As the story is based on the academic year of 2001/2002, I added in some reactions to 9/11, and the events that happened...just a little warning, I hope this doesn't offend anyone.
Learning to Trust
By Jules Matthews
Part 3
Chapter 7
Marti heard the slam of the front door, and waited for Taryn to come into the living room. She waited a couple of minutes, but there was no sign of her girlfriend. Marti listened carefully trying to ascertain where Taryn was. She wasn't sure what to do, stay where she was, or go and see what was wrong. Her curiosity won out. She went into the bedroom, noticing that Taryn's work clothes were strewn on the bed, and she knew instinctively where Taryn was.
Taryn heard the screen door open. She had no desire to talk to anyone. She kept her eyes on the yard, and took a slow sip of her beer running through the events of the day. It had definitely been a 'Jonah' day. A 'Jonah' day was defined in her book, as one of those days that begins on a bad foot and just gets worse. She was mad at the world and her mood darkened. Memories of Patrick filled her head. She had his temper. She could feel it boiling inside of her. Stirring inside her soul; swirling and swelling. Taryn clenched her teeth, and counted to ten. She didn't want to be like him. She didn't want to hurt people. She flexed her hand, clenching it into a fist. You're not him! Control your anger. Breathe, Taryn. Focus. Taryn tried to center on a calming thought. She closed her eyes to block out her surroundings, trying to focus. Suddenly blue eyes came to mind; dark blue eyes that stared into her soul. The more the eyes stared at her, the calmer she became. Finally, she felt the temper turn from boiling to simmer. Then she realized that Marti was talking.
"Taryn, you're home early!" Marti approached Taryn. She'd seen her girlfriend in moods but never like this. When there was no sign that Taryn had heard her, Marti spoke again. "You're scaring me. I asked if you were okay?" Still there was no answer. Marti could see the tension in Taryn's shoulders. It was still early, and the sky was a bright, beautiful, and clear on that August evening. "Taryn? What's happened? Talk to me. Did you have a bad day? How was work?"
Taryn turned, a fire burning in her eyes. "How the fuck do you think work went? I have a bite the size of a fist on my neck!" Taryn held up her clenched fist to emphasize her words. "I was the butt of every joke."
Marti took a step forward. Taryn's eyes were wide and dark. There was no affection in them. "I'm sorry, honey. I lost control and you had a crappy day." Marti touched Taryn's shoulder and that seemed to bring some life to Taryn's eyes. "What else happened? You're home earlier than usual."
Taryn shrugged. The anger had disappeared just like the wind from a ship's sail. She had battled with her inner demon and won. "Work sucked. Shitty students that don't know I'm trying to save their ass gave me grief on the phone. I'm home early because Jane and I had a falling out."
"What happened?" Marti continued to rub Taryn's shoulder. She could feel the tension come back in Taryn as she mentioned her aunt's name.
"Just family stuff." Taryn drank from her beer bottle. She shrugged Marti's hand off her shoulder.
"Because of the bite?"
Taryn looked at Marti's face. "No. Jace ripped me a new asshole for that one. She gave me a dressing down and made me feel like a five year old." She saw a fleeting smirk appear on Marti's face. Cory's words came back to her. No, Marti wouldn't have done it on purpose. She just wouldn't have! Taryn didn't say anything more. She just watched Marti and waited.
"So, Jace isn't talking to you?" Marti asked.
"She's fine." Taryn lied. Two can play games, Marti. "She had to give me the usual talk because I broke staff policy, but then she was fine. We even laughed about it, later." She could tell this news disturbed Marti. Unconsciously, the redhead's face twitched and her lips scrunched up.
"Good. I was worried. How was the new girl?"
"Great. I think we're going to get on wonderfully. I think I really lucked out. She's gay and cute." Taryn explained, rather too enthusiastically for Marti's liking.
"Have you eaten?"
Marti's sudden change of topic made Taryn smile, the first smile of the evening. "No. I'll grab something later. Marti, I just want to be on my own. I have some issues that I need to sort out."
"Can I help?" Marti was disappointed. She'd sensed that Taryn was coming out of her bad temper, but the black cloud still seemed to be hanging over Taryn's head. She hated it when Taryn pushed her away.
"No."
That one word sent Marti back into the house. Tears of rejection ran down her cheeks. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Taryn was supposed to love her and open up to her. Not push her away and make her feel discarded. She slammed the screen door and turned to watch Taryn. The blonde woman never flinched, never even turned back.
**
Jace's clothes stuck to her. The short walk from the car to the building was disgusting. The humidity was making her perspire and she could feel a small bead trickle down the dip in her back. She looked at the flagpole, not a breeze in sight. She had arrived the normal time for work but had been called to a meeting at the administration block. The walk across campus was normally nice but Jace had chosen to take her car, it had one thing she desperately needed: air conditioning.
Jace entered the building and sniffed. She could smell burning. The dark haired woman increased her speed. The smell seemed to get stronger as she passed the elevators. "Hey, Terri. Can you smell anything?" She watched as Terri sniffed the air.
"Something fishy?"
Jace nodded. "Burning?"
"I thought I could smell something earlier. Let me call maintenance."
Jace walked down the corridor. She smiled as she saw twin blonde heads, huddled together scouring paperwork. "Good morning."
Cory was the first to look up. "Good morning, Jace. How are you this morning?"
"I'm fine, Cory." Jace looked from Cory's unusually green eyes to Taryn. From behind, the two women looked so familiar but when they turned around the differences were very apparent. Cory seemed jubilant, almost bouncing with energy. Taryn looked tired. Dark circles ran around her eyes and her face was etched with lines. "Morning, Taryn."
"Hi." Taryn replied, her mood subdued.
Jace raised an eyebrow in question. "What are you doing?"
Cory looked at Taryn to see whether she should speak. When her coworker showed no sign of talking, Cory took the initiative. "We've spoken to all the probation students, well Taryn did. Now we're working on the at-risk freshmen. They've all had invitations for pre-college sent out in the mail. We used your master copy to work off of. We're now trying to come up with activities and support sessions for them in college."
Jace smiled. She had only caught every other word. She wasn't sure if it was Cory's nervousness or her enthusiasm that made her talk faster and, mixed in with the unusual accent, Jace hadn't really understood half of what she'd said. "Sounds good." Jace didn't want to embarrass Cory or herself, but she decided she should say something. "Cory, your accent is wonderful and I could listen to you speak all day, but you need to slow down. My brain isn't used to how you pronounce words and I need a little more time to process them." She saw the young woman blush. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to embarrass you."
"It's okay. I should remember, JJ, tells me that all the time."
"JJ? Is that your friend?" Jace asked. She'd heard little bits about Cory over lunch the previous day.
Cory had seen all the pink triangles and safe zone stickers placed around the Center. She didn't want to hide her sexuality at work like she'd had to in England. "My partner. By the way I'm all signed up, JJ took me to get a social security card yesterday."
Taryn watched Jace closely. She wanted to see how Jace reacted when she found out Cory was also gay. Whatever reaction she'd hoped to see wasn't there. Jace just gave Cory one of her full wattage smiles and took a seat at the table. Taryn didn't have the energy to fight with Jace or anyone that day. She decided to let Cory take the lead and explain what they had done.
Jace listened to Cory's chatter. The British woman definitely wasn't shy. Jace looked back and forth between the two blondes. Taryn just didn't seem right. Her body language reflected defeat. Jace wanted nothing more than to ask if Taryn was okay, but she knew that would just make her defensive. She turned her attention back to Cory.
"We've identified the students that are in both the pre-college classes and we've added a support session three times a week to these students' schedules. We do similar classes to our school children in the form of 'booster' classes. We look at areas where they are weak and boost these skills."
Jace listened. She was pleased with the idea. It was along the same lines as what she'd been aiming for. "So how is it going to be run?" She watched as Cory turned to look at Taryn. She noticed the unspoken signs that ran between these two women. Within twenty-four hours, Jace could tell there was chemistry between the pair. In her heart she hoped it was just a working chemistry.
Taryn took the lead from Cory. She knew that explaining the classes and vocabulary in American terms was very knew to her colleague. "I think this is my cue to speak." She smiled at Cory. "With regard to these students, we can split the sessions into skills they'll need to survive college. Study skills will be a priority. One of the main skills will be how to read a textbook for speed, accuracy, and more importantly comprehension. I think we need to develop active readers, rather than passive. They need reinforcement with writing skills, developing thesis statements, topic sentences, and your general five-paragraph essay. As for the math classes, there is a set of videos that could run concurrently with the textbook chapters. We could put one on at the beginning of the week and have the math tutors go over these topics. What do you think?" Taryn stared at Jace. I dare you to say the ideas are bad! Taryn waited. Jace didn't have any set expression on her face.
Jace was surprised at the depth of thought the two had put into the project. She stared at the schedules in front of her and the detailed explanation of skills and tutor utilization. Realizing she hadn't answered Taryn's question, she looked into the brown questioning eyes. "It sounds like a well thought-out plan. I'll approve it and talk to the professors involved." She looked to a separate sheet. "What are these?"
"The students that aren't double dipping. We've been scanning their schedules to see if there is a common link." Cory answered.
Taryn could feel her excitement building. Jace had liked their ideas. It was only a start, but also the first positive exchange between Jace and her since their evening out. "We've identified that seven out of the ten remaining students are in Intro to Psychology. We were trying to work out what to do with them."
Jace took the sheet and looked at the names. "We could run an S.I. course."
"S.I.?" Cory and Taryn asked in unison.
Jace grinned, "Is this a double act show? S.I. is Supplemental Instruction. The problem is the true definition of S.I. is where you take a high-risk class and run extra study sessions. Any student can attend the sessions."
"So what's the problem?" Taryn asked.
"Well, it's not exactly a problem, more a difference. We are working with at-risk students. Statistics show that they do not self-identify that they need help. So we would have to take the S.I. concept, and adapt it to our needs. I have a manual on S.I. in my office. Let me go and get it. If you think it would work, I can switch the other three students into the psychology class. By the way, I'm very impressed. You two have certainly worked hard in the past few hours."
"We just merged ideas." Cory answered.
Taryn's mood had definitely risen. The look of pride on Jace's face was so different from the disappointment that had been so evident the day before. "We're enjoying the project and the freedom. Thank you, Jace."
Embarrassed by the unexpected thanks, Jace stood up. Looking for something to say, she caught a hint of the smell she had noticed on the way in to the Center. "Can you smell that?" It seemed to be getting stronger.
"That fishy smell? Smells like electrics." Cory answered.
Taryn and Jace turned concerned eyes to Cory. "Electrics?"
Cory nodded. "I used to live in an old house. When the electrics were worn out they would burn and it was a similar smell."
"She's right." All three women turned to the voice, as Terri approached the group. "It's the air conditioning. They've switched it off and will replace parts. They want to close the building. They're worried about the air quality. I told them I had to check with the director first, but he said his orders were from higher up."
Jace listened. The last thing they needed was to be closed. She had reports to run from her meeting that morning. "Any chance he'll change his mind?"
"No. He said you could only stay if the room was air-conditioned. The only space we have is the computer room which has an independent air conditioning unit."
"Okay. Tell him I agreed to close the building. Then go around and tell everyone to go home. If the building is shut beyond our control, people still get paid. I can't say many people will complain. I'll be in the computer lab. Is Jane in?"
Terri nodded. "I'll go and round everyone up."
Jace turned her attention back to Cory and Taryn. "Thank you for the hard work. I'll get the folder I was talking about and tomorrow you can check it out. The rest of the day is yours to do as you please." She turned and walked down the hallway.
Jace went straight to Jane's office. She had seen her colleague's RAV-4 in the parking lot. Jane was looking at the familiar blue screen that showed all the students' transcripts and personal information. "We're being evacuated."
"Pardon?" Jane asked. "Good morning. What's this about an evacuation?"
Jace leaned her tall frame against the doorframe. "The air conditioning is broken. They're trying to fix it but the parts won't be in until later. They're worried about air quality. So you get to go home early. The maintenance guy's giving everyone thirty minutes and then he's locking the doors."
Jane looked at her watch. "It's nearly lunchtime. Have you eaten?"
"No. I'm going to stay and try to clear the backlog from vacation."
"But they're locking up. Why do you have to stay?" Jane was confused.
"I can stay in the computer lab. It has its own air supply. I'll grab lunch later." Jace saw the usual stubborn expression cross Jane's face.
"Well, if you're staying, then so can I."
"Go home, Jane. Spend some time with the kids."
"Jace, I'm not leaving you here alone. The kids are with their grandparents. I think they're at the beach. Is your work urgent?" She saw the lines of concentration on Jace's face. She knew Jace was mentally going through her 'to-do' list.
Jace shook her head. "Not urgent, just time consuming. Taryn and Cory have cut some of it down. They seem to work very well together. I find it hard to believe they only met yesterday. They play off each other very well. They seem to have a natural chemistry." Jace could feel the gnawing sensation she had come to associate with her thoughts for Taryn.
Impulsively, Jane grabbed her pocket book. "Let's go out somewhere. Make a day of it. Please, Jace. I don't want to be alone this afternoon. I need to talk to someone. Let my hair down."
Jace grinned. "That sounds dangerous, Weston. Problems on the home front?"
"When isn't there, lately? So will you come out with me? It's a beautiful day. Maybe, we could drive to Sakonnet."
"What's there?" Jace was interested. She had a lot on her mind, too. Maybe it was time to talk to Jane about things.
"A vineyard. They do wine testing and have a pretty view. I went there a few years ago with a friend. Please, I've been meaning to go back and get a few bottles of wine. Humor an old lady."
"Okay. I'll meet you up at the front in five minutes." Jace went to her office to collect a few folders and email addresses. She could work from home, later. She was quite excited about going to a vineyard. There had been vineyards near her home on the little island of Agistri. Nothing too big, just the locals making Retsina for the surrounding islands, but Jace sometimes missed the island.
**
"Someone must have listened to my prayers this morning." Taryn commented as she placed the confidential information into a manila folder.
"How come?" Cory asked as she helped tidy up the area they had claimed as their own.
"I just didn't want to be trapped inside all day. The weather's beautiful. What are you going to do this afternoon?"
Cory stopped, and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Whatever I do it'll have to be within walking distance as JJ has the truck. I might use the pool at the complex. What about you? Any plans?"
Taryn placed the folders in a cupboard. She hadn't really thought about what to do. She knew she needed to talk to her aunt and try to clear the air. Jane hadn't been near her all morning and Taryn hadn't wanted to disturb her at work. She was still feeling bitter after their fight, but there was something about Jane's final comment that wouldn't go away. Jane had said she didn't love Marti. At the time, Taryn had been too angry to think about the comment. However, she had stayed on the deck long after the sun had gone down and thought about her feelings for Marti. She wanted to ask Jane why she'd made the comment. When she looked up, she saw her aunt talking to Terri by the front desk. She turned back to Cory, "I have no idea what to do. I might just soak up the sun. Come on, let's get out of here before they change their minds."
By the time Cory and Taryn had collected their belongings, Jace and Jane were both at the front door. "Come on, slowpokes. Last one out gets to do unpaid overtime." Jace winked at Cory. The younger blonde blushed.
The foursome walked to the parking lot. Jace noticed the distance between Taryn and Jane. Unusual. They're generally chatting about something. Jane was walking on the left side of Jace; Cory was on Jace's right, and Taryn was on the far side of Cory. She watched as Taryn glanced at Jane, caught her eye, and looked away. Jace saw the hurt in both women's eyes. Ouch. Whatever happened, it doesn't look good for working relationships. You are going to owe me big time, Weston. "So what do you guys have planned for the rest of the day?" Jace asked innocently.
Taryn shrugged, "Not much. What about you? I thought you were staying?" On the inside, Taryn was happy that Jace had begun the conversation. The silence leaving the building had been awkward.
"I was but Jane is very persuasive. She's leading me astray!" The mischievous grin that Jace usually hid so well had surfaced.
Taryn looked at the twinkling blue eyes. She saw a glimpse of the carefree Jace that had appeared when they'd played games all those weeks before. She decided to play along. She'd missed this side of Jace. "She is? Well I don't see you kicking and screaming. Where are you going?"
"Sakonnet."
Taryn looked confused. "What's there?"
"A vineyard." Jace smirked. "We're going wine tasting!"
"Are you sure it's safe to let you two loose on your own?" Taryn could just picture the two straight-laced women drunk.
Cory watched the interplay between Taryn and Jace. It was so different from the previous day. "I've never been wine tasting before, but I've seen it on the television. Most of the time the people end up spitting the wine into a bucket."
"Where's the fun in that?" Taryn asked.
Jace looked at Cory and Taryn. "Why don't you join us? We could kill two birds with one stone; we get some chaperones and Cory can attend her first wine testing. We'll show the British how the Americans do a wine tasting. What do you think, Jane?"
Jane was flustered. The last thing she'd expected from her reserved boss was this. She looked at Taryn. When the blonde didn't look away, Jane took this as a good sign. "Sure. The more the merrier. If the girls want to come?"
Taryn looked at Cory. She could see hesitancy in Cory's body language. "I'm game if you are, Cory."
Cory didn't really have any plans. JJ had talked to her about making friends with Taryn. She'd been worried about Cory feeling isolated so far from home. "Sounds like a brilliant plan."
"That sounded so British. Okay, who's driving?" Taryn asked.
All four stood silently in the parking lot. "I'd offer," Cory said. "But it would be a drive of a lifetime for the rest of you! I'm not quite acquainted to the right side, yet."
"I'll drive." Jane said. "The RAV has more space."
"We could take the Jeep." Jace replied.
"Mine wouldn't be comfortable for four people." Taryn added.
"It was my idea. I'm driving." Jane finally said. "If we keep this up they'll be harvesting the grapes. Get in."
**
"It's beautiful." Cory commented as she viewed the landscape in front of her.
The drive down had been a quiet affair. The vineyard was about an hour from the college. Cory had found herself making most of the conversation, and Jace had added in a little bit of tourist information. Cory definitely had the sense that something was not right between the three women. There seemed to be something about Taryn that cried trouble. The previous day, Taryn and Jace had barely spoken. Now it was Taryn and Jane. Cory was beginning to think she had read the blonde all-wrong. Maybe she was difficult and a friendship between the two should be discouraged.
"This way." Jane led the way to the reception area.
Once inside the four women were asked for identification. Cory wore cargo shorts and pulled her passport out of her side pocket. "JJ doesn't think my driving license will be accepted in some places so she suggested I carry this until we can get me a Massachusetts's identity card."
The wine server explained that they had to pay a cover charge and this included four samples of wine and a souvenir glass. When they all had a wine glass, he asked them to choose which wine they would like to start with. The women had fun picking what wines they wanted to try.
An hour later, the women had tried all their selections. Cory had entertained them with tales of England. She had given a brief history of her life, and many differences between American and England. The foursome was definitely more relaxed. They were currently perusing the wine menu to find some wine they all liked to take out into the garden. Finally, they agreed on a Sauvignon Blanc and a Merlot. Jane ordered two bottles, some baguettes, and three flavors of goat's cheese.
The garden area was large. There were walkways and benches scattered amongst the brightly, colored flowers. Once settled at a table, Jane played hostess and poured wine for everyone. She made sure her glass only had half of what everyone else's held. She wanted to be responsible. She knew her limit when it came to wine. They didn't plan to leave anytime soon, so Jane knew she was safe drinking another glass. They lifted their glasses. "Cheers. Let's hear it for broken air conditioners!" When her glass clinked to Taryn's, Jane couldn't resist holding her gaze. She tried to send her sorrow through the stare. When there was no response from Taryn, Jane stood up. "I think I'll walk around for a while. Give myself a little rest before I drink this glass."
Jace had seen Jane's silent plea to Taryn. She wanted to know what was going on between them. "Would you like company? I could do with stretching my legs. Do you mind?" She asked the blonde haired women.
"Not at all." Cory answered. She had also sensed the shift in mood between Taryn and Jane. "I can pick Taryn's brain a little more about work."
They watched Jane and Jace walk into the flower-lined pathway. Cory tried making small talk with Taryn. When the answers she got were monosyllabic, she sighed aloud. "Should I leave you alone?"
Taryn looked at Cory. "No. I'm sorry. I'm really not making a good impression with you, am I? Be honest!"
Cory smiled. "I would have to say if I was trying to date you, I'd be out of the door by now. As I'm hoping we're going to be friends, I'm offering a friendly ear."
Taryn looked at Cory. Her green eyes showed a path straight to her soul. What Taryn saw there was compassion and honesty. "It's complicated."
Cory laughed. "Taryn, I know complicated very well, you could call it my second cousin!" Sensing that Taryn was very similar to her ex, Sam, when it came to expressing her feelings, she decided to try and take the pressure off Taryn. "How about I tell you my story? Then you can see whether I'll understand." Taryn seemed interested in the suggestion. "To cut a long story very short. I told you JJ and I met online. What I didn't say was that we were both in long term steady relationships." She saw the surprise in Taryn's eyes.
"Really?"
"Yes. It gets juicier. I was married." Cory saw disbelief on Taryn's face.
"Married? No way, you're so ..."
"Dykish? Gay?"
Taryn blushed. "I'm sorry. Not dykish. You're just so out. I mean my gaydar pinged when you walked in. I wasn't surprised when you told me you had a girlfriend. I mean you're pretty in a cute way, and your clothing is just boyish. I know I'm babbling. Carry on."
"Thank you, for the compliments... I think. I was in denial, apparently. That's what Helen, JJ's friend, tells me. I had dated a woman in college. When I left college, I was celibate for two years, then I met Sam and we fell in love. Well, I thought it was love. Looking back now I think I was just content. I was happy and in a secure relationship that I felt safe with. Sam and I had some difficulties..."
Taryn could see the slight blush on Cory's cheeks. She placed her hand on Cory's hand. "Go on. Are we talking below the belt difficulties?" She couldn't help the childish giggle that escaped as she said the words.
Cory's discomfort disappeared when she heard Taryn's description. "Yes. Down there." She gesticulated to her lap area. "He just wasn't interested in me sexually. Meanwhile, JJ was having similar problems with her longtime girlfriend. When we first met online we supported each other and a friendship grew, very quickly. We just seemed connected. It's hard to explain. Even with the physical distance between us, I knew what she was thinking and feeling. Anyway, she visited and I knew she was different. Like I said, it happened so quickly. We were both so certain about our feelings. I ended things with Sam and JJ split up with Sarah. I came out here for a visit at Easter, applied for college, and got accepted as a quick admit. It's been a difficult few months. Sam and I stayed in the house together. He tried to understand but as the weeks progressed and my leaving became imminent, Sam retreated into his shell and we haven't really talked since then. We have a lot of unfinished business to work out but he has promised to look after the house for the next two years. I managed to get a two-year sabbatical from my teaching job. My boss was very understanding and eager to see me return."
"Wow. It must have been hell?" Taryn rubbed Cory's hand.
"It wasn't exactly a picnic. I think the hardest part was telling my parents about Sam and I. My mum was distraught. My grandfather had died a few months earlier and she felt the family was falling apart. Luckily, my sister-in-law announced she was pregnant so that has taken my mum's attention off me. I was a chicken and didn't tell them about JJ. They have met her but they don't know the full extent of our relationship. JJ sold her house and we moved into the apartment complex opposite college. It's been a roller coaster ride, but I'm with JJ, so it's been worth it." Cory took a large gulp of wine. "I needed that! So now that you know my darkest secrets, what's your story? You seem like a really nice person, Taryn, but I sense there is something going on between Jane and you. In fact, all three of you."
"What do you mean?"
Cory sensed she was going to have to pull the information out of Taryn. "Yesterday, Jane and you were acting like best mates. Today you can barely talk to each other. Jane's been fine around me, so it isn't just Jane in a bad mood. I think I've worked it out though."
Taryn was curious. "You have?"
Cory nodded as she sipped her wine. "I may be totally wrong but I think you're jealous of Jace."
Taryn spat her wine out. "What? I'm sorry I didn't mean to cover you. You took me by surprise. Jace?"
"I knew I was right. You're jealous that Jace and Jane are together. I saw your face when Jane and Jace talked about their vacation. I also saw how you looked at Jane over lunch, yesterday. You fancy her!"
Taryn tried to swallow her wine before laughing but ended up choking instead. She spluttered and coughed. Cory tried to help her out. She gently patted Taryn's back. "Too funny! Wait until Jane and I are talking again! She'll have a blast from this one!"
"I gather I'm wrong. But there is something between the three of you. I can feel it."
Taryn nodded. "If I tell you, you have to promise me you'll keep it to yourself."
"Okay. Sounds mysterious."
"Jane's my aunt."
"Is that it? I'm disappointed. I expected deep, dark secrets and a lot of passion." Cory's teasing stopped when she saw the glare in Taryn's eyes. "Sorry. I get the feeling I've put my foot in my mouth."
Taryn waved her hand in front of her. "No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't mean to glare. I think you came a little close to the truth. Jace and Jane are just friends: very close friends. You were right when you said I was jealous. I used to have a close friendship with Jane. We were more like sisters than aunt and niece. I lived with her growing up. I left to go to Ireland, and when I came back things had changed. I miss the closeness."
Cory rubbed Taryn's hand in comfort. "The godmother thing hurts you, doesn't it?"
Taryn nodded. "You're very perceptive. I wasn't allowed to be Josie or Taylor's godmother." She decided to lie a little about Patrick's relationship to her. "My uncles didn't like my choice of partner."
"Oh. But they let Jace be a godmother?"
Taryn was confused. "Why wouldn't they?"
Cory looked embarrassed. "Isn't Jace gay?"
Taryn shook her head. "No." When she saw the doubtful look on Cory's face, she added. "I don't think she is. Why?"
Green eyes looked into brown, "The way she looks at you."
Again, Taryn spluttered her drink across the table. "You're going to have to warn me next time. I'm wasting precious wine! Not you, too. You're serious, aren't you?"
Cory thought back to the restaurant, she'd watched Jace watching Taryn as they'd eaten. "Just my opinion. I know I only came in yesterday, but I had a feeling something wasn't right. When we were at the restaurant, she had this look. It seemed like jealousy. At first, I thought it was because you held so much of Jane's attention. Now, I'm not too sure but I think the bite really pissed her off. I don't know, maybe I'm way off base. Who else thinks that? You said 'you, too'."
"Marti. She's been telling me the same thing for weeks. We went out a few weeks ago with Jane, the kids, and Jace. It was Marti's first time meeting everyone. I put it all down to Marti's jealousy about Jace's looks." Taryn thought it over. She tried to recall Jace's reactions at Chuck E. Cheese's, but she couldn't remember anything. As for lunch, the previous day, Taryn had been too embarrassed to look at Jace. "No. I don't see it. She's barely spoken to me over the past three weeks. You've been reading too many romance novels."
Cory shook her head. "That's what JJ always says to me! But I don't know. There's something there. What do you think about Jace?"
"She's okay."
"That's an understatement. So, you're not attracted to her?"
Taryn shrugged her shoulders. "It doesn't matter what I think. She's my boss and I'm a student. Plus I'm living with someone else."
Cory sipped her wine. "It never stopped anyone before."
"TouchÈ."
Cory knew the conversation was over. She didn't want to push too hard. "What's wrong with you and Jane?"
"Family argument. Nothing serious." Taryn mirrored Cory and silently drank her wine. Her mind kept replaying the conversation. Marti thought Jace liked her. Now Cory was saying similar things. The one conversation she couldn't shake was Jane's comment about not loving Marti. Do I love her?
The pair sat quietly for a while. Finally, Taryn asked a question. "How did you know JJ was the one for you?"
Cory looked at the rolling vineyards in front of her. "She just completed me. It's a long story. We just knew each other. I understood her, and she me. It's hard to explain. Like I said before we know what the other wants and feels. There's nothing we can't talk about. You hear the songs about giving it all up for love. I did just that. Not just material things, that's easy. I broke down all my walls; I swallowed my fears, opened my heart, and let her in. Everyday it gets stronger. That's how I know what we have is love."
"That simple, huh?" Taryn nudged Cory and they both laughed. "Thanks, Cory. Here's to friendship." Taryn lifted her glass to Cory's.
**
Jace and Jane walked down the winding pathway. Jace waited patiently for Jane to talk to her. Finally, the shorter woman spoke. "Nice day. If I didn't know better I'd say you sabotaged the air conditioning unit"
"No such luck. If I had done it, I'd have made sure it couldn't be fixed for a week. What's wrong?"
"You always notice."
"Kind of hard when the atmosphere between Taryn and you is so hostile. What happened? Patrick?"
Jane sat on one of the benches that sporadically lined the path. "No. Yes. It involves Patrick, but indirectly. My mouth ran away with me."
"What happened?"
Jane pulled her hands through her hair. The air was cooler now. The wind had picked up slightly, making the hot day bearable. "I'm just tired of fighting all the time. I'm worn-out from stepping lightly around Patrick and Taryn. Taylor is going through a rough time at school. He's not like Josie. He's very sensitive and naÔve. The kids tease him and when he comes home, Patrick does the same. We've tried to stop Patrick from doing this but it's hard to keep track of everyone. You saw Taylor's affection for Taryn. He still doesn't understand why she stays away. Last night, he asked her. They talked and then Taryn had a go at me. She thinks I'm being unfair to the kids by keeping them in the same house as Patrick. I feel like we go around in circles. Always the same arguments..." Jane paused. "I hate myself for thinking this but at times I wish Taryn had stayed away."
"Why? It was your idea to hire her." Jace sat asked.
"I know. In my mind I thought things would be different. I guess I was living in a dream world. I thought Taryn would come back stronger and finally stand up to Patrick. She is stronger but it's not a positive energy. She keeps things locked inside, like you..." Jane looked at Jace. "It's not healthy. She's so stubborn. Patrick will never change. He's bitter and resentful. I fear that Taryn will become like him. I know she thinks talking about her fears is a sign of weakness..." Jane continued to look at Jace. "She's very much like you."
"But she has someone. She must talk to Marti."
"No. When we went out together, Marti was asking all kinds of questions. Questions she would have had answers to if Taryn were being open. She knew nothing of Patrick's existence. She asked questions about Taryn's mother and Taryn's childhood. It worries me. She's going to miss out on so much love because she's afraid to open her heart."
"Maybe, she's happy. Not everyone needs to be in love."
"Bullshit! I'm sorry, but everyone needs to be wanted, to feel love. Taryn desperately wanted her father's love. I'm sure it hurts everyday. She displays typical abandonment issues. She's distant, controlling, won't let anyone inside..."Jane paused again seeing understanding in Jace's eyes. "You know, don't you?"
"Know what?"
"What Taryn feels like inside. You've been there. I can see it in your eyes. What happened?"
Jace turned her head away. "Nothing. So, why are you not talking this morning?"
Jane knew the subject of Jace's past was closed. She didn't need to lose another friend, so she continued with the story. "I told her I didn't think she loved Marti."
"Ouch. That would do it? I'm guessing she reacted badly."
"Slammed out of the house."
Jace rubbed Jane's arm. "It's Taryn's life, Jane. She's a big girl."
"I know I just want my family to be happy." Jane turned toward Jace. "I want all my family to be happy."
"I am happy."
"And I'm the President of the United States. Jace, you know I love you?"
Jace nodded. "Why do I feel like Taryn is no longer the topic?" She looked at Jane and noticed the intensity in her eyes. Suddenly nervous, she replied automatically to Jane's declaration. "I love you, too, Jane. Should we head back?"
Jane caught hold of Jace's arm. "Not so fast. Jace Xanthos, you're impossible. I spill my heart out to you on a regular basis and you're always there for me. I want to help you, Jace. You haven't been yourself in a while. We had fun in Florida, but you seem troubled. Is it work?"
Jace shook her head. Tell her. Swallow your pride and open up. She's your best friend.
"Personal?" Jane asked, Jace nodded. "Family business?"
Jace shook her head. "No. You are my family."
Jane looked at Jace. An idea began to enter her head. "Oh my god...you're in love!" Jane jumped up and down. "I should have seen the signs!"
Jace pulled Jane back down. "Shush...I don't think they heard you in Rhode Island. I didn't say I was in love."
"You didn't deny it." Jane tried to calm down. Jace had never willingly discussed relationships with her. "You've met someone?"
Jace felt like a teenager. "I don't know."
Jane was confused. "You don't know. You've either met someone or you haven't?"
"There is someone."
"How do they make you feel? Compare it to previous relationships. Is this person special?" Jane was trying to be patient.
Jace wriggled in her seat. "Umm...that's the problem...I haven't had a previous relationship."
Jane looked at Jace, "Okay. But you must have been with people, guys..." Jane saw Jace blush.
Jace couldn't hold Jane's eye contact anymore. She dropped her head into her hands. "No." She whispered.
"Oh... Shit...Wow..." Jane was lost for what to say. "But...you're thirty five."
Jace remained bent over. She rested her head in her hands and looked at the floor. Her secret was finally out. She could hear Jane stuttering above her. "I know."
"You're a virgin?" Jane was amazed. "I'm sorry, I know I'm being an idiot. No one has ever shocked me this much. I mean...I'm just surprised...you're so sexual."
Jace laughed and the atmosphere between them relaxed. "I'm what?"
"Sexual. I don't know, you just ooze sexuality. You're beautiful, you have a body to die for, you're intelligent, and have a great sense of humor. Everything your average everyday guy is looking for. Have you dated?"
Jace shook her head. "I was raised by strict Orthodox Greeks, on a very small island. My parents knew everything I did. When I left the island, I was happy. But at school, nobody wanted to know me because I was different. My English wasn't good. So, I spent my school years battling prejudice. Even though I was in California, I didn't fit in. I didn't speak English or Spanish. However, by the time I got into high school, I spoke fluent English and was making good grades. But then the kids didn't want to know me because I was a brain. In college I made a few friends but I worked every spare second of the day to earn money to support myself. When my mother became ill, I went back to the island but it was too late. There was nothing left for me on the island. My father no longer thinks of me as his daughter while my brothers blamed me for mother's illness. I left and came back to America. I needed to break away from the family. I knew the family wouldn't let me live my life without constant torments. I came to Massachusetts and worked on my Masters. I just never had time to date and I was never close to anyone. I stayed on to do my doctorate and worked in colleges. I found I was a natural leader. I did my job and didn't let anyone get close to me. Then I came here... I met you." Jace looked up at Jane. She straightened to her full height and leaned against the back of the bench. "You wouldn't let me be alone." She saw Jane smile. "You kept inviting me out until you wore me down. You gave me a family and offered me friendship. I haven't even thought of having a relationship until now. I don't know what I'm feeling." Jace swallowed. She wouldn't cry. It wasn't in her nature.
Jane rubbed Jace's back. It was probably the longest speech Jace had ever given outside of work, and such a personal declaration. She debated whether to end the conversation but her curiosity won out. "But you have met someone?" Jane persisted. She had finally broken through Jace's barriers. She didn't want Jace to build them back up. "Who is it?" Jace wouldn't look at her. "Do I know them?" Still Jace wouldn't answer her. "Jace, you need to talk about this. It's eating you up inside. You were so sad in Florida. Talk to me, please."
Jace took a deep breath. "Taryn."
That one word silenced any questions Jane had wanted to ask. She paled and let go of Jace's hand. Her head spun. The thought had never crossed her mind. She had pictured various male colleagues, but never Taryn: her niece. Seeing the torment in Jace's eyes, Jane rubbed her arm. "You love, Taryn?"
Jace couldn't help but smile. "I feel like I'm having dÈj vu. Didn't I say that very thing to you a month ago?"
"Be serious, Jace. How do you feel?"
Jace blew out a breath and stood up. She paced in front of Jane. "I'm not even close to thinking it is love. I don't know. She makes me feel things I haven't felt before."
"So, you've never felt like this for another woman?"
Jace stopped pacing right in front of Jane and looked down as she towered above her. "I've never felt like this period."
"Are you gay?"
Jace shrugged. "I think I'm asexual." She saw Jane smile. "I don't know. I've never thought about it. I think I have always noticed women more than men, but I have never classified my feelings. I might be. My feelings may even be displaced."
"What do you mean?"
Jace sat back down. "This is embarrassing."
"Just tell me." Jane stroked Jace's back. "I'm not going anywhere. Talk to me."
"She has your eyes."
Jane nodded her encouragement. "Go on."
"When I first met Taryn, she reminded me of someone. Her eyes haunted me. Then I found out she was your niece. I put the thoughts to one side, but she kept getting under my skin. I let her get close. The night at Chuck E. Cheese's, I held her and it just felt so right. For the first time in my life I wanted to kiss someone. Maybe, I like Taryn because she's so much like you. I feel safe with you, Jane. I could just be transferring my feelings for you to Taryn."
Jane listened. "You've really analyzed this, haven't you?"
Jace nodded. "I've had a lot of down time. Marti made me nervous that night. I was jealous of their relationship, and I think she saw the way I looked at Taryn. I got scared. I couldn't handle Taryn finding out, so I backed off. That is why I came down to Florida I just needed to get away. Yesterday, I kept my distance because the bite on her neck helped remind me that she's taken. I think it's just a teenage crush. I'm obviously going through my adolescent years now. Call me a late bloomer!"
"What if it's not? Let me play devil's advocate for a moment. What if it's not a crush? What if you do like her? You can't have her, Jace."
Jace's shoulders slumped even further down. "I know. You don't need to remind me. She's my employee, a student, and already with someone. I have tried to stay away, Jane. It hurts, here." Jace placed Jane's hand over her heart.
"You've definitely been hit by Cupid's arrow, my friend. Could you be Taryn's friend?" Jane asked.
"I think so. I hate not talking to her. She makes me smile, and we have a lot in common."
"I know. Jace, Taryn has a lot of baggage. I think you understand more than most what it's like to carry secrets and bitterness. Even if circumstances were different, I think it would be unhealthy for you two to be in a relationship. You both need to open up more. Trust people. Learn to love. But I think you could have a great friendship. She needs someone to talk to, Jace. Be that friend. Get to know her better, then you'll get your answers."
Jace nodded her agreement. "You're not angry with me?"
Jane shook her head. "I love you. I love Taryn. You two are my best friends. If circumstances were different I'd be over the moon to see you together." She glanced at her watch. "We should walk back before the girls drink all the wine."
Jace stood up and linked arms with Jane, "Jane...what I just told you...it's a secret, right?"
"Of course."
"Even from Bill?"
"Definitely from Bill. I wouldn't want to ruin his image of you!" Jane sniggered.
"What image?" Jace laughed nervously.
"He has two images of you. His frequent image is that you have hordes of men chasing you! In the second image he thinks you're hopelessly in love...with me." Jane blushed.
"No way!" Jace blathered. "I mean 'no way' to his dreams of men chasing me, not to my being in love with you. I mean I am in love with you. I..."
"Jace, you love me. You are not in love with me. There's a difference." They could see the blonde heads of Taryn and Cory in the distance. "This conversation is not over, Jace. We will continue with this at a later date, I promise. But I will take your little secret to the grave, my friend."
"Thank you, Jane. I feel much better. Let's go and have some fun!"
**
The four women had settled into a nice conversation on life in general. As they all had different cultural backgrounds, the conversation had focused on their similarities and differences. Taryn had enjoyed the relaxed banter, especially the fact that Jace seemed to have loosened up since her talk with Jane. Taryn had examined Jace's face during some of the conversations. She was looking for any sign that Jace had feelings for her. Nothing in her expression, or the way she acted, showed any sign of the desire that Cory had mentioned. It was early evening, the wind had picked up a little and the temperature had dropped.
"I think we should get back soon." Taryn said as she looked at her watch. "Marti, will be sending out a search party."
"Yes, JJ will be wondering where I've been."
Jane hooted, "Look at you two. Both of you under the thumb!"
"I am not!" Taryn retorted.
"I was kidding." Jane answered back. "Calm down."
Jace noticed Cory's hand squeeze Taryn's leg. Jace looked between the two women, there was a familiarity between them that was not there earlier. She thought back over Jane's words. She wanted to be Taryn's friend. "Come on, I hope you two can stand without support. I haven't seen wine disappear like that in a long time!"
**
The drive back was quiet. Taryn struggled to keep her eyes open. Cory was sound asleep. They hadn't even pulled onto the highway before Cory had started to fall asleep. Taryn had too many things going on in her head to sleep. She just closed her eyes to cut out the image of Jace. She had been analyzing her feelings for the tall woman since Cory's observations. Despite Marti's comments, Taryn hadn't paid much attention to them until Cory mentioned it. She liked Jace. The tall woman was definitely good looking in an androgynous way. It was Jace's personality that confused her. Some days she blew hot and others cold. There was an undeniable attraction toward the older woman, but Taryn didn't think it went too deep. She had Marti to think about. Taryn was troubled with her feelings for Marti. She didn't think she'd ever reach the stage where she'd be willing to give up everything to be with her. Marti did make her feel safe and secure. She felt loved. But none of it compared to what Cory had described. Taryn hadn't told Marti anything about her past, yet she had mentioned things to Jace within their first month of meeting. She had let Jace in. Taryn opened her eyes and caught bright, blue eyes staring back at her.
Look away! Smile! Do something you idiot! Stop staring! Jace's inner voice was screaming at her. Jace had pulled the visor down to shield her eyes from the bright, evening sun. The mirror had reflected Taryn's image. Jace had been drawn to that image like a moth to a flame. She watched as Taryn's forehead crinkle, her mouth turned into a frown, and then the woman had opened her eyelids. Deep, brown eyes stared back. Neither woman blinked. Jace could feel a fuzzy feeling in her tummy. It tingled its way down towards the core of her body. She wriggled in her seat.
"Do you need the bathroom?" Jane asked.
Jace looked at Jane and then back to the mirror. The moment was broken. Taryn's eyes were shut but a smirk had replaced the frown. She knows! I think she knows!
"I asked if you wanted the bathroom? You're squirming!"
Jace looked back at Jane. "No, I'm okay." Jace returned her eyes to the mirror. Taryn's face looked more relaxed. Jace was mesmerized. She didn't know how much time had passed, as she watched the young woman breathing. After a short while she realized the blonde was sleeping.
"I don't think it's wise to let Taryn drive home." Jace whispered to Jane.
"Are the two princesses sleeping?"
"Yes."
Jane peeked over her shoulder. "They make a cute couple, don't they?"
Jace shrugged, "If you say so!" She had been trying not to think the same thing all afternoon.
"Taryn still isn't talking to me, Jace. I don't think she'd welcome a ride home if I offered it. It might be better coming from you. I don't think you live too far away from them, a few miles, maybe. It would give you a chance to rebuild your fledgling friendship."
**
On their arrival back at the College, Jane offered Cory a ride home. Jace and Taryn waved goodbye to them. Taryn shuffled her feet and wrapped her arms round her chilled body. "Thank you, Jace. It was fun." Taryn headed toward her car.
"Taryn, maybe I should drop you home?" Jace had been hesitant to ask.
"I'm okay."
"I'd feel better if you would let me take you home. I only had two small glasses of wine. Please."
Taryn turned and walked back. She was surprised by the offer. "Are you sure you're not going out of your way?"
"Your road is on my way. I could pick you up tomorrow morning. I know you're not drunk but alcohol can still have an effect on the body." Jace pointed toward the Jeep.
"Thanks, Jace."
The atmosphere in the car was pleasant. The conversation focused on the trip down to Sakonnet. When Jace pulled up to Taryn's house, she realized she didn't want the woman to leave. She wanted to help Jane out, too. "Nice house."
Taryn looked at Jace. "It's a good location. It's Marti's house." She paused trying to think of things to say to prolong the conversation. "Thanks, for the ride. What time in the morning?"
Jace thought about it. She usually ran in the morning. "I could pick you up at seven-thirty, unless you wanted to go in later?"
"Sounds good to me." As Taryn grabbed the car handle, Jace placed her hand on Taryn's other arm.
"Taryn, this is none of my business. Well, it is in a way. Talk to Jane."
Taryn turned to Jace, a curious expression on her face. "What did she say?"
Jace shrugged, "Not a lot. Just that you'd argued and she upset you."
Taryn remained motionless. "That's right! She upset me. She should talk to me."
Jace tentatively rubbed Taryn's arm. She needed contact with the young woman. "Taryn, take it from an experienced sulker, she's waiting for you to make the first move. She's worried she'll make it worse. You and I, we're very much alike, Taryn. And I know your aunt very well. Please...for me?"
Taryn sighed. She knew Jace was right. "No promises, but I'll try talk to her."
Chapter 8
"So that's your uncle's mother?" Marti asked inquisitively as she drank from her soda can.
"Yes. There aren't as many cousins here this year. They all have partners and they tend to switch venues." Taryn answered. Her eyes scanned the family in front of her. She couldn't believe that the summer vacation was nearly over. August had been a hectic, but fun month. Taryn and Cory had built a strong friendship and the two blondes had become inseparable the more they worked together. She'd invited Cory to the Labor Day barbecue, but Cory had declined the offer. JJ and her were going up to New Hampshire with some of JJ's friends. Taryn had been reluctant to attend but Jane had sent a formal invitation and Marti had replied promptly to it. Taryn had sulked for a few days until she'd seen the joy on Jane's face when her aunt approached her on the subject. Taryn hadn't quite managed to clear the air between Jane and herself. At work they were always polite to each other. When she tutored Taylor, Taryn would leave as soon as she was finished, telling her aunt she had barbecues or outings with Marti. Overall, Taryn had been extremely relieved when Jane had told her that Patrick would be spending Labor Day weekend visiting her grandparents in Florida. The weather was gorgeous. Summer was still in the air and Taryn was enjoying soaking up the last few rays of sun. She knew fall was just around the corner.
"You seem miles away!" Marti commented. "I'm going to the bathroom. Do you want a drink? I'll grab the sunscreen as well, you're burning a little."
Taryn looked at her shoulders as she dangled her legs over the edge of the pool. She adjusted the straps of her two-piece swimsuit. "Where?" Taryn asked.
"You can't see it but it's there."
Taryn sucked over her teeth, making a rather loud tutting sound, "Marti, not everyone is as susceptible to the sun as you are. You're more Irish than I am! The red hair, green eyes, and freckles make you a prime candidate for sunburn. I'm only half Irish, I have a little of Jane's side of the family and coloring in me, too." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she realized that Marti would pick up on the slip.
"I thought Jane was your mother's sister?" Marti's eyes squinted at Taryn, her curiosity definitely piqued.
Taryn's eyes flickered around the pool area. Jane and Jace were in the shallow end playing with the children. Bill was cooking at the grill, no doubt discussing with his father, the baseball season and the bad luck the Red Sox were having. Taryn knew Marti would find out from some one. The kids all knew Patrick was Taryn's father. She quietly answered the question. "No."
Marti was frustrated, she threw her hands into the air. "Taryn, is this a game you like to play? Why all the secrecy? So Jane's related to your father then?"
"Yes. My father is Jane's brother." Taryn could tell Marti wasn't finished with the questions.
"Is he here?" She looked round furtively trying to remember names and faces. "Is he coming..." Marti stopped mid-sentence, her voice turned softer when she realized there could be another reason why he wasn't there. "I'm sorry, Taryn. He isn't dead, is he?"
No such luck, Taryn thought. She raised her sunglasses and glared at Marti. "No. Unfortunately, he's very much alive. Patrick is spending time in Florida with my grandparents. We don't get on. End of story! Weren't you going to the bathroom?"
Marti swallowed slowly. She'd seen hate in Taryn's eyes. The harsh look that Taryn emanated scared her. "Yeah...I'm just going. Do you want something?" She tried to halt the tears but she could feel them welling.
Taryn was lost in her own world. She never replied to Marti, or saw her girlfriend retreat hastily to the house. Memories of Labor Day's long gone were replaying over and over in her mind. She was jolted out of her nightmares by a gentle hand on her leg. She looked down to the very tanned hand and the wet dark hairs that lined the toned arm. Her eyes traveled up the appendage until she met concerned crystal, blue eyes.
"Enjoying yourself?" Jace asked curiously. Although she had been playing with Tom, her eyes had rarely left Taryn's direction. Jace had seen Marti run into the house and excused herself from the fun and games.
"Not really." Taryn replied honestly.
"I didn't think so. Is Marti okay? I saw her leave pretty hastily. She's not ill is she?"
Taryn looked in the direction of the house. She shook her head. "No. She just has a jerk for a girlfriend." When she felt Jace squeeze her leg a little, Taryn continued. "She knows I hate family occasions and she purposely replied to the invite without checking with me."
"Oh. That explains it. Jane was overjoyed when you responded so promptly to the invite. She wasn't going to send it as she knows you still haven't forgiven her." Jace paused. She could sense Taryn's dark mood, but she couldn't resist asking, "I thought you were going to talk to her?" Jace asked quietly.
Taryn thought back to the conversation the two had had in the car all those weeks ago. "I haven't had the time or opportunity." Taryn knew it was a weak argument.
"Really? It must be really hard to find time to talk to her in a nine hour day." Jace hadn't meant the comment to sound as sarcastic as it had. She could tell the remark had upset Taryn further.
"That's not fair. You were the one who didn't want our personal relationship to interfere with our working relationship." Taryn replied vehemently, and then she stopped to think things over. Quietly she added, "It hasn't has it?"
Jace ran her fingers through her curly wet hair. She placed her sunglasses back over her eyes. "No. I can't fault your work, Taryn. We had a smooth pre-college orientation, and most of that was because of you and Cory. You work very well together. But there is still an atmosphere between you and Jane. She tells me you haven't been around the house much." Jace realized her hand was still resting on Taryn's thigh. Reluctantly she removed it, and used the offending hand to help lever herself out of the water. She sat in the same spot that Marti had so recently vacated.
Taryn watched Jace's body as she slid out of the pool. Drips of water cascaded off the woman's tanned back and torso. The one-piece suit hid nothing. Taryn could see the slight curve of Jace's small breasts and the tiny paunch that appeared as the woman sat next to her. Jace's legs seemed to go on forever, not surprisingly for a woman over six feet tall. She averted his eyes and returned to the conversation, pleased to see that Jace hadn't noticed her appraisal. "I ...go to the house... I tutor Taylor..."
"And you leave straight after. Jane's not stupid, Taryn, and she is too scared of losing you to say anything." Taryn's attitude was beginning to irritate Jace.
Taryn turned brown eyes to Jace. "I'm here, aren't I?" She smugly held Jace's gaze.
"Only because your girlfriend sent the RSVP note! Taryn, I can tell you're not in a good mood. I just wish you would talk to your aunt. She cares so much for you. You're so wrapped up in your own pain that you don't know what she's been through with Patrick this month." Jace felt Taryn's hand on her arm, she knew she had Taryn's full attention now. Jace patted the hand and stroked Taryn's delicate fingers. "She'd kill me if she thought I was telling you."
"Tell me, Jace. No more secrets." Taryn turned her body so she could see Jace's face.
"Jane knew that you wouldn't come today if he was here, but she didn't want to take the chance. She kept asking him to be nice to you. All she got in return was verbal abuse night after night, but she never gave up. She knew he'd never make any promises. Finally, she bought him a ticket to Florida and gave him enough money to stay down there for a week."
"The bastard can't even pay for his own ticket!" Taryn spat out the words.
Jace rubbed Taryn's hand. "To cut a long story short, he is drinking more and more. Bill caught him drunk on a job the other week. The foreman gave him a verbal warning. Jane thinks Patrick is gambling, as well. He didn't have any money to give her for his part of the household bills. He gave an excuse about a late paycheck, but Jane didn't buy it as Bill's went through okay. That's why she paid for his ticket. She's hoping your grandparents can help him."
Taryn listened. She watched the kids play with their mom at the end of the pool. Jane did look more relaxed than she'd seen her in ages. "Thanks for telling me, Jace. I promise I'll make things better."
Jace patted Taryn's hand. "I know you will..." Jace paused. She wasn't sure whether she could manage being this close to Taryn without being able to express her true feelings. After a short internal debate, Jace decided she couldn't deny herself Taryn's friendship. "Taryn, if there are things you want to talk about, or you just need a friendly ear, someone who's not so involved but knows the details...well I'm here if you need...just come and talk to me."
Taryn let out a tiny laugh. She turned a genuine smile to Jace. "You sound like you do as good at this heart-to-heart stuff as I do."
Jace blushed. "It's what makes us such good listeners." She answered honestly. "In fact, we're such good listeners that we sometimes forget to talk about our own problems."
"I know." Taryn said. She could see Marti sitting on the steps of the house.
Jace followed Taryn's eyes. She could sense Marti's anger. "Trouble?"
"Maybe." Taryn mumbled.
Jace squeezed Taryn's hand one more time and released it. "Talk to Jane. In that department, she's wiser than me!"
Taryn watched as Jace dived smoothly back into the pool. Her body cut gracefully through the water and she surfaced behind Jane, scaring the older lady. Taryn wanted to follow. She felt safe around Jace but she knew she had to go and make peace with Marti. It had become a regular thing over the month. Any mention of Jace or Cory sent Marti into a jealous rage, and the two of them would argue. When they did make up, Marti's love making had been rough and possessive. Taryn stood up and grabbed her towel. She wrapped it around her waist and adjusted her sunglasses. Smiling at a few of Bill's siblings that she passed along the way, she crossed the yard to Marti.
"Hey." Taryn said as she sat next to Marti. When there was no response, Taryn took the bottle of sunscreen out of Marti's hand and squeezed some onto her own palm. She gently rubbed the lotion into her skin. She knew that Marti would talk sooner or later. "Would you put some on my back?" Still there was no reply. "Please?" Realizing Marti still wasn't going to forgive her, she lowered her head to look into Marti's red-rimmed eyes, and put her arm around Marti's shoulders. "Come here."
Marti turned into Taryn's embrace. "I don't understand what's going wrong. We never used to argue. I don't know why you don't talk to me. I'd listen, Taryn... I don't understand how you can talk to others and not me. Why don't you talk to me?" Marti swallowed the sob that she could feel climbing up her throat. The last thing she wanted to do was make a spectacle of herself in front of Taryn's family.
Taryn squeezed Marti. She had no real answer to the question. "I don't know." She answered honestly. "Maybe, it's a butch thing?" She was pleased to hear a giggle come out of Marti.
"She was holding your hand." Marti said so matter-of-factly.
"Who was?" Taryn continued to rub Marti's shoulder soothingly. She really didn't want a scene and could sense eyes facing their way.
"Jace. Do you like her?"
Taryn took Marti's hand and gave her the same comfort Jace had given her. "She was just trying to help. It meant nothing. I swear. She's just trying to help." Taryn knew that wouldn't pacify Marti's curiosity. She searched for something to say, anything that would convey how she felt to her distressed girlfriend. "Marti, I have some things in my past that I find very hard to talk about...I haven't told anybody. I think Jace understands and she just wants to help."
Marti stiffened; envy was seeping through her veins. " Jace knows? You've told her about your past?" Her voice croaked.
Taryn shook her head. She could feel the tension in Marti's hand. "I didn't tell her. She's Jane's best friend. She only knows what Jane has told her. She's just trying to be a good mentor. Please, can we continue this later?" Taryn looked over to the pool, even though Jace and Jane were wearing sunglasses, Taryn had a feeling all eyes were on them. "Come and play with the kids." She stood up and pulled Marti to her feet. "I'll try harder, but you have to promise to stop being pushy, and leave out the jealous comments. I'm your girlfriend."
**
Jane was relieved to see Taryn holding Marti's hand as they joined them in the pool. She was also pleased to get a break from entertaining the children. She wanted to know what had gone on between Jace and Taryn. She'd tried not to watch the pair, but it had been hard. She'd seen the tender way Jace had coaxed words out of Taryn. She wanted to know what had been said. "Jace, would you like a drink? I need a little rest. The girls can keep the kids occupied."
"Sure." Jace passed Tom to Marti. The little boy went reluctantly and Jace didn't miss the cold reception Marti gave her. Taryn was too busy ducking Taylor under the water to notice.
The two women left the pool. Jane grabbed a towel and wiped the water off her body. Jace walked a little further down for her own towel. She could feel Marti's eyes follow her. She turned, towel in hand, and smiled as sweetly as she could in Marti's direction. Then she nailed the woman with an ice-cold glare. She continued along the poolside, smiling when she saw Taylor climb on Taryn's back, and finally she joined Jane by the hammock.
"Do you think this will hold us both?" Jane asked tentatively.
Jace raised an eyebrow. "I don't know. Have you and Bill ever tried it out?" She winked at Jane.
"No. Get your mind out of the gutter."
Jace held up her hands, "It was just a question." Jace surveyed the hammock. It looked like it was made for two. "You get on first you're shorter. I'll straddle the thing, and sit down once you're settled."
After a little bit of jiggling around, both women were soon comfortable, and content to let the afternoon sun dry their damp skin. Jace left one of her legs touching the ground and occasionally pushed off, causing the hammock to swing lazily. The sun felt wonderful on her skin, and Jace felt very content. She closed her eyes to shut out the world. Jace had no idea how long she'd been dozing, as she lazily opened one of her eyes and watched Jane, watching Taryn. "Give her time, Jane."
Jane returned her attention to Jace. "You're awake." Her attention returned to the pool area and she watched Taryn and Marti interact with her own children. After a few moments of contemplation, Jane looked back at her friend. "Is she okay?"
Jace knew right away to whom Jane was referring to. "Yes. She'll talk to you. I have a feeling it might be a pride issue."
"Pride?"
"I think you were right about Marti...and if I think you are right, then I think Taryn knows you were right. She may be having a hard time admitting it. She's not talking to anyone, especially Marti. That's not love. Trust me, I know. The more time I spent with you, the more I opened up." She smiled as she saw Jane's shocked expression. "Okay, I admit I'm a slow learner and it's taken me four years, but I'm pretty sure Taryn is trying to deny that she needs to talk her problems through."
Jane listened to the tall woman. She admired how Jace had put her personal feelings aside and had really made an effort to work with Taryn. "How are you doing?"
Jace wasn't shocked at the question. She'd expected Jane to change the subject. She'd been doing it a lot since the trip down to Sakonnet. She shrugged. "I'm okay."
"You're good for her, Jace. She admires your work. I think you've taught her a lot about structure and taking charge. The college workshops were well run. I was surprised at how much freedom you gave the two of them, but they pulled through. So... do you still like her?" Jane relaxed deeper into the hammock. She hadn't asked Jace about Taryn since they had talked in the vineyard, and had hoped Jace would talk to her when she was ready. Apparently though, Jace wasn't following that plan and Jane decided a little bit of coaxing was needed. Now that the subject was out in the open, Jane took a chance.
"Yes. I guess so."
"You guess so?" Jane gasped, nearly choking on her drink. "Is that it? After eighteen years you find someone who turns your head, and you guess you still like her?" Jane couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was beginning to see why the beautiful woman in front of her hadn't ever had a date. Sometimes she seemed so detached, and void of emotion.
"I've given it a lot of thought, and I've decided there's nothing I can do. She's my untouchable."
"Your what?"
"Untouchable. One of my favorite authors wrote about the subject. Everyone has one. A person you like, love or have feelings for, but you can't have them for whatever reason. Taryn is mine. Most of the time I manage to push the feelings away. I'm not even sure what these feelings are. But occasionally, I just want to touch her... I can't help it. Earlier, when I held her hand or touched her skin...it made me feel closer to her. It's like I'm a magnet and she's metal, I get drawn towards her and I have to fight it. When that happens, I usually just leave the building or office, and it passes." Jace smiled sheepishly at Jane. "Stupid? Huh?"
"No. It's not stupid. Do you love her?" Jane knew she was treading on dangerous ground. Surprisingly, Jace didn't clam up or change the subject. Jane watched as Jace turned her eyes to the blonde who was tossing the kids into the pool.
Jace never took her eyes off Taryn. "I care for her. I'd like to spend more time with her... but I'm not going to force it. Taryn sees me as her supervisor...and I hope a friend. I'm happy with that. It would be impossible for us to be together anyway, so why push it. I have no experience in this..." Jace blew out a frustrated breath, "I don't know."
Jane stroked Jace's leg. "Always so sensible. I think you analyze way too much. You need some action. Maybe you should try dating?"
Jace turned her eyes back to Jane. "I'm fine. My needs get met."
Jane blushed. "Oh...err...do you want a burger?"
"Gotcha!" Jace grinned, a full wattage smile that made Jane push her off the hammock. "That will teach you, Weston. Food sounds great!"
**
Taryn's sun-kissed skin tingled in the cool evening breeze. She could feel the areas that had seen too much sun. Apparently, Marti had been right, and she had been burning. Her mind drifted to her girlfriend. Marti had claimed a headache after lunch and Taryn had driven her home. Taylor had been upset, as Taryn had promised to play the game Ker Plunk with him when the barbecue had ended. Marti hadn't said much on the way home and Taryn had decided not to stay. If she wasn't around, they couldn't argue. She had arrived back in time for the small buffet table of nibbles. The kids were watching a movie and Taryn had escaped for some fresh air while she had the chance. She heard the back porch door creak to a close. She turned her head and saw her aunt walk toward her.
"Did you have fun?" Jane asked.
"Yeah, it was good. I liked hanging out with Taylor and Josie. And Tom seems more relaxed around me. Oh...Marti said thank you."
Jane pulled her sweater around her body. The breeze was a sharp contrast from the day's heat. She looked at Taryn's bare arms. "You got a lot of sun today. Does it hurt?"
"A little." Taryn admitted. "Nothing I haven't felt before. No big deal."
"So much like your mom. She never put on enough sunscreen. When are you Irish going to listen?"
Taryn smiled. "Marti tried to tell me the same thing, but we got into a small fight."
"About the sun?" Jane asked. This was the first time in weeks that she felt Taryn really wanted to talk to her. "You can tell me, Ryn. I'm sorry if I hurt you."
Taryn shook her head. "No... I was wrong. I shouldn't have left." Taryn had yet to make eye contact with Jane. She had so many things she wanted to say, needed to say. It was time to give up the past and look to the future, but the future scared her. "You only told me what I was already thinking."
"About Marti?" Jane was trying to be patient. All the years of counseling experience were paying off. She didn't want to push Taryn with any questions, just guide her along.
Taryn walked toward the hammock. "I saw you and Jace in here earlier. Is it comfy?" She pressed her hand on the material. It felt sturdy enough.
"Yes. Bill got it at the beginning of the summer. He wanted to rig it up himself. He reads the weekend newspapers out here. It's quiet and away from the pool. Do you want me to leave you alone? You looked deep in thought." Jane knew that unconsciously Taryn was using delay tactics. She hoped the young woman wanted her to stay. She sensed tonight could be a breakthrough in their limited communication.
"I'd like you to stay, if you can? I know Jace is still around." Taryn said uncertainty in her voice.
"I want to be with you. Jace is staying. Josie convinced her to sleep over. I haven't quite managed to explain to Josie that Jace won't fit in the bottom bunk bed, but I'll cross that bridge when it's bedtime."
Taryn couldn't keep the laughter inside. "I'm sorry. I just had this mental image of Jace's legs dangling over the end of the bed! Those beds are designed for kids; they're only five feet long, if that! I'd pay to see that or take a photo! Can you see the photo hanging in the Center? What a hoot!"
"Behave. Could you imagine the jobs Jace would give us as revenge?" Jane shuddered thinking about it.
"I was kidding, I wouldn't be that mean. She's been really good to me. She seems to genuinely care." Taryn reflected back over the month. Jace had been easy to work with. They had settled into a nice rhythm, and Taryn even missed her when her supervisor wasn't in the office. On occasion, Jace had even taken Taryn with her to meetings. It had been a great learning experience for Taryn. She had seen the day-to-day negotiations that went on behind closed doors. Jace was an excellent negotiator, without being too pushy. She stated things clearly and concisely, and Taryn had seen the respect others gave the determined woman. Taryn wanted to be like that in her own role as a leader. She just hoped she could control her temper like Jace did. In one or two meetings, Taryn had left feeling very angry about the cold-hearted way some of the other directors viewed the population of students the Center dealt with. When her anger had begun to surface in the meetings, she had often felt a hand press very slightly on her leg. Jace had never made any comment about it but Taryn had always turned to Jace and seen a face devoid of any emotion. Taryn couldn't tell what Jace was feeling, and Jace used that to her advantage. After the meetings, she had taken Taryn aside and explained that if people saw the weaknesses in another person's armor, they could use it as ammunition in a battle. In a boardroom situation, anger could be used to entice a person to react negatively. Thus turning other board members against them. It was a game of chess. Taryn knew she still had a lot to learn, but Jace never commented on Taryn's weaknesses. She just used them as learning opportunities.
If only you knew, Ryn. Jane thought as she saw the sadness reflected in Taryn's eyes. "She does care." Deciding to take the emphasis off Jace, Jane changed the subject. "How are things between you and Marti? I don't mean to pry but everyone needs someone to talk to."
"I know. I think I've found someone with whom I can really talk to, besides you of course."
Jane was excited. "Really. Who?" It's got to be Jace. She'll be so pleased to hear it.
"Cory. We seem to have clicked. She's making me look at the world from a different perspective. She reminds me so much of mom."
Jane's excitement turned to sorrow. She rubbed Taryn's leg. "You miss her, don't you?"
Taryn nodded. "Everyday. We spent a lot of time talking before she died. She told me a lot about the past...about Patrick, although I never talked about my own pain. I guess...we both felt guilty when, in all honesty, we had no reason to. Cory talks like mom, she gets straight to the point, and she calls a spade, a spade. No pretence. I like that a lot."
"I think it's the way they are over there. Life's not as easy as people make it out. It's a very working class society, especially when you move out of the big city scene. I know your mom's village was small and your grandparents were always searching for the next dime. I noticed that about Cory, too. I'm pleased for you."
"At least you are. Marti just hates it. First Jace, and now Cory. She doesn't like me having other friends outside of our little circle."
Jane's interest in the subject had intensified at the mention of Jace. "Why Jace?"
Taryn shrugged. "Marti just sees this beautiful woman, and thinks I'm sleeping with her. I mean when you think about it, it's absurd. The woman is my boss, and could probably have anybody on this earth. Why would she pick a lowly grad student like me? I don't understand where this sudden jealous trait has come from. We've been together over a year and I never noticed it."
"When you returned from Ireland, did you go out with your old friends?"
"No. I kind of moped around, and then I met Marti a few months later at an education awards night. We dated a few weeks and then I moved in. Why?"
"Oh, I'm just curious... and I'm working on my own little theory. So, your friendship group was mainly Marti's friends originally?"
Taryn thought about it. "I guess so. I mean they're my friends now, but they were friends with Marti before me."
Jane wanted Taryn to get the connection, but when her niece made no sign of talking, Jane pushed on. "It could be that Marti's surrounded herself with people she feels safe with and doesn't perceive as a threat to your relationship. Are they all with someone else?"
Taryn was quiet while she digested what Jane was implying. In her mind, she listed the friends that she and Marti regularly hung out with. "Most of them are. The others I don't really like much, which is annoying as they seem to be the ones we spend more time with. So, what you're saying is that Marti's purposefully arranged these friendships?"
"Maybe, possibly not even purposefully. She may not even be aware she's doing it. She obviously feels insecure in the relationship, and that insecurity has now surfaced in the form of envy. For the first time, you've expressed an interest in finding your own friends. You're branching out and she may feel disconnected from it all..." Jane paused. She wasn't sure whether to continue.
"What? Keep going I know you have more to say. I promise, no more running."
"She may feel disconnected if you're not talking to her. When people are shut out of a loved one's life, they feel unimportant... and they get resentful when they see you opening up to others. Are you talking to Marti?"
Taryn dropped her head. It was beginning to make sense. "No, I've basically shut her out. She only found out today that my father is your brother. She'd been under the impression that you were mom's sister, and I never corrected her. I don't know why I can't talk to her."
"Do you love her?"
"It always comes back to that, doesn't it? I thought I did, I mean I think I do. I never really questioned it. Now I find myself asking that question a lot... ever since you asked me that before."
Jane had been stroking Taryn's leg softly all the way through. She was trying to make her presence known, and encouraging Taryn to keep talking. "I'm sorry, honey. I never meant to cause you to doubt your own relationship."
"No. You were right. I'm worried that I'm with Marti because she's safe. I have talked to Cory about this. Well, not so much about me, but the subject. Cory's been in a similar situation and it has helped listening to her experience. I hear how happy she is with JJ, and I want that type of relationship."
"So what happens between Marti and you?"
Taryn shrugged again. "I think we need to work on our differences. I've obviously caused her to feel insecure. I think I need to put more into the relationship. This is our first real problem and I can't keep running when things get hard. I've done it ever since I could." Taryn decided to switch the subject. She wanted to let Jane know how much she appreciated her. "Jace...she told me about Patrick. She told me what you did so I could be here today. I feel very loved by you...and Bill."
"If I didn't think we'd topple off this thing, I'd reach over there and hug you. I did it for you and the kids. You were right, as well. Patrick can influence my children's life in a negative way. I'm hoping dad will talk some sense into him. He's a very bitter man, Taryn. I don't understand why he's like he is. Mom told me about Sean's death, and the guilt Patrick lived with as a surviving twin, but I don't understand how that guilt transferred to you. Your mom was so young when she had you. I thought Patrick would be happy. I still have no idea what went wrong, or why he acts like he does around you." She saw Taryn's features change in front of her. The soft face turned hard. Brown eyes lost all emotion in them. Jane swallowed; Taryn had changed into a different person right in front of her. Jane increased the stroking pressure on Taryn's leg. "Ryn? Ryn, talk to me. You know don't you?"
Taryn counted slowly in her head. One...breath...two...breath...three...The memories swirling around her head, taunting her. She just nodded her head.
"Would it help to talk to me about it?"
Taryn shook her head. "No. I'm...not ready...please."
Jane knew when to stop pushing. "Okay, honey. I'm here for you. So are you looking forward to classes starting?" Jane swiftly changed the subject.
Taryn smiled appreciatively at Jane. "Yeah. It means I'm one semester closer to finishing my degree. Cory's a little nervous. It's been eight years since she's been a student. I promised to help her out."
"Hey, isn't your birthday coming up? Any plans?"
"Yeah. Marti wants us to go to the Country Club. I've invited Cory, and I'm finally going to meet her girlfriend. Apparently, she could pass for Jace's twin so I'm a little intrigued. They have some friends coming, too. You might know one of them, Helen, she works as an Athletic Trainer at the college."
"I know Helen. I have to talk to her about some of the freshmen student-athletes. It's a small world. I hope you have fun."
"Marti wrote you an invite, but I stopped her from sending it. I wanted to ask you in person. After the way I've behaved, I wasn't sure you'd come...plus it's a gay bar. I wasn't certain that Bill would be okay with it."
Jane listened. She couldn't see Bill in a gay bar but she knew of someone she could ask. It might be exactly what Jace needed.
"Sure, I'd love to come." Jane heard a noise and looked in the direction of the house. She saw Taylor knocking on the kitchen window. "I'll get the details from you closer to the time. I think your date is calling you." The two women rose tentatively from the hammock and headed inside.
**
Taryn stretched out on the sofa. She was tired, and it was only Monday evening. She ran her hands through Marti's red hair. The feeling of hair running through her fingers seemed to relax her. She missed the lazy evenings, where sitting on the deck was the most challenging thing she had to do. Now she was faced with the challenge of working and completing homework on time. In Taryn's opinion, the first week of school had gone well in all areas, despite missing working so closely with Cory. They had partnered up to teach the support groups, but after they were done with the groups, they went their separate ways. Cory worked with Patty and advised students with learning disabilities whereas Taryn worked for Jace. Taryn had barely seen her supervisor since school began. The office was nearly always empty, except for a note explaining what Jace required Taryn to do. And, on the odd occasion she had seen Jace it had always been hurried. Jace was either going to a meeting or coming back. Classes hadn't been too bad, either. The usual textbook reading needed to be done and she had one assignment that required her to implement a new program in a system, and then research its effectiveness. With Jace's backing, Taryn had decided to use the support groups, as she had helped build the support program and was in charge of implementing it. She just wished Cory's first experience of school life in America had been easier. Taryn had walked with Cory the first day of class, JJ had been unable to leave work and Taryn had seen the tears in Cory's eyes. At the end of class, the two had met up for a coffee and Taryn had talked Cory through the syllabus and what was required of her. She had promised to meet Cory tomorrow after class to do the same. Their schedules matched up on a Wednesday when they were both in class. Taryn's second class was on a Thursday. Cory's other classes were a Tuesday and once a month on a weekend.
Taryn returned her attention to the show on the television. "Who's that character she's kissing? I'm confused. Wasn't she married to his father? Isn't that a little incestuous?"
Marti slapped Taryn on the leg. "Stop being facetious. It's a soap opera. He isn't his father. She slept with one of the Brady's and his mother just passed him off as her husbands. If you're not going to be quiet, I can watch this alone."
"I just don't understand what you see in it? It's just so fake. Real life doesn't happen like that."
"That's why it's so entertaining. It takes you away from real life. Speaking of real life, my mother called and asked us to dinner tomorrow night. I accepted. She's still pissed we didn't go there Labor Day." Marti pressed the fast forward button on the remote control for the video recorder. "You're not in class, are you?"
Taryn stopped moving her fingers. She hadn't told Marti that she was meeting up with Cory. After Marti's recent insecurities, Taryn hadn't mentioned Cory or Jace much and the atmosphere at home had been more settled. She knew it was no way to live, but she hated conflict. "I can't make it. I have a group meeting." Taryn lied.
"So soon? You only began classes."
"I'm in a group of over-achievers. We want to make sure our chapter presentation goes well. I'm sorry, if I'd known earlier I could have changed it."
"You can meet me there. Your group meetings never last more than an hour. You'll be through early."
Taryn pushed Marti's head gently off her lap. "The meeting is later. One person has a class, and we're hooking up afterward."
Marti sat upright and looked questioningly at Taryn. "Well, that's okay. We can meet here after work, go over to my mother's, and then I can drop you off at your meeting. I'll bring a book and wait for you."
Taryn fidgeted on the sofa. Now she knew why people didn't lie, it always came back to bite them on the ass. "I wasn't coming back. I was going to do some research. You know, make sure I had all the information, so I could contribute to the discussions." You make a lousy liar! Since when have you been the star student? Suck it up and tell her! Ugh...ugh...and face her wrath! She'll jump to way too many conclusions! Stick with the story.
"Oh. It's not like you to be so conscientious. You did a whole project last semester in one evening."
Taryn rose from the couch. The whole subject was making her uneasy. She looked at Marti's questioning stare. Why did she feel like she was having some sordid affair? "The professor seems like he knows his stuff. I just want to contribute to the group effort seeing as it's a class based on the theory of group. I'm going to get another beer. Do you want one?"
Marti sensed the conversation was finished but something didn't feel right. Taryn could barely look at her. "No. I'm going to watch the rest of this in bed. Are you going to join me?"
Taryn was at the door. She turned around, but couldn't look at Marti. When had things begun to go wrong? She shouldn't be lying to her girlfriend. "Not just yet. I thought I'd sit on the deck and check out the stars. I'll be in before you fall asleep." She knew she wouldn't. They hadn't gone to bed at the same time since Labor Day, and Taryn wasn't sure what was happening.
**
"Oh my God, no!" Terri listened to the murmurings around the reception desk. "Let me call Jace." She dialed the extension to the back office, but got no reply. "She must not be in yet. I'm going to talk to Jane." Terri walked quickly down the hallway toward the staff offices. It was just past nine in the morning and the Center was beginning to pick up with the hustle and bustle of students seeking answers to questions or academic advising. Terri saw Jane speaking with a student. She caught her eye and signaled that she needed to talk urgently with her.
"Excuse me, Maria. I'll only be a moment." Jane apologized and stepped outside her office to talk to the obviously agitated woman. "What's up?"
Terri took a deep breath to calm her racing pulse. "The news...someone's...something's happened to the World Trade Center..."
"I don't understand. Terri, calm down. It can't be that bad. What's happened?"
The administrator really didn't know what had happened. She had just been listening to the students talking around the desk. "I don't know... but I think it's bad. There were students up front with cell phones. They seemed distressed. Can we put the TV on?"
"Sure. Let me finish up here, and I'll come up and meet you. I've seen Taryn this morning but I'm not sure who else is here. Jace went up to the President's office about twenty minutes ago. Find Taryn and try to find out what's going on. The more we know, the more questions we can answer."
Jane returned to the student in her office but her own curiosity made it difficult for her to really listen to the student's concerns. Ten minutes later, she joined the rest of her staff who all looked dumbfounded and shocked. She sidled up to Taryn, seeing the fear on her face. "What's happened?" Jane looked at the TV screen. She could see smoke coming out of one of the towers. "A fire?"
Taryn took her aunt's hand. "No...planes. Two planes have hit the buildings."
Disbelief hit Jane. "What?"
Taryn was struggling to speak. She squeezed Jane's hand. "They're not sure. It's all happening so quickly. No one knows what's happening."
Jane and Taryn watched the grizzly events as they unrolled. No one moved. Gasps of disbelief were the only sounds to break the eerie silence. The Center came to a stand still as more and more students, staff and faculty dribbled in to watch the devastation. A hand on Jane's shoulder made her tear her eyes away from the destruction. "Jace..." She turned and hugged her friend. "It's... just... horrific."
Jace's meeting had been interrupted by the tragic news. Jace had left immediately to be with her own staff and where she would be needed. She wrapped an arm around Jane's body and held her. The other hand she kept on Taryn's shoulder, needing the closeness of the grad student to calm her own racing heart. "I know, I just heard. What's happened?" Jane filled Jace in on all the details that they knew. Jace looked around at the grief stricken faces. She turned and watched the TV, as a reporter brought breaking news from the Pentagon.
After the report, Jace went to the reception desk and punched in an extension number. She spoke quietly for a few minutes, and then replaced the handset. She walked back to the front of the crowd gathered around the TV. Jace lowered the volume on the TV set. "The college is officially closed and all remaining classes have been canceled. It's a time to be with loved ones. This is a tragic moment in history. The Counseling Center will remain open and there will be staff available here to help anyone who just needs to talk. I'm not sure when we'll reopen. Just keep checking the hotline and website. Drive safely." Jace raised the volume for those people who didn't seem to want to leave. Her eyes scanned the faces of those she cared for. She felt so helpless. She made her way back to Jane and Taryn. "I'll stay here."
Jane hesitated. "I need to check what's happening at the children's school. If they're closing I'll need to go and pick them up. Is that okay?" Jane asked. She wanted to stay and help Jace deal with the students and the Center, but her children came first.
Jace's answer mirrored those thoughts. "The kids come first, Jane. Go."
Taryn squeezed Jane's hand. "She's right. Go and be with your family."
Jane looked at Taryn, "Are you coming with me? You're my family, too."
Taryn looked from Jane to Jace, and then shook her head. "No. I'm going to stay here for a bit, and then I thought I'd go and see Cory. She's alone. It must be a scary time for her. Her family's so far away."
Jane kissed Taryn's cheek. "Always thinking of others. I love you." She whispered into Taryn's ear.
Taryn squeezed Jane's hand one last time. "I love you, too. I'll call you later. Kiss the kids for me." Jace and Taryn returned their attention to the television.
It was lunchtime and the grim realities of the morning's attacks were becoming very real. Neither had moved much from the television area. As the buildings had come tumbling down, Taryn had grabbed hold of Jace. The terror on the television had been too much for her, and she had turned away from the destruction. Jace had welcomed the embrace. No words had been spoken. Comfort was the only thing Jace had to give.
The Center had slowly and quietly cleared. Terri sat with her arms wrapped around Patty, scrunched up tissues were scattered across the table. Taryn had yet to let go of Jace. Jace had moved them both to the small sofas that were scattered around the Center. The television channels were all focused on the tragedy: analyzing and hypothesizing what had happened. Jace couldn't handle any more and she clicked the remote. "I'm shutting the Center. Thank you for staying. The students that came appreciated your words. It's time to go home."
Terri stood on shaky legs; she walked over and hugged Jace. "It's odd the way you never appreciate people more. It takes a tragedy for me to finally hug you. I'll open up in the morning. I'm sure we'll be open."
Jace returned the hug. "You never need an excuse to hug me, Terri. I do appreciate all you do. Go and hug that husband of yours. I'll be in early tomorrow. I imagine there will be some kind of memorial service. I'm going to stay here a while. My mind is reeling."
Patty walked over to Jace and kissed her on the cheek. "I thought I'd go one further than Terri. Push my luck and kiss a pretty woman. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be joking at a time like this. I'll see you tomorrow."
Jace stood up with Patty, reluctantly releasing her hold on Taryn, and hugged the older woman. "Patty, keep your humor with you. We're going to need it in the coming days."
"Thanks, boss. Taryn, I'll see you tomorrow."
Jace watched Patty and Terri walk through the double doors of the Center. She turned her attention to the quiet graduate student. "How are you?" It was a rhetorical question, and she knew it. Words were failing her.
Taryn caught the sad blue eyes and held the gaze. "Numb. How are you?"
"Angry... Numb...I feel like I should be doing more. Are you leaving?"
Taryn didn't know what she wanted to do. Her mind told her she needed to get in touch with Marti, and check on Cory. Her cell phone didn't work in the Center because of the brick walls, and she hadn't thought to use the landlines. "I'm going to see if Cory is okay, and then go home. Marti will be worried." Tears gathered in Taryn's eyes. "I just don't understand, Jace. Why?"
Jace couldn't bear the pain in Taryn's eyes. She knew it mirrored her own. She pulled Taryn up off the couch and held her in her arms. "I don't know. I don't have the words to explain it." She held Taryn against her body. It was all she could do to support Taryn. Jace's affection was devoid of emotion. She was drained, and just clinging to the one person that seemed to need her. If things were different Taryn wouldn't be this close to her.
Taryn returned the embrace. She took Jace's affection as a sign of stoicism. In times of difficulties great leaders supported their peers. Jace was showing her support. Reluctantly, Taryn drew back. "Thank you." She kissed Jace lightly on the lips. "You've just given me the strength to get through the rest of the day."
Jace was thrown off base. Not by the kiss but by the words Taryn had spoken. She knew the kiss was just what it was. Nothing would ever be made from it. "You're welcome and I appreciate your staying. You...helped me through this, too. Are you going to be okay to drive?"
"I'm okay. It's time for me to be the strong one. I'm worried about Cory. Will you be okay?"
"I'll be okay."
"Are you staying?" Taryn had yet to release Jace from the embrace. As the taller woman didn't seem to mind the closeness, Taryn took the opportunity to absorb the strength she felt against her body.
Jace was becoming more aware of Taryn's body pressing into hers. It certainly wasn't the time and definitely wasn't the place for Jace to experience her first twinge of sexual interest. She shook her head; the body always seemed to betray man's true intentions. She reached behind her and took Taryn's hands in her own, still remaining connected to Taryn, and then she took a step away. "I'm going to check the messages at the reception desk, in my office, and then my email. After that, I'll probably go to Jane's."
"Promise me you won't be alone." Taryn didn't know why she was so concerned about Jace's feelings. She should just release the woman and leave but the sadness in Jace's eyes compelled her to stay put.
"I promise." Jace whispered back. She couldn't tear her eyes away from Taryn's face. All she wanted to do was hold the woman. Take the pain away. Taking a deep breath and summoning all the strength her drained body held, she squeezed Taryn's hands and broke the connection between them "Drive safely."
Taryn watched as Jace walked somberly to the back of the Center. When she couldn't see her supervisor any longer, Taryn headed toward the door, an eerie silence filled the atmosphere.
**
"It's good to see you here. How are you feeling today?" Jane asked.
"About the same as everyone else. Look around. No one can believe it happened." Taryn joined her aunt and scanned the crowd. The college had announced a memorial service as a way to mourn those that had been lost and bring the community together.
Jane returned her gaze to Taryn and noticed Cory hanging behind her niece. "Good morning, Cory. Not exactly a great welcome to America. Thanks for coming here."
Cory stood closer to Taryn, "I came to pay my respects. I may not be American but this is global. It wasn't just Americans that died yesterday. Taryn supported me yesterday and I want to be here for her today." Cory put her hand inside Taryn's and clasped it shut. Taryn had stayed with Cory for a few hours, until JJ had been released from work. Not wanting to intrude on the couple, Taryn had briefly introduced herself to JJ, then left.
Taryn looked at the podium. "This looks well organized given the short notice." She looked around again. "Is Jace coming up?"
"She's already here. She went into the building to talk to the President. As the director in charge of freshmen, she wanted to make sure he expressed where new students could go to for support. Some of the students were directly affected by the tragedy." Jane caught sight of the red shirt she'd seen Jace wearing earlier. "Here she is."
Jace dropped her sunglasses back onto her face. The weather was warmer than expected and she was pleased she had worn a light cotton shirt. The word of mouth had been to wear red, white, and blue. All around her flashes of color hit her and displays of patriotism were high. She saw the Center crowd gathered near the left flagpole and made her way over. "Good morning. It's good to see you all. I just wish it were under better circumstances." She heard the microphone being switched on. Unsure of where to stand she stood slightly behind Jane, but within touching distance of Taryn. She had seen Taryn holding Cory's hand, and a slight tingle had settled in her stomach. It wasn't because she was jealous, but more because she wanted to express her support to Taryn, too. But Taryn only had one other hand and she knew Jane would be holding it. Quelling the disappointment, Jace turned her attention to the music being played by the small orchestra. She felt a hand slip into her own and was surprised to find brown eyes looking at her and Taryn's hand firmly ensconced in her own.
"Hey." Words that usually came so easily to her in committee meetings, failed her at that moment. The trust she saw in Taryn's eyes blew her away.
"Hey." Taryn didn't know why she was feeling so shy around Jace, nor why it was Jace's hand she had reached for. It had just seemed right. All around them people were holding hands. Jessie had joined them on the other side of Cory and taken her hand. People were communicating their support through touch when words just weren't enough.
"We'll never forget." Jace said and watched as the flags of the college and the United States were raised to half-mast.
"Never." Jane repeated.
Taryn stroked Cory's hand as the words of allegiance were spoken. She wanted Cory to feel part of the proceedings. She felt Cory return the gesture.
"Thank you." Cory said as the service ended. "I was feeling very lonely and scared this morning. JJ reluctantly went to work. It's hard to be away from home and family in times like this." Cory felt an arm wrap around her shoulder.
"You have an American family, never forget that. If you ever need to talk, consider my door always open." Jane held Cory to her.
Taryn joined the huddle and felt Jace move with her. Soon the whole Center staff was joined in a comforting hug. Sending the much-needed support to everyone.