The Old Yellow House
By Koda Graystone
Summary - Rayven a wildlife photographer and journalist returns to claim her ranch, while Jaxon Segreto, Chief of the elite firefighter team Blue Mountain Firefighters does some soul searching.
Disclaimer - This is an original work of fiction. The characters are mine. The story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices. Some of the scenes/plot devices are actual events from my family history.
Some bad language, minor violence, a dead mouse and a nasty Aunt Lois who wants revenge.
Feedback - Any and all feedback, comments, and suggestions will be appreciated.
Started 2000 - finished August 2004 -- Story is complete.
I would like to thank those that have written asking how the revision was progressing. Sorry it has taken so long. The difference in this and what was previous posted I hope is a tighter story. I took many of your feedback suggestions and incorporated them into the new revision. I also took out some scenes and added a few new ones. I hope I also succeeded in tying up some lose ends and leaving an opening for a sequel if I chose to write one.
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As the parents dropped the kids off Friday evening, several of them greeted her before they left to spend the weekend without children. Some were going shopping in the large city about six hours away, others were going to use the time to rest and enjoy their partners and quiet time.
"You know," Jaxon said as she drew near, "we ought to take these kids climbing some Saturday," Rayven's gaze met hers and she paused, startled. There was something . . . different in the way Jaxx was looking at her. She couldn't put her finger on it, but for some reason, it made her even more nervous than usual.
"That would be awesome!" Scott Brown, who was eight, couldn't contain his excitement. Most of the others chimed in, except for Willy, a very small nine- year-old." Count me out; rafting is scary enough. The only reason I'm here today is because Donny wanted me to come."
Jaden and Matt had arrived several hours earlier and now were herding the boys to the barn where they would take turns riding Rayven's ATV, horses and generally anything that would wear them out so hopefully they'd go to sleep before morning.
The next morning, after breakfast, they all stood around in front of the vans as Jaxon went over the safety and team rules. Everyone had been paired up with a team mate. "Okay." Jaxx began as she pulled a list from her pocket. "I have all the signed releases, from your parent's, for medical attention if someone gets hurt. You've all heard the rules. It's going to be a wild and exciting time. If anyone doesn't want to go, now is the time to speak. Once you're in the vans the only way out is to see this weekend to the end. Is that clear?"
She got a chorus of answers from the kids and some wisecracks about chickening out. Some of the kids had never been camping or rafting before.
"Cut it out guys. Not going along is a choice. No one needs to be ashamed. Everyone on the face of the earth has some things they'd rather not do and besides this is supposed to be fun. Last call. Any takers?"
None of the kids backed out. At the end of the talk, yelling kids piled into the two vans. Laughing, Rayven turned to Jaxon. "Have you ever done this before?"
"Taking this many kids camping?" She clarified, because she knew that they had went camping and rafting many times together before. "No. You?"
Rayven nodded, negatively. "It looks like it will be eventful and exciting."
The look in Jaxon's eyes was disturbingly tender. Rayven felt herself blush. "I'm really glad you decided to come, Rayven. We're going to have a great time."
"I just hope sleeping on the ground won't be too uncomfortable."
"I have a surprise for you." A loud wolf whistle sounded and Rayven looked up to see most of the kids and Matt grinning at them out of the van's window. "You'll find out later." Jaxon turned and walked to the bus. "Okay, okay, we're coming."
It was amazing the amount of noise young boys could make in a van, which Jaden had borrowed from a friend of his. He and Matt were following in one of the company's van with the other four boys and equipment, sleeping supplies and, of course, enough food to feed a small army. Rayven seemed to be the center of the action. Secretly watching her friend in the melee, Jaxon smiled. The journalist was so good with kids.
It seemed to take no time to get to the place where they were to camp. Jaden, Matt and Jaxon, along with all the kids, unloaded the vans. Nobody would let Rayven help lift anything. It was nice to have people who cared about her but it also was a bit suffocating.
The van Jaden drove also pulled a small trailer loaded down with bikes and other sporting supplies that had to be unloaded. Once that was done, one van would take them to the drop off point while the other was parked where they would leave the river. They loaded back into the van and headed to the unloading docks, which was ten miles away. The first trip down the river would be a short one, designed to give the kids a chance to experience the water before taking them on a longer one the following day. Jaden and Matt slid the rafts off the top of the vans while Rayven and Jaxon got the kids into bright yellow life jackets.
Jaxon had on a wetsuit and a form-fitting jacket, but the rest wore the same oversized safety vests the kids did. Though Rayven made a face while buckling hers over her body, she didn't argue, as she knew it would do no good.
"I hope everyone is ready for this." Jaxon moved the raft into the slow moving current. Jaden and Matt followed with the other four boys.
"Here we go. Here we go!" The boys chanted. "Shut up, you guys. I'm scared enough already." Willie's voice shook. He grabbed the hand holds tightly.
While the river was not fast running nor did it have heavy rapids, there were several dips and some rough water to go through. To the young boys it could be very scary. Rounding a sharp bend in the river Rayven could see a haze of spray in the air after the first hump of water. Jaxon held the raft sideways in the current, timing it just right so that the front slid smoothly into the vee of water that fed the center of the small rapid. Rayven whooped as she and Jaxon swung into the air. The raft pitched up over the first small haystack. Knowing what was coming next, she clenched her fits on the ropes attached to the raft and held her breath. The front of the raft plunged down, going half way underwater. Ice-cold water slapped Rayven from head to foot, and she yelled and looked at Jaxx as they came up. Their sparkling eyes met, and with identical grins, they hit the next small haystack. Kids were screaming and laughing around them. Two more small bucks and out into calm water.
Rayven shook the water out of her hair and eyes. Her hair was probably sticking straight up too, but she didn't care. Wet, wild and extremely sexy looking, Jaxon's eyes were sparkling with fun.
"Like it, guys?" Jaxx shouted and was answered with a loud chorus of approval.
"I thought it would be scarier." Willie stated. "That was great!"
"I promised a nice slow ride. When you get a little older maybe we'll take you on a really wide ride." Jaxon answered the boy. "Tomorrow the ride will be longer."
For the next couple of hours the current moved the rafts along at a slow even pace. Jaxon offered Rayven her sports bottle, sun tanning lotion - even a hat. Jaxx was constantly keeping her eye on the smaller woman.
As they piled off the rafts at the end of the run, they were all laughing and giggling, "Who wants to go swimming?" Jase shouted as he stepped out of the raft and pulled it up on the sand bar.
"Sounds great. We'll join you," Jaxon agreed as she watched the boys jump into the water.
Feeling extremely subconscious about her expanding waste line Rayven left her oversized t-shirt on but slowly removed her shorts that she was wearing over her swim suit, and Jaxx hung them with the other wet cloths across a handy branch. The look of awe and wonder in Jaxx eyes as she reach her hand out for Rayven's helped easy the nervousness she was feeling, before she joined them all in the water. They swam and played for awhile before they were all ready to head back to camp for dinner. While Rayven waited for the boys to get dressed in their now dry cloths and rafts to be loaded she turned her face so she felt the warm sun and cool breeze sweep across her. It was gentle and exhilarating all at once. She gave a small laugh. It was a feeling she was coming to know well, that off-balance-love-it feeling. That was how she felt every time she was near Jaxon. Her eyes snapped open at the startling thought and she found herself staring into Jaxon's thoughtful blue eyes.
Scott and some of the kids were racing for the van and accidentally bumped into Rayven, knocking her off balance. Before she had the chance to think, strong arms caught her and held her fast. Rayven looked up, and Jaxon's tender grin and concerned eyes took her breath away. Jaxx felt far warmer than any summer night she'd ever known. The firefighter lowered her head slowly and Rayven thought her heart would stop. Her wife's very nearness robbed her of breath and made her desperately hungry. She moistened her lips. Need slammed into her. Was Jaxx going to kiss her? Right here? She hadn't exorcised her wife from her body after all, had she? What had made her think that possible?
But her lips stopped next to the smaller woman's ear. "Did you have a good time?" The whispered question sent shivers through Rayven's now incredibly aroused body. Before she had a chance to pull away, Jaxx simply set her back on her feet and stepped back, that infuriating, teasing smile still in place.
They walked together in silence, river-smoothed pebbles scrunching under their feet. Rayven was almost painfully aware of Jaxon beside her, as though she were standing too close to a fire after being sunburned. Her every nerve ending seemed to be alive and sensitized to Jaxon's warmth, her every stride, her very presence.
"You know today confirmed something for me that I've been thinking about since you told me your plans for Sleepy Springs." Jaxon flipped another pebble into the air with her toe. "I think I'd like to help teach at the climbing school you plan on building, if you have an opening. I would like to train the young kids. To have them taught correctly before they develop bad or dangerous habits." The passion in her voice stirred Rayven's heart.
"It was great to see the kids have fun today." Rayven smiled. "I visited a climbing school in Austria that started their children out at seven years of age."
"At that young age they're so willing to learn." Jaxon responded. "It's harder to help adults who have already formed habits that aren't safe or healthy. Plus, adults are more stubborn than kids. Many men won't listen to a woman telling them how to do something. Most children don't mind what sex you are."
"Did you have many problems being Chief?"
Jaxon shrugged her shoulders and gave a half smile. "Some - mostly from guys who aren't from the area. First they didn't like a woman being Chief and then they didn't like the fact that I'm gay. It wasn't a good combination."
"Is that why you left?" Rayven wasn't sure what to say. Jaxon was talking more than they had since she moved in. Before, they were both so quiet with each other, neither feeling the need for words. Now, it was as if Jaxx was trying to share more of her thoughts and feelings, letting Rayven know who she was and what she wanted in life. It felt wonderful and terrifying.
"No." Came the quick reply. There was a long silence. Their eyes locked and Rayven thought she would be consumed by the emotions swirling inside of her. She would gladly drown in the steady depth of Jaxon's tender, loving gaze.
After arriving back at the camp site Jaden and four of the boys went in search of sticks to use to roast their hot dogs and marshmallows with, while the others started a small fire in the fire pit and sat out the rest of the food. That night Rayven received her surprise as Jaxon led her to one of the dome tents. "I set up our tent."
The intimacy in Jaxx's voice made her heart race. This was going to be worse than she had thought. Entering the tent that was big enough to sleep four people, Rayven noticed Jaxon had brought along a new inflatable single air mattress specifically designed for pregnant women. It was about six inches high and had multiple cushions and a fluffy new pillow. "Thank you," she said.
"If you don't want me to sleep in here with you, I can sleep out under the stars. I've done it before." Jaxon wanted to sleep in the same tent with Rayven; she needed to be near her. This protective feeling she kept getting whenever she was close to Rayven was overwhelming and so powerful it was hard to shake it off.
"N . . . no. That's okay. I don't want you to sleep out in the cold air. I'm sure we can share the tent. Thanks for the air mattress, but you really didn't have to."
Sadness crossed Jaxx eyes. "I wanted to." she whispered. "I needed to."
Feeling like a jerk, Rayven touched Jaxon arm softly. "I'm glad you did and my body will be thanking you by morning." Fifteen minutes later, they were ready for bed. When Jaxx took her hand and squeezed, she squeezed back. "Good night, Rayven."
"Night." She replied.
Jaxx wanted Rayven so badly that she had to fight herself to keep from reaching for her. Something about the journalist very essence had found its way to her and into her so many years ago and that something was stronger, much stronger than she could have possibly believed. Her mouth went dry and her heart hurt each time it beat. She felt alive and so sexually charged that her body seemed like hot liquid. Rayven could still do that to her: melt her down with a look, a touch and soft words. She tried to turn her attention to the impossible task of finding a soft piece of ground under her so that she could sleep. Should have bought me one of those air mattresses too, she thought, but her mind was too filled with memories of their lovemaking, with worries of getting the magic back and what they'd lost between them. Sleep was a long time in coming.
The next morning as the first rays of light snuck in the screen windows of their tent, Jaxx waited for Rayven to wake. "You're up," the blonde-haired person said, no surprise in her voice. "I swear you can get by on less sleep than anyone I've ever known."
Rayven sat up and Jaxx realized that her wife had worn a man's white undershirt to bed. For a moment, uncertainty and a jealousy she would never admit to surge through her, who had given her wife the white shirt? Looking closer, she noticed how worn it was and that a small "J" was embroidered on the right sleeve. Then Jaxon remembered. They had been living together only a few months when the journalist discovered how comfortable Jaxx's shirts felt. Now, although they haven't been together in eight years, the smaller woman still clung to a piece of the past.
Feeling like she could shout, Jaxon stored that piece of information away. She asked how her companion had slept. Her answer was wonderful. Rayven studied her for several seconds until Jaxx realized her ex-lover was trying to decide whether to crawl out of her sleeping bag with her watching. Although she should have done the polite thing and turned away, she didn't, she couldn't. Instead, she made no secret of her interest in her wife. With a sigh, the blonde threw back the bag cover and stood on shaky feet. Beneath the shirt, she wore only underpants, which peeked out from under the hem of the shirt as she pushed herself to her feet. Her legs were as finely muscled as Jaxx remembered them. Those muscles, the way she used them to play, control and tease her...
Rayven returned the gaze, waiting until she'd taken her attention from her legs. Only when she had her ex lover's undivided attention did she ask, "What's planned for today?"
"Not sure," Jaxon responded huskily, her thoughts torn between memories of things better forgotten and the need, the drive to run her hands along Rayven's legs and then bury her face between soft full breasts.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes. Jaxon, I don't feel comfortable with you looking at me like that. It makes me feel...
"You're a beautiful woman, Rayven."
She blinked and for a second her mouth sagged. "I'm stiff, pregnant and soon to be as big as a barn, not beautiful." When Jaxx didn't say anything, she ran her fingers through her hair; a gesture that looked sensual - which Jaxon was sure was the last thing Rayven had intended. "What's for breakfast?" she asked. "I could kill for some bacon and eggs."
Before Jaxon could respond, the air filled with noises of young boys getting ready to face a new day. Jaxx threw back the sleeping bag and reached for her clothes. "I'm going for a run." Unzipping the tent flap she exited then zipped it back up giving Rayven the privacy she wanted.
The weekend flew by and, before anyone realized it, they were back in Silver Lake. Donny's birthday party was scheduled at McDonalds for four in the afternoon. The parents were to meet them there to pick up their children. By seven three very tired people arrived at Sleepy Springs ready for baths and their own beds.
<<<
Fingering the yellow envelope while waiting for the private phone to be answered, Lois thought about where she would locate her next "human prey".
"Yes?"
"Loved the willow bark tea. Do you have any other tea's you'd like me to try?"
"Could be. Call me in a couple of weeks."
"Will do, governor." Lois ended the call more than pleased with their shared arrangements.
Chapter Four
Rayven was in the kitchen thinking about the last several weeks since they had kissed under the weeping willow tree. As with every morning since her ex-lover and son had moved in, the firefighter was up early. After downing a couple cups of coffee and a hearty breakfast, Jaxon made her way to the barn to begin the day of fixing irrigation pipes, checking on miles and miles of fencing and all the other chores that came with living on a ranch. They kept in touch with Hand-held radios when Jaxx went out to the lower pastures, or rode the many acres searching for breaks in the fence line. Her companion had explained their use by saying she wanted to keep the lines of communication open. If Rayven needed her she would return as quickly as possible.
They saw each other every day and most evenings, but Jaxon never tried to kiss her again or talk about the pain in their past. The three would talk about their day while having dinner and, at times, play a mean game of Monopoly in the evenings. Jaxx insisted that she always won when she had the fireman's hat and Donny had to have the red fire engine. Laughing softly, Rayven remembered the look on Jaxon's face when she learned that having the fire hat didn't always make her a winner.
Jaxon had said that her son was doing great in all his classes but math. She bought some flash cards for them to practice with over the summer but Donny didn't like it. He said it made him feel dumb. Rayven had gotten on the computer and ordered several games that would help the boy without feeling like he was studying.
Donny was a joy to have around. She marveled at the situations the young boy could get himself into and she had to admit she was enjoying their company. Rayven laughed thinking about one particular incident.
Donny wanted to help re-set the mouse traps in the inside of the house. After dinner Rayven instructed him on how to place the peanut butter on the curl found at the end of the bait pedal. Then how to pull back the bow and hold it down with his thumb. While using his other hand to lock the bar under the small, V-shaped lip on the bait pedal. Reinforced, that he knew where to keep his fingers on the outside of the trap. Holding the trap gently Donny asked, "Now what?"
"Follow me and will put it in your room."
Standing at the foot of Donny's bed Rayven said, "Where have you seen signs of the mouse, Donny?"
"In the closet. I saw mouse poop in my shoes."
"Okay," Rayven opened the closet door and stood back. "Place the trap right there in the corner." She said as she pointed to a small bare area in the left hand corner.
As Donny bent down to place the trap on the floor a mouse jumped up and hit the trap and caught itself under the bow of the trap. He yelled, jumped and let the trap go flying from his hand.
At that moment Jaxx had entered the bedroom to see what her two favorite people were doing and was hit on the side of the head by the mouse flying in the trap. She yelled, slapping at the trap sending it flying to the floor. The whole time Rayven was bent over laughing, gasping for breath.
"What the hell was that?" screeched Jaxx.
A bewildered Donny said, "Mom, I'm sorry but the mouse. He jumped into the trap and it scared me." Looking at Rayven he said, "I don't think I like catching mice."
The laughter continued as the mouse was taken out and buried under the willow tree.
She smiled at the fond memory. Love filled her heart whenever she thought of Donny. He was such a precious child. She felt blessed to be a part of his life.
Feeling more peaceful than she had since Jaxon moved in, Rayven watched the early morning sun touch the sky and turn it from black to a soft gold. It was going to be hot; summer's promise seeping through deeply shaded valleys and touching them with life. She reminded herself to call Mr. Landry at the stockman's headquarters and place the water order for the livestock.
Jaxon chose that moment to walk into the kitchen. "Morning. It looks like it's going to be another hot day." She walked over and poured herself a cup of coffee. "Thought I'd get an early start this morning on the roof. Why are you up so early?"
She half turned toward Jaxx, then stopped. Rayven didn't have to look at Jaxon to know she came closer; her nerve endings told her that. When, finally, she faced her wife, the ex-firefighter stood no more than two feet away; close enough for her to see the bead of moisture slowly moving down the high cheek bone caused by the long beautiful wet hair. Mindless, dangerously, she touched a tanned forearm with fingers so hot that the tips had burned. Now she felt raw and alive. "I'm used to it." She shrugged as she removed her fingers. "The best time to take pictures is right before the sun wakes the morning sky."
"You must have felt like a bouncing ball, always being sent somewhere new all the time."
The blonde ran her fingers through her hair, long past caring how she looked. "One thing about the traveling, I've seen a lot of places I wouldn't want to live." She looked out over the vast fields. "I love this part of Oregon, the seasons, the wilderness. I always have."
"I'd like a milder summer this year, but you're right about the wilderness." Jaxon thought about how the mountains, sometimes - mostly in the middle of the night, made her feel trapped. But maybe it wasn't the mountains; maybe the restlessness came from within her. "I've been wondering about something. Why didn't you come back earlier? After all, you grew up here; your mother still lived here, was buried here."
Rayven blinked her eyes. "A lot of reasons, Jaxon. However, I've been..." She stopped whatever she was about to say. "I drove by the high school on my way here. I was wondering if you showed Donny your pictures in the main hall."
"My pictures? Oh, the state championship." She remembered. What was she supposed to do with that piece of information? "I'd forgotten. It seems so long ago." She sat down at the kitchen table and began to eat the breakfast placed before her.
"Yeah, it does," she said, and Rayven wondered if there was a touch of regret in Jaxx voice.
Jaxon wasn't the same young teenager she fell in love with all those years ago. Rayven had no regrets that Jaxx was no longer a teenager. She regretted the years lost, but not the woman her wife had become. This new woman moved with a deer's grace, her lean, athletic body challenging Rayven in a way she didn't want. Regardless of what she thought she didn't want, the fact remained; she was still physically attracted to her wife. Her heart might have put love behind it, but her body, her damnable body hadn't forgotten what it felt like to make love to Jaxon.
They had both been uncertain virgins when raging hormones, curiosity and love had brought them together that first time. It had been Jaxon's hands and mouth. In some instinctive way, her wife had known how to take her smoothly and cleanly from virginity to womanhood. Learning together, they tasted sensual experiences and, in the tasting, in testing, discovered that they were capable of igniting something in both themselves and each other that Rayven now believed could never be extinguished. They had given themselves to each other with every fiber of their beings. Eight long years later and the flame still hadn't been snuffed out. The more she tried to forget, the more her body burned, ached and remembered. But as she had learned there was more to relationships than the physical attraction. She had no idea what changes had taken place in Jaxx's life or whom she may have dated. It was necessary to get to know her again before things went too far.
Fighting with past and present emotions and confusion, Rayven bid Jaxon a good day and began her chores. Not too far away another person was also thinking about the past; sadness and questions filtering through his heart and soul.
<<
Jim Gilmore sat in the dark in his motel room downing one beer after another. Being fired from the firefighting team put a kink in his plans. He would have to ask for more money from his contact to continue. What he really wanted was why, after being together for five years, Tom had left him. He loved Tom and would have done anything for him. This whole situation was disturbing and unbelievable. The only thing he was sure of was the ex-chief of the Blue Mountain Firefighters was going to pay for taking his Tom away from him.
<<<
After she cleaned the kitchen, several days later, Rayven noticed Jaxon unconsciously rubbing her neck, trying to loosen muscles knotted by too much work and too much tension.
"Would you like some coffee or tea?" she asked the tired looking woman.
Nodding a yes, Jaxon brushed her palms down her jeans and followed Rayven back into the kitchen, where she was handed a cup and then followed the small woman to the porch, where they settled into the comfortable rockers.
"Donny sleeping?"
Jaxx was looking at her, blue eyes gentle yet wary. In that instant, Rayven no longer cared that about the past; her need to embrace her wife in remembrance of everything they shared, to be embraced and given security, was stronger than any emotion she ever experienced. She needed to connect with the other half of her soul. Still, she fought herself, warned by her soul-deep vulnerability, her fear that once exposed she could never again be able to keep anything from Jaxx.
"Yeah, he was pretty tired." Jaxon said, once again massaging the crick in her neck.
She felt a peace, calm, a serenity she hadn't known she was missing; all from a single glance Jaxx bestowed upon her. Had they really been separated for eight years? It seemed much less and sometimes it seemed much longer. Rayven took the taller woman's cup and set it on the floor beside hers. "Is your neck hurting?"
"It's been stiff ever since I fixed the hole in the roof last week. I think I strained a muscle or something."
"Sit on a step and I'll massage it for you."
The offer was too appealing to pass on. She lowered herself to the third step and Rayven positioned herself behind her, a knee on each side of the taller body. The blonde then placed both hands low on her neck and smoothed them across her broad tense shoulders. A small hand found a knot and kneaded it. A shiver ran through Jaxon's body at the profound pleasure. She groaned. "Right there, isn't it?"
"Yeah." The blonde smelled like wild flowers. Her warm thighs braced Jaxon's torso and a swollen stomach pressed against her lower back, warm and comforting. Jaxx straightened and hooked her arms over the small woman's knees, allowing their weight to rest on her legs while Rayven did delightful things to her aching neck and shoulders with her small, sturdy hands.
"You're stiff right here," Rayven said, rubbing the spot gently.
That isn't the only place, she thought lecherously. Her nipples were straining against her shirt, begging to be released and a deep throbbing between her legs was almost unbearable.
"Are you falling asleep?" The words were breathed right in her ear and she almost came unglued. Small hands had paused on her shoulders as warm breath tickled her ear.
"No." The ex firefighter's voice sounded as if she'd eaten gravel for dinner, instead of steak and potatoes. She raised her hands and covered the small ones where they lay on her shoulders. Her fingertips explored soft skin, knuckles, short, smooth nails. Rayven turned her right hand over, and it trembled slightly. Jaxon traced the contours of the small soft palm and couldn't remember if she had ever experienced anything so sensual.
Though the night was warm, she felt the body behind her shiver. She used her left hand to capture and hold the smaller right one so Rayven couldn't pull away, and then turned sideways to look into the green eyes of her soul mate.
She didn't try to withdraw, so Jaxon released the small hand. The writer used it to touch black hair and trace a pink ear. It felt too good to be an innocent touch. Jaxon lowered her face and pressed her lips against the skin on a thigh, just below the bottom hem of the shorts the smaller woman was wearing. A shaky breath escaped the blonde. She kissed Rayven's leg, her knee, darted her tongue out and tasted it. Flesh quivered under her lips. All at once Jaxon stopped, sitting rigid between the smaller woman's legs. After a few moments the firefighter turned to her wife and said, quietly, with a voice full of remorse, "Sorry, I promised I wouldn't do that. I'm going for a walk. Don't wait up."
"Umm . . . Okay." A short time later, Rayven lay beneath the sheet in her childhood bedroom. There was comfort here. More than any place she'd ever lived, this room belonged to her. Jaxon still had the power to hurt her. Laying here in the dark, she could still taste her lips, feel the long-dead feelings her touch had awakened. Could she forget the past and everything that had happened between them? They were still drawn to each other and had always been stronger together than apart. Could she risk it? Once she'd believed that Jaxon would always love her. She paid for that mistake dearly. What if she gave Jaxx her heart again, only to discover it was a mistake? After a few moments she also realized she was tired of living in the past, tired of being alone, tired of being unloved. She wanted to start living again. Her decision made, she threw back the sheet covering her body and slid out of bed. It was time for answers.
Using the brilliant moonlight as her guide and her trusty flashlight along with her walking stick, Rayven climbed up the grassy ridge that rose behind the house. It provided a beautiful view of the ranch. And she knew it was where she would find Jaxon. It was a place she found the fire fighter sitting many nights, looking out over the valley and stargazing. As Rayven climbed, the memory of Jaxon's kiss flooded her with warmth and concern - warmth at the love that existed after all this time and concern for the future. It was time they had a heart to heart talk.
The top of the ridge was smooth, gently rounded and grassy. A breeze moved faintly, bringing with it sounds from the valley below. In the distance, the moonlight glittered along the length of the river that ran along the north side of Sleepy Springs. She came upon Jaxon leaning against a stump; knees drawn up to her chest, her head bent, her arms circled her legs. She held her breath realizing that Jaxon was crying. For a few moments it was so quiet that Rayven could hear her heartbeat and the soft sobs of the woman she loved. Then slowly Jaxon lifted her tearstained face and said softly, "I'm so sorry I hurt you."
For a moment Rayven thought the voice was an echo from her former dreams, when she had longed to hear Jaxon explain what had happened, why it had happened, what had gone wrong that she was no longer the person Jaxon loved or wanted. But the voice wasn't a dream from the past. The voice was here, now, before her; so was Jaxon. She slowly settled her body down next to the ex-firefighter. Not acknowledging the statement she said, "You're working too hard, Jaxon," Rayven whispered, "You look so tired. I don't want you to wear yourself out over a ranch that means nothing to you." As she placed her palm against the warm moist cheek, she felt ashamed. Jaxx had given her so much companionship and laughter in the last few weeks and she had given nothing in return.
Jaxon closed her eyes for an instant, feeling the softness of the small hand pressed against her cheek, savoring it with an intensity that was just short of painful. Since the kiss under the willow tree, Rayven had touched her more frequently, many times not realizing she was doing so and it was clear she was more at ease with her. She knew if they were to have a future it was up to her wife now, for she had expressed to the small woman how she felt. She didn't want to frighten or push the blonde away, so she hadn't touched her since nor had she brought up the past. "I don't mind. I've always loved it here." Jaxon respond, her voice a whisper. "The best part of my day is when we walk out over the ranch and watch the sunset together."
"I really enjoy those time too." She really wanted to sit on Jaxx's lap but knew the next move was hers to make. "Wi . . . Will you hold me?"
"Come here," was the answer, without hesitation.
At first they held each other tightly, as though they were afraid something would happen to separate them. Because Jaxx couldn't let Rayven go, she pulled the blonde closer and hoped her body would say what she didn't have the words for. The emotions were too strong. Gradually their arms loosened while Jaxon rocked Rayven slowly against her breast, stroking her hair and back with her large hand, wordlessly telling her how much she cared. She struggled to find the words to tell this beautiful woman in her arms everything she was feeling, but no matter how she worked them, they seemed inadequate and half formed. She finally gave up the fight and let her feelings roam free.
Small arms were around her wife's lean waist and Rayven's head was resting against her soft breasts as her hands gently kneaded the muscles of the taller woman's back, trying to relax the tension. She was in Jaxon's arms, pressed against her heart, right where she belonged. When the journalist finally tilted back her head to look at Jaxon's face, her eyes were closed and an expression of peace had replaced the lines of pain on her face. The knowledge that she could still bring her lover such a feeling with something as simple as a hug made her ache with emotion. She should have done this before. She had wanted to, but she was too afraid.
Slowly Jaxon opened her eyes to see brilliant green ones looking up at her full of wonder and love. A tremor went through her. "I love holding you."
The whispered, barely audible words sent an answering tremor through Rayven. The intensity of Jaxon's blue eyes made her breath shorten. She wanted to be kissed by the taller woman, but knew the taller woman wouldn't, even though it was obvious she wanted to very much. Her wife was careful to keep her touches and emotions to herself, until tonight. The once young woman who had always needed things her own way was now grown. She never forced herself or her decisions upon Rayven. Compromise and communication were now words the journalist could use when describing Jaxx. She had done nothing to make her afraid or skeptical. Nor would she do anything now. If the blonde wanted to be kissed, it was up to her to take the initiative. "Can . . . Can . . . I kiss you?" Rayven asked. Her voice was shaky and her eyes mirrored her own inner conflict.
"I'd really like that," Jaxon said, memorized by the sweet lips and the green eyes. Her heart beat in marathon mode, slamming painfully in her chest as they kissed, her tongue exploring Jaxon's mouth gently, almost reverently. Lost. She was totally and completely lost. Rayven lingered over the kiss, tempting, teasing herself as much as her partner. When she pulled back, she sought the blue eyes for answers. She loved Jaxx so much. She'd always loved her.
So long . . . she'd waited so long for this. Jaxon whispered, "a day never went by that I didn't think or dream of you. I love you, sweetheart." She slowly bent to kiss the woman who meant the world to her. The firefighter moaned deep in her throat and bravely explored the shape of Rayven's mouth before plunging inside to tease and torment her. Twisting slightly to the side, she eased the blonde's cheek against her shoulder and began stroking her hair. She pulsed with need, but the rest of her, heart, head and soul, needed more than a physical release. She needed the love of her wife, soul mate and friend back. She needed the magic. Rayven. Slight, strong, built for climbing mountains and making love and raising children and watching eagles fly and . . . and loving me. Making me feel whole, no longer alone drifting through life like seeds on the wind.
Rayven buried her hands in the long black hair, feeling the sharp pain of longing. The need to lay herself open to Jaxx surged through her. Words flitted through her, questions, a promise freely given that tonight meant as much to Jaxon as it did to her. She opened her mouth to ask her wife to gift her with that promise, spotted the moon cradled between tree shadows, heard coyotes howl, and lost the ability to speak. Through eyes that wouldn't focus, she stared at the moon and stars and for a brief moment, there on the middle of that hillside ridge with the fading day and the gaining night achieved a perfect balance. It all made so much sense. The points of light blurred, then came together. Together. Like her and Jaxon. Alive. Whole. Complete. The words, the emotions, melted through her. Without you I would die.
She felt fingertips on her sunburned flesh. Somehow they cooled and heated at the same time. When they both caught their breaths, Jaxon asked, "Can I have it back, please?"
Rayven frowned. "Have what back?"
"Your heart." The ex firefighter drew in a breath. "This time I promise to take better care of it, sweetheart." She tenderly cupped Rayven's chin and raised her face to look into her green eyes.
Lips soft as butterfly wings brushed across her lips. "I want your heart in return."
"Rayven, don't you know, you have always had it. You stole it when I wasn't watching so many years ago."
"I don't want a stolen heart, Jaxon"
"It was freely given. I love you, darling. I always have and I always will."
The kiss that followed left no question as to how freely their hearts were given back to each other. The merging of two lost souls rejoiced, finally. Rayven felt herself start to dissolve in the kiss and in the belief that she was home where she belonged. At last. It was the feel of the baby kicking that brought Jaxon to her senses. With a groan, she released the soft sweet mouth. Shifting back against the stump, she pulled Rayven back to rest the blonde head against her shoulder.
They sat for a long time in companionable silence, holding each other gently and watching the stars shine brightly. As it always had been between the two of them, there didn't seem to be any need for words. They were comfortable simply being together. After a few moments, Jaxx asked. "Why did you leave me?" It was a heartbreaking cry. Jaxon couldn't hold it in any longer; she needed to know.
Rayven shook her head as if she hadn't heard what she thought she heard. Anger, regret, sadness, Jaxon's betrayal all consumed her until finally she said, "I did what you would have done, given the same circumstances."
"I wouldn't have left you."
"Jaxon, remember Tristan and Mary Sue from high school?"
Frowning she answered hesitantly, "Yes."
"What did you say to me when I found out that Tristan was cheating on Mary Sue?
She thought for a while then her expression changed. "But . . . I..."
"You said that if you were Mary Sue, you would walk away from Tristan and never come back."
"I didn't mean that for us. I..."
Rayven interrupted, "That IS what you said and what I did. I never doubted your words, Jaxon. I believed them to be the truth."
"No." She cried. "Tristan and Mary Sue were nothing like us, honey. We were meant to be together. Two souls destined to be together before we were born. Tristan cheated on Mary Sue from the beginning of their relationship."
"Then why did you have sex and marry Tom Harris?" she declared. "Why didn't you try to find me?" She tried to pull away from Jaxon but the taller woman's arms tightened refusing to let her go.
"I did try to find you, sweetheart. Every time I felt like I was getting close you were sent somewhere else. I've spent years searching for you, sent you letters. They all came back."
"Why'd you marry Tom? Did you love him?" She choked out.
"No"
"Then why did Aunt Lois say the day I arrived in Silver Lake that you were happily married?"
"I was not happily married. I was miserable. You left me. My world had no meaning anymore. My parents and his demanded that it would be best for the baby. I didn't have a job or a way to support myself. I didn't even like Tom."
Remembering that Jaxx had never mentioned her parents before Rayven asked, "What happened with your parents?"
"I didn't want to marry Tom. They said it wasn't right to bring a child up as a bastard. They would never speak to me again if I didn't marry him. They didn't believe he had raped me." Silent tears moved down darkened cheeks.
"Honey, I'm so sorry." Rayven held her wife and gently rubbed her back.
After a moment Jaxx continued, "After he was killed they tried to set me up with other men. They even offered to give this one guy their ranch if he would marry me. I refused. I told them I was still in love with you and always would be. If raising Donny alone was what I had to do then I would do it. They said they didn't want a gay daughter, that it brought shame to their family. They told me they never wanted to speak to me again. I was no longer their daughter. Shortly after, they moved from Silver Lake."
"Then why did you have sex with him?"
"I don't know."
"You have sex with someone in our home and don't know why."
"Remember I told you about the new rookie who always made passes at me?"
"Yes."
"That was Tom. He kept saying he was going to have me one way or another. I told him when hell froze over. He would only laugh."
"I don't understand."
"I recall the fire that day. We had it out in a short time then Tom yelled he had found something. I was sent to help check it out because I was nearest to Tom. It was Bobby and Rebecca from our team. Oh Gods, Rayven, Rebecca told me that morning she was pregnant and this would be her last fire."
"I'm sorry."
"They were burnt to the point it was hard to tell who they were. I remember screaming and calling for you. Then someone led me away from the scene and wanted to give me something. I refused and tried to push them away but they gave me a shot anyway. They said I was in shock and the shot would help calm me down. Next thing I remember is you accusing me of having sex with Tom. I couldn't understand why you would say that until I saw Tom getting dressed and noticed I was partially naked."
"But..."
"I don't have any answers Rayven. I know it sounds unbelievable but I don't have the answers."
"The answers. The answers are in the attic." She stated as she struggled to her feet and started down the slope to the house.
"Wait. Where are you going?"
"The answers are in the attic."
"Rayven, are you all right? That doesn't make any sense." Jaxon said as she caught up with the smaller woman.
"Mother said the last time I visited her that the answers were in the attic but I didn't know what she meant." Once they were in the attic Rayven spoke. "There must be something here that will answer our questions. Help me look."
"Why would she put something in the attic instead of sending it to you?" asked Jaxx.
"I don't know."
After searching for a short time Rayven found a small box labeled Rayven and Jaxon. "I believe I found it, sweetheart."
Inside the box was a sealed envelope marked Rayven McEllis and Jaxon Segreto below it was a loose piece of paper.
Reaching inside the box the journalist pulled out the piece of paper and began to read. It was from her mom which stated that she had read the note because it was given to her and realized that she needed to give it to her daughter. Believing that Rayven would be coming back home soon she had decided to put it in a box and give it to her the next time they saw each other.
"I'm scared to open it. What if I can't handle what's inside, what if...?"
"Don't what if, honey. We'll handle whatever it is together."
Sitting down on a pile of old blankets, Jaxon motioned Rayven to sit between her spread legs. Together they would read the letter.
"Here - let me," Jaxon said softly as she took the envelope and tore it open, pulling out two sheets of white wrinkled paper from inside, she began to read.
-----
Sitting by the campfire in the dim light, Tom Harris contemplated his short life. At twenty-six he felt there was no reason to continue to live. He had already murdered three people, destroyed several others lives and caused a child to be born into a world that was not his asking and gave up the only person he'd ever loved. Some people say that there is a time in one's life that you hit the wall. Without a reason there is no motivation to go on. he knew that he had hit that wall. It took a little scheming but he had all the players in position to carry out his final act of freedom in this world.
He reached to fill his cup with coffee that was brewing on the campfire; he gently took a sip of the steaming liquid. The young fire fighter would miss some things. Like the stars shining bright in the night sky. The way the sun rose each morning. Taking a deep breath he picked up the notebook from the ground beside him.
With tears rolling down his tanned cheeks he composed the letter to Jaxon and Rayven, two women's lives he destroyed with his act of deceit. Why did he have to be born to that bitch? Why couldn't she just leave him alone? He could have chosen to do things differently, but he did not have the courage, or guts.
As he began to tell his life story, he remembered how he killed his teammates then paid the medic to drug Jaxon. How he placed a call to Rayven insisting she come home - that Jaxon needed her. Then he raped Jaxx, timing it so Rayven would walk in on them.
He told about his Mother. How she had an affair with Judge Johnston; He was the result of that affair. Mr. & Mrs. Harris adopted him at two weeks of age. They were good parents; very wealthy but didn't believe that gays should exist. They considered them the scum of the earth. Lois Garrett, his biological mother was blackmailing him. She threatened to tell his parents he was gay, thus cutting off his inheritance and his monthly support checks.
The final act of payment to Lois was for him to sleep with Jaxon, causing Rayven to leave. The only problem was Jaxon got pregnant. Lois and his parents insisted he marry Jaxon Segreto since that is what a proper gentleman would do and appearance meant everything to his parents as well as Lois.
In case you haven't figured it out yet, Rayven, you are my niece. The destraught man knew that saying he was sorry would do little, but he was. He allowed greed and fear to make him do things he never should have. Now the guilt was eating him alive.
There was one thing that he wanted to do for the child. His child. That was to secure the child's future. He left instructions and a key to a safe deposit box in Jaxon's name that contained enough money, stocks, bonds and investments to last them for the rest of their lives.
Be careful around Lois, she is into more than people realize. I believe there are more reasons for her wanting you to leave the ranch than just your lifestyle.
His thoughts ended as he signed his name to the letter that would now set him free. Tom Garrett Harris
He tore off the papers and put them into an envelope addressing it to Rayven and Jaxon, then put it into a larger one and addressed that one to Rayven's mother. He sat staring at the fire until the early morning light began to crest the horizon. Getting to his feet he walked over to the new rookie's tent and asked Brad Lewis to deliver the letter to Mrs. McEllis.
He rode the helicopter to the hotspot, where he was to release the cable that would cause the bucket to drop water on the fire. When it came time to flip the switch he jumped. As he was falling to earth he watched the flames, smoke and felt the heat. He smiled. "It's finished."