Blue Mountain Smokies

By Koda Graystone

kodagraystone@yahoo.com

Disclaimer - The characters are mine. The story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

Summary - Rayven a wildlife photographer and journalist returns to claim her ranch, while Jaxon Segreto, Chief of the elite firefighter team Blue Mountain Smokies does some soul searching.

Revised version from August 16, 2002

***A special thanks to my editor Kiley Arena for without her help and encouragement this story would not be placed on the web.***

April -

The bone tired, butt dragging, watery eyed, charcoal covered, exhausted body of Jaxon Segreto, Chief of the Blue Mountain Smokies trudged wearily up the steps to her apartment. After managing to mumble a polite good-bye to the baby sitter, she closed and locked the door.

Jacqueline Tamara Segreto better known as Jaxon by her firefighter team or Jaxx by her friends took off her boots by the door, left them their so the noise of walking across the wooden floor wouldn't wake her sleeping child. Then she tugged her shirt from the waist of her jeans and headed down the narrow hall to the first bedroom, unbuttoning her shirt along the way. Slowly she opened the door, poked her head in and confirmed her rug rat was sleeping. She took a step back and closed the door then continued down the hall to the bathroom. She stripped off her clothes threw them in the hamper and climbed into the shower, not even bothering to turn on the light. Shutting off the water a short time later, she grabbed a towel hanging from the rack and wrapped it around her lean muscular body, then staggered into her bedroom. Remembering to set her alarm on the bedside table she fell face first across the bed. She was asleep instantly.

Four hours later she was awakened to the irritating electronic racket of her alarm clock. Groaning as she reached over and shut it off, sleepy blue eyes glanced out the window above her head and saw the moon shining brightly.

Jaxon threw back the sheet, untangled a long tanned, muscular leg and climbed out of bed - all five foot eleven inches of her. She put on her running gear, which consisted of shorts, a sleeveless sweatshirt and her trusty, well-worn, sneakers - of which she had four pairs hiding on a shelf in her closet. A hardcore runner never throws away their trusty sneakers. After completing her warm up, she checked on Donny before grabbing her cell phone and keys. She stopped by her neighbors to ask her to keep a eye on her son and set off at a steady but leisurely pace.

One hour later, she was in the shower, shaving her legs and doing a poor job of it. For one thing, she'd forgotten, the blade on the disposable razor was brand new. Even with a new Bit Lady razor, she lacked the patience to shave properly. "Fuck!" she muttered as she cut the skin below and over her kneecap. Blood mingled with the spray from the showerhead, flowing in a thin stream onto the tile floor. "I see it didn't help buying the female model guaranteed to not cut the skin." So much for the commercial she saw on television, she thought to herself.

A long tanned arm reached from behind the forest green shower curtain, flung it back and tore off a square of ultra soft toilet paper. She pressed it against the cut, then stepped onto the bath mat and began to dry her muscular body.

Jaxon glanced at her reflection in the full-length mirror that hung on the back of the bathroom door. Her hair, which she always wore in a ponytail secured by a worn leather string, was as black and glossy as a raven's wing. Her cheekbones were high and prominent, her coloring a simmering copper that took on a burnished sheen in the summer time. Hidden depths and currents as clear and blue as the high-mountain lakes shadowed her eyes.

At twenty-nine, Jaxon was an attractive woman. While the outside impression was one of steadfast confidence. A rock-hard strength. A power. The inside was a different issue that very few had ever seen. She tried to remember how long it had been since anyone had seen her naked. She was far too busy for that type of entertainment, and the only person she ever wanted to see her that way she'd pushed out of her life almost eight years ago.

Unbidden came the memory of a young golden-haired woman, then the pain, the twisting ache of remembered passion and love and finally her betrayal that shattered the young woman's heart and her own in the process. With great effort, Jaxon pushed the memory to the back of her mind and proceeded to get dressed.

She walked out of her bedroom and down the hall. Quietly she opened the door next to hers and stepped inside. Curled up into a ball underneath a Batman bedspread was her seven-year old son Donald. His eyes were green and his short golden hair was curly, a constant reminder of her lost love and her betrayal. Tears formed in her eyes as she looked upon her son; he was the only good thing that came from that horrible day eight years ago.

Jaxon and Rayven shared every significant event in life together: their first slumber party, kindergarten, going to the movies, camp outs, mountain climbing and their birthdays, which were two days apart.

The firefighter sucked in a deep breath; she couldn't remember a day or an event that didn't have Rayven in it. She remembered their first kiss in the tree house, behind her parent's house and that very special night, a week after they turned sixteen, when they shared their bodies for the first time, in what was to be the beginning of three years of gentle exploration, love and devotion.

Then the summer of their nineteenth year came. They had moved into a small house of their own. Rayven was a journalist apprentice for the local Gazette and Jaxon had her dream job as a firefighter for the elite group called the Blue Mountain Smokies.

The adrenaline rush was amazing after fighting a fire, second only to the rush she received after climbing a difficult mountain face. The thrill, excitement and the heat magnified itself depending upon the danger level. The fireman's lust, they called it.

The date, October 15th, two years after they moved in together, kept repeating over in her mind. After a horrendous day of smoke, flames and the death of two of her teammates, Tom Harris, a fellow firefighter, had volunteered to take her home. Jaxon remembered coughing from all the smoke she had breathed in and crying at the loss of her friends. She had felt numb - as if she were floating. Then Tom was there next to her, holding her, removing her heavy coat, boots, gloves and hat. Before she realized what was happening he was kissing her, wiping away her tears, mumbling soothing words.

Next she heard the broken voice of her lover, "I came as soon as I heard, Jaxon."

The female firefighter jumped up from the couch throwing Tom off her half naked body as she stood on wobbly feet. Rayven took a step forward, rested her hands on the back of the couch, and looked down at a naked Tom.

Her wife looked at her with such pain in her green eyes that it broke Jaxon's heart to know she had put it there.

"Why?"

"Rayven." Jaxon gasped. She shook her head trying to clear the fog that surrounded her.

"I was told you were hurt. Instead I find you having sex with a man, in our home." she choked out.

"Rayven, please." Jaxx reached for her pants putting them on quickly. "I can explain."

"Are you going to tell me you weren't having sex with Tom? Are you going to tell me you didn't betray me? Are you going to say you didn't break the vows you made at our joining?"

Jaxon shifted from one bare foot to the other, coughing as she tried to clear her throat. Jaxx couldn't deny what her wife said; Rayven spoke the truth. But why was she having sex with Tom? She didn't even like the guy as a team firefighter or a friend.

Tom got to his feet dressed and silently left through the side entrance with a smirk on his handsome face.

"Please," Rayven cried out, tears flowing down her cheeks, as she watched him leave. "Please, Jaxon, tell me I'm wrong in what I saw."

Jaxon couldn't tell her lover she was wrong. Silence was her answer. She didn't understand it herself.

Rayven turned away as the room remained silent. She wanted to break down and cry. She could hardly swallow back the constriction in her throat. Her heart was breaking as she slowly walked out of the room.

A short time later, with suitcases in hand, Rayven left. All Jaxx could do was crumble in the corner of the house, holding herself, crying, until exhaustion over took her. Three months later, her fears were confirmed: Jaxon Segreto was pregnant.

As she shook the bump under the covers she said, "Come on tiger, it's time to get up."

"Momð" came the sleepy voice.

"It's time to get up big guy. I have to drive up to Huckleberry Mountain this morning and check the towers. You want to come?"

The bump moved, covers went flying, and a small body came hurling at her, almost knocking her backwards.

With his legs surrounding her waist in a vise grip and arms circling her neck, "you bet," Donny said excitedly.

"Okay." Jaxx laughed. "I see I have a new way to get you out of bed." The innocent statement brought back more memories of all the mornings Jaxon had a hard time waking Rayven. Shaking her head, she hugged her son tightly to her breast.

<<<

Rayven Erika McEllis was returning home as the sole owner of the largest ranch in Oregon. As she maneuvered her sky blue Ford Explorer along highway US - 31, on her way to Silver Lake, Oregon, she wondered. Why? Why was she going back to Sleepy Springs, the ranch she grew up on? Why now? What did she hope to find there?

An hour later, the green-and-white interstate sign read Exit Silver Lake, one mile. She switched on her turn signal and slowed for the exit. She crossed the bridge that separated the town from the freeway. It was still an ugly green, in need of a paint job, with names and designs painted in a multitude of colors covering it. She remembered when Jaxon had climbed to the top and painted their initials on their sixteenth birthday, and had to smile at the memory.

Memories, good and bad, flooded her mind, demanding her attention. Rayven had spent the first nineteen years of her life in Silver Lake. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Pulling into Frank's Gas Station she switched off the ignition. For a moment, the pull of her memories surrounded her, until a young man asked what she needed. "Fill it up, please." Rayven responded out of habit.

After paying the young man, her mood darkened and she restarted the Explorer. She didn't want to think about Jaxon Segreto. She had more than enough to deal with, without digging up the past. There was no point in remembering what should and could have been. The last she heard Jaxx had married Tom Harris four months after she left Silver Lake, and they had moved to Olympic, Washington where both were working for Olympic National Forest.

Deciding she would take a drive through town before heading out to her parent's place, she put Jaxon out of her mind and began to notice the changes in the small town.

Silver Lake was picturesque, the small downtown featuring false-front Western-style buildings. The one stop sign was now a stop light, the Ponderosa Restaurant was named Pop's and the high school was now a junior high school. Mason's feed store was still on the corner of Smith and Third. There was Parker's laundry mat with adjoining barbershop-beauty salon. Two banks, the post office and a real-estate office shared with an insurance agency. Down one street was the grange hall. Down another; city hall.

Not sure what she would find at the old house, she decided lunch was in order. Pulling into the Western Auto Parking lot next to Pop's Dinner, she grabbed her small backpack from the passenger seat and stepped out. Drawing in a deep breath she smiled; one of the things she missed in her travels was the smell of clean mountain air, free of smog, pollution, decay and death.

Pop's was exactly as she remembered. It used to be a hang out for the young teens of the small town. Chocolate milkshakes and hamburgers were the specialty as the old jukebox played the latest tunes. Taking a seat at one of the booths at the back of the restaurant, she picked up the extremely used and stained paper menu. She stared at it unseeing as more memories flooded her mind. Everyone laughing after some joke was told, or bragging about how the Maniac's had won a football game. Jaxx's large hand on her thigh under the protection of the table always offering comfort and security. The blue eyes and that bright smile that was her world, until. . . until her world fell apart, shattering her soul in the process.

"Rayven. . . Rayven McEllis, is that you?" Came a soft voice.

As she slowly turned her head Rayven was looking into the questioning face of her Aunt Lois. Older now, she had wrinkles around her eyes and the corners of her mouth, but her eyes still held the same old fire in them. She wondered if her Aunt was still as prejudiced as before. "Hello Aunt Lois."

"What's it been, Rayven, nine years?"

"Eight."

Something in her voice must have given her feelings away; the dark brown eyes of her Aunt softened and took on a gentler expression. "May I sit down?"

"Of course, I'm sorry." Rayven replied quickly. No, I'm not.

"How have you been, Rayven?"

"I'm fine."

"I'm sorry about your mom." she said softly while placing a wrinkled hand over Rayven's, which was lying on the table's surface. As she did she noticed the ring on the young woman's finger. "You're married?"

"Thank you. It was a hard time for me. I felt it was time to come home and settle my parent's affairs." Rayven purposely avoided her Aunt's question.

"Is your husband here with you?" Aunt Lois asked while turning her head to look around the restaurant.

She waited a moment then said, "No, he isn't here."

"I'm glad you finally came to your senses and found someone to make you into a proper woman like Tom Harris did Jacqueline Segreto," Aunt Lois stated disgustedly. "It made me sick the way you and her carried on. I'm glad Tom finally showed Jacqueline that a man is what she needed, not living some perverted lifestyle with you. She's happily married to a man she loves. I tell you. . ."

"Stop!" Rayven demanded. She sat without speaking for several moments, her hands clenched in her lap. Her chin went up and her gaze hardened perceptibly. "I did not want your opinion when I was younger, Aunt Lois, and I sure as hell don't want it now." Her words falling like chipped ice. "It looks like nothing's changed. You are still the bitch you always were."

"You're right, Rayven. I haven't changed and I never will." Aunt Lois stood, abruptly turned and hurried out the back door.

<<<

Lois breathing grew rapid as she walked down the street to the pay phone on the corner. The darkness inside of her came out in full force, ruling her, even in the daytime. Reaching into her purse she brought out a hand full of quarters and slapped them down on the metal shelf. Slamming several dollars worth in to the silver box she quickly dialed a number. "I will not let that . . . that niece of mine ruin everything." While waiting impatiently for a voice to answer she noticed the metal casing around the pay phone bore the scars of countless vandals and a long chain hung freely where a phone book should have been.

The phone rang twice before a voice answered with a harsh, "Hello."

"If you want the person responsible for murdering your lover eight years ago, join the Blue Mountain Smokies in Silver Lake, Oregon. Chief Jacqueline Segreto is your killer." With finality she hung up the receiver.

<<<

Jaxon parked the light green company's truck at the base of Huckleberry Hill. "Grab your tin cans Donny and we'll pick some berries while we're here."

"Cool, Mom. Do I still get fifty cents for each quart?" he asked excitedly.

"How about I raise that to seventy-five cents?"

"Alright, let's go." Donny responded as he grabbed his tins with the strings tied to them and climbed out of the truck.

"Slow down, Donny, it's a long walk to the top." Jaxx laughed at her son's enthusiasm.

"Mom?"

"Yeah!"

"Tell me the story about the Huckleberry."

"Again?" she moaned aloud.

"I like it."

As she reached over and ruffled his blond curls, she began the tale. "For years, American Indians spent the summers high in the mountains of Oregon hunting, fishing, picking berries and celebrating the plentiful gifts of the land."

Her voice took on a melancholy tone and Donald knew his Mom was remembering a different time. She did that a lot; he loved to listen to her voice as she told tales of her youth, which always included a person named Rayven. He had never met Rayven and wondered what she was like. He knew she held a very special place in his Mom's heart and he wished he could meet her someday.

"I remember it as if it were only yesterday, picking Huckleberries for the first time with Rayven. I was eight years old. I can close my eyes and see the bushes hanging with their small plumb fruit. Feel and smell the hot still air, hear the laughter of my friends and family nearby, gathering tins on strings around our necks and being told to not put more in our mouth than in the pail. Rayven and I had wandered off to the south of where my parents were and found a large group of berries. We sat down on a log and started to pick the juicy fruit, putting as many in our mouths as we did in the bucket." Jaxon laughed remembering the purple stain on Rayven's lips and tongue.

"Moving deeper into the thicket of berries, Rayven reached for a bush that was covered with white berries. As she began to put one in her mouth I yelled for her to stop."

"Why Mom? I thought you said the white ones were good to eat." Donny interrupted.

"They are, Donny, but there are red ones called Bear Berries and they're poisonous. At that time, I wasn't sure what Rayven had found. I didn't want her to get sick," she replied.

"Would you show me what a Bear Berry looks like again so I'll be sure not to eat one?"

"Of course, honey. My cousin Robert ate some Bear Berries once when he was only a year old and almost died. His stomach swelled up like a giant balloon. The skin was stretched so tight you could almost see through it."

"Did they take him to the hospital?"

"We didn't have a hospital in Silver Lake at that time, but there was a small medic center for the loggers. The closest one was in Moses Lake some 150 miles away."

"What happened?"

"My Mom used the neighbor's phone and called the hospital in Moses Lake. Dr. Pappehagen told her to take the end of a syringe and put it in Eddie's bottom. She taped it so it wouldn't move and left it in over night. I remember it sounded like air slowly being released from a tire."

"Mom, that's gross." Donny wrinkled his nose at her.

"Yeah, it was. But he's alive today because of it."

"Okay, no Bear Berries for me. I don't want a syringe stuck up my butt."

"You won't, besides we finally have a nice hospital in town. I'm sure there is a more modern way to take care of it now. You want to hear the rest of the story or not?"

"Please. Like Eww. . . Gross. . . Mom."

Chuckling, Jaxon went on to tell the story of how her and Rayven had discovered the first albino Huckleberries. The story ended with their pictures in the local newspaper and a pie of their very own.

<<<

After Rayven left Pop's she stopped at Barney's Super Market to pick up a few supplies, then headed out of town on Old Wells Bench Road. Fifty miles from town she pulled off onto a dirt road and drove another two miles. Coming around a curve in the road she spotted the old yellow house standing strong and proud against the setting sun.

Allowing the Explorer to come to a stop, she shut the ignition off and stared at Sleepy Springs Ranch. Her green eyes clouded, tears flowed freely down her cheeks as the memories played in her mind.

She remembered her first sleigh ride when she was six. "Daddy, Daddy Jaxon come too." Rayven yelled above the sound of the old truck engine.

"Of course, dear. Your friend is more than welcome to come. Where you go, she goes." Her father picked up first her and then Jaxon and settled them into the over turned hood of one of the old cars that were parked in the far corner of the ranch. The hood was then chained to the back of the 1967 Ford truck.

"Hang on tight now," her father said as he got into the cab of the Ford, put it into gear, and slowly pulled the homemade sleigh down the road.

"This is fun," Jaxon said as she moved closer to Rayven. "You scared?

"Little bit," Rayven replied as Jaxon helped her settle in between her long legs. Strong arms enclosed Rayven in warmth and strength.

"How's that?" Jaxon smiled.

"Good. Thank you, Jaxx." Rayven answered settling back into Jaxon's warm body. Now she could enjoy the ride.

"Jaxx?" asked Jaxon.

"Your nickname." Rayven replied as she patted the legs wrapped securing around her smaller body.

"I like it," Jaxon smiled. Laughter and yells of joy filled the afternoon air as they had one of the best times of their young life.

With an effort, Rayven pushed the memory to the back of her mind and proceeded down the gravel road to the house. As she walked up the steps and crossed the front she paused a moment to gaze out over seemingly endless acres of green. Against a cloudless blue sky, the peaks of the Cascade mountain range loomed in the distance. They were magnificent. Capped with a light layer of spring snow, their ridges splashed with an array of colors and their lower levels a carpet of deep green from the multitude of trees surrounding the base. The mountains beckoned her, reminding her how long it had been since she'd breathed in pine-scented air or spent a day on horseback exploring a high-country trail. Too long since she'd cast a line into a crystalline stream or dipped her hands into water so cold and clear it took her breath away.

Rayven drew in a deep breath before she walked into the house that held her past and possibly her future.

<<<

Donny thought that maybe now was the time to ask his Mom about Rayven. He knew they meant a lot to each other. His friend Bobbie said his Mom got a weird look in her eyes like his Mom did when she talked about his dad. When Bobbie had asked about it his Mom had said she loved his father with all her heart. Did Mom love Rayven the same way? They never talked about his Dad, but she did talk about Rayven. His Mom was a girl and he loved her. Rayven was a girl too, so did his Mom love her? He guessed it was okay for his Mom to love a girl. After all, he loved his Mom. It had to be more than simply being friends. He didn't get all goofy eyed when he thought of Bobbie.

"How did you meet Rayven?" Donny asked as he climbed over a fallen log. Jaxon had finished the story and they were walking up the trail to the tower.

Jaxx stopped and leaned against the fallen log. Meet her? She could barely remember a time when she hadn't known Rayven Erika McEllis. "We met in kindergarten, I guess. We went through school together."

Donny grinned from ear to ear. His Mom had that look again. "So you were like girlfriends?" He giggled. "Like Aunt Emily and Aunt Hailey."

"Donny, why are you so curious about Rayven?"

"Mom, you get this funny far off look in your eyes when you talk about her." Donny shrugged his small shoulders. "Bobbie's mom looks at his dad like that and Walter looks at Penny like that at school."

"Far away look?"

"Yeah, Walter says it's cause he's in love. Bobbie's mom loves his dad. I asked Uncle Matt why he looks at Uncle Jaden with that same look and he said it was the look of love. So I thought you must love Rayven." Small fingers tugged at a piece of loose bark.

Jaxon had never hidden her feelings from Donny about Rayven and she always tried to be honest with her son. "I guess it's time I tell you about Rayven and me."

"Did you love her?"

"Yes, I still do very much," she responded quietly, reflecting on earlier days. "We were friends for a long time before it became girlfriend/girlfriend relationship during junior high school."

She answered the question before her mind went back, briefly, to envision the teenager she had fallen in love with. Rayven was small for her age, thin and athletic, an excellent student and a fantastic mountain climber.

"So, it wasn't like Uncle Matt said? Love at first sight?"

Jaxon smiled. "You're very nosy today," she remarked. "But I guess with Rayven and me, it was more a friendship at first sight. We were inseparable as kids. I always knew she would be the best part of my life. The love part kind of caught us by surprise." Very much by surprise, she recalled, as she thought of that long walk home from high school one day.

It was a long time ago. The rain had been none stop for several days. They were walking down the road from the bus stop to Rayven's house, loaded down with books and their gym bags, when Jaxon accidentally stepped in a mud puddle, falling face down in the mud. The books, she was carrying, flew in the air landing in another mud puddle, with a loud splash. Although the fall hurt her hands and shoulder, nothing hurt as badly as her fourteen-year-old pride.

But Rayven hadn't laughed. She wouldn't have blamed her. The sight of her tall clumsily body covered in mud would have been amusing. But she hadn't. "Jaxon!" Rayven had anxiously called out her name. "Are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?" The blond dropped her belongings on the driest part of the ground and knelt beside her as she sat up.

Jaxon smeared at the mud and water that covered her face. "I'm okay . . . just embarrassed," she replied, as Rayven wiped more mud from her face with small warm hands.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Jaxx," she'd responded immediately, pushing strands of dark hair away from her friend's forehead in a tender touch. Friends. That's all they were, wasn't it? In that moment, it felt different. It felt like they were more, to Jaxon. But what? Rayven knelt only inches from her in the muddy rain soaked road, while she looked for a long moment in the blue eyes that viewed her with new curiosity.

"An accident. . ." she hesitated before lowering her eyes to look away from Jaxx ". . . could happen . . . to anyone." Rayven stumbled through the sentence. Then, she cautiously looked back to find the beautiful blue eyes hadn't strayed from her face. The blond smiled a little, timidly, and Jaxon thought for the first time how gorgeous her friend was. Flooded in unfamiliar feelings and thoughts, Jaxon slowly leaned forward, her mouth brushing Rayven's in a soft kiss that was returned, tentatively at first, then, gradually, with a little more confidence. They finally broke apart, each of them settling back into the mud and gasping for breath.

"Mom," Donny interrupted the private memory, "tell me about how you fell in love."

The slight curve of Jaxon's mouth was the only hint of the emotion behind the memories. "It's difficult to tell you the precise moment you know you're in love, Donny. You'll understand that when you're older." But in fact, Jaxx knew the exact instant it had been for her: that afternoon in the mud puddle. After that kiss, Jaxon and Rayven were one.

Before Donny could ask any more questions, they crested the mountain. The view of the golden rays of sun highlighting the surrounding mountains was breathtaking. As far as the eye could see, a thick fog blanketed the valley floor and bald eagles flew high in the sky above them.

"Mom, it's beautiful." Donny reached out and placed his hand in her larger one. "Is this why you call it God's Country?"

The spectacular view always took Jaxon's breath away; it made her feel small in comparison. "Yes, son. This is God's country."

"Are those human voices I hear, or have I finally lost it?" A voice drifted from above.

Looking up, Jaxon saw Becky White's head poking out from the tower railing.

"Becky, its Jaxon and Donald Segreto, can we come up?"

The lookout tower was a steel structure 75 feet tall. There were many towers located throughout Freemont National Forest; they were used to spot forest fires. The advantage of fire lookouts is that they are fixed-detection and the lookout on duty watches large areas of land. The faster the call came in to headquarters that a fire had started, whether from lightening storms or humans, the quicker the Smokies could put it out.

For six months, the towers were home to a single individual. It was a lonely way to make a living. Weeks could go by without any visitors. Relief came once a month and stayed for three days, allowing the lookout to go to town, replenish supplies and have some downtime.

"You bet, come on up. I haven't seen another living soul in almost two weeks." Becky laughed.

After climbing the 92 steps, which Donny counted aloud every time they came up here, they finally reached the locked gate. For security reasons, heavy duty steel gates, eight foot by three feet, were placed on each tower, shielding the only entrance and exit not only from humans but also black and brown bears that called the area their home. The bears could climb as well as any human. The horrible accident back in '72 proved that. A hiker found one of the lookouts mauled to death in his bunk.

Becky unlocked the gate so Jaxon and Donny could entered the small 'cap', the name given to the living quarters at the top of the tower. The 'cap' was a 14 foot square with a small bunk in one corner, the radio table sitting next to it and a small camper's kitchen off to the side. A port-a-potty was in the corner opposite the bunk and had an army blanket hanging from the ceiling beams hiding it from view.

Jaxon walked over to one of the open windows and looked off toward the mountains. She wondered as she had a million times before, where Rayven was and what she was doing, if she was happy, and if she had someone in her life. Swallowing hard, she wondered if Rayven was in love.

Rayven haunted her. The dark haired woman saw her at the playground, saw her in the woods when she fought a fire, saw her every time she turned around, every time she shut her eyes and every time she opened them. At home, it was even worse. There she saw Rayven in her dreams. What would I do if I ever saw her again? she thought.

<<<

Later, alone in her home, Rayven replayed her Aunt's words; Jaxon was happily married to Tom Harris. Once the first tear fell, the rest came out in a thunderstorm as she sat curled in the corner of the old brown couch. The windows stood open and she could feel the evening's cool breeze blowing gently against her hair.

After awhile, her sobs receded to just an occasional hiccup. Taking a tissue from the box on the table beside the couch she wiped her damp face and eyes. "So what do you think, honey?" Rayven whispered to the child growing inside her. "Should we stay here or find another place to call home?" She placed her hand over her stomach and rubbed gently. "I love you, honey, but I'm scared." Rayven continued in a soothing voice hoping her baby could feel her love. "Being alone won't be easy, but we'll get by, I promise."

Four years ago she knew nothing about being pregnant; since then she had read every book she could get her hands on. She laughed when she thought about how small her baby was and at how such a little thing could cause her to be so sick in the mornings.

Rayven had decided at the age of twenty-five that she wanted a child. She made appointments, visited clinics and reviewed thousands of available donors but none matched her heart's desire and that was to complement Jaxon's features as close as possible. She had never stopped loving her wife and maybe it was selfish, but she wanted her child to look like her ex-lover, the person who still owned her heart and soul. How can I love her so and hate her at the same time? What would I do if I ever saw her again?

After leaving Silver Lake, Rayven had put herself through college. Her thesis paper received great reviews and caught the eye of National Geographic Magazine. She went on her first assignment two weeks after she graduated college. Now she was a well- respected freelance journalist who worked for several nationally known magazines and publications.

On her last assignment, in Australia, her tour guide, Mark Serrano, could have been Jaxon's twin brother. The height, skin coloring, hair that was so black it looked blue and sky blue eyes were a perfect match. In fact it was too perfect a match and Rayven's mind came up with some weird scenarios.

Curiosity got the best of her and she contacted a closer friend, Jase Moreland back in the States who was also a private investigator and asked her to perform a full investigation on Mark Serrano. The results surpassed her wildest dreams.

Years ago the Segreto family had a feud ending in a family split; some went out west others went far across the seas. Peter Segreto went to Australia where he changed his name to Serrano and raised his family. Mark Serrano was Peter's son making him Jaxon Segreto's first cousin.

A ton of signed legal documents, a trip to the local clinic, and two months later her dream was fulfilled: she was pregnant.

Her doctor in Chicago had advised her to take a leave of absence from her job as her blood pressure was extremely high. He suggested she should take a vacation, find a place to relax and follow a strict diet and exercise routine to help lower her blood pressure. That is what she had done. She went home to Sleepy Springs Ranch, to a place that held many good memories for her. To a place she could feel the love of her late parents surrounding her.

Another wave of fear and loneliness washed over her. "We'll make it, sweetie, you and I." She whispered as a million memories, sweet, sweet, memories whirled through her mind. Leaning her head against the back of the couch, she closed her eyes, letting the past wash over her.

<<<

"Donny!" Jaxon called as she put away the last of her supplies in the pickup. "We're running late."

The firefighter closed the truck door while listening for her son's reply. When none came, she crossed the yard and stepped inside the house. She glanced around the living room, kitchen and family room but Donny was nowhere in sight. She headed for her son's room, hoping to find him there.

"Donald!" she called again, irritated when she saw him sitting at his computer playing a game while his backpack lay on the floor untouched.

"I told you to get your stuff ready, you're staying with Mrs. Dailey while I'm gone," Jaxon said.

At the sound of his mother's voice, Donny jumped to his feet causing the chair to fall over. "I don't want to go," he said defensively. "I want to go with you."

"Honey, you can't go with me. You know that." Jaxon's voice had calmed.

"I don't want you to go." He said as his lower lip began to tremble.

Jaxon walked over and sat on the end of the bed, holding her arms out to her son. Within seconds, he was nestled securely in her lap. "Honey, I thought you liked Mrs. Dailey."

"I do, she makes great cookies." He nested closer. Donny loved being in the warmth and protection of his mothers' arms.

"Why don't you want to go?" she asked gently as she kissed her son's head.

"Don't want you to die." His little body jerked with sobs.

"Donny, honey, I'm not going to die. It'll be okay, you'll see."

"Promise?"

"I promise, and I always keep my promises." All but one, she thought.

"Okay," came a soft reply.

"Help me get your things packed up."

"Can I ride Ginger over to Sleepy Springs and pick apples in the orchard?" Donny asked while grabbing some computer games, books, and other odds and ends. "Mrs. Dailey makes great apple pies."

Jaxon smiled. The kid never thought about clothes. "Yeah, I'll let Mrs. Daily know you have my permission. Please, be careful."

"Thanks, Mom, I will."

<<<

Rayven woke to the trill of a bird outside the opened window, where sunlight streamed in. Somewhere a metal pail clanged and the chimes that hung from the tree out front were tinkling in the morning breeze. She sighed and wondered what time it was, then swept back the blanket and climbed out of bed, all five foot four inches of her.

Her suitcases stood upright at the foot of the bed. She laid the first one down on the floor and snapped the latch to open it. She glanced at the half-rumpled, half folded clothes inside and frowned. She went through the clothes and laid out a clean set, from the skin out. From the second suitcase, she added her hair dryer, and small personal bag to the stack, then gathered them up and carried them into the bathroom.

She peered into the stall and couldn't decide if she would be any cleaner after a shower than when she started. She didn't like showering with green, slimy algae on the tiled walls. Sighing, she started digging under the sink, praying she'd find a can of cleanser.

While she waited for the water to get hot in the shower, she loaded her toothbrush with toothpaste. As she lifted the brush to her mouth, she looked at the mirror in front of her and paused, momentarily distracted by the reflected image of her green eyes that hinted at mysteries and emotions that rarely ruffled her surface.

At twenty-nine, Rayven was a very attractive woman. Some said she was drop-dead gorgeous. Her body, as her last cameraman said, was 'stacked'. She took pride in keeping her body healthy and fit.

With an effort, Rayven shook herself from her musing and finished brushing her teeth, then adjusted the temperature, and stepped beneath the spray, pulling the blue plastic curtain shut. Thank goodness she had called and had the water and electricity turned on before she arrived. She stood beneath the pulsating jets of water, letting them beat at her and massage away the tension. Steam billowed around her, an enervating heat that relaxed all her muscles and soothed her too taut nerves.

When she stepped out of the shower, Rayven felt cleaner and so was the shower. She was now ready to face the day. Wasting little time, she dried herself and began to blow dry her hair.

A short time later, her waist long blond hair still felt slightly damp to the touch. Rayven decided that was good enough and unplugged the dryer, securing her hair with an old leather string. Dressing leisurely, she pulled a pair of faded jeans on and slipped a T-shirt over her head. Walking back into the bedroom she sat on the edge of the bed while she slipped her hiking boots on.

She wondered once again if she had made a mistake coming back. There was nothing to hold her to the Sleepy Springs but memories. Her parents were dead and her only living relative, Aunt Lois, hated her.

<<<

The rescue call came in the pre dawn hours that a small girl was lost in the Shawnee Pass. The parents and several other families had been camping, hiking and enjoying the wilderness when a bear had startled the group, causing fear and hysteria. When everyone had settled down and the bear ran off due to the loud screaming the mother noticed her five-year-old daughter was missing. After searching for several hours Jaxon found the small child perched on a ledge after falling a short distance in the dark. She was a diabetic and needed attention immediately.

Before returning home Jaxon had decided to climb the Kiral. She loved the mountains and everything about climbing: the height, the roughness and beauty of the rock itself; the wide-open wild places that were home to her. She loved the adventure, challenge and discipline it took to learn a new face and the strength and independence it demanded. She loved the adrenaline rush when she made it to the top. Most of all, she loved the way the wild country spoke to her, sang to her, and calmed her soul.

Her friends often asked her, "Don't you get lonely out here by yourself?" She would smile and say, "Can't you hear the music? It's all around you, in the way the animal's play, in the wind blowing through the trees, and in the way the water skips and flows over rocks in the rivers. Even the clouds and sun overhead sing. How could one be lonely with all of this?" spreading her arms to encompass her surroundings. "This is God's country."

The sun was beginning to climb up the sides of the mountain peaks, awakening the land with its hint of a warm day. She flipped her long pony tail over her shoulder, put on her harness, her glove tight climbing shoes and reached up for the first hand holds with a brilliant smile on her face.

<<

Rayven finished packing her daypack, spare ropes, a bag full of slings, quick draws, and carabiners in her truck. She was excited about climbing the Kiral. It was rated a 5.12b climb. She knew that before long the doctor would advise against her climbing up a rock face. Until then she was going to make the most of it.

Rayven pulled off the road into a parking area where she used to always park for the hike into the Kiral. The sky was clear but a cool wind blew through the trees. She secured one of the ropes to her pack and set off.

As she crossed the Oconto Falls trail to Kiral, she noticed signs of wildlife all around her. Rayven had learned a love of the forest from her father. She remembered how he had taught her to listen to its secrets and to see its beauty. The sounds of a squirrel ran up a nearby tree as a bird carried food to its young. She studied the area as she hiked, letting the beauty of the woods speak to her. Birds darted in and out of the trees and a yip of a fox could be heard in the distance. A few minutes later, Rayven stopped to fill her canteen at a gushing spring.

As she stopped at the base of the Kiral she set her pack down and glanced up. She saw a climber high up on the rock face. The person was moving with an easy, fluid grace that left her open-mouthed with admiration and a touch of envy. Watching the climber, Rayven could see why so many who loved the sport called rock climbing a vertical dance of poetry. It was beautiful when it was done well and this climber was one of the best she'd ever seen. The stranger reminded her of Jaxx.

Her mind flashed back to when she and Jaxon were preparing to take the rock-guide test. "Belay is on!" Rayven quickly took up the slack in the rope.

Jaxx started to down climb doing beautiful gymnastic moves, smiling as she forced her body into impossible positions. Rayven laughed, enjoying watching her lover have fun on the face. Jaxon was stretching hard and using different sets of muscles which rippled and moved in the sunlight. Having placed herself into a pretzel, she grinned at Rayven upside down. "You like?"

"You're crazy, but I still love you." She laughed.

"And I love you sweetheart". Jaxon said as she landed lightly beside her wife. They were climbing routes between 5.7's and 5.10s, as well as several pitches. "Your turn."

Rayven smiled and started up, moving effortlessly. At the top, she waited for Jaxon to put her on belay. Flexibility and strength were two things she was extremely good at. With her left foot secured she climbed down with her right until she was in a hyperextended splits.

"Oooh, ouch! Baby, you're making me hurt just watching you." Jaxx acted out.

Rayven laughed. Her right foot now solid on a small ledge she bent over backward and put both hands on the ledge, and then stepped out in a walkover. Jaxx cheered and applauded. They were both laughing. It had been a glorious day, six months later, when they walked away holding their certificates from the Association of Oregon Mountain Guides in their hands. They were the two youngest women to receive their rock-guide certificate in the state of Oregon.

Not wanting to disturb the climber, Rayven went back to her truck and headed to Conga, which was rated as a 5.5a. She knew that climbing alone wasn't the safest thing to do, even through every climber she knew did it. Climbing a more moderate face was probably for the best. She would take extra steps in protection. When she finished, she felt tired and exhilarated all at once. It had felt good to climb again. She threw her pack and rope over her shoulder and headed to her vehicle.

Once she was back in her car, she wondered if she should have worked her fingers quite so hard. They would not grip the steering wheel properly. She drove home still smiling, with her wrists hooked over the wheel.

<<<

The members of the Blue Mountain Smokies, in their yellow Fire Fighter suits, hike hundreds of miles, dig fire lines, do mop-up until their backs are pushed to the point of breaking and live through days of pure hell and exhaustion. Some of them would become be injured; possibly some will die. Yet they go on chasing the wildfires, loving the adrenaline rush, the addiction, and the excitement from a frightening, dangerous day.

Overnight, lightning had bombarded the high country near Blue Mountain, starting several small fires. Ground crawlers, they called them. A slow moving fire one minute, the next an uncontrolled forest fire. Some firefighters called it the dragon killer, a monster rising up from the fiery depths of hell, laughing, taunting and feeding their fears - waiting for their weakest moment to consume them.

In the center of the ground crawler, Chief Segreto focused on blocking out the heat, the smoke and the danger. Sweat ran down her forehead and stung her eyes. Her t-shirt was soaked underneath her fire suit. Every inch of her was burning up, but she ignored the feeling as she raised her Dragon Hoe above her head and drove it into the burning underbrush.

She watched the flames flicker nearer, licking at her skin and wondered if she should lay down and allow the Dragon to win. To close her eyes and let it all go. She was exhausted, so tired of living without Rayven, fighting everyday to keep going for Donny. She was a moment away from giving up, a moment away from death. Her throat seized up at the knowledge as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She closed her eyes and just before she murmured "I'm sorry", she heard an angelic voice whispering to the very depths of her soul. "You promised you would never leave me, Jaxon. Come back!"

She slowly opened her blood shot eyes and shook her head as if to clear it. "Donny and Rayven need me", she thought and told the devil she'd meet him in hell. Sometimes, the only way to escape a fire was to run through the flames. She unsnapped her fire suit and stripped her wet t-shirt off, re-snapped her suit and wrapped the t-shirt around her head, covering her hair, mouth and nose. Bending her head, she ran full force into the flames praying she'd make it to the other side to live another day.

A few minutes later, which felt like a lifetime, she was greeted with soft nervous laughter and smiles. The men and women's faces were marked with ash but open, reflecting the life style that had shaped each of them. She had battled the dragon killer and won - with the help of Rayven's angelic voice.

The medic rushed to her side and began treating her. Jaxon clenched her teeth against the pain she ached everywhere from pounding the earth with the Dragon Hoe. She smelled of ash, her fingernails were black and scratches, scrapes and blisters marked her hands and face. She would have a hacking cough for days due to breathing the smoke she'd inhaled but she survived to live another day. She'd kept her promise.

May -

Rayven hated doctor's offices. She hated the paper gown, the chilly room and the table high enough that her legs dangled in space, making her feel like a child instead of a twenty-nine year old pregnant woman. She hated the cold instruments, the plastic gloves and the cold slimy gel. She hated spreading herself so some stranger could see her most intimate parts.

That thought brought another to her mind; the last time she was intimate with anyone was with Jaxon almost nine years ago. After October 9th, she didn't feel anything; she didn't want companionship or sex. She'd shut off her emotions and buried herself in her career.

Tired of sitting on the cold table, Rayven scooted off and moved to a small chair next to the door, careful to keep the paper gown tucked around her. Picking up a copy of American Homes that someone had left behind, she started thumbing through it. As she became absorbed in an article on remodeling your kitchen she began to see in her mind's eye the way she wanted the old yellow house to look.

She was good with her hands; Jaxon and she had built their first tree house together, then they built a clubhouse and finally they had remodeled their home together. "Damn. Why does everything center around Jaxon?"

"Excuse me!" A deep voice pulled her from her thoughts. She looked up and met a pair of light gray eyes.

"Oh sorry, I was reading about remodeling my kitchen." Rayven replied as she stood and walked back over to the tall table.

"How are you feeling, Mrs. McEllis?" Dr. Dalton asked as he flipped through her chart. "Your blood pressure looks much better."

Rayven gave the doctor a smile. The doctor was an older gentleman with white hair and light gray eyes; he had a fatherly nature about him, which pleased her. "I feel fine, a little tired."

"That is to be expected. Is this your first pregnancy?" Dr. Dalton laid down her chart on the counter as he moved to stand at the foot of the table, motioning her to slide down and put her feet into the stirrups.

"Yes." Rayven hated this next part but knew it was necessary for the health of her baby.

"Try to relax, this won't take but a minute."

It was at times like this that Rayven wondered why she wanted to be pregnant.

<<<

Jaxon sat on the edge of another fire camp watching an eerie red glow spread across the night sky. Smoke hung thickly in the night air. Sixteen hours of abusing her body in every conceivable way should have made certain that she could sleep, but she couldn't.

With the fire now contained to a very small area, tomorrow Jaxon would begin the task of mop-up. Though tedious, mop-up was as necessary and vital as the initial attack on a fire. If all the embers were not extinguished, the fires could re-ignite. Even so, checking for the hidden embers was not only the least favorite part of the job, but it also played hell on her back.

Taking a sip of campfire coffee, she wondered how Donald was doing. Had he found apples in that old orchard on the Sleepy Springs Ranch? The orchards held many memories, some good and some bad - like the day Rayven got hurt:

On the evening of their seventeenth birthday they took a walk up to the orchards since it was a private place. Jaxon laughed, remembering how she couldn't wait to have some private time with Rayven. She had wanted to kiss her all day, but they never could find time alone.

With Rayven pressed up against the side of a small tree Jaxon began nibbling kisses down the side of her lover's neck, then turned her head so she could press her mouth against the pounding pulse at the base of the smaller woman's throat.

Driven by her own need, Rayven answered Jaxon's caress, her kisses, making her own passionate demands, so that Jaxon, too, was soon moaning for more.

Jaxon started to lift Rayven up so shorter legs could wrap around her waist; she wanted to feel Rayven's heat against her muscular stomach. The motion caused Rayven to push back against the tree. Unfortunately, the tree was quite dead. When she pushed back, she jarred the tree, which made the upper portion snap off and fall right on Rayven's head, knocking them both to the ground.

"Rayven," she screamed as she scrambled to get up. "Rayven, sweetheart, let me see," Jaxon pleaded. Her fingers shook as she tried to move the smaller woman's hand, which covered her injury and look at her scalp. She felt sick as the blood gushed from under Rayvens fingers.

"I'm okay, but it hurts," she said quietly.

Rayven didn't look okay at all. "Sure you are. I can see blood dripping out from between your fingers." Stomach heaving, Jaxon gently loosened Rayven's fingers from her bleeding cut. "You know how much head wounds bleed. It's probably only a scratch and will stop as soon. . ." She parted the golden blond hair to get a better look. "Uh-oh," she whispered. "I think any plans we might have had for the rest of the night will have to be put on hold, honey."

The cut showed the white bone of her scalp, and Jaxon realized that Rayven would need stitches to close it. "We need to take you to the emergency room." She tried to sound reassuring.

"I'm sure I'll be fine, sweetheart." Rayven's voice sounded fainter. "I'm just a little dizzy; let me rest here for a few minutes."

Tearing off part of her shirt, Jaxon pressed it against the wound. Blood was starting to drip down the side of Rayven's beautiful face and into her ear, pooling into a puddle on the ground. "I can't take the chance of moving you. You may have other injuries. I'll run and get help. Keep pressure on the cut. It will help stop the bleeding."

"Okay," Rayven relaxed back against the hard pack earth.

"I love you, sweetheart. I'll be right back."

"Love you too."

The cut required thirty-two stitches. The good news was Rayven didn't have a concussion, but she did have one hell of a headache. After arriving home, Jaxon helped Rayven into bed. She tucked her in and sat down in the chair next to the bed, holding the small hand gently in her larger one. She was determined not to sleep or take her eyes off the love of her life.

"You could crawl in here, too," she whispered, gently tugging on Jaxon's hand.

"Your parents?"

"Jaxon," Rayven's mother's voice came from the doorway.

Jaxon jerked and dropped Rayven's hand. Moving to stand, she was pushed back down by Mrs. McEllis's warm hand on her shoulder.

"Mom, please let Jaxx stay."

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Mrs. McEllis took Rayven's hand then reached for Jaxon's. Gripping them gently, she looked at the young women. "We know, girls." She spoke softly.

Rayven and Jaxon glanced at each other afraid to speak or hope.

"When God brings two people together that share a love as deep and as beautiful as yours, who are we to say it isn't right?" Mrs. McEllis smiled softly. "When you are in our home you are free to be yourselves."

"Mom, are you sure?" Rayven couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her parents accepted her relationship with Jaxon. She glanced at Jaxon and saw tears in her eyes as well.

"Thank you, Mrs. McEllis. I love Rayven with everything I am. I always have and always will."

"I know, honey. You would have to be blind to not see it. However, the outside world, and that includes your parent's Jaxon, will not be so understanding; I fear for your safety and acceptance. Please be careful."

"We will. Thanks Mom. I love you and tell Daddy I love him to." Rayven gave her mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"We love you to, honey, now get some rest." Mrs. McEllis stood and left the room closing the door after her.

Jaxon looked up to see a bright smile on her lovers beautiful face.

"Come to bed, honey."

Jaxon stripped down to her underclothes and crawled into the bed, gently folding Rayven into her arms. "I love you. Now and forever," Jaxon whispered.

"Love you," Rayven mumbled as she drifted off to sleep.

Jaxon pulled the blond closer and held her contentedly, but it was a long time before she fell asleep. She sighed and swallowed back tears. Her heart was full of love for the small woman in her arms. She swore to herself to never hurt her.

But. . . but, she had. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she stood and went to her tent hoping that maybe she could sleep for a few hours.

<<<

"No other house has ever given me the feelings that this old yellow house does," Rayven spoke softly. "Home, that's the feeling. I haven't felt that since I left." She walked aimlessly around the living room, grateful she had decided not to rent the ranch out; instead, she had hired Mr. Gordon to keep an eye on it for her once her Uncle Robert had died two years ago. Since she owned one of the largest ranches in the area, from May through October she rented out a great deal of her high country pastureland to the local ranchers. She was paid $2.32 per cow per month for grazing rights. Over the years, this added up to large sums of money held for her in the local bank. She would have to make the decision to sell, rent or keep the ranch soon.

Her fingers brushed over odds and ends from her childhood. As she stared at the faded, dusty photos of her and Jaxon she wondered if her ex-lover had similar pictures. Rayven reined in her straying thoughts with the ease of too much practice. She buried her sensual response to the memories so automatically that she didn't even notice it. She had tried to date other women since Jaxon had betrayed her so completely, but she had not been able to respond to them. Because she froze when they attempted intimate touches, she assumed she was emotionally dead. She hadn't been that way with Jaxx, but then, Jaxon was her soul mate, friend and wife. She had loved the blue-eyed goddess before she had learned any defenses against love. It was different now. She was very well defended. She had the best teacher: Jaxon Segreto.

The early spring wind was blowing silky and warm and she hadn't been riding in years. She had seen a few horses grazing around the pastures when she arrived. She had asked the doctor if riding a horse or mountain climbing would harm the baby and he had advised her against riding a horse as it would be very unwise and could cause her to lose the child. He didn't see any harm with her climbing mountains for a couple more months.

He said she could ride an ATV as long as she was careful; it wouldn't be too long until she wouldn't be able to do that either. After leaving the doctor's office she went immediately to 'Play Dirty', the local retail store for ATV's. With the purchase of a sky blue ATV and trailer she also received riding instructions, helmet, gloves and goggles.

She would get the ATV from the barn, where it was being stored, and ride over the meadows and hidden valleys that made up the Sleepy Springs. She would say hello to the land she loved.

Outside, Rayven saw the signs of disrepair that had come in the years since her mother had left the ranch. Her Mom deteriorated so quickly after her father's death that she had to be placed in a retirement home. Rayven had felt bad about not being there for her mother but the doctor had said she'd lost the will to live and he didn't believe Mrs. McEllis even knew Rayven when she'd come to visit.

During Rayven's last visit, a few weeks before her mother died, the only thing her mother said to her was, "The answers are in the attic."

The small woman never did understand what her mother meant, but it wasn't uncommon for her mother to say odd comments. She decided, when she had a chance, she would search the attic to see if she could find a reason for her mother's odd and last living statement.

The mare that came at Rayven's whistle was an old friend from her youth. "You remember me, Dusty," murmured Rayven, rubbing the mare's ears. She was given the mare on her eighteenth birthday.

The horse bumped her nose softly against Rayven's shirt and blew warm streams of air over her neck.

"Hi there, old girl," Rayven laughed.

She fished around in her pocket until she found the rawhide strings she always carried when on the ranch. With flying fingers, she bound her hair in a single long braid, tied it and flipped it over her shoulder.

As she walked to the barn, she looked around several times, feeling as though someone were nearby. It wasn't an uneasy or frightening feeling. Yet every time she looked around, the countryside was empty of all but a few horses, cattle grazing and far off a small group of white tail deer.

Rayven was drawn to the tack room where she automatically checked the saddles and all the straps for wear. There were several new buckles and webbing. The gear was carefully reconditioned, all of it, from the headstall to the saddlebags. "Well, Dusty." She spoke to her old friend that had followed her. "We owe somebody a double batch of chocolate chip cookies."

Dusty flicked one ear back then the mare's ears shot forward. At the same time, Rayven heard a rustle in the hay off to the side of the barn.

"You can come out; I know you're there," she said in a voice full of authority she didn't feel.

A short time later, a young boy, about three feet tall maybe seven or eight years old, stepped from around a stack of hay. "I didn't mean any harm," he said shyly.

"Come over here so I can see you better."

The boy walked over and stood in front of her, his eyes looking at the barn floor.

Rayven reached out and lifted his chin. The boy's eyes were as green as hers and his hair was short, golden blond and curly. She was looking at a child that could very well be considered her own son. The comparison was amazing. She gasped in wonder. "Hi," was all she could say.

"I was going to say that the cookies would be mine and my mom's."

Cookies, what is he talking about. "Cookies?" she repeated.

"Yeah, the chocolate chip cookies you said you would give to the person who fixed your tack."

Rayven laughed and let her hand fall to her side. "So you and your Mom fixed my saddles."

"Yep, they were real bad."

"Thank you. What are you doing here? Are you all alone?"

"I have permission," he readily stated. "Mrs. Daily knows I'm here."

"Oh, Okay. So why are you here?"

"To pick apples."

"In the barn? Shouldn't you be at the orchard?" Rayven laughed. The boy was adorable.

Shuffling his feet he said, "Yes. . . but. . . I like the barn too. I planned on going to the orchard soon."

"You ride?"

"Yep, Ginger is tied up out back."

"I wanted to take a ride around the ranch and check it out but I'm pregnant and can't ride a horse right now, so I'll have to take the ATV," she said while motioning towards her new purchase. "You wanta come with me?"

"Sure. I'll meet you out front, I'll let Ginger graze until we get back." The boy took off like a flash of lightening out the back.

"I wonder to whom he belongs and why he looks like me," she thought as she maneuvered the ATV out of the barn. Rayven looked up and saw the boy coming around the corner of the barn.

"I'm ready," he said as he ran up next to her.

After handing him a helmet and goggles she said, "Hop on and let's go."

Without hesitation, Rayven took the trail that would take them to the old orchard.

They rode silently for a few moments before a young voice asked. "Why you here on Sleepy Springs?"

"I needed a vacation and this place was available." Rayven decided that until she knew more about the boy and what she was going to do, she wasn't going to disclose any information. She wanted her stay here to be quiet and relaxing. She also knew her Aunt wouldn't tell anyone that her perverted niece had come home.

"Oh," He was quiet for a second then asked, "Does the owner know? Cause Mom never said anything about someone being here."

"Yes, the owner knows." Oh yeah, the owner knows since I am the owner.

"Oh, Okay then I guess it's all right."

As they were walking around the old orchard Rayven asked, "What's your name?"

"Donald, but my friends call me Donny."

"What do I call you?" Rayven smiled. She liked the kid and it was nice to have some company. His expressions were so clear to read. It was amazing to Rayven. She knew the moment he found his answer.

The lady seems nice- maybe she could be a friend. Mrs. Daily is old and doesn't play with me. Maybe this lady will play with me. She's let me ride with her. Mrs. Daily doesn't. Mom rides. "You can call me Donny," he answered, appearing pleased with his answer. "What's yours?

"Donny it is." She smiled and winked at the boy. "Call me Erica."

Later that evening Rayven made herself a cup of herbal tea and carried it out to the porch. She went back in for a long sleeved shirt before snuggling down in the comfortable rocker that her Mom used to rock in for hours as she watched the setting sun. She was smiling and feeling very happy. It was a great day. They spent a short time at the orchard, rode the surrounding trails across the meadows then stopped at one of the many creeks on the ranch to dip their feet in the chilly water. They had laughed; told each other stories and Rayven realized that by having Donny with her, the memories of the past didn't haunt her as often. She tucked her feet under her and sipped her herbal tea while listening to the night noises. The clatter of frogs sounded more like locusts than the deep-throated croak one expected, and she could hear the howl of coyotes off in the distance. She sat and looked into the forest for a while, remembering how she used to try to look into its depth, learn its secrets and become a part of her surroundings. At the edge of the tree line she noticed movement, looking closer she saw a red fox poked his nose out from behind a branch. Laughing softly she realized she was free to enjoy the clean mountain air, soft grasses and clear blue skies. For the first time in years her soul felt at peace.

<<<

Once the dishes were done and the kitchen cleaned for the evening, Jaxon moved into the living room and flopped onto the couch. The TV was on, and for a moment, she found herself distracted by a commercial about hot-air ballooning, something she'd always wanted to try.

"Hey, Donny," Jaxon called. "You want to go to the rookie training school with me this weekend?"

Donny came back into the room, fixing a strap on his backpack. "No, I want to go to Mrs. Daily's," he answered with excitement in his voice and a sparkle in his eye.

Jaxon looked at her son, wondering why he was so excited about staying with the older woman. "Why, son?"

"Mom, this weekend is when Sleepy Springs does the branding."

"I always help with that, why did I forget this year?" She felt mortified. She also didn't like people walking around where her heart lay. Trampling over her memories and acting like it was simply another ranch and another day's work. For years, she had taken charge of what needed done around the ranch; this year she couldn't. Since she took over being Chief of the Blue Mountain Smokies, there was no time left for what she considered her responsibility and privilege.

"Sorry, Donny, I forgot." She whispered, her eyes clouded with sadness. "The Director scheduled the S-100 Course for this weekend; I can't change it."

"Mom, it's Okay. I'll stay out of the way like you taught me." Donny thought his Mom was sad because they wouldn't be spending time together. They always worked together taking care of the ranch. "Besides, in a couple of months haying season begins. You never miss that." He finished fixing the strap and went back to his bedroom.

The earlier forest fire incident almost had her. She'd almost died. If it wasn't for Rayven's voice she would have. She needed to make sure this didn't happen again, for herself and her son. She rose from the couch and crossed to the window. Placing her hands upon the cool surface of the window, she stared off into the darkness. Maybe the time had come to leave Silver Lake. Maybe the memories wouldn't be so fresh and all consuming if she was somewhere else. She could pack up and take Donny anywhere in the world. Maybe she would go look for Rayven; this time she'd take Donny with her. She had waited almost eight years for Rayven to come home. Maybe it was time to look the other way.

Reaching for the phone she placed a call to the Director of Forest Service and left a voice mail requesting a meeting Monday morning. "It's time," she muttered.

She had hoped that if she stayed here Rayven would someday come back. Feeling depressed she slumped back against the couch, wishing she could turn back the hands of time.

<<<

Mrs. Daily had told him someone was vacationing on the ranch. Since Ms. McEllis hadn't informed him, he felt the need to check it out. He didn't do much around the place; Jaxon Segreto took care of that, but he didn't want his monthly checks to stop. It was the easiest money he'd ever made. Approaching the house Mr. Gordon found a young blond woman wielding a large pair of gardening shears.

He neared the woman. "Ms?" A smile formed on his lips as the short woman tried to reach the last few upper branches of an overgrown bush. Scattered around her feet and across the yard were various pieces of cut greenery, evidence she'd been pruning most of the morning.

"Hey," Rayven screamed as something touched her shoulder. She turned around, her hands clenched.

"Wait, it's Mr. Gordon," John Gordon yelled as he ducked the blow that was aimed for his head.

"Sorry," she muttered. "Don't sneak up on a person like that, it's not nice."

"Listen young lady, I'm watching this place for Ms. McEllis so I have a right," John stated his case with confidence and authority.

"Well I don't like it and you could get hurt." She walked a few steps away and looked at the older man. "Mr. Gordon, how can I help you?" she asked after regaining her composure.

"This ranch belongs to Ms. McEllis and I'm the caretaker. You, my dear lady, are trespassing on private property." John stressed.

Rayven laughed. "Mr. Gordon," she said as she took off her work gloves and held out her right hand, "I am Ms. McEllis."

"You are, not!" He stated forcefully. "You can't be, you're too young, and Ms. McEllis would be almost thirty by now."

"Bite your tongue, Mr. Gordon," she said a little too roughly. "A woman does not like being reminded how she old is." She smiled to take the sting out of her words.

"But. . .But you don't look over twenty-one," he stammered.

Well he certainly is good for my ego, thought Rayven. "Yes, John, I am the one and only Rayven McEllis. I'm sorry I didn't notify you I was coming. It was a spontaneous decision."

"Well, okay then." he muttered, wondering if she was going to stay and his paycheck would stop.

"How did you find out I was here?"

"Mrs. Daily said Donny told her someone was vacationing here."

"Yes, Donny." She should have known the young boy would have to explain why he was gone so long.

"He's a good lad." John came back quickly, not wanting the boy to be in trouble.

"Donny came over a couple of times and we went riding around the ranch. He's a good boy. No harm done." She missed the boy; it had been a week since he had come to visit.

"I suppose since you're here and all, I should tell ya, that the crew will be arriving last Saturday of July at 6 am."

Green eyes went wide, "The crew?"

"The haying crew comes same time every year. Last week of July."

"Yes, of course," she murmured.

Noticing the ring on her finger he hesitatingly asked, "Will your husband be joining the haying team? There's always room for more helpers."

"No. He didn't come with me."

"Why that's a shame." What kind of man would let a beautiful young woman live up here all alone? He watched as she placed a hand over her stomach and rubbed gently. Glancing closer, he could see a slight swell. And a pregnant woman to boot.

"You don't have to help. We have plenty of helpers." He noticed the forlorn look on her face.

"What?" His question brought her back. Why do I keep drifting off like that?

"I said. You don't have to help. Don't want you harming the little one."

Rayven shook her head trying to understand what Mr. Gordon was talking about. Then she noticed where her hand was and what it was doing. Feeling embarrassed, she immediately let her hand fall to her side. "The baby's fine." At a little over four months pregnant, she wasn't very big yet, but if a person looked closely, they could tell she was pregnant. "What is the normal process, Mr. Gordon?"

"To birthin a baby?" he stuttered. "Ms. McEllis I'm a bachelor. I don't know nothin about child birthin."

She laughed. "Mr. Gordon, I was referring to the process of haying. Are things done the same as my father did them or has the process changed?"

He groaned. "The first crew consisting of four workers, which will arrive last week of July, cuts the hay with sickle-bar mowers."

"What do I do while they are here?" she interrupted.

"Why, nothing. They bring their own equipment, do their job and leave."

"Okay, what's next?"

"Three days or so later, more workers use tedder's to turn the hay and expose the green surfaces to speed up the drying process." Seeing she was going to interrupt again he added, "You don't need to do nothin then either."

Rayven chuckled softly.

Taking a deep breath Mr. Gordon continued, "Before the hay is baled, it needs to be raked into windrows so that the baler can follow. Then a pick-up header and a chain conveyor can load the wagons as the tractors are driven down a windrow. Then the hay is stacked in the barn and in several pre-determined locations in the fields, until sold." Smiling as he finished, he was happy he managed to get it out before she interrupted again.

"Now that was quite a speech John." Rayven chuckled. "Why was I never charged for this service?"

"Years ago, your daddy set it in motion when he noticed the other ranchers were having problems feeding their cattle in the winter. It's done as a corroborative effort between the farmers. They harvest the hay in exchange for a split in the yield. Everyone comes out a winner."

"Sounds like a great way to do things John. Would you like to join me for some ice tea?"

"Young lady, that would be a grand idea. Thank you."

<<<

A couple hours after dawn, Jaxon was already on the road heading to the training center. For the next few days her mission was to prepare six new rookies. The course she taught that weekend consisted of Helicopter Operations, Water Bombing, Fire Behavior, Burnout, Hand Tools, Radio and Personal Safety on the Fireline. Forty percent was classroom and sixty percent was in the field. She sighed and rubbed her neck, moving her head to ease the tight, aching muscles.

"I would rather be driving the cutter or branding cows at Sleepy Springs Ranch," she muttered aloud.

<<<

It was late Sunday afternoon when the last live stockowner left the ranch. The temperature that day had reached record highs. Rayven was hot, sweaty and tired. The noise had been appalling; calves bawling, men swearing, searing sizzles of the brands, deep bellows of the mother cows. Horses snorted and hooves pounded. The stench of burning flesh, blood and sweat mingled with the dust flying in the field that had earlier in the day boasted green grass. The sun beat relentlessly on the scene. Wrinkling her nose in distaste, Rayven wondered once again what she was doing here.

She glanced at Donny who was perched on the coral fence looking as miserable as she felt. "You want to go wading?"

"Yes," he jumped down from the fence and ran over to her.

"We have to take the pickup."

"Okay."

It didn't take long for their boots to be sitting side by side on the bank, once they reached the creek. With her jeans rolled up to her calves, Rayven took the first tentative step. "Ooh, that's cold!"

Donny charged ahead of her, seemingly immune to the icy sting. 'It must be a kid thing,' she thought.

"It feels great." He gave a crooked smile, which surprisingly reminded her of Jaxx.

The water stung and invigorated at the same time. It felt wonderful.

They enjoyed the shade of the trees and the refreshing water for a short time before Donny got restless and started to wade out further into the creek. The stones that lined the creek bed were slippery. She watched the young boy closely as he extended his arms like a tightrope walker to keep his balance. He edged cautiously to the middle of the shallow stream and settled atop a flat boulder that was precisely the right height to allow his toes to dangle in the creek.

With the sinking sun to her back and her feet cooled by the creek, Rayven felt more relaxed than she had in days.

Donny bent over to dip his hands in the water and slipped, falling face first off the boulder into the creek. A yell alerted her to his pain. She quickly but carefully made her way out to the boulder and lifted the boy up, leaning him against the boulder. He was holding his arm and sobbing.

Checking him over Rayven noticed a large bump on his forehead, blood dripping from his nose and an arm that was scratched and swelling. She quickly settled her arm around his waist and helped him to the pickup.

Grabbing their shoes, she rushed to the truck slipping her boots on as she went.

"Hang on, honey. I'll take you to the hospital."

Grabbing her cell phone from its holder on the dash she dialed Mrs. Daily. Speaking clearly but hastily, she told the older woman that Donny had fallen while wadding in the creek and she was taking him to the hospital. She would call her when she has some news. She also asked if the older woman could contact Donny's mother and have her meet them there. Placing the cell phone back in the holder she glanced at the boy that had stolen her heart in such a short time.

"It'll be Okay, honey."

"It hurts." He sobbed quietly.

"It's okay to cry, Donny. Even grownups cry when they are in pain."

<<<

Late Sunday, an extremely tired Chief arrived back in Silver Lake. Walking into Konkville's Bar and Grill she noticed most of her crew were there indulging in the never-ending supply of cold beer and swapping stories, gossip and outright lies. Taking a seat at the battered oak bar next to Jaden, a fellow crewmember and friend, she ordered a beer. Jaden was powerful, with a muscular, compact body and sandy hair. "I'm glad that's over." Jaxon sighed.

"Green horns?"

"Yeah, this one guy Jim Gilmore was the worst. I'm going to keep an eye on him. I think he's trouble with a capital T." She knew Jaden was one of the team to assist with the branding. After taking a sip of her beer, she asked, "How'd it go today, at Sleepy Springs?"

"It went great." He answered enthusiastically. "The lady staying there is sure a babe."

Before she could ask about the 'lady', Robert said, "She's not a babe, man, she's gorgeous."

"Yeah," came a female's voice. "Totally hot."

Finally Jaxon was able to break in and ask, "What lady?"

For the next few minutes she could swear that the description given of the woman staying at Sleepy Springs was Rayven McEllis. Before she was able to ask any more questions her cell phone rang, and she reached down to unclip it from her belt.

With a grim set to her face she shut off the phone placed it back inside the holder and started to rise.

"Emergency?" asked Jaden.

"It's my son." Jaxon shook her head, a look of helplessness on her face. "He's at the hospital. I've got to go."

<<<

Absorbed in an article on newborns, Rayven didn't hear the door open to Donny's room, where she was waiting for the boy's mother to come. She felt bad about what happened and wanted to assure the woman that she would take care of the hospital bill.

"Hello, Rayven."

The feminine voice, a familiar echo from the past, pulled her from her reading. Rayven looked up and met a pair of brilliant blue eyes that spoke to her of the best and worst of her youth.

For a moment she couldn't speak, but only blinked as some of the color drained from her face. The shock of finding her wife standing in the doorway was too unsettling.

"Jaxon?"

"Yeah." She smiled, but Rayven saw the hesitation in her eyes. "How are you?"

Her wife was here. Facing her. Jaxx, Jaxon, Jacqueline Tamara Segreto. Once a lifetime ago, this beautiful woman standing in front of her had taught her body what it meant to be loved, to want and needðand be fulfilled. The small woman rose slowly from the chair as waves of memories threatened to overwhelm her. For several moments she was unable to make sense of the runaway thoughts or emotions clamoring in her heart. Then one memory surfaced above the rest. Jaxon's betrayal and the long years she'd cried.

"I'm fine." The voice was hers, but it sounded odd, distant, and a little too automatic. "I didn't know you were in Silver Lake."

Oh, you're better than fine, you're beautiful, Jaxx thought. Even in dirty blue jeans, a simple T-shirt and muddy hiking boots, Rayven managed to look stunning. Jaxon moved farther into the room, closing the door behind her. "I've been here the whole time."

Rayven's gaze dropped to the taller woman's jacket and the badge on her chest. "And you're the chief of Blue Mountain Smokies, I see."

Jaxon glanced away for a moment before bringing her gaze back to rest on her ex-lover. "It's been a long time, Rayven."

Rayven thought she heard more in the words, more than the awkwardness that edged her voice. There was regret, too. And maybe some guilt. "Yes, it has." She placed the magazine she was holding on the chair behind her.

Once more, Jaxon's gaze slid away. 'Rayven, here in my son's room. Why? After all these years she is more beautiful than ever. What am I going to say? I can't let her leave again. I won't survive, it.' Jaxon thoughts were swirling around in her mind. She tried to concentrate on something to say, something that would help fill the black hole that had consumed her soul for so many years.

Although she should be saying something, her thoughts caught on the passage of time and what it had done to Jaxon. The years had been good to her wife. She was more beautiful than ever. If she moved closer, she might catch the scent of wilderness, of rain, sunshine and foggy mornings. But she didn't need to move closer, she remembered. How many people had she rescued? How many mountains had she climbed? How many fires had she fought? Maybe a thousand; each of them adding to the strength in her long legs and muscular shoulders. Rayven shifted from one foot to the other. Jaxon seemed not to notice. She stood there, absorbed in her own thoughts, obviously as uncomfortable as she was. Why had she come in here? She searched for something to say, anything to end this uneasy reunion and send Jaxon on her way. Nothing came to mind. After all these years, she couldn't think of a single thing to say to the woman that still held her heart. Nothing safe, at least.

Finally she could no longer bear the silence. "I'm happy for you, Jaxon." Her voice brought the taller woman's gaze back to her. "That you made chief, I mean. I know it's what you wanted," She tried to smile, but wasn't sure she'd succeeded. "I always knew you'd make it."

"You were the only one who did." A tenuous smile warmed her eyes, those luminous sapphire eyes that had captured her heart when she was a child and held them even today in their grasp.

Hoping her voice sounded normal, she forced herself to ask the next question. "How is Tom?"

Jaxon shifted to lean against the wall, "He's dead."

It was a shock. The last thing she'd expected to hear.

"I'm sorry," she said. And she meant it. As often as she'd cursed Tom Harris over the last eight years for taking Jaxon away from her, Rayven had never wished the man harm. Well, maybe a little like a knee in the groin, a broken nose, a black eye and a split lip from her fist.

"How about you?" Jaxon asked. Again her eyes held a tentative curiosity, as if she feared Rayven would refuse to speak to her. "I'm surprised to see you back in Silver Lake."

"Yes, well, life's full of surprises."

She didn't elaborate on the opening Jaxon had given her, and the firefighter was struck by a renewed sense of loss. There was a time when Rayven greeted her with open arms and an open and generous heart. What a fool she'd been. Jaxon smiled tightly, thinking that surprise didn't begin to describe her reaction to seeing her wife again. When she walked in to her son's room, the past had swept over her, bringing a mixture of sweet memories and regret. Then Rayven had looked up at her with those seductive green eyes of hers, and she felt young again.

"So," she said, when Rayven volunteered no further information, "how long have you been back?"

Rayven sat back down in the chair, placing the magazine on her lap and clasped her hands in front of her. Jaxon wondered if it was meant to keep them from shaking.

"Not long." The small woman seemed calm and collected, as if they'd never been joined, lovers, soul mates or friends.

"Are you planning on staying?"

Rayven shrugged. "For awhile."

Jaxon didn't know what else to say. There were many other things she wanted to tell her. But not now. Not here. "Maybe we could get together sometime," she said. "Do some catching up or talk about old times."

Rayven shook her head, her eyes wide and wary. "I don't think so, Jaxon."

Jaxon started to object, when movement in the bed caused her to stop and shift closer to her son.

"Mom?" Came a weak voice from the bed.

"Hi there, tiger. You gave your old Mom a scare." Hearing a gasp, Jaxon turned to see Rayven turn white as a sheet.

"Your so . . . son?" she stammered looking at the boy in the hospital bed.

Jaxon turned toward the blond, reaching out to her. "Rayven," she said hoarsely.

Rayven knew beyond any doubt that it was true; Donny was her ex-lover's son, the result of Jaxon betrayal. She flinched from Jaxon's hands. "Don't."

When she flinched away, Jaxon's hands dropped to her side. She closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry you got hurt, Donny." Turning to Jaxon she said, "Please send me the bill for your s . . . son's injuries." Suddenly Rayven turned and walked away.

"Where she going, Mom?" asked Donny as he tried to set up.

"Shh. It's Okay." As she placed a gentle hand on her son's shoulder.

"Mom, she's pregnant. Maybe something is wrong with the baby."

Jaxon forced a smile, as the thought of Rayven bringing someone, a man, the father of her baby, back to Silver Lake with her, wreaked havoc with the firefighter's insides. "I'm sure she's fine, honey. Lay back and rest." Her mind still reeled at the thought of seeing Rayven with a man, and the knowledge she had absolutely no right to feel anything but happy for her.

Regret, like a black pool, swirled about her. She'd made so many mistakes. Now Rayven was back in Silver Lake and expecting a child. It shook her to the core.

<<<

Rayven stepped outside the hospital and lifted her face to the sun, seeking its warmth. She walked to the parking lot, climbed into her truck and began the drive back to the ranch. Tears fell unhindered down her cheeks.

Rayven tried to put things in perspective. Her thoughts returned to Jaxon. She looked wonderful. The teenager who'd been her lover was nothing compared to the devastatingly beautiful woman she'd become. Still tall and lean, she added a layer of muscle across her shoulders and arms. Those damnable blue eyes of Jaxon's were enough to thaw any woman's heart.

There were other things about Jaxon that worried her more, things that weren't so easy to dismiss. The slight wrinkles around eyes full of regret and pain and a brief flash of something close to hope. The grief in Jaxon's blue eyes when she saw her son in the hospital bed and, despite the heartbreak the firefighter had once caused Rayven, she'd wanted to reach out and comfort her ex-lover. They'd been so close once. It was impossible to forget. Jaxon was in her heart, in her soul, in her blood and quite simply, there WAS no moving on without her. She'd tried.

Rayven took another deep breath and pushed aside the disturbing memories. It was ancient history. Jaxon was ancient history. She made her choice eight years ago, when they were both little more than teenagers. There was nothing she could do now, or was there? Wasn't that why she came back? Could she let Jaxx back in to her heart. If Rayven was honest with herself she would realize that she had never let Jaxon out of her heart. You cannot let something go that is as much a part of you as breathing.

What about Donny? That thought brought fresh tears to her eyes. She'd grown to love the boy. How could she continue seeing him? He was Tom Harris' son. He was the product of Jaxon's betrayal. "Oh! Shit," she cried. "Stop it right now. That handsome, funny and smart little boy has nothing to do with this. You will not take your hurt and anger out on him." Taking a deep calming breath, she relaxed her tense muscles. Donny will not suffer because of their mistakes; she loved him and would continue to be his friend as long as Jaxon allowed it. What if Jaxon stopped the boy from coming over? "She wouldn't do that," her voice echoed in the cab of the truck. Would she? What if she has someone else in her life? Could I stay and seem them together? "Damn, why is life so confusing?" With more questions than answers she drove back to the ranch allowing the silent tears to fall.

<<<<

The doctor assured Jaxon that Donny would be fine. He had a broken arm that would be good as new within a few months. He prescribed some mild pain medicine and suggested she keep him in bed for a couple of days. His nose wasn't broken but the force of the fall had caused his left eye to blacken.

Jaxon took the next couple of days to prepare herself for their future. She had spoken with the Director and given her notice. She requested that Jaden be her replacement. The Director was naturally disappointed; Jaxon was the best firefighter and rescue person he had. It was a shame to see her go.

<<<<

By Wednesday Rayven had made several decisions. One she was staying, at least for a few years. It was important to give her child a sense of heritage, a place to call home, as her parents had done with her. She also wanted to continue her friendship with Donny and she wanted to place an advertisement in the local paper for a farm hand. She also subconsciously wanted to find out more about Jaxon, but of course refused to admit it to herself.

Over the next few days she threw herself into the planning stages of fixing up the old house with a vengeance. She talked to carpenters and painters, electrician and carpet layers. She planned her baby's nursery with the help of a graphic designer who had suggested she get a computer program that would help her with the redesigning. All she had to do was give it the specs, lay out the requirements, and it configured the blueprints. He told her it would save a lot of money and the plans were easy to work from, plus she could change her mind as often as she wanted until she had it just the way she wanted.

She used it to redesign her outdated kitchen and bathroom to make it more useable and spacious. She also separated the upstairs into more bedrooms and overall brought the yellow farmhouse into the 21st century while retaining its authentic western flavor. She knew the actual work wouldn't start until after the baby was born, except for the nursery, but she could have the designs and planning done ahead of time.

When she wasn't busy with planning the remodeling, she was putting her things away that had arrived by truck a few days earlier. She also spent time riding the tiller, breaking up the ground on the south side of the house adding small amounts of old dry horse manure as fertilizer, for her small vegetable and herb garden. She'd started with easy items: peas, tomatoes, zucchini, potatoes, cucumbers and carrots. Her green beans and corn were growing slowly, as if they weren't sure if they wanted to greet the new day. Her herbs were doing wonderfully and she couldn't wait to make her first fresh green salad or can her first batch of vegetables.

Whether she decided to stay or leave, after a few years the repairs on the house and land would bring her a nice profit. If she decided to stay she would be one step closer to fulfilling a childhood dream, which Jaxon didn't even know about. In the evening she sat in front of her new computer and studied the business aspects of making her dream come true.

Rayven's dream was to have a gay-friendly "dude ranch". Guests could enjoy mountain biking, skiing, fly-fishing, horseback excursions and hayrides, a chance to join a real working cattle drive and whitewater rafting.

She also wanted to have a "rock-climbing school" for all ages. A place where people who were looking for new experiences that would challenge them, somewhere they can test themselves, learn a new skill. In her travels she had met and made friends with many climbers some who were internationally certified climbing guides. She would contact a few of them and see if they would like being a part of the school. It would be a great opportunity to work with some of the world-class climbers.

Most of all it would be a discreet hideaway where open-minded people could come relax and enjoy themselves. It would be a place where people could get back in touch with nature, in touch with themselves. The whole area would be a safe haven for countrified people escaping the urban attitudes.

Sleepy Springs Ranch was the largest ranch in the area, covering over two hundred and fifty thousand acres; it also had over a hundred thousand acres of the best timber in Oregon. Due to the clear-cutting that had been done to other areas in the last ten years, Rayven's ranch was the only one that had trees over a hundred years old left standing. Some were seventy feet tall and eight feet across. They ranged in variety from Tamarack, Pine, Cedar, Hemlock, Fir and Madrone.

Rayven knew she would have to wait until after the baby was born to begin remodeling due to the chemicals and other hazardous materials. In the meantime, she contracted Darrell Brown, one of the local tree buyers; she planned on spot cutting 'falling only the dead and diseased trees', on the hundred thousand acres. She knew the going rate was six hundred and fifty dollars per one thousand board feet, she would use this money to help finance her dreams.

In her travels for National Geographic she saw many programs that were designed to help endangered animals. Her heart went out not only to the people who worked faithfully in this cause but also to the animals. She placed several calls to directors and administrators of said programs, one being to her friend, Steve Erwin.

Rayven knew that the area directly connected to the house would be developed, but she wanted Sleepy Springs to stay mostly in its natural state: grasslands and wooded canyons. This area would provide healthy habitat for native and endangered species, as well as domestic plants and animals and to protect it from over development. She also knew she had an obligation to the surrounding farmers to provide hay as well as grazing land. It would be a difficult balancing act but she felt she had a good handle on what she wanted to accomplish. It would also require the help of others.

She wanted to demonstrate through a working example of grass-based agriculture, the practices of good conservation and their value to the entire ecosystem. To educate visitors by providing facilities and programs would enhance the visitor's experience and encourage appreciation and awareness of Sleepy Springs and their own natural and cultural heritage. She wanted to provide a place where visitors of all ages could experience the beauty of nature, learn the importance of good conservation and land stewardship and leave with a sense of power that the individual can positively impact his or her environment. Also, with the new government sub-tax program that had passed Congress recently, qualifying for these programs would allow her to not pay taxes on her land, saving thousands of dollars each year. With the money she would save she planned to put it in a saving account for her child's education. She wanted to make sure the baby would be taken care of if any thing ever happened to her. Unknown to Jaxx, Rayven had made her the child's legal guardian along with documentation of the child's heritage. Before she left Chicago she had a new will made out listing her child and Jaxon as equal owners of the ranch and all its holdings.

<<<<

Days later found Jaxon sitting on a stump at a fire camp in the Cherry Creek Forest drinking coffee so strong it would grow hair on your chest and wondering when they could wrap up the current fire. The faint rumble of thunder rolled in the distance; a light shower would be welcome. Tossing the grounds left in the bottom of her stainless steel cup she stood, placed the cup on the stump and set off on a nature trail that would lead her to the top of Eagle's Peak, the highest mountain in the area. She wanted a look at the progress they were making.

Jim Gilmore silently followed Jaxon, keeping his distance, but keeping her in his sight. He had big plans for the bitch that had killed his lover and no one was going to stop him.

Jaxon knew someone was following her; the sound of the person's boots sank into the thick layer of pine needles covering the forest floor. Finally she came to a halt next to a large clearing. She scanned the surrounding area. Then with quickness of a rattlesnake, she spun to face her stalker with anger in her eyes.

"What are you doing following me?" she spat as she recognized her stalker as Jim Gilmore.

"You think you're so hot, thought I'd come find out why." He looked at her with a sadistic smile.

"I warned you once at the rookie school, Mr. Gilmore, that an attitude adjustment was in order if you planned on staying on MY team. Now if you will excuse me," Jaxon said as she pushed past him.

He reached out and grabbed her arm, spinning her around. "You don't want to pass this up," he said as he gestured to his manhood. "No one passes this up."

Jaxon grabbed his hand and tore it away from her arm. "Watch it Mr. Gilmore, or I'll have a harassment charge on you so fast you won't believe it. Now leave me alone."

Jim bent over laughing. Trying to catch his breath he said, "Go ahead and try, from what I hear you've slept with everyone on YOUR team including the women. So who do you think they'll believe?"

Her legendary temper snapped. She was too far gone to remember that Jim was at least seventy-five pounds heavier than she was and stood a good six inches taller as she brought her fist back. Only to find herself slammed up against a tree gasping for what little breath she could as a hand held her throat in a vise grip.

Jim laughed and spit in her face. "You must be a better lay than you look, slut." His evil gaze slithered over her body, insultingly. "I don't see anything here that would make me hot and hard." He eased up on his grip as he noticed she was turning blue. He wasn't ready for her to die, yet.

Her voice sounded hoarse. "That's because I'm not a little boy in diapers."

"Bitch," he yelled, as he raised his arm and backhanded her across the face. Pain jolted through her, vibrating to each nerve ending in her neck and skull. Her eyes watered. She shook her head to clear it.

Just as he was about to deliver another blow, she dropped to the ground. His fist connected with the tree, and he howled like a bear caught in a trap. He turned as she tried to get away from him and stumbled to her feet. Viciously he grabbed the back of her shirt and whirled her around. His face was a mask of rage.

She brought up her knee and rammed it into his groin, sending him to the ground with a large thump. Her entire body shuddered with fever like chills as she stared down at him. "Don't touch me again, you bastard. If it wasn't for the fact I've quit firefighting I'd have you arrested for harassment, assault and battery, but instead I'll let Jaden take care of you."

Turning she stumbled down the path to base camp. Coming around a blind corner she ran into Jaden.

Jaden stared at her split lip and throat where bruises were already showing. "Trouble?" he asked.

"Let's get to camp and I'll fill you in." she whispered her throat sore and swollen.

A short time later they were sitting on the back of a pickup truck at the fire camp. "So what happened?" asked Jaden.

"I ran into Jim Gilmore. I'm not sure what his problem is but I'd keep an eye on him, Jaden. I don't know if his problem is with women, or taking orders from a woman, me in particular."

"Why does he have it in for you and are you going to press charges?"

Shaking her head, she replied, "Don't know, never met the guy before rookie school, and no, I'm not going to press charges. I really don't want the hassles and I'm tired, Jaden, real tired. I'm leaving anyway; you can take care of him. My advice would be to kick him off the team." With that she smiled gently, aware of her split lip.

Jaden took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He glanced at Jaxon and said, "Thanks."

"You deserve it. We've been friends for a long time, Jaden. I wouldn't have recommended any one else to take over for me."

"Why are you getting out, Jaxx?"

After a moment of silence Jaxon answered, "I don't have the drive any longer. I'm burned out." She smiled slightly and added, "I have another goal now."

"Rayven?" he asked softly.

"I don't know but I have to see what's there, if anything."

"You still love her don't you?"

Jaxon hesitated a moment, unaccustomed to sharing her feelings. "I. . ." She nodded.

"Hey, I don't mean to pry." He patted her arm.

"No it's Okay." she said, taking a sip of the coffee Jaden handed her. With a slight nod of her long dark hair the decision was made, it was well past time to share what she was feeling. She gathered her thoughts. "I love her more than ever because Rayven is in my heart, in my soul and in my blood and quite simply, Jaden, there IS no moving on without her. I know. I've tried. God, how I've tried.

"What's your plan?"

Jaxon reached in her breast pocket and withdrew the clipping she'd taken from the local paper and handed it to him.

He took it and read aloud. "Wanted: Full time ranch hand, room and board plus small salary. Experience a must. References required." He ran his hand through his hair. "She's staying."

"Looks like it and I'm prepared to do whatever I have to in order to be a part of her life."

He stared at her for a moment. "I thought she was married. You're not going to bust up her marriage are you?"

"IF she is married, of course not. If friendship is all she can offer than I'm willing to settle for that. Jaden, I won't live without her in my life in some degree. I can't anymore."

"Good luck, my friend."

"Thank you. Now if this fire was over. . ." she began when he interrupted her.

"Brad Stevens is leaving in about fifteen minutes. A call came in, his wife's in labor. Why don't you catch a ride with him? I'll cover for you and take care of Jim."

"Thanks, I will." She jumped down off the back of the pickup and headed to her tent to gather her things. In a couple of minutes she was back and waiting. Ready to change her destiny.

June -

A few days later, Jaxon placed several calls to her closet friends. If her plan was to work she would need more manpower than herself and Donny.

Darlene Walters sat on the couch breastfeeding her youngest, while her partner Amelia O'Gieblyn idly played with their son's small foot. "It doesn't make sense. Something else is going on." Her down-to-earth tone calmed Jaxon, whose pacing was causing them to get seasick.

A short time after Jaxon hung up the phone, the doorbell rang announcing the arrival of the rest of her friends. Within moments all of her best friends sat around her living room, except Matt. He was lean and wiry, more than six feet tall with curly red hair; he was leaning against the wall. Jaxon told them as quickly as possible what had happened in the last few months. From the fire where she thought about taking her life, to Rayven's voice bringing her back, Jim Gilmore and his assault on her. How she had stepped down as Chief of Blue Mountain Smoke's and Jaden's promotion. Seeing Rayven, after all these years, in the hospital room keeping watch over her son, and most importantly her desire to build a relationship with her soul mate once again.

Grabbing a six-pack of beer from the refrigerator and a Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi for Darlene, Matt took a seat across from Jaxon, who had finally been convinced to sit down. "What do you think Darlene?"

Darlene's big hazel eyes widened and Jaxon remembered how she used to give that dubious look to her team members. "It's simple, really. We have a mystery to solve."

"Mystery?" Hailey asked, shaking her blond hair.

Darlene continued, "Why did Rayven come back? Where is her husband? If she has one, why did he not come with her? Is she running away from something or toward something?"

"Jeez." Amelia stood when Darlene drew back from nursing their son. Amelia gently picked the infant up to burp him. She eased Tommy against her shoulder. Rubbing his small back gently, she said, "Why is Gilmore after Jaxon?"

"I'll run a check on Gilmore through the police computers, tomorrow." Deputy Emily McRoberts said as she took a sip of her beer and stretched her long legs out in front of her, while placing her arm around her partner Hailey Phillips. "If he has a record, I'll find it."

Jaxon buried her head in her hands. "I can't believe this. After all these years the only woman I've ever loved has come back to Silver Lake. I've got to have her in my life. I. . . can't live without my wife anymore."

"Jaxon, don't go emotional on us now," Hailey said gently. "You've got to keep a level head and we've got to think this through and come up with a plan of action."

"What do you want to do?" Matt asked.

Raising her head, Jaxon reached into her pocket and showed them the ad she'd cut from the newspaper. "I want to apply for this job and move Donny and me in with Rayven. That will give me time to show her that I've never stopped loving her. It will also allow me to be close to her when the baby comes. I can't and won't leave her up there all alone." Determination showed clearly in her blue eyes.

The always-levelheaded Jaden spoke up, "What if she has a husband?"

"I already told you, Jaden, once before," Jaxon was really getting tired of Jaden's question concerning Rayven's so called husband. "I won't break up her marriage but I don't feel she is married - unless Rayven has really changed in the past eight years. I have to be a part of her life. If friendship is all I can have than so be it, but I have to be a part of her life." 'Please, please don't be married.' the thought kept repeating over in her mind.

Darlene had taken a seat at the kitchen table with a pad and pencil she'd grabbed from a nearby drawer. "Let's make a list of what has to be done."

Amelia bent to put a sleeping Tommy into his carrier. Then she stepped up behind her partner, laying her hands gently on Darlene's shoulders. "I'm assuming you want to let your apartment go, Jaxon?"

"You know, I always wondered why you didn't buy a house." Matt interrupted. "You were waiting for Rayven to come back home, weren't you?" he asked gently.

There was a brief silence. Then Jaxon looked up into her friend's eyes and softly said, "She's my life. There is no house to call home without her in it." Silent tears fell from her eyes.

Breaking the uneasy silence that followed Jaxon's answer, Jaden said, "Well let's change your life, my friend."

Jaxon smiled, thankful for the closeness of her friends and thankful that she opened up enough to share her thoughts and feelings with them. The next few hours were spent making calls and completing arrangements for moving Jaxx to the ranch.

<<<

At precisely 6:45 in the morning, a lone figure stood on the corner using the only pay phone in Silver Lake. "I understand you wanted to talk to me?"

"I might," the governor acknowledged.

"Might?"

"And might not. It depends."

"On what?"

"What you want. What I've got. Who are you? Who am I? Because nothing is as it seems," the governor rattled off the familiar script until he was sure the agents listening had gone back to their card game, assuming he was crazy and babbling again. Fools, they all were.

"Where would you like to start?" Lois asked easily. She smiled at use of the code words that meant nothing to the normal person but gave her an amazing amount of details.

"I always start at the end," the governor retorted tersely. "It's much easier to predict the future that way."

"And you foresee the future?"

"Of course I do."

"I see."

"No, you don't see. I do," the governor corrected her, slapping his hand loudly upon the hardwood desktop in his office. "If you did, you wouldn't ask me these stupid questions repeatedly."

Lois' eyes rolled while she waited to finish the silly but profitable game between them. It amused her that not once, in the last five years, had the governor ever been questioned about the same repeated script that was used every month. "In that case, what do I want?"

"Rich, masculine willow-bark tea."

<<<

Logic told Jaxon that her ex-lover probably wanted nothing to do with her. She hurt her badly once before but the ex-firefighter was determined to be a part of Rayven's life. Approaching the farmhouse, a week later, she spotted Rayven fixing the rickety wooden gate. She noticed a jar of sun tea steeping on the windowsill, and a pair of mud-caked boots sitting outside the front door to dry. Jaxon hoped her soul mate wasn't working too hard. As she gazed upon her wife she didn't think the journalist gained so much as a pound since they parted; the real change in the small body before her had come as a result of being pregnant. There was softness to the blond, a slight rounding of her abdomen, the only sign of her being pregnant.

"Here," Jaxon said as she walked up beside her. "Let me help with that."

Jaxx stood there without moving, her work-hardened body and beautiful smile nearly tore Rayven loose from her surroundings and flung her back to a time when that body, that magnificent . . . sensual body, was hers to touch and caress. When she cared. Rayven took a step away. "Thanks, but I can manage."

"Come on, Rayven." Jaxon reached for the hammer. "Please." Rayven lifted her chin in a stubborn gesture that the firefighter remembered all too well. She almost laughed aloud. Instead, she said, "You hold, I hammer." she said, gesturing to the piece of wood in the small woman's other hand.

Willing herself to return Jaxx's gaze, she concentrated on her own breathing bringing it back under control. Jaxon meant nothing to her and hadn't for more than eight years. It shouldn't be so hard to remember that. Yeah, right. The blond hesitated a moment longer, even while her expression began to soften somewhat, maybe at the use of the word please, and handed the taller woman the hammer.

"Thanks," Jaxon took the hammer. Rayven's fingers, warm and soft, touched hers, and her heart did a flip. Swallowing hard, she reached for the first board. They worked together quietly for a few minutes fixing the hinges and replacing a couple of broken boards. "There," she said, stepping back from the gate to see if it would swing shut on its own. "I believe we fixed it."

The journalist wasn't sure what to say next. She'd wished she wasn't so dirty and sweaty. Had she brushed her teeth? Did her breath stink? More than that, she wished it didn't matter to her what she looked like. "Thanks," Rayven retrieved the hammer, the ghost of a smile nipping at the corners of her mouth. "So, what are you doing here and how is Donny?" Her wife was here facing her. Despite the years and distance between them, the reality of her, the power of her, the smell of her, wouldn't stop. But she should be used to that, shouldn't she?

"Donny is fine. He said you called him."

"Actually he called me first since I didn't have your number." They could carry on a civilized conversation. It might take effort, but they would do it. "He's a sweet boy. He has a lot of you in him."

Jaxon blinked slowly, the movement hitting the blond somewhere deep and unwanted. "He needs space," Jaxx responded, feeling her way past memories of their years together, buried years. "He'd rather be outside no matter what the weather. And he'd rather die than sit still."

"And?" Even through she adored Donny it was hard to discuss him without thinking about Jaxx's betrayal.

"I thought I would come and see how you're doing."

"I'm fine." Laying the hammer down on the front steps, Rayven sat down.

"Have you decided what your plans are?"

When Jaxx rubbed her neck, she invited the fire fighter inside. "Yes. I've decided to stay, at least for a while. Come inside and I'll fix some tea. It should be ready by now," she said as she wiped the perspiration from her forehead, then stood and turned before walking into the house.

Jaxon stepped inside and followed her through the entryway and into the kitchen. "Rayven," she said, "Donny said you were here by yourself."

"That's right," she replied, without breaking stride. Jaxx was breathing in that easy way of hers, a cadence that changed only when they were making love. Had made love. Had. Fighting free of thoughts she'd spent the past eight years exorcising, she motioned for the taller woman to sit down. She experienced a flash of resentment, and pain. "Have a seat, Jaxon." Rayven knew her words sounded stiff as she walked into the kitchen. A short time later she came back carrying two frosted glasses of iced tea.

Jaxon caught the slight tightening of Rayven's features. Even after all these years she could still remember her look of pleasure, smell her scent and feel her soft moist skin beneath her fingertips and tongue, the silky blond hair that the fire fighter loved to bury her face in and run her fingers through. "Where's the baby's father?"

The journalist opened her mouth but slowly closed it without saying a word. The mouth she'd once claimed for herself looked tight. Small hands lay on Rayven's thighs, the tips pressing into the flesh beneath her jeans. Jaxx might not know her wife's thoughts but she could still read the smaller woman's body language. She was under control, barely.

Rayven stopped and looked at her blue-eyed friend, her brow furrowed in an expression of total disbelief. "Do you really think that you, of all people, have the right to ask me that?"

Yes. No. Yes. No. She had no rights at all where Rayven was concerned. Yet it didn't stop her from believing she did or from dreaming and thinking about the smaller woman, of wanting to know what she'd done with her life or who she'd become. She's my wife, damit. I should have rights but I gave those rights away when I had sex with Tom. Sighing heavily, Jaxon resigned herself to No; she didn't have any rights, yet. "You're right, I guess I don't," she finally said. "It's none of my business."

Unexpectedly the journalist heart went out to the firefighter. No matter how much her wife shuttered her feelings inside her, she couldn't completely disguise her body language. For several moments Rayven remained silent, not sure what to think or say. Then she gave in, "Jaxon you don't have to worry about me." Her voice had lost its angry edge, and Jaxx turned to look at her. It was almost her undoing.

Jaxon also felt the pull of the smaller woman, of the shiny green eyes that held so much mystery and the soft full lips she could still feel, as they moved over her body, if she closed her eyes she could remember their sweet taste. Her body jerked as she remembered tasting herself on those soft lips. No, she didn't have any rights. However, she'd learned how to listen and more times than not, that ability made it possible for her to hear things left unsaidðlike the tension and doubt, even fear in Rayven's voice, like the need for them to be together after all these years. "Rayven," she took a step towards the blond, but stopped short of touching her, "can we talk?"

Silence.

Jaxon closed the distance between them. "I need to talk to you, please."

"Jaxon" Rayven whimpered. "Don't."

"Please, Rayven." She reached out and brushed a smudge of dirt from the beautiful woman's cheek, marveling at the feel of warm skin against her fingertips. It was as soft and smooth as she remembered. "I simply want to talk."

Rayven took a step back, away from the outstretched hand. "All right," she said without enthusiasm, and ran one hand idly through the blond mass of hair that now fell loosely around her face. 'Oh, Gods, this is harder than I thought it would be.'

The familiar gesture caused Jaxon's heart to tremble. Rayven had always done that when she was nervous and hiding something. I wonder what your hiding, sweetheart? thought the firefighter.

Jaxon needed to apologize to Rayven for hurting her eight years ago and she wanted to be friends again, to laugh and remember old times as well as have the chance to build a future with her. To be forgiven for hurting her, instead she said. "I'm sorry about your mom."

Rayven acknowledged her condolences with a nod and a whispered, "Thank you." After a pause she continued, "So what are you doing here, Jaxon?"

"I came here because I want to help," she said with a smile. "This is a big ranch, and I know it can't be easy trying to run it alone."

"I'll be fine."

From the dark haired woman's shirt pocket she withdrew a piece of wrinkled paper. "Not according to this." It was the ad Rayven had placed in the newspaper.

"So?"

"So I'm applying for the job."

Jaxon answer had been so matter-of-fact that for several seconds, Rayven hadn't registered the seriousness of what the firefighter had said. "Thank you for the offer, but I need someone full-time and you already have a job."

"I quit."

"You quit?" Rayven couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You quit being chief of the Blue Mountain Smokies? A position you dreamed of all your life? Why?"

"My goals in life have changed."

"I'm sorry Jaxon, but I can not accept your offer. I assure you I'll be fine."

"I'm offering you one summer or until your hus . . . husband arrives." Jaxon stumbled over the word husband.

Refuse her offer, her common sense demanded. Rayven knew she shouldn't accept yet she also didn't want to be on the ranch alone when the baby was born. She was scared and she knew it. There was a part of her that wanted to forgive and forget the past and start new, and a part of her that didn't. It was safer that way, but also, extremely lonely. If she were to forgive, Jaxon, where did it go from there? Could there ever be more? Did Jaxon just want to be friends? The answers weren't coming, but one thing she did know the answer to and that was she didn't want to have the baby alone. "Okay, Jaxon, you win. You've got the job."

When the ex-firefighter rose and crossed to her and gently took her hands, the look in the sky blue eyes almost made Rayven believe they could make it work between them. If Jaxon did still care, maybe there was a chance.

She wanted to hug Rayven, but instead, she merely said, "Thank you. Donny and I will move our things over tomorrow and get set up." She squeezed the small hands gently.

The simple gesture rocked Rayven. It felt too much like old times, when their every move was in perfect harmony. With all the strength she could muster she said, "tomorrow?"

"Of course. The ad did say room and board. You can show us our rooms tomorrow. I better get started packing. We'll be seeing you tomorrow, hon." Then she left quickly, before Rayven could respond, leaving the room unbearably empty.

"Oh Gods, what did I just agree to?" Rayven asked unbelievably. "My intelligence shrinks as I expand." she said, patting her swollen stomach gently. "Great, just great." Shaking her head disgusted with herself, she walked through the house to the back yard to begin working on her garden.

< < <

The next morning, four pickup trucks and two trailers loaded with stuff came down the long drive. The first one contained Jaxon and Donny; the others Rayven didn't recognize.

They stopped in front of the house and Donny jumped out, coming up to give her a hug. "We get to live here with you," he said excitedly.

"That's right, honey, you sure do." She ruffled his hair and gave him a one-arm hug in return. Never taking her eyes off of Jaxon until the woman from the second vehicle opened the door and got out. She was tall, if not taller than the fire fighter. It hit her suddenly and with stunning force, she felt jealousy build inside her as she watched the interaction between Jaxx and the red head. What the hell was wrong with her? She had no claim on her ex-lover so why was she having these feelings? Damn, you don't ever learn?

"Rayven, I like you to meet Deputy Emily McRoberts. Emily, this is Rayven McEllis, my new boss."

She jerked, startled from her thoughts. Emily stood there, looking beautiful and sophisticated, a warm smile on her face. "Hi, it's nice to meet you," she said, shaking Rayven's hand.

"Welcome to my home, Emily."

"And I'd like you to meet Jaden Brooks, the new Chief of Blue Mountain Smokies, his partner Matt Adams, Darlene Walters and her partner Amelia O'Gieblyn, owners of Herbs America."

"Hi, it's nice to meet all of you."

Jaxon broke the uneasiness by saying, "Emily, let's get your truck unloaded first so you can be on your way. I know you don't want to miss your appointment."

"You got it, beautiful," she responded as she walked to her pickup and let the tailgate down.

"Jaxon?"

"Not to worry, Rayven. Everything is taken care of." she said over her shoulder as she went to help Emily and the others.

<<<

"You said she was beautiful, but you never said she was a goddess. She's gorgeous," Emily stated as they spoke quietly at the back of the truck.

"She's more beautiful today than when we were kids. I can't lose her again, Emily. I'd die."

"You know Hailey and I are here for you, we hope you and Rayven get back together. Maybe a little jealously won't hurt," she said smiling.

Laughing softly, Jaxon said, "Maybe, but not too much. If Rayven is anything like she used to be, she can be one evil green eyed monster."

"Okay, just a little. Let's go. I think I see the monster rising in those beautiful green eyes."

Glancing at ranch owner it was clear from where they stood that indeed the sparks were building in Rayven's eyes. "I think you're right." I know you still care for me, sweetheart. If you give me a chance I won't let you down, again.

"Rayven?" Jaden spoke while holding two boxes. "Where do I put Donny's stuff?"

"And where do we put Jaxon's stuff?" asked Matt who was walking up behind Jaden.

It was obvious Rayven was quite out of her element and having a hard time making sense of all that was going on. One minute, she was living alone awaiting the birth of her child, the next her home was full of strange people and her ex-lover and son were moving in with her. Shaking her head several times, she took a moment to compose herself. When she felt her world begin to settle, she took control. "Jaxon?" she called out.

"Yes, boss?" the deep voice rumbled next to her ear as a long arm slid across her shoulders. "What's up?" Jaxon smiled slightly as she felt Rayven lean towards her. Yes! She could have shouted. I knew she still felt something.

"Ummðyou need to let your friends know where to put your things." Jaxx is so warm and solid, secure and unmovable. I wish I could stay like this forever, tucked in the protection of her arms. She wouldn't . . . couldn't . . . let down her guard with Jaxon. No matter how appealing the idea . . . or the woman . . . happened to be.

Jaxon knew that Rayven's bedroom was on the first floor. "Are you staying in your old room?"

"Yes."

"Donny?" Jaxon yelled getting her son's attention. "There are two bedrooms left on the bottom floor, pick one and take Jaden with you."

"I'll take the other one." She said as she squeezed Rayven's shoulder gently then removed her hand and went back to unpacking the vehicles.

As Jaden walked into the yellow farmhouse his senses were flooded with the aromas of cinnamon, apples and baking bread. "What is that awesome smell?" he called out, stopping quickly which caused Matt to run into the back of him.

"Cinnamon buns and homemade apple pies." Rayven blushed slightly. "I had the urge to cook this morning." Cooking had always been a favorite pastime of hers and when she was stressed or upset it was a way for her to work out excess energies.

Jaxon came up to stand beside her wife. "It smells fantastic, mouth watering even."

Donny came running down the hall turning the corner so fast he skidded into Max. "When are they coming out of the oven? I'm starving."

"But, you just had breakfast," stated Jaxon.

"Mom, McDonalds isn't homemade apple pie." He wined.

Jaden replied, "Later. After we've eaten some real food maybe your Mom will let you have some."

"Cool." Donny said as he began to tug on Jaden's hand. "Let's hurry so we can eat some real food."

The timer went off and Rayven opened the oven, releasing a powerful wave of fresh-baked-bread-and-cinnamon scent. Jaxon shut her eyes and moaned in ecstasy.

Emily laughed and bumped Jaxx with her shoulder. "Come on tuff stuff, let's get this done so you can pig out."

Winking at Rayven, the firefighter replied, "Do you know how long it's been since I've had home cooking?" Before anyone could respond she added, "Years." Jaxon loved the blush covering Rayven's beautiful face.

"You never learned how to cook?" asked Rayven.

"Mom can burn water." yelled Donny, as laughter came from his room.

"Now I'm offended," pouted Jaxx as she turned and left the room.

Rayven shook her head and went back to buttering the rolls and setting out the pies to cool.

<<<<

The morning passed quickly. People trampled in and out of her home until finally the last item was put in its place. She was glad that Jaxx had such a wonderful support system. Jaden and Matt included Donny in everything they did, never making him feel like a "kid", but more like one of the guys. They were great role models for the boy.

As lunch time rolled around, the guys offered to grill up hamburgers and hotdogs that Jaxon brought - which was good because Rayven was concerned how she would feed them as she didn't keep much food in the house. In moments the whole gang was crowded around the picnic tables under the maple tree in the back yard, piling their plates full of food.

Emily, she found, had been born at Silver Lake but left shortly thereafter as her father was transferred. She'd always wanted to come back and see what the area was like. When her Uncle, who was retiring, offered her the job of Deputy, she jumped at the chance. Not long after moving back she stopped Hailey Phillips for reckless driving and speeding. They had been together ever since. In an odd sort of way, Rayven was thrilled that Emily was attached. Jealousy wasn't a nice feeling - especially when she had no right to be.

Darlene and Amelia owned Herbs American, a multi-million dollar business that they started in a small green house in their back yard. Rayven and Amelia spent quite some time talking about different herbs and their healing properties as well as their culinary uses. Rayven related a story to them about a patch of ground her mother used to get her herbs from. She suggested they come back at a later date and she would take them to see it.

After everyone had eaten all the buns and apple pies, the friends said their goodbyes patting their full stomachs and stating it was past time for a nap. Jaxon walked them to their vehicles while Rayven helped Donny with cleanup.

As the six walked to the parked vehicles, Amelia turned towards Jaxon. "I can see why you're still in love with Rayven, she is the most natural and honest person I've ever meet."

"Absolutely beautiful," chimed in another.

"A tender spirit."

"Intelligent and witty."

"Stunning."

"YesðYes . . . Yes." Jaxon laughed. She couldn't be happier - her friends liked Rayven.

"Seriously," Jaden added. "It's clear that Rayven has feelings for you, but there is also a great amount of pain in her eyes, Jaxx. I believe there will be a happy ending but it's going to take time and patience."

As Emily reached for the door handle to her pickup she added. "If my instincts are right, Rayven isn't married. For some reason she avoided my questions about her husband joining her."

They each gave Jaxx a hug and wished her well, leaving a very thoughtful ex-firefighter in the dust created by the vehicles.

<<<

Jaxon and Donny were arranging their rooms and getting the last of their items settled. Rayven wandered around feeling helpless and depressed. She should have felt elated, because Jaxx was back in her life, but she didn't. She was consumed with doubt.

She felt like she was losing control of her life. Jaxon had always been the one to make the final decisions. She took over and made things happen. Sometimes she bullied people, other times she gave them her 'evil' stare; either way, Jaxon Segreto didn't know the meaning of the word compromise.

"Rayven?" The ex-firefighter questioned as she came around the side of the house and saw the blond leaning against the weeping willow tree in the back yard. "Is something wrong?"

"Is something wrong?" she laughed softly.

"I noticed you left and wondered if you were feeling okay." Don't bail out now, my love. Please give us a chance.

"I was wrong. I've changed my mind. This won't work, Jaxon," she said.

"Rayven, please," she murmured. "At least give it a chance."

"I'm sorry your friends went to a lot of effort to move you, but I. . ."

"You're afraid to be alone with me," she said flatly.

Rayven shoved off from the tree and glared at her. "I'm not afraid of anything." It was a lie and she sensed her ex-lover knew it. She'd been running from her emotions for eight long years.

"You would rather have a stranger live in the house with you than me?" Jaxon asked quietly.

"Yes, Noð. I had the bunkhouse redone. He or she would have stayed there."

"I won't hurt you, Rayven. I promise." She moved around the edge of the picnic table to stand closer to the woman she loved. "We can't change the past, Rayven. I wish I could, but it is done and all we can do is move forward. Please move forward with me."

Rayven tucked a length of blond hair behind her ear and looked away as she flinched. "I don't know you anymore, Jaxon. Don't you understand you are like a stranger to me?"

"I can't leave you here alone, Rayven, please don't ask that of me. Whatever anger, doubt or confusion you may feel towards me please let me do this one thing for you. Just for the summer. Please, baby. If you want, Donny and I will move into the bunk house." If begging would allow her to stay than she would beg. Rayven was far more important than her pride. Hell, she'd do battle with the devil before she'd let this opportunity go.

"No, I won't have that sweet boy living in a bunk house."

"Than give us the summer, it's your call. You make the decision." Jaxon held her breath waiting for the answer.

Why did life have to be so hard? Rayven thought. She didn't realize she was crying until she felt the heat of her tears against her skin and the brush of Jaxon's gentle fingers across her cheek.

Rayven closed her eyes, releasing the last of her tears. "Jaxon," she whispered shakily, "what do you want from me?"

"A chance to help you," she answered. A chance to prove to you I will always love you.

"Why?"

"You want the truth?"

"Yes. I need the truth."

Jaxon drew her finger along the blonde's throat, down to the silken curve of her slightly swollen breast in a slow, tantalizing motion, watching the involuntary reaction of Rayven's body to the sensual caress. Then she cupped her wife's chin and lifted her gaze to look into the taller woman's eyes. For a moment, the world stood still and everything else faded away around them.

The ex-chief lowered her head, brushing Rayven's soft lips with her own. The journalist's heart stirred, searching for an ember of the love that had once consumed her. Then the panic seized her and she nearly fought. But Jaxon shifted her large hands to cradle her face and she lost all desire to run. The warmth and love in the open blue eyes held hers, calmed her and rendered her beyond thought. Then they were kissing again. Only this time she was pulled closer, sliding small hands down a long muscular back as Jaxx coaxed her lips open.

Jaxon stroked her tongue in her mouth taking the kiss deeper with each thrust, pulling her tight as Rayven melted into the taller woman's embrace. The familiarity of the embrace nearly overwhelmed her. The strength in the long arms, the width of the shoulders she loved to run her hands across and the breasts that were pressed above her own told her it was no longer a young woman that held her, but a mature woman. It seemed an eternity before she was released.

"Because," Jaxon whispered breathlessly, "because I love you and always will."

The answer brought Rayven back to her senses and she pulled away. "That shouldn't have happened, Jaxon," she said.

"I'm not going to apologize for showing you how I feel, Rayven. I love you and I always have. Good night, sweetheart." Jaxon replied. Turning, she walked toward the house, disappearing into the darkness of the night.

<<<

A week later, Jaxx was sipping her coffee as she watched Rayven make breakfast. She needed to do something to help break the tension in the air. Then a smile came to her face; she knew just the thing. "Rayven?"

"Yes?" she replied without turning around.

"I have to go up to Cutter's Meadow this morning to check on a sighting of a momma bear and her cubs. What do you think about putting together a picnic lunch and you and Donny come with me?"

"You mean I make the lunch and you and Donny load the truck." Rayven turned around, her eyes sparkling with excited.

"Right." Jaxx laughed. "I can make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"How about left over chicken and potato salad from last night?"

"Great. Maybe we'll get lucky and see them up close. You could bring your cameras. Black bears are an endangered species. It might make for a good story."

"I would really like that." Rayven's green eyes twinkled with anticipation. "As long as I can make it up to the ridge, I would love to go. I'd like to take some pictures. I haven't written anything in a while. I think I may be getting rusty."

"I'll help you and we'll take it slow. I'd really like for you to come with us." Jaxx looked at her wife with honesty and sincerity.

"Let's do it." Rayven smiled and turned to start making their lunch.

Once they were in the area, the ex-Chief turned on the radio-tracking equipment. The big sow wore a collar that gave off a signal she could track. Pulling off onto a rough logging road, Jaxx pointed up the hill. "The information I received said she was spotted on that ridge. She was digging roots and eating berries."

"After not eating all winter, I'd be hungry too."

Jaxx laughed. "Cobie Markham, who's with the Fish and Wildlife, usually checks on the sightings but he broke his leg a couple of weeks ago. So when he called last night I agreed to check it out for him. I'm glad you decided to come Rayven."

"Me to." added Donny.

Jaxon shoved the truck into gear, and they rattled up the barely visible road. She was careful of potholes and bumps. She didn't want Rayven jarred around too much. An hour later, the three were moving slowly toward a mountain meadow when Jaxon pointed. "There they are!"

"Where?"

"There. See? Just inside the tree line."

Rayven made out a dark brown shape inside the woods, far down the slope. As they watched, the sow moved into the open, followed by her two cubs. She was pulling something off the low bushes with her mouth. Rayven unpacked her camera. Jaxx could hear the shutter click as the journalist took pictures. The old sow paused and started digging up the ground, throwing earth behind her. A big paw full of dirt hit the largest cub full in the face. It sneezed, shook itself and bounced over to tackle the other cub. The two rolled on the ground like puppies.

"Jaxx, these bears are brown. Why do you call it a black bear?" asked Rayven as she continued to take their picture.

"The name is misleading, as they may be black, brown, cinnamon, or even blonde in color. In this area they are browner in color, but on the Deschutes National Forest they are black and cinnamon in color near Newberry Caldera. At Cultus Lake and Elk Lake there have been reports of blonde bears.

Donny was spellbound. "Mom, this is great."

"It's not often you're going to see something like that." Both women were talking very softly, while Donny watched transfixed. Jaxx had made sure they approached the meadow from downwind. The bears had not sensed their presence. She also brought along a dart rifle and a vial of tranquilizer called Telazol, the preferred anesthetic agent for large non-domestic wild animals, including black bears. Typically, 2 - 3 cubic centimeters of the drug would sedate a bear within 5-15 minutes. Jaxon wasn't taking any chances with the lives of the people she loved.

"It's sad what's happening to the bears." Jaxx began. "The demand for medicinal and aphrodisiacal value has caused the increase of illegal killing of the black bears. Poachers kill the bears just to get their gallbladders; jaws and paws, and then leave the rest to rot. With the right contacts, they're worth more on the international market than heroin."

"More than heroin? That's crazy." Rayven replied disgustedly.

"Pound for pound, yes. In some foreign countries a dried gall bladder will go for $50,000 or more. Cobie says it's becoming a big problem. There are almost no more bears left in some of the foreign countries so the poachers come here."

Rayven looked at the magnificent animals at the far end of the meadow. She thought about her plans for the ranch and decided it was time to share her dreams with Jaxx. With the ex-firefighter's connections maybe they could help the bears.

"I've been thinking about the future of the ranch, Jaxon, and what I want to do with it. I believe I might have an answer to help some of the bears."

Jaxx turned to look at Rayven, interest showing in her eyes. "Please, tell me."

Rayven went on to tell Jaxx the details of her dreams and how she could offer a section of the ranch for the bears. It would be a large enough section that the bears wouldn't feel closed in like at a zoo, but would be safer from poachers. She went on to tell about the dude ranch and the climbing school.

Jaxx was excited and extremely interested, adding information and encouraging Rayven to follow her dreams. Rayven was glad she had shared her dreams with her "friend".

"She got one!" Donny said suddenly. The women looked to see the big sow gulping something.

"What did she get, son?"

"Didn't you see her jump at that ground squirrel when it ran?" Donny laughed with excitement.

Down in the meadow, the sow was sitting in the hole she had dug. Propped like a person in a lawn chair, as she nursed her two cubs. Minutes ticked by, and nothing else happened.

A short time later, Rayven asked for Jaxx hand to help her up. She stood and stretched, stiff from sitting so long on the hard ground.

"Do you want to find a safer place to have our picnic? The bears will sleep through the middle of the day, but I'd rather not take any chances."

"Let's go to Oconto Falls and have lunch and let Donny play in the water."

"That's a great idea. I brought the climbing gear. Maybe I'll climb the Kiral - that is, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind. I'd love to watch you climb. I went up there after I first arrived to climb a little but there was another climber on the face." Looking thoughtfully, Rayven turned and looked at Jaxx. "That was you?"

"Well, if it was the end of April, yeah it could have been me." Jaxx engulfed the journalist's hand with her own to help her walk across the rocky path. "I had just got back from rescuing a lost little girl and I needed to wear off some excess energy."

"Did the rescue go bad?" she asked so she wouldn't think about the shaft of lightening that had hit her body with Jaxx's simple touch - the heat and power in those long, strong, fingers which were softly curled around her own, fingers that used to caress her body, bringing it to a feverish pitch causing her to scream her wife's name.

"The little girl is a diabetic," she replied. "It was close."

No words were necessary as they continued down the path to the vehicle that would take them to the falls.

<<<<

From a pay phone on the corner of Main Street, Aunt Lois spoke softly. "I have what you want." Lois always made her contact calls in broad day light in front of anyone who wanted to see her. She felt a thrill doing something illegal under their noses. She smirked as she heard the call connect and the phone answered.

The contact voice hesitated. "What do I want?"

"You are a hunter," she announced. "That doesn't hunt the typical prey." As the silence continued on the other end, Lois added. "You haven't had much luck hunting lately."

"Luck can always be improved," the stranger acknowledged.

"This means you need me."

"Maybe."

"Guaranteed to bring successful hunting." the woman promised.

"I suppose that could be useful," the stranger allowed. "Just what, exactly, are we talking about here? Is the prey healthy and a challenge? How can I trust you?"

Breathing deeply Aunt Lois explained. "A mutual friend, the governor, suggested you would like to join him in a "human" hunt next month. Are you interested?"

Hearing a gasp of pleasure on the other end of the connection, Lois knew she was $150,000 dollars richer. Not bad for a few hours work.

"Yes, I'm very interested."

<<<

"I'd like to use the pyramid workout method, go up an easier climb of 5.10 three or four times, then do one slightly harder a few more times, and so on. I wanted to do this workout the last time I was here but it's too dangerous without someone to belay me."

"I'm glad you didn't." A picture of Jaxon laying hurt and alone flashed through her mind. "I'll belay you."

"Mom, I want to show Rayven how I can climb," stated the small boy.

"You've taught him how to climb already?"

Looking sheepish, Jaxx's only response was a smile as she moved to reach the first handholds.

Rayven had to take in rope as fast as she could to keep up with Jaxon on the first pitch. The ex-firefighter was speed climbing, making huge, precise dynamic lunges on the big holds.

"Quickly!" Jaxx called as Rayven started to lower the taller woman. The journalist let the rope run, only slowing when her wife's feet were directly above the ground.

"Great! Thanks! Climbing," Jaxon started up again. By the fifth time, she was panting hard, but her moves stayed precise and graceful. She moved sideways such that the rope ended up over on a 5.14 climb. After going twice up that one, she landed beside the blond. Her hair was dripping with sweat; damp bangs clung to her forehead.

"Anything harder?" Jaxon leaned down to stretch her legs.

"You know there isn't, you big goof."

Jaxx grinned at the smaller woman. "Climbing?"

"Climb on."

Rayven watched with amazed admiration as Jaxx moved; the way her muscles bulged under the now wet tee shirt, the swell of her muscular arms, the thighs that flexed against the tight jeans. How those long fingers griped tightly to the smallest rock holds. Memories of how Jaxx's long lean body moved in a sensual dance over her own and how the long, lean muscular back arched when her wife reached her climax flooded her. Her thoughts were disrupted by Jaxon leaning against a rock in front of her panting, watching her with the slightest of knowing smiles on her flushed face.

"That was fantastic! I wanted this type of workout for sometime. I'm glad you were here to share it with me." Taking a deep breath she asked, "Are you sure you want to climb, Rayven?" a hint of trepidation in her voice.

"I'm sure. The doctor said it was okay until next month. I'll get too big by then and with you here I know I'll be safe. Let's do a 5.0 to a 5.2. My climb won't be nearly as strenuous as yours but I also need a workout."

"Give me a minute and I'll put you on belay." Jaxon didn't like the fact Rayven wanted to climb being almost six months pregnant but she also realized she needed to be supportive of her wife's decisions. The doctor may have said it was alright but Jaxx was determined to make sure the small woman was safe. "When you're done I'll let Donny give it a go."

Rayven nodded and concentrated on stretching out in the few minutes she had. She knew that this would be her last climb, but it was important for her to do this with Jaxx. This one time. Watching Jaxon move seemed to have rubbed off a bit because she positively flew up the first pitch. The fire fighter brought her down so fast it was basically a long fall. She whooped with exhilaration and started back up again. It wasn't anything like she was used to but she thought she realized her body limitations and in no way wanted to endanger her child. By the third climb she was slowing down, considerably.

Jaxon's concern was evident as she brought the shorter woman to the ground the last time. "Excellent!" Rayven's smile made the blue eyes come alive. The journalist spun to return a high five, and her legs buckled, the muscles exhausted from the climb. Jaxx caught her; the blond found herself securely tucked against a soft breast, held firmly in her companion's arms. "Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?"

"Sorry, my legs gave out."

"Donny," yelled Jaxx, "bring the canteen, quickly."

Gently sitting Rayven down on a nearby grassy patch, she took off the smaller woman's helmet, gloves and harness. As Donny came running up with the canteen, she loosened the cap and handed it to the shaken woman.

"Mom, is Rayven going to be okay?"

"I'm just fine. That was a great workout. Thanks." Rayven's gaze went to Jaxon.

Jaxon frowned and bent down; sliding the climbing shoes off the small feet in front of her and then began to pack up the equipment.

Rayven noticed Jaxx's change of moods and wondered if the ex-firefighter was upset. She received her answer when Jaxon told Donny to start packing up their things - they were heading home. When Donny said he hadn't got to climb yet, the answer was not today.

"That's not fair," murmured Donny, as he turned to take the first load to the truck.

Rayven reached out her hand and touched Jaxon's forearm, feeling the tremors under the skin. She's afraid for me, thought the blond. Looking closer she noticed her friend's body visibly shaking. I did this to her. I scared her. Why do I always have to think of myself?

"I'm sorry."

Silence.

"I probably shouldn't have pushed myself so hard. It's difficult sometimes to know my limitations since I'm pregnant. Before, I could go for a long time, like you did. This is new to me, Jaxx."

"You could have gotten hurt," whispered the solemn woman.

"Jaxon, look at me."

The dark head raised slowly, the look of fear, anger and something else lurked in the sad blue eyes.

"I'm alright. See. My breathing is back to normal. I just over did it a little. I won't climb again until after the baby is born. I promise. Beside, I knew you would keep me safe."

"I will always keep you safe," came the response.

"Forgive me?"

"You sure you're okay and you promise to see the doctor tomorrow?"

Sighing, but pleased, Rayven could do no more than agree; she had scared herself also. "Let the boy climb, please. He really was looking forward to it. I'll sit here and watch. I won't even get up to help."

"You sure?"

"Positive. If you could bring me some fruit or crackers I'll sit her and eat while I watch you both."

Finally the smile that had stolen her heart so many years ago crossed the magnificent woman's features. "Okay."

It was almost five by the time they pulled into Silver Lake. After the long day of watching the bears and then climbing, Rayven felt like she could eat a horse. Mentally she was going through what there was to eat in the house when Jaxon said, "Have you tried the new pizza place out yet? I'm starved. How about we stop there?

Rayven's mouth watered at the thought of pizza, but she shook her head. "I can't, Jaxx. I didn't bring any money with me."

"Mom will pay." Donny added. "Please, I love pizza and they have these cool video games to play."

"That's right. I'll treat. Come on. You must be as hungry as I am. I don't want you to have to cook for us after the day we've had. Think of it as a thank-you for helping me with such a great workout this afternoon."

Rayven wavered. She could almost smell the pizza. "Okay." She smiled. "Thanks. I am starved."

"Great! We'll go just as soon as you get checked out by the doc whose office, I noticed, is still open.

Rayven groaned but complied.

When they left the doctor's office Rayven held within her a secret that she cherished.

As they ate pizza, Jaxx brought up Donny's birthday and asked what he wanted to do this year.

"I'd really like to go floating down the river, Mom." Donny grinned. "I could ask a bunch of my friends to go and maybe Rayven could go with us."

Jaxon wiped her napkin across her mouth. "Rayven, do you think you'd feel up to going? The section of river I plan on taking them is really calm. Not too heavy on the rapids and the water isn't too rough; it's called the Loop Back. There are several sections that will be bumpy and you may get some spray. Nothing like we've done in the past."

Reaching into her bag she brought from the truck, she brought out her cell phone, "I'll call and ask the doctor if he feel's it would be all right."

While Rayven spoke on the phone for a few minutes, Jaxx and Donny planned who he wanted to go with them. His total so far was eight boys, including himself. He also wanted Jaden and Matt to go.

As she ended the call and placed the phone back in her bag she turned to them with a smile. "Dr. Dalton said that as long as the water wasn't too rough and had no heavy rapids I should be fine. I need to watch about being in the sun too long and a few other things, but yes, if you want me to go Donny. I'll go."

"Yeah, it's going to be great, Mom. Can we go home now so I can call my friends?"

"If it can be arranged soon it would be better. By next month I'm not sure I'll be able to go." A hint of sadness and awe filled her voice. She was so excited about having twins, but at the same time knew it was going to be more difficult. Soon she wouldn't be as active and she would miss that part. Also, what was she to do if Jaxon left and she was all alone on the ranch when the babies came?

"How does next weekend sound? That will give Donny time to get a hold of his friends and I need to see if Jaden and Matt can go with us."

A few minutes later they were in the truck heading back to Sleepy Springs Ranch.

<<<

As Jaden watched, Gilmore packed up his belongings and left the camp. He had no hard feelings over firing him. His instincts told him it wouldn't be the last they saw of him either.

<<<

As the parents dropped the kids off Friday evening, several of them greeted her before they left to spend the weekend without children. Some were going shopping in the large city about six hours away, others were going to use the time to rest and enjoy their partners and quiet time.

"You know," Jaxon said as she drew near, "we ought to take these kids climbing some Saturday," Rayven's gaze met hers and she paused, startled. There was something . . . different in the way Jaxx was looking at her. She couldn't put her finger on it, but for some reason, it made her even more nervous than usual.

"That would be awesome!" Scott Brown, who was eight, couldn't contain his excitement. Most of the others chimed in, except for Willy, a very small nine- year-old. "Count me out; rafting is scary enough. The only reason I'm here today is because Donny wanted me to come."

Jaden and Matt had arrived several hours earlier and now were herding the boys to the barn where they would take turns riding Rayven's ATV, horses and generally anything that would wear them out so hopefully they'd go to sleep before morning.

The next morning, after breakfast, they all stood around in front of the vans as Jaxon went over the safety and team rules. Everyone had been paired up with a team mate. "Okay." Jaxx began as she pulled a list from her pocket. "I have all the signed releases, from your parent's, for medical attention if someone gets hurt. You've all heard the rules. It's going to be a wild and exciting time. If anyone doesn't want to go, now is the time to speak. Once you're in the vans the only way out is to see this weekend to the end. Is that clear?"

She got a chorus of answers from the kids and some wisecracks about chickening out. Some of the kids had never been camping or rafting before.

"Cut it out guys. Not going along is a choice. No one needs to be ashamed. Everyone on the face of the earth has some things they'd rather not do and besides this is supposed to be fun. Last call. Any takers?"

None of the kids backed out. At the end of the talk, yelling kids piled into the two vans. Laughing, Rayven turned to Jaxon. "Have you ever done this before?"

"Taking this many kids camping?" She clarified, because she knew that they had went camping and rafting many times together before. "No. You?"

Rayven nodded, negatively. "It looks like it will be eventful and exciting."

The look in Jaxon's eyes was disturbingly tender. Rayven felt herself blush.

"I'm really glad you decided to come, Rayven. We're going to have a great time."

"I just hope sleeping on the ground won't be too uncomfortable."

"I have a surprise for you . . ." A loud wolf whistle sounded and Rayven looked up to see most of the kids and Matt grinning at them out of the van's window. "You'll find out later." Jaxon turned and walked to the bus. "Okay, okay, we're coming."

It was amazing the amount of noise young boys could make in a van, which Jaden had borrowed from a friend of his. He and Matt were following in one of the company's van with the other four boys and equipment, sleeping supplies and, of course, enough food to feed a small army. Rayven seemed to be the center of the action. Secretly watching her friend in the melee, Jaxon smiled. The journalist was so good with kids.

It seemed to take no time to get to the place where they were to camp. Jaden, Matt and Jaxon, along with all the kids, unloaded the vans. Nobody would let Rayven help lift anything. It was nice to have people who cared about her but it also was a bit suffocating.

The van Jaden drove also pulled a small trailer loaded down with bikes and other sporting supplies that had to be unloaded. Once that was done, one van would take them to the drop off point while the other was parked where they would leave the river. They loaded back into the van and headed to the unloading docks, which was ten miles away. The first trip down the river would be a short one, designed to give the kids a chance to experience the water before taking them on a longer one the following day. Jaden and Matt slid the rafts off the top of the vans while Rayven and Jaxon got the kids into bright yellow life jackets.

Jaxon had on a wetsuit and a form-fitting jacket, but the rest wore the same oversized safety vests the kids did. Though Rayven made a face while buckling hers over her body, she didn't argue, as she knew it would do no good.

"I hope everyone is ready for this." Jaxon moved the raft into the current. Jaden and Matt followed with the other four boys.

"Here we go. Here we go!" The boys chanted.

"Shut up, you guys. I'm scared enough already." Willie's voice shook. He grabbed the hand holds tightly.

While the river was not fast running nor did it have heavy rapids, there were several dips and some rough water to go through. To young boys it could be very scary.

Rounding a sharp bend in the river Rayven could see a haze of spray in the air after the first hump of water. Jaxon held the raft sideways in the current, timing it just right so that the front slid smoothly into the vee of water that fed the center of the small rapid.

Rayven whooped as she and Jaxon swung into the air. The raft pitched up over the first small haystack. Knowing what was coming next, she clenched her fits on the ropes attached to the raft and held her breath. The front of the raft plunged down, going half way underwater. Ice-cold water slapped Rayven from head to foot, and she yelled and looked at Jaxx as they came up. Their sparkling eyes met, and with identical grins, they hit the next small haystack. Kids were screaming and laughing around them. Two more small bucks and out into calm water.

Rayven shook the water out of her hair, feeling it come unplastered from her head. It was probably sticking straight up too, but she didn't care. Wet, wild and extremely sexy looking, Jaxon's eyes were sparkling with fun.

"Like it, guys?" Jaxx shouted and was answered with a loud chorus of approval.

"I thought it would be scarier." Willie stated. "That was great!"

"I promised a nice slow ride. When you get a little older maybe we'll take you on a really wide ride." Jaxon answered the boy. "Tomorrow the ride will be longer."

For the next couple of hours the current moved the rafts along at a slow even pace. Jaxon offered Rayven her sports bottle, sun tanning lotion - even a hat. Jaxx was constantly keeping her eye on the smaller woman.

As they piled off the rafts at the end of the run, they were all laughing, "Who wants to go swimming?" Jase shouted as he stepped out of the raft and pulled it up on the sand bar.

"Sounds great. We'll join you," Jaxon agreed as she watched the boys jump into the water.

Rayven removed the shirt and shorts she was wearing over her swimsuit, and Jaxx hung them with the others across a handy branch before she joined them all in the water.

They swam and played for awhile before they were all ready to head back to camp for dinner.

While Rayven waited for the boys and rafts to be loaded she turned her face so she felt the warm sun and cool breeze sweep across her. It was gentle and exhilarating all at once. She gave a small laugh. It was a feeling she was coming to know well, that off-balance-love-it feeling. That was how she felt every time she was near Jaxon. Her eyes snapped open at the startling thought and she found herself staring into Jaxon's thoughtful blue eyes.

Scott and some of the kids were racing for the van and bumped into Rayven, knocking her off balance. Before she had the chance to think, strong arms caught her and held her fast. Rayven looked up, and Jaxon's tender grin and concerned eyes took her breath away. Jaxx felt far warmer than any summer night she'd ever known. The firefighter lowered her head slowly and Rayven thought her heart would stop. Her wife's very nearness robbed her of a certain will and made her desperately hungry. She moistened her lips. Need slammed into her. Was Jaxx going to kiss her? Right here? She hadn't exorcised her wife from her body after all, had she? What had made her think that possible?

But her lips stopped next to the smaller woman's ear. "Did you have a good time?" The whispered question sent shivers through Rayven's now incredibly aroused body. Before she had a chance to pull away, Jaxx simply set her back on her feet and stepped back, that infuriating, teasing smile still in place.

They walked together in silence, river-smoothed pebbles scrunching under their feet. Rayven was almost painfully aware of Jaxon beside her, as though she were standing too close to a fire after being sunburned. Her every nerve ending seemed to be alive and sensitized to Jaxon's warmth, her every stride, her very presence.

"You know today confirmed something for me that I've been thinking about since you told me your plans for Sleepy Springs." Jaxon flipped another pebble into the air with her toe. "I think I'd like to help teach at the climbing school you plan on building, if you have an opening. I would like to train the young kids. To have them taught correctly before they develop bad or dangerous habits." The passion in her voice stirred Rayven's heart.

"It was great to see the kids have fun today." Rayven smiled. "I visited a climbing school in Austria that started their children out at seven years of age."

"At that young age they're so willing to learn." Jaxon responded. "It's harder to help adults who have already formed habits that aren't safe or healthy. Plus, adults are more stubborn than kids. Many men won't listen to a woman telling them how to do something. Most children don't mine what sex you are."

"Did you have many problems being Chief?"

Jaxon shrugged her shoulders and gave a half smile. "Some - mostly from guys who aren't from the area. First they didn't like a woman being Chief and then they didn't like the fact that I'm gay. It wasn't a good combination."

"Is that why you left?" Rayven wasn't sure what to say. Jaxon was talking more than they had since she moved in. Before, they were both so quiet with each other, neither feeling the need for words. Now, it was as if Jaxx was trying to share more of her thoughts and feelings, letting Rayven know who she was and what she wanted in life. It felt wonderful and terrifying.

"No." Came the quick reply.

There was a long silence. Their eyes locked and Rayven thought she would be consumed by the emotions swirling inside of her. She would gladly drown in the steady depth of Jaxon's tender, loving gaze.

After arriving back at the camp site Jaden and four of the boys went in search of sticks to use to roast their hot dogs and marshmallows with, while the others started a small fire in the fire pit and sat out the rest of the food.

That night Rayven received her surprise as Jaxon led her to one of the dome tents.

"I set up our tent."

The intimacy in Jaxx's voice made her heart race. This was going to be worse than she had thought. Entering the tent that was big enough to sleep four people, Rayven noticed Jaxon had brought along a new inflatable single air mattress specifically designed for pregnant women. It was about six inches high and had multiple cushions and a fluffy new pillow. "Thank you," she said.

"If you don't want me to sleep in the tent, I can sleep out under the stars. I've done it before." Jaxon wanted to sleep in the same tent with Rayven; she needed to be near her. This protective feeling she kept getting whenever she was close to Rayven was overwhelming and so powerful it was hard to shake it off.

"N. . . no. That's okay. I don't want you to sleep out in the cold air. I'm sure we can share the tent. Thanks for the air mattress, but you really didn't have to."

Sadness crossed Jaxx eyes. "I wanted to." she whispered. "I needed to."

Feeling like a jerk, Rayven touched Jaxon arm softly. "I'm glad you did and my body will be thanking you by morning." Fifteen minutes later they were ready for bed. When Jaxx took her hand and squeezed, she squeezed back.

"Good night, Rayven."

"Night." She replied.

Jaxx wanted Rayven so badly that she had to fight herself to keep from reaching for her. Something about the journalist very essence had found its way to her and into her so many years ago and that something was stronger, much stronger than she could have possibly believed. Her mouth went dry and her heart hurt each time it beat. She felt alive and so sexually charged that her body seemed like hot liquid.

Rayven could still do that to her: melt her down with a look, a touch and soft words.

She tried to turn her attention to the impossible task of finding a soft piece of ground under her so that she could sleep. Should have bought me one of those air mattresses too, she thought, but her mind was too filled with memories of their lovemaking, with worries of getting the magic back and what they'd lost between them. Sleep was a long time in coming.

The next morning as the first rays of light snuck in the screen windows of their tent, Jaxx waited for Rayven to wake.

"You're up," the blond said, no surprise in her voice. "I swear, you can get by on less sleep than anyone I've ever known."

Rayven sat up and Jaxx realized that her wife had worn a man's white undershirt to bed. For a moment, uncertainty and a jealousy she would never admit to surged through her; who had given her wife the white shirt? Looking closer, she noticed how worn it was and that a small "J" was embroidered on the right sleeve. Then Jaxon remembered. They had been living together only a few months when the journalist discovered how comfortable Jaxx's shirts felt. Now, although they hadn't been together in eight years, the smaller woman still clung to a piece of the past.

Feeling like she could shout, Jaxon stored that piece of information away. She asked how her companion had slept. Her answer was wonderful. Rayven studied her for several seconds until Jaxx realized her ex-lover was trying to decide whether to crawl out of her sleeping bag with her watching. Although she should have done the polite thing and turned away, she didn't, she couldn't. Instead she made no secret of her interest in her wife. With a sigh, the blond threw back the bag and stood on shaky feet. Beneath the shirt, she wore only underpants, which peeked out from under the hem of the shirt as she pushed herself to her feet. Her legs were as finely muscled as Jaxx remembered them. Those muscles, the way she used them to play, control and tease her . . .

Rayven returned the gaze, waiting until she'd taken her attention from her legs. Only when she had her ex lover's undivided attention did she ask, "What's planned for today?"

"Not sure," Jaxon responded huskily, her thoughts torn between memories of things better forgotten and the need, the drive to run her hands along Rayven's legs and then bury her face between soft full breasts.

"I'll be ready in a few minutes. Jaxon, I don't feel comfortable with you looking at me like that. It makes me feel . . . ."

"You're a beautiful woman, Rayven."

She blinked and for a second her mouth sagged. "I'm stiff, pregnant and soon to be as big as a barn, not beautiful." When Jaxx didn't say anything, she ran her fingers through her hair; a gesture that looked sensual - which Jaxon was sure was the last thing Rayven had intended. "What's for breakfast?" she asked. "I could kill for some bacon and eggs."

Before Jaxon could respond, the air filled with noises of young boys getting ready to face a new day. Jaxx threw back the sleeping bag and reached for her clothes.

"I'm going for a run." Unzipping the tent flap she exited then zipped it back up giving Rayven the privacy she wanted.

The weekend flew by and, before anyone realized it, they were back in Silver Lake. Donny's birthday party was scheduled at McDonalds for four in the afternoon. The parents were to meet them there to pick up their children.

By seven three very tired people arrived at Sleepy Springs ready for baths and their own beds.

<<<

Fingering the yellow envelope while waiting for the private phone to be answered, Lois thought about where she would locate her next "human prey".

"Yes?"

"Loved the willow bark tea. Do you have any other tea's you'd like me to try?"

"Could be. Call me in a couple of weeks."

"Will do, governor." Lois ended the call more than pleased with their shared arrangements.

July -

Rayven was in the kitchen thinking about the last several weeks since they had kissed under the weeping willow tree. As with every morning since her ex-lover and son had moved in, the firefighter was up early. After downing a couple cups of coffee and a hearty breakfast, Jaxon made her way to the barn to begin the day of fixing irrigation pipes, checking on miles and miles of fencing and all the other chores that came with living on a ranch. They kept in touch with Hand-held radios when Jaxx went out to the lower pastures, or rode the many acres searching for breaks in the fence line. Her companion had explained their use by saying she wanted to keep the lines of communication open. If Rayven needed her she would return as quickly as possible.

They saw each other every day and most evenings, but Jaxon never tried to kiss her again or talk about the pain in their past. The three would talk about their day while having dinner and, at times, play a mean game of Monopoly in the evenings. Jaxx insisted that she always won when she had the fireman's hat and Donny had to have the engine. Laughing softly, Rayven remembered the look on Jaxon's face when she learned that having the fire hat didn't always make her a winner.

Jaxon had said that her son was doing great in all his classes but math. She bought some flash cards for them to practice with over the summer but Donny didn't like it. He said it made him feel dumb. Rayven had gotten on the computer and ordered several games that would help the boy without feeling like he was studying.

Donny was a joy to have around. She marveled at the situations the young boy could get himself into and she had to admit she was enjoying their company. Rayven laughed thinking about one particular incident. Donny wanted to help with the dishes after dinner so Rayven had instructed him on how to use the dishwasher properly before leaving him to finish putting the folded clothes away. She had learned that Jaxon and Donny either ate out, ordered in or made sandwiches, which they ate off of paper plates.

She heard the dishwasher begin to hum immediately and she could hear water rushing into it. As she walked down the hall, after putting all the clothes away, she could hear the dishwasher chugging through its cycles. As she approached the kitchen she noticed water and suds covered half the kitchen floor.

She looked up to see Donny on his knees, beside a large mixing bowl, trying to gather up the suds, which were sliding between his small-cupped hands. Tears were flowing down his small cheeks. "Donny, honey, it's Okay. I'll go get the mop." With a smile, she started toward the utility closet to be stopped by the sound of the screen door being opened. Before they could warn Jaxon, the ex-firefighter's foot landed in the midst of a mound of foam and water.

The tall woman's foot started to slip. Her expression reflected her surprise and shock. She threw out her arms for balance but it was pointless. Her body hit the floor with a resounding thump. For a stunned moment, Rayven and Donny could only stare at the woman who was now sprawled out on the kitchen floor with suds all over her.

"Are you hurt?" Rayven asked, as she slowly moved forward to help the fallen woman get up.

"Stay back, Rayven", she said. Don't take the chance on falling."

"I'm sorry, Mom. It was the dishwasher. I think it's broke." Donny was crying.

Jaxon looked at her son and then looked at the bottle and box of soap he'd left sitting on the counter. "Donny, you used the bottle of soap instead of the box, didn't you?"

"Donny, I said to use the box of Cascade, not the bottle of Palmolive." Rayven voiced.

With a tear stained face Donny looked at the two women, "the Palmolive bottle says its new and improved, thick rich formula cuts even the toughest grease and makes lost of suds and suds clean dishes. . . so I used it instead."

"Yes, Donny, it makes lots and lots of suds." Jaxon motioned with her hands illustrating the suds on the floor, now covering most of her body.

"Sorry." Donny whispered. "I didn't realize it would make so many suds."

Jaxon lifted her hands, staring at the water dripping sluggishly off her fingers to splash on the damp floor. She lifted her eyes to Rayven's sparkling green and her mouth twisted. She laughed and Donny giggled. Within minutes, the kitchen was filled with laughter and Rayven found herself gently guided to the floor and a tickle session proceeded with everyone ending up covered in suds. She smiled at the fond memory.

Loved filled her heart whenever she thought of Donny. He was such a precious child. She felt blessed to be a part of his life.

Feeling more peaceful than she had since Jaxon moved in, Rayven watched the early morning sun touch the sky and turn it from black to a soft gold. It was going to be hot; summer's promise seeping through deeply shaded valleys and touching them with life. She reminded herself to call Mr. Landry at the stockman's headquarters and place the water order for the livestock.

Jaxon chose that moment to walk into the kitchen. "Morning. It looks like it's going to be another hot day." She walked over and poured herself a cup of coffee. "Thought I'd get an early start this morning on the roof. Why are you up so early?"

She half turned toward Jaxx, then stopped. Rayven didn't have to look at Jaxon to know she came closer; her nerve endings told her that. When, finally, she faced her wife, the ex-firefighter stood no more than two feet away; close enough for her to see the bead of moisture slowly moving down the high cheek bone caused by the long beautiful wet hair. Mindless, dangerously, she touched a tanned forearm with fingers so hot that the tips had burned. Now she felt raw and alive. "I'm used to it." She shrugged as she removed her fingers. "The best time to take pictures is right before the sun wakes the morning sky."

"You must have felt like a bouncing ball, always being sent somewhere new all the time."

The blond ran her fingers through her hair, long past caring how she looked. "One thing about the traveling, I've seen a lot of places I wouldn't want to live." She looked out over the vast fields. "I love this part of Oregon, the seasons, the wilderness. I always have."

"I'd like a milder summer this year, but you're right about the wilderness." Jaxon thought about how the mountains, sometimes - mostly in the middle of the night, made her feel trapped. But maybe it wasn't the mountains; maybe the restlessness came from within her. "I've been wondering about something. Why didn't you come back earlier? After all, you grew up here; your mother still lived here."

Rayven blinked her eyes. "A lot of reasons, Jaxon. However, I've beenð." She stopped whatever she was about to say. "I drove by the high school on my way here. I was wondering if you showed Donny your picture in the main hall."

"My picture? Oh, the state championship." She remembered. What was she supposed to do with that piece of information? "I'd forgotten. It seems so long ago." She sat down at the kitchen table and began to eat the breakfast placed before her.

"Yeah, it does," she said, and Rayven wondered if there was a touch of regret in Jaxx voice.

Jaxon wasn't the same young teenager she fell in love with all those years ago. Rayven had no regrets that Jaxx was no longer a teenager. She regretted the years lost, but not the woman her wife had becomeð.

This new woman moved with a deer's grace, her lean, athletic body challenging Rayven in a way she didn't want. Regardless of what she thought she didn't want, the fact remained; she was still physically attracted to her wife. Her heart might have put love behind it, but her body, her damnable body hadn't forgotten what it felt like to make love to Jaxon.

They had both been uncertain virgins when raging hormones, curiosity and love had brought them together that first time. It had been Jaxon's hands and mouth. In some instinctive way, her wife had known how to take her smoothly and cleanly from virginity to womanhood. Learning together, they tasted sensual experiences and, in the tasting, in testing, discovered that they were capable of igniting something in both themselves and each other that Rayven now believed could never be extinguished. They had given themselves to each other with every fiber of their beings. Eight long years later and the flame still hadn't been snuffed out. The more she tried to forget, the more her body burned, ached and remembered.

Fighting with past and present emotions and confusion, Rayven bid Jaxon a good day and began her chores. Not too far away another person was also thinking about the past; sadness and questions filtering through his heart and soul.

<<

Jim Gilmore sat in the dark in his motel room downing one beer after another. Being fired from the firefighting team put a kink in his plans. He would have to ask for more money from his contact to continue. What he really wanted was why, after being together for five years, Tom had left him. He loved Tom and would have done anything for him. This whole situation was disturbing and unbelievable. The only thing he was sure of was the ex-chief of the Blue Mountain Smokies was going to pay for taking his Tom away from him.

<<<

After she cleaned the kitchen, several days later, Rayven noticed Jaxon unconsciously rubbing her neck, trying to loosen muscles knotted by too much work and too much tension.

"Would you like some coffee or tea?" she asked the tired looking woman.

Nodding a yes, Jaxon brushed her palms down her jeans and followed Rayven back into the kitchen, where she was handed a cup and then followed Rayven to the porch, where they settled into the comfortable rockers.

"Donny sleeping?"

Jaxx was looking at her, blue eyes gentle yet wary. In that instant, Rayven no longer cared that about the past; her need to embrace her wife in remembrance of everything they shared, to be embraced and given security, was stronger than any emotion she ever experienced.

Still, she fought herself, warned by her soul-deep vulnerability, her fear that once exposed she could never again be able to keep anything from Jaxx.

"Yeah, he was pretty tired." Jaxon said, once again massaging the crick in her neck.

She felt a peace, calm, a serenity she hadn't known she was missing; all from a single glance Jaxx bestowed upon her. Had they really been separated for eight years? It seemed much less and sometimes it seemed much longer.

Rayven took the taller woman's cup and set it on the floor beside hers. "Is your neck hurting?"

"It's been stiff ever since I fixed the hole in the roof last week. I think I strained a muscle or something."

"Sit on a step and I'll massage it for you."

The offer was too appealing to pass on. She lowered herself to the third step and Rayven positioned herself behind her, a knee on each side of her body. The blond then placed both hands low on her neck and smoothed them across her broad tense shoulders. A small hand found a knot and kneaded it.

A shiver ran through Jaxon's body at the profound pleasure. She groaned.

"Right there, isn't it?"

"Yeah." The blond smelled like wild flowers. Her warm thighs braced Jaxon's torso and a swollen stomach pressed against her lower back, warm and comforting. Jaxx straightened and hooked her arms over the small woman's knees, allowing their weight to rest on her legs while Rayven did delightful things to her aching neck and shoulders with her small, sturdy hands.

"You're stiff right here," she said, rubbing the spot gently.

That isn't the only place, she thought lecherously. Her nipples were straining against her shirt, begging to be released and a deep throbbing between her legs was almost unbearable.

"Are you falling asleep?" The words were breathed right in her ear and she almost came unglued. Small hands had paused on her shoulders as warm breath tickled her ear.

"No." The ex firefighter's voice sounded as if she'd eaten gravel for dinner, instead of steak and potatoes. She raised her hands and covered the small ones where they lay on her shoulders. Her fingertips explored soft skin, knuckles, short, smooth nails. Rayven turned her right hand over, and it trembled slightly. Jaxon traced the contours of the small soft palm and couldn't remember if she had ever experienced anything so sensual.

Though the night was warm, she felt the body behind her shiver. She used her left hand to capture and hold the smaller right one so Rayven couldn't pull away, then turned sideways to look into the green eyes of her soul mate.

She didn't try to withdraw, so Jaxon released the small hand. The writer used it to touch black hair and trace a pink ear. It felt too good to be an innocent touch.

Jaxon lowered her face and pressed her lips against the skin on a thigh, just below the bottom hem of the shorts the smaller woman was wearing.

A shaky breath escaped the blond.

She kissed Rayven's leg, her knee, darted her tongue out and tasted it. Flesh quivered under her lips.

All at once Jaxon stopped, sitting rigid between the smaller woman's legs.

After a few moments the firefighter turned to her and said, quietly, with a voice full of remorse, "Sorry, I promised I wouldn't do that. I'm going for a walk. Don't wait up."

"Umm . . . Okay."

A short time later, Rayven lay beneath the sheet in her childhood bedroom. There was comfort here. More than any place she'd ever lived, this room belonged to her.

Jaxon still had the power to hurt her. Laying here in the dark, she could still taste her lips, feel the long-dead feelings her touch had awakened. Could she forget the past and everything that had happened between them? They were still drawn to each other and had always been stronger together than apart. Could she risk it?

Once she'd believed that Jaxon would always love her. She paid for that mistake dearly. What if she gave Jaxx her heart again, only to discover it was a mistake?

After a few moments she also realized she was tired of living in the past, tired of being alone, tired of being unloved. She wanted to start living again. Her decision made, she threw back the sheet covering her body and slid out of bed. It was time for answers.

Using the brilliant moonlight as her guide and her trusty flashlight, Rayven climbed up the grassy ridge that rose behind the house. It provided a beautiful view of the ranch. And she knew it was where she would find Jaxon. It was a place she found the fire fighter sitting many nights, looking out over the valley and stargazing.

As Rayven climbed, the memory of Jaxon's kiss flooded her with warmth and concern - warmth at the love that existed after all this time and concern for the future. It was time they had a heart to heart talk.

The top of the ridge was smooth, gently rounded and grassy. A breeze moved faintly, bringing with it sounds from the valley below. In the distance, the moonlight glittered along the length of the river that ran along the north side of Sleepy Springs.

She came upon Jaxon leaning against a stump; knees drawn up to her chest, her head bent, her arms circled her legs.

She held her breath realizing that Jaxon was crying. For a few moments it was so quiet that Rayven could hear her heartbeat and the soft sobs of the woman she loved. Then slowly Jaxon lifted her tearstained face and said softly, "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

For a moment Rayven thought the voice was an echo from her former dreams, when she had longed to hear Jaxon explain what had happened, why it had happened, what had gone wrong that she was no longer the person Jaxon loved or wanted. But the voice wasn't a dream from the past. The voice was here, now, before her; so was Jaxon.

She slowly settled her body down next to the ex-firefighter. Not acknowledging the statement she said, "You're working too hard, Jaxon," Rayven whispered, "You look so tired. I don't want you to wear yourself out over a ranch that means nothing to you." As she placed her palm against the warm moist cheek, she felt ashamed. Jaxx had given her so much companionship and laughter in the last few weeks and she had given nothing in return.

Jaxon closed her eyes for an instant, feeling the softness of the small hand pressed against her cheek, savoring it with an intensity that was just short of painful. Since the kiss under the willow tree, Rayven had touched her more frequently, many times not realizing she was doing so and it was clear she was more at ease with her. She knew if they were to have a future it was up to her wife now, for she had expressed to the small woman how she felt. She didn't want to frighten or push the blond away, so she hadn't touched her since nor had she brought up the past.

"I don't mind. I've always loved it here." Jaxon respond, her voice a whisper. "The best part of my day is when we walk out over the ranch and watch the sunset together."

"I really enjoy those time too." She really wanted to sit on Jaxx's lap but knew the next move was hers to make. "Wi. . . Will you hold me?"

"Come here," she answered as she helped Rayven settle on her lap.

At first they held each other tightly, as though they were afraid something would happen to separate them. Because Jaxx couldn't let Rayven go, she pressed the blond closer and hoped her body would say what she didn't have the words for. The emotions were too strong. Gradually their arms loosened while Jaxon rocked Rayven slowly against her breast, stroking her hair and back with her large hand, wordlessly telling her how much she cared. She struggled to find the words to tell this beautiful woman in her arms everything she was feeling, but no matter how she worked them, they seemed inadequate and half formed. She finally gave up the fight and let her feelings roam free.

Small arms were around her wife's lean waist and Rayven's head was resting against her soft breasts as her hands gently kneaded the muscles of the taller woman's back, trying to relax the tension. She was in Jaxon's arms, pressed against her heart, right where she belonged.

When Rayven finally tilted back her head to look at Jaxon's face, her eyes were closed and an expression of peace had replaced the lines of pain on her face. The knowledge that she could still bring her lover such a feeling with something as simple as a hug made her ache with emotion. She should have done this before. She had wanted to, but she was too afraid.

Slowly Jaxon opened her eyes to see brilliant green ones looking up at her full of wonder and love. A tremor went through her. "I love holding you."

The whispered, barely audible words sent an answering tremor through Rayven. The intensity of Jaxon's blue eyes made her breath shorten. She wanted to be kissed by the taller woman, but knew the firefighter wouldn't, even though it was obvious she wanted to very much. Her wife was careful to keep her touches and emotions to herself, until tonight. The once young woman who had always needed things her own way was now grown. She never forced herself or her decisions upon Rayven. Compromise and communication were now words the journalist could use when describing Jaxx. She had done nothing to make her afraid or skeptical. Nor would she do anything now. If the blond wanted to be kissed, it was up to her to take the initiative.

"Can. . . Can. . . I kiss you?" Rayven asked. Her voice was shaky and her eyes mirrored her own inner conflict.

"I'd really like that," Jaxon said, memorized by the sweet lips and the green eyes.

Her heart beat in marathon mode, slamming painfully in her chest as they kissed, her tongue exploring Jaxon's mouth gently, almost reverently. Lost. She was totally and completely lost. Rayven lingered over the kiss, tempting, teasing herself as much as her partner. When she pulled back, she sought the blue eyes for answers. She loved Jaxx so much. She'd always loved her.

So longð.she'd waited so long for this. Jaxon whispered, "a day never went by that I didn't think or dream of you. I love you, sweetheart." She slowly bent to kiss the woman who meant the world to her. The firefighter moaned deep in her throat and bravely explored the shape of Rayven's mouth before plunging inside to tease and torment her. Twisting slightly to the side, she eased the blonde's cheek against her shoulder and began stroking her hair. She pulsed with need, but the rest of herð.heart, head and soulðneeded more than a physical release. She needed the love of her wife, soul mate and friend back. She needed the magic.

Rayven. Slight, strong, built for climbing mountains and making love and raising children and watching eagles fly and . . . and loving me. Making me feel whole, no longer alone drifting through life like the wind.

Rayven buried her hands in the long black hair, feeling the sharp pain of longing. The need to lay herself open to Jaxx surged through her. Words flitted through her, questions, a promise freely given that tonight meant as much to Jaxon as it did to her. She opened her mouth to ask her wife to gift her with that promise, spotted the moon cradled between tree shadows and lost the ability to speak. Through eyes that wouldn't focus, she stared at the moon and stars. The points of light blurred, then came together. Together. Like her and Jaxon. Alive. Whole. Complete. The words, the emotions, melted through her. Without you I would die.

She felt fingertips on her sunburned flesh. Somehow they cooled and heated at the same time. When they both caught their breaths, Jaxon asked, "Can I have it back, please?"

Rayven frowned. "Have what back?"

"Your heart." The ex firefighter drew in a breath. "This time I promise to take better care of it, sweetheart." She tenderly cupped Rayven's chin and raised her face to look into her green eyes.

Lips soft as butterfly wings brushed across her lips. "I want your heart in return."

"Rayven, don't you know, you have always had it. You stole it when I wasn't watching so many years ago."

"I don't want a stolen heart, Jaxon"

"It was freely given. I love you, darling. I always have and I always will."

The kiss that followed left no question as to how freely their hearts were given back to each other. The merging of two lost souls rejoiced, finally.

Rayven felt herself start to dissolve in the kiss and in the belief that she was home where she belonged. At last. It was the feel of the baby kicking that brought Jaxon to her senses. With a groan, she released the soft sweet mouth. Shifting back against the stump, she pulled Rayven back to rest the blond head against her shoulder.

They sat for a long time in companionable silence, holding each other gently and watching the stars shine brightly. As it always had been between the two of them, there didn't seem to be any need for words. They were comfortable simply being together.

After a few moments, Jaxx asked. "Why did you leave me?" It was a heartbreaking cry. Jaxon couldn't hold it in any longer; she needed to know.

Rayven shook her head as if she hadn't heard what she thought she heard. Anger, regret, sadness, Jaxon's betrayal all consumed her until finally she said, "I did what you would have done, given the same circumstances."

"I wouldn't have left you."

"Jaxon, remember Tristan and Mary Sue from high school?"

Frowning she answered hesitantly, "Yes."

"What did you say to me when I found out that Tristan was cheating on Mary Sue?

She thought for a while then her expression changed. "But. . . I. . ."

"You said that if you were Mary Sue, you would walk away from Tristan and never come back."

"I didn't mean that for us. I. . ."

Rayven interrupted, "That IS what you said and what I did. I never doubted your words, Jaxon. I believed them to be the truth."

"No." She cried. "Tristan and Mary Sue were nothing like us, honey. We were meant to be together. Two souls destined to be together before we were born. Tristan cheated on Mary Sue from the beginning of their relationship."

"Then why did you have sex and marry Tom Harris?" she declared. "Why didn't you try to find me?" She tried to pull away from Jaxon but the taller woman's arms tightened holding her on her lap.

"I did try to find you, sweetheart. Every time I felt like I was getting close you were sent somewhere else. I've spent years searching for you, sent you letters. They all came back."

"Why'd you marry Tom? Did you love him?" She choked out.

"No"

"Then why did Aunt Lois say the day I arrived in Silver Lake that you were happily married?"

"I was not happily married. I was miserable. You left me. My world had no meaning anymore. My parents and his demanded that it would be best for the baby. I didn't have a job or a way to support myself. I didn't even like Tom."

Remembering that Jaxx had never mentioned her parents before Rayven asked, "What happened with your parents?"

"I didn't want to marry Tom. They said it wasn't right to bring a child up as a bastard. They would never speak to me again if I didn't marry him. They didn't believe he had raped me." Silent tears moved down darkened cheeks.

"Honey, I'm so sorry." Rayven held her wife and gently rubbed her back.

After a moment Jaxx continued, "After he was killed they tried to set me up with other men. They even offered to give this one guy their ranch if he would marry me. I refused. I told them I was still in love with you and always would be. If raising Donny alone was what I had to do then I would do it. They said they didn't want a gay daughter, that it brought shame to their family. I told them I never wanted to speak to them again. Shortly after, they moved from Silver Lake."

"Then why did you have sex with him?"

"I don't know."

"You have sex with someone in our home and don't know why."

"Remember I told you about the new rookie who always made passes at me?"

"Yes."

"That was Tom. He kept saying he was going to have me one way or another. I told him when hell froze over. He would only laugh."

"I don't understand."

"I recall the fire that day. We had it out in a short time then Tom yelled he had found something. I was sent to help check it out because I was nearest to Tom. It was Bobby and Rebecca from our team. Oh Gods, Rayven, Rebecca told me that morning she was pregnant and this would be her last fire."

"I'm sorry."

"They were burnt to the point it was hard to tell who they were. I remember screaming and calling for you. Then someone led me away from the scene and wanted to give me something. I refused and tried to push them away but they gave me a shot anyway. They said I was in shock and the shot would help calm me down. Next thing I remember is you accusing me of having sex with Tom. I couldn't understand why you would say that until I saw Tom getting dressed and noticed I was partially naked."

"But. . ."

"I don't have any answers Rayven. I know it sounds unbelievable but I don't have the answers."

"The answers. The answers are in the attic." She stated as she struggled to her feet and started down the slope to the house.

"Wait. Where are you going?"

"The answers are in the attic."

"Rayven, are you all right? That doesn't make any sense." Jaxon said as she caught up with the smaller woman.

"Mother said the last time I visited her that the answers were in the attic but I didn't know what she meant."

Once they were in the attic Rayven spoke. "There must be something here that will answer our questions. Help me look."

After searching for a short time Rayven found a small box labeled Rayven and Jaxon. "I believe I found it, sweetheart."

Inside the box was a sealed envelope marked Rayven McEllis and Jaxon Segreto.

"I'm scared to open it. What if I can't handle what's inside, what if. . .?"

"Don't what if, honey. We'll handle whatever it is together."

Sitting down on a pile of old blankets, Jaxon motioned Rayven to sit between her spread legs. Together they would read the letter.

"Here - let me," Jaxon said softly as she took the envelope and tore it open, pulling out two sheets of white wrinkled paper from inside, she began to read.

-----

Sitting by the campfire in the dim light, Tom Harris contemplated his short life. At twenty-six he felt there was no reason to continue to live. He had already murdered three people, destroyed several others's lives and caused a child to be born into a world that was not his asking and gave up the only person he'd ever loved. Some people say that there is a time in one's life that you hit the wall. Without a reason there is no motive to go on. Tom knew that he had hit that wall. It took a little scheming but he had all the players in position to carry out his final act of freedom in this world.

He reached to fill his cup with coffee that was brewing on the campfire; he gently took a sip of the steaming liquid. Tom would miss some things. Like the stars shining bright in the night sky. The way the sun rose each morning. Taking a deep breath he picked up the notebook from the ground beside him.

With tears rolling down his tanned cheeks he composed the letter to Jaxon and Rayven, two women's lives he destroyed with his act of deceit. Why did he have to be born to that bitch? Why couldn't she just leave him alone? He could have chosen to do things differently, but he did not have the courage, or guts.

As he began to tell his life story, he remembered how he killed his teammates then paid the medic to drug Jaxon. How he placed a call to Rayven insisting she come home - that Jaxon needed her. Then he raped Jaxx, timing it so Rayven would walk in on them.

He told about his Aunt. How she had an affair with Judge Johnston; He was the result of that affair. Mr. and Mrs. Harris adopted him at two weeks of age. They were good parents; very wealthy but didn't believe that gays should exist. They considered them the scum of the earth. Lois McEllis, his biological mother was blackmailing him. She threatened to tell his parents he was gay, thus cutting off his inheritance and his monthly support checks.

The final act of payment to Lois was for Tom to sleep with Jaxon, causing Rayven to leave. The only problem was Jaxon got pregnant. Lois and his parents insisted he marry Jaxon Segreto since that is what a proper gentleman would do and appearance meant everything to his parents as well as Lois.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, Rayven, you are the child's cousin. Tom knew that saying he was sorry would do little, but he was. He allowed greed and fear to make him do things he never should have. Now the guilt was eating him alive.

There was one thing that Tom wanted to do for the child. His child. That was to secure the child's future. He left instructions and a key to a safe deposit box in Jaxon's name that contained enough money, stocks, bonds and investments to last them for the rest of their lives.

Be careful around Lois, she is into more than people realize. I believe there are more reasons for her wanting you to leave the ranch than just your lifestyle.

Tom Harris

He tore off the papers and put them into an envelope addressing it to Rayven and Jaxon, then put it into a larger one and addressed that one to Rayven's mother. He sat staring at the fire until the early morning light began to crest the horizon. Getting to his feet he walked over to the new rookie's tent and asked Brad Lewis to deliver the letter to Mrs. McEllis.

He rode the helicopter to the hotspot, where he was to release the cable that would cause the bucket to drop water on the fire. When it came time to flip the switch he jumped. As he was falling to earth he watched the flames, smoke and felt the heat. He smiled. "It's finished."

------

They sat in stunned silence for what seemed a lifetime before the baby brought them back to reality. Unconsciously they both had linked their hands over Rayven's stomach.

"Whoa," Rayven said softly. "When did Tom die?"

"He died when I was seven months pregnant." Jaxon answered thoughtfully.

"He said you were only together that one time. He didn't try and rape you again did he?"

"It was true, Rayven, we got married and moved into a two bedroom apartment. I had one bedroom he had the other. We never slept together again. We never touched each other. In fact, when I told Tom I would be his wife in name only he seemed happy, like the thought of being with me disgusted him."

"How could someone not want to be with you?" She blushed, realizing what she had said.

Laughing softly, Jaxon said, "The only person I ever wanted to be with was you, my love."

"Well. . . I. . . thought. . ."

"Shh," Jaxon pressed two fingers to Rayven's lips. "We may have been married; love, but I only saw Tom at the house a few times. The rest of the time I don't know where he was and I didn't care as long as he wasn't around me."

"I'm sorry." Rayven whispered. "I shouldn't have left like that. But all our life, Jaxon, I always believed your words. I never doubted you in any way. When you said that is what you would do if you were Mary Sue I truly believed it was what you wanted me to do. I thought you were telling me to leave. I never realized that he had raped you. You didn't say anything. I should have been here to help you through it." She cried. "I'm so sorry."

"I was fortunate; love, in that I don't remember the rape. I still don't. I remember seeing my friends' dead, hearing scattered words from the medic and Tom. The next thing I remember is you asking me why I had sex with Tom. The actually act didn't hurt, I didn't feel anything, physically or emotionally." She hugged Rayven closer. "My guilt, pain and regret came from hurting you. Not being raped."

"I didn't know. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you; sorry we wasted so many years. I have so many regrets over what happened. I should have known you wouldn't have slept with him. I knew you better than that. When I only received silence from you I thought it was because you simply didn't know how to tell me you didn't want me anymore."

"I love you, Rayven. That is in the past. I only wish. . ."

"What?"

"I wish that the child you are carrying was mine. What are we going to do about your husband?"

"We have many things to discuss, sweetheart. There are so many questions still left unanswered but there are several I can answer for you now."

"What do you mean?"

Taking a few moments to compose herself Rayven said, "I don't have a husband, Jaxon. I'm not married."

"Then who is the father of your baby?"

"Mark Serrano." She replied.

"Do you love him?"

"No. I hardly know him."

"What? Were you raped?"

"Hold on a minute." She stated, bringing Jaxon's fingers up to her mouth and kissing them slowly. She felt the tremors run through the body she was leaning against and smiled.

"Several years ago I decided I wanted a child. I never stopped loving you and maybe it was selfish or wrong but I wanted my child to look like you."

"That isn't selfish or wrong, love, it's very beautiful. Thank you."

She smiled, "Anyway, I viewed thousands of donors over the last few years but none of them were what I wanted. Then my last trip to Australia my guide could have been your twin - the resemblance was so amazing. I had a close friend who is also a private investigator run a check on him and it came back that Mark Serrano is your cousin."

"My cousin? Honey, I don't have a cousin named Mark."

"Years ago, your family split. One brother came out west and the other went to Australia. I have the papers in my bedroom of your family tree and also the proof that yes, Mark Serrano is your first cousin."

"So. . . the baby you are carrying is mine."

"Yes, as close as I could get. They are yours."

"The. . . they?" Jaxon stuttered.

"Yeah. At my last doctors visit I had them run the ultrasound. We are having two girls."

Jaxon turned Rayven around and drew her painfully close, wrapping her up, large hands spread over the very swollen belly. "Mine." She whispered, as happy tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Yes, love. The babies and I are yours. If you want us," she added with a hint of insecurity in her voice.

"Oh, God, if this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up," she whispered. "My love, sweet, sweet love, of course I want you. I love you and the babies." Without breaking eye contact, Jaxon eased Rayven back against the blankets and slowly moved her head down to rest lightly on her lover's stomach. Turning her head, she kissed the swell of Rayven's belly while caressing her with her hands.

"Jaxon, please, no." Rayven felt embarrassed and shy. "It would be a little awkward right now, wouldn't it?"

"We could make it beautiful, Rayven. You and I." She slipped her hands under the maternity top and pulled it up to bare the swollen stomach.

"Jaxon, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to kiss my baby girls." She turned her face back to Rayven's stomach, gently kissing the swell.

"Please, Jaxon, I'm not. . . I'm not. . ." she began to cry.

"Oh baby, don't cry. You're beautiful to me. You are having our children. Honey this gift you are giving me is so wonderful I don't have words to express what it means to me."

"But my body is the size of a barn. I worked so hard at having a great body so if I ever met you again you'd like what you saw. Now, I can't even see my shoes." She cried harder.

"Shh, honey you're going to make yourself sick. Calm down please."

"I didn't want. . . you to see me like this."

"I love seeing you like this. You were always beautiful, but now you're radiant." Her voice was incredibly soft. "I love you more than life."

Shifting, Jaxon secured Rayven in the circle of her arms. She held her gently, whispering words of love whiling stroking her body as she would a frightened colt.

Rayven clutched her stomach as one of the babies kicked harder. "Oh, they are getting rambunctious." She sniffled.

Jaxon laughed softly and laid her hand on Rayven's belly. "Come on, sweethearts," she coaxed. "Let us know you're in there."

Rayven giggled. "Easy for you to say. You're not the one they're kicking."

One of the babies kicked again. "That's right, sweethearts. We're out here waiting for you both."

Another kick followed with a deep yawn from Rayven.

"We need to get you to bed, love. It's been a long day."

"A good day," she asked quietly.

"The best. Oh, Rayven, I've missed you; I've missed us. You are my heart, my soul, without you my life meant nothing.

"I love you too. But what should we tell Donny?"

"Donny knows I love you and always have. He'll understand."

A few moments passed in silence then Rayven glanced up at Jaxon with a look of determination. She wanted love and life and Jaxon . . . the way they used to be. "Honey, I have always loved you, there's no question about that," she said softly. "And I'm thankful that we have finally found out the truth after all this time. But loving and liking are two very different issues. You can have either one without the other. It's when you have both that the real magic happens, and I want to see if that magic is there for us."

"Rayven, we can't go back. Things can't be the same as they were. Not after all we've been through," Jaxon told her. She wanted Rayven's love, respect, and commitment. She wanted back all the things they'd lost. She swallowed hard. "In your years alone you learned how to live without me, but I learned something, too." In an unsteady voice, she admitted, "I can live without you, Rayven. I can survive. I just. . . don't want to. There's this place in my heart where only you fit, where you belong, without you I'm not a complete person.

Rayven's smile was immediate and as sweet and spontaneous as Jaxx could have dreamed it might be. "Oh, Jaxon." Rayven whispered her name before reaching her hand up to caress a tanned cheek.

Jaxx gathered her wife more securely in her arms, holding the small woman close, speaking hesitantly. "If you think that . . . maybe someday . . . you can feel at least part of the love you used to feel for me . . ."

"But I already love you, Jaxon, so much it hurts sometimes," she confessed. She stared up into blue eyes now wide with wonder . . . almost disbelief.

The fire fighters eyes misted with tears as she hugged Rayven and kissed the top of her head. "Thank you," she said aloud and her breath stirred the blond hair with words. "Rayven . . .let's start over." She spoke gently. "Marry me, all over again."

"Yes, I'll marry you again, Jaxon."

"I love you so," she offered in a solemn, almost reverent tone. Her hands moved into silky loose hair as her gaze lowered to the smiling soft lips. "Always. Forever."

"Jaxx," Rayven replied, "I love you, too. . . so much." Then she rose, meeting her in a gentle exchange that deepened rapidly into a lingering kiss filled with the love and longing of the past years. "I've missed you," she whispered as Jaxon raised her chin to look into her eyes.

"How did I go on without you?" she wondered aloud. "I've missed everything about you. You're so gentle, loving, beautiful . . ." Jaxon spoke tender words that brought fresh tears to Rayven's eyes that she tried to blink away. "You're all I've ever wanted, Rayven."

"Am I?" she asked quietly. "Honestly? Still?"

Jaxon studied watery green eyes, so gloomy and wide with worry. "Honestly. Still," she answered, her eyes as dark as midnight. "And always."

Rayven's lips curved into the satisfied smile that Jaxon was watching for, and she moved with certainty back into the taller woman's embrace, knowing her place was there, in the depths of Jaxx heart. "We'll take things slowly. One day at a time and get to know each other all over again."

The look in Jaxon's eyes was one of pure love combined with a determination to show her soul mate who she had become without holding anything back. This was the chance that she had waited eight long years for and there was no way she would give this up. "We have already begun, Rayven. We need to communicate more. Share our feelings and our thoughts. I know in the past I wasn't always good at that but I promise I'll do better."

"Will you hold me while I sleep?"

"Honey, I'll hold you and keep you safe through the night, every night, as long as we live."

By the time they reached the yellow house and got ready for bed, Rayven was exhausted from the emotional events of the day. Jaxon held her so gently, so possessively, so protectively. The taller woman exuded heat and light, safety and love. The ex-firefighter made her feel complete. She rested her head against the tanned shoulder. Her mouth was against Jaxon's bare skin, the material of her nightshirt brushing against her cheek. "We'll live forever," Rayven promised, "because that's how long I'll love you. . ."

<<<

A shot rang out in the night followed by a female's cry. The very wealthy and crooked industrialist grinned broadly as he slung the high power rifle over his shoulder then turned heading for the black helicopter sitting on a small clearing barely large enough to land.

The silent helicopter flew away with the promise of landing another day. The bears were let into the enclosed area to feed on the human prey. Later the bones would be ground into ashes and scattered in the winds.

<<

A week later, Lois reached to answer the insistent ringing of the phone wondering who would be calling her at this late hour. "Hello?"

"I have to talk to you," the caller said, knowing he didn't need to identify himself.

"What the hell do you think you're doing calling me here?" she demanded when she realized who the caller was.

"Yeah, well the plan backfired and Chief Jaden fired my ass. I need money."

"You expect me to give you money?"

"I suggest you consider for a moment some facts. One, you called me, two I can identify you and connect you with at least three murders. Do I get my money or not?"

Lois released a blast of profanity. "No, Mr. Gilmore, if I were you I would reconsider who you are dealing with," she said with disdain.

"I need money if I'm going to complete the job and you are going to give it to me. Understand?"

"Then you had better listen and listen well. Jaxon Segreto is staying at Sleepy Springs where she hooked up with her ex-lover Rayven McEllis, who is very pregnant. I want her taken out along with Segreto's kid. You got it."

"Why not take out Jaxon Segreto?"

"Because, you idiot, you want to cause her pain and they are the ticket. Do the job and you'll have more money than you can blow."

"Yeah, that would work. I want the bitch to feel the loss as I have."

"Good. It appears we have an understanding."

"Yes. What about the money?"

"I'll meet you at our usual place tomorrow at 4 p.m. Mr. Gilmore, don't mess this up or you won't live to regret it." And with the warning, the line went dead.

<<<

The phone rang on Saturday morning around seven. Jaxon reached for it. Normally, she would have been out working already but she had decided to take the day off and spend some quality down time with Rayven in bed resting and cuddling. Even through they hadn't taken their physical relationship to the next level, these moments of togetherness were pure bliss and times like these were helping to heal many deep wounds.

Jaxon answered on the second ring. "Hello."

"Jaxx, how are you?" came the far too chipper voice of her friend Darlene.

"I'm fine, Darlene. You know it should be criminal to sound so chirpy this time of morning? Is something wrong? Surely you wouldn't be calling at seven in the morning if there wasn't."

"No . . . I mean, not really. . . umm."

"What's up?"

"Wellð.you said to give you some time alone with Rayven and all but wellð.we miss you and ð." Taking a deep breath she continued, "Okay, Jaxx, we're all dying to know how things are." Came a giggle. "Sounds like something teenagers would do doesn't it, checking up on each other."

Rayven laughed at hearing the conversation while she moved her fingers in circles across Jaxx firm stomach. "Friends - gotta love them." She whispered softly, as she kissed the tanned, soft skin under her lips, enjoying the tremors that ran through her wife's body.

"Hey, that's okay. I love you guys." She ran her fingers threw Rayven's blond hair. "WE are doing fantastic."

"We?" questioned Darlene, excitement evident in her voice.

"Yes, we, my wife, the love of my life, my soul mate, and my best friend are lying here cuddling in bed, which by the way you disturbed us from." Jaxon had barely finished when she jerked the phone away from her ear as shouts of excitement and yells could be heard in the background.

A rustle, bang, a scraping noise then a deep breath was heard before Jaden spoke, "Jaxx, were so happy for you, both. The other reason we called was to invite you all to come climbing with us today. We haven't really had any quality time with Rayven and thought it would give us a chance to get to know her better. We planned on having a picnic up at Little River Falls. We thought we'd take the company van."

"It's really nice for you guys to think of us. How long have you been up?"

Laughing softly, Emily took the phone. "Morning tuff stuff. We've been up since five and fighting over calling you since six. The van's loaded; Matt and Hailey are finishing loading the food now. How about we pick you up in about an hour?"

"Just a minute let me ask Rayven."

Blue eyes full of excitement looked into soft green with a touch of sleep lurking in their depths. "Do you feel up to going, sweetheart? I did promise you a morning of cuddling. It's okay with me if we don't go."

Compromise, giving, sharing not taking, concerned about her feelings and desires were words that filtered through Rayven's vocabulary as she looked up at her soul mate. "I would love to go."

"Okay, we'll be ready. See you all soon." Hanging up she brought Rayven closer and hugged her gently. "Thank you, for loving me."

"Of course I love you. Besides I'm excited to get to know your friends better".

"I'll go wake up Donny and get our stuff together." Jaxx said before placing a soft kiss on Rayven's waiting lips, which grew in intensity that surprised them both. Chests heaving, pulses racing and lack of oxygen caused stars to shine before her eyes as Jaxx broke the kiss reluctantly. "Wow!"

A dreamy eyed Rayven couldn't agree more. "Yeah, we don't have time and to be honest I'm not ready yet." Looking sad and disappointed as unshed tears wet her eyes.

"Baby, it's okay. We said we'd take things slow. I love where we're going. I love you."

Rayven sniffled. "Yeah, it's just that my hormones are all confused. They say go for it, my heart says wait. I don't mean to tease you."

"You're not teasing me. I love the way our bodies respond to each other, but honey, I want more than sex, I want love, commitment and ever after. I want the magic. Just give us some time."

"Okay, I want that too," whispered the smaller woman as she wrapped her arms around Jaxx neck, burying her face in her wife's hair. "Love you."

<<<

"Rope!" Matt flung the coiled climbing rope far out into the air. It soared in a graceful arch, unwinding as it flew. It was one of those rare days in the mountains with virtually no wind. The clicking fall of tiny pebbles knocked loose by the disturbance of the rope sounded crisp and clear in the quiet air. Rayven could hear the voices clearly even through they hadn't raised their voices.

As Matt finished anchoring the first three ropes, he called down. "Would you put me on belay?"

Jaden complied quickly, setting up the rope so he could prevent his partner from falling. "Belay is on!"

Matt started to down climb doing beautiful gymnastic moves. His form was as close to Jaxx's as she'd seen.

Hailey Phillips cornered Rayven with a few friendly words as the rest of the group began discussing the plan of attack on the mountain face. Hailey was about her same height, short blond hair and youthful features; she preferred white water rafting over mountain climbing, which was her specialty. "Emily and I would like you and Jaxon to come white water rafting with us sometime.

Rayven liked the brunette instantly. Laughing gently in return, she nodded. "I think that would be a great idea, although it will have to wait until after the babies are born."

"Babies!" Hailey took a step back and looked closely at the very pregnant woman before her. "Umm. . . you said babies. As in more than one?"

Rayven smiled. "I told Jaxon a couple of weeks ago after my last doctor's appointment. Please, don't spoil it for her by telling anyone. I think she's walking on clouds."

Hailey reached out and touched Rayven's arm lightly, "I just wanted to say how happy we all are for the both of you." She released Rayven's arm and brought her hand up to brush the hair that had came loose away from her light gray eyes, "Jaxon has been lost for so many years. It does my heart good to see her find her center of balance again."

Rayven looked off into the distance for a moment collecting her thoughts, "Do many people know the whole story?" she asked quietly.

"Only, the six of us." Hailey frowned, wondering what the young woman was thinking. "She told us that about eight years ago she made the biggest mistake of her life, she betrayed you and lost you. She has lived with the guilt every day since then. There were times that we wondered if she would. . ." Hailey stopped realizing what she was about to say.

Rayven gasped, raising a hand to cover her mouth. Jaxon told her she had thought about ending her life, but until now she hadn't realized it was more than just a thought.

"Rayven?" A voice behind her spoke. "Rayven, are you Okay? What's wrong?" Jaxon asked as she walked up and wrapped a long tanned arm around the small woman.

Rayven turned and wrapped her tall lover in a hug, holding her as close as she could. The blond didn't know what she would have done if Jaxon had taken her life. Tears began to flow from her eyes as soundless sobs shook her body.

Jaxon looked up to see Hailey silently walking away, joining her lover by the van. "Hey, what's wrong, honey?" she asked while rubbing the blonds' back softly. "What is it, sweetheart, what has upset you so?" She pulled back and wiped the tears from the soft checks as she gently lifted the writer's face.

Strong arms circled the blond and pulled her into the shelter of the ex-firefighters body. "Promise me," Rayven sounded as if she was on the verge of hysteria. Taking a deep breath she added, "Promise me you will never leave me."

"Oh honey, I promise. I'm here for as long as you will have me." Jaxon frowned she didn't understand what set her love into such an emotional state. Maybe it's hormonal.

Emily and Hailey watched as Jaxon led Rayven over to one of the tables they had set up and helped her sit down. The tall woman slid in beside her and held Rayven close, encouraging the small woman to rest comfortably for a moment. The rest of the world drifted away while the two spoke softly to each other.

"Did Jaxon tell you the news?" asked Hailey softly as she watched the two lovers.

"Yeah, can you believe it? She has everything she's always wanted right there in her arms. I'm glad she's finally at peace."

August -

The month of July ended in discovery and joy, the reuniting of two lost souls. August was proving to be just as exciting. Rayven was in the kitchen finishing up dishes from breakfast, Jaxon had left hours before to check on fencing for the lower south pasture. Her thoughts drifted to the night before as she lay in bed with Jaxon's strong body wrapped around her. A smile came unbidden to her face as she remembered how warm and secure she felt. How large hands and long fingers rested gently on her swollen stomach and how soft words and loving kisses from her tall lover made her feel so safe and happy. A knock at the door caught her unawares. She'd been so caught up in her thoughts that she never noticed someone standing at the screen door.

"Bobbie?" she asked in response to seeing the child standing on her porch. Looking over his head she noticed his mother getting out the vehicle parked in her driveway. "What are you doing here? I thought you and Donny were going to ride your horses down to where Jaxx is working."

"We were. Onlyð"

"Only what?" she prompted. Seeing that Bobbie's mother was drawing near she greeted the young woman.

"Weðwell, we had a fight."

"You did? I'm sorry".

"Could I see him?"

"He's not here."

"Then where is he?" asked Bobbie.

Rayven looked at Bobbie's mother Rebecca and shrugged her shoulders. "Bobbie, I don't understand, what you are saying." As she placed her hand on the boys shoulder. "You had a fight and Donny isn't here. Do you know where he might be?"

"IðIt's my faultð." The boy began to cry.

Rebecca knelt beside her young son. "Honey, what is your fault?"

"He said that since he turned eight his Mom would take him on all her rescues and that he can climb mountains with her and stay out all night by himself. He said that he has to prove to you and his Mom he's a big man now so you won't send him away."

"Oh my God!" stated Rayven. "Send him away? Why would he think that?"

Sniffling, Bobbie wiped the tears from his eyes. "He said that since you're back with his Mom and you're having a baby that you won't want him around anymore. So if he can prove to you both that he is a big man you will let him stay."

"Do you have any idea where he may have gone?"

"No, just that he said he was going to prove to you both he's big enough to allow him to stay with you." Bobbie quieted seemingly thinking. "Iðthink he's going to go up to where the bears are. He mentioned that if he could stay all night with the bears that would be cool."

"Okay, well I need to go get Jaxx. I think you for coming to tell me, Bobbie. We'll bring Donny back. Don't worry."

"How can I help?" Rebecca asked.

"I don't know. I need to get in touch with Jaxx, if you will excuse me, please."

"I'm sure you'll find Donny and he'll be fine." Taking Bobbie's hand she jogged to the vehicle.

Rayven rushed into the house and locating the radio on the kitchen table called Jaxx, thankful that her wife had bought the radios and shown her how to use them. She gripped the radio, speaking slowly in an effort to keep her emotions under wraps, disconnecting once as she had relayed all the information. Jaxon was on her way back as fast as she could.

Realizing that it would take Jaxon awhile to get back, Rayven decided to put her pack together and saddle up a fresh horse. She couldn't believe the boy actually thought that they didn't want him. Hurrying, she gathered up a few items and grabbed the backpack rushing down the hall. Stopping next to Donny's door she opened it and looked inside to see if something was missing. She noticed his sleeping bag as well as his backpack was gone. A note was lying on his pillow. Picking it up in shaky hands she read it. Dropping it back on the bed, she hurried back down the hall and out the back door.

Rayven got the ATV out of the barn, then went back to saddle Ginger, speaking quietly and calmly to the curious horse. The note mentioned the cougar's den Jaxx had told him about. He wanted to see the babies. To a child's mind, Rayven felt if Donny could get a hold of one of the babies it would prove he was a big boy.

She wouldn't be able to lift the saddle from the bench, but she could have the horse caught and haltered by the time Jaxx arrived. Grabbing a halter, she started to go out the side door when she saw movement in the back of the barn. Tentative she spoke, "Donny? Donny is that you?"

Waiting for a moment and not receiving an answer Rayven gently stepped forward. "Donny, I love you. I would never send you away."

Once again Rayven listened intently. She heard the sounds of soft sobbing. 'Thank you God' she whispered. She walked back to the far corner of the barn and found Donny huddled in the corner. Dropping to her knees beside the young boy, she gently placed her hands on his small back.

Suddenly Donny burst into tears. Rayven reached out and drew the child to her, enfolding the boy in her arms. She rocked him as she sat on the hay covered floor, smoothing his hair, gently crooning to him.

"I'm sorry," Donny sniffed after a moment, obviously trying to get himself under control.

"What are you sorry about, honey? What's got you so upset?"

Donny just sobbed.

Rayven gently soothed the distraught boy and gradually Donny's weeping stopped. "Now tell me what's wrong." Rayven brushed back his blond hair, patted his leg, trying to offer comfort to the boy.

"My Mom been staying in your room at night, hasn't she?"

Rayven went still. She couldn't lie to the boy. She thought Jaxon had told Donny they were together. Suddenly she felt awkward, embarrassed. "Why hadn't Jaxon told the boy? Was she ashamed?" she thought. NO, Jaxx wasn't ashamed there had to be another reason. Maybe, she simple assumed Donny would understand.

"Yes she has," Rayven, said uncomfortably. Did the boy disapprove? Casting her mind around for something more to say, all Rayven could think about was where Jaxon was at that moment and why hadn't she told her son?

"Are you going to send me away?" Donny's said tearfully.

"Honey, why would I want to send you away? I love you. I thought we were good friends." Rayven asked gently.

"Bec . . . Because my dad hurt you and mom. Because of him you left Mom and she's been sad for a long time."

At that moment, Jaxon came running into the barn, tears rolling down her cheeks. She arrived a few minutes before and heard Donny's question. She knelt down in front of them placing her left hand on the boy's knee and her right on Rayven's shoulder.

"What are you talking about, honey?" Jaxon whispered. She had never talked about his dad or that time in her life. She didn't understand how the boy knew.

"When you would take me to Uncle Jaden's for the weekend I would hear him and Uncle Matt talking about how you needed to get away and work out the pain in your heart from what my dad did to you and Rayven. They said he was a bad man and that they were afraid for you. Afraid you wouldn't come back." He answered as he began to cry again. "If my dad was bad than I'm bad too and you will send me away now since Rayven is back."

"Donny," Rayven said crying. "We love you, honey. We're not going to send you away."

"No way, my boy. You are ours and always will be. You are not a bad boy. You don't have a bad bone in your body."

"But. . . but they said my Dad was bad. Said he did something really mean to you. They said I was a mistake." He couldn't continue as he was crying too hard.

Jaxon reached out and gathered her son into her arms. Tears continued to stream down her cheeks. "You listen to me, Donny boy." she said as she hugged him close. Feeling his small body shaking against her, she continued. "Rayven and I have loved each other since we were younger than you. We were meant to be together. I've told you this many times. Yes, something happened that caused us to be apart for a while, but now we are back together. I'm happy, honey. I love you and I love Rayven. We are all going to be a family. No one is going to take my boy from me. Never, do you understand?"

Donny turned his head so he could whisper into his mother's ear, "How can Rayven love me when my dad hurt her? She's going to have her own kid. She won't want me too."

Rayven was listening with a heavy heart to the small boy's worries. When she heard the whispered question she knew she couldn't keep silent any longer. Moving as close as she could, she reached her hand out and gently stroked Donny's curly blond hair. "You listen to me, my sweet, sweet boy. If . . . your dad wasn't a nice person that does not mean you won't be. I love you for who you are. I love you for your laughter, the joy you bring into my life. I've loved you since the first day we met when I looked into eyes the same color as my own. I want you to be a part of my life for a long, long time. I want you to be my son, too."

He turned to look at her with teary sad green eyes, wanting to believe, needing to believe.

"I love your mom, honey and I love you and yes I love our babies that will be born soon. My love is large enough for all of you. I had hoped you would love me and your sisters too." Rayven added.

"Sisters? He asked sounding surprised.

"Yes, my son." Jaxon responded. "You are going to be a big brother to two little girls."

"I always wanted to be a big brother. Can I have one sister and one brother?"

Jaxon and Rayven laughed gently. "No honey," Jaxon said. "We get what the good Lord gives us, which is two little girls."

He thought about that for a moment than smiled. "I think I'll like being a big brother." Looking shyly at Rayven he asked, "Can I help name them?"

Rayven smiled, "Of course you can. That is one of the responsibilities of being a big brother."

"Another responsibility of being a big brother is letting people know where you're going," chastised Jaxon. "That's the first rule of wilderness traveling. You scared us to death."

"I'm sorry mom, I couldn't do it. I guess I'm still a little kid."

"You are just what we want you to be, honey. Don't rush growing up. It will come soon enough."

"I get to stay here with you and Mom and my sisters?"

"Of course, we wouldn't have it any other way."

"Can. . . can I call you momma?"

Rayven couldn't control the tears any longer. She reached out and Donny quickly moved into her arms. They hugged each other as tight as they could. Jaxon moved to surround them with her longer arms. "My family," she whispered.

<<<

The day finally arrived for the hay crew to come. Early in the morning trucks and equipment began to arrive. Before long the entire yard and area in front of the barn was filled with dusty pickups, various pieces of equipment and over two-dozen men and women.

Rayven and Jaxon's relationship was steadily becoming stronger and more solid than it ever had been. Those that looked upon them could see the love they had for each other. The hesitant smiles were now in full bloom, when they looked at each other and the touches that tentatively existed before were now constant. There was an aurora about the two women that spoke of a love so deep that few had ever experienced it - let alone see it in action.

Jaxx's six friends, along with many others, were there as well. Rayven and Jaxon greeted their neighbors and friends. Jaxon was standing beside her, giving her clues as to who each family was and their importance in the area. Many had helped in past haying, and many were willing to again this year. The 'free' hay the rancher's received would save them money and help the cows during the winter months. They depended on the Sleepy Springs ranch for their survival.

A short time later, Rayven was alone in her yard, the dust still settling from the machinery and humans. She sighed and turned toward the house. She and some of the other women would be feeding this horde and she knew she had a full days work ahead of her.

<<<

Rayven climbed into the Explorer that was loaded with the midday meal, along with a case of beer, pop, and several jugs full of fresh cool water, and headed out to where the crew was located. She knew that this meal would be just enough to get the workers by until the barbecue that evening, even through it seemed enough to feed a small army. She stopped the pickup and watched the scene before her.

After the hay baler made neat work of the yellow green hay, it was left bailed in long rows in the fields. A platform truck would drive along between the rows, the men and women walking alongside heaving the 100 - 150 pound bales up onto the slow-moving truck. It was a long, arduous process, much harder than haying with a unit that baled and stacked all in one. Of course, they had one of those units, but it had broken down and the mechanic was still working on it.

There were storm clouds looming on the horizon, and Rayven suddenly understood why so many workers were turned loose on the fields. The hay had to be in before the rains hit or many of the ranchers would suffer come winter.

It took Jaxon a few minutes to notice Rayven had arrived, but when she did, she made a beeline in her direction. She was wearing an open long sleeved shirt with a tank top underneath, her hair was pulled back with a leather string and her face and arms were slick with sweat; her battered brown hat was jammed down over her eyes to keep the sun out. She peeled off her work gloves as she continued to walk toward the pickup, her face as dark as the storm clouds gathering in the distance.

Jaxon opened the passenger door and eased her jean-clad legs inside. The scent of hay and pure female filled the car as she turned, placed an arm over the back of the seat and stared at her lover and soul mate.

"Hi," Rayven said nervously. "She is so beautiful and sexy," thought the blond.

"Hi, yourself," Jaxon said with a sexy smile. "Is everything alright? What are you doing out here in this hot weather?"

Rayven stared into her lover's sun tanned face, remembering vividly the feel of her mouth on hers, the brush of fingertips moving over her heated skin, the blaze of desire in her blue eyes. "Uh, I . . . I brought lunch and something cold to drink."

"Thank you," she murmured. Jaxon drew in a deep, slow breath and removed her hat, wiping her forearm over her brow. "God, it's hot out there."

"Don't you want a ice cold beer?" she asked, reaching for a frosty can.

The taller woman caught her lover's small wrist gently as she looked straight into green eyes.

"No, I don't want a beer, yet," she spoke softly. "You don't like the taste of beer if I remember correctly, do you?"

Rayven shook her head, feeling oddly breathless at the growing darkness in the blue eyes staring so intently at her. "I grew to like it over the years," she whispered.

Jaxon dropped her hat onto the floorboard and leaned toward the woman who held her heart. Ice blue eyes lowered to full, parted lips, she breathed, "I'm going to kiss you first." Her hand went to the small throat easing the blond head back against the seat as she bent closer. "It's all I've thought about since this morning."

Fingers went up to tangle in the thick black hair at the nape of Jaxon's neck, drawing her closer, eyes on soft sensuous lips. "I was hoping. . . you felt the same way," she whispered shakily.

"I do, sweetheart," she said huskily, her lips parting to take the smaller woman's.

Rayven felt the kiss like a volt of electricity shattering her body. She gasped involuntarily, clinging to the taller woman, her half-opened green eyes looking straight into sky blue ones.

"My God, you did want it as much as I did!" Jaxon whispered gruffly. Once more she crushed the mouth under hers, tongue darting possessively into the hot, wet mouth as her larger body pressed the smaller one back against the seat.

Rayven moaned at the hunger Jaxon was creating in her. Long fingers trailed down from her throat to her breasts, outlined by the sky blue maternity dress she was wearing. Those same fingers traced its low neckline with a caressing touch that caused the blonde's fingernails to dig into broad shoulders.

"I can't touch you like this," Jaxon whispered against the smaller woman's bruised lips.

"Jaxon!" she cried out, burying her face in the tanned neck of her lover while tears dampened her green eyes from the intense emotion the kiss had aroused. Her hands moved down to Jaxon's breasts, helplessly touching, feeling, connecting and savoring the feel of the hardened nipples against her small palms.

Jaxon's hands covered her smaller ones as the firefighter pressed against them. Long arms swallowed her, holding her hard and close while the smaller woman clung to muscular shoulders, trying desperately to get her own shattered emotions back under control. She felt an ache that seemed to go all the way to her very soul.

"I shouldn't have done that," Jaxon whispered in a small pink ear. "We were both too hungry for it."

Rayven drew back a little, her eyes wet with tears as they searched the blue eyes in front of her. "I feel strange," she whispered. "It's different between us now."

"So do I," Jaxon said quietly. "I burn in a way I never have. You weren't the only one who caught the fire, sweetheart. It's been so long and the feelings are so much more intense between us now."

Shyly Rayven looked into Jaxon's sky blue eyes and murmured, "I waited for you. I hoped and prayed that. . . I never. . . not with anyone."

Tears formed in the blue eyes and began to spill over, "I waited for you too. I tried to go on dates but I couldn't. . . it never seemed right. I felt like I was still connected to you and being with you was all I ever wanted. Nobody ever came close." She was so grateful she'd walked away from opportunities with other women whom she encountered along the way.

Rayven stared into the fiery blue depths of her lover's eyes helplessly. "I missed you, so very much," she whispered as tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

"I missed you, too." Jaxon brushed the blond silky hair away from the small cheeks with a tender hand. "I thought I'd die when you left. I didn't know what to do. Some days I didn't think I could go on," she said, brushing her lips against soft skin. "But I did."

Rayven reached up to touch the perfect lips, the smooth tanned cheek. It was exciting to be able to touch her best friend and soul mate without waking to find it was only a dream. "I would have lost the other half of my soul if you had died."

"No more talk about dying. We are together, forever, nothing will come between us again." She leaned forward and kissed Rayven's mouth hard. "I need to get back. Are you and the babies going to be okay?"

"I'm going back up to the house; I still have some cooking to do for tonight's barbecue."

"Please, take it easy. Let the other women help."

"I will. Go on now."

Jaxon opened the door and got out. Rayven stared at the broad back as she moved away, holding up the frosty case of beer and the lunch basket to the obvious delight of her co-workers. Rayven started the pickup and drove away, thankful she was driving, not walking. Her legs felt like rubber at the moment.

Emily came over and picked up the pop and water that Jaxx had unloaded. She walked beside the dark haired woman. "You look pretty, umm. . . satisfied," she said with a smirk.

"I'm walking on clouds, Emily. I hoped and prayed for so many years and then that hope began to die. Now I have everything I've ever wanted." Jaxon stopped walking as a frown covered her face.

"What?" her friend asked.

With an angry expression on her beautifully tanned face, Jaxon exhaled explosively, "No one better ever come between us again. I'm afraid of what I might do Emily." She began to walk briskly to where the others were waiting.

"Yikes!" Emily replied as she also hurried towards the group waiting for their lunch.

<<<<

Under the cover of the tall pine trees on the eastside of Sleepy Springs Ranch, an extremely drunk Jim Gilmore watched through binoculars at the activity below. Tonight he would make his move. "We're going to have some fun, girls. I believe you are going to have a unexpected guest for dinner," he snickered.

<<<<

By the time evening came around they were ready to take the prepared food out to the picnic tables set up in the back yard. Since children weren't allowed in the fields while the haying was in process, several of the surrounding rancher's families were just arriving. It was time to sprawl in the grass and enjoy feeling good and tired for a job well done.

Rayven hoped there was enough food to feed everyone. Mr. and Mrs. Storeholt had butchered a cow the day before and brought plenty of steaks, ribs and hamburgers for everyone. Several grills were set up and men in small groups were surrounding them, arguing over the best way to barbecue.

Rayven knew the lunch she took to the crew was small in comparison to what some of these men usually ate. They would all be hungry and consume a massive amount of food. Rayven wanted to make sure that everyone left full and happy. It was the least she could do for the amount of work they had done for her.

It seemed like utter chaos when the last of the items was placed on the tables. It was hot, dusty and noisy; three things that were making Rayven cranky. She knew it was due to her pregnancy, but still it was annoying.

When Jaxon banged the metal trash can top to let everyone know that the meal was ready, several men and women came over to the picnic tables and served up heaping plates full. This process was repeated until everyone was taken care of.

Jaxon, along with Rayven and Donny, stood in front of everyone and thanked them for their assistance. Hoots and hollers were heard, along with a "let's eat" from John Gordon.

Rayven talked, laughed and asked a million questions. Everyone was willing and eager to tell her all she wanted to know and then some about the events surrounding the past eight years. She wanted to connect again with the area and what better way than to ask those that lived in Silver Lake.

<<<<

Light-sensitive floodlights artificially chased away the darkness in front of the house and barn. Frogs chirped from their hiding places near the pond. A night owl mourned with a pitiful cry. Fireflies dotted the hayfields and a skunk slunk across the pool of light circling the front of the barn. As the evening wore down, families left taking their children home and putting them into bed. Many thank you's were said, not only for the day but also for wearing out the little ones. Parents were looking forward to a quiet night's sleep.

While Jaxon helped the last of the surrounding families load up leftovers and sleeping children, Rayven and the six-pack - as she had started calling Jaxon's friends - remained sitting at the tables enjoying a few minutes of peace and quite.

Rayven stood and went to go check on Donny. The last she had seen him was talking with a cute little red haired girl by the swing set. As she moved from the firelight into the darkness of the tall willow tree on the path that led to the play area a tall figure stepped in front of her.

Rayven squinted trying to see who it was; she felt a sudden chill run through her. "Excuse me," she stated as she moved to walk around the man.

"No, I think it's time you and I got to know each other," stated the rough voice.

"I don't think so. Now if you'll excuse me I'd like to go check on my son."

"He's not your son and you have better things to do with that mouth of yours than spout lies."

"What do you mean?" she asked as she began to back away while turning her head slightly to see where Jaxon was.

As she did so the man reached out and grabbed her arms, spinning her around so her back was pressed tightly against his front. As he pressed into her from behind she could feel his arousal. "I said," the man breathed hotly into her ear, "you have better things to do with that mouth of yours, one of which is to take care of my need," he hissed as his hand squeezed her breast hard, hurting her.

"Jaxon!" Rayven screamed as she struggled wildly. But he was a big man, and his hold tighter on her breast, bringing tears to her eyes, as his other hand grab her hair yanking hard. "Stop! Let me go!"

"That's it, whore, fight me, I like it rough. Fight me. It's great. It's what I want. It excites and thrills me the more you fight." He ran his wet sloppy tongue up the side of her face.

"Jaxon! Help!" Rayven yelled again. "Leave me alone."

"You know you want it. You're nothing but a whore."

"Let her go." Jaxon advanced on the man. Getting closer, she realized the assailant was Jim Gilmore.

"Not on your life, bitch. I said she's a whore."

"I said let her go," she sneered.

"Hey, no woman turns this down," he made an obscene gesture as he took a step away from the small blond.

Jaxx then notice the tears streaming down Rayven's face and the way her hand cradle her breast. "You son-of-a-bitch. You hurt her." Jaxon's voice was deep, growling and filled with a rage Rayven had never heard before.

Everything became a blur of movement; Jaxon, gently pushed Rayven out of the way, spun on Gilmore to kick the legs out from under him. She ducked an open-handed killing stroke aimed at her throat, barely deflecting in time with the palm of her hand. Working instinctively, Jaxon parried another strike, and a third . . . then lashed out sharply with her elbow, heard a confirming grunt of pain when soft tissue gave way under the impact, then extended the muscular attacker's arm out and twisted it sharply, wrenching it out of the shoulder socket.

Gilmore was screaming profanities and thrashing around as Jaxx reached for him and wrapped her hand around the guy's neck and squeezed.

Rayven started to move quickly toward the fight when Jaden reached out to stop her. "What are you doing? You'll get hurt."

Removing his hand from her arm she said, "No, I won't. When I get her to let him go, get the guy out of here."

By now the others had arrived and everyone stood in shock at the sight of a five foot four seven-month pregnant woman walking into the middle of the fight scene. Rayven almost laughed at their expressions and would have if she weren't scared to death. She walked up to the left of her lover and began to talk gently. "Jaxon, it's Rayven. Let him go."

Touching Jaxx left hand that was now balled into a fist, she stroked it gently. She could feel the anger radiating through Jaxon's body. I know of only one way to bring her back, she thought.

Lifting the arm she held, she ducked underneath it and placed her body against Jaxon's. Feeling the tremors and vibrations of the taller woman's anger was, in an odd way, exciting. The blue eyes held disgust and murder in them. "Jaxon, come home," she spoke softly. Her right arm was like a vise grip on the man's throat and he was turning a light shade of blue.

She reached up and, standing on her toes, circled Jaxon's neck pressing her lips against the older woman's. For a second nothing happened. Then slowly she felt the lips soften and warm against hers, soon she felt a tongue sneak out and run across her lips. "Come on, baby, that's it. Kiss me like you mean it."

Jaxon dropped her hand that was holding the guy prone and he fell to the ground gasping. The next thing she knew Jaxon had picked her up and was cradling her tight against her and was kissing her like there was no tomorrow. Mouths opened, tongue battled and twin moans echoed. "I love you, Rayven." Her eyes darkened. "I need you, please, I need to make love to you."

"Yes," Rayven whispered as she resumed kissing her lover.

A stunned Gilmore looked at the scene before him. Speaking to no one in particular, he grunted. "Why didn't she fight like that when I attacked her last time?"

"Because, you idiot, you attacked her only reason for living." Deputy McRoberts reached down to handcuff the beaten man.

Not looking around, not caring who saw, not bothering if the world came to an end, Jaxon walked off into the darkness holding her world in her arms. They knew their friends would look after Donny, take care of Jim Gilmore and give them the privacy they so desperately needed.

Their loving was by turns gentle and desperate, eager and tentative. They kissed and stroked, gazed and worshipped, touched and teased, until the morning dawn. The small woman curled up in her lover's arms, feeling very satiated, secure and protected. Rayven snuggled closer, breathing in Jaxon's scent. Their bodies were made for each other. Perfect. Inside her were their children, living, growing, developing, warm and safe, a gift so precious, no other miracle could surpass it.

September -

September was a busy month for Jaxon and Rayven, with harvesting the garden, canning, butchering getting wood stored for the three fireplaces and preparing children for the new school year. Life was settling down for the small family as they waited for the birth of their children.

Rayven had finished her last pressure cooker of string beans and was thinking of taking a nice long nap when the screen door slammed announcing someone's noisy entrance.

"Momma! Come quick!" Donny ran toward her. "Mom sent me to get you. Dash is in labor!"

Donny took off running with Rayven following as quickly as an eight month pregnant woman could, to the barn.

She dropped to her knees beside Jaxon. The mare snuffled and turned her head to nuzzle Rayven's hand. Over the last few months Rayven and the golden mare had developed a deep bond between them. After all, they were pregnant, fat and moody.

"Sorry I don't have any carrots, girl." She felt tears spring to her eyes. "As soon as you're done I'll get you a whole bag full."

A heavy contraction rippled Dash's side, and she exhaled in protest and agony. Jaxon continued to stroke her as she leaned forward to check the mares progress, blue eyes meet green and Rayven and grinned. "It's time."

The mare shuddered through another contraction, and for just a second the pale whitish tip of a hoof protruded from the birth canal. As the contraction eased, the tiny foot disappeared again.

Rayven gave a grunt of frustration, and Jaxon smiled gently at her. "It's all right, honey. It just takes time. She's doing great."

"Hopefully, we will both be fast at birthing," Rayven said.

Anther contraction exposed both hooves, and this time they stayed visible, when the contraction subsided. Seconds later, a blunt, pale nose followed.

When it was certain that the mare was having no difficulties in bringing the newborn into the world by herself, Rayven crawled over to Jaxon and was pulled into her waiting arms.

In what seemed like only moments later, the tiny horse slipped out into the straw.

Jaxon moved into action, helping the little animal free itself of the birth sack. Then she siphoned fluid from its nostrils and rubbed it briskly with straw to stimulate breathing. After the mother caught her breath she stood and turned to investigate the new arrival.

Jaxon moved aside to reveal a small, damp creature with big brown eyes. Rayven moved forward to run her hands over the small, wet and warm body.

"She looks like a healthy little girl," Jaxon said, as she continued to stimulate the small body. Jaxon finished cleaning the filly then left her in her mother's capable care. Donny walked gently over to where his Mom and Rayven were now sitting on a bale of hay at the far side of the pen. Jaxx wrapped her long arm around his shoulder and held him close.

"Oh, honey, isn't she beautiful?"

"She's perfect."

They watched as the baby, on wobbly legs, made her way to her mother's side and began nursing, her fuzzy, short-haired tail flipping rapidly.

"What's her name, Mom? Donny watched in awe.

"I haven't had time to really look at her, what with the birthing and all."

"How about Dot?" Donny moved to get a closer look at the filly.

Jaxon laughed. "I like it. She does have a black dot on her forehead."

"Dot and Dash?" Rayven smiled. "Jaxon, you'll have to call the next one Morris."

"Morris? I don't get it." Jaxx frowned. Rayven rolled her eyes.

"Morris code," Rayven said and Jaxon groaned.

"Hah, Hah, you thank you're funny."

Rayven and Donny giggled.

****

On Monday, Jaxon, Rayven and Donny went into the small town to register Donny for school and buy him school clothes and supplies. Their next stop was Mason's Feed Store, a big farm-supply store flanked by towering grain silos. It was here that they would put in an order for their allotted grain for the winter months.

As they walked across the parking lot they heard their names called, and upon turning, they saw Jaden and a friend of his, coming toward them.

"Well look at you," Jaden said to an embarrassed Rayven as he gently kissed her cheek. "My aren't you looking beautiful."

"Radiant." Jaxon agreed wrapping her arm around Rayven's shoulders and drawing her close, kissing the top of her head softly.

"Thanks, so how are things?" Rayven replied as she patted Jaxon's stomach. She felt the color rising in her cheeks. Jaxx could make her feel like a teenager, her heart fluttering at the brush of her lover's lips.

"Going great, this is Steven, Matt's cousin from California. Steven, this is Jaxon and Rayven two of the most wonderful women you'll ever meet."

Hands were shaken and pleasantries exchanged.

"Steven wants authentic cowboy Levi's and Mr. Mason said they received a new shipment yesterday."

"We're here to place our grain order," Donny replied as he rushed into the feed store with the others close behind.

They walked through the cramped aisles, picking up items and examining them with interest. Steven and Jaden made a game of guessing the uses of the more mysterious implements.

"This is just like a hardware store," Steven said, wrinkling his nose. "Except it stinks and it's hard to breathe."

Rayven smiled, realizing that she was now in the company of not two children but four. The store was dusty and cluttered and smelled of grain, animal feed and agricultural chemicals, plus occasionally baby chickens and rabbits. Steven was right. It did stink, but in a warm and comfortable way, like the feeling she got when she was in their barn.

"Do you own a ranch around here?" asked Steven.

"Sleepy Springs," Rayven replied. "A few miles from town."

"Do you grow hay on the ranch or buy it locally?" he asked, interested in what these two beautiful women did for a living.

Jaxon smiled at him. "We grow hay for our own use and share some of it with the local ranchers"

He nodded, continuing to look at the strange items in the store.

Rayven had stopped to study a row packed with bags and bottles of livestock vitamin supplies when she heard Jaxon's silent chuckles.

Steven was holding a tool that looked like a long heavy pair of pliers. Wide sharp jaws curved out from the rubber covered handle.

"We can't figure out what this one is," he said. "Jaden thinks it's pliers for pulling branding irons out of the fire. Donny thinks it's used on barbed wire for tightening fences."

Rayven glanced at Jaxon. She arched her eyebrows at her easing herself away from the group. Jaxx was on her own with this one. Her face grew warm, and she knew she was blushing. Oh, well, this'll hurt them a lot more than it does me.

"Let me see that," the ex-firefighter took the heavy object from Steven and held it in one hand. "This, boys, is an emasculator."

Steven and Donny looked confused, but Jaden's eyes widened in growing and, horrified, understanding. Jaden was originally from California, but since living at Silver Lake, he had acquired some knowledge and terminology of farming and this was one word he didn't care to use, ever.

"It's a practical instrument, not as effective as a sharp knife, used for castrating farm animals," she added. "Young ones, usually, calves, lambs, and pigs you know, studs." Enjoying the clinical discussion, she clamped the device around a hanging empty plastic feed bottle.

"You just clamp it over the scrotum and squeeze. Hard." she demonstrated. "The tough cord in the scrotum contains the artery, veins and spermatic cord. You crush both the spermatic cord and the blood vessels above the testicles. With no blood supply, and less chance of hemorrhage, they just sort of dry up and drop off." She looked up at her audience and gave a brief, not-quite-innocent flutter of her dark eyelashes.

Jaden and Steven had gone white while Donny was a funny shade of green. All stood with their knees tightly clenched and their expressions pained. Jaxon held the instrument out to Steven, who backed away, shaking his head. "Any other questions, boys?" she asked.

There were none as she went to the counter where Rayven waited; looking as though she was fighting a losing battle to keep from laughing.

"I never realized that of all the lessons I learned growing up around Sleepy Springs, this one would come in handy one day." Jaxon chuckled.

"I think you enjoyed the demonstration, though, didn't you?"

"I couldn't resist." Jaxon replied. Turning to Mr. Mason, who was bent over laughing, she said sweetly "We need to place our grain order for the winter."

They parted ways in the parking lot, Jaden and Steven going to pick Matt up from work and Jaxon, Donny and Rayven were going to finish getting what he needed for school. Plus, after her doctor's appointment she wanted to pick up a few things she knew she would need since this might be her last time into town before the babies were born. It was dangerous having children in the fall and winter months, you never knew when a blizzard would set in or the roads would be flooded. The doctor had given a list of items just in case she had to deliver at home. Which was something she hoped didn't happen. Delivering one child at home was dangerous enough but delivering twins would put her in an extremely hazardous position. For the last several weeks she and Jaxon had been getting in depth instructions by the doctor on what to do if this were to happen.

<<

The breeze washed over Rayven's face as she looked up at the night sky. A thousand stars twinkled and glittered overhead. She inhaled the crisp clean air, washing out the depression that had entered her. Doubts, insecurities and fear had consumed her, this night. Questions such as would she be a good mother? Was she doing the right thing? Should she proceed with her dreams for Sleepy Springs? Was she asking too much of Jaxon? It all seemed to be weighing her down. She couldn't get a grip on anything and all she wanted to do was cry. She felt like a huge crybaby and worse, a bad partner for Jaxon - a woman she loved more than her life.

Jaxon walked beside her, her normally long stride slowed to match hers perfectly, acutely aware of her partner's shifting mood swings. Jaxon never complained when Rayven got up in the middle of the night unable to sleep. She didn't talk, didn't demand answers on nights like these. She simply walked, stood or sat beside her, asking nothing of her, but giving her everything in return.

"Thank you," Rayven whispered knowing that Jaxon would hear her.

"You have nothing to thank me for, love. I remember what it was like before Donny was born." A touch of sadness entered her voice.

"I'm so sorry I caused you such pain in leaving." The smaller woman arms hugged her chest as she cried softly. "I always regret that you and I . . . when we should have clung to each other, shared as we'd never shared before . . . it didn't happen. Our youth, emotions, confusion, circumstances and my Aunt's manipulations drove us apart. I wish I would have stayed and listened, really listened to what you had to say."

"Baby, we've been over this before. Please don't blame yourself. I was the one who caused you to leave. I was the one who sentenced us to eight years of loneliness and pain with my silence that day. I don't want you to feel one bit of blame. It's time to move on. I love you and our family with all that I am." She gently took her lover in her arms and held her close. "Mistakes were made. We've more than paid for them."

"I should have trusted you." Rayven turned to rest her blond head on a firm breast. "You need to stop blaming yourself, also, Jaxon. It wasn't your fault. You were set up, drugged and raped. I don't think you could have changed things if you wanted. You were helpless."

After a moment, Jaxon took a deep breath and shook her head as if she finally settled something within herself. "You're right. It's over; we both need to let it go and continue on with our lives. I'm here now and most importantly you are as well. You have fulfilled all my dreams, Rayven. You are my reason for existing, the air I breathe."

"Are you sure this isn't too much for you? I mean twins." Rayven clung to her life source, afraid to let go, lest it be taken from her. "I know it's a lot to ask."

"Oh, Rayven." Jaxon pulled back slowly. Instantly seeing fear and doubt pass across the smaller woman's eyes, her thumb feathered along the side of her wife's soft cheek. "I think there is something else going on here." Jaxx blue eyes surveyed Rayven tenderly. "You're hiding something from me. Please tell me what's wrong."

"It's nothing," she said. "Pre-delivery blues, I guess. I feel like a house and a little . . . insecure.

"About what?"

"How I look. How you feel about me being so fat. It's silly, I know. I can't stop thinking that you don't find me attractive anymore."

"No, it isn't silly." Jaxx kissed her check softly.

Rayven began to speak but Jaxon put a finger gently over her lips. "One, in case you were wondering. You are my life, honey," she said. "Two, this is where I want to be, with you in my arms and in my life."

"Thank you," Rayven said.

"Three, you don't look fat, you look like a healthy pregnant woman," Jaxx said. "Four your breasts are absolutely gorgeous and I hope you breast-feed for at least four years. I might be weaned by then."

"Don't count on it," said Rayven with a giggle.

"And five, you are the most important thing in my life."

Arms wrapped around warm bodies as souls united and hearts melded into one. Peace, joy and warmth flooded through two women standing alone under the night sky with stars sparkling overhead.

<<

Jim Gilmore was charged and spent a week in the city jail. He was furious as he was followed to the city limits by the police cruiser. Ordered to get out of Silver Lake by nightfall or face further charges, Jim was in a state of conflicting emotions. On one hand he needed to avenge his dead lover's memory; on the other, he had no desire to stay involved with the mysterious, weird Lois character. Something about her seemed wrong, out of place, almost sinister.

One of the things he wanted to do before he left town for good was visit Tom's grave. Taking a left turn onto a dusty road he backtracked to the local cemetery, confident the law wouldn't be looking for him there. As he pulled up to where he had been told his grave was located, he stopped his vehicle and got out. Walking slowly through the home of the dead he had flashbacks of their time together, the laughter and joy, the love and the sorrow that they shared together. His life was over when his lover left without reason and when he was told Tom was killed, his heart felt like it exploded in his chest, never to be mended.

"What is life without the one you love?" he spoke softly to the gravestone of his lover and friend.

As he stood there in reflection, his spell was broken by a shadow crossing in front of him. When he looked up he saw an older gentleman with a kind smile facing him.

"I was hoping you would stop here," the stranger said. "I have a message for you. Please follow me to my office."

"What message?"

"Just follow me, it won't take a minute."

Once they reached the building and walked inside, Gilmore was hit over the head with a hard object. As he was losing consciousness, he heard female laughter. The female's voice sounded like Lois. "Take him to the cage." He heard before he passed into darkness.

Gilmore groaned. His eyes flickered open, then shut again. Opening his eyes he took in his surroundings. The sun was setting and he was lying in a wooded area. As he sat up his worse fears had come true. He would be the next human prey for the wealthy hunters that Lois brought to Sleeping Springs Ranch.

<<<

The first sliver of pale light woke Rayven the next morning. She blinked her eyes and was immediately aware of the blanket of warmth and security surrounding her. Jaxon was holding her, flooding her with warmth and comfort, strong arms to anchor her as she faced another day. As she took stock of her body, she felt energized as if she could run a marathon. She giggled softly. Of course, she couldn't, but there were things she could do to prepare for the coming days.

"What's so funny?" came a sleepy voice.

Turning slowly, Rayven looked into the beautiful blue eyes of her lover and soul mate. Placing a gentle kiss to warm soft lips she said, "I feel wonderful, energized and ready to start the day."

A big smile crossed Jaxon's face, "No more feeling sad?"

"Nope."

"I'm glad, sweetheart." Jaxon yawned and moved her body to take a much needed stretch.

Rayven watched as muscles moved under smooth soft skin; flames began to build in her core. A wicked gleam entered her eyes.

Jaxon noticed her lover looking at her as if she were on the breakfast menu, which, she realized, if Rayven had her way she would be. Life is wonderful. She thought to herself. She found her lips captured by a very warm lover, a kiss that spoke of fire, want and love.

<<<

Jaxon and Rayven were in the kitchen as Donny came in through the back door. "Morning, Mom and Mamma." He looked at his mothers. "I've been out getting the eggs for breakfast." He placed the basket of eggs on the counter, took off his coat and hung it on the rack beside the door before moving to the table.

"Great job, Donny," Jaxon said while giving his shoulder a light squeeze. Raising blue eyes, she looked at her wife, "I need to check the lower pasture this morning and see how the cattle got out. Do you think you'll be all right for a few hours?"

"Yes," Rayven said from the stove, where she was frying the fresh eggs. "I plan on doing some light house work and laundry."

"I'll leave Donny with you; I'll take the radio. If you need me just call."

Rayven carried a platter to the table and served eggs, bacon and pancakes to her growing family.

"That's fine. Now eat so you can get out of my kitchen," she said with a twinkle in her eyes, "Or you can help me as you did earlier this morning in the bedroom."

Jaxon felt her cheeks warm. "I'd love to. . . to help you, my love, but I really need to check the fence line before any more cattle get out." Jaxx smiled brightly as she dished up her plate whispering, "While I can still walk."

A short time later Jaxon studied the sky. The clouds were oddly colored, almost greenish, and dark with rain. Lightening flashed in the distance. Funny, she thought, how still the air was. She had expected some wind, at least, with the change of weather. But the atmosphere was heavy and humid.

She started along the fence line in the farthest pasture, scanning the wire and posts for any sign of a break. At last she found what she was looking for. "Here we are," she said, commanding the mare she was riding to stop.

After walking the length of the downed section she realized it was worse than she'd thought. A section about a quarter-mile long was laid down. It appeared someone had barreled right through it.

Thunder rolled overhead and an uneasy feeling came over her; she decided she didn't like the looks of those clouds. As she climbed on her horse she turned her around to look in the direction of the ranch house. The mare flung her head high, a snort of excitement renting the wind-whipped air. The clouds were heavier in that direction. Thick and low, they seemed to dip almost onto the treetops.

She started the mare at a fast walk than broke into a gallop racing against the approaching storm and toward her family; she was still a long way from home. Dropping down in a gully and racing up the other side, she halted the horse at the crest and the land opened up. Sitting high above the meadow, she looked down onto her home. The bruise-colored clouds seemed almost in pursuit, laughing at her, making their way to where her heart lay, the house that held her most beloved family.

She couldn't move as she realized what the storm clouds meant. She stared, fear cutting off her breath, at the swirling tentacles of black that angled from the rolling clouds heading toward her home.

It was a tornado.

The tornado rushed toward the ranch house, a deadly finger of destruction. Here and there it touched the earth, sucking clouds of dust, debris and an occasional animal into the maelstrom.

"Oh, God, Rayven and Donny are down there." She knew there was no time for her to get to the ranch before the tornado struck. Quickly she radioed the house only to receive static on the line. The only thing she could do was find a place to hide until it passed. After retrieving the saddle, she let the horse loose and tried to find her own shelter. She crawled along the mountain until she spotted a small indentation. It appeared to be an animal's abandoned home - about the size of a wolf's den. She turned and backed into the den as far as she could force her body to go then pulled the saddle into the opening, making a door.

The storm's fury increased, it roared and raged. Jaxon pressed a hand to her ear, while the other clung to the saddle, but couldn't shut out the raging wind or the thunder of her heart beat. Or the fear and feeling of death that threatened to steal her very breath.

Branches, rocks, dirt brushed by the opening to her hideaway. "I wonder how long it will last?" thought Jaxon. "I wonder what I will find of my home and family." The last thought brought tears unbidden to her eyes. To come so far to have it taken away was not going to happen; she couldn't allow it to happen. For what seemed like eternity she prayed, wished, hoped that her family was okay.

Then as quickly as the thundering noise came, it was gone, leaving a silence, almost eerier than the storm itself. "It's over," she murmured, and then glanced around.

She pulled herself out of her make shift shelter and stood on shaky legs. She walked to the ridge and saw what was left of her family and home.

The cry of pain and fear was torn from her very soul.

She yelled, cried and begged for Mother Nature, the Gods, and the Powers That Be to turn back the hands of time. The house was gone. Disappeared. The only thing left was one lone maple tree, Rayven's Explorer and the barn. She lifted her head to the now clear skies. She was the only person, standing in an open meadow.

Alone.

<<<

Lois loved the wild freedom of storms, the raw strength and the cunning violence of them. The thrill of danger, living on the edge, excited her. As a youth she worked several years with different storm watcher teams chasing tornados, hurricanes and the like. The Wild Ones was the name of one of the teams she was on and she'd loved it.

Sitting on the couch, she nursed her drink, while listening to the storm building outside. She poured another shot of whiskey from the bottle. The quart looked half empty. Had she drunk that much? It didn't matter. She sipped the booze as she watched the table lamp flicker. Her eyes grew wide as an idea came to her. Standing, putting her coat and gloves on, she grabbed the keys laying on the table, opening the door and walked off into the on coming storm.

The sky was a dark churning gray now. She'd driven several miles when erratic raindrops began to kick up dust on the winding road leading to Sleepy Springs Ranch. It was just rain, she told herself. She had plenty of time to carry out her plan before the full force of the storm hit. It was a brilliant idea. She would go to Sleepy Springs, kill Jaxon, Rayven and Donny, and the storm would be blamed for their deaths. The hunters had taken care of Gilmore and the bears had been fed. Life was perfect. Aunt Lois smiled into the dark. The car began to rock, buffeted by the growing force of the wind.

She would finally have her revenge. Her day of victory had arrived. She would play the distraught Aunt, bereft by the loss of loved ones - her niece and grandson. She would finally get the sympathy, respect and status she deserved. A blast of wind slammed into the side of the car, nearly pushing her off the road.

Windshield wipers slapped ineffectively to clear her vision. She could see only the dark demon sky and its jagged blast of lightening. She pressed on.

Mother Nature seemed infuriated by her success and retaliated with a vengeance. The wind howled across the mountain like a woman moaning during childbirth. Crackling and snarling in a fit of temper, it threw all manner of objects at her; limbs of trees, sheets of metal that must have come from sheds and buildings miles away, bales of hay, and as she squinted her eyes, a ladder. The closer to the ranch she got the more jealous the storm seemed to become.

Lightening blinded her for a second before the crack of its report. Biting her lip, Lois' vision focused on the sight coming towards her: a logging truck rolling like a ball down the road, then crashed across the front of her car. There was no going back and no going forward, she was trapped.

Lightening streaked in jagged veins across the sky. Bloodied hands gripped the stirring wheel as she tried unsuccessfully to back out from under the truck. Freeing one hand, she wiped her face in frustration. As she pulled her hand away she saw blood covering it. Feeling her forehead again she realized she had a nasty cut, warm blood was flowing freely down her check and crawling under the edge of her collar.

The car rocked and Lois wondered if it was going to fly away. A loud crack of lightening shattered the windows sending glass and debris all over her. Stinging bites from the flying glass caused her to wince in pain, as the logging truck rolled over her continuing its journey down the now empty road.

Then she heard it, the eerie sound of a speeding freight train rushing towards her.

Tornado!

Her heart slammed painfully in her chest. For a brief moment, she dared to look up. The head of the funnel was overhead, spinning, writhing. Laughing at her. She realized that she was whirling, rotating like a top inside the Tornado. A cow passed her window lying on its side, a large tree hit the side of her car and knocked it downward only to be picked up and tossed again. Her last thoughts were she was too late to seek her vengeance. Then, darkness consumed her.

<<<

It was after ten when Rayven finished cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry. She was making herself a cup of tea when Donny came running into the house, slamming the screen door. "Son, I've told you not to do that." Rayven chastened.

Sliding to a stop a short distance from her, Donny's face was pale and fear showed in his eyes. "Mamma, something's wrong. You have to come see."

Seeing the small boy so scared sent a chill down Rayven's spine. "Okay, honey. Show me what has scared you so." Just then thunder rumbled overhead.

Stepping out onto the porch she looked at the sky. It was an ugly color of gray. Clouds thick as molasses. Off in the distance she saw what had scared Donny - an inky black line speeding across the horizon. She knew from growing up here as a child what that meant; a tornado was coming straight for them. Her ability to think was paralyzed. All she had left was the instinct to flee. Then she remembered Jaxon and felt her children move within her womb. Where was Jaxx and was she safe?

A blast of wind buffeted her, sending her long blond hair flying haphazardly. The roiling clouds swirled in vicious knots of black, purple and sickly green.

Willing vainly for her heart to stop its vicious thumping, she remembered what she told Donny a short time ago about courage: doing what you have to do in spite of fear. Fighting panic, she grabbed the boy's small cold hand and went back into the house.

Standing in the kitchen they heard the wind screaming at them, objects beating against the side of the house. A booming crash overhead shook the whole house, making them jump. Was the house strong enough to withstand a tornado?

"Momma, I'm scared," he said as he clung to her waist. "Where's mom?"

"We'll be okay, honey." At least she hoped they would be. "The storm cellar." Rayven whispered. It was underground, the safest place. Access was through her bedroom. The blood drained from her face. Tears gathered in her eyes. What about Jaxon? Please God. Despair left her numb to the pain and loss of her beloved Jaxon. Then she felt it - a contraction, hard and steady. The twins had picked a fine time to arrive.

Taking her son's trembling hand they moved into the bedroom and pushed aside the dresser covering the door to the cellar. "Everything is going to be all right," she said to a frightened Donny as they descended the wooden stairs. Half way down, another contraction hit her, this one lasting longer, taking her breath away. She felt moisture running down the inside of her legs and knew her water had broken.

The low-ceiling room was big enough, about the size of a one-car garage. There were boxes of supplies, flashlights, batteries and a small cot.

"We'll be fine, Donny. See, we're snug as a bug in a rug,"

Oh God please. Was Jaxon all right? Safe? Uninjured? Another contraction. Rayven knew the time was nearing.

<<<

Breathing raggedly, her chest pounding, Jaxon walked unbalanced, unsure, around the only thing that was left of her home, the foundation. No nightmare had ever been so cruel. . .so terrifying. The scene around her was one of total devastation, yet the air smelled as fresh and clean as a forest after a spring rain.

She searched the area, desperate for some sign of life. She pictured her son, her beloved wife and the twins. She'd never see them again. Every muscle tensed, then relaxed as she crumbled to the ground, wrapping her long arms around her body as she rocked back and forth. That was when she heard it, the unmistakable sound of a scream. Rayven's scream. Was she dreaming? Could it be? Jaxon strained to listen, holding her breath. There, she heard it again.

Scrambling to her feet, she ran to the foundation and began tossing branches and debris to the ground. Suddenly her fingers felt something hard, round and cold. A handle. She pulled the weighted trapdoor open and, as light filtered through to the cellar, she was able to make out the shadows of her family.

<<< Three month's laterð

While Jaxon and the kids waited for her in the car, she went to talk to Mr. Steward, the landlord of her Aunt's apartment. He had called that morning stating something wasn't right. The apartment lease was paid in full for a year but no one had seen her Aunt in months and wondered if Rayven would stop by and take a look at the apartment to make sure everything was okay. Rayven found herself standing in the center of her Aunt's tiny one room home. As she looked around her, there was nothing but dead silence. It had been three months since that awful day. The day she nearly died along with her children. She wondered how she could have been so blind. How could she have missed what Aunt Lois had become?

The single sized bed was pushed against one wall and boxes, perched on tables and chairs, lined the rest of the room. All available surfaces were covered with a jumbled mess of pictures of dead people and journals. Pictures of her, Jaxon and Donny lined the walls and in the center of each, when they weren't cut into shreds, had a dirty, blood stained knife stuck in their hearts.

She picked up one of the notebooks and opened the cover and began to read. The unbelievable text jumped out at her, the hurtful words scribbled so hard the ink had gone through to the next page. She skimmed the first page and went on to the next.

Aunt Lois hated her beyond reason. She'd always known her Aunt treated her differently, badly and harshly, but never realized the depth of her hate.

It seemed innocent at the time. All these months I've enjoyed Jeff's attention, never thinking much about it, for it was Julius, Jeff's younger brother that I wanted. I'll admit I wanted Jeff to kiss me. No one had ever kissed me in my life. I wanted to practice with Jeff so when Julius approached me I would be experienced in the art of kissing. I so loved Julius, fantasized about him, worshiped him. Even through he paid no attention to me now, I knew one day he would ask me to marry him and I wanted to be able to please him when we kissed.

ðIt hurt at first, but Jeff said the pain would go away the more we did it. When it was over Jeff started saying how much he loved me, how he didn't regret this happening. How he wanted to marry me. He would ask my father for my hand. How we would have a large family and live on the ranch while he continued to work for my father. How we would be happy.

I laughed; marrying Jeff was not what I wanted. I told him I would never marry him because I was in love with his brother Julius. He never said a word to me after that. Within a month seventeen-year old Jeff McEllis had left home to join the Army. I never saw him again for he was killed six month's later. A victim of the war.

. . . It had only been four months since that day when I realized what was wrong. I was pregnant with Jeff McEllis's child. I knew if anyone found out I would never get to marry Julius. I convinced my parents to allow me to go to an all girls' camp for the summer. In reality I was going away to have my baby in secret. I intended to find a home for it as soon as it arrived.

The home for pregnant girls I'd chosen was pleasant enough when one has money. I paid them enough and told them the same story I'd made up to my parents. My parents never checked into my savings account that had been set up by my grandparents. There was enough money to take care of my needs for quite some time.

I put on the gown and mask they gave me and sat beside her crib. How could I not? It would be the only time I would ever see her. She was so small. A preemie they called her. Born two months early. They said it was my fault she almost died. I tried to abort her with a pair of scissors but that only caused her left leg to be amputated from the multiple cuts I caused . . . in a way I wished she had.

. . .I am on my way home now. I feel as through I've been gone years rather than a few months.

. . . Julius married Mae, my younger sister, two months after I had left the ranch. Now I am truly alone in the world, but I will have my vengeance someday.

. . . Julius and Mae had a daughter last night. A blond with green eyes. My vengeance has begun.

Rayven lifted her eyes and blinked, remembering all the times her Aunt had been mean, almost cruel to her. How she couldn't understand what she had done to make her Aunt so angry with her. How she would treat her, hurt her and Jaxon, spreading rumors about them, laughing at them.

She put the notebook on the table and picked up a piece of paper lying next to it. It said, "I can't handle another screw up like the last one by Jim Gilmore, she wrote. I let the hunters have him for free. I'll have to do the job myself. I have to take care of them once and for all. Then I'll take their bodies to the hunting pen, feed them to the bears and grind their bones into dust, like all the rest. Nobody will stand in the way of what I've always wanted. Sleepy Springs will finally be mine."

Rayven closed the notebook and a sob caught in her throat. With a shaky hand she dialed Emily and asked her to come to her Aunt's apartment. Silently she walked out of the small apartment closing the door behind her; she'd wait for Emily in the car with her family, for she had no reason to ever step foot into that place again.

<<< Epilogue

The blond-haired woman sat on a quilt beneath a large weeping willow tree just beyond the back porch of the newly built ranch house. A young blond-haired boy of almost ten leaned against her side, a book in his hand. At his feet, two toddlers were curled beneath a corner of the quilt, shading them from the direct sunlight as they slept.

Jaxon Segreto watched from horseback, sweating beneath the summer sun, her face and hands deeply tanned, her blue eyes intent on the small group before her.

"There's Mom!" A loud whisper announced her presence. Jaxon slid from her sturdy mount, tilting her hat back with one long finger as she watched the boy spring to his feet. He ran quickly, his small face eager, as Jaxx reached out to give him a hug.

"We were reading Momma's latest children's book, Mom. It came in the mail today." Donny told her, his voice ringing with enthusiasm. "The girls went to sleep but Momma wasn't feeling well, so we read a story." He motioned for Jaxx to lean down and he whisper in her ear, "Momma's been hurting for awhile now. She keeps telling me she's fine, but she's acting like she did when the twins came. Will she be okay, Mom?" he said with a touch of fear in his voice.

"She'll be fine, honey, I'm here and nothing will happen to Momma." Jaxon's gaze focused on the woman who got to her feet with awkward movements. Gone was the slender form, the ease of motion to which Rayven was accustomed. Instead she walked with one hand at her lower back, the other resting on the curve of her advanced pregnancy.

Rayven met the ex-firefighter's gaze, and her eyes lit with a message she never tired of reading within their depths. Pure love.

"You all right, honey?" It wasn't what she wanted to say, but that would wait until later.

"I'm feeling sort of achy, sweating and down right miserable," she answered, irritation emerging in the tone of her voice.

"What do you think?" Jaxon asked, her gaze sweeping the smaller woman's length, noting the hesitation in her step.

Rayven's smile was radiant. "I think you're going to be up till all hours tonight." She halted the rubbing motion of her hand on her belly, tensing as she closed her eyes.

"How long has that been going on?" Jaxon's long strides carried her to her wife's side. Her arm circled the pregnant woman's back. "Do you want me to carry you?"

The shorter woman shook her head. "I want you to get the car ready, while Donny helps me with the twins."

"I'll send Mark to get the car and I'll help Donny with the twins." She looked hopefully at her wife, "Please, I can't leave you now. Not again. I wouldn't have gone on a ride with my cousin if I had known you were this close, honey."

Reaching a small hand up to cup the tanned check of her soul mate's face, Rayven put all the love she had in her eyes. "Then stay right by my side, my love. We'll do this one together."

"I love you so very much." Jaxon whispered as she gently brushed her lips across Rayven's. "Let's get this family movin'."

Donny was already helping two-year old Kara up from her nap as McKalia rolled over and lifted her head. "Mama?" She sat up and rubbed her eyes, then rose on unsteady feet and headed toward Jaxon. The ex-firefighter picked her up and delivered a loud kiss against the rosy cheek. The two-year-old wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and nestled against her shoulder, as if it were a familiar resting spot, which it was. Once everyone was settled in the car, Mark drove them to Silver Lake hospital.

"I really appreciate you being here, Mark." Jaxon said as she held Rayven in her arms in the back seat. Jaxon remembered how insecure she felt when Rayven mentioned asking Mark to come visit. It had been a year after the birth of their twins and, even though Jaxon had everything in the world she could ask for, there was a small part of her that still felt insecure and scared that Rayven would leave her. When her wife mentioned about wanting to see if Mark would like to come see the twins and his cousin she had gotten solemn and moody. It took several weeks of gentle prying before her lover was able to get the ex-firefighter to share her feelings. Rayven was surprised at the depth of fear that Jaxx had about her leaving and, from that moment forward, did everything in her power to prove and reassure her wife that she was loved and the blond would never leave her.

The first visit with Mark was strained and the tension was high. He was totally out of his element and Jaxon was acting like a King protecting his castle. Within a day, Donny and Rayven had them laughing and acting like children. A strong bond was built between all of them and they realized Mark was now a very important part of their growing family.

When they discussed wanting another child, their first and only choice for a father was Mark. When asked, he readily accepted and this time decided to take their invitation to stay on at the ranch and be a part of their family.

Looking back on it now, she was happy Mark had chosen to come and get to know her and her family. He proved to be a good friend, a great farm hand and a loyal friend to her wife. Best of all, he was a great father figure for their children, including Donny. Uncle Mark always included Donny as if he was one of his own which, peripherally at least, the young boy was.

"I'm glad I'm here also. I wouldn't miss this for the world. I'll watch the children while you're in with Rayven."

"That would be great, thanks." Jaxon replied as she noticed Rayven had drifted off to sleep.

The time passed swiftly and then the waiting was over. A soft whimper met her ears, matching her own smothered gasp. Then it escalated in seconds to a cry of outrage as the pink creature in Jaxon's hands flailed his arms and legs.

"It's a boy, honey," her stunned wife said with a laugh. "He's strong. Hear those lungs! Two for two baby, two girls and two boys."

"Let me see him," Rayven whispered, leaning on her elbows to see better.

The doctor nodded. "Jaxon, let me take the baby while you cut the cord."

She reached down with the scissors and cut the cord halfway between the tied off sections.

"Oh, honey," Jaxon said gruffly, taking the baby back and placing him in Rayven's waiting arms. Tears streamed unhindered down her cheeks. Then the new mother held her son to her breast; his thick, dark hair bobbed as the mouth worked to seek its sustenance, the hand clutching his mother's finger with amazing strength.

"Chad," Rayven said softly, lifting her gaze to Jaxon's. "Is that all right with you, my love?"

Jaxon nodded, kneeling by the bed once more. "Oh yes." Her words were husky, her vision clearing as she beheld the smaller woman who had given her such amazing gifts. "I love you my life, my heart, and my soul."

The End

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