head against the side of the plane and continued to stare into the darkness of night.

The flight attendant interrupted her musing; asking if she wanted a drink and JJ decided a beer might settle her down and make her sleepy. She sipped the beer slowly and began to flick through the magazine.

The beer obviously worked as she awoke feeling groggy and unaware of her surroundings, she flinched as she felt a hand touch her shoulder and she turned to see whose it was.

"You okay dear?" the older lady seated next to her asked removing her hand as she saw JJ's eyes narrow. "You were jerking in your sleep and your hand almost knocked your glass over. I hope you don't mind me asking, but I noticed you were a bit scared earlier on and wanted to check you were doing okay."

JJ wiped her eyes and shook her head trying to get rid of the foggy feeling she felt, "Sorry about that, I tend to get quite active in my sleep, not exactly the ideal place for that!"

"I gather you don't like flying then dear?" the old lady asked.

"Just the take off, I mean I guess when your time is up your time is up, but what worries me is what if your time isn't up but the person seated next to you or two seats back time is up. It's not like you can leave the plane or move away. Is it? She smiled and reached across the seats holding her hand towards the lady. "My name's JJ, what's yours?"

"Mary. An interesting theory, one I hope I never get to see proved!" she shook JJ's hand. "So is this your first trip to England?" she asked, passing a sweet to JJ who shook her head at the offer.

"Yeah, never been there before and you?"

"Oh yes I was born there but married an American after the war, my family still live over there and unfortunately my mother is poorly, so I'm going to stay with my sister and help out." the woman replied, her face taking on a sadder appearance.

"I'm sorry to hear that, nothing serious I hope." JJ took a sip of her drink to try and freshen the taste in her mouth and turned to face the lady better.

"I'm afraid it isn't good news, but she's old, in her eighties and has been poorly on and off for a while. She may pull through you just don't know, she's a fighter."

JJ didn't know what to say, she felt like she'd put her foot in her mouth and she looked down at the drink in her hand. Mary leaned over and patted her arm, "There's no need to feel embarrassed dear, I like talking to people and I know you think you've said the wrong thing but really dear it's okay. So how about you, business or pleasure trip?"

"Pleasure." JJ smiled as images of Cory floated through her head. "I'm meeting a friend, she lives in the Midlands."

"Not far from my family. So have you known her long?"

"Well I've never actually met her, we met online through an emailing list, but we've become good friends." JJ finished there; she didn't need to go into the details of her life with a stranger.

"That's brave, you hear so many stories about people meeting through the Internet, unfortunately not all nice but I'm sure you and your friend will get on well." Mary picked up her book signaling that their little chat was over. JJ let out a little sigh of relief; small talk was never her forte. She then settled back and closed her eyes.

It didn't take long for her to be fast asleep.

A few hours later she woke with a jerk to find a meal being placed in front of her. She coughed, readjusted her seat and looked out of the window, daylight was streaming through and there were a few clouds in the sky. She checked the monitor in front of her and realised she had just over an hour before the plane landed. She ate her food slowly, plane food was never the tastiest but a few crackers and a chocolate brownie seemed to go down well. She made small talk with Mary asking her about her family and then felt the need to stretch her legs and pay a visit to the restroom.

On her return she climbed back into her seat awkwardly and look at the flight map on the screen. They were just reaching the coast of England. She felt her stomach begin to churn; this was it, no turning back. In just over an hour, she'd be meeting the woman she felt was the one, the only one, for her. She closed her eyes and an image of Cory's recent photo began to appear in her head, she was cute; she looked like she had green eyes. Cory had said they were green but sometimes in the odd picture they looked grey. Her mind had often wandered to this meeting. What should she do, appear cool and aloof or shake her hand, maybe hug her, definitely no kissing. This thought brought a smile to JJ's face and she felt her pulse quicken. If this is what one thought did to JJ what would meeting the real person do, she just hoped she wouldn't faint.

Sam turned the car into the pick up lane of the arrivals terminal. He pulled up to the kerb and turned to face Cory, "You run in, we're slightly late, that accident and tail back held us up, she shouldn't be long and I'll circle round the building."

Cory said a silent thank you to whoever had listened to her wishes; she had desperately wanted her first meeting with JJ to be a private affair between the two of them. She opened the car door and proceeded through the entrance of the terminal. The airport was humming with activity, she glanced up at the arrivals monitor and saw JJ's flight number; the plane had landed. She was actually here; Cory felt a wave of nervous nausea pass over her. She had no idea what to say to her, how to greet her. She looked towards the arrivals exit. She figured it would take about 30 minutes for JJ to clear passport control and collect her baggage. She went to stand with the growing crowd all waiting to welcome some weary traveler to the country.

The plane had landed smoothly, and JJ had actually enjoyed it, the sky outside was dark. Somewhere over the Ocean there had been daylight but with the difference in time she had now entered evening time again. It felt weird to have missed a day but she'd gain the time back on the return flight. The seatbelt sign was still on so she made sure she had her bag on her lap ready for a quick exit, there was no need to stay on the plane longer than she needed to.

As the seat belt light was turned off, there was a sudden flurry of movement and commotion, like the start of a running race as passengers shot out of their seats and tried to empty the overhead compartments in a frantic effort to escape the plane and be the first off. JJ fell back into her seat; there was no way she was going to get through the crowd of bodies. She smiled at Mary as they watched two passengers trying to get luggage out of opposite compartments and hitting each other accidentally in the process. Some people's manners had disappeared altogether.

After a 5 minute wait the aisle had cleared and JJ helped Mary out of her seat, she noticed for the first time the walking stick and offered to carry Mary's bag as they headed down the gangway and onto solid ground. They walked slowly and headed towards passport control, there they separated as Mary headed to the UK and European Union line, JJ hadn't attempted to make conversation on the way down, she couldn't, her stomach had twisted into a million knots and her hands were extremely clammy.

The passport officer seemed to ask her a hundred pointless questions, she was close to being sarcastic and telling him her vital statistics but she decided to play it cool. There was no need to lose her patience and end up in customs having a body search because he wanted revenge, so she sucked it up and flashed him a toothy smile. As he stamped her passport and literally threw it in her direction she said in her strongest American, "Have a nice day." This comment earned her a scowl.

She waited for Mary to finish at her desk and they proceeded to the baggage claim.

"I thought the guy was never going to let me go. He asked me loads of questions, anybody would think I was a criminal!" JJ was still riled about the many questions.

"It's nothing personal dear, they do it to everyone. They're even harder on us ex patriots, like we're crazy because we left the homeland. So, is your friend meeting you at the gate or are you staying down here tonight?" Mary asked trying to cheer up her tired and obviously nervous traveling partner.

"She should be at the gate. She said she'd be there, I mean I hope she is there as I have no idea what I'm going to do if she isn't. Sorry, I think I'm more nervous than I thought I would be, I'm babbling." JJ glanced at Mary who had a smile on her face.

"I'm sure she'll be there and I hope you have a good week together. I need a trolley to put my case on. How about you?" Mary asked as she pointed at the row of trolleys neatly parked at the edge of the baggage area.

"No my case is small and on wheels but I'll get it for you, you wait near the carousel." JJ said as she headed towards the trolley park.

It didn't take long before luggage cases of every shape and form came out, after a short wait, JJ spotted hers, she grabbed it off the carousel and checked the label to make sure. She continued to wait with Mary and helped her lift two cases onto the trolley.

Then they began the walk through the 'Nothing To Declare' door of customs and handed in their customs form.

As she turned the corner she turned to say goodbye to Mary and at that moment her eyes met Cory's, it had to be Cory, the girl had blonde hair and looked like the photos she had sent; JJ winked at her, then she thanked Mary and headed over to the diminutive blonde who was grinning and heading towards her.

She stopped in front of Cory and had no idea what to say; for once in her life she was speechless.

"Hi JJ, how was the flight?" Cory's heart was beating double time, she knew her hands were shaking but she had to do something as the tall woman in front of her had frozen.

"It was okay, long, boring but smooth, so no complaints." JJ had no idea what to do, she held her right hand out to shake Cory's at the same time as Cory stepped towards her and they ended up in an awkward hug.

Cory wrapped her arms around JJ, one arm around the top of her shoulder and the other around her waist and pulled JJ towards her into a more comfortable hold. "Welcome to England JJ, I've been looking forward to this." She gave JJ a squeeze and then let go.

JJ's heart seemed to have stopped beating and she had to remind herself to breath. Her body was on fire, she could feel Cory's hand on her waist and it seemed to be burning a hole in her side. She heard the words but they made no sense, all she knew was this person felt wonderful in her arms and she didn't want to let go. She felt Cory pull away and she thought about resisting but then she realized where they were and who they were and she reluctantly released her.

"Hi yourself. Sorry about that, I guess I was more nervous than I had thought. So how you doing?" JJ asked, giving the blonde a thorough look and a killer smile.

Cory felt as if the bright blue eyes were burning a hole in her face, the look was intense and she felt herself swallow slowly as she tried to think of something to say, the person in front of her was beautiful, drop dead gorgeous beautiful and she knew she was in trouble.

Chapter 13

Cory reluctantly released her hold on JJ and took a step back; she looked up at JJ's face and felt the warmth of the smile fill her heart.

'Okay Cory, you can do this, just act normal, put your brain into gear and let's get the girl home before you say or do something you'll regret.' She turned to head towards the exit, when she felt a hand on her arm. She turned in her tracks and looked questioningly at JJ.

"I need the restroom Cory, I really have to pee, and those airplane cubicles aren't big enough to swing a cat in." JJ grinned at Cory and pointed to the nearest restrooms.

"Oh yeah, sorry, I'll look after your bags as you can't take them all in with you. Then I'd better go myself as it's another hour and a half until we get home." She took the bags out of JJ's hands and leant against a nearby wall support. She was watching the retreating form of her new friend. She couldn't help but stare; there was no other way to describe her but drop dead gorgeous. She knew she'd liked JJ from her mails but now she felt something stirring deep in her tummy, something she'd never felt before. She looked at her watch, it was getting late, she pulled out her mobile phone and dialed Sam's, three rings later and Sam answered.

"Yep Cory I'm just coming into the drop off zone, where are you?" Sam asked rather brusquely.

Cory was always amazed at how the person knew who it was on the phone until she remembered caller ID. "We're just using the ladies but we have to do it one at a time because of the luggage, we're 5 minutes away, just pull in and wait, we won't be long."

"So, what she like? Has she got 2 heads? I bet she's been beaten by the ugly stick and you can't wait to get back to the car." Sam chuckled as he said this.

"Well, she's definitely very noticeable Sam, I'll say that about her. You would most certainly stare if you saw her in a crowd. See you in 5." Cory decided as Sam was going to be cruel she'd wind him up and then watch him fall. As she switched off the phone she looked up and a smile crept onto her face as JJ came sauntering towards her.

"Your turn Cory, I'll be right here waiting. You okay?" JJ asked concern creeping in when she saw the inane smile on Cory's face.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine I was just smiling at something Sam said, I'll be back in a minute."

At the mention of Sam's name JJ's thoughts sobered, she'd forgotten about Sam, she'd taken one look at Cory's face as she came round the corner of the customs line and fallen for the blonde. She'd known she liked her a lot, well more than liked but until they had actually met it had seemed just a dream but to actually see her and touch her had blown JJ away and here she was falling madly in love with a straight woman, a married straight woman, would she never learn. She gazed at the door where her friend had disappeared through and sighed, it was going to be a very long week indeed.

They made small talk about the plane flight as they made their way through the small crowds to the arrivals door. Each was surprised at how easy it was to talk to the other, and each of them kept stealing tiny glances, at the other, when they thought they could without being noticed.

As they stepped out into the chilly night air Cory spotted Sam parked in the nearby drop off zone.

"JJ, about Sam, he's not a man of many words so don't feel bad if he doesn't talk much." Cory felt she owed JJ some sort explanation before the long journey; she didn't want JJ to think it was anything to do with her.

"Cory, you don't have to apologise for him, I'm not one for small talk myself although with you around I think people struggle to get a word in edge ways!" At this comment she received a nudge and a smile from Cory who then proceeded to take JJ by the arm and lead her to the car.

Sam got out of the car and Cory could see by the look on his face that he was astonished by JJ's looks.

"Sam this is JJ, JJ this is Sam." As she went past Sam to open the passenger door Cory whispered, "Pull your jaw up love you're drooling."

Sam shook JJ's hand and then immediately set about putting the luggage in the boot of the car whilst JJ and Cory argued light heartedly about who should have the passenger seat.

"JJ you have the longest legs, it's got the most leg room take the front seat."

"But it's your seat, it has all your stuff by it, I'll be fine in the back I promise." JJ said as she headed towards the rear of the car.

"When you two girls have quite finished I'd like to get home before Christmas." Sam cut in and Cory opened the passenger door. She could hear JJ settling herself in the back seat and she turned to make sure she was comfortable. Their eyes met and a tingle began to travel all the way through Cory's body, she blushed and then turned away hoping that JJ hadn't seen the look of lust she felt was evident on her face.

The journey was quiet, each person deep in their own thoughts. Cory felt she ought to do something to ease the atmosphere in the car, she turned to ask JJ a question and noticed that she was fast asleep, her face relaxed, she looked stunning. Knowing she ought to turn away before Sam noticed her drooling but she felt like a magnet being pulled towards iron, she had no control. She needed to drink in the beauty of this woman before she woke, she remembered the mirror in the sun visor and pulled it down. Feigning something in her eye she fiddled for a bit and then leant back in her seat, forgetting to put the visor back up. Perfect she had an excellent view of JJ. She noted the long ebony hair, tied loosely into a ponytail, the twitch in the corner of her mouth and the tanned skin. The woman was flawless, no marks, no spots she looked amazing. Cory trailed her eyes from the face down the broad shoulders; they looked muscular, firm and onto the breasts. She swallowed a lump forming in her throat. Her subconscious seemed to be yelling at her. 'What are doing? You're a married woman, your husband is sitting next to you and here you are admiring the body of a woman you'll never possess. Snap out of it! Wake up and smell the coffee she's practically married herself. Focus Cory before you drown!' She shook her head to try and get rid of the voice that was taunting her.

"You okay?" Sam asked.

"Pardon?" Cory looked at Sam.

"You seem a bit distracted. You've been staring into space for the past ten minutes. What you thinking about?" Sam looked at Cory and then back at the road.

"I don't know, I guess I'm tired. Haven't really got anything on my mind. I was just making plans for the week ahead. I was going to take JJ to the castle tomorrow. You coming?" Cory answered; silently praying he'd say no.

"No, I'm too busy Cory, this week is my busiest time, the building business is just picking up and I've got clients to see. It's only two months until bonus time. I still need a few more orders to meet my target. If you really want me to I could change my timetable around."

"No, it's okay, I figured we'd go to the castle, then pop in and introduce JJ to mum and granddad as we'll be in the area. Mum didn't sound too happy the other day; she's worried about him, he's not eating as well as he was. I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone. That's if JJ is up to it, she seems out of it." Cory glanced into the mirror and was met by a dazzling smile. She blushed at being caught looking. She turned and adjusted the seat belt. "How you feeling?" she asked.

JJ stretched and yawned, "I've been better but a few hours shut eye and I'll be good to go. I didn't sleep on the plane that well but as it's no where near my bedtime I think I can manage, my body is still on US time so I'm 5 hours behind. All I need is something to eat and I'll be peppy in no time." She winked at Cory. She hadn't been asleep all the time, just resting her eyes but she had heard the exchange between Cory and Sam and had been crossing her finger when she'd heard Sam offer to accompany them. She wanted quality time with Cory, she needed to know how Cory felt about her but she needed to do it at a slow pace, no need scaring the girl off.

She looked at Sam, for a guy he seemed cute enough but looked older with the grey speckled throughout his dark brown hair. She watched his interaction with Cory trying to see how affectionate he was. She knew quite a bit from their emails and she knew Sam wasn't an emotional person, so far she'd seen nothing in the couple's interaction to tell they were a couple, they acted like brother and sister.

An hour and a half after leaving the airport they pulled up in front of a decent sized house, the front garden was tidy from what JJ could see and barking could be heard from within. She assumed this was Holly.

"You do like dogs don't you?" Sam asked, this was the first direct conversation JJ had received from Sam, she walked towards him.

"Never owned one but they don't bother me. She's a German Shepherd isn't she?"

Sam's face lit up as he opened the door and a huge fluffy bundle of fur leapt his way. "Yep, she's a GS, and the biggest softie in England but she does get over excited and will probably lick you to death. Holly get down!" he shouted as the excited dog bounded over to JJ and stood full height to try and lick the new toy.

JJ bent down and stroked her, she was longhaired and her fur was soft to touch, she let the animal smell her and she stroked the side of her face as the dog calmed down. JJ turned to Sam who was taking the bags out of the boot of the car. "She's beautiful and really friendly." She giggled as the dog tried to see what Cory had in her bag, and whilst trying, seemed to almost knocking the blonde woman over.

"She's the best looking dog for miles!" answered Sam as he led them into the lounge.

"He adores her JJ, she gets more attention than me, you're on to a winner if you like his dog." Cory yelled as she headed towards the kitchen.

JJ smiled to herself, she knew who she'd prefer if she had to choose. She couldn't believe the change in Sam as he played with the dog. She looked around the lounge. Cory hadn't lied when she'd said she liked blue. The carpet was dark blue; the sofas slightly lighter but still blue and the curtains were blue and cream. The walls were also cream and had framed pictures dotted in various places, she looked at them. There were a few of Holly, some of Cory's wedding, a photo of Cory when she graduated and one of an older lady; she decided that was probably Cory's grandma. She looked on the fireplace there was a large photo of what looked like Cory's brother's wedding where the whole of her immediate family were smiling back at her. There was definitely a family resemblance; her muses were interrupted by her hosts coming back into the room.

"Sorry about abandoning you, I just wanted to check the cats had been looked after and fed. Dad dropped Holly off earlier and the neighbors feed the cats for us. Let's go and settle you in your room." Cory picked up JJ's hand luggage and proceeded to lead the way to the stairs. JJ followed; her eyes were taking in all her surroundings, the hallway was small with a door under the stairway, as they began to climb the stairs, she was greeted to the sight of Cory's butt right in front of her face, her heart began a double beat and she held onto the banister for support. She looked down at her feet berating herself for looking, 'If you'd fallen down and broken your neck it would have been your own fault!' She smiled and continued to follow.

Cory gave her a guided tour, "This is Sam's domain," she said as she opened a door on her left and lead JJ inside. They were stood in Sam's office; JJ could see a computer and piles of paperwork strewn on the floor and shelves. "As you can see filing isn't his forte!" She grinned at JJ, "Not that I'm any better!" At that comment they both chuckled and went back onto the landing area.

"This next room is our third bedroom or granddad's room. It's the room he stays in at Christmas or when they do the wine run to France." She turned wistfully to the bed, her mind on the happier times when her grandfather had been full of life. She came back to reality when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm here for you Cory, if you want to talk. I know it's going to be hard but you've told me so much about him in your emails I was hoping we'd be able to sit down one day and talk face to face." JJ was stunned, she heard the words and they sounded like her voice but surely she wasn't volunteering to have a heart to heart. She hated emotional talk, she had a heart of stone, she hadn't even cried at her own mother's funeral and here she was offering support to someone she'd just met.

Cory looked at JJ, she'd felt the hand tighten on her shoulder, and she could see the confused look behind the eyes. She moved her right hand up to touch JJ's hand and squeezed it gently. "Thanks JJ, it means a lot that you offered." She turned and headed to another door.

"This is your room, the door here goes into the bathroom, it's all yours, we have our own toilet and shower in our room. Just make sure you lock the door leading to the landing as Sam uses this bathroom to do his pondering." She pointed at the golf and Men's Health

magazines and smiled at JJ. They placed the bags on the double bed and looked at each other. Neither moved, neither lowered their eyes they just looked straight into the others eyes. They seemed to hold the stare for what seemed like eternity and then the bond was broken by Holly bounding onto the bed and barking. Nothing was said by either woman but a contented smile was on each face.

The evening went smoothly. Sam and Cory had sat on one sofa and JJ and her new found friend, Holly, sat on the other. They'd had cheese and biscuits for supper and a few bottles of Bud. As the time had ticked on, Cory had noticed her friend yawning. "Hey there sleepyhead, want to call it a night?"

JJ looked over, she grinned as she saw a concerned look on Cory's face. "I'm busted big time, and there I was thinking I was looking perky!"

Sam got up and muttered something JJ didn't catch, he left the room and she looked over at Cory, "Something I said?"

"No he's taken Holly out, mum and dad had her over the weekend, dad dropped her off earlier but they tend to feed her too many treats and it upsets her tummy. He's just taken her down the field, more a precaution, we don't want a surprise parcel on the floor in the morning!" she grinned and got to her feet. "So you ready to hit the sack?"

"Yep, I hear I'm going castle visiting!" JJ followed Cory up the stairs, she was feeling a little awkward, she longed to take Cory in her arms and hold her forever, she remembered the hug at the airport and yearned for one more touch, one more hug.

As if she was reading her mind, Cory turned as she got to her bedroom door, she shuffled embarrassed and then look at JJ. "Umm, I've had a good evening I feel like we've known each other for ages, it seems so comfortable, err…" she paused here she had so many things she wanted to say but she had no idea really how JJ felt about her, common sense kicked in and she looked up at JJ and just said, "Night then, if you need anything I'm just in here." She headed quickly towards her door, she couldn't believe she'd nearly told JJ all her feelings, she could feel the heat from her cheeks and she was sure she'd scared the taller woman away, she knew JJ wasn't one for emotions.

"No problem, I think I'll be out like a light. See you tomorrow and Cory, I had a good night too, it feels like we've been friends for longer than we have." She was disappointed, she'd wanted so much for Cory to hug her; when in reality it looked like Cory couldn't wait to get away from her, she was definitely acting edgy. This worried JJ but maybe it was just nerves I mean, they had only just met. She turned and headed for her room.

As soon as Cory shut the door she threw herself onto her bed. How was she going to keep her hands off JJ? She'd been so close to falling into the taller woman's arms, she had found it distracting having JJ in the same room as her all evening and not stare. Sam hadn't seemed to have noticed, he'd been so into the film. She began to undress; her mind was a mess. She had known that there was something special about JJ but she'd never imagined it would be so intense and the girl was taken, and she, herself, was married. She kept saying this like a mantra as she got herself ready for bed. She crept under the covers as Sam came through the door.

"So that's JJ then?" he asked, "She seems nice, a little quiet for my liking."

Cory snorted, "That's the pot calling the kettle black!"

"What do you mean, I talked tonight!" Sam replied put out that his innocent comment had caused Cory to react defensively.

"Sam you only ever speak when you want to and then it's short and to the point. The only time you have verbal diarrhoea is when you have had a beer or two and then we can't bloody shut you up!" she was riled now, she had no idea why but the thought of Sam criticizing JJ hurt.

"So, she's definitely gay then?"

"Huh? Yes, why ask that question?" Cory looked at him; she'd never expected a question like that.

"No reason, well, she's a bit of a stunner. I just thought it was a waste of a woman her being gay and all."

Cory sat there stunned for a moment, she soon found her voice, "So, because she's good looking she can't be gay?"

"Well, she's hardly your stereotypical lesbian is she?" Sam replied not realizing he was digging himself a bigger hole.

"So what exactly does a lesbian look like?" Cory was fuming; she hated it when people just assumed people were something they weren't by their looks.

"You know, shaved hair, pierced noses, kind of butch, that sort of thing." As he said this he noticed the look his wife was giving him.

"You are so narrow minded, I can't believe you just said that. Sam, there is no typical lesbian; they come in all shapes, sizes and looks. That's like saying every straight person looks like mum or dad and in reality you just don't know but you shouldn't assume things." She turned over and pulled the covers up over her shoulders.

Sam got into his half of the bed, "You mad at me?"

"A little, you just don't see the person for who they are, you see them for what you think they are. Remember the saying 'Don't judge a book by its cover.' Maybe you should try that; some people are not who they appear to be. Sam, she's here for a week, if you can't get past the fact that she prefers women I suggest you stay away from her, she looks like she could do you some serious damage." Cory knew the last remark was a low blow but it was true, JJ's body looked firm and complete muscle, she stood a whole 5 inches above Sam.

"Whatever, but I suggest you don't get too close to her, you never know, she might try it on."

"For fucks sake Sam, she's practically married. Just because she's gay doesn't mean she's going to jump the bones of every woman she sees. If you can't say something nice then don't open your mouth at all!"

"See, I can't win, if I don't talk I get moaned at, if I do talk I get moaned at. I promise Cory, when JJ is around I'll be as nice as pie; just think about what I said, I've seen the way she looks at you and I think she likes you. I still think it's a bit weird that she just decided to visit. I mean usually you plan a trip like this for months, not just on the spur of the moment. Any ideas why she decided to come so suddenly?"

"Sam, she only got here a few hours ago, she's hardly likely to divulge the information whilst you're there. She's kind of a private person, I'm sure if she has home problems and she wants to talk about them she'll do them in her own time. Now if you've finished slagging her off, I'm tired."

Sam turned and tried to give Cory a kiss but stopped himself when he felt the tapping of her foot on the mattress; this was a sure sign she was pissed off.

Cory felt Sam roll over, her mind was racing, 'did JJ like her or was Sam just trying to wind her up? Why had she decided to visit so suddenly?' Her heart had lurched as he'd said the words and her conscious kept whispering the words she'd said to herself earlier, 'she's practically married, she's practically married.'

Across the hallway, JJ was having just as much trouble sleeping. When she closed her eyes, visions of the petite blonde came into her head, vivid, clear and very real. She'd watched Cory all evening, she liked her giggle, it was cute and quite infectious. She'd found herself smiling and making comments that would provoke Cory to laugh. She'd watched the younger woman's brow furrow when the quiz program 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' had been on. Cory had loved trying to answer the questions and had got quite perturbed when Sam had answered questions too quickly and not given Cory time to consider the answers.

She also watched the couple's interaction more closely; whilst they had sat on the same sofa, they'd kept their distance form each other. Sam had only hugged Cory once and that had been when he wanted her to get him a beer from the fridge. Cory had seemed particularly unwilling to touch Sam and had pulled away hastily from the hug, she was probably embarrassed JJ thought, not everyone was into public displays of affection but from how Cory had interacted with her, she had appeared to be a tactile person.

She lay in the bed listening to the sounds around her; she could hear the slight buzz of the alarm clock, which was on the bedside table, and from the next room she could hear conversation, she couldn't hear the words just the muffled sound of voices. JJ wondered what they were talking about, she felt jealous, as she lay alone in the bed she wished it was her in the bed with Cory and if she had any choice they wouldn't be talking. Cory had stirred something inside of her today, a tingling sensation had appeared down below every time Cory had touched her innocently and she knew it was her dormant libido surfacing. This week was going to be like Chinese torture, she had to find out how Cory felt about her but then what? She knew Cory had had a relationship with another woman but that hadn't worked, Cory had admitted herself that most of the problem had been her unwillingness to be out and her confusion about her sexuality. Surely her choice to marry Sam had to confirm that she was straight and if Cory did have feelings for JJ did JJ want to go down a very familiar pathway.

Her mind began to replay painful memories, memories of Tina.

JJ should have been able to fall fast asleep, she was totally exhausted, mentally as well as physically she was drained. Her feelings for Cory brought her thoughts to Tina.

'Tina,' thought JJ, 'I haven't thought of Tina in a long time.'

JJ was now over Tina, but it had taken years because the breakup had been extremely painful. Tina had been the first person to break up with JJ, usually it had been JJ who did the finishing but Tina had left JJ, and to top it all for a man. If it had been a woman JJ could probably have understood, but a man. Was she that bad of a girlfriend? It was then that JJ had vowed to never let her heart open to another like she had with Tina. Yet, here she was falling for Cory and willing to let her heart go to her. The only similarity between Tina and Cory was their sexuality; Tina had never been with a woman before JJ, JJ had known the risks when she'd become involved with Tina and JJ had been willing to take the risk and thought that being with a woman was what Tina wanted, she never realized she would be Tina's last.

JJ had met Tina what seemed like a lifetime ago in the summer of 1992. It had been during softball season. JJ played in a women's softball league, and though they were a competitive team, the best and most important part of the game was going back to the local bar that sponsored the team for a few drinks. At one of the practices, Tina had just appeared and at the end of the practice she had introduced herself to JJ. They'd struck up a conversation, not really talking much about anything. Tina wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but JJ was attracted to her androgynous looks. She was taller than JJ, short blond hair and blue eyes.

The next week, Tina had made a habit of dropping by practices, games or even at JJ's part time job, at the local sporting goods store. JJ didn't mind, she enjoyed the conversation and the company, JJ had dated quite a few women but never lasting more than a few weeks, but Tina was different she'd broken down the barriers around JJ's heart and it wasn't long before she'd moved into her apartment. They got along well enjoying each other's company but still maintaining their own identities.

Tina had shared JJ's intense passion for the game of ice hockey. They both loved to watch it and they both played. They played in the same league, although on different teams, they'd discussed this one night after a heated game between the two teams and had decided that to abandon either team at that time in the season would not look good and so they'd agreed to wait until the next season and play on the same team. They had done just that and soon they were a dynamic duo, playing well together, feeding off of each other and scoring many goals. Their joint effort made the team champions of the league the following season. That had meant there was a lot of time spent in hockey arenas between a practice and a game each a week but they both loved it and it meant they were always together, the pair seemed invincible and JJ was totally in love for the first time in her life. With Tina she had the best of both worlds, a woman she adored and her favorite past time.

At the end of the season they had taken a trip with the team to Germany to watch and play in a women's ice hockey tournament. Whilst there, Tina had met a man that ran the local women's team. He had mentioned he was interested in having two American women play on his team, most expenses would be paid, but a part time job would be given to each woman. After watching the pair play in the tournament he had offered them both a place on his team. JJ and Tina had plenty of discussions about moving, as neither of them had glowing careers or any ties, they had decided to give it a try for at least one year.

The first month had gone well, but as time passed in Germany JJ had felt Tina pulling away. While Tina flourished in her new environment, JJ struggled. JJ found it difficult to make friends, she found the language a barrier, she had grasped the basic German needed to ask for things but beyond that she had found it difficult. The more isolated she became the more she lashed out at Tina, partly out of frustration and partly to make Tina as miserable as she was.

The final straw came when JJ had seen Tina flirting with one of their male co-workers. JJ had noticed that Tina had become friendly with Dirk, but put it down to the fact that Tina loved having many friends and enjoyed being the center of attention. They had recently been having more arguments over stupid things and after one of their particularly ridiculous arguments; Tina had just left without saying a word. JJ had no idea where Tina had disappeared to and had waited up most of the night worrying, when Tina had returned, JJ had cried herself to sleep.

When morning came, neither of them had mentioned the incident but during the day she had only talked to Dirk, deliberately avoiding JJ, and when their shift was done Tina had made a point to go out of her way to say goodbye to him.

The drive home had been unbearable, JJ had wanted to talk to Tina, apologise, but she hadn't known what to say, apologies had always been hard for her and she'd sensed that things were never going to be the same. They'd spent a week tiptoeing around each other, barely speaking, rarely touching until JJ couldn't stand it any longer she had to get things out in the open. That evening at dinner, JJ had taken a deep breath and asked, "You don't want to be with me anymore do you?" She sat there staring at Tina, praying and hoping she was wrong.

Tina hesitated and finally looked at JJ and said "No."

"You've fallen for Dirk haven't you?"

"Yes"

With that one word, JJ's world just fell apart. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She begged Tina for one more try; she promised she would try to be better with her words. But Tina had just looked at her and said the fateful words, "I'm sorry, it is over."

She'd left the apartment the next day and JJ had been left in a foreign country, all alone and with a broken heart.

As JJ lay there, in a bed in another foreign country, remembering a time long ago a single tear tracked down her cheek. Was she willing to risk her heart again? Would the same thing happen? She had no idea what to think, all she knew was her feelings for Cory were strong and getting harder to ignore. She buried herself deeper under the covers and shut her eyes; sleep finally over came her and surrendered her to her dreams.

Cory woke to the alarm sounding, she turned and with an outstretched arm began to feel blindly for the button, after a few seconds the beeping stopped and she snuggled deeper into the comfy duvet. She could hear Sam breathing next to her, he was the one who had set the alarm and there he was sleeping like a baby. She nudged him gently at first; there was no movement from him so without mercy she elbowed him.

"Oww, what'd you do that for I was awake!" Sam spluttered surprised by the violent awakening.

"You were not you lying toad, I heard the snores. The alarms gone off, you need to get to work."

"5 more minutes won't hurt me and I'm comfy, want a cuddle?" he moved closer towards Cory.

As Cory felt Sam's arm snake around her middle, she froze it didn't feel right. For months she'd wanted him to touch her, show her how much she meant to him and he hadn't wanted to and now when her feelings for him were changing he decided to play mushy. He began to move closer and his breath on her ear made her realise his true intentions.

"Sam I need the loo desperately. Let me out." Cory moved towards the edge of the bed but Sam held on tighter.

"Oh, come on Cory five minutes isn't going to hurt, we never cuddle any more. It's not like you have to check your email as JJ's here so there won't be an American mail waiting for you." Sam began to nibble her neck. Instead of desire Cory felt panic. She didn't want this, she didn't want Sam and especially with JJ in the next room. She began to wriggle and forcefully remove his arm.

"Sam, I need to wee and if you don't let go you'll be lying in a puddle. Come on, Holly needs her walk, the cats need feeding and you have a meeting." Cory was finally released and clambered to her feet.

"I can't win, I try to be amorous I get pushed away, when I'm not I get nagged. You should make your mind up!"

Cory could tell he was sulking big time, "You know I hate doing it in the morning, we haven't cleaned our teeth, and you didn't clean yours last night either so that doesn't help. I'm just not a morning person. You know that, let's not fight. Plus we have a guest, I wouldn't feel comfortable."

Sam stood up, "The guest thing never stopped you before!" He walked towards the door and grabbed his dressing gown and opened the door. "I'm off to make a cup of tea, shall I make one for JJ?"

"I don't think she drinks tea, maybe a cup of coffee. What time is it anyway?"

"Coming up to quarter past seven. Maybe it's a bit early to be waking her. I'll get the cups ready and you can finish making it when you get up."

He left the room, taking Holly with him and Cory went into the ensuite. She sat on the toilet and put her head in her hands. Her mind in a jumble, a few months ago she'd been desperate for Sam to initiate love making now here she was rebuffing him. It was true she wasn't a morning person, she hated the smell of morning on a person and morning breath completely turned her off. But it was more than that when Sam had touched her she'd felt uncomfortable as if it was wrong, it felt wrong.

After finishing in the bathroom, she jumped back into bed and pulled the covers around her, the room was slightly chilly and there was frost on the bedroom window. She hoped it would be a nice day today, she didn't mind the cold but she hoped it didn't rain as that always made a day more miserable. She put the radio on and closed her eyes, listening to song after song as her thoughts wandered from JJ to her grandfather. She needed to see him today, she hadn't seen him since the previous weekend and her mum had sounded a little down on the phone. She had made her mind up to go and visit after the castle trip; she just hoped JJ wouldn't mind. Her thoughts were interrupted by the door being opened and Holly bounding on the bed followed by Sam bringing a cup of tea.

"Hey lazybones, I thought you had plans today?" Sam enquired as he placed the tea on the bedside table.

"I do but I thought JJ might need a lie in." Cory explained.

"Well I think she's up, I heard movement when I was in the kitchen. I'm off for a shower."

Cory got out of bed and put on her robe, she opened the door to the bedroom and walked the short way to the spare bedroom. Her heart was pounding and her tummy was churning. She tapped gently on the door and waited until she heard a quiet yes. She opened the door slowly and poked her head through. "Hey there." Her tummy had stopped churning and was now somersaulting as she took in the sight before her. JJ lay curled on her side, one arm tucked under her and her hair loose and falling over her shoulder and she had a smile on her face.

"Good morning, did you sleep well?" Cory asked as she stepped further into the room. She thought JJ looked so cute all sleepy looking; she had to restrain herself from leaping into the bed next to her.

JJ was fighting her own battle of wills, Cory looked adorable, her hair was sticking up in places and she had the cutest bath robe on that showed hints of skin down the neck line. She moved up towards the head of the bed and stretched, "I slept great, and the bed is really comfortable. Hey come sit down, you don't have to stand on ceremony." She patted the bed in front of her and watched the uncertainty flash in Cory's eyes.

Cory watched as JJ's hand patted the bed, she didn't know if she'd be able to control herself, the woman looked gorgeous and her body was doing things she'd never thought possible by someone just smiling at her. Could she sit on the bed and not pounce on the woman. She wasn't sure; she didn't want to make a fool of herself.

"So what great adventures have you planned for today?" JJ asked trying to add humour but disappointed that Cory obviously felt uncomfortable in her presence.

Cory sat down, a little further away from JJ so that she wouldn't be tempted by the forbidden fruit. "Well I thought we'd shower, then have a little breakfast and then drive over to Warwick before the big rush starts. As it's half term, there will be lots of tourists even in February, school kids etc. then I need to go and see my granddad if it's okay with you?"

"Hey that sounds cool, I would love to meet your grandfather, he sounds a very special person, you've told me so much about him and I want to meet your mum too. So we should get up and dressed then?" JJ was desperate to get out of the bed, she'd noticed Cory's robe had slipped and their was a very firm thigh taunting her, calling her name, her body was throbbing with need and as she'd already scared the girl to death with the mere mention of sitting on the bed, if she took her here and now it would probably kill her. She could feel herself growing wet as the robe continued to reveal more and more of the supple thigh. She had to tear her eyes away, thankful that Cory hadn't noticed. She was busy stroking one of the cats that had decided that the bed was indeed a nice place to hang out, a pity it's owner hadn't felt the same.

"Yes, I just have to wait for Sam to finish in the shower and then we can. Do you want a drink or something?" Cory asked, getting off the bed, she'd also noticed that JJ was having trouble meeting her eyes.

'Don't look at her, don't look her' was all JJ was thinking, 'if you look at her you're gonna have to kiss her.' "Yeah I'll have whatever you're making, err I need to pee so we'll meet downstairs in about 20 if that's okay." She jumped up and practically ran into the bathroom leaving a rather bemused Cory behind her.

Cory just stood there, she had no idea what she'd said to cause the sudden vanishing act so she assumed when JJ needed to pee JJ obviously did! She went back into her room to find Sam all dressed ready to go.

"So how was sleeping beauty?" Sam asked.

"Okay, she looked okay to me." Cory smiled; she'd looked more than okay to Cory, and the sight of JJ's long, tanned athletic legs as she'd headed into the bathroom were definitely a sight Cory wanted to see more of.

"Well I'm off, I don't know when I'll be back but I'll ring your mobile if it's going to be late. You have a good day, the cash card is on the side in the kitchen." He went past Cory, pecking her on the cheek as he passed.

Meanwhile across the hallway, JJ was having a serious conversation with herself, 'She's married, she's married and she's straight. She has no interest in you but as a very good friend. Get your mind out of the gutter Matthews and play it as it is. She does not fancy you, she is not in love with you and she is your friend. Don't blow that by your stupid libido, now take a nice cold shower and get your butt downstairs.'

As she thought of Cory's legs, the white smooth skin, JJ felt the pulse down below become stronger, there was no way she was going to make it through the day if she didn't satisfy her hunger. She checked the doors were locked, and settled herself on the edge of the bath, her legs wide apart and she moved her right hand down her body, as she reached the mass of dark curly hair she felt the liquid, her hand moved lower and she rubbed her fingers over her swollen bud, she couldn't believe how wet she was, her fingers moved slowly, her eyes shut tight and her mind full of the woman who now captured her waking dreams as well as her sleeping ones. She increased the tempo of her rubbing and covered herself with her own juices, she placed a finger inside herself and whispered Cory's name over and over, she continued to apply pressure and to her surprise she came suddenly, spasms rocking her body. After the last spasm shook her body, she slid down the edge of the bath to the floor and sat there panting slightly, perspiration on her forehead and behind her knees. Her head was dizzy; she breathed deeply the smell of her own sex filling her nostrils. When her breathing had returned to normal, she stood on shaky legs and stepped into the bath ready to take that much needed cold shower.

Chapter 14

Having showered and changed the two women made their way to the breakfast table.

"Sam left already?" JJ asked as she stared at the vast array of food on the table in front of her.

"Yeah, he has a meeting and then he did mention the other day that he might go to the driving range and hit some golf balls. I have no idea, Sam tends to disappear in the week sometimes working and he plays golf a lot. So dig in, you need a hearty breakfast as we have a lot of walking and steps to climb. I made a full English breakfast: bacon, sausage, mushrooms, scrambled eggs, toast, butter, jam and coffee. I didn't know what you liked." Cory passed a plate to JJ and indicated for her to sit at the table.

"Guess there's enough food here to sink a battleship! You guys eat this food every morning?" She inquired as she heaped a little of everything onto her plate.

"You have to be kidding me, if I ate this stuff every morning I'd be a prime candidate for a heart attack! Plus I never have time before work. We usually just do big breakfasts when we have visitors staying."

They ate in a comfortable silence, occasionally commenting on the day's events and the food, each lost in their thoughts concerning each other. Unbeknownst to the other, each woman had decided that the friendship was the major importance and declaring their love for each other could spoil that friendship - especially if one of them didn't reciprocate the feeling.

"Oh shit!" JJ exclaimed. "I haven't called Sarah, I left in such a shitty mood I can't even believe I haven't thought to call her, I am sure she has freaked by now."

"Hey calm down, backtrack here, why were you in such a mood?" Cory was extremely interested in this new development.

"It's a long story Cory, one that I'll explain on the way to Warwick. Hey, do you think I could use the phone, I will leave money for the call?"

"Of course you can. You don't have to ask, it's on the side there. Want me to leave you alone?" Cory knew there was no way she really wanted to leave the room but her manners always got the better of her.

"No you can stay. I'll make it quick." JJ caught the phone as Cory threw it over the counter.

"Well I'll just stack the dishes in the washer. Hey don't forget to put in the 001 before your number."

JJ punched the numbers in, her stomach was churning, how could she have forgotten to phone Sarah. In fact she hadn't even given Sarah a second thought. The woman that she was supposed to love and had spent 6 years with and she hadn't even remembered to call. Guilt settled itself in the pit of her stomach and she waited for the call to connect.

"Hey there, it's me." JJ said. The barrage of sarcasm that she received made her lift the phone away from her ear. "Hey calm down I'm fine, I'm sorry Sarah, it was a long flight, drive and my brain was just mush. The time difference threw me. " She listened to Sarah's ranting and tried to interrupt but her partner was on a roll. She lifted her eyes up and caught Cory staring at her. She smiled and lifted her eyebrows at the phone.

As Sarah took a pause JJ realized it was her turn to talk, she turned her back to Cory and lowered her voice, "Sarah there's nothing I can say or do, I've apologized, and I never meant to worry you. I'm sorry for the way I walked off and it hurts me too. We need time apart; we need to think things through. We need to really think where this relationship is going, or not going to be more accurate."

Cory didn't mean to listen in but it was hard not to and as she looked at the slumped form of her friend and the obvious pain in her voice she couldn't resist the need to comfort her. She walked over and put her hand on the small of JJ's back and began to rub in tiny circles. She felt JJ lean into the touch; taking this as an acceptance of her being there she continued the rubbing.

"Sarah, stop crying and listen. I'll be back in a week; we'll sit down and talk then. Just spend some time thinking about the past year. Are you happy? Are you sure I'm making you happy? I don't think we are, I think there's something missing and I think you know there is too."

There was a pause in the conversation as JJ listened to Sarah's reply. Cory felt JJ's muscles tighten and her body jerked upright, her whole body tensed and Cory could feel anger coursing through the body. She had no idea what was being said on the other end but what ever it was it was making JJ extremely angry.

"Well if you think that about me we're obviously already finished. I can't believe you just said that but if that's what you think then there's no need to discuss us anymore, as there is no us." There was a pause in the conversation as JJ listened to Sarah's rants and raves. "Look this is an expensive argument, I'll see you in a week and we will discuss everything then." She pressed the disconnect button and took a deep breath. It was then she realised that the small, blonde had stopped her rubbing. She turned and looked at Cory.

"I gather she's not happy, huh?" Cory asked trying to make her friend smile.

"There's an understatement if ever I heard one." JJ hung her head and ran her fingers through her fringe. She felt like shit and didn't know what to do. Sarah's comments had been too close to home. Sarah thought JJ was chasing a dream and wanted Cory. The fact that it was true just heightened JJ's bad mood, she hated it when Sarah was right. JJ felt Cory's arms encircle her waist and pull her towards her. She didn't resist, she needed the comfort; she put her own arms round the blonde's shoulders and held her close. Cory began the circling again and then squeezed JJ. The feelings that shot through JJ's body alarmed her, here was this sweet girl comforting her and her body was treating it as a come on. She wanted to pull away but her body betrayed her and she snuggled in closer, she dipped her head and nuzzled into Cory's neck.

Conflicting emotions were running through Cory's head, part of her wanted to turn and grasp the lips that were lightly touching her neck and the other part of her psyche was screaming at her to let go. She went on instinct and tightened her hold on JJ, it was then she felt the moisture on her neck and she felt the wracking sob. She moved away slightly and looked into the saddest, bluest eyes and it tore at her heart. JJ looked away and put her head back on Cory's shoulder.

"Hey there, want to tell me what's going on?" Cory whispered into the ear right by her mouth. She felt JJ shake her head, this admission hurt Cory a little but in the next breath she heard a muffled response.

"Not right now, maybe later. I wouldn't even know where to begin." JJ snuggled closer into the curve of Cory's neck and Cory stroked her back and the silky, black hair of her new friend and then breathed in the smell of her. She smelt so good so clean and fresh, it was becoming intoxicating, but now wasn't the time to dwell on that; her friend needed her support and friendship.

It seemed like forever before they tore themselves apart, neither spoke about what had happened they just gathered their belongings together and headed for the car.

"Okay now you get to rough it JJ. We're in my old banger and it's as basic as it gets." JJ laughed and settled herself in to the small car. She had to adjust the seat to accommodate her long legs. She watched Cory go through her predriving checklist and then they waited a few minutes for the engine to warm up. The two were quiet but the silence was peaceful not strained, both had things on their mind and both knew the other would speak when they were ready. They flicked through the tapes and settled upon Bryan Adams.

The journey over to Warwick was quick. JJ loved the winding country roads and marveled at the fields filled with sheep and different varieties of cows. Neither spoke about the phone call, JJ spent the journey pointing out things of interest to her and listened attentively as Cory explained what they were or the history behind the buildings.

Cory was dying to know what had happened to make Sarah so mad and JJ so sad but she knew she would find out when her friend was ready, she had a feeling it would be later in the day when they were more at ease with each other and eating. Eating seemed to be a time when many people let their guard down, she'd packed a small lunch and put in some extra tissues, she had a feeling they'd be needed.

As they entered Warwick, Cory went the long way around so she could show her hometown off to JJ. The main road had a variety of Elizabethan black and white style buildings and brick buildings

She explained to JJ the principle of wattle and daub buildings. A great example of this was the Lord Leycester Hospital building, which looked like it was going to collapse into the road. It was a beautiful old building; the wood had warped over time and gave the building a twisted look.

"How old is the building?" JJ asked amazed at the history of the town already.

"I can't remember the exact dates." Cory admitted. " I know a lot of the buildings date from the 1400's but we did have a Great Fire of Warwick, not on the same scale as the great fire of London, but it did burn down a lot of the town's houses. There's a display of the town pre fire and post fire in the museum in town. We could check it out later if you want."

JJ nodded and continued to take in all the different buildings. They drove around the main square of the town. It was very quiet- almost deserted.

"Is it always this quiet?" JJ asked.

"Depends on the time of year and week. On a Saturday we have market day so the town is usually busy, it's hell to park your car. In the summer we have a lot of tourists, mostly Americans, Japanese and Europeans so the streets are full and the castle gets so crowded it's not funny. So this is the best time to come as there won't be so many people there."

As they drove down West Street, Cory pointed out The Tudor House Inn, a hotel come pub where she'd spent her college days working.

Just past the pub they turned left into the Castle driveway, Cory glanced to her left to see a look of total amazement on JJ's face. They had entered the driveway, which was a beautiful wooded, winding pathway, which couldn't be seen from the roadside.

"You okay, JJ?" She asked, touching JJ's leg reassuringly.

"Yeah - this kind of natural beauty kind of takes my breath away. It's like fall at home. The trees look wonderful with all the reds, yellows, oranges, and browns that I wish they could stay that way, keep the beauty rather than the leaves dying and the trees being barren, but many of these trees must be evergreens as they're still green.

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I love autumn time too - its nature at it's most radiant but spring is good because it's new life. These are mostly evergreens.

A loud screech interrupted their thoughts.

"What the hell was that?" JJ asked, looking around for signs of kids or women being attacked.

"That would be the residents." Cory said smiling at JJ.

"The residents? I thought the castle was uninhabited?"

"Oh it is, these are the residents of the grounds." Cory slowed the car to a halt and pointed up into one of the yew trees. There sitting very proudly was a peacock, he screeched again as if to prove a point and then flew down to the next branch.

"They have peacocks here."

"Yep and Peahens, but it always makes me wonder why in the bird world the females look so dull and dowdy and it's the males that have all the beauty and looks. Unlike in the human world where the female is considered more beautiful of the species." Cory mused as she pulled into a parking spot.

"Amen to that, I myself, thank God everyday for beautiful women like yourself to ogle at." As the words left her mouth JJ could feel the blush rising to her cheeks. She fumbled around on the floor pretending to look for something, anything.

"Why thank you ma'am for the compliment." Cory drawled out in her best American accent. "You're quite the looker yourself," and she winked at JJ. Seeing her friends reddened face and expression she touched JJ's arm. "Hey, can we help it if we happen to be the two best looking chicks in the neighbourhood?"

This got a grin out of JJ as they climbed out of the car and collected the rucksack.

"Okay JJ this is my treat, no arguments I get to play the host today, ok?"

"Okay but you remember that while you're whining on about paying your way when you visit Mass." JJ replied.

They made their way further up the castle drive, from Warwick itself it was easy to forget that the castle was built on a hill until you began the walk up to the entrance and even the fittest of people noticed the incline.

There were a steady number of cars already in the car park and a number of people ahead of Cory and JJ in the queue for tickets.

They paid the extortionate price for a ticket and moved away. Cory linked her arm through JJ's and got a puzzled look.

"What?" asked Cory innocently.

"Nothing, you okay walking like this?" JJ asked

Cory looked at her quizzically, "I have no idea what you're on about. Why wouldn't I be comfortable I'm the one who linked your arm? You don't mind do you? It's a little chilly and you're very warm! I'm like a leech on anyone who's radiating heat!"

"I'm sorry I just didn't want people to stare at you and think we were a couple. I thought it might make you uncomfortable."

"Ms Matthews you think too much! People don't do that, it's quite common for women to hold hands and link arms here. It must be the European in us and it wouldn't bother me if they did think we were a couple, I think we make a pretty cute couple!" With that comment she wiggled her eyebrows and pulled the woman through the entrance gate.

The wiggle of the eyebrows caused JJ to swallow, she knew her heart was taken and she knew she was in big trouble but to hell with it she'd deal with it when she had to.

Her first view of the castle was breath taking; it stood on the mound all proud as though time had never gone by. It looked magnificent and JJ just stared at it. Cory snuggled closer, "It's wonderful isn't it?"

" Breath taking. You're so lucky to have this amount of history on your doorstep."

"I know I never appreciated as a child, it was only when I left the town to go to college that I realised what a quaint town it is. I love coming to the castle and thinking about centuries gone by."

They stood there for a while and then meandered slowly past the rose gardens; they decided not to go in there, as there wouldn't be anything to see. Cory explained how beautiful the roses smelt and looked in early summer and JJ said she'd make her next visit a summer one.

They walked up the gates of the castle, they stood on the moat bridge and Cory took her camera from her pocket. "Hey JJ this would make a lovely picture with the castle behind you. Can I take a picture?" As she held the camera up a passer by asked if she wanted him to take a picture of the two of them, Cory and JJ looked at each other, nodded and Cory gave the man a quick demonstration of how the camera worked. She walked over to JJ and put her arm round her waist, and JJ responded by putting her arm round Cory's shoulders and applying a little pressure, enough to make Cory snuggle closer to her and they both smiled contented smiles.

"You two make a sweet couple, enjoy your day." The man commented as he passed the camera back to Cory.

Cory thanked him and turned to JJ and winked. "See I said we made a cute couple!"

JJ smiled and linked her arm through Cory's as they passed through the gate.

They decided they'd walk round the castle systematically, but leave the ramparts and towers until later. They began their tour in the Armory, both girls were surprised at the various uniforms the British armies had had. JJ decided a transvestite must have designed some of the older costumes; they looked at pictures of the soldiers in their frilly uniforms. Cory tried to explain the Stuart period of time in history where all the men had long hair and make up but JJ was convinced her theory was the better one.

At one display case, JJ turned to Cory, "Hey I've worked out why the British lost a lot of wars."

"We have not lost a lot of wars! We used to rule an empire! " Cory replied defensively.

"The important word in that sentence was 'used' to rule an empire and you lost the war of Independence against us and I know why!"

"No doubt because you Americans had such great battle plans and better soldiers!" Cory retorted.

"No it was because of the red uniforms." JJ said giggling.

"You're an idiot sometimes!" Cory said nudging her friend.

"No I'm serious, nothing like showing up on a battlefield. I mean blue isn't that much better but red just shows up. I wonder how long it took them to discover camouflage."

"Good point there. See they could have done with having you around in the war!"

They continued on and looked at the swords. These fascinated both girls, there were some demonstration ones they could pick up and both commented on the weight of them. They were amazed soldiers could carry them let alone fight with them. They moved on to look at the long bows. There was a tour guide standing by one display model.

"Want to try and see whether the Kingmaker would want you in his army?" the guide asked.

Cory nodded, she was game for anything and loved trying out things and building up her general knowledge bank it all helped her in the classroom.

"Here hold onto this piece of wood and pull the string back as far as you can." The man demonstrated the action and Cory took over. Try as she might she struggled to pull the string very far and let go. The arrow, indicating the distance the arrow would have traveled had it been a proper long bow, rose pitifully.

"Oh you'd have never made it into the army, you'd have been in the kitchen probably. What about you ma'am you look like a strapping woman. Now he'd have had you."

"Not likely!" Cory commented, smiling at JJ because of the innuendo.

JJ changed places with Cory and shifted her stance until she was comfortable; she pulled the string back until it was level with her face. Cory noted the taut bicep muscles and the gritted teeth as JJ put all her strength into the pull and then she released it. The power indicator rose significantly and even the tour guide let out a whistle.

"You'd have made a fine longbow man unfortunately for King Richard you're the wrong sex but I'm sure he'd have found a good use for a strong girl like you." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

At this point Cory leaned over, took JJ by the arm and looked directly at the man, "and I repeat my previous statement of NOT LIKELY!"

It seemed the penny finally dropped, as the man began to chuckle and he bid them farewell.

"You are so bad at times. That poor man was dying of embarrassment." JJ was still smiling at her friend's defense of her honour.

"Well he shouldn't be so suggestive!" They left the armory and headed for the dungeons.

There was a small queue as they reached the dungeon entrance.

"Hey what's everyone waiting for?" JJ asked Cory as they joined the end of the line.

"The stairs down to the dungeon are only wide enough for people to go either down or up and the dungeons aren't that big so the man dressed in costume makes us queue up and sends down a group as a group comes up." stated Cory in a matter of fact manner.

"He makes us do what?" JJ looked quizzically at Cory.

"Huh?" Cory had found the man's costume interesting, well the size of his codpiece, she'd always wondered if it was a status symbol or whether the blokes actually filled them.

"Quit staring at his manhood and answer the question!" JJ nudged her embarrassed friend.

"I wasn't staring," she looked at JJ's raised eyebrow, "Okay I might have been but purely out of curiosity not desire. What was the question?"

JJ smiled at her friend, "Research, is that what they're calling ogling nowadays! You said he made us queue, what's one of those?"

"You're kidding me right? To queue is to stand in a line. It's the great British tradition see a line and stand in it, it might not be going anywhere but we're too polite to barge our way in so we queue. Hey we're on the move, it's quite dark and smelly down there, you're not afraid of small places are you? Cory teasingly nudged JJ; she hadn't noticed the paling of the dark woman's skin.

'Shit, shit, shit, there's no way I'm admitting to be scared. Deep breaths I can do this. How hard can it be it's just a little dungeon? So what if it's dark, dank and underground. Be brave Matthews if she can do it so can you.' She repeated this mantra until they got to the tiny entrance, her knees began to buckle but there was no way she was going to let this beat her, she grabbed her friend's hand, this got a concerned look from Cory.

"You okay?" Cory asked sensing her friend might be nervous from the sudden clamminess of her hands.

"I'm fine, I just didn't want you to slip, and the steps look kind of wet. You don't mind do you?"

"Course not, thanks for looking after me. Down we go! Take a deep breath it's the last fresh one for a while."

There were about 20 steps and then they had to turn right into a narrow entrance, the dungeon smelt putrid and very cold. Instinctively Cory snuggled closer to JJ for warmth and security. The place had a foreboding sense of eeriness about it; if they closed their eyes they could sense the pain and anguish suffered in these chambers hundreds of years before them.

Whilst Cory was feeling inquisitive about the writings on the wall JJ was having her own internal battles with her senses. The walls seemed to be closing in on her and panic was slowly seeping through her body. She moved closer, tightening her grip as she did so, afraid to let go of her anchor to normality. Cory sensed this sudden change in her friend's stance; she looked up into scared, dark eyes. She was sure the eyes were no longer blue but black from fear.

Cory leant towards JJ, she whispered in her ear, "Hey you sure you're okay?"

JJ smiled meekly back, "Err, is now a good time to tell you I suffer a little from claustrophobia."

"You're kidding me?" Cory moved closer to her friend, bringing her arm around her waist, she could feel JJ's heartbeat against her shoulder. "You're deadly serious aren't you?" JJ nodded. "Hey no problem, we can go straight back up if you want?"

"Thanks but it was my decision to come down here, trying to be brave and not look stupid, I should have told you when you asked. I can do this but do you mind just holding my hand? I feel safer with you near me and maybe you could tell me a bit about the place. It might take my mind off my fears." As she spoke she felt Cory's hand squeeze hers and her arm remained on her waist.

"We can hold hands and I'm going to keep my arm right here okay? Right, the thing hanging from the ceiling was a torture wrack. They would put prisoners in there and hang them from the ceiling. The channel running along the floor was an early drainage system and over in that tiny opening is a toilet, it's just a hole in a piece of stone and you can see right down to the River Avon flowing below it. Want to take a look, I promise to look with you."

JJ nodded her agreement and the couple went into the tiny enclosure and peered down the hole. As they leant over to look their heads met and as if drawn by a magnet they turned to look at each other. In the dim light they could both see the others features and both women were spell bound to look away until a small cough brought them back to the present. A group of people was waiting to enter the small opening, Cory and JJ both apologised and exited out of the tiny space. They smiled at each other neither willing to ask what had just happened but neither wishing to dismiss it.

JJ broke the silence, "It's kind of scary down here, all isolated and barren. I'd have hated to have been down here on my own for years at a time. It makes you want to be near those that you care about, makes you realise how much you need the company of others. Do you know what I mean?

Cory nodded, she pointed to an inscription on the wall. "Behind that board are the markings made by a prisoner hundreds of years ago. He was in here for years until he died a slow painful death. I think he felt like you just said, it must have been awful to have been down here. Let's get out of here, it's pretty depressing."

The two of them walked slowly towards the exit and waited patiently for the others to walk up the steps, even though they were exiting JJ didn't want to release her hold on Cory so she clung to her hand and let the blonde lead them to freedom.

When they reached the fresh air they both took a very deep breath. Spontaneously, JJ pulled Cory into a hug. "Thank you, that's the second time today you've comforted me. It's so different than when I'm with Sarah, with her I have to be the strong one I always do the protecting. I don't know what it is about you but my barriers just come crumbling down and I let you see the real me. No walls, no lies, just me and I'm not as strong as I appear."

Cory returned the hug and mumbled back that she felt the same; she was having an internal war with her senses, which were screaming at her to never let the dark woman go.

Reality made each woman release the other; they became aware of their surroundings and the looks they were receiving off people standing nearby. They grinned at each other and walked towards the torture chamber, neither realizing their hands were still linked. They released their hold as they walked through the narrow doorway. They entered a small room, which had two display cases. JJ went over to look at one of them, fascinated by the ancient forms of torture.

"They were barbaric, weren't they?" JJ said as she looked at a particular set of gruesome thumbscrews. "How were these used exactly?"

"Well like the name suggests they put them on prisoners' thumbs and then screwed the nut round until it crushed the thumbs. Many prisoners would confess their armies' secrets, I imagine it was excruciatingly painful." Cory pinched JJ's thumb to make her point more clear.

"Ouch, I get the idea!" winced JJ. She looked around a bit more. "So what's this Scold's Bridal?"

"That would have been something I'd have definitely been tortured with!" Cory laughed out loud as she saw the quizzical look on JJ's face. "It's for gossiping women. The gossips of the town had this put over their head and the piece of metal on the inside of the mask would fit on top of the tongue. So the woman couldn't talk any more. Husbands would use them on their wives when they talked too much. So legends say. Read the writing above as it'll give you a more accurate account." Cory pointed to the notices attached on the wall.

JJ shook her head, "No you explain it in a more interesting way, and I'm not bothered if it's not historically correct your explanations are more fun! So what else did the poor wives have done to them?"

Cory smiled, "Well over at the Tudor House across the road they have a chastity belt. It's shaped like a pair of knickers made out of metal. It has a lock on it and a hole in it. Husbands would put it on their wives before they went to battle or on journeys to make sure they couldn't sleep around!"

"Now that is barbaric! How'd they pee or poop?" questioned JJ.

"I have no idea and I don't even want to go there thank you. Can you imagine trying to sit down in metal underwear?"

They made their way through to the stretching wrack, Cory explained how it was another tool used to extract confessions out of prisoners and that the stocks were used as a punishment for mild crimes like drunk and disorderly and theft. The prisoners were put in the stocks, which were blocks of wood with ankle and wrist holes cut out and the local villagers would throw rotten food at the prisoners. Sometimes they were put in the stocks for a day or more. JJ listened fascinated by the endless knowledge Cory possessed and her cute accent, which went very broad when she got excited. She loved the way the blonde would use her hands to animate her stories and JJ found herself falling under the spell of this charming woman. She had found herself over the 24 hours they'd been together just staring at Cory, she could look at this woman for hours on end and never get bored. She decided there and then that she could easily love this woman more than life itself and that was a very sobering thought.

After the torture chamber they meandered through the Kingmaker display, this consisted of lots of Madame Taussaud's wax work models, both girl's were fascinated by the intricate detail of the costumes and models, they looked so life like. Cory recalled a TV program she'd watched as a child where someone dressed as one of the models and scared people as they walked through. They giggled and talked about life in the early centuries. They spent a few minutes staring out of the windows at the river below and it's mini waterfall. They decided that they'd like to do lunch by the river.

Their wanderings found them in the main hall and into more modern times when they looked at the Royal Party of the early 20^th century. Cory explained who was who in the royal family and how they were related to Queen Elizabeth II. As they left the Main hall they walked towards their first tower, The Ghost Tower. It was Cory's turn to be a little hesitant; she fumbled beside her for JJ's hand. JJ looked at her questioningly, "Is there something I should worry about inside here? You don't seriously believe it's haunted?"

Cory shrugged embarrassed that she was acting like a 5 year old. "Who knows, it's just dark and creepy. Scares the shit out of me, once on a TV show, called 'Jim'll Fix It', two girls asked if they could spend the night in the ghost tower, they looked petrified when they came out the next night they were so brave in my eyes. I get scared of my own shadow!"

JJ pulled her into a hug and threw her arm around Cory's shoulder, "Fear not my princess for I will protect you from the Hooded Claw!" She squeezed and was thankful she had another legitimate reason to hold the woman she desired close to her.

They walked through the creaking door and walked slowly into the darkened room, as they entered an eerie voice began it's monotone dialogue about the history of the castle, even JJ had to admit it was spooky as a shiver walked its way up her spine. She shuddered involuntary and Cory smiled and had a smug 'I told you so' look on her face. They listened to the story about the poor demise of the habitant of the tower and proceeded to walk up the wooden stairs to his bedroom chamber.

The room was dim, only the light from a candle lit the room, it gave the room an even eerier presence and shadows were thrown across the room. The tape recording played again as the story of a ghastly murder was revealed, in front of them was a wide bed but extremely short in length. Cory looked at the bed and then at the woman beside her, she began to giggle.

"Hey I thought you were supposed to be frightened?" JJ looked at her wondering what she could possibly find amusing in such a scary room.

"I am, or I was. I just keep imagining you in that bed!"

At this comment JJ's eyebrow rose in a questioning but sexy stare, "and you would be imagining me in that bed because?"

Cory chuckled again, "Because it's so short and you're so tall. If you were alive in those days your legs would be dangling off the end. You'd have to sleep width ways just to get all of you in. They must have been midgets in those days. Have you noticed how low the doors are round here?"

"Have I noticed? Stupid question I've nearly knocked myself out a few times. It's okay for you vertically challenged people in life. But yeah, could you imagine me in there!"

Cory blushed, she was glad it was so dark in the room, as she was imagining her friend in the bed but in her mind her friend was butt naked and writhing below her.

After the ghost tower they only had the ramparts and big towers to explore. They walked along the edge of the grass, the weather was quite good for February, it wasn't warm but neither was it too chilly. Both girls had their fleeces on and jeans, Cory was pleased the rain had held off as that meant they could do a riverside picnic. She knew a nice little spot that was sheltered by trees and had a bench. She'd packed a little lunch in her backpack and had made a flask of hot coffee.

They began the climb up the ramparts, Cory made sure she walked by the wall as heights were not her cup of tea and she didn't want to have a dizzy spell. She already felt a fool admitting she'd been scared about going into the ghost tower she didn't want to go any further down in JJ's estimations, although knowing that JJ had revealed her dislike of enclosed spaces made her feel a little better.

As they walked the ramparts Cory explained to JJ all about the arrow slots and the grill holes for boiling oil. They had no idea how the soldiers got the boiling tar up so high but they both agreed it would have been a horrible death to be doused in burning oil.

They entered the first tower, Guy's Tower, Cory went first and JJ climbed behind up, holding onto her fleece. They climbed steadily going round and round on the narrow stairway, there were about 180 steps as they got nearer the top they were both breathing a little harder, as they stepped out the wind caught them unawares and they ducked down for cover. They went to the edge of the tower and neither spoke for a few minutes; they just spent a few minutes in tranquil silence. They were the only ones at the top of this tower and JJ took full advantage of this. She put her arm around Cory's shoulder when she felt no resistance she pulled the blonde nearer to her and ended up wrapping her arms fully around her. She smiled to herself when she felt Cory's hands wrap themselves around her waist and squeeze.

"I wanted to say thank you for a wonderful day, so far, Cory. In fact I wanted to say thank you for coming into my life." JJ squeezed Cory tighter as she said the last few words.

"Hey, it's me who should be thanking you. You've opened up a side to me I never knew I had. You've offered me friendship with no strings attached and you know the real me, and you haven't run away. You know all my secrets and you accept me for me. For that gift JJ I'll never forget you." She looked up into the blue eyes and the beauty of the woman in front of her took her breath away.

JJ looked down as Cory looked up, the temptation to kiss her was tremendous, she bent down lower and rested her forehead on Cory's and there they stayed for a couple more minutes before the reality of who and where they were hit them. As they broke apart JJ felt her throat go dry and her legs were weak she leant on the wall for support, her whole body seemed to be mutinying against her will

"Hey want to see my senior school?" Cory asked, oblivious to the effect she had on JJ, walked along the edge of the tower pulling JJ along. The two women fell into a giggling repertoire as Cory pointed out significant landmarks to her. They both agreed that the view was magnificent and JJ took a few more photos. They descended from this tower and walked along the battlements onto Caesar's Tower, Cory explained how this had recently been rebuilt and was now accessible to the public

After the towers, they both agreed that it was time for a late lunch, it was heading towards 2 o'clock and both women were starving. They ambled out of the main castle grounds and headed down towards the Avon. They crossed the bridge, stopping to have a few games of Pooh Sticks on the bridge. They walked along the edge of the river until they arrived at the old boathouse, it was sheltered away from the wind and Cory settled herself down on the bench, closely followed by JJ. They ate quietly both welcoming the warmth of the coffee.

Having eaten their fill they both relaxed against the back of the bench, their feet up against the wall of the boathouse.

Cory sat there mulling over whether to brooch the subject of JJ's telephone call with Sarah, in the end she decided to bite the bullet, "Want to tell me about Sarah? You guys didn't sound too happy on the phone this morning."

JJ sat there twiddling her thumbs, she wanted to tell Cory everything but that involved bringing up the feelings she had for the small blonde. "Yesterday, as I was leaving to come here we had a huge argument, I basically told Sarah it wasn't working. She went mad when I told her I was coming here to visit you. She thinks that I have feelings for you; that I could be falling in love with you and that maybe there's something going on between us. I also told her to think about where we're heading as I think we've drifted too far apart, we want different things out of life and I told her we'd talk about it when I got back."

"So do you really think it's over between you and Sarah?" Cory asked, she desperately wanted the answer to be yes, she had no idea why it was important, it wasn't like she was free and single herself.

"We haven't been getting on well, we are so opposite it is difficult at times, hell most times. We hardly talk to each other and our sex life is non-existent. I can't remember the last time we were intimate with each other. I think we're together out of habit and I think it's time to admit it isn't working and move on. It's hard to explain really."

Cory reached over and took JJ's hand, "JJ, I understand and you know it. I'm having these thoughts about Sam and me. At least you've talked it through with Sarah. So what did you say when she asked about us?"

JJ looked at Cory, she couldn't turn her head away. "I lied and told her she was wrong."

It took a couple of moments for Cory to comprehend the sentence but when she did her eyes went wide in surprise.

"Cory, I asked you the other day if you felt a connection and you replied yes." Cory nodded and unconsciously licked her lips. "Well I asked because you're constantly on my mind. I think, no I know you're my pebble on the beach. Ironic really, I find the girl of my dreams and she ends up married and 3000 miles away from me." She looked over and noticed Cory's head had dropped.

"Shit, I'm sorry Cory, I know it's one sided and I promised myself I wouldn't say anything but today has been so good I got carried away. Please look at me." She touched Cory's chin and moved her head to face hers. She noticed tears trailing down Cory's face. She pulled the blonde towards her and held her tightly. "Talk to me Cory, please."

Cory looked up into the face and felt herself drowning in the eyes that looked back at her. She couldn't tear her eyes away. She opened her mouth to say what she felt but no words would come out. She leaned forward, she knew actions spoke louder than words and she intended to show JJ how she felt. As she got closer and closer to the soft red lips of her friend, JJ caught on to what was happening, she gave Cory a questioning look and waited for the response. Cory nodded her head and smiled slightly, willing JJ on, as their heads met and their lips were mere millimetres away from each other the spell was broken by the shrill sound of Cory's mobile phone ringing.

Chapter 15

Cory put her hand into the rucksack and grabbed the phone but she was a second too late and the ringing ceased. She checked the caller ID and let out a short giggle. "Fantastic timing as usual mother!" She shot a look at JJ and noticed the American was looking at her feet, she put her hand out and touched JJ's arm. "Hey you okay?" She got a nod in return and a forced smile. "JJ I hate to do this at this specific moment but I need to check what she wants, she never calls the mobile it costs too much money so there must be a problem at home."

"Hey make the call it's important." JJ stretched her arms above her head, her body was tight with tension and she needed to release some of it. She thought about going for a short walk but she wanted to be near Cory should the news be bad.

Cory tentatively redialed her mum's number and waited for her mum to pick up. After a couple of rings her call was answered, "Mum it's Cory you just called anything wrong?"

"Well your grandfather isn't feeling too well and the doctor just finished his visit. He wasn't too optimistic and he said we should prepare ourselves, I thought you might want to come and spend some time with him while he's still got the energy. You're on holiday this week aren't you?"

Cory swallowed, a huge lump was in her throat, she took the phone away from her ear and cleared her throat, and taking a deep breath she summoned up all her strength to hold back the tears. "Yeah I'm on holiday, I'm actually at the castle at the moment I have a friend staying. I was going to pop in after this. What did the doctor actually say mum, word for word you do have a tendency to over exaggerate!" She hadn't meant to be so harsh but when it came to her mum and tragedy she had a habit of bringing doom and gloom to those around her.

"Cory the change in your granddad over the past few days has been dramatic, his colour has changed, he's very jaundice and his breathing is labored. The doctor says the cancer has spread to his lungs and liver. They want to take him into the hospice but he refuses to go. They've put him on heavier doses of morphine and he said that a week, maybe two at the most. I wanted you to come over but I need to prepare you for the change. He's been asking for you." Her mum sounded very tired and Cory felt a pang of guilt.

"I'm sorry mum, we'll be there in half an hour. Do you want me to get any groceries?"

As Cory sat and listened to her mum, JJ looked at the younger girl's face. The happy features that usually adorned the face were gone, in their place was a frown and a look of worry and hurt. She placed her arm around her friend and rubbed the shoulders. This gained her a small smile and she continued the light massage. She knew from her emails how much Cory loved her grandfather. She knew he had stomach cancer but she'd thought he was doing okay, but the look on Cory's face was not happy and that could only mean bad news.

Cory said her goodbyes to her mum and turned to JJ. "I'm sorry I've got to go over to mum's. Do you want to stay and look round or come with me?"

"Silly question Cory I'm coming with you; I take it the news wasn't good?" She moved closer and put her arm fully round Cory and leaned her head on Cory's. "It's okay to cry honey, it really is. It's better to let it out now than later." She felt the body beside hers stiffen and Cory sat up straight, she moved slightly away from JJ and that hurt JJ but she tried not to show it.

"He's not doing well, the doctor says it's not going to be long now. He's done so well, in September when they diagnosed it they said he only had a month or two and he has made it this far. He hasn't suffered much and has only been really poorly since the beginning of the weekend. I need to go over, mum sounds distraught and I think she needs a break. He refuses to go to the hospice."

They got up off the bench and silently gathered their belongs, each had retreated to their own thoughts. They walked slowly across the bridge and as they walked up the path towards the exit JJ grabbed hold of Cory's hand. This seemed to break Cory out of her trance like state; she looked up into the tall woman's eyes. "Cory I know this is hard for you I just wanted you to know I'm here for you, don't worry about me this week, you need to spend as much time as you can with your grandfather and I came here to see you and be with you. What I'm trying to say Cory is I'm here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on, a friendly hug or an ear to listen. I understand the pain and if I can I'd like to help anyway I can."

Cory had no words to reply, she stood on tiptoe and kissed JJ gently on the cheek and linked their fingers. The journey back to the car was made in silence, neither wanting to interrupt the others thoughts, as they got into the car JJ smiled at Cory and was pleased to see her friend's green eyes had brightened up a little.

They arrived at the house about 30 minutes after the phone call, the trip would have usually taken 5 minutes but Cory had stopped off at the local supermarket to get her mum some perishable items such as bread, milk and cheese and some milkshake mix and soft fruit.

JJ followed Cory up the tiny drive and in through the back gate, there she was greeted by a woman of similar height to Cory but much stockier in size. The lady smiled and she saw so much of Cory's facial features, besides the faint lines of age on her face and red hair the two of them could have passed for sisters.

"Hi mum, this is my friend JJ. She's visiting from America. JJ this is my mum." Cory pointed to each woman in turn and then moved aside.

"Hello Mrs. Williams, Cory's told me so much about you." She held out her hand and the shorter woman took it.

"Well if my daughter's told you things I should be worried." She smiled and patted her daughter on the back. "Cup of tea?" She moved towards the kettle on the side.

"Yes please but I think JJ might prefer some coffee or pop, I haven't managed to convert her into a tea drinker yet, but there's still time. What do you want pop or a hot drink?"

"Would pop be soda?" Cory nodded a grin on her face; "Oh I'd love a Pepsi if you have one. I'm kind of addicted to the stuff."

"I think there's a bottle in the shed in the passageway, Cory. Go outside and check for me." Cory's mum asked.

Cory's lived in an old post world war II house where the enclosed passageway down the side of the house still had the old coal shed, which was now a kind of larder and next to it an outside toilet. Cory went to have a look around in there, behind the bottles of wine she found a litre bottle of Pepsi, they usually had some in stock as Sam only drank that brand of cola. She carried it back inside and poured JJ a glass.

"Is granddad awake?" she asked.

"He's sitting in the lounge, he's perked up since I told him you were coming." Her mum said as she put some chocolate digestives on a plate in front of JJ.

"You go in Cory I'm going to get the scoop from your mother about what kind of teenager and child you were!" JJ grinned and wiggled her eyebrows at Cory; she wanted to give Cory a chance to be alone with her grandfather for a few minutes.

Cory nodded and then turned to her mum, "Behave and no baby photos under any circumstances!" She walked towards the lounge door and pushed it open, "Hey there, I see you've got your feet up! No rest for the wicked huh?" She liked winding her granddad up, it always got a twinkle in his eye. He looked pitifully thin and his skin had a yellow tint to it. His blue eyes twinkled at her and a huge smile lit up his face.

"I see they've let you out of that madhouse then? You never seem to work, not another holiday!" he winked at her.

She leant down and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll have you know they reward us hard workers with time off. It's half term I was doing the castle tour with a friend."

"You practically live at that castle, once you've seen it what else is there to see?" her granddad smiled he loved these teasing conversations with his favourite granddaughter and she bit every time.

"You heathen it's British ancestry at it's greatest." She looked at him and knew she'd fallen for one of his wind-ups.

"Where's your mum?"

"She's making a cup of tea and talking to my friend." Cory examined her granddad closely, his chest seemed to rise and fall heavily, and a rasping could be heard, he'd always had a poor chest suffering badly from asthma but this seemed much more pronounced. He wore sweat bottoms and a vest, which showed the bones of his chest, his cheeks were sunken.

"Friend? Anyone I know?"

"No she's American, she's over for a week, and she's come to see The Kingdom." Cory smiled and waited for the third degree.

"A Yank. How'd you meet her, through that computer thing you're always playing on?"

Cory grinned, "Yep through the Internet and she's a bone fide Yank. You can tell her all about your trips to Las Vegas I'm sure she's been there." As if on cue JJ walked into the lounge with mugs of hot tea and biscuits on a tray.

"My you're a big girl aren't you?" JJ smiled at the old man's comment and put the tray on the coffee table.

"Yes sir, parent's feed me well. Hi I'm JJ." She held out her hand and was surprised to feel the strength of the old man's grip.

"I'm Fred. JJ what bloody name's that for a girl, your parents weren't much for words then?"

"Granddad don't be so rude!" Cory nudged him gently, "be nice or no whiskey!"

"Cory he's on medication he can't have any!" Cory's mum shot a warning glance over to her daughter.

"I'm 80 years old, I can drink what I want and what's it going to do kill me!" The old man laughed at his own joke.

"You're a sick old codger!" Cory laughed but inside her stomach was churning. She'd always thought her granddad was strong enough to survive anything but looking at him now she knew he'd met his match.

"Where's Sam? Out working or playing golf?" Fred asked as he repositioned himself on the chair.

"Doing both I think. He tends to mix business with pleasure, takes some clients around the golf course. He's got a busy schedule this week; he's away tomorrow night and possibly Wednesday too. I'd have come over to stay with Holly otherwise rather than stay in the house on my own but JJ'll keep me safe. No one would want to fight her."

They spent about an hour sitting in the lounge. JJ had managed to charm Fred with stories of America and playing ice hockey and they'd traded stories of places they'd visited. He'd soon tired and they'd sneaked out of the lounge as his snores had filled the room.

"What do you think?" Cory's mum asked as they stood in the kitchen.

"I think the doctor was right mum. I just hope when it happens he doesn't suffer and he knows how much he's loved. Is he going to the hospice?"

Her mum shook her head, "He's made me promise not to send him. He wants to be with family, I want him here and he'd give up if we sent him there. The nurses visit everyday and he has his medicine."

Cory nodded and put her arm round her mum, "I'll be over every day okay. If you need anything you phone. I'll come and spend about an hour a day with him and then JJ and I will go out and tour around, then we'll come back and relieve you."

"Are you sure? I appreciate the offer but JJ's on holiday she doesn't need this. I'd ask your sister and brother but both are needed at work." A tear began to make its way down the older lady's face.

"Mrs. Williams I wouldn't feel comfortable taking Cory away from her grandfather now and I did come over mainly to meet and get to know Cory. I can do that here. I think Fred's worked his charm on me too as I'd love to spend time getting to know him better and he means the world to Cory." JJ put her arm on Cory's mum's arm and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Bless you. I bet there's some wonderful man missing his girlfriend in America. I can see why Cory likes you a lot you have a good heart." Cory's mum leaned up and kissed JJ on the cheek and walked the two women to the door.

At the door she enveloped her daughter into a hug and whispered something in her ear, Cory gave her mum a kiss on the cheek and the two women headed for the car, the light outside was dimming a chilly night was settling in.

The drive back home was a somber affair. Cory had a million thoughts on her mind and she retreated inside herself, JJ didn't know what to say, it was the first awkward moment between them.

When they arrived back at the house Cory's mood had darkened, her emotions were swirling round her body and she didn't know how to handle the news or what she could do to help her mum or granddad. She unlocked the front door and deposited her bag on the small sofa near the window, as she turned she noticed the flashing light on the answer machine. She pressed the play button, it was a message from Sam to say he was on his way home and would they like to go out for a meal. She looked behind her to JJ who was hovering awkwardly by the doorway.

"I should phone him and tell him the news but he's nearly home, it's better I tell him to his face he loves that old man as if he were his own granddad. Do you want to go out tonight? You heard Sam he wants to take us to the local Chinese."

JJ shrugged her shoulders, she desperately wanted to take Cory into her arms but she wasn't entirely sure her move would be welcome. Cory took her fleece off and placed it on the stair banister. JJ did the same and they walked into the kitchen where Holly greeted them with her usual enthusiasm. Cory fussed over the dog and hugged her to her.

She looked up at JJ, "She's named after my Nan." JJ looked at her blankly. "Holly, she's named after my Nan, granddad and Nan were married for 50 years, we got Holly the weekend that Nan died, my mum wanted her named after her. Granddad has never been able to bring himself to call her Holly so he calls her Tiger instead." She continued to stroke Holly. An errant tear rolled slowly down Cory's cheek and JJ leant down and wiped it away with her thumb, tenderly stroking Cory's cheek and her eyes relayed a message her voice couldn't. Cory nodded and leaned into the fingers stroking her cheek. The sound of the front door opening alerted the women that they were no longer alone. JJ straightened and went over to sit on the stool behind the breakfast bar and Cory walked over to where the kettle was situated.

Sam walked into the kitchen, he nodded briefly at JJ and stroked Holly as he went by, sensing an atmosphere in the house; he turned to Cory and jokingly said, "You two look grim who died?"

On hearing those words the mug Cory was holding dropped to the floor and she ran out of the room. Sam shocked at her actions stared at JJ for answers. "What'd I say?" Realization dawned on his face as he muttered the words, "Shit, not Fred? No she would have called me." He looked devastated and for the first time JJ felt herself feeling sympathy for Sam. She locked eyes with him.

"No but the news isn't good. She wanted to tell you face to face. The doctors haven't given him long, a few days maybe a week. She's not taking it well, we went round to visit earlier, and we only just got back." She got up, crouched by Sam and began to pick up the broken mug.

"How's Fred doing? How's Cory? I'd better go up and see her, apologise for my stupid comment, I didn't think. I should have been more sensitive." Lost for words and feeling awkward in front of this intimidating woman he found himself floundering for conversation, he felt embarrassed that he'd caused Cory to run away and the woman's icy blue stare burnt into his face.

JJ rose up, her features softening when she realised Sam was struggling to keep his demeanour, she deposited the bits of china on the side, "I know I don't know her as well as you do," as she spoke the words she knew it was a lie, she knew Cory inside and out but now wasn't the time to make waves, " but I think she needs a few moments, she hasn't said much since we saw him she's closed herself up. As for Fred, he seemed perky, he seemed to tire easily, but even to me, and I don't know him at all, he looked ill, he looks nothing like the man in your wedding pictures."

Sam went to the mug tree and took off two more mugs, "I'll make her a drink and take it up. I know how she shuts herself off from the world when she's hurting, she did it when her Nan died and she's been building walls around herself for ages now. I've tried to get her to talk; she doesn't seem to want to. At least she has you here with her this week; I have to go away for the next two days. I can't cancel it unless in a dire emergency, the business deal needs closing. You'll keep your eye on her for me won't you?"

"Of course I will that's what I'm here for. I'll keep a very close eye on her." If the situation were anything other than this JJ would have laughed out loud at the irony of the situation.

"Thanks JJ, I'll just take this up to her."

Cory was lying on their bed, her face buried in the wet pillow where many tears had fallen and many more were following. Her heart ached and she couldn't stem the tears. She knew Sam hadn't meant anything by the comment, just bad timing on his part but the comment had hit home hard and she'd run. Run away from life and from her anchor in it all, JJ. Her mind went over the day's events, earlier at the castle she'd had the most serene moment where everything had fallen into place, when JJ had practically declared her feelings and where she'd nearly betrayed her vows. She shuddered, would she have cheated on Sam? Would she have tasted forbidden fruit? She'd wanted to so much and then the phone call had lead to the pain she felt now.

She held the pillow tightly to her face, in her mind she could see her granddad's face, his sallow cheeks and yellow complexion, he'd looked so frail, so old. When had that happened, he'd always been so strong, he'd always seemed so young to her, so fit. A sob caught in her throat and she felt hands rub her back. Her mind thought to JJ and she looked up into the sad puppy brown eyes of Sam.

"Hey sweetie, I brought you up a cup of tea, I'm so sorry." Sam said softly as he stroked her back and ran his fingers up through her hair. Strands of wet hair lay plastered to her face and he stroked them behind her ear.

Cory cleared her throat, the crying had made her throat sore and it felt like she had a huge lump lodged there. "Sam it's okay I know you didn't mean it. Just a stupid joke, I'd have probably said something similar. It's really going to happen Sam, he's really going to die." As she said the words her heart swelled and the tears flowed freely. Sam scooped her up into his arms and rocked her, words of emotion were not his forte he struggled to find something, anything to say so he just held her tightly and let her cry.

Downstairs JJ was rocking lightly on the stool and tapping her fingers on the wooden sideboard. Her mind was on the small blonde upstairs and jealousy was coursing through her body. She wanted to be the one comforting Cory, she wanted to be the one holding the woman and she wanted to kiss the pain away. It hurt knowing that her friend was hurting and she couldn't be there to help her. She shook her head, what was she thinking, the poor girl's heart was breaking and here she was feeling jealous. She stood up and stretched, her back ached a little and she felt restless. She needed to do some sort of exercise, she was getting antsy and the frustration she felt needed to be worked out of her body. She walked up the stairs towards her room, as she reached the landing she nearly collided with Sam.

"How is she?" JJ asked anxiously.

"Sleeping. She cried herself to sleep." Sam whispered. "I think it's best she's left alone. Do you want me to get you anything? Would you like to go anywhere? She'd kill me if I didn't play host to you." He grinned at her as he said the words and both of them had pictures of a little blonde whirlwind knocking the hell out of him.

"I was just about to put my stuff on for running. I haven't had a run in two days and I need to get rid of some of these cobwebs." As she said these words she walked towards her room, she stopped as she heard Sam clear his throat.

"I don't think that's too wise, not that you can't stand up for yourself but it's dark outside, you don't know the area well and as I just said Cory would kill me if anything happened to you. I could take you down to the gym if you want. I could do with a small workout myself. Want to do that?"

JJ nodded, it wouldn't look too gracious to refuse and at least Sam was trying to get along with her.

"Okay I'll meet you downstairs in 10 minutes." Sam opened the airing cupboard and took out two hand towels; he tossed one in JJ's direction.

She caught it cleanly, "meet you downstairs in ten."

Cory woke up feeling stiff and uncomfortable, she stretched out and wriggled around. She felt disorientated and her eyes hurt. The room was dark but she could make out the time on the digital alarm clock, it read 20:00. She rubbed her eyes and then ran her fingers through her dishevelled hair. Her mind began to clear and she realised she'd abandoned JJ; she sat up and rearranged her clothing deciding to take her bra off and change into some comfier clothes. Her body was covered in red clothes marks where they'd dug into her as she'd slept. She felt better, her mind was still on her granddad but the shock of the situation was wearing off. She was more worried about JJ, the house seemed eerily quiet; she couldn't hear the hum of the TV or talking. Her tummy began to rumble reminding her that it was way past her teatime; she wondered if Sam had cooked anything, she couldn't smell any food. Maybe Sam had taken JJ out for a meal. She shook her head that seemed a very unlikely event.

As she opened the bedroom door she was greeted by Holly who'd appointed herself as guard at the door, the landing was dark and there was no sign of light coming up the stairs, she walked down the stairs and noticed that the lounge had the dim wall lights on. She poked her head through the door but there was no sign of life. She continued down the hall to the kitchen door and went inside again there was no one around but as she turned the light on she noticed a note lying on the worktop. It read 'Cory, Hope you slept well – we've gone to the gym, we'll collect a take away on the way back. Love Sam & JJ'

As Cory reread the note a small pang of jealousy went through her body. JJ and Sam were together without her, she found herself realizing that she didn't want Sam to befriend JJ, she wanted the woman all for herself. She poured herself a glass of wine and took the bottle and some spare glasses into the lounge, she flicked on the television and watched the Monday edition of Eastenders, as the closing credits rolled onto the screen she heard the familiar sound of Sam's diesel engine. A key turned in the door; chatter and giggles filled the hallway. Sam popped his head in, "Hey there sleepyhead, how you feeling?" He entered the room and stood in front of her, JJ followed him and Cory found herself feeling like a little child being checked on by her parents.

"I'm fine!" she snapped and then wished she hadn't as she saw the glance go from one to another. She stood up, "Honestly I'm fine. Now the shock has gone I'm feeling better. I'll go and get some plates and take that food off your hands." She put her hand out to take the food bag out of JJ's hand but the tall woman pulled her arm away. Cory looked at her hurt and confused.

JJ noticed the wounded look and her heart broke at how sad those emerald eyes looked, "I was going to help you serve the food, if you want me to that is?" Cory smiled sheepishly and nodded her head.

Sam sat down on the sofa where Cory had just been, "Well if you two are doing that you don't need me as well. I'm knackered, she can sure run." He grinned at JJ. "I think I ran more today trying to keep up my image than I have all year. I nearly fell asleep in the shower. I'm going to ache in the morning. Cor you wouldn't bring an old man a beer would you, my legs won't function."

"Well that'll teach you to show off!" she headed towards the kitchen, followed closely by JJ.

For a few seconds, an awkward silence filled the kitchen, as neither woman quite knew what to say to open the conversation. Then they both began to speak at the same time. "I'm sorry you go first." Cory said as she reached up to get the plates out of the cupboard, JJ came up behind her and helped her lift them down. As their hands met, tingling sensations traveled down Cory's body making her shiver. This didn't go unnoticed by JJ.

"You feeling better?" JJ asked as she kept her hand on Cory's, tenderly stroking the blonde's thumb as she asked the question. "You had me worried there for a while."

Cory looked at the older woman, her eyes were clear but questioning, she felt lost in them. "I'm sorry JJ, I've never been good about talking about my feelings people tend to have to drag them out of me. I just needed some space and time to deal with the news." She reluctantly let go of JJ's hand and moved over to the breakfast bar where she placed the plates on separate trays.

JJ followed her and stood by her side, she took a deep, calming breath, "Hey I understand, I really do. I usually have a hard time talking about me feelings as well but for some reason when I'm around you I find myself opening up." She turned Cory round to look into the hurting emerald eyes, "I've told you more in my emails than I've ever told anyone else. I guess in an email you can write what you want and then just press the send button and you don't have to see the look on the other person's face but now that I'm face to face with you I find myself wanting to know more about you and wanting to tell you all about me."

Cory smiled at her and it gave her the courage to carry on; to talk about something she kept closed inside her heart. "I understand Cory, I know the hurt of losing someone you love. It has been almost 3 years since my mother died. Cory I still hurt and I still miss her so much. I have yet to come to terms with it, don't know if I ever will." As she said these words a single tear tracked down her normally stoic features, she hadn't cried for her mother, hadn't grieved in the normal way and this tear shocked her. Why now?

Cory reached up to wipe the tear away but JJ grabbed her hand and turned her back afraid she'd lose total control if the blonde tried to comfort her but she never let go of the small hand. She took another slow, steadying breath, wiped the tear and turned back to continue, "I understand what it's like to lose someone you love." JJ tightened her hold on the soft hand beneath her fingers, "I'm here for you and I'll always be here for you."

"I'm feeling stronger now and JJ the feelings go both way; I'm here for you too." Feeling a need to lighten the atmosphere she added, "So how was the gym? Sam certainly looks like he had a good workout."

"It's a good, well stocked gym, I liked the running machines I was all ready to go round the streets but Sam said you'd kill him if I went out on my own."

"Now there is something he does know about me! I would have been mad it's way too dark and cold for you to be running round the streets. I don't care how tough you are Matthews I'm glad you listened to him." Cory said as she spooned the various Chinese dishes onto the plates.

"I didn't do it for Sam, I did it for you." JJ replied as she opened the fridge and took out a beer for Sam and proceeded to carry it and the food into the living room.

They ate in relative silence. Occasionally Sam and JJ participated in general conversation on the state of affairs between the UK and US, and Sam asked JJ about her sporting interests. Neither had any in common so the conversation turned dry. They watched the film Deep Impact, they'd all seen it before but there was nothing else they all liked and having wrestled the remote control off Sam and changed it from the golf nobody wanted to admit this and have the golf put back on.

At 11pm Sam stood up and yawned. "I've got an early start in the morning I'm off to bed, you coming Cor?"

She shook her head, "I'm a little wired at the moment I think that unexpected sleep this afternoon recharged my batteries too much. I'd only toss and turn and disturb you if I did." She looked at JJ, "You up for another movie?"

JJ nodded, she'd have glued her eyes open if it meant spending time alone with this woman. Sam bent down and kissed Cory on the cheek and bid them both a good night, he closed the door on his way out.

The two women surfed the TV channels and discovered that Beaches was being shown on the terrestrial channel 4. Both women had simultaneously muttered an ooh as they'd seen the opening credits. JJ was sprawled on the large 3-seater sofa and Cory had curled herself up on the corner of the 2-seater, but she wasn't comfortable something didn't feel right; she sat for the first ten minutes of the film fidgeting.

"You okay?" JJ enquired, noticing the frequent rocking and tapping motions of her friend.

"Not comfy." Whined Cory as she continued fidgeting.

"Want to stretch out or would you like me to rub your shoulders for you? You look wound up tighter than a coil." JJ said, scooting herself up the sofa and patting the space she'd cleared.

Cory didn't need a second invitation to get closer to the dark woman; she jumped from her sofa to the larger one and sat in between JJ's outspread legs. She tentatively leaned back against JJ and felt strong hands rest on her shoulder. She could feel JJ's breath near her neck and she felt her mouth go dry. JJ began a slow but firm massage along the top of Cory's shoulders, the blonde couldn't resist murmuring a groan of pleasure as JJ hit a particularly tight spot. The tall woman smiled as she felt Cory snuggle closer and as the film progressed and the friendship on screen developed the two women had snuggled up closer together. JJ had slowly massaged Cory's shoulders until the blonde had got that close to her that she couldn't rub the shoulders so she'd moved her arms in front of Cory and folded them across her body pulling Cory tightly to her. Cory had rested her head on JJ's chest and was slowly drifting between consciousness and unconsciousness. She became more alert when her favourite part of the movie came on.

Cory felt so comfortable she hadn't noticed that she had begun to rub the top of JJ's knees, this action made JJ's pulse race and JJ's heart speed up. As the emotions on screen deepened and the death of the CeeCee's friend happened Cory found herself hugging JJ to her and JJ found herself responding to the needs of Cory. She bent her head and breathed in Cory's skin behind her ears. Her blood felt like it was on fire, she closed her eyes, she wanted to kiss the girl desperately.

The increasing beat of JJ's heart rate hadn't gone unnoticed by Cory, as the film finished she turned round and looked into misty blue eyes, the room was dim and she couldn't see what was going on in the blue orbs but she wanted to know. She moved her arm away from JJ's legs and tapped JJ's head, "hey what's going on in there?"

JJ swallowed hard, she had no idea what to say. What she wanted to say and what she knew she should say were warring in her head. She dropped her eyes and looked at he pattern on the sofa.

Cory moved her hand to under JJ's chin and tilted her head so she could look into her soul, but JJ closed her eyes shut. She shook her head, earlier on in the day she hadn't had a second thought but to kiss Cory but this evening she'd seen a different side to Sam, a human side and she couldn't do this to him, couldn't do this to them. She couldn't do it to Sarah. She squeezed her eyes shut, for the second time that evening she felt tears build in her eyes, she took a deep breath, opened her eyes and stared into the most beautiful, honest eyes she'd ever seen. Her resolve was teetering on the brink, all it would take was for her to move forward an inch at the most and those luscious lips would be hers to savour, hers to devour. She broke away abruptly and stood up. "I'm off to bed Cory I'm tired, it's been a long day. See you in the morning." She touched Cory lightly on her shoulder and left the room

For the second time that day Cory's heart crumbled and she curled into a ball and cried.

Chapter 16

JJ lay in the empty bed; she stared into the darkness, looking straight at the ceiling. Her mind was screaming for her to go back downstairs and take the woman in her arms and kiss away her pain but she knew she couldn't; shouldn't. She knew she was hurting Cory but they were both on an emotional roller coaster and anything done now could jeopardize their future friendship and possible romance. She knew this; she just hoped Cory would realise her motives and understand. Her body was shaking with frustration, Cory had smelt so good and the feel of her soft hair against her face had driven JJ to distraction. A few times she had found her mouth watering and only millimetres away from the white, silky skin. She could smell the mint of Cory's shower gel and shampoo even now on her skin. She swallowed and pulled the duvet up over her body. She felt cold, alone and very lost she wished she could explain everything to Cory but now wasn't the time and place. JJ had to be the strong one, Cory was on the road to an emotional meltdown and the last thing she needy was a neurotic American declaring her love for her.

Meanwhile, Cory lay tucked up on the couch. She hadn't moved, her body felt like a wreck. She didn't know what to think or do; she'd never felt such intense feelings in her whole life. She'd wanted to kiss JJ, She'd wanted to devour her if she was honest and this was an alien concept to her. She enjoyed sex with Sam and his kisses were nice but nothing she'd done with Sam had come close to the throbbing she'd felt when JJ had held her close and breathed on her neck. It was like her southern regions had a pulse of their own; she'd been wet and still was. This frustrated her even more. She pulled the blanket off the top of the sofa and wrapped it round her; she needed to be alone right now. She needed to assess what was going on in her life and in her head and she needed to work out what her feelings were for Sam and JJ. Her head was aching and her eyes felt heavy, it didn't take long before she was taken by an uneasy sleep.

She awoke to a gentle shaking of her body. She opened sore puffy eyes and found Sam peering down at her. "Hey there, I thought you'd lost your way or JJ had worked her charm on you!" he smiled and didn't appear to see the guilty blush adorning Cory's cheeks.

"I couldn't sleep." Cory mumbled, her throat hurt and she was having trouble focusing. "I didn't want to wake you and I'd have tossed and turned. JJ went to bed after the film but I wanted time to think. I just need time to work things through, come to terms about Granddad, I knew it was coming but it's still a kick in the gut when it arrives."

"I know and I hate to say this Cory but it's for the best if he's suffering." Sam turned to collect up the remnants of the previous night's meal and didn't see the hurt look cross Cory's face.

"I know but it's hard facing the truth, I'll be okay and I'm going to see him today."

"Well don't forget to take Holly out tonight I'm down in Leighton Buzzard if you need me. It's an important deal but if it looks bad Cory phone me I'd like to see Fred I might pop in on Thursday, I'm hoping to get back here early so I could go over in the afternoon and spend a few hours with him. I'm off in a minute, I have a few things to gather up, and I've already walked the dog and fed the cats. It's only just turned 6am why don't you go back to bed you look worn out." He bent down and kissed Cory on the forehead and then helped her up and pointed her in the direction of the stairs.

As Cory reached the top of the stairs she glanced at JJ's door, she didn't know what to do or say, maybe a sleep would do her good, she got into her night clothes, she felt more comfortable, it was never a good idea to sleep in a bra or any kind of underwear they always dug in and left lines across her body. The bed felt wonderful and soon she was drifting off to sleep.

For the second time that morning Cory was awoken by a gentle shaking of the shoulder, she opened bleary eyes and tried to focus, she blinked a few times and they focused on deep blue eyes looking at her with concern.

"Hey there sleepy, I've brought you a cup of tea. I hope it tastes alright I've never made tea before!" JJ placed the steaming cup on the table beside the bed. "Feeling any better?"

Cory unsure of where they were after last night mumbled, "I wasn't aware I was ill."

'Shit you've got your work cut out here Matthews. Take it easy don't wind her up, think before you speak.' JJ smiled, "I banged into Sam on the way to the bathroom, I asked him how you were this morning and he said he'd found you on the sofa fast asleep. Asked me to keep a close eye on you as you weren't feeling hundred percent. So I let you sleep in and thought I'd bring you a drink, I shouldn't have woken you, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry JJ, I didn't mean to snap. It was good of you to bring the drink, and how late is it?" Cory sat up, rearranging her shirt as she did so. She puffed the pillows up behind her head and leant back, bringing her knees up to her chest.

"It's heading towards 12pm." JJ answered as she took Cory's move up the bed as a sign to sit down.

"Oh shit I'm sorry JJ, what a lousy host. You must be starving, let me get you some food." As she spoke Cory moved to get out of the bed, a powerful arm held her back, she settled back against the pillows.

"Hey where's the fire, slow down. It may have escaped your notice but I'm a fully-grown adult and I know how to make toast and coffee. I'm fine I had a little lie in myself jet lag I think. Then I read my book and watched some of the morning shows on the television. Some of them made me laugh, the differences in the talk shows and they had a show perfect for me on. I think it was called 'Can't Cook; Won't Cook." I couldn't decide which contestant I would be, I mean I can't cook but I also won't cook!" JJ realised she was rambling; she just didn't know what to say to Cory. Did she bring up the previous evening's events or forget. She decided to put them on the back burner until a more opportune moment arose. "So what are the plans for the day?"

"Well I thought I'd take you over to Stratford, show you where a certain Mr. William Shakespeare was born and bred. If it was summer we could take a rowing boat down the river but as it's so cold we could just feed the ducks. Then on the way back pop in and see how my granddad is doing if you don't mind?"

"Sounds like a good plan to me and Cory take all the time you want with your grandfather. We have a lifetime to get to know each other and I can come and visit again, unfortunately your grandfather's time is limited and you spend as much time with him as you need. I can amuse myself, I've told you often enough! I might take a walk up into town give you some privacy." As she said these words she stroked Cory's leg above the covers.

Cory just stared at JJ, she didn't think anyone could be so sincere and so beautiful; she wanted nothing more than to fall into those strong arms and be held forever. She moved forward and knelt to the side of JJ. She put her arms around JJ and hugged her tightly, "Has anyone ever told you how wonderful you are?"

JJ was a little surprised at her friend's spontaneous action but she wasn't going to let the blonde go without first returning the hug, she wrapped her arms around Cory's waist and pulled her into the biggest hug she could muster. They held each other for a while, both lost in their own world, each dreaming the same dream; neither wanting to declare that dream for fear of ruining what they already had.

Cory was the first to break the hug, "At the rate we're going we'll never get anything done today. I'm hoping we can go to Body Pump tonight if you feel up to it?"

"Sounds like a plan to me. Now go and shower and I'll make you a sandwich and don't forget your tea!" JJ placed the mug in Cory's hand, winked and sauntered out of the room.

Cory flopped onto the bed. Her thoughts turned to JJ, the woman was wonderful, she made her feel so good even after last night there had been no awkwardness, they seemed to compliment each other, she needed to sort her head out. If she loved JJ then she needed to tell her, but what about Sam, what about their plans? What would her family say? What would Sam say? He'd be destroyed. What would JJ say? There was Sarah to consider. She shook her head trying to clear it and focus on the simple task of getting showered and dressed.

In no time at all Cory was dressed in a pair of cargo pants, hooded fleece and a pair of trainers. She dried her hair and added just a touch of CK1 on her pulse points, she hated to say it but she looked quite good having spent the night on the sofa. She gathered up her wallet, keys and mobile and headed down the stairs.

The journey over to Stratford went quickly, the two women exchanged information about their childhoods, school achievements and the dreams they'd had as children. They discussed the pros and cons of having siblings to not having siblings and were soon looking for a space to park the car. JJ marveled at the old buildings, Stratford had more Elizabethan houses than Warwick and many of them had been turned into pubs.

"Hey it's true what I heard about Britain, there really is a pub on every corner and here there seems to be two or three to a street."

"Oh yes Stratford was a great place to come and drink as a student, lots of pubs. The college clubs would put on a coach trip every summer, I even played a golf drinking game round Stratford."

JJ looked at her blankly. "Golf? I'm confused, come on fess up what do you mean?"

"Well each pub is worth either a pint or a half pint and you set a par; so say each pub is par 4, that means you have to drink the beer in that many mouthfuls. If it takes more than 4 gulps then you are over par and less you are under par. If we were really desperate to make up we sometimes downed a drink in one. We played 9 hole golf and I was so drunk afterwards, well that's another story!" Cory smiled as she remembered the rest of that evening when she'd spent most of it coaxing Ange out of their bathroom so she could use it to throw up the Indian and beer.

They made their way slowly up and down the streets, looking at souvenir shops, going into some of the clothes stores and just looking at the various styles of buildings. They took photos of Shakespeare's birthplace and wandered down to the river. The weather wasn't that bad for the time of year, it wasn't warm but neither was it freezing. Both women had their coats on, and it was warm enough to sit on the bench and watch the ducks. There seemed to be hundreds of them milling around, Cory snuggled a little closer to JJ to absorb some of her warmth too.

"Isn't it sweet, did you know Mallards mate for life, but how the hell do you think they recognize their mate as they all look the same?" As she said this, a very irate Mrs Mallard began to quack as loud as it could. "I bet she's giving her other half a really good telling off, what do you think he did? Either he stayed out all night or forgot the groceries?" JJ chuckled as she watched the interaction, she also couldn't help but stare at the glee that she saw on Cory's face.

"You love animals don't you?"

"I adore them. I could animal watch all day; they hold a fascination to me. I wonder if they really can speak to each other. Wouldn't you like to know what they thought of you?" Cory began to throw pieces of bread to the ducks and they gathered around her feet.

"To be honest I've never really considered it. There seems to be more Canadian geese here than in Canada. Do you think they came over on my plane with me, hitched a lift?"

Cory giggled. They sat beside the river for a good hour talking, watching and making fun of the ducks. They named some of them after friends and family and a few famous people.

They spent another hour in Stratford, the afternoon had gone quickly and they soon found themselves back at Cory's parents house. Whilst Cory and JJ entertained her granddad, Cory's mum went to visit her friends and took a welcome break. Cory was pleased to see her granddad in good spirits; it lifted her soul. She'd been so worried about him, he still looked frail and the yellow tint to his skin seemed darker in hue but he still held a sparkle in his eyes and he was getting up to mischief with JJ. She'd discovered he liked to play poker, and whilst Cory hadn't a clue how to play the game JJ worked the cards like an old pro. They tried to show Cory the rules of the game but try as she might she found it very hard to bluff, apparently her hand gestures and innocent look gave it away every time. It was a good job they only played for matchsticks otherwise Cory would have had to sell her body to pay her gambling debts.

As the night drew in Cory said goodnight to her mum, Fred had fallen asleep, the excitement of the game having worn him out. She kissed her granddad on his cheek and whispered words she felt in her heart but rarely said aloud, "I love you granddad."

The drive home was yet another solemn affair, neither woman spoke it was a reenactment of the previous night's journey home. Cory seemed lost in her thoughts and JJ didn't know what to say or do. As they pulled up to the house Cory gasped and jumped out of the car, JJ could have sworn she heard a "shit!" leave the blonde's mouth.

"Hey what's up?" JJ asked as she followed Cory trying to catch up with her.

"Holly! I forgot Sam wasn't coming home. She must be crossing her legs. It's gone 6pm. I bet she's made a mess on the kitchen floor." Cory turned the key in the lock she took a deep breath. There didn't seem to be a smell, Holly came bounding down the stairs.

"Good girl, go fetch your lead, we're going walkies." At the sound of the W word Holly went mad barking and running back and forth to the kitchen. On her third try she came back with the lead in her mouth. Cory placed it in her pocket; Holly didn't need the lead it was only taken as a precaution if other animals approached. "JJ I'm off down the field would you like to come or stay?"

"Are you crazy it's pitch black out there I'm not letting you go on your own. Sam would kill me if anything happened to you, in fact I'd kill me if anything happened to you!" They both laughed and headed off down to the fields at the bottom of the road. The temperature had dropped significantly and both women shivered as they walked around the open landscape by the River Avon. Each breath came out in a fog of steam and JJ physically shivered.

"You wimp, you're not cold are you? I thought you came from a place so cold it makes your snot freeze in the back of your nose?" She jokingly nudged JJ and received a sheepish grin.

"So I'm a weinie! It's a different kind of cold here, kind of damp, goes through to the bone whereas at home the winds can freeze you." JJ explained.

Cory moved closer to JJ and slipped her arm through the crook of JJ's elbow. They both cuddled closer. The closeness immediately warmed JJ sending a jolt of warmth through her. She loved having Cory near to her, she liked the feel of Cory's body next to hers and the places where their bodies touched seemed to burn even in the cold. They walked a lap of the field and then headed back towards the house.

When they got back, Cory set about feeding the animals whilst JJ disappeared into the laundry area to retrieve her gym clothes that were in the drier from the previous evenings run. Ten minutes later they were back in the car heading towards the gym. Cory was explaining the set routines of the Body Pump moves and explained that the instructor would show her the moves and talk her through each different set.

The gym was relatively quiet, they both booked in and both warmed up by running. JJ noticed that Cory set a good, fast pace on her run and they seemed to be running in harmony with each other. After fifteen minutes, and 4km they both stopped, each red faced and sweat was evident on each of their brows. A smile from Cory and a nod in the direction of the studio indicated to JJ that she was about to be put through her paces. Whilst the instructor went through the moves with JJ, Cory set up the step and placed some weights near both steps.

The class lasted just over an hour; JJ was impressed with the weights that Cory pressed considering her size and bulk. She'd been even more impressed with Cory's body and muscle tone. After the warm up track Cory had stripped down to a two-piece gym set which showed her abs off perfectly. This move had taken JJ by surprise and she'd nearly dropped the weights in shock. She'd found herself struggling to concentrate, as every movement seemed to highlight the strength and tone in the lean, trim body of her friend. On the back track her mouth had positively watered every time Cory had leant forward to take the weights to her knees and pull it in to her abs, her butt had seemed perfect, solid. All she'd wanted to do was take Cory over the step and show her how much she needed her. She could feel the moisture, which had gathered, between her legs and it wasn't exercise-induced moisture. She shifted uncomfortably, hopping from one foot to another. Cory was speaking to another lady near where the steps were stored so she pulled her sweat shirt over her head and just watched the blonde chat, she loved the way the woman got so animated and gesticulated to emphasize her points.

After all the hard work in the gym the Cory decided they needed a treat and stopped off at the local Pizza Hut, this move got a raised eyebrow from JJ. "Not that I mind Cory but you just worked like crazy to keep you're body as fit as it is and here you are getting a pizza."

"Well there's a method behind my madness. If I exercise like I just did then I can have pizza and I won't be any fatter or any thinner!! And it's my theory and I'm sticking to it! That doesn't stop you just having salad of course. I'll understand if you want to keep your body a temple and avoid the pizza. Decide now before I order." She grinned mischievously at JJ and went up to the counter to collect a menu.

JJ watched her go, a huge smile adorned her face, the woman was incorrigible and she loved it. A sudden thought made her leap into action and she caught up with the blonde bombshell, a sudden worry that salad might just be all she got if the wicked glint in Cory's eye was anything to go by.

Twenty-five minutes later, both women were sat on the lounge floor in front of the fire eating a deep pan meat feast pizza, garlic bread with a nice cold bottle of wine to wash it down. They had flicked through the TV channels and seeing nothing that caught their fancy they had settled on The Box music channel. The conversation was kept light and mainly focused on the songs and groups on the show. Some artists they both knew but on the odd occasion a British band was played and JJ would comment on the style and taste of the music.

As the evening went on JJ felt her legs and back stiffening, she'd been warned at the Body pump class not to put too many weights on the bar but pride had come before the advice and she'd found herself competing with Cory and the instructor and although she regularly worked out the class had worked muscles she never knew she had but was beginning to realise they were there. She tried to stretch herself out subtly but as she moved forward her leg knocked Cory's. She winced as she tried to retrieve her legs and Cory noticed the grimace on her face.

"Hey you okay. Do you need a cushion? Look at us sat on the floor when we have two comfy sofas." Cory made a move to get up but stopped when she felt JJ's hand on her arm.

"I'm not uncomfortable because of the floor. I guess I over did it tonight; my back and legs are stiffening up. Maybe a warm bath would loosen them up."

"When I started the class I ached for about 4 days after the first class. Even the fittest people find they hurt but it gets better." Cory hesitated then said quietly, "I could give you a massage if you want? I find that helps me sometimes relax more."

JJ looked at Cory, there was nothing more on earth she'd enjoy but she wasn't sure she fully trusted herself not to pounce on the blonde, she'd driven her crazy in the class, the pert butt seemed so luscious to her and she found herself salivating at the thought. Oh to hell with it, what was it Cory had said at the castle in for a penny in for a pound. "If you don't mind I'll have a quick shower, get rid of my sweat and slip into something more comfortable." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and noticed that Cory blushed at the comment. She grinned back she felt very playful tonight, she put this down to the glass of wine she had drunk.

As JJ left the room Cory dropped down onto the cushions and covered her eyes. She knew she'd blushed scarlet red when JJ had wiggled her eyebrows but she did it so well and so suggestively her mind had gone south big time. She'd wanted to knock the cocky brunette onto her back and ravage her. Time for a cold shower, this was one advantage of the water system in the house it allowed people to shower in both bathrooms at the same time. She climbed the stairs, she heard the rhythmic sound of the shower coming from the main bathroom and it took all her strength not to try the door handle and offer herself to JJ right there and then. Common sense took over and she walked into her bedroom and shut the door.

Half an hour later, both women had assumed their previous positions on the lounge floor but this time they were both smelling tens times sweeter and had comfortable sleeping shorts and tops on and combed back wet hair. "So you ready for the torture?" Cory asked as she wiggled a bottle of massage oil in front of JJ's face.

"Yeah I'm game! So that comment you made once about massaging like Monica off Friends was a joke huh?" JJ asked with in trepidation.

"Well Sam thinks I'm too rough but a second opinion never hurts!" While she said this JJ rolled onto her tummy and placed her arms under her head.

"Err JJ I can't massage you with your top still on, err you're going to have to take it off." Cory had no idea why she was flustered, she'd massaged friends before but something was different about this one.

JJ wriggled about and whisked her t-shirt off and settled herself back down. Silently, Cory took in the sight beside her, JJ's back was tanned and firm, her muscles were defined on the arms and there wasn't an ounce of fat anywhere. She rubbed some vanilla and lavender mousse between her hands and began her slow assault. The skin was soft like velvet and her hands ran up and down JJ's spine slowly, savouring the experience, She moved up towards the top of JJ's shoulders and began to knead the flesh beneath her fingers. Groans of pleasure were muttered from JJ and this spurred Cory on. She poured more mousse onto JJ's back and began another trip over the shoulder blades and down the spine, feeling every inch of JJ's back, taking in every little mark, stroking every blemish and wanting desperately to kiss where her hands had traveled. She didn't think it wise to linger on the sight of JJ's pert arse and went straight for the back of the thighs, taking in the muscles and rubbing the tight hamstrings.

Having thoroughly massaged the back of JJ's body she decided the legs would be easier to do if JJ faced her, She tapped JJ's shoulder but received no response, she peered down and noticed a content smile on JJ's face, her breathing was slow and steady and Cory realised she was asleep. The massage had worked it's trick and JJ looked totally relaxed, completely calm and at peace with the world. The dilemma now facing Cory was did she leave her to sleep half naked or wake her up? She glanced around and noticed the fleece blanket on the small sofa under the window, she reached for it and gently covered JJ's back; it would protect her modesty should she wake suddenly or turn over in her sleep.

Cory leant against the sofa, her body scant inches from JJ's prone body, she ran her fingers slowly through JJ's drying hair, the texture was smooth but she stopped before she go to the little tangles of knots that had developed whilst drying, she didn't want to wake her up she looked so sweet, so young. What she wanted to do was join her, creep under the cover and wrap herself around the body and never let go. Oh shit she was in deep trouble, her whole life was changing and she needed to face this head on. She was in love with JJ, a hundred percent and if that was the truth then what were her feelings for Sam? What would happen between Sam and herself? So many questions revolved around her head, there was no doubt she'd never felt as she felt when JJ touched her, innocent as the touches were they seemed to burn a path on Cory's skin, if she closed her eyes she could remember everything about JJ, her skin, her smile, her smell and those eyes, so open, so blue and so honest.

She wasn't aware of how long she'd been wrapped in her thoughts, the consistent tiny snores of JJ's had kept her mesmerized but suddenly she was shaken out of her thoughts by a clap of thunder. She shuddered and shifted closer to JJ, she looked out of the window the tiny tree on the garden was shaking violently, she hadn't noticed the wind picking up but now she was very aware of it as a flash of light was followed by an even bigger rumble. Next to her she heard a groan and she looked down and noticed JJ awakening.

"Hey there, we keep doing this waking each other up." Cory smiled, "You feeling better?"

JJ stretched and was about to raise herself up when she remembered she was topless, she looked over her shoulder and grabbed her top, she put it over her head and pulled it down, turning over as she did this and removing the blanket. "Thanks for the cover and the massage was awesome. It's been a long time since I allowed myself to totally relax like that, I've never fallen asleep before not even with Sarah. Sam has no idea what a good massage feels like if he thinks you are too hard, I thought you did a wonderful job, the kinks in my neck don't feel half as sore although I could have done with the front being rubbed."

"I was going to flip you over but you'd fallen asleep and I figured if you were that tired that you fell asleep I'd leave you to it, but there seems to be a storm developing outside. A little unusual for this time of year but it has been a lot milder this year. I hope it doesn't go on all night I hate thunder." Cory shuddered at the thought of being all alone in a storm, Sam usually made her feel somewhat safer, although he was never sympathetic just having another person near helped her realise it was just a storm but all alone her mind had a habit of going over board and a small storm developed into scarier things.

They spent what was left of the evening watching the television, Notting Hill was showing on Sky Premier and they both enjoyed the humour in the film. JJ enjoyed watching it with Cory as things she'd found puzzling the first time round was explained by Cory. During the film the two women had migrated towards each other until their arms were touching, neither woman made any acknowledgement of this but neither moved away they were just both content to sit like this.

Cory made hot chocolate at the end of the film, she wandered back into the lounge just as JJ was stretching and yawning. "Hey there Sleepyhead, you should go up to bed. You're obviously tired."

"A little, I'm usually full of energy but the past few days my body clock has been shot to pieces. Tomorrow it should straighten itself out just in time for me to go home." Cory placed the hot chocolate down at JJ's side, "So what plans have you made for us tomorrow?" She held the mug of hot chocolate between her hands she felt warm and toasty inside and it wasn't the hot chocolate. One look from those emerald eyes and she was lost.

Cory resumed her place on the floor next to JJ and proceeded to flick through the TV channels. She desperately needed to go into school and set up a display and tidy the classroom, she had the rest of the week but whilst making the drink she had decided to take JJ down to London, she hadn't mentioned anything about visiting London but after watching the film and JJ's obvious interest in the capital it made sense to let her see the city and all the sights. She'd been very impressed with the castle and there were loads of old monuments and places to visit. JJ was flying out on the Saturday morning and Thursday was a better day to drive down, she didn't fancy a Friday ride down as the traffic seemed to double with people heading home for the weekend. She'd spent a while deciding whether two days away from her grandfather were wise but in the end her heart kept over ruling her head. All her thoughts kept coming back to the fact that she might never get an opportunity to spend time with JJ ever again and as she'd come to a crossroads in her life she needed to make sure she made the right choice for her.

If she followed these plans she needed to do a morning in school, she smiled sweetly at JJ, "Well it's funny you should ask as I have made plans for the rest of the week. Some you're going to like and others well you have the choice not to join me!"

JJ raised an eyebrow at the last remark, "Go on fess up what have you planned? You have that mischievous twinkle in your eyes."

"Me mischievous never!" Cory looked up innocently and then wiggled her eyebrows.

"Hey cut that out Williams! Now fess up what have you planned for me - sounds like you need my help in something."

"You a mind reader or something. Yes I need your help, the painters have been in school this week and I need to go in and put the wall displays back up and restock the bookshelves before Monday, we just tore stuff down on the last Friday and it's all over the desks I can't do it with the kids in class as there'd be too much chaos. So I figured if I went in and did that tomorrow morning get it out of the way and then go over to check on granddad we could drive down to London Thursday morning and stop over until you fly out. I could give you a tour of the capital as payment for your services!" She brought her mug up to her lips and took a slow lingering sip as she held JJ's gaze.

JJ stood up slowly never letting her gaze leave Cory's, "Well if that's what it takes to get a trip to London you're on! I wanted to go there but with your granddad so sick I didn't want to take you away from him. If you're sure about spending two nights away then cool we can do the school thing I'm interested to see where you spend your days. So Mrs Williams do I need to raise my hand tomorrow if I need to go to the bathroom!"

"You are a big kid!" Cory jumped up to try and nudge the taller woman but JJ was way too quick for her. "No I'll let you off but if you carry on teasing I may have to reprimand you!"

"Promises, promises!" At this point JJ felt retreat was her only option for fear that Cory would make her expand on that statement. "I'm off to bed now, I hear from those kids of yours that you work them hard! I hope the storm doesn't bother you. If it does you know where I am."

"Thanks JJ and thanks for the offer." Cory switched off the lights and followed JJ's cute arse up the stairs, Holly trailing behind.

Chapter 17

Cory shut her bedroom door; she felt an inner peace like all the pieces suddenly fitted into place, even though the storm was pounding on the window, inside her heart she knew she had finally found the person she'd been searching for. Holly had settled herself on the bed and was already asleep. As Cory changed into her nightshirt, she reflected on her time with Sam, there had been a time when they never went to bed dressed and now she realised they spent all the time clothed. It had been months since they'd made love and that in itself made her think where they were headed. She knew she needed to talk to Sam, she'd tried many times to talk through her feelings but he never wanted to talk or listen. In her mind Sam was one of her best friends but nothing more, there was no passion, no emotion and without that Cory felt very alone and unwanted but now she was feeling again and that was all due to JJ. JJ made her whole, JJ made her wanted and JJ was the one she loved. She'd had more heart flips, blushes and hot flushes in 3 days with the tall American than she'd had in 6 years with Sam. She climbed into bed, her mind was too preoccupied to pay any attention to the storm, and she slowly drifted off into a deep sleep.

The next day dawned quietly, the storm had blown itself out long ago and Cory couldn't believe it was time to get up as Holly paced around beside the bed, it only felt like she'd just shut her eyes, she'd never slept through a storm before. The room was chilly; she stretched and climbed out of the bed. She needed to walk Holy, she grabbed the nearest pair of track suit bottoms and a top, she slowly pulled them onto her sleep saturated body and went in search of caffeine. She crept down the stairs, not wanting to disturb JJ's sleep but as she reached the bottom step she could hear a voice. She didn't want to pry but she couldn't help herself, she was curious to know whom JJ was talking to, she walked by the door and peered in through the crack. JJ was pacing back and forth, her hands running through her black mane, a look of pain and anger mixed on her beautiful face. As Cory pulled away from the door she heard an exasperated plea off JJ.

"Sarah if that's how you feel then go ahead I won't stop you. You were the one who wanted me to call, I'm calling and you won't listen, you won't talk, all you want to do is shout and scream and demand things. I'm back on Saturday, if you move out before then that's your decision. You're blowing everything out of proportion and laying blame at the wrong door. Look I have to go, this isn't my dime. Think about what I've said, I'll see you Saturday, Ok?" There was a brief pause and then the door was flung open, JJ hurled out straight into a guilty, embarrassed Cory.

"Oh shit, sorry look this isn't what it looks like." Mumbled a shocked Cory as she picked herself up off the floor, the force of the collision having knocked her down.

JJ shook her head and felt her bruised jaw as she looked down at Cory, "What wasn't what it looked like? Hey let me help you up, my fault for not looking before I crash out of a room. I had no idea you were there."

"I wasn't, well I was but not for long and I wasn't really listening I was just surprised you were up and I wanted to say hi but i didn't want to disturb you and you looked angry…." Her rambling was halted by a hand over her mouth.

"Whoa slow down there motor mouth and come up for some air. It's your house and I should have asked first to use the phone, I promise to leave the money." JJ ran her fingers through her hair and then felt her jaw again, it appeared okay but it had taken a huge blow from Cory's head. Shit Cory's head, if her jaw hurt what must Cory's head feel like? She placed her hands on the blonde's head and slowly felt around for a lump.

"Errrr JJ you okay?" Cory asked hesitantly, not that she minded JJ's hands roaming over her head. "Quit that." She waved her hands at JJ's hands and smiled to show she wasn't annoyed.

"Hey I'm checking for a lump, my jaw is killing me so your head must have one hell of a bruise on it." JJ walked towards the kitchen, heading for the freezer and in search of ice cubes. To her dismay she found none. "Where's your ice maker Cory?"

"My what? Oh ice maker we don't have one and there aren't any ice cubes in the freezer, not really any need for them in this weather."

"What do you use on bangs then to take down the swelling?" JJ asked.

"Bag of peas or carrots. Something frozen, I have been known to put a frozen leg of lamb on a bruise or two! JJ I'm fine, I promise and as for using the phone I told you no problem, my house is your house. I was just surprised you were ringing at this time in the morning I thought everyone would be in bed?" Cory turned to put the kettle on and make herself a cup of tea that would calm her heart, which was still beating faster due to the shock. JJ could sure move when she needed to and silently.

JJ sat on the stool and leaned on the counter looking at Cory, "Usually they are but Sarah works the graveyard shift every four weeks. She emailed me yesterday to ask me to ring her, she said she had things she needed to tell me. I emailed back and told her if I could I would, to be honest, I wasn't sure if I wanted to speak to her but then curiosity got the better of me."

There was a moment's silence, Cory was desperate to know what had been said to make JJ so wound up but she wasn't sure whether she should ask or not. Was it any of her business anyway? She was just about to pluck up the courage to ask JJ when the brunette continued her talking, "Anyway I phoned her and she has decided it's time to call it a day. She says she's tried all she can and it's obvious I have a love interest somewhere else. She thinks I'm in love with you, how absurd can she get?" At this JJ looked up into Cory's eyes, searching for some sign from Cory, what she saw was concern and definitely friendship.

"Yeah absurd, you've been through this before with her, she knows I'm married. How can she think that?" Cory was disappointed that JJ thought the idea of them being together absurd. She was feeling hurt but she needed to support JJ at this moment, her feelings could wait.

"So I told her to wait until Saturday but she says she's been offered a room in a 'friends' house and she's going there today. She said she'll still contribute towards the house but I should consider buying her out."

"Seems very sudden, she's not even prepared to talk it through with you." Cory moved round the counter and rubbed JJ's back, "I'm sorry JJ I know you loved her."

JJ wasn't about to lose the contact with Cory, it felt so nice, so right to have her rub her back but she needed to clear things up and make Cory realise her feelings for Sarah weren't what she thought. "It's probably for the best Cory, we make each other miserable most of the time, we tend to fight and do things to hurt the other. I knew she wasn't the one for me but she was good to be around and I knew she would never hurt me, never have my heart and so she'd never break it. Sounds callous but it's what I needed after Tina. It's just hard that it ended this way, over the phone."

"I'm sorry, I have no idea what to say. Do you want to stay here for the day, give yourself time to gather your thoughts?" Cory didn't want to spend 2 minutes away from JJ's company but she knew she needed to let JJ have her space.

"No I want to come, we made plans and I do want to see the school, plus it will take my mind off things. I'm sure you have a list of things a mile long for me to do." She grinned and patted Cory's back. "Fess up Williams what dirty jobs have you got planned?"

Cory gave her an innocent look, "Me? Me plan jobs for you to do? Me work you like a slave? As if I would! I'm hurt at the suggestion!" She feigned insult but failed miserably as she caught JJ's eye and burst out laughing. "Okay I have a few things and the server in the ICT room has been playing up and it'll be a few weeks before the tech visits. I thought you could use your magic hands on that."

The two women spent an hour eating breakfast, discussing the day ahead of them, walking Holly and then they both headed off to shower and dress. They got themselves ready in a relatively quick time. Well quick for JJ as she wasn't the quickest when it came to getting ready in the morning. She needed to get up at 4 just so she got out the door and had time to go to the gym before work. Cory was ready and waiting by the time JJ got herself downstairs, "I was just about to send a search party looking for you! You took your time!"

They both got in the car; JJ noticed Cory had loaded a box in the trunk of the car.

"What's in the trunk?"

Cory started the car and looked blankly at JJ, "The trunk? Oh you mean the boot of the car. Just a box of files I brought home to look at but haven't had time and some sandwiches in case you get hungry."

"Me get hungry? You're the little eating machine. For a small woman you can sure eat your way through a meal." JJ buckled her seatbelt and relaxed into the seat. "So what's the plan when we get there?"

"We have to get in there first. The boss said the painter would be there all holiday but I hope he has keys to the classrooms, as without those I'm knackered. Then if we get in I need to put backing paper up and then a display on Peru. This is where I need your help."

JJ glanced sideways at her companion, "Hey I'm a computer tech not a designer or painter. I know nothing about displays."

"Well you're about to have a crash course! It won't take us too long to get there," Cory said, "I work extremely close to home."

JJ was excited to see where Cory worked, she couldn't lie to herself; anything and everything about Cory excited her. She couldn't remember when she had been so relaxed, when she had so much fun and when she wanted somebody as much as she wanted Cory…Get over it Matthews she's straight and married. No matter what you think you are feeling from her. JJ shook herself back to reality and snuck a glance at Cory as she concentrated on the road. JJ just gazed admiringly at Cory's profile; a profile she decided she could look at forever.

"Hey Cory something clicked into place last night but I kept forgetting to ask. Your name is Williams and I called your mum Mrs Williams and she never corrected me, so I'm presuming you never changed your last name when you married Sam?" This thought hadn't occurred to JJ until she'd made her joke last night, it had been a question she'd been meaning to ask.

"Oh yeah, well I did change to Sam's name it's just he was also a Williams. I got a lot of leg pulling from the staff about that one. Some of them said I'd only chosen him because it saved me having to change my documents and name! In a way it helped in the classroom as the children are so used to Williams. Many teachers tend to stick with their maiden name but I got lucky. In the UK, Williams is a very common name and with Sam being Welsh even more common, although my father will argue that we're a Scottish Williams.

They pulled up to the small school in a matter of minutes after they'd left Cory's house.

"I see you weren't lying when you said you had a quick ride to work" JJ was amazed at how close Cory worked to home. JJ's commute to work could take anywhere from 1-2 hours depending upon the traffic. The thought of a 7-minute drive was heaven "Is the car even warmed up yet?" JJ chuckled at her own comment.

Cory just gave her a stare, "No that's the problem with the car, the short journeys are killing it. It never gets a chance to warm up and I've already replaced one exhaust pipe because of it. The exhaust fumes never get warm enough to evaporate hence the water lies in the exhaust and rusts it away. I'd walk if it wasn't through country lanes and hills. It'd take me 30 minutes or more."

"Ouch I guess I touched a raw nerve huh?" JJ smiled apologetically at Cory.

"So here is where i spend all of my days," Cory seemed a little nervous. "If you give me a minute I have to find the painter, then get him to unlock the door to my classroom."

"Don't you even have a key to your own room?" JJ said somewhat surprised.

"No I think they are afraid we would lock the kids in and never let them out!" They entered the school and JJ followed Cory's lead through a hall and down a corridor, at a door marked W6 she left JJ.

While Cory was looking for the painter, JJ took in every little detail of the school. It seemed like ages since JJ was in a school for that age bracket. She peered into the classroom, the desks and chairs and coat racks sized for the children aged 11 and under. She wondered what it would be like to see Cory in action. She could picture Cory helping the students with questions, getting lost in the crowd when she sat at a desk to help.

Cory came back with the painter and he unlocked the door. The classroom was small, smaller than it looked in the pictures Cory had sent. She took every last detail in. The display boards were big and JJ couldn't figure out how they were going to finish it by the 2pm deadline Cory had imposed. She hoped that they didn't end up arguing as Sarah and she usually did when they attempted projects together.

Cory had explained the first steps were putting the background paper and borders on the display board.

"I put the background paper on by myself last term" Cory said obviously proud of her accomplishment.

"How the heck did you do that? These boards are huge!" JJ was impressed.

"Don't ask it took forever, and involved measuring tapes and knives. Having a second pair of hands really is a bonus."

"So now I find out my true worth, I'm just a pair of hands to you!" JJ pouted and received a teasing whack to the tummy.

"Suck it up girl! Your charm, and blue eyes may have fooled others, me I just see a decent sized pair of hands that can hold this here border paper. Plus you have the height I need so I won't have to get the step ladders, an added bonus!" They toiled away for 20 minutes covering the boards with brightly coloured paper. JJ held the paper in place whilst Cory stapled it in place. They added contrasting borders and then Cory went in search of the Peru boxes and maps.

She'd decided that two of the boards could have Peruvian artifacts on them and the larger board would be a geographical display of all the places the kids had studied in their time in the school.

"Hey JJ can you do me a favour?" Cory asked hopefully.

"Yeah sure what is up?

"If I write on the board the areas the kids have studied could you type them up and print them?" Cory asked hoping JJ would say yes.

"Sure no problem. Just write better than you have in your letters, it takes me three or four times of reading to get a word or two I can't read."

As she settled at the computer, Marjorie popped her head through the door. "Hey there Cory, I wasn't expecting to see you in this time of the week I thought you had a guest?"

"I do, she's over there. Hey JJ meet Marj, she's our deputy head, year 5 teacher and the woman that keeps me out of mischief! Marj this is my American friend JJ." The two women shook hands.

"I can't believe you've dragged this poor woman in to help you on her holiday! What she doing for you anyway, the boards outside look great."

"I need some labels printed off, so she's doing those for me."

"Well make sure the spelling is correct! We like using the U more!" Both Cory and Marj burst into laughter but quickly stopped when they saw the offended look JJ gave them.

"I'm sorry it wasn't a personal dig at you, more at the fact that our spellings are never recognised on computers. You know like colour, favour etc. Well I'm out of here before I offend anyone else. Nice to meet you JJ I'm sure we'll meet again some day!" With that Marj left leaving the two friends together.

"Hey it really wasn't a dig at you. She was just joking, it was more a dig at computer software than you."

"I understand Cory, at first I thought it was more personal but then I realised where she was coming from." JJ sat herself behind the computer. This computer was not a PC and definitely not using Windows, which she was used to. JJ liked to think she knew something about computers, after all that was her job but she was having trouble with the word processor.

"Hey Cory can you come over and help me for a second? This isn't a Windows platform so I'd rather not meddle with your server if you don't mind."

Cory came over and leaned over JJ's shoulder. She grabbed the mouse out of JJ' s hand and took over. JJ noticed that Cory liked to be in charge, which was fine with JJ it was nice being the follower every once in a while. JJ could feel Cory's breathing on her neck and it seemed to be connected to her southern regions. Being this close to Cory awakened a need she thought long dead. JJ swallowed hard hoping that she wouldn't be exposed. Hoping that Cory couldn't hear her heart beating faster. She lost all concentration at what Cory was saying and gave up listening. Cory's smell was driving her crazy. The urge to turn and kiss Cory was overwhelming, what held JJ back was the fact they were in Cory's school and they weren't alone.

"Hey JJ have you heard a word I've said?" Cory asked, as JJ seemed to be in another world.

JJ was startled; she'd been caught out. "Huh, what did you say?"

"My point exactly!" Cory was trying to be stern. "You haven't heard a word I've said Jessica Jane!" She playfully hit JJ on the back of the head; she knew using her full name would have the desired affect.

"Ouch." JJ went along with the game and rubbed her head.

The time in school flew as both women realised they worked extremely well together; they complimented each other perfectly. They seemed to know what was to go where and each was impressed with the others ability. The displays were finished in no time and by mid afternoon they were soon on their way to Cory's parents house. This seemed to be a ritual of theirs and JJ didn't mind, she knew it was important to her friend and as they were going to London the next day she knew it was important for Cory to see him before they left. She just hoped nothing happened to Fred whilst they were away, she'd never forgive herself.

They spent a couple of hours at the house, Cory's mum looked shattered and JJ noticed how weak Fred had become, the little vitality he had had on previous visits wasn't there but he still seemed pleased to have his granddaughter visit.

On the way home the two discussed the trip to London, JJ hadn't wanted to take Cory away and Cory insisted on going. Cory pointed out that JJ had spent a lot of money coming over to visit and it was the least she could do, JJ argued that if anything was to happen she couldn't handle knowing she was the reason Cory hadn't been there. They finally settled on a compromise to pop in on their way down to London and check on him and then Cory could visit Saturday afternoon. Plus as she pointed out to JJ they were only going to be just over an hour away, if necessary she could drive back up and JJ would be right by the airport.

They visited the gym on their way back and fitted their workouts together, JJ liked to cycle so they did 30 minutes on the cycle machines, Cory preferred to stay on a manual program whilst JJ did the endurance ride, then they did some arm weights, each lifting very similar weights. JJ showed Cory how to use some of the free weights; Cory was impressed at how they worked some of the muscles better. After the weights they both ran 4km and came off the machines very hot and sweaty. Their final part of the workout was the abdominal muscles. The mats were free and there was enough room for them both to do it together.

When they reached the house, they took Holly for a walk around the field the conversation was kept light. JJ was curious to know all about Cory's life in the school and what projects she had taught. She enjoyed listening to the blonde, she liked watching her face come alive and the animation in her body and voice was wonderful to see. She truly was an angel and JJ could see how much she enjoyed being with the children, how teaching was her life and how much she loved her job. This made JJ realise that even if Cory had the remotest interest in her would she ever really give up her life to move to the US and be with her, and if JJ moved there would Cory ever really be comfortable knowing they'd have to keep their relationship secret. She shook her head, she was dreaming again, Cory had never hinted once about them being a couple, she was just a friend and JJ would have to live with that. Come Saturday she'd probably only receive the odd email from Cory and they'd both go back to living their boring but safe lives.

Cory fed the animals, whilst JJ chopped up some vegetables and chicken for a stir-fry. She'd offered to cook as Cory had the animals to sort out. Cory had looked a little worried as she knew cooking and JJ didn't quite fit into the same sentence, but JJ had reassured her that there were a few things she could muster up unsupervised. JJ liked Cory's kitchen, it was big enough to move around in and everything was to hand. The meal took 20 minutes to cook; she'd thrown everything into the pan and added the rice. She tasted a little and was impressed with herself. The phone rang, as she was about to dish up, Cory went to answer it. She came back a few minutes later.

"That smells yummy, I hope it tastes as good. Sam says hello. He has to stay over tonight, the deal is closed but the architects took them round the golf course and of course they stayed in the 19^th hole a little longer than intended! I told him about granddad and he said he might meet us there tomorrow or come straight home. I told him about us going to London; he suggested I ring the Travel lodge hotel to book us in. Remind me to do that after dinner." Cory tried to sneak a quick taste of the food but her hand was knocked away by JJ.

They opened a bottle of wine and settled themselves in the lounge. The food was delicious, Cory couldn't believe that vegetables and chicken could taste so nice, as she savored the last mouthful the phone rang, she juggled her tray and plate and reached for the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Cory, it's Marj, long time no see! I wondered if you, Sam and JJ would like to join John and I at the pub. The quiz is on and we could do with making up a team. I can apologise to JJ then as I think I may have offended her."

Cory smiled, and then winked at JJ, "Well I did have a little bit of explaining to do, but I think you're forgiven. Hold on a minute and I'll ask her." She covered her hand over the phone and whispered to JJ, "It's Marj, do you fancy going to the pub? It's quiz night."

JJ shrugged, "Not bothered, if you go I'll go. You sure I'm bright enough I am only a Yank." She grinned as she said the last line trying to show Cory she was joking.

"Marj we're up for it but can you do us a favour and pick us up as we've had a glass of wine. Sam's away on business so it's just the two of us." She listened for a few minutes to Marj's family gossip and then said her goodbyes.

"You sure you're okay with the pub, it's local and quite nice. They have a huge fire and the beer is good. They'll be here in an hour so I guess we should shower and change, jeans and a jumper is all that's needed but I know how long it takes you to get changed!"

An hour later, they were sat in the lounge working on their second glass of wine and watching the TV when a honk of the horn told them Marj had turned up. They grabbed their coats and headed towards the Peugeot. John was in the driving seat; he greeted Cory and shook JJ's hand. The pub was a 5-minute drive and they were soon ensconced in the corner of the pub, near the fire with pints in front of them. The conversation was light; Cory filled them in on her granddad's illness and JJ answered questions about life in the States. JJ liked the pub; it was small and cozy. It had a homely air to it and Cory was right when she'd said the beer was good. She'd decide to limit herself to one pint as it was a lot stronger than the stuff at home and she needed to keep her wits about her.

The quiz turned out to be fun, the pub had filled up and there had been about 10 teams, JJ had been impressed by the general knowledge of her friends but she also held her own and showed off that there was more than air between her ears. At the end of the evening they had come second and had won a bottle of wine each. JJ had kept her deal with herself and had just the one-pint, Cory on the other hand had had 3 pints of Guinness and although she was by no means drunk, she was a little tipsy.

They left the pub at 11pm, last orders had just been rung at the bar, the air was cold and Cory put her arm through JJ's as they walked to the car.

"Did you have fun J?" Cory whispered, she was enjoying having the woman near and the alcohol had helped her to relax.

JJ liked the shortening of her name, she felt her friend relax into her and decided for just once she would just let things happen. "Sure Cory I had an excellent time."

When they got in Cory was yawning, JJ helped her upstairs, the cold air seemed to have affected Cory and made her drunk. As they got to her bedroom door, Cory turned to JJ, stood on tip toes and planted a kiss right on JJ's cheek, "Night night thanks for a wonderful day, you're a star."

JJ was too dumbstruck to do anything but smile and open the door for Cory. She closed it behind the blonde and headed for her own, very wide-awake and very frustrated.

Cory awoke with a jump, she remembered the pub and the quiz, she remembered getting into the car but past that her mind was a blank. She chastised herself for drinking more than she should have and hoped she hadn't made a fool of herself. She glanced at the clock, 1am; she needed the toilet and couldn't sleep. She'd been dreaming of her granddad in his coffin waving at her and saying goodbye, it had disturbed her. She was cold and didn't want to be alone. She knew where she wanted to be but would she be welcome. It was the middle of the night for god's sake but her feet seemed to have a mind of their own, after visiting the bathroom, she found herself outside JJ's door, she knocked timidly, no answer, she knocked a little louder and heard a muffled sound. She took that as a come in. She opened the door and walked in, her eyes picking out the bed and JJ's prone form.

"JJ you awake?" she whispered.

"I am now honey, what's the matter?" JJ replied worried about her friend.

"Nightmares, I can't sleep, I wondered if you'd let me bunk down in here and chase the demons away." Cory stood by the bed waiting patiently.

JJ lifted the duvet, "Sure come here, you must be freezing." As Cory settled herself into the bed, JJ put her arms around her and pulled her near. Cory was cold, very cold and she felt the woman trembling under her touch. "Hey you are cold, let me warm you up. Cuddle closer." Cory didn't need a second invitation, JJ was like a furnace and she felt so safe. JJ began rubbing Cory's back as she rubbed she increased the pressure and held her to her, closer and closer, she felt Cory responding, her arms circled JJ in return and she hugged her back. They lay like this for what seemed like an age, holding, squeezing, sending unseen thoughts through the air, each wanting the same thing, neither wanting to be the first to admit it.

Finally, JJ released her grasp of Cory and moved slightly back, this gave Cory room to rearrange herself and look straight at JJ. In the moonlight she could make out the tall woman's profile and the glint in her eye. She stared at JJ, who returned the gaze, neither spoke but each understanding what the other was saying. JJ moved her fingers up to Cory's face and stroked her cheeks; she trailed her fingers down to Cory's mouth and traced the outline of her lips. Cory opened her mouth slightly and licked her lips, her tongue touching the fingers still on her lips. JJ didn't remove the fingers and Cory decided to bite the bullet, she continued to caress JJ's index finger, slowly, seductively. She pulled the digit into her mouth all the time staring into JJ's eyes, she was sure she could see the blue of her eyes. She released the finger and the next one replaced it. One by one she sucked and licked the fingers as JJ changed fingers when she felt Cory had suckled enough. The electricity between the pair was fully charged, neither dared move, Cory could feel the moisture between her legs, she was swollen and she knew what she needed. She moved closer to JJ, she kissed JJ's neck, JJ pulled her closer into a hug and in return nibbled the soft skin of Cory's neck. Cory was on fire, she needed JJ and she needed her now, she moved herself up slightly and held JJ's gaze, she lowered her head towards JJ's mouth, and felt JJ's hand on her mouth. She leaned forward her head touching JJ's, the hand still between her mouth and JJ's.

JJ swallowed, she summoned up all her strength, taking a deep breath she rasped, "Babe as much as I want you, and I do. You're not mine to have." She blew out another breath and removed her hand from Cory's mouth; she looked into Cory's face and noticed one tear trailing down the cheek. She kissed it gently away and pulled Cory towards her. They both clung to each other, both wanting what they knew they couldn't or shouldn't have.

Chapter 18

The light filtered through a gap in the curtain and settled on two bodies, so closely wrapped together they looked like one. The blonde hair mingled with the black giving a contrasting effect. The taller of the two was spooned around her sleeping partner; both looked so peaceful; so asleep. The morning sun danced over the tanned arm as it held tightly to the body beneath it.

Sam looked on from the bedroom door, he hadn't meant to open the door, hadn't meant to stare but he'd arrives home to a deserted house. No dog barking at him and no wife in his bed. He'd noticed JJ's door ajar and temptation had been too much. He'd pushed the door slightly open and had gained a growl from a watching Holly but nothing more, as if she knew that more than that would wake the occupants of the bed.

He continued to look at his wife's face, she looked so beautiful, so young but he also noticed how relaxed she looked, as if she had inner peace. Jealousy stirred in the pit of his stomach when he saw how tightly JJ held her in her arms, how close their bodies were. The only thing that had prevented him from waking them was the fact he trusted his wife and the two women were fully clothed.

He opened the door and signaled to Holly, he needed to think, there would be time later for Cory and him to talk. He was sure there was an innocent explanation; he closed the door quietly behind him and set off for a morning run.

Ten minutes later, JJ stirred, opening bleary eyes she peered at the blonde hair. Her mind raced and then settled when she realised where she was and with whom. She continued to look at Cory, she'd had the opportunity last night to show her how much she felt, what she'd felt and for once in her life she'd done the honorable thing. Would she regret the decision? Probably but she knew Cory needed time. It didn't stop her holding the woman tight and smelling the mint of her hair. She wished things were different, wished the woman in her arms was single but life wasn't that kind and JJ had to be strong.

She lay there a good ten minutes when she felt the tension return to Cory's body, she slowly released her hold on the blonde and moved across the bed, she was prevented from going too far by an arm snaking it's way round her body.

"Hey where do you think you're going?" Cory's voice was thick with sleep but she smiled impishly at JJ.

Flustered JJ had no answer, she'd expected it to be awkward, the mornings after the night before usually were, even if nothing had happened but something had happened. It might not have been physical but they had definitely crossed a line, opened a chasm and expressed what they both knew was in their hearts. She smiled shyly at the blonde; "I was just… errr…. just going to the bathroom. I have to pee."

Cory looked disappointed. "Oh I was kind of enjoying being held. I thought we could talk a little about last night, but only if you want to."

JJ didn't know what to say, she wanted to talk to Cory, and she wanted to spill her feelings; open her heart to this woman but something told her this wasn't the right time. Something in her gut told her to leave the room, she smiled sweetly at her friend. "I'd love to stay cuddled up to you all day, and I slept like a baby, but my bladder is full and someone promised me a trip to the city." She saw the sides of Cory's mouth turn up and that relaxed her; things were going to be okay.

Cory felt the nervous feeling, she'd had since she'd woken disappear. She'd sort of woken a few minutes earlier but had felt so content, so happy when she'd realised where she was; whose arms were around her and she'd wanted to stay there forever, so she'd faked sleep and enjoyed feeling JJ's breath on her neck: on her hair.

She'd been disappointed when she had finally woken up properly to feel JJ pull away but the smile and playfulness in JJ's voice had told her that things were okay, things were going to be fine, she returned a smile in JJ's direction, "Yep you're right a trip to the city it is, we can chat in the car maybe,' she looked into JJ's eyes and received a wink and a nod, "plus I have to walk the dog anyways."

She looked around the room and for the first time she noticed the absence of Holly. She glanced at the door, she was positive she'd left it open last night and if Holly had gone out she couldn't have shut the door, her eyes darted in panic to JJ.

JJ looked at Cory's startled face, her eyes were wide and her skin had gone deathly white. "Hey what's wrong?"

"Holly's not here!" Cory jumped up from the bed.

"Maybe she went downstairs, she probably got bored of waiting and went to walk herself. She's a clever dog!" JJ chuckled as she said it.

"She's clever but she has yet to work out how to close the door by pulling the handle." Cory signaled to the door with her head.

"Oh shit! Think it was Sam?" JJ walked round the bed and placed a hand on Cory's arm. "Hey if it was him he obviously didn't think too much as he would have woken us up. All he would have seen was us sleeping."

Cory raised her eyebrows, "JJ how close were we sleeping when you woke up?"

JJ blushed at the memory of how close Cory's body had been to hers, where her skin was touching hers and how it had felt to hold the blonde in her arms. "Okay point taken, we were close. Let's go and check it out before we jump to conclusions. Nothing happened Cory, just remember that when he asks what's going on; nothing happened."

"Yeah thanks to you. Can you imagine what he would have walked in on had you not been so strong?"

"Let's not even go there!" With that Cory went in search of Sam, JJ slipped quietly into the bathroom deciding a low profile was the best way to start the day.

Cory went back to her room; she saw Sam's overnight bag on the floor next to the bed. This confirmed what she already knew; he'd come home early. She let out a slow breath 'nothing happened, nothing happened.' She thought to herself. She continued to whisper this mantra in her head as she stepped into the shower. She had thought about going to look for Sam but decided she'd play it cool.

As the water trickled down her face and pounded on her back she thought about the previous night. She knew in her heart she'd have gone all the way with JJ. She'd been so turned on, her whole body had been pulsing and the desire that had mounted in between her legs had felt like she was going to explode. She'd have been powerless to resist any advances JJ had made but then JJ hadn't made any. JJ hadn't wanted her. She'd said she had but surely if she'd felt anything like Cory had she wouldn't have been able to resist. Maybe she'd read the wrong signs. Maybe JJ was just trying to let her down gently.

She took a long time in the shower, trying to get her head around her feelings, around how she felt and what she was going to say to Sam. As she stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel she heard the bedroom door open. She wandered out of the en suite naked except for the towel in her right hand; she gently toweled the water from her hair as she greeted Sam.

"Hi I didn't realise you'd come home. How was work?" she continued to towel herself off trying to hide the fact that her whole body was shaking. She didn't know what to say or what Sam was thinking.

Sam looked at his wife, she had a beautiful body, and her blonde hair fell across her shoulder, wet strands sticking to the white skin. His eyes traveled to her toned legs and well shaped bottom, finally his eyes lifted to his wife's face as she spoke.

"I made good time and decided to come back here before going over to your mother's, she phoned my mobile and asked me if I'd spend the day with Fred, she needed to run errands and felt that Fred would want another man around should he need changing or help with the bathroom. I wanted to grab some comfortable clothes. I was kind of surprised you were in the other room when I got back."

Cory gave a nervous laugh, "I was being a baby, I got all upset about granddad and I began to have nightmares about his death. JJ offered me comfort and I guess I fell asleep."

"So that's all that happened?" Sam looked hurt as he spoke these words.

"That's all that happened. What are you implying?" Cory began her little mantra again 'nothing happened, nothing happened'.

"Well look at it from my point of view I come home and find my wife in the arms of a lesbian, a beautiful one at that. What else am I meant to think?" Sam began to peel off his clothes.

Cory took a deep breath and wrapped the towel around herself, her blood was boiling, her temper rising, " Sam this is a hard time for me at the moment, I'm trying to be brave, trying to be strong for mum and granddad but inside my heart is breaking and I needed to be held. I needed the pain to go away and you weren't here and one of my best friends was, regardless of her sexuality. Would you be asking me this if it had been Angie or Rachel who'd been comforting me. Just because she's gay doesn't mean she fancies me. She has a girlfriend and she has high morals."

She stomped angrily about the bedroom, guilt making her even angrier; she shouldn't be taking her feelings out on Sam. He had a right to be cross if JJ hadn't stopped them she'd have made love to the woman. She needed to calm down, she walked over to Sam, "I'm sorry Sam I didn't mean to have a go at you. I know you have to work and I know you're here for me. This is just hard for me, I never thought he'd die; I never thought I'd have to face up to his death. He always seemed indestructible, he's never been ill and he's always been there for me. I don't know what I'm going to do."

Sam saw the pain etched in Cory's face, he took her in his arms, "Babe he's had a good life, he's a wonderful bloke but it's time to say goodbye and I know it's hard but you can't let it eat at you. You never talk to me about how you feel."

"That's because I'm not sure you understand, you're not close to your family, you don't need them and the way you speak it's very unemotional. How do you say goodbye to your hero? How do I let go of the love I feel for him. He's the only man who has always been there for me." As she said the words she knew she'd struck a blow to Sam's pride, knew she might as well have hit him with her own hand but the words had been spoken.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Sam spat the words from his mouth.

"I didn't mean it like that Sam. I just meant he's been there for me the whole of my life, always supported my choices and been the guiding light in my life. Me and you do have issues Sam and you know that, I do think we need to sit down and talk but maybe now isn't the right time, JJ is here and she's probably heard the whole of this discussion."

Sam picked up his wash bag and headed towards the shower, he muttered under his breath, "God forbid we upset JJ."

"What is your problem with her? You never like my friends; you never take time to get to know them unless there is something in it for you. I will not have this discussion at the moment. I need some space, some time to think. I appreciate you spending the day with granddad as I am taking JJ to London and we're going to stop over. JJ's flight is early Saturday morning; after I drop JJ off at the airport I'll head back and spend the whole of Saturday with him. Maybe we can sit down on Sunday and talk, we do need to talk whether you like it or not."

Sam glared at Cory, "What do we have to talk about? Life is okay, we're doing fine."

"Sam if you really believe this then you obviously haven't listened to a word I've said previously. We never make love, we never talk feelings."

"You always bring this up Cory, you always come back round to this. It's my problem and I will solve it." With these words he slammed the bathroom door and left Cory staring into the space where he had stood.

JJ had listened to the raised voices coming form the other room, she had tried not to listen but human nature had won and she'd listened, worried for her friend and hoping that Sam's temper wouldn't turn violent. She'd kill the guy if he hurt her friend.

She'd showered quickly, her mind running over what had happened, she couldn't believe she'd had the woman of her dreams in her arms and she'd been noble. She couldn't believe she'd finally found morals. Her body had been on fire, every touch of Cory's tongue had sent tingling sensations down her spine and straight to her core, every suck on her fingers had sent electric jolts straight to her desire and then she'd found her hand covering Cory's mouth. She hadn't done it for herself, she hadn't given Sarah another thought but she knew her friend and she knew Cory would have never forgiven herself.

She loved Cory and she needed Cory to come to her when she wasn't looking for comfort, when she wasn't frightened and looking for someone to take the hurt away. If Cory truly loved her then she wanted her to have no doubts and she wanted them both to be free. Last night had made JJ realise how little she felt for Sarah and how dead the relationship was, she knew Sam and Cory had problems but Cory was straight, Cory was married and until Cory knew what she wanted JJ had to be strong.

The raised voices had disappeared; silence reigned through the house. She finished packing her bags and checked she had collected all her gear from the bathroom and side of the bed. She glanced round the room, breathing in the scents, she could still smell the slightest hint of Cory in the room, and the woman had a unique scent, a mixture of mint, a musky sleep filled scent and the slightest hint of perfume.

She headed for the stairs at the same time Cory opened the bedroom door, the green tear stained eyes met concerned blue ones.

JJ bent down to pick up Cory's bag, "You ok?"

"Well it didn't go according to plan but I'll survive. I guess I don't need to tell you what was said knowing how thin the walls are!" She smiled at JJ, "You ready for your magical mystery tour?"

The beginning part of the journey to London was quiet; neither woman knew quite what to say. JJ didn't want to upset Cory anymore than she already was and Cory was still smarting over Sam's attitude to their problems and she had a major guilt complex. They'd grabbed some cereal bars and set off around 9am, the traffic was steady, mainly lorries, and most of the major morning traffic had cleared up, and the traffic reports were good. The radio was playing music from an unknown year and the pair spent the time trying to guess the year, which lightened the atmosphere in the car. Cory was a pro at this game and guessed both golden years correctly.

"You're pretty good at this game. I'm impressed you got the last year I hadn't heard of half the songs."

Cory glanced at her traveling companion, "I tend to link memories to songs and smells and so when I hear a song it reminds me of a person or event; I was struggling on whether the year was 1991 or 1990 but the last two songs were ones Jon and I used to dance to and we were together 1990. It's the same with smells certain scents conjure up events of the past without this kind of link my memory is shit."

JJ nodded and looked out of the window, she was enjoying the drive, and she wanted to talk to Cory about the night before. They had said they'd talk on the way down but as she wasn't good with words she'd been hoping that Cory would start the conversation when there was no sign of her doing that JJ decided to leave it up to Cory. She'd already had one emotional discussion this morning she probably didn't need another.

The journey to London took just over 2 hours, Cory had arranged a room at one for the travel lodges near Heathrow airport, JJ's flight was very early on the Saturday morning and the hotel was close enough to London to catch the train in. They pulled up to the hotel and parked close to the entrance, both women heaved their luggage out and locked the car.

The receptionist greeted them with a smile, "How can I help you?"

"I have a room booked under the name of Cory Williams for two nights." She tapped her fingers on the desktop as she waited for the confirmation.

"Ah yes Mrs Williams, a double room checking out Saturday morning." Cory looked at the receptionist and then to JJ.

"I think there may be a mix up I ordered a twin room." She looked back at JJ who had a smirk on her face obviously enjoying her friend's predicament.

The receptionist searched the database again. "I'm sorry it's definitely a double but I think we may have a twin on the second floor. We're quite full at the moment but if you don't mind waiting I may be able to find you one."

Cory looked over her shoulder at JJ, "What do you want to do?"

"A double is okay with me if you don't mind. I think I've proved to you I don't snore!" She smiled as Cory blushed a deep red and the receptionist lifted an eyebrow and tried to hide her smile as a flustered Cory babbled out that they'd take the room.

After signing in they began winding their way down several corridors, "You are a wicked woman JJ Matthews and I will pay you back!"

"Me hey what did I do? My reply was very innocent. It's not my fault you blush for England!" JJ gently jostled Cory as she struggled to keep her balance under the weight of her bag.

"I think this is us. How about we get settled and then head out to see a little bit of London before night fall?" The pair entered the room, it looked very basic but at the same time cozy. There was a double bed and a television. Cory checked out the bathroom and was pleased to see a huge bath with a shower.

JJ placed her bag on the right side of the bed and began to unpack her nightclothes and wash bag. She was pleased the hotel had made a mistake with the booking at least she would have the chance to sleep side by side with Cory for her last two nights in England. She just hoped her resolve from the previous night would hold up. She wanted Cory desperately, needed her and the thought that in two days she would be gone and 3000 miles away made her ache inside.

Cory looked over at JJ; she was sat on the bed with her wash bag in her hand and a hurt far away look on her face. Panic shot down Cory's body, 'Shit I should have made the receptionist find us a twin.' She didn't know what to do or what to say JJ obviously felt uncomfortable and Cory felt guilty, she was forcing herself on JJ. 'Time to back off and give her space.' Cory thought as she emptied out her own bag.

The two women headed to London, the receptionist had called them a taxi to the train station and then a train into the centre of the city. They arrived at Euston station and needed to negotiate The Tube.

"Okay you're the visitor which part of London do you fancy visiting first?" Cory asked JJ as they found a clear space in front of one of the maps.

JJ looked at the map, she had no idea where she wanted to go, if she was honest with herself all she wanted to do was go back to the hotel room a ravage the blonde beside her. She was beginning to regret being so honorable the night before. "How about tea with Auntie Liz?"

Cory looked at her with a confused expression on her face, it took a few seconds before the penny dropped and then she giggled and threw a pretend punch in JJ's direction. "To the palace then. I can't promise the Queen will be there but if she knows the best looking Yank is in town you never know!"

They ended up buying a small guidebook and map as Cory had only been to London a few times and had no idea really where many of the attractions were. It took a short ride to reach the stop they needed.

They walked up the stone steps and out into bright sunshine, which reflected off the wet floor and caused the two women to be dazzled momentarily. JJ reached for her sunglasses, this caused Cory to shake her head. JJ noticed, "What you shaking your head at Missy?" as she placed the Ray bans over her eyes.

"You're seriously going to walk round London in the middle of winter wearing sunglasses?"

"Yep! The sun is bright, it hurts my eyes, and sunglasses were invented for that purpose. What's the problem?"

"You may as well stamp tourist on your head, we rarely wear sunglasses in summer let alone winter!"

JJ poked her tongue out at Cory, "Well when you're 50 and you've got wrinkles all round your eyes from squinting then I will try very hard not to say I told you so!"

Cory smiled, the thought of being 50 and still in the company of JJ made her feel whole, she liked the sound of that even if she had those wrinkles! She was nudged out of her daydream by JJ's shout. "Hey Cory, take a picture of me near the underground sign." JJ had the enthusiasm of a kid, "you know how I hate having my picture taken!"

Cory got the camera ready, "Ok JJ seeing as you asked so nicely!" Her mood was lifting and she was starting to catch JJ's enthusiasm. "But hey don't put on that big smile like you usually do it looks fake!" Cory liked winding up JJ.

"Hey do I say anything about how you tilt your head and the way hold your foot!" JJ shouted back.

The two had begun to wind each other up after the castle visit, JJ had noticed that Cory had certain poses for pictures and whilst she looked as cute as a button she didn't look as relaxed as she usually was. Cory had also pointed out that JJ beamed way too much in photos and whilst she had a great smile it came across on photos as being forced.

"Okay Smiley One, after three say cheese! One.. two.. three." Cory took the picture and the girls continued on their journey.

Their agenda began with a trip to the palace, with JJ having high hopes of catching a glimpse of the royal family. They walked down a few roads in the direction that Cory thought was the way to the Palace, she'd been Buckingham Palace a few times but always with people who knew London well, she'd never been the official guide before.

After a while she had to admit she really had no idea where the palace was, she knew they must be in the right area as the houses were very ornate and had an air of money and they were near St James Park which she knew was where Prince Charles lived near. Cory took out the map and began to read it, turned it upside down, sideways, every which way. She looked at JJ with a what do you think look.

JJ responded, "Hey it's your country, I say we go this way, but if we get lost or go the long way it's not my fault." JJ gave Cory a mischievous grin.

Cory's stomach did a flip. She couldn't believe simple things like this could be so much fun. By now Sam would have ripped the map out of her hand and told her how useless she was; then again they'd have been there by now, as he would have planned all this before they'd left.

They crossed a busy road and began to walk round a very high wall. "Okay I know the palace is in that direction. I think this is the wall that leads to the gardens of the palace. I think it's just a matter of taking a left or a right at the garden, I am sure that Auntie Liz is waiting for you with a cup of tea!" Cory pointed to the area that was surrounded by a tall brick wall.

As they walked round, it became apparent that they had walked in a huge circle and if they'd taken a left rather than a right they would have reached the palace straight away but Cory didn't mind she loved walking and talking with JJ. She liked pointing out different buildings along the way.

As they walked down what seemed the final stretch she saw JJ physically shiver, she linked arms with her. This caused the American to stare down at their linked arms. "You okay with this?"

"Hey this is the UK we all walk round linking arms. Keeps us out of mischief or getting lost, my mum always made me link arms with people. You okay with it?"

"I guess so. I'm just not used to walking round so openly like this, we don't tend to do this at home." As she spoke they rounded another corner and came face to face with what seemed like a million other tourists. She gazed at the crowds, for some reason she'd thought she'd be the only one there. She stared at the palace it was beautiful, so ornate with gold trim around objects. It was huge and she couldn't believe how massive it really was. It took her breath away, she looked at the gates, she'd seen the gates only once before and that had been on the news when the death of Princess Diane had been announced. She never ever dreamt she'd be standing at those same gates.

There were people standing 5 deep trying to get photos of the Queen's guards. Standing as still as statues they guarded the castle. Dressed in what looked like a thick grey coat and black bearskin hat.

"They're not allowed to move a muscle or acknowledge anyone." Cory whispered in JJ's ear. "I have no idea how they manage it, I'd go crazy after 5 minutes."

JJ smiled, "You'd never last 5 minutes. You even fidget in your sleep!"

Cory opened her mouth to protest but snapped it shut, she was right Sam had often said it was like sleeping with a snake! She thought about the evening to come and sleeping with JJ again. She was finding it very hard to keep her hands off the woman, She felt very clingy, she needed to touch JJ every other second and had finally given in and linked arms with the woman. There was definitely an attraction she couldn't explain but she was drawn to JJ even when they were doing everyday basic things she'd noticed that they both crept into the others personal space.

"It's beautiful Cory, can I take a photo of you in front of the gates." They had to wait several minutes before they could get a clear shot. JJ played with the camera's zoom lens while they waited for people to clear and she spent the time just staring through the lens at Cory; she was just gorgeous. Her eyes were staring straight at the camera and there was an open, trusting look on her face. JJ began to think about the next day. It would be their last together. She wasn't sure if she could ever leave this wonderful woman without her knowing how she truly felt. Maybe tonight she'd pluck up the courage and open her heart.

After the palace, they walked up towards Pall Mall, and onto the main streets, they'd decided that as it was getting into late afternoon they'd just walk round and look at the city and then get up and do the tour of London properly form one of the guide buses.

They enjoyed riding the tube back and forth and did a bit of shopping on Oxford Street, before deciding their last port of call would be Big Ben.

As they climbed the stairs out of the tube station they were greeted by the dark of early evening and Big Ben all lit up. The clock tower was huge; Cory couldn't believe how big it was. She'd seen Big Ben loads of times on the evening news but never really thought about how beautiful the actual building was.

She laughed as JJ tried to move her camera every way to try and get the whole building in. "This is Big Ben, well the bell inside is actually Big Ben but everyone just calls the building it. It's beautiful all lit up." They took the photos and wandered up to the bridge over the Thames, Cory gasped, she'd seen the Eye on TV but as it was a new attraction she'd never seen it for real. It was huge and all lit up in neon blue. It rose above the river and was slowly turning taking its passengers on their journey over London.

Both women leaned on the wall of the bridge, watching the world go by, the smell of hotdogs form a nearby stall filled their nostrils and the lapping of the river against the wall was all they could hear, it was a magical moment and the two leaned into each other just content to be together, two souls finally home in each others company.

By the time the two of them arrived back at the hotel they were both starving, the hotel had a nice, quiet restaurant and a bar. They'd decided to eat at the hotel and hopefully catch a show and eat in the China Town section the following night. JJ had expressed the desire to see either Les Miserable or Cats and Cory didn't mind, as she loved both musicals. She'd secretly wanted to take to JJ to see a show and whilst the tall, dark woman had gone into the shower, she'd set about trying to get standby tickets for one of the shows. She'd written down a few of the box office phone numbers earlier in the day but after a few phone calls the only tickets available were for shows she didn't think would appeal to either of them and she'd especially wanted to take JJ to see Les Mis; her favourite musical. She decided a meal at the hotel might be an easier option.

They dressed casually for dinner, both choosing black jeans and woolen jumpers. Cory had chosen an emerald green top, which brought out the colour of her eyes and JJ had worn her red turtleneck sweater. The menu was simple but the food was good and the two women carried on discussing life, loves and the universe.

As the wine flowed JJ became curious about Cory's sexuality, she knew all about Cory's past and her relationship with Deb. She knew Cory was attracted to both women and men but she wanted to know more.

She decided to jump in with both feet and discuss the previous night a subject they'd both ignored all day. "So if I hadn't have put my hand over your mouth last night would you have kissed me?"

Cory was a little shocked at the question; she hadn't expected it and had begun to think it had been a dream. She looked into the sapphire blue eyes, so open and so honest; they seemed to bore inside her soul. She nodded, never taking her eyes off JJ. "Yes I'd have kissed you." They held the gaze longer than was necessary, Cory wanted to know why JJ hadn't wanted to kiss her. "But you didn't want to kiss me."

JJ's face took on a stricken look, "You're wrong Cory I wanted to kiss you; I still do but I'm a little confused. What about Sam? I don't know what you want from me. You have a husband and a settled life and are you really willing to give it all up for me? You've said it yourself you didn't want to be open about your sexuality when you were with Deb, what makes you so sure now you're gay? I mean are you gay, straight or bi? I'm unsure and I think you are too." JJ had no idea where this speech had come from; she hadn't meant to say so much. A simple yes would have sufficed but she needed to know. They had one more day together and they needed to sort out their feelings.

"I don't know JJ, I don't know how I'm feeling all I know is when you're around me I feel so alive, I feel things I've never felt before emotionally and sexually. As to whether I'm gay, straight or bi I really don't know. Why do I need a label? I just know how I feel JJ when I'm with you."

"I need to know Cory. I need to know that I'm not going to be a passing phase, that I'm not just an experiment or a bored housewife's five-minute fancy. You know the old saying never go with a straight woman they'll break your heart, well you could break mine and I'm not sure I'd survive." JJ drained her glass, yet again she'd said more than she'd expected to but there was something about Cory that made her open up; made her want to reveal her innermost thoughts.

Cory shrugged, she had no idea what she was expected to say. She felt her emotions begin to crumble. She rose awkwardly, "I need some time to think JJ, and I promise one thing I'll never hurt you intentionally. I'm going back to the room I know this is awful of me but I need to think and I'm very aware that we only have one more day but I need some time to think through what you just said and what I want. Can I meet you in the bar later?" She looked up to see JJ nodding, she reached into her wallet to get out her money to pay for the meal but a strong hand surrounded hers and prevented her from continuing.

"This is my treat Cory, I'll be in the bar take all the time you need. I'll be okay I will be waiting at the bar for you."

Chapter 19

JJ watched the retreating form of Cory: she hadn't envisioned the evening ending this way but she needed to know that Cory had thought carefully about this. She'd been through enough shit with Tina, had given her heart away and it had been used and abused and returned shattered and beyond repair, or so she'd thought. She knew her feelings for Cory went deeper than any others she'd ever had, and she truly believed she'd come home; found her pearl in a sea of oysters but could she risk it all again? Tina had been convinced she was gay and then she'd gone off with a guy, but JJ also knew what she saw in Cory's eyes was true friendship and hopefully love.

She'd known from that first email, from the many emails. It seemed bizarre and if someone else had told her she'd fall in love over the Internet she'd have laughed in their face but it was true, love at first sight was possible and now she was facing her past and her future. She paid the bill and headed towards the tiny bar, a few beers would mellow her out and Cory was sure to return.

JJ pulled up a stool at the bar, she didn't fancy sitting all alone. The bar tender was a cute red head. JJ managed to catch her eye and received an acknowledging smile.

"Hey there," drawled the bar tender in a distinct American accent.

"Hey yourself, nice to meet a fellow American." JJ replied.

"It's good to meet someone who knows the difference between an American and a Canadian. I feel like getting a sticker pinned to my chest and then maybe people will notice!"

JJ raised an eyebrow, looked amusingly at the woman's rather buxom chest and grinned, "Oh they'd notice all right!" This gained her a lighthearted slap on the wrist.

"Why ma'am you say the sweetest thing." The bar tender mimicked in her best Dolly Parton accent, "What can I offer you today?" She wiggled her eyebrows back in return, she liked the tall woman's sense of humour; in fact she just liked the look of the woman period.

JJ blushed, "I'll have a beer and one for yourself." She offered her hand to the woman, "My name's JJ Matthews and you would be?"

"Sandra Masters, but everyone calls me Sandy." They shook hands. "Would that be a half or a pint of beer?"

"Can I have a bottle?" JJ asked pointing to the glass refrigerators at the back of the bar.

"Sorry my bad, I assumed you meant you wanted bitter as most British people call bitter beer. I should've known. How about a Bud?"

"Sure," replied JJ. The heat from the open fire was beginning to have its affect on JJ and she peeled off her sweater.

Sandy placed the chilled bottle in front of JJ and sipped a glass of coke. "Thanks for the drink, I'll have something a little stronger later, house rules no drinking on the job. So do you play ice hockey or are you just a fan of the game?"

JJ looked a little surprised, "Both, how did you know I like hockey? Is it written on my face?"

"More like your chest. Nice t shirt."

JJ slapped her forehead, "I'd forgotten I had this on!" Her t-shirt was white with the slogan 'Give Blood. Play Ice Hockey'. She went on to explain, "I needed a white shirt to go under my top, this was the only clean one left! As for hockey I love it; I played in college, I got a scholarship. Without that my parents would never have been able to afford it. Right now I play for a local team, we have a lot of fun and it keeps me out of trouble, I think."

Sandy signaled to a passing waiter, "Hey Mike I'm gonna take my break now, can you cover for me?" She turned her attention back to JJ. "Don't mind if I spend it talking to you do you? It's not often I get chance to talk about my favourite sport. So how long have you played? How did you get into the sport?"

JJ looked round the room. There was still no sign of Cory, and she hoped she hadn't scared the girl off. Her hands were sweaty from nerves; she'd never spoken from her heart like she had earlier. She wasn't usually one for heart to hearts and now she found herself desperate to have one, desperate to know whether she had a chance with Cory. She needed a distraction and Sandy seemed genuinely interested in the topic, she wasn't using it as a pick up line. JJ relaxed a little and sucked on the cold drink in front of her.

"I've been playing for what seems like forever. I remember as a kid watching TV when the Boston Bruins, my hometown team, were on. My poor father, I would ask him question after question after question. He probably never got to see a full game. He was patient and explained everything to me. I started playing street hockey with the kids in the neighborhood. I had always wanted to play but there weren't any teams for girls. One day my father was reading the paper and there was an ad in it to start a local team for girls. He didn't have to ask me twice. That was when I was like 10 or so and the rest they say is history. So where in our land of the free do you come from?"

Sandy smiled, "Way out west, I'm from Colorado, the Avalanche is my team."

"Oh I know of the Avalanche, they went and stole Ray Bourque."

"Hey he came willingly we didn't have to steal him!"

"I was just kidding, well about the stolen part anyway. He was my favourite player and I wasn't the only one who was crushed when he left but really who can blame the guy, twenty years in the league and not one championship. With the way the current management is running the team it will be at least another twenty before they do.

"What position do you play?"

"I play defense just like Ray Bourque."

"I am a huge fan of the game but having lived here for the past two years I haven't seen too much on the TV. I am very much out of the loop on all the American sports."

JJ finished her beer and asked Sandy for another. She didn't normally drink much but her throat kept going dry and her body was racked with nerves.

Sandy went to pour a drink for another guest and JJ looked around to see if Cory had changed her mind.

"So how long you here for? You on your own?"

JJ turned back to the bar disappointed that Cory hadn't returned. 'Give the girl a break this is an important decision. Chill!' "I'm sorry what did you say?"

"I asked how long you're here for? You look all alone and I'm not usually this forward but if you're stuck for things to do I'm free later tonight."

JJ smiled, "I'm here until Saturday morning and thanks for the offer but I'm not alone, my friend Cory went back to our room for a while." She'd dropped in the 'our' part of the conversation intentionally in the hope Sandy would pick up on it.

"Oh well it was worth a try, you just looked like someone who likes to have fun. So is your friend American?"

"No Cory's English, we met online a few months ago. We met last Sunday for the first time and we get on well. She's showing me more of the sights of London tomorrow."

The bar was very quiet, and the girls spent the next hour getting to know one another. They ended up talking about life, and a heated discussion about how the professional athletes in America were very overpaid. Neither noticed the diminutive blonde watching from the doorway, neither of them noticed her watching the slight touch of hands on arms and raucous laughter and neither of them noticed as the obviously upset woman slipped quietly away, tears streaming down her eyes.

As Sandy's shift drew to an end she glanced around. "Your friend hasn't arrived yet, are you sure I can't interest you in a tour of the local area?"

"No I think I ought to go and look for her," JJ was a little disappointed that Cory hadn't shown, she'd wanted to go and look for her but she'd promised to give Cory the space she obviously needed.

"You okay? You look like you've lost something valuable?"

JJ thought about that comment. Had she? Had she lost Cory forever? Had she pushed her too hard? "I think I may have, thanks for a great conversation and showing me true American hospitality it was nice to see a friendly face. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow night before I leave."

Sandy shook JJ's hand and then held onto it, "I hope you and your friend sort out your differences, your eyes light up when you talk about her you know."

JJ blushed, "That obvious, huh?"

"That obvious, my friend!" The smaller of the two leaned in and kissed JJ on the cheek. "My loss, all the good lookers are taken!"

JJ wandered dejectedly down the corridor, she had no idea whether Cory would still be up; she pushed the door to their room open, she'd only had a couple of beers but her head felt giddy and her heart was pounding. She'd found Sandy very entertaining and quite pretty but she didn't fancy her, much to Sandy's disappointment. There was only one woman for JJ and she was tucked up in their bed.

JJ stared at Cory, she was on her side huddled into a tight ball, she had no idea what possessed her but she was suddenly on the bed, or to be precise on top of Cory.

Cory woke with a jolt, her heart was racing and there was a large body holding her down. She panicked and tried to kick out.

"Hey, hey it's me calm down."

"For Christ's sake JJ you scared the living daylights out of me."

"I'm sorry I didn't think you were asleep I thought you were pretending."

Cory licked her lips and tried to shake the sleep from her eyes and mouth. "Well I can assure you I was asleep; I wasn't expecting you back tonight."

JJ sat up, slightly off Cory and looked into her eyes; they were half closed but she noticed the puffiness around them. "Hold on. What do you mean? I was waiting for you all night in the bar, you never showed up."

Cory mumbled something against JJ's neck.

"You're going to have to speak up love."

"I did turn up but you seemed otherwise engaged with the bar staff."

JJ pulled Cory closer to her and shook her head, "Cory, Cory, Cory what am I going to do with you? I was talking to Sandy about Ice Hockey, America and the wrongs of the World. She's a bartender and American; all bartenders listen to the woes of their patrons. She listened well and kept me entertained while I waited for you."

Cory suddenly felt embarrassed she'd taken two and two and made five. She tried to hide under the covers, but was prevented by JJ's body lying flat on top of hers. Their eyes were mere centimetres away, their breath mingling, Cory stared into cool ice blue eyes; she'd never seen eyes so cold.

"You thought I was hitting on Sandy? Do you really think I'm that shallow? Express my innermost feelings and then go and try to bed another." She went to move off Cory.

Cory wrapped her arms round the body, knowing that if JJ really wanted to leave she could but hoping the gesture would keep her there. "I'm sorry, I guess my insecurities showed themselves. I'm so sorry, I'm way too sensitive sometimes, I never truly believe in my own self worth, I think my time with Sam has done damage to my ego and the thought of someone actually wanting me seems wrong. I went to the bar and I didn't know what to do. I jumped to conclusions, she kept touching your arm and you were laughing and joking. She was flirting with you."

"That's just it babe, she was flirting with me, I wasn't returning the gesture." She moved her hand up to wipe away a tear that had begun to trickle down Cory's face. She put her head in the crook of Cory's neck, feeling safe, secure. "I was worried about you. I thought I'd scared you off." She breathed in and the scent of Cory made her nuzzle the soft skin below her lips. She couldn't help herself; she kissed the tender skin, moving in a slow trail.

Cory couldn't suppress the moan. She placed her hands on either side of JJ's head and lifted it gently, and as their eyes met, both showed how full of desire for the other they were. "In answer to your question, I need you," she kissed JJ's chin. "In answer to your question, I want you," she kissed both cheeks, "and in answer to your question, I love you JJ." She gently pulled JJ's head towards her; she half expected to feel resistance but instead soft lips met soft lips and a tingling sensation shot through her body.

The kiss was tentative at first, neither willing to stop or go further, both just savouring the moment. JJ moved her hands to the back of Cory's head and pulled her even closer, running her tongue along Cory's bottom lip, gently probing for entry. Cory opened her mouth and the kiss deepened, each tasting and taking it in turns to suck on tongues, explore mouths and run their tongues over teeth.

JJ was the first to pull away; she continued to nibble on Cory's lips but was looking straight into emerald eyes, asking an unspoken question. Cory nodded.

"Are you sure?" JJ croaked, her voice thick with desire.

"More than I've ever wanted anything in my life. Has anyone told you, you talk too much!" She winked at JJ and pulled her down for another kiss.

They slid onto their sides; mouths never leaving the other. Small kisses turned into deeper, longer ones, and after she had explored every available area on JJ's face, Cory began to move down JJ's neck, eliciting moans of pleasure out of JJ. Cory was a little nervous, she'd made love to a woman before but it had been eight years, she just hoped she remembered. Her head kept rationalizing: just go with your instincts, listen to her body and if in doubt ask. She pressed gently on JJ's body and moved her so she was lying on her back. She straddled the tall woman and gazed down at the beauty beneath her.

Her hands seemed to know where to go. She needed to feel flesh, and her hands wandered down JJ's body and stopped at the edge of JJ's t-shirt. Slowly she inched her hands under and began to retrace the path she'd just taken. Her eyes never left the deep blue orbs that shone with desire back at her. JJ's body felt so warm, and she paused as she reached JJ's bra; as if reading minds JJ lifted her body slightly off the bed and allowed Cory access to the bra clasp which she unclipped in a second.

"I thought you were a novice Williams? Have you been holding out on me?"

Cory looked up as she winked at her friend, a stupid grin covering her face. "I like to surprise you once in a while." Cory mumbled as she continued her assault on JJ's breasts. Her hands began to move over the soft fleshy mounds; JJ was definitely 100% pure woman and Cory found herself rubbing and rolling the nipples between her thumb and fingers. JJ moaned encouraging Cory to pull and squeeze harder. She lifted JJ's t-shirt up and lowered her mouth onto a succulent looking left breast. She sucked slowly, listening to JJ's breath catching and groans of pleasure being expressed. She sucked harder and licked around the now dimpled surface marveling at how her touch affected JJ.

She moved her attention onto the right breast, never losing contact with JJ and rolling the left nipple between her thumb and finger, pulling gently she could feel JJ's heart pound even harder. She sucked the right nipple into her mouth and then bit gently on it. This seemed to arouse JJ even more and she felt herself turning.

JJ's body was burning up, the fire she felt between her legs was increasing and she needed to free herself of the clothes she was wearing. She desperately wanted skin on skin. Expertly she flipped Cory onto her back again and then pulled her up into a sitting position; she knelt in front of her and began to pull Cory's nightshirt over her head. Her mouth went dry when she saw how truly beautiful Cory was. Her breasts were pert and the nipples were pink and very erect. She bent to suckle on one of them, tasting Cory, nipping and nibbling until she felt and tasted a tiny amount of fluid; it was intoxicating. She moved onto the other breast and slowly pushed Cory back down on the bed. As she nuzzled and tasted she felt Cory lift her t-shirt up over her body. She lifted her head slightly so Cory could slip the shirt over it; her bra followed close behind.

They lay there skin to skin, kissing and tasting each other. Hands began to wander lower, each taking it in turns to love the other. JJ began to unbutton her jeans and Cory helped her slip them off. Her undies and socks followed these; then JJ turned her attention to Cory's underwear. She slid her body down Cory's and, taking the edge of the pants in her mouth, she edged them down her partner's body. As her head passed the tiny blonde curls she smelt Cory's arousal. She paused and buried her head in them, smelling and kissing.

She continued her journey down Cory's legs, teasing the young woman just as Cory had teased her. As she reached the tips of Cory's toes she took the pants off and waved them at Cory. "Do you know how many dreams I've had of this moment?"

Cory shook her head. "No, but why don't you reenact them!" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively as she spoke.

JJ laughed. "Now there's an offer I'll never refuse!" She began her journey back up Cory's legs, placing soft kisses on each leg and pausing to tickle the back of Cory's knees. As she reached the strong muscular thighs, she stroked each one causing Cory to slightly open her legs and give JJ more soft, tender skin to caress. The insides of Cory's legs were silky smooth and, as JJ kissed her way up, she could taste some of Cory's wetness that had dripped there.

"Baby you're so wet and you taste so good." JJ made licking motions and looked up to where Cory was gripping the bed sheet.

"Well you're the one doing it to me. You make me so wet. I've never been this turned on. JJ please touch me there, kiss me there, do anything there before I explode," gasped Cory.

Not needing any more encouragement, JJ lowered her head and looking at the glistening invitation, she moved even lower and took her first proper taste of Cory. It was like nectar, sweet with a hint of salt. She smelt so good. JJ licked all round the area and then placed her tongue inside Cory. This caused Cory to push her hips up and a huge groan escaped the blonde's lips.

"That feels wonderful J, god I think I'm going to explode." She gripped the sheets harder.

JJ alternated between licking in and out of Cory and moving her tongue over the very swollen clit of her partner. She positioned her fingers to take over from her tongue inside, and concentrated her tongue on the area around the clit and on it. She could feel Cory getting closer, her moans were regular and she was swollen.

"Yes JJ, yes oh god, oh god, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming!" As she cried this, her body jolted and her orgasm coursed through her. JJ continued to lick until she felt the pressure of Cory's legs against her head. Taking this as a signal to stop, she climbed slowly up her partner's body, kissing a trail until she reached Cory's lips. She kissed her gently and looked into green eyes dilated with passion.

"You okay?" she asked kissing Cory slowly, never breaking the eye contact.

"Hmmph," Cory managed to mumble, "I'll be fine once I find my brain. I think it just vacated my head. Now I know what people are talking about when they say it can blow your head off! To use my favourite American saying, that was awesome. Thank you." She held JJ tightly to her, she'd never felt anything like it before and it was beginning to overwhelm her. She wanted to return the feelings to make JJ feel as good as she did.

She moved her hands slowly down the brunette's back, turning her head and kissing JJ, tasting her own arousal on JJ's lips. She deepened the kiss and moved her hands round the front of JJ's body. She traced the muscles of her stomach and kept moving lower until she felt the slightly coarser curls; there she paused, then ran her exploring fingers through them. She continued down until she felt the wet on the edge. She dipped her fingers in it and then slowly raised her index finger back up and tasted the dark woman.

She moved her hand down again and this time she brought it up to JJ's lips. JJ sucked slowly on the finger, delighting in this shared experience and staring straight into Cory's hooded eyes. She mouthed an 'I love you' to Cory.

Cory moved her hand back down and moved her fingers through the wet, gliding over JJ's skin and finding the opening of her partner. She slipped her middle finger in and then slowly took it out. She replaced it with two and felt JJ move slightly to accommodate them. She moved in and out, each time increasing the pressure and tempo. This seemed to have a significant effect on JJ as her breathing became irregular and she seemed to be gasping for breath. Cory managed to maneuver her hand so she could place pressure on JJ's clit and she moved with JJ, continuing to kiss and whisper her love to JJ. She could feel JJ was close: the flesh around her fingers was tightening and she held JJ tight as the orgasm pulsed through her. She left her fingers inside and felt the pulses until they lessened, and then she slowly removed her hand and moved her leg up to replace her arm against JJ.

"I love you JJ," Cory whispered.

"I love you too." They looked into each other's eyes and kissed, the mood alternated from tender kisses and caresses to powerful touches and passion. They each took it in turn to pleasure the other again, following each other's hands.

Hours later they lay in each other's arms, legs tangled together. Every now and again one would slowly kiss the other and then squeeze tightly; they never stopped caressing each other.

"You okay?" JJ murmured lazily in Cory's ear, her body exhausted but her mind racing.

"I'm fine for the millionth time of answering," Cory nibbled JJ's mouth. "I had a fantastic time or couldn't you tell?"

JJ raised an eyebrow and grinned wickedly "Well at first I wasn't sure if the screams were from pain but from the way you grasped my hair and pleaded for god I assumed you'd found religion."

Cory blushed crimson and hid her head under the covers.

"Hey no hiding! I'm sorry, I was teasing. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

Cory lifted her head. "After what we just did together I have no idea why I'm embarrassed, I guess old habits die hard. I'm not used to talking about it. It was wonderful J."

"I like it when you call me that." JJ kissed Cory's fingers, then looked up startled when she heard a sniff come from Cory's direction. She lifted herself up onto her elbow and looked into the glistening eyes of her lover. "Hey babe what's wrong? I didn't hurt you?"

Furiously shaking her head, Cory muttered, "No, no... it was beautiful, you're beautiful, I guess this whole thing has just overwhelmed me." Tears ran down Cory's cheeks and JJ held on to her new lover, whispering soothing words until the blonde stopped crying and they both fell sound asleep.

The ring of a phone filled the quiet, sunlit room, JJ opened a bleary eye her mind beginning to take in her surroundings. She nudged the still sleeping woman beside her, "Hey Cory, sweetheart wake up it sounds like your cell phone."

"Huh?" came the muffled voice of her sleeping companion.

"Your cell was ringing, didn't you hear it? I wouldn't have woken you but with your grandfather being so ill, well maybe you should get it could be important someone ringing this early." JJ sat up ready to move to Cory should the news turn out to be the worst. Cory stumbled over to her rucksack looking for the mobile.

"I must have left it on last night, how come you can never find the things when you need them." She rummaged around in her bag and found the tiny mobile, she looked at the display. "I'd take back the early bit J, it's just past 10am, we must have needed the sleep."

"Or worn each other out!" JJ wiggled her eyebrows as she said it, enjoying the smile that greeted her. "So who called?"

"Hold on, I'm just checking the voice mail."

JJ knew the call wasn't an urgent one when she saw her lovers face relax visibly. She relaxed back onto the pillows and admired the naked body in front of her. She'd had an awesome time last night and in the early hours, they'd both explored each other thoroughly and she'd found herself experiencing feelings and emotions she had never felt before, she just enjoyed and loved everything about he woman.

"It was Ange, she wanted to know how the week had gone with you. She asked me to call her back, do you mind?" Cory climbed back onto the bed.

JJ pulled Cory close to her, smelling the scent of sex on Cory, "Sure give her a call but I think you're forgetting something first."

"Oh I am, am I? Would you care to enlighten me? I seem to be very forgetful!" Cory snuggled closer to JJ.

"Well," JJ lowered her lips to Cory's mouth, "if I must give you a clue or two." She tenderly took Cory's bottom lip into her mouth and began a slow, sensual kiss as she felt Cory begin to return the kiss with more passion she broke it off. "You have a call to make young lady!"

"But….you are such a tease, wind me up and then drop me like an old boot!" Cory feigned a hurt expression but smiled up at JJ, "Good morning, I wish I could wake up to that kiss every morning."

"Good morning to you too and the feeling is mutual and as much as I would love to devour that sexy body of yours, my bladder is about to burst and that could be very messy for both of us so make the call and when I return we can pick up where we left off." She gave Cory another taster of what was to come before she leapt off the bed.

Cory flopped back onto the pillows and watched the retreating very naked form of her new lover. She liked that and then she remembered their circumstances and her mood shifted significantly. She now had some serious thinking to do about her future and the thought that the next day JJ would be 3000 miles away scared the shit out of her. She shook her head and decided to see what Ange had wanted.

She hit the call back number on the mobile and waited for the connection, seconds later she heard the familiar accent of her best friend. "Hey Ange it's me."

"Did I wake you up? You sound sleepy? I figured you were up as your home line was busy so I called the mobile, I know Sam uses the land line for business." Ange babbled on apologising.

"No worries Ange, yes the phone woke me but that was a good thing or we'd have slept forever. I'm not at home today I took JJ to see London yesterday and we stayed at a hotel. The walk round the city yesterday must have worn us both out." She didn't feel a phone call was the right time to tell her friend about the previous evenings revelations and definitely not the time to discuss her new improved sex life.

"I didn't realise JJ was still here. So how has the week gone? Is she as nice as you thought?"

Cory looked up as Ange spoke, a smile forming on her face as she saw JJ make her way back towards the bed, "She's everything I hoped for and more." She winked at JJ and moved forward so the brunette could slip in behind her, she squeaked when JJ placed her cold hands round her middle.

"You okay Cory?" Ange asked.

"Fine sorry just felt a slight chill. Where were we? Oh yes JJ is great, we've had a good week except Granddad has taken a turn for the worst and it's touch and go." She felt JJ's grip round her tighten as she continued to tell her friend about her granddad.

JJ listened to Cory, she noted the sadness in her voice and wanted to reassure the blonde she was there. She loved holding the blonde, feeling her close and the thought of leaving the next day filled her with sadness. Millions of thoughts had been going through her head whilst she'd been in the bathroom. She wasn't sure what the future held for both of them and she knew it was going to be a rocky road ahead but she hoped against hope that they'd walk the road together. She was aroused from her thoughts by Cory nudging her.

"Hey Ange wants to know if we want to meet up with her and Dave today. It's only an hour on the train for them and she needs to change some birthday presents so she can kill two birds with one stone." JJ nodded she wanted to meet Cory's oldest friend but she was also filled with fear that Ange wouldn't like her.

"Ange, JJ's up for it so how about we meet for lunch in Covent Garden? I should be able to find my way there. Err does Dave know about my feelings for JJ?" Cory smiled weakly at JJ as she saw the surprised look on JJ's face.

"No you told me in confidence plus I didn't want to put him in an awkward position with Sam as I wasn't sure if anything was going to develop and whether you'd changed your mind. Some things are better left unsaid. Anyway this is your mobile and it's expensive so I'll catch up on the gossip later, how about 1pm?"

"Excellent I'll text you when we get there or if we get lost."

"Okay I'll make sure I keep the phone on, see you soon Cory."

Cory switched the call off and placed the phone on the bedside table, "So Miss Tall Dark and Deadly we have about 40 minutes before we need to head out so how do you fancy a shower? I'm all in to conserving water."

JJ didn't need to reply verbally she pulled Cory down on to the bed and decided to show her actions could speak louder than words.

Chapter 20

JJ and Cory sprinted from the taxi towards the train on the station platform; they had ended up taking two joint showers, one for pleasure and then one very functional and quick shower. They reached the train as the whistle sounded; out of breath they sank into empty seats and giggled like a pair of schoolgirls. They found it hard not to keep touching each other, legs brushed against legs finally JJ couldn't stand it and she slipped her arm round Cory's shoulders. "Is this okay with you?" she whispered.

"Yep feels wonderful."

"You don't feel uncomfortable about it? I mean people staring."

Cory moved her hand up and grasped JJ's hand that was draped over her shoulder. "If they've got nothing better to do than stare at us then let them stare. It's not like I'm going to see them again."

The train rumbled along the track and Cory and JJ settled for the fifteen-minute journey into the city, JJ had been thinking about something since the phone call with Ange, she decided now was a good time to mention it. "Hey Cory this morning when you were on the phone you said something to Ange well not that I was listening or anything, but, well it was kind of hard not to over hear anyway."

"J spit it out!" Cory smiled up at JJ.

"Well on the phone you asked Ange if she'd mentioned us to Dave but technically there wasn't any 'us' until last night so I was curious what you meant by it, that's if you want to tell me I mean I know things between you and Ange are private and I well I'm.."

"Babbling, you're babbling and it's very endearing," Cory loved the way JJ blushed, her cheeks dimpled and her eyelashes dropped over those gorgeous eyes. "I talked to Ange last weekend about my relationship with Deb ... I needed to finally tell her the truth and well I told her how I felt about you, it's weird but I feel like I've known you forever and in our emails it just felt right and so I told Ange I thought I'd fallen in love with you needless to say she thought I was crazy."

"So are you?" JJ smirked at Cory.

"Am I crazy? Yep absolutely crazy in love with you and dreading tomorrow." Cory dropped her head, every time she thought of JJ leaving she felt cold and alone. JJ's arm around her shoulder tightened and she squeezed on the hand held tightly in hers.

JJ didn't want to think about tomorrow either, she wanted to enjoy her last day with Cory, she had no idea when they'd meet again and what Cory planned to do with the rest of her life, "How about we strike up a deal, we won't mention anything about tomorrow until we get back to the hotel room and then I promise we'll grab a bottle of wine and make it an early night and then we can talk. Let's just enjoy today, please?"

Cory nodded, "You have a deal, no more thinking about the airport, Sam, Sarah or our future until later. Hey we're here come on let's go and fight through the crowds."

They jostled their way towards the timetable for the Covent Garden tube having negotiated The Underground the day before they were soon heading towards their destination.

It was cold out, the winter sun was trying its best to warm things up but the biting wind made Cory shiver, she moved closer to JJ and linked arms with her. They'd arrived earlier than planned and had decided to check out some places to eat in Leicester Square and now they were trying to find the correct way back to Covent Garden.

"J, I have no idea where I'm going, I know we're close the map says so, I'm going to have to text Ange and ask her to call us." Cory fiddled in her rucksack and found the tiny phone, she pressed the buttons sending a quick message to Ange's mobile, a few moments later and she heard the tell tale beep of a return message, she glanced at it and giggled. "She said stay where we are they'll come and fetch us." JJ nodded and stared at the fairground ride so out of place in the middle of the square. It was a fast turning ride, which zoomed through the air; Cory was tugging her towards it.

"Come on J I think we've got time to take a ride." She turned to see JJ shaking her head.

"Nope you're on your own there babe." JJ was usually the first to try out rides at the fair but fast spinning ones made her motion sick.

"Not scared are you?" Cory moved closer to her friend, "I'll keep you safe, hey you can even hold my hand."

"No I'm not scared, I love fast rides, roller coasters are my favourite but I can't do spinning rides, I'm sorry Cor you must think I'm a wuss. I got knocked out during a hockey game a few years ago and since then too much turning makes me feel sick, the doctor said I may have damaged something inside one of my ears in the brawl and so I avoid these rides." JJ shrugged her shoulders in defeat and then she felt Cory's hand link with hers, she looked down and saw the brightest smile and twinkle in the green eyes. As they leaned towards each other lost in their own world, which consisted of just the two of them, they were nudged out of it by a loud coughing noise behind them.

Cory blinked and turned around, standing behind them were Ange and Dave neither quite sure what to say, "Hey guys thanks for finding us I have a lousy sense of direction." She unlinked her fingers with JJ and moved to kiss both Ange and Dave.

"Cory since when do you need to explain that to us, you've displayed it many times remember when we got lost going to Wales that time?" Cory blushed, she remembered that journey only too well a two hour journey had turned into a five hour nightmare as she'd been map reading and hadn't noticed they'd taken the wrong exit until it was too late and they'd been heading to North Wales instead of South.

"Ange and Dave I'd like you to meet my very good friend JJ Matthews, JJ meet Ange and Dave and don't listen to a word he says I am an angel in real life!"

JJ moved forward and shook their hands and then leaned over to whisper in Cory's ear, "I know you're an angel babe and after last night and this morning you're my fallen angel but I love you!" She wiggled her eyebrows at Cory and turned a dazzling smile back to Cory's friends. "I've heard a lot about you guys it's good to finally meet you."

Cory shook her head and smiled, the woman in front of her was incorrigible and she loved it, "Hey fancy a ride anyone?"

Ange looked at Dave and shook her head, "No Cory they make me feel sick but Dave would love to go with you and it'll give me a chance to get better acquainted with JJ."

Cory stood still, was she ready to leave JJ in the hands of her friend especially as Ange had a wicked gleam in her eyes plus Ange loved fairground rides and didn't usually pass up an opportunity. She shook a finger at Ange, "Just behave or I'll have your guts for garters okay!"

"Yeah you and whose army! Go on or Dave will be riding solo."

Cory turned and followed Dave to one side of the ride, the seats were icy cold and she had to shuffle a few times to stop numbness settling in. Their seat harnesses were lowered and checked by the guy running the ride and then they waited a few minutes for the ride to fill.

"Hey Dave is Ange okay? I know I only saw her last week but she seems different."

"She's fine, a little stressed out from work as they're due another OFSTED inspection but other than that she's good. No Sam with you?"

Cory kept her head down, she hated lying but she also didn't want to put Dave in an awkward position, "No he was busy with work and golf plus he offered to stop by and visit granddad. JJ flies out tomorrow so we decided to check out the capital."

"She seems a nice girl and quite a beauty I bet the boys are falling over themselves to date her I know I would if I was single."

Cory smiled at Dave, "Yep she's quite a catch." She was saved from saying anything else by the start of the ride.

The two onlookers watched as the ride spun higher and higher, since their partners had gone neither woman had said anything and JJ was beginning to feel antsy, wracking her brain for something to say she came out with the lamest conversation starter but it beat saying nothing. "So you went to college with Cory?"

Ange smiled, "You feeling as awkward as I am?"

JJ laughed, "That obvious huh?"

"Feels a bit surreal to me, yes I met Cory 10 years ago at college. We've been best friends ever since I thought I knew everything about her until last week." Ange turned her brown eyes up to meet cool ice chips staring back at her. "But no matter what I love Cory and I want what's best for her and she's going to need her friends in the coming months."

JJ nodded she wasn't sure where this conversation was leading or what the subtext was in the last statement. There didn't seem to be any animosity in Ange's eyes and her stance seemed friendly enough, "I'll be there for her." She hadn't known what else to say.

"I'm counting on that JJ she cares for you and what I saw in her eyes when we arrived I have never seen in Cory's eyes, I can't explain it but they were shining and she looked content just don't hurt her or you'll have me to deal with."

JJ had to stop herself from laughing out loud, she couldn't believe she was having this chat in the middle of a crowded place and with a woman she'd only just met. Plus Ange was the same height as Cory so she wasn't sure what Ange meant by the 'you'll have me to deal with' comment but it was nice to know Cory had such a loyal friend. She decided to play along and smiled sheepishly back at Ange, "Okay Auntie Ange, I promise to play nice with Cory and not hurt her." She winked down at the frowning woman. "I'm sorry the idiot comes out of me when I'm nervous and I turn to jokes. I care for Cory too and I promise I will never ever intentionally hurt her."

This seemed to make Ange settle and they both turned back to watch the ride, "Hey it seems to be going on forever, those two are going to be green around the gills when they come off." Ange looked up at JJ and noticed she was watching the guy in the control box he seemed to be shouting at another guy near the engine.

"I think there's a problem with the machine." They both watched unable to do anything to help their respective partners, the machine was going quite fast and looping over and over turning it's passengers upside down on a regular interval. JJ's heart was in her mouth, she kept glancing between the ride and the control cubicle, she could see the guys using a monkey wrench on one of the controls, she crossed her fingers and prayed they'd sort the problem out. She tuned back to the ride and counted the seconds in her head as the ride spun from side to side turning the passengers over every time it reached the top. After another minute had passed, the ride seemed to be slowing down, the loops weren't so regular and the ride didn't appear to be going so high, she turned her attention back to the controller he was smiling and patting his friend on the back.

After what seemed like an eternity the ride came to a stop and the harnesses were released, Cory felt up to move the neck brace but her hands were frozen and her face felt burnt from the cold wind, she turned her head to look at Dave he looked just as cold, he gave her a weak smile.

"Remind me never to go anywhere with you Williams you're a walking disaster area!"

"Hey this had nothing to do with me! But we did get value for money." She grinned they were always going on about the 'Cory Effect' at college wherever there was trouble or an accident waiting to happen Cory had always been near. They made their way down the ramp, taking small steady steps as their bodies became used to the ground again and they stumbled onto the ground in front of the waiting girls.

JJ grabbed for Cory and pulled her into a hug, checking Cory over she hugged her again and again, "I was so worried and helpless, god I was scared for you." She kissed Cory's frozen cheeks and looked into her eyes. "You okay?"

Cory nodded, overwhelmed by JJ's concern and still feeling very disorientated, she'd been scared shitless on the ride when she'd realised it wasn't stopping, and the creaks and groans of the metal as it was forced to turn and spin faster than it was supposed to.

She glanced over her shoulder and saw Ange hugging Dave but she also caught Dave's eyes and saw his obvious confusion at JJ's reaction and the fact she was wrapped in her arms. Oh boy she needed a chat with them and soon.

After checking that they both had their body parts and that they were warmer Ange suggested food, this caused JJ to laugh out loud when Cory announced she was starving.

"What are you laughing at?" Cory asked.

"You've just spent 10 minutes spinning out of control and now you're hungry, most people would be sick to the stomach and all you can think of is filling yours! You are definitely an eating machine." She winked at Cory as she said this.

"Yep but I'm your eating machine."

"And never forget it." JJ linked hands with Cory as they followed Ange and Dave back to Covent Garden and Pizza Hut.

The foursome headed into the crowded Pizza Hut, JJ and Cory appeared to be permanently glued to each other and both Ange and Dave noticed this. As they queued up for a table, Dave leaned over and whispered in his wife's ear, "I think you have some explaining to do missus." He nodded towards Cory, who was giggling at something JJ had said and was holding her arm tightly.

Ange looked on and then turned to Dave, "It's up to Cory to explain Dave but I have a feeling she will. Do you think we should tell her our news?"

Dave grinned like a Cheshire cat and nodded, he knew Ange was struggling over split loyalties and he didn't want to put her in an impossible situation. "Yeah babe I think we should and I do understand, she's your best friend and all. I won't say another word on the matter but if what I think is happening is, then I'm in the best position to offer her advice on how to talk to Sam, my ex left me for a woman too babe."

Ange leant over and kissed him on the cheek, "I love you and thanks babe I'll let her know."

"Oi you love birds quit the soppy stuff, the waitress won't seat us with you two mooning over each other." Cory said in her best Eastend London accent. This earned her a light slap from Ange.

JJ watched the goings on bemused, she'd known the two cultures were different but being able to see how Cory interacted with her friends and watch the other patrons in the restaurant she began to wish that her time in the UK wasn't over so soon.

Five more minutes of queuing and finally there seemed to be a table free. A blonde haired waitress collected four menus and headed towards them. "I'm sorry for the wait, half term madness I think every family in London wants to do the special lunch deal." She guided the four to a table in the corner.

"No problem," said Dave, "It's one of the reasons we chose to eat here. All I can eat for a fiver seems like a good challenge. What do you reckon JJ?"

"Hey I'm up for anything." Responded JJ pleased that Dave had included her in his mild flirting with the waitress, she flashed a winning smile at the tall blonde girl.

Cory watched the exchange and nudged her grinning partner in the side, "Calm down tiger you'll send her blood pressure through the ceiling." She turned to the waitress, "Excuse these two grinning hyenas and count me in I'm starving." Cory had decided it was time to break the eye contact between JJ and the waitress before the green monster took hold of her.

"Tell us something we didn't already know." Piped up JJ, and she turned her charm and smile on Cory.

They ordered drinks and the meal deal, the waitress disappeared and returned seconds later with four plates. She pointed towards the serving trolleys near the entrance and explained it was self-service.

Dave stood up and grabbed a plate, "Well I'd say ladies before gentlemen but my stomach thinks my throat's been cut so I'm off to grab a plateful, anyone game?"

JJ stood up, "I'll chaperone you to the serving hatches, can't have you using your charm on too many of the waitresses." She grinned and linked arms with Dave touching Cory's shoulder as she went by.

As they left, Ange pulled her chair nearer to Cory's, "It's nice to see those two getting on so well."

Cory sensed the shift in conversation and muttered, "Let the interrogation begin."

"So you said she was gorgeous, you didn't mention she was that gorgeous." Ange smiled she wanted to relax Cory and make her open up in her own time.

"She is isn't she? She has a lovely personality too." Her eyes followed JJ's figure as she chatted to Dave.

"Well my friend I have to say I've never seen you look more settled and you've been with your fair share of people. So am I to assume from your body language that you and Miss Gorgeous have done the deed?"

Cory blushed, ducking her head and refusing to look Ange in the eye, she mumbled, "That's it Ange cut straight to the chase."

"Hey my window of opportunity is here and I think I have five minutes before she gets back. So dish the dirt Williams. How was it?"

"Wonderful, marvelous, awesome…no other words can describe it Ange. I've never felt like this before. The way she touched me, the way my body reacted…." Cory stopped as her friend's hand clasped over her mouth, "harrumph!"

"Okay, okay TMI!" Ange released Cory's mouth after she'd tried to stick her tongue through her fingers. "You are gross at times!"

"TMI? We talking in code now?" Cory looked blankly at Ange.

"Too Much Information."

"Hey you asked," then Cory dropped her head and took a deep slug of her beer, "so Ange what do I do now? The woman I'm madly in love with gets on a plane tomorrow and then I have to go back to my husband." Cory thumped her head into her hands.

"How does JJ feel?" Ange rubbed Cory's forearm whilst keeping her eyes on the pair gathering food ahead of her.

Cory lifted her heads and turned towards Ange, "She feels the same Ange, and she loves me."

Ange nodded, "Well there's your answer, follow your heart."

Cory sighed if only it was that simple, "Well besides my husband, her girlfriend and my homophobic job and family, oh and the 3000 miles of ocean and two different continents that separate us, no problem, Ange it's not like she lives in the next town and I can see her every day."

"Well when you put it like that I guess there are few mole hills to climb."

"Bloody mountains more like." Cory snorted. Ange leaned over for a hug and Cory wiped an errant tear from her eye.

"So she told you then? Ace news isn't it?"

Cory looked up blankly; Dave was hovering over the table. JJ seated herself at the table and they both watched Ange shake her head, "Good one big mouth, want to open it again to change feet." Ange smiled at Cory. "So is it time for us to get food?"

"Hold on there what news? Have you heard about Australia? Did the visa come through?"

Ange shook her head and picked up her handbag, she rifled through it and pulled out a piece of white paper. She passed it over to Cory. Cory looked at it and then realised there was something on the other side, she turned the white paper over and stared at the black and white photo. It was an ultra scan of a tiny baby. It was Ange and Dave's tiny baby. She blinked, and then looked up, "Congratulations, bloody hell I'm going to be an aunt. I'm shocked you never mentioned you were trying." She kissed Ange and then Dave.

"Well we had decided to try after the wedding, but with the visa to Australia going through I didn't want to be pregnant over there so I came off the pill and usually it can take a while, we wanted to wait for the scan before we told anyone that way we were past the first three months. The baby's due in July in fact we may have to postpone the wedding or push it up to maybe April."

JJ joined in the congratulations, "So Ange is it a boy or girl?"

"We didn't ask, we want it to be a surprise so long as it is healthy we'll be happy." Dave answered holding his wife's hand and grinning.

"So Aunty Cory, are you ready for food now?" Ange asked, Cory nodded and she headed off bouncing with joy after the expectant mother.

They all enjoyed the food and conversation was plentiful. Cory was pleased to see JJ and Dave getting along and she talked baby talk with Ange. When it was time to leave the two couples headed for the door.

"Thanks for lunch Ange, it was good to meet up with you and thanks for the friendship it means everything." Cory pulled Ange into a hug, "and you look after my little friend in there."

"I will and you look after yourself. I'm only a phone call away, say hello to the family and Cory remember, follow your dreams."

"I will," she kissed Ange's cheek and then turned to Dave. "Well congratulations dad to be, at least we know you're not shooting blanks. She grinned at Dave, " I'm sorry I couldn't resist I know a low blow. "Then she giggled even more.

"You're always the clown but I love you." He hugged her tight and then whispered in her ear, "She's a keeper Cor don't throw her away out of some sort of loyalty to Sam. Remember I've been in the same situation as Sam and I know he'd rather know and help you through this, I didn't react very well when my ex told me but that's because she'd lied and cheated for so long, don't make the same mistake. It's taken Jayne and I three years to get to a place where we can discuss things and in a way I am grateful she left as I found Ange and have never ever been happier."

"Thanks Dave, Ange will fill you in on the details but I guess it's pretty obvious how I feel about her if you've worked it out. I know this is hard for you being in the middle and I appreciate the advice, you're definitely right about one thing: she's a keeper and I intend to do everything I can to be with her." She hugged her friend and then took JJ's hand as they waved the pair off.

They stood for a moment outside the restaurant, then Cory turned to her friend, "Well it's about 3.30 ... we could stay and shop or head back to the hotel. What do you fancy?"

JJ raised an eyebrow, ran hers eyes up and down Cory's torso and grinned, "Now let me think about this, what do I fancy? Well she's 5 feet 5inches, blonde, green eyed and cute as a button and I love her, that's what I fancy and I'd like to see her naked in my hotel room!"

Cory blushed under the passion-filled gaze that was directed right at her, "Well I just happen to know someone who fits the description and I'm pretty sure she's free for tonight."

"Lead the way home babe." They held hands as they threaded their way through the bustling London streets.

They'd made it back in record time narrowly missing the rush hour commuter traffic, as they walked towards their room JJ turned Cory and swept her into her arms planting a huge kiss on shocked lips. "I've missed you so much," she gasped as she broke the kiss. "You've been with me the whole day and I've missed actually being with you, smelling you and tasting you."

Cory pulled the brunette down to return the kiss, "I've missed this too J, so much. Thanks for meeting my friends, it meant a lot to me."

They entered the room, JJ switched the lights on and Cory placed the plastic bag she'd been carrying on the side of the bed. JJ looked at the bag, "Hey you've had that since I went to the bathroom near Oxford Street, what's in it?"

Cory tapped her nose, "All will be revealed later. Well I'm hoping all will be revealed!" She wiggled her eyebrows and walked towards her prey, "I have plenty of plans for you tonight and as it might be a while for me to do a repeat performance I aim on satisfying many needs and fantasies." She advanced on JJ who simply stood there staring at the diminutive blonde suddenly getting larger and larger. She'd never seen this side of Cory this feral side and she liked what she saw.

"Promises, promises! How do you intend to get this satisfaction?" she raised an eyebrow adding a questioning look to the loaded question.

"Well I intend to take those clothes off you as you're looking very over dressed for my party. Then I think a shower might be in order." As she spoke she began to raise the sweatshirt over JJ's torso, nibbling at the flesh as it rose, showing a nicely developed six pack. "After the shower I might show you my purchases." She nodded towards the small plastic bag. "Talking of which it took you a long time in the toilets. What were you doing? I never meant to visit any shops but it caught my eye and you were nowhere to be seen. Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah, there was a huge line of women. I don't think I've ever had to wait that long to take a pee. Either there needs to be more toilets put in or it was just I caught the rush hour. So where were we ma'am?" She joined in with Cory and soon both women were kissing passionately, neither of them wanting to rush events, both knowing that this was their last night together. Slowly they inched their way towards the bathroom. JJ turned the shower on and then continued in her quest to taste every part of Cory's face. She put out her arm to feel the water and, judging that it was body temperature, she carefully lifted Cory into the tub and joined her.

Cory pulled her lover towards her and both of their heads hit the water. As the water poured over their faces they continued the tasting session, each one taking it in turns to nibble and suck tongues and lips, neither wanting to break the contact. Finally as the water got too much Cory slowly drew back, positioning her head away from the flow of the water and stared into deep blue orbs, "I never thought kissing someone could be so erotic and so fulfilling, I could kiss you forever and never get tired of it."

JJ wiped the water from her face and smiled. "I know exactly what you mean, we seem to fit together." She reached over Cory's shoulder and grabbed the soap and washcloth, lathering the soap she began to rub the foam gently over Cory's shoulders and back.

"Mmm that feels great, what a way to wash the city grime from me." Cory groaned in pleasure as JJ hit a particularly sore spot. "Uggh I think I got knocked about on that ride today. I have to say babe I was pretty scared."

JJ continued the soap massage, increasing the pressure slightly when she felt the knots under her fingers, "You weren't the only one honey, I was ready to jump in the control room myself and sort the problem out. I thought for one second I'd lost you just when I'd found you."

Cory stopped JJ's hand, "JJ no matter what happens you're never going to lose me. I won't pretend we haven't got a mountain to climb but we'll get to the top, together okay?"

"Okay, a conversation for later I think, now where was I?" She turned Cory to face her and dropped the washcloth, "this part of the body requires special attention and no extra equipment!" She rubbed the soap over Cory's pert nipples and then followed the trail with her hands, gently kneading and squeezing, watching the rise and fall of Cory's chest as she tried to control her breathing. She continued the motion, increasing the pressure until she heard the moans escape Cory's lips.

She picked up the soap and trailed it down the blonde's firm stomach; lowering herself to her knees she kissed the soapy lather, washing it away with help from the shower. She slipped her tongue into the tiny hole and moved her tongue in a tickling motion, lifting her head she stared into emerald gems, "you'd look awesome with a belly ring babe."

Cory shuddered, "Umm nope, I'm way too squeamish but don't let me stop you fantasizing."

JJ lowered herself down on her haunches, inhaling the scent of Cory's arousal and feeling how it was driving her insane. She dipped her head lower and parted the blonde curls allowing her to see Cory's obvious arousal. The blonde was so swollen it sent a jolt straight to JJ's core. Her legs were shaking and she sensed a shiver going through Cory's body. She licked and tasted her lover, devouring the soft flesh, probing deeper and deeper with her fingers taking her partner further and further over the edge. It wasn't long before she felt the shudder and spasms against her fingers and pulled Cory closer to her, breathing in deeply, trying to savour the smell just in case she never got the chance ever again. She felt hands on her shoulder beckon her and as she got to her feet, she was greeted to the widest smile and she kissed the lips.

"Wasn't this supposed to be my seduction Miss Matthews?"

JJ nodded, "But I never heard you complain or try to stop me taking over!" JJ returned the grin. The blonde's happiness was infectious.

"No complaints babe, I don't think I'm ever going to have any complaints in that department. Thank god for hotel rooms and the endless hot water! I think you've earned your treat now and I'm about pruned but you're not going to be neglected."

"Babe it makes me happy and content to pleasure you, but as I get a treat: lead the way."

Cory climbed out of the shower, steadying herself as her legs gave way slightly still recovering from her orgasm.

Chapter 21

They took it in turns to towel off the other and Cory grabbed a comb and sat JJ between her legs. She pulled the comb gently through the dark tresses, smoothing out the knots and massaging the scalp, "That feels great babe, you have magic hands. So what's in the bag, come on show me."

Cory leant over and grabbed the bag. She'd seen the Ann Summer's sign as she'd been waiting and couldn't resist a quick visit; it was a store she wanted to take JJ to visit one day. She passed the bag to JJ, "Ann Summer's? What shop was that? I never saw it?"

Cory blushed, "Well it's not a shop you'd notice unless you knew what it was."

"And that would be?" JJ had noticed the blush on Cory's cheeks and couldn't resist continuing to make her partner squirm.

"An erotic shop, well some would say sex but in a tasteful way. They run parties for hen nights and birthdays."

"What's a hen party?" enquired JJ picturing a bunch of hens drinking beer and dancing to music.

"It's when you take the bride-to-be out on her last night of freedom."

"Oh we call those bachelorette parties." JJ understanding completely she loved hearing the differences in their vocabulary.

"I have no idea why they call it a hen night, bachelorette makes much more sense, maybe it's because the blokes get hen pecked from then on!" Cory laughed, "Anyway the Ann Summer's parties are where the party organiser comes to your house with samples of sexy underwear and other stuff."

"What other stuff?" JJ turned to show Cory she was interested.

"Toys and stuff," Cory blushed. "You know."

"No Cory I don't know, tell me more!" JJ had an evil glint in her eyes and a huge grin on her face. "I'm guessing by your beetroot coloured face that the toys aren't your kiddies toys."

Cory shook her head and giggled, "Oh no, we had a party for a good college friend, it was Ruth's birthday at college, I was with Deb at the time but they had underwear, dildos and vibrators." Cory grinned at JJ she was so embarrassed but the memories of that evening always made her smile.

"Was it fun?" JJ wanted to hear more about Cory's past and she knew there was bound to be a story behind the smile.

"Yeah it was a giggle. We'd always wanted to throw one of these parties so we arranged it for Ruth's 21^st,it had been Debs 21^st the week before so it was kind of a joint thing. None of us had ever played with sex toys so we were a little surprised at the gadgets she produced. Well she showed us one huge black dildo that could be attached to the wall by suckers, so she stuck it to the metal on the gas fire. It was huge! Made me gulp."

JJ laughed at this, "Okay I have the visual on this let's move on please. So what happened?"

"Well the night went well and the Party Organiser told us about the metal balls you put inside yourself to make you tighter, and then she told a story of how one woman had gone shopping with them in and they'd fallen out of her when she was in the vegetable department and she'd casually bent down and picked them up with out a wink of an eye! I tell you J these things were big and weighed a ton I have no idea how they put them in!"

"Well I could show you!" JJ turned round to show Cory she was joking.

Cory smirked, "I bet you would! Anyway we played games with condoms where they had the old inflatable foot pumps, and the contestants in that game had to put a condom on the end and then bounce up and down on the pump using their arse and the winner was the one whose condom burst. We had bits of condom stuck on the ceiling for days after! Then at the end of the evening we tried to get the big black dick off the fireplace and it pulled the whole front of the fire off. Try explaining that one to your landlord!" Cory laughed at the memory.

"Oh no, did you fix it?" JJ was enjoying hearing the story and she loved how animated her lover got, plus she was curious as to how much Cory knew about those sorts of toys.

"Yeah we fixed it, then of course we had to buy things, well most of the girls had boyfriends so they bought their boyfriends the underwear in the style of crocodile faces, where they put the willy in one section and the balls in another, then you turn the guy on and the crocodile smiles! Well I was with Deb so I couldn't get those so I got a very, very small vibrator."

"Really?" JJ was intrigued she'd never thought sex toys were really Cory's scene.

"Well it was cheap and I couldn't say no to buying something so Deb and I got them, they were called 'Clit Teasers' I never used the thing, I couldn't if I'd wanted to anyways as it never vibrated after the first time we switched them on so I tossed it in my desk drawer and forgot about it. Then one day it came back to haunt me." She turned to JJ, "Your hair's finished so how about we investigate what's in the bag."

"No way, not yet, I want to know what happened with the vibrator. You're blushing so it must be embarrassing." JJ nudged Cory as she spoke.

"It's not so embarrassing to speak of, but I wanted the ground to swallow me up at the time. When I left college I chucked all the odds and sods from my desk into my rucksack and forgot about them. One day, mum picked me up from work, as I still hadn't passed my driving test, I would drive to work with her in the passenger seat and then she would pick me up and let me drive home.

Anyway we were driving along when she mentioned she'd been cleaning my room and had come upon some condoms, well I nearly shot off the road when she said this. I did mention to her that she must have been doing a thorough inspection of my room but she said my brother had borrowed my rucksack and dumped its contents on my bed."

"Ouch! I bet you were pissed at your brother?" JJ asked as she settled next to Cory, taking the blonde in her arms and running her hands through her hair.

"I was when she came out with her next line, which went along the lines of 'I also found a small pink thing with batteries in it.' I could have died."

"Oh no, what did you do? I bet you blushed."

"Probably I was trying to think on my feet, and keep the car on the road, so I told her it was an intense muscle massager and they handed them out on the Physical Education course for groin strains and other muscles that were hard to reach."

JJ burst into fits of laughter, "No way she never brought that story, did she?"

Cory shrugged, "I have no idea as I suddenly changed the subject and never ever asked her. The vibrator went in the bin when I got home, it never worked anyway. Then I beat the crap out of my brother and told him to be more careful what he took from my room."

"Your mum's a bit old fashioned isn't she?" JJ sensed a shift in the mood.

"Old fashioned isn't the word for it, she's very religious and has her views about sex and marriage. She can't always see past this and it has caused problems for me in the past. It used to wind Sam up but now we're married she's okay as we're not doing anything wrong now in her eyes."

"I bet she didn't like you and Sam living together then."

"Nope that was a big falling out, I was mad at her for a long time. When I returned from college I had to go back to sharing a room with my sister after four years away. So in the end, they let me use the dining room as a bedroom but even then it wasn't the same. I wanted my space especially when Sam and I began seeing each other, as he would come up at weekends. Mum had lived in the naïve world where she assumed Sam and I slept on sofas when I went to visit him. It wasn't until my sister's wedding, and I decided to stop at the hotel with Sam did she realize, and the attitude and grief I got was immense." JJ squeezed Cory to let her know she understood and a silent gesture to get her friend to continue.

"Well a friend of mine lived in a shared house and one of their house mates moved out so she offered the room to me. After my sister's wedding I took them up on the offer and my mum went ballistic, she phoned me up and said I was just moving out to sleep with Sam and that he was after just one thing and once he got it he'd be off. Needless to say Sam was not amused and wanted to have it out with her but I wouldn't let him. Anyway he got his revenge at the wedding."

"What did he do?"

"In his speech he asked what it was he was after. He reminded her that she'd said he was only after one thing and once he got it he'd be off and he obviously hadn't had it as he was still here 3 years on."

JJ grunted a short laugh, "I bet she was livid."

"Yep she went red and glared at him, of course everyone else thought it was hilarious. Hey, how come we've moved from seduction to my life history?"

"Honestly I just want to hold you and hear as much as I can about your life Cory, I'm scared about tomorrow."

"Scared?"

"Yeah scared that I might never see you again."

Cory turned and placed her hands either side of JJ's head, "Never babe, I promise you it won't end up like that. You're the one I want. Granted, we have some major decisions to make but you're the person I've spent my whole life searching for. I need to be strong now and do what I should have done 8 years ago. I will not give up on us JJ."

JJ nodded, she'd always been in control and now she was feeling so insecure, so unsure of where her future was heading. "I just worry that I'm forcing you to choose between Sam and me."

"No babe. How do you feel about Sarah?"

"Well I love her, but as a friend, not a lover or lifetime partner. At the beginning it was fun and then it became safe; she wouldn't hurt me like Tina did. But we've just been going through the motions. I'm sure she feels the same she just doesn't like the fact that I've made choices."

"So have you made choices?" Cory knew where she was going with the conversation and wanted to hear what JJ had to say.

JJ paused. She had made her decision and she'd also heard what Cory had just said. She swallowed her nerves and looked into soulful eyes, "Yes I've made my choice. I want you Cory. I don't know how but you're all I want."

"So did I make you decide that?"

JJ looked blankly at Cory, then the light switched on in her mind, and she smiled. "No, I knew I wanted you before I came, I can't explain it but I came here purposely to see if there was an attraction and I'd decided about Sarah weeks ago. I just needed to face the truth."

"That's exactly my point, I've known Sam and I have our problems for months now. I've tried to talk to him, but he blanks me out. I love him and he's a great guy but JJ we have a real chance here to make a life together and that's what I want. I choose you." She fiddled with her finger and then pulled JJ's left hand towards her.

JJ glanced down and watched in awe as Cory slipped a small gold sovereign ring on her wedding finger, "This ring was my graduation present off my granddad. It's really the most precious thing I have off of him and when I look at it I am reminded of how proud he was of me. I want you to wear it."

"No Cory I can't, it's yours, and it means so much to you." JJ was flustered. She was touched at the thought but didn't want to take something so valuable away from Cory.

Cory placed her fingers to JJ's lips. "Exactly J, it's because it means so much to me that I am giving it to you to look after. I'm coming back for it. I would never want to lose the ring and I know you'll look after it; I'm trying to show a commitment to you. The ring means everything to me and so I hope you understand that I will be back to collect it soon, hopefully to replace it one day with one of my own for you. Do you understand?"

JJ nodded. There were tears streaming down her cheeks, and she didn't know what to say. She'd never had anyone trust in her like Cory was, and she leaned forward and pulled the small woman into a hug. "I love you Cory, I love you so much." She felt the blonde's body shudder, and held onto her even tighter.

"I....love..you too J, so much," sobbed Cory.

The two stayed that way for a long time, when one stopped crying the other would say soothing words and then it would all start again, neither willing to let go of the other and neither wanting to break the connection. Finally JJ straightened up, she rubbed her sore red eyes and settled herself back on the bed, her arms left open as an invitation to Cory.

"So where do we go from here?" JJ hated to ask but she wanted to know what Cory had planned.

"Well you catch a plane and speak to Sarah, although I think she knows it's coming from what you've said and from hearing you on the phone to her. Me, well I go home and tell Sam it's finished. It's not going to be an easy conversation but I now have an inner strength I never had before, I now have a reason. I should have done it November but chickened out, gave it one more try."

"Then I guess we look at the larger picture?" JJ had thought about this for days and really didn't know what options were open for them.

"I guess so, there must be several ways to get one of us into the other country. I could teach in the US, you could get an IT job here, or we carry on seeing each other at holiday time. I don't know babe but what I do know is we'll do it together, search for the answers together. Can we just forget about tomorrow for a while?" Cory felt mentally exhausted; she snuggled into JJ's arms and closed her eyes.

"Sure babe, we'll do this I promise you." JJ pulled Cory closer and closed her eyes too.

For the second time that day, the ring of a mobile phone woke both women from their slumber; Cory stretched out and grabbed the phone off the bedside table, "Hello." She mumbled wiping the sticky sleep from the corner of her eyes, sore from crying. She felt JJ stretch beside her and pull her closer.

"You sound tired love, you okay?" Cory's mum asked anxiously.

"Sorry we were napping you know what touring London can do to the body. What time is it?"

"Seven pm." Her mum replied down the phone.

"How's granddad?" Cory asked nervously playing with JJ's fingers that were wrapped around her waist.

"Well he's no worse than he was in the week but he is looking a little jaundice and the doctor wasn't overly optimistic. He did say it could be his liver playing up. He's very low in spirit and I wondered when you'd be back. Sam said he didn't know and as I haven't heard from you I thought I'd check you were okay."

"I'm fine mum, thanks for letting me know, I'm back tomorrow I'll pop in on the way back up, I'll take the M40 rather than the M1. I should be there around lunch, so Sam's been to visit?"

"Yes he spent yesterday with your granddad, you two are okay aren't you? He was a little shirty with me when I asked."

"We're fine mum, Sam's just being Sam don't worry." Cory could feel JJ recoil as she said the words she turned to catch the hurt look in the beautiful blue eyes, her eyes sent an unspoken message to JJ and she felt the brunette relax behind her.

"Mum I have to go and this is an expensive call for you, I'll phone when I leave the airport."

"Okay say goodbye to JJ for me it was nice to meet her and Cory drive safely those salesmen drive like lunatics. I love you."

"I promise to drive safely, thanks for calling mum say hi to granddad and JJ says it was nice to meet you too." Cory winked at JJ and then pressed the disconnect button. "What I said to my mum was just to pacify her I don't need her interfering and she has enough on her mind at the moment."

JJ nodded she understood, "So how's your granddad?"

Cory shrugged her shoulders, "No better in fact I think worse but I'll see for myself tomorrow, mum thinks his liver is giving up."

JJ hugged the blonde and kissed her head, "You hungry Pumpkin?"

"Pumpkin? Where did that come from?" Cory smiled.

"Don't know it just seemed like a Pumpkin moment. God I think I'm turning into my own mother. I'm starving and if I'm hungry you must be famished."

"Now you mention it I am a little peckish. What do you fancy?" Cory got off the bed and stretched her back out.

"We could do the restaurant here again and then come back here and investigate the contents of the bag. I still haven't looked inside it."

"I'm sorry J, I guess my emotions got carried away."

"Hey no apologies yours and mine both. We still have the whole night ahead of us and I'm looking forward to it babe! I guess we should put some clothes on?"

"Well we wouldn't want to shock the other patrons but I sure like the view from where I'm standing." Cory smiled.

"You are so beautiful when you smile."

"And you are so cute when you blush, now move your arse I'm hungry."

The restaurant was mildly busy and the two ordered a pizza and some garlic bread to share, JJ wanted to know more stories of Cory's time at college and Cory wanted to know about JJ's ice hockey tours They spent an enjoyable few hours swapping stories and getting to know more about each other. The wine flowed freely and with it their tongues, soon they were laughing and giggling like fools and thoroughly enjoying each other's company.

Towards the end of the evening Sandy went past the table, "Hey JJ when do you fly out?" she asked as she collected the empty glasses.

"Hi Sandy, tomorrow morning it's an early flight, this is my friend Cory." JJ nodded towards Cory and smiled.

"Hey Cory, I heard all about you last night." The bar tender looked in JJ's direction and raised her eyebrows. JJ nodded and then blushed. "Well safe trip and I hope to see you again one day." She shook JJ's hand and walked back towards the bar.

"Why Ms Matthews I think you're blushing yet again and what was that nod for. Don't think I didn't notice that."

"Well I feel like I'm in a dÈjà vu conversation as we had the same sort of conversation this morning about Ange. I sort of mentioned to Sandy last night that you were special, well she told me she thought I thought you were special. I'm babbling again aren't I? Anyway last night I was a little down you never came to the bar and so she was asking, I think, if we were okay or maybe if we were a couple I have no idea what she was asking but nodding seemed the best response." JJ took a sip of her wine and relaxed into her seat.

"For a confident woman you sure get embarrassed easily."

"It depends, seems to happen a lot around you." JJ grinned and patted Cory's hand, "You want to take the rest of the wine back to the room and finally investigate the contents of that bag."

"Do you have to ask, where's the bill?" Cory signaled the waitress and handed her credit card to her. A few minutes later Cory was signing the receipt and following JJ out of the restaurant.

As they walked down the long corridor towards the room, JJ took Cory's hand, "Do you want to take a walk for a bit?"

Cory looked at JJ, "I thought you were in a rush to see what was in the bag?"

"I was, I still am, I just thought we could get some fresh air and walk off some of the pizza. If you don't want to that's cool too."

"No a walk would be good, can I get my fleece first it looks a little chilly out."

They walked to the room and Cory put the bottle of wine in the small fridge in the corner of the room, and grabbed her fleece along with JJ's coat. They headed into the car park area. The hotel was just off the M25 so there were no walking areas near but the hotel had a small garden area and a couple of benches. They held hands and walked for five minutes in a comfortable silence, neither wanting the moment to end.

The night was clear and the moon shone brightly, "I love nights like this." JJ whispered. "The air is so crisp and fresh and the stars can be seen so clearly."

"Same here, I love gazing at the stars too. I only know Orion's belt and the plough."

"The plough?" JJ looked quizzically at Cory.

They paused and Cory pointed up to the few stars shining the brightest, "There those six stars there."

"Oh those, yeah I call that the Big Dipper but I can't name many constellations I'd love to get a telescope one day and maybe go up to the observatory near home."

Cory put her arms around JJ's waist, "How about we make that one of our first dates when I come out at Easter."

JJ pulled back shocked, "When did you decide that?"

"When you arrived last Sunday! Seriously I have no idea I don't want us to be apart for too long and my next holiday is mid April. I get two weeks off so I thought I could come and see you, if you want me to?"

"Of course I do, you just surprised me so we can make plans for then."

"Yes we can make plans, the only thing that will stop me visiting is granddad but I think this weekend may be his last but you never know. I plan to go home tomorrow, talk to Sam, sort out the living arrangements and then seven weeks and I get to see you again. I love you J."

JJ smiled, she loved this woman so much, "Sounds like a plan to me, it's getting a bit chilly shall we go inside."

They sauntered slowly back to the room, Cory turned on the CD player and JJ lit a few candles that they'd picked up in Leicester Square, she dimmed the main lights and the room took on a gentler atmosphere. As the slow, soft songs rang quietly from the player, Cory and JJ kissed, slow soft kisses. Their bodies swayed to the music and they seemed lost in a world of their own.

Cory led the dance and moved her partner slowly towards the bed, the kisses grew deeper and deeper and their hands explored above their clothing, as they paused to catch their breath Cory bent down and picked up the small carrier bag, "I will have my fun now."

JJ looked inside the bag; she pulled out a small heart-shaped object very much like soap. She raised an eyebrow towards Cory.

"It's a solid massage oil, it becomes liquid when it touches warm skin and it's edible."

"Mmm that sounds enticing, what's in it?"

"A mixture of orange, spices, petulli something, I can't remember the proper name and chocolate to name but a few. It smells nice." She took the small package out of her partner's hand and drew her back in for a kiss. Her hands unbuttoning JJ's flies and moving inside the trousers to feel the soft, firm flesh beneath her hands. She pulled JJ nearer and slowly lowered the trousers down her partner's long, lean legs.

After the trousers were discarded she pulled the jumper up over JJ's chest and nuzzled the breasts in front of her, "I'm going to miss these they have to be my favourite part of your body, besides those eyes." She looked up to see the named objects shine with desire.

"They're going to miss you too babe, trust me." JJ growled back, her lust was building and all she wanted to do was take Cory there and then but she knew she had to relinquish her control to Cory.

Cory resumed her task and removed JJ's jumper and unclipped the black, silk bra that held her favourite beauties prisoner. She bent to pick up the solid massage oil and slipped it out of its wrapper. As she continued to kiss JJ she rubbed the block slowly over JJ's shoulders, the smell was intoxicating and she felt the pulse between her legs quicken. She moved behind JJ and used her free hand to rub the oil in, kissing the pathway her hand made along the tanned skin.

"Ummm it tastes divine and so do you." She pushed JJ towards the bed; JJ took the lead and lowered them slowly onto it. Cory sat astride her stomach and gazed down upon her lover. She moved the massage block over JJ's shoulder, then circled it over the breasts, JJ's nipples were pert and Cory couldn't resist tasting them, she licked the oil gently and then took the left nipple deeper in her mouth sucking more and more, she heard the groans escaping JJ's mouth, she bit down lightly on it and felt the juice of her lover seep slowly out of them, a tangy taste of sweat escaped onto Cory's tongue.

She looked up into JJ's eyes and then moved down for a kiss; JJ's tongue ran along Cory's lips and teeth; she kissed the top lip and the bottom lip, then kissed her on the chin and moved down her neck. Her hands reached down to Cory's and she took the massage block out of it. JJ rubbed the oil down Cory's shoulder staring into her lover's eyes the whole time. She traced the oil with little kisses and made her way down to the blonde's right breast, she repeated the movements that Cory had just done on her. She switched to the left breast and then kissed between both breasts.

Cory retook the massage block and pushed herself back up to sitting, she trailed the oil down JJ's stomach, moving herself down the further south she traveled. She stayed around the tummy button area, licking and dipping her tongue deeper and deeper into the cavity, she then returned towards JJ's head kissing her way back up, retracing the oily path.

They continued to take it in turns with the massage block, each enjoying the taste of the other, JJ could feel the pressure building between her legs, she needed a release and she needed to release Cory. Hearts were pounding and passions were rising, they both moved their hands over the others body.

"Together babe, I want us to come together," rasped JJ, she moved Cory round and raised her head towards Cory's core, simultaneously Cory lowered her head and breathed in JJ's scent. Tongue's moved around the buds, inside and out until finally the orgasms ripped through both of them and they collapsed into each other. Cory turned her body back round and pulled herself up JJ's body.

"I love you so much, I dreamed a dream and for once it came true." She kissed the taller woman, tasting herself on the swollen lips.

"Me too babe, me too." JJ closed her eyes and said a silent prayer to whatever gods were listening.

Chapter 22

A shrill beeping sound echoed through the room, waking the sleeping women much earlier than either of them felt they should be awake.

"I told you we'd need the alarm on the mobile setting, we'd have never woken up on time without it." The small blonde woman snuggled closer to her partner, their arms and legs tangled together.

"I feel like I just fell asleep." JJ groaned.

Cory kissed her lover's hands, "Well technically babe we did, and if the alarm reads 4.30 as I hope it does, then you've had about three hours sleep. It's not my fault your libido wouldn't let you rest."

"Or that I had a vixen in bed with me!" JJ tickled Cory, making the younger woman squeal.

"I never heard any complaints coming my way last night, or this morning for that fact." She yawned, and stretched her body. "I hate to bring this up babe but we have to be at the check in desk in an hour." She rolled over and kissed the dark haired woman, gently at first. When she felt the woman respond to her touch, she deepened the kiss.

JJ broke the kiss, "You are insatiable! Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Nope, you've opened doors to a world I never knew existed. I didn't realize my body could respond so many times in such a short period of time! Plus I needed to get my fill of you. I have a good seven weeks to stock up on." She knew as soon as she opened her mouth that she'd brought up the subject of JJ's impending departure up.

"I know babe, I don't want to go. If I could stay and see you through this I would. But we both have to sort out our pasts before we can work on the future. Seven weeks will fly by and from what you've told me this semester at school is busy. I promise you we'll talk as much as possible and we both have to look into the possibilities ahead of us. How about we make a plan of action?" JJ pushed herself up into a sitting position and pulled Cory towards her.

Cory nestled up against JJ, "What kind of plan?"

"Well how about we make the next seven weeks into an information search. We both have investments in houses, jobs and family. We need to look into how easy or hard it is to get into each other's country. We also need to see which option will give us the best outlook for the future. Cory, if, no when we do this I want it to be forever. I've known you just over a month and it seems absurd that I'm about to make a life changing decision. But I believe in us. I've never felt this way before and I doubt I ever will again. We have to make sure the choices we make are sensible and not just done on the spur of the moment."

"I know babe, I just wish you could stay here. We just seem to be getting to know each other and now we have to part." Cory bit her bottom lip, they'd promised no more tears but she could feel a lump in her throat.

"Cory I'd stay in a heartbeat. If you ask me to, I will. But we have to be practical. Now I hate to break up this discussion but if we don't hurry up I may well have to stay! I promise we'll talk more at the airport, okay?" JJ turned Cory's beautiful face towards her, her heart was breaking and she knew she was the cause of Cory's misery. But it wasn't as if she could take the pain away or that she was doing it intentionally. Her own heart was feeling battered and bruised too. "Come on the last one in the shower has to buy breakfast."

Cory leapt out of the bed, the mention of breakfast and free in the same breath spurred her into motion. She rushed into the bathroom; a toilet stop was her first port of call. She looked up as JJ entered the smaller room, "Er I think we're definitely crossing a border here."

"Cory I've seen every inch of your fantastic body, probably more areas than you, and you're worried because I'm watching you pee? Will it make it even if you watch me?"

Cory blushed, she knew she was being silly, "Okay I'll start the shower that way the hot water will have time to run through." She looked longingly at JJ's body, it was going to be a long seven weeks away from this woman but she knew what JJ had said made sense.

The pair arrived at the airport with a few minutes to spare. They found the Virgin International desk with little problem and lined up behind a few other passengers. They'd timed it perfectly as the queue began to tail back behind them over their ten-minute wait. Cory stood with JJ until she knew only those with tickets could proceed to the desk. She stood watching JJ as she turned her charm towards the check in lady. Whatever she was asking for the lady seemed more than willing to oblige.

Five minutes later, a beaming JJ sauntered towards Cory with her rucksack slung casually over her shoulder, "When you gots it, you've gots it and baby I've gots it!" the American slurred in a John Wayne style accent.

"Pardon? Could your head get any bigger? I saw you flirting with that lady! I can't take you anywhere. So what did you get for your trouble?" Cory linked arms with JJ as they walked towards the food court.

"I needed extra leg room, I was cramped on my way over and as I'd booked last minute they had no seats available. But today she said she'd make sure my wishes were accommodated."

"I bet she did. If she'd had her way she'd have personally made sure all your wishes were granted. You certainly have a way with the women, come to think about it the men too." Cory pretended to pout.

JJ grabbed Cory's hand, "Well what can I say? But babe you know where my heart belongs don't you? Seriously I'm hooked on you and only you." She brought the smaller hand to her lips and kissed the knuckles.

"I know J, I was just teasing. But it never hurts to hear those words. So didn't I hear someone mention breakfast to me? We have about an hour before you should go through to the gate." Cory indicated to the breakfast bar as she spoke.

"I can go through later than that Cory, I can wait until the very last minute." JJ pulled Cory towards her.

Cory looked up into sad blue eyes, "I know you would but to be honest the longer I stay, the harder it's going to be to let go of you. I'm being very brave and every minute that goes by makes my heart break a little bit more. Plus I need to miss the traffic; the last thing I want is to be caught up in the returning holiday traffic. Not that I'm putting that before you."

"It's okay Cor, I know what you're saying. We have breakfast together and then we walk to the gate. Sound like a deal?" She looked at Cory as the blonde nodded.

Neither woman really ate any breakfast. They mainly sat facing each other, hands firmly grasped across the table. Their eyes glistening with unshed tears, each trying to be as brave as the other.

JJ broke the silence, "So what are your plans for today then? Mine are to sit on a plane for seven hours, arrive home and see what Sarah has left for me."

Cory took a moment to gather her thoughts. What was she going to do today? "I guess the first thing is to pick myself up and find the car, then make my way to mum and dad's. Pretend to the world I'm okay and spend time with my granddad, I'm going to stay a while. Mum could do with a break and time to get her washing done. I noticed it was piling up in the laundry room the other day. Then home to talk to Sam. What I really want to do is curl up into a ball and cry."

JJ scooted around the table to sit beside Cory in the booth. She put her arm around the blonde and pulled her close, ignoring the stares she was receiving from the other patrons. "Shush, go ahead and cry babe I'm here for you."

"No, if you can be stoic than so can I!" Cory stated, even though there were huge teardrops making there way down her face.

"Cory, you have a hell of a week ahead of you. If you think it's for the best then don't say anything to Sam until tomorrow. You've had hardly any sleep; you're not sure what state your grandfather's going to be in. Another 24 hours won't hurt anyone. Think about what you're going to say before you say it. Are you going to mention us or just tell him things aren't working?" JJ kissed Cory's cheek; it tasted of salt. She reached for a napkin and wiped the tears away.

"You're right. I have thought a little about what I want to say. I definitely want Sam to understand that we have had problems way before this. I guess I need to mention my past to him and my changing sexuality. If I tell him about you straight away he's going to assume you're the reason and that he's the injured party. I'm going to see how granddad is and go from there."

JJ checked her watch, "I really should be heading towards the gate."

There was a short line when they arrived at the security checkpoint. They stood to the side, "I guess this is the moment we've been dreading, huh?" Cory said as she put her bag on the floor.

"I guess so," JJ replied. She pulled Cory into a bear hug. Neither spoke. Their thoughts seemed to translate through their bodies.

"I love you JJ, I promise always and forever." Cory felt the body against her shake and shudder. As she held JJ tighter, she heard a sob rip from the throat of the taller woman. Cory took a small step back and moved her hands to JJ's face. What she saw tore at her heart. Tears were streaming from JJ's eyes, "Hey, come on where's my brave warrior?" Cory didn't know where she found the strength to hold back her own tears. "Come on babe, seven weeks, just 49 days and I promise we'll be together if I have to swim the ocean. I promise."

JJ nodded, she had no idea where the tears had come from. When she'd held Cory's body, the fear that this might be the last time ever had overwhelmed her. "I know babe." She took Cory's face between her hands and kissed her tenderly on the lips. She didn't care who saw or who she offended. She needed the contact. Cory returned the kiss until both of them came to their senses and remembered where they were.

"You okay?" Cory asked one last time.

"Yeah, I promise. Okay let the count down begin 49 days and counting. Always and forever Cory. I'll call you when I get in or send you an email if it's too late okay?"

"How about doing both? Call my mobile, and if it's switched off leave a message. That way I get to hear your voice. I'll miss you babe, now scoot." She pulled JJ down for one last kiss. "Always and forever."

JJ nodded and walked towards the line. She brushed her hands across her face, and watched as Cory stood wiping her own tears. As she went through the checkpoint she turned one last time and blew a kiss. Cory pretended to catch it and put it in her pocket, and then she was gone. JJ took a deep breath and continued her journey; the funny thing was, she didn't feel like she was going home anymore.

It was 7am, by the time Cory had dried her tears and made her way to the exit, her mind was going faster than her brain could handle. She had so many decisions to make, and questions to answer. She had a hard time focusing on the simple task of finding her car. She wandered aimlessly through the concrete multistory car park, staring at various cars. Finally she came to a halt against a wall and blinked several times. She couldn't believe the step she was about to take, couldn't quite understand how she had gotten to this point. But she definitely wanted to take that last faltering step over the edge. Repeating over and over in her head the words 'you can do this', she took a deep breath and cleared her head. She needed to find her car before anything could be sorted out. She remembered JJ's laughter, and the letter B. That's right; JJ had told her to remember B for breasts and butts. She'd left the car in zone B.

After paying the fee at the machine, she easily found her car. When she opened the door the musky smell of JJ's perfume hit her and she crumpled into the seat. All resolutions of toughness were gone and so was her baby. She knew she had to move, the ticket would only last another 10 minutes and then she'd have to pay the fee over again. She started the engine and reversed out of the space. Another hour and a half and she'd be at her parent's house. She should give Sam a call; she hadn't spoken to him since she'd left on Thursday. How much could one person change in two days? A lot she told herself, she knew she had. She hoped he still wasn't mad at her. He hadn't called her and that was a sure sign things weren't right between them. Who was she kidding, things hadn't been right for a long time, and Thursday morning had been the start of the end.

The journey was a smooth one, the traffic hadn't been that bad. But considering it was early on a Saturday morning she'd timed it just right. She'd had a hard time concentrating on the traffic, her mind replaying the week in her head. Part of her wished she'd told JJ how she felt at the beginning of the week. But she knew in her heart that their timing had been right, that both of them had needed to be sure. As she pulled into her parent's road, as she crested the hill she saw way too many familiar cars parked outside the house. Sam's, Kerry's, Mike's, and two of her uncle's were already there.. Her heart began to pound, her blood ran cold and she knew what she'd find when she entered the house.

Why hadn't anybody called her? In that instance she knew why; her phone was switched off. She'd set the alarm the previous night and turned it off to save the battery. The phone automatically came on for the alarm but switched itself off afterwards. She hadn't given it a second thought. She'd been so caught up in her own emotions; with the thought of missing JJ she hadn't thought to check. She parked behind Sam's car and took a deep breath, she could get through this. She reached into her bag and turned the phone on. Instantly it beeped that there had been 2 missed calls, one from her mother and one from Sam. As she opened the car door, Sam was coming out of her parent's front door.

"I'm too late aren't I?" She leant against the car as she saw tears in Sam's eyes.

He came towards her, "We tried to call you this morning. Your mum has been going frantic. She just kept getting the voice message. It happened at 6.30; I knew you wouldn't be at the hotel with JJ flying out at 7.30. Your mum and I didn't leave any voice messages, as we didn't want you to drive back in a state of shock. I'm so sorry Cory.

Cory held onto Sam and cried her heart out. She cried for the grandfather who had given her so much love in her life. She cried for her lover who had shown her the love that was her future, and she cried for her present; for the man who held her, and in his own way loved her too.

Slowly, they walked towards the front door, "Is he still here?" she asked tentatively.

Sam nodded, "The undertakers won't be able to get here until later. He wanted to be cremated and scattered at the same site as your grandmother. It means they have to come from Birmingham. Your mum has laid him out upstairs for people to pay their last respects to him."

As she entered the house she saw the faces of her siblings, Kerry took her from Sam. "Hey shush, he doesn't hurt any more, he's with Nan now."

"I should have been here for him."

"Hey none of us were here, except mum and dad. He didn't die alone. Mum rocked him to sleep and stayed with him. It was too early in the morning, don't beat yourself up Cory." Kerry held onto her sister tightly.

"I should have been here yesterday, last night even."

"I saw him yesterday morning and he told me all about your friend and how he had liked her. He was glad you were taking a few days away. He said he didn't want you to spend all your time nursing him but to have fun with your friend. Then I saw him last night Cory and he didn't even know who I was, the medication was up so high. He wanted you to be happy." Kerry brushed the tears off her sister's cheeks.

"He said that?"

"Cory he knew he didn't have much time. We all knew. He enjoyed his last few days. He told me so, I promise. You should go and see mum, she's been worried about you." Kerry pointed upstairs towards their old bedroom.

"I can't go in there Kerry. I can't." Cory collapsed on the stairs, pulling her legs to her chest she rocked back and forth. "I can't go and see him." As she cried her mother came out onto the landing. She walked down the stairs and pulled her middle daughter into her arms.

"Hey my baby, it's over now he's not in pain. He's at peace and with God and your grandmother." Her mother rocked her.

After a few minutes of silence, except for the sobbing breaths of both women, Cory looked at her mother through tear stained eyes. "Nan's probably busting his chops for making her wait two years!"

Cory's mum laughed, "You're probably right. She never did like waiting for things. So are you going to go up and see him? He looks peaceful. I've dressed him in his best suit and he's wearing the buttonhole from your wedding. I've put his favourite socks on as well. You made him very proud Cory, and he loved you dearly."

Cory peered through the banisters. Now that the door to the bedroom was open, she could see the very edge of her grandfather's feet and written down the bottom of the sock was 'GRANDAD' in large letters. Cory burst into tears again. She'd bought him those socks for Christmas. In fact she'd bought a similar pair for all the men with their names on them.

After a few more tears and a couple of hugs, her mum left Cory to go and talk to the nurse who had arrived to collect the morphine and other medical supplies that had been needed for her grandfather's treatment. Kerry came to sit beside her sister, "How you doing?"

"Not good. Nothing can prepare you for this. No amount of pre knowledge can really take the pain away." Cory blew her nose and wiped her tears.

"I know, but you should think about going in there to say your goodbyes Cory. I know you didn't when Nan died but maybe this would help. Cory, I heard somewhere that the dead can hear our thoughts."

"But I've never seen a dead body Kerry, I'm scared."

"Hey it's granddad. What if I come in with you initially; will that help?" Kerry held her sister's hand.

Cory thought about it. She had some things she needed to say and maybe it was true, maybe the dead could hear your thoughts. She could tell him goodbye and that she loved him. She nodded her head and let Kerry lead her up the stairs.

JJ's mind hadn't settled since she'd gotten on the flight. Her body was exhausted and her mind wasn't fairing any better. She wished she hadn't had to leave, but she knew what had to be done on her end and none of it could be done 3000 miles away. She'd never run from anything in her life and she wasn't going to start. She just hoped she didn't run into Sarah so soon, as she needed sleep. She flicked through the radio channels, but nothing appealed to her so she reached for her CD player. She'd bought a few CD's on the way over, and chose one she liked a lot by Amanda Marshall. She settled into her seat and pressed the start of the CD. As the songs played through, certain lines caught her attention. The first track was called 'Believe In You'. She'd listened to it once before, on the morning that Cory had slept in, and the chorus struck a chord with JJ.

I believe in you

I can't even count the ways that

I believe in you

And all I want to do is help you to

Believe in you

I will hold you up

I will help you stand

I will comfort you when you need a friend

I will be the voice that's calling out .....

... These were words she hoped to prove to Cory, to show how much she loved the blonde and how she believed in her. As the CD played on several songs reminded her of her feelings for Sarah, or the lack of feelings or trust between the two of them. When track 5 came on JJ's heart lurched. The words were about her feelings for Cory. She hadn't really heard the song before and she hit the repeat button over and over again. I don't know what I was thinking Til I was thinking of you

I don't remember a thing before I opened my eyes

And you came into view.

I don't know what I was doing

When there was nothing to do

Must've been waiting for someone, baby

Now I can see ... I was waiting for you.

I'd give up my sight just to see you

I'd beg, I would borrow and steal

I'd cut off my hands just to touch you

And tear out my heart so you'd know how I feel

There's nowhere that I wouldn't follow

There's nothing that I wouldn't do

'Cause I wouldn't wanna be me

If i didn't have you.

Driving myself to distraction

Until you got in my way

I was just whistling Dixie 'til you struck up the band

And they started to play

I don't know how I was living

Until you came in my life

I always knew there was something wrong

Then you came along

Baby, you made it right.

I was alone in the silence

'Til I was hearing your voice

I couldn't see my way clear until you parted the clouds

And you gave me a choice

I couldn't pick up the pieces

'Til I was falling apart

I didn't know I was bleeding

'Til your love fixed this hole, baby here in my heart.

JJ pulled the blanket over her face, as silent tears tracked down her cheeks. She would send a copy of this CD to Cory. Just the thought of Cory made her cry even more. She hoped her partner was faring better than she was. She pressed the button to the light on her watch and glanced at the clock; it was 10.30 am. She'd only been on the plane for 3 hours. Her mind drifted back to Cory; where was she now? What was she doing? JJ worked out the time on her hands, Cory would be at her parent's, and at least she'd have company to cheer her up before she faced Sam.

She closed her eyes, as memories of Cory drifted through her mind. She thought of the many things she needed to do. The first thing was to get back to the house and see what Sarah had taken. She knew Sarah had moved in with a friend. She just hoped she hadn't raided the house of all it's content. Most of the furniture had been bought with the insurance money she had got from her mother's death. But as she and Sarah had lived together for a few years she doubted Sarah would remember this small fact. She needed to wash her clothes, Cory had offered midweek but there hadn't seemed much point, now she had a full load. After that she had decided to make some plans for the two weeks that Cory was coming out. She figured it would give them something to look forward to. And then there was work… what was she going to tell the girls at work on Monday? And more to the point, how was she going to explain all this to her friends?

Cory was still shaking from her experience. The body had just been a shell; not the grandfather she loved so much. His body looked so thin and frail, and his skin had felt cold and still had the tinge of yellow to it. She knew her grandfather's soul had left the body. She'd kissed him on the cheek; it felt bristly. Her grandfather had been meticulous about shaving and it felt weird to feel the sensation against her skin. After the kiss she'd whispered how much she loved him and always would. She thanked him for all he had done for her. She hoped Kerry was right and that he could hear her words.

Now she was sitting on the stairs, staring into space. She thought of the one person she wished was there, holding her. Sam came and sat next to his wife. He took her hand and squeezed it gently. "How are you holding up?"

She looked at him, he looked crushed, "I'm holding up okay, how are you?"

"Shocked, I guess. Your dad's more cut up than he'll admit. So how was your trip? Did JJ enjoy her first visit to the UK?"

"She liked it a lot. London was an experience." Cory found it difficult to talk. Her mind wouldn't stay on one topic for long. She felt exhausted and just wanted to sleep, and for the pain to go away.

"Cory there's nothing more we can do here. How about we go home? You look terrible and I think you're in shock. We could come back over later if you feel up to it. Nothing much needs organizing; Fred had plenty of time to plan his own funeral. Your mum just has to find a day to hold it. I think that's up to your aunts and uncles. Come on, let's go." Sam helped Cory to stand up. He knew she was suffering and he wanted to get her away from the situation. Kerry had left and Mike was helping his father settle Cory's mum down.

He lead her into the kitchen, and out to the car. He didn't want to disturb her mum. She'd taken the events of the day hard. He'd call later, right now his priority was to get Cory settled. He sensed that this was going to be a difficult time for Cory, much worse than when her grandmother had died. He just wished he could get through to her, he hoped it wasn't too late. After the events on Thursday he had been worried. For the first time he had questioned their relationship and whether it was what Cory kept telling him, on the rocks. His mind had been picturing the two women in bed on that morning. Something about the scene had made him realize what he had and what he could lose. The way JJ had held Cory, so tightly, so possessively had made him jealous, Cory had said nothing had happened but there had been a doubt, he'd seen it for a brief moment in her eyes, before she'd got angry at him.

He knew she enjoyed her friends, but he'd never seen her so excited or animated as when she talked about the day they'd spent at the castle and the twinkle in her eyes, even after the news of Fred's deterioration she'd had a sparkle to her. Maybe it was just his imagination. He'd be the first to admit that he had no time for gay people and didn't fully understand why people found the same sex attractive. But there had been something about JJ that he didn't trust. Cory hadn't reacted the same way to her that she did when she was with Ange or Rachel. Well JJ was gone now, and his wife was still here. He hoped that this would be the end of this chapter. Cory would grieve her grandfather and then they'd fall back into their regular routine.

He glanced to his left, and saw that she was fast asleep. He drove the rest of the journey trying to figure out how he could arrange time off to help Cory through this. The difficulty was that the business meetings for the upcoming week were important and only he could deal with the contracts. He did some mental calculations. With some schedule swapping he realized he could make Monday through Wednesday work intensive days and then take Thursday and Friday off for the funeral. After that, maybe there would be an opportunity to take Cory away for the weekend.

When they arrived home, Cory woke up. She felt awful, her head was pounding and her eyes stung. "We home?"

"Yes. You were out like a spark. I think you should go straight to bed, I'm going to call your dad and see how your mum is, and whether the funeral home has given them a date, and picked up the body, I mean Fred. If you feel up to it we'll go over later, or maybe tomorrow. We need to pick your car up. I'm going to call Marj as well and tell her, I'm not sure going to work on Monday is wise. You could spend it with your mum or here."

Cory had listened to the odd words here and there. She just wanted to take some headache tablets and sleep. The lack of sleep from the night before was beginning to affect her and the shock wasn't helping much. She swayed on her feet and Sam put his arm around her. "Come on to bed with you." He helped Cory up the stairs and gently lowered her to the bed. He removed her shoes and helped her take her top off, then unclasped her bra and took off her trousers. He then found her spare nightshirt and helped her put it on.

"Sam, can you find me some headache tablets. I think my head's about to split in half."

"I'll be up in a minute with a cup of tea and tablets, I'll leave Holly here for a while and then take her out later. She'll be company for you plus she'll only whine if she can't sleep with you." Sam kissed Cory on the forehead and headed for the kitchen.

Alone for the second time that day, Cory reviewed the past several hours. The day had started on a high and then gone downhill from there, losing JJ and then her granddad had been too much for her to take. She felt like she was grieving for two people. She needed to let JJ know but she didn't have any strength to get to the office and she didn't know JJ's phone number off the top of her head to leave a message. She glanced at the clock noticing it was midday, she wondered how far across the ocean JJ was.

As she was working out the hours, Sam entered the room and lifted her head off the pillow, "Here you go two tablets and a glass of water. I've made you a cup of tea. I'll come and check on you later." With that he closed the bedroom door leaving Cory with only Holly for company. She patted the bed and Holly jumped up next to her.

"He's gone Holly, really gone. What am I going to do?" The dog licked the salty tears that were flowing silently down Cory's cheeks. Cory stroked Holly's coat, "You haven't got a clue what's going on, have you? But you're here for me." She settled down and Holly lay next to her allowing Cory to cuddle up to her. Alone with her thoughts of the day, she silently cried herself to sleep.

Chapter 23

The rest of the flight had been uneventful. JJ had managed about two hours sleep. Her mind had been restless. A nagging sensation of dread had been constant. She was not looking forward to going home; to facing the wrath of Sarah. She looked at her watch. It was just coming up to 10am, her time. She hated the change in time zones. Her body was bone tired, and she still had the drive home, and a whole day ahead of her. She'd read that the best way to defeat jet lag was to go to bed at her normal time, rather than giving in to her exhaustion. That meant a good 11 hours of staying awake.

She climbed aboard the shuttle bus and took a deep breath. The weather outside was crisp, but the sky was blue. She loved the New England weather. It was always changing, and each day brought a surprise. It was definitely a nice change to see the blue of the sky. She'd missed it the past week. England had been beautiful, but it had always been overcast, which had made her feel colder than she should have been.

The trip to her truck took less than 15 minutes. She was pleased to see the truck still there. It was always a gamble leaving any vehicle unattended for so long. She groped around in her knapsack for her keys. She hoped she hadn't left those with her heart ... 3000 miles away. After a thorough search, she remembered she'd zipped them in the hidden pocket. Another few seconds of fumbling, and they were in her hands. The cab of the truck was cold. She blew hot air into her hands, rubbed them together and started the engine. As the engine rumbled into life, she sent up a silent 'thank you' to whoever was listening. She hadn't been a hundred percent sure that it would start.

Thirty minutes later, she was pulling into her driveway. There was no sign of Sarah's SUV, and she sent a second 'thank you' out. She just wanted to get into the house, check her email and call Cory. She looked at her watch. Her dual time switch displayed 15.45. She wondered what Cory was doing. Had it really only been this morning that she'd held the blonde in her arms? She felt so alone, and her heart ached. How was she ever going to survive 49 days? She shook her head, and collected her luggage.

The house had a distinct chill to it, and it wasn't just the cold air. She noticed that several pieces of furniture were missing. She walked towards the bedroom. As she entered the room, she stopped dead in her tracks. The king size bed no longer took up the space in the room. The wardrobe doors were wide open and JJ's clothes were scattered on the floor. There was a note pinned to the dressing table mirror.

JJ,

Welcome home! I took what I felt I deserved. There's still more I want, but thought it was only fair for you to be here.

I hope it was worth it.

Sarah

JJ couldn't believe the nerve of the woman! The last thing she wanted to do was hump furniture around, so she went into the spare room and placed her bag on the bed. She reread Sarah's note. Had the trip been worthwhile? Her mind went back to the last few days and she grinned. Yes, it had definitely been worth it. She'd met the woman of her dreams. And as much as she wished Cory and her would live happily ever after, if nothing else ever happened she'd realised that Sarah no longer meant anything to her. Her thoughts settled back on Cory. She missed her. She missed the laughter. She missed those eyes, and her kiss. Damn it! She missed Cory, period. She needed to keep busy. There was the laundry, and her clothes needed hanging back up. That should keep her busy.

As she loaded the washing machine, she realised she hadn't called Cory. She grabbed her address book, and searched through her many scribbles until she found Cory's cell number. She dialled the number, and got straight through to the voice mail. After listening to the instructions, she left a very simple message. "Hey Cory, it's me. I just wanted to say thank you very much for an enjoyable week. I landed safe and sound. I will email you, and maybe call tomorrow. JJ"

She'd been desperate to say 'I love you', but didn't think it was wise, as anybody could check the messages. As the machine behind her kicked into action, she decided to check her email just to see if the blonde had written. She doubted it, she was probably still at her parent's. She wondered why her cell phone was switched off, but decided Fred had probably needed his sleep. She contemplated calling her home number, but decided to leave that until tomorrow. She didn't want to interrupt any conversation Cory might be having should she have returned home.

The computer seemed to take forever to boot up. She drummed her fingers on the desk. Her whole body was a bundle of energy. She'd gone past exhaustion, and seemed to be driven by an intense need to have some sort of contact with the blonde. She'd been so thankful that the computer was still in one piece. She'd had images of Sarah playing havoc with a hammer, and smashing anything she knew was of value to JJ. Having wandered briefly around the house, JJ had taken a small inventory of items that no longer resided in the house. Besides the bed, Sarah had taken her share of the CDs, videos and photos. There was, in fact, no sign that Sarah had ever lived in the ranch house. She wondered what other furniture Sarah wanted, and more to the point, where and with whom was she living.

She tried not to be so disappointed when she noticed there was no email from Cory. She hadn't really expected one. Cory had said she was going to spend the day with her parents and help them out. She knew it would be late afternoon before there might be anything. She decided it would be nice to send something to Cory. She had so many things she wanted to say but the simplest things were sometimes the best. She went to the Blue Mountain Website, and surfed through the thank you e-cards. She stopped her search when she came across a card which had a bashful looking bear holding a red rose, with the words THANK YOU dancing overhead. Under the bear she wrote a simple 'Always and forever…. I love you, J.' She pressed the send button, and closed the machine down. She'd procrastinated long enough. The rest of the chores needed doing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam looked in on his wife. It was past 9, and she was still asleep. He signalled for Holly to come out, as he needed to let her out one last time. He'd spoken to Cory's father, and the funeral had been set for Thursday morning. Sam had asked how Cory's mother was doing. The answer had been not good at all. The doctor had given her a sedative, and she was sleeping. Sam had explained that Cory was doing the same, but they'd be over in the morning to lend their support.

JJ rechecked her email about 4.30. Her thoughts turned to concern when she still hadn't received an email from Cory. Surely she was home by now. She hoped that whatever Cory was doing, that she was safe and sound. She was worried that her conversation with Sam had gone badly. She wanted to call so badly, but what if she called and made the situation ten times worse? She didn't want to add to the blonde's troubles, and resisted the temptation. She also had no desire to talk to Sam, especially if he knew about Cory and her. She typed out a quick email to Cory, expressing her concerns and hoping that all was well. She felt useless. There was nothing she could do. She was 3000 miles away, and couldn't do a single thing to help Cory.

At least her day had been productive. She'd picked up her clothing, washed and dried her vacation clothes, and got her hockey gear ready for the practice that was being held the next day. Her body ached, and she hoped she'd have enough energy to at least be able to stand on the ice and keep up with her team. They had an important game Monday evening, and she didn't want to let the team down. She'd expected a call from Sarah, but no one had called all day. She'd also given in and moved the queen-sized bed out of the spare room and into the master bedroom. She preferred to sleep in familiar surroundings, if not in the same comfort.

After another hour of fruitless pacing and cleaning, JJ couldn't stand her own company any longer. She picked up the phone to call Nancy. Yet again, she reached an answer machine. Was nobody in to talk to her today? As she placed the receiver in it's cradle, the phone began to ring.

JJ's thoughts immediately turned to Cory. "Hey there." She answered the phone trying to sound chipper.

"You sound bright and breezy!"

"Oh, hi Helen. How goes it?" JJ tried to hide her disappointment.

"I take that back, you sound miserable."

"I'm sorry. I was hoping you were someone else." JJ settled onto the sofa.

"Should I hang up?" Helen asked tentatively.

JJ felt guilty. "No, it's good to hear from you."

"Well we missed you at practice this week. I was just calling to see if you were still available to practice tomorrow. It's your turn to pick me up."

"Sure. What you up to?" JJ felt bad that she hadn't really given much notice to anyone about her trip.

"Nothing much. Jo's away on business, so I'm trying to amuse myself. What's going on at your end?" Helen could sense her friend wasn't her usual self. She'd known JJ for a few years, and they'd dated briefly. But both had agreed they weren't suited, and a friendship had grown through their love of ice hockey and each other.

"Oh, I just got back from vacation. Nothing much is going on. I've got a few beers in the fridge if you're interested." JJ needed someone to talk to, Nancy had been her first choice, but she wasn't sure that she'd completely understand. Helen would have been her second choice, and maybe help her find some solutions.

"Won't Sarah mind?" Helen didn't always see eye to eye with Sarah, and had taken to meeting JJ at hockey, and in the bar afterwards.

"She's not here, so it's safe for you to come over!"

"I didn't mean it that way." Helen felt bad she'd asked.

"Helen, we both know that you dislike Sarah, and she feels the same about you! Come over. In fact, bring an over night bag. You may as well stay over, then we can both drink, and it'll save me picking you up in the morning."

"You sure?" Helen just wanted to check.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you here. We'll be company for each other."

"And Sarah?"

JJ blew out a big breath, "I told you she's not here. She won't be back, so the coast is clear."

After putting the phone down, JJ's stomach grumbled, reminding her that the only meal she'd eaten that day was before she got on the plane. And, then there was the measly meal they'd given her on the plane. No wonder she was hungry! She grabbed the Chinese menu, knowing Helen as she did, she'd eat some of the food whether she'd eaten already or not. She called in an order of appetisers, and checked her email one final time. There was still no news from Cory. She tried not to worry, but doubts were beginning to creep into her thoughts.

Helen turned up an hour later, at the same time as the Chinese delivery. "Ooh Chinese! You read my mind JJ, I'm starving!"

The two women busied themselves. Helen sorted through the Chinese boxes, opening the tops and placing them on the living room table. JJ collected paper plates, utensils and a couple of beers. "It looks different in here. What's changed since my last visit?"

"Considering your last visit was about a year ago, anything could have changed!" JJ commented as she entered the living room.

"Ouch! That was a biting comment. You know why I don't visit." Helen pretended to pout.

"I know Helen, I was just teasing. Sarah never did believe that my feelings for you were just that of a friend. Ever since I told her we'd dated she didn't trust you. When Jo came on the scene she calmed down a little and got off my back, but I do know she made you feel uncomfortable." JJ was trying to make Helen understand that she knew what Sarah had been like.

"Thanks JJ, but it's not just that. You and Sarah tend to have arguments, and sometimes it makes us uncomfortable to be part of them." Helen began to pile food on her plate.

JJ followed suit, she also needed to fill Helen in with the drastic changes in her life. "Well you don't have to worry about avoiding Sarah, we broke up."

"No way!" Helen screamed in a high-pitched voice. "When?"

"Last week, well kind of midweek. Hell, I don't know. She wasn't happy about me going away. We argued, she cried, and I left. Then I called midweek and she told me she'd left me."

"I'm sorry, JJ. Okay, so I'm not that sorry! I never thought she was good enough for you, but if you're hurting, then I'm sorry." Helen placed her hand on JJ's knee and gave it a squeeze.

JJ smiled at Helen, "Thank you so much, you are so sweet. Remind me again why we broke up?" That gained her a push from Helen, and the two giggled like children.

"Oh, where do I begin on that one?" They both pretended to shudder.

"I know we both agreed we'd kill each other if we stayed together. Two egos our size should never be allowed to be together." JJ continued to eat as she thought back to her brief two weeks with Helen.

They'd met on an ice hockey team that JJ had joined straight after returning from Germany. After a few weeks of flirting, Helen had agreed to a date. They had gotten on well, but neither would bow to the others ego, and both were coming in burned from previous relationships. They went on a few dates, kissed and groped a little, but neither had wanted to take the step to becoming lovers. If JJ was honest, her relationship with Tina had totally screwed her over. She'd been raw when she'd been with Helen, and running like hell.

"Speak for yourself, my ego is not overly enlarged! I can't help being the top scorer for the team, and adored by my many fans." Helen pretended to run her fingers through her hair, and wipe her nails on her chest. She was mimicking one of their other team members who did consider herself better than any of the others.

JJ giggled. Helen was good fun. "Thanks for your concern pal, but the break up was all my fault."

"No way!" Yet again Helen screeched at top volume.

"Oh yeah, now I remember why we broke up!! You nearly burst my ear drum!"

"You did the deed, you broke up with her?" Helen was amazed. She'd known that JJ was having problems with Sarah, but she'd just assumed they were going to be together for life. She'd never said anything to the contrary.

"Technically, she broke up with me. But yeah, I may have pushed her to it." JJ munched on a few crab rangoons, waiting for her friend to begin the inquisition.

Helen took a few gulps from her beer, swallowed the mouthful of food, and studied her friend. She didn't look happy at all. Her eyes had dark rings around them, and where she usually had a sparkle in her bright blue eyes, now there was nothing but sorrow. "So you said you'd been on vacation. From the looks of you it wasn't anywhere hot and sunny."

"Huh." She expected Helen to begin with asking questions about the break up.

"The vacation, where'd you go?"

"To England." JJ watched her friend's jaw dropped.

Helen was shocked! She'd expected JJ to say New Hampshire or Florida, but England. She'd never heard JJ mention the country. If it'd been Ireland, she's have understood. A lot of JJ's family lived there or Italy, but England? "You went over the pond, and you never thought to take a friend with you?"

"It was kind of a spur of the moment thing."

"I'll say! You never even said you were taking vacation time. So why the sudden interest in England? I hear it's beautiful. Where'd you stay?" Helen knew she was going to have to pull every word out of JJ's mouth.

"So many questions. I stayed with a friend, I sorted out my feelings for Sarah and yes, it's a very beautiful place." Her mind drifted to Cory. Oh yeah, a beautiful land with some beautiful people…

"And this friend would be?"

JJ had every intention of telling Helen the whole story, but she wasn't sure how much she should relate, and she wanted Helen to take her seriously. "Her name is Cory, and I met her online about a month ago."

"A woman, I should have known. Ooh, the plot thickens! Now I understand why Sarah was upset. And?" Helen knew there was more to come. JJ's face had shown it's usual spark at the mention of Cory's name.

JJ took a deep breath. "And I fell in love." JJ flopped into her seat. She'd said it out loud to someone else. She'd fallen in love.

"Oh my god! You've fallen in love? What happened to the woman who told me she was never giving her heart away, she was playing it safe?" Helen didn't mean to throw JJ's words back at her, but it was a line that JJ had said many times in the past, and her reason for being with Sarah. Sarah had been safe for JJ. Helen knew JJ had loved Sarah, but she also knew that JJ wasn't in love with Sarah. It was obvious to anyone who met or knew JJ well.

"I guess it happens to us all someday. I don't know. I never went looking for it, I tried so hard not to, and then I fell so hard it hurts."

"Does she love you back?" At these words JJ lifted her head and looked straight at Helen.

"She says she does. I mean, I know she does,"

"You don't sound too convinced." Helen hated to push, but if she was to help her friend with her problems she needed to know the whole truth.

JJ's mind flitted back to the airport, to her last image of Cory. She saw the hurt on Cory's face, and the love in her eyes. "She loves me, but it's complicated."

"In what way?"

"Well for starters, she lives 3000 miles away. And she's, she's ummm ... married." JJ mumbled the last line, and then closed her eyes waiting for the fall out.

"Married? Oh no, not another straight woman! JJ, when will you ever learn? It wasn't enough that Tina stole your heart, promised you the world, and then dumped you for a guy? What is it with you and straight women?" Helen was mad. She knew she should be sympathetic, and saying soothing words to JJ, but she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Cory's different, she's not straight. I mean, she's married but she's also gay. She's been with a woman before, and she was just trying to fit into the 'normal' mode. She's sure of it, and so am I."

"How can you be so sure? Tina said exactly the same, and you fell for her sweet-talking. You moved countries to be with her, and look what happened!" Helen needed another beer, and to calm down. She loved JJ with all her heart, and she hated watching her friend make a mistake.

JJ followed Helen into the kitchen with the leftovers. "I'm sure Helen. I fought this so hard, but I couldn't stop it. I spent a week with the woman and I made a promise not to come between a man and his wife. But I couldn't stop it, and neither could she." Tears began to stream down JJ's face.

Helen stopped what she was doing when she saw the tears. After all these years, she'd never seen JJ so upset. She'd never seen the tall woman cry, not after her mother's death or the hundred bashings she'd encountered on the ice. She put her arm around her friend, but JJ shrugged her away.

"I'm sorry, I'm not used to these raw feelings. Now I feel an idiot, crying in front of you." She pulled a Kleenex out of the near by box and blew her nose. She smiled at the concerned look on her friend's face. "I know, a rare event, the ice woman has melted. I cry, I hurt, I'm human!"

Helen grinned, "Hey, no one ever said you weren't human. I'm just shocked, and I'm sorry I pushed. So, from what you've said you two are more than friends now." JJ nodded. "And her husband?"

"He knows nothing about us. Well, he met me obviously, but he wasn't around much of the week, and then we went down to London. That's when it happened. She's going to talk to him, split up with him. But for the record, I want you to know she says it would have happened anyway. I am not a home wrecker. I swore I wouldn't come between them, but she isn't happy and I know I can make her happy."

"Okay JJ, I believe you. You don't have to convince me." They grabbed beers and switched the TV on. JJ had a feeling Helen needed a little time to digest the information she'd given her. They began to watch a Sandra Bullock film. It relieved some of the tension in the house.

Helen had flicked between watching the film and her friend. There was still something bothering JJ. She'd spent many hours in the brunette's company, and she knew her friend. "So, what's your plan of action?"

"Plan of action for what? This week, tomorrow, or with Cory?" JJ had a feeling Helen meant Cory, but she just wanted to be sure.

"With Cory. Tell me about her, what's she like?" JJ spent the next 15 minutes recounting the tale of how they met online, and the trip.

"She sounds fantastic, from what you've said! Any photos?" Helen was even more intrigued. She needed to see the woman her friend had fallen for. JJ got up and wandered into the master bedroom, she came back a few minutes later with a photo.

"She sent me this photo online, and I printed it off."

"Wow, she's pretty. I like her smile, and her eyes. Well, I have to say, she's definitely a looker. So what plans have you two made?"

JJ was trying hard to swallow the lump that had taken residence in her throat at the sight of Cory's picture. "Ummm, well, the first thing we both had to do was to split with our partners. Sarah made life very easy for me, she left during the week. Moved out for good, from the looks of things. As for Cory, she was going to see her family today, and then tell Sam. I'm a little worried, as I haven't heard from her. I tried calling her cell, but it's off, and I've sent emails but there's been no answer. I know I'm worrying unnecessarily, but I hate this distance."

Helen nodded, "It's hard sometimes, but if you're planning to continue this romance you'd better get used to it."

"Hey, what happened to Miss Sympathetic?" JJ joked back.

"You forget that I've been in a relationship for 3 years with a woman that travels. You get used to them being away, but it still hurts every time she gets on a plane." JJ nodded, she'd watched Helen fall head over heels with Jo, a computer analyst who was on transfer at JJ's previous company. JJ had brought Jo to watch a game one summer when the analyst had been around for a weekend, and the pair had been inseparable ever since, except for Jo's regular trips every other week.

"So I guess we both have something in common then?" Helen smirked.

"What, we're both gay? We both like hockey? "

"No you dummy, we both have a thing for foreigners!" Helen winked and downed the last of her beer. She'd had three and it was beginning to make her feel giddy. It was time for a coffee. "Want a coffee?"

"Yep, I'll come and help you. I forget Jo's not American from time to time, but it gives me hope. You and Jo have been together so long, and her green card is due any day now isn't it?" Jo had transferred from the Canadian branch of the computer firm and had never returned. There had been one or two glitches with her visa when she had been home to visit, so she'd applied for her green card.

"We can't wait! It should be through by April, and then it's party time! As for hope, I hate to dash them, but we got lucky. Jo's company sponsored her, and she had been here a year before I met her. It's not as easy as everyone thinks to get into the U. S. What plans do you and Cory have?" Helen and Jo had been through some serious discussions and meetings with the INS themselves. Before the acknowledgement of the green card, they had always lived in fear that one day Jo would be denied entrance into the US. There had been one very frantic week where the company had mixed up Jo's visa, and that had caused the pair a nightmare of a week as Helen feared she'd never see Jo again. Her heart went out to JJ. She had a long road ahead of her.

"We don't really have a plan as of yet, we only just found each other. She says she's coming out at Easter for two weeks. We both agreed we'd do some research, and make plans then." JJ shrugged. There was nothing more she could say about it. Her body began to rebel about the amount of time it had been awake. She yawned and rubbed her eyes. "Helen, I hate to be a lousy host, but I am so tired. And I think jet lag may be catching up with me."

"Oh, you poor thing. I can turn in now too. I'll just go and put my stuff in the spare bedroom" She poured a coffee for herself and one for JJ. "Not that this is going to help. I should have made cocoa."

"I think I'll be able to sleep, caffeine or no caffeine. There's one more thing, Sarah was not too happy about my choice, and she made it very clear by taking the bed. So I'm afraid it's the couch, or sharing my bed. Or, I can take the couch."

"You are a smooth one JJ. You never could get me into bed when we were dating, and here you are still trying to accomplish that goal!" Helen was pleased to see she'd made her friend smile.

"You wish! So I take it we're bunking in together?" With that, the two women made there way to the bedroom, both of them wishing it was their lover that they were sharing a bed with.

*********************************************************************

Sam woke with a jump. Something had disturbed his sleep. He'd crept to bed late in the evening. Cory hadn't stirred. He'd cooked her some food, but when he'd poked his head round the door, she'd still been fast asleep. He turned to look at his wife, her face was creased, and her body jerked now and again. As he watched, he heard her mumbling, and then suddenly she cried out. Her arms hit out and he knew she needed to be woken. He shook her gently, her movements increased. Sam tapped her more firmly, and she bolted upright.

"Hey there, I'm sorry, but you were having a nightmare I think." She looked awful. Her face was puffy, her eyes sore. "I seem to be making a habit out of waking you up like this."

She smiled weakly. Her head was thumping, and her mouth was dry. "Are there any more of those tablets? My head feels like a truck rolled through it." "Sure, I'll go and make a cup of tea. I'm sure Holly won't mind an early walk."

"What time is it?" Cory couldn't make out the clock. Her eyes were way too sore, and her vision was blurred.

"Just past 6am. You've been asleep since we got back from your parent's house." Sam climbed out of bed, and put on his sweat pants and sweater.

Cory swallowed, her throat hurt. "So it wasn't some bad dream I was having, he's really gone?" A tear began to trickle down her cheek.

Sam didn't know what to do. He'd tried to comfort her the day before, and she'd pushed him away. He just nodded, "I'm afraid so. I'll be back in a minute."

Cory lay staring at the ceiling. She felt like an empty shell. Her thoughts drifted back to the previous day, and she realized she hadn't called JJ, or left her a note. She looked around for her rucksack. It was on the floor by the side of the bed. She leaned over the edge of the bed, a pain shooting through her head as she did so. "Ouch!" She'd managed to work herself up to a migraine. They didn't happen often, but when they did she was usually violently sick if she moved too much. She was looking for her mobile. She was sure she'd put it in her rucksack after arriving at her mum's. Finally she found it. It was switched off, and she was hoping there would be a message from JJ, telling her she had arrived safely. She switched the phone on, it buzzed and then a minute later the voice message tone kicked in. She placed the phone to hear ear and listened to the message. A sad smile tugged at her lips, JJ was home.

She deleted the message and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She needed to email JJ, and let her know what had happened. As she sat upright the pain increased, and she collapsed back into the bed. If she moved much more she'd throw up. She knew she couldn't call America. She didn't want to wake JJ up. She closed her eyes and only opened them again when Sam entered the room. He placed a cup of tea on the bedside table. Cory didn't feel like talking to anyone today, she just wanted to be left alone. To say goodbye, and grieve all alone.

"Did I just hear you mobile ring?" Sam could see the mobile was now on the bedside table. Cory nodded. "Anything important?" Cory shook her head. "It's a bit early for your phone to be ringing isn't it?"

"Give it a rest Sam, it was the voice mail. Nothing for you to worry about."

Sam felt hurt. "Sorry for asking. Don't take this out on me."

"No, I'm sorry. It was JJ. She just left a message to say she'd arrived safely."

"Why didn't she call the house phone?"

Cory didn't have the energy to answer all the questions. "I wasn't sure where I'd be, and I usually have the mobile with me, so I told her to call. Does that answer your question?"

Sam had a million other questions he wanted to ask regarding JJ, but decided that it wasn't the right time. He could tell Cory was in pain as she winced every time she opened her eyes. "The tablets are here. I grabbed the stronger ones. I'm guessing you have a migraine."

Cory nodded and let Sam place the tablets in her mouth. She felt him lift her head up, and opened her mouth again when she felt the touch of cold glass against her lips. "Thanks Sam, I'm going to have to sleep this off. Can you call dad and let them know we'll be over later."

"Sure. Anything else?" Sam knew there wasn't going to be anything else. He'd been around Cory when she had migraines, and he knew she struggled to handle the pain. He pulled the phone cord out of the wall, there was no way he wanted the high-pitch ringing to wake his wife.

*********************************************************************

"You are a piece of work!"

JJ groaned, she knew what she'd see when she opened her eyes. "Good morning Sarah, how sweet of you to come by and welcome me home." She heard mumbling coming from her side.

"I knew there was something more to you two. I've always had my suspicions. It's not enough you leave me for an English hoe, you have to sleep with Helen, too." Sarah grabbed the comforter off the two women.

Helen buried her head into the pillow. What a way to start the day! JJ rubbed her eyes, she felt like she was trapped in one of the trashy talk shows that were always on the TV. "Sarah, in case you've forgotten, you took our bed and left me with the guest's. Where else was she supposed to sleep? Look at us. Do you think we'd be dressed in our winter pj's had we done it? And Cory is not a hoe." She knew she'd said the wrong thing as soon as Cory's name had passed her lips. She grabbed her robe from the edge of the bed and ushered Sarah out of the room.

"I don't think we need to have yet another scene in front of Helen." She leaned back into the room, "Helen I'm sorry you got caught in this. It's only 7.30; I'll go and put the coffee on.

She wandered through the living room to the kitchen. She could tell by Sarah's stance that she was furious. "I'm brewing some coffee, do you want one?"

"How could you, JJ? How can you do this to me? You promised there was nothing going on!"

JJ was confused. She didn't know if Sarah was talking about Helen or Cory. "Sarah, I promise on my mother's grave that there is nothing going on between Helen and me, and if I hear you making trouble for her with Jo, you will regret it."

Sarah gulped. She'd seen JJ mad a few times, but she'd never seen the fire burn in her eye like it was at that moment. "Okay, okay I believe you. You have to look it from my point of view. I come home to find my girlfriend snuggling in bed with another woman."

"Excuse me, I think you've got your facts wrong there. For one, we were not snuggling. When I woke up Helen was way over her side of the bed and you know it. The second thing is, you are not my girlfriend. You broke it off with me midweek, or have I got the facts wrong?"

Sarah was stuck for words, she'd expected to come home and find JJ in a mess, and that she'd beg for her to come back. She'd been certain that the English dream JJ had been chasing would come crashing down on her. She'd never expected to be greeted with her ex in bed with her ex.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company this early in the morning? The bed wasn't enough and you needed to take more stuff from the house. Well it's yours, take what the hell you like." JJ could feel the blood pumping through her body. She'd never hit another woman in her life. Well that wasn't technically true, if she counted some rougher ice hockey matches. "I'm going to be out of here by 9am, I suggest you come back then if you want to still be in one piece." She knew it was just words. She'd never lift a hand to Sarah, but from the look on Sarah's face, Sarah didn't know that.

"Whatever." Sarah headed towards the door. "I'm coming back for the sofa and chairs, Chris and I need them for our place."

JJ just looked at the woman. She had a nerve, "And you called me a piece of work? Who the hell is Chris? Remember who paid for the furniture in the first place? Oh, to hell with you, if that's what it takes to get you out of my life, take them. Just leave me the fittings and the electrical stuff. Now leave" She watched as Sarah left the house. It was only then that she noticed the truck outside, and a woman leaning against it with a cigarette in her mouth. The woman stubbed the cigarette out as Sarah got nearer, and JJ could tell that Sarah was not happy with things. She was flailing her arms in front of the stouter woman, and a few f words were sailing back to JJ on the wind.

"Is it safe to come in here?" JJ turned to find Helen waving a white pair of undies in the doorway.

"She's gone. I gather you heard the whole conversation, so I won't repeat it!" JJ poured the coffee. Her body was still shaking from the fight.

"Yeah, I heard. I can't believe you're going to let her take the furniture. You paid for all the stuff."

JJ shrugged her shoulders. "If it's what will keep her happy and out of my way, then she's welcome to it. Plus, I do feel a little guilty. I did cause the break up. Although I'm not sure where this Chris fits into the equation."

JJ passed Helen a cup of coffee, "I'll be right back. I need to check my email. I'm hoping Cory may have mailed me. Cross your fingers for me."

Helen crossed her fingers and waggled them towards JJ. "No problem, I may take a leisurely bath before practice. My back still hurts from last week's practice. The coach was brutal midweek, you didn't miss anything." Helen headed towards the bathroom; she wanted to give JJ some space just in case the news from Cory was negative.

JJ nudged the mouse over the pad. She usually left the computer running, and only turned it off if she was away for long periods of time. She opened her Outlook Express and waited patiently. There had been lots of activity late into the evening and she only began to frown when it was way past her usual time to receive mail from England. She checked the clock, it had just turned 8, so it was just past midday there. She looked at the phone, what the heck she couldn't stand it any more. She dialled Cory's home number and paced backwards and forwards until Sam answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi Sam, how you doing?" JJ was nervous. She had no idea what had gone on between Cory and Sam. She hoped she wasn't making matters worse. "Is Cory around?"

"She's sleeping, her grandfather died yesterday morning and she hasn't taken the news well. I think she feels guilty because she wasn't there. Though I'm here for her. She can count on me. I'll let her know you called."

"O..okay. Tell her I'm sorry" Before she could get the last word out she heard the click at the other end. "He cut me off, the bastard cut me off!" She was fuming. She'd wanted to ask if there was anything she could do. She was now more than worried. His comment about feeling guilty kept coming back at her, she hoped that Cory didn't blame her for it. What if she'd changed her mind? She grabbed her coffee and went back to the bedroom, she thought about missing practice but that would mean no game. She reasoned with herself, there was nothing she could do but wait for Cory to contact her and pray that she would be okay until then.

*********************************************************************

Sam clicked the off button on the phone. The sound of JJ's voice reminded him of the sorry state of affair that his marriage might be in. Cory had definitely been withdrawn. He had put it down to Fred's death but there was something else. The more he could keep the two apart, the better chance he had of keeping Cory. Plus she'd been asleep all morning, he needed to wake her and see how she was doing. He decided he wouldn't tell her about the phone call, not until he had to.

When he got upstairs he could hear the drone of the shower, he took that as a sign that Cory was feeling better. He made the bed and waited for the shower to finish.

Cory had felt awful when she'd finally woken. She thought she'd heard the phone but it hadn't rung in the bedroom so she assumed it was the office line. Her head felt better but she was mentally exhausted. There had been no sign of Sam so she'd made up her mind to take a shower and then download her emails. She needed to email JJ and let her know the news. As she walked out of the ensuite, Sam was waiting for her.

"You feeling better?"

Cory felt weird, she'd been with Sam for years but here he was looking at her naked body and she didn't know what to do. She covered herself with her towel and began to dry her body. "How's mum doing?"

"Not too good, they had to sedate her last night. I promised your dad we'd go over as soon as you were feeling stronger. Your mum needs you. The funeral's set for Thursday."

"Okay, I'll just get dressed and we can head over straight away. I just want to check my email."

"Cor, do you really think now is a time to do that? Your priorities lie with your family, emails can wait. Just think if you hadn't been playing with your email buddy these past few days you'd have been here. You'd have been able to say goodbye." He knew it was a low blow but he had to stay in control. He looked at her face; fresh tears had begun to track down her cheeks.

Cory dropped her head and nodded slowly, "You're right Sam, family comes first."

Chapter 24

Cory settled into the car seat. Sam's words were playing over and over like a stuck record. It was her fault. She'd put her friend before her family. Now she was being punished. She squeezed her eyes shut. She wanted to block out the world. They drove in silence.

Thirty minutes later, Sam pulled into his in laws' driveway. He glanced sideways at Cory. She looked awful. Her cheeks were pale and her eyes swollen. Her forehead had slight wrinkles on it, and he knew she was fighting demons. Demons he'd placed in there. "Cory come on love, we're here. You're going to have to put on a brave face. Your mum needs you."

Cory opened her eyes; the light stinging them. "I know Sam. It's just hard for me, too." She shrugged off his attempt at a hug, and climbed out of the car. She found her mum lying on the sofa in the lounge. There were memories of her granddad scattered all over the coffee table. Cory picked up a pile of photos. There were photos of him as a child, photos from the war, and holiday pictures of him camping with her grandmother. There was one black and white photo that looked like a family holiday. It included her grandparents, mum, and what looked like her Uncle Tony, Uncle Keith and Uncle George.

"When was this taken?" Cory sat next to her mum and passed the photo to her.

Carol smiled. She'd found the photos at Fred's house as they'd begun the clear out. Fred had been very succinct in his wishes. He'd wanted to clean his own belongings out of the house. Unfortunately, they'd only been able to clean out the living room cupboards. They'd been meaning to go through the photos and other mementos, but hadn't gotten that far.

"It was taken in Scotland. I think I was about 9, so it was probably around 1956. Your grandfather had driven us up there in that car. Can you imagine all that camping gear and four children, plus your Nan in that tiny car? I remember we traveled around the Highlands, and one day it broke down. Your Uncle Tony had to help your grandfather push the car up a very steep hill. It was a good holiday though. Your grandfather loved camping. He liked going abroad with your Nan. He really wanted to take us all to Las Vegas this year, but the cancer got him."

Cory didn't know what to do. She didn't want to see her mum cry, so she continued to look at the photos. She found many photos of her granddad in a Royal Navy uniform. She found it hard to envision what it had been like for her granddad in the war. From what he'd told her over the years, he'd signed up at an early age, and was a gunner on a battleship. It was part of the reason his hearing had been so bad, all those huge guns pounding away. He'd never admitted his hearing was poor, even when the doctor had offered him a hearing aid. She remembered watching 'Saving Private Ryan' with him, and the sadness that had been evident on her grandfather's face. He'd been on his ship just off the coast of Dunkirk, and could remember the countless deaths of his friends. He'd pointed out the sounds of the guns in the background of the movie. He'd indicated with his finger where his ship had been, and that the guns that sounded far off were those from ships, his being one of them. That memory had made Cory very proud of her granddad. She picked up the medals. Her grandfather had been a hero, to her and his country.

"Those are going to your Uncle Keith." Cory's mum said very matter of fact.

"But Uncle Keith is a jerk, mum! He never cared about granddad. He didn't even visit him. You said he'd told granddad he wouldn't be seeing him after Nan died, that he needed to find himself. And he never forgave granddad for the way he brought him up." Cory was angry. She didn't have much time for her Uncle Keith. He was a self-absorbed jackass. His only concern was for himself. He'd had a nervous breakdown a few years earlier, and had spent time in an institution. Now he blamed every member of the family, except for himself.

"It was Fred's wishes. I may not agree with them, but I have to follow them, Cory. Are there any photos that you want?"

Cory looked at the table. "Maybe. I like the one of granddad and me at my wedding." She looked at the large print. Her grandfather was smiling. He'd been very proud that day. He'd cried at the top table when they'd given a toast to absent friends. Her Nan had died six months before the wedding.

"Sure, take it now and put it in the bag over there. It's got some sweaters and shirts in there. You were so generous to him over the years, and he never wore all of them. You know he'd never really got out of the rationing and post war way of life. Some of the shirts have never been opened I thought you might want to give them to someone, or a charity of your choice." Carol picked up another photo of her father. It was one of him in his younger days, just after the war when he'd married her mother, in 1947.

"This is the photo I'm going to use to put on the remembrance card. What do you think?"

Cory shrugged, "It's not granddad."

"Of course it is, love."

Cory shook her head. "I know it is granddad. I just mean it's not the granddad I knew. The granddad I knew never had much hair, just short white hair on the side. He had a great smile, and bright blue eyes. He was full of colour this picture is black and white and makes him seem dull. It just doesn't remind me of granddad. It's like the photo you used when Nan died. I couldn't relate to the young woman on the photo. I'd never met her, and I found it hard to remember her." She held the wedding photo in her hand. "This is how I remember him, full of life and smiling." A tear trickled down her cheek. "It's your choice, of course. It's how you remember him too."

"Well how about we use them both, a father and a grandfather shot? There's one photo for the front, and one for the back. Your wishes count too, Cory. Yours, Kerry's and Mike's."

Cory spent the rest of the afternoon going through the mementos with her mum. Bagging up photos that were going to be given to all her aunts and uncles. As the afternoon had turned to evening, visitor after visitor had come to pay their respects. Her grandfather had been well loved by many.

By 9pm, Cory was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. She walked outside and glanced up at the stars. The last time she'd looked at the stars, JJ had been in her arms. Now here she was, all alone. She hadn't spoken to JJ yet. Her guilt was the only thing preventing her. Well not the only thing; Sam had been like glue around her. Every time she looked up, he'd been nearby. She was surprised that JJ hadn't called. She was sure JJ had said she'd call that day. Cory decided she'd call JJ the next day. Sam would be at work, and he'd told her that Marj had insisted she take Monday off to spend time with her mother.

JJ was still concerned about Cory, and absolutely pissed off with Sarah. Helen had found her shooting hoops in the driveway. "You ready for practice, JJ? You haven't showered yet!"

"Well, some woman was taking up space in my bath tub. I didn't think it was polite to climb over her." She'd been shooting hoop after hoop, and dribbling around the tiny driveway.

"Hey I've been out of the bathroom for thirty minutes! I shouted to you. You seem a bit wrapped up. Need to talk?"

"Sure, but on the way to practice. I'll just go and grab my bag." Helen watched JJ run to the house, and followed after her. She'd seen JJ down before, but this seemed different.

Helen had been waiting patiently for JJ to begin the conversation, but sensing the tall woman wasn't in the mood to talk, she decided to take the initiative. "So did you call Cory?"

JJ nodded, never taking her eyes off the road.

"Did she talk to Sam?"

JJ shook her head.

"Come on J, give me a break. I'm trying to help you here. Remember the rules? To have a conversation requires two people to talk, that includes verbal communication as well as non verbal. How about I ask the questions and you answer."

JJ grinned, "You're such the fool, Helen. I'm sorry. I called the house, Sam answered. Cory's grandfather died yesterday. He told me Cory wasn't taking it very well, and then he hung up on me."

"He hung up on you?"

JJ nodded, "Now I'm worried sick about Cory. She loved Fred so much, and she spent the last two days away from him to be with me. Knowing Cory as I think I know her, she must be so guilt ridden. What if she blames me?"

Helen placed her hand on JJ's arm, "Hey, stop thinking like that. She wouldn't think like that and you know it. You weren't to blame, and even if she feels bad about not being there, she's hardly likely to blame you. You told me yourself how ill he was. She knew it was coming, and she risked being with you. She knew the consequences. Call her tomorrow before work. You have her cell number so you can leave a message, or call her at work if you don't want to chance talking to Sam. Get the truth before you jump to conclusions. Now are you ready to sweat, coach has big plans for us."

"God, when am I going to catch a break? I feel like a truck has driven over me, and here I am asking for more pain!!" The two women giggled. They knew the torture they were going to go through during practice.

Cory woke up to a silent house. She'd taken some painkillers when she'd arrived home, and gone straight to bed, partly to sleep off the headache and partly so she didn't have to spend much time with Sam. He'd been overly nice to her, and that had made her guilt ten times worse. Now was hardly the time to split up with him. Not before the funeral, it wasn't fair on Sam, and she didn't need to add more worry to her parent's already full plate. For a brief moment the previous day, she'd felt guilty for being with JJ, but she'd remembered what Kerry had said. Her granddad had been happy for her, and he'd liked JJ.

She looked at the clock. It was just past 8am. Sam must have left early. She put on her bathrobe and went downstairs. Holly greeted her with a bark and a lick as she opened the kitchen door. On the table there was a brief note from Sam. He wasn't expecting to be home until late, but he'd bring a takeaway if she was willing to wait. She switched the kettle on and went into the lounge. Her laptop was packed away neatly in the corner of the room. She hadn't touched it since midweek. Her thoughts went to JJ. She needed to speak to her, but it was way too early to wake her yet. She booted the computer up and returned to the kitchen.

Having made a cup of tea, Cory settled into the rocking chair and rested her feet on the radiator. She plugged the modem into the phone line extension and dialled up the connection. She hated the squawking noise that the modem made as it tried to connect her. Finally, the system connected and she pressed the Outlook Express button. Her email box was full, and she read down the list, noticing three emails from JJ. The first was a card that made her throat contract and eyes water. She'd cried so much over the weekend she was surprised she had any tears left. The second email was a thank you from JJ for the week, and the love she felt for Cory. It was short and to the point and made Cory realise how worried JJ must have been. She looked at the third email it was titled 'Call Me'. She opened the mail.

Dear Cory,

I called yesterday and Sam gave me the bad news. I'm so sorry, babe. If I could be there with you I would, but I know deep down it would cause you more trouble than I would wish for you. So here I am, miles away from you, and I feel useless.

Babe, Sam said you were feeling guilty about being with me. I hope this isn't true. I feel very selfish; as all I keep thinking about is the wonderful time I had with you and how special it was. I know I only knew Fred briefly, but I don't think he'd blame you, babe.

Please call me when you get this, if you can or want to, that is. It doesn't matter what time of day, babe. I need to hear your voice. I need to know you're okay, and most of all I need to connect with you. I'm going crazy.

You're in my heart ... always and forever

J (CALL ME!!)

Cory burst into tears. She was going to have words with Sam. She grabbed the phone. JJ had said to call no matter what time. She disconnected the phone line and opened up an old email, which held JJ's number. The phone rang, once, twice and on the third ring she heard a clatter and a bang.

"Hello." Cory said hesitantly, worried that Sarah may have answered.

"Huh?" JJ rubbed her head. She'd been scared awake, and had fumbled for the phone, pulling half the tabletop contents onto her head.

"JJ is that you?"

"Cory, thank god it's you. I've been so worried about you." JJ choked out, her mouth felt full of cotton wool.

Cory took a deep breath. She missed the woman so much. "I'm sorry babe, I went a bit crazy for a while. I didn't get your message, Sam didn't tell me you'd called."

"That figures. So how are you? I'm so sorry, Cory. He was a special man."

"I'm doing better, now that the shock has worn off. Occasionally I feel like it's all a dream, and then I realise it's not. I think too many things happened this weekend, and I had a huge guilt trip."

"About us, or about not being there?" JJ asked nervously.

Cory twiddled with her hair, how much did she tell her lover. "A bit of both really. When I got there I was mad. Mad at leaving him, and a little mad because I'd been with you. But then I wouldn't have been with him anyway. He died early in the morning. The rest is guilt because I haven't told Sam. I'm not sure whether I feel guilty because I feel like I'm betraying you, or guilty because I betrayed his trust in me. It's just been hell, and all I've wanted to do is sleep, and be with you."

"I'm sorry Cor, I feel like I should be doing more. If you hadn't called today, I was seriously thinking of catching a plane back over. You had me scared babe."

"I know. I feel bad. So how are things on your end? How was Sarah?" The soothing sound of JJ's voice was helping her. She just wished she could be with her.

"She wasn't here when I got back, she'd taken all her stuff and more."

"No way!"

"Yes. She took the bed and other stuff, and when I got back from training yesterday, she'd taken the lounge furniture and the patio stuff. She left the TV, video and other electrical items. I have the old 2-seater sofa from the kitchen and the spare bed. Oh, she left the washer and dryer too. Helen wanted to go over there and get the things back, but if that's what it takes to get her out of my life, I'll take it. She's shown her true colours really. I need to do some math and see what I can afford to replace. We didn't get a chance to discuss the actual house. She was way too angry, but it looks like she's got a new girlfriend."

"Bloody hell, already?" Cory was amazed the woman had only dumped JJ on Wednesday.

"Well Sarah was never one for being on her own. She needs a bed buddy. I think this Chris is a rebound romance. At some point this week I need to look into the house situation, but I'm waiting for Sarah to make the first move. She's still paying the mortgage so it's no skin off my nose. Any news when the funeral will be?" JJ glanced at the clock. It was coming up to 4am, and she felt exhausted. The coach had worked them hard. Her body ached from muscles she hadn't worked in over a week.

"Thursday morning. The funeral car is coming to granddad's house, and we begin the procession from there. Mum wants us to go in the funeral car. Granddad had booked two: one for his children and the other for grandchildren, if we wanted. I think Kerry and I are going to travel in it with my uncle's wife and my little cousin." Cory didn't want to think about the funeral. "I miss you J."

"I miss you too babe, so much. I want to be there. Holding you and wiping the tears, but I know I can't. Even if could, it would cause you problems. How's Sam been?" JJ had many things she wanted to say about Sam, but felt it was best to keep quiet for Cory's sake. She didn't trust the guy at all.

"He's been very thoughtful. He's hurting too. He was very close to granddad. I'm pissed off with him at the moment because he never mentioned you'd called yesterday, and I can't believe he told you about the guilt. You wait until later, I'll have it out with him."

As much as JJ wanted to hit the guy, she didn't want Cory to get into any more trouble or grief. "Cory I think you should let it go. I know you're safe and sound now, it's no use winding him up. He obviously had his reason for doing and saying what he did. Wait until the funeral is over. Please?"

"Okay, but only because you asked. I'm going to talk to him after the funeral. Maybe over the weekend, I'm going to tell him I need a break. I don't think I can move out as I have nowhere to go except home, and I don't want to be in my parent's house, not so soon after the death. I thought I'd ask Sam to sleep in the spare room and take it from there. I haven't had chance to think beyond that. You're not mad, are you?" It was true Cory hadn't given the future any thought since the death. She'd had so many plans in her head on the drive back up, including numerous conversations with Sam. But now they were all surplus to requirement. She couldn't have the chat before the funeral. She didn't have the energy.

"Hey babe, you take your time. I'm not going anywhere. When you feel the time is right, you can talk to Sam. I know how you feel about me, and I trust you, babe. I said always and forever and I mean always ... even if it takes a long time, I know we can do it. So how long are you off school for?"

"Nice try at changing the subject Matthews. I love you, and I promise you we'll be together soon. I'm going back to work tomorrow. Marj told me to take as much time as I needed. Nancy's covering my class, but I should be there. It'll help keep my mind focussed. As much as I hate to do this, I think you should go back to sleep. What time do you have to go to work?"

JJ groaned, "I have to be in at 8am. I was planning on getting up at 5 but that's an hour away. I guess seeing as I'm already awake, an extra hour won't kill me. I have a game tonight against a team from New Hampshire, so I'm leaving an hour early as it begins at 7. My body clock is all messed up, though. I think I'm struggling with jet lag still."

"Well, the last thing you need is a crazy Brit calling you early in the morning. J, take care of yourself, and I'll email you later. I love you, babe. I promise."

"Thanks for the call Cory. It made me feel better, knowing you're okay and knowing you really do love me. I love you too. Always. Have a good one."

"You too and good luck tonight. I hope you win!"

"Me too. Bye." JJ placed the phone back in its cradle and curled herself into a ball. Her heart ached, and she missed Cory so much. If she closed her eyes she could smell the mint of her hair, and see the green eyes looking back at her. She turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling, seven weeks was going to be a hell of a long time coming.

Wednesday evening came quicker than Cory expected. School had kept her very busy. The students had been busy with practice SATs tests, and Cory had plenty of marking. Her netball team had practiced Tuesday after school, and had a game earlier that evening. Rachel had tried to convince Cory to participate in Body Pump that evening. Cory had given an excuse about having to visit her mum before the funeral. A small white lie, but Rachel would never know. She had other plans for the evening, Sam was attending a late business meeting, and JJ had promised to call. The American had bought a phone card so she could use the college phone in one of the off campus sites, which would give them some privacy. Cory was beginning to hate the five-hour difference. They never seemed to be around when the other one was available to play.

The one productive thing Cory had done that week was to book her trip out at Easter. She had surfed a few sites and got a pretty good deal. She couldn't wait until later in the term to book, with it being Easter time flights filled up pretty quickly, and she'd promised JJ she'd be out there. She didn't care what anybody said. Even if it killed her, she'd be in Massachusetts over Easter. She couldn't wait to tell JJ.

She looked at the computer clock, and saw that she had ten minutes before her call. She shut down the computer and went to make a drink. She wanted to sit in the lounge so she could watch for Sam's car. She hated the sneaking around but she couldn't tell him just yet. Even if she'd wanted to, he hadn't been around. She knew he had a busy workload and that he'd made plans to have the next few days off. She appreciated the thought. He really was a good guy. She knew he'd be heart broken, but she'd known all along she was gay and had really tried to make it work. She just couldn't go on living a lie. They both wanted different things from the relationship, and Cory needed to right a wrong. She didn't want to hurt anyone, but life wasn't that kind. Regardless of her feelings for JJ, she needed to talk to Sam once and for all.

The phone ringing jolted her back to reality. She couldn't wait to hear JJ's voice again! They'd been emailing daily, and had been able to have an early evening instant message chat yesterday. But nothing could replace the tone of JJ's voice. Nothing could take the place of hearing JJ's soothing tone.

"Hello?"

"Hey babe, how you doing?" Cory was so excited.

"You sound perkier. How are you doing?" JJ was pleased to hear Cory's voice sounded more relaxed.

"I'm doing better. I'm dreading tomorrow, but I can't avoid the inevitable." Cory had hoped to keep the conversation light and breezy.

JJ wanted to change the subject, but she knew she needed to talk to Cory about the funeral. "Babe, it's going to be hard. Remember back to your grandmother's. All I can say is lean on people. They love you, even Sam. You're going to need him tomorrow, let him be there for you. It hurts me that he gets to be the one that wipes your tears and holds you, but I'm pleased you have someone. Hey, I have an embarrassing story that might make you smile."

"You do? Fess up Matthews." Cory couldn't believe how JJ could think so level headed.

"Well if I tell you, promise you'll use it as a visual to help you through tomorrow. Promise me?"

"I promise. So what happened?"

"Well yesterday I woke up late. I think the jet lag finally caught up with me. Anyway, I had to be at the Brookline campus, and had about 40 minutes to get there. We were doing upgrades to all the college computers. So I jumped in the shower and grabbed the nearest clothes I could find, mainly anything that was at the top of the bureau." JJ could feel the pain as she spoke.

"Uh huh, so what did you end up wearing?"

JJ giggled, "Your underwear!"

"My what?"

"You heard me, your panties, or knickers as you call them." JJ blushed.

"How the hell did you get a pair of my knickers? More to the point, why were you wearing them?" Cory giggled.

"I have no idea. It was your black pair. They look like mine. I guess I must have packed them at the hotel by mistake. I never noticed I had them on until lunchtime. I arrived at work and something felt weird. As the day progressed, I could feel my legs numbing, and I had this weird sensation in my stomach. I could barely breath. I thought I was having a heart attack. When I went to the bathroom to pee, the elastic was cutting into the top of my leg and waist. It was then I realised they were yours. I had to take them off and go commando the rest of the afternoon. If I hadn't I'm sure I would have fainted! All I could imagine was being rushed to hospital, and having to explain why I was wearing underwear two sizes too small. You have incredibly small undies!" All JJ could hear was Cory's laughter down the phone.

"That's it, laugh at a woman while she's down. I think I'm scarred for life! The red marks are still there, you know."

Cory couldn't stop laughing, picturing the scene. "I'm sorry babe, but that's what you get for stealing my underwear."

"Hey I never stole it. If I'd known it was yours I'd have never washed them!"

"You pervert!" Cory shouted down the phone.

"Yeah, but I'm your pervert, right?" JJ was pleased to hear the laughter. It felt good to make Cory smile.

"Yes, you're my girl. Oh, I have some good news for you. I booked my ticket for Easter." Cory knew this news would cheer JJ up.

"Really?" JJ had believed Cory when she said she'd be out at Easter, but believing and hearing that she'd booked a ticket were two different things. This made the trip more real.

"Do you want to hear the good news?"

"Sure."

"Well I'd been going on last years calendar, and I thought Easter was in April, but Easter's early this year. So I fly out on the 23^rd of March. Which is just under four weeks away! The down side for me is that the final term is going to be a long term, almost fourteen weeks. But in twenty-three days I get to see you again! Isn't that great?" Cory hadn't believed it herself. She'd been all for waiting six to seven weeks and then her boss had reminded everyone of the short half term, and the need to hold parent consultations earlier than usual. This had made Cory so happy! She'd been dreading the seven-week gap, and now the reality was that JJ would be in her arms very soon.

"Unbelievable! I can't believe it's that soon!" JJ was amazed. She'd marked off seven weeks in her calendar, and now Cory was saying that in less than four she'd be in the US.

"Yeah, it was more my fault, really. I generally think of half terms being about seven weeks. I had no idea that Easter was early. I tend to think of Easter being like Christmas, held on the same day every year. How stupid is that? And I call myself a teacher! Anyway, it's early and so is the holiday. I'm not going to complain, but just remind me of that when I have to teach for fourteen weeks next term!"

"Sure, sounds good to me. I think I need to make sure I book time off. Cory, I won't be able to take the whole two weeks off. I have about seven days vacation left and then I have to work."

"Hey no problem. At least you have Good Friday and Bank Holiday Monday, as well." Cory added.

JJ shook her head, then she realised that Cory couldn't see this gesture. "No babe, we don't have these holidays. Its just Easter Sunday we recognise officially. As a good catholic girl, I know what Good Friday is about. Some places give you Good Friday off, but not the college. We have Spring break two weeks earlier. The problem is, the college makes me work harder when the students are absent, as it's the only time the computers are free. It's been rumoured that we're getting new systems over Spring break. Which means I'll be refitting labs, and then loading software for the next few weeks. But we'll work something out." JJ was pissed, but she knew there was no way she could take more time off.

Hearing the disappointment in her lover's voice Cory spoke quickly, "Hey, if I get to wake up in your arms and hold you at night, I don't care what I do. It's not like our life is going to be one big vacation. This will give us an indication of how life might be together. I have a shit load of work I need to prepare before the new term begins. I could always come into work with you, if you wanted me to?"

JJ smiled, "These plans sound nice, Cory. I can't wait. It gives me something to look forward to."

"I know what you mean. Tomorrow is going to be worse time of my life. I'm dreading it. I know the weekend is going to be hard, too. I just hate hurting Sam, but I know I have to be cruel to be kind. He deserves someone who loves him. I mean I love him, but I don't love him. Does that make sense?" Cory still had no idea how she was going to start the conversation with Sam.

"I understand Cory. Like I've said before, take your time. You've told him many times how you feel, and he's had chances to change his ways. I've seen him in action Cory, and I know it's going to be a shock for him. When the time is right you'll know. I should go babe. I get a bit nervous making private calls from work, even though I'm paying for this."

Cory hated this part of the conversation, "Thanks for being here, J. You've made me feel better. I promise if I need you tomorrow, I'll call your mobile. Even if it's just to hear your voice."

"I promise to charge the cell, and leave it on all night and day. I love you Cory. Picture me holding you tight, and kissing your forehead. Plus the underwear that was way too tight!"

"I love you too. I promise I'll call. Have a good evening, don't get up to mischief."

JJ laughed, "Me? Get up to mischief? Never! I miss you babe. Bye."

"Bye babe! I miss you too."

After the phone call, JJ paced around the computer lab. She had another hour of work, then she was leaving early. She'd had a call from Sarah, and they'd agreed to meet up at a neutral venue to discuss the details of the house. JJ hadn't heard from Sarah since the weekend, and then Sarah had called. She hadn't told Cory of the meeting, as she felt Cory had enough to worry about. Plus, if things went well with Sarah, she hoped she had nothing to worry about. Helen was coming over for pizza later. Jo was still on the road, and both women were missing their girls.

JJ pulled the truck into a clear parking space. The afternoon had dragged. She'd made it worse by staring at her watch every ten minutes, and wondering what Cory was doing. The separation was driving her crazy, and it had only been five days! Still the news about Easter had made her day. She'd sent an email to her boss asking for the rest of her vacation time, and had decided it was best to take the first week off. She just needed to check with Cory on when she was returning. She had a few personal days, so she figured she could use one of those if Cory was leaving on a workday.

She saw Sarah's SUV as she walked towards the mall. JJ had chosen the mall as a meeting point. It was halfway between work and home. She also hoped that Sarah would control her temper better in a public place. She walked through the first section of the mall, towards the food court. She saw Sarah sitting at a table for two. JJ noticed she already had food in front of her. That was typical of Sarah, thinking of herself before others.

After buying two chicken tacos for herself, she wandered over to Sarah. She was nervous. She had no idea what was going on in Sarah's head. "Hey," she muttered as she approached the table.

"Hi. I'd have gotten you some food, but I didn't know what your tastes were these days." Sarah gave a fake smile.

JJ hadn't missed the double meaning behind the words. "Let's cut the crap Sarah, and get down to the real reason why we're here."

"I'm sorry. Can we at least be civil?"

"Hey, you started this. You were the one who broke up with me. You were the one who moved out of the house. You were the one who took all the furniture. And, you were the one who started with the snide comments." JJ could feel her blood boiling.

"Well, you were the one having an affair." Sarah shot back.

JJ shook her head, "For the last time Sarah, I was not having an affair. Cory and I didn't get together until we'd split up."

"So you admit that you are seeing her. It wasn't all in my head, was it?" Sarah asked.

JJ could see the hurt in her ex's eyes. There was some truth to her words. "Yes, I'm seeing her. I swear nothing happened until the end of the week."

"But you wanted it to happen before then, didn't you?" Sarah needed to know the truth.

JJ shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe. Anyway, what's with you and this Chris? Don't act all innocent."

"She's a friend from work."

"Just a friend? She seemed more than that on Sunday."

Sarah looked at JJ. She couldn't believe she was sitting opposite her old girlfriend. Two weeks ago they'd been a couple, and now they could barely tolerate each other. "I've known for a few months that Chris liked me. She's been there for me this past month while you've been playing around with your Internet buddy. I went to see her last Sunday morning after you left, and she offered me a place to stay."

"And a bed to lie in, I bet!" JJ was actually pleased Sarah had found someone, it made her life less complicated. On the plane over, she'd been worried about how Sarah was going to cope with all the changes. But it looked like she'd landed on her feet.

Sarah chose to ignore the comment. "About the house, I've decided we should sell it."

"You've decided this. What about what I want?"

"Well, you could buy me out. But I want at least fifteen thousand."

JJ nearly choked on her coke. "You want how much? I put down the deposit on that house, and paid for the furniture. Now you're asking for fifteen? You must be joking!"

"On the mortgage, we're equal partners, JJ. That means an equal share of the profits. And the house has made at least thirty thousand in profit. If you want my share, then that's how much I want."

"No way. I may have been an idiot when it comes to letting you have the furniture, but there's no way I'm giving you that much money. That profit is the maximum amount we'd get and you know it. I'd rather put it up for sale. I might be moving anyways." JJ had no idea what her future held, but there was no way she'd give Sarah anymore than she had to.

"To England? You're that serious about her?" Sarah shook her head.

"Yep. If I can get a job over there, I'd move in a heartbeat!"

"And what does her husband think about this little charade?"

JJ didn't answer her. There was no way she was going to tell Sarah about Sam and Cory.

Sarah knew she'd hit a raw nerve. The twitch in JJ's cheek gave it away. "He doesn't know yet, does he? Oh my, now what if a little birdy told him."

JJ looked up, her body shaking with anger. "If you did that, it'd be the last thing you ever did. I mean it Sarah! She has enough on her plate. For god's sake, her grandfather just died. Sarah, don't make me hate you. Just because we're over doesn't mean I don't care about you."

"You do?"

"Sarah, just because I fell in love with someone else doesn't mean I don't care for you. I do. I always will care for you. Please, let's leave Cory out of this. I didn't mean to get angry. I just miss her so much, and want desperately to be there for her."

Sarah saw the tears in JJ's eyes. In all the years they'd been together, she'd never seen her cry. "You really love her, don't you?" Even through all her pain she couldn't forget how much she cared for the tall woman in front of her.

JJ nodded, "Yes."

"You never really loved me did you?" Sarah had known deep in her heart that she'd been second best, but JJ had appeared to care, and they'd had some good times.

"What do you want me to say? Yes I loved you. How deep I never knew, until I met Cory. It's different. I'm different. It doesn't mean what we had was nothing. So the house, do we put it up for sale?"

Sarah nodded, "I guess so. I'll call the real estate agent tomorrow."

By the time JJ got to the house, Helen had already arrived. "I'm sorry, Sarah was a handful. I've got the pizza. I hope you've got the beer. I need some serious down time. So, how was your day? It has to have been ten times better than mine!" JJ joked with Helen as they headed for the door.

Chapter 25

The day looked like it was going to be a cold, bleak one. Cory pulled back from the window and drew the curtains closed. At least the weather matched the occasion and her mood. She picked up her black suit trousers off the bed and began to put them on. She tucked the cream blouse in and looked in the mirror. She pulled the blouse out and tried to decide which looked better.

"Tuck it in, it shows off your figure better." Sam put the cup of tea on the dressing table.

"I don't know why I'm fussing. It's not like anyone is going to be focusing on my appearance." She tucked the blouse back in and picked up the matching suit jacket. "The last time I wore this jacket was when Nan died." She felt inside the pockets and pulled out some used tissues. "I guess I should make sure I have plenty of these." She placed the old tissues in the wicker rubbish bin. She remembered back to her grandmother's funeral. She'd cried so many tears that day but she'd also been supportive of her grandfather and had tried to be brave for him. She wasn't sure she was going to get through the day but she'd made a resolve, no tears. Her grandfather wouldn't have wanted her to cry. The problem was she was having trouble communicating this resolve to her tear ducts. She swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked back the tears.

Sam sensed Cory was having difficulty with her emotions. She wore her heart on her sleeve and was an emotional person. She cried when she was happy, she cried when she was sad, she cried when she was angry too. Sam knew this was something Cory hated about herself. There had been times at work when Cory had been misunderstood because of her tears. He remembered a time when she'd come out of school furious with herself because she'd been so angry. Her boss had given her a talk about handling pressure and not letting things affect her rather than listening to her properly. He placed a hand on her back.

"I've got some tissues, and Cory you look nice. Fred would have been very proud of you. I didn't make you any toast, I wasn't sure if you'd feel like it. Your mum said there would be breakfast at your grandfather's house." Sam put his tie on and checked his pockets for money. "We'll have to leave in about fifteen minutes. The traffic on the motorway could be busy this time of the morning. There's some mail for you downstairs. A few cards I think."

Cory nodded, she didn't feel very talkative but she knew Sam was trying to be helpful. "Thanks, I'll go and open them. Is everything sorted out at work?"

"I called in and my schedule is clear until Monday. Brenda said she'd divert all my calls, I've put it on vibrate just in case. I have a feeling the McPherson deal is going to go pear shaped and I did ask her to call should that happen. I'm sorry Cory I did try to clear the decks."

"Hey don't worry, the world doesn't stop because my granddad died." Cory knew as the words flew out of her mouth that she'd been harsh. She hadn't meant the comment to be aimed directly at Sam. She knew she'd hurt him. "I'm sorry Sam, that wasn't aimed at you. I just meant I understand about work. I know this is a crucial time for you. I appreciate that you've worked hard this week."

"I miss him too Cory. He was like my own grandfather. I'm going to miss the old man. Don't forget your cup of tea, I'm going to check if the fax machine is set up on the computer."

He needed to get out of the room. He hadn't cried in front of anybody since his mother walked out on his father when he'd been thirteen. He'd vowed then that no one would see him cry or hurt him like his mother had hurt his father. He'd seen his father cry night after night. It had made Sam feel nothing but pity for the man he once worshipped. Sam had been brought up in a private school and in those days in Wales, men were men. They didn't show emotion and they took control. His father had broken all the rules Sam had held dear to him. The after effects of the divorce had profoundly affected Sam. He'd never trusted his mother since then. She had taken everything his father had ever worked at and left him with nothing but a broken heart. It had been two years since he'd last seen his mother and that had only been because of Cory's insistence that he tell his mother they were getting married.

The visit had been brief, his mother had looked ill but Sam could only see the bitter woman that had dragged his father down. Cory had invited the woman to the wedding. Fortunately, she'd been feeling too poorly to attend which had solved the problem of how to keep his mother and father apart. He hadn't seen her since and really had no intention of ever wanting to. He knew Cory didn't understand but that was the way he liked it and he was in charge.

Cory flicked through the mail. There were several cards from her work friends. Ange had sent a nice, thoughtful one. She'd called Cory on Tuesday to check if JJ had enjoyed her visit and Cory had explained about the death. Ange had met Fred a few times and had sent her condolences and thoughts. Cory hadn't had chance to talk to Ange about JJ, as Sam had been home, but she had told Ange she would call the following week.

Sam went into the kitchen. He patted Holly and put some biscuits in a bowl. Holly was going to spend the day at the house but the neighbour had promised to walk her at lunch and dinnertime. He closed the kitchen door and walked into the lounge. "Come on Cory we need to hit the road." He passed Cory's coat to her. "You might need this they think it could rain. Who sent the cards?"

"Marj, Rachel and Ange. It was a nice thought. Marj and Rachel could have saved themselves a stamp and given them to me yesterday."

"Well you know some people don't know what to say and a card says it so much better when they can't be with you at the time." Sam closed the front door and locked it.

"You're right. I guess I never really thought about it."

The forty-minute drive was done in silence. Cory had closed her eyes. She didn't want to talk, so she'd hoped to give the impression she was sleeping. She'd just zoned out and listened to the songs on the radio.

Her grandfather's house was in an enclosed close. The close was circular in shape and had about fifty semi-detached houses in it. Sam drove slowly round the huge oval shaped grass that was the center attraction. Cory had grown up playing on the field, commonly called 'the green'. It had been a safe place to play as all the houses looked onto it, and the close only had one entrance/exit. They parked on the green, next to other cars that belonged to the family. The road in front of the house had been left clear for the hearse and other funeral cars.

Cory walked into the kitchen area. Her mum was making breakfast and handing out juice. "Hey mum. Do you want me to do anything?"

Her mum shook her head, "No honey. Your granddad wanted everyone to have a good breakfast and a drink on him."

"At 8.30 in the morning?" Cory smiled. That was way too early for anybody to be drinking alcohol.

"I have croissants, egg, sausage and bacon. Just help yourself, it's going to be a long morning and the wake isn't until noon."

"Sam might have a bit but my stomach doesn't feel too good. I'll just have some juice." She poured a glass of orange juice and walked out into the summerhouse that was attached to the back of the kitchen. Her cousin, Sylvia, was standing looking at the garden.

"It's the end of an era I guess." Cory stated.

"It's hard to believe they're both gone. I keep thinking of all the years I've spent in this garden. I'm forty next week, can you believe it?" Sylvia sat in the wicker chair.

"I never knew there were that many years between us. The house goes up for sale next month. Mum said granddad wanted the money to be split by all his children. It's going to be strange to never come here again." She knew she was rambling but she couldn't stop. She picked up one of the remembrance cards. The picture on the front was the one her mum had shown her earlier in the week. She turned it over and her breath caught in her throat. There was her granddad, smiling back at her. Had it really been less than a week since she'd seen his smile? She closed her eyes and summoned up the strength she needed to quell the tears. She thought back to the conversation she'd had with JJ the previous night. 'My girl wore pants that were too small for her! My girl wore pants that were too small for her.' She smiled, she would have loved to have been there to see JJ's face when she'd realised what she was wearing.

"The picture looks good doesn't it?" Sylvia had tears in her eyes too. "Where was it taken?"

Cory was brought back to the present, "My wedding."

"God, Cory, where does the time go? I think the last time I saw you, we were here but it was Nan's funeral. How come we only ever meet at weddings and funerals?"

"Well we both have busy schedules. So how's London?" Her cousin was an artist and designer who lived in London.

"I'm moving back home. The job didn't work out for me. Mum and dad have offered to put me up while I look for another job. Plus dad's been unwell and I think mum might need me around a bit more. So how was the wedding? I'm sorry I missed it. Mum said it was fun. I have to say I never pictured you getting married. You never seemed the type."

Cory hadn't expected that comment. "The wedding was good. What do you mean you never expected me to marry?"

"I don't know just a gut reaction. I remember you were always more into football and playing with the boys than romancing them. Still that was a long time ago, things change."

Cory didn't have an opportunity to continue the conversation as Kerry walked into the summerhouse crying.

"Hey Kerry, come on dry the tears." Cory hugged her sister. She couldn't stop the tears coming. She'd been holding it all in until she'd seen Kerry's face.

"I wasn't crying until I saw the photo on the back of the card. I'm okay, really I am." Both sisters wiped their eyes. "Mum seems to be handling things okay."

"That's because she has a mission. If she stops playing host it'll hit her. Wait until later on when she's alone or has nothing to do. I hope dad's prepared." Cory passed Kerry an extra tissue.

Cory moved from room to room. She managed to avoid her Uncle Keith. She had no intention of being trapped talking to the guy. Now was not a time to lose her temper and her uncle seemed to know what buttons to push on her without trying. She glanced out of the window. Sam was leaning on his car talking to her brother in law, Pete. Mike was talking to her father.

Cory had been upset earlier in the week when her mother had said that her Uncle Tony and her brother would read the eulogy. Cory had felt that she should have been the person to write and say things about her granddad not Mike. Mike hadn't had the same relationship with her grandfather as she had. Mike had really only gone to visit when he'd wanted something. She'd refused to help Mike when her mother had said he needed memories of her granddad. As far as Cory had been concerned if Mike couldn't recall some of his own then he shouldn't do the job. Only when her mother had stated the fact that Cory wouldn't be able to hold her emotions together to do the speech did she agree. She also pointed out that Mike was talking for all the grandchildren and thus he needed memories from everyone.

She continued to stare out the window, remembering the good times and the bad. Nearly three decades had been spent in this house. She saw the hearse enter the close. Walking in front of the car was a man dressed in top hat and tails. On the front garden stood her mother with her three brothers and two sisters. Her Aunt Eileen had flown in from Oregon the previous day. Each sibling had a champagne glass and as the hearse stopped in front of the house, her Uncle Tony released the champagne cork. He poured a small amount in each glass and collectively they clinked glasses and toasted their father. It had been something Fred had done to his wife when she'd died and now the children were carrying out his wishes.

Cory walked out onto the front garden and looked at the simple floral display on the coffin. She couldn't believe her grandfather was lying in that box. They had been asked not to bring bunches of flowers. Instead each child and grandchild had a red rose to place on the coffin. It had been the same at her Nan's funeral but Cory hadn't wanted to give a rose. She knew that carnations had been her Nan's favourite flower. Cory had chosen a yellow carnation it didn't matter that it was different from the others. On her Nan's birthday and anniversary she placed a single carnation under the tree where her ashes were scattered. She'd chosen a single yellow carnation for her grandfather too. She stood next to Kerry and looked down. Kerry was also holding a yellow carnation.

"I liked your idea of the carnation Cory. You don't mind me copying you?" Cory shook her head and held her sister's hand.

They walked to the car. Sam was going to follow in their car. The funeral cars would only take them to the crematorium. From there they needed their own transport. Cory had never been in a funeral car. The seats were leather and it was very spacious. Kerry got in first and Cory followed. She looked at the seat opposite her and smiled at her younger cousin. No words were needed to convey their feelings. All Cory could feel was a tremendous ache in her heart and a pain in her throat. She closed her eyes and summoned up the happiest thoughts. Each one settled on JJ.

The tears began as Cory walked into the Crematorium. The music playing was Tina Turner's 'Simply The Best'. Even through the tears Cory had to smile. Only her granddad would pick this song. She had definitely inherited her ego from him. Sam had met her outside and was now holding her hand as they walked down the centre aisle. They sat in the second row of pews. Cory's eyes never left the coffin. Her resolve was gone and she couldn't control the tears. The pain inside was ripping her apart and the words from the song swam around inside her head. Her granddad had been the best. She missed him so much.

Her Uncle Tony began the eulogy. Cory began giggling as her Uncle told story after story of her grandfather's life. Some of the stories she knew well; others were new to her. She listened as he recalled how Fred had loved greyhounds and had visited the local races every week for 72 years. He'd been a small eight-year-old boy when he'd first gone there. He'd done odd jobs for the bookies and had slowly worked his way up in the ranks. Her uncle continued talking about Fred joining the Navy and seeing the world. According to Fred's brother, Albert, his brother's greatest wish after the war had been to breed greyhounds and race them. But he'd never achieved that dream instead he'd met Cory's grandmother and fallen in love. Even though she had three children from a previous marriage, he had given up his dream and taken a job at the local car factory. He had provided a home and support for his new wife, her three children and the three others that would come along.

"The one piece of advice Fred had for all his kin was to follow your heart as they turn into your dreams. He never regretted the life he gave up because he found the one person who meant the world to him. They may have fought like cat and dog and we all witnessed those fights. Deep down they had a love that lasted fifty years. So I'll end it here and pass it over to Mike to give you the memories that his many grandchildren had of him. Just remember follow your heart."

The clapping of hands brought Cory out of her thoughts. She wiped her eyes. Her brother began his speech. He looked nervous and half way through he began to cry. Cory wanted to go and give him a hug. Her admiration for her brother was growing with each utterance. He was no longer the little boy that had told tales on her. He was a man doing a sterling job to keep his emotions in check.

As Mike finished speaking it was time for the vicar to say a few words. He then invited the family to put their flowers on the casket. As her mother stood up the tones of Frank Sinitra echoed through the room.

And now, the end is near,
And so I face the final curtain,
My friend. I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case of which I'm certain.
I've lived a live that's full.
I travelled each and every highway,
And more, much more than this, I did it my way.

Cory watched her mum and dad, aunts and uncles walk to the coffin. Each person placed their rose on the coffin as the music filled the room. Every word meant something to Cory. She felt Kerry stand up next to her and she tried to follow but her legs began to buckle. Sam caught her before she fell. She let him hold her up. Her tears were coming thick and fast and she found herself sobbing.

Regrets, I've had a few,
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do,
And saw it thru without exemption.
I planned each chattered course,
Each careful step along the byway,
And more, much more than this, I did it my way.

She walked slowly towards the coffin. She placed her carnation on top of the roses and kissed the coffin. Words couldn't express how she felt. She knew through the song her grandfather was trying to express how he felt. He'd had plenty of time to prepare himself and now Cory had to finally say goodbye. Sam led her back to her seat and he held her close as she watched her little cousin put a picture she'd drawn on top of the casket.

Yes there were times, I'm sure you knew,
When I bit off more than I could chew,
But thru it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up, and spit it out.
I faced it all, and I stood tall,
And did it my way.

As the song finished the coffin began to move along the conveyor belt towards the back of the room. The curtains closed in front of it and Cory closed her eyes. She didn't care who saw or heard her she couldn't stop the sobs. She couldn't fight the pain anymore.

JJ woke up in a sweat. She'd had a restless sleep. Her thoughts were 3000 miles away. She wanted to be with Cory. Helen had stayed a few hours the previous evening but JJ had been lousy company. In the end she'd given up trying to keep her end of the conversation up and had made her excuses and gone to bed. Helen had understood. Well, she'd said she did. JJ would have to call her to apologize. It was just coming up to 5am. The funeral was just coming to an end. She hoped Cory was okay. It hurt JJ to know that her lover was going through this grief without her being there. The distance between them sucked. She lay staring at the photo on her bedside table. The frame held a photo of Cory. JJ had developed her vacation photos and this one had drawn her attention more than the others. She'd been taking photos at the top of the castle tower and JJ had turned to catch Cory daydreaming. Cory looked so relaxed and young.

JJ moved her spare pillow down to her side and cuddled it. She missed Cory so much. She'd found herself buying the same perfume as Cory wore just so she could spray it on her pillow. That way with her eyes closed she felt closer to Cory. She was pathetic. She thumped the bed in frustration. There was no way she was going to survive without the blonde near her. She needed to start finding ways for them to be together. She didn't care where she just needed it to be soon. There had to be a million ways to get into another country. She'd lived in Germany for two years playing ice hockey. Maybe that was the way forward but she didn't think England was really into ice hockey. She remembered from her conversation with Sandy at the hotel that there wasn't as much interest in the sport. She set her mind to do some web surfing at work. It would keep her mind off Cory and at least she'd have some good news to tell her girl when she emailed.

She wasn't entirely sure what Cory's plans were for the rest of the week and weekend. Her last email had been brief and sent late the previous evening. It had thanked her for the phone call and mentioned that Sam was taking some time off work. JJ knew the chances of a call were slim but hopefully Cory would send her an email to let her know how the cremation had gone. Personally, she'd never been to a cremation before. All her family were catholic and were buried in the traditional manner. She'd never really given it a thought. She was trying to think about where she'd have her ashes scattered if she had a choice. She wasn't sure she liked the idea of her body being scattered. A grave was definitely where she wanted to be laid to rest. In fact she didn't want to think of death at all. She looked back at the clock and couldn't ignore the time any more. She needed to get in the shower and on the road.

The family gathered outside the crematorium. Hugs and kisses were swapped freely along with tissues. The sound of chatter and nose blowing filled the air. The wake was to be held at a nearby pub her grandfather had always liked. It had been the pub where he'd had his first official drink in 1938. Cory decided she needed to walk. She let go of Sam's hand. "I just want to go and say hello to Nan. Warn her to be good to Granddad."

"Do you want me to come?" Sam had been concerned about Cory all through the cremation. He wasn't sure she was stable enough to be left alone.

Cory shook her head, "I'd prefer to be alone. I'm sure they'll be a few more people making their way down there too."

She wandered down towards the tall oak tree that towered high above any of the other trees. She had to cut through a tiny gap in the hedge, where a small paved path lead through the remembrance gardens. There were two places where she went to feel closer to her Nan. The first was the huge oak tree where some of her Nan's ashes had been scattered. Her granddad had kept some of the ashes. His wish was to mix these with his own. The tree looked barren without it's leaves. Underneath the tree were some fresh flowers, left in the vase her grandfather had placed two years earlier. She stood reflecting over the two years. She'd missed her Nan. She wondered how her granddad had survived the two years without her. He'd never looked at another woman even though many women had tried to court the old man.

She turned and headed back the way she'd come but instead of turning right she continued walking straight ahead towards the rose garden. That was the second place of remembrance. The family had planted a rose in remembrance. It had her name and the date she'd died inscribed on a plaque in front of it. As she turned the corner she saw her mum and two aunts standing in front of the rose tree. She walked up and stood beside them. Her Aunt Pam hugged her. "How are you doing Cory? He really did love you."

"Thanks. I'm holding up okay." She fought back the tears. She just didn't have the energy to cry any more.

They stood reminiscing for a few minutes and then they walked back up to the main entrance. As they walked up the hill they passed the huge fishpond. Next to the pond the flowers from the top of the coffin were laid out for people to see. Attached to each flower was a card. Cory looked at them. She stopped when she read her own message.

Granddad,

You taught me all I know - thank you.

You will always be my hero.

I love you

Cory

She stared at the flowers. One thought was going through her mind 'Follow your heart Cory. Follow your heart.' She looked up at the sky. 'I will granddad I promise.' With that she walked towards the rest of the mourners.

The wake went well. The food had been buffet style, and had been a welcome sight for Cory. Her stomach had been feeling awful, but now that she'd had some food, it felt much better. She'd spent some time talking to aunts and uncles about school, and life in general. She'd enjoyed listening to the many memories they held. The time went quickly, and the beer flowed. Cory was trying to monitor how much alcohol she drank, but it was becoming difficult to say no. Every time she turned round another drink was in front of her, and a toast was being said. She hadn't seen Sam for a while and wondered where he'd gone.

Her sister was talking with her cousin Alan, and Sylvia was sitting next to her brother looking decidedly bored. Cory picked up her pint and walked over to them. "Room for a small one here?" She asked.

"Sure. Hey have you seen Pete?" Kerry asked.

Cory shook her head and took a small sip from her glass. "No, but as I can't find Sam I'd say the two of them are together somewhere." Cory looked around and caught her brother's eye. "Mike have you seen Pete and Sam?"

Mike nodded, "The last time I saw them they were playing pool in the other bar. I'll go and check on them if you want."

Cory shook her head. "No it's okay I was just checking where he was."

Sylvia nudged her, "Young love, ain't it sweet." Cory gave her a false smile and continued to sip her beer.

Alan and Kerry were swapping work related stories. Cory listened for a while but soon got bored. She looked at her other cousin. She hadn't realised there was such a big gap between her cousin and herself. "So you said it's your fortieth soon. Any special plans?"

Sylvia shook her head, "No I might go out with friends in London before I leave but I'm not sure." Cory had always been curious about Sylvia, in all the time she'd known her cousin there had never been any indication of a boyfriend or any kind of significant other. Cory decided to try and dig for more information.

"So you were surprised when you heard about Sam and I then?"

Sylvia looked at her younger cousin, she had always been a pretty child and now she could see that even though her eyes were puffy from crying she was a gorgeous example of a woman. "Like I said before you never seemed to be the marrying kind."

Cory looked to her side. Alan and Kerry were so involved in their conversation; they were oblivious to the other two. "I guess I never thought I would either. How about yourself, any significant other on the scene?"

Sylvia looked at Cory, the way she'd worded that question was so different from everyone else. Usually she got asked whether she had a boyfriend or why she wasn't married, especially at her age. "There may be. I just met someone recently at an exhibition. If I ever get brave I may ask them for a date, but don't hold your breath."

Cory took another sip of her drink. Interesting. She thought, there had been a flicker in Sylvia's eyes, and to Cory it had seemed like fear, or surprise. Maybe her suspicions about Sylvia were true. She'd always liked her older cousin, admired her even. She appeared to have it all: the clothes, the job in London, the money and her accent had always made Cory feel very different. But maybe they were more alike than they knew.

"So what are they like?" Cory was careful to keep the pronoun general. She knew from her experience with Ange that people usually jumped to the wrong conclusion and assumed that it had to be a man. If Cory's hunch was correct, she wanted Sylvia to be the one to say it.

If Sylvia was aware of her little game, she never let it show. "Cute, good looking, a great artist in my opinion and special."

"Special? Now that's not a word one usually says about someone they've just met." Cory knew she was treading on new territory. She'd never talked to her cousin about romance but Cory sensed Sylvia wanted to talk.

Sylvia took a few moments to think about what she'd said and then she looked into Cory's eyes. Before her she saw openness, honesty and trust. She'd known Cory all her life and from what she'd heard and knew Cory was known for being trustworthy. Was it time to reveal her secret to someone? Could she trust her? She was turning forty and sick of lying to herself and others. Maybe she should take a note out of her grandfather's book and follow her heart. She finished her drink off and looked back at Cory.

"I'm sorry Sylvia I was prying where my nose doesn't belong. Forget I asked. Would you like another drink?" Cory could see the uncertainty, and had already guessed what might be going on behind the dark, soulful eyes. Sylvia and Cory had completely different complexions. They were as different as chalk and cheese looks wise. Her Aunt Pam had married an Armenian man and the Mediterranean looks had been dominant.

Sylvia nodded and passed her glass to Cory, "Sure I'll have another. And don't be sorry, it was a good question. I'm just thinking of a good answer. How about I accompany you to the bar and we continue this discussion in a more secluded spot."

Cory rose and picked up her own glass. She followed Sylvia to the bar where they ordered more drinks. They placed the full glasses onto the small ledge to the side of the bar and leaned against the wall well away from any prying eyes and ears.

After a minute or two of uncomfortable silence, Sylvia picked up her drink, " I think I've drunk more than I really should have today and it's still early." She raised her glass towards Cory. "Here's to Granddad, may he rest in peace."

Cory picked up her own glass and clinked it to Sylvia's. "To Granddad."

Cory continued to take a big sip of her drink as she heard Sylvia mutter the words, "She's gay." Lager spluttered out of Cory's mouth.

"I'm sorry Sylvia, not the reaction I guess you were after. You just caught me by surprise. Talk about straight to the point. No pun intended." Cory grabbed a tissue from her pocket, and began to wipe her jacket. She handed another to Sylvia. She'd managed to project the lager onto her too.

"No, I'm the one who should apologise, I didn't think you'd be surprised. I guess I read the wrong signals over there."

Cory caught her cousin's arm, "No you didn't Sylvia. I knew. It wasn't the subject that surprised me. It was just the way you came out with it."

"You asked what made the person special. I mean it's not what makes her special but it makes her more interesting to me. Usually I meet someone and they're wonderful and we get on so well, but they're straight, or so they say. I met Amy a few weeks ago at an art exhibition a friend was hosting. She took my breath away. She seemed really interested in me and we got on great. She gave me her phone number and asked me to call her if we decided to go out for my birthday." Sylvia felt relieved, she'd finally told someone her deepest, darkest secret.

Cory was intrigued, she'd found a kindred spirit within the family, and although she wasn't sure this was the time and place to discuss her problems she could at least offer an ear to her cousin. "Did she tell you she was gay?"

Sylvia shook her head, "No, my friends told me. I spoke to my two friends who knew her and I told them how nice I thought she was. They told me to be careful and not to give the wrong impression to her because she was gay. I pretty much knew anyway but I wasn't sure. I've been wrong before and been burnt badly. I fell in love about ten years ago with a wonderful woman. Unfortunately, she married a good friend of mine recently and I never told her how I felt. We spent all our time together, I figured she'd get tired of chasing men and realise I was always there for her. But she met her knight in shining armour and I was surplus to requirement. Well we tried to keep in touch but I couldn't bear seeing her and knowing she loved someone else."

"Ouch, love can definitely have its low points. So your friends don't know?"

"No, I don't know why I haven't told them. It's not like it's new to me, I've always known. I just know their views on certain subjects and I just fall into that trap where I just went along with things to keep the peace. Does that make sense?" She looked at Cory who was nodding. "Every time I thought I'd met Miss Right she was either straight so off limits, or married and having a mid life crisis. Amy's different I think she actually likes me. So I'm scared spitless and would love dearly to invite her to my birthday night out. I feel like I'm 15 and planning my first date! Any ideas?"

"Go for it! What do you have to lose?" Cory held up her two hands. "On the one hand you have nothing, on the other hand you could ask her out and she says no. You've still got nothing. Then again she could say yes and what have you then?" Cory paused to get her point across. "You've got a possibility of happiness. So pick up the phone and ask her."

"You're right I know. The other good thing is she lives near mum and dad. I couldn't believe that coincidence either. Her gallery is based in Birmingham. So if she did agree, we'd see each other daily as I'm moving back here too. In fact I may call her tonight when I get back." Sylvia looked so happy, Cory was glad she'd pursued the conversation.

"So as I haven't heard this scandalous news on the family grapevine I'm putting two and two together and guessing your parents don't know?" Cory watched Sylvia's face turn from happiness to pure sadness.

"No. They drop hints now and again but nothing concrete is ever said. Who knows, maybe if Amy is the girl for me I'll take the plunge, and reveal all. I don't think they'll be too shocked. Mum's quite liberal. Dad could be a problem but I'm sure mum would pave the way. Cory thanks for listening. You're the first person I've told this to. I feel so good, like a weight has been lifted off me." Sylvia hugged her cousin.

Cory knew how that felt. She'd felt like that twice the previous week. Talking to Ange and then JJ. "Hey, no worries. I'm glad you felt you could confide in me. It's our little secret I promise Sylvia."

"Do you know what's even funnier? You're going to kill me when you hear this."

Cory shook her head, out of the corner of her eye she spotted Sam coming towards her, "No, tell me."

"I was so surprised about you and Sam, as I'd always thought you were gay. How stupid was that?" Sylvia laughed as she said it.

Cory wished she could tell Sylvia the truth but as she opened her mouth Sam came up beside her. "Hey Sylvia, I haven't seen you in ages. Do you mind if I steal my wife away for a few minutes?"

"Nice to see you too Sam. Sure she's all yours. I think I've monopolised her time enough. Thanks Cory, for being such a great listener. I really appreciate it. Here's my phone number and address until the end of the month. If you need anything, give me a call. Maybe I can return the favour one day." Cory took the card, hugged Sylvia and walked away with Sam.

"You two looked very cosy. I didn't think you and her were very close." Sam steered Cory towards where Pete and Kerry were standing near the door.

"We're not really. I think funerals bring out the bond we all have more than any other time."

"She seemed very grateful for your attention. What's her problem?"

"Work. She's moving back home and just needed someone to moan at. I offered." A little white lie was necessary to keep the promise she'd made, and Sam would have been the last person she'd have told, even if she'd been allowed.

"Pete and I have to go over to Fred's house and pick up the ashes of your Nan." Cory stared at Sam. "Fred wanted to mix the ashes he'd kept with his own when he died. Your mum forgot to pick them up when she left. The crematorium phoned and we can scatter your granddad's ashes later this afternoon. It'll save everyone making another trip over tomorrow. Do you want to come with us or stay here?"

She looked at Kerry, "Are you going?"

Her sister shook her head, "No I'm settled in here and it's warmer."

"I'll stay with Kerry." Sam followed Pete out of the door.

"Well I think that's the last we'll see of them for a few hours. They both hate family events. Pete was chomping at the bit to leave early. Are you and Sam okay? You seem a bit tense around each other."

Cory bit her inside lip, another white lie was about to leave her lips, "We're fine. I guess I'm just tired."

She spent the rest of the time sitting in the corner, observing her family and wondering what the future held for them all.

Work had been busy for JJ. But for the past hour it had slowed right down and now she was clock watching. She was due on her lunch break in a few minutes and Helen was picking her up for lunch. She'd been surfing the web, looking at the British immigration site. She'd found a few interesting options and others that had depressed her enough to stop surfing. She looked up as the door to her office opened.

"Hey there, Slowpoke. Long time, no see!" Helen looked very pleased with herself.

JJ gathered her wallet, keys and headed towards her friend. "The amount of time I've spent with you this week people are going to start talking!" She slapped her hand on her friend's back.

"So, where to my Princess?" She looked over her shoulder to where several of her work colleagues were staring. "Rumors will be flying now."

"There's a '99' down the street. We might as well stay local. So how goes the battle?"

"You are way too hyper for me. What's gotten into you?" JJ asked as they walked towards the car.

"Jo is coming home tonight! Her last appointment got cancelled and she managed to get a flight home. It feels like she's been gone forever. I've really missed her."

After parking the car, finding the restroom and waiting ten minutes for the lunchtime rush they'd finally been seated in a booth next to the window.

"So how are things? Any news off Sarah?" Helen asked as she munched her way through the complimentary popcorn.

"She's arranged for the real estate people to view the house later. No one could ever say she was slow at getting things organized."

"Wow, that's quick! What are you going to do once the house is sold?" Helen couldn't believe how quickly her friend's life was changing.

JJ starred at the popcorn in her hand. She hadn't really given the next step much thought. "I don't know. It depends on what happens between Cory and I. I could be moving to England or she could come here."

"Would you really move?" Helen didn't like to think of her friend so far away without friends or family. She liked having the tall woman around and had finally found a friend she could actually talk to. "I'd miss you if you went."

JJ looked at her friend, "I'd miss you too. Even if you are a pain in my butt at hockey practice." She grinned as she said this indicating to her friend that she really was kidding around.

The waitress brought their drinks order and waited patiently while the friends poured over the menu. They finally ordered and then resumed their previous conversation.

"So what plans have you got?"

"Well I did a bit of looking this morning. The good news is that Britain allows same sex couples to sponsor their partner into the country."

"Awesome! And they make out those Brits are stuffy! They're way more progressive than us."

"Yeah, but the snag is we have to show we've lived together two years. That means getting into the country in the first place. They offer a six month tourist visa but that would mean coming back and forth and I wouldn't be able to work. In order to work in the country I have to have computer skills that they need. Unfortunately they are skills I don't have like programming. So I need to look at a way to get us together for two years." JJ sipped her strawberry milkshake. She'd been so psyched when she'd read about the same sex sponsoring but when reality had hit her she'd realised that it wasn't as easy as it sounded. She didn't know if she'd be able to live off Cory's wage for two years and not contribute in any way.

Helen digested the information, "What about college?"

JJ choked on her milkshake. "No way! I just about managed to get my undergraduate degree. I'm more a hands on person, rather than an academic."

"I didn't mean you. I meant Cory. You said she was a teacher. Couldn't she apply to a college here and get her master's?"

JJ thought about it, "That would certainly be a possibility but it would cost a lot of money for her to do it at Tewksbury." Tewksbury was the small, private college she worked at. "What made you think of the Masters degree?"

"I was thinking about it last night when I drove home. I got my degree paid for through my Graduate Assistantship. I worked at the college as a trainer, and they paid for my classes. They also gave me enough money to contribute to the rent. It wasn't a lot but I'm sure it would be enough if you had your wage as well. I could look into it. They must accept foreign applications, as I know we have exchange students from Japan and England as undergraduates."

JJ's eyes were sparkling, "I never realized that's how you got through college. I assumed Jo paid for you."

"No. She wanted to. She thought I'd have more time to devote to studying but there were two reasons I took the assistantship. The first was to get some practical training in and the second was for independence. I needed to give some money to Jo to feel useful and get out of the house! I enjoyed it. The college environment is fun."

"Sounds pretty good to me. I'm sold on the idea. All I have to do now is convince my girl."

"Well it's worth a shot. If not Cory should be able to teach over here surely."

JJ shook her head. "She has to have Massachusetts certification and that might take time. I'm sure there's a way to get her into a private school but I haven't really looked into it. I do like the idea of the degree. Could you check around at work for me?"

"Sure. The graduate office is next to the athletic director's so I go near there on a daily basis. I'll do some digging around. I could pick up a catalogue if you want me to."

JJ nodded and spied their subs being brought out. Over the rest of lunch, Helen carried on telling JJ all about the jerk she worked with and how he thought the basketball team all drooled over him. JJ nodded in all the right places but her mind was busy plotting and planning her future with Cory.