Learning to Trust

By Jules Matthews

Part 15

Jane watched the interactions of Jace and Taryn over breakfast. The couple only had eyes for each other. Usually, Jace fussed over her youngest son and Taryn would persist in answering all of Taylor's eager requests and questions. This morning, however, the pair was so wrapped up in each other and more demonstrative than they had ever been in the past. Jane observed as Jace gently brushed the edge of Taryn's fingers with her own. The women were sitting opposite each other and little looks and slight blushes adorned each face.

Jane's attention was taken away from the lovers and on to her toddler as he threw his toy on the floor. She bent down to collect the toy and nearly banged her head on the table when she saw where Jace's bare foot was stroking. Jane placed the toy back on her son's tablemat and tried unsuccessfully to look at her niece and friend without blushing. Virgin, my ass! They're practically fondling each other in front of the kids! Jane knew she was being irrational. None of the children appeared to have noticed what Jace's foot was doing under the table; however, she knew that it would only take Taylor's eyes to drop to his cousin's lap and the game would be up. She was too far away from either woman to subtly nudge or drop a hint that she knew what they were up to. In the end, she did the best she could to distract her children by asking them what they were hoping to do with their grandfather later in the day.

Taryn tried to stifle the gasp as she felt Jace's foot creep inside her shorts. Now, that's definitely one advantage of being so tall! Since their night of lovemaking, Jace had woken up an animal in Taryn's book. The brunette had been an eager participant in another much slower exploration of love. Taryn had tried unsuccessfully to drag Jace into the shower, although, she had managed to get Jace in the bathroom at the same time. Jace had then showered and had come out of the bathroom decidedly moody and announced that she had gotten her damn period. The look on Jace's face had been priceless and Taryn had wished she'd had a camera ready. Having discovered the joy of sex, Jace had been keen to experience more. Taryn had quickly explained to her crestfallen lover that there were many things that couples could do even with a period. Jace's nimble toes were apparently showing Taryn that she had listened to every bit of advice.

Taryn tried to listen to the chattering of the kids, but as Jace's toe hit a very sensitive spot, Taryn was forced to drop her hands into her lap and trap the offending object before Jace really sent her over the edge.

Jane heard the quiet squeak that emanated from Taryn's mouth. Unable to hold her temper at the two other women's actions, Jane stood up. "Come on, kids. I promised your dad we would call him before we left."

The spell that Taryn seemed to have cast over Jace broke when the director heard her friend's harsh tone. She wriggled her foot out of Taryn's tickling hands and watched as her friend walked away from the table without saying goodbye to them. "Was it something we said?"

Taryn looked guiltily at the back of her aunt as she quick-marched the children out of the dining room. "Probably more like something we didn't say! I think we may have been a little distracted."

Jace dropped her head. "Do you think she noticed?"

Taryn blushed. "What? That you had your foot inside my pants?" She winked at Jace. "I doubt it. She'd have had to have been under the table to see anything and I didn't see her move."

Jace nodded. "I think we kind of ignored the kids this morning. I love them, but sometimes I just want to spend time with you. Does that make me a bad person?"

Taryn slid out of the booth. "No. We just have an unusual set up. I'll go and apologize."

"No. We'll go together. If anyone is apologizing, it should be me. I'm behaving like a teenager." The tall woman threw her hands in the air. "I feel like a kid in a candy shop when I'm near you. It's all so new and I want to play all the time."

Taryn grinned at Jace. "It feels great, doesn't it?"

"Yep. I feel like a new woman." She bent low so only Taryn could hear her next words. "I think I have definitely found a new hobby which I tend to take a long term interest in. Have I told you how much I like being naked with you?"

Taryn's ears burned and she had to gently push Jace away from her. She was finding it hard to resist showing exactly how much she liked the idea of Jace being naked, too. "Jace, behave! People are staring!"

Finally, Jace's professionalism and decorum kicked in and she surveyed the small breakfast crowd. "Sorry." She whispered. "Okay, let's go and find the others." Come on, Xanthos. One night as a lover and the whole world disappears. Get your focus out of your pants and onto the day ahead of you! Her mind reprimanded.

The pair walked to the elevator and tried not to stand too close as other people walked by. When they got into the elevator, Jace couldn't resist pulling Taryn to her and giving the blonde a passionate French kiss. Well, that resolution lasted all of five seconds!

Taryn pulled away from Jace. "How are we going to pretend we're just friends at work, Jace?"

Jace dropped her head. "I have no idea, but let's deal with one problem at a time."

Taryn tapped on her aunt's hotel room door. When there was no answer, she turned to Jace with a questioning look on her face.

"She must be pissed."

"Where do you think they are?"

Jace rubbed the edge of her nose. "My best guess would be the pool, although she said she wasn't going to go down to the pool until after we left." Jace placed the card key into their door and pushed it open. The maid had yet to reach their room and the bedclothes were still scattered at the base of the bed. She breathed in and was sure she could still smell the aftermath of their lovemaking.

Taryn went to open the balcony windows, but stopped when Jace came up behind her and wrapped her in a loving embrace. "Don't open the windows just yet. Can you smell that fug?"

"A what?"

"You know the smell of our bodies and aromas in the room. It's awesome. I like our morning fug so much. I think I can still smell your arousal."

Taryn tapped Jace's head. "Yep. You've definitely been hit by the horn monster!"

"The horn monster?"

Taryn grinned. "That's what Cory calls it when JJ's feeling horny." In the light of the room, she could see the slight flush appear in Jace's cheeks. "Hey, you're adorable." She kissed Jace on the lips. "Now, we really should find Jane before I have to meet my grandfather at the hospice."

Jace opened the window, allowing the humid air of the already hot Florida morning to enter their room. She spotted her friend sitting on one of the far loungers, putting on her youngest son's swimming bands. "She's out there. Taylor and Josie are in the pool. Yep, she's pissed at us!"

"Shit. Do we go and say sorry now or later?"

Jace looked at her watch. "Visiting time starts at ten. It's going to take us thirty minutes to get there. I think we should talk to her later. At the moment, she's watching the kids and I think the Walton temper is still brewing. Having been on the receiving end of one Walton temper, I don't fancy talking to her at the moment!"

"Good point, babe." Taryn collected her sunglasses, photo wallet, and the rental car keys. "Okay. I'm all set."

Jace paused at the door. "Are you really sure about this?"

Taryn nodded. "It could be my last chance to get any answers." She patted the wallet full of photos. "Come on."

***

It felt like déjà vu as Jace saw the older gentleman wave at them. She waved back at Pat Walton and waited for Taryn to lock the car, before they both walked up to the man and hugged him.

"The kids are excited that you're taking them out later. Are you going to be okay on your own?" Taryn inquired.

Her grandfather frowned at her. "I may be old in your eyes, but don't forget I've raised two kids of my own and you, young lady. Our Jane tells me that Josie's very responsible and Taylor looks like a smart kid. I promised Josie a trip out for her birthday and a trip she's going to get! It's just a pity your Gram won't be with me."

Taryn walked into the small building and looked around. It appeared to be more like a home than a hospital. She peered around at the various people that were in the entrance hall. Some were wearing pajamas and holding onto walking frames, others seemed no different than herself, Jace, or her Gramps. The receptionist greeted her grandfather with a huge smile and asked how her Gram was doing.

"She's doing a lot better since our little squirt arrived in town." He hugged his granddaughter to his side. "Maggie, I'd like you to meet Taryn and a good friend of the family, Jace."

Taryn shook Maggie's hand. "Nice to meet you."

Jace followed Taryn's lead and held her hand out to Maggie. "Good to meet you."

"How's my boy doing this morning?" Pat asked.

Maggie frowned. "He didn't have a good night, Pat. The doctor's have increased his morphine dose and we've made him as comfortable as possible. You can visit him, but he might not be as coherent as he has been before."

Pat rubbed his chin. "So, I take it that means he hasn't been cussing at you all, huh?"

Maggie laughed at the old man's joke. "You've got that right. Well, I'll leave you to your visit."

Pat stopped outside his son's room. "I'll go in first. Ryn, you know you don't have to see him. I can always tell your Gram you did."

The comment earned him a tap on the arm. "Gramps, you can't lie to Gram." She winked at him. "Plus, she'd find out, she always does. I remember when you covered up for me when I broke her China plate and when I got detentions for not doing my homework. She found out about them. She always broke you down!" She watched the grin break out on her grandfather's face. "Lead the way, I'm ready for this."

In Taryn's mind, she was more than ready. After making love with Jace, she had held the taller woman in her arms. Sleep had evaded her for a while and she had used the time to collect her thoughts. She had run through various different conversations and hoped she was strong enough to say what was on her mind. It was so different from the last conversation she had had with her mom. That conversation had been filled with loving sentiments and gestures that Taryn knew would last a lifetime in her heart. In contrast, Taryn hoped this conversation would close a chapter in her life that she desperately needed closure on.

Jace didn't know what to say to make Taryn feel better, so she did the next best thing and kept quiet. She had asked her partner many times if she wanted to do this and she knew she sounded like a broken record. Instead of words, Jace offered her body for Taryn to lean on. She wrapped an arm around the shorter woman's shoulder and held Taryn to her. Hoping that her mere presence would calm any fears that Taryn had.

After a couple of minutes, her Gramps walked out of the small bedroom. "I told him he had a visitor, but I didn't tell him who." He kissed Taryn's head and then walked a little further away allowing Taryn and Jace a little privacy.

Jace turned Taryn so that she was facing her. "Are you sure you want to go in alone?"

Taryn nodded. "I want you with me, but I think it's best if I go by myself." She looked straight into concerned blue eyes. "Thank you for offering." The tension around them was thick and Taryn didn't want Jace to worry. Trying to lighten the mood, she half-turned toward her grandfather and raised her voice. "Do me a favor and look after Gramps for me. He has a wandering eye, you know?" She saw Jace's lips quiver slightly and then turn into a bright smile when she caught onto what Taryn was hinting. "Keep the nurses safe and sound from him!"

Pat Walton let out a loud belly laugh. "I heard that, squirt! You wait until your Gram hears the rumors you're spreading about her Pat."

Taryn pushed the door open and hesitantly stepped over the threshold. She had to try really hard to stifle the gasp that threatened to spill out of her mouth. The man who lay propped up in the bed bore no resemblance to the man she had grown to hate. Patrick's eyes were closed and Taryn took a few more moments to assess the changes in his physical features. His cheekbones were prominent and produced a hollowing effect around his cheek area. The usual white coloring of his face was a distinct yellow and his always clean-shaven face was covered in gray bristles. She could tell from his bony arms, and what appeared to be stick-thin legs under the covers, that he had lost a lot of his body weight. She looked to the side and saw the urine bag that held some of his waste product. The man didn't scare her anymore. He looked pathetic and weak. Taryn mustered up all her strength and uttered his name. "Patrick."

One eyelid opened. "Pops said I had a visitor, he neglected to tell me it was you. What is this, you've come to gloat before I'm gone?" The weak man rasped as the phlegm in his chest rattled with his every word.

"Don't think so highly of yourself. Gram asked me to come. I'm doing this for her."

Patrick tried to sit up further in his bed. There was no way he wanted to look weak in Taryn's eyes. However, no matter how hard he tried, his upper body strength was drained and he felt himself fall slightly to the side.

Taryn saw Patrick's body fall to the side and she automatically took a few steps toward him.

"Stop!" Patrick demanded, wheezing as the effort to halt Taryn's movements hurt his chest. "I don't need your help and I never have." He concentrated on placing his hands on either side of his body and managed to pull himself back into a sitting position. "I don't need your pity or mama's meddling. Go home. I don't need your kind."

Taryn took a few moments before she replied, half tempted to do just what Patrick had said. She wanted to leave the room and run into the arms of Jace, but she had come to deliver a message, and deliver that message she would. "Don't fool yourself. To pity you would mean that I actually cared about what happens to you… and I don't." She paused. The words she had come to say were coming out all wrong. When she had practiced, Patrick had been a willing listener. In reality, the man she despised was living up to all the reasons she hated him.

"So go!"

Taryn turned toward the door, but out of loyalty to her Gram and the need to know the answers to her questions, she stopped before she made it all the way to the door. She turned, and took a few steps back toward the bed, before tossing the wallet of photos onto Patrick's legs. "Just tell me why? You owe me that!"

Patrick looked down at the wallet. He didn't need to open it to know what was in there. Too weak to argue and struggling to catch his breath, he looked at the woman before him. "I owe you nothing." He stated in a slow, scratchy voice. "Why the hell do you care what I think? You just told me you didn't give a fuck what happens to me."

Taryn choked back the tears. Just leave! He's not worth the pain. Turn around and leave the room, you'll never have to see him again! The past is the past, look to the future. No matter how much Taryn's common sense yelled at her, the young woman needed to ask the one question that had haunted her for years. The one question she would never get to ever ask again. Summoning up all the courage she possessed, Taryn spoke her question out loud. "Why don't you love me?"

Patrick picked up the wallet and with one hand he flicked slowly through the photos. "I couldn't." He whispered honestly.

"Why?" Taryn cried freely. Her distance away from Patrick made her feel safe. She knew no matter what, that he couldn't physically hurt her anymore. Before her was a weak man, struggling to stay alive. Only his words could wound her, but no deeper than they already had. She could finally say things that she had wanted to and he couldn't stop her. He couldn't hit her or threaten her. Before her was a miserable man and she was determined to at least tell him what she thought. "Why did you keep those photos if I meant nothing to you?"

"Your Gram gave them to me. She never gave up, so I just put them in here to keep her quiet."

"But the graduation one wasn't taken by Gram or Gramps. You were there, weren't you?" Her question met a stony silence. She waited impatiently tapping her foot on the floor. Unable to hold her tongue anymore, she lashed out at Patrick using all the venom she'd been holding back. "For Christ's sake, you're fucking dying and you still can't be honest. Would it kill you to tell me the truth? I know what you did to my mother, you bastard." She saw various emotions flicker over the frail features. Urged on by his total look of shock and bewilderment, she forged on. "I know how I was conceived and I have wanted to make you suffer!" She cast her eyes over his body. "And, from the looks of things, someone is finally making you pay for your sins. So, for once in your sad, sorry life be a fucking man and take some responsibility. What did I ever do to make you hate me like you do?"

"Why the fuck does it matter? You hate me and I certainly don't want to own up to having a pervert for a daughter." Patrick's lungs heaved for oxygen. He held his hand to his chest and picked up the button that would call a nurse to his room.

Taryn saw him put his finger on the button. "Still running after all these years? You're just a weak, pathetic man. Stop hiding behind my sexuality! Nobody knew I was gay until I was in my twenties. You have hated me all my life. If nothing else, just answer me why?" I just need to know why?

"I never asked to be a father and I never wanted to be. It's as simple as that." He dropped the remote button onto the bed. "Now go!" Patrick rasped at her.

Taryn knew her question was futile. She had lived a dream all her life. Somewhere in her mind, she had dreamed that Patrick would break down and admit his feelings for her. Now, she knew that it was never going to happen. The man before her had never been her father and never would be. Even on his deathbed, he didn't see her as his daughter and he was never going to. "Okay, I'm going. I just have one thing to say to you and only because I promised Gram that I would. I forgive you, Patrick. I forgive you for being the worst father on this earth. I forgive you for being the biggest bigot I've ever known." She walked toward the door and held the handle.

Before opening the door, she took one last look at the decrepit man and delivered her final statement. "And, my mother sent a message that is long overdue. On her deathbed, she actually forgave you for raping her and making her life miserable because you gave her the one thing she treasured. You gave her me. She wanted you to know. You're the loser, Patrick. You always have been and you always will be. I swear on my life, if you don't play along and tell Gram that we made up, I will tell her and Gramps what you did to my mother and then you will die alone! " She opened the door and slammed it shut behind her, falling into the arms of forever.

Jace held Taryn to her. She had watched as Taryn's grandfather had turned deathly pale and stormed down the corridor. Then seconds later, a blonde whirlwind had fallen into her waiting arms. "I've got you. It's over, babe." Jace rocked Taryn's shaking body. "Come on, let's get out of here."

Taryn let Jace lead her out of the building. The light morning breeze helped cool her temper. She walked quietly beside Jace, feeling the soft touch of Jace's arm under hers. They stopped when they reached a bench that was positioned under a tree and just in front of the parking lot. Taryn looked around. "I should go back in and say goodbye to Gramps."

Jace sat down on the bench and waited for Taryn to look at her. "He's not in there."

"Oh. I didn't think he was going to see Gram until later."

"He wasn't. Babe, he left the building after he heard what you said to Patrick."

"He heard?" Taryn looked back to the building, shock was written all over her face. "Fuck!"

"He heard lots of those, too. You really let loose in there. We weren't trying to listen, Taryn, I swear."

Taryn dropped her head into her hands and closed her eyes. Her stomach churned as she thought about her grandfather's feelings. A secret that should have died with her mother was now out to someone else in the family. "Do you think I was too hard?"

Jace rubbed her lover's back. "No, babe. To be honest, I couldn't hear Patrick's side of the conversation or the beginning of yours until you got angry. Then, well, whatever he said or didn't say really seemed to get to you. How do you feel?"

"Besides wondering what Gramps is feeling, I'm doing okay. Part of me feels numb, but there's a side of me that is actually relieved that I finally got things off my chest. Speaking of Gramps, we'd better go and find him."

Jace looked around the area. She could see their rental car and the red Avalon that Taryn's grandfather owned. "He hasn't left the hospital grounds. Look, I don't want you to have to go back into Patrick's room. How about I go and check with the nurses to see if he's back there and you check the grounds? We'll meet back here, okay?"

"Okay."

***

Taryn wandered around the perimeter of the hospital building until she came across a small flower garden. The small orange and lemon trees littered the edge of the pathway. Taryn took a chance and followed the pathway to a pond area. There she found her grandfather feeding the ducks. With tears in her eyes, she walked to the edge of the pond. "Hey, Gramps."

"Hi, Squirt."

Unable to keep the words in her mouth, Taryn sobbed, "I'm sorry. Mom didn't want anyone to know, not even me."

Pat threw the last piece of bread into the pond. "I always wondered. I always hoped I was wrong. He's my boy, my flesh and blood, but something isn't right with him. I never knew, Taryn. If I'd known, I would have thrown him out. I would have protected you and your mom with my life."

Taryn placed her hand on her grandfather's back. "You did, Gramps. Mom said we wouldn't have survived without you and Gram." She watched the ducks fight over the last crumbs of the bread roll her grandfather had tossed out to them. "I made a mess of the whole thing."

"You tried. Things are beginning to fall into place. I never did understand the boy. I couldn't understand why he acted like he did, but I now see things a little more clearly."

"What do you mean?" Taryn lowered her body to the ground and looked up at her grandfather who towered above her.

Pat Walton shook his head. "I was just thinking out loud. No sense in raking up the past."

Taryn lifted sad, brown eyes to his. "Please tell me. I have so many questions and no answers. I know I was kidding myself earlier when I thought he'd answer my questions. There are only five people who have any idea what life has been like living with him. Bill doesn't know anything about Patrick's reasons and Jane was too young when it all happened. Patrick has never trusted Jane because she was so close to my mom. That leaves you and Gram. Gram sees Patrick through rose-colored glasses. In her eyes, Patrick will break down and declare his love for me and she believes that I love him, too. That leaves you…"

Pat sat beside Taryn, taking her hand in his much larger, rougher hand. "He never said much about you or Penny. I always wondered if maybe she tricked him into getting her pregnant."

Taryn yanked her hand out of his. "NO!"

"Calm down. I know the truth now. I tried to get him to take an interest in you, but there was always so much disgust in his voice whenever we talked about his responsibilities. I think I can understand where that disgust came from. It wasn't aimed at you; I think it came from within. I think he could never love or accept you because he couldn't accept what he had done."

Taryn didn't reply to her grandfather's statement. She stared at the ripples on the water and the actions of several of the ducks as they dove under the water in search of more food. "Maybe." She uttered after several minutes of thought. "Are you going to tell Gram?"

"No. I am hoping your Gram will be able to visit him later. As far as I'm concerned, you came and you forgave him. I heard you say the words and so did he. Your Gram and Patrick haven't always gotten on, but they've made their peace with each other. It would hurt her to know what a monster her son really is. As for me, I'll support my wife, daughter and granddaughter through this ordeal and then we'll move on, as a family." He looked over his shoulder. "Where's Jace?"

"Waiting for me by the car. She'll be worried. Do you want to walk back with me?"

The older man stood up. "I'm going to watch the ducks a little more. She's a good one, Squirt. Hold on to her."

Taryn kissed her grandfather's bristly cheek. "I intend to. We'll see you later at the hotel." She left the man to his thoughts and wandered back the way she'd come. She looked back over her shoulder occasionally to the lonely figure of the only man she'd really loved.

***

The light rapping on the door woke the older woman from her dreams. She released the child in her arms and walked over to the door.

"Hi." Jace smiled at Jane's red, tired face. "I see you managed to catch some sun."

"Hi." Jane looked over her shoulder at the three slumbering bodies on the bed. "The sun and swimming wore us out. What time is it?"

Taryn automatically looked at her watch, even though she knew the time. "Nearly three."

"Wow. I expected you back earlier. How'd it go?"

Jace looked up and down the corridor. "Okay. Look we can come back later. I don't think it's a conversation Taryn wants to retell on the doorstep." The tense atmosphere between the three of them was palpable and needed to be cleared.

"You're right. We can talk on the balcony." Jane opened the door wider and allowed the women entrance to the room. "They can sleep a little longer."

Taryn took the seat that was furthest away from her aunt and heard Jace whisper the word chicken under her breath.

Jace waited patiently for one of the other women to start the conversation. When no words were uttered, she took charge and began with an apology. "Jane, I'm sorry. I screwed up this morning and I didn't mean to offend you or act inappropriately."

"I was a little shocked. You were…a little forward in your actions." She watched as Jace dropped her eyes to her lap. "I didn't expect those actions to take place in front of the children. I thought you were both more responsible."

Jace's head snapped back up at the comment. "I am. We are. Don't blame Taryn. It was my fault…I didn't expect you to notice. I should have known better, you never miss a trick."

Jane couldn't resist a small smile at Jace's comment. "Never! I have to say that I nearly swallowed my tongue when I saw what was happening under the table." She turned her eyes to Taryn, who was squirming in her seat. "And, you young lady, let her do it! Did we not raise you with more manners?"

Taryn tried to swallow her nerves and answer in defense of her partner, but no words came forth. She just blushed under her aunt's angry glare.

Jane tried to keep her tough composure, but when Taryn's body tried to shrink even further into the seat, she knew she had made a point. "Next time, it'll be a bucket of water over the pair of you."

Jace sighed in relief. "You're not mad at us?"

Jane shook her head. "I was. But, I'm over it and I know you won't act like that in front of the kids again. Bill and I are all for the children having a broad outlook on life, but free sex shows are a no-no. Speaking of sex, am I to assume that you two have finally done the deed?"

Jace dropped her head into her hands and wanted to die on the spot.

Taryn just shook her head at her aunt and grinned. "You never give up, do you?"

Jane beamed back. "Nope. So, I gather missy here is no longer a member of the Hestian Virgin club?"

Taryn shook her head and rubbed a hand over Jace's back. "Not any more. She's a card carrying member of the Sex Addicts of America Society."

"I am not!" Jace playfully slapped Taryn's leg.

Jane watched as her friends teased each other. Her morning mood had evaporated after spending a few hours soaking up the sun and playing with the kids. The fact that the other two had come to apologize had made her feel better. She watched the quiet and tender way that they communicated with each other and couldn't be angry at the love they shared. Both women looked happy and settled. "How was Patrick?"

Jace felt the tension return to Taryn's body. After the hospital, the pair had driven around for a while. Taryn hadn't wanted to return to the hotel room quite so soon and Jace had obliged her lover's request.

"Patrick was Patrick. Did you expect any less?" Taryn stated.

"I don't know what I expected. I'm taking Mom over later. The doctors have said she can visit Patrick. Did Dad say whether he wanted you guys with him tonight?"

Jace shook her head. "He wants to take them out on his own. He says he can manage. How's your mom?"

"Doing a lot better, but with Patrick's health deteriorating the doctors decided she could see him rather than wait. She'll be excited to know you went there."

Taryn glanced at Jace, catching her eye and shaking her head slightly. She didn't want to tell Jane about the events of the visit. In her mind it was over and she'd wait for the outcome of her Gram's visit before she said anything.

***

Breakfast the next morning was a much more pleasurable event for the whole of the Weston clan. Taylor and Josie were full of tales of their evening with their grandfather. They had been out on the sunset cruise and eaten at the mall, with each child having the choice of food that they desired. After dinner, their grandfather had taken them to the toy store and they had had fun picking out a present each.

"So, Josie, what did your Gramps get you for your birthday?" Taryn asked curiously.

The young girl picked up a friendship bracelet set. "This was what I picked out last night, but he said I would get birthday money on my proper birthday." Her tenth birthday was on Thursday, but that was the day that the family was due to fly home. "Mom, if Gram is feeling better could she take us out on Wednesday?"

Jane smiled at her daughter's matter-of-fact manner. "We'll see." Her mother had perked up at the news she could visit her son, but when she'd seen his condition, the older woman had nearly collapsed. Jane hoped after the initial shock that her mom would become strong, especially as Patrick's demise grew closer every day.

Jane checked her watch. "Okay, kids. You have two choices. Your teachers gave you daily work to do while we're away. So, you can either do it this morning or later this afternoon. What will it be?"

Taylor looked at his mother, "I need help with my math homework."

"That's okay, I'll help you." Jane replied.

The young boy shook his head and looked shyly at Taryn, "Will you help me, Ryn? It's big numbers."

"Sure, Tay. When do you want to do it?"

"What's better for you?"

Taryn was surprised at the politeness of her cousin's question. "I'd prefer we did it this morning and then I can visit Gram later and have the whole day to play with. Do you think you can concentrate this morning?"

"Yeah."

Jace held Tom into the air. "Look's like you and me have a date by the pool, buddy!"

Chapter 32

The knocking on the door woke the sleeping pair. Jace untangled herself from Taryn, grabbed a robe, and wandered sleepily to the door. She looked through the peephole and saw Jane standing on the other side. One look at Jane's face answered the question on Jace's mind. She opened the door and her arms to her friend.

"He's gone." Jane whispered into Jace's chest.

Jace held Jane to her, looking over her shoulder at the sound of Taryn's voice.

"Who is it?" Taryn mumbled, as she sat rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Jane." Jace was torn. She wanted to break the news to Taryn, but she also knew somebody needed to be with the kids while Jane dealt with her grief. She wasn't sure that Taryn was the best person for Jane. Her girlfriend held no love for her deceased father.

Taryn wrapped the sheet around her body and crawled to the edge of the bed. She peered around the corner of the bathroom wall and took in the scene. She knew from her aunt's stance and the forlorn look on Jace's face what had happened. Shit! It's happened. He's dead. She had prayed for this day for so long, but now that it had happened she felt dull inside. She looked around for the other bathrobe and grabbed it off the chair. Putting on the robe, she walked up to the two women. She felt Jace's arm circle her waist. "When did it happen?"

Jane wiped her eyes. "Dad called me a few minutes ago. Patrick died about an hour ago. The hospice had called Dad last night. Dad took mom over to be with him. That's all I know."

Taryn wrapped her arms around her aunt. "Are the kids awake?"

Jane shook her head. "Josie stirred when the phone rang, but she didn't wake up fully. I should get back to them."

"No." Jace stated. "I'll stay with them. Your mom and dad are going to need you at the hospice." She looked at Taryn. "I think your Gram might need her granddaughter, too"

Taryn nodded solemnly, "I'll look after, Jane. She can shower in here if you send some clothes in. Are you sure about being with the kids?"

Jace nodded as she spoke, "Your grandfather is going to have to make some arrangements and your Gram is probably in shock. I wouldn't feel comfortable with Jane traveling on her own and I think your Gram will expect the family to be together. She'll expect you to be there. I'll be okay, I promise."

Jane finally spoke up, "She's right, Taryn. I can't take the kids with me, and Mom will expect you there. She was so excited when she heard that you and Patrick had sorted out your differences."

Taryn winced when she heard the words. She just hoped that she could keep up the charade for her Gram's sake. She kissed Jace on the cheek, "I'll grab you some clothes and drop them off before I go."

***

Jace paced back and forth across the room. The children were still sleeping and she hadn't heard from Taryn or Jane. She hadn't asked Jane whether she should tell the children what had happened and wasn't sure what she would say. As she stared at her cell phone, she heard the rustling of bed sheets and the snuffling sounds of a child awakening. She looked down into the wide, startled eyes of the oldest

child.

"Hey, Josie." She tried to sound cheerful.

Josie looked around the room. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Where's Mommy?"

Jace sat down on the edge of the sofa bed. Deciding that the truth was probably the best answer, she clasped her hands together and looked at the questioning child. "She had to go to the hospital."

"Why?" Came the simple response.

Jace took in a deep breath and released it slowly. "Your Uncle Patrick died this morning, sweetheart, and your Mommy and Ryn went to take care of your Gram."

Tears filled the young girl's eyes. "Did it hurt?"

Jace placed her hand on Josie's back and began to rub in a circular motion. "Did what hurt?"

"When he died, did it hurt?"

Jace dropped her gaze to her lap. "No, it didn't hurt. The doctors gave him lots of medicine to take the pain away."

"Did he go to heaven?"

Jace turned her head and saw Taylor's sad eyes looking her way. I hope not! He should go to Hades for what he put his child through! She rubbed her eyes and tried to admonish the bad feelings she felt for Patrick. No thinking bad of the dead! It is not up to you to judge another person's worth in this life! She looked at the open, honest faces of the two children. What did she say to their questions? "I don't know, Tay. I hope so."

"Will he be with Ryn's mommy?"

If he is, I hope she's kicking his ass! Jace shook her head. She'd never felt such ill will toward anyone in his or her time of death, but now she felt like such a hypocrite. Patrick had hurt and abused Taryn and her mother so much over the years, even in death, Jace found it hard to forgive the man. "I don't think so. Are you okay, Josie?"

She looked into sad brown eyes. "Yeah. He was a funny man. I miss his jokes. Mommy was going to take us to see him. I made him a card."

The statement shocked Jace. Her views of Patrick had been tainted by the truth of who he really was. But, Josie's comment rang a bell in Jace's memories. It was true. Before Taryn, Patrick had always made them laugh and had seemed a real charmer. Jace remembered back to the night Jane had told her the truth about Patrick and how shocked she had been when she had found out that he was

like that. Since then, she had only really seen Patrick as a monster and not as the funny guy Josie remembered.

She looked over to Taylor. The boy had gone very quiet and seemed to have hidden further under the covers. "How are you feeling, Tay. It's okay to cry."

The young boy lifted confused blue eyes to her, "I'm okay."

Jace opened her arms to invite the two children for a hug. She was disappointed

when Taylor stayed on his side of the bed.

***

Taryn stroked her Gram's hand. The older woman had been given a sedative to help calm her down and allow her to catch a few hours of restful sleep. She looked up when Jane and her Gramps walked into the room. "She looks so peaceful." She felt her grandfather's hands rest on her shoulders.

"Even though we knew it was coming, nothing prepares you for the moment. How are you?"

Taryn turned her head and looked into concerned eyes. "I'm okay, Gramps. How are you?"

The older man looked to the door. "Want to take a walk? The nurses gave me some bread for the ducks."

Jane watched the interaction of the pair. Taryn had always seemed closer to her grandfather than any of them. She saw the looks pass between each of them and wondered what things were going unsaid. Nobody had told her what had really happened between Taryn and Patrick. Her mother had been extremely happy when she had heard that the two had said their piece and cleared the air. Somehow, Jane didn't quite believe it, but there had yet to be a time when she could truly question Taryn or Patrick. With his passing, she knew that some of her questions might never ever be answered.

"You two go for a walk. I'll sit here with Mom. Is there anything I need to know concerning Patrick?"

Her father shook his head. "No. The funeral directors are collecting his body and the arrangements have been made. Patrick and your Mom organized the funeral arrangements. It was just a matter of waiting for the inevitable to happen. I know you'd planned to fly home on Thursday, but that's the day he'll be cremated. They're going to do it first thing in the morning so you should still be able to make your flight."

The coldness in her father's voice chilled Jane. She'd never heard him speak so matter-of-fact about death before. His whole demeanor was scaring her. It was as if he didn't care about Patrick. There was no emotion in his voice when he spoke of Patrick's funeral and made it seem like an everyday event that would come and go and life would continue as normal.

***

The pair walked down to the water's edge. No words had been spoken since leaving the hospital. Taryn didn't know what to say. There were no words of comfort that she could give her grandfather. She watched as he split the bread roll in half and handed a piece to her.

"How are you holding up, squirt?" Pat Walton asked somberly after watching his granddaughter toss some crumbs to the ducks.

Taryn took a few moments to think about the question. She really didn't know how to feel. She had spent her entire life trying not to think about Patrick or care for him. Yet here people who were sorry he was gone surrounded her and all she could think about was moving on with her life. Still, in the back of her mind the ever-present question niggled at her conscience. "I don't know how I should be feeling. I guess I expected him to break down and accept me. Isn't that what people do on their deathbeds?"

Pat shrugged. "In films and books." He tore off a piece of bread and threw it forcefully across the pond. "Unfortunately, Patrick only had one person on his mind his entire life. If it's any consolation, I told him exactly what I thought of him."

Taryn wiped at her itchy eyes. You will not shed a tear for that bastard! He made your life hell! But deep in her heart, she knew the tears were not for Patrick. They were for her grandfather who had lost his son the day the truth had been uttered. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost my temper on Sunday. I never meant to cause you any pain."

"I have to take some blame for how he turned out, Ryn. One day, you're going to be a parent and it's the hardest job there is. I look at our Jane and I know your Gram and I did a good job, but with Patrick something went wrong. I never knew what he was really like until you came along and, even then, I didn't know the man he'd turned into. Over the years, I bailed him out of certain problems. I gave him money when he needed it. Patrick always felt like life owed him something." He looked gravely at Taryn, his own conscience warring over whether to divulge the rest of the story to Taryn. "What I'm about to tell you is between you and me, is that understood?"

"Yes, sir." Taryn reverted back to her childhood reply when she heard the stern tone of her grandfather's voice.

"Your Gram took a long time to recover from Sean's death. I know you've heard bits and pieces over the years, but we never really told anybody the extent of her breakdown. Anyway, your Gram became very ill after Sean's death. She couldn't nurse Patrick and wouldn't hold him. She grieved for such a long time and the maternal bond with Patrick was never the same. I tried to get her to accept the child she had left, but she felt God was punishing her. She went through some very dark, depressive days and I tried to be there for her. But, she pushed everyone away and Patrick became a casualty of her grief. When she began to heal, she'd tell Patrick all about Sean and how unfair life was. Sean had definitely been the easier baby of the pair and Patrick never recovered from your Gram's words. There was a distance between them that took a long time to mend."

Taryn frowned, "But they did become close? She always seemed to defend Patrick or make excuses."

"You're right, but it took a near tragedy to make her realize what she had. When Patrick was eight, he slipped by a swimming pool and knocked himself out. We thought we were going to lose him and they had to do CPR. When he came around, your Gram was beside herself and for a while she never left his side. They were inseparable. I think Patrick had finally felt his mother loved him and there were a few years when she doted on him, then our Jane came along."

Taryn listened to every word. She had never heard the whole story about Sean's death and could only imagine the strain her Gram, Gramps and Patrick had been under. She watched her Gramps stare out over the pond. He hadn't made eye contact with her since the start of his story. "What happened then?"

"Your Gram thought Jane was her little miracle. We never even considered your Gram was pregnant. In your Gram's eyes, Jane was a present from God and she spent every moment with the baby. She was paranoid that Jane would be taken away like Sean was. Patrick wasn't allowed to be near his sister. I tried to make him feel part of the family, but his teenage years were ones of rebellion. He would push your Gram to her limits, especially when I was away. But, he was my boy and I thought he was going to mature into a good man…"

"I guess everyone has demons they have to battle." Taryn had never given Patrick's past much thought.

"I suppose, but most of us deal with them and move on. Patrick blamed everyone but himself. I told you this so you'd understand what I'm about to tell you." He turned pained eyes on his granddaughter. "I have the answer to your question. He told me the truth."

Taryn felt her knees weaken and her stomach churn. "He did?" Her voice cracked as she uttered the words. She had resigned herself to never knowing the truth.

"I was so angry with him. I threatened him with the one thing I knew he'd wanted all his life. Ironic as it sounds, he always wanted his mother's love. Your Gram tried for years to make it up to Patrick but in his mind, he didn't know how to reach out to her. It's the reason why your Gram is taking his death so hard. She blames herself. Anyway, I told him he'd die alone if he didn't give you an answer."

Tears flowed down Taryn's cheeks. "I never meant for you and him to fall out."

"He owed you the truth." Pat took his granddaughter's hand. "He couldn't show you his love, Taryn because he didn't know how to. You were created out of such a dark time in his life that he didn't know how to forgive his own actions. He'd always doubted his mother's love and I don't think he thought I showed him much either." The older man shrugged dejectedly, "he was a boy and I wanted him to be a strong man. He said he saw how much I loved you, Jane and your mom, but I never told or showed him."

Taryn squeezed the rough hand, "Times were different then, Gramps."

"He did care for you, Ryn, in his own way." He felt Taryn's hand begin to pull away from his own and he held onto it tighter. "You wanted the truth, didn't you?"

"Yes…" Taryn mumbled weakly.

"You two were more alike than you both care to admit. You both gave as good as you got and neither of you ever backed down. He admired that in you, squirt, and you made him proud when you became a teacher. He told your Gram that last night. His last words were that he wished you two could have gotten past your differences and had more time to talk." He looked into distressed brown eyes, "I know this comes too late, but he said he was sorry."

Taryn broke contact with her grandfather. "I…I need to clear my head."

Pat resisted the temptation to hold his granddaughter. He could see that his words had profoundly affected Taryn. "Do you want to be alone?"

Taryn nodded. "I think so…" She could see the hesitancy in his body language. "I'll be fine. Gram needs you." She handed the car keys to him. "Tell Jane I'll make my own way back to the hotel." She kissed a whisker-covered cheek and walked away from the pond. Her mind clouded by the truth.

***

Jane held a towel out for her son as he waddled his way toward her, water dripping everywhere.

"Mom!" Josie yelled from the other side of the pool.

Jane waved at her daughter, treasuring the young life that she held in her arms. The past few hours had taken its toll on her fragile emotions. She had seen Patrick's hollow shell before the funeral directors had taken his body. Although they had had their differences, she would miss her brother's presence in her life and home.

Jace climbed out of the pool and grabbed her towel. She looked around the pool area and up to the balcony that was her room. "Where's Taryn?"

The older woman stared at her colleague, her eyes narrowing as she took in Jace's concerned expression. "Isn't she here?"

"What do you mean? She went with you." Jace's voice cracked as she uttered the final statement.

Jane ran her fingers through Tom's wet hair and kissed his head. "She went for a walk with Dad. They were gone for a while and he returned with the car keys. He said Taryn was going to make her way back to the hotel. That was at least a few hours ago."

"Was she angry?"

"He didn't say."

"What happened?"

Jane could tell Jace was becoming agitated. "He didn't say. Jace, I've told you what I know. He wouldn't tell me what they talked about. He just said Taryn wanted some time to clear her head."

"About what?" Jace persisted.

"Jace, I don't know! She seemed fine this morning. Have you been to your room?"

The tall woman shook her head. "No. Do you think she's there?"

"I don't know." Jane hugged her oldest son and then her daughter as they welcomed her back. "How were these little monsters?"

"Fine. I told them about Patrick." She glanced down at the three children all huddled into their mother looking for love. "They were very brave and made a card for you and their grandparents. I'm going to go and check if Taryn's back."

"Okay. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to snap at you earlier. It's been a long morning."

Jace patted Jane's shoulder. "Catch you later." She hurried into the hotel, knowing in her heart that Taryn wasn't there. The blonde would have at least let her presence be known to her. They were past the hide and seek games or so she thought. Where are you, babe? What's going on in that pretty mind of yours? Jace hadn't known what to expect from Taryn in regards to Patrick's death. After their encounter on Sunday, Taryn hadn't really mentioned Patrick. She had spent a lot of time with the kids and visiting her Gram. In their alone time, Taryn had acted nonchalantly when Jace had asked her what she thought and so instead, they had spent many moments investigating each other physically.

***

Taryn sat on the beach looking out onto the Gulf of Mexico. The warm sun beat down on her and she cursed as she felt her fair skin burn slightly in the strong midday rays. After leaving her grandfather, she had had every intention of going back to the hotel and had caught a cab ride. Her journey had been cut short when she'd seen the signs for the pier. She needed to be alone and process the information her grandfather had given her.

The tears had long since dried up. She hadn't grieved for Patrick's death. Instead she had cried for the lost years. Her mind had covered all of the 'what ifs' that had circulated around it. Overall, she regretted the fact that her grandfather's faith in Patrick had been dented by her careless disregard for other people's feelings. She had never given Patrick's childhood any thought. Never wondered what had turned him into the monster that she had always pictured him as. She now knew that Patrick had been stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy and one that she too had been in before Jace's presence in her life. After her mother's death, she hadn't thought anyone could love her, thus, she had pushed people away, and had spent many years in a lonely existence. She had pushed those that loved her away just as Patrick had done. The apple certainly didn't fall far from the tree. Try as she might, she had her father's genes in her and it was time to stop denying it.

She watched the pelicans playing in the sea near the pier. Fishermen lined the edge of the pier wall and the pelicans were waiting for any tidbit to be thrown their way. Further out to sea, Taryn saw the dorsal fins of the dolphins that visited the area looking for the very fish that the men were hauling out of the water. The serenity of the moment overwhelmed Taryn and, for the first time in her life, she felt truly at peace with herself and others.

***

Jace clutched the cell phone in her hand. From her balcony, she could see the entranceway to the hotel in the far distance. Her eyes alternated from there to the pool and back again, praying that she would see the familiar form come into view. She heard the runners of Jane's balcony door slide open. Momentarily taking her eyes off her target, she acknowledged Jane's presence.

"Any news?" Jane asked, although Jace's stance answered her question.

"No. Did your dad say anything else?"

Jane leaned on the balcony fencing that separated hers from Jace's. "No. He left our number with the nurses at the hospice in case she returned there. He took Mom home with him. I said we'd all go over later. He's hoping the kids can help cheer her up." She took in the solemn, grave expression that masked Jace's features. "She'll turn up. I don't know what happened today but I do know she wouldn't do anything stupid."

Jace didn't want to think about all the nasty scenarios that had passed through her mind when she'd thought about what had happened to her lover. "Is Tom asleep?"

"Yeah. He went out like a light. Josie's doing her homework and Taylor's unusually quiet. I didn't think Patrick's death would affect him like it has. He's barely said a word all day."

The tall woman nodded her response but didn't focus her attention Jane's way.

The silence that hung between Jane and her was driving her crazy. Out of frustration, Jace checked her watch. It was just after two and nobody had seen or heard from Taryn in over five hours. "Are you sure she had her phone with her?"

Jane scratched her head with both hands, rubbing her forehead against the edge of her palms. "It wasn't in the car and you said it wasn't in the room, so I'm assuming she has it. Jace, she'll call if she needs us."

Jace kept her eyes trained on the entrance door. She was glad that her sunglasses covered her eyes and Jane didn't see the look of deep disappointment and sadness that she knew they portrayed. That's just it, Jane. She should need me! I'm not much of an expert in relationships, but I know that if I were hurting I'd want Taryn to soothe my pain. Suck it up, Xanthos and admit it that you're just not needed! She's shutting you out, like she has shut everyone else out of her life. Jace dropped her head back against the chair and closed her eyes. One step forward, three steps back… She thought in desperation. Don't give up on her, Jace. She needs you, whispered another voice from deep within.

***

The beauty of the night sky was breathtaking. Taryn was sure she heard the hiss of the bright, red sun as it appeared to touch the ocean and then sank behind the horizon. She watched as the light of day turned into the black of night. Red stripes painted the sky. The magnificence of the sunset drew crowds upon crowds and Taryn watched as they slowly left the pier and headed to their next destination.

Her stomach grumbled, reminding her that she had yet to eat. She looked down at the cell phone guiltily. You should have called Jace! She'll be worried about you! Taryn pressed the on button, only to get the flickering picture of a battery with an X through it. "Goddamn, stupid, piece of crap!" She uttered at the offending piece of technology. She shivered as the cool evening breeze tingled over her sunburned arms. She knew by the setting of the sun that it was heading toward six o'clock. Shit!

The lack of food and too much sun made Taryn's body rebel when she stood up and a moment of dizziness swept through her. Taryn felt the wave of nausea overcome her and she sank to her knees in the sand. Oh, God! Stop the world from spinning! She waited a few minutes and tried again. Her arms and face hurt from the burn and she desperately needed some water. Stupid…stupid…stupid! You're only ever thinking of yourself!

***

Pat Walton opened the door to their small apartment. His mouth dropped open when he saw the bright red face of his granddaughter. "What happened to you?"

Taryn leaned against the door. "I forgot how mean the Florida sun can be, even in March." She kissed her grandfather's cheek, as she entered the house.

"Well, I'm pleased to see you. Jane and Jace are going crazy with worry. I thought we brought you up better, young lady."

Taryn hung her head. "I'm sorry. I needed time to process what you told me earlier and time slipped away. I was going to head back to the hotel room but I felt sick. Your place was the closest." Her body shivered. "Can I get a drink of water?"

"Sure. Go into the living room and say hello to your Gram. Then I think you need to call the hotel."

"Okay, Gramps."

***

Jace and Jane both dove for the phone receiver. Jane was the quickest and she moved away from Jace to prevent the taller woman ripping it out of her hand. "Hey, Dad. She's there? Okay."

She placed the receiver back on its cradle. "Taryn's at Mom and Dad's"

"Is she okay? Why did she go there? Why didn't she come here?"

"Whoa…slow down. You heard how quick the call was. He just said she was there and to go over whenever we're ready. Then he hung up. I know as much as you do, Jace."

Jace scratched her head. "I'll get my sweatshirt and then we can head out."

***

For the second time that evening, Pat Walton opened the door to his grandchildren. "Wow, that was quick. I ordered pizza, I hope that's okay?"

Jane pecked her father's cheek. "How's Mom?"

"She's doing better since Taryn arrived. She's been nursing her better and it's helped to take her mind off Patrick."

"Nursing her better?" Jace croaked. "What's wrong with her?"

The kids and Jane all looked at a frantic Jace as she tried to battle her way past Pat Walton's bulky form. "Slow down, kiddo. She's sleeping and she's doing fine. She just had too much sun for my little Irish squirt to handle."

***

Her head was pounding but the soothing, cool facecloth that was being tenderly stroked across her forehead felt wonderful. She tried to focus her eyes on the angel of mercy in front of her. Her mouth was parched and she tried unsuccessfully to lick her lips. "Water?"

Jace placed the straw against Taryn's lips. "Take it slow."

The water felt refreshing as it slipped down her throat. "Thanks." She looked into concerned eyes. "I needed time to think." She knew she owed Jace more of an explanation, but it was a start.

Jace lowered her lips to Taryn's. "It's okay now, you're safe and that's all that matters.

To be continued...

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