Tempus Fugit
By Mavis Applewater
For disclaimers see part one.
A special thank you goes out to my beta reader Mary.
As always this is for Heather.
Part Thirteen 1968
1968 was a turbulent year in our lives. So many events happened. Elvis became a dad, both Martin Luther King and Robert F. Kennedy were assassinated, LBJ opted not to run for reelection, and in the beginning of that year what is now known as the Tet offensive began. It was also the year that Walter Cronkite went on national television and denounced the war. LBJ said if we’ve lost Cronkite, we’ve lost the nation.
We also ended up having a war of our own brewing at home. It all began in the fall of that year when Ginny’s little winged friend flew into our lives. Yeah that was a truly special event. During it my mantra became, ‘Calling her a bitch or hitting her would be wrong.’ Having her burst into our lives might have been easier if not for the tragedy that proceeded her arrival.
The year started out on a high note. Evelyn and Wally finally got married. Ron and Spencer followed suit a few months later. Our fledgling law practice was growing. We were still floundering but things were heading in the right direction. Everyone at the firm, poured their heart and soul into the practice. The monetary rewards may have been meager but the work we did helped so many people it was well worth the sacrifices. We were making quite the name for ourselves in the legal community. It was hard to miss our tenacious attitude. We never gave up even though most people accused us of tilting at windmills.
I reached a point in my life where the occasional innocent client and being on my own meant everything to me. I stopped pining over the girl I had lost. I stopped looking for the one. If it was going to happen, it would. I just hoped that if Miss Right did cross my threshold she wouldn’t be in legal trouble at the time. Being alone was no longer something I dreaded. At times it bugged me. How could it not? My closest friends were a pack of newlyweds. I thought they were annoying when they were just engaged. Their happiness gave me hope while also annoying the crap out of me.
The year passed quickly. The weather turned cold and my fears rested in the snowfall and my clients cases. I thought I was on top of the world. Things could only get better. I was wrong again.
I was working late at the office trying to figure someway I was going to save my overly guilty client’s butt. Then I got the phone call; the one I had never prepared for. Mom and Dad had gone to some rotary club dinner that night. Dad had grown quiet and turned suddenly pale then he slumped over. The doctor tried to console us by informing Mom and me that since the heart attack had come on so suddenly Dad didn’t suffer.
I spoke with the ambulance driver as well. It was the truth. My father was gone before he hit the floor. I just never thought it could happen. I took Mom home and put her to bed then I began making the arrangements. It killed me to have to call Sammy and Ginny and be the one to break the news to them. The both of them flew home immediately. Mom needed all of her kids to be with her and according to her that included Ginny. I didn’t argue the point. Ginny and I may have screwed up big time in the romance department. Still she would forever be a part of the family.
All of us accepted that what we didn’t accept was that she didn’t arrive alone. It made sense that her partner would accompany her to support during her time of need. It just worked everyone’s nerves. Actually Ginny arriving with her lover wasn’t the problem. It wasn’t even her role as Ginny’s partner that worked our nerves. It was Sparrow. The girl was freakishly obnoxious.
It had taken me several hours to track Ginny down since they were still living in abus. I ended up calling her friend Harmony the one who lived in Santa Barbara. When I introduced myself Harmony knew who I was and treated me like an old friend. “I hate to bother you,” I sniffed weary of making phone calls while trying to accept the fact that Dad was gone. “I need to get a message to Ginny.”
“It’s cool,” Harmony said. “If it is an emergency I can call some people who live near them and have them rap on the bus. Just tell me what you need?”
‘My father back!’ My mind screamed. “Could you get word to her that my father passed away?” I was surprised when I heard her gasp.
“Ellen I’m sorry for your loss,” she offered her sympathy. “I know we’ve never met but Ginny has talked about you and your family many times. From what she has said your father was a beautiful soul. My thoughts are with you and your family.”
“Thank you.” I sniffed.
“Look I’m gonna just hop in my car and drive down there and tell her myself,” she tenderly explained. “I know she’ll want to speak to you. Are you at your pad or your parents?”
“My parents.” I answered stunned by her generosity.
“Is there anything else I can do?”
“No thank you,” I almost started to cry.
“Take care of yourself and if there is anything just call.”
An hour later the phone rang. “Are you alright?” Ginny’s voice woefully greeted me.
“No.” I answered honestly wondering how she got up to Santa Barbara so fast. When I heard the coins dropping I realized that she had raced to the first payphone she could find.
“What happened?” She sobbed.
“It was a heart attack.” I tried to explain.
We talked for over an hour all the while I could hear someone in the background complaining. I couldn’t take it any longer so I decided to end the conversation. “I’ll call you with my flight info.” She promised.
“I’ll be here.” I wearily responded.
“Ellen...,” she hesitated lowering her voice. “Hey Honey we are going to get through this. Now try and get some rest. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I absently responded not even aware of her words or my own. The endearment we had just exchanged would be forgotten until later. I hung up and just sat on the sofa far too numb to move. I was envious of Mom sleeping away. Then again I had slipped her a couple of valium which was the only reason she was asleep. I jumped when the phone rang. I have no idea how much time had passed. It was Ginny again with her flight information. She was taking the first plane out in the morning and would be arriving late in the afternoon. Her arrival worked out perfectly since Sammy’s flight would arrive a short while after hers. I was relieved that I would only have to endure one trip to Logan.
“There’s a hitch,” she grimly began. “Sparrow insists on joining me.”
“Oh?” I frowned before gathering my wits. “It makes sense. This isn’t just my loss you’re a part of the family and she is your lover.” I begrudgingly added. “We just have to work out the sleeping arrangements.”
“Already taken care of,” Ginny sighed. “I booked us a room at HoJo’s. I think it would be best if this time I stayed at a hotel.”
I hated that she would be so far away but it made sense. No way no how anyone would be comfortable with Sparrow fluttering about. I already had a full plate and wasn’t prepared to deal with Mom regarding who was sleeping where. “Okay I’ll be waiting at the gate then we’ll grab Sammy and work out the rest later.” I concluded.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she sounded miserable. “Now please go to bed.”
I promised that I would but of course I didn’t. Sleep eluded me and in the morning I went to battle just trying to get my mother to eat breakfast. I finally threw in the towel allowing my Aunt Grace to take over so I could get to the airport and pick up everyone. With so many people plus luggage I decided to take the Chevy. I was early and ended up spending my time pacing at the gate and drinking way too much coffee. I almost broke down when I saw her stepping through the gate.
Before I knew what was happening I was in her arms. “I’m here,” she whispered in my ear while we clung to one another. “I’m so sorry Ellen.” The sound of someone clearing their throat broke up our embrace. “Uhm Sparrow this is my friend Ellen.”
“Nice to meet you.” I managed to choke out offering the scrawny brunette my hand. She just flashed me the peace sign. I didn’t take offense it was a common greeting. “Sammy’s flight will be landing in about forty-five minutes. Why don’t we head down to baggage claim?”
“Carry on,” Ginny volunteered picking up her duffle bag. “Only way to travel. What airline is Sam flying in on?”
“TWA which is in another terminal.” I explained mildly bothered by the way Sparrow was ignoring us and playing with her hair.
When we picked up Sammy the three of us hugged one another tightly until Sparrow’s constant sighing broke us apart. I led everyone out to the parking area and we loaded up the Chevy. Ginny held out her hand for the keys. “You haven’t slept.” She grimly pointed out.
“It’s your car,” I answered with a slight laugh.
“It is?” Sparrow finally spoke grinning like an idiot.
“Long story,” Ginny blew off her comment while trying to get her into the backseat.
“I’ll just get in the back with Sammy,” I finally offered calling off the stalemate. Again I had to concede that wanting to sit next to her lover wasn’t outrageous. Still it was gnawing at me that Sparrow had failed to express her condolences. Now that she had chosen to speak her conversation was limited to the car and why were she and Ginny staying at a hotel. Apparently the cost of a hotel was troubling her. “Well if money is a problem,” I began hoping to defuse the situation sensing Ginny’s growing agitation and needing for the annoying hippy chick to just shut up.
“It isn’t,” Ginny cut me off. “Sparrow we’ve talked about this.”
“I just don’t get it,” Sparrow whined while playing with her love beads. “If you really are like family to these people why shouldn’t we stay with them?”
“You can,” I blew out. “I’ll just crash on the sofa and Sparrow can have my room.”
“Wait,” Sparrow spun around glaring at me. “You expect us to sleep apart?”
“No,” I tried to clarify. All the while I reminded myself to just keep calm. “I know my mother and she wouldn’t approve of the two of you sharing a bed.”
“Oh but you could?” Sparrow snidely snapped.
“Not under their roof,” Ginny barked. “Look Ellen’s parents are from a different generation as approving as they are, unmarried couples sharing a bed isn’t going to happen in their house. We’ll stay at Howard Johnsons. No big deal.”
“Gin it is a big deal.” Sparrow droned on.
“Why don’t I just drop you at the hotel?” Ginny groaned.
“No, I’m coming with you,” Sparrow persisted. “You keep telling me that these people are your family. Why shouldn’t I meet them?”
“Sparrow this isn’t a party,” Ginny gritted her teeth flashing me a weary look in the rearview mirror. “The Druette’s were married for thirty-one years. Ma must be at her wits end. Entertaining guests isn’t something she needs to be doing.”
“You are not ditching me,” Sparrow fumed wrapping her fingers tightly through her beads.
I would have jumped over the seat to throttle Sparrow for her snippy attitude if I didn’t already have my hands full trying to hold Sammy back. A part of me really wanted to stop restraining my little brother and let him tear her tied-dyed, love bead wearing scrawny ass to shreds. I don’t know why her hippy attitude was bothering me. I dressed the same way, we all did. I think it was her harsh nature and strange fascination with money that contradicted her peacenik ways. That and the way Ginny folded like a house of cards.
Things went downhill after Mom met Sparrow. Once again instead of offering sympathy she flashed a peace sign. Ginny sat with my mother while Sparrow made herself at home raiding the fridge and snooping around. We had all reached our tether when Sparrow brought up the Chevy again.
“Well yes dear the car belongs to Ginny,” Mom snapped. “Perhaps the two of you can discuss it later?”
“Chill.” She had the bad manners to groan before wandering off.
Everyone in the room took a deep breath afraid to say anything knowing that the words we might say would hurt Ginny’s feelings. “Mom I’m going to get the suit you picked out and drop it off at Brisby’s,” I volunteered not really wanting to deliver or even look at the outfit my father would be buried in. It didn’t surprise me to find Sparrow snooping around the upstairs. “So Eve,” she called out to me.
“Ellen.” I snapped pushing past her and storming towards my parent’s bedroom.
“Groovy,” she sighed from behind me as she followed after me. “The car really belongs to Ginny?”
“Yes!” I barked picking up my Dad’s best suit fighting back the tears.
“Then why is it here?” She pried.
“It is just how it worked out,” I growled clutching the suit keeping my back to annoying woman. I choked back a sob before turning and facing her. “Sparrow do me a favor? That woman downstairs just lost her husband. My father, the man who loved Ginny like she was his kid, died. So try and act a little sensitive. If you can’t then do all of us a favor and either keep your mouth shut or hide out at the hotel. I don’t mean to be a bitch but for the love of God give me and my family a break.”
“Listen I don’t want to be here,” she sneered. “No way am I letting you try and get your hooks in her again. I’m here and I’m going to make sure Ginny gets what she deserves. Now if the car belongs to her, she should take it. Since we are flying back you’ll have to make arrangements for it to be delivered. You may have been her first love but I’m the last.”
“What?” I stumbled backward thrown by her admission. I ended up sitting on the bed when I heard the word echoed in an angry voice.
“What?” Ginny snapped once again from the doorway pushing past her lover. “We are here for a funeral. The car, incase you have any further questions, is staying here. Yes, it was mine now it belongs to the whole family. Unlike the van we live in which is mine. Ellen I’m taking Sparrow to the hotel. On the way back I’ll drop off the suit for you. I’ll be back just as soon as I can.”
“Thank you.” I choked out.
“Well she was pleasant,” Mom announced when they left. “Good Lord thank goodness your father is dead cause that one would have killed him.” Everyone broke into laughter even my aunts and uncles who normally were uneasy around Ginny.
“Oh Mom,” I snickered. “No he just would have called her a Pink-O and made a pitcher of martinis.”
“Two pitchers.” Sammy agreed.
“I swear it is almost as if Ginny was dating her sister,” Mom groaned. “I don’t mean that in an icky creepy way it’s just she is so much like Laurie.”
“Oh my God she is.” I gasped. Mom was right on target. Sparrow had Ginny wrapped around her finger the same way Laurie did in high school.
It started to get late and we were beginning to worry about Ginny. Finally the Chevy pulled up and she climbed out walking into the house with her duffle bag slung over her shoulder. “So is my old room still available?”
“Where’s your friend?” Mom cautiously inquired.
“Right about now somewhere over Chicago,” Ginny shrugged checking her watch. “We decided that she should go home ahead of me. I’m sorry Mrs. Druette.”
“No need to apologize,” Mom smiled. “And it’s Ma. Now go put your stuff in your room. Once we get through this weekend and things aren’t so messed up I am going to sit you down for a long talk about that one. Eleanore show Ginny to her room.”
I was just about to comment on how Ginny knew the way, but the cautioning look in my mother’s eyes made me hold my tongue. I walked Ginny upstairs she threw her bag down on her bed. After all these years everyone thought of the guestroom as Ginny’s room. She stayed there every holiday or odd visit and Mom kept it the way Ginny liked it.
“How are you holding up?” She turned to me.
“I’m not.” I sobbed falling into her arms.
“You’re great,” she cooed rubbing my back. “Pops would be proud of the way you are handling everything and everybody.”
“He wasn’t supposed to die damn it.” I howled.
“I know,” she comforted me.
We ended up sitting on the bed me sobbing like a small child while she cradled me in her arms. I wanted to stay in her arms forever, to kiss her and hold her all night long. I didn’t. I couldn’t. I understood her words. She had sent Sparrow home ahead of her. They were still together. I hated it. I hated knowing that Ginny was with the wrong person. I hated not being able to say so. Instead I settled for letting her hold me for as long as possible.
Later that
night Sammy, Ginny and I crowded around the kitchen table. Certain that
Mom was asleep we cracked open a bottle of wine and started smoking. We
were flipping through old photos trying to recapture what we had lost. “Look
here is one of all five of us.” Sammy beamed showing a picture to us.
“That must of have been one of our Sunday outings,” I smiled looking
closely at the photo wishing that we were all still that happy.
“Oh yeah,” Ginny sighed. “Oh man look at our clothes and hair. Sam is wearing one of those Davy Crocket coon skin hats.”
I leaned closer taking a better look my smile vanishing as I reached across the table and smacked Sammy in the head. “Hey!” He barked rubbing his head. “What was that for?”
“Take a look at where your little beady eyes are focused,” I scowled shoving the picture at him.
“Oops.” He cringed.
“Did you never look at my face?” Ginny scolded him.
“I don’t think so,” Sammy confessed. “Oh here is one with Dad in uniform with Aunt Frieda.”
“Wow your father was a handsome guy,” Ginny smiled.
We froze when we heard determined footsteps approaching. Suddenly we were back in high school busted for smoking and drinking. We tried to clear everything up but Mom was too quick. “Oh for pity’s sake I can smell the smoke,” she scolded us. “Now pour me a glass and I’ll take one of the Camels Sammy’s trying to stuff down his shirt.” She sat down and lit up. “Ah that’s better.” She blew out. “Look at all these photos.”
“I was just saying that Pops was very handsome in uniform.” Ginny offered.
“He was,” Mom smiled with a dreamy look in her eyes. “He enlisted in the navy just after Pearl Harbor. Most of the boys did.”
“Were the two of you dating then?” Ginny innocently asked. Forgetting that I had been born before the tragic events of Pearl Harbor.
“Oh goodness no,” Mom laughed. “We were married by then. In fact Eleanore was just a baby. Sam was a little older than I was. His mother was quite miffed when we got engaged.”
“Is that why the two of you always fought?” I snickered flipping through the old photo album.
“Hey Mom?” Sammy curiously began. “I’ve always wondered how is Aunt Frieda related to us.”
“You don’t know?” I smirked.
“You do?” Mom choked on her wine.
“Yes, I do,” I stuttered.
“What’s gives?” Sammy questioned.
“Aunt Frieda was Dad’s first wife,” I announced stunning both my brother and Ginny.
“They were kids,” Mom quickly explained. “Just barely teenagers, really. They snuck off to Maryland and got married. It didn’t last but they stayed friends.”
“And you were cool with that?” Sammy gaped at her.
“Honey look at the picture.” Mom laughed. “I took it. If I had a problem with them being friends do you think I’d let her in the house? Frieda was the one who introduced us. Of course your father being a divorcee didn’t go over well with my parents. Frieda couldn’t have been more than sixteen when they got divorced. I always felt bad for her. It turns out she couldn’t have children that’s why she doted on the two of you. What Sam?”
“It just finding out Dad was married before,” Sammy shuddered. “It’s a little weird.”
“It was a teenaged elopement,” Mom scoffed lighting another cigarette. “They realized it was a mistake shortly afterward. They would have gotten an annulment but their parents insisted that they try. Still it only lasted just over a year.”
“I guess every family has its skeletons.” Ginny surmised.
“Yes and two of ours are sitting right here,” I quipped as Ginny gave me a playful nudge.
“Please the two of you are nothing,” Mom groaned. “You don’t even want to know about the shenanigans your Uncle Fred got into.”
“Such as?” I encouraged.
“Every family has its secrets Eleanore,” Mom scolded me.
“Makes me wonder,” Ginny whispered. “What does Laurie tell her kids? I mean there are a ton of pictures of the two of us together. How does she explain it?”
“The truth might be nice,” Mom grunted. “Okay kids tomorrow is going to be a very long day. Off to bed the lot of you.” She quickly added effectively changing the subject.
“You going to be able to sleep?” Ginny questioned once we reached my bedroom.
“I doubt it,” I sighed gazing up at her. “Are you okay? After this is over do you want to take a drive visit Nat’s grave.”
“Yeah I’d like that,” she answered with a hard swallow. “Last time I was passing through I stopped in this little store somewhere just outside of New York just to grab a coke. There was this little boy with an older woman. She looked like a nanny. She was staring me at like I had antlers or something. The boy looked like pictures I had seen of my brother when he was that age. I wondered if he was my nephew. Then he says to me; you look just like my mommy only prettier. And I knew.”
“Sounds like your nephew is bright kid,” I tried to comfort her.
“I don’t even know his name,” she frowned. “The nanny just grabbed him and split.”
“You have two nephews, I don’t know how old they are,” I tenderly offered. “Dwight and Evan. Mom always hears the best gossip.” I fibbed just a little not wanting Ginny to know just how deep Spencer’s investigation had gone.
“Dwight and Evan?” Ginny groaned. “Poor kids.”
“No kidding,” I snorted. “Speaking of sleep you could use a little shut eye yourself. Sorry if I upset Sparrow.”
“Don’t,” she cut me off. “That whole business about the car and she was curious if Pops put me in the will. I think it is the real reason she insisted on coming. She was way out of line. I don’t get her sometimes. She’s all about our generation, the peace movement and sticking it to the man. Then she acts like she did today and focuses on the material trappings we’re supposed to be against. Hell I’m the one who wants to move into a pad and ditch the bus. She says it’s cool and we’re saving a bundle of bread. I don’t think it’s materialistic to want to have a bathroom that is inside your home.”
I was ready to agree with her then I thought it might be best to just stay out of it. As much as I wanted to see Ginny give her feathered friend the boot I refused to be the catalyst. So I said goodnight and tried to sleep. I don’t think any of us slept that week.
You never realize how many lives one person has truly touched until they are gone. There was a constant flow of people not just at the funeral parlor but at the house as well. We were inundated with casseroles, baked goods and stories about how Dad gave someone their first hair cut or helped them out of some kind of jam. Everyone spoke of how Dad’s biggest pride and joy was his family. He bordered on boring the ever living crap out of people regaling tales of Mom, Me, Sammy and Ginny.
All of the people had good intentions still I found the crowd stifling. Hearing all the stories that were meant to be comforting only saddened me. The tales were a constant reminder that my Dad was never coming home. More than once I found myself slipping out of the room needing to catch my breath. “Rough going,” Spencer tenderly offered finding me hiding in the kitchen among the plates of food that kept appearing from nowhere. I was just about to say she had no idea when I realized that she did. Spencer didn’t wait for me to say anything. She just captured me in a hug.
“Tell me it gets better.” I whimpered.
“I’d be lying,” she confessed tightening her hold before releasing me. “I was just a baby when Mom died. Then when I lost Dad I was barely a teenager. The hoards of people wanting to talk to me pissed me off. I just wanted to be alone and grieve. That and they kept calling me Henrietta.”
“I keep forgetting that is your first name,” I cracked a smile for the first time in ages. I thought Spencer was going to pitch a fit at her wedding when the justice of the peace had the bad manners to call her by her given name. “You okay?” I stood back noticing her pale skin.
“Still fighting that bug,” she shrugged just as Mom slipped into the kitchen. “I can’t seem to shake it. I feel fine for most of the day and wake up feeling nauseous. Weirdest thing.”
“Spencer?” Mom hugged her. “You’re not feeling well? I’ll get you some bicarbonate. Or maybe a couple of soda crackers?”
“Please don’t,” Spencer softly refused. “I’m here to help you. And it’s just a bug. I’m happy Ron hasn’t caught it. Although since we’re staying with his parents I’m hugging his mom as much as possible. I really hope she catches it.”
“In laws,” Mom groaned in agreement. “Honey you have no idea.”
“Uhm,” Spencer suddenly choked out. “I think it’s back. Excuse me.”
I was a little stunned when Spencer bolted out of the room. “I hope she is going to be okay,” I shook my head.
“Oh, she will be,” Mom snickered. “That’s no bug. That girl has a bun in the oven.”
“Are you sure?” I started to laugh.
“Pretty sure,” Mom knowingly supplied. “I mean I can’t be positive. But I’d put money on it.”
Later I was pulling my disappearing act again when I bumped into Sandy who was stealing a smoke behind the garage. “I’m having a flashback,” I laughed when she jumped after I snuck up on her.
“The one thing I can’t give up,” she guilty confessed instantly lighting another smoke. “How are you holding up?”
“Eh,” I shrugged feeling numb at the moment.
“Ron’s wife seems nice,” she threw out in an attempt to distract me.
“Spencer? She’s a doll,” I confirmed stealing a drag from Sandy’s cigarette. “Mom thinks she is expecting.”
“Really?” Sandy responded with a ghost of a smile. “Keep it.” She informed me when I tried to hand the cigarette back to her.
“Sorry.” I frowned understanding why she suddenly looked troubled. It had happened only a few years ago still each of us pretended it had never happened.
“It was the right choice,” Sandy shook her head in an effort to erase the memory. “I was a kid who drank nonstop and poisoned my body with drugs. What kind of mother would I have been?”
“I had hoped at the time it was going to inspire you to clean up your act,” I grimly admitted.
“You would think,” she cringed. “Thanks again. For going with me and not telling anyone why you suddenly decided to take a trip to Europe. Or that I was with you.”
“It wasn’t anyone’s business,” I took a long drag of my smoke. “You went through hell trying to decide what the right thing to do was. I’ve never been in your shoes. I don’t know what I would have done.”
“If I had known he was going to die,” she choked out. “I still wonder if I had known would I have kept the baby. God, I was so selfish. Maybe if he had known he would have quit the army like he promised.”
“Don’t,” I hugged her. “Hey how about we change the subject? Did you see Margie’s hair? What is wrong with her?”
“Honestly, it looks like a football helmet,” Sandy snidely snickered. “I don’t get it. She used to have fashion sense. Now she looks like an old lady. My mom dresses hipper than she does. I noticed Mark didn’t dare show his ugly mug.”
“He turned into a first class creep,” I snarled snubbing out my cigarette. “I can’t believe we thought he was cool back in the day.”
“Speaking of creeps,” Sandy snorted. “I heard Ginny’s friend caused a bit of a ruckus.”
“Sparrow? Ugh, don’t get me started,” I hissed feeling a foul taste in my mouth just by uttering her name.
“Sparrow?” Sandy gaped. “What were her parents thinking?”
“Not her real name,” I clarified. “She chose it. I hate her. She treats Ginny like crap. She only came here because she didn’t trust me around Ginny and she was hoping that Ginny was in the will.”
“Charming,” Sandy spat out.
“I have to stop,” I quickly reprimanded myself. “I’m biased and probably not being fair to her.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Sandy snickered. “From the little snippets I heard from your mother, I’d say you were being generous.”
“No, I’m not,” I felt terrible about gossiping behind Ginny’s back. “Just because I blew it with Ginny is no reason to be mean.”
“Still a class act,” she shook her head wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “Ready to go back and face the crowd?”
“Yeah,” I expelled a heavy sigh. “Lead on.”
The night of the funeral all of us were numb. After the last person had paid their respects the three of us collapsed. We were on autopilot as we set about cleaning up after the flurry of people who had come to pay their respects. We had just finished, Mom and Sammy had retreated upstairs leaving Ginny and I alone in the den. I turned to her needing to feel comfort. I reached out my body aching to feel her arms around me. Movement faltered when the ringing of the telephone blared out. I made my excuses as I went to answer it. I barely got out my hello when she demanded to speak to her girlfriend.
“It’s for you,” I bitterly snapped after storming into the den. “Just tell her Mom gets everything.” I added with disgust before storming upstairs. I slammed my bedroom door behind me. My hands were shaking as I began to unzip the simple black dress I had been wearing for the past three days. All the anger that had been brewing over the years boiling over. At one time my rage had been reserved for Laurie, now Sparrow seemed to be a better candidate. “You can’t tell me that freak makes her happy.” I snarled almost ripping my dress from my body. My suspicions were confirmed when I heard Ginny’s voice echoing vile words from downstairs. I put on my nightgown and donned a robe just as Ginny’s voice began to drift off. I looked at my bed. I knew I would be unable to sleep. Failing to hear any voices downstairs I decided to take a chance and venture down there.
When I stepped in the kitchen I found Ginny standing in the darkness staring at the telephone she had recently slammed back onto the cradle. “I’m sorry,” I quietly offered stepping past her heading towards the fridge.
“Don’t apologize,” she wearily supplied slumping down into a chair. “She’s being an asshole.”
“I was just going to have some wine,” I brushed it off not wanting to talk about it. I couldn’t get into it. If I did all hell would break loose and I wasn’t up for fighting. “Want some?”
“Yes,” she grumbled.
She thanked me when I handed her a glass and took the seat beside her. “Ellen,” she slowly began. “I’m sorry. You buried your father this morning. You shouldn’t have to deal with Sparrow’s hissy fits.”
“I can’t discuss this with you,” I coolly cut her off. “I’m your ex. My opinion is tainted to say the least. Right now I can’t handle this conversation. I’ll end up telling you to blow itout your barracks bag.”
“Fair enough,” she nodded wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “Come here?” She took the glass of wine from my grasp. I slipped into her embrace. Resting my head against her chest it felt so good just to nestle against her body listening to the steady rhythm of her heart beat.
I have no idea how long I allowed her to cocoon my body. All I knew was for the first time in days I felt whole again. I slowly slipped from her embrace when we heard someone moving about upstairs. I looked up at her wanting to thank her. My eyes drifted to her soft supple lips. I leaned closer. I felt her hand cupping my cheek her body moving closer. I wanted to kiss her. To feel alive again. If it wasn’t for the nagging little voice in the back of my head, I would have.
“Bad Ellen,” I admonished myself jerking away from her embrace. I could almost hear my father’s voice laughing at my plight and calling me a jackass.
“We have the worst timing,” Ginny whispered turning her body away from mine. I mirrored her actions and focused on my glass of wine. I didn’t object when she offered me another. We just sat there drinking in silence until the bottle was empty. Then we staggered upstairs mumbling our goodnights before retreating to the safety of our bedrooms.
The following morning Ginny and I looked like hell. Everyone was tense that day. We no longer had the distraction of the funeral to occupy us. I felt miserable knowing that my brother and Ginny would be leaving soon. I needed to get back to the city. Leaving Mom alone in the house was tearing at me. Mom, bless her heart, was firm each time one of us offered to delay leaving. She insisted that she was fine and her kids needed to go back to their lives. She finally got her point across by threatening to ground the lot of us for life. When everything was said and done Ginny went to visit her brother’s grave. Then I put her and Sammy on planes and sent them on their way.
As the year dwindled down, I had tried to settle back into my life. It was the most difficult thing to do. Countless times I reached for the telephone to call Dad and ask his opinion about something or other. When I realized he wouldn’t be there to answer I broke down. The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that Dad would be disappointed in me if his passing sidetracked my life. Still there were far too many times when I’d look out in the courtroom thinking I might see him. I’d love when he sneak into town to watch me work. Then he’d always treat me to a steak dinner and brag about me to anyone who would listen.
Just before the holiday mania began a ray of light entered my dreary existence. Ron stepped into my office one morning looking pale as a ghost. He stood there for the longest time with a strange look in his eyes. “The rabbit died.” He finally sputtered. It wouldn’t be the last time I’d hear him say those words. Unlike Evelyn and Wally, Ron and Spencer wanted to wait before starting a family. Also they didn’t plan on having a large family. Good thing life doesn’t listen to the plans we make. Other than my own parents I never saw two people who were more devoted to their children. All five of them.
That year was the first time none us really celebrated the holidays. We just couldn’t get into a festive state of mind. It started with Thanksgiving. Mom wasn’t feeling up to hosting a gathering. She and I ended up going to Uncle Fred’s. Sammy opted to go on a ski trip with some of his buddies from school and Ginny elected to stay in California. I hadn’t spoken to her since her return. I was still leery that I would blurt out something stupid like clip Sparrow’s wings and take a powder. Or that Sparrow was evil. Now that would have been an ice breaker. I had to let it go. So, I did.
When Christmas arrived I just couldn’t vacate the numb feelings that were strangling me. Mom didn’t seem to mind that I decided to go on a trip instead of coming home. I went to Aspen and pretended that it wasn’t Christmas. It was the only way I could get through it. After I came home I felt terrible knowing that I should have spent the day with my mother. She and Sammy spent the day alone after Ginny canceled her plans at the last minute. The end of the year was bleak. I could only hope that with the New Year all of us would find a little solace.
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