Suddenly Last Summer

M. E. Tudor

Chapter One

I was greeted by a wave of heat as I stepped off the bus. I had thought it was hot on the bus on the trip back from cheerleading camp, but it was much hotter standing in the sunshine. I cupped my hand over my eyes to block the sun's glare as I looked around for my mom's car. She was supposed to meet me here when we got back. Apparently she wasn't here yet so I pulled my rolling suitcase over to the sidewalk. My cell phone was in my backpack so I got it out. I checked to make sure I hadn't missed a call from Mom saying she would be running late but there were no messages or missed calls.

“Do you need a ride?” Marlene Miller asked as she pulled her suitcase towards her mom's van.

“No,” I answered, “Mom should be here any minute, but thanks for asking.”

Marlene was probably my closest friend right now. Like me, she was planning on going to college right after high school. She was trying to get a cheerleading scholarship to go to the University of Kentucky in Lexington . My parents were pushing for me to go to UK too because it was my mother's alumni and they were expecting me to follow in her footsteps as a cheerleader there. What my parents didn't know yet was that I didn't plan on cheerleading in college.

Cheerleading was fun but I had been cheering since the fifth grade and I was burnt out. But I have to admit that the cheerleading camp at Western Kentucky University was the highlight of my summer. We were there for two weeks. I thoroughly enjoyed being at the college. I loved the campus. It was beautiful and easy to navigate. We stayed in a dorm close to the campus activity centers. I really felt like a college student. It really made me want to go to college there. It was definitely something I was going to look into.

Finally Mom's black Escapade pulled up. I picked up my suitcase, pulled open the back door and tossed it inside. I slid into the front passenger seat of the SUV. The black leather inside was cool on the backs of my legs. Mom leaned over and hugged me. She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek then pulled her sunglasses from on top of her head and put them on. “So how was it?”

“It was okay,” I said, pulling my seatbelt on and turning the air conditioning vent towards me.

“Just okay?” she asked as she pulled out of the high school parking lot.

“It was fun. I loved WKU's campus,” I said, looking over at her. She was wearing a white silk blouse, grey pinstriped slacks and grey heels. I was sure her grey pinstriped jacket was in the back seat. “You have a meeting or something? You're pretty dressed up.”

“Yeah, I was meeting with some new clients. That's why I was running late getting here. They were talkers.”

“So have you and Dad talked anymore about getting me a car before school starts?”

She didn't look at me. “We've decided we are going to wait until you make it through your freshman year at college. You'll be living on campus and you won't need a car.”

“That is so bogus,” I said, rolling my eyes. I knew I was wasting my time arguing with her about it, but I had to try to make my case. “I'll be the only senior who doesn't have a car.”

“No you won't,” Mom glanced at me sideways to see my pout. “You don't really need a car. You know Dad and I will take you anywhere you want to go.”

“But sometimes I want to go somewhere without you two,” I said. Mom scowled at me as I went on, “I'm never going to learn how to be a good driver if you don't let me practice.”

“The answer is still no,” she said.

“It's not like you can't afford to get me a car.”

We stopped at a stop light and she glanced over at me. “Yes, we can afford to buy you a car but we're not going to.”

I shrugged. I knew it was pointless to argue with her. I was actually okay most of the time not having a car. If I had a car I'd have to work to pay for the insurance and gas. Right now all I had to do was focus on school. “Hey, can we stop at McDonald's?” I asked. “I'm starving.”

“Sure,” Mom agreed, “I could use something to eat too. You want to go in?”

“Yeah,” Normally I wouldn't want to go in and sit but I needed to go to the bathroom.

We pulled into the McDonald's on Randall Street . It was the one closest to our house. We both got out of the car and made our way inside. Mom wasn't usually big on going to fast food restaurants but every once in a while she would get in the mood for a Big Mac. I just loved their French fries. “What do you want?” she asked as we approached the counter.

I opened my mouth to speak but it dropped open when I saw P.J. Thomas standing behind the counter. I had gone to school with P.J. since elementary school but we didn't socialize. She was a rebel and ran with a rough crowd. She usually wore a black t-shirt with a rock band picture on it, jeans and her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Today she was wearing a red button-down McDonald's shirt and khakis. Her blond hair was laying about her shoulders. She looked pretty--very pretty. She looked up and met my eyes with her dark brown ones. “Hey Jamie,” she said with a smile.

My heart did this strange flip flop and I couldn't seem to find my voice. My mother nudged me, knocking me out of my stupor and bringing back my voice. “Hey P.J., I didn't know you worked here.”

“I've been here all summer,” she said, still smiling. “Can I take your order?”

“Um…Mom, why don't you go ahead and order. I'm not sure what I want.” I was stunned by P.J.'s appearance and the effect that she was suddenly having on me. I watched her face as she attentively took my mother's order. She was so beautiful when she smiled. My heart kept beating fast and my stomach was fluttering. Oh Lord, I thought to myself, what is happening?

Mom turned to me, “So what do you want?”

“I just want some French fries,” I said, still in shock by what I was feeling and embarrassed that I was acting like an idiot.

“You want something to drink?” P.J. prompted me.

“Ah, yeah, a diet coke.”

She was still smiling and I swear she had a twinkle in her eye. It was like she was enjoying the fact that I seemed so surprised. Another girl who I'd seen at school but didn't know put our food on the tray while P.J. took Mom's money. Mom picked up our tray. “Come on.” She motioned me to follow her.

I was looking at P.J. when she chuckled and I realized that I was staring. “Nice seeing you, Jamie,” she said.

“Yeah, you too,” I said, spinning around quickly, hurrying to catch up with Mom. I had totally forgotten I had to go to the bathroom. I felt like I had forgotten my brain in the car. I was so embarrassed that I stared at her like an idiot. How embarrassing! And the heart fluttering thing, what was that about? I'd seen her a hundred times at school and had never felt that before. But I'd never seen her like this. It was amazing the difference having her hair down made. That and her not being in mostly black and her smile was stunning.

Stunning? Did I really just think that? Wow, this was all just weird. I've never thought anyone had a smile that I would call stunning. Well, maybe an actress or two, but definitely no one at our school.

“Who was that?” Mom asked as she sat down at the table.

“A girl from school,” I said, sitting across from her and with my back to P.J. I looked down at myself and realized what a slob I must look like. I was wearing my grey sweat pants and a tight, pink graphic t-shirt that had “Okay, Ready!” on it.

“I don't think I've seen her before,” Mom said, taking a bite of her Big Mac.

“She doesn't usually go to sport events, so that's probably why you haven't seen her.” Which was the truth—and I wasn't going to tell her that P.J. ran with a rough crowd who spent more time in the principal's office than they did in class.

“Oh,” Mom shrugged and changed the subject back to cheerleading, “you think everyone who was on the team last year is coming back?”

I nibbled on my French fries, amazingly self-conscious of P.J. being behind me and possibly watching me eat. “I think so. Everyone was at camp so I'm sure they are all planning on cheering this year.”

“That's good. Have you looked into UK 's cheerleading program? It looks like it's going to be amazing.”

I tried not to roll my eyes. Mom had been going on about UK 's cheerleading squad for as long as I could remember. I hadn't told her that I wasn't planning on cheerleading in college. I wouldn't be cheerleading this year if I didn't think she would have a heart attack if I quit. I had no idea how I was going to tell her that I wasn't going to cheer at UK or anywhere else for that matter.

Mom had been a cheerleader from fifth grade through graduate school. She just assumed I shared her enthusiasm for it. I had been enthusiastic about it too until last year when my passion for biology surpassed my interest in cheerleading. “Yeah, they've got a great program,” I said vaguely.

“They have tryouts in November. I wonder if that is for the spring sports or if it's for the following year's squad?” She finished her sandwich and raised a questioning eyebrow at me. “You've barely touched your fries. I thought you were starving.”

“I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought,” I said as I took a big drink of my Diet Coke. “Maybe I was just thirsty.” And I had to pee. I really didn't want to go to the bathroom here now but I knew I had no choice. “I've got to go to the bathroom.”

“Okay,” Mom said, picking up our trash. “Are you going to finish these fries?”

“No,” I said. My stomach was in so many knots I couldn't eat anyway.

“I'll pitch this stuff, and then I'll meet you in the car,” Mom said.

“All right,” I said, getting up and praying that P.J. was not still at the front counter. For some strange reason, I was embarrassed that P.J. would see me walk to the bathroom. When I turned towards the counter, P.J. was nowhere in sight. “I'll see you in the car,” I said and rushed to the bathroom. I was praying that I could get done and out of the building without seeing P.J. again.

I went to the bathroom, which was down a long hall on the same side we had come in. Good, I thought. I can probably get out and not see P.J.

I hurried through my business in the bathroom, washing my hands quickly and barely bothering to dry them. Maybe I would be lucky. Maybe P.J. would be in the kitchen. Hopefully I can sneak out, I thought. I opened the bathroom door and P.J. was standing there waiting. Oh no! “Hey,” she said, her eyes seeming to see right through me.

“Hey,” I said, blushing to my muddy brown roots and hurrying past her. “See ya around.”

“Yeah,” I heard her say but I didn't dare look back at her because I could feel her eyes on me as I walked away.

I hurried out of the building and to my mom's SUV. I got in the passenger side and buckled myself in. Wow, that was completely weird, I thought to myself.

“Why is your face so red? Are you okay?” Mom asked giving me a concerned look.

“No,” I answered quickly, “I think the exhaustion from the camp is just catching up with me.”

“Okay,” Mom said. She backed out of our parking spot, made her way around the building and back out on the road headed towards our house.

I sat back in my seat and tried to analyze what had just happened--and I didn't like the answers my head gave me.

Chapter Two

The bell signaling the beginning of the new school year sounded. I was rushing to my hall locker to put my backpack away before I went to homeroom. When I got to my locker, Tony Benedict, the star quarterback on the football team, was leaning against my locker talking to two other football players.

“Excuse me,” I said.

“Hey Jamie!” Tony smiled. “I hear you're a free woman.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes--and I'm not interested in going out with anyone right now.”

He winked at his friends. “You know, you should have gone out with me this summer. I'd have shown you a much better time than Baxter did.”

Tony is an arrogant jock who thinks he's a lady's man. I think he's a jackass. I looked up into his face. “Somehow I doubt that. Please move from in front of my locker.”

His friends laughed, which made him madder than my comment did. Tony was not used to getting turned down. “That's okay. I hear you're a dead lay anyway.”

I glared at Tony. I shouldn't have been surprised that Todd said something like that to Tony about me considering how pissed off he was when I broke up with him. Todd and Tony had been friends since grade school. I wonder how many other people Todd told about us sleeping together. Stupid jerk! I was trying to think of a smartass retort but I ended up just smiling at Tony sweetly. “See, you aren't missing out on anything,” I said. “Now if you don't mind, I do need to get to class.”

Tony was clearly pissed that I wasn't letting him get to me. He moved away from my locker and bowed like he was being gallant. “Be my guest, Dead Lay,” he said as he and his friends walked away laughing.

“Stupid jerk,” I muttered. I quickly opened my locker, threw my backpack in and slammed the door.

Todd Baxter was a dead man the next time I saw him. I was so mad I could choke him to death. He was such a jerk to run his mouth about me like that.

Todd and I had dated most of the summer. Diane Anderson, the leader of our cheerleading team and one of my friends since junior high, had been badgering me to go out with him for almost a year. Todd was an okay guy but I only went out with him to shut Diane up.

We hadn't been dating a month when Todd had started pushing for us to have sex. I finally decided to do it because I was the only virgin cheerleader and everyone made it sound like it was the best thing ever. The first time was horrible. It hurt and was so awkward. We tried again and it wasn't any better. I decided that sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be and started telling Todd no.

He begged me to do it again. Once again, it was horrible, at least for me so I said no more and broke up with him. Todd was pretty angry. I think it really hurt his pride that I didn't enjoy sex with him. Still, that was no excuse for telling everyone I was a dead lay.

I rushed into my homeroom class just after the last bell before class started sounded. Ms. Paul, my homeroom teacher, gave me a raised eyebrow.

“Sorry,” I muttered and hurried to my seat across the aisle from Marlene and behind Diane.

“Where've you been?” Diane whispered. “We all left the locker room at the same time.”

“Tony Benedict was blocking my locker,” I whispered back.

“Seriously?” Diane glanced back at me. “He is totally hot.”

“He is totally a jerk,” I growled loudly.

“Girls!” Ms. Paul said, snapping her fingers. All three of us looked up at her. “Is it okay if I start things or do you need to finish your conversation?”

“No, ma'am,” I said. “Sorry, ma'am.”

Ms. Paul smiled. “Good. Let's do roll call first.” She called off names and handed out the normal stack of paperwork that we and our parents were supposed to fill out about our address, ethnicity and other vital information the school apparently needed again.

While we were filling all this out, Marlene leaned over and whispered. “I don't get why we have to fill out this statistical garbage every year. Do they think my ethnicity changed since last year?”

I snickered, “I think they do it just so the secretaries in the office will have something to do besides play solitaire on the computers.”

“You are so far behind the times,” Diane whispered, “They play Farmville on Facebook now.”

I could not help but burst out laughing.

“Something you want to share, Jamie?” Ms. Paul asked.

“No, ma'am,” I said, trying to keep from laughing again.

When Ms. Paul turned to the blackboard to write something, Marlene leaned towards me and whispered, “Johnny Williams said he saw Ms. Paul out on a date with another woman this summer in Indianapolis .  He said they were staring into each other's eyes and touching hands.” She giggled, “Didn't we all already know which way she leaned?”

“For real,” Diane whispered over her shoulder.

I looked up at Ms. Paul. She had turned and was looking at some people on the other side the room. She was a very attractive woman, probably in her late twenties. Her short, straight blond hair was cut in the popular bob style. I've always thought she had such pretty green eyes. She usually dressed in slacks with a nice blouse, like the black slacks and light green blouse she was wearing today. Occasionally she'd wear a pair on jeans on a Friday. None of her outfits were overly feminine but they weren't masculine either. I never have really understood why everyone thinks she's gay.

I had always thought the rumors about her being gay started because she had turned down Coach Bradley repeatedly when he'd asked her to go out. Looking at her now, I have to wonder if the rumors weren't true. There was something about the way she was standing and the way she walked that was cocky. She didn't sashay like most women. Really, I shouldn't be judging her, I thought, especially considering that I'm questioning my own sexuality after the incident with P.J at McDonalds.

Diane shook my desk and said, “Don't you think so?”

“What?” I asked, realizing I had tuned out the conversation Marlene and Diane were having.

“Don't you think Ms. Paul is a dyke?” Diane asked.

“Girls!” Ms. Paul snapped. I looked up at her, meeting her gaze and a weird thing happened. It was like we were talking to each other through thought waves. Suddenly I was almost certain she really was gay and I was afraid that she knew I was as well.

I kept my mouth shut for the rest of homeroom and pondered the feeling that Ms. Paul and I were suddenly on the same kind of thought wave. Is that what they meant by gaydar? Part of me didn't want to accept that, maybe I was just imagining things. That was it. My brain was still in a sleep fog, I was sure of it.

The bell sounded, signaling the end of homeroom and everyone got up to leave. “Jamie,” Ms. Paul called, “I'd like to speak to you for a moment.”

Wondering what she wanted to talk to me about, I nervously approached her as the other kids filed out of the room. “Yes ma'am.”

She looked at me with those piercing green eyes. “I'm not going to give you a tardy today because it sounds like you had some problems that kept you from getting to class on time. But make sure you're on time from here on out.”

“Thank you. I'll be on time from now on.” I said, looking into her eyes and wondering if she really was gay. If she was, could she sense that I might be too?

When I didn't move to leave, she raised an eyebrow, “Everything okay?”

“Yes ma'am, it's just starting out to be a weird day.”

She reached over and gave my arm a gentle squeeze. “It'll get better. You've just got to get back into the school groove.”

I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.” Ms. Paul was probably right. Hopefully getting back into the school groove would help calm my nerves. I certainly hoped the weird feelings and thoughts I was having would start to make sense or at least go away. This thing with P.J. and Ms. Paul was just all too weird. I had enough on my mind with my new school schedule and trying to figure out how to tell my parents I didn't want to be a cheerleader in college.

I headed to calculus, which would be followed by government. I couldn't wait to get to advanced biology in my third block. I had Mr. Sato and he was the coolest science teacher in the school. He loved to do real life research so that could mean some cool field trips this year. The only class I was really dreading this year was English, I mostly because I hate writing. I'd much rather be in the lab studying algae through a microscope.

As I was rounding the corner by the library, I saw P.J. Thomas. She was walking towards me. She was in her usual attire again--a black t-shirt that had the rock group, Shinedown on it, blue jeans that clung to her thighs, black biker boots and her usual ponytail. She saw me too and gave me a smile that once again gave me that same fluttering. God, she is so cute.

“Hi Jamie!” She said as she brushed past me, her arm lightly touching mine as she passed.

“Hi,” I answered. Stopping for a moment, I turned around and watched her walk down the hall. She turned to go into a classroom then looked back at me. My heart was beating fast. My palms were sweaty, just like that day at McDonald's. Shaking my head, I turned back towards calculus class and headed down the hall. Yep, it is going to be a weird day, maybe a weird year, I thought.

Chapter Three

It took the first three weeks of my insane schedule to finally get back into my school groove. We had cheerleading practice every afternoon. There was at least one football game a week and homework out the butt. I felt like I was going a hundred miles an hour. It probably wouldn't seem so bad if I was having fun but I'm so over being a cheerleader.

I looked out over the football field where we were practicing our cheers while the guys were practicing football. My mind went to all the organisms that were being squashed to death by those huge guys who were throwing each other into the ground. I really wished I could be in my lab class studying some algae right now instead of out here sweating my ass off. Even though it was September, and late in the afternoon, it was still well over ninety degrees outside.

“Jamie!” Ms. Carlson, our cheerleading coach, yelled, “Do you mind joining us? We are trying to practice our pyramid. You know, the one with you on top.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. I was having a hard time staying focused during cheerleading practice because I didn't want to be there. I really wanted to be in the lab doing research. I wished I could get up the nerve to tell my parents that I didn't want to cheer anymore. I would have to find a way to tell them eventually, especially before I went to college next fall. Until then, I guess I was just going to have to deal with it.

Being the smallest cheerleader on the squad meant I got to be the top of the pyramid formation most of the time. I had inherited my mother's wiry build so I was short, barely five foot, and skinny. No boobs, no butt, but great muscle tone. I was really envious of the other girls' physiques, but I was glad I didn't have to worry about my weight all the time the way they did.

I liked being on top of the formation for the most part. I was always afraid that I might get dropped but it was better than getting bruises from having someone step on my legs, arms, and shoulders like the people on the bottom had.

I got into position for Mike Carrington and Jarrod Daniels to lift me up to where Diane and Andrea Shultz stood on Marlene and Jessica Bennington's thighs. I climbed up on Diane and Andrea's shoulders, stood up and raised my hands above my head to complete the stunt. Being all seniors who had cheered together for a long time, our stunts usually worked out perfectly. Jarrod Daniels and Pam Williams, who both just moved here last year, were the only ones who hadn't cheered with us since grade school. They had been cheerleaders at the previous schools and were able to learn out stunts very easily.

“Excellent,” Ms. Carlson said, clapping her hands after we finished. “Great job! Let's do a few more stunts, then we'll call it a night.”

I was glad we would be finishing soon. Besides wanting to be done with cheerleading for the day, I also wanted to avoid Tony Benedict and his snide remarks. He had some kind of vulgar or smart aleck remark every time he got near me. I guess that was his way of paying me back for shooting him down in front of his friends. I hadn't been interested in going out with him before, now I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to go out with such a jerk.

When we finally finished and packed up our stuff, I noticed that the guys were finishing too. I leaned down to pick up my backpack, when I stood up my head butted into Todd Baxter's chin. I groaned and rubbed my head. He had appeared out of nowhere.

“Sorry,” he said, rubbing his chin.

Taking a step away from him, I asked, “What are you doing out here?”

“I was at an FFA meeting. We just finished up.”

“Yeah, us too,” I said, looking around for Marlene. She always gave me a ride home after school and cheerleading practice, since I didn't have a car. I was praying she was ready to go. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with Todd right now.

“Marlene's over there,” Todd said, pointing towards the bleachers. Marlene was sitting on the bottom bleacher talking to Barry Schad. I raised an eyebrow. She had dated Barry on and off but the last I'd heard it was off again. Maybe they were going to get back together. Barry was an okay guy and Marlene seemed happier when they were together.

I grabbed my backpack and started walking in Marlene's direction. Todd caught my arm. “Hey, do you think we could talk for a few minutes?”

I turned towards him, glaring angrily, I said, “I really don't think we have anything to talk about.” Then I jerked my arm out of his hand.

“Why are you acting like you're the one pissed off?” he said, then shouted, “YOU broke up with ME!”

“Yeah, but you're the one who told people about what happened between us.” I snapped. “Did you think I wouldn't find out about what you have been saying about me? I can't believe you've been telling people I was a dead lay! You are such a jackass! Maybe I should have come straight back to school and told everyone that the sex with you was horrible because you had no idea what you were doing. ”

“I didn't tell anyone you were a dead lay—but you were—and I knew exactly what I was doing!”

“Really!” I said, putting my hands on my hips. “I couldn't have been too much of a dead lay? You wanted more!”

“Whatever,” he said and stalked off towards Marlene.

“Yeah, whatever,” I said, stomping after him. “You must have told someone something or Tony Benedict wouldn't be calling me “dead lay” every time he gets near me.”

He kept walking, ignoring me, until he got to where Marlene and Barry were sitting. “Are you still giving me a ride home?” Todd asked Marlene.

Oh my God! She is not giving him a ride home, I thought.

“Yeah, why?” Marlene asked, looking from Todd to me. “Are you two fighting?” I had told Marlene I had broke up with Todd but I hadn't told her why. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I hadn't liked sex with him.

“Apparently,” Todd snapped. He turned to glare at me then started walking towards the parking lot that was on the other side of the soccer field.

Marlene looked at me. “What are you guys fighting about?”

“He came back to school and told everyone I was a dead lay because I broke up with him,” I said. Turning to Barry, who was pretending he wasn't paying attention to what was going on, I snapped angrily, “Did you know about this?”

“I don't know anything about it,” he said, backing away with hands up in mock surrender. “I'll go wait with Todd by the car.” Barry turned and jogged to catch up with Todd who was walking quickly towards Marlene's car on the far side of the parking lot.

“Man, I can't believe you are giving them a ride home,” I said, dropping my backpack and rubbing my temples.

“Todd said he wanted a chance to talk to you to see if you guys could work things out, but I guess that isn't going to happen, huh?” Marlene said, picking up her backpack and water bottle. “Barry must not have known anything about Todd saying something about you or he would have told me. If I would have known, I swear to God I wouldn't have said I'd give him a ride.” She looked towards the car, “I'm sorry, Jamie. I have to give him a ride now because I already said I would and anyone else he could have rode home with has already left. Do you still want me to take you home or do you want to get another ride? I'll hang out here with you if you want to call one of your parents or someone else to come and get you.”

I closed my eyes briefly then opened them and looked around. Everyone else who lived anywhere close to me had already left. I didn't have a choice. Mom and Dad were both at work and I didn't want to call them. “I don't really have a choice.”

“I'm so sorry about this. If I'd had known I promise I wouldn't have given him a ride,” Marlene said. “I'll drop you off first.”

“Okay,” I said. “I should have told you what happened this summer and why I really broke up with Todd but I was just too embarrassed.”

Marlene smiled sympathetically, “I understand. You'll have to tell me more about it. I'll call you later and you can give me all the sorted details.”

I couldn't believe that stupid jerk had the balls to think I would ever talk to him again after he spread rumors about me. Hopefully, now that I've told him that I think he's a jackass, he'll go away and never speak to me again. I'd don't know if he'll let it go that easily but I hope so.

I picked my backpack up and walked beside Marlene to her car. Todd was sitting in the back seat on the driver's side. Barry gave me a questioning look when I moved past him and into the front passenger seat but he didn't say anything. I was sure he figured out that I didn't want to be anywhere near Todd. He got into the back seat with Todd.

The drive home was a long quiet one. I was glad no one started a conversation because I was too pissed off to be civil with anyone right that moment. Todd was looking out the back window. Barry had his head leaned back on the seat with his eyes closed. Marlene kept her eyes on the road and I looked out the passenger window at the cars we were passing.

I really didn't understand why Todd needed a ride in the first place, now that I thought about it. He had been driving a truck when we dated during the summer that he said was his. Mostly likely he got a ride to school from someone else with the intention of getting a ride home with Marlene so he could try to talk to me. Idiot!

As promised, Marlene went to my house first. I let out a sigh of relief when she pulled into my drive. “I'll call you later,” I said to Marlene as I got out of the car.

“Okay, talk to you in a bit!” Marlene called to me. Barry jumped out of the backseat and climbed into the front seat. I waved to Marlene as I started walking up the sidewalk. I could see Todd in the backseat glaring angrily at me.

Later that night as I was getting ready for bed, I thought about the expression on Todd's face when he was staring at me out of the back window. I had a bad feeling Todd was not going to let things between us drop. According to Diane, he'd had a crush on me since junior high. I was now concerned that he might prove to be one of those guys who are obsessive about wanting what they can't have. Great, just what I needed, a stalker.

Chapter Four

My suspicions about Todd asking Marlene for a ride just so he could talk to me proved to be true. He was back to driving his truck the next day. Stupid, arrogant jerk! Marlene would never have given him a ride if she had known about what had happened between Todd and me over the summer and the rumors he had spread about me. She was pretty pissed when she found out that Todd had been telling people that I was a dead lay. It turned out that Tony wasn't the only person he had told. According to Barry, Todd had told pretty much every guy on the basketball and football team.

Marlene and I talked for a long time the night after she gave Todd a ride home about what had happened with Todd and me over the summer. Marlene had understood my feelings about the sex. She said that she had been with someone else during the summer when she and Barry were broke up and the sex had been awful with that guy. “You have to find the right person for it to be really good,” Marlene said.

Marlene and Barry were officially back together so he rode with us every day to and from school but I didn't mind. Barry was actually a really nice guy and completely nuts about Marlene. It made me a little jealous because I didn't have someone in my life, but I reminded myself I had big career dreams and I didn't want anything to get in the way of me reaching my goals.

I planned on getting my doctorate in microbiology. Hopefully, I would get to spend my career studying beneficial algae. Someday I might find someone that I wanted to share my life with but my career was my first priority. Granted I wasn't going to make a lot of money as a scientist, much to my parents' dismay. It was more important to me to make a difference in the world than to make a bunch of money. I felt that I could do that by finding more uses for beneficial algae.

Todd started stalking me, just as I feared he would. He was being really creepy about it. Every morning he lurked near my locker. He would be waiting close to the door of my classrooms when I came out of class. It was really getting on my nerves.

I barely spoke to him if he spoke to me and ignored him whenever I could. He came out and watched me during cheerleading practice. He would try to talk to me after cheerleading practice was over or whenever he saw me in the halls at school.

It didn't take long for me to reach my breaking point and I told him to leave me alone or I was going to tell the principal that he was stalking me.

“I'm not stalking you,” he had said. “I just want to see you. I want you to give us a second chance.”

I said, “I don't want to be with you, Todd. Stop following me around or I'm telling Principal Williams. I mean it, Todd,” I felt better after I let him know that I would get the principal involved if I had to. The threat seemed to be working, for now anyway.

* * * * * *

Tonight was the first football game of the season against our major rivals, the Parkerville Green Hornets and it was a home game. The rivalry between the Brackenburg Bulls and the Parkerville Green Hornets was legendary. Last year two of the football players from Parkerville put one of our players in the hospital in a fight that took place after the game. Principal Williams planned to make sure that didn't happen this year. He made arrangements with the Brackenburg city police and Bracken County sheriff's department to have officers from both departments at the game tonight.

I was really excited about cheering at this game. I hadn't been interested in any of the other games we had played so far this year because I was so burnt out on cheering. But I had always gotten fired up when we played Parkerville before and I couldn't help but feel that way about this game.

We usually have a really big crowd when we play the game at home. The home crowd really gets into the game and cheering. The crowd cheering with you was what made cheering fun for me. Maybe tonight I would actually enjoy cheering.

Mom and Dad were coming and I'm excited about that. They don't get to come to games very often. Most of the other cheerleaders' parents worked normal jobs and came to almost all the games. Pam Williams was the only other cheerleader whose parents didn't come to the games much. Pam's dad was a truck driver and her mom worked at the hospital so they both had weird hours.

Both of my parents are workaholics. It sucked that they work all the time but that's just who they are. My father is a real estate broker who does business in four counties and my mother, besides being an account at largest accounting firm in town, teaches accounting classes at the local community college.

Ever since I'd gotten old enough to stay home by myself, both of my parents started working more hours. I hated that they weren't home a lot but when they were home they made a point of spending a lot of time with me. They were also really great about making time to come to special events like the home game against Parkerville.

The day had been going by pretty fast until I got to English. I hate English so this class always feels like its dragging. The fact that it's my last class of the day doesn't help because I'm usually tired by the time I get here. I looked up at the clock above the door leading out of the classroom. Three forty-five , ten more minutes until school was out. I was so ready. Mrs. Wilson had been droning on about Homer's Iliad for the most of the period and I couldn't care less.

Marlene was giving me a ride home, then Mom and Dad would bring me back later for the game. I prayed that Todd would not be waiting for me when I went out to the parking lot, but I wasn't holding my breath either. He didn't try to talk to me or approach me since I threatened to get the principal after him but he was usually waiting in the parking lot when I left the building and stared at me as I walked from the building to Marlene's car. He was getting creepier.

Finally, the bell rang and everyone in the class jumped up and headed out into the hall. I rushed to my locker and gathered the books I would need to do homework over the weekend then headed to the student parking lot which was on the opposite side of the building from where my locker was. It's was also on the opposite side of the building from where the buses picked kids up and dropped them off, which is probably a good thing considering how badly some people at this school drive.

I spotted Marlene standing by her car that was parked in the first row when I came out of the door. I was looking to see where Todd was so I could avoid him and not watching where I was going. When I didn't see Todd, I turned towards the parking lot and I ran into a big chest. I looked up and Mark Hinton was grinning down at me.

Mark was well over six foot tall and two hundred pounds of pure trouble. He ran with Derek Kruger and his group of hoods. P.J. had hung out with them until this year. I hadn't seen her with them in the halls this year. It made me wonder if they'd had a falling out.

Mark didn't move so I had to take a step back and that was when I saw Derek, Eddie Watson and Ben Karrick all standing around smoking cigarettes. “Hey there,” Mark said, grinning.

“Hey,” I said and backed up a little more. These guys were dangerous. I'd heard that they raped a girl last year but were never prosecuted for it. “Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”

“That's okay beautiful. You can run into me any time,” Mark said his grin getting bigger. “In fact, why don't you take a ride with us? We're getting ready to head out to the lake.”

“No thanks, I have to go home and get ready for the game tonight,” I said moving in the direction of the parking lot. I was trying to move away from them but they were blocking my escape. I was getting scared and I could see Marlene talking to Barry and looking at me with a worried expression on her face. Several people passed our group but no else seemed to notice how terrified I was.

“That's right,” Derek said, “Tonight is the big game against Parkerville.” He slapped Mark on the arm. “Maybe we should stick around town and show those pussies how much we didn't like them beating up one of our boys, then high-tailing their ass out of town.”

Mark nodded, “That sounds good.” He looked at me, “You should come watch so you can see how real men take care of business.” Then he laughed, “We heard you were in need of a real man to show you a lot of things.”

“A real man? Whatever!” A girl's voice said behind me, “You guys leave her alone.” I turned around and P.J. was standing directly behind me. She moved in front of me as if to shield me. I was so glad to see her. I knew she could handle these guys or maybe at least talk them into letting me pass them. “Marlene's looking for you,” she said to me and nodded her head in Marlene's direction. I took that as my signal to go,.

Quickly walking away, I didn't look back until I was safely next to Marlene's car. When I did, P.J. was taking a drag off Mark's cigarette and seemed to be arguing with Derek. She turned and looked at me. She nodded towards me and I waved. My heart was racing and I knew some of it was from seeing her and some of it was from being terrified. I couldn't understand why they still allowed that particular group of hoodlums on school property let alone to attend classes. Thank God P.J. came along when she did, I thought, because I wasn't real sure what they might have tried to do.

“Are you okay?” Marlene asked as she came around the car to the passenger side. “I was getting ready to send Barry after a few of the football players if they didn't let you get past them.” She put her arm around me and gave me a half hug, “They are such assholes. I can't believe they still allow them to go to school here.”

“I was just thinking the same thing,” I said, taking a deep breath.

“What did P.J. say to them?” Marlene asked giving me another reassuring half-hug then went around the car to the driver's side.

“She just told them to leave me alone,” I said getting into the back seat. I looked over at the group. P.J. was standing to one side of the guys and watching me with a serious look on her face. My heart did another flip flop like it had done that day at McDonald's. There was just something about her that was giving me feelings I didn't understand.

Barry got in the car and turned back to me. “You okay?”

“Yeah, but I'm glad P.J. came out when she did.”

“Me too, I would have hated for me and the guys to have had to kick some ass before the game. We need to save it for the game and maybe afterwards,” Barry said, winking at me.

“Oh no, you don't,” Marlene snapped as she put the car into gear and pulled out of her parking spot. “You promised me you were not going to get into any fights with the guys from Parkerville.”

Barry grinned at me then reached over and squeezed Marlene's leg. “I was just kidding, Baby.”

It was so cute how they played with each other. He liked to aggravate her. In fact, I was sure he picked fights with her just for the making up. I looked back in P.J.'s direction. She was still looking towards us. These feelings were so weird. I had never felt the things I was feeling for her. I didn't even really know her. I watched as P.J. said something to Mark then walked off towards the parking lot.

“Have you picked out a dress for homecoming yet?” Marlene asked, bringing me out of my daze.

“Yeah, I've got my dress, shoes and all that stuff already ready to go. I really hope Diane gets homecoming queen and not me. I'm still pissed that Todd got a bunch of people to put my name in the vote. I don't even want to be homecoming queen.” Homecoming was a week away and I was wishing it was over. I could not get excited about it this year. There wasn't any one I wanted to go with and I wasn't in the mood for wearing formal gowns. I probably wouldn't go if my parents and my friends wouldn't freak out.

“I know you didn't want to be put on the ballet and I hope Diane wins too,” Marlene said, glancing over her shoulder at me then back towards the road. She pulled out onto the road and headed towards my house. “She'll be a bitch for weeks if she doesn't win.”

“Like she isn't a bitch all the time,” Barry said.

Marlene swatted his arm, “Be nice.”

“I was,” Barry looked back at me and grinned again. “You know Diane's going to win because she sucks up to all the teachers and pretends to be friends with people she loathes.”

“Barry!” Marlene snapped.

“You are such a snot,” I said, and laughed.

“I know,” He laughed too. “Marlene is just so easy to get riled.”

Marlene swatted his arm again. He caught her hand and kissed her knuckles. I looked away to the passing traffic. Once again, I wished I had someone to show me the kind of affection Barry had for Marlene but I couldn't imagine having that with any of the guys I even sort of liked at school; definitely not Todd, who was becoming a bigger jerk by the day.

Suddenly the image of P.J came to mind and the way she was looking at me today. Her stare had been intense. I still couldn't get over how pretty she was. It was funny that I had never really paid attention to her before. But now, when I saw her in the hallway, I did a double take.

I remember that first day of school this year when I saw her in the hall. She had her hair in a pony tail and it really showed off her beautiful face. I think it's neat that wears three earrings in each ear, I would love to have another earring in each ear but there's no way my mom will let me. It took me forever to get her to allow me to get my first piercing. Although P.J. usually wore black t-shirts with a rock group's picture on them, sometimes she wore three button polo shirts or button-down shirts. She always had her shirts tucked into her jeans, which showed how slim her waist is. The shirts were still dark colors but the style was a change for her. Her jeans were never too baggy or too tight. They seemed to have been tailored to fit her long legs just right.

I was seeing her a lot in the halls lately. Seeing her always gave me a little rush of happiness. It's not like I'm not stalking P.J., not like Todd was stalking me. I just like seeing her so I watched for her. There wasn't anything wrong with liking to see someone.

I realized, with a touch of fear, that I don't do that with anyone else. But that's okay, there's nothing wrong with admiring another girl's beauty, right? Is that all it is, me admiring her beauty? Nobody else gives me a great feeling when I see them. But I don't need to see her; I get that feeling just thinking about her. Suddenly, it hits me. Do I have a crush on P.J.?

I realize that I've tuned out any conversation that is going on in the car. I looked at Marlene, who was smiling at something Barry is saying. Marlene was a classic beauty. Her strawberry blond hair was long and brushed to perfection. She had large blue eyes, a pert nose and full lips. I had seen her naked a thousand times in the locker room and never felt anything for her but the thought of seeing P.J. naked made my whole body quiver. God, does that mean what I think it means? Sighing, the fact that I might have a crush on P.J. was very confusing and scary. I couldn't image any of my friends accepting me being gay. Diane is biased for sure and I'm not sure what Marlene would think. They would probably all stop hanging out with me. I'm not sure how my parents would react either, but I doubt that they would be happy about it, especially my mother. She comes from such a well-to-do, prim and proper family. I can't image a gay daughter would fit in with the family image.

I brought my mind back to reality and focused on the conversation Marlene and Barry were having. I had to stop thinking about P.J. for a number of reasons. One, the fear that I might be attracted to her was scaring me to death. Two, I don't want to deal with the possibility that I might be gay. Three, P.J. would probably kick my ass all over the place if she ever had a clue that I was thinking about her that way.

Chapter Five

Mom and Dad brought me to the school for the Parkerville game later that evening. We were late because Dad had to meet with a client. I wished he would have told me he had a meeting beforehand. I could have had Marlene pick me up.

Dad parked as close to the fence next to the football field as he could so he could come out and check on his new Mercedes frequently. He had just bought the midnight blue convertible two months ago and was terrified someone was going to touch it. I didn't understand the point in buying a car for show, then worry about something happening to it all the time. I really didn't get Mom and Dad's whole obsession with having expensive cars and stuff. They refuse to buy anything used and everything must be the top of the line. I hardly ever asked them to buy me anything expensive. I have never had an interest in fancy things. Dad said I got my sense of practicality and simplicity from his mother.

Dad's mom was a very practical and simple woman. It still amazed me sometimes that my father was her son. Grandma Edwards grew up very poor and was happy to be able to live comfortably off her Social Security check. She lived in a small house in Edmondson County close to Mammoth Cave . She had a beat up Ford truck that Grandpa Edwards had left her. I loved going to visit her because she is so laid back. She would tell me stories about Grandpa and her adventures when he was still alive. And, she always encouraged me to follow my heart and not the dollar sign.

Dad was constantly trying to talk her into moving into a nicer house or get a nicer car but she refused. She would shake her head at him and just say, “I like what I've got. I don't need anything fancier.”

Grandma used to come to the games I cheered at all the time but she doesn't get to come to the games any more. I missed seeing her. We don't go out there much and her health isn't what it used to be. She has a hard time getting around to doing anything any more. She rarely drives anywhere except to the store or the doctor's office, both of which were not far from where she lives.

She usually calls once a week to talk to me about what is going on in my life. I'm always glad I had her to talk to. She totally understands why I would rather go to college to study science, which I love, versus learning to be an accountant, lawyer or some other career where I could make a lot of money, like Mom and Dad want me to.

I think Dad has been obsessed with having money because he grew up on the borderline of being poor. Mom came from money, old money. Her great-grandparents owned a huge horse farm just outside Lexington where they bred horses. The farm passed down through the family. When Mom was a kid, her Uncle Thomas, her dad's younger brother, took over running the farm.

Mom's parents lived in Lexington in a large home in the historic district. Mom's dad had been an accountant too and he did all the books for the farm up until he died a few years ago. Mom's cousin, Thomas junior, runs the farm now, under the watchful eye of Thomas senior.

We go up there a few times a year to see Mom's mom, Grandma Deaton and the rest of the family. Grandma Deaton lives on the farm now with Thomas junior's family.

I like to go when I will get to ride one of the horses. I usually ride bareback, which drives my mom nuts. She gets real mad when she finds out that I've been riding without a saddle or fancy riding gear. I just like the feel of being one with the horse in a natural way, but Mom says it's too dangerous to ride that way. Maybe it is a little dangerous, but I still love riding that way.

I looked out over the packed parking lot and wished Grandma Edwards could be here tonight. I bet it is going to be a really good game. Grandma loves a good football game. Grandpa Edwards got her into it and she still watches football when it's on TV.

Mom and Dad headed to the bleachers and I made my way to the locker room where Diane, Marlene, Pam and Andrea were already waiting. “Hey,” I said as I approached them. “What's up?”

“We were just discussing homecoming.” Diane said, turning towards the mirror on the wall to check her makeup. “Have you picked out a dress?”

“Yeah, I've got everything already. You?” I asked even though I knew the answer. Diane probably picked out her homecoming dress the first week of school.

“Of course,” she said with a smile. We heard the band starting to play. “That's our cue.”

We went out into the hall that led from the locker rooms by the gym to the student parking lot, where me met the rest of the cheerleaders. We headed out the doors to the parking lot where we would wait for the football players to line up in the hall. Once they were ready, we would lead them out to the field for our big entrance.

Coach Bradley came out of the boys' locker room with the football players following him. When the football players came out of the school, we started cheering and led them to the field. All of the cheerleaders were jumping, doing cartwheels and flips as we made our way out to the field and moved into a single at the far right side of the field. In the bleachers, the marching band broke into our school song. The lights went down and a spot light was brought up. Mr. Pratchard, the local sports reporter, who did the commentary for all our games, yelled into the microphone leading to the loud speakers, “Ladies and gentlemen, here are your Brackenburg Bulls!” We ran onto the field cheering, shaking our pompoms, and encouraging the audience to stand up and cheer.

We lined up into two lines for the starting football players to run through. Mr. Pratchard called out the guys' positions and names. They ran through the tunnel we had made as we cheered as loud as we could. Once the guys were on the field, the referees and team captains met in the center of the field for the coin toss to see who has control of the ball first. We won the toss and chose to receive the ball and so the game started.

We turned to the crowd and cheered. I saw my parents and waved to them. We did six different cheers then took a short break to catch our breath and get something to drink. I was sweating so much, my skirt felt like it was soaked. “My God, it's hot,” I said to Marlene.

“Yeah, but I'd rather it be hot than cold,” she said, taking a deep drink of her Gatorade.

“True,” I agreed. I looked behind us at the huge banner stretched along the front of the bleachers. It was a picture of our mascot, the Bull, chasing a swarm of hornets off the football field. It was really good. The bull and hornets were very detailed. “Wow-- that is a cool banner.”

“Yeah, the art department had a contest to see who would come up with the design for the banner and you're never going to believe who won.”

“Who?” I asked.

“P.J. Thomas.”

The butterflies in my stomach took off as soon as I heard her name. “Seriously?” I asked, staring at the banner with new interest. It was an amazing picture. I didn't even know she was in art class. Of course, I really didn't know anything about her except for the past three years she had been in a ton of trouble at school, she was very pretty and the sound of her name gave me butterflies.

“What are you two talking about?” Diane asked as she approached us.

“I was just telling Jamie that P.J. Thomas was the one who came up with the design for the banner,” Marlene said, taking a drink of Gatorade.

I took a drink from mine as well. Diane looked at the banner. “Huh, there are a lot of criminals that are good artists. It's a good thing she'll have a hobby for her jail time.”

“Just because she's been in some trouble doesn't mean she is a criminal or going to go to jail,” I said, feeling the need to defend P.J. Diane's negativity was pissing me off.

Diane raised an eyebrow. She was about to make a smart aleck comment when she looked past me, closed her mouth and walked away. It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. What was that about? I turned around and saw P.J. walking towards Marlene and me. She motioned her hand towards the banner. “Whatcha think? Pretty cool, huh?”

“It's very cool. I had no idea you had that kind of talent,” I said.

She shrugged and blushed. “I've always doodled but last year Mr. Carey took me under his wing and helped me develop my style.”

“That's awesome,” Marlene said and nodded towards the field. “We need to get back though.”

I looked over my shoulder at the rest of the cheerleaders who were starting to cheer. “That's great that he helped you develop your talent. Maybe you'll win the art show this year.”

She looked down at her feet shyly, “I doubt that.”

“Jamie!” Diane yelled.

“I gotta go. Great banner,” I said, smiling shyly at her.

“Thanks,” she said smiling too.

I turned and ran towards the other cheerleaders. There was no denying the feelings she was giving me. Lord, this was just so weird. What was I going to do? Nothing, I told myself. For one thing, I was sure it was one-sided.

I shook off my thoughts and focused on cheering. The rest of the night was crazy. The game was nail-biting close. The teams traded the lead back and forth at least six times. We did our stunts several times. We screamed at the tops of our lungs. Now, at the final minutes of the game, we were tied with the Parkerville Hornets. Our team was going to try to kick a long distance field goal. I was almost completely hoarse, as were the other cheerleaders. We were huddled together holding hands as we watched Randy Daniels run towards the ball Marty Rockwell was holding. Randy kicked the ball and we were all literally holding our breath while we watched the ball just make it inside the goal posts. We all let loose screaming and jumping up and down. We had won.

The crowd on our side was going nuts. I looked up to the stands and saw my parents were jumping up and down with everyone else. They gave me the thumbs up. Then all parents and friends in the bleachers began pouring out onto the field to congratulate the players. This was an awesome game and I actually enjoyed cheering at it. Maybe this last year of cheering wouldn't be so bad after all.

Mom and Dad came out and hugged me. “That was so close,” Dad said.

“I know,” I said my hoarse voice. “I can't believe Randy made that kick. That was amazing.”

“It was,” Mom agreed.

“Why don't you go grab your stuff and we'll head to the ice cream shop to celebrate,” Dad said

“That sounds awesome.” I was hoping the ice cream would sooth my aching throat. I probably wouldn't be able to talk at all tomorrow but that was okay. We had won! “I'll meet you guys at the car,” I said and hurried to try catch up with Marlene and Diane. I saw P.J. and another guy taking down the banner. I looked at Marlene and Diane, who were following the football players back to the locker rooms. I should catch up with them but I was drawn to P.J.

“So what are you going to do with that?” I asked as I approached her.

“Mr. Carey wants to keep it for future games. We're taking it down so it doesn't get torn up,” P.J. said, as she and the other guy gently tied the ends of the banner.

“Cool,” I said. “I'm not surprised he wants to keep it. It's really an amazing banner.”

She looked up at me from where she's squatting on the ground holding the banner and smiled, “Thanks, Jamie.”

The butterflies had been quiet in my stomach until she turned those brown eyes on me and now they had taken flight again. My palms were sweating. I couldn't believe how nervous and giddy I was. “You're welcome. I gotta run. I'll see ya later,” I said, then turned around and ran to the locker room.

When I caught up with Diane and Marlene, Diane asked, “What were you doing talking to her?”

“I was just congratulating her on winning the banner contest. She really created an amazing banner,” I said, trying to ignore the sudden feeling of dread that I had.

Diane rolled her eyes, “So what? It's probably the only thing she's ever done right.”

I wanted to say something to defend P.J. but I knew Diane would twist it around and just make me angrier than I already was. I really didn't know P.J. to defend her but I didn't want to hear Diane talk about her like that. “Whatever,” I said and went to my locker.

I saw Diane whisper something to Marlene out of the corner of my eye. The gossiping had already begun, I thought to myself. I was going to have to be more careful with what I said and did in front of Diane, especially where P.J. was concerned. I didn't need Diane spreading rumors about me. I would text Marlene later and ask her what Diane said.

Diane was such a bitch. I couldn't believe it took me five years to see that. We hadn't been that close of friends before and now that I was seeing her more clearly for the mean spirited person she was, I wasn't going to be hanging out with her much. I still had to be careful though, Diane could make my life hell if she wanted to.

I hurried and changed clothes. Marlene came over and told me that was going to the lake with Diane, some other people to celebrate. “You want to go with us? I'll give you a ride home afterwards.”

“No thanks, “I said.” Mom and Dad don't get a chance to take off for stuff like this often. We're going to go get ice cream and probably watch movie together.”

“That's cool,” she said, “I wish my mom and dad would do something other than watch TV. I'll talk to you sometime tomorrow.”

“Okay. Text me when you get up,” I said giving her a slight hug, “Be careful tonight.”

“I will,” she said and headed back over to where Diane was waiting by the locker room door.

I got my stuff and headed out of the school. I went in Dad's car. “Ready?” Dad asked.

“Yeah,” I said, still pretty hoarse. “I can't wait to get some ice cream.”

“We're thinking about getting a movie too,” Mom said.

I smiled. I knew they would want to do that. They loved getting movies we could watch together. After Homecoming, they probably wouldn't be off again until Thanksgiving. I was glad my parents were interested in spending time with me. Too many other kids I knew rarely did anything with their parents. I just couldn't imagine not doing stuff with mine. I sighed, which made the fear that I might be gay even greater. Would they stop wanting to be around me if they knew I was gay? I would hope not but it's hard to say. We've never talked about homosexuality and I wouldn't begin to know how to start a conversation with them about it. Oh well, I would just have to ride things out. This might just be some weird phase I was going through anyway.

Chapter Six

I hate Homecoming week. I hate wearing the stupid outfits for the different days during homecoming week. As a cheerleader, I was required to dress up in whatever costume was the theme for the day. Today was Wednesday and the theme was Nerd Day. I was standing in front of my closet trying to figure out what I owned that would actually look nerdy.

I finally broke down and asked Dad if he had an old shirt with a front pocket that I could borrow. He produced an old, light blue, short-sleeved button down shirt. He thought it was hilarious that I had to dress like a nerd. “I think I might be able to find you a pen guard to put in the pocket so you can put some pens in it,” he said with a chuckle.

“Thanks Dad,” I said sarcastically. “I think I'll pass though. Having pens in the pocket sounds dangerous.”

He laughed as I walked back to my bedroom to put the shirt on over a white t-shirt. I tucked both shirts into my tight, high water jeans. I looked so stupid that it was not funny. I took a deep breath and told myself it was for school spirit. The only thing I could do was pray that at least one of the other cheerleaders looked more stupid than I did.

I spent another half an hour working on my costume then finally decided it had to be good enough. I went downstairs to the kitchen where Mom and Dad were both sitting at the table drinking coffee. This was the usual routine. They both tried to make a point to have breakfast together or at least a half an hour of face to face time before they rushed off on the way to their crazy schedules. That was another reason I didn't want to be an accountant or real estate broker. They both had insane schedules and I wanted a normal schedule, or at least semi-normal schedule that didn't scramble my wits every day.

I fixed a bowl of Cheerios and sat down at the table with Mom and Dad. Mom looked up from her schedule book. “Do you have a ride home from the homecoming dance for sure?”

“Yeah, Marlene said she'd bring me home. Why?”

Mom reached over and squeezed Dad's hand. “We're going to go to dinner, the theatre and maybe dancing that night. We probably won't be home until really late.”

“Cool,” I said, smiling at the two of them. I was so glad they were still in love with each other and tried to make sure they had time together. So many kids I knew came from divorced families. I was so glad I didn't have to deal with step-parents and living in different households.

“I'll leave my phone on just in case there's an emergency,” Mom said.

“Don't do that,” I said. “You know you'll get calls from other people and that will ruin your evening. I'll be fine. Just check your texts every once in a while. If something really crazy happens I'll send you a message.”

Mom studied me for a minute and I knew she was debating with herself about whether or not to leave her phone on. Neither one of my parents were ready for me to grow up. I was still their little girl who they thought needed protection. That was part of their car issue. They were terrified I would have a wreck. Finally she said, “Okay. You can always call your Aunt Deanna too.”

“Okay,” I said but I had no intention of calling my Aunt Deanna. She was my mother's younger sister and a snobbish bitch. I couldn't stand her. She didn't have any kids. We usually only saw her around the holidays even though she lived here in Brackenburg. I was pretty sure Mom had lunch with her every once in a while. Dad didn't like Deanna at all. They had apparently had a falling out at some point in time because she never came to our house and I only went to her house with Mom.

Mom closed her schedule book, finished her coffee, and leaned over to kiss Dad on the lips. “We need to be going. I won't be home until late so why don't you guys order something in.”

“Sounds good to me,” Dad said. “What do think, Munchkin? You want Chinese?”

“That sounds great Dad.” He was never going to stop calling me Munchkin. I could see it now, I would be in my forties and Dad would still be calling me Munchkin.

I finished my cereal and put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher. My backpack was already sitting by the door leading out to the garage where Mom's car was parked. We both go went together and got in. I put my seat belt on. She started the engine, backed out onto the street and headed towards school. I started fiddling with the radio station to get it off the news station she liked to listen to.

“So who are you going to the dance with?” Mom asked.

“No one,” I said, finally finding my favorite new music station.

“No one? I can't believe you don't have a date,” she said giving me a sideways glance.

“There's just no one I really want to go with. I'm just going to go, hang out, dance then go home.”

We stopped at a stoplight and she turned her full attention to me. “What about Todd? You guys never made up?”

“He's a jerk, Mom,” I said. “I'm not going to get back together with him.” Obviously I couldn't tell her the real reason I broke up with him or the fact that he went around school telling everyone I was a dead lay. “I really think I'm going to stay unattached for awhile. I'm getting ready to leave to go to college so what would be the point in starting a relationship just to have to end it when I go to school.”

She gave me a big proud smile. “That's my girl, thinking about the future. Have you sent off your application for the tryouts at UK ?”

I rolled my eyes. “No, I haven't really had time,” I lied.

“We need to do that soon. You don't want to miss out on a chance to get on the varsity squad your first year,” she said taking off when the light turned green.

“Okay,” I said and looked away. How was I ever going to tell her that I was not going to cheerlead anymore? I wondered if I could go to the tryouts to pacify her then turn down the spot later. It wasn't going to matter. I was going to have to tell her at some point that I was not going to cheer any more after high school. I just needed to find the right time.

We approached the school and there was the usual heavy traffic as other parents were dropping kids off and school buses were trying to get in to drop off the kids they had picked up. Mom pulled into the line of cars. “What's tomorrow's theme?” she asked.

“Farmer day,” I said. “I think I still have the overalls from last year. Do you still have the straw hat?”

“Yeah, I've got it in the closet,” she said moving the car forward. “Is that the P.J. girl we saw at McDonald's this summer.”

I looked up and saw P.J. moving between the cars ahead of us. She was pulling her dark blond hair up into a ponytail. Her shirt was dark blue with a wolf howling at the moon on it. Tight jeans and biker boots completed her outfit. “Yeah, that's her.”

“Is she a biker?” Mom asked, apparently she noticed the biker boots too.

“I'm not sure,” I said, still watching P.J. until she disappeared into the building. I turned to look at Mom. She had a disapproving look on her face, which I was not surprised to see. She was not going to deal very well with the fact that I might be gay and she definitely wouldn't like me being involved with someone like P.J. Whom, I was sure, she considered beneath us. Mom was all about social standing.

Mom pulled further up to the point where I was going to get out. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, “Have a good day.”

“You too,” I said and slipped out the door. I looked completely retarded in my nerd outfit. I was glad to see there are several other people were dressed up as well. I walked into the school and went down the hallway by the cafeteria. There were several people in there having breakfast.

I stopped at the soda machine. I needed some caffeine. I started fishing in my purse for some money. I only had a one dollar bill and a twenty-dollar bill. The sodas were a dollar twenty-five. It just figures I didn't have a quarter. Suddenly a hand with a quarter in it appeared before me. I looked up and it was P.J.

“You looked like you were having trouble finding the right change.”

“Oh,” I said looking at my hand where I was holding the dollar and twenty dollar bills. “Yeah, I don't have any change.”

“Take it,” she said, moving her hand closer to me. I took the quarter out of her hand. My fingertips tingled as they brushed her palm. “Thanks.”

She gave me that amazing smile, her dark eyes looking into my blue ones. “You're welcome,” she looked down the hall where Mark Hinton was motioning for her. “See ya,” she said and headed down the hall in Mark's direction.

I watched her walk away and blushed when I realized that my eyes had moved to her butt that her jeans were hugging tightly. I shook my head. Oh yeah, I had a problem. I had a crush on her and I had no idea what to do about it.

I headed to homeroom while I guzzled my Diet Coke. When I got to the classroom I still had a half of the bottle to drink and five minutes to do it in.

“They should just let us have drinks with lids on them in the classrooms, don't you think?” Marlene asked as she came up and stood next to me while she tried to finish her cup of coffee.

“Totally,” I said. “It would be easier to stay awake in class if we could have coffee and cokes throughout the day.”

“For real,” Marlene agreed.

Ms. Paul poked her head out the door of the classroom. “Hurry up girls.”

Marlene and I drank as much of the drinks as we could then dropped what was left into the trashcan in the corner of the room as we walked in. We took our usual seats. I was sitting behind Diane who was just barely dressed like a nerd. She had on a white button down shirt that she had over a white t-shirt. The button down shirt was open and tied at Diane's waist. Beige Dockers and dark brown penny loafers completed her outfit.. She looked me up and down, “You make a good nerd. Of course being a science geek is pretty close to a nerd, isn't it?”

I rolled my eyes, “I guess so.” I sat down and looked over at Marlene who was dressed similar to me except she was wearing yellow and red plaid pants. Marlene shook her head but didn't say anything about Diane's comment.

I looked up at Ms. Paul and almost burst out laughing. She had her hair pulled up into funky pigtails. Black, thick-rimmed classes, a white button down shirt with the pocket protector filled with pens. To complete her bizarre outfit, she had on dark brown polyester pants that were too tight and too short, white socks and black loafers. Someone else lost it and everyone in the class burst out laughing.

Ms. Paul did a Madonna Vogue pose, “I guess my nerd outfit passes.”

It took a few minutes to get us all calmed back down. She really looked funny and cute in an androgynous nerdy way.

Diane turned toward Marlene and me, “I bet it wasn't hard for her to find that outfit. It's probably right out of her closet.”

I shook my head. “What is your problem with Ms. Paul?” I whispered.

“I don't like dykes,” she said hatefully. “I can't believe she has a job in a public school. They shouldn't let those people around kids.”

“Who? Gay people? That's retarded Diane,” I snapped. “Besides we don't know for a fact that she is gay and it's none of our business. She's a good teacher.”

“Oh, you're awful defensive. Did I hit a sensitive spot close to home or something? Is that why you don't want to go out with Todd? You got a crush on Ms. Paul?” Diane laughed.

“Kiss my ass, Diane,” I hissed. I looked up and Ms. Paul was giving us a questioning look.

“Do I need to separate you three?” she asked.

Maybe, I thought, because I wanted to smack the smirk off Diane's face.

“No ma'am,” Marlene answered.

I didn't say another word for the rest of the period. When class was over I pushed past Diane when we both got up from out seats, knocking her back down into her seat. She made some comment but I didn't hear it as I hurried on to my next class. All I had been able to think about all period, besides what a bitch Diane was, was had I been acting in a certain way to make her think that I might be gay or was she just making those comments because I won't go out with Todd. I couldn't think of anything I had done to make anyone think I was gay, at least not consciously. Had done things without thinking about them, like looking at P.J.'s butt this morning? I couldn't wait to get to calculus and fill my head with numbers, anything to get my mind off Diane's smart-ass mouth.

* * * * * *

Marlene caught up with me after government class, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah why?” I said, heading towards my locker.

“You looked pretty pissed about what Diane said. I thought you were going to punch her,” Marlene said as she walked with me.

“I thought about it. She is such a bitch,” I said. “What was that all about any way?”

“Todd is Randy Wilkinson's best friend and Diane is dating Randy now. Todd wants you back so Randy wants Diane to talk you into going back out with Todd. Diane is determined to do anything Randy asks so don't be surprised if this is not the end of stuff about Todd,” Marlene said, and then leaned against the locker next to mine as I did my combination.

“She needs to get over it. I'm not going out with Todd and making comments like she did in class is not going to help,” I growled as I opened my locker.

“I've tried to tell her that but she is determined to get you two back together. Maybe she thinks making you think people are questioning your sexuality will make you want to go back out with Todd,” Marlene said.

“Are people questioning my sexuality?” I asked, not looking at her.

“Not that I know of, but I think Diane was just trying to mess with you to make you think that.”

I got my books for microbiology class out of my locker and put my other books inside. “She and I are going to end up having some seriously bad blood between us if she doesn't let this thing about Todd go.”

“I'll try talking to her again but I just wanted to warn you,” Marlene said as she pushed off the locker.

“Thanks for the heads up. I'll deal with her if she starts it up again.”

“Okay.” Marlene turned to go in the opposite direction from where I was headed. “I see ya this afternoon at practice,” she called over her shoulder.

I headed to the library for my study period before microbiology. I had to write a paper about Beowulf, which we are studying in English class. It is actually interesting and right now Diane was reminding me of Grendel's mother, an ugly, monstrous bitch.

Chapter Seven

Thank God it's Friday. This has been the longest homecoming week ever. Today is rock star day and I am dressed like Amy Lee from the rock group Evanescence. I have on a short black crinkle skirt, black lace tank top, black corset, black fishnet hose, and black high heels. Mom actually let me dye my hair black with a temporary die that will wash out in a few days. I have the whole Goth look going on with black eye liner, lipstick and nail polish. My eyes are not as light of a blue as Amy's but the black was really bringing them out. I couldn't wait to see P.J.'s expression when she saw me. I had seen her wearing a t-shirt with Evanescence's name on it so I bet she likes them.

I looked at myself in the full length mirror. It was funny that she was the first person that came to mind. I let out a long sigh. I was really pathetic. Oh well, she would never know I have a crush on her. When I get to college I might meet some guy or another girl who would make giddy like she does.

Mom was waiting for me in the car. I got in and put my seatbelt on. I looked over at her questioning expression. “Don't you have a pep rally this afternoon?”

I laughed, “Yes and I have shorts on under the skirt.”

She let out a relieved breath, “Good.”

Her phone rang and she answered it. It was a business call. There were a lot of people who were doing their last quarter finances apparently. Mom had to work a lot of hours this week so she could take off to come to the homecoming game tonight.

She spent the whole ride to school on the phone with whoever was on the other end of the line. She finally told them that she would to call them back when she got to her office as we pulled into the school parking lot. “Sorry we didn't get to talk, baby girl. We will tonight though. Dad and I were going to have dinner ready when you get home. I know you have to come back and do a lot to get ready for the game and the dance.”

“I thought you and Dad were going out to dinner after the game?” I said, gathering my stuff.

“We were but we decided it would be too late for that. We are still going to a movie and dancing afterwards though. Are you sure you won't need us to pick you up?”

“Positive. I got my ride covered. You guys go have fun,” I said opening the door.

She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Love you, Honey. See you tonight.”

“Love you too,” I said and got out of the car. I headed for the side entrance. As soon as Mom pulled away, the cat calls and whistling started.

“Whoo Jamie. Hot outfit,” one of the guys standing around smoking called out. This went on until I got inside the building, where Derek Kruger was standing with Mark Hinton.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” Derek said, giving me a thorough looking over. “Amy Lee?” he guessed. “Nice, you look hot like that, all dark and mysterious.”

“Thanks,” I said and tried to pass him.

“Hold on now,” he said moving in front of me. “Let's get a good look at this,” he said, leaning closer.

“I really have to get to my locker and get my books before class so please move out of my way,” I said and tried to get past him again.

He moved so close to me that his body was almost touching me. I could smell his nasty breath and see his nasty teeth. I felt almost violated by him being that close to me. “Let her go on,” Mark said, surprising me.

“Come on man,” Derek said, motioning towards me. “I'm just giving her a thorough appraisal.”

“You've got to see her, now let her pass,” Mark said and straightened up a little.

I started to be concerned that I might be getting ready to be in the middle of a fight, when P.J. walked through the door. “Hey,” she said, looking from me to Derek and Mark, then back to me. “Nice,” she said. Her eyes raked over my whole body, “Very nice, Amy Lee, right?”

“Yes,” I laughed, “I must have really done a good job. You both guessed right away who I was supposed to be.”

“It's the corset,” she said, looking at my boobs that were pushed up by the corset. Her eyes had a new look in them. It was more than appreciation. She met my eyes briefly and I felt like I'd just been touched by a flame. She looked at Derek and Mark. “So what's the problem?”

“Derek was giving her a hard time,” Mark said.

P.J. gave Derek a raised eyebrow, “I think it's time to let her go on. She does have home room to get to.”

“Yeah, sure,” Derek said and slithered back towards the wall. He looked at me then back to P.J. and grinned wickedly, “See ya around Jamie.”

“Okay,” I said with a deep breath, “Ya all have a great day.” I turned away from their group and rushed out of the area as quickly as possible. Derek was really a creep. P.J. seemed to have some kind of control over him. Briefly, I wondered what she might have over him but I didn't dwell on it. My thoughts went to the look in her eyes when she looked me over. I shivered. Lord, it was going to be a long year if I was going to get all giddy every time she got near me.

When I got to my locker I saw Marlene coming towards me. She was dressed like Christine Aguilera. “You look great,” I said.

“So do you,” she said. “Everyone is saying how much you look like Amy Lee. I can't believe your mom let you dye your hair.”

“It's a temporary dye. It'll wash out in few days. That's the only reason she agreed to it,” I said as I opened my locker.

“I love the corset. Where'd you get it?” she asked. She reached over and felt the bottom edge of the corset at my waist. “Can you breathe?”

I laughed, “Yes, I don't have it laced too tight. I can't image having it laced up like they used to back in the day. I got it at the mall in Lexington . Mom and Dad took me up there last weekend. They have a Goth shop that has some really cool stuff in it.”

“That is too cool. My mom knew someone who had this stuff so she hooked me up.” She looked down the hall in the direction the led to the locker room, “Have you seen Diane yet?”

“No who's she pretending to be?”

“Madonna,” Marlene said and rolled her eyes.

“You're outfit is way better. She is going to be so pissed when she sees you. You definitely could win today's best dressed contest,” Marlene said looking down the hall again.

I looked in the direction she's looking, “Who are you looking for?”

“Diane,” Marlene said, “She was supposed to meet us here.”

“Oh yeah?” I said, getting my books.

“Yeah,” Marlene said, “She wanted all of the cheerleaders to get together this morning and walk around the hall together for a few minutes and do some spirit cheers.” Marlene looked at her watch, “But if she doesn't get here in the next few minutes we won't have time. Oh my God!”

I looked down the hall in the direction Marlene was staring with her mouth open. Diane was coming up the hall decked out in full Madonna Vogue gear, big white wig and all. “Well, I don't think I have to worry about winning the contest now.”
“She has lost her mind. She didn't have all of that on earlier,” Marlene said then laughed. “It's going to be a long day walking around with that wig on.”

I laughed too, “Yep.”

The other six cheerleaders were with her and doing cheers. Marlene and I joined in with them. We had enough time to make it around the halls one time before homeroom.

A lot of people had come to school dressed as rock stars. Everyone had a lot of fun with the rock star costumes. I lost count of how many guys were dressed like Jimi Hendrix. It was interesting to see who people liked enough to try to imitate.

I had stayed up late last night studying and I was running out of steam by the time I got to my study period. I went to the library and found an empty table in a corner. I put my books down then laid my head down on my crossed arms. I was out in no time.

I slept soundly until I felt a hand gently shaking me. “Jamie.” A voice was saying. “Jamie, wake up.” I sighed and shifted positions. The voice chuckled, “Come on Jamie. It's almost time for the period to end.” I stretched but didn't really wake up. “Jamie. Come on, wake up.”

I finally I raised my head and looked around. I realized that I'd been sound asleep then I saw who woke me up. It was P.J. I was mortified. “Oh my God!” I said, “What time is it?”

She chuckled again, “You've got about five minutes before class is over.”

“Oh,” I said sleepily.

She leaned down close to my ear. Her musky perfume assailed my nose. Oh my God, she smelled good. “You might want to wipe your face off before you leave,” she said, her breath tickling my ear.

What she was saying hit me. I had been drooling in my sleep. I wiped my face and there was a huge glob of slobber there. “Oh shit,” I said.

P.J. laughed. “See you at the pep rally,” she said as she walked off.

Now I was really mortified. Not only did P.J. see me sleeping, but she saw me with drool all over my face. Oh my God!

I was groggy the rest of the afternoon so my short nap wasn't a good idea. I went by the soda machine and got a regular Coke hoping the sugar and caffeine in it would pep me up. It helped a little. Before I knew it, it was time for the pep rally. I met with the other girl cheerleaders in the locker room. We all changed to our cheerleading outfits then headed out to the gym to get the pep rally started.

I was cheering and jumping like I always do then I saw P.J. She was staring at me intensely then broke into a smile. I smiled back. She didn't do the cheers like most of the people in the stands did. None of her group did but they watched. She seemed to have her eyes on me the whole time.

They announced who would be in the homecoming court. Diane and Randy won homecoming king and queen. Andrea and Nick Gregory were also in the court. The rest of the court was made up of juniors. I was glad that I wasn't in the court. They made other announcements, including the rules for the dance tonight. The coaches and other teachers made statements. It was finally all over and everyone headed home to get ready for the game and dance.

I made my way towards the locker room so I could get my stuff. Mom was coming to get me today so I wanted to make sure I got outside as quick as I could. I saw P.J. in the hall as she headed to the parking lot. She gave me a small wave and a smile. I waved back and watched as she walked down the hall. I was still mortified that she had seen me asleep with drool all over my face but she had been so nice about it. I sighed. She seemed so nice and she was so cute. I wanted to get to know her but there didn't seem any way to do that without drawing attention from my friends that would raise questions that I wasn't ready to answer.

Chapter Eight

Mom and Dad dropped me off at the gym door at five-thirty. I went through the gym and headed to the girls locker room. I was the first to arrive. I had my dress and heels with me that I would change into later. After the game, all of the cheerleaders and football players would come back to the locker rooms, shower, change and go into the gym for the dance. Marlene said she thought that she and Barry were only going to stay until about eleven. I was glad. I knew I'd be ready to go by then, unless, of course, P.J. was there. I knew that wasn't going to happen. I didn't think a dance like this was P.J.'s thing and even if she were there, then what? She'd be there with a guy. What was I going to do? Go ask her to dance?

I hung my dress up in a tall locker and start changing. I stripped down to my underwear and bra. Andrea walked in, “Hey Jamie.”

“Hey Andrea,” I said, only slightly self-conscious of the fact that I was standing there almost naked.

I pulled my spandex shorts on then pulled my skirt on over them. I put on a white t-shirt and my cheerleading tank top over it. I would take a white sweater out with me just in case it got cold later. September in Kentucky you could never be sure about the weather. One day it might be ninety degrees and the next sixty. It had been in the low eighties most of the afternoon but the weatherman had said the temperatures were going to drop down some this evening.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Andrea stripping down. I watched without her knowing I was watching. I was curious if seeing another girl naked would affect me the way being around P.J. did. Andrea had a beautiful body. She had full breasts and a nicely shaped butt. Shouldn't they excite me if I was really gay? They didn't though. I didn't feel anything except maybe jealousy because I would never have boobs that big.

Marlene came in. She had the locker next to mine. She had her dress, which she hung up in her locker. She started stripping and again I watched out of the corner of my eye. Maybe this whole thing with P.J. was a figment of my imagination. As I watched these girls, these beautiful young women, undress they didn't stir any kind of excitement in me. I took a deep breath. I really didn't know what was going on with me. Maybe I was just fascinated with P.J. for whatever reason. I didn't know what to think or do about the feelings she stirred in me. I had to quit thinking about it or I was going to drive myself nuts.

I sat down and put my tennis shoes on. Looking up at Marlene, I asked “Are we still leaving at eleven?”

“Yeah, as far as I know.”

“Cool.” I really didn't want to go to this dance but I was going to make myself try to have a good time. It amazed me that last year I loved all this stuff and I was excited about it. This year it was an inconvenience that I felt I was forced to endure.

Everyone else started showing up and getting changed, before I knew it, it was time for the game to start. We got into position to lead the guys out onto the field. This week we were playing the South Martin County Dragons. They were one of our minor rivals but we usually beat them soundly. If that happened tonight it would be a spirit lifter for the dance. There was nothing worse than having a dance after we lost a game. Everyone was bummed out and it was no fun.

We headed out towards the field cheering and jumping. The game started and we immediately took a huge lead. It seemed like a long game to me even though we beat them severely, seventy to ten.

Back in the locker room, everyone started stripping, including me. Once again it struck me as odd that none of the girls in here seemed to appeal to me. Shouldn't they if I was gay? I just didn't know how I should really feel. I really have no idea what to think right now. I know that none of the guys did anything for me and really none of the girl either, except P.J. Thomas. Could it be that just one person could be the only one to turn you on? Wouldn't it really be a sad life if you couldn't be with that one person? Suddenly the meaning of thousands of sad love songs hit me full force. Yes, it would be very sad.

I showered and started changing into my dress. When everyone was ready we all left the locker room together. We went to the gym where the dance committee was trying to put on the finishing touches of the dance. We all pitched in to help as did the guys who came in after we did. By nine, when the dance was due to officially start, everything was in place. The local band that had been commissioned to play was already set up and they started playing covers of some good dance songs. I sat at a table with Marlene, Barry, Diane, Randy, Todd, Andrea and her boyfriend, Alex.

Everyone got up to dance when the band started. I made it a point to dance as far away from Todd as I could without going to the opposite side of the gym.

He sat next to me at the table. He would put his hand on the table and try to touch mine. I tried moving three times but every time we would come back from dancing he would sit next to me. I danced with four different guys on the slow dances so Todd couldn't ask me. I started out with Sam Britton, a tight end on the football team and a very cute guy. He had muscles on top of muscles. I kept hoping I would feel something for him while we danced. All the other girls on the cheerleading team thought he was the hottest guy on the football team but there was nothing there.

The next slow dance I danced with Daniel Richards. He was in my microbiology class and completely brilliant. We had a great talk while we danced but still there was no chemistry. After Daniel, I danced with Eric Matthews, who was a guard on the basketball team. That really pissed Todd off because Eric was one of his teammates.

Finally I danced with Michael Denton; he was one of the guys that usually ran with Derek Kruger and P.J. Interestingly I felt very safe with him. He didn't say much and he didn't try to touch my butt the way Eric and Sam had. I asked him how he liked his senior year and he started talking about how he had started really getting into English. He said that he'd never paid any attention in class before but this year he was actually interested in what they were teaching.

“So you understand the Beowulf story?” I asked as we turned slowly in our dance.

“Oh yeah,” he said. “It's a legend but it's really about conquering insurmountable odds.”

“I guess I can see that,” I said.

“I think I get it because I can relate to it,” He said. “I have always had insurmountable odds and it's easy to just cower down and let the monsters win but I've decided not to do that. But because I decided to try to go to college at this late date in high school, I have a huge mountain to climb to get into a school because my grades have sucked until this year. It's just a miracle I've gotten passed each year.”

“So what brought about this change of heart,” I asked as he moved us in a slow circle.

“P.J.,” he said. “She told me that if I ever wanted to have anything more than a jail career I had to get my shit together and get some kind of an education.”

Just hearing P.J.'s name gave me those butterflies. It was funny that seeing a group of beautiful girls naked in the locker room and cute guys on the football field did nothing for me but just hearing her name made my heart skip a beat. “Really, so has she turned a new leaf too?”

“Oh yeah,” he said. “She has totally gotten her shit together. She's working her ass off to get her grades up. Hers weren't near as bad as mine to start with but she has a big hill to climb too.”

“I'm glad for both of you. There's going to be so many opportunities when we graduate,” I said. “I hope you get the things you want.”

“Thanks, Jamie,” he said, smiling down at me. “That's very sweet of you. Thanks for the dance”.

“Thank you,” I said with a slight bow and went back to the table where Todd was sitting by himself and fuming.

I stood by the table for a few minutes looking to see where everyone else was. The band was playing another slow song so they were still dancing. I sat down at the table on the opposite side from him. I took a sip of my diet coke I'd gotten earlier. I tried not to be rude and not speak to him at all but I couldn't think of anything to say to him.

“So are you really not going to dance with me at all tonight?” he asked.

“I don't see the point,” I said.

“Can't we at least be friends? You've danced with people you didn't even know tonight but you can't dance with me,” he sounded so wounded that I give in.

“Okay, I'll dance with you,” I said and stood up.

He practically jumped out of his chair. He took my hand and led me out onto the dance floor. I was trying to keep some distance between us but he kept pulling me closer. “Todd, this is close enough,” I said, pushing on his chest to create some space between us.

“Okay,” he mumbled and stopped trying to pull me into him.

We danced through the first part of the song and the whole time I was wondering why on earth I started dating him in the first place. I felt nothing for him and I couldn't remember ever feeling really anything for him. Maybe that was why the sex between us was so bad. Really, I think I went out with him just to shut Diane up about my being the only virgin cheerleader. I wanted to know what all the hoopla was about sex. All of the other girls talked about sex like it was the greatest thing ever but it did nothing but repulse me.

He leaned toward me, “Why can't we try again?”

I rolled my eyes, “Because Todd, I'm not into sex and I'm trying to stay focused on school. How I do this year may determine which school I get into,” I didn't want to hurt his feelings and tell him I just didn't like him at all.

“We don't have to have sex,” he said. “Let's just start talking again and maybe hanging out.”

“We might hang out when we're with the same group of friends but I'm not going to be a buddy that does stuff with you,” I said and started pulling away as the song ended.

“Okay,” he said, seeming satisfied with my answer.

I was ready to leave but it was only ten-thirty. Marlene and Barry seemed to be having a good time and I hated to ask them to leave early. I sat down at the table and debated what to do. I looked towards the door to see if I saw anyone I knew who might be getting ready to leave.

Diane and Randy came back to the table and sat down. “I think we are going to leave here in a few minutes,” Diane said.

“Really,” I said, “Do you think you guys could drop me off at home?”

“Sure,” Randy said without hesitation.

“You sure you're ready to leave?” Diane asked looking from me to Todd.

“Yeah, it's been a long day. I'm ready to go home and crash,” I said, not paying any attention to look that passed between Todd and Diane.

Marlene and Barry came back to the table. Diane said, “Randy and I are getting ready to leave and Jamie is going with us. We're going to give her a ride home.”

“We can take you if you're ready,” Marlene said.

“You guys seemed like you wanted to stay a while longer and they were already planning on leaving. I don't want you guys to leave if you're still having fun,” I said.

Marlene looked at Diane, “Why are you guys leaving so early?”

“We're going to go some place to be alone,” Diane linked her arm in Randy's and winked at Marlene.

“Oh,” Marlene smiled and squeezed Barry's leg under the table. “I gotcha ya.”

I rolled my eyes. I just wanted to go home.

Randy looked at Diane, “You ready?”

“I'm just going to run to the little girl's room then I'll be ready.” She got up and grabbed Marlene's hand, “come with me.”

I raised an eye brow but didn't say anything. I gathered my stuff and stood up next to Randy, who had gathered his and Diane's stuff. “I'll see you guys next week,” I said to Barry and Todd.

Diane came back in a few minutes with Marlene in tow. Marlene looked pissed but didn't say anything.

Andrea and Alex had just come back to the table. Andrea gave Diane a questioning look, “You guys leaving already?”

“Yep, let's go,” Diane said and took Randy's arm.

I gave Marlene, Barry and Todd a wave then followed Diane and Randy outside. We went to Randy's huge, white, diesel Dodge truck. I was wondering how I was going to get in it in this dress. Randy helped Diane up into the passenger seat then turned to me. “Come on,” he said with a grin.

I stood in front of him. He gripped my waist and hoisted me up inside the truck then went around to the other side of the truck and got in the driver seat. Diane immediately snuggled up to him. I stayed close to the passenger door. I was so glad I was going home. I was looking forward to getting out of these heels and into bed.

We left the school parking lot and were heading toward my house when Diane said, “Hey, have you seen Randy's new iguana?”

“You have an iguana?” I asked, surprised. I had a hard time imaging Randy being into reptiles.

“Yeah, he's awesome,” Randy said. “You should come out and see him.”

Intrigued because I do have a special place in my heart for reptiles, I had wanted a chameleon for years but my mother refused to have any kind of pets in the house. “Okay.”

“Awesome,” Diane said. She took out her phone and sent a text someone.

“Who you texting?” Randy asked.

“Marlene and Barry, they might want to come out too. Barry has been dying to see Iggy,” She said.

Randy shrugged, as did I. Randy lived about two miles out of town. His dad owned a cattle farm and they had a few horses. We drove past a few convenient stores on the way out of town. One in particular caught my attention because there was a sign for a mobile home park next to it. “Is there a trailer park behind that store?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Randy said. “It's actually a pretty nice one. It's kind of small with maybe just a fifty trailers but they guy who runs it is real strict. Toby Wierman lives there. He says they'll give you a huge fine if you don't mow your yard weekly. I've been to his house. It's actually really nice for a trailer. It's a double wide and they have a big yard and stuff. It's kind of cool.”

Diane rolled her eyes, “Living in a trailer park is not cool.”

Randy squeezed her leg, “Babe, not everyone has money. Just because people live in a trailer doesn't make them bad or trashy. There are a lot of hardworking people who live in trailers and just don't make enough money to have a fancy house like your parents do.”

I was surprised by his respect towards people who didn't have a lot of money. He had always struck me as a snob. Diane, I knew was a snob. Her parents were both doctors and they lived in a ridiculously huge house in a gated community just past my subdivision.

Randy turned on a road just past the convenient store that led to his dad's farm. No one was home. Randy pulled into the drive and stopped in front of a three car garage. The house was not quite as big as my parents' house but it was a similar two story Tudor structure. I opened the door and hopped down. I was immediately sorry because I felt like the heels on my shoes just rammed into my feet. “Ow!”

“You should have waited for me,” Randy laughed as he opened the door further.

“You're right,” I said and moved out of the way so he could help Diane out. He gave her a quick kiss as he grabbed her waist.

Randy put her down on the ground, shut the truck door then led us to the front door. “Mom and Dad went to Louisville for the weekend so I have the whole house to myself.”

“Really,” Diane said seductively.

I rolled my eyes. I needed to get in and see this iguana and get them to take me home before they got to comfortable. Randy started turning on lights as we came in. There was a formal sitting room to one side of the entrance and a formal dining room on the other side and stairs directly in front of us. Randy led us upstairs to his room which was almost directly at the top of the stairs. He opened the door and it was a sports guy's room. He had posters of football and basketball stars on his walls. There were clothes scattered everywhere as well as books and magazines. In the corner of the room was a huge glass cage; inside of it was a six inch long, bright green iguana.

“Oh, he's just a baby,” I said making my way towards the cage.

“Yeah, he's just a month old,” Randy said opening up the cage. He reached in and gently picked up the iguana. He brought him around where I could see him.

I gently patted his head with my finger. “He is so cool.”

“Thanks. I love him. We have so many other pets, you know, dogs, cats, horses, and stuff but I wanted something different so Mom and Dad got him for my birthday last week.”

“I wish my parents would let me have any kind of a pet. My mother will never allow it. God forbid something messes up her precious house,” I said petting the iguana again.

“You know Todd has a snake,” Randy said putting the iguana back in his cage.

Diane started giggling.

“I wasn't talking about that kind of snake,” Randy said, laughing.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I've seen both of his snakes,” I looked at Diane. “His boa is cool.”

“I'm a little surprised things didn't work out better between you two,” Randy said. “I would think you have a lot in common with all the science stuff.”

It was true that we both had an interest in science and we had other things in common but he just wasn't the one for me. “It just wasn't meant to be,” I said. I looked at my phone, it was almost eleven. “So do you mind going ahead and taking me home?”

“Sure, I'm just going to change real quickly,” Randy said.

“Okay,” I said and left the room. Diane stayed in the room with him. I watched her close door. Oh, this may not be good, I thought to myself.

I went downstairs and sat down on a couch in the sitting room. It was really a beautiful room. The furnishings were mauve and there were four antique pieces adorning the walls. There were family portraits on the wall. One was really old and the guy looked a little like Randy. It was probably a picture of a great grandfather or something.

I heard a car pull up. I began to panic. What if his parents decided to come home and he wasn't supposed to have anyone here? I looked out the window and saw a familiar grey Chevelle. It was Todd. Oh shit. I thought then I looked up towards the stairs and the closed door. They set me up, those fuckers. I jumped up and went out the door. I met Todd on the sidewalk. “What are you doing out here?”

“Didn't Diane telling you I was coming out?” he asked innocently.

“No, she didn't,” I said

“Oh,” he said and moved toward me. “Since you're here maybe we can talk for awhile.”

“I've already told you that we don't have anything to talk about,” I said and started walking past him.

He grabbed my arm. “Where do you think you're going? You can't walk home from here.”

“Watch me,” I growled. “You tell Diane that I'm going to kick her ass the very next time I see her.”

“Come on,” he pleaded, “let's just hang out for awhile.”

“No,” I said pulling my arm away.

“At least let me give you a ride home,” he said.

I almost agreed because it was going be a long walk but something told me that it wouldn't be a good idea to get stuck inside a car with him. “No thanks. I can get home on my own,” I said and stormed off down the drive way. I opened my phone and hit the number to speed dial my parents. I only got a beeping sound. I looked at my phone and my signal was dead. Great, I would just have to keep walking until I got a signal to call them with.

It was probably ten miles to my house from here and I really didn't want to walk the whole way but I wanted to make Diane, Todd and Randy think that I did. I had a signal again when I got to the main road and dialed Marlene's number. Her phone went straight to voice mail. Her phone was probably shut off. I tried Barry's number and got the same thing. They were either still at the dance or making out somewhere. I looked at my watch. It was almost eleven-thirty. Mom and Dad were probably still at the movies. I tried calling them again but I got Mom's voice mail so I sent her a text.

I thought about going to the convenient store and waiting for Mom and Dad or Marlene to answer my call but it was closed. I tried to think of someone else who had a car, who was in town that could come and pick me up but there was no one. Everyone I knew was at the dance and probably had their phones shut off.

It was really dark out this way with no street lights and I started to get a little nervous. Maybe walking home wasn't such a good idea. I tried calling a few more people from school but as I feared, their phones were off. They too were probably either at the dance or making out somewhere. Shit this sucks, I thought but I kept going. I knew eventually I'd be in town and could find a place to hang out until Mom and Dad replied to my text or called. In fact, I was pretty sure there was a restaurant on this side of town that was open all night like McDonald's was.

McDonalds made me think of P.J. The way she looked at me today was different, almost like she was seeing me differently. It made me wonder if she was starting to get a clue about how I'd been feeling about her. No, there was no way she could know. I hadn't talked to anyone about it. Quite frankly I didn't have anyone who I could talk to about it, certainly not Marlene or Diane, definitely not Mom and Dad.

I looked up and saw headlights coming towards me. At first I didn't think anything about it but then I started thinking what if it was a car load of drunken guys that might grab me, take me someplace and rape me? What if it was a serial killer? I told myself that I was just letting my imagination get away from me but the closer the car got the more nervous I was. I stopped, took my shoes off and prepared to run if I needed to. I moved to the side of the road as the vehicle approached me. It slowed just a little and moved toward the center of the road away from me. I breathed a sigh of relief that it was not a serial killer then I heard the brakes. The driver of the Jeep that just passed me had slammed on the brakes. I hiked up my dress and prepared to run when I heard my name. “Jamie?”

I turned around and P.J. was standing at the back of the black Jeep. “Jamie?” She said again and moved closer, “What the hell are you doing walking out here this time of night?” she demanded.

I let out a huge sigh of relief. “It's a long story,” I said.

“Get into the Jeep and I'll give you a ride home or wherever you need to go,” she motioned for me to meet her at the passenger side door.

I walked towards her and she opened the door for me. She held out her hand to help me step into the Jeep. I looked at her hand for a moment then took it and stepped up into the Jeep. Her hand was very soft which I didn't expect and the sensation of my hand touching hers gave me chills. She made sure that all of my dress was in the Jeep then closed the door. She went around the driver's side and got in. “Home?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said and put on my seat belt. She turned around in the road and headed back towards town.

“So what on Earth were you doing walking out here this time of night?” she asked, giving me a side ways glance.

I took a deep breath, “My friends brought me out to Randy Wilkinson's house to see his pet iguana then Todd Baxter showed up and I needed to leave.”

“No one would give you a ride home?” she asked.

“I didn't want one from any of them because I'm very pissed off at all of them,” I replied angrily.

“Wow,” she said with a grin, “I didn't know you had a temper.” She looked over at me and said quietly. “You look very beautiful in that dress.”

I turned to her and smiled, “Thank you.” She had no idea what her saying that meant to me. The butterflies that had already begun fluttering were working themselves into a frenzy.

“I thought you and Todd had gone out this past summer?”

“We did,” I looked out the passenger side window. “It ended badly and apparently he's determined to get me back and Diane is trying to help him.”

“Oh,” she said quietly.

We came to the first stop light which was at a major cross roads, she looked at me questioningly. “Keep going straight,” I said. “We live on the other side of town.”

“I thought so.” She pulled through the light and headed out the main roads that led to the opposite side of town.

“Take a right on Covington and follow it to Brentmoor subdivision and I'll tell the rest when we get there.”
“Okay.”
I was trying desperately to think of something to talk about.  I wanted to know something about her.  I knew it was crazy to even have the slightest crush on this girl but there was something about her that drew me to her.  “How long you been working at McDonald's?”
“About six months,” she said but didn't turn to look at me.
“Do you like it?”
“It's okay.  It's a paycheck.”
“Are you going to stay there after high school?” I knew as soon as the words come out of my mouth they were the wrong ones.
“No, actually I have bigger dreams than working at McDonald's for the rest of my life.” she said turned to me and I could see she was angry.
“Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, I was just wondering what you might be planning after high school,” I said looking away.
I could feel her still looking at me for a second then she looked back at the road.  Great, now you've made her think you think she's a loser, I thought to myself.
“Actually I'm going to be going to work at Markhum's Factory with my stepfather,” then she added quietly, “as long as I graduate and stay out of trouble.”
I looked over at her, a little surprised that she had confessed that last part to me. “Markhum's is a good place to work.  I hear the machine technicians make pretty good money.”
She looked at me so surprised she almost ran a red light.  I grabbed the dash when she slammed on the brakes. “Sorry,” she said.
“It's okay,” I said sitting back.  “What would you start out doing there?” I asked, truly interested in what someone would be doing starting at a factory.  My parents didn't know any one who worked in a factory.  All of their friends were doctors, lawyers, stock brokers and contractors.
“Dave, my stepfather, works in shipping so he's going to get me into the warehouse then I can decide where I want to go from there.  I would have to go to the tech college for a few years and study machine technology before I'd be able to even try to get a repair tech job.  Those are the guys who make the big bucks but if I don't pass algebra I won't have to worry about any of it,” she said with a sad sigh and looked back at the road.
We had reached my subdivision and I gave her directions to my house which was a few streets off the main road.  She pulled into our drive and looked up at our house. “Wow. Nice house.”
“Thanks, my parents are extremely proud of it,” I said rolling my eyes.
P.J. turned to me, “You don't like it?”
“I do but it's a show place.  My father is a real estate dealer, my mother is an accountant and they love to entertain their clients here.  It has its perks, like the pool and I have my own bathroom but there are only a few rooms that actually are lived in.  The rest of it is just to look pretty.”  I didn't realize how bitter I was about that until I said that to her.  I really hated living in a house that you had to be careful not to touch anything except in the family room and kitchen.
“Well this is a palace where I come from so you should enjoy it,” P.J. said still in awe of the house.
I shrugged, “Yeah, I know I'm pretty blessed but no life's perfect. I really appreciate you giving me a ride. You were my savior tonight.”
P.J. grinned then got a stern look on her face, “You were lucky I came along.  If you ever have that kind of problem again you call me and I'll come and get you, and maybe kick a few people's asses.” She motioned to my phone, “I'll give you my number.  I'm serious; please don't be walking at night by yourself.”
I looked into her eyes and saw the sincere concern there and it made my heart skip a beat.  It was comforting and a little surprising that she was so concerned for my safety.  I put her phone number in my phone. “Let me give you mine.  I'm pretty good with algebra so if you really get into a jam with it, call me and I'll help you out.”
“I can't image you would have time for anything extra in your life.  I have no idea how you manage to be a cheerleader, go to all the games, study and still have any kind of a life,” she said but she took my number and put it into her cell phone.
I got out of the Jeep. I came around to her side of the Jeep.  “It's been really tough this year and it's not easy to have a life outside of cheerleading. It does take up a lot of my time. I really owe you for being helping me tonight.  You were angel showing up out of nowhere like that.  I'm so glad you came along.  I can't believe I was so stupid to let them take me out there,” I said shaking my head. “Anyway, I better get in.  Thank you again,” I said and touched her arm lightly, that was on the open window.
“No problem,” she smiled.  “I'll wait until your inside.”
I smiled back and waved as I made my way to the front door.  The front light was on and I had no trouble unlocking the door to let myself in.  I waved to her again to let her know I was okay.  She backed out of the drive and drove off.
I went in the house and let out a dreamy sigh.  Oh my God, I had it bad for this girl.  I had lost my mind I knew it.  I grabbed a Diet Coke out of the refrigerator, checked the doors and the alarm then headed upstairs to my room.
I locked my door and flopped down on my bed. I still had goose bumps from my ride home with P.J.  She and I had never run in the same circles and I didn't realize until tonight that I really knew absolutely nothing about her.  I'm not sure why all of a sudden I had these strong feelings for her that she would never know about.  Maybe it was because she was forbidden fruit. I laughed out loud at that thought but it was true.  She was girl and my parents would flip out if they find out I was into girls.  Plus, she was not from our social class, she was a bad girl and a little dangerous.  Oh yeah, even if they got over me liking girls, they would never allow me to date someone like P.J. Thomas .

Chapter Nine

I had just fallen asleep when Marlene called. “Where are you?” She demanded.

“At home in bed,” I said groggily.

“I am so sorry I had my phone turned off. We left right after you guys did but we were…ah…busy,” she said and I could almost hear her blushing.

“It's okay,” I said, “I figured that was why you didn't answer your phone.”

“I had a sneaky suspicion about why she wanted me to tell Todd to come out to Randy's house. I am going to kill her the next time I see her,” Marlene said.

“Yeah me too,” I pushed the hair back from my face. “I can't believe she pulled that bullshit.”

“Me either,” Marlene sighed, “I should have tried harder to talk you out of going with them when I had bad feelings about it.”

“It's okay. Everything turned out alright.”

“How'd you get home?” Marlene asked. “We looked every where for you when we finally got your message.”

“P.J. just happened to be driving by and she gave me a ride home,” I said.

“Wow,” Marlene said, “That's the second time she's saved you in the past few weeks.”

“Yeah, I owe her big time for this one,” I said thinking about P.J.'s algebra problem. If she ever asked me to help her it would be my excuse to be around her and my friends not question it.

“I guess so,” Marlene let out a deep breath, “Well, I'm just glad you are home safe. I was worried to death when we couldn't find you and we couldn't get a signal for shit out there.”

“Yeah, mine wasn't working to well either,” I said with a yawn. “I'm going back to bed now. I'll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay, night,” she said

“Night,” I hung up and rolled over. I was just about to sleep again when my mom called.

“Is everything okay? I had a text from you,” she said.

“Yeah, I'm home now,” I said

“Were you having a problem?” she asked.

“Just a little but I got it worked out,” I said.

“Okay. We'll be home here in a little while.”

“Okay, I'm going back to sleep,” I said with another yawn.

“See you in the morning, love you.”

Love you too,” I closed my phone and drifted off to sleep as I was wondering what P.J. was doing out that way. Did she live out there? Was she going to see someone out there? I wanted to know.

* * * * * *

I slept until almost one on Saturday. I was completely drained. I wasn't sure exactly how far I walked in those heels last night but my calves were killing me. Mom and Dad slept until almost two. We were all really groggy and grumpy all day Saturday. Sunday was a little better but I was still exhausted. I was not looking forward to school tomorrow. I was probably going to end up being in big trouble because I just might rip Diane's head off.

Mom and Dad asked about the dance and I said it was okay. I told them that Todd was bothering me at the dance and I'd gotten to the point where I wanted to leave but Marlene wasn't ready to go yet. That was mostly true. I hated lying to them and not telling them everything that had happened but they didn't really need to know everything that went on.

They both had work to do Sunday night so I spent the evening in my room working on my homework and thinking about P.J. I got on the computer for a little while and looked up some sites for gay teenagers. There was not a lot of information out there and nothing that could really tell me if I was really gay or just going through a phase. I did find that there were a lot of other kids going through this same problem. They were attracted to one of their friends or peers and didn't know what to do about it. It was good to know I wasn't alone with my problem but it didn't give me any answers about what to do.

* * * * * *

Monday morning I was on a mission. The mission was to kill Diane. I was still furious about the shit she'd pulled Friday night. I went to my locker and switched my books up for my first two classes then went looking for Diane. She hadn't been in the locker room and I hadn't seen her in the hall. I walked around the wing of the school where our homeroom was but I didn't see her anywhere. I finally found her when I got to homeroom. She was already sitting in her chair and pretending to be studying. I'd seen her look up at me then back down at her paper. She wasn't going to get off because we were in school. I went to Diane's desk and slammed my books down on it.

She looked up at me startled, “What the hell?”

“You know exactly what the hell,” I growled. “I cannot believe you had Todd come out to Randy's house, knowing that I'm not interested in him.”

“Oh come on,” Jamie, “You're not even giving him a chance.”

“I'm not interested in giving him a chance and I'm sick of you trying to push me into going back out with him. There is nothing between us and I don't care if he can't get over it!” I shouted.

Ms. Paul came over and put her hand on my shoulder, “What's the problem?”

“Diane needs to mind her own business, that's the problem.”

“Fine,” Diane snapped, “Don't come to me if you ever need help again.”

“I didn't need help,” I growled.

“Okay,” Ms. Paul stepped between us, “You two need to calm down and we'll talk about this at the end of class.” She motioned to my chair, “Please sit down Jamie.”

I sat in my chair and put my books on my desk. I looked over and saw that Marlene had snuck in during the commotion. “You okay?” she whispered.

“Not really,” I said.

I sat behind Diane staring daggers at her all period. I still couldn't believe she pulled that shit. It didn't matter though, I would not go anywhere with her again. I was not even sure I was going to go to anything that she and Todd were both at, including her big Christmas party in December.

When class was over Diane hurried out of the class before Ms. Paul could stop her but she caught me before I could get away. “So what was that all about this morning?”

“Nothing,” I said.

“Nothing? You and Diane have never had words in all the time I've seen you guys running together so what's really going on?” Ms. Paul asked sincerely concerned.

I sighed, “She is trying to get me to out with Todd Baxter again. We dated during the summer but things didn't work out so I broke up with him. He wasn't happy about it and doesn't want to let go but I'm done. He's Diane's boyfriend, Randy Wilkinson's best friend so she keeps trying to get me to give him another chance. Friday after the dance Diane and Randy took me to Randy's house to see his pet iguana and Todd showed up. I got mad and left.”

“So you think it was planned for Todd to come out there?” she asked.

“It was absolutely planned,” I said, “She has been avoiding me ever since because she knows how mad I am right now.”

“Did anything bad happen?” she asked giving me this questioning look, “Did Todd hurt you or something?”

“No, nothing like that happened. I'm just mad that she tried to set me up like that.” Actually something good came of it because I got a ride home with P.J. but I wasn't telling anyone about that.

“That was not very nice of her,” Ms. Paul said, taking me by the shoulders. “I will talk to her before the day is over. Hopefully it was just a misunderstanding and we can clear things up between you too. Okay?”

It was not okay but I was going to let her believe it was. “Yeah, okay.”

“Okay, I'll write you a pass because you'll be late for your next class.” She wrote me a pass and grabbed my hand as she handed it to me and looked into my eyes. “You know I'm here if you ever need to talk, okay?”

“Okay,” I said with a slight smile and took the note, “Thanks.” Once again I got this feeling that she knew I was gay or leaning in that way. It was kind of comforting but then again I didn't know how I would even begin anyone even her about this.

* * * * * *

Diane managed to avoid me the rest of the morning. I hadn't seen Todd or Randy either. I'd cooled off by the time I get to my study period. I tried to relax and focus on my microbiology textbook and taking notes.

I was deep into note taking when I felt someone standing next to me. I looked up and it was P.J. “Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” I smiled up at her. “Is this your study period too?”

“No, actually I have Algebra two this period. Mr. Donovan let me come down here to ask you for a favor,” she said, sitting in the seat across from me.

“Okay,” I was stunned that she really wanted to ask a favor of me.

“I'm failing Algebra and I have to pass it in order to graduate.” She looked at me hesitantly, “Do remember saying you would owe me the other night after I gave you the ride home?”

I smiled, “Of course, what ever you need.”

She sighed clearly relieved, “I was hoping you would be able to help me with my Algebra. Mr. Donovan asked if I knew anyone who might be able to help me and I told him that you might.”

“I'd be glad to help you,” I assured her.

“He said that I could come down here during the last twenty minutes of class if you didn't mind giving up some of your study period for me,” She fiddled with her notebook nervously while she waited for my answer.

“Sure, that's no problem. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to help you in just twenty minutes but I'll do what I can,” I said, thinking she looked so cute when she was nervous.

“Well, I didn't think you would have any other time to work with me since you have cheerleading practice every night and games every week.”

“I do have a pretty tight schedule but maybe I can fit in another hour or so in there.” I got out my schedule book, “I don't know how many nights you work at McDonald's so what night will you have off that we might be able to get together to study?”

She opened her notebook and looked through a few pages. “I'm off Wednesday night this week.”

“Okay. I get home from cheerleading around six. Could we meet somewhere around seven and study until eight or nine?” I asked, looking up and seeing her amazed expression.

“Yeah, sure where ever you want,” she readily agreed.

I thought for a few minutes. “The library closes at six on Wednesdays. We might be able to try going to a restaurant to study but that would be really noisy.” I tap my chin trying to think of a place we could work quietly. I would love to have her come to my house but my parents would freak, especially since they will both be gone.

“Would you care to come to my house?” she asked hesitantly.

I was surprised by the request. “Sure.”

She gave me that amazing smile that makes my heart stop every time I see it. “I'll check with my mom but I know it won't be a problem,” she said. “Just give me a call sometime after eight tonight and I'll know for sure.”

“Why don't you just call me after you get a chance to talk to her, I'm sure my parents won't care.” That wasn't true but I was going to make this happen. I wanted a chance to be with her somewhere outside of school and this my excuse.

“Okay,” she said, beaming. “I've got to get back to class and let Mr. Donovan know that you said you wouldn't mind helping me. You really have no idea how much I appreciate you doing this.”

“No problem,” I said. She got up and headed out of the library. I watched her leave. I had lost my mind I was sure of it. There was no way to explain what I felt for her. I found it fascinating that none of the other girls I knew made me feel anything other than friendship and envy. None of the guys I knew or had known had ever made my heart skip a beat the way she did. I had always wanted to believe that there could be just one person who you made that life long connection with. I didn't know if that would be true with P.J. but at this moment in time she was the one person who fascinated me. She was the one person that I had an overwhelming urge to touch. I was terrified and intrigued all at the same time.

Chapter Ten

“I don't understand why you two can't meet at a public place,” Mom said as she handed me the dish towel.

I began drying the dinner dishes. “Because we can't get together until seven and there isn't a quiet public place where we can study.”

“I'm just not very comfortable with you going to this girl's house,” Mom said handing me a plate.

I rolled my eyes and let out an exasperated sigh, “Honestly, what do you think is going to happen to me? Both of her parents are supposed to be home. We are just studying. She really needs the help, Mom.”

Mom stared at me, “This girl has a reputation for being a trouble maker. I've talked to a few people who know about her. She uses drugs and runs with some really rough boys. What if she tries to get you to use drugs or those boys show up? Apparently her parents couldn't stop her from doing this stuff before. What makes you think they will now?”

“I don't think she's like that any more. She told me that she's trying to get a job at Markham 's factory with her stepfather and he told her she had to graduate and stay out of trouble this year. So she's trying and if she doesn't pass algebra she won't graduate. I really want to help her. I'd hate to see someone turn over a new leaf just to be squashed back down,” I said, pleading my case. Who knew my mother would actually go to the trouble to find stuff out about P.J. She must have some interesting connections to have gotten so much information about P.J. because she had only known about me wanting to go to P.J.'s house since four o'clock this afternoon.

Mom let out a weary sigh, “Fine but I want to come in and meet her parents.”

“Okay. You should totally do that,” I said, trying not to jump for joy. I was so relieved she finally gave in because I was beginning to be afraid that she wouldn't.

I called P.J and told her that I would be able to come Wednesday night and that Mom wanted to meet her parents. She said that was fine. She sounded a little nervous talking to me, which I thought was cute but I couldn't imagine why she would be nervous. It was actually kind of funny seeing her acting nervous at all because she always acted so tough with her friends.

* * * * * *

Tuesday P.J. got to come down to the library for the last fifteen minutes of my study period. Mr. Donovan was letting them work on assignments during that time so P.J. was supposed to work on her assignments and let me see if she was doing it right. She was really having a hard time understanding quadratic equations and it was clear that a few minutes during study time was not going to be enough to help her. I was really glad that we had already talked about getting together after school because she was going to need all the help she could get.

Wednesday was the longest freaking day ever. Ms. Paul kept Diane and me over in homeroom. She insisted that Diane and I try to talk about our problems but it was not going well. I was still very pissed off and she didn't get why I couldn't just out with Todd. “He's so in love with you,” she said.

I told her I didn't care because I wasn't in love with him. In fact, I didn't even like him. That's where the argument started again because she was convinced that I was either playing hard to get or just stupid.

“He's a great guy, Jamie,” she argued. “He's going to UK to study science like you are and he'll play basketball, you'll cheer it'll be a match made in heaven. He's such a sweet guy I don't get why you won't give him another chance.”

“Because I don't like him,” I said angrily. I decided right that second that I was not going to UK under any circumstances.

“Okay,” Ms. Paul interceded. “Clearly this is not going to get resolved today. I'll write you two passes for your next class.” She scribbled out our passes and handed them to each one of us. We both started to leave but she grabbed my arm gently. “Hang on for a minute.”

After Diane left the room she looked at me, “I really don't understand why she is so adamant that you date Todd but she's clearly not going to let it go just yet.”

“I don't get it either,” I said. “But I'm not going back out with him. I'm just sick of him and her too right now.”

Ms. Paul grabbed both my arms gently and looked into my eyes. I swear she was reading right through to my soul. “You don't have to do anything you don't want to and you don't have to be who they want you to be. You have your own destiny to control and I'm glad you are not going to let Diane be the leader of that, but please try to get along with her to a certain degree. You girls have a long year of cheerleading together still to get through.”

I nodded and sighed, “I know. I'll try to get along but she really needs to let the Todd thing go.”

She let go of my arms, “Good enough.”

I picked up my back pack and headed to my next class. I was wondering why she seemed so invested in getting me and Diane to get along. I looked over my shoulder and saw our cheerleading coach, Ms. Carlson approaching Ms. Paul. They talked for a few minutes, Ms. Carlson nodded at whatever Ms. Paul said and walked on. So that was it, Ms. Carlson has asked Ms. Paul to intervene. Ms. Carlson was pretty pissed last night when I intentionally stepped on Diane's hand, twice. I shook my head. Really I was more mature than this. Clearly Diane was still in high school mode so I was going to have to be the grownup about this situation but I would beat her ass if she set me up like that again.

P.J. didn't get to come down to study with me so I was bummed about that all afternoon. I made it a point to be nice to Diane all through cheerleading practice. In fact, I was being too nice. Marlene pulled me aside at one point and asked what the hell was wrong with me. I told her about the conversation with Ms. Paul and seeing Ms. Carlson talking to her right afterwards. Marlene just nodded and said that she had tried to talk to Diane about the Todd thing too with no luck. We both just shrugged and went back to practicing our routines for Friday night's game.

When I got home Mom and Dad were both there. Mom was still not sure I should go to P.J.'s house and I was beginning to wonder if she had changed her mind. Finally Dad stepped in, “Jennifer, I really don't see what the problem is. Both of this P.J. girl's parents are supposed to be there. Go in and meet them, meet this girl. I think we can trust Jamie's judgment with this. She is almost eighteen and getting ready to go to college. We won't be able to control who her friends are then so we really shouldn't try so hard now. Plus, she's doing a really good thing helping this girl graduate.”

Mom finally conceded, “I know Ed, but this girl just has a pretty bad reputation.”

“And Jamie says she's turned over a new leaf.” Dad turned to me, “Has she been in trouble this year?”

“Not that I know of,” I said, looking pleadingly at Mom.

“Okay, I'll take you over there,” she said.

I jumped up from the stool I was sitting on at the bar and hugged both of them. I ran upstairs to my room and started trying to decide what to wear. It felt like I was getting ready to go on a date.

I put on a pair of jeans that were just tight enough to show off my leg definition without being suffocating. I was torn on the blouse to wear. Should I wear a t-shirt, sweater, button-down shirt? The first thought that came to my head was, what would be sexier. I shook my head. Mom would completely flip out if I wore anything that she thought was remotely sexy. I looked through my drawers and closet. I changed clothes six times and finally settled on a comfortable pair of old jeans, a flannel button down shirt and pair of tennis shoes. I didn't want to come off as a snooty rich kid but I wanted to look good too. I put on the slightest bit of perfume and went downstairs to meet Mom.

“Ready,” I said, trying not to sound too anxious.

She gave me a questioning look but didn't say anything.

We went out to the garage and got into her SUV. She backed out and headed down the road, “So do you know for sure where this is?”

“Yeah, I'm sure,” I said. I'd written down the directions but I'd looked at them so many times, I had them memorized.

We drove across town towards where Randy Wilkinson lived and towards where P.J. picked me up the night of the homecoming. She had actually been on her way home when she saw me walking. She lived in the trailer park that Randy had been talking about that night.

Mom and I didn't say much on the way out there. I think she was almost as nervous as I was. She really didn't associate with people from this part of the world. I wondered what kept her and Dad together since they had such different backgrounds. Sometimes I had to wonder what brought them together at all. They say that they had met at a college meeting of young Republicans. They both were pretty conservative on their ideals about politics and life. They weren't that big on church as a lot of their friends from those days were but they were still all about family, country and money. I hadn't really developed my ideals in those areas. It all seemed so gray to me. Now that I was questioning my sexuality, that made it all even more confusing to me.

We finally reached the convenient store. “Turn here on the road just past the convenient store,” I said.

Mom turned on the paved road that went back behind the convenient store. It was almost a half a mile before we saw the sign that read Oak Woods Mobile Home Park. There was a speed bump as soon as we went in and then another one every fifteen feet. “Jesus,” Mom said. “This is going to tear the bottom out of my car.”

“It'll be fine Mom. It's actually a good thing. We could probably use a few in our subdivision because people drive like maniacs and there are a lot of small children in our neighborhood.”

She turned and looked at me, “Maybe we should get you a car so you will have a better appreciation of not having speed bumps.”

I laughed, “Really is that all it would take to get me a car. I'll call the president of the homeowners association tomorrow.”

“Don't you dare,” Mom laughed too.

The park had a nice entrance and tons of trees. I'd expected the trailers to be sitting on top of each other like I'd seen on TV but all of the homes were doublewides with well kept large yards.

P.J.'s house was no different.  It was a large home compared to some of the others. P.J.'s black Jeep sat in the drive way behind a newer model, dark blue Honda Accord. A black Dodge Ram Quad Cab-TRX took up the rest of the drive way.  I think my mom was actually impressed by the new vehicles, well, as much as she could be impressed with someone living in a mobile home.
We got out and went onto a large covered deck that had a covered grill and outdoor furniture.  I was about to knock when the door opened and a woman who was a smaller and older version of P.J. opened the door.  Her light brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her dark brown eyes met mine warmly. “Hi. You must be Jamie.”

“Yes Ma'am,” I smiled. “This is my mom, Jennifer Edwards.”

P.J's mom extended her hand to my mom, “Hi, I'm Carolyn.”

Mom took her hand, “Nice to meet you.”

A nice looking man who had been sitting in a recliner watching television got up and came over. Carolyn introduced him, “This is my husband, Dave. He's Jamie's stepfather.”

Mom took his hand briefly too, “Nice to meet you.”

“We are so glad that you are letting Jamie come over to help P.J.,” Carolyn said. “She's trying so hard to get through this year so she can graduate.”

“No problem,” Mom said. I was trying to read her but she had her professional shield up and was all business.

P.J. came out from the hallway. My eyes met hers and I couldn't help but break into a smile. I was also completely surprised because she was wearing a faded pair of jeans, a light blue button down, long sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and white socks. Her hair was down around her shoulders. She looked so innocent. It was hard for even me to believe that she had been a trouble maker. I was also stunned because I would never have imagined she had this light colored of apparel. She came over and I introduced her, “Mom, this is P.J. P.J. this is my mom Jennifer.”

“It's nice to meet you Mrs. Edwards,” P.J. said politely.

My mom looked at me and I read through her mask that she was quite surprised. This girl was not what she expected, “It's nice to meet you too, P.J.”

Mom looked at me, “Okay, you guys good have a good time studying. I'll be back at nine.”

“Okay, I'll see you then.”

Mom turned and left. Carolyn smiled at me, “Would you like something to drink, honey? We have some sodas in the refrigerator.”

“Sure,” I said nervously and looked at P.J. who also seemed to be very nervous too.

“I'll get them, Mom,” P.J. said and went into the kitchen just off the living room. “We have Coke, Diet Coke, Mountain Dew and tea,” she said.

“Diet Coke,” I said.

She looked over her shoulder at me, “Like you need Diet Coke.”

I smiled shyly as she pulled the Diet Coke out for me and got a Mountain Dew for herself. Dave had gone back to watching television. Carolyn went the couch and picked up the book she had been reading. P.J. looked from them to me. “We can work in here in the kitchen or we can go to my bedroom.”

My heart almost jumped out of my chest when she said her bedroom. “Where ever you think would be best.” I looked at her parents. “We might bother them less if we worked in your room,” I said, swallowing hard.

“That's what I was thinking too,” she said. She looked at her mom, “We're going in my room to study.”

“Okay honey,” her mom said without looking up from her book.

The hall leading to her bedroom was longer than the hall on the other side of the house that apparently led to her parents' room.  We passed a closed door and P.J. said, “That was my sister Patricia's room now it's just a guest room. This is my bathroom,” she said as we passed an open door revealing a full bathroom.  She turned the knob to a door at the end of the hall and opened the door. “This is my room.”
Now this was the P.J. I expected.  The room was dark because it is filled with dark colors.  The walls are painted navy blue. The curtains are checked dark blue and black and match the comforter on her bed.  The lamps on the black night stands on either side of her bed are lighter blue with light blue shades.  There were only a few posters on the walls that were of older rock groups, she had one of the Scorpions, Queensryche, Foreigner and Journey. She had a dresser and desk that had both been painted black.  Only a few bottles of perfume and a picture of a young woman with a baby boy were sitting on top of the dresser. A laptop and reading lamp were on the desk next to it.
P.J. moved closer to the bed and waited for me to finish my appraisal of the room.  “I think you must like black and blue,” I said with a grin.
She smiled back, “Yeah.”
She was stunning when she smiled.  I walked over to the dresser to take advantage of finding out what perfume she liked to wear. I had guessed correctly, it was Obsession.  “Who is this in the picture?”
“That's Patricia and her son, Ethan.” P.J. moved to stand next to me and looked at the picture, “He's two. He's my little buddy.”
I looked up at her, “He's adorable.”
“Thanks.” She moved over to the bed and put our drinks on the night stand.  She pulled her algebra book out of her backpack that was sitting next to the night stand and laid it on the bed. “Do you want to sit on the bed, the floor or at the desk?”
She had no idea what loaded question that is.  I looked at the bed and pictured us sitting next to each other there and decided we probably better not because I didn't think I would be able to focus.  There was only one chair at the desk and that seemed too formal.  “Let's sit on the floor if that's okay.”
“Sure,” She grabbed the pillows off her bed; put them on the floor in front of the bed and sat down in front of the bed with the pillow behind her.  I followed her example and sat down next to her.  She put the book between us, “So what's the best way to study for a test?”

“I usually do the practice exercises at the end of the chapters,” I said.

“I've just been trying to memorize my notes but that hasn't helped,” she said with a sigh.

I smiled over at her and watched as she nervously brushed her hair away from her face. “Well, let's try working the exercises and see if I can help you be able to work through them so you'll be able to work them on the test.”

“Okay,” she said. She got up and went to her desk to get a notebook and two pencils.

We started working through the problems. I could see right away that P.J. was having problems with the order that she was doing the algebraic operations. I started showing her the correct order to do the operations. She was leaning close to me to watch how I was doing the problems. I was having trouble thinking straight. Her closeness and the smell of her perfume were intoxicating. So this was what it feels like to be so attracted to someone that your whole body was hot.

“Doesn't Mr. Donovan go over what order the operations should be done?” I asked.

“Not really but I think it's because he expects us to already know what order they are supposed to be done. My problem is that I didn't understand any of that in Algebra I that's why I got a D in the class. Plus I was high most of the time when I was in that class so I don't remember a lot of it,” she confessed and looked away.

“That explains the problem,” I said with a sigh. “We've got a lot of work ahead of us to get you to where you can do these properly but I don't have any doubt you'll get it.”

“I hope so,” she said and turned towards the night stand to get our drinks. She twisted off the top of her Mountain Dew and took a long drink.

I followed suit with my Diet Coke. She was avoiding my eyes now. “You aren't still using drugs, are you?” I asked hesitantly. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.

She finally looked at me, “No. I've been clean for eight months now.”

I smiled, “That's awesome.”

She smiled slightly, “Yeah, it's been a pretty rough road but I'm glad I'm not using anymore. I missed out on so much stuff.” She looked up at the picture of her sister and nephew. “I missed out on a lot of stuff with Ethan but he's a big part of the reason I decided to get cleaned up.”

I reached over and squeezed her hand, bringing her eyes to mine, “I'm really glad you found a reason to get clean and stay that way. I hope you keep it up. You seem to have come a long way from the where you used to be.”

She looked into my eyes for a few minutes but I couldn't read hers. She finally smiled and squeezed my hand back. “I have,” she picked up her pencil and the notebook. “Let me try one of these from beginning and see how far I get before I start messing up.”

“Okay,” I said and we went back to studying.

It seemed that we hadn't been at it very long when her mom knocked on the door. “Jamie's mom is here.”

“Wow,” I said, “That went by fast.”

“It did,” She got up and helped me up. “You have no idea how much I appreciate you helping me like this.”

I smiled, “Well you can show me by getting a good grade on that test tomorrow.”

“I'm going to try real hard,” she said as she opened her bedroom door. She led me down the hall to the living room where Mom was waiting for me. “Thanks again, Jamie. I'll see you at school tomorrow.”

“No problem P.J., I can't wait to hear how you do on your test.” I turned to Carolyn and Dave, “It was really nice meeting you all.”

“It was nice meeting you too,” Carolyn said, “Come back anytime.”

“Nice to meet you,” Mom said with a wave.

“You too,” Dave and Carolyn both said.

Mom and I headed to her SUV. I got in and put my seatbelt on. She got in and did hers as well, then looked at me, “So how was it?”

“Great,” I said, thinking about how nice it was sitting next to P.J. on the floor. “Her parents seem really nice.”

“Yeah, none of them were at all what I had expected,” Mom confessed and took off for home.

“So you wouldn't care if I needed to come over and help her study again?” I asked cautiously.

“I don't think that would be a problem,” Mom said, “as long as her parents are home.”

“What about her coming to our house to study?”

Mom turned to me, “I don't think so, honey. We don't really know her and your dad and I aren't home much.”

I nodded. At least I might be able to go back over to P.J.'s house to study again and hopefully sit close to her again. I looked out the window. I still wasn't all that sure that I would say that I was gay but I was definitely sexually attracted to P.J. Thomas. My whole body was burning up the whole time I was sitting next to her. I wanted so much to touch her more than I did but I didn't dare. I highly doubt she would ever feel that way about me.

Chapter Eleven

The next few weeks were crazy. We had back to back games every week. P.J. was getting to come to the library to study with me on Tuesday's and Friday's. I hadn't been back to her house yet but we were already talking about studying together at her house before finals in the second week of December.

Halloween was coming up and Diane was planning a big party at her house and I was trying to figure out how I could get out of it. She and I had sort of made up. Between Ms. Paul and Ms. Carlson they worked me down until I gave up being mad. Diane had backed off trying to push me into dating Todd again but he hadn't given up. He'd already asked me to go to the Halloween party with him. I'd already told him no but it wasn't looking like he was going to let it go. I really didn't understand why he wouldn't just date someone else.

Diane's party was a costume party and for the past three years all of the cheerleaders had dressed up in theme costumes. This year's theme had been a toss up between Harry Potter and Twilight. Diane finally decided we would all do Twilight characters and she would, of course, get to be Bella. I was thinking about being Victoria, the evil nomad vampire who was out to kill Bella. Ms. Paul said that I shouldn't because Diane might think I was doing it because I was still mad at her and maybe I was. Really I just didn't want to play a goody two shoes vampire. I wanted to play an evil one.

P.J. was a little surprised when I told her I was thinking about playing the evil Victoria but she said that I should do it if I wanted to regardless of what everyone else thought. I was going to take her advice.

* * * * * *

It was the Friday before Diane's big Halloween party and everyone had picked their character from Twilight. It was funny that no one else even considered being Victoria . It was like they were afraid it was going to piss Diane off because she was going to be Bella. Diane invited all of the guys on the football team and most of the guys who were going to be on the basketball team, all the cheerleaders and some of her special friends that she felt were worthy of being invited to one of her parties.

We were riding on the bus to a game in Boyle County . I was talking with Andrea who was telling me about her plans for going to UK to cheer. She said, “I'm surprised I didn't see your name on the list for tryouts in November.”

“Yeah, I didn't get my application in on time. I'm going to the tryouts in February,” I said. My mother was still mad at me for not getting the application sent in on time and I still hadn't figured out how to tell her that I was not cheering in college.

“That would be okay,” she said in her chirpy cheerful voice, “That's still plenty of time to get picked and be able to go to the summer cheer camp.”

“Yeah,” I said.

Diane plopped down in the seat next to me. “So who did you decide you're going to be for the party?”

“I'm thinking Victoria ,” I said with a small wicked grin and she frowned, “I think she's the only female character who hasn't been picked yet.”

“Maybe,” Diane said thoughtfully, “Oh well, just as long as you don't really try to kill me.”

I laughed, “No, I don't have any violence planned.”

She looked at me and sighed, “You know Todd's going to be there, right?”

“I know but I've told him that I will not dance with him or sit with him so he needs not to bother asking.”

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure you knew I don't have anything up my sleeve about him.” She said, “I don't get why you aren't into him but if you're not, you're not.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“Maybe you'll meet someone else that you like there,” Andrea said cheerfully. “That's how I met Mark.”

“So is Mark coming to the party?” I asked. She'd been talking about this guy and kept saying that we knew him but she wouldn't tell us his last name and none of us had met him yet.

“No, he has to work but hopefully he'll get to come to Diane's Christmas party,” Andrea said.

Diane rolled her eyes, “If you're still together by then.”

“I think we will be,” Andrea said, a slight frown marring her features. “We have a lot in common and I really like him so I think we'll still be together.”

“Good,” I said.

Diane got up, “Okay, so you'll be Victoria, you going to dye your hair or get a wig?”

“I haven't decided yet but I'm leaning towards dying,” I said with a smile. “I really am curious to see what I will look like with flaming orange-red hair.” I always thought my hair looked like a muddy brown, even though Mom said it was chestnut like hers.

“Okay then,” Diane said and went back the back of the bus to sit on Randy's knee.

Andrea leaned over to me, “Sometimes she is such a bitch that I can't stand her but I don't dare say anything because she rules the cheerleaders. I don't know how you've been friends with her as long as you have.”

“We're not that close of friends,” I said, “We're more like business associates.”

Andrea nodded. It was true. I thought that Diane and I had been friends but I see now that she was never really my friend. She ruled the cheerleading roost and made sure everyone felt like they had to bow down to her. That was another reason why I couldn't wait to get out of cheerleading. I was sick of being under some bitch's thumb and having to try to do stuff to impress her.

* * * * * *

Mom thought it was totally cool that I wanted to be Victoria for Halloween. She took me shopping that Saturday for the things I needed to create my costume. She found the perfect hair color to dye my hair. My hair was going to have a red tint to it for probably a least a month but I thought that would be kind of cool. I was ready for a change.

The black jeans, t-shirt and black lace gloves were easy to find but the fur shawl was a bit of a problem, especially since I insisted it be fake fur. We finally found a coat that was made with the right material that Mom was going to alter to make it work. We got white face make-up, black nail polish, blood red lipstick. Mom found several pieces of jewelry that looked similar to what Victoria wore in the movie.

We were having a blast putting my costume together. We finally had gathered everything I would need to be Victoria . Mom even got some curlers so she could make my normally very straight hair wavy like Victoria 's. Fortunately the Twilight characters were very popular this Halloween so the accessories were pretty easy to find. We even found a shop that had special vampire teeth that made them look so real it was scary.

I sat down on a bench outside of the last store. “Wow, I'm exhausted and starved.”

Mom plopped down next to me, “Me too, let's call your dad and have him meet us for dinner.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Mom called Dad and we made plans to meet at Red Lobster, which was right next to the mall. Mom and I went on over and got a table. Fortunately it wasn't that busy. We ordered drinks and started looking over the menu. A family with a large group of teenagers sat at large table diagonal from us. I didn't recognize any of them so I was assuming they were from out of town. Right away they were loud which I really hated being in a restaurant when you have a crowd like that. I was about to ask Mom if we could ask to be moved when Dad arrived.

“How was shopping?” he asked as he sat down.

“Awesome,” I said, “We found everything I need to become Victoria except red contacts.”

“Oh and we have to go back as soon as we finish here,” Mom said. “We are going to take that coat back. I saw a shop that had the shawls like Victoria 's as we were leaving the mall.”

“Excellent,” I said.

Our waitress came over and asked if we are ready to order. I always get the same thing when we come here. I'm not that big on lobsters so I usually just get a shrimp platter. Mom and Dad both order the lobster and steak. I never really quite get why they do that because they never eat the whole thing, although they have gotten better about taking the leftovers home rather than just letting them be thrown away. I guess the economy was making everyone think twice about wasting money. That was something else I apparently got from Grandma Edwards. I had real issues about wasting food because there were so many kids in our very own town who didn't have much food. It was funny sometimes that I had always worried about things like that and my parents had never really talked to me about it.

The people at the big table had gotten louder. People sitting at other tables were starting to really notice how rude they were being. Our waitress had their table and she had brought another waiter out to help. I think she was trying to get them served as quick as possible so they would hopefully leave.

“So how was your day?” I asked Dad, trying to ignore the rude people.

“Pretty good,” he said taking a sip of the wine Mom had ordered for him. “I shot a sixty-five on the golf course and sold three properties in the process.”

“Excellent, Honey,” Mom said squeezing Dad's hand.

He started explaining the deal he made with this guy he was playing golf with. I get what he does but I have very little interest in it. I could never be a salesperson. I just didn't feel like I had what it took to bullshit people enough to get them to buy something they may not necessarily need or want but my Dad was awesome at it. He and Mom talked about the money he made and how they were going to reinvest it to make more money.

I tried focusing on what they were talking about but the whole money talk bored me to tears. Now the rude people have started being jerks towards the waitress and waiter which was also distracting me from Mom and Dad's conversation. Both the waitress and waiter were rushing around trying to make these people happy. The waitress disappeared into the back and rushed out to bring our appetizers. “Is there anything else I can get you right now?” she asked.

“No we're good,” Dad said politely. Dad was good in a restaurant. He was not real particular and rarely asked the wait staff to do anything special. My mother was another story. She was rarely rude but she would make sure she gets exactly what she wanted even if she had to make the cook redo her entire order.

Fortunately for the waitress our meals were all perfect when she brought them out a short time later. The rude people apparently weren't happy with anything they got. I felt so bad for the waitress and waiter. They were trying to wait on other tables while trying to make the people at that table happy. The manager came out, as they usually do. He was going around and make sure everything was okay. All of the other tables around us were perfectly happy with our service and food but the guy, who was apparently the father of part of the kids and the leader of their group, started going off about the service. He said the waitress and waiter were idiots and had screwed up their order several times. I could see the waitress a few tables over. She was furious. You could see it in her body language but she smiled at the people she was waiting on and tried to make them think all was right with the world.

“Wow, those people are such jerks,” I said.

Mom and Dad both looked at me. “They apparently aren't very happy with their dinners,” Mom said.

“I don't think those people can be happy with anything,” both my parents raised surprised eyebrows. “The waitress and waiter serving them are busting their butts to try to make those people happy plus wait on their other tables. Those people are insensitive jerks and I'm beginning to suspect they are just trying to get a free meal,” I said a little louder than I probably should have because the manager and the rude dad both looked in my direction.

My mom's mouth dropped open, “Jamie!”

I dropped my head, “Sorry,” I said and pushed my food away. I had completely lost my appetite now.

Mom and Dad apparently had too because they asked for “To Go” boxes for all of us. The waitress had asked us if everything was okay every time she came by our table. She made sure our drinks were full despite having to deal with the jerks at the rude table. When she brought the check I touched Dad's arm, “Please give her a nice tip. I doubt she's getting one from that one table and deserves extra for dealing with those people.”

Dad gave me another raised eyebrow but nodded. I didn't see how much he actually gave her for a tip on the credit card but I had a feeling it was very generous. When she came by to take the check and thank us for coming, Mom and Dad made a point to tell her how great her service was. We all stood up to leave and she started gathering our dishes. I put my hand on her arm and she looked at me. “I hope the rest of your night is better.”

She gave me a tired smile, “Thank you.”

When we got out of the restaurant Mom said, “What inspired you to say you thought those people were trying to get a free meal and so loudly?”

I stopped and looked at her, “It was so obvious, Mom. No one else in that waitress's area had one complaint about their food or service and those people had her take back almost everyone at the table's meal to be reworked. If they do that enough they will have an excuse to tell the manager that their food was bad and the service was bad and they want their food for free.” I sighed, “I know I shouldn't have said something so loud but they were really pissing me off.”

“Jamie!” Mom snapped.

“Sorry,” I said

“It's just interesting that you noticed that,” Dad said. “You've never made a big deal over something like that happening in a restaurant and we've seen that behavior before.”

“I know. I guess it's because I know someone now who works in the food industry now, and, I guess I'm just maturing enough to see that some behavior is just unacceptable.”

My parents looked at each other. They both shook their heads. I guess me acting more like a grown up was coming as a surprise to them. I would never have done anything like that before but since I had come to know P.J., I had taken more notice of people who work at jobs were they had to deal with serving people.

Mom and I went back to the mall and exchanged the fur coat for the shawl. Dad went home to wait on us. Mom didn't say another word about what had happened in the restaurant. I felt different for some reason, like I really had a maturity growth spurt. It was funny that when you started stepping outside of your narrowed vision of life that you started seeing the world differently.

I sent Marlene a text after I got home and told her about my costume. She was excited that I was going as Victoria . She was going as Alice . I think Diane may have insisted that was what Marlene was supposed to come as but I know Alice was one of Marlene's favorite characters too. I think Barry was going as Jasper. Randy, of course, was going as Edward. Marlene said her costume had been pretty easy to come by since Alice 's character didn't really wear anything extravagant.

I had just finished texting Marlene when I got a text from a number I didn't recognize. I opened the message and it read, “Hey, its' P.J.”

My heart skipped a beat. “Hey,” I wrote back.

“Can you come over and study with me Wednesday night?” she wrote.

“Sure,” I wrote back. “What time?”

Suddenly my phone rang, making me jump. I answered it, “Hello.”

“Hey,” It was P.J.'s voice and I got chills.

“Hey,” I said.

“I've got a big test on Friday in algebra and I really need a good grade, so the earlier you can come the better.”

“Okay,” I said, “I could come right after dinner.”

“If you want you could have dinner with us. Mom said she would order pizza,” P.J. sounded desperate. I knew she was just treading water in algebra even though she was doing a lot better than she had been.

“That sounds great but let me check with my mom to make sure it's okay with her. She has a thing about family dinners,” I said, looking at the clock on the nightstand. It was nine-thirty and Mom was probably already out. “I think my mom's already in bed but I'll text you tomorrow and let you know for sure.”

“Okay,” she paused, “So, you having a good weekend?”

“Yeah, Mom took me shopping for my Halloween costume,” I said.

“I heard that Diane is having her usual big bash,” P.J. said.

“Yeah, I almost wasn't going to go but I kind of have to. After I decided who I wanted to be I got excited about it,” I said, chewing my lip nervously. It was weird but nice to be talking to her on the phone like this.

“So who you going as? I heard the theme is Twilight this year.”

Something came over me and I wasn't sure how to explain it but I decided I wanted to surprise her with my costume. “Are you off that night? You could come and see who I'm going as.”

She chuckled, “I doubt that I would be welcome but I have to work that night.”

“You'd be welcome if you were my guest,” I said, “But since you can't come, how about I come by McDonalds and show you my costume.”

“Okay. That would be cool.” She said, “Uhm, well, uh, I guess I better go. I'm actually at work now and on a buddy's phone so I'll see you at school Monday.”

“Okay and I'll text you tomorrow with what Mom says,” I said, wishing I could think of something for us to talk about but she was at work so she probably had better get off the phone before she got in trouble.

“Okay,” she said, “Bye.”

“Bye,” I said and set the phone down. I was actually shaking a little. I looked up to the ceiling. This was such a weird thing. I would never in a million years think I would develop a crush on a girl, let alone a somewhat dangerous girl. She hadn't done anything this year that I know of, that had been remotely dangerous or bad. Well, other than hanging out with Derek Kruger, but she really hadn't spent much time with him either.

I lay back on the bed and really thought about what I was feeling. It was really a bit terrifying, these feelings. It was one thing to have a crush on a guy that my parents wouldn't approve of, but a girl. How could I ever explain that? I most likely won't have to. Nothing was going to come of it, I knew. I was not sure I wanted something to come of it. I didn't know if I was ready to really let myself completely explore these feelings. What if it was just a phase? What if I meet a guy at the party next week that gave me stronger feelings? I sighed. I highly doubted that was going to happen. In fact, more girls have caught my eye at school then guys in the past few months.

I didn't know if I would know what to do with a girl. I mean, I guess I would. I had masturbated and I knew gay girls touch each other with their hands and their mouths. I didn't know if I could do that. I wasn't sure I could even kiss another girl but when I thought about kissing P.J. my whole body got hot. I looked over at my laptop on my desk then nervously at the door. My parents were asleep. I could look some stuff up on the Internet, just to see what girls were supposed to do together.

I got up out of the bed and grabbed my iPod. I took the headphones off of it and put them into the computer and turned it on. I looked nervously at the door again. My parents would freak if they caught me doing this. Should I lock the door? Yes, just in case. I could think of something to explain about the door being locked if I have to but better safe than sorry now.

The computer came up and I double clicked on my web browser. I stared at the Google search bar. What do I write? Lesbians kissing? Girls kissing? Jesus, it was hard to tell what kind of garbage I was going to get if I did that. I pulled at my lip with my teeth and went for girls kissing. I was surprised to see so many famous actresses had locked lips with other women. I mean, I knew about it, I'd seen Jennifer Anniston and Courtney Cox kiss on Friends but I'd never watched Cruel Intentions and the kiss between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair was hot. I got so hot in my private area that I had to squeeze my legs shut. I watched a few more then erased my cookies and history, just in case my parents decided to check my computer.

I got up, turned my light off and get into bed. My body was still burning up. I slid my hands into my pajama pants and underwear and touched myself. I was so wet, wetter than I'd ever been masturbating before. I closed my eyes and the first thought that came to mind was P.J. I imagined kissing her as I touched myself. I imagined running my hands over her body. That was all it took to have an orgasm. I lay there breathing heavy with my body heaving afterwards. Oh my god. I'd never done that before. My whole body shook when I came. Wow, maybe I could do the girl thing after all. But imagining and really doing were two different things but I did know one thing, just thinking about being with P.J. had gotten me more excited than any other fantasy I'd ever had before and definitely more than any thing Todd had ever done to me.

Chapter Twelve

My mind has not been really clear since Saturday night and my little Internet exploration. Monday when I got school and saw P.J. in the hallway I blushed to my roots. She gave me a curious look when she caught me staring at her. I was sure she was wondering what the hell was wrong with me because I felt my face turn blood red as images of my fantasy about her came rushing through my head.

It was interesting that I seemed to see her more then I had before. She just seemed to be everywhere I turned all of a sudden. I tried to stay focused on school work and cheerleading the rest of the day but by Tuesday I was a wreck because I knew that she would be coming to study with me during my study period.

I told myself to stay focused. My infatuation with her was my problem and she would kick my ass if she had any idea about the thoughts I'd been having of her. I kept telling myself not to let those thoughts in my head and I did okay as long as I stayed busy.

I had microbiology notes to go over during the first part of my study period before P.J. got there and I tried to concentrate on them but my mind kept straying. My thoughts kept going to the images of the girls kissing that I'd seen and the fantasy in my mind of what it would be like to kiss P.J. I decided to get up and look around the shelves in the library for a book to distract me. Maybe a good mystery, I thought to myself. I was moving through the fiction shelves when I felt like someone was watching me. I turned around and P.J. was leaning against the end of one of the book shelves. Her dark eyes were regarding me curiously then she smiled, “Hey.”

“Hey,” I smiled back, warmed to my core. Her smile did that to me more and more.

“You hadn't forgotten about me, had you?”

I moved closer to her like a moth to a flame. “No, of course not, I was just bored and needed something to keep me busy until you got here.”

She didn't move as I moved closer to her. I stopped about a foot away, not daring to step any closer. “You ready?”

She studied me for a moment but her eyes were guarded so I couldn't read what she might be thinking. “Yeah,” she said.

I followed her back to my usual table. She really looked powerful from behind. She had broad shoulders for a girl. It made me wonder if she worked out. My eyes traveled down her back to her butt which was very nice. She was wearing somewhat tight jeans. Not so tight that she could breath in them, but tight enough to show off her assets.

She sat down at the table and I shook myself mentally before facing her. “So got a big test on Friday?”

“Yep,” she said opening her algebra book. She turned her book and notebook towards me. “I worked the problems like you said to do but I didn't get very many of them right.”

I looked over the work she had done. She was still struggling with the order of operations. I noticed that she had a lot of doodling on the edges of the paper. I looked at them and they were really good some were of skulls and guitars but there were flowers too. They were very well drawn flowers, very detailed, “These are amazing,” I said.

P.J. blushed, “They are just doodles.”

“They are still very good,” I said, thinking that she was cute when she blushed.

She pulled nervously at her pony tail, smiling, “Thanks.”

I smiled too, “Okay let's rework these.”

We spent the next fifteen minutes going over some of her problems. The bell rang signaling the end of the period. “Are you still coming over tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, I just won't be able to get there until six when Mom can bring me,” I said as I picked up my books.

“If you want I can take you home so your mom doesn't have to come back and get you. Maybe we can study a little longer that way,” she said as she got her books too.

“That would be great. I'll let mom know you're going to bring me home.”

We started to walk out of the library and she turned to me, “I hear you're going to the Halloween party at Diane's as Victoria .”

“Yep,” I had hoped to surprise her by dropping by McDonald's on my way to the party but I guess word gets around fast. Of course, Diane's party was a big deal and everyone was talking about it.

“Playing a bad girl,” she grinned, “I like it.”

“I'm glad you do. Everyone else but my mom and Marlene are giving me a hard time because I didn't want to be one of the Cullens,” I said.

“It's good to go against the crowd sometimes,” she said as we paused in the hallway.

“Yeah, it is.”

“I'll see you later,” she turned and walked in the opposite direction of where I was going.

I was going to have to make it a point to make sure she saw me in my costume. I wanted her to see it before but now I wanted her to see it more than ever.

* * * * * *

Mom hadn't questioned me at all about going to P.J.'s to help her with her homework tonight. When I asked her about it on Sunday she said that was okay without batting any eye. I told her that P.J. was going to give me a ride home tonight and she was quite happy she wasn't going to have to get back out to come get me because she was going to be doing some work at home.

I'd done a little better today containing my fantasy thoughts about P.J. I had so much going on with my test in microbiology and talking to the guidance counselor about colleges that I hadn't really spent much time thinking about P.J.

Cheerleading practice was held in the gym because it was raining. The guys were doing some tag football scrimmages but mostly they were exercising. I hadn't seen Todd much in the past two weeks so I was hoping he'd started being interested in someone else. No more than I'd had that thought did he walk into the gym and sit down in the bleachers with some of the other basketball players who were hanging out to watch us practice.

The other girls on the team who didn't already have a boyfriend started making comments about which guys were the hottest. I looked out over the group and yes some of them were really cute and well built but there wasn't one that I felt was really hot.

Ms. Carlson came over to get us corralled and focused again. She wanted to see some kicks. She said we weren't doing enough high kicks at the games so she made each of us practice our kicks then put them into some of our more popular cheers.

I was doing double kicks and almost lost my balance when I saw P.J. walk into the gym. She was walking with Mark Hinton and Michael Denton. They all stopped and sat down on the bleachers not too far from where the basketball players were sitting. I got a little nervous because I didn't think that could be a good thing.

Actually P.J. and her friends were being quiet, just talking amongst themselves but the basketball players were making comments about them. P.J. was wearing a red t-shirt and jeans. She had her black leather, Harley Davidson jacket sitting next to her. Mark and Michael were both clearly trying to ignore the basketball players but when Todd made a comment about them trying to get into the cheerleaders pants Mark had had enough. “What the fuck business it of yours who the cheerleaders date? You trying to tag them all?”

“No, I just don't want to see them dirtying themselves with losers like you,” Todd said

Mark stood up, “Fuck you, Baxter.”

“Boys!” Ms. Carlson yelled, “Language.”

“Sorry ma'am,” Mark said and nudged Michael who also got up. I noticed Mark and Andrea exchanged looks.

So that's the Mark she had been talking about. I looked around to see if anyone else picked up on it but most of the others were putting their noses in the air and making comments about stupid punks. I looked up to see P.J. pulling herself up. She gave me a wary smile. She followed Mark and Michael out of the gym. I let out a sigh. That went better than I thought it would but I think it was only because Mark didn't want to get into trouble so he wouldn't be able to come watch us practice if Andrea wanted him to. I watched her during the rest of practice and she was clearly angry and a bit nervous. I knew how she felt. She didn't want the rest of the team to know she was dating Mark because it would mean hell at every practice for her. I could only image the hell I'd get if Diane got a clue about the crush I have on P.J.

After practice I went to the locker room to change with most of the other girls. Some had left right after practice. I had to change because Mom was going take me straight to P.J.'s as soon as Marlene dropped me off at the house. I'd asked Mom to just pick me up here but she had an appointment at four-thirty and wasn't going to be able to get here in time to pick me up.

I started changing back into my jeans and t-shirt when I hear Diane say, “Those stupid barbarians have a lot of nerve coming to our practice.”

“Diane, anyone can come to our practices and the only barbarians there were the basketball players,” I said, “They were the ones making rude comments.”

“That's true,” Marlene agreed.

Diane was standing there in her bra hanging from one of her hands on her hips, “Yeah, but those creeps are the ones who were supposed to have raped a girl last summer. We don't want them at our practices.”

“Derek Kruger is the one who was supposed to have raped some girl last summer, not the whole group,” Andrea said defensively.

“Well, you seem to know a lot about now, don't you?” Diane accused Andrea.

“It's not like it's not common knowledge Diane,” Pam stepped in from around the corner. “You are just trying to group them all together. Just because they might be trouble makers doesn't make them bad people. Quite frankly all three of them have been very nice to me since I moved here. Nicer than some of the popular kids have been.”

I looked at Pam and smiled. It was true she had to work real hard at being accepted by some of the team members including Diane, who didn't like the fact that Ms. Carlson had allowed two outsiders be on the team. “Pam is right.” I said, “And, as far as I know, none of those three have been in trouble at all this year, or at least I haven't heard their names called to the office. Everyone should get a chance to turn their image and lives around.”

“That's right,” Diane sneered, “You are P.J. Thomas are tight now, aren't you?”

“We are becoming friends,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Humph,” Diane snapped her fingers, “Next thing you know you'll be hanging in the trailer park, doing drugs and getting pregnant.”

I started to get in Diane's face but Ms. Carlson intervened, “Apologize right now, Diane.”

“Sorry,” she said staring me down and clearly didn't mean it.

“I want to see you both in my office when you're dressed.” Ms. Carlson growled.

I went back to my locker and put my shoes on. Marlene came by and touched my shoulder, “I'll wait for you outside.”

“Okay,” I said as I grabbed my backpack and headed to Ms. Carlson's office. I was a little surprised when I got there to find Ms. Paul sitting in a chair across from Ms. Carlson's desk.

Ms. Carlson had taken her hair down and was rubbing her temples. She looked up at me as I knocked on the open door. “Come in, Jamie,” she motioned to a chair against the wall, “Sit down.”

I sat down and looked over at Ms. Paul who nervously ran her hand through her blond hair and looked at Ms. Carlson. “Do you need me to sit in on this, Trish?”

“If you don't mind, Anne,” Ms. Carlson said, not actually looking at Ms. Paul.

Diane came to door and rolled her eyes, “I'm here.”

“Sit,” Ms. Carlson said. Diane sat in the chair next to me. “I'm not real sure what is going on with you two but it needs to stop. We have a long year still to get through before you two graduate. Now you are both two of my best cheerleaders and I'm counting on you to help teach the younger girls how to perform our routines correctly and teach them new routines. We also have a big competition in Louisville next month and I need you two to be focused.” Ms. Carlson looked over at Ms. Paul, “but, I want you to know that I will suspend you from the team if necessary but I really don't want to do that.”

“What!?” Diane cried, “I'm the captain, you can't suspend me.”

“I most certainly can, Diane and I will if necessary,” Ms. Carlson said very firmly. “You two work out your differences and Diane, Jamie is right, anyone is allowed to come to our practices as long as they behave themselves and the basketball players need to remember that I will ban any of them from coming to our practices if they start problems with other people who are there to watch.” Ms. Carlson leaned closer to us both, “I saw what was going on. P.J., Mark and Michael were not bothering anyone. Todd started it and I've already asked Mr. Byrd to talk to him.”

I grinned. Good, I thought. He needed to be talked to, stupid jerk.

“Fine,” Diane stood up. “Is that it?”

Ms. Carlson gave Diane this look that put fear in me and it should have Diane. “Yes, that's all,” Diane stormed out of the room. Ms. Carlson looked at me. “What's really going on with you two, Jamie?”

“I'm not bowing down to her like I have before and so we're butting heads.” I looked over at Ms. Paul who smiled and looked away.

Ms. Carlson narrowed her eye at Ms. Paul. “I'm not going to ask you to bow down to her,” Ms. Carlson said looking back at me, “But just try to ignore her when she starts her haughty attitude.”

“Yes, ma'am,” I said with a grin. “I'll try to play nice.”

Ms. Carlson shook her head in frustration, “You can go. See you tomorrow.”

“Night,” I said as I got up and leave. When I get outside I saw Marlene and Barry waiting in the car. Well, actually they were sitting in the car kissing.

I started to walk towards the car when P.J. pushed herself off the wall, “Hey.”

I jumped because I wasn't expecting to see her. “Hey, what are you doing still here?”

“Waiting for you,” she said.

My heart skipped a beat, “Really?”

“Yeah, I thought we could go ahead and go to my house and start studying if you want.”

I didn't hesitate. It would mean more time with her. “Sure, let me just let Marlene know.”

“Okay, I'll be waiting in my Jeep,” She sauntered off to her Jeep and I practically ran to Marlene's car.

I wrapped on the window making them jump apart. Barry rolled down his window. “Hey, that wasn't cool.”

“Yes it was,” I laughed, “Hey, P.J. is going to give me a ride. We're studying together tonight.”

“Ah, will that be okay with your mom?” Marlene asked. She knew how paranoid my mom was.

“Yeah, it'll be fine. I'll see you in the morning,” I said with a wave and headed towards P.J.'s Jeep.

I hopped into the passenger seat and buckled in, “Ready.”

“Alright,” she said and fired up the Jeep. The radio came on with a blare. She turned it down. “Sorry,” she said with a grin, “I was jammin' this morning.”

“That's okay,” I said, fidgeting with my hands nervously.

An AC/DC song came on, “Is this okay or do you want me to change it?”

“No it's fine,” I assured her. “I like some hard rock.”

“Okay,” She grinned and headed to her house.

I called Mom on the way to P.J.'s house and told her what was going on. She was fine with it. I wasn't sure she would be. She seemed to have relaxed about P.J. since I had been reassuring her that P.J. had not been in any trouble at all and was doing a lot better in her algebra class since I was helping her. Mom also said she had a lot of work to do so I think she was relieved she didn't have to stop what she was doing.

We pulled into P.J.'s drive. P.J. pulled behind her mom's car leaving a space for her stepdad to be able to park next to her mom's car. We went inside and were greeted by her mom. “Hey girls,” she called from the kitchen.

P.J. went to the refrigerator and took out a Diet Coke for me and a Mountain Dew for her. “What time are you ordering the pizza?” she asked her mom.

“After Dave gets here, he had to work over,” she said looking up from the afternoon paper. “Jamie, I hear you guys have a big cheerleading competition in Louisville in a few weeks. I hope you guys do well.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Thomas,” I said.

“Please call me Carolyn. Mrs. Thomas is too formal and it's Mrs. Matthews anyway.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“It's okay. Is there anything in particular that you like on your pizza, Jamie?” She asked.

“No, anything but anchovies,” I said and grinned at the face P.J. made.

“Okay, I'll let you know when they get here then.”

“Okay, Mom,” P.J. said and motioned for me to follow her to her bedroom. When we got to her room she set her Mountain Dew on her desk and her backpack on her bed. I watched as she hung her jacket on the back of her chair then she took down her hair, letting her blond locks fall about the collar of her t-shirt. She really had beautiful hair and I wanted to touch it but I busied myself with getting stuff out of my backpack.

I looked up and noticed that some of P.J.'s rock group posters had been replaced with pencil and pastel drawings of animals and flowers, beautiful, amazing pictures. “Oh my God, P.J., did you do all of these?”

She smiled shyly looking around at the work, “Yeah.”

“They are awesome! You have a lot of talent.”

She shrugged, “I guess. Mr. Casey said that he wished I'd have taken his class last year. He said that I would have developed my style a lot more by now.”

“This is amazing,” I said moving to look more closely at a picture of a tiger that she had drawn in pencil that was very detailed.

“Thanks. Do you mind if we sit on the bed this time. The floors a little cold,” P.J. said.

“Sure,” I said. She took off her tennis shoes and I followed suit. She took her Mountain Dew around to the opposite side of the bed and crawled up on it. I set my Diet Coke on the nightstand by me and crawled onto the bed with P.J.

“Okay, the test is going to be over three chapters. All of them are chapters you've helped me with and I've done okay on my homework with those but I'm afraid I'm not going to remember what to do when it comes to the test,” She said looking into my eyes.

I chewed my lip for a second, “Well then we need to work on a way for you remember the order and logic of the operations.” I scooted closer to her and took her book. I opened the book to the end of the first chapter to be studied and started writing out the problem.

We were sitting so close. Our legs and arms were touching as we both worked on the problems. Her perfume was light but it was giving me a heady feeling. I told her to associate the steps with something that meant something to her. She started comparing each step to drawing a picture. That seemed to be helping.

She was working a problem as I watched. She started going in the wrong direction with it. I reached over and stopped her hand with mine. She turned to look at me. Her dark eyes met mind and for a moment I would have swore that her eyes dropped to my lips. There was a loud wrap at the door that made us both jump. “Pizza's here girls.”

“How about we finish this one after we eat?” she said, looking away.

“Okay,” I said and got up off the bed. I grabbed my Diet Coke then followed her into the living room.

The pizzas were on the kitchen table. There was one with everything on it and one that was just meat. Dave loaded his plate with three slices of the meat. P.J. tool one of each and Carolyn took two pieces of the one with everything on it. “Get all you want,” Carolyn said, “Don't be shy.”

Dave and Carolyn took their plates into the living room to watch television. P.J. and I stayed in the kitchen. “I hear Diane is not too happy that you're going as Victoria to her party.” P.J. said right before she bites into her meat pizza.

“Yeah, I think it's pretty funny,” I said taking a bite of my piece of pizza with everything on it.

“P.J. said that you're going to a costume party Friday night as the wicked vampire Victoria,” Carolyn said, over hearing our conversation. “What inspired you to choose her?”

“Well, Diane, our cheerleading captain, is the one who is having the party. She and I have been butting heads pretty much since this past summer. I'm not really sure what changed in me the past summer, but suddenly I was tired of bowing down to her and doing everything she wanted me to do. So all year I've been doing things differently than she wants me to, not necessarily to make her mad but because I'm becoming more independent. So, she picked the theme this year and was pushing everyone on the cheerleading squad to come dressed as a Cullen so we could act like we are one big family. It just hit me that I didn't want to do what she said and since she was going to be Bella, I was going as Victoria .” I laughed, “She has apparently taken it very personally.”

“It's good for you to express yourself,” Carolyn said.

“It's more than that though,” I said, “I feel like I'm a different person. I've really changed how I think about people, the world and my life.” I looked at P.J. who was studying me intently, “Maybe I just had a maturity spurt or something but I'm really sick of being who everyone else wants me to be.”

“Good for you, Hon,” Carolyn said, “This is a time for growing and maturing for you girls. Like P.J., she's changed a lot since the summer too, for the better, thank God.”

“Mom…,” P.J. moaned.

“You have, Honey,” Carolyn went on. “You changed your life in a big way when you stopped running with Derek Kruger. He is very bad news.” P.J. rolled her eyes. “I'm glad to see Mark and Michael are taking after your example. Both of them were working at Wal-Mart the other day bringing carts in. They both have a lot of potential if they put their mind to it.”

I looked at P.J. She studied her pizza then took a big bite. Clearly none of this was stuff she wanted to talk about, definitely not in front of me. I turned around and smiled at P.J.'s mom, “I'm really glad P.J. is doing so well and I'm glad I've been able to help her with the algebra.”

Carolyn smiled at me sweetly, “We are really glad you have too. It's looking a lot like she's going to graduate with flying colors. Hopefully she'll think about going to college but right now she's seems intent on just going to work with Dave.”

“Mom,” P.J. said after wolfing down half her pizza. “There's no way I can get into college, besides I hate school.”

I could see that P.J. was ready to get out of the room and out of this conversation so I started eating more earnestly.

“You never know, P.J.,” Carolyn said, “Isn't that right, Jamie?”

I chewed my food thoughtfully and grinned at P.J. “She does have some amazing artistic talents. She might be able to get into an art school. They don't look as much at your grades as they do your portfolio.”

P.J. closed her eyes and shook her head. She opened them again and looked at me, “Okay, are you about ready to get back to studying?”

“Yep,” I said plopping the last of my pizza in my mouth and following her to the sink to deposit our plates.

“We need to get on this studying,” P.J. said looking at the clock that said it was almost eight o'clock. “We've got a lot of territory to cover.”

I followed P.J. into her bedroom and when we got in there and she shut the door I touched her arm gently, “Hey.” She turned to look at me. “You really don't want to try to go to college?”

“No,” she said shaking her head with a sigh, “That's my mom's dream. I just want to get a decent job when I get out of school and I don't know what else after that. I try not to plan too far ahead. You just never know what might happen.”

“It's okay. College is not for everyone. I'm not going to school for what my parents want me to. If it was up to them I'd been going to be a doctor, lawyer, and accountant, anything that involved making a lot of money. Microbiologists generally work and teach at universities and they don't make a lot of money.” I smiled at her gently, “I want to be able to do what I love and that is researching tiny organisms. You should make sure you get to do what you want too.”

P.J. smiled, she put her hand over my hand that was still on her arm and gently squeezed it, “How about we just make sure I graduate first?”

“Okay,” I said and we went back to our spots on the bed and studied for another hour before P.J. had to take me home. She didn't have a lot to say the rest of the night. I think that she didn't feel like she had any other options but working in the factory but like she said, you never know what will happen.

Chapter Thirteen

We lost the football game Friday night and it started raining Saturday morning, which seemed to be a typical thing to happen on Halloween. Diane began sending cheery texts to people early that morning to try to lift everyone's spirits before the party. I didn't need cheering up because I was totally psyched about playing Victoria . I was especially looking forward to going to see P.J. in my costume.

There was something different about the way P.J. looked at me after Wednesday night. It seemed that something had shifted in our relationship, like she was opening up to me. She sent me a text this morning asking me if I was getting excited about going to the party. I said yes and asked what time she got off work tonight. She said she had to work until midnight. I wasn't sure I would still be at the party that late so I didn't invite her to come. Marlene and Barry usually left the parties around eleven so they would have a little make out time before they had to be home at one.

Mom had rushed off this morning but promised she would be home in enough time to help me with my make up. I spent the morning doing my laundry and studying. I knew I'd be tired tomorrow and would want to just lie around and relax.

I put in the second load of laundry and was getting ready to finish vacuuming my room and the upstairs hallway, which were part of my household chores. I also had to make sure my bathroom and the guest bathroom downstairs were clean. Mom was a bit of a clean freak and would have a mild tantrum if I didn't do my part of the cleaning. We have a cleaning lady who came once a week to do major dusting in the downstairs of the house but she only cleaned the bathrooms if Mom and Dad were planning a party.

I could hear my phone ringing with Marlene's ring, which was Taylor Swift's song Love Story. It was Marlene and Barry's song. I clicked the talk button, “Hey, what's up?”

“I'm in a crisis!” Marlene cried into the phone.

“Why? What's going on?” I asked concerned that she and Barry might be fighting and I had lost my ride for the night.

“I've lost the pendant for my Alice necklace. I've got to try to find another one,” she said.

“Oh no!” This was a crisis. There was probably not another one of those necklaces left in town.

“Can you go to the mall with me? It opens in an hour and I want to try to get there before all the last minute Halloween costume shoppers get there and scarf up any of the necklaces that might be left.”

“Okay,” I said, looking down at myself. “I'm going to hop in the shower right now and I'll be ready by the time you get here. We'll comb the stores if we have to and find you a necklace or a pendant.”

“You're the best Jamie! I'll be there in a few,” she hung up and I rushed to the shower.

I got ready in record time, just barely applying any make up. I called Mom and told her what was going on. She said it was okay and that she'd be home by three so we could start working on my hair and make up. Marlene squealed tires when she pulled into the driveway. I ran outside and jumped in the passenger seat. I buckled up as she backed out of the drive. “Please don't squeal the tires again. I'm sure our neighbor Mrs. Gavin is already on the phone to my dad right now.”

“Sorry,” Marlene said and focused on the road. “I think my stupid little brother dropped the pendant down the sink. I put it on last night and was trying to make it lay right. The ribbon on it was crinkled. I think that was something else the demon child did. But, I left it on the sink and it wasn't there this morning and I can't find it anywhere.”

I laughed, “Dean is not a demon child, Marlene. He's four. It's his job to get into your stuff.”

Marlene glared over at me, “That's easy for you to say, Miss Only Child. Let me send him over to your house for a few days.”

I laughed louder and put my hands up in mock defense, “No thank you!”

“I have no idea what possessed my parents to decide to have a second child so many years after me. I think they did it to make my life miserable,” she complained.

“I think it was an accident,” I said. I had heard Marlene's mom talking to my mom about Dean being a surprise to her and her husband. Marlene's mom was a news anchor for the local television station and her dad was the CEO of one the big factories in town. They were both very career driven people and Marlene's mom had told my mom that they hadn't planned on another child, it had just happened. Unfortunately for Marlene, her parents didn't become any less career oriented after Dean came along so a lot of the caretaking responsibility had fallen on Marlene. Even though Marlene complained about Dean all the time, she was actually crazy about the little guy and I think she was starting to get worried about what would happen to him when she went to UK next fall.

Marlene gave me a sideways glance, “I think you're right. Little shit.”

“Me or Dean?” I laughed.

“Both of you,” Marlene laughed with me.

In minutes we were at the mall. We started with the Goth store that she had found the necklace in to start with but they were sold out. We went to every store we thought would carry them. It was a good thing we had both shopped this mall enough to know where every store in it was. We combed all of the stores that were advertising anything Twilight but came up empty. Finally it occurred to me try one of the normal stores like JC Penney. Low and behold, JC Penney actually had a few left.

We decided to have lunch in the mall to celebrate our conquest. Marlene bought two of the necklaces and wanted me to hold one at my house in case the “Demon Child” got a hold of the one she was taking home with her.

I was nibbling on my Chinese spring roll and watching the people moving around us. Marlene was doing the same then she turned to me and asked, “Why did you really decide to be Victoria tonight?”

“Initially it was to piss Diane off but now I really am getting into being a bad girl for a little while,” I said with a wicked grin.

Marlene laughed, “I knew you were doing it to piss her off.” She shook her head, “You've really got her messed up. She is so mad that she can't get you under her thumb anymore.”

“I know,” I said and took a sip of my Diet Coke. “I'm not really sure when or why things changed but it's me that's changed.”

“I've noticed,” She said. “You are really not into cheerleading practice. You seem to just barely be able to tolerate Diane. I can't say I blame you about Todd. He really is a jerk. I'm not sure what the deal is with you and P.J. but I think it's cool that you're helping her.”

“What do you mean you're not sure what the deal is with me and P.J.?” I asked, concerned that she had seen me watching P.J. in the halls.

“You two seem to be friends and she's not really someone I would have thought you would be friends with,” She said, putting the rest of her spring roll in her mouth.

“She's not at all how I would have thought she would be. She's very polite and somewhat shy.”

“Really?” Marlene said, “I wouldn't have thought she was either of those things but you know she has been very quiet all year this year. She's in my government class. She rarely has anything to say but occasionally she'll say something very profound that will throw everyone off.”

“She's very intelligent and artistic. Math is not her thing but she can draw some amazing pictures.”

“She did do an amazing banner for homecoming. She doodles all the time in class but I think she must be taking notes too. She seems to be doing pretty good in the class,” Marlene said pushing her empty plate away.

I was pleased to hear that P.J. was doing well in government. It was another class that she has to pass to graduate. I decided that it was time to change the subject. I was not really comfortable talking about P.J. with Marlene. “What time do you think you'll be at the house?”

“Probably about eight, Diane asked if we could show up a little early to make sure everything was ready,” Marlene said as she got up and started collecting our trash.

“I hope she isn't planning on us doing much. I'm going to have like two inch long nails on,” I said gathering the rest of our stuff.

Marlene laughed, “You are not.”

“No, not really,” I laughed, “I was going to but then I got to really looking at Victoria 's pictures and her nails are not that long. But, it would have been a great excuse to get out of doing anything at Diane's.”

We put our trash in a trash can and put our trays on top. Marlene put her arm around me and gave me a side hug. “You know, you are a really good friend. I know I can always count on you and you can always count on me.”

I hugged her back. “I feel the same way about you,” I said. I wished that I could talk to her about this thing I had about P.J. but there was not way. There was no one who I can talk to about it. I suddenly feel a little sad that I may never really have a friend that would understand what I was going through.

“Hey,” Marlene shook me, “Why the sudden long face?”

I shrugged and changed the subject, “I was just thinking how much I'll miss you if we don't end up going to the same school next year.”

“Yeah, it'll be different not seeing you every day,” she agreed. “So you haven't decided for sure that you're going to UK ?”

“No, I'm really torn about it but they don't really have the kind of program I'm interested in.” I said pulling away from her, “And I'm not planning on cheering.”

“What?!” Marlene stopped in mall traffic and almost got us run over. “What do you mean you're not planning on cheering?”

“I don't want to cheer in college, Marlene. I want to focus on science,” I said.

“You have lost your mind,” she said and started walking again. “Does your mother know?”

I sighed heavily, “No and I don't know how to tell her.”

“A...yeah,” Marlene said, “She is going to kill you.”

“I know, but I'm just not into it any more.”

Marlene nodded her head, “That explains a lot. I've been wondering, especially the past few weeks if you were just tired, feeling bad or what. You can tell you're not into it. But, as my friend, I'm asking you to get it together before our competitions next month. You may not be planning on cheering but for the rest of us who are, we need a big win in Louisville .”

I put my arm around her as we leave the mall. “Okay, for you, I'll pretend like I'm into it and do my very best.”

She hugged me, “Thank you.”

* * * * * *

Mom was waiting when we got back to my house. “You should come in and show mom your necklace. She will totally love it. She is so into the Twilight thing. It's a little scary.”

Marlene laughed, “Don't feel bad, even my mom has seen all the movies so far and not just because I wanted to go. She even has a Team Edward shirt.”

We went into the house through the garage so that we come into the kitchen. Mom was sitting at the table with some papers in front of her and a small white box. She was on the phone so she held up a finger indicating for us to wait right where we were. She finished her conversation and jumped up to hug Marlene. “Marlene honey! I haven't seen you in forever.”

“I know. Jamie and I both have had so much going on that we haven't gotten to hang out much since school started,” Marlene said and hugged my mother back.

“I'm so glad you're here. I got something special for Jamie's costume tonight,” she said and opened the white box.

“Oh my God!” Marlene exclaimed, “Its red contacts.”

“No way,” I said. I knew that most of the people would have the contacts in tonight but I hadn't had a chance to go look for any. “Where'd you get them?”

“I talked to your eye doctor about them and he was able to hook me up,” Mom beamed.

I went around the table and hugged her, “Thank you so much.”

“Jamie says you're going to be Alice tonight. Are you going to where a wig?” Mom asked.

Marlene grinned, “Maybe.” She looked at her watch, “Speaking of that I need to get going. It's already three and eight will be here before we know it.”

“True,” I agreed.

Mom gave Marlene another hug, “You need to come around more often.”

Marlene hugged Mom back, “I'll try but if nothing else I'll see you in Louisville for our competition.”

“That's right,” Mom beamed, “We're going to clean house at that competition.”

Marlene looked at me and gave me a knowing smile. She knew my mom was a cheerleader all through college and was planning on me doing the same. I was sure Mom was planning on me doing many things like getting married and having kids but I doubted very much that either of those things was going to happen.

Marlene went back out through the garage. Mom rubbed her hands together, “How about we start working on your hair?”

We spent the next few hours turning my shoulder length, chestnut brown hair into flaming red with long, curly waves. I was so surprised that Mom had really found a hair color that would make mine almost the exact color of Victoria 's without us having to go to a hair stylist. Once she got my hair just the way she wanted, she started on my nails and make up. I was going to be wearing a low cut black blouse with long flowing sleeves. Originally I was going to wear a tight black tank top but it was going to be a little too chilly for that tonight. She had me wrap a towel around my chest and she put white stage make up on my upper torso so that all of my exposed skin was going to look deathly white.

She was totally into making me up. She was working on my face when I asked, “What do you really think about me going as Victoria when all the other cheerleaders are going as Cullens?”

She stopped what she was doing for a moment and looked at me seriously. “I'm glad you decided to go as exactly who you wanted to and not do whatever Diane said for everyone to do.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Mom smiled, “You're still developing your personality but you never were a follower and I'm glad to see you taking some steps to show your independence. Plus I've never really liked Diane that much.”

“Really? I always thought you liked Diane,” I said.

“No. She was a good cheerleading captain but I've seen her abusing her popularity power the past few years, especially with the new kids.” Mom gently gripped my chin and worked on the makeup, “Stop talking so I can get this done.”

I was so surprised Mom said that but it made me wonder if someone had told her about what happened homecoming night. It was funny how parents managed to find out things without you telling them. I wonder how long it will be before she finds out that I had been blowing off the opportunities to talk to the cheerleading coach at UK . Hopefully not before I got up the nerve to tell her I didn't want to cheer.

I closed my eyes and let Mom finish my make up. I put on my black jeans and the black blouse. Victoria usually runs around barefoot but I was going in short heel black biker boots. Mom sprayed my make up with some sort of a fixative so it won't smear much. I was glad because it would suck to get that white makeup all over my black clothes. Mom helped me fit my fangs over my teeth and put my contacts in. The contacts were totally freaky. Everything had a red hue to it.

She put my jewelry on me. Fluffed my hair and adjusted the shawl around my shoulders. She stepped back and said, “Oh my god! You look amazing.” She turned me toward the mirror it was like Victoria has stepped off the screen into my bedroom.

“Wow!”

“Yeah wow,” Mom giggled, “Come on let's go show your dad.”

We went down stairs and Mom called for dad to meet us in the living room. She had me turn my back toward where he would be coming in. I heard him come into the room. “What?”

“Ed, I'd like to introduce you to Victoria ,” Mom said.

“Okay,” Dad said with a questioning tone.

Mom motioned for me turn around. I did so dramatically and moved quickly towards him. He backed up a few steps, “Good evening,” I hissed extending my hand with many rings.

“Holy shit!” Dad said, putting his hand to his chest. “You scared the shit out of me.” He looked me over and walked around me. “Wow, you really look like her. I wouldn't be surprised if you won best costume.”

I laughed, “It is Diane's party so you know she'll win best costume.”

“Right,” Dad agreed. He shook his head. “That is just amazing. You guys did an awesome job.”

“Thanks Daddy. I'd give you a hug but I don't think you want this white stuff all over you,” I said taking a step towards him.

He backed up with his hands in front of him, “No, no that's good. You can hug me tomorrow.”

Mom and I laughed. The door bell rang and I looked up at the clock. Wow, eight already. The time really had flown. Mom opened the door. “Oh my God!” she squealed.

Dad and I both rushed over and Marlene was standing in the doorway with Barry. She had cut her hair in a short bob like Alice 's and dyed it black. She totally had Alice down. She also had the red contacts and fitted fangs.

Barry didn't really look like the guy who plays Emmett but he did his best to fit into the role. He already had short cropped dark hair so that helped. He had on the white stage make up, red contacts, fitted fangs and blood red lipstick. I didn't know how Marlene talked this macho football player into putting on the lipstick but it was great. “Wow, you guys look amazing,” I said.

Both of them looked stunned by my appearance, “No you look amazing.” Marlene said, “You actually look like you might be dangerous.”

“Good,” I hissed, showing my fangs.

“Wow, this is going to be too much fun,” Barry laughed. “I think you should make Diane think you're going to really attack her at least once tonight. That would be too funny.”

Marlene and I both snickered. “We'll see,” I said.

“Wait right here,” Mom said as she rushed off to get a camera. She came back and took several pictures of us in various poses. Marlene even let us do one where it looked like I was biting Barry's neck.

“You guys go have fun. Be very, very careful out there,” She said, giving my arm a squeeze. “We're going to head out to the costume party at my boss's house here in just a little bit but I expect you to be home by no later then one.”

“What are you going out as Mrs. Edwards?” Marlene asked.

“I'm just going as a simple witch. The party we're going to is almost a white tie thing except with costumes.” Mom sighed, “It's not going to be near as much fun as yours.”

We went out, got into Marlene's car and headed to Diane's house. It was just a few miles from my house but in a more upscale subdivision. We pulled up to the house which was immaculately decorated. Marlene hesitated at the drive then pulled ahead to the edge of the property on the road. “Why aren't you parking in the drive?” Barry asked.

“Because I don't want to get blocked in,” Marlene said then reached over and squeezed his leg. “Aren't we leaving around midnight?”

He looked at her longingly and nodded. He couldn't kiss her because of the make up but I was sure their makeup will be a mess before the night was over. We got out and walked down the road to the drive and stayed out of the grass. Diane's dad was a freak about his grass. He almost had a heart attack if a squirrels runs across it.

Diane met us at the door. She had gotten the Bella costume perfect but she could not pull of the demure persona that Kristen Stewart gives that character, plus she was just not as pretty as Kristen Stewart. I chuckled to myself, I had thought Kristen Stewart was cute before but understanding my new feelings towards other women makes me realize that she was not just cute, she's hot. I shook off my thoughts and focused on the assignments that Diane was giving us to help finish getting things ready. She just barely complimented out costumes before she started issuing orders. I could tell by the look on her face that she was pissed that we both looked better than she did.

We spent the next hour helping her set up the hors d'oeuvres and drinks in the kitchen. She wanted to have the other snacks sitting around the part of the house where the party was going to be at. It never failed to surprise me that Diane's parents let her have these parties because the house always got trashed. Not frat party trashed, but pretty close.

People started showing up around nine and Diane went into full hostess mode. Marlene and I got several compliments on our costumes. We got to see just about everyone there because we ended up helping Diane quite a bit to keep the food and drinks flowing. As always, someone brought booze and it was circulating around the party. I had never cared for anything that had been offered to me and I had tried several things. Bear was nasty and I couldn't stand the smell of whiskey or tequila. Gin and Vodka were okay, I really liked vodka with cranberry juice but I was making it a point not to drink because Barry was drinking and I couldn't really tell how much Marlene had drank. I wasn't licensed to drive but I could if it became necessary.

Todd showed up to the party as James the leader of the bad vampires in the first movie. He was there with Missy Taylor. She was apparently supposed to be Victoria too. Todd didn't say anything to me but he was watching me the whole time in a very creepy James way. I made it a point to stay away from him.

By eleven I was beat, Marlene was too. I caught up with her in the kitchen. She was pissed at Barry and Diane. “I am sick of waiting on these stupid people. This is her party and we are supposed to be here having a good time. Barry is drunk off his ass. We were supposed to have some alone time later but he isn't going to be able to get it up even he stays awake long enough to do anything.”

I leaned against the counter and listened to her rant. She finally realized that she had been going on for awhile, “Sorry.”

“It's okay,” I said. “I'm pretty pissed that we are working this party and it's not ours. I can understand about you being mad at Barry. His buddy's are getting him drunk but you'll be the one to have to deal with him later.”

“Well, I'm cutting him off. Are you ready to blow this joint?” She asked throwing down the rag she had been twisting.

“When ever you are,” I said. I looked at the clock and wondered if there was any way I could get her to take me to McDonald's to see P.J.

We went to the living room where Barry was stumbling around with his friends. There's really nothing more dangerous than a bunch of drunken football players in a room full of nice furniture. I would be real surprised if none of the furniture gets broken. Marlene grabbed Barry's arm, “We're leaving.”

“No we're not,” he slurred. “The party just getting warmed up.”

“I'm leaving and if you want to ride with me you need to come on,” she said more firmly.
“Whatever,” Barry said, stumbling and falling onto the couch.

Marlene gritted her teeth. “This is your last chance Barry. I'm leaving right now.”

“Fine, go,” he growled, almost throwing his drink on her.

She turned on heel and grabbed my arm, “Come on.”

We headed towards the front door and Diane stopped us. “Where you guys going? Things are just getting going good.”

She was drunk but not stupid drunk yet. Marlene glared at her, “The maids are leaving you might want to recruit someone else if you can find anyone sober enough to do it.”

“Come on,” Diane said, swaying slightly, “Don't be like that. You guys chill for awhile. Everyone's got food and drinks.”

“No,” Marlene snapped, “We're going.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me out the door with her. I waved at Diane as she was trying to say something else. We walked down the side walk and out onto the road. I looked at the yard where several people's cars were parked.

“Her dad is going to kill her,” I said.

“We couldn't get that lucky,” Marlene snapped.

Marlene was right about parking on the road close to the end of their yard. We didn't have a lot of trouble getting out. Marlene pulled out of Diane's subdivision and I said, “Hey, do you think we could stop by the McDonald's where P.J. works. I'm dying of thirst and I told her I'd try to stop by and let her see my costume.”

“Sure,” Marlene said but didn't look over at me. She had a death grip on the steering wheel because she was so mad.

Marlene made her way across town to the McDonald's. We got out of car and went to the door. I could see P.J. was standing with her back to the door. “Come this way,” I said and led her to a different door where P.J. wouldn't see us when we first came in.

“What are you doing?” Marlene asked.

“I want to try to scare the people at the counter,” I grinned.

“You are really becoming demented but that may be the most fun we have all night,” she said loosening up a little.

The tables on the side we came in were empty but there are some people at the tables ahead of us who had seen us come in and were watching us nervously. “Throw your shoulders back and show your teeth.” I said, “Lets see how vampire like we can be.”

Marlene giggled, “Okay.”

We came to the edge of the soda machine and I could see that P.J. still has her back to the counter and was talking to another worker. I motioned for Marlene to follow me. I walked up to the counter and slam my hand down making everyone jump. “I want some raw hamburger,” I growled.

P.J. whipped her head around preparing to become a bad ass. She started to say something but her mouth dropped open. “Oh my God! Jamie? Is that you?”

“Yes,” I hissed, “and I would like to treat my friend the bloodiest hamburger you have.”

P.J. burst out laughing and the other workers let out a sigh of relief and shook their heads. “Wow,” P.J. said looking me over very appreciatively. “You guys look awesome. She looked closely at Marlene, “Marlene?” Marlene nodded and hissed showing her fangs.

P.J. leaned on the counter and some of the other workers have come out to check us out. I leaned closer to her. “If I can't get any bloody hamburger,” I said running my nails across her hand and looking at her seductively, “How about…” I said licking my fangs. “Two diet cokes.”

P.J. looked down at her hand then back at me. She was temporarily speechless as I held her eyes. I knew she couldn't really read mine through the contacts but her eyes dropped to my lips momentarily then back to my eyes. “So what you gonna do if I say no.”

I licked my lips, “I will have to come over there and bite you until you agree.”

P.J. looked away but not before I saw what I thought was a hint of desire dance in her eyes before she masked it. I stepped back and grinned. She shook her head. A kind of cute nerdy guy rushed over, “I'll let you bite me and I'll pay for your sodas.”

Another guy come up, “No way dude, she wants to bite me.”

I laughed, “Well, thank you but I guess we'll just pay for our drinks.” I turned to Marlene who was looking at me very curiously then she looked at P.J. who was studying me. “I've got yours.”

Marlene looked back at me, “Okay.”

I pulled out my money and got ready to pay for our drinks when an older woman in probably her early forties came out from the back. She had on a manager's uniform with a badge that read, Assistant Manager, Marge Simpson. “Drinks are on the house.” She got out two cups and handed them to us. “I can't very well have you biting my employees,” she laughed, “And those are the best costumes I've seen all night.”

“Thank you.” Marlene and I said at the same time then laughed. We got our drinks and came back to the counter.

“I'm surprised you guys are this slow,” I said.

“It'll pick up later when people start leaving parties and come by here to try to get sober,” Marge said. She turned to P.J., “Why don't you take a break and visit with your friends.”

“Okay,” P.J. said and stepped around the counter.

The nerdy guy hollered at P.J., “Get their numbers will ya. I'm not afraid of a little biting.”

Manager Marge smacked his arm, “Go clean something.”

We went to a booth and sat down. P.J. sat across from us. She was looking at both of us shaking her head. “Wow, I can't get over your costumes. You both look like you walked right out of the movie.”

“Thanks,” I grinned. “We were by far the best dressed at the party. Didn't you think so Marlene?”

“Absolutely,” Marlene agreed and sipped from her drink.

“Why aren't you guys still there?” P.J. asked and sat back in the seat folding her arms over her chest.

“We got tired of being servers,” Marlene growled.

“Yeah,” I said, “Diane told us to come early to help set up but we spent the whole night bringing food and drinks out while Diane partied.”

“Barry is drunk off his ass. I hope he has to walk home,” Marlene said through gritted teeth.

“They better be careful,” P.J. said. “The cops are out heavy and their looking for underage drinking. They get wind a party like that is going on and they could show up at the house. Probably a good thing you guys decided to go ahead and leave.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

Marlene's phone started buzzing. It was Barry. “I'll be right back,” She said and went outside to talk to him, leaving P.J. and me alone.

“You having a good night?” I asked

“It's been okay,” she said. “We've had busy spurts that made it go by faster. It got really good when you guys showed.” She looked me over again. “When you said you were going to be Victoria , I didn't realize you meant you were going to be Victoria .”

I grinned, “I'm glad you like it. It was fun to put together. Everyone at the party loved both our costumes.”

“I bet.” She grinned, “So how many other people have you threatened to bite.”

I laughed, “None. There wasn't anyone else worthy of being bitten,” I realized the implication of what I just said as soon as the words were out of my mouth.

Her eyes met mine and held, “Well, then I'm honored that I'm worthy of being bitten by you.”

My heart was beating so hard and loud I was sure she could hear it. I didn't dare lose her gaze as she was casting her spell even more deeply over me. I wondered if the look she was giving me meant what I wanted it to mean but I wasn't going to find out tonight. Marlene walked up to the table breaking the spell. She looked at me as I looked down at the table and then at P.J. who also looked away. Marlene cleared her throat and pursed her lips, “Okay then, umm, we need to go,” she said to me. “We are going to go back and get Barry's stupid ass then I'll take you home unless you want to stay at the party for awhile.”

“Oh no,” I shook my head, “I'm done.”

P.J. jumped up. “I gotta get back anyway. Thanks for stopping by to show me your costumes.” She looked both of us over again, “You guys look really amazing.”

“Thanks, P.J.,” Marlene said with a smile, “Hope you guys don't have to deal with too many drunks.”

P.J. nodded, “Me too.”

I got up too and squeezed P.J.'s arm as I passed her. “How do you think you did on your test yesterday?”

She shrugged, “I don't know.”

“Well, you find me Monday and let me know what you get, okay?”

“Okay,” She smiled. “I'll talk to ya all later.”

Marlene and I both waved as we left the building. We got in Marlene's car. I put my seatbelt on and realized that she's staring at me. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said and shook her head. “I think I like P.J. She seems really nice.”

“I told you,” I said and looked back for one more glance at P.J.

“She's not at all what I thought she'd be like,” Marlene said. She looked over at me thoughtfully then started the car.

I was wondering now if she saw the exchange between P.J. and I. Did she see what I hoped I saw? I hoped not. I was not ready for anyone to know what I was feeling for P.J. and I definitely was not ready for anyone to know she might be feeling that way too. I sighed. I would definitely have to be more careful around Marlene.

Chapter Fourteen

One of the joys of living in Kentucky is that we usually have four full seasons. Fall is usually one of my favorites because I love watching the leaves change color and I love the cooler weather. This year we didn't get as much color because we didn't get a lot of rain during the summer and it had been unusually warm. Because it has been so warm we have been having cheerleading practice outside a lot. This doesn't usually bother me but when we practice inside P.J., Mark and Michael usually pay a visit to the gym.

P.J. and I haven't had a chance to really talk since Halloween. She did come by my locker the Monday after the Halloween party to tell me that she got a B- on her algebra tests. I was so excited that I grabbed her and hugged her. She hugged me back tentatively but seemed embarrassed by my overflow of enthusiasm.

Mr. Donovan stopped letting P.J. come to the library during my study period because he'd decided she was doing well enough to forego the tutoring sessions. I was really bummed about that because now the only time I got to see P.J. was when we pass in the halls.

We did text each other a few times a day. Usually just simple “How you doing?” comments, but at least we were still communicating on a regular basis. I was starting to be concerned that P.J. was feeling things about me like I was about her and was keeping her distance because if it. I guess I couldn't blame her I was still pretty freaked out and confused about it myself but I would have swore I saw desire in her eyes that night at McDonald's but then again, how would I really know. The only thing I ever saw in Todd's eyes, or any other guy I dated, was lust.

Marlene didn't question me about the McDonald's thing or the fact that I'm apparently not tutoring P.J. anymore. I had been pretty bummed about the whole thing and grumpy as a result. I had been cheerful and attentive at cheerleading practice as I promised Marlene I would be. I had tried to keep my depression about not getting to see P.J. much pushed to the back of my mind. We did have a big cheerleading competition coming up in less than a week and like Marlene said, I may not want to cheer in college but all of the other seniors on the team did and this competition could have a big effect on whether or not they make the team of the college they were going to.

We were having practice on the football field again today while the guys were practicing football. The guys had a final four game in the state tournaments on Friday night against Clay County at Clay County . I had to admit that I was pretty excited cheering at the games since it was looking like we might actually make the state championships this year. It would mean a lot of work and a crazy schedule because basketball season had started too. The overlap of the two schedules only lasts for about a month and a half. At least we would get off for Thanksgiving in the middle of it so that would be some good rest time.

Ms. Carlson was giving us the big lecture about staying focused and I was mostly listening. I'd seen P.J. briefly as we were headed out here and she was headed to the parking lot. She'd given me a smile and a wave but hadn't stopped to say anything. Of course, Marlene and Diane were both standing there talking to me so that might be why she didn't stop. I really missed getting to see her during my study period on Tuesdays and Fridays. I made myself focus on what Ms. Carlson was saying again. Maybe I would get to see her over Thanksgiving. She probably had to work so I could try to get Mom to take me to McDonald's to see her.

* * * * * *

As fate would have it, Thanksgiving turned out not to be a relaxing time. We went to my Grandma Edward's house Thursday afternoon for Thanksgiving. Friday our football team played in the semi-finals in our division, plus my mother drug me through the mall for Black Friday shopping frenzy. I got to sleep in for a little while Saturday then we left for the family complex in Lexington because all of the family was coming to see my Grandma Deaton who wasn't in the best of health. We spent Saturday evening and most of Sunday up there. I really didn't enjoy going to the Deaton family get togethers. All of my cousins were very into on their fancy clothes, cars and toys. They had expensive Blackberries; all of them that were over sixteen have their own cars, which I made a point of mentioning to my mother repeatedly. Most of them spent the weekend playing on the Xbox my Grandmother Deaton had at her house just for them.

I didn't see this side of the family very much so I was not close to any of my cousins. I usually feel like an outcast and this visit it was especially true. Most of my cousins brought their boyfriends or girlfriends with them. I was asked several times why I didn't have a boyfriend. They also asked what school I was going to be cheering for. So I spent a lot of the weekend telling lies about why I wasn't dating anyone and what school I was going to cheer at.

The texts that P.J. sent me each day were the highlights of my Thanksgiving holiday. She still wasn't saying anything personal, just asking me how things were going. She did tell me that her sister and nephew came to her house for Thanksgiving. She didn't mention anything about grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and anyone else that might have come to her house for Thanksgiving.

I wanted to ask her about these things. I wanted to know about her family and why she was in so much trouble before. Where was her dad? Why didn't she ever talk about him? I was tempted several times to ask about her grandparents since I was at mine but I just had a feeling that was something that should probably be discussed in person.

By the time we got home Sunday evening, I was exhausted and went straight to my room to take a nap. I woke to the sound of my phone buzzing. Marlene sent me a text asking about how my Thanksgiving went. I sent her a text back that it was okay and asked about hers. She said hers was awesome because she had gotten to go to her see her grandmother who had a catering business. She said they had the most amazing food. She said that she was thinking about having a Christmas party since Diane was forbidden to have another party at her parents' house and Marlene's grandmother said she would cater it for her. I said I was glad for her and that I was going back to sleep.

I went back to sleep and got to sleep for about an hour before my phone went off again. This time it was Todd asking me about Thanksgiving. I knew I should have changed my phone number. I sent him a text back and said it was okay. I asked about his to be polite. He asked me if I knew about Marlene's party and I said that she had just told me about it. He asked if I would go to it with him and I said no and turned my phone off. Jesus, what was wrong with this dude? Was he retarded or psycho? I decided I was going to really think about getting my phone number changed.

* * * * * *

When I got up on Monday morning I had a text from P.J. that she had sent last night. I sent her a text back and apologized for not responding, I told her I'd gone to bed early. She sent me a text back and asked if I was okay. I said that I was just tired from all the craziness of the weekend. She asked if I would still be able to study with her the week of finals. I assured her that I would. I turned on my computer and looked at my schedule for that week. We had a boys and girls basketball game on Monday and Tuesday so I could study with her from the time school let out until about five because I would have to get back to school and get ready. Wednesday night I could go over to her house after practice so we could study from six until whenever.

I sent P.J. a text and asked her to hook up with me at school today so we could talk about the study schedule for that week. Mostly I just wanted to see her. I felt like I hadn't seen her in months even though it had only been a few days. I ran my fingers through my hair. This was so crazy. I was becoming more and more infatuated with her and she had no clue and probably didn't want to know. I took a deep breath. It would be fine. I could have this crush on her for the rest of my life and I would be fine. I would go to college next year and maybe really explore these new feelings with another girl or maybe I would meet a guy I like. Who knew but for now I was just going to live with my fantasy of P.J. liking me and spend what time I could with her.

I got my shower and changed for school. It was pretty cold out so I wore a furry sweater that my Grandmother Deaton gave me last year for Christmas. I went downstairs and found mom and dad in their usual spots. I kissed Dad on the cheek and hugged Mom. “What happened to you last night? You disappeared right after we got home.”

“I went to bed and slept pretty much all night. Visiting family is exhausting,” I said as I pulled the orange juice out of the refrigerator.

“For real,” Dad said under his breath.

Mom pinned him with a look. He smiled apologetically and gathered his stuff up. “Time to go to work,” he said. He left the room in a hurry.

“What was that about?” I asked Mom.

“I had a conversation with my mother about you staying with her while you are going to UK and your Dad said he thinks we should let you stay in a dorm on campus. Mother and I straightened him out about it,” Mom closed her calendar and looked at me, “I'm sure his ears are still burning this morning.”

“Oh,” I said and turned away as I grabbed some bread to fix some toast.

Mom leaned against the counter and stared at me. I could feel her eyes boring into my back and I knew I was in trouble. I was pretty sure I knew what for. She must have figured out that I hadn't sent my application in for the cheerleading tryouts. I didn't turn around. I fixed my toast and was about to turn to leave the room but I didn't get past the refrigerator before Mom said, “Why is it that the cheerleading coach at UK has not gotten your application for a tryout?”

I thought about lying and saying that it must have gotten lost in the mail but I could see her trying to have a tracker put on it. “I forgot to send it.” I said lamely.

“You forgot!” She growled, “I've been reminding you to get it in the mail for the past three months.”

“I'm sorry,” I said quietly. I started to tell her about not wanting to cheer but she didn't give me a chance.

“Mary Dickens is one the head cheerleading coaches and one of my best friends from college. She has been watching for your application for months and she called me this morning and said that she couldn't wait any longer and that you will have to try again in the summer.”

“Mom…,” I said but she cut me off.

“Don't Mom me young lady!” She snapped, “I have filled out a new application and sent it in already. You will not miss try outs in the summer. Now you finish getting ready for school.”

I dropped my head and headed back to my room. I should have known that she would know someone in UK 's program.

The ride to school was done was stony silence. Mom was furious, angrier than I'd ever seen her. When we got to the school she didn't even kiss me on the cheek goodbye. I made my way into the building with my head down, feeling like a dog with its tail between its legs. How was I ever going to tell her about not wanting to cheer?

I made my way to my locker in a gloomy daze. I was putting my books my locker. A shadow came over me and I didn't have to look to know it was P.J. Her intoxicating perfume came to me first. I turned and looked up at her.

“What's wrong?” She asked with concern in her eyes.

I sighed, “My mom found out that I didn't send in my application for the cheerleading tryouts at UK . She's pretty pissed off at me.”

“I'm sorry,” P.J. said quietly.

“It's my fault. I just don't know how to tell her that I don't want to cheer anymore.”

P.J. reached over and gently squeezed my shoulder, “Are you sure you don't want to cheer anymore?”

I leaned closer relishing her touch, “Yes.”

Her eyes were filled with warmth. She smiled down at me, “Then you should tell her soon so she has time to deal with it before you go to school in the fall.”

“I know,” I said.

“Well isn't this cozy,” Derek Kruger sneered and he walked up to us. He looked at P.J. “I didn't know you was all friendly with the cheerleaders, Peaches. You should hook me up with your friend here.”

P.J. dropped her hand and her whole persona changed. She wasn't P.J. my sweet new friend. She was P.J. the bad ass who was ready to kick some ass. She puffed up like a bulldog getting ready to attack and stepped between me and Derek. “Don't call me Peaches. And Jamie will never go out with you.”

“Oh, getting all defensive there Peaches.” He grinned. He looked me up and down and licked his lips. “I hear you little friend needs some education in the bedroom. You know I could educate her real well.” He looked her over much the way he had me.

P.J.'s entire body was suddenly shaking with anger, “You stay away from her Derek. I mean it.”

“Or what? You think you're bad enough to kick my ass?” He said in a dangerous tone.

“Absolutely,” P.J. said leaning towards him.

I grabbed P.J.'s arm. It was solid as rock. “Don't do this P.J. You've come too far to let him mess things up for you.”

“Aw isn't that sweet,” Derek laughed. “Your little girlfriend is trying to protect you.” He looked from me to P.J. and grinned, “Ah…I see. She is your girlfriend and you don't want to share her with me.”

“Shut up, Derek,” P.J. growled moving towards him again.

I pulled on her arm, “Please don't,” I whispered.

Principal Williams came strolling down the hall just at that moment. He looked from P.J. to Derek. “Is there a problem Ms. Thomas and Mr. Kruger?”

“No sir,” P.J. said relaxing.

Derek continued to stare P.J. down. Principal Williams moved between the two of them. He got right up into Derek's face. “Is there a problem Mr. Kruger?”

Derek backed up, “This ain't over Peaches,” Derek said as he walked away.

Principal Williams turned and looked at the two of us with a raised eyebrow. I let go of P.J.'s arm that I was still clutching. “What was that about?”

“Derek was just being a jerk,” P.J. said calmly.

“Really?” He looked down at me.

“Yeah, really,” I said.

“Okay but you let me know if you have any more problems with him,” He said.

“Yes, sir,” P.J. and I both said.

P.J. turned to me but her eyes were still cold. I looked around and we had drawn quite a crowd including Diane, Randy, Marlene and Barry. “We'll get together later to talk about the study schedule, okay?”

“Okay,” I said and watched as she turned and walked away.

“What was that about?” Marlene asked as soon and P.J. was out of sight.

“Derek Kruger was being a dick,” I said angrily. I was angrier that he'd ruined my moment with P.J. then over the stupid stuff he had said.

“I looked like they were about to throw down,” Randy said.

“Yeah, it was looking pretty bad,” Barry agreed. “She looked like a pit bull getting ready for a fight.”

I shook my head, “Yeah, he pissed her off pretty good. I'm just glad she didn't get into it with him. She doesn't need to get into any trouble especially over me.”

Todd came rushing up, “I heard Derek Kruger was trying to hit on you. I'll kick his ass.”

“No, that wasn't exactly what he was doing but it's okay now. He's gone away and Principal Williams is aware that he was harassing me and P.J. so hopefully I won't see any more of him today or for the rest of the school year,” I said. Todd may think that he's tough but Derek Kruger would eat him for breakfast.

“He doesn't need to be talking to you at all,” Todd snapped. “He's the scum of the earth. He would never have dared say anything to you before you started being friends with P.J. I'm telling you she's going to bring you down to her level.”

Marlene took a step back and pulled Barry with her when she saw the look on my face. “How dare you say something so stupid to me?” I growled. “P.J. is not below me so she cannot bring me down to her level. She is a nice person and she is trying real hard to get her life together and Derek Kruger dares to talk to whom ever he wants because he's a punk jackass who is not afraid of pissing people off. I don't even like the way you are insinuating that P.J. brought this on. She just happened to be standing here talking to me when Derek showed up. Plus it's none of your business anyway.”

Diane stepped closer to Todd, “Todd's right Jamie, you hanging with P.J. has changed you and she will bring you down if you continue to hang around with her. He probably wouldn't have stopped if P.J. hadn't been here and who's to say that it wasn't all planned. She was supposedly in on that girl being raped last year. Who's to say they aren't setting you up?”

“Get out of my face,” I yelled and walked off to homeroom.

Marlene was close behind me when I stormed into homeroom and slammed my books on my desk. Ms. Paul spun around, “What's going on?”

“It's just been a long morning already,” I said flopping down in my seat.

Diane sashayed into room, looked at me, flipped her hair around with her nose in the air and sat down in her seat in front of me. It was all I could do to keep from grabbing her by the throat and choking her.

Ms. Paul eyed all three of us warily but she didn't say anything. She took attendance and started with the announcements. I opened my government text book and stared at the words. I was so mad I couldn't think straight. The whole morning was replaying in my head. I didn't want to disappoint my mom but she had to understand that this was my life and I didn't want to be a cheerleader anymore. Derek Kruger was a jackass but it really scared me that he might actually hit P.J. Not that I didn't think she could take care of herself. I just didn't want her to get hurt on my account. And what was the deal with him calling her “Peaches”. I ran the whole scenario over and over in my head. I kept thinking about what he had said about her knowing he would be able to educate me in bed. How would she know unless…oh no, unless she had had sex with him. Ewe! I shook my head and I didn't even want to image that. Then he had said that I was her girlfriend and she didn't want to share me. What had he meant by that? Was he implying that he thought we were lovers? She hadn't denied it. She just told him to shut up. What did that mean?

I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands. I couldn't think about it any more. I needed to read, I needed to study, and I needed to think about something else.

I waited until Diane was completely out of the room before I got up to leave homeroom. Ms. Paul stopped me on my out, “Is everything okay?”

I sighed and let my shoulders sag, “Not really.”

“What's going on?” She asked

“A lot,” I said. There's no way I can tell her about the P.J. thing but I say, “My mom found out that I didn't send in my application for tryouts at UK for the spring and she's pretty mad at me right now.”

“Why didn't you send in your application?” Ms. Paul asked gently.

“Because I don't want to cheer anymore,” I looked at her face and she didn't even look surprised.

She put her arm around me and gave me a gentle hug, “And you haven't told your mother yet.”

“No,” I said with a heavy sigh, “I don't know how to tell her. She cheered all through college. Come to find out, one of the coaches at UK is a friend of hers that's how she found out I didn't send in my application. She's already upset that I don't want to go to school for a high paying career and she'll just freak out when she finds out I don't want to cheer either.” I looked at her green sympathetic eyes, “Got any suggestions?”

“Tell her and get it over with, but you might want to wait until after Christmas.” She smiled, “I dropped a bomb like that on my parents one time right before Christmas and they returned all the gifts they got me.”

I had to laugh at that, “I'll wait until after the first of the year. She'll be so busy doing taxes maybe she can work off her anger at me.”

Ms. Paul laughed to, “Now there's a plan.”

“Thanks,” I said, “I just needed to tell that to someone and get it off my chest.”

She gave me another gentle squeeze, “You can talk to me anytime.” She looked into my eyes with this look that made me feel like I could trust her with anything. “About anything, okay?”

“Okay, thank you,” I said. She wrote me a pass for my next class. I did feel a little better.

* * * * * *

Todd was hovering around me again. I guess he though he was going to protect me from Derek should Derek decide to bother me again. I didn't see P.J in the halls which really bummed me out. I sent her a text asking her if she wanted to meet after school but she hadn't text me back. By the time I got to my study period I was pretty bummed out. I toyed with just laying my head down and taking a nap but I needed to study. Finals were coming up in a little more than a week and I couldn't let my grades slide because of all the stupid shit going on here.

I was going to get out of Brackenburg and out from under my under my parents overly protective shield. I decided right then and there that I was not going to UK under any circumstances. Diane, Marlene, Andrea, Randy, Barry and Todd were all planning on going to UK and I didn't want to go to school with any of them. I would miss Marlene and Barry but I wanted to start a new life when I went to college not continue on with an old one.

I started studying with a renewed since of purpose. I would wait until after the first of year to tell Mom and Dad but I was determined to start controlling my own life. I was so deep into my own thoughts and studying that I didn't see P.J. walk up to the table. “Hey,” She said.

I jumped, “Oh hey.”

She smiled slightly, “I'm not bothering you, am I?”

“No, no,” I smiled, “You got time to sit down and visit a minute?”

“Yeah,” she said and sat across from me. She had a serious look on her face and fidgeted with her pencil. “I'm really sorry about the thing with Derek this morning.”

I reached over and grabbed her hand, “I wasn't your fault and he's a jerk.”

She nodded and I could see her clinching her teeth. “Yeah, just be sure to stay clear of him. He's more than a jerk.”

I let go of her hand, “Believe me I will.” I took out my calendar, “What's your work schedule look like for the week of finals?”

“I got the whole week off. My boss knows I need the study time,” She said and pulled out her note book.

“Do you want to study together for just your algebra test or everything?” I asked, hoping it was everything so we could spend more time together that week.

She looked up at me, surprise showing in her beautiful brown eyes, “Would you study for everything with me?”

I smiled, “Yeah, I want to help you do well.”

Her whole face lit up as she smiled, “That would be awesome.”

“Okay, I can study with you right after school Monday and Tuesday that week until about five-thirty then I have to be up here for the basketball games. Wednesday, I can study with you from six until whenever that evening. Thursday would be six until whenever too.”

“That would be perfect. I can bring you up here on Monday and Tuesday and pick you up on Wednesday and Thursday so your mom won't have to make a special extra trip up here,” she said writing the times in her notebook.

“Mom would appreciate that. Hopefully she won't be quite so pissed off at me by then,” I said. I notice the scratched and bruise on her knuckles. I reached over and touched her hand. “What happened?”

She looked away guiltily, “A wall got in my way.”

“Is that right?” I raised an eyebrow, “right after the Derek incident?”

“Maybe,” she grinned.

“I really didn't want you to fight with him this morning,” I said trying to catch her eyes.

“He's not going to talk to you like that,” she said tightly.

I gently squeezed her hand again, “He won't.”

She finally looked up at me and let out a breath then squeezed my hand back. “I gotta get back. I told Mr. Donovan I just needed to ask you about helping me for the final.”

“Okay,” I said letting go of her hand. “I'll talk to you later.”

She got up and left the library. I really smiled for the first time that day. I couldn't wait to get to study with her, alone in her room. We seemed so far away from the rest of the world there.

Chapter Fifteen

The next week was insane. We went to Louisville for the regional cheerleading contest and placed second. The girls from Lexington who won were so phenomenal that there was no way anyone was beating them. On top of practicing and preparing for the contest, we had football championships, as well as girls and boys basketball games. I had been trying to fit in every minute of studying I could get in for my own finals so I could devote myself to P.J.'s finals the next week. I finished up with mine the Saturday before I had to go cheer at a boy's basketball game.

The next day was the Sunday, before finals week I called P.J. and asked her if she wanted me to come over and study with her for any final she had on Monday but she had to work.

I ended up spending the rest of Sunday napping and watching girls kissing on the Internet again, wondering if I would ever have the guts to kiss P.J. Sunday evening I went downstairs for dinner with Mom and Dad. Mom had finally calmed down about me missing the second round of cheerleading tryouts, especially after I got my acceptance letter from UK . I'd also gotten one from Western Kentucky University and the University of Louisville . I was really leaning towards WKU. It was in a small city and they had an awesome biotechnology program.

Monday morning I was at my locker getting my notes for my final in English together when I felt a presence next to my locker. I turned to see Derek Kruger and his buddies Matt Wilson and Doug Roberts standing next to my locker. Oh shit, this cannot be good, I thought. I looked around and there were plenty of people around so if necessary I could scream for help. I was not sure if anyone would step in help but I could try any way.

“Where's your girlfriend?” Derek asked.

“Probably in class,” I said, knowing that he meant P.J.

He moved closer, “Well that's not good. That means she's not here to protect you.”

I closed my locker. “Get lost, Derek,” I said and started to walk away but he grabbed me and slammed me against my locker.

“I need a good luck kiss before I go take these stupid tests and I've decided you're going to give me one,” he smiled, showing his cigarette stained teeth. His putrid breath was making me want to vomit in his face. I looked around and his buddies had moved into positions on either side of us to stop anyone who decided they were going to interfere. The other kids in the hallway had stopped and were watching but no one dared to say anything.

“I'm not kissing you,” I said, knowing that I was not going to be given a choice.

“Yes, you are,” he licked his lips and grabbed my hair pulling my head back. He mashed his lips to mine and pressed his whole body against me. I could feel his penis getting hard against my stomach. He stuck his tongue in my mouth and I really thought I was going to throw up. I was trying to fight him and push him away but he was too strong. He wasn't let me get enough space to breath, let alone scream.

Finally, he tore his mouth from mine as Mr. Patterson, the chemistry teacher came storming down the hallway. “What is going on?” Mr. Patterson demanded. “Mr. Kruger, let go of Jamie right now.”

“Sure thing,” Derek said pushing off of me and grabbing his penis, “Another time sweet thing.”

I immediately ran to the girls' bathroom. I almost didn't make it to the toilet before I started throwing up.

Marlene rushed into the bathroom right behind me. “Oh my God, Jamie!” she said and went to the sink and wet paper towels for me to wipe my face.

P.J. pushed her way through the crowd that had gathered a few minutes later. “Jesus, Jamie,” she said when she saw my ghostly white face and Marlene pulling my hair back and helping me wipe my face.

Marlene and P.J. helped me stand up. P.J. gently tilted my face towards her. Her eyes hardened when she saw the bruises already forming there. “That motherfucker is dead,” she growled. We were still in the stall with Marlene in the doorway. P.J. pulled me into her arms and held me tightly, “I'm so sorry.”

Marlene raised an eyebrow but she didn't say a word as I laid my head on P.J.'s shoulder, “It's not your fault.”

“Yes it is. He's doing this to get at me,” she said then pulled back. Her eyes were almost black with anger. “He and I have old business that isn't finished and he doesn't think I'll do anything about this.”

“Please don't P.J.,” I pleaded. “You'll get kicked out of school and he won't care. You'll only hurt yourself if you go after him. I'm sure they are going to expel him for this and I'm pressing charges.”

“She's right P.J.,” Marlene said. “You'll only hurt yourself. Jamie's told me how hard you are trying to get your life together. We only have five months until we graduate. It's not a long time to wait to deal with what every business you have with him.”

P.J. looked at Marlene. She seemed surprised that Marlene was concerned for her. “Okay,” she looked at me, “Do press charges. He's gotten by with too much already.”

“Well, well,” Diane said as she reached the stall. I was still clutching P.J.'s forearms. She looked at both of us and raised an eyebrow at Marlene, “Ya all having a threesome in the stall here.”

“Bitch,” I growled and went for her but P.J. stopped me.

“Now who needs to calm down,” she said wrapping her arms around me. “She's just jealous because she wasn't invited.”

Marlene burst out laughing then looked at me apologetically, “I'm sorry but that was funny.”

“As if,” Diane said turning her nose up and walking away.

Ms. Paul and Ms. Carlson came into the bathroom. “Alright everyone there's nothing to see. Go on to class,” Ms. Paul said.

P.J. let go of me, “Are you going to be okay?”

“Just as soon as I get my mouth sanitized,” I said taking a paper towel and wiping out my mouth again.

P.J. nodded, “I'll check back with you after while, okay?”

“Okay,” I said smiling at the concerned look on her face.

I looked down at my shirt, “It doesn't look like I got anything on me but I still think I'm going to go to the locker room and change. I have his stink on me.”

“Have you got anything to change into down there?” Marlene asked.

“Just my cheering t-shirt.”

“I've got a nice blouse hanging up in my locker,” Marlene said, “You can wear that.”

“Thanks,” I said.

Ms. Paul asked, “What happened exactly? All we got was that Derek Kruger tried to rape you in the hallway.”

“It wasn't quite that bad.” I said, “I he just pressed against me and kissed me but it was nasty. God,” I said with shiver, “I can't think about it. It makes me want to throw up again.”

“Do you need to see the nurse,” Ms. Carlson asked.

“Does she have some wicked strong mouth wash like Listerine or something,” I asked still wiping my mouth.

“Probably,” Ms. Paul said, “If she doesn't I have some Scope in my desk.”

Ms. Carlson grinned at Ms. Paul, “Yeah me too.” Marlene wasn't paying attention and even if she was I don't think she would have noticed the look that passed between them. They were more than friends.

“You want me to walk down there with you?” Marlene asked.

“If it's okay,” I looked at Ms. Paul. “Can Marlene go with me?”

“That's fine,” Ms. Paul said. “Go by the nurse's office first then change your shirt and come back to homeroom.”

“Okay, come on Marlene,” I said, taking Marlene's arm and heading out of the bathroom.

Out in the hall, Marlene asked, “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah, but that was the grossest, most vile thing I've ever had happen to me,” I said.

“P.J. was going to go kill him, wasn't she?” Marlene asked.

“I'm afraid so and I really don't think it's over yet.”

“What do you think she was talking about when she said they had business that wasn't finished?” Marlene asked as we approached the nurse's office.

“I'm not sure. I know she hasn't hung around with him much if at all this year. Even Mark and Mike don't hang out with him anymore,” I said.

“Do you think it had something to do with that rape thing last year?”

I nodded, “Maybe. Maybe P.J. knows what really happened and Derek is doing this to keep her from saying anything.”

Marlene stopped, “That could be true. You are probably the only girl friend she has ever had and she seems to care about you a lot.” Marlene had a ghost of smile when she said that, “His threatening to do things to you could be something he is holding over her head. I can't see him being able to really threaten her. I think she'd take him on but she can't always be around to protect you and he knows that.”

I nodded again, “That's too true. I just don't understand why he would think I was that important to her.”

Marlene rolled her eyes, “Whatever,” She said and opened the door to the office.

“What's that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she said. The nurse immediately came out and started fussing over me. You would have thought that he really did rape me the way she was going on. I didn't get a chance to go to the locker room with Marlene because the police arrived while I was talking to the nurse.

Principal Williams was determined that school and I were filing charges so he could ban Derek Kruger and his thugs from the school property. I had to give the police a statement in detail of all that happened. Marlene went on to the locker room and got the shirt for me and I changed in the sick room in the nurse's office. Mom showed up at the school ready to take me to our doctor. Principal Williams asked me if I wanted to reschedule my finals.

“No,” I told Principal Williams. “I'm going to go on with my day. He's out of here and I've got a lot going on today.”

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yeah, I'm fine really,” I said.

Mom looked at me, “Okay, but I'll be here to pick you up right after school.”

“No,” I said, “I'm going to P.J.'s to study remember?”

“I don't think so. I think she's part of this problem,” Mom said. “Didn't she used to run with him?”

“Yeah, but she doesn't anymore and she's not going to let anything happen to me,” I assured her, thinking that would just really make this day so much worse if I don't get to study with P.J.

Mom studied me for a minute, “I'll let you go there to study but I'm picking you up here and taking you over there and picking you up there and bringing you back here.”

I wanted to argue with her but she had that look on her face that said she wasn't going to have it any other way. The most important thing was to get to spend time with P.J. so I said, “Okay.”
I sent P.J. a text and let her know what was going on. She was relieved that I was going to get to study with her. She sent me a text back saying that she had been afraid that my mom wouldn't let me come over after what happened today.

Mom and Dad were in the car waiting for me when I got out of school. I rolled my eyes. I got into the back seat of the SUV. “Hey kiddo,” Dad said, “How are you?”

“I'm fine,” I said, putting on my seatbelt.

“Mom says you had a pretty bad run in with one of the hoodlums at the school.”

“Yeah, it was pretty gross and he's going to get arrested if he hasn't already so, it's all good,” I said.

“Mom says this P.J. girl you've been helping used to run with this guy. You sure it's safe to go to her house?”

“Yes, Dad, it'll be fine,” I said and rolled my eyes. “Both of her parents are going to be there and I'm sure she's told them about what happened. She doesn't run with him anymore. It's going to be okay.”

“Okay,” Dad said and turned back towards the front. I saw him exchange a look with mom. This just sucks. I really hope they aren't going to pick me up every day this week. I was looking forward to the extra time with P.J.

When we got to P.J.'s house Mom and Dad both got out. I felt like a sixth grader going to a friend's house for the first time. Carolyn answered the door. She graciously welcomed both my parents. “P.J. told us about what happened at school today. We are so sorry Jamie had to deal with that little punk.”

“He's forbidden from being on our property,” Dave, who was standing next to Carolyn, said. “He's bad news and we finally got P.J. away from him. You won't have to worry about Jamie being here. He knows better than to come around here.” Dave motioned his head in Dad's direction and held out his hand, “Ed knows me. He knows I won't let anything happen to your daughter.”

“That's right, I know Dave. Good to see you.” Dad said, taking Dave's extended hand and giving it a firm shake.

“Thank you,” Mom said, “That's what we needed to hear. We know P.J. is trying to do well in school but we have to make sure Jamie is safe.”

“We completely understand,” Carolyn said. “You don't have to worry about her here. She's completely safe with us.”

“Okay,” Dad said with a sigh of relief. “Then we'll get out of the way so the girls can study.”

“Mom, can P.J. take me to the game later. Please?” Mom hesitated, “Derek is not going to try anything else. The police are looking for him if they haven't already picked him up. He's not going to do anything else.”

“If you want I'll ride with them to the school,” Carolyn says.

“Okay,” Mom agreed. “I'll be okay with it if Carolyn rides with you guys.”

P.J. had stood by quietly this whole, just nodded at the suggestion.

“Okay then,” Mom said and she and dad left.

Carolyn put her arm around me. “We are so sorry about what happened to you with Derek today. He is a very bad young man. He really needs to be in jail.”

“He needs to have his ass kicked,” P.J. snapped.

“Pauline Jezebel Thomas, watch your mouth,” Carolyn snapped back.

P.J. looked at my grin and dropped her head, “Mom!”

“Don't Mom me, young lady. You know I don't like for you to talk like that,” Carolyn admonished.

“Yes, ma'am,” P.J. said.

“Would you like a Diet Coke, Jamie?” Carolyn asked as she went to the refrigerator.

“Yes ma'am,” I said, barely able to keep from laughing. No wonder she has always gone by P.J.

Carolyn handed me a Diet Coke and gave P.J. a Mountain Dew. “Now you to go study, five-thirty will be here before we know it.”

“Yes ma'am,” we both said and headed to P.J.'s room.

As soon as we're inside the room P.J. turned to me, “Don't you dare every repeat that name to anyone.”

“Okay,” I said and laughed, “I've always wondered what P.J. stood for.”

“It's my grandmothers' names,” she said and looked away.

I touched her arm, “You should know by now that I would never do anything to embarrass you.”

She patted my hand on her arm and smiled, “I know.” She crawled up on the bed and motioned for me to join her. “Come on, we better get to this.”

I crawled up next to her. She never said anything about how close I was sitting next to her while we studied and she didn't move away from me so I have to assume that it didn't bother her I was loving the closeness.

The next three nights Mom let me ride with P.J. both to and from her house. She had relaxed about my being at P.J's house when she found out that Derek was expelled from school and banned from school property. He had been in jail briefly but his parents bailed him out. Matt and Doug got by with a warning because they didn't' actually do anything but stand guard. Both of them went out of their way to avoid me and P.J. from that point on.

Thursday night we were sitting on P.J.'s bed in our final round of studying. I was getting tired. I laid my head on P.J.'s shoulder while I asked her government questions. “You are exhausted,” she said laying her head against mine.

“Yep,” I said with a yawn.

She turned her head so she could look at me. I looked up at her but didn't move my head. I was watching her eyes as they seemed to be washing over my face. They paused briefly at my lips then came back to my eyes. “You have really pretty eyes.”

“Really?”

She blushed and looked away, “Yes, really. Why don't we call it a night? We both need some rest before tomorrow.”

I hated to leave because I knew I probably wouldn't get to see her until after Christmas break unless I could get a ride to McDonald's but I knew she's right. I watched as she covered her mouth and she yawned, “You're probably right,” I said.

She looked at me and smiled warmly, “I'm going to miss seeing you.”

“Me too,” I confessed. “Do you guys have big Christmas plans?” I asked as I'm put my shoes on.

“No, Andrea and Ethan will come over and spend the night then we'll all get up on Christmas morning and open presents.” She said putting her shoes on too. “What about you?”

“We'll go to my dad's mom's house Christmas Eve then we'll go to my mom's mother's house on Christmas day.” I gathered my stuff, “You've never mentioned grandparents.”

She was quiet for a few minutes. “Mom's parents are both gone already. Dave's dad is gone and his mom doesn't like my mom,” She said.

“Oh, sorry,” I said.

She shrugged, “It's no big deal. I've never known my grandparents.”

“Oh,” I said and changed the subject. “Marlene is supposed to be having a party at her house for New Year's. It was supposed to be a Christmas party but she changed it to a New Year's party. You wanna go?”

She smiled at me and shook her head, “I don't think I'd fit in there and I have to work any way.”

“That sucks,” I said

She shrugged, “I'm not into partying anymore and some of the other kids that work with me want the night off so I agreed to work.”

“How late you have to work?” I asked, disappointed because I was hoping to get to ring in the New Year with her.

“I'm not sure,” she said. “It depends on who shows up and who doesn't.”

I nodded, “Well, I'll call you at midnight. Hopefully you'll have your phone on.”

“I'll make it a point,” she said with a smile.

She took me home and we drove mostly in silence. It was like both of us wanted to tell each other something but couldn't find the words to say. When we got to my house she said, “Good luck on your finals tomorrow.”

“You too,” I said, “Text me over the holiday.”

“I will,” she said.

I got out and went into the house, feeling at a loss. I was amazed at how much I'd grown to count on getting to see her all the time. It was going to be a long three weeks even though we still had some games and practices through out the holiday break. It just wasn't going to be any fun for me.

Chapter Sixteen

I was hoping Mom and Dad were going to break down and buy me a car for Christmas this year but they didn't. I got a new laptop and an upgrade on my Blackberry. Whoohoo. Grandma Edwards gave me a hundred dollars, which I tucked away to use at college. Grandma Deaton gave me three new Kashmir sweaters and a gift card from Macy's. As a general rule we don't try to buy for all the cousins because there are too many. We usually just get gift cards for entire family groups, usually their favorite store or restaurant.

I called P.J. on Christmas. She seemed very happy to hear from me. We had sent each other a few texts but she was working a lot so she didn't have a lot of free time. Her parents were paying for a new paint job for her Jeep for Christmas. She was really excited about that. Her sister had gotten her a gift card for Wal-Mart. She was pretty happy about that too. I thought it was a real statement of the differences between our families that I got a Macy's gift card and she got a gift card from Wal-Mart, a world of difference.

Marlene called me on Christmas then we went shopping together when I got back from Lexington . I went to her house New Year's Eve afternoon to help her get ready for the New Year's party she was having. Her parents had moved anything breakable out of the rooms where they were allowing us to use for the party, which included their full basement where they had a pool table.

That night I got ready to go to the party. I dressed very casually. I wasn't in the mood for trying to be fancy and it was going to be cold. Mom and Dad had plans to go out to a black tie ball. They were dressed very nice when I came downstairs. Mom looked stunning in her black dress with a high slit up the side and silver shimmers throughout the dress. The bodice was low but she had a black shawl that went around her shoulders that covered her breasts. Dad was wearing his very nice black suit with a silver shirt and black bowtie. “Wow you guys look amazing,” I said.

“You look,” Mom looked me over, “Kind of plain. I thought this was a little bit of a dress up party.”

“Mom, we're teenagers,” I held my arms out to mind sides and spun around showing off my new light blue Kashmir sweater and black jeans. “This is dressed up.”

Mom rolled her eyes, “Funny.”

“Are you sure you don't want us to come pick you up later,” Dad asked. They were both still a little skittish about me being out since the Derek thing.

“I'll be fine. I'm just going to crash at Marlene's or I'll get someone to bring me home,” I said

“Make sure they are sober,” Mom warned.

“I will,” I said, “Trust me.”

We got into Dad's Mercedes and they took me to Marlene's and dropped me off. I got there early so I could help her with the final touches. I sent P.J. a text to remind her to have her phone on at midnight.

I wasn't sure I was going to stay until midnight but no matter where I was I wanted to be able to tell P.J. Happy New Year's right at midnight.

Marlene met me at the door. “Thank God you're here,” she pulled me inside and we went to the kitchen where a bowl of potato chips was scattered on the floor.

“What happened,” I asked.

“Mom's stupid cat,” Marlene growled, “Mom forgot to put her in her cage. Now I have to run to the store and get more chips. Do you mind cleaning this up and holding down the fort while I'm gone?”

“Not at all,” I said pushing her towards the door and heading to their broom closet. “You go. I'll take care of this.”

By the time Marlene got back I had everything cleaned up and ready for the new round of chips. A few people had started arriving. I helped Marlene play hostess. Some of the people were dressed up very nice and some were more casual like me. Diane showed up with Andy Marcum, whom she had dated before Randy, I looked at Marlene with raised eyebrows. If Randy showed up some bad things might happen. “What a beautiful sweater,” Diane said fingering the material of my sweater, “Your grandmother?”

“Yep, I've got two more in different colors,” I said.

“She has impeccable taste,” Diane said. She and Andy went on to mingle. I saw Todd come in. He slipped off somewhere and was by himself. I was really hoping he wasn't going to give me any problems tonight.

By ten o'clock the party was in full swing. There was booze of course. I actually got a strawberry daiquiri wine cooler and was sipping on it. I went downstairs to see how things were going in the basement and ran into Pam Williams. Pam wasn't from here originally but she and I sort of became friends when she joined the cheerleading squad. I think we might have more in common than just our love for science, I think we both like girls too. In fact, I had a strong suspicion that she was dating Barb Lincoln, the Amazon center on the girls' basketball team.

Pam and I started talking about science and were leaning against the wall kind of away from people. She was very pretty. Her hair was a lighter brown than mine and with red highlights. She had very light, sky blue eyes, and full breasts. I liked her but she didn't stir things in me the way P.J. did, even though I suspected that she was a lesbian. We were deep into our conversation when Barb showed up. “Excuse me,” Barb said to me then pulled Pam to the side, “What the hell's going on?”

Pam looked at me nervously, “We were talking about microorganisms, Barb.”

“Oh,” Barb said sheepishly and looked down at her feet.

I smiled, “I need to go see if Marlene needs any help. I'll see you two later.” I winked at Pam whose face lit up with relief. She took Barb's hand and the two of them moved off into the shadows.

I was making my way towards the stairs when someone grabbed me and pushed me against the wall. Todd kissed me hard on the mouth. I could taste the whiskey on breath. I pushed him back. “What the hell do you think you're doing?”

“Come on, Jamie,” He slurred, “Let's bring in the New Year together.”

“I don't think so, Todd,” I said and tried to push past him.

He pushed me against the wall again, “You know you still like me. Let's find a room that's empty.”

“No,” I said and pushed him back again.

He started to come back at me but he was stopped when someone grabbed his shirt. “She said no, Dude, don't you know what no means,” Mark Hinton said, as he towered over Todd.

“Let me go or I'll kick your ass,” Todd said.

Mark dropped him on the ground and motioned for me to come over by him, which I gladly did.

Todd tried to jump back up but he was too drunk and fell down again, “You just wait. As soon as I get up, I'm kicking your ass.”

Andrea came down the stairs with drinks for her and Mark. “Marky, you promised no fighting,” she admonished.

“He was helping me, Andrea,” I said, coming to Mark's defense.

Mark looked at me, “Girlfriend, you draw some bad guys.”

I laughed, “Apparently so,” I looked down at Todd and shook my head, “I think it's time for me to go. I'm about partied out for the night.”

“We were just talking about leaving too. You want us to give you a ride home,” Andrea asked.

“That would be awesome,” I said. I looked at my phone, it's just eleven. I wonder if P.J. is still working.

I followed Mark and Andrea upstairs. We found Marlene and let her know we're leaving. She had gotten pretty drunk, “No Jamie, you can't leave it's not midnight yet.”

“I'm not feeling all that great,” I said, I hated to lie but I really wanted to see P.J. I gave her a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. I did the same to Barry. “I'll call you tomorrow. You all have fun and try to keep everyone who's drinking here.”

“Okay, love you Jamie,” She said and stumbled backwards. Barry and I both grabbed her.

“Love you too, Marlene,” I said with a laugh.

Mark, Andrea and I went outside to Mark's monster truck. Mark had to help both of us into the truck. We left Marlene's subdivision and Mark said, “I'm hungry for some real food. You girls care if we stop by McDonald's and harass P.J.?”

“That would be awesome,” I said.

“Yeah, that's cool, Baby,” She said, squeezing his leg, “Whatever you want.”

We pulled into McDonald's and P.J. was out on the floor with a broom cleaning up. Mark came around the truck and helped us down. P.J. looked up and smiled at us as we came in, “I thought you all were going to Marlene's.”

“We did,” Mark said, “It was okay but,” he hugged Andrea to him, “We're going to go bring in the New Year somewhere alone.”

“Gottcha,” P.J. said with a wink.

Mark asked, “You all got anything fresh up?”

“Probably not,” P.J. said and called to another guy who said he just put up a Big Mac.

“I'll take it,” Mark said, “You girls want something?”

“No, I'm good,” I said. Andrea said she wanted a Diet Coke.

Manager Marge came out to see what's up, “Why aren't you guys out partying?”

“We already did,” I said, “I'm going home and they are going to party alone.”

“Oh,” Marge said with a shrug. She really looked at me then, “Did you come in here as Victoria on Halloween?

“Yep, that was me,” I said with a grin.

P.J. looked at me and pulled at her lip in with her teeth. She turned to Marge, “Hey can I go ahead and cut out. I can take Jamie home and that way Mark and Andrea can be on their way.” She looked at her watch, “It's already eleven-thirty.”

Marge looked towards the back and seemed to be counting heads, “Go ahead we go plenty of people.”

“Awesome,” P.J. said and took off her apron. She trotted to the back, got her coat and came back out, “Thanks Marge, see ya tomorrow.” Marge waved as we leave.

Mark winked at P.J., “You be careful, girl.”

“You too buddy,” P.J. said then gave Mark a big hug. “Happy New Year, Man. ” She hugged Andrea too.

I came over and hugged both of them too. “Thanks for getting Todd off me at the party, Mark.”

“Any time you need help and I'm around, you can count on me,” he said and then helped Andrea in his truck. They took off.

P.J and I got into P.J.'s Jeep. She turned to me and said, “You want to go somewhere with me to bring in the New Year.”

“Yeah,” I said without hesitation.

She started the Jeep and headed towards the lake. She was grinning from ear to ear. “Are we going where I think we are?” I asked.

“Have you ever watched fireworks shot over the lake in the winter?”

“No, is that what we're doing?” I asked.

“Is that okay?” She turned to me with questioning eyes then turned back to the road.

“That's great,” I said and pulled my coat a little closer, “It's going be cold but it sounds awesome.”

“It's beautiful,” She said. We drove to the beach area of the lake which is usually closed this time of year but they had opened it up for the fireworks tonight. I was surprised there were so many people sitting on the beach huddled in blankets. We found a parking spot at the far end of the parking area. P.J. opened the back of her Jeep and pulled out two blankets.

“Come on,” she said and headed towards the beach. She found us a nice place where we had full view of the platform where they are shooting off the fireworks. I looked at my phone, we had ten minutes until it was midnight . She spread out one blanket. “Sit,” she said. She sat down next to me and wrapped the other blanket around both of us.

I was shivering so she put her arm around me and pulled me closer to her. I could smell her perfume over the smell of McDonald's french fries. Both of them smelled delicious. I wished we were here on a date. I wondered what she would do if she had any idea how much I wanted to kiss her.

She looked over at me and snuggled me closer to her, “I wanted to bring you out here so I could have a happy memory of this place again.”

I turned to her and saw the sadness in her eyes, “Did something happen here that made this not a happy place for you?”

“Yes,” she whispered. She turned her face so she could study me in the dim light of the half moon over the lake. She took a deep breath, “You remember the rumors that were going around about Derek Kruger raping some girl last year and they made it sound like the whole group was involved?”

I nodded.

“I was the girl and it was just Derek.”

“Oh my God, P.J.,” I whispered, “I'm so sorry.” She turned away, wiping the tear that had escaped. I reached over and put my hand on her cheek turning her face back to me. She looked into my eyes. I gently caressed her face as the fireworks start signally the New Year was here. “Happy New Year, P.J.,” I whispered and kissed her lightly on the lips.

She didn't jerk away or slap me but I was still holding my breath waiting for her reaction after I pulled back. Her eyes looked so dark. She leaned forward and kissed me. I snaked my hand behind her neck and held her lips to mine. Her lips gently moved against mine. I wanted to deepen the kiss but didn't dare. She finally pulled back, “Happy New Year, Jamie.”

P.J. held me while we watched the fireworks but not another word passed between us. Even on the ride home she didn't say much. I wasn't sure if I'd made her memory of the lake better or not.

When we pulled into my drive, she looked over at me, “Thanks for going up there with me.”

I smiled, “Thanks for taking me. I really enjoyed it.” I wanted to kiss her again but I didn't dare attempt it. She was unreadable. I reached over and squeezed her arm, “Text me when you get home.”

“Okay,” She said with a small smile. She was tense and I was afraid that she is sorry that we kissed. I could only pray that she wasn't angry with me, only time would tell.

Chapter Seventeen

P.J. sent me a couple of texts over the next few days before school started back. She didn't say anything significant and she didn't mention New Year's. I really didn't know how to take her silence. I finally decided she just wanted to pretend it didn't happen. I didn't know why I was surprised. I wasn't sure what I really thought she'd do but I guess I should be glad she didn't punch me but her silence almost feels like she did.

The first day back to school I was dreading and looking forward to seeing P.J. I was looking forward to seeing her, just because but I was dreading seeing what her reaction to me now might be. I tried to shake my feelings as I walked through the halls to my locker. Marlene was standing there waiting for me. “Good morning,” she said cheerfully.

I smiled and said, “Good morning. What's got you in such a good mood?”

She squeezed my arm, “Barry got into UK . We're both going to be at UK together.”

“That's awesome,” I said.

I started gathering my books when suddenly I was grabbed from behind, picked up off the ground and spun around. Marlene was laughing. I was trying not to scream. I was set back down and turned around. P.J. was holding both my arms, “I got a B- for the semester in algebra.” She pulled me into a fierce hug.

I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back, reveling in the feel of her body pressed to mine. “Congratulations, I'm so happy for you.”

She pulled back and squeezed my hands, “I would never have done it without your help. Thank you so much.”

“You're welcome,” I smiled and looked into her eyes.

She was smiling so warmly down at me. A few minutes passed then she looked past me. A sudden frown marred her face. “Thanks again, Jamie. I gotta run,” She turned and walked away.

I turned around to see who was behind me that caused her sudden change in mood and it was Diane who was standing there with her hands on her hips, “Well that was touching.”

“Yeah it was,” Marlene said. She squeezed my arm, “I'm so happy for her. You did a really good thing helping her.” She looked at Diane, “So where's Andy?”

“I don't know. We're done. I'm talking to Randy again,” Diane said, still watching me. I was waiting for her to make a comment because I knew she had one brewing in her head, “I hear you ditched Todd at the party to go see P.J.”

My defenses instantly went up, “I wasn't at the party with Todd and he practically tried to rape me in Marlene's basement.”

“What,” Marlene gasped, her mouth dropping open.

“Yeah, he was drunk and trying to pull me into a dark corner in the basement. Mark and Andrea came along. Mark changed Todd's mind for him and that's why I left with them,” I said waiting for Diane to say more. There were several people at the lake that night. Anyone could have seen me kiss P.J. and told Diane about it.

Diane smiled smugly, “Is that what happened?”

“Yes it is,” I said. Still waiting for her to say more but she didn't.

“We probably better get to class,” Marlene said and motioned for me go with her.

I grabbed my books from my locker and followed Marlene. Diane fell in line with us. Marlene smiled at Diane, “Barry got into UK .”

“That's great, you guys going to move into the married housing,” Diane asked.

Marlene frowned at her and I shook my head. Bitch, I thought to myself but I wasn'tt going to say it. “No, freshmen are required to live on campus in dorms if they aren't married or living with their parents,” Marlene answered evenly

“You don't think you two will be married by then?” Diane asked.

“No,” I could see Marlene's jaw clench, “We don't have any plans to get married. I'm not getting married before I graduate for sure.”

“Uh huh,” Diane said sarcastically.

Marlene shut up and was gritting her teeth. We walked into home room. Ms. Paul was leaning against the chalkboard. Her blond hair was lying in soft short layers and I noticed she had new diamond stud earrings. She turned to us and smiled. She seemed very really happy.

We took our usual seats and Ms. Paul started the class, taking attendance and making announcements. I noticed she had a new ring too. It was on the ring finger of her right hand. I wonder if she is dating someone now. I hope so. She was such a nice person I wanted her to be happy.

I guess Diane noticed the ring too. She whispered over her shoulder, “Looks like Ms. Paul got hitched over the holiday.”

“What makes you say that,” I asked.

“She's wearing a ring on her gay wedding ring finger.”

I rolled my eyes, “I think most gay people wear rings on their regular ring finger when they are in committed relationships.”

“Not if they don't want people to know,” Diane said.

“Whatever.”

“Girls,” Ms. Paul said, coming towards us, “Are we going to start the year out with problems?”

“No ma'am,” Marlene said and shushed both of us.

“Good,” She said and went back to telling about events that were coming up. I looked at her hands again. Would she wear a ring on a different finger if she were in a relationship? Probably, being a teacher she probably has to be very careful about her sexual identity, especially in a small city like ours.

The rest of the day seemed to drag by. I didn't see P.J. again that day. We had a game that night and I wished I could go ahead and quit cheerleading but I knew that my mother would not hear of it. I wondered if I should talk to Dad about the cheerleading thing. Maybe he would help me make Mom understand.

At the game that night, I tried to be perky and happy but I was really having a hard time. We did the pyramid formation and from the top I could all of our side of the gym. I scanned the crowd aimlessly. To my surprise, I saw P.J. in a far corner with Mark and Michael. When I got back down I worked my way to that end of our side of the bleachers to cheer. She was watching me but she wasn't smiling. I wondered what she was mad about. I did some somersaults and flipped back to the other end of the gym just as we reached half time.

We started our half-time routine and I tried not to think about P.J. but I kept seeing the image of her sitting there looking at me with a frown on her face.

We had a big stunt where Diane, Andrea and Pam were going to throw me in the air so I really needed to be focused. I climbed up on their legs then they pushed me up with their hands. I did a flip in the air and landed in their arms. Perfect execution and completion as always, they flipped me out onto the floor and I landed wrong. My foot buckled under me and I went down. Pain shot through my foot and ankle, all I could do was lie on the floor crying.

The pain was excruciating. Ms. Carlson and Ms. Paul were instantly standing over me. My head was getting fuzzy but I could have swore I saw P.J. standing just behind Ms. Paul saying something but I can't hear anything but my own cries.

Marlene was at one side of me holding my hand. Andrea was on the other side. Diane was standing over me, watching. Ms. Carlson was trying to look at my ankle but it hurt too much for her to touch it. I begged her to stop. She looked at Ms. Paul. “I think it's broken,” she said.

“What,” I cried, “broken!”

Ms. Paul took my hand, “Calm down, Jamie. We'll call the paramedics and your parents. We'll know for sure when they get you to the hospital and do x-rays.”

I let my head drop back and looked up towards the ceiling. P.J. was standing behind Andrea with a concerned look on her face. I looked up at her. She didn't smile but she looked concerned. Within a few minutes, the paramedics were there putting me on a stretcher. Mom and Dad rushed in as they were starting to wheel me out of the gym.

“Oh my God, Jamie, what happened,” Mom asked.

“I came out of a stunt wrong and went down on my ankle,” I said wincing.

Mom insisted that she was going to ride with me to the hospital in the ambulance. Dad was going to follow in the car. It was really pretty freaky being inside of an ambulance. There were all kinds of equipment around me. The guy who was in the back with me was a large black man with short cropped hair. He smiled at me reassuringly, “Don't you worry, sugar. We'll be at the hospital in no time and they can figure out what's going on with your ankle.”

“Do you think it's broke,” Mom asked.

“It's hard to tell with the ankle. She could have severely pulled a tendon, that is just as painful as breaking your ankle so until they do x-rays there's no way to be sure. She has feeling in her toes which is a good thing, but she was having trouble moving her toes so that's not good,” he said.

Just like the guy promised, we were at our small hospital in no time. They took me into the emergency room and pushed me into a waiting area. Mom was filling out paperwork the nurse brought and constantly asking how long it was going to be before the doctor saw me.

The nurse kept assuring her that the doctor would be in to see me soon but they were going to take me to get x-rays first. The x-ray technician was trying to be gentle when she moved my ankle around to get different views with the x-ray machine. Thank God the pain meds they had given me when I first arrived finally kicked in as she was working on me.

They wheeled me back to the waiting area. Dad was there waiting for us. We waited there for almost two hours before the doctor finally came in to see me. I thought Mom was going to rip his head off but Dad made her calm down.

“I've got some bad news I'm afraid,” the doctor said. “It is broken. It's very swollen so there's not much we can do until some of the swelling goes down.” He started writing in scribbles on a pad. “I'm going to prescribe her Tylenol 3. She can take that for a few days. I'm going to make her an appointment with Dr. Salman for tomorrow. He's one of the best orthopedic surgeons around. He'll be able to tell you whether or not it can be treated without surgery but I'm afraid she will probably have to have some pins put in.”

Mom had turned a very unhealthy shade of white, “Will she be able to cheerlead again?”

The doctor frowned, “That's something you'll have to discuss with Dr. Salman.”

Chapter Eighteen

The pain medicine they gave me at the hospital made me very groggy. I was really out of it by the time we got home. Dad carried me up to my bedroom. I snuggled into his neck. “Not as easy as it was when I was a little girl, is it?”

Dad smiled, “It's not hard either. You're still light as a feather.”

I chuckled at him because I could hear his labored breathing. He was having a harder time than he wanted to admit. Mom was down in the kitchen fixing me chicken noodle soup. I wasn't sure what she thought that was going to accomplish but I think she just felt like she needed to try to do something to help. I decided to take advantage of being able to talk to Dad while she wasn't around, “You know I'm not going to be that upset if I can't cheer any more because of this.”

Dad looked down at me only slightly surprised. He nodded, “I had a feeling that you accidentally, on purpose, forgot to send in your application for tryouts to UK .”

I snuggled closer, “I'm sorry, Dad, but I really don't want to cheer in college and I don't know how to tell Mom.”

He set me down on my bed and helped me get sit up against the pillows. He let out a big sigh, “I don't know either honey. She really had her heart set on you following in her footsteps at UK as a cheerleader. I'm not sure how she'll take it.”

“I know that's why I haven't told her. I didn't want to get out of cheerleading this way though,” I said, looking at my swollen ankle that was starting to throb again.

Dad patted my good leg, “I should hope not,” he laughed, “Let's not worry about telling Mom right now. Let's wait to see what the doctor says and go from there.”

“Thank you, Daddy,” I smiled up at him.

He kissed me on my forehead, “You're welcome, Munchkin.”

Mom came into the room with a tray that had a bowl of steaming chicken noodle soup. “Here you go, Sweetie. This will help you feel better.”

“Thanks Mom,” I said and yawned, “I'll eat a little. I'm not very hungry and I'm super groggy.”

“That's okay, Hon,” Mom said, as she pushed a few stray hairs out of my face, “Just eat what you want.”

I looked up at her and saw the worry lines on her face. It was funny how you don't really think about how your parents are doing when you're a teenager. You're only worried about yourself. Mom and Dad both looked very tired tonight. I made myself start eating the soup.

“Is your ankle hurting,” Mom asked.

“Just a little,” I said taking another bite of the soup.

“The doctor said you can't have any more pain medicine for at least two hours. You think you'll be okay?”

“Yeah, I'm going to go to sleep soon. I should be okay,” I said.

“I'll get one of the pain pills and put it here by the bed in case you wake up and need it,” Mom said, getting up, “I'll be right back.”

She left the room and I tried to eat a few more bites of soup but I was just too tired. I set the tray on my nightstand and rolled onto the side that was not hurt. I was out within seconds.

* * * * * *

The next morning when I woke up the sun was already bright so I know that it's well past time for school to have started. The crutches we got from the hospital were leaning against the end of my bed. I rolled onto my back. My comforter was over me so Mom or Dad must have covered me up last night. I pulled it off my feet and looked at my ankle that was throbbing again. It was still swollen and cold. There was a cold compress underneath my ankle that I don't remember being there last night. I looked over at my nightstand. There was a Tylenol 3 and glass of water next to a note from Mom. I pushed myself up into a sitting position. I took the Tylenol and chased it down with the water then read the note from Mom.

The note said, “Jamie. Your phone is on charge downstairs. I'll be home around noon to fix you lunch. You have an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon at three. Dad's going to take you to that. I'm going to pick up your homework from school and be back home by six. Keep resting, love you, Mom.”

I needed to go to the bathroom so I rolled my legs off the bed and winced as the pain shot through my ankle and foot. I got the crutches and used them to stand up, making sure I didn't put any weight on my foot. After I finished in the bathroom, I went to the stairs. It was a long way down but I really wanted my phone. I held the crutches in one hand and leaned against the banister as I slowly made my way down the stairs. When I finally got to the bottom I had to rest for a minute. The pain medicine was making me foggy and tired.

I slowly but surely made my way to the kitchen where Mom had my phone on the charger. I took it off the charger and turned it on. I had thirteen voice messages and twenty-five text messages. Jesus. I went to the refrigerator and looked inside. I didn't really feel like eating anything. I fixed me a glass of orange juice and I sat down at the table to listen to my voice mails. There were four from Marlene, one from Diane, one from Ms. Carlson, five from Todd, and two from P.J. I replayed both of the one's from P.J. In the first one, she said that she was so sorry about my ankle and hoped I was okay. The second one, she asked me to call her when I felt up to it. I wished I could call her now but she is at school.

Todd's messages were stupid. He asked where I was three times and if I was still in the hospital. He didn't even ask how I was; he just wanted to know where I was. Marlene was worried because I hadn't text her or called her back. I sent her a text and told her that I'd just gotten up.

Ms. Carlson and Diane just wanted to make sure I was okay. Ten of the texts were from Marlene. She kept asking if I was home yet, that must have been last night. Todd sent six texts asking where I was and why I wasn't responding to anyone. Seven of the texts were from the other cheerleaders just asking how I was. I sent all of them text messages and told them I was okay and going to the doctor this afternoon. There were two texts from P.J. She said she wasn't good with the text short hand but she hoped I was okay. The second text said she was really worried when I didn't come to school today. I sent her a text and told her I was okay and going to the doctor.

It wasn't a few minutes later she text me back. “I'm so glad you're okay,” she wrote. “I was so worried. Is your ankle broken?”

“Yes,” I text back, “I'm seeing a surgeon this afternoon.”

“Oh my God, I'm so sorry. If you need anything just let me know.”

“I will, how's algebra going,” I asked.

“Ok. I'm definitely going to need more help.”

“I'd be glad to help,” I wrote back.

“Great. I was hoping you would,” she wrote.

I chewed my lip. I couldn't quite get the nerve up to ask her about New Year's so I decided just to ask why she looked so mad last night.

“I'd just gotten into it with Derek,” she wrote back.

“I was just hoping you weren't mad at me,”

“Why would I be mad at you,” she asked.

I decided I had to go for it and find out so I wrote, “New Years.”

She didn't text back for a few minutes. I thought, oh shit, she was mad. Finally she sent a text back, “Not even.” She wrote again a few seconds later, “It was nice.”

“Good,” I wrote and sighed with relief. She wasn't mad about it but would she do it again? I really didn't have the nerve to ask that.

She wrote back, “I gotta go. I'm supposed to be in class. We'll talk later.”

“K,” I put the phone down and hugged myself. She said it was nice. I wanted to jump up and down but I looked down at my ankle that was aching. I won't be doing anything like that anytime soon.

I stretched out on the couch and put my ankle on the arm rest to elevate it. It was almost eleven so Mom would be here soon. I closed my eyes and took a nap until she got home.

Chapter Nineteen

It turned out that I would have to have surgery. The doctor wanted to do it right away so they scheduled me for surgery the following morning. It would be outpatient surgery so I wouldn't be staying in the hospital overnight but I would have to miss at least two more days of school. I sent everyone on the cheerleading team a text to let them know what was happening and how I was doing. Mom called the school and talked to the principal and Ms. Carlson about my surgery. Marlene talked her mom into letting her come to the hospital with me. Mom was really glad because she had a meeting that morning and Dad had to meet someone at a property so Marlene was going to sit with me while I waited to go into surgery then both Mom and Dad were going to be there for the surgery.

I sent P.J. a text and told her what was going on. She asked that I please text her as soon as I could after the surgery so she'd know I was okay. I told her I would have Marlene text her after surgery was over and I would text her later after I got home.

I wished that she could come to the house to see me but I wasn't all that sure Mom would be open for that. Hopefully I would be back at school soon and get to see her.

The next morning Marlene met us at the hospital at seven. Mom had given me the Valium that the doctor had given her to give to me so I'd be relaxed when I got to the hospital. I was glad because I woke up in a panic. I was terrified they'd put me under and I wouldn't wake up. I had watched too many television shows where that happened. Mom kept assuring me it would be okay.

Everyone at the hospital was extremely nice to me. The nurses kept reassuring me this was a routine surgery and it will be over before I know it. Marlene was filling me in on any rumors or news she thought I needed to know about. “Diane and Randy are officially back together and screwing like rabbits. She's going to end up pregnant if she's not careful,” Marlene said. “There's a rumor that Ms. Carlson and Ms. Paul are dating but both are denying it. Todd has been badgering me repeatedly to give him updates of how you are doing. Mark Hinton bought a class ring so he could give it to Andrea.” Marlene paused, “and, Pam and Barb Lincoln are apparently dating too. They got caught kissing in the girls' locker room.”

“No shit,” I said, trying to be nonchalant about it, “What happened?”

“Not much. Diane was the one who busted them out. Ms. Carlson took them into her office and talked to them for quite a while. Pam was crying and Barb looked pissed. I think Barb's going to beat Diane's ass the next time she catches her off school property.”

“Hope I'm there for that,” I said.

“Yeah, me too,” Marlene agreed, “I never realized how much of a bitch she was until this year. I think she's gotten worse.”

“I think you might be right. She's been fuller of herself this year than ever before,” I said.

The anesthesiologist came into the room, “Good morning Jamie. How are we feeling?”

“A little nervous,” I said.

“That's pretty normal,” he said with a smile. He took my arm and looked at my IV. “I wanted to tell you what's going on. Dr. Salman's going to come in and talk to you for a few minutes then I'm going to come in and give you what we call a cocktail in your IV and you're going to get a bit sleepy then the next thing you'll know you'll be waking up in the recovery room. Okay?”

“Okay,” I said nervously.

He patted my leg, “It's going to be fine.” He looked at Marlene, “You'll be able to stay until Dr. Salman gets done talking to her then they'll have you go to the waiting room.”

“Okay,” Marlene said. She took my hand and squeezed it as he walked away, “I'm nervous for you too. I've never had surgery before. You'll have to tell me all about it later.”

“Okay,” I said

Dr. Salman came into the room, “Good morning, Jamie,” he said in his thick Indian accent, “How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” I said.

“Good,” he smiled, “We talked at the office a little about what we're going to do. I'm going to be putting a few pins in to set your bones the way they should be. We'll put a cast up to your calf. You'll come by the office in a few days and we'll make sure everything is sitting the way it's supposed to then go from there. Okay? Do you have any questions?”

I shook my head, “No.” I was ready to get it over with.

“Okay,” he said and looked at Marlene, “You'll have to leave in a few minutes and go to the waiting room.”

“Okay,” Marlene nodded.

He left the room and Marlene stood, “Well, I guess I better get out of here,” she leaned over and hugged me, “I'll see you in a little while.”

“Okay,” I said, swallowing nervously.

Marlene left the room. The anesthesiologist and the nurse came in the room. He was pushing a tray of vials. He picked one up and looked it over carefully then went to my IV. “Okay, here we go,” he said as he injected the cocktail into the IV, “So let's do a cheer. Ready. Set…”

* * * * * * *

I heard Mom's voice coming to me in a haze, “Jamie, Jamie… wake up honey.”

I couldn't seem to get my eyes open but I was trying. Dad was there, “Jamie, sweetheart, wake up.”

My eyes slowly fluttered open. Mom and Dad were standing on either side of me. I smiled, “Hi,” I said weakly.

Both parents smiled, relieved that I'd come around. They spend the next hour working on getting me checked out of the hospital. When we finally left the hospital, I shivered from the extremely cold air outside. “Wow, the temperature dropped a lot.”

“Yeah,” Mom moaned, “We're supposed to get snow.”

“Finally,” I said, “I was really disappointed that we didn't have any for Christmas.”

“It can snow for Christmas but then I'm good for the year,” Mom said.

“Yeah but it's pretty,” I said.

“Well, you won't be getting to go sledding this year if it snows,” Dad said.

I look down at my heavy cast as I walk with my crutches, “Yeah, I guess not. It'll be almost Spring before I get this thing off.”

Mom and Dad helped me into the backseat of his Mercedes. I took out my phone that was in my coat pocket and turned it on. I had a voice message from Ms. Carlson wishing me well on my surgery. Todd had called and sent me several texts, telling me to call him when I got out of surgery. P.J. had called and said she hoped the surgery went well and to call her if I felt up to it. I would call P.J. when I got home and was alone. I called Marlene and let her know that everything went okay. She said she'd come by later to see me. I sent Todd a text and told him I was okay then turned my phone off so he could call me back.

Mom and Dad had set me up in the family room since it was going to be hard for me to get up to my room. I was sure after I get used to the cast and recovered from the drugs they used on me for surgery, I would be back in my room but right now I was glad to crash down here.

Mom, of course, had soup and hot tea ready for me in a matter of minutes. I was starving so I was more than glad to eat. They had rented movies for me and got everything they thought I would need to keep me entertained since they will both need to go to their home offices and work. “Do you need anything else, Sweetie,” Mom asked. Dad and she were both getting antsy to get to their work.

“No, I'm good,” I smiled up at them, “I think Marlene is going to come by after school to check on me and maybe a few other friends if that's okay.”

“That's fine, Hon,” Mom says, “Just not too much activity, you need to get your rest.”

“I know,” I said, “Did Dr. Salman say I could go back to school tomorrow?”

“He said to see how you feel but he really thought we should make you stay home for at least a few days.”

“Okay,” I said disappointed. Of course, the only reason I really want to go was because I wanted to see P.J.

I settled back into the couch as Mom and Dad left the room. I turned on the television with the remote and started flipping through the channels. After I was sure they were both gone, I turned on my phone and called P.J. It was two o'clock in the afternoon so I was sure she was in class. Her voice came on to tell me to leave a message. I realized how deep of a crush I had on her when I smiled at the sound of her voice. “Hey, I just wanted to let you know everything went okay. Call me when you can.”

Oh yeah, I had it so bad for her. I just didn't know what I was going to do if she didn't feel a little bit for me. I sighed and made myself listen to the message Todd had just sent. He's said he was going to stop by with Marlene. I sent Marlene a text and told her to not bring him. I sent him a text back and told him that I'm not feeling up to visitors. I didn't want to see him, that's for sure.

I dozed off for awhile and woke up when my phone went off. It was Marlene saying she was on her way over, without Todd. I dozed again and the phone went off again. It was Todd and I hit the ignore button. I was almost out again and the phone rang again this time it was P.J. “Hi,” I said groggily.

“I didn't wake you, did I?” she asked.

“No, Marlene had already woke me up.” I smiled into the phone, so glad to hear her voice, “I'm just really groggy from the pain meds.”

“How you feeling,” she asked.

“Tired, a little sore, but okay.”

“I'm glad your surgery went okay. I hate it that you broke your foot, though.” she sounded nervous.

“Me too, but it'll be okay.” I chewed my lip wishing I could think of an excuse for her to come over. “When do you want to start studying together again?”

“I've got a quiz on Monday, do you think you'll feel up to studying this weekend,” she asked.

“Yes,” I said without hesitation, “You may have to come over here, though.” I said knowing that I would convince Mom and Dad to let her come over here. I needed to see her.

“Will that be okay with your parents?” she asked hesitantly.

“Yes,” I said again without hesitation.

“What about Sunday afternoon?”

“Okay,” I said thinking Mom and Dad would probably both be working until five or six. “Can you come around two?”

“Okay,” she said and I felt like she was smiling into the phone. “I'll be by there about two then. I have to go now, though,” she said. “I'm at work and have to clock in.”

“Okay,” I smiled, “I'll talk to you later.”

“Later,” she said and disconnected.

I put my phone down and pulled my blanket it up closer. I wondered if she wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see her.

Chapter Twenty

Mom and Dad insisted I stay home the rest of the week from school. I was apparently very much missed. It seemed like everyone from school came by to see me over the next couple of days. All of the cheerleaders came by Friday night and Ms. Carlson called me. Saturday Marlene came and spent the day with me. She had gotten all of my homework for the week and helped me work on stuff that I'd missed. Todd came by Saturday afternoon and I didn't think I was ever going to get rid of him. He tried to kiss me before he left and I turned my head so that he only got my cheek.

Sunday morning was the longest morning. Mom and Dad sat with me in the family room while we all read the Sunday paper. Dad helped me up to my room so I could spend some time up there. I got a shower and cleaned my room. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage it but I was going to fix it so that P.J. and I had at least a few minutes alone up here so we could talk about New Years and maybe repeat the kiss we'd shared.

As I suspected, Mom and Dad both headed to their offices around one. They knew P.J. was coming over. Mom didn't even really question her coming, which surprised me a little. I was so nervous. I picked up the family room as best as I could with my bum leg. I wanted everything to be perfect when she got there.

Not being able to really pace, which was something I usually did when I was nervous, sucks. I was getting more nervous as it got closer to two o'clock . I brushed my hair and put on a dab of perfume. I went and looked out the window hoping P.J. would be pulling into the drive. She was not so I went back and checked my phone to make sure she hadn't sent a text to say she changed her mind.

Finally I heard a door slam. I made my way to the front door, getting there just as the door bell rang. I opened the door and P.J. was standing there looking around nervously. She was wearing jeans that fit her loosely and a UK sweatshirt. She had got a heavy coat on and her backpack. “Hey,” she said nervously.

“Hey,” I said and opened the door wider, “Come on in.”

She came in and stood just inside the entrance. I closed the door. “Come on into the family room,” I said and led her past the formal living room and sitting room to the family room that was just off of the kitchen.

“Wow,” P.J. said, “This is a really nice house.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Yeah,” She said and stuffed her hands into her pockets.

I touched her arm and looked up at her. “You don't have to be so nervous.”

She smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, I can't help it.”

I smiled and made my way into the kitchen. She followed behind me trying to be careful not to get to close to my crutches. I opened the refrigerator. “We have Diet Coke, Coke and sweet tea.” I looked over the door at her.

“I guess just a Coke then.”

I took out a Diet Coke and a Coke and handed them to her. “Do you mind carrying them?”

“No,” she smiled and followed me back to the family room.

I flopped down on the couch and laid the crutches on the floor next to where I was sitting. I took the drinks from her and sat them on coasters on the table. She took her backpack and coat off. “Where do you want me to put this?” She asked holding her coat up.

“Just set it on the chair over there,” I said motioning to the arm chair.

She put her stuff on the arm chair and sat down on the couch a few feet from me but not all the way to the opposite end. I took that as a good sign. I thought how nervousness was, was cute. She kept looking around like she was expecting someone to pop out and grab her. She reached over and got her backpack, then pulled out her books and opened them between us. “Where are your parents?” she finally asked.

“At work,” I said and watched her swallow nervously. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she said but only met my eyes for a second.

I was wondering why exactly she was avoiding looking at me. Was she afraid I was going to make a move on her or afraid my parents were going to show up and be weird or something? “So what are we working on?” I asked, trying to break the tension.

She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, “Polynomials, I really don't get them.”

“Okay,” I said and turned her book so I could see what she was working on. We spent the next hour working on polynomials. We moved closer to each other until we were sitting right next to each other. She had her arm behind my back, braced against the couch as she looked over my shoulder. Her face was next to mine and I was intoxicated by her perfume. I was having a really hard time focusing. I looked over at her and caught her studying my face.

I grinned, “How about we take a break and I show you my room?”

Her eyes widen but she said, “Okay.”

“You'll have to help me up the stairs,” I said, noting that she's wiping her hands on her pants. She must be as nervous as I am. I wondered if she had any clue what my intentions were. I wanted her to tell me how she really felt about what happened on New Year's night. I wanted her to let me kiss her again.

P.J. stood up and held out her hand to me. “Okay,” she said and pulled me up. She slipped her arm around my waist and helped me hop over to the stairs. We slowly worked our way up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, we turned left and went to the end of the hall where my room was. The door was standing ajar so I pushed it open. She let go of me and looked around as I leaned on my dresser that was just inside the bedroom door.

My room was decorated in lavender. I had a princess bed because my mother insisted. My dresser and bookshelves were painted white. My bedspread had purple and lavender flowers on a white background and my drapes matched it. She brought her eyes back to me. “This is pretty much what I expected. It's very pretty, very you.”

“Thanks,” I said and hopped towards the bed, pushing the door shut on my way. I almost fell right before I got to the bed but P.J. caught me. I looked into her dark eyes as she held my waist. My eyes dropped to her lips and I licked mine. “I...I wanted to talk to you about New Year's,” I said quietly.

“Okay,” she said, equally as quiet.

I licked my lips again and made myself look into hers eyes that were getting darker by the minute. “I'm not sorry I kissed you. I…I want to kiss you now.”

She let out a small sigh before she leaned forward and claimed my lips. This time our kiss wasn't tentative or gentle. We both opened out mouths to each other, both moaning at the first touch of our tongues. I was gripping her arms tightly as she moved her body flush against mine. She slid her arms around my waist. I moved my hands up her arms and into her hair. Her hair was cool and soft.

We both finally came up for air. Breathlessly, I said, “I've been thinking about doing that every day for a long time.”

P.J. cocked her head to one side and asked, “Really?”

“Yes,” I said, kissing her again. I tried to pull her towards the bed but ended up falling on it instead. She fell with me, her long legs tangling with mine. I gasped as her leg landed against my most private area.

“Did I hurt you?” she asked, trying to stand up.

“No,” I said, trying to pull her back.

She grinned, “This is not a very good position for you.”

I was laying at an angle half on the bed and half off. “Not really.”

She pulled me back to my feet then helped me sit down on the bed. She stood in front of me and leaned down, gently cupping my face and kissed me lightly on the lips. “Don't you think we should talk about this a little before we go any further?”

“No,” I said, putting my hand behind her head and pulling her lips back to mine.

She gently pushed me back on the bed and lay on top of me, sliding one leg between mine so she was pressing intimately against me. We kissed deeper, our tongues battling. I was running my hands down her back to her butt and back up. Her hands were braced on the bed next to my head so that she wasn't putting all of her weight on me. She pulled back so that her lips were hovering over mine. “I think we should talk.”

I looked into her eyes that were full of questions. I let out a frustrated sigh and nodded, “I guess we should.”

She pushed off of me, standing up. She helped me up into a sitting position. “Let's get you more comfortable,” she said. She pulled my pillows out from under my covers and put one of them against the headboard. “Come on, sit up here,” she said as she helped me get positioned so that I was sitting in about the middle of the bed against the headboard. She took the other pillow and put it under my broken leg. “How's that?”

“Good,” I said, smiling at her sweetness.

She sat down on the bed next to me and took my hands in hers, “Why me, Jamie?”

I studied her eyes and saw the fear and uncertainty there, “Because you're beautiful,” I said. She dropped her head and blushed. I reached over a lift her chin so that she was looking at me again. “You sweet and smart and I like you.”

“But you're a cheerleader and popular, I'm a punk troublemaker who you probably barely noticed other than when you heard my name called to the principal's office,” she said

“I know, and until this year that was probably true. I mean, I'd seen you in the hallway and I thought you were cute but I didn't have the kind of feelings I have now. Then, this past summer something changed in me,” I said, reaching up to caress her face, “When I saw you last summer at McDonald's you touched something inside of me that seemed to turn on this light inside me.” She turned her face into my palm, covered my hand with hers then kissed my palm. “After that, the more I saw you, the more I wanted to see you. Trust me, it has been terrifying for me to have these feelings but I haven't been able to stop myself and the more time I've spent with you the more I don't want to stop.”

“That's kind of what happened with me too, except I had been suspecting that I had more interest in girls than boys for a while now,” she said, kissing my hand again then pulling it into her lap.

“Because of what happened with Derek?” I asked gently.

A dark sad and angry look came over her face, “No, I knew before that, back when I was dating Mark.” She gritted her teeth, “No, the event with Derek was a catalyst for change for me. I was drunk and high and Derek totally took advantage of it. I sobered up pretty quick when I figured out his intentions that night but I couldn't stop him, I was too messed up.”

I squeezed her hand, “I'm so sorry.”

She looked at me and smiled, “It turned out for the best. I wouldn't have gotten the job at McDonald's and you might not have noticed me or wanted to notice me.” She looked away, and then looked back at me shyly, “I was so shocked when I started seeing you watching me. I thought it was just my imagination. I was so afraid you'd figure out that I had a crush on you. I was totally surprised that you agreed to go to the lake with me and to say I was stunned when you kissed me would be an understatement.”

I laughed, “I was afraid you would figure out I had a crush on you and I had expected you to punch me when I kissed you.”

She gently cupped my face, “I would never hurt you, not for any reason.” She leaned forward and kissed me. Her lips moved softly across mine but I wanted more. I slid my hands into her hair and deepened the kiss.

“So are we done talking?” I whispered, against her lips.

“For now,” she whispered back. She started to slide me back down the bed so she could lay down with me when I heard the front door open and shut.

“Jamie?” Mom called from downstairs.

I rose up and looked at my alarm clock, it was four-thirty. “Shit.” I hissed. I kissed P.J. quickly as she laughed. “Up here.”

P.J. helped me get up and quickly remake my bed before Mom got to my room. When Mom opened the door, P.J. was standing by the window and I was leaning against my dresser.

“Hey,” Mom said, looking from me to P.J.

“We were taking a break so I was showing P.J. my room,” I said, smiling.

“She has a really beautiful room, Mrs. Edwards,” P.J. said politely.

“Thank you, P.J.,” Mom said. “I'm going to start dinner would you like to join us P.J?”

“No, thank you,” P.J. said, “I have to get home.”

“Okay,” Mom looked at me, “Are you going back down now?”

“Yeah, in just a second, P.J. will help me down,” I said.

Mom looked at P.J. and nodded, “Okay.”

“I don't think she likes me,” P.J. said quietly.

“She's just weird about people. Don't pay any attention to her,” I said and motioned for P.J. to come to me. I looked over my shoulder to make sure Mom was gone then pressed my lips to hers briefly. “We better go downstairs though.”

P.J. smiled and kissed my cheek, “Okay.”

Mom hovered at the bottom of the stairs watching P.J. help me down the stairs and over to the couch where P.J's books laid opened. P.J. started picking up her books. “I'll work more of these problems at home then call you later so you can go over them with me.”

“Okay,” I said.

Mom went to the kitchen briefly but came back to the family room and was hovering around. P.J. got all of her things together and picked up her backpack. “Thank you for letting me come over, Mrs. Edwards,” P.J. said to Mom then turned to me. “I'll call you later Jamie. Thanks for the help.”

“Okay, talk to you later,” I said.

Mom followed P.J. to the door and gave her a slight wave as she headed down the side walk. After P.J. was gone, Mom came back to the family room, “I'm not so sure about her coming over here.”

“Why?” I asked, surprised that she still had problems with it.

“I just don't feel comfortable with her being here, especially if you're Dad and I aren't here.”

I rolled my eyes. “Mom, she's harmless. I mean really what do you think she's going to do? Tie me up and steal all the stuff she can pawn?”

Mom looked away, “I don't know, I just don't really want her here when we're not.”

“That is so wrong,” I growled, “P.J. is a nice person, Mom. She's my friend but that's fine. If we need to study outside of school I'll just go to her house at least her parents aren't worried I'm going to steal something.”

Mom turned and walked away. I crossed my arms and flopped back on the couch. She'd really shit if she knew that P.J. had already stolen my heart. I closed my eyes and raised my face heavenward. Not only can I not tell her that I didn't want to cheer, I wouldn't be able to tell her that I was in love with P.J., not anytime soon, if ever. I sighed, why do things that were good have to be so complicated.

Chapter Twenty-One

I really hated winter time. I hated being cold before I broke my ankle but now it was even worse because the cold made my ankle ache more than it already did. I went back to school the Monday after my surgery. I was glad to get out of the house but it was hard to get around with my bum foot. It took forever to get to anywhere. Marlene was helping me with my books. I wished it was P.J. helping me but P.J and I talked early that first morning I went back to school and agreed that we couldn't change how we acted towards each other at school because neither of us was ready for people to know about our relationship.

Despite our plans not to show each other extra attention I found myself watching for her in the hall and smiling whenever I saw her. I think Marlene had noticed but she hadn't said anything, yet.

P.J. and I sent each other texts and talked on the phone daily. We hadn't had a chance to be alone since the day she came to my house and I was longing for a chance to kiss her again. Mom didn't want me to go anywhere but school and cheerleading practice, which I still had to attend. I felt like I was going to lose my mind if I didn't get to be alone with a P.J. soon.

Today the skies were overcast and the weathermen said it might snow. Of course everyone at school wanted it to snow so we could get out of school. I didn't want to get out of school because it was the only place I could see P.J.

It had been three weeks since I the cast was put on my leg and my leg was itching like crazy, especially around where the doctor put pins in it. The doctor said that my ankle was healing very well and that I should have complete use of my ankle again and even be able to cheer if I wanted to.

Of course, I was not worried about being able to cheer but I did want to be able to walk and run without any problems. I planned to take up jogging or something when I quit cheerleading so I could keep my figure. Too many older girls I knew who had quit cheerleading after high school had put on a lot of weight and I definitely didn't want to do that.

Since I had broken my ankle, Diane had not said a whole lot to me. I guess it wasn't as much fun for her to antagonize me when she knew I couldn't come after her. I was concerned that she had noticed the looks between P.J. and me because she would be one to start rumors.

Right now, I was sitting in second term advanced biology trying to stay focused on the lecture Mr. Sato was giving. This semester we were going to focus more on micro organisms and I was really excited about that. But I hadn't seen P.J. all morning so my thoughts keep straying to where she might be. She had been making it a habit to just happen to come by my locker and give me a smile every morning. It was amazing that she missed one morning and I was completely messed up about it.

I finally made myself focus on Mr. Sato's words but P.J. was still in the back of my mind. I went to my study period in the library after Mr. Sato's class and worked on homework. I was finally almost caught up with my homework from the few days that I had missed of school. Ms. Jones, the librarian was talking to Jed Meyer's, one of the computer geeks, about the weather. She said that we've been lucky because we really hadn't had any snow yet this year but it was looking like this system coming towards us was going to be big storm that may dump several inches of snow. I moaned to myself. That could mean several days of not getting to see P.J. I just couldn't imagine how I was going to deal with it since I was already upset about not seeing her today. I had checked my phone and there wasn't a text or voice message from her. I was getting worried. Ever since that day she came to my house and we sort of talked about us, she sent me texts every day, usually several times a day.

I went through the next four classes watching the halls for P.J. but there was no sign of her. I made my way to cheerleading practice. Trying to pack my backpack on crutches sucked. I stopped and slung the backpack higher up on my shoulder. “This just sucks so much. I cannot wait to get out of this stupid cast,” I mumbled to myself.

“Talking to yourself?” Mark Hinton asked as he stepped away from the wall.

I hadn't even noticed him while I was fighting with my backpack and I jumped when he spoke to me. He grabbed me around the waist to keep me from falling. “Thanks,” I said.

“You're welcome,” Mark said and grabbed my backpack. “Let me help you with that.”

““Have you heard from P.J. today?”

“No,” he said, “I'm a little worried about her, she usually calls or texts me.”

I nodded. I wasn't going to tell him that she usually calls or texts me too. I had no idea what kind of relationship P.J. and Mark have now so I don't know if she would want him to know about her keeping in such close contact with me. When we got to the girls' locker room door, I took my backpack from Mark. “If you talk to her tell her I said hi,” I said.

Mark grinned at me and gave me a wink, “I will.”

I went on to the locker room but he actions made me wonder if he knew that about what was going on with P.J. and me. I chewed my lip nervously. Sometimes I wanted to not care what people might think but then I know that I was not ready to deal with the scrutiny that I would get from my family and friends if any of them found out that I was gay. I stopped. I was gay. There was not doubt in my mind that there would only be women in my life from this moment on. Hopefully it would be only P.J. but I was not going to fool myself into thinking that there would not be real problems ahead for us. We might not make it as a couple. Were we a couple now? I would have to talk to P.J. about that, I guess.

I went into the locker room and changed into my sweats, t-shirt and put a tennis shoe on my good foot. I couldn't do the stunts but I could still maneuver out onto the floor and do a lot of clapping and cheering. Ms. Carlson had been so supportive and so helpful with my injury. I really liked her before but I like her even more now. I was pretty sure that she and Ms. Paul had something going on. Whether it was gaydar or whatever, there was something about the energy when they were together that made me think that they were more than friends.

Marlene came into the locker room, “Need any help?”

“No, I got it but you can walk out with me,” I said.

“Okay,” she looked down at my ankle. “How's your ankle?”

“It itches really badly. I swear it is driving me nuts. I finally found something I could get into the cast that almost reaches the itchy spot and that helps but I'm going to be so glad to get this stinking thing off,” I said

“Being in a cast is bad enough, but itching too where you can't reach it would really suck,” she said, “So, are you going to Diane's Valentine's party?

“No,” I said. “I'm still going to be in this cast and I'm still kind of pissed off at her.”

“Yeah, I don't think we're going either. If we do we're not staying very long. She's been such a smart ass to Barry that he's gotten to where he can't stand her. There's a rumor that they are thinking about having one here at school. We might go to that one,” Marlene said and started changing clothes.

“I don't think I will go to that one either,” I said, adjusting my crutches.

Marlene looked over at me. “You have really been avoiding dating this year, haven't you? Did dating Todd mess you up that bad?”

I laughed, “Maybe, I just can't stand the thought of being with another guy is he's an example of what's out there.”

“That's sad,” Marlene said, “you know being with someone else might be completely different.”

“Maybe,” I said, but avoided looking at her, “I just want to stay focused on getting ready for college and the future. I don't want to end up tied down to one of these guys here. I'm sure I'm meet a lot more interesting people when I leave here.”

“That's true,” Marlene agreed, “I think I've found my soul mate in Barry, though.”

I looked over at her. “That's great. I think it's possible to meet your soul mate in high school but not everyone will be that lucky.”

Marlene nodded as we started walking to the gym. The rest of the team was already there. “It's about time you two, we've been waiting,” Diane said.

“Well, you should have started without us,” Marlene snapped.

I just grinned as the other girls hid their giggles behind their hands and looked away from Diane. It was funny that no one seemed to take Diane seriously or have the respect for her that they used to. I thought her being more of a bitch than ever before was making everyone see that she was not all that.

“Alright girls and guys,” Ms. Carlson intervened, “let's get started.”

I stood to the side and said the cheers with the group. I pumped my fist and clapped my hands as I yelled out the cheers. I really wished I didn't have to keep cheering but Mom actually went to Ms. Carlson and asked her to keep me on the team. Ms. Carlson, of course, had not problem with it. I was wondering now if Mom had told her friend at UK to try to work out something for me to get on their cheerleading team. I was going to have to tell her soon that I didn't want to cheer anymore so she would quit trying to get something negotiated for me to be on the cheerleading team at UK . I was really leaning more towards going to Western instead of UK anyway. I had gotten my acceptance letters to all three of the colleges I applied to and a personal letter from the head of the microbiology department at Western Kentucky University . Apparently the essays I wrote, my grades and my work on our class research were quite impressive to him.

I snapped myself out of my daydream about studying tiny organisms and focused on cheering again. I was looking in the bleachers at the people who are hanging out watching us and the boys' basketball team practice. Mark and Michael were sitting together. Andrea had finally told everyone she was dating Mark and pretty much dared anyone to say anything about it. I really respected her for doing that. Sometimes I wished I had the balls to tell people that I liked P.J. but I was not sure I would ever have the gumption to do that.

I did a turn on my crutches for one of the cheers and when I turned back around P.J. was in the bleachers sitting next to Mark. She looked really upset. I wanted to go to her and find out what happened to her today but I knew that I couldn't just leave the squad to go talk to her. I cheered with the team but my eyes are on her. She finally looked at me and gave me the smallest of smiles. I smiled back then looked away but I noticed that Marlene, Diane and Ms. Carlson had noticed what I was doing. Oh shit, I thought, could I be more obvious? There was nothing I could do now but go on cheering like nothing happened.

When practice was finally over, P.J., Mark and Mike came down the bleachers to where Andrea was talking to Jessica, who Mike was apparently sweet on. I made my way over close to where they were all standing, trying not to be too obvious that I wanted to talk to P.J. but I couldn't seem to tear my eyes from her. I hadn't seen her all day and it was amazing how much I had missed seeing her. Marlene came over to where I was standing by the bleachers. She looked from me to P.J. then asked P.J., “A little late for school, aren't you?”

“Yeah,” P.J. said, “I had a little accident this morning.”

“What?!” I said my heart dropping into my stomach.

“Yeah, some guy was in a bigger hurry than I was to get where he was going so he cut me off at the intersection right before you turn on the main road to the school. I swerved to miss him but he clipped my bumper and pushed me into the ditch.” She said with a sigh, “It messed my back bumper and demolished my back tire on the driver's side. When I got out check the damage my cell phone fell out on to the ground and I stepped on it. The guy took off so I had to wait for someone else to call the police. I spent the next couple of hours doing police and insurance reports. Then I had to go get a new cell phone. It's just been a fucked up day.”

“I'm sorry,” I said, looking into her eyes, “Are you okay? You didn't get hurt, did you?”

“No,” she smiled at my concern. “I'm just really pissed off. I really hope they catch the guy. I got part of his tag number and I think they have a camera at that light.”

“Man that just sucks,” Marlene agreed, “I'd be pissed too. Is your Jeep drivable?”

“Yeah, I had it towed to the shop I use all the time and had them replace the back tire and straighten my bumper so that it won't be digging into my tire. I have to get two more quotes on what it would have cost for someone else to have done that and what it will cost to get the body work completely fixed,” P.J. said. “That's why I came to school tonight, I'm going to follow Mark to his dad's shop and see what he'll charge to do the body work for me.”

P.J. glanced sideways at me briefly and I knew that was only part of the reason she had come to school. She came to see me. She had to have known how worried I was about her when I didn't hear from her all day. “I'm really glad you're okay,” I said. “I hate that about your Jeep though.”

“Thanks,” she smiled at me.

I wanted to go to her and hug her so bad. I hated it that people didn't think we are good enough friends for me to do that. If I hugged Marlene no one would think anything about it, but if I hugged P.J. people would start talking because no one knows that we have become such good friends. It just sucked. I smiled back, “Well, we better get going,” I said to Marlene.

“Yeah, we'll see you guys later,” Marlene said and followed me out of the gym. “You know I'm really getting to like P.J. She's pretty cool now that she's not beating the shit out of people daily.”

I laughed, “I'm not sure she was really beating the shit out of someone daily but yes, she's really cool. I like her a lot too.”

Marlene looked at me, “I know you do.”

I smiled and looked away. I wondered if she had figured out more than I was ready for people to know about my relationship with P.J. This was the second or third reference she had made to liking P.J. and knowing that I liked P.J. She seemed okay with it though, so maybe she would be okay with things if she knew how I really felt about P.J. but I was still not ready to talk to her about it yet.

By the time I got home, I had gotten a text from P.J. She wanted me to have her new number. I called her right after I put her new number in my phone. “Hey,” I said when she answered.

“Hey, yourself,” she said.

“I missed you today,” I said twisting a strand of my hair nervously, waiting for her response.

“I missed you too,” she said and I heard her sigh.

“I want to see you,” I said, suddenly feeling a strong need to touch her, to be near her, even if it was for a few minutes.

“I want to see you too. Do you think you're mom will let you come over for a little while or let me come over there?” she asked.

“I'd rather come to your house, your parents won't watch us as closely as mine will,” I said, looking around the family room. I didn't see Mom or Dad when I came in. “Let me check with them and I'll call you right back.”

“Okay, I'll be waiting,” she said.

I closed my phone and went into the kitchen to see if there was a note from Mom or Dad. They usually leave me notes, especially if they were going to be very late. Dad had left a note saying he hoped I had a good day and that he would be home around eight. Mom didn't leave a note. I called her phone and got her voice mail. She must be in a meeting. I chewed my lip. Mom would be really pissed if I went to P.J.'s without permission but I was seventeen years old for crying out loud. What was she going to do when I was eighteen and in college? I was not going to be calling her and ask her about every place I went. I opened my phone and called P.J. “Can you come get me right now?” I asked as soon as she answered.

“I'll be there in fifteen minutes,” she said and disconnected.

I got my books together and wrote Mom a note telling her that P.J. needed me to come over to help her study. That was only a partial lie. We would probably study a little, maybe, I grinned.

I put my books in my backpack and slung it over my shoulder then got on my crutches and took the backpack to the front hall. I went back and got my coat and hung it on a coat hook close to the door. I paced in front of the window as best I could on crutches while I waited for P.J. I couldn't wait to see her, to touch her. I couldn't get over how powerful the feelings I had for her were. I would never have thought that another girl would make me feel so hot all over just thinking about her. I never thought I would enjoy someone like P.J.'s company so much but she was so sweet and fun to be with. I looked forward to every second I got spend with her.

True to her word, P.J. was there in fifteen minutes. I opened the door before she knocked. She smiled at me, “Ready?”

“Yes. Can you help me with my backpack?” I asked and pulled my coat off the hook.

“Sure,” she said and bent to pick my backpack off the floor. When she turned around I was waiting for her. I grabbed her jacket and pulled her close to me. I almost lost my balance but she grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to her. Our lips met in a searing kiss. She pulled back, “I hope your parents aren't home.”

“No,” I grinned and touched her lips with my finger, “They aren't but they will be so we should leave.”

“Sneaking out, are we?” she asked, cocking one eye brow up in that adorable way she does.

“Yes,” I said with a shy smile.

“Let's get out of here then.”

I followed her out to her Jeep. I could see the huge dent in the back of Jeep on the driver's side, “Wow that sucks.”

“Yeah,” she said, gritting her teeth, “Stupid jerk.”

She came around to open the door for me and helped me inside. I gently touched her face and looked into her eyes. “You keep that up and your neighbors are going to get a show,” she threatened.

I grinned, biting my lip, “Okay, I'll be good. I've just been missing getting to touch you.”

She looked deeply into my eyes as if she couldn't believe what I was telling her. “Me too,” she said then stepped back and shut the door. She climbed in on the driver's side and threw my back pack into the back seat. “How's you foot?”

“It's itching,” I said and produced the straw I had found that would just reach the point where I was itching. “My new friend,” I said and stuck it down the side of my cast to scratch my itch.

P.J. started laughing, “Yeah, I think the itching is the worse part of having something broken.” She turned around and looked out the back of the Jeep to back out of my drive.

“Have you broken something before?” I asked, studying the way her shirt opened revealing the slightest hint of the swell of her breast.

“Yes, I've broken several things,” she said. She caught me looking at her chest and raised an eyebrow. “We really need to get to my house.”

I smiled at the smoldering look in her eyes, “Yes, please.”

She hurried across town but drove cautiously. Her accident this morning was clearly still on her mind, especially at the intersections. When we got her house she came around and helped me out of the Jeep. I intentionally grabbed her waist to brace myself. She took both of my crutches in one hand and put her arm around my waist. “Hold on to me and I'll help you get into the house.”

I was more than glad to hold on to her. She helped me up the steps then inside the house where she gave me my crutches back. Her mom was standing in the kitchen at the stove stirring something that smelled amazing. “Hi, Jamie,” she smiled, “It's good to see you again.”

“Hi Carolyn,” I said.

She turned around to look at me. “Oh my, you really did break your ankle.”

I looked down at my foot, “Yeah, it's really a bummer. I can't wait for it get healed and get this stupid cast off.”

“I bet,” she said, “I've got beef stew cooking. It's be ready in just a little bit.”

“It smells wonderful,” I said.

“Yeah it does, Mom,” P.J. said, smiling at her mother; “We're going to go study for a little while. Why don't you just give us a holler when it's ready?”

“Okay,” Carolyn said and turned back to the stove.

I followed her to her room. She shut the door quietly after I was in the room. I turned around and she was there. She cupped my face and kissed me so softly. Our kiss deepened and I let my crutches fall back onto P.J's bed as I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She slipped her arms around my waist and held me against her.

We stood there kissing for the longest time. She finally pulled back. “God, I've wanted to do that every day. You have no idea how many times I've wanted to snatch you up and slip into a closet at school so I could kiss you.”

I smiled and put my forehead against hers, “I wish you would have. I've been dying to kiss you too.”

She helped me back up towards the bed. She moved my crutches over to the end of the bed. She looked down at me with her dark eyes filled with intense desire. “I want lay next to you on the bed and hold you for awhile. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” I whispered and scooted up on the bed. She helped me by lifting my legs up on the bed. She got on the bed and knelt next to me as she took off my shoe.

She slipped off her shoes and looked down at me with a grin, “You know, I never dreamed I've have a cheerleader in my bed.”

I laughed, “Come here, Silly, and kiss me.”

She lay down next to me and leaned over me slightly as we kissed. I reached up and slipped my hand in her hair. It was so soft. I touched my tongue to hers and she deepened our kiss, slipping her tongue into my mouth. I moved my hand from her hair, down her back, to her butt and pulled her onto me. I opened my legs so she could slide hers between mine. I pulled her hard against me. I was so excited. I swear I could have an orgasm just from her pressing against me.

P.J. moaned and rocked against me. She moved her lips from mine to my ear. “I'm so worried I'm going to hurt your leg,” she whispered, her breath coming in short gasps.

“You're not going to hurt me,” I whispered back.

P.J. slipped her hand under my leg, pulling me against her as we rocked together. She moved her hand from behind me to the inside of my thigh. She was moving it higher and I was holding my breath as I waited for it to reach it's destination between my legs.

“P.J, Jamie, dinner's ready,” Carolyn called from the hall.

P.J. groaned, “Okay, Mom, we'll be right there.” She dropped her head to my shoulder then turned and kissed me on the neck. “Sorry, I'm afraid I was getting a little carried away,” she whispered.

“ We were getting carried away,” I whispered back. “You have no idea how much I wanted you to keep your hand going.”

The hand in question moved from my inner thigh to my face. P.J. kissed my lips gently. “We need to wait until we are really alone for that, I think. I'm afraid we might be too noisy to continue where we were going with my parents in the house.”

“Maybe,” I laughed. I kissed her hard, “but hopefully soon.”

“Yes, soon,” she smiled and moved off of me. She got off the bed and helped me up. “Let's go try to tame our appetites,” she said, her eyes still smoldering with desire.

I wanted so much to forget eating and go back to what we were doing but she was right. We needed to be completely alone, at least the first time. “We can try,” I said and grabbed my crutches.

She smiled and nodded, “Yes, we'll try.”

We went into the kitchen, sat down at the kitchen table and dug into the amazing beef stew Carolyn had made.

“This is delicious, Carolyn,” I said.

“Thank you, Jamie,” Carolyn said. “It is P.J's favorite.”

P.J. nodded in agreement.

We had just finished eating when my mom called. “Where are you?” she demanded.

“I'm at P.J.'s.” I said, “I left you a note.”

“I saw the note but you know you don't need to be out in this weather,” she snapped. “And you should have called me before you left.”

“I tried calling you but your phone was off and the weather is not that bad,” I said, annoyed that she was treating my like a small child.

“Really? Have you looked out recently?” she asked.

“No, why?” I said and looked out the kitchen window. “Oh shit.”

Moms gasped, “Jamie!”

“Sorry.”

“What?” P.J. said and looked out the window, “Oh crap.”

Carolyn looked out the window too and the snow was coming down hard. “You better get her home, P.J.”

“I'll be right there,” Mom said.

“No, P.J. is going to bring me home,” I said, wanting more time with P.J.

“No, I'll come get you,” Mom said.

“Mom, there's no point in you getting back out in your car in this and P.J. has a four wheel drive Jeep.” I looked at P.J., “You can take me home now, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” She said getting up, “we'll leave right now.”

“We're heading there now, Mom. It can't be that bad yet. It'll be fifteen to twenty minutes and I'll be home,” I said.

“Fine,” Mom conceded, “I'll be waiting by the door.”

I rolled my eyes, “Okay.” I closed my phone, got my crutches and stood up. “Thanks for dinner, Carolyn. It was wonderful.”

“You're welcome, Jamie. Hope we get to see you again soon. You know P.J's birthday is coming up and we're going to have a small get together here,” she said.

I swung my head around towards P.J. who was coming out of the hall with our coats and had a panic look on her face, “No,” I said, “I didn't know P.J.'s birthday was coming up.”

Carolyn frowned at P.J., “P.J. I know you don't really like to celebrate your birthday, Honey, but you only turn eighteen once and I can't believe you haven't told Jamie it was coming up.”

P.J. dropped her head, “I just forgot.”

“Uh huh,” I said frowning at P.J. too. “So when's her birthday?”

“February twenty-ninth, she was a leap year baby, but of course we celebrate it on the twenty-eighth,” Carolyn said and helped me with my coat.

“Well, I would love to help you celebrate P.J.'s birthday,” I said with a smile. “In fact, I already have the perfect gift in mind.”

P.J. didn't even look at me, “We better get going before the roads do get bad.”

“Okay,” I looked at Carolyn, “Thanks for telling me about P.J.'s birthday.” I gave her a wink.

She winked back, “It's on a Saturday this year and weather permitting we are going to cook steaks on the grill. Her sister and nephew will be here and possibly some other family members and friends.”

“Awesome,” I said, “Hopefully I'll see you before then but we better go.”

P.J. held the door open and helped me down the steps. She walked closely behind me as I made my way to the Jeep. She opened the door and helped me inside. I grabbed her face and kissed her quickly, eliciting a small smile from her.

P.J. got into the drivers seat and started the Jeep. She looked out the window shield at the huge snow flakes landing on her hood. “It's really coming down,” she said as backed out of the drive and carefully started towards my house.

“Why didn't you tell me your birthday was coming up?” I asked.

“You haven't told me when your birthday is,” she replied evasively.

“July fifteenth,” I said, “Why don't you like celebrating your birthday?”

She looked over at me briefly then back to the road. She clenched her jaw then said, “My dad left on my twelfth birthday.”

“What? On the day of your birthday? Why would he do that?” I asked, stunned.

“I don't know why he left and I don't care anymore,” she said tightly.

I looked over at her. She still cared. She was too angry not too. I started thinking back. We had gone to the same school district since kindergarten and I had never really heard anything about her until junior high and that was about the time she started getting into trouble. “Is that why you started getting into trouble?”

She glanced over at me briefly, “Yeah, I suppose so. I was pretty angry and acting out a lot.”

“I know you don't really want to talk about it but I just want to understand what happened. Were he and your mom fighting and he left?”

“No,” P.J. said quietly, “Mom was as surprised as anyone.” We stopped at a red light and she looked over at me. “He was a drunk but he wasn't violent or anything. He was lazy and never worked regularly. That day he said he was going to the liquor store to get some beer for the party. We always had a big party for my birthday with cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents when they were alive. He left to get the beer and never came back. For a long time we thought something bad had happened to him.” The light changed and P.J. started forward again. “Then one of Mom's cousins saw him in a bar in Louisville . He was drunk off his ass and with another woman. Mom's cousin went over to him and asked him what the hell was going on. They got into a fist fight and both got sent to jail. Mom went to bail out the cousin after his wife called her and told her what happened. She talked to Dad and asked him why he just left. He said he was sick of his life with us and wanted change. So he left on my birthday. He said he figured we'd have so much going on with my party that no one would really miss him.”

We were on my street and almost to my house when she finished her story. “Pull into the far right side of the drive,” I said. P.J. looked over at me questioning look, “Mom won't be able to see us and I can give you a kiss.” P.J. smiled at that. “I'm really sorry about your dad doing that. That is just awful but I want your birthday to be special this year and I'm going to try to help you forget about the bad stuff.”

P.J. pulled in the drive and put the Jeep in park. “That's very sweet of you,” she sighed, “You being at the house for my birthday will make it special. I hope you get to come.”

“I'll be there,” I said and pulled her to me. I kissed her deeply then let her go. “I better get in there before Mom comes out.”

“Okay. I'm betting we don't have school tomorrow. Hopefully I'll see you soon,” she said.

I smiled and started to get out of the Jeep. P.J. got out and rushed around the Jeep to help me. She helped me up the side walk to the front door. Mom opened the door when we got there. P.J. smiled at my mother, who looked very pissed. “Hi, Mrs. Edwards,” then turned to me, “Thanks for everything. Jamie.”

“No problem,” I said, grinning.

“Bye P.J.,” Mom said, “Be careful going home.”

“Call me when you get home,” I said.

“I will,” P.J. called with a wave as she walked back to her Jeep.

I looked at Mom and I knew I'm in big trouble.

Chapter Twenty-Two

As soon as P.J. was gone Mom looked at me and said, “What the hell do you think you were doing leaving this house without permission?”

“Mom, I left a note. I mean, my God, I'm seventeen years old, surely I don't have to still get your permission to go to a friend's house,” I said.

“Yes, you still need to get permission to go any where,” she snapped.

“I bet if I had went to Marlene's you wouldn't have even been mad. You're just mad because I went to P.J.'s.”

“That's not true,” she said, “Right now you have a broken leg and you don't need to be out running around any where.”

“What are you going to do when I go to college in the fall?” I asked. “Do you think I'm going to call you and get permission every time I want to go do something with my friends on campus?”

“That has nothing to do with you leaving today. The weather is bad and you have a broken leg, Jamie. What if you slipped and fell?” Mom argued.

“The weather wasn't bad when I left and P.J. was right there helping me in and out of the Jeep,” I said and turned to go to the family room.

Dad came into the family room, “What's going on?”

“Mom is mad because I went to P.J.'s house to study for a little while,” I said and looked at Mom as she walked into the family room. “She wouldn't be mad if I had gone to any of my other friends' houses. She wouldn't have cared. She just doesn't want me to go to P.J.'s.”

“She is bad news, Edward. Jamie has come too far and is too close to graduating and moving on to college to start getting involved with a bad crowd,” Mom said.

“She hasn't been in trouble this year at all,” I said, flopping down on the couch. “She's trying to get her life together and I'm trying to help her graduate. What is so bad about that? She doesn't use drugs anymore and she doesn't run around with the trouble makers she used to run with so I don't understand what the problem is.”

Dad looked at Mom, “If she hasn't been in trouble for awhile then why is she bad news?”

“Those people never really change and it's just a matter of time before she's back into doing what she was doing before and she's going to get Jamie missed up in it,” Mom snapped.

I grabbed my crutches and got up off the couch. “Whatever, you just don't like her because she doesn't come from the same side of the tracks that we do.” I headed to the stairs. I put both crutches in one hand and used the railing to pull myself up the steps.

“Let me help you,” Dad said.

“I got it,” I snapped and moved faster up the stairs away from him. I kept moving up the steps until I was at the top. I heard them talking in angry hushed tones so I stopped to listen to what they were saying.

“She's right Jennifer. You aren't even giving P.J. a chance,” Dad said.

“That's bullshit, Edward. Do you really want our daughter running around with that girl and the boys she runs with?” Mom said.

Dad lowered his voice, “Jennifer, I know P.J.'s stepfather, Dave. I went to school with him. He's a good man and I've talked to him about P.J.” My ears really perked up at this little bit of news and I strained to hear what he was saying. “He told me that P.J.'s dad just up and left one day, and that day was P.J.'s twelfth birthday. He said that P.J. and her dad had always been close and for him to just leave like that without a word, an apology or anything really messed her up. She started getting in trouble not long after that and has refused to let her mother celebrate her birthday until this year. Dave said it took almost two years of him being married to P.J.'s mom before P.J. started calming down.”

Mom hadn't said anything but I had a feeling Dad's story wasn't having much of an effect on her. Of course, P.J. had just told me about her dad not long ago. Before I had time to wonder if P.J.'s stepfather knew about her being raped, Dad said, “Dave said that last year something happened to P.J. She was raped by one of the guys she ran with and that snapped her out of stupor.”

“So you want to take that chance on that happening to our daughter?” Mom finally said.

“P.J. nor her parents will let that happen that is what I'm trying to tell you, she went to her parents and told them everything and got help,” Dad said.

“So it's okay for our daughter to run around with a girl who used to use drugs and run with hoodlums? Did her parents prosecute the guy? Did she even give them a name?” Mom growled at Dad, “I'm not willing to take that chance, Edward. Jamie doesn't need to be going to that girl's house and P.J. doesn't need to come over here.”

“This really is about what side of the tracks P.J. comes from, isn't it?” Dad asked.

“Maybe it is. We have standards. We've been grooming Jamie to be a successful woman, whose going to marry a successful man and have a great life. Isn't that what we both said we wanted for her?” Mom asked.

“I want her to be successful at whatever she wants to be successful at and I want her to be happy,” Dad said. “If she wants to be a microbiologist and teach at a state college that is fine with me as long as she's happy with what she's doing, as far as grooming her for the perfect successful life that has been your doing. And in case you haven't noticed, I don't think she's interested in the money part of success and I don't think she cares if she marries a successful man or not. You never know she might get into college and meet some low life hard working man who came from the backwoods, marry him and have ten kids and be perfectly fine with that too.

I could see Dad storm off to the kitchen. I heard the door open to the garage and he drove out of it few minutes later into the snow. Mom came into the hall and looked up to where I was standing. I expected her to be crying but she wasn't. She was just mad. I turned and went to my room. Well, maybe Dad wasn't going to take me being gay too badly but if Mom has plans for me to marry a successful man, I've got some really bad news for her.

I sat down on my bed and put the crutches against the end of the bed. My phone rang and I jumped. It was P.J. “Hey,” I said, lying back on my bed.

“Hey, everything okay?” she asked.

“Not really,” I said, the tears were burning behind my eyelids. “Mom is flipping out because I was with you. She and Dad got into a fight and he just left for his office.”

“Oh man, I'm sorry,” P.J. said quietly.

“I knew she was having issues with us being friends but I didn't really think she'd try to keep me from hanging out with you.”

P.J. was quiet for a few minutes, “What…what are you going to do? What are we going to do?”

“I'm still going to see you,” I said adamantly.

I heard her sigh on the other end of the line. “I don't want to get you in trouble.”

“She's going to have to chill out about it.” I wasn't sure how I was going to get around my mother but I wasn't going to let her stop me from seeing P.J. I couldn't bare the thought of not being able to see P.J. and it hit me how deeply I had fallen in love with her. “We'll figure something out so don't worry about it, okay.”

“Okay,” she said quietly. “It's snowing pretty hard. We probably won't have school tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“Yeah, it's pretty slick out already. I hope your dad really went to his office. Is it far from your house?” It was sweet that she was worried about my dad.

“Not far, I'm going to call him in a few minutes and make sure he made it okay.” I stretched out on the bed and knocked my crutches off the bed, “Shit!”

“What? Are you okay?” she asked.

I smiled into the phone, “I'm fine. I just knocked my crutches off the bed. I'm trying to get more comfortable.”

“Oh,” I heard rustling on her bed, “My pillow still smells like you,” she said quietly.

I grinned, “Good, then you'll have to think about me tonight.”

“I would anyway,” she admitted. “I think about you all the time.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

I let out a deep sigh, “I wish I could have stayed longer.”

“Me too.”

“What are you doing later?”

“Nothing, homework maybe.”

“Okay,” I said and pulled a pillow out from under the covers to put my leg on it . “I'm going to call Dad. I'll call you later so we can talk more. I want to know what you want for your birthday.”

P.J. laughed, “And you think I'm going to tell you.”

“Yes,” I said with a grin, “We'll talk later okay.”

“Okay,” she said and I could tell she was smiling too.

I disconnected with her and called Dad's cell phone. He picked up on the second ring, “Is something wrong?”

“No, I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” I said, nervously pulling at the strings on my bed spread.

“Thanks for being concerned, Hon. I'm fine. I'm at my office.”

“I figured that was where you went.” How can I explain to him how important P.J. was to me? I wanted him to understand. I needed him on my side. “Why is Mom so freaked out about me being friends with P.J.?”

“I'm afraid she's just prejudice towards people who come from P.J.'s side of the world,” he sighed.

“I guess I get that to a certain degree because of the way Grandma Deaton is but I really like P.J. I mean, I really, really like her.” I hoped I wasn't giving away too much information to my dad but I wanted him to understand that this was very important to me. “She's so different from all the friends I've ever had. She's real, you know. She's not about being popular or hanging out with the in crowd.”

“I know, Jamie. I understand and I'm not all that surprised that you have become friends with her. You're a lot more like my side of the family then you mother wants to admit but I also understand her concerns too. She is just afraid that P.J.'s guy friends will take advantage of your innocence and naivety when it comes to their ways.”

“I'm not as naïve as you guys think,” I said. “P.J. really doesn't hang around with those guys, at least not with me. We study and we talk. We don't hang out with other people when we're together.”

Dad sighed, “I'll talk to your mom later when we're both calmer.”

“You all need to keep in mind that I'm going to be eighteen soon and in college. I'm going to make new friends and many of them you guys may not like.”

“I know Hon, I know. I'm worried about you going to college but I know we have to trust you to make good choices,” he said sounding tired.

“Thanks Dad,” I said, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Munchkin,” he said quietly, “I'll see you tomorrow.”

I really hoped that Dad could get Mom to chill out about P.J. What I felt for P.J. was so strong and I was not going to let my parents get in the way of what P.J. and I could have together.

Chapter Twenty-Three

We ended up being out of school for the rest of the week. I hated it because I didn't get to see P.J. but we went each other text messages and talked on the phone for hours. I looked at my phone that was buzzing now and smiled. P.J. was sending me a good morning text, which had become a habit every morning since the last night I went to her house.

Mom and I were barely speaking. She mentioned Sunday that I needed to finish filling out my paperwork for UK so they could get me put into a dorm. I didn't really answer her. I knew I had to tell them soon that I wanted to go to WKU instead but I knew it was going to be a huge fight and I was just not ready for it yet. I had finished filling out all of my paperwork for WKU and it was ready to send in as soon as I told Mom and Dad. I had to make myself do it soon.

I sent P.J. a text back saying good morning. I asked her how her morning was going. I had already taken my shower and I was about to go downstairs and have breakfast. I delayed going down a few more minutes giving P.J. time to text me back. Her next text said she couldn't wait to see me at school this morning. I smiled and wrote back that I couldn't wait either.

I made my way downstairs. I had gotten pretty good at getting downstairs while I was holding my crutches in my left hand. I was going to the doctor this afternoon and he might be putting me in a boot I could walk on my healing foot. It had been over four weeks now and I was so ready to get this stinking cast off if for no other reason then to be able to scratch my leg and put some lotion on where it was so dry.

Mom and Dad were in the kitchen and I could hear that they were having a heated discussion. I felt really bad because they used to never argue, at least not in front of me but every since the thing with P.J. last week they had had several arguments. Coming into the kitchen, I could see already what they were arguing about. The letter of acceptance from Western Kentucky University and the letter from the head of the biology department were sitting on the counter. Slowly I made my way to the table and looked down at the letter that I had already read and that I thought was in my room. Apparently Mom had found it.

Mom turned and glared at me. “Why didn't you tell us that you were applying to Western?”

“You should always have a back up school in case you're first choices don't pan out.” I said evasively.

“But you went as far as to write a letter to the head of the biology department and send them essays, it would seem that Western wasn't your second choice.” Mom said, with her hands on her hips, she glared at me.

I let out a deep sigh, “No Western wasn't my second choice.”

“When were planning on telling us?” Dad asked. “We have to be sending money to someone soon so you need to let us know what your plans are.”

“What her plans are?” Mom snapped. “She is supposed to be planning on going to the University of Kentucky where she is supposed to be cheerleading for one of the best cheerleading teams in the country.”

“Okay,” I said and sat down at the table. I took my crutches and put them at my feet. “It's time I tell you guys the truth.” I looked up at Mom who was beet red because she was already so angry. Dad was too but I think he was angrier with Mom then he was with me. “I don't want to go to UK . I don't want to cheerlead anymore.” Mom's mouth dropped open with a gasp. “I'm sorry Mom. I haven't wanted to cheer for the past year but I kept doing it because it was important to you and I've already done it so long there wasn't any point in me not doing in my senior year. I want to go to Western to study microbiology and biotechnology. They have a much better program in those areas then UK does.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Mom said.

“I'm not Mom, I'm sorry.” Taking a deep breath, I waited for the storm.

Mom looked at Dad. She burst into tears and left the room. Dad let out a sigh and sat down at the table with me. He looked at me, his dark blue eyes showing their sadness. I took his hand, “I'm sorry. I just haven't known how to tell you guys how I've been feeling.”

Dad took my hand in both of his. “I've suspected something was up because you kept putting off going to the tryouts.” He sighed, “She's not going to deal with this well. You know it's always been her dream that you would follow her footsteps and be head cheerleader at UK .”

“I know,” I sighed too. “I've been trying to figure out how to tell her for months but I knew she would freak out. She was already mad that I wanted to study science instead of something profitable, I just couldn't bring myself to disappoint her even more by telling her that I had grown to hate cheerleading.”

“Do you really hate it?” Dad asked.

“Yeah, I'm sick of it. I tired of playing the games of who's the best and most popular. The jocks are such jerks. I'm really just nerd, Dad. I would rather be in the science lab then out on the field sweating my butt off cheering and jumping around.”

His eyes lightened up a little, “You always were more like me. I know she hates that because you are her little girl. She just wanted you to be like her.”

Putting my other hand on top of his, I said, “I know and I've tried but it's my life and I don't want to be like her. I don't mean that in a bad way. I love Mom. I love who she is, but that's just not me.”

“I know,” he said. He reached out and brushed the stray strands of hair from my face. “I know you've tried to be everything we always asked you to be. You're a really good kid and I'm so proud of you. I really understand, more than you think, you're desire to be your own person. I went through that myself.” He let go of my hands and took a drink of his coffee. “You know that I was the first person from my family to go to college and if it would have been up to my dad I would have been a farmer like him but that's not what I wanted to for me.”

“I never knew Grandpa wanted you to be a farmer.” This was news, Dad never talked about his dad. I sipped my orange juice and listened as he went on.

“Dad and I didn't talk much. He didn't talk much to anyone but I was the only son so he expected me to take over the meager family farm but I had bigger dreams. I was sick of being poor, sick of being country, I wanted to move to a big city and have a big career making big money.” Dad sipped his coffee again. “We fought all the time. My sisters had both gotten pregnant young and moved away before I had even graduated from high school.”

“Wait,” I said, “You have sisters?”

Dad dropped his head and looked away, “Yes, I have two sisters, one nine months younger than me, one twenty months younger than me. Maggie and April, I haven't seen or spoken to them since our dad died.”

“I can't believe this!” I said. I wished I could get up and pace. “I can't believe you never told me you had sisters.”

“We don't have anything to do with each other.” He said sadly.

“Do they see Grandma Edwards?”

“Probably,” He got up, took his cup to the sink and dumped it out. “Mom and I don't talk about them. We all had a really bad argument when Dad died. Now I don't talk to them or about them and I doubt they talk about me either.”

“Grandma has never mentioned them when I've been there. There were pictures I just assumed they were cousins.” I looked at him, my eyes growing hard, “It's because they are poor, isn't it.”

“It's because they are white trash,” Dad snapped. “They are lazy and worthless people, Jamie. They have both lied about their health to get Social Security checks. They get pills that they sell. Their husbands are drunks and drug addicts, their kids probably are too.”

“That your problem with P.J. isn't it?” I ground out, “You've both already put her on the same level as you have your sisters.”

“No, no,” Dad said turning back to look at me. “I know P.J.'s stepfather. I know they aren't like that. I know P.J.'s not like that. P.J.'s family is good people.”

“But Mom doesn't think so?” I said.

“I don't know,” Dad sighed.

“Why are you telling me all this now?” I asked, totally blown away to find out that my dad had sisters he had never mentioned before.

“I don't know. I guess I wanted to try to explain why it's so important to me and your mom that you don't end up poor.”

“I'm not going to be poor. College professors and researchers make pretty good money,” I said, downing my orange juice and reaching for my crutches. “Not lawyer and accountant money, but they do okay.

Dad came over to help me up. “Is that what you want to do? Teach?”

“I mostly want to do research but teaching usually comes with it.” I said.

Dad pulled me into a hug. “We just don't want you to ever have to want for anything. Your mom knows how hard my life was as a kid and we don't want you or your children to ever experience that.”

“Don't worry,” I said hugging him back. “I've got some pretty big dreams of my own and none of them involve being poor.” Straightening myself up, I looked in the direction of Mom's office. “I guess I better go see if she's ready to take me to school.”

“She'll come around, Jamie.” Dad said, “Just give her time to grieve for her dream.”

“Okay,” I said and thought to myself, she was really going to be grieving for her dreams when she found out I was gay. Shaking my head, I made my way to Mom's office where she was sitting, staring out of the window. “You about ready to take me to school?”

She nodded and turned around but didn't look at me. I could see she had been crying. She got up and grabbed her purse, “Let's go.”

We walked towards the garage together and got our coats off the racks by the garage door in the utility room. Mom helped me get my coat on but still didn't say anything. We went to the garage. I put my crutches in the back seat, hopped to the front seat and put my backpack on the floor at my feet. . We both put our seat belts on and she headed towards the school. “Your appointment is at one-thirty. I'll be there at one to get you.”

“Okay,” I said quietly.

We got to school and there was the usual line of parents dropping kids off. I looked over at Mom, “I'm sorry.”

Mom sighed and nodded, “We'll talk about it later.”

“Okay,” I said and got out of the car. I pulled my backpack on then got the crutches out of the backseat. I got on the crutches and gave Mom a small wave. She didn't even try to kiss my cheek. She must really be hurt and mad. I'd known she would be but at least it was finally out there.

I looked up and saw P.J. waiting for me by the doors. Sighing, I wondered, how life got so complicated, must be part of growing up. P.J. opened the door for me. “You look sad,” she said.

“Yeah, Mom and Dad and I had a rough discussion this morning.” I laughed when I saw P.J.'s face turn white, “Not about you, about college. I finally had to tell Mom I didn't want to cheerlead anymore and that I want to go to Western.”

“In Bowling Green ?” P.J. asked.

“Yeah,” I looked over at her. She was clinching her jaw. “It's not that far you know.”

She looked over at me and smiled sadly, “I know.” We walked through the hall together until we got close to my locker. P.J. hesitated but kept walking with me. “I want people to know that we are friends,” she said quietly.

I glanced at her as we kept walking, “Okay, me too.”

We stopped at my locker and I started working my combination. P.J. leaned against the locker next to mine. “I'm really going to need your help studying for a test I have coming up next week.”

“Okay,” I said smiling at her. She finally looked up from her hands that she had been twirling her cell phone in. “Is your mom going to let you come over?”

I let out a sigh, “I'm not sure but we'll work something out. She's not going to keep me from seeing you.” I said in a whisper.

P.J. gave me a crocked grin, “I hope not. I… I really like you a lot Jamie.”

I leaned a little closer to her, “I like you a lot too, P.J.”

“Well, well, isn't this cute,” Diane said from behind me.

Dropping my head, I took a deep breath and turned around to face her. “Hey Diane, what's up?”

Diane was standing there with her hands on her hips staring at us. She was wearing a new sweater and skin tight jeans that were tucked into her leather boots. Looking every bit the fashionable model she thought she was. “I'm sorry. Did I interrupt a private moment?” She said with a smirk, “I thought you might be going to kiss her there for a minute, Jamie.”

“And get kicked out of school so close to graduating, I don't think so,” I quipped. P.J. laughed behind a cough.

“Funny,” Diane came back, “I don't think they kick gay people out for kissing anymore. Isn't there some kind of law now that keeps them from doing that?” She looked around for answers from her posse that had gathered around us with her. The collective group shrugged. She looked back at me. “Isn't there?”

“I don't know about that but I do know that the school can suspend us for showing too much affection in the hallways, it's in the handbook.” I said.

“Is that for everyone or just fags?” Diane asked in a menacing tone.

I could feel P.J. tensing up next to me, “As far as I know it's for everyone, haven't you and Randy, or Andy, maybe both already been warned about that this year when you guys were getting in on by the gym?”

Diane had the grace to look a little embarrassed by the murmurs that started amongst her groupies. “Maybe we just got a warning because we were normal people getting it on. I wonder what they would do if they caught you two going at it?”

“I guess we'll never know, will we?” I turned away from her and looked at P.J.'s red face. She was staring Diane down. I reached out and touched her arm. “Don't waste your energy on her.”

P.J. continued to stare at Diane until Diane was finally unnerved by those dark eyes enough to move on but not before she called back to me. “See you in class, Jamie, where your pit bull won't be there to protect you.”

“I really want to smack her,” P.J. said after Diane was finally out of ear shot.

“Me too,” I admitted, “I hate that term, fags.”

“I have to confess I've used it a few times before it had any meaning to me.” P.J. said as she pushed off the locker. “I better get to class I can't be late.”

Reaching out I touched her on the arm, “Are you…do you still want people to think we've become good friends, now that Diane has started this shit?”

“Yes,” She moved back towards me, “I'm not really wanting people to know how really, really close we've become, that's none of their business but I don't want anyone to think it strange if we stop and talk in the halls.”

I smiled up at her, “I'm glad you feel that way. I like talking to you.”

“You better get to.” P.J. said, nodding in the direction of my homeroom, “I'll see you around lunch time.”

“Okay,” I said as I watched her walk away noticing how nice the jeans she had on were. They hugged her butt very nicely. She was wearing a flannel shirt over her black Van Halen shirt that was flowing out to her sides as she walked and her hair was down. I had noticed that she wore it down more often than not now. Maybe because she knows I like it down.

I was not sure what inspired Diane's comments this morning but I doubt it would take long for her to start rumors about me and P.J. I wasn't sure what Diane's problem was, other than being a bitch. It most likely was because I had stopped bowing down to her and I didn't go out of my way to try to fit into her little clique any more. I did know that she really needed to stop saying shit and trying to start shit. I would hate to have to go to the principal over something like this because I know P.J. wouldn't like it but Diane was not going to try to intimidate me by trying to out us, not that she really knows anything about what's going on with us to start with. She was just guessing and trying to use it to piss me off.

I got into class just as the bell rung. Marlene and Diane were in their usual seats and one of Diane's cronies was in my mine. I walked over to the desk, “Get out of my seat,” I told this girl, whose name I thought was Rebecca.

“Diane said I could sit here,” she said in a smart-alecky tone.

“I don't care what Diane said, that's been my seat all year and it's my seat today.” I said.

“What's the problem?” Ms. Paul asked.

“This chick is in my seat,” I said pointing at the girl and leaned back on my crutches.

“Becca, why are you in Jamie's seat?”

“Diane told me to sit here.” Becca said innocently.

Ms. Paul looked from Diane to me then back to Diane. “If you want to sit next to Becca you can move to the other side of the room where she has been sitting Diane. This is still Jamie's seat.”

Diane was so pissed off I thought her head was going to explode right there. “Fine,” she said jumping up and grabbing her books. “I'll sit on the other side of the room.” Ms. Paul backed up and turned away, Diane leaned down to me, “Because I don't want to catch any dyke cooties.”

“Au choo!” I pretended to sneeze on her, “Oops looks like its too late.”

“You bitch!” Diane growled and started wiping herself off.

“Diane!” Ms. Paul shouted.

“She just sneezed all over me,” Diane growled defensively.

“My bad,” I grinned. “You just didn't get out of the way fast enough. Hope you don't catch anything.”

“Diane, get to your new seat, now!” Ms. Paul said. She gave me a warning glance.

I was betting I would have to stay after class, but that was okay. It was worth it.

Ms. Paul did hold me over after class. “What were you thinking, deliberately sneezing on Diane like that?”

“I didn't really sneeze on her. I just wanted her to think I did.” I said, not able to hide my grin.

Ms. Paul sat on the corner of her desk and folded her arms. She was wearing black slacks and a dark blue, silk button down shirt today. I noticed that she the new ring on her finger that looks strikingly similar to the one that Ms. Carlson was now wearing. “What inspired you to do that?”

“She accused me of being a dyke this morning because P.J. Thomas was standing next to my locker talking to me.” I said as I shuffled my feet. I made myself meet her eyes.

She arched a blond eyebrow, “I wasn't aware that P.J. has made any claims to being gay so why would her standing at your locker talking to you make you one?”

“I don't know. She's been hinting about ever since I started being friends with P.J. and refused to date Todd Baxter.”

“I think she's just jealous because you have a new friend and you're not giving her the attention that you have in the past,” Ms. Paul reasoned.

“Yeah, I think so too. I've not bowed down to her Highness much this year either and she really doesn't like it but she needs to back off,” I said shifting on my crutches. “I'm not saying that I would be doing anything but if she continues to provoke P.J. she could have a serious problem on her hands and I don't want P.J. to get in trouble over crap going on with me and Diane.”

Ms. Paul studied me for a few minutes then stood up. She went around her desk and started writing me a pass because I was going to be late to my next class, even if I left right this second. She handed me the pass then put her hand on my shoulder. She looked into my eyes and once again I felt as if she was reading through my soul. “What Diane thinks about you and P.J. being friends shouldn't mean anything to you or P.J. Just because Diane thinks she's a powerful person in this school, you guys shouldn't let her have power over you. I think it's great that you and P.J. are friends and that you are helping her so much with her studies. She's trying real hard to graduate and I think she will because of you.”

I looked away and blushed, “Yeah, I think she's going to make it too.”

Ms. Paul helped me adjust my backpack and walked me towards the door of her room. She walked with me down the hall a little way; she apparently had a free period this period and was headed to the teacher's lounge. She touched my arm right before I was getting ready to turn down another hall to go to my class. “You should encourage P.J. to enter some of her art work in the Bracken County Bank's annual art show and the spring show at Western Kentucky University 's Kentucky Museum . Both of them have nice prizes, including a partial art scholarship to Western. I think P.J. is more than talented enough to win.”

She turned and walked into the office going towards the teacher's lounge and I stood staring after her. I'd only seen a few of P.J.'s drawings. She hadn't shown me a lot of her stuff. Could she really get into Western on an art scholarship? Would she even want to? My pass didn't have a time set on it. Maybe, I should drop by the art classes to see if I could see what P.J. was working on. I was pretty sure she was in art class right now.

I turned in the opposite direction of where my class was and headed to the other side of the building where the art classes were. The halls were mostly empty and I was trying to make it look like I was actually headed somewhere important, while I was trying to peek into the art classes to see if I saw P.J. I almost passed her class when I saw her stand up and back away from a picture that she was painting. I stopped and stared at the picture. It was a picture of the lake by moonlight, much like it had been on New Year's Eve when we had gone up there. There was a girl sitting on a rock looking at the lake wistfully. I was rooted in the spot where I stood. The girl was me. You couldn't see my face clearly but the hair, the clothes, they were me. P.J. suddenly turned as if she sensed me and looked right at me. She turned at least three shades of red then looked away.

“Are you lost?” I jumped at the question Principal Williams asked.

“Ah, I guess I got lost in my thoughts and turned down the wrong hall,” I said, knowing how lame that sounded.

Principal Williams raised an eyebrow, “Do you have a pass?”

“Yes sir,” I said handing him my hall pass.

“You better get where you're supposed to be.”

“Yes sir,” I said and swung around on my crutches and headed to the class I was supposed to be in. I was practically skipping, as much as can be done on crutches. She was painting a picture of me at the lake, our special place.

It was after lunch before I saw P.J. again. I was at my locker putting books from my first few classes away and getting books out for the next classes. P.J. came up behind and paused for a moment then moved to lean against the locker next to mine. Standing with her arms crossed over her chest, “So what were you doing in the art hall this morning?”

Her head was dropped and she wouldn't make eye contact with me. “I wanted to see your work.”

Seemingly surprised, she looked up at me, “You've seen my work before.”

“I've seen your sketches,” I said, “Which are very good. Ms. Paul said that I should encourage you to put some of your work in the Bracken County Bank's Annual Art Show and the spring art show at Western Kentucky University 's Kentucky Museum . She said there are good prizes including a partial scholarship to Western.”

“You have to have good grades to get into college,” P.J. said, “Even if I won, a scholarship, which I doubt that I would win anything, I wouldn't have the grades to get in.”

I reached out and touched her arm, “You might be surprised. That painting you're working on is amazing. It's at the lake, isn't it?”

Leaning closer she said, “Yes. I wasn't planning on you seeing it until after it was done.”

“It's beautiful,” I said, staring into her eyes that were holding me captive, like they so often did. They were so dark yet so filled with so much warmth when she looked at me.

P.J. opened her mouth to say something but our moment was interrupted rudely by Todd. “I didn't believe Diane when she told me that you were screwing a girl now but apparently she was right,” he said as he came storming up to us.

Both P.J.'s and my head swung around to face Todd, “I'm not screwing anyone. It's none of your business anyway and Diane needs to not be running her mouth,” I growled.

Todd moved closer, “Clearly there is something going on with the two of you.” He accused, “All anyone has to do is look at the two of you, Jesus Jamie! That explains why you're such a dead lay,” he said with a laugh. “I'm apparently not equipped right to turn you on.”

“Fuck you, Todd,” I snapped.

“What's the matter, Jamie? Afraid you won't be so popular if the truth gets out?” He looked at P.J., “Moving up in the world now that got you a cheerleader girlfriend?”

“Baxter, I think you need to move on, man,” P.J said taking a step towards Todd.

I grabbed her arm, “Let it go, P.J.”

“You threatening me?” Todd asked, puffing up his chest.

Mark Hinton suddenly showed up out of nowhere. He went up to P.J. and put his arm around her waist, “What's up? You got a problem with my girls, Baxter?”

Todd laughed, “No.” He looked at me then back to P.J. and Mark, “Wow, you've really changed Jamie and not for the better. I guess I just opened the door for you.” He looked back at P.J. and Mark then back to me, “But you're running with the right crowd if you are looking for some new experiences just don't run and cry wolf when you realize you're in over your head.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

He just shook his head and walked away. I looked at P.J. and Mark, “Do you all have any idea what just happen?”

Mark started laughing and let go of P.J., “I think he thinks I'm doing you both two and Andrea. If only I had the time,” patting P.J. on the back he said, “don't let him get your feathers ruffled, P.J., he ain't worth it.”

“What is his problem any way?” P.J. asked me. “He constantly staring me down. I just want to punch his stupid face.”

Both of them looked at me expectantly, “You both know we dated during the summer and he didn't take it well when I broke up with him. I guess he's just jealous and angry because I won't go back out with him.”

“Oh,” Mark said, “so that's why he went around telling everyone you were a dead lay when school started.”

“Yep,” I said handing my backpack to P.J. who helped me put it on. “He hasn't really let it go and Diane is just a bitch who needs to keep her mouth shut.”

Mark laughed again, “Don't let Diane get to you. She's not an angel by any means and I'm not sure what her problem is with you being friends with P.J. but she needs to stop trying to start problems. She has more skeletons in her closet then she thinks people know about.” He squeezed P.J.'s shoulder as he walked away.

P.J. walked with me down the hall. “Besides wanting to ask you about being in the art hall this morning, I wanted to ask if you would mind working with me during your study period today if I can get Mr. Donovan to let me come down there?”

“You know I don't mind,” I said smiling at her.

Her head dropped again, “Do you want me to go back to keeping my distance now that Diane has started rumors about us?”

“Do you?” I stopped and looked at her.

She raised her head and looked into my eyes. She studied them for what seemed like forever then she said, “No.”

Letting out the breath I didn't realize I was holding, “Good.”

We walked on further together in silence until we get to the hall where we both needed to go in different directions. “I hope you get to come down to the library,” I said.

“Me too,” she said, turned and walked down the hall away from me. I made myself head on to my next class.

I had to wonder if the way P.J. and I were starting to feel about each other really was so obvious that other people could see it. Sighing I picked up my pace so I wouldn't be late for class. I had serious mixed emotions about people thinking P.J. and I were lovers, especially when we were not, not yet anyway. I didn't have any doubt we would be. When we were together it was clear that we were getting closer to crossing that line. In fact, if all went as planned we would definitely cross that line on her birthday in three weeks. The grin that crossed my face as I thought about what I wanted to do to her couldn't be stopped. I knew what I wanted with P.J. and I felt she wanted the same thing, at least I hoped she did.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Valentine's Day had always been a holiday that I thought was fun. One of the benefits of being a popular kid was that I always got lots of Valentine cards and it was true even now as a senior. It made me really feel good that I was still liked even though Diane and Todd were doing the very best to try to tarnish my reputation.

Diane had been so rude to me at cheerleading practice that Ms. Carlson had finally broke down and made her sit out part of a practice, which really pissed Diane off. Ms. Paul had also threatened to send her to the principal's office. She was just really being stupid but I guess since she had already made next year's UK cheerleading team and was supposed to start training with them as soon as school let out, she was not worried about what happened here.

The rumors about me had been flying, everything from I was a dead lay so I decided to get with a girl because I couldn't handle a man to I was sleeping with P.J. and all of her guy friends. That intrigued Derek Kruger enough that he actually made an appearance at our last away boy's basketball game in Taylor County . I was stunned when I saw him. He actually had the balls to approach me when we were waiting to leave to go home and ask me if I'd have a threesome with him and P.J. I told him he was a jackass and that I wouldn't let him touch me with a hundred foot pole. It was the one time I was actually glad to see Todd who came over to where Derek had cornered me with a few of the other guys on the basketball team.

I sent a text to P.J. on the way home and told her about it. She was completely pissed off but promised me she wouldn't do anything about it. She did make the comment that either she or Mark might be going to the rest of the away games. I thought her being so protective was sweet.

Mark had turned out to be a great guy and was starting to be a new friend that my parents definitely won't approve of. Even though he was dating another cheerleader, I could just see my parents' reaction to him showing up at our house in his huge diesel that had a crossbones license plate on the front and rebel flag embedded in the back window. Of course that wouldn't cause as much of a reaction as he would himself when he got out of the truck in black leather biker boots, stained jeans and a t-shirt that has cuss words on it.

I asked Andrea how her parents felt about him and she said they hated him which was part of what appealed to her about him, that and she said he was really sweet to her and great in bed, which was more than I needed to know.

The Valentine's card that I was waiting on was from P.J. I expected her to put it in my locker or leave it in my backpack but it was the last period and I still hadn't gotten anything from her. She hadn't really said much to me all day, which was surprising and disappointing. I had given her my card for her to her first thing this morning. She had blushed when she read it. It had flowers on the cover and a rainbow on the inside. I had intentionally gotten it because the rainbow was a gay symbol. On the inside it had a poem about being the best of friends. On the blank side in the card I had written how much I was growing to enjoy her friendship and that I hoped her feelings for me were growing as deeply as mine were.

By the time cheerleading practice had started, I still hadn't gotten a card or seen P.J. so I was in a pretty foul mood. I was still on crutches so I couldn't jump or do flips or anything really physical to work out my anger. I was supposed to go back to the doctor on Monday and get the cast off for sure but that wasn't helping me now. I needed to do something physical. I talked Jarrod into trying to put me on his shoulders so I could swing my arms. It was actually working pretty well as long as I didn't accidentally kick him with my cast. Ms. Carlson had come up with an idea for a cheer we could do so that the guys passed me around and I could cheer without having to stand to the side while everyone else did the stunts.

After practice I was still mad but I felt better for having done the physical activity. My muscles were already starting to feel sore because I hadn't used them in so long. Marlene helped me get my backpack together when we got ready to leave. She asked me as we were walking down the hall, headed to the parking lot. “What's the matter? You've seemed pissed off all afternoon.”

“Nothing,” I said looking away, “I was just expecting to get something today and it didn't happen.”

Marlene nodded but didn't say anything. I really felt like she knew how much I liked P.J. but she had never said anything about it. Hopefully that meant she didn't care but it could mean she really didn't have a clue, although I couldn't imagine that sense Diane was determined to draw my friendship with P.J. to everyone's attention.

The cold February air hit me as soon as Marlene opened the door. I was looking down to watch where I was going as I went across the threshold. Marlene was grinning like a Cheshire cat when I looked up at her. She was looking out towards the parking lot. My eyes followed the direction of her gaze. My mouth dropped open as soon as I saw it. The painting P.J. had been painting was propped up against Marlene's car which was parked on the first row. We made our way over to it. “Absolutely amazing,” I breathed.

“Yeah, the details are incredible. I swear the water looks like its really rippling,” Marlene said, also in complete awe.

The painting was in a white wood frame and there was a single red rose taped to the top of it. I ran my hand gently across the top of the frame and took the tape off the rose then brought it to my nose, inhaling the sweet fragrance. “Did you know about this?” I asked Marlene.

She grinned then dug into her purse and handed me a large pink envelop. “I'm supposed to give you this too but you're not supposed to open it until you get home.”

I looked at the handwriting on the card and my name was written in P.J.'s flowing style. “When did she give this to you?”

“This morning,” Marlene answered sheepishly.

“You've had this all day and just now gave it me,” my eyes narrowed at her.

“I was just following orders,” Marlene grinned. “Come on let's get this masterpiece in the car before it starts raining or snowing.”

“Okay,” I agreed.

Marlene opened the back door. She carefully picked up the painting and put it in the backseat of her car. I stepped back to get out of the way then scanned the parking lot for P.J.'s Jeep. “I think she had to be at work right after school,” Marlene said when she saw what I was doing.

I nodded as she opened the passenger side door me. I got in then put my crutches across my lap so they lay between the seats and out of Marlene's way. Marlene was still grinning when she got in the car. “You've been avoiding me all day because you knew about this,” I accused.

“Yeah, I knew there was no way I could go all day without telling you so I just stayed away,” Marlene admitted. She turned the car on and backed out of the parking spot.

“What do you think about all the rumors going around about me and P.J.?” I asked quietly.

Marlene stopped at the school's exit and looked over at me for a minute then pulled out into traffic. “I think it's nobody's business if you and P.J are friends. P.J. is not at all like I thought she'd be. She's very cool and nice. I like her.”

I grinned, “Yeah me too.”

Marlene stopped at a stoplight and looked over at me, “I know.”

Her profile didn't reveal anything of what she really meant by that comment but I had a feeling she meant that she knew that P.J. and I were becoming more then friends. It hit me that Marlene had been hinting for awhile that she had known something was going on and that she was okay about it. “Is it that obvious?” I asked.

She glanced over at me, “Only if you are really paying attention.”

Letting out a heavy sigh, I said. “I guess Diane is paying a lot of attention.”

“Todd too,” Marlene said. “No one else really cares, I don't think.”

I studied for her awhile. “Really,” I finally said, wanting to believe that it was true that no one else really cares.

“Jamie, we are living in the twenty-first century, people, especially kids our age are not as backwoods as they used to. I mean my God, there's MTV, VH1, BET, YouTube just to name a few of the places that discuss and show gay lifestyles. It's okay.”

My mouth dropped open. I started to say, so you think I'm gay but I realized that there was no point in pretending, not with Marlene. “Maybe for some but not everyone, my parents are going to flip out, at least my mom anyway.” I looked out at the road and saw that we were getting close to my house. “I can't believe you're being so laid back about this.”

Marlene glanced at me again, “I have an aunt who is gay. She's my mom's sister and she's awesome. We've always been close. My dad is not a big fan of hers but I don't think it's because she's gay, I think it's because she encourages Mom not to put up with his shit.”

“Cool,” I reach over and squeeze her arm, “I'm glad you're okay with it because I've been terrified about people finding out.”

Marlene reached out and grabbed my hand, “We've been friends a long time. I'm not going to let something as simple as you liking girls change that.”

“I'm not so certain it's girls in general,” I said, squeezing her hand back. “These feelings didn't really start until this past summer. I saw P.J. at McDonalds and suddenly something changed in me. It was the weirdest thing. She and I have gone to school together since grade school but it was like I was seeing her, really seeing her, for the first time. She just looked so different then she ever had before and I was suddenly drawn to her.”

“Probably because you're sexuality is just starting to really peak,” Marlene reasoned.

“Maybe, I got to thinking about it and I've never really been attracted to anyone like this before. Definitely not Todd, I just went out with him because he was cute and I felt like it was something I was expected to do, something I should be doing. I'm so sorry I slept with him.”

Marlene pulled into my drive, “I know. I thought maybe that might have been what started this thing with P.J. because you're experience with Todd was so bad but I talked to my aunt about it and she said that probably was not what happened. She said sometimes it takes a special person to awaken the passionate side of us.”

There was no hiding the blush that spread across my face. I had never had sexual fantasies until I started thinking about P.J. that way and in my fantasies we were definitely passionate. “So Barry was that for you?”

“Changing the subject?” Marlene laughed, “But yes he was.”

“Not that you probably care, but P.J and I haven't,” I looked up at Marlene, who has raised an eyebrow, “We haven't, you know…”

Marlene laughed, “Okay, whatever.”

“Really,” I said, “I think we are both terrified of crossing that line.”

She nodded, “I bet. I can't even imagine what you're going through but if you need to talk, I'm here for you. I've wanted to tell you for awhile but I knew that you weren't ready to talk about it yet,” She looked into the backseat at the painting, “I figured there was no real denying it today.”

I blushed, “I guess not. I'm surprised she asked you to do that.”

Marlene laughed, “She was so cute about it. I just totally would not have thought of her as being a romantic but she really wanted to do it all perfect and catch you totally by surprise.”

Marlene got out of the car and I opened my door. She came around and opened the back seat door to get the painting out. “We have English together. She caught me right after class. It was so cute. She was so shy about it. When she told me she had a picture to give to you I had not idea she meant a huge painting. She gave me the card and begged me not to get it to you until we were leaving then she asked if she could sit a picture next to my care for you. I was picturing a little eight by ten framed thing on the ground,” she pulled out the painting, “Not a twenty-four by thirty-six inch painting.”

The painting was so amazing I still couldn't believe P.J. was giving it to me. “That is so amazing,” I said, staring at the picture.

“Yeah,” Marlene said looking at it too. “I mean, that banner she did back in the fall was amazing but this, this is spectacular. She really is very talented.”

“Ms. Paul wants me to try to talk her into entering some art shows. She seems really afraid to do it. She doesn't think she's talented enough,” I said.

“That's why she needs you to encourage her to do it. I don't think there's anyone else at our school whose work even compares to this,” Marlene said picking up the painting and starting towards the house.

I got my crutches out and stood up on them then followed her towards the house. “I think you may be right. It's sad that she was doing crazy stuff for so long that she didn't really focus on her ability to do this stuff before.”

“Yeah, but she's come a long way this year and I think that has a lot to do with you,” Marlene said when she stopped at the front door.

I took out my key and handed it to Marlene but my mom opened the door before she could put the key into the lock. “Well, hello Marlene,” Mom said.

“Hi, Mrs. Edwards.

Mom looked down at the painting. “Oh my God! Where did you get that?” She asked Marlene.

Marlene looked at me then smiled at Mom, “P.J. Thomas painted this and gave it to Jamie.”

“P.J.?” Mom echoed. She took the painting from Marlene and held it up. “Wow, this is really amazing.” Mom looked at me then looked back at the painting. “She's very talented.” Mom said quietly but I could see her gritting her teeth.

“Yeah,” I said, ignoring Mom's attitude change. I looked at Marlene, “You got time to come in and have a Coke?”

“Sure,” She said, “I'll help you hang the painting if you want.”

“That would be great,”

Mom moved into the house still studying the painting, “That looks like Bracken Lake .”

“It is,” I said, dropping my back pack by the door and handing my coat to Marlene who hung both our coats up on the coat rack by the door.

Mom looked from the painting to me and back to the painting again. I knew that she was looking at the girl in the painting and wondering if it was me. She was probably also wondering when P.J. would have seen me by the lake in the moonlight to come up with the idea for the painting. She finally set the painting down by the stairs. “Are you girls hungry? We could order some pizza.”

I looked at Marlene, “You want some pizza?”

“You know actually that would be great.” Marlene said.

“Great, you still like everything, Marlene?” Mom asked.

“Yes, ma'am,” Marlene answered.

“Okay, I'll go call it in.”

Mom left for the kitchen and Marlene whispered to me, “Call or text P.J. to let her know you got the painting and the card.”

“Thanks for staying for awhile,” I said as I pulled out my phone. “Mom has asked about you several times this year.”

“I've missed coming over but Barry and I usually spend our evenings together.” Marlene confessed, “That's why I haven't been over. Mom and Dad love him so they are okay with us being together all the time. I'm so glad.”

“Me too,” I said as I quickly text P.J. and told her I got the painting and card. I smiled at Marlene and said, “You and Barry seem so happy. I know Diane's been giving you a hard time about that too. I think she's just jealous because she doesn't have a happy relationship with Randy or Andy.”

“I don't know I think she's just a bitch,” Marlene said.

“What was that?” Mom said, suddenly coming back into the room.

“Sorry, Mrs. Edwards, we were just talking about Diane,” Marlene said.

“You all were such good friends last year, what happened?” Mom asked then leads us to the kitchen.

“We've all changed,” Marlene said, “I've got a really great boyfriend and Jamie's got her science. Diane really has nothing but cheerleading and she's been so rude to everyone on the team that people are losing respect for her.”

Marlene had no idea how much I wanted to give her a big hug for explaining this to my mom the way she had, especially since Mom was nodding understandingly. “Yeah, I guess you all are getting older and finding your own place in this world.” Mom looked at me sadly, and then looked back to Marlene ad asked, “Are you still going to cheerlead when you're in college?”

“For the first year at least,” Marlene said and took the Diet Coke Mom handed her. “I want to get into the nursing program so I may have to make compromises in order to focus on that but we'll see what happens. My boyfriend, Barry got in to UK on a football scholarship so I'll want to be able to cheer at his games for as long as I can.”

“That's awesome Marlene,” Mom said looking at me again.

I dropped my head. I felt so bad about disappointing her but I didn't want to be a cheerleader and I couldn't keep doing it just to make her happy.

“So what else is Barry going to school for as his back up to football?” Mom asked

“Education,” Marlene said, “he said that if he doesn't go pro he's going to teach and coach.”

“That's awesome,” I said and jumped as my phone started vibrating. I looked at it and P.J. has text me back asking if I opened the card yet. Quickly I text her back to let her know that Marlene was here and we were visiting with Mom so I wouldn't get to open it until later.

“Who is that?” Mom asked.

“P.J., I text her a while ago and thanked her for the painting.” I said, not looking at Mom.

“That was very nice of her. That painting is very good. I had no idea she had such talent.” Mom said, while she studied me.

“I've seen some of sketches but that's the first time I've seen a painting of hers.” I said, still not looking at her. Thankfully the doorbell rang and she went to get the pizza.

I let out a sigh when she left the room. “She's still pissed that I'm not going to cheerlead in college.”

“I can't believe you won't be at UK with us,” Marlene said grabbing my hand, “I'll miss you so much.”

“I know but we'll stay in touch and see it each other when we're home for holidays,” I said squeezing her hand.

“Doesn't UK have a science program that you're interested in?” Marlene asked.

“Not really. Their programs are more for people who plan to into a medical field and I'm more interested in doing something that involves the environment and animals,” I said as Mom came back with the pizza.

Mom got plates out of the cabinet and we dug into the pizza. Marlene asked Mom about her business so the subject of my not going to UK changed and I was glad. Mom told Marlene about how crazy her work was this time of year because of tax season. We all talked about that while we ate.

After we finished eating, Marlene went upstairs with me to hang P.J.'s painting in my room. I decided that I wanted it in between the windows on the wall that was directly across from my bed. That way I could see it when I first woke up. Marlene thought it was a great idea. She went downstairs to get a hammer and a nail to hang the painting with and came back with my Dad.

Dad came in my room and looked at the painting. “Wow! Dave said she had artist talent but I had no idea he meant this kind of talent.”

“It's amazing, isn't it?” I said.

Dad looked at me and said, “Yes. Let's get this up on the wall.”

Marlene showed him where we decided it would be best and he put the nail in the wall in the spot that would make it hang perfectly. Dad hung the painting on the wall then all three of us moved back by my bed and looked at it. “Perfect,” Marlene said.

“Yep,” Dad agreed.

“That actually looks great there,” Mom said as she joined us in my room.

Dad held up his arm so Mom can move next to him and he could put it around her. “P.J.'s got some talent, doesn't she?”

“I have to admit that I'm quite impressed,” Mom said.

I couldn't help but smile. I knew it didn't mean that she accepted P.J. as a part of my life but at least she could see that there was more to P.J. then her punk reputation. “It's pretty amazing,” I said quietly.

Taylor Swift's “Love Story” started playing on Marlene's phone. She grinned and answered it. “Hey,” she paused as she listened to Barry, who I know was calling because I knew that was the ring tone she had for him on her phone. “I'm at Jamie's,” another pause, “No. I'm getting ready to leave.” She smiled at me apologetically, “I'll be right there. I love you too,” she closed her phone. “I have to go, Barry is waiting for me.” She came over and gave me a hug. “Happy Valentine's Day, Jamie, I'll see you tomorrow at school. Bye Mr. and Mrs. Edwards,” she said to my parents as she left my room.

Mom looked at me and cocked her head as she studied me for a moment. I finally cocked up an eyebrow and say, “What?”

“I'm surprised you don't have plans for tonight since its Valentine's Day,” she said.

“The dance at school is going to be lame. Diane's having a party Friday night but she and I are fighting so I'm not going to that either.” I said and sat down on my bed.

“I can't believe you don't have any boys burning up your phone trying to get you to go out with them tonight,” Mom said moving away from dad and going over to the painting to get a closer a look.

This conversation was taking a bit of a weird turn and I was concerned that she was starting to put two and two together about me and P.J. “All the guys at school are childish, plus no one I know is going to go to Western. I really don't want to get into a relationship with someone just the have to end it before I go to college. Plus, I'm kind of waiting to see what kind of guys I meet at college,” I said smiling at Dad.

“That's a good plan, Jamie,” Dad says. He looked at Mom, “you might find that perfect person in college.”

Mom grinned at him, “That is true. That's where we meant, wasn't it?”

“Yep,” Dad said looking at his watch, “And you do have date tonight with a good looking guy with restaurant reservations.” Dad winked at me.

Mom sighed, “This is true. I guess I better get ready for my date.” She moved away from the painting. She came over and kissed me on the cheek. “So what are you going to do tonight?”

“Study and probably play on the computer later,” I said then kissed her on the cheek.

Dad came over and we exchanged kisses on the cheek, “You want us to bring you anything back?”

“Where you going?” I asked

“Eduardo's,” Dad said grinning at mom. Eduardo's is a fancy Mexican restaurant that was their favorite place to go eat.

“How about some shrimp flautas?” I said, my mouth watering just thinking about the large shrimp smothered with Monterey cheese and jalapeños stuffed inside a tortilla and deep fried.

“You got it, Munchkin,” Dad said then motioned for Mom to follow him out of the room.

Mom started to leave then when she reached the door she turned back to me, “Do not leave this house unless you get permission from one of us.”

“Okay,” I said, “But I'm not planning on going any where.”

Mom nodded then followed Dad downstairs. I got up and called down to Dad, “Dad, do you mind bringing my backpack up before you leave?”

“Sure,” he said and grabbed my backpack from the entry hall where Marlene and I had left it when we came in. He ran it upstairs quickly and gave me another kiss on the cheek as he put the pack on my bed. He hurried downstairs to meet up with Mom so they could get ready to leave.

As soon as I knew he's downstairs, I opened my pack and took out the card Marlene had given me for P.J. I turned it over in my hands looking at her beautiful hand writing and loving the way she wrote my name.

Nervously I opened the card. The outside had a bouquet of roses on it and read, “Because of You.” I opened it to reveal what was on the inside. There was a poem about someone changing another person's life and giving it meaning. It was so beautiful that I couldn't hold back the tears that formed in my eyes as I read it. She had signed it, “You have no idea how much you've changed me. Love, P.J.”

My fingers traced over her words, “Love, P.J.” I knew that I had fallen hopelessly in love with her. I had never felt this way about anyone. The guys that I had dated in the past were nothing more then friends that I decided to let kiss me. Touching and petting was something I tolerated. The whole thing with Todd was nothing more than being on autopilot, doing what I thought I should be doing because it was what everyone else was doing. I was so sorry I lost my virginity to that jerk but it seemed like an obstacle that I needed to get through at the time.

Now I wish so much that I had waited. I wish that I had waited for P.J. With P.J., I felt so much intensity. It was more than desire, more than anything. She made me fill overwhelmed with unexplained feelings and needs that I did not words for. I knew that we were going to be together intimately soon. I could see the desire when she looked at me in her eyes and I knew that I wanted to touch her everyone. It was just a matter of us being alone long enough for it to happen.

I dug my phone out of my pocket and sent a text to P.J., “I just opened your card. It's so beautiful. Thank you.”

She sent a text back, “I'm so glad you liked it. I'm at work. Will call later.”

“K,” I text back. I put down my phone, picked the card up and read it again. Did she feel anything close to what I felt for her, I wonder. I hoped so.

Studying was becoming boring so I got on the computer and visited with a few friends on Facebook. Most everyone was out somewhere celebrating Valentine's Day tonight so there weren't many people to talk to. I kept looking at the clock but it was not getting any closer to nine o'clock when P.J.'s supposed to get off. I decided to read for awhile and ended up falling asleep. I woke quickly when I heard “I'm With You” by Arvil Lavigne playing on my phone, it was the ring tone I'd just put on there for P.J.

“Hey,” I said sleepily.

“Where you sleeping?” She asked.

“Yeah, I dozed off when I was reading.” I said sitting up in the bed.

“I'm sorry, should I call tomorrow?” She asked, sounding disappointed.

“No,” I said quickly, “I want to talk to you.”

I could feel that she was grinning, “How about seeing me? Are you parents home?”

“No, they went out for Valentine's they probably won't be home until close to midnight .” I leaned over the side of the bed and grab my shoe that I'd kicked off earlier and put it on. “Where are you?”

“Just up the street,” She said quietly.

“I'm not supposed to leave,” I wanted her to come here but I didn't want my parents to know she was here. “How far are you from my house really?”

“About three houses, I'm parked just past the street light,” She said.

She couldn't leave her Jeep just sitting there for too long because people don't generally park on the streets in this neighborhood. It would probably be better for her to go ahead and park in our driveway. If someone told Mom about it I would just say that I went outside and talked to her which was going to kind of be true. “Hey, come down to my house then come around to the back of the house and we'll sit in the sun room.”

“Okay, I'll be right there,” She said and hung up.

As soon as I disconnected with P.J., I sent Mom a text in the pretense that I was reminding her not to forget my food but really I wanted to find out if they were still at the restaurant. It took about an hour to get there so if they were still eating or at least still sitting at the table, I'd have about an hour and a half with P.J.

Mom sent me a text back and said that they were just getting their dessert but they had forgotten so they would put in the order. I wrote back and said I was glad I had text her then because I was starving. I was starving alright but it was not for food.

I grabbed my crutches and got up. My long sleeve shirt was pretty warm and the sun room was heated so I shouldn't need to put on anything heavier. Besides, I wouldn't be cold with P.J. in the same room with me. I made my way downstairs and hurried to the sunroom where P.J. was already waiting by the door.

P.J. pulled me into her arms and kissed me as soon as I open the door. “Happy Valentine's Day,” she said quietly against my lips then kissed me again.

“Happy Valentine's Day to you too,” I said and tugged at her shirt. “Get in here so we can shut the door.” P.J. turned and pulled the door to. The couch was in the middle of the room. I went to it and sat down. P.J. took my crutches from me and leaned them against the loveseat. She sat down next to me on the couch and I immediately cupped her face and started kissing her. “We've got about an hour and a half before my parents get home,” I whispered when we paused.

“Okay,” she said.

My hands couldn't seem to stay still. I slid them inside her coat moving up her sides, slightly pausing at her breast then moving on to her shoulders so I could push her leather coat off of her. I was having a hard time getting it off of her. “Take this off,” I whispered huskily.

P.J. quickly pulled the coat off and tossed it towards the loveseat. She pushed me back onto the couch so she was half lying on me. It was an awkward position. We both started giggling when we realize we couldn't get comfortable like this. “Stand up for a minute,” I said. When she did, I stretched out on the couch then opened my arms for her to come back to me.

Carefully, P.J. lay on top of me, making sure she didn't hurt me. Our lips touched again gently but the hunger we are both feeling drove us to kiss harder and deeper. My hands caressed her back and I opened my legs and let one of her thighs between them. We both moaned at the intimate contact.

Her shirt was in my way of touching her skin so I tugged it out of her jeans. My hands slid inside her shirt starting at her waist band and moving upwards. She was so soft but strong. I could feel her muscles moving under my hands. She moved her hands up and down my sides. Our lips were nibbling at each others necks as our hands explored each other as much we could with our clothes on.

She rolled us so I was on my side with my back against the couch and she was at the edge of the couch. My head was cradled on one of her arms and her free hand moved slowly up my side to my breast. I moaned and pulled lips to mine as her hand gently caressed me. My hand caressed her butt through her jeans then I pulled her against my center.

I started unbuttoning her red McDonald's shirt. She smelled like a mix of French fries ant Obsession and both were making me long to taste her skin. My lips moved a down her neck to the top of the black t-shirt she is wearing under the McDonald's shirt. Once the shirt was unbuttoned I moved my hands to the top of her pants and ran my hands around the edge until I found the snap of her jeans. She pulled her lips from my collar bone and reached down to stop my hands, “We can't.”

“We can,” I whispered and kissed her lips.

My kiss distracted her for a moment but when I start to unsnapped her jeans she stopped me again, “I'm on my period.”

Growling in frustration, I put my forehead against hers, “Bummer.”

She kissed me hard, “You're telling me. Besides, I don't want our first time rushed.”

“True,” I reluctantly agreed.

Her hand cupped my face bringing my eyes to hers but even in the darkness I could see the passion simmering there. “I want us to have hours the first time,” she said softly.

I let out a deep sigh and kissed her lightly, “Me too.”

We spent the next forty minutes kissing and caressing each other until we both could sense that we are running out of time. P.J. sat up and pulled me up with her. “I better get out of here before your parents get home. I can just imagine you mom losing it if she say my Jeep in your drive.”

“Yeah,” I agreed straightening her shirt and starting to button it back up, “It wouldn't be pretty if they showed up right now.”

“Don't worry about doing that,” she said stopping my hands. “I'm burning up. I could use some cold air hitting me.”

Laughing, I said, “Yeah maybe I should walk you around front and get cooled off myself.”

She cupped my face and kissed me deeply, “No, you stay in here. It would be our luck that you'd get locked out of the house and have to explain why you were outside to your mom.”

Kissing her again, then pulling back I said, “It would be worth it.”

P.J stood up then helped me up. We looked down at our clothes that were twisted and in complete disarray. “I don't think they'd be able to tell what we were doing, do you?”

I burst out laughing, “Only if they were blind.”

She laughed to, “True.” She grabbed her coat off the floor and handed me my crutches.

We went to the door because we both knew that she really did have to leave now if she was going to get away before my parents got home. She turned and pulled me into a fierce hug. “I hope you had a good Valentine's Day,” she said.

I wound my hand around her neck and pulled her lips to mine, kissing her softly, and said, “The best ever.”

She smiled and kissed me lightly again, “I got to go or I'm going to start kissing you again and we'll get busted for sure.”

Stepping back I said, “I know.”

Finally she turned and started to walk away after staring longingly at me for a few more minutes. I closed and locked the door to the sun room. The room didn't look out of order so I headed to the front of the house. P.J backed out of the drive and I saw her give me a wave as she pulled away.

By the time I got to the top of the stairs, I heard Dad's car pull into the driveway. Oh shit, that was close. I hurried into my room. Going to my dresser, I found my pajamas and got them out. I moved to the bed so I could sit down and change clothes. When I took my shirt off I get a whiff of P.J.'s scent. I held my shirt to my face and took a deep breath. Just thinking about her holding me on the couch was getting me turned on again. I put the shirt down and rushed through changing.

“Jamie, we're home,” I heard mom call from downstairs.

Quickly I got up on my crutches and went out to the hall, “Thank God I'm starving,” I said.

I really had built up quite an appetite from my earlier activities. Grinning, I went downstairs. Mom had dished out my food onto a plate and put it in the microwave to warm up. “You guys have fun?” I asked.

“We did,” Dad said and pulled out a chair for me at the table. “What did you do?”

I shrugged as Mom put the plate of food in front of me, “I kept myself entertained.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

It was Monday morning and I had an appointment to get my cast taken off and I could not have been more excited. Little did I know the cast coming off was not the end of my time with the crutches. The muscles around my ankle were very weak so I would have to use a boot cast and the crutches for another week at least, maybe two. It felt good to get that heavy cast off though so I wasn't complaining.

P.J. sent me a text me that morning just to say hi and tell me how much she had enjoyed seeing me on Valentine's Day. Just reading her text made me blush. I had wanted to do much more than the kissing we did but I was going to have to wait. I'd already made plans for our first time together to be on P.J.'s birthday at the end of the month. I just had to figure out a way for us to be alone long enough to do it.

Mom took me to school after lunch but I had an appointment with the physical therapist after school that afternoon so I was going to get out of cheerleading practice. I was hoping that P.J. was going to get to come to the library during my study period but she didn't. I hated not getting to see her this morning. Hopefully she would get a chance to come by my locker this afternoon.

The day drug on and I didn't see P.J. at all. I was beginning to get concerned that I wouldn't get to see her at all today. Marlene caught up with me as I was headed towards the parking lot after school, “Hey aren't you coming to practice?”

“No, I have to go to the physical therapist this afternoon so I can start my treatments to get my ankle back to normal,” I said.

“How long until you'll be walking normally?” Marlene asked.

“I'm not sure. The doctor said it could be any where from just a few weeks to several weeks depending on how the physical therapy goes,” I said.

“That sucks,” Marlene said. She stopped by the locker room doors, “Well, I have to get changed. You'll be here in the morning, right?”

“Yep,” I said and started to move away.

“Good, cause P.J. looked pretty sad this morning,” Marlene said. I turned around and she was grinning, “She forgot you had a doctor's appointment. She was waiting for you by the doors.”

“I haven't seen her all day,” I said with my own sad face. “I was hoping to see her on my way out but I guess she's already left.” I looked towards the door that other kids were going out to get to their rides. “I better go, Mom should be here already.”

“Okay, I'll see you in the morning,” Marlene said and disappeared into the locker room.

The hall was getting a little more crowded as more kids were rushing down it to get out side. I moved to the side of the hall to let people pass. One guy bumped me hard, almost knocking my crutch out of my hand, “Jerk,” I yelled at him, but he didn't even turn around. Another kid hit me almost knocking me into the wall. I really thought I was going down that time but strong arms reached out to grab me. As soon as I was pulled up against the person who caught me I know who it was. P.J.'s cologne came to me and I stopped to turn to face her. The crowd pushed us against the wall, pressing her body fully against me. I looked up into her dark eyes. She was feeling the rush of desire, the same that I was; I could see it in her eyes.

“I wonder if anyone would notice if I kissed you right now?” she whispered.

My breath caught. I wanted her to kiss me. I looked up and down the hall quickly, “I don't see any teachers.”

She laughed and pulled me away from the wall. “Wanting to live dangerously, huh?”

“Maybe,” I smiled. “I'm so glad you caught up with me, not only for saving me from crashing to the floor, but I'd missed getting to see you.”

“Me too,” she admitted. “I was rushing from class to your locker but you were already gone so I figured you were headed to the locker room, so I rushed down there. As soon as I opened the door, Marlene told me you were headed to the parking lot to meet your mom. I could see the top of your head down the hall so I pushed my way down to you.”

“I'm so glad you did,” I said taking her hand and giving it a tight squeeze.

We finally pushed our way outside. I saw Mom's car and sighed, I was hoping to have a few more minutes with P.J. “Hey, I have a few big tests coming up next week. Do you think you're mom will let you come over to study with me?”

“I'll work on her until she says yes,” I said confidently.

P.J. gave me a small smile, “That would be awesome.”

“Yeah, it would,” I said. P.J. walked me all the way to Mom's car and opened the door for me.

“Hi, Mrs. Edwards,” P.J. said politely.

“Hello, P.J.” Mom said tightly.

I gave Mom a hateful look, “I'll talk to you later, P.J.” I said. I closed the door with a wave to her. I turned back to Mom. “Why do you hate her?”

“I don't hate her, Jamie.” Mom said, “I just don't think she is your best friend choice.”

“But it is my choice to be her friend, Mom. I like her a lot. She's a really good person and I just wish you would try to see that.”

She didn't say anything to that so I said, “She asked if I could come over one night this week and help her study for some tests she has coming up. I really hope that you will let me.”

Mom looked over at me and sighed. “I guess, as long as her parents are going to be there.”

“I'm sure they will be,” I said. I was jumping up and down inside. I couldn't wait to call P.J. and let her know. “I'm thinking either Wednesday or Thursday evening, after practice.”

“Okay,” Mom sighed, “Thursday but I'll take you and bring you home.”

I rolled my eyes but agreed, “Okay.”

* * * * * *

P.J was just as excited as I was about me getting to come over to her house on Thursday night. She really needed the help studying. We would study but I was hoping for some snuggling time too. I really loved just being in her arms and feeling so cared for. It was funny because she still came off a bit rough to other people but when she was with me she was so sweet.

She got Mr. Donovan to let her come to the library during my studying period for the next two days so I could help her with the algebra. They had gotten into some really complicated problems and P.J. was still having trouble with the order of operations in solving the problems.

Thursday I was so giddy that several people made comments about how good of a mood I was in. Marlene had been so cool about the whole thing with P.J. but she did enjoy teasing me on Thursday. “So you guys finally going to do it?” she asked right before cheerleading practice.

“What?!” I said, stunned that she would ask me that.

Marlene just laughed, “You should see the look on your face.”

I blushed and looked down at my feet. I was finally getting to where a shoe on my bum foot that was very slowly getting better.

Marlene stopped me right before we went into the gym, “So seriously, have you, you know?”

“No,” I said quietly. “Hopefully soon, we don't get very much time alone.”

“It's just sad that you guys can't just get together like normal friends.” Marlene said, “My God, you're seventeen, almost eighteen years old and your parents are treating you like you're twelve.”

“I know,” I agreed. “It's very frustrating. I understand that they want to protect me but I just wonder if they would be this protective if I was hanging out with Todd or some other guy they deem to be in the same social status as us.”

“You really think it's just because her family doesn't come from the same financial group as yours does?” Marlene asked.

“I know it is with my mom. I think my Dad is just going along with what Mom says but he has argued on my behalf the last few times I've gotten to see P.J.” I said.

We started walking into the gym and Marlene asked, “Do you think they suspect what's going on with you and P.J.?”

“I don't think so. If they did there's no way they would let me go to her house,” I said.

“That's probably true,” Marlene agreed.

Ms. Carlson gave us a raised eyebrow, “About time, we are trying to have a meeting before we start practice. I'm glad you two decided to join us.”

“Sorry,” I said and sat down on the bleachers next to Marlene.

Ms. Carlson looked at her watch then said, “Okay, we have a few more regular season games and most likely the regional tournaments. There is also a competition in Lexington the second week in April. Jamie do you think you'll be back to full strength by then to compete with us?”

“I should be,” I said. “My physical therapist talks like it should only take about four weeks to be back to full strength.”

“Okay, good,” Ms. Carlson calculated the dates in her head, “That will give us a couple of good weeks to practice after the tournaments with you hopefully being in full practice with us. Between now and them I don't want you to do too much jumping or anything that might re-injure you ankle, okay?”

“Okay,” I agreed.

“Good,” Ms. Carlson said, “Everyone mark you calendars for the competition and plan to be here for practice every after noon that we don't have games until the competition in the middle of April. Now let's get started.”

Everyone got up to started stretching and getting ready for practice. My foot was still sore so I did all the exercises very slowly and skipped over some that were hurting my ankle too much. I still had to be careful doing the cheers because my instincts made me want to do the jumping and dancing. It was nice to be able to at least swing my arms freely without the crutches.

Practice seemed to take forever. I knew it was because I was anticipating getting to spend time with P.J. When practice was over I walked back to the locker room with Marlene and quickly got dressed. I was touching up my make-up in the mirror when Diane came up behind me. “Going to see your girlfriend?” she sneered.

“Why would you think I'm going to see anyone?” I asked.

“Todd over heard you two talking about you going to her house tonight to “help her study,” Diane said and made air quotation marks as she said it.

“So what if I am going to her house,” I said. “You know, I don't know what you're problem is and I really don't care. It's none of your business who I spend my time with.” I said to her as I moved away from the mirror and went to my locker.

“My problem is that it's sick and gross,” Diane said as she followed me to my locker. “I can't believe I actually had you at my house to spend the night. I think now of all the times you've seen me and everyone else naked. You were probably leering at all of us.”

I rolled my eyes, “You are so stupid. I have never leered at anyone and I've never paid any attention to what you look like naked. You are just speculating about what's going on with me and P.J. and it's really none of your business.”

“It is my business when I have to share a locker room with your nasty dyke ass,” Diane growled.

“I've never said I was gay and you can't prove that I am. You are just pissed off because I'm not one of your stupid groupies anymore,” I said.

“What the fuck ever!” Diane growled.

Ms. Carlson charged over the where we were standing and demanded, “What is going on?”

“Diane is convinced that I'm a dyke and she doesn't want to share a locker room with a dyke,” I said staring Diane down.

Ms. Carlson moved between us, “You two have been having problems since the beginning of this year. As far as I can tell, Jamie has done nothing to warrant the attitude that you have towards her, Diane. Quite frankly I'm sick of your attitude and all the spreading of rumors and other garbage you've been doing.” Ms. Carlson looked directly in Diane's eyes, “If I hear one more word about you calling Jamie a dyke, lesbian or anything like that, or if I hear about you spreading any rumors about her, I will replace you as captain of the cheerleading squad and put you on the bench for the rest of the year. Is that clear?”

Diane held Ms. Carlson's gaze, “Yes, that's clear.” She said, turned and left the locker room, grabbing her backpack on the way out. Four of the younger cheerleaders followed her out the door.

Ms. Carlson turned back to me, “I'm not sure what her problem really is but I doubt this is over.”

“I doubt it too,” I agreed.

“You and P.J. need to watch your backs,” Ms. Carlson ran her hand through her short hair. “There's only a few months of school left for all of you, I hope you can make it through it without any major problems.”
“Me too,” I said and wondered what she really meant by that. Did she suspect that there was something going on with me and P.J. or did she know something that we didn't.

Marlene walked outside with me, “I thought it was weird that Ms. Carlson told you that you and P.J. need to watch your back.”

“I did too. I was like she knew something,” I said.

“Yeah, that's what I thought too,” Marlene said slowing down as we reached the end of the hall leading out to the parking lot. “I know Diane has been running her mouth about you and P.J. to her friends, including Todd. I hate to say this but I don't think he's quite right in the head. Even though he's dating some chick from South Bracken now, he's still obsessed with you. He asks about you all the time.”

“Are you serious? What kind of stuff does he ask about?” I asked.

“He'll ask about what you're doing after school and who you're hanging out with. He's asked me at least three times in the last two weeks if you are dating anyone. I think he wants to ask you to prom,” Marlene said and opened the doors.

“What a creep,” I said and sighed, “I really don't know what I'm going to do about prom. Mom and Dad will expect me to go.”

“Hey,” Marlene said grabbing my arm, “Barry has a cousin that has a similar dilemma as you and he needs a date for the prom. Maybe we can work out a deal for you two to be each other's dates and it's shut up both of your parents.”

“I'll think about it.” I said, “Can I meet him first?”

“Sure, I'll set it up,” Marlene said with a smile and opened the passenger door to my mom's car, “Hi, Mrs. Edwards.”

“Hi, Marlene,” Mom said leaning towards the passenger side of the car. “How've you been?”

“Good,” Marlene smiled, “I'll see you at school tomorrow, Jamie. Bye Mrs. Edwards.”

Mom waved to Marlene as she walked past the car, “I've always liked her.”

“Yeah, she's a good friend,” I said.

“Do you want to stop and get something to eat?” Mom asked.

“No, P.J.'s mom is making something for us.” I said and took out my phone. I sent P.J. a text to let her know we're on our way.

Mom looked out at the traffic and focused on driving for a while. P.J. and I sent texts back and forth. P.J. told me that her sister and nephew were there and were staying for dinner. I was a little disappointed because it was going to mean that we probably wouldn't get to be alone. That was okay, just as long as I got to spend time with her.

“You know I just don't understand why you want to hang around with a girl like P.J.?” Mom finally said.

I glanced over at her, “I know you don't get it but I like her. She's very smart and talented. She's funny and easy to be with.” I tried to find the words to explain P.J. to my mother without sounding lovesick. “She's so different from my other friends. I can kind of let my guard down with her because there's not the competition between us like there is with the other girls.”

Mom nodded, seeming to understand. “I just want you to be careful. You don't know what kind of people they really hang around with.”

“Mom, there's never been anyone but her family there when I've been there. Today her sister and nephew will be there. They are really simple, laid back people. That's part of what I like about them. There's no putting on airs. They are just themselves.” I said, hoping she understood.

She looked over at me and let out a sigh. I don't think she really gets it because she is one of those people, much like Diane who, liked putting on airs. She was raised to think she was better then other people because her family had money. I suppose I was raised that way too, to a certain degree. I was not like that though; I had never thought I was better then other people because my parents had money. I knew that I was lucky to have parents who worked hard to make my life easier and who cared very much for me. That was why it was going to be so hard to let them down. And they will be let down when they found out I was gay and there was no doubt in my mind that I was gay.

I looked out the window and watched the traffic. It was just a matter of time before my parents found out but I was in no big hurry for that to happen because I honestly didn't know what their reaction would be. They had always been so protective, really over protective of my. But, my God, I was seventeen, they won't buy me a car and they still take me just about every where I go. Like today, P.J. would have picked me up at school but Mom had decided she wanted to control the situation by taking me and picking me up.

We pulled into the trailer park and the streets are slick because it was one of the last places to get cleared off after a snow storm. Mom carefully made her way to P.J.'s trailer. Both of P.J.'s parents' vehicles were there and a brand new beige Camry. “That must be her sister's car,” I said.

“How old is her sister?” Mom asked as she comes to a stop next to their drive.

“Twenty I think,” I said undoing my seatbelt.

“And how old is her son?” she asked as I'm getting out.

I rolled my eyes, “Two, I think.”

“Her sister works at the hospital. P.J. said she's just about finished the nursing program at WKU,” I got my backpack out of the backseat then leaned back in the front to kissed Mom on the cheek. “I really wish you'd give them all a chance.”

Mom nodded woodenly and said, “I'll be back at nine.”

“Okay,” I said and moved out of the car. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and headed to the house.

P.J. met me at the door. Her warm dark eyes greeted me, making me wish we were alone so I could kiss her. “Hey,” She said, “Come on in.”

When I stepped inside I was greeted by Carolyn with a hug, “I'm so glad you got to come over.” She pointed to an older, plumper version of P.J., “This is P.J.'s sister Patricia and this is Ethan.” She said pointing to a little blond haired boy who was clinging to his mother's leg and looking up at me with big brown eyes.

“Hi,” I said to him with a wink. “It's nice to meet you,” I said to Patricia.

“It's nice to finally meet you,” She said with a warm smile much like P.J's. “I've heard a lot about you.”

I looked at P.J. who looked away. I wonder what all she's told her sister. Carolyn came to P.J.'s rescue, “Yes, we've been telling her how much you've been helping P.J. with school. You just have no idea how much we all appreciate all that you've done for P.J.”

Smiling, I wondered if they would still be happy with me if they knew how much I want to make love to P.J. right now, “I'm glad to help.”

P.J. was avoiding my gaze. Her sister was looking from me to her with a raised eyebrow. She was grinning at both of us. I looked at Carolyn who was making faces at Ethan to try to get him to smile. Dave was sitting in his chair watching us. “Hi, Dave,” I said warmly. “So how long have you known my dad?”

“I've know Eddie for a long time,” He said. “He's a good man.”

“Yes he is,” I agreed, finding it strange hearing my dad called Eddie.

“Ethan, are you going to say hi to Jamie?” Carolyn said, trying to coax the baby to talk to me.

Ethan reached up with his chubby little fingers and twisted his curly blond hair, shook his head and buried his face in his mom's leg. “He's not usually this shy. Just wait until his gets used to you, you won't be able to get him to leave you alone,” Patricia said.

I knelt down close to him, “It's okay little buddy, you can say hi to me another time.” Ethan rewarded me with a peek and a cute grin.

“What time do you have to go home?” P.J. asked.

“Mom will be back at nine.” I said.

“We better get started studying then,” she said.

“Dinner will be ready in about a half an hour,” Carolyn said as she headed into the kitchen.

“Okay,” P.J. said then motioned her head towards her room. I could see in her eyes that she just wanted to get me alone.

I followed her down the hall to her room. As soon as I stepped inside, she closed the door and pulled me into her arms. Our kiss was not gentle. It seemed like it had been weeks the last time we kissed. I let my backpack fall to the ground and wrapped my arms around her neck. Her arms were around my waist, she pulled me closer so our bodies were flush together. She moved her lips from mine to my ear and down my neck. “God I wish we were completely alone,” she whispered.

Moaning as her lips moved across my collar bone, “Me too.” I brought her lips back to mine and backed her towards the bed. My hands found the hem of her t-shirt and slid inside, feeling her warm flesh.

When the back of her legs hit the bed, she sat down and put her face in my breasts. Her hands moved up to cup them, gently squeezing them. Suddenly we heard the footfalls of tiny feet running down the hall and a thud as a little guy hit the door, “An' P.J.,” Ethan called

P.J. kissed me soundly then got up and opened the door. “Hey little buddy,” she said, picking Ethan up. She looked at me, “You don't mind if Ethan helps us study, do you?”

I grinned at the baby with his tiny arms wrapped around P.J.'s neck, “Not at all, where's your stuff and I'll get us set up.”

We actually got a lot of studying done, even with Ethan's help. Actually we probably got more studying done then we would have if we had been alone. I was mesmerized when watching P.J. with her nephew. It was so cute the way she played with him. They both clearly adored each other.

Carolyn fixed spaghetti with homemade meatballs and garlic bread for dinner. I told her that I would have to get the recipe for the meatballs from her for my mom. I learned during dinner that Patricia had recently married Ethan's father, Jeremy. Jeremy works for the highway department driving the big machines and snow plows. They are trying to have another baby, hopefully a girl. All of them are trying to convince P.J. to put her work in the upcoming art shows. Carolyn also said again that she really wished P.J. would consider going to college instead of going to work in the factory but P.J. just shook her head at the idea.

They were planning a big birthday party for P.J. despite P.J.'s not wanting to have one. I said that I would help set up and make sure P.J. showed up for it. “You going to guard me all day to make sure I don't slip away?” P.J. asked.

“If that's what it takes,” I said. I also learned that Carolyn and Dave both had to work Saturday morning, which put into motion my plan for P.J. and I to be alone that morning.

“It's a shame you can't spend the night Friday night so you can keep a vigilantly on P.J. to make sure she doesn't disappear,” Carolyn said.

“Yes, that is a shame I agreed,” But in my head I was making plans to be here first thing Saturday morning. Both of my parents would be working too and I could get Marlene to bring me over here. I would use the excuse that I was helping Carolyn set up for the party for the reason I needed to come over early. Hopefully Mom won't give me any trouble over it. It was P.J.'s birthday after all.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Finally the weekend of P.J.'s birthday got here. I didn't get much sleep last night because I was so nervous about my plans for today with P.J. My imagination had been running wild from all the things I want to do to her to her rejected me. I doubt she would do that but the fear was still there.

Mom wasn't happy about me going to P.J.'s house early this morning. I hated lying to her but I knew she would let me go if she thought I was helping Carolyn get set up for the party. I was sort of helping Carolyn. I was going to make sure P.J. didn't sneak off before they had the party.

Mom and Dad both left before eight o'clock . I called Marlene as soon as they were out of the drive. I was so glad Mom didn't insist on taking me over to P.J.'s because I would have had to make up another lie to explain why only P.J.'s vehicle was there.

Marlene was at the house in less then fifteen minutes. She was grinning when I went out to get into her car. “What's so funny?” I asked.

“I just think it's sweet that you are going see P.J. so early in the morning on her birthday,” Marlene said as she backed out of the drive.

I hadn't told Marlene what my plan was but I think she had guessed which made me blush. Marlene looked at my flushed face and started laughing, “Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.”

Shaking my head, I looked over at her, “You know, don't you?”

She nodded her head, “I could tell by how secretive you are being about it. It wouldn't matter if other people knew you were at P.J.'s house if you weren't planning on having sex with her.”

I was really blushing now, “It's just weird having this conversation with you about this.”

Marlene got serious for a moment, “I'm cool with you and P.J. I have suspected about her for awhile but you being this way caught me off guard. Thinking back now, I guess there were a few clues because you've never been into dating guys the way me and Diane have.”

“That's true. I've never really had any interest in guys and I only started going out with Todd last summer to shut Diane up,” I said.

Marlene nodded again, “Yeah, I know. I think she's pissed that you won't get back with Todd because she thought he'd be perfect for you and you don't like him. You know how she is about being wrong. She can't stand it.”

“I know,” I turned and looked at her, “Is the fact that there's something between me and P.J. that obvious at school or is Diane just guessing about us?”

“It's getting more obvious but she was just guessing to start with. I think she was really trying to freak you out so you would go back to dating Todd so people wouldn't think you were gay,” Marlene said.

“Humph,” I grunted and dialed P.J.'s number. She answered sleepily on the third ring. “Good morning, sleepy head,” I said.

“Morning,” she said, her voice thick with sleep.

“Would you mind if I come by this morning to see you?” I asked and grinned at Marlene.

“Sure, what time?” she said and I could here the rustling of sheets.

I was still grinning when I said, “In about ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes?” She said surprised, “Where are you?”

“Marlene is bringing me over right now.” I said and laughed as I heard her falling out of bed.

“Okay, I'll see ya in a minute,” She said and disconnected.

“So she didn't know you were coming over this morning?” Marlene asked.

“No.”

She turned to look at me as we were stopped at a stoplight not far P.J.'s house. She looked at my hands in my lap that I was twisting as I was getting more nervous, “Are you sure you're ready for this?”

Nodding, I took a deep breath, “I've been ready for weeks but I'm worried she might not be ready.”

Marlene laughed, “I doubt that.”

“Why are you laughing?”

Marlene glanced quickly at me as she started driving again, “You've haven't seen the way she looks at you when she doesn't think you're looking. I'm sure that's part of what has prompted Diane to question you so much about your relationship with P.J. and to make the accusations she's making.”

“What kind of looks does she give me?” I asked, hoping Marlene is going to tell me what I want to hear.

“She looks at you with love and sometimes she gives you a once over with a very hot and bothered look on her face,” Marlene said.

I rolled my eyes, “You're jerking my chain.”

“I'm serious,” Marlene said glancing at me again. “She was watching Tuesday when you were walking to the gym and I'm surprised you didn't catch on fire.”

“Really,” I said, trying to remember if I had know P.J. was watching me but I didn't remember seeing her when I was walking to the gym.

“Yeah, Jamie,” Marlene said as we turned onto the road by the convenient store just before P.J.'s trailer park. “I really think she's going to really like your plans for today.”

I reached over and grabbed Marlene's hand, “Thank you for understanding about what's going on. Thank you for bringing me out here.”

“You're welcome and you have to remember both of my parents are college professors, we have some pretty liberal conversations at my house,” Marlene said.

“I'm so glad.”

We pulled into P.J.'s drive next to her Jeep. I licked my lips nervously, “Well here goes.”

“Get her tiger,” Marlene said, making me laugh.

I got out of the car and grabbed my backpack that I brought with clothes in it just in case I talked Mom into letting me spend the night over here. When I stood up I saw a familiar black dodge pickup buzz past P.J.'s house. I watched it go on down the road and around the corner to the other side of the park.

“What are you looking at?” Marlene asked.

“I swear that was Derek Kruger's truck that just drove by,” I said still staring in the direction the truck went.

“I thought he wasn't supposed to come anywhere near P.J.” Marlene said.

“He's not,” I shrugged it off. I had got more important things to think about. “Oh well, I'm going in. You're the best Marlene,” I said leaning down and looking at her through the car.

She waved me on, “Yeah, yeah, I want details later.”

“You may regret that,” I said with a laugh and closed the door. P.J. was waiting for me on the porch. She waved at Marlene as she backed out of the drive.

“Hey,” she said and grinned at me.

I smiled back and looked at her. Her blond hair was wet and laying at her shoulders. She was wearing a black t-shirt with AC/DC on the front and red plaid boxers. Her feet were bare and I realized that it was the first time I had seen her feet naked. They won't be the only think I would be seeing naked today if everything went right.

“Come in,” She took my hand and pulled me inside, “It's cold out here.”

As soon as she shut the door I pulled her to me and kiss her. “It seems like forever since I've gotten to do this,” I murmured against her lips.

“I think it was just yesterday, silly,” She said kissing me back. She finally pulled back, “So what inspired you to come over so early?”

“I wanted to give you your birthday present,” I said taking my backpack and coat off.

“Jamie,” she said putting her hands on her hips, “You promised you wouldn't buy me anything.”

“I didn't,” I said taking her hand and leading her into her bedroom.

“Did you make me something?” she asked as she closed the door to her room.

It was bright in here today because she had her blinds open letting in the morning sunshine. I moved to the end of the bed. She followed me and was standing in front of me. I licked my lips nervously and looked up into her questioning eyes. “I want to give you something very special,” I said and pulled my t-shirt over my head. Her eyes immediately dropped to my breasts covered by a white lacy bra. “I'm you're birthday present.”

P.J. stared at me for the longest time, her eyes questioning. I stared back worrying that she was not ready for this. Finally she pulled her shirt off revealing a black sports bra and pulled me to her. Her kiss was possessive and searing. I wrapped my arms around her back relishing the feel of her partially naked body pressed to mine. “Are you sure?” she whispered as she kisses my ear.

“Yes,” I whispered back and pulled her to the side of the bed.

She reached behind me and began unclasping my bra. Suddenly there was a loud crunch outside her window. Both of our eyes flew to the open blinds. She rushed over to look outside and see what made the noise. She shook her head, “I don't see anything, must have been the neighbor's cat.” She closed the blinds and came back to me. She pulled her sports bra off revealing perfect breasts. She finished taking my bra off. She took my hand and crawled onto the bed pulling me with her.

We lay together kissing. The feel of her naked breast against mine was amazing. She was so soft and warm. I could feel the strong muscles of her back. I kneaded them as I pressed her into me.

We spent the next two hours slowly exploring each other's bodies. We did amazingly intimate things that I had worried I wouldn't be able to do but found extreme pleasure in.

We finally dozed in each others arms, exhausted. P.J. set her alarm for an hour later so we would be up before her mom or Dave got home. I was in heaven sleeping snuggled up to her.

* * * * * *

When Carolyn got home we were both sitting in the living room with books open studying. It had been hard to stay focused and I had stolen several kisses before Carolyn got there but now that she was home, P.J. and I went into just friends mode.

Carolyn brought a birthday cake home for P.J., it was beautiful. It said “Happy Birthday P.J. in beautiful blue cursive writing. It had an art easel and paint brush in one corner, music notes in another corner, mountains in one corner and a graduation cap in the last corner.

“My God, Mom,” P.J. said when she saw it. “Went a little over board on the decorations didn't you?”
“Well, you haven't let me have a party for you in five years so I wanted to make sure it was perfect. It covers you three favorite things and your future,” Carolyn said.

P.J. hugged her mom tightly, “It's beautiful. Thank you.”

“So you love the mountains?” I asked.

“Oh yes,” Carolyn said, “We go to the Smoky Mountains every year. P.J. loves to go hiking when we're out there.”

P.J. blushed and dropped her head a little, “Yeah, I really love being out in nature.”

“Me too,” I said with a grin. “That's one of the reasons I want to go to Western to study microbiology and biotechnology. There programs have more to do with nature instead of humans, like UK 's program. It is supposed to involve a lot of research out in nature.”

“So is that we're you're going to school?” Carolyn asked.

“I'm hoping so. Mom really wants me to go to U.K. but I'm trying to talk her out of it,” I said.

“It should be up to you,” Carolyn said as she puts away the sodas and other party supplies.

“She and Dad both graduated from U.K. so that's why she wants me to go there. I'm hoping she'll see that it should be up to me to,” I said and looked at P.J. “Have you given any more thought to going to college? I hear Western has an awesome art department.”

P.J. looked away then moved to the living room and sat back down on the couch. “There's no way I'm going to be able to get into any college with my grades.”

“That's not necessarily true,” Carolyn said. “You might have to start at a junior college or something but you could go to college. I wish you'd think about it. Working in a factory sucks and I really hate the thought of you spending the rest of your life doing that.”

P.J. shrugged, “We'll see,” she said dismissing the subject.

Carolyn and I looked at each other and sighed, “I'm so glad you're already here, Jamie. We've got a lot to do to get ready for the party.”

“I'm ready to help when ever you're ready to get started,” I said.

“You go ahead and do some homework with P.J. and I'll come get you when I'm ready,” she said and headed to her bedroom.

I went back to the couch and sat down. I looked back at Carolyn's bedroom door that was closed and leaned over to P.J. giving her a quick kiss and squeezing her hand. She smiled warmly at me but I could see the sadness in her eyes. The talk about college had made her think about the future which was something we hadn't discussed. I was not sure if she thought we had a future but I was hoping so. It was scary for me to admit and I was not sure when or if I could tell her that I had fallen in love with her and I really wanted her to be a part of my future.

* * * * * *

P.J.'s family turned out to be a friendly, funny and crazy group of people. Patricia and Ethan got there around one. Ethan kept P.J. busy while Carolyn, Patricia and I decorated the deck and house for the party. It turned out to be a beautiful day and semi warm for late February. Dave got home around three and immediately started the grill. P.J. started helping him while I helped her mom make potato salad and deviled eggs. It was really interesting for me to actually be helping for such a big family get together because ours are usually catered or Mom picks up a bunch of pre-made stuff from the store.

It turned out to be a very big family get together. P.J's cousins, aunts and uncles came. Mark Hinton, he brought Andrea with him. Michael Denton came with Mary Lou Michaels, who was president of the student council and apparently not as much of a goody two shoes as I had always thought she was. It was great for me to have people there that I knew but P.J.'s family made all of us feel like we were part of the group.

I found out that P.J. is named after Carolyn's father, Paul and her grandmother Jezebel. P.J. just shook her head at me as I questioned her family about different things about P.J.'s childhood. It would seem that, other than P.J.'s father abandoning them, P.J. had a pretty good childhood and a very nice family.

Mom and Dad just happened to stop by around six o'clock . I knew it was because they wanted to take me home but I was determined to stay as late as I could. It was also because Mom was certain she would catch P.J.'s family drinking and drugging but none of that went on. I asked P.J. about it later and she said that Dave strictly forbids that kind of stuff. His parents were alcoholics and he doesn't like being around people drinking now. It was part of the reason Carolyn had been drawn to him. After all the stuff P.J.'s Dad had done with drugs and alcohol, Carolyn didn't want to be with someone like that again.

The visit from Mom and Dad was interesting because Dad knew Dave and Dave's brother, Jason and Jason's wife, Marty. Mom was totally out of her element and clearly uncomfortable. I told her that I'd get P.J. to bring me home later. She had no choice but to agree because the party was just getting started and there was nothing wrong going on.

By eight o'clock almost everyone had left. Mark, Andrea, Michael and Mary Lou stayed until eight-thirty because we were all sitting around talking about school and prom. P.J. listened but she didn't say much. Mark was saying that he heard I might be nominated for prom queen. I told him that I highly doubted that but that I would be declining it because I wasn't sure if I was going. “But you're a cheerleader, you have to go to prom,” he'd said but I just said that I wasn't sure right now what I was doing about that.

After they left I went into the kitchen and stared helping Carolyn and Patricia clean up. P.J. helped Dave and Jeremy clean up the deck. Ethan was sleeping in Patricia's old bedroom. When every thing was cleaned up, Dave got out a deck of Rook cards, playing Rook was a Saturday night ritual for them. I'd never played Rook so P.J. was going to teach me.

We all set down at the kitchen table. P.J. pulled a chair up near me and was sitting so that she was straddling the side of my chair. I knew she was sitting that way so she could lean into me more as she gave me directions. Her leg was touching mine and she was whispering instructions in my ear. I looked around the table. Dave, Jeremy and Carolyn either weren't paying attention to us or were oblivious of our position. Patricia was watching us and grinning. If she knew what was going on, I was hoping her grin was an indication that she was okay with things.

Mom called at eleven wanting to know why I wasn't home yet. I told her we were playing cards and I didn't realize how late it was. “Can I stay awhile longer, I'm actually winning the game,” which was true. “Or, can I spend the night? P.J. could bring me home first thing tomorrow.” I knew Dave and Carolyn wouldn't care if I spent the night.

“I don't know about that,” Mom said but she had not good argument for why I couldn't stay without offending P.J.'s parents. She'd been there earlier and saw nothing bad was going on. Dad knew some of P.J.'s family and I'm seventeen. Finally she agreed but said that I had better be home early or she would be over here to get me.

“Come on, Mom, we're going to want to sleep in,” I said, nearly begging.

Mom hesitated for a long time but finally said, “Fine, but you need to be home by ten.”

“Okay,” I agreed and looked over at P.J. who nodded.

“Okay,” Mom said but I could here the frustration in her tone.

The Rook game finally ended at one when Carolyn said she had had enough. I won because I had the least amount of points.

Andrea and Jeremy gathered up their things and went to get Ethan out of the spare room. “Why don't you let him stay?” P.J. said. “He's out. I'll bring him home when I take Jamie home in the morning.”

Andrea looked at Jeremy, “Okay,” she said with a grin.

I thought to myself, I bet Andrea and Jeremy will appreciate the night alone as any young couple in love would, like me and P.J. I wondered if we would try to make love again but my question was quickly answered as soon as P.J. closed her bedroom door. She grabbed me and pushed me down on the bed. Her body covered mine and her hands went inside my shirt and cupped by breasts. “I have only dreamed about making love to you. I never dreamed it would really happen,” she said kissing me deeply. “I want to make love to you again,” she whispered and began nibbling at my neck.

Her mouth moved lowered and I quickly moved my clothing out of her way, wanting to feel her hands and mouth on me. I would never have believed I was capable of the things I had done with her today. I would never have believed I was capable of letting her do the things she had done to me but I had and I wanted more.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

P.J.'s alarm went off at seven. She reached over and hit the snooze button then wrapped herself more securely around me. She kissed my forehead, my cheek, and then my lips. “Good morning,” she whispered.

“Good morning,” I said and kissed her. She met my lips lightly but I held her to me for a deeper kiss.

We heard Ethan whimper. P.J kissed me lightly again, “I have to go get him.”

“Okay, bring him in here with us,” I said. I sat up and tried to get woke up. It was hard since we were probably up until four this morning making love. The thought of all the intimate things we had done and how I had craved to touch her so intimately made me blush. I had been insatiable.

P.J. pulled me down for a searing kiss then she threw her covers off revealing her naked body. I just stared as she reached to the floor for her sweatpants that had been unceremoniously thrown on the floor earlier this morning. She grabbed her shirt off the end of the bed and tossed mine at me. “Not that me or Ethan are going to care but just in case my mother comes in.

When she left the room, I pulled my shirt on and got my pajama pants off the floor. I looked at the bed. The sheets and covers were a complete mess from where we had been all over the bed. I blushed again. It had been so amazing and I couldn't wait to do it again.

P.J. brought Ethan into her room and we played with him until Carolyn got up. P.J. kissed me so hard and hot when we got ready to leave her room that I almost pulled her back to the bed but I knew we couldn't do that. I was so high on the feeling I had of love and happiness that I could not imagine anything could bring me down.

* * * * * *

Saturday and Sunday had been such amazing days. The entire experience replayed itself in my head this morning as Mom took me to school. After Carolyn had gotten up she fixed a big country breakfast for us with eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy. Even Dave joined us at the kitchen table and we all talked like we had been friends our whole lives.

Ten-thirty came too soon and P.J. reluctantly took me home. She stopped a few blocks from my house so she could kiss me very thoroughly before we had to actually be at my house.

Mom and Dad were both in good moods all day yesterday. We had a light lunch then watched a movie together. After which, Mom and Dad both went to their offices to work and I went to my room to study.

My phone should have melted from the heated texts that P.J. and I had been sending back and forth that afternoon. She had to work from two to ten that evening but she still sent me texts every chance she got.

I tried to focus on my homework but it was hard. Images of us touching kept coming to my mind making my body tingle all over. Concentrating was taking serious work. Finally, at around nine, I finished my homework and started reading a novel that I had been working on for over a month. Normally I'd have finished it in a few days but I'd been too distracted by all the stuff going on with me and P.J. that I hadn't been able to read for any length of time. Last night had proved to be the same. I had put the book down after only reading a few pages.

P.J. called me as soon as she got off work. We talked until two this morning about everything. We told each other our secrets, our fears, likes and dislikes. We talked about our families and the differences between the two. It was amazing how much you can learn about someone in just a few hours of sharing thoughts, dreams and stories.

The school parking lot was full as usual and we had to wait for several parents to drop off their kids before we got to a spot where I could get out. Mom leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Have a good day, Honey.”

“Thanks Mom, you too,” I said getting my backpack out of the backseat. I scanned the area for P.J. as I walked towards the building. I was expecting her to be waiting for me. She didn't disappoint me. As soon as I walked in the school building she was there.

“Come on, I've got to give you something real quick,” she said motioning for me to follow her. We walked quickly down the hall until we got to the door that led to the school pool. She pulled me inside the pool room and looked around to see if anyone was in there. The swim team had been practicing earlier which was why the door to the pool was unlocked but no one was in there now. “Empty, just as I was hoping,” P.J. said then pulled me into a corner and kissed me.

I wound my arms around her neck and pulled her flush against me. My body was on fire again. Neither of us could stop our hands from touching each other through our clothes. We seemed to have been kissing forever when first bell rang. “Oh shit,” I said pulling back a little. “We better go or we'll be late.”

She kissed me quickly again, “You're right.” She opened the pool door and stuck her head out to see if anyone was paying attention to us coming out of the room together but everyone was hurrying to their first class. “I'll see you in a little while,” she said with a smile and rushed off down the hall to her homeroom class and I headed to mine.

When I got into homeroom, Diane gave the most evil look I've ever seen on her face. I raised an eyebrow, “What's your problem?”

“You,” she hissed.

Shrugging nonchalantly, I went on to my seat across from Marlene. “How was you weekend?” she asked with a grin.

Blushing to my chestnut roots, “Wonderful.”

Marlene grinned from ear to ear. “I want details later,” she whispered.

That made me blush even deeper, Ms. Paul looked at me, “Are you feeling okay, Jamie?”

“She's sick,” Diane supplied.

Glaring at Diane, I said, “I'm fine.”

“You look a little flushed,” Ms. Paul said concerned.

“Marlene said something to embarrass me,” I grinned at Marlene then look back at Ms. Paul. “I'm fine really.”

“Okay,” Ms. Paul said, studying me for a few minutes before moving on to start talking about upcoming events.

Diane followed Marlene and me to my locker after homeroom. As I was working my combination Diane said, “I knew there was something going on with you and P.J. Thomas. I knew there was something sick going on with you two.”

Turning to look at her, I asked , “What are you talking about?”

Diane got her iPhone out of her purse and connected to the schools wireless Internet. She pulled up Facebook and played a grainy YouTube video of P.J. and me half-dressed, embracing and kissing in her bedroom.

I grabbed her phone, “Oh my god!”

“Todd called me this morning and told me he found this on YouTube. He posted it on his Facebook page,” Diane sneered.

“That motherfucker,” P.J. growled from behind me. She turned and took off running down the hall.

“P.J.!” I cried and ran after her. Somehow I had to get to her before she got to Todd because she was going to punch him and then she would get kicked out of school. She was too close to graduating. I couldn't let her get kicked out of school.

I finally caught up with her in the cafeteria. She was up in Todd's face and they were saying something to each other in low tones. Todd pushed P.J. back just as I got there. “You better stay out of my face bitch.”

Grabbing P.J.'s arm, I made her stop when she would have went after him, “P.J., he's not worth getting kicked out of school for. You're too close to graduating. Please don't do this.”

My pleading tone seemed to have seeped into her angry brain. She turned and looked into my eyes with her angry ones, then took a deep breath. “She's right; I'm not going to get kicked out of school over your pussy ass. I'll catch up with you somewhere off school grounds.”

“Who's the pussy?” Todd asked reaching around me to shove P.J. because I was standing in between him and P.J. “You aren't going to fight me now because you don't want your girlfriend to see you getting your ass beat.” He shoved her again and I turned and got in his face this time.

“You need to back the fuck off you pervert,” I yelled at him. “What the fuck were you doing at P.J.'s house peeking in the windows? You are one sick motherfucker who just couldn't take being rejected because you suck at sex!”

“Fuck you bitch,” Todd growled and pushed me hard enough that I fell into P.J. making both of us fall to into one of the cafeteria tables.

My head hit hard on the corner of the table when I was going down. The last thing I remember seeing was Todd glowering over me and the crowd behind him.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Unless you are dead or in a coma, smelling salts will wake you up. They are the foulest thing I have ever had near me. When the school nurse waved the small tube under my nose I jerked awake, almost hitting my head again. P.J. and Marlene were kneeling next to me, both of them holding one of my hands. Ms. Carlson was standing behind the nurse and Principal Williams was standing next to her. Todd was no where in sight. Looking around without moving my head, I could see that the crowd had cleared out. It made me wonder how long I'd been out. The worried faces of P.J. and Marlene made me a little scared. “How long have I been down here?” I asked hoarsely.

P.J.'s loving eyes came to mine, “About ten minutes.”

“Oh,” pulling my hand away from Marlene, I reached up and gently touched the egg sized knot on my forehead. “Wow that hurts.”

“The paramedics are on their way as well as your parents,” the nurse said. “You need to have some tests done to make sure you don't have a concussion.”

“Okay,” I said weakly and took Marlene's hand back in mine. Looking from one to the other, “Can you guys stay with me until Mom gets here?”

Marlene looked over at P.J., who looked terrified, “You know we will.”

Ms. Carlson kneeled down next to the nurse and looked at Marlene and P.J., “You two will both need to go with Principal Williams after she leaves for the hospital and explain how this happened.”

“Marlene wasn't here,” I said, closing my eyes to the pain in my head.

“I followed you down here. I saw Todd push you into P.J. and the two of you fall. I also know what started this mess.” Anger seethed out of Marlene's tone, “Todd's not the only one at fault for this.”

Nodding, P.J. agreed, “Yeah, I'm just hoping that person can be contained before she shows anyone else that video.”

“What video?” Ms. Carlson's head snapped up as she glared at P.J.

P.J. and Marlene looked at each other then down at me. Letting out a heavy sigh, “You're going to have to tell them. We have to get someone to fix it so it can't be seen,” I said.

A paramedic came into my view, “Wow, you got quite a knot,” he said. “Didn't we see you a few months ago with a broken leg?”

“Yes, unfortunately,” I said. Looking towards P.J., I saw my Mom come into view.

“Oh my God, Jamie! What happened?” Mom cried.

P.J. let go of my hand and moved out of the way so Mom could kneel beside me. The look on her face was pure terror. I would never have believed I would have ever seen her look so afraid. The realization that I would have to explain to my mother what had happened and why brought on my own sense of terror. P.J. backed away and went to stand by Principal Williams, her head hanging.

“I got into a little push and shove contest and I lost,” I said quietly.

Marlene squeezed my hand and gave me a sympathetic look, “I'm going to get out of the way and go talk with Principal Williams.”

“Okay,” Sitting up, I gingerly touched the knot on my head. “I'd really rather not be taken out on a stretcher again,” Mom and the paramedic who had talked to me help me stand up.

“How do you feel?” The woman paramedic, who was watching Mom and the guy paramedic help me.

“I've got an amazing headache,” I said.

“Do you feel sick or dizzy?” She asked.

“Not really,” I said.

“That's good,” the woman paramedic said, “but let us take a closer look at you.

The paramedics looked at my head and into my eyes with a tiny flashlight. “It doesn't appear that you've had a concussion but I think you need to go to the hospital and let them make sure.”

Mom insisted that we go ahead and go to the hospital and have tests run to make sure I didn't have a concussion. She drove me to the hospital and had Dad meet us there.

They both kept trying to get me to tell them what had happened but I kept telling them that I wanted to wait until we got home. I didn't want them to throw the screaming fit here in the hospital. I was also buying time to come up with a way to tell them about me and P.J. They were getting ready to find out, one way or another, but I wanted it to come from me.

The words I would need hadn't come to me yet. Are there any words that would make it easy to tell my parents that I was gay and that someone had video taped you and your girlfriend making out and put it on YouTube and Facebook.

The doctors finally came to the conclusion that I didn't have a concussion but that my parents should keep me a close eye on me for awhile longer just in case

We left the hospital and I rode home with Mom. I could see her phone blinking to let her know that she has messages and I could only pray someone didn't send her that video. Fortunately she did not check her messages right then but she did question me again.

“I don't understand why you can't just tell me what happened,” she said for the third time since we got into the car.

Letting out another heavy sigh, “Mom, please just trust me that you don't want to be driving when I tell you what is going on.”

“You're not pregnant?” She gasped as she pulled into our driveway next to Dad's BMW.

“No, that is something you definitely won't have to worry about,” I said and almost laughed. Yeah, that will be the last thing they will have to worry about.

Dad was sitting in the family room with a mixed drink and he handed one to Mom as she sat down next to him. “What's this for?” Mom asked.

Dad said, “Trust me, you're going to need it.”

I looked into his eyes and I could see the anger and disappointment. He already knows. “Wow,” I said letting out a breath. “Okay.” I sat down on the chair across from them. I took another deep breath. “God, I don't even begin to know how to start this so I'm just going to say it. I'm gay.”

“What?!” Mom growled coming up off the couch. “You are no such thing!”

“Yes, Mom, I am. I'm sorry,” I said dropping my head.

“It's because of that P.J. girl, isn't it? She did this to you,” Mom accused. “She seduced you, took advantage of your innocence. Did she rape you?”

“Oh my God, Mom, no! P.J. didn't take advantage of me at all,” I looked at Dad who was looking down at his drink. Closing my eyes, I took another deep breath. I opened my eyes and let out my breath, “I'm in love with P.J. and I'm the one who started things between us.”

“I can't believe this!” Mom shouted and started to pace. “You have lost your mind. We need to get her a therapist, Ed,” she looked at Dad who was sipping his drink. “You are not doing this. You're just acting out. God only knows why,” she stopped and turned to me. “Is this about us not buying you a car?”

“I'm not acting out and this is not about you buying me a car,” I said.

“Good because you definitely are not getting one now,” she snapped. Suddenly she stopped pacing and looked at me, “What does this have to do with what happened at school?”

Dad still was not looking at me and I knew someone had told him the whole story. I looked away from her, bowed my head, and chewed my lower lip. “Someone video taped P.J. and me together over the weekend and put it on YouTube and Facebook.”

“What?! You mean like you two having sex?” Mom shouted then put her hand to her mouth. “You had sex with her this weekend. That's why you wanted to spend the night.”

My head was still bowed. I couldn't look at her. She came over and grabbed my face hard, making me look at her. “How long has this been going on?” she demanded.

Dad got up and made her let go of my face. I rubbed my bruised chin and started crying. “We just became lovers this weekend.”

“Lovers? You became lovers?” Mom shouted at me. “Well you won't be lovers any more by God. You are forbidden to see her, forbidden to talk to her…”

“You can't forbid me to see her.” I jumped up and shouted, interrupting her. “I'll see her every day at school. Are you going to pull me out of school to keep me from happening? You wouldn't even know about us if Todd hadn't been spying on us Saturday and taped a little of what actually happened but enough for everyone to know we were together Saturday. This guy that every body seemed to be so convinced I should be dating has been stalking me for months and now he's posted P.J.'s and my half naked bodies on YouTube. I got pushed down today because I got between him and P.J. so she wouldn't beat his ass and get kicked out of school.”

“I don't care if she gets kicked out of school. You shouldn't have been some place where someone could see your half naked body with hers. You should have been anywhere without your clothes on,” Mom shouted at me. “You cannot convince me this was your doing. She has a past history of being sexually active and using drugs. She had to have been the one to do something to make you do this. You are just an innocent young girl.”

“I'm not innocent!” I shouted back at her. “I lost my virginity last summer to Todd and I kissed her first.”

“What?” Dad said, putting his voice in for the first time, “You had sex with Todd last summer?”

“Yes,” I said dropping back down on the couch and rubbing my throbbing head.

“So you're telling us now that you're a slut and gay. How many people have you sex with and how in God's name did we not know?” Mom asked, taking a long drink of her gin and tonic. She looked at Dad, “Ed, how did we not know? I thought we were good parents. I thought we gave her lots of love and attention and any thing she needed…” Mom put her face in her hands and started crying hysterically.

Dad put his arms around her and looked at me sadly, “Go to your room. We'll talk more later.”

When I got to my room I realized that I didn't have my phone or my backpack. I couldn't call P.J. to see how she was doing. I was sure she would have to tell her parents as well. Going to the window that P.J. had once stood looking out of; I wonder what her parents' reaction will be. Obviously they couldn't forbid her from seeing me because she was eighteen but they could throw her out. My head dropped and the tears flowed freely. I couldn't believe that this was happening. I'd hoped we would be able to keep our love affair secret for awhile longer and I definitely had not expected it to come out like this.

Going to my bathroom, I got a roll of toilet paper then lay down on my bed and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I was just about to doze off when there was a knock at my door. Expecting it to be Mom or Dad, I sat up and said, “Come in.”

Marlene opened my door and stepped inside my room. “Hey, how are you?”

“Not so good,” I said and started crying again.

She came over to the bed, sat down next to me on the bed and pulled me into a hug. “I'm so sorry, Jamie. I know you really didn't plan for any of this to happen.”

Shaking my head, I looked up at her, “How's P.J.? What happened after I left?”

“P.J. is pretty upset. She was actually crying when she left school, I don't think she realized I saw her crying because she trying to hide her face.” Marlene rubbed my arms gently, “We told the principal about what happened with the video and that Todd had pushed both of you. Principal Williams said he would find a way to get the video off of YouTube immediately and find out who really put it on there.”

“Did he call Dad?” I asked, wiping my tears. “Dad seemed to know what had happened before we got home.”

“Maybe, Mr. Williams was really pissed off. I don't think I've ever seen him that angry,” Marlene said.

“What was he pissed off about? The video or me and P.J.,” I asked quietly.

“Maybe both but definitely about the video,” Marlene said. “He had a conference with several teachers today but nobody really knows what it was about. Ms. Paul was in his office most of the day. I'm really worried that they know about her and Ms. Carlson now.”

My head snapped around towards her, “What about Ms. Paul and Ms. Carlson?”

“You know there's been rumors about them being together ever since Christmas. Supposedly someone saw them going into a gay bar together in Louisville on Valentine's Day,” Marlene said.

Shaking my head, I got up off the bed. “God, I hope they don't get fired over stupid rumors. Did you just happen to get my backpack?”

“Oh yeah,” she said going to the door where she'd set the backpack just inside the doorway.

I got up and followed her to the door. Looking down to the front door and the kitchen entrance, I didn't see either of my parents. “Who let you in?”

“You're dad,” She said and handed me my backpack. “I didn't even see your mom.”

Taking the backpack, I fished my phone out of the front compartment. I turned it on and I had thirty messages. “Christ, everybody and their brother must have sent me text messages.” Scrolling through the numbers, looking for P.J.'s, I asked Marlene, “What were people saying about me.”

“Different things,” Marlene sat back down on the bed and looked at me, “Some people we're saying how horrible it was that you did that, others were calling you a lesbo and a dyke, and some other more colorful names I'd rather not repeat.” Marlene made a face and looked away so I could just image what kind of names the people were saying, “Others were saying it was no one's business who you slept with and that Todd was very wrong watching and recording you guys like that. There was a lot of arguing back and forth amongst people. It was really interesting seeing who was for you and who wasn't.”

“What about Diane?” I asked finally finding a text from P.J.

“I didn't see her the rest of the day so I'm assuming she got sent home or she left.” Marlene said, watching me read the text messages. “How many of them are from P.J.”

“Six so far, she just keeps saying how sorry she is. I'm texting her back to ask her what she's sorry for exactly,” I said, praying that she was not sorry about us.

Mom showed up in the doorway. “Hi, Marlene,” she said quietly. She had washed her face but had not reapplied her makeup.

“Hi, Mrs. Edwards,” Marlene got up off the bed. “I was just bringing Jamie her backpack.” She looked at me, “I probably should be going. I'll give you a call later.”

“You'll need to call the house phone,” Mom said evenly. “Jamie's cell phone is going to be taken away for awhile.”

“Okay, then,” Quickly hopping up, Marlene gave my shoulder a squeeze, “I'll trying calling later.” She slid past my mom, “Bye Mrs. Edwards.”

“Bye Marlene,” Mom said but didn't take her eyes off me.

My phone buzzed and it was P.J. I said, “Can't I at least text a few people to let them know I won't have a phone.”

“No,” she said holding out her hand.

“This is so wrong,” I said handing her my phone.

“What you've done is wrong, morally, religiously. Wrong, wrong, wrong.”

“Like we are religious people, we haven't been to church in at least eight years.” Turning away from her, I went to my window and looked out, “So what now, you going to lock me in room? Put an ankle monitor on me so you'll know where I am at all times?”

“If that's what it takes to keep you safe,” Mom said.

Facing her, I said, “Safe from whom? P.J.? Todd? Diane?”

“I didn't trust that girl to start with and now, because I didn't trust my first instincts with her, she has perverted you,” Mom said folding her arms over her chest.

“Are you listening to yourself?” I snapped, “You sound like one of those southern religious fanatics out of a movie. And she did not pervert me ; I told you I started it.”

“I may sound like a fanatic but you were not raised this way. We may not go to church but we don't watch sexual movies, we don't even watch violent movies. You've been raised to be a good, honest person who is going to go to college, get a job making good money and marry a good man.” Mom said determinedly and began pacing the room, “I can't even image what my mother is going to say about this. She's going to lecture me again about not sending you to private school, about living out here in the sticks instead of in Lexington .”

Following her example, I crossed my arms over my chest, “None of that would have mattered. You couldn't have stopped me from being gay. This is who I am and I would have figured it out no matter where we lived.”

“You are not gay!” Her voice was rising as she becomes angrier, “This is just a phase, just like the wanting to be a scientist or not wanting to cheerlead. You are going to get to college and realize how much you miss cheerleading. You'll get into this science program and realize what a waste of time it is because you can't make any money in science.” She uncrossed her arms and started swing them as she became more animated. “How do you think you are going to live after college when you graduate with this science degree and can't get a job any where? You'll be right back here living with us and trying to figure out your life unless you meet a nice guy with a decent job to take care of you.”

“Take care of me,” I said. “I'm not going to need a man to take care of me. I'm not going to need anyone to take care of me. And thanks for the vote of confidence Mom. I thought you believed in me, believed that I was capable of doing great things but I guess not.”

“I guess not too when you are making stupid and childish choices,” she yelled at me.

“My choices are not stupid,” I yelled back, “They are what I want for me.”

Dad materialized between us, “That's enough, both of you.”

Mom went to the door then turned back to look at me. “You phone is gone for an indefinite period of time and you will not go anywhere that your father and I don't take you. Period!” she turned and left the room.

The sad look on Dad's face was too much for me. Throwing myself in his arms, I burst into tears, “I'm so sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry.”

“It is okay baby girl,” he said smoothing down my hair and holding me tight. “This has been a bad day for all of us. And you're news was quite shocking. We were totally unprepared.”

He pulled a tissue out of his pocket and gave it to me. I buried my head in his chest and held him tighter. “Principal Williams called you didn't he?”

“Yes,” Dad said and led me over to the bed where we both sat down on the edge. “He told me about the video and he was going to get it taken offline immediately. He was extremely concerned about you and P.J.”

Principal Williams was a good guy like that. He was truly invested in all the kids at school, especially the ones in trouble. I wished Principal Williams hadn't called Dad until I had a chance to talk to him but it was all out now. I said, “I was terrified that P.J. was going to punch Todd and get kicked out of school. She's trying so hard Dad. I couldn't let her do that.”

“I'm glad you stopped her. I understand you're concern for her, really I do. And, unlike your mother, who is only wanting to hear what she wants to hear right now, I heard what you said about being the one to start things.” He looked into my eyes, “I must say I was truly surprised that you were the one to initiate things between you and P.J. I'm not questioning that. My concern is where you thought things were going to go. You are going to be going to college in a few months and P.J. is most likely staying here in Brackenburg. You weren't planning on giving up school to be with her, were you?”

“No,” Feeling somewhat relieved that his concern was over school, “And she wouldn't let me. She wants me to succeed in my career choices. She would never stand in the way of me going to school.” Sighing, I said, “We hadn't really discussed the future. This was very new for both of us and now…Now I don't know what will happen.”

Dad hugged me and kissed my forehead, “I must admit that I was quite shocked by you telling us you are gay. I have no idea what to really think about that. What I do know is that I love you and your mother loves you. She has always been overly protective of you and right now she's feeling like she failed to protect you. Please be patient with us. It's going to take a little time for us to digest all of this.”

“I know,” I said, squeezing his hand. “It took a long time for me to come to terms with it and I really didn't plan on you guys finding out like this or this soon. I don't know what to say to Mom right now. I know she's freaking out but I am too. Everyone at school will know by tomorrow and it won't be pretty when I get there.”

“Do you want to stay home?” Dad asked with renewed concern.

“No, I want to get it over with and just pray it's not too horrible.” I looked up at him, “Please talk to Mom about my phone. I really need to call and check on P.J. She's been outed too and I don't want her to have to deal with it alone.”

Frowning, Dad said, “I highly doubt she's going to let you have your phone and she's unplugged all the phones but the one in the kitchen so you'll have to talk to who ever you talk to down there.”

“That is just nuts,” I groaned. “Okay, never mind. I'll see her at school tomorrow, or at least I hope I do.” Looking Dad in the eyes, I said tearing up again, “I love you guys so much and I would never intentionally hurt you.”

Dad hugged me tightly to him, “I know that baby girl. I know.” He got up and went to the door, “Get some rest, I think you've been awake long enough now that it will be okay for you to go to sleep. We'll talk more tomorrow.

After Dad left, I turned off my lights and lay down. All I could see was P.J.'s face and the look of terror on it when she was looking at me in the cafeteria. What if she decided she couldn't handle the pressure of people knowing about us? What if she decided this was just a phase for her and went back to dating guys? I didn't think I could bear seeing her with someone else. The tears flowed down my cheeks hot and fast. I turned my face into my pillow to muffle my sobs. Just two days ago I was with P.J. making love, laughing, and enjoying each other's company. Now I was lost in despair all because some sick jerk had to be watching us through P.J.'s window. It took a long time but I did finally fall into a fitful sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Mom pulled up to the student drop off at the school. She was wearing her black suit this morning and dark sunglasses. I was in jeans and a black button down shirt. I guess our clothes reflected our dark frame of minds. We had not spoken this morning, other than short essential comments about getting ready to leave and what time she would pick me up from school.

The cat calls and name calling didn't start until I actually got into the building. I had decided before I left the house this morning that I was not going to let the name calling get to me so I started giving people a wave like the Queen of England does when she's out among commoners.

I looked for P.J. every where. I needed to talk to her and I had hoped she would be waiting for me by the door the way she had been doing for weeks now, but she wasn't. I went by her locker and her home room class and she was no where to be found. I finally made my way to my locker and started changing my books for my next classes. Marlene came up and stood next to me, “How are you?”

“Okay, I guess,” I said. Looking up at her sadly, “I couldn't find P.J. this morning. I'm afraid she's skipping school or avoiding me. I'm not sure which is worse at this point.”

Marlene hugged me then rubbed my back lightly, “Skipping school would be worse because she would get into trouble. I saw her by the shop area earlier so I'm thinking she might be avoiding you.”

My shoulders dropped and I fought back the tears. “Oh,” was all I could say.

We walked together to Ms. Paul's class and sat in our usual seats. I was studying my shoes so I wasn't paying attention to who else might be in the class. “Hey dyke,” someone called from the back of the room, “when's you're next show?” This was followed by a bunch of laugher that abruptly stopped when Ms. Paul came in the door.

“ Everett , go to the principal's office right now,” Ms. Paul said to the guy who'd made the comment. “The rest of you take a seat and I do not want to hear one word from any of you. I'll be back in just a minute.”

She left the room to let the office know why she was sending Everett to see the principal. When Ms. Paul came back into the room she moved to the front of the class and glared at all of us. I lifted my head just enough to see the angry expression on her face. “As you all know,” she began, “there was an incident over the weekend and yesterday morning in which someone seriously violated two of your classmates' privacy. Not only did they violate their privacy but they published their ill gotten information on a very public social media format. This is a very, very serious act of bullying and will not be tolerated.”

Ms. Paul started walking across the front of the room, pointedly looking at certain people. “People who try to intimidate, tease, or threaten these two people will be punished immediately and severely, anything from suspension to expulsion. Some of you may think this is extreme but there have been too many acts of violence that have resulted from this type of teasing and bullying.” She was watching people's expressions, “The violation that was committed is considered a serious crime and is punishable with jail time. Incidents like this have in the past led to murders and suicides.” She looked pointedly at me this time but I couldn't hold her gaze. “The Bracken County School District had an incident of this magnitude a few years ago that led to two murders and a suicide. The school board decided that they would do what ever it took to make sure something like that didn't happen again.”

She walked to the other side of the room then turned back, “If you have questions or concerns there will be counselors available over the next few weeks for you to talk to. I am not only a teacher but a psychologist. One of the reasons I was hired at this school is because I specialize in this type of trauma and the prevention of teenage suicide for any reason. I will be here in this room all day. If you need to talk to someone or have questions about this situation, feel free to stop by and talk to me,” she said and I could feel her eyes on me. “Now on to other announcements, Prom will be held at the Holiday Inn this year and the theme will be Paris by Moonlight.” She went on to tell some more announcements then asked if anyone had any questions.

A guy on the other side of the room held up his hand. “Yes Brandon ,” Ms. Paul called his name.

“I don't really see this as being traumatic.” He said, “Maybe for the people involved but not really for anyone else.”

Ms. Paul stopped in front of her desk, leaned against it and crossed her arms over her chest, “It may not be traumatic for many people, some students may not even be aware of the situation but for those who have heard about it and are now concerned about their own privacy, it is very traumatic.” She moved to the blackboard and wrote: Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, Twitter and Blogger. “These are all social network sites that many of us use to connect with friends and family members. What you post on these sites is information that you feel okay sharing with other people. When someone takes something private that they may know about you and posts it without your permission on one of these sites they are violating your privacy. Some of you have already experienced this. It's called cyberbullying. It is very dangerous and becoming so much of a problem that state and federal legislators across the country are working to make it a crime to bully anyone online. It is already a crime to post sexual pictures of people without their consent online. That is what happened in this situation and the people involved will be prosecuted.” She turned and looked pointedly at Brandon, who was sitting among the guys that Everett had been sitting with, “This school and all other schools in the Bracken County School District voted to make bullying of any kind on school grounds or at school activities punishable immediately with suspension or expulsion depending on the severity of the bullying. This is in your handbooks if you had bothered to read them.” She looked around the room at everyone, “Any questions?”

Brandon said, “But this didn't happen at school, it happened online, so why is it a school problem.”

Ms. Paul's frown deepened and she said sternly, “It happened to people who go to this school and there were people showing the pictures on their phones and computers at this school yesterday. The people who are involved attend this school. That makes it a school problem. The people involved are not going to be bullied or teased here or at school events, period. Are there any more questions?”

No one raised their hand; in fact everyone seemed to be holding their breath waiting to see what else she was going to say. She was clearly very angry about what was going on and seemed to be ready to take anyone's head off who even looked at her wrong.

I'd been mostly keeping my head down, staring at my notebook that I was doodling in. It was weird sitting here listening to her talk about an event that happened to me. Maybe I should have stayed home for a few days and let things calm down.

The bell rung and everyone got up to leave. No one said a word and no one looked at me except Marlene. “You okay?” she whispered.

“Kind of wish I'd stayed home now,” I said.

As we passed Ms. Paul's desk she stopped me by touching my arm, “Jamie, can you please stay for a few minutes?”

I nodded. Marlene smiled reassuringly at me, “I'll see you later, okay?”

“Okay,” I said but still did not meet Ms. Paul or Marlene's eyes.

Ms. Paul followed Marlene to the door and shut it after she left. “Principal Williams wants me to spend some time talking with you and P.J. about what has happened. He is extremely concerned about both of you and your well-being.”

“That's very nice of him,” I murmured.

“Have you talked to P.J. since this happened?” Ms. Paul asked, leading me to one of the desks and sitting down in the desk next to me.

I shook my head, fighting back the tears, “My mom took my phone and has forbidden me to talk to P.J.”

Ms. Paul let out a heavy sigh, “I'm so sorry this happened to you two, Jamie. This is a horrible way to have to come out to your friends and family, or to anyone. We're not completely sure that Todd was actually the one who took the video and posted it on YouTube but he and Diane were clearly involved in making sure that other people at school knew about it.” She reached over and put her hand on my arm, “You don't really get on Facebook much, do you?”

Shaking my head, I pulled one of the tissues I'd packed in my backpack this morning because I had a feeling I'd be crying before the day was over. “No, it's just a lot of gossip.”

“Yes, unfortunately a lot of people use it for that including Todd and Diane. They had both posted the video on their Facebook pages yesterday morning,” Ms. Paul said quietly. When my head snapped up to stare at her with open mouth, she squeezed my arm, “All the videos have been taken down that we could find. Principal Williams contacted You Tube and they have disabled the video and giving information to the police about the person who posted it.”

“Oh my God!” I whispered, “I just can't believe this is happening. Everything was so simple and wonderful and now it's a nightmare.” I began to sob.

Ms. Paul came over to my chair and put her arms around me. She held me close until I finally got things together. “Are you sure you don't want to take a couple of days off from school?”

At first I nodded then shook my head, “I'd just be sitting around my house wondering what was happening here. Plus I'm hoping to get to talk to P.J., apparently she's avoiding me today. I guess I can't blame her, this was all my fault anyway.”

“No, Jamie, it's not your fault,” Ms. Paul tried to assure me.

“It is my fault. I'm the one who refused to go out with Todd so he was stalking me. He was following me and followed me to her house. I started what happened between me and P.J.” I started crying again, “It was supposed to be a special birthday for her but now all her birthdays will be ruined again.”

Ms. Paul continued to hold me and whisper comforting words to me. Ms. Carlson came into the room at some point during all of this. She came over and put her hand on my shoulder. “How's she holding up?” Ms. Carlson asked Ms. Paul.

“Not very well, she's convinced it's her fault because Todd was stalking her,” Ms. Paul explained to Ms. Carlson.

Ms. Carlson kneeled down beside me, “Jamie, you should have let someone know he was stalking you. Stalking is serious offense and you did nothing wrong. You and P.J were having a private moment that someone else invaded. That's not your fault.”

“It's my fault we were doing it at all. P.J. would have never started it. I started it,” I said between sobs.

“But that's okay,” Ms. Carlson said, “What you two were doing in private was no one's business and no one would have known if someone hadn't been spying on you. That's not your fault.”

I looked up at the two of them, tears still flowing down my face, “What if she won't talk to me again? What if she hates me now? What am I going to do about that?”

“I doubt she's not going to talk to you and I really don't think she could ever hate you, Jamie.” Ms. Paul grinned at me, “Whether you two realized it or not, the way you feel about each has been becoming more obvious in recent days and P.J. cares very much for you. It may just take her a few days to deal with what has happened, and then she'll probably come around.”

“You think so?” I asked and wiped my nose.

Ms. Paul looked at Ms. Carlson, they both smiled at me, and Ms. Paul said, “Yes, I think so. Now, if you need to talk to me or just need a private moment to collect yourself anytime during the day, you come find me, okay.”

“Okay,” I said. I took a deep breath and let it out, “I guess I better go on to my next class. I need to keep going on with my day and hopefully things will get better.”

“Okay,” Ms. Carlson said, “But if you need someone to talk to you can come to either one of us or if you need to go home just let us know and we'll take care of it.”

“Thanks,” I said standing up. I picked up my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. Ms. Paul wrote me a note and I went out into the hall. I looked back through the window of the closed door and saw Ms. Paul squeeze Ms. Carlson's hand. They both looked at each other sadly and shook their heads. I sighed, well, at least they had my back on this and Marlene. Thank god, Marlene was there for me. I don't know what I would do if I was having to do this alone.

I hoped P.J. had Mark or someone helping her too. Sighing again, I wondered what was going to happen to us now. Hopefully she would let me talk to her so we could figure something out.

Chapter Thirty

The winds of change came through my life like a hurricane. Finding out who your friends really are can be an interesting experience. Surprisingly, it seemed that most of the kids that go to Bracken County High were fairly open minded. Of course there were people who were just jerks and people who were truly religious, the latter felt the need to pull me aside repeatedly to tell me that I was going to hell. I was polite at first and tried to explain to them that I didn't believe the way they did, but after about a week of it I'd really had enough so I started telling them that, yes I was going to hell and I had reservations. Funny, that a statement like that would actually make some people back away from you.

P.J. continued to avoid me. We both had meetings with Principal Williams around the same time but she slipped out the back of the office so she wouldn't have to face me. Never in a million years would I have thought that she would be this way about this. I expected her to get into a few fights over it or to come right out and tell me to leave her alone but the avoiding me was killing me. Really, I just wanted her to tell me how she was feeling now. Are we going to work things out or does she want me to drop dead? Just an answer one way or the other would make things easier, or at least I thought it would.

Principal Williams was really upset and angry about this whole situation. It made me wonder if he didn't have a family member that was gay. He had made it very clear that he would do whatever it took to make things okay for P.J. and me at the school. There had already been a few kids suspended for making comments. Marlene told me that Vice Principal Burton had gotten between P.J. and some guy who was making comments to her. That was my biggest fear that she would get into a fight over this and get kicked out of school. Maybe that was why she was avoiding me. She was probably angry that I had put her in this position, especially after she was so close to graduating. Two and a half months, that was all that was left of our senior year.

We still hadn't heard the final word of what happened to Todd but I'd heard a rumor that he wasn't the one who took the video but he apparently paid the person who did. Diane got suspended for two weeks for her role. She would probably have only gotten a week if she hadn't put it on her Facebook page. Principal Williams really hated Facebook. He told me that he considerd it the root of a lot of evil going on right now and our situation was just one example of what kind of damage social network sites could cause.

All things consider I had to agree with him.

Cheerleading practice was actually relaxed since Diane was gone. Everyone on the squad, with the exception of Aaron Keller had been very supportive. Aaron was one of those extremely religious people who think I was going to hell. He heard my comment about having reservations to a friend of his one day and now made it a point to stand as far away from me during practice as he could. Personally I think it was pretty funny. Apparently he thought God was going to strike me down with lightning or something.

Marlene, Ms. Paul and Ms. Carlson have been my knights in shining armor. They have all made it a point to make sure I have at least one happy moment every day. Marlene especially, she finally convinced Mom to let me ride home from cheerleading practice with her. She promised not to let me do anything I'd regret. I was surprised Mom gave in on that but I guess it was really inconvenient for her to take off work to come get me from school.

This Friday night we had a game in Wayne County . It was about an hour and a half drive from Brackenburg. It was the first game that I was going to get to do full cheers at since I'd broken my ankle. Ms. Carlson wasn't going to let me do any of the jumping stunts but she was going to let me do some lifts. Mom assured me she would be waiting for me when we got back to town. I wasn't sure if she thought I was going to sneak off the bus to go see P.J. or something but she made it very clear that she would be there when we got back.

Mom and my relationship hadn't gotten much better. Things were still very strained between us and we didn't really talk about anything but definitely not about what happened. I think she was trying to pretend that it hadn't happened.

* * * * * *

Friday night Marlene was sitting next to me on the bus on the way home from the game in Wayne County . She was talking with Andrea and Jessica about prom. I didn't even want to think about prom. I was not going. P.J. and I wouldn't have been able to go together in the first place and I wasn't going alone or on a fake date. Staring out the window, I wondered what P.J. was doing right now, probably working.

Noticing my melancholy, Marlene asked, “Whatya thinking?”

I glanced over at her and tried to smile, “Nothing.”

“Liar,” she grinned. She looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to us. “You want to text her?”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, give me her number and I'll send her a text.” Marlene said getting out her phone.

Marlene typed in P.J.'s phone number as I gave it to her then she wrote, “Hi P.J. This is Marlene, Jamie's friend. She's worried about you. You OK?”

Looking back out the window, “I wonder if she'll reply. I still can't get over that is totally avoiding me. She should have the balls to at least tell me to my face that she can't handle all this, that way I can go on with my life.”

“Honey, this has been very hard for her too.” Marlene reached over and squeezed my hand, making me look back at her. “There were a lot of people who thought she was a dyke before this and now they are saying that she converted you.”

Laughing out loud, I said, “Are you serious? They are saying she converted me?”

The buzzing of Marlene's phone made me jump. Pulling at my lip with my teeth, I watched her open the message. “Is it from her?”

“Yes, she said she's okay and she's sorry.” Marlene said, reading the text.

“She's sorry? For what? For us being found out? For being with me at all? For avoiding me?” I asked angrily.

Marlene wrote her back and asked her what she was sorry for. P.J. wrote back, “Everything.”

I turned away as the tears started to flow, “I'm not.”

Anger began welling up in me at that moment. P.J. could be as sorry as she wanted but she still could have told me to my face that she couldn't handle this. We hadn't actually said we were dating but I thought we were. It felt like we were. She could have at least told me that she wanted to break up or we were just playing around and now it was over.

The anger continued to build over the weekend because I didn't have anything to distract my thoughts. Mom and Dad had both worked all weekend. In fact, I didn't see Mom except for a few minutes at breakfast Sunday. Tax season was in full swing so she would be swamped for a while. That didn't mean she was distracted from what was happening with me. She called to check on me a few times a day. I knew she wasn't just concerned about my well being, she was making sure I was at home where I was supposed to be.

Monday morning I was in such a foul mood that I didn't speak to anyone, especially not Mom. She tried to make a little bit of conversation in the car on the way to school. The basketball team had made it to the regional tournament so we still had cheerleading practice and games going on. Mom was trying to get me to talk about the upcoming game on Wednesday night but I mostly just grunted.

When she dropped me off I went about my usual routine of going to my locker then to homeroom. Marlene tried to talk to me but I didn't say much to her either. I just stared at the blackboard but not really seeing anything but the darkness of anger that was filling head.

Fourth period was when I snapped. Sitting at my usual table in the library trying to study made me think about all the times P.J. had come to study with me. I decided that she was going to tell me to my face what was really going on.

My mission began with hunting her down until I found her at her locker. She saw me approaching her and dropped her head. Did she think her not looking at me was going to stop me from talking to her? She had another thing coming.

“Hey,” I said when I got to her locker.

“Hey,” P.J. wouldn't look up at me; she just kept fooling with her books.

“So you're sorry for everything? Everything? Really P.J. are you sorry for everything thing?” I demanded.

“Jamie, I can't talk to you about this right now.” P.J. kept her head down and her eyes away from mine.

I grabbed her arm and jerked her towards me. “Why can't you talk to me about this? Because my mother says I'm not supposed to talk to you? Because you're mother says you're not supposed to talk to me? Since when did you really follow the rules so closely? You afraid you'll get into to trouble?”

P.J. finally brought her dark brown eyes up to meet mine. They were filled with sorrow and sadness. They gripped my heart like a vice. “Look, I just can't talk to you right now,” she closed her locker, grabbed her books and started walking down the hall away from me.

“Fine!” I yelled after her, “Fine and fuck you, P.J.” Her head dropped and her shoulders slumped forward. I knew she heard me and it probably hurt her. In that moment I was glad it hurt her because I was hurting. People in the hall were staring at me. “What the fuck you looking at?” I screamed at them. They went back to what they were doing before my outburst and pretended they were ignoring me.

Storming down the hall in the opposite direction P.J. had went, I headed to the girl's locker room. I went into a bathroom stall, sat down on the toilet and started crying. That was where Ms. Carlson and Ms. Paul found me a while later. News of my outburst traveled fast and a hunt for me apparently ensued.

“Thank God we found you,” Ms. Paul said breathlessly leaning against the door.

Looking up at her with my tear streaked face, “Why am I on suicide watch or something?”

Ms. Paul looked away. I shook my head, “Please. I have too much to live for to commit suicide. P.J. might be the one to watch.”

Ms. Carlson crossed her arms over her chest, “Both of you are of great concern to all of us. We don't want anything to happen to either of you and yes, there is concern about suicide considering recent history of the way some gay kids have dealt with being outted in such a public way.”

“You cussing out P.J. and some other students is very unlike you, then to not showing up for class made us very worried about what you might be doing,” Ms. Paul said standing upright. “P.J. went to class but she looked pretty upset when I went to check on her. You want to tell us what's going on?”

“She hasn't talked to me or tried to contact me since that Monday when everything crashed down.” I said wiping my face with some toilet paper, “and now she's saying she's sorry for everything. I just want to know what she means by that. Is sorry about us? I just need to know why she won't talk to me.”

Ms. Paul and Ms. Carlson looked at each other, and then Ms Paul said, “Maybe she's making sure she doesn't get you in trouble. Your mother has made it very clear that she doesn't want you to have contact with P.J.”

I studied both of them for a few minutes. They knew something they weren't telling me, I just knew it. “So my mother called the school and told the principal not to let me have contact with P.J.?”

They both looked away from me. Closing my eyes, I dropped my head down into my hands. Mom had said she was going to do whatever it took to keep P.J. away from me. That makes me wonder if she hasn't threatened P.J. directly or her family. Mom worked for a pretty important accounting firm, she might have enough clout to make some serious threats. I found it hard to believe that she would go to that much trouble to keep me and P.J. away from each other but considering all that has happened in the past few weeks, nothing should really surprise me. “Can one of you tell P.J. that I'm sorry about what I said in the hall?” Standing up I stretched my muscles that were sore from sitting slumped over the way I was, “I'm going to get ready for sixth period.”

Moving past Ms. Paul and Ms. Carlson, I heard Ms. Paul say, “I'll talk to P.J.”

Nodding, I kept walking. Suddenly I felt completely exhausted, like the life had been drained out of me. What was I supposed to do now? Mom had apparently fixed things so that P.J. couldn't or wouldn't talk to me. Maybe P.J. just decided it was too much to deal with, at any rate it was apparently over between us.

Chapter Thirty-One

This may sound awful but I was so glad when we lost in the first round of the regional tournament on that Wednesday night a few weeks ago. It meant that cheerleading was over for me. Unfortunately, it also meant that I didn't have a distraction to keep me from thinking about P.J. I hadn't seen her again since the incident in the hallway. That made me realize how far out of our way we both of us had gone to make sure that we got see each other before. Our classes were in different areas of the school, our lockers in different halls, and our lives going in different directions.

Fortunately Mr. Sato gave us a big final science project to work on that would be our final grade instead of us taking a final exam. Throwing myself into the project gave me a much needed distraction. Other than the science project I'd taken up reading a lot of fiction. I read Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series again. The first time I read it I didn't really get the part in New Moon where Bella had spent literally months grieving Edward's leaving but I totally get it now.

Diane had come back to school and had been assigned to a new home room. She was trying to avoid me unfortunately we had to share some of the same halls because our classes were in the same areas. Every time I saw her I give her my most hateful, evil look. I really just wanted to wring her scrawny neck. She had played her part in ruining my life and I would never forgive her for it.

Mom and Dad were getting concerned about how much time I was spending in my room, so this weekend Dad decided we should go to Bowling Green and check out WKU's campus. I was all for it. I needed a distraction so I could think about something besides how much I missed P.J.

Saturday morning we piled into Dad's Mercedes right after breakfast. Dad set the odometer to measure the miles and Mom set the stop watch on her phone to see exactly how long it would take to drive there. Mom was less enthused about the trip but she promised to be opened minded about the campus.

Dad started asking me about my science project that I'd been working on for my final in microbiology. I started telling them about the assignment and how we were each allowed variations so that our project would be unique. Mom was actually interested in what I was doing and began asking me questions too. Before we knew it we were in Bowling Green .

We drove around and through campus. Mom was stunned by how small it was compared to the University of Kentucky but that was exactly what I liked about it. It was compact and all of the buildings were within easy walking distance of all the dorms. Dad really liked that too, especially since I wouldn't have a car at least my first year. She wasn't going to admit it now, but I think Mom was really impressed with the campus.

We parked in a parking garage across from the student center and walked over to it. There were a lot of students sitting and standing around talking to their friends. We found an information center that had brochures and a campus map. After we spent some time exploring the student center, Dad decided we would have lunch there before we started walking around campus.

The campus was on a large hill. No matter where we started at some point we were going to have to climb the hill. Mom decided that we would do that later since we'd just eaten. We took off walking and explored the lower part of the campus then made our way towards the big hill. I didn't have much trouble walking the hill, but Mom and Dad both had to stop a couple of times. Mom said, “I thought I was in pretty good shape but apparently not.”

Dad grinned and gave Mom a once over, “You look like you're in pretty good shape to me.”

Mom swatted his arm and we started again. I was glad to see them playing with each other. My coming out and the events around that had caused several fights between the two of them and I was very worried about their relationship. If they would have split up over this mess I would have been completely devastated.

I've wondered if stuff like that wasn't part of why gay kids decided to kill themselves. Besides their parents being angry and in denial and all the hatred and teasing, knowing that they had caused their parents to fight about them or break up might just be the final straw for someone who wasn't strong to start with. I had been lucky in that respect, my parents may not be happy about me being gay but they hadn't turned away from me and my teachers were trying to protect me from some of the ugliness that can come from other kids. It was a shame all kids that come out couldn't have the support I was lucky enough to have.

We've rounded the top of the hill and headed back down towards the parking garage. Dad was looking at the map as we were walking down and said, “Hey, the Kentucky Museum is just up ahead behind that statue of Abraham Lincoln sitting on the bench. You ladies want to check it out?”

“Yeah,” I said immediately excited about getting to go inside one of the buildings.

“That does sound neat,” Mom agreed.

We made our way down the grassy hill to the main entrance to the museum. Immediately inside was an information desk where Dad paid for our admission to the museum. “There's also an art exhibit on the second floor if you'd like to check that out as well.” The young woman working the desk said as she took Dad's money. My heart skipped a beat. I wondered if this was the contest that Ms. Paul had wanted me to talk P.J. into entering.

Dutifully, I followed Mom and Dad through this museum displays of Bowling Green and Kentucky history. It was really pretty interesting how things used to be. Bowling Green had been a very busy town for many years with it being a major stop for riverboats and trains at one time. There was also a section on the history of Western Kentucky University . I was really fascinated with that but I was itching to get upstairs to see if P.J. had actually entered the show. Suddenly I became nervous, what if P.J. was here? How would I react if I saw her? How would she act towards me?

We finished touring the first floor and Dad really wanted to go to the third floor of the building where they had more Kentucky history artifacts but I wanted to go to the art show first. “Can we stop at the art show on the way up?” I asked.

“Sure,” Dad said, “I think it's only for Kentucky artists. It will be interesting to see what kind of work is up there.”

Nervously I chewed my lower lip and wiped my sweating hands on my jeans. Even though I really wanted to see P.J., then again I didn't, not with my parents. It was hard to say what my mother may say to her or how she might act. It could get really ugly. I held my breath as we entered the rooms where the art show was on display. Looking around at the people milling around, I didn't see P.J. or her parents. A sigh of relief came out and Mom asked, “Did you say something?”

“No, I was just a little winded by the stairs. All that time of not being able to really get exercise while my foot was in a cast is catching up with me,” I said and took a deep breath as if I were winded.

“Yeah, I'm not as young as I used to be, I'm feeling it too,” she said. We began wandering around looking at the different artwork. There was a little of everything from photography, pencil drawings, charcoal, watercolors, sculptures, paintings and other art forms.

We'd been walking around for about a half an hour when I saw it. My body was drawn towards a painting that looked very familiar. It was a painting of a lake. The water looked like it was really rippling. The beach and tries seemed so real that I felt like I was standing on the beach looking out at the water. It looked just like the one I have on my wall except there's not a girl sitting on the rocks looking out over the water. There's no one on this beach. I look down at the signature of the artist and my fingers followed my eyes. P.J. Thomas. I traced her name with my finger and feel tears welling up inside me. This was our special place and she'd made it look like a picture but only more real.

Sensing that something was wrong, Mom came over and looked at the painting. She put her arm around me and sighed. “She does have an extreme talent.” She squeezed my shoulders, “Hey I saw the most amazing sculpture made out of cereal boxes over here, why don't you come check it out with me.”

I let her lead me away from the painting and made myself hold back my tears. The tears would wait for later when I was in my room alone and I could cry for all that was lost. Taking a deep breath, I composed myself and spent the rest of the afternoon listening to my parents talk about all the really cool art and artifacts we'd seen.

The drive home was longer than the drive there. According to Dad's measurements it was only two hours from our house so that wouldn't be far at all for them to visit me if I went to college there. Mom admitted that she liked the campus. She couldn't understand why I didn't want to go to UK but if I really wanted to go to Western then she would accept my choice.

I should have been thrilled that she'd finally agreed to let me go to Western and I guess I was but the sadness that had started developing when I saw that painting of P.J.'s was taking me over. All I wanted to do was go home and go to bed. Hopefully sleep would take away some of the pain I was feeling at least for a little while.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Monday I found out why P.J. had not been allowed to talk to me for the past four weeks and I was furious. When Mom parked in the visitor's parking lot of the school I gave her a questioning look. “We have to meet with Principal Williams this morning,” she said.

“Why?” I asked getting out of the car and grabbing my backpack.

“The sheriff has some questions about what happened at P.J.'s house,” she said but wouldn't look at me.

“They are going to ask me questions now? Why didn't they ask me right afterwards,” I asked but Mom didn't answer.

We went straight the office. Principal William, one of the sheriff's deputies and Mom and Dad's attorney, Mr. Gore were waiting for us. Raising an eyebrow, I looked at Mom who still wouldn't look at me. Principal Williams led us to his office and asked us to sit in the two chairs in front of his desk. The deputy who was wearing a name tag that said “Nuckolls” on it pulled up a chair next to Principal Williams. He started the conversation by saying, “Jamie, we would have really liked talked to your before now but your parents,” he looked pointed at Mom, “insisted that your lawyer be present. Unfortunately Mr. Gore has been out of town until now.” He moved some papers around and took out a pen out of shirt pocket, “We've already talked to P.J. Thomas, the other girl exposed in the video.” He looked up at me, “Have you had any contact with Ms. Thomas since the event?

“No,” I said looking from Mom to Mr. Gore, neither of which would look at me.

“Good,” the deputy said, “She was told that the two of you were not to have contact and I assume your mother made that clear to you as well.”

Glaring at Mom who had the decency to drop her head, “Yes, she made that quite clear.”

“We'd like for you to give us your version of what happened at Ms. Thomas' house and what happened the following Monday here at school,” the deputy said looking expectantly at me.

Narrowing my eyes I looked up at Mr. Gore who hadn't said a word and just nodded for me to go ahead. I couldn't believe this. Neither Mom nor Dad had given me any clue that they'd brought their attorney into this. There was no reason for an attorney to be brought in on my behalf, I had done nothing wrong.

I took a deep angry breath then told my story. Mom's head swung around to stare opened mouth at me when I told about how I'd planned the whole morning event with P.J. How I had lied to her about helping P.J.'s mom and gotten Marlene to take me over there with every intention of seducing P.J. Mom turned away when I got to the part about us having both our shirts off when we had heard a noise outside, after which we had closed the blind and continued what I had started.

The fateful Monday morning's events were fuzzier for me, not only because of getting knocked in the head but from being so upset about the whole thing but I told what I remembered.

The deputy had been making notes the whole time I was talking. When I finished he said, “You're story corroborates with Ms. Thomas' version of events. We didn't really expect it not to but we had to get every one's story.” He put his pen down and looked at me, “Are you sure there's nothing else you can remember about that day?”

Searching my mind, I tried to think of something else that would have been relevant but I couldn't so I shook my head. Mr. Gore asked me, “Do you know a young man by the name of Derek Kruger?”

“Unfortunately,” I said. Looking from Mr. Gore to the deputy, “What does he have to do with this?”

“Mr. Kruger had been paid to take the video pictures of the two of you,” the deputy said.

I was surprised that Derek had been involved. He wasn't friends with Todd that I was aware of. “You're kidding, right?”

“No,” the deputy said, “Mr. Baxter paid Mr. Kruger to take pictures of you and Ms. Thomas. Mr. Kruger emailed the pictures to Mr. Baxter who put them on the Internet. Both young men face charges for their involvement in this incident.”

“Wow,” I said, “Okay, is that all you need from me?”

“Yes,” the deputy said, “I think that's going to be all we need.” He looked at Mom, “Thank you Mrs. Edwards and Mr. Gore for finally bringing Jamie in to talk to us. Hopefully we'll be able to wrap up our investigation now and make sure those responsible for violating your daughter and her friend's privacy will be punished.”

“Thank you, Officer,” Mom said getting up and gathering her purse.

Standing, I grabbed my backpack and put my hand on the doorknob.

Mom still wouldn't meet my eyes but she turned to the deputy and Principal, “Are we free to go now?”

“Yes,” the deputy said and looked pointedly at Mr. Gore, “Do you think there will be any problems if we need to ask Jamie any more questions?”

“I don't think so,” Mr. Gore said, “But I would like it if you contacted me and Mrs. Edwards before you talk to Jamie.”

The deputy nodded and picked up his paper work, “We're almost done here. Mr. Williams, do you think we could bring in P.J. Thomas for a few minutes?”

“Sure,” Principal Williams said nodding towards Office Nuckools. “Jamie here's a pass for class,” he said handing me a pass.

“Thank you,” I said to Principal Williams then stepped out of his office. Mom and Mr. Gore followed me out. Once we were out in the hall I turned to Mom and hissed, “You could have at least warned me and I don't know why you went to all this trouble. I didn't need a lawyer, I didn't do anything wrong.”

“We just wanted to make sure you were protected in every way,” Mom said but still wouldn't meet my eyes.

“Whatever,” I said, rolling my eyes and walking away without even saying goodbye. Principal Williams called P.J. to the office just a few minutes later. Looking over my shoulder, I saw that Mom and Mr. Gore were gone so I turned around and slowly walked back towards the office. I hadn't seen P.J. since the day I cussed her out in the hallway and I just wanted to look at her for a minute.

A few minutes later, P.J. came around the corner headed to the principal's office. She had her hair up in a ponytail. She was wearing a black button-down shirt, dark blue jeans and her black biker boots. As if sensing my presence, P.J. looked up and stopped. We stood there staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity; finally she gave me a small nod and went into the principal's office.

Wiping the lone tear that I let fall, I turned around and headed towards Ms. Paul's class. I took a deep breath and pushed back the tears that were threatening to start falling in earnest. P.J. looked so beautiful yet sad.

Ms. Paul was leaning against her desk when I got to her class a few minutes later. I knocked letting her know that someone was coming in. She held out her hand for my pass as I walked towards her. I was sure she knew about my meeting with Principal Williams, the sheriff's deputy, Mom and Mr. Gore.

Marlene gave me a questioning look as I sat down next to her. “I'll tell you later,” I whispered. She nodded and we both gave Ms. Paul our attention. She was making announcements about report cards that were getting ready to come out. Seniors should be getting our gowns and graduation invitations in the next week, she informed us before the bell rang to end home room.

As I expected, Ms. Paul stopped me on the way out of the room and asked me to stay over for a few minutes. When everyone had left the room, she asked, “How you holding up?”

“Okay,” I said meeting her eyes. “I saw P.J. for the first time in a while and I found out that at least part of the reason she's not talking to me is because the police had told her not to. I'm pretty sure my mother is behind any other reasons.”

Ms. Paul gently squeezed my arm, “Hopefully you're mom will come around and be okay with who you are. I'm sure she's just afraid for you.”

“Afraid for herself is more likely what is going on,” I said, letting some of anger show in my tone, “I'm sure she's more worried about her reputation and how her family will react then she is about anything that might happen to me.”

“I don't think that's true,” Ms. Paul said, “I'm sure you're parents are well aware of the challenges that are ahead of you if you pursue this lifestyle. It's not an easy road and you will have to deal with people's prejudices and possible threats. I don't have any doubt that you'll be okay, though,” she gave me an assuring smile. “You better get going or I'll make you late again.”

“Thanks, Ms. Paul,” I said wrapping my arms around her and giving her a tight hug, “For everything.”

Leaving her class, I headed to my locker. I hadn't had a chance to switch my books up this morning and I needed my book for English. When I opened my locker a paper fell to the ground. Picking it up, I noticed that it was typing paper, not notebook paper. My name was typed on it. It was folded eight times and when I finally got it open it said, “HI” in the middle and Tom underneath it. Tom? Who the hell was Tom? I shrugged and crumbled the paper. I'd pitch it in the trash when I got to class.

The rest of the day was slow and routine. I didn't see P.J. again but there were a few times that I thought I felt her presence but when I'd look around, she was no where to be found.

* * * * * *

The next morning I went straight to my locker after Mom dropped me off. She hadn't had much to say since yesterday; neither did Dad for that matter. I got the impression though that it was Mom's idea to bring in the lawyer and to put off answering the police's questions.

When I opened my locker another note fell to the ground. I looked around but I didn't see anyone who looked like they might be watching me. Once again my name was typed on the outside of typing paper. Written on the inside was, “Good morning. Tom.”

I looked around for this mysterious Tom, I laughed, “Good morning to you too, Tom.”

“Tom who?” Marlene asked as she came up to me.

“I don't know.” I said handing her the note. “Apparently I've got a secret admirer. Maybe I should leave a note for him on my locker to let him know I'm gay.”

Marlene laughed, “I doubt there's too many people in this school that don't already know.”

“Yeah,” I laughed too, “Good news travels fast doesn't it?”
The letters continued every morning the rest of the week. Whoever Tom was, he was getting there early so he could leave a note in my locker. Each day he said a little more but still revealed nothing about himself.

Thursday his note said, “I'm not a stalker and you know me.”

“That's interesting,” Marlene said when she read the letter, “I can't think of anyone in this school whose name is Tom that might be sending you notes. Maybe it's a sophomore or freshman. Do you know any sophomores or freshmen named Tom?”

“No,” I said shaking my head, “Oh well, who ever it is will probably reveal himself sooner or later.”

It was Friday and I decided to dress up. I hadn't really done my make up or worn a dress in several weeks. I just hadn't been in the mood. This morning I just felt like doing something for myself and I wanted to look good. Maybe P.J. would see me, maybe she'd talk to me today if she saw me.

Sighing, I just couldn't get her out of my mind and I didn't want believe that she didn't think about me or want to talk to me. Something else had to be going on for her to still be avoiding me, some how I had to find a way for us to talk.

I spent extra time applying my makeup this morning rather than just putting on a minimum and going with it. Picking through my dresses, I finally found one that I wanted. It was a royal blue ruffled knit dress that would really bring out the color of my blue eyes. Once my chestnut hair was brushed to perfection, I slipped on my open toe royal blue heels that went with the dress. Looking in the mirror, I decided I looked pretty hot.

Dad gave me a whistle when I came into the kitchen causing Mom to turn around. “Wow, you look amazing,” she said looking me over.

“Thanks,” I smiled, “I was just in the mood to dress up a little. I haven't for awhile.”

“Yeah, it's been a rough few weeks,” Dad said and looked at Mom who looked away.

“Things are getting better. I wish P.J. would at least speak to me but I'm sure she has a lot going on in her own world,” I said watching Mom's reaction. She busied herself at the stove but didn't say anything. Looking at Dad, I saw that he was watching her too. It made me wonder if he knew that Mom had done something to keep P.J. from talking to me.

After a few minutes, he pulled out my chair for me and leaned close enough so I could hear him, “She'll come around, you'll see.”

I whispered back, “Mom or P.J?”

He grinned and whispered back, “Both.”

It gave me great comfort that he seemed so okay with my being gay. His comment just now made me think he would be okay with P.J. and me being together. Mom, on the other hand, I was not sure if she will ever really be okay with it.

Mom finally turned towards us carrying two plates of eggs and toast. “Don't forget we are going to Grandma Deaton's Sunday for church and Easter dinner,” she said then turned back to get her plate.

“I know,” I said and looked at Dad who had gone back to reading the morning paper and eating. Looking back at Mom, who smiled semi warmly at me, I wonder if she'd told Grandma Deaton about what happened. I doubted it, especially when Mom was probably convinced this was just a phase and I was sure she didn't want her family to know anything about it.

Not finding a note in my locker was surprising and a little disappointing. I'd gotten to where I looked forward to seeing what Tom would say. Oh well, maybe someone finally told him that I was gay and he gave up. Shrugging my shoulders I went about changing books and getting ready for home room.

“Wow,” Marlene said as she walked up to me. She looked me up and down, “What's the occasion?”

“Nothing,” I said with a shrug, “I just felt like dressing up.”

“I love that dress,” she looked down at my shoes, “I can't believe you actually found shoes that match it exactly.” She gave me another look over, “Very nice.”

“Thank you,” I smiled, grabbed my back pack and slung it over my shoulder.

We started walking towards Ms. Paul's class. Marlene was telling me about her Easter weekend plans and I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going. We rounded the corner and I ran right into P.J.'s chest. She grabbed my arms gently to steady me. I looked up at her face. She was grinning and there was that familiar twinkle in her eye. “Hi,” I said breathlessly, as I took in her wet blond hair and beautiful face.

“Hi,” she said, “Sorry, I was running late.” She stood looking into my eyes while she spoke and she hadn't let go of my arms.

I grinned sheepishly, “You should know you can run into me any time.”

“Can I?” she asked, uncertainty showing in her eyes.

“Yes,” I said.

She looked around, as if remembering we were standing in the hall. Marlene was standing discreetly to the side of us waiting for me. “I better get going,” she said. Once again her eyes looked deeply into mine as if she was looking for something there and I hoped that she found the love that I feel for her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and kiss her so badly but I didn't dare. Not because we were standing in the hall at school but because I wasn't certain she would want me to.

She gave my arms a gentle squeeze then headed off down the hall in the opposite direction of where we were going. Marlene smiled at me, “You've got it so bad for each other. I really hope you guys get all the other garbage worked out soon.”

Sighing I agreed, “Me too.”

Later, when I went to my locker before fourth period, I opened my locker and note fell out. Smiling I picked it up off the floor. I wonder what P.J. would think about my admirer, Tom. Opening the note I could tell that there had been original text then stuff added to it. It looked like it had been written on two different printers. The first part of the note started out with the usual “Good morning, Jamie. Hope you have a great day.” Then it said, “I'm hoping we will be able to get together soon. Tom.” Further down on the page where it looked like it had been run through a different printer it said, “You look amazingly beautiful today. That dress really brings out the color of your eyes.”

This time I kept the note. I usually would throw it away after I'd read or after I'd let Marlene read it, but there was something special to about this one. Thinking back through the morning, I tried to remember any time when I had come face to face with someone I didn't really know but I could remember that happening.

Thinking back on the morning made me think about when I had run into P.J., I wondered if she noticed how much the dress matched my eyes. Taking a deep breath and leaning against my locker, I could still feel her hands on my arms and see her eyes looking into mine. God, I just wish we could be alone for a few minutes and really talk. I pushed off my locker and grabbed my books. She would be in Mr. Donovan's class now, I decided I was going to walk in that direction to go to the library, just to see if I could get a look at her for a minute.

The hall was crowded and I felt like I was running into every other person as I was making my way towards Mr. Donovan's room. It was out of my way and I might be late getting to the library but it would be worth it to see P.J. As I approached the doorway to Mr. Donovan's class I started trying to look in the room to see if I could see P.J. Once again, I was not paying attention to where I was going and run into P.J. This time she put her arms around me to keep me from falling because we hit pretty hard. “Are you okay?” she asked, her breath brushing against my hair.

I looked up at her, “Yeah.” I said putting my hands on her waist, “I'd be better if we could go somewhere to talk.”

“We will,” She promised with a smile, “But we both better get to class or we'll be late.” She let go of me and walked into Mr. Donovan's room but stopped to turn around and give me a smile and a wave.

Going on to the library, I'm stunned that after almost four weeks of not talking to me she suddenly seems so relaxed. I couldn't wait to talk to her and find out what had really happened to make her stop talking to me.

Chapter Thirty-Three

The visit with my mother's family went okay over Easter. Apparently, Mom really hadn't told anyone what had happened because I couldn't image that we would have gone all weekend without someone in the family making a comment about it. There were at least thirty people at the get together, none of which I saw other than when we were at my grandmother's, with the exception of my mother's sister, Deanna. Really, I hadn't seen her much for awhile either and I could just imagine her reaction to finding out I was gay. The more I thought about my Mom's family the more I kind of understand why she was so flipped out about it. They were all so uptight and conservative. I couldn't image any of them even associating with someone who was gay.

Dad and I were going to Grandma Edwards' house next weekend. Honestly, I hadn't decided if I was going to tell Grandma Edwards or not. At this point, I wasn't sure if there was any reason to tell her. It wasn't like I was bringing a girlfriend over for her to meet. Really, I couldn't see what the point would be in telling her other then to just get it off my chest but I doubt I would tell her, not for awhile anyway.

Mom, Dad and I had just gotten home from Grandma Deaton's and we were sitting in the kitchen snacking on the apple pie Grandma Deaton had sent home with us when the phone rang. Mom made it a point to answer the phone. I was sure she wanted to know who would be calling on a Sunday. She handed the cordless phone to me and said, “It's Marlene.”

“Happy Easter,” I said when I got the phone.

“Happy Easter to you too,” Marlene said cheerfully. “Did your family fill you up with food today too?”
“Oh yes. In fact, we are eating homemade apple pie right now,” I said.

“Yum, I love apple pie,” Marlene said.

“So what's up with you this evening?” I wasn't expecting to hear from Marlene because we mostly talked at school, especially since my mom always seemed to be lurking over my shoulder when I was on the phone or when Marlene was here.

“Daniel Richards wants to know if I can give him your phone number because he wants to ask you to the prom,” she said.

My fork stopped mid-way to my mouth, “What?”

“Yeah, he is of…” She paused, “I'm not sure if this is the right word. Of you're persuasion and his parents are pestering him about the prom so he thought maybe you would go to the prom to him as a favor. You know, possibly get both of your parents off your cases for a little while.”

I put the bite of apple pie in my mouth and chewed it thoughtfully. “So he wants to ask me to the prom, huh?” I said, drawing both of my parents' attention, especially my mom's.

“Yes,” Marlene said.

“And how do you know he and I have any thing in common?” I asked hoping Marlene picked up my code.

“He's dating a friend of my cousin's in Wayne County ?” She said quietly.

“Oh my God! Are you serious?” I said putting my fork down. I got up and left the room, knowing that my Mom will be lurking not far away. “He told you that?”

“I've known for awhile. They've been dating three years,” Marlene answered.

“You have got to be kidding me. And do people there know?” I couldn't even image the shit that Daniel's boyfriend must be going through in Wayne County . It was really redneck central out there. It would be a wonder if Daniel's boyfriend didn't get burned at the stake.

“No one knows. One of the benefits of them living in two different counties and towns is that no one sees them together to question their friendship the way people did yours and P.J.'s.” Marlene sighed, “I'm really sorry you guys had to be outted the way you were. I wanted to punch Diane's face in right there on the spot.”

“Yeah, me too and still might the next time I see her off school grounds,” I agreed.

Marlene laughed, “I think she's more worried about P.J. doing that then you.”

“Well then it will be a big surprise for her, won't it?” I said with renewed anger towards Diane. “I'll do it. Give him my number.”

“Really?” Marlene said, “He will be so happy. His dad has really been on him. Besides being a science nerd, he hasn't dated anyone and his dad has been really riding him about it.”

“Is his dad a jock or something?” I asked and looked around to see where Mom was. She was still in the kitchen with Dad but I knew she was trying to listen to my conversation.

“Oh yeah, he used to play football in high school and college.”

Shaking my head, I felt so bad for Daniel. He wasn't really prissy but he wasn't masculine either. He was definitely a science nerd but no one really teased him, no one that I had heard of. “Are you sure he wants to go with me, it might draw attention to him he doesn't want.”

“I asked him that too,” Marlene said, “but he said that we've got five weeks of school left and he's leaving for college the first of June. He said he doesn't care what people say when he's gone and he probably won't be back.”

“I'll do it. Give him my number.”

“Okay,” Marlene said, “He'll probably call you later tonight.”

“That's fine. I'll be waiting on his call,” I ended the conversation with Marlene and hung the phone up in the kitchen.

“What's going on?” Mom asked.

“Daniel Richards wants to ask me to the prom.” I said, sitting down at the table to finish my apple pie.

Dad gave me a questioning look. I grinned at him, “Daniel is a guy who's in my microbiology class. He's really sweet, very much a nerd.”

Mom had made coffee and was sipping on the steaming liquid, “Are you two friends? Why is he asking you to the prom?”

“We are friends but we've never been hanging buddies,” I said taking a bite of my pie and chewing it up before answering the rest of the question. “He figured I wasn't going to get asked by anyone else after all that's happened, I'm sure so he figured he had a good chance of me saying yes. I'm sure he's hoping I'll say yes. It'll make him seem a little less nerdy going to the prom with a cheerleader.”

“Are you going to say yes?” Dad asked.

“Yeah, I am. He's one of those guys who would never get a date with a cheerleader because he's not cool like the jocks but he's really sweet. I wasn't planning on going to the prom but since its Daniel that asking I will,” I said with a grin at Dad then got up and put my plate in the dishwasher.

“So it's like a mercy date,” Mom said, slightly disgusted.

“I guess for me it is,” I said coolly, “If he hadn't asked me, I wasn't going to the prom.”

“You have to go to the prom,” Mom said, “It's your senior year.”

“Well, I wasn't going to go alone and I can't go with the person I really want to go with so I wasn't going to go, so Daniel is doing me a favor by asking me, sort of.”

Mom rolled her eyes, “Back to that again are we?”

“Back to what?” I asked angrily, “Did you think you doing something to keep P.J. from talking to me was going to make me like her less or make me not gay? I'm still gay Mom, and I'm still going to like P.J. regardless of whether she ever talks to me again,” I stormed out of the kitchen and went to my room.

Later Dad brought me the phone. Daniel was waiting on the line for me, “Hi.”

“Hi,” He said in his quiet voice, “Marlene said you'd be expecting my call.”

“Yep,” I said sitting up on my bed where I had by lying down reading my government textbook.

“So you're really going to go with me?” Daniel asked.

“Sure. In fact, I'm glad you want me to because otherwise I wasn't going to go.”

“I wouldn't be if parents hadn't been badgering me about it. My dad has really been riding me about not dating and my mother is insisting that I go this year since I didn't go last year,” he explained.

“My mom just freaking out downstairs when I told her I hadn't planned on going but since you asked me I am,” I said.

“She's freaking because you're going with me or because you weren't going?” he asked with a laugh.

“Because I wasn't going but I'm sure her plans for me this year included me going to the prom with some jock then riding off in the sunset together towards college.”

Daniel burst out laughing, “That's too funny because my boyfriend's parents wanted him to go to the prom with a cheerleader and ride off into the sunset with her because he is a jock.”

“So how's he doing with that?” I asked, sad for both Daniel and his boyfriend.

“He found someone to go to prom with. The only problem is that she's from another school so he has to go to her prom too,” Daniel chuckled.

“Well, at least they won't have to buy different outfits because no one from her school will know that they wore the same outfits to his prom,” I said.

“True,” Daniel agreed.

“So what's your boyfriend like?” I asked.

“He's beautiful,” Daniel said, “He looks like a Greek god with muscles every where,” he giggled, “He's very sweet but the people he goes to school with have no idea he's gay. He acts like an arrogant jock around all them so they won't guess that he's gay. He doesn't date girls but he flirts with them all the time so everyone just thinks he's a player.”

“What are you guys going to do when you go to college?” I asked, wondering if P.J. and I would have patched things up by the time I leave in August.

“We're going to the same school. He won a football scholarship to UCLA and I won a science scholarship there as well,” Daniel answered.

“That is so awesome. I'm so happy for you,” I said.

“Thanks,” Daniel said, “So back to prom, what do you think about outfits that have that same color of royal blue in them that you were wearing Friday? You looked stunning.”

I grinned, it made me wonder if he wasn't Tom. “That sounds great. Hey, you haven't been leaving notes in my locker lately have you?”

“No, but I know Tom,” He said with a laugh.

“You do? Who is it?”

He laughed louder, “I can't tell you but I promise you'll be finding out soon.”

“Oh man,” I pouted, “That is so wrong.” At his giggle, “At least tell me this, it's not a freshman, right?”

“No, it's not a freshman,” he said, “Hey, I have to go. My mom wants me to watch a movie with her but we'll talk more tomorrow at school.”

“Okay Daniel,” I said with a smile, glad I had a date to the prom, even if it wasn't P.J. “Thanks for asking me to the prom.”

“Thanks for agreeing to go with me. You have no idea what a big favor you are doing for me.”

“I'm glad to do it. Good night.”
“Good night,” he said and I could hear him giggling.

I took the phone downstairs and put it in it's holder in the kitchen. Mom and Dad were in the family room watching “Sleepless in Seattle ”. “Can I join you guys?” I asked coming into the room.

“Sure,” Dad said and patted the couch next to him.

Mom was in her recliner about half asleep. “So when do we get to meet this boy, Daniel.”

“Soon, you'll have to help us get our outfits in the next week or so,” I said, snuggling up to Dad.

“Have you guys talked about colors?” Mom asked.

“Yeah, he wants to do royal blue like that dress I had on Friday. He said I looked stunning in it,” I said with a grin.

“Maybe I should go with you guys,” Dad said with a concerned look in his eye and I laughed.

Chapter Thirty-Four

When Daniel asked me to the prom, it was three weeks away and those three weeks had flown by. We'd met the very next weekend at the mall with all of our parents in tow to go shopping for his tuxedo and my formal gown. It was just too comical to watch our mothers working together to select the perfect outfits. Daniel's father stayed long enough to look at the tuxedos then left. Dad told me later that he was glad because he had taken an immediate dislike to the guy.

Daniel had always seemed a little prissy but not really queen like when I think of some types of gay men. I'd been watching all of the gay themed movies that I could find at the movie rental store, Daniel and I had even watched “ Philadelphia ” together at his house. He really made me think more of Tom Hank's character in Philadelphia then Nathan Lane 's character in “Birdcage”, even though Daniel confessed that he could easily be very feminine if he had the chance.

It was hard to tell what was going on in my mother's mind at any given moment but she seemed thrilled that I was going to the prom and that I had suddenly taken an interest in a guy. I wonder what she would do if she found out Daniel was gay, probably have a heart attack.

P.J. had been making more appearances in the hallway. We still had not had a chance to really talk and I was dying to ask her how her parents had reacted. I also wanted to know how she felt about me now. She would look into my eyes each time we passed each other and I felt like she was trying to tell me she still cared about me and wanted to be with me. Given the brief moments we'd had seen each other, it was really hard for me to really read her.

My secret admirer, Tom continued to leave me notes every day but still had not revealed himself to me and Daniel still refused to tell me who it was. He said I would find out in due time.

The end of school was approaching fast and I was becoming more and more afraid of what would happen afterwards. I was planning on spending a few weeks at Grandma Edwards' house in the country. After that I wasn't sure what I was going to do other then hang out by the community pool while I waited for school to start in the fall. I should have signed up for classes this summer, like Daniel had so I could go ahead and get started in school and get out of Brackenburg. Mom and Dad had mentioned that we might go somewhere on vacation but they hadn't given me any definite information. And P.J. still hadn't really talked to me so I have no idea what's going on with us.

It was the Monday before prom and everyone was talking about what they were wearing and what they were going to do after the prom. Daniel had said that he had a surprise planned for me after the prom. He wouldn't give me a clue what it was but he promised that I was going to love it.

He and I had become very close over the past few weeks. It was so nice to have a gay friend that I could talk to about how I was feeling and I think he felt the same way. He had told me all about his boyfriend and encouraged me not to give up on P.J. Daniel said he thought she still wanted to be with me but hadn't figured out how to get around my parents yet. I hoped he was right.

Opening my locker I found my usual morning note from Tom. I picked it up and opened it. “I almost come by your house this weekend when you're parents were gone but I didn't want to freak you out. Tom.”

This was going to require me answering him some how. This Tom guy knows where I live? He had to show himself because this was getting too weird. I took my pen out of my back pack and wrote on the backside of the note. “You're right, that would have freaked me out and I probably wouldn't have let you in since I've not met you yet. I think it's time that you showed yourself to me. Jamie.”

“Whatya doing?” Marlene asked, coming up behind me and making me jump.

“I'm writing Tom back. He apparently knows where I live and almost come by my house this weekend when my parents were gone,” I said getting my books changed up and trying to figure out how to put the note to Tom on my locker in a way that he would see it and not draw attention from other people.

“Here, let me see that,” Marlene said after a few attempts by me to hide the note in the locker vent holes. She got it to stay in there so that the tip of the letter was just sticking out. “Now we'll see if he comes by to get it.”

“Great job, thanks,” I said, patting her on the back. “So are you going to be able to hang out with me at the pool this summer before we head off to college in opposite directions?”

“I'm sure I will,” she said, putting her arm around my shoulders. “I still can't believe we're almost out of here.”

“I know. Just three more weeks and we will officially be high school graduates.”

“Have you seen P.J. this morning?” Marlene asked looking around the hallway. “She asked me if you were here earlier.”

“No,” I haven't seen her,” I said looking around too. “I wonder what she wants.”

“She said something about having really great news and she wanted to share it with you.”

Ms. Paul's door was standing open and I gave the hall one last look before we went in. “I hope it's that she's going to get to graduate with us. She's worked so hard to make it.”

“Maybe,” Marlene said taking her seat across from mine. “I'm sure she'll find you sometime today and let you know what she was looking for you for.

“I hope so.”

* * * * * *

Tom's note disappeared out of my locker at some point during the day so I was hoping he was the one who got it. I never did see P.J. and I was so disappointed. Heading towards the parking lot to meet Marlene, I still kept an eye out for her in hopes I'd see her before we left. While looking around, I notice that the door to the supply closet where P.J. and I had last kissed was slightly ajar. I moved towards it only to be grabbed and pulled inside. The door shut and I was pressed up against it and being kissed. I knew immediately that it was P.J. No one could make my entire body quiver with just a kiss. I wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her back. My body pressed against hers as intimately as I could in our confined space.

Her mouth completely possessed mine and I was lost in her. She finally pulled her lips from mine and buried her face in my neck. We held each other so closely. “I've missed you so much,” she whispered.

I squeezed her tighter, “I've missed you too. I was so afraid you were going to give up on us.”

“No, never,” she pulled back to look at me. I could just barely see her face in the darkness. “I've wanted to talk to you about what was happening but you're mother made it very clear that I was to stay away from you and the police said I couldn't talk to you until they got to talk to you. Your mom threatened to have me kicked out of school if I tried to contact you but I just couldn't take anymore.”

“I'm so glad you couldn't,” I said, pulling her lips to mine and kissing her passionately again. “What are we going to do? I can't stand not talking to you.”

“We've been talking, sort of, you just didn't know it,” P.J. smiled against my lips.

“What?”

“The notes you've been getting from Tom,” she said.

“They're from you?”

“Yes, I used them as an excuse to come by your locker then I'd stand some place where you couldn't see me and watch you open them.” She cupped my face and kissed my lips lightly, “I just wanted to see you smile and you usually did when you read the notes.”

“Are you going to keep doing it?” I asked, kissing her again.

“Yes,” She said pulling away. “We better get out of here for before someone discovers us and we have another big scene.”

“Too true,” I said reluctantly letting her go.

She shoved a thick piece of folded paper in my hand, “This is the note I've been waiting to give you. It has my new number on it. I changed it so your mom wouldn't know you were calling me.”

I reached up and kissed her again, “If they are going to be gone tonight I'll try to call later.” Sighing, “I really better go, Marlene is waiting on me.”

She nodded and reached out to cup my face, “We're going to make it through this.”

“Promise?” I asked quietly.

“Yes,” she said and kissed me lightly on the lips. I started to pull away but she stopped me, “Oh and I was looking for you this morning to tell you that I am graduating and with a C average, thanks to you.”

I squeezed her tightly to me, “I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do it.” Kissing her again lightly, “I better go.”

“Yes, before I can't let you go,” she said with a grin.

Smiling, I opened the door slightly to make sure there were no teachers standing around. There wasn't so I slipped out of the storage closet and skipped out the door. I passed Ms. Carlson outside who gave me a questioning look.

“It's about time,” Marlene said when I got to her car, “And why are you grinning like a Cheshire cat?”

There was no stopping my smile, “I was with P.J. in the storage closet.”

“What?” Marlene gasped, “Talk about a quickie.”

Swatting her on the arm, “We didn't do that ! We just kissed and talked. She gave me a note.” I said waving the thick wad of paper at her, “She's the one who's been putting the notes in my locker.”

“She's Tom?” Marlene started the car and crinkled her face. “Why did she pick a name like Tom, there's no way you'd figure it out.”

I thought about that for a few minutes as Marlene drove us out of the school parking lot, then it hit me. “It's short for Thomas. P.J. Thomas. I would never have figured it out but neither will anyone else,” I said grinning wickedly.

“What do you mean, neither will anyone else,” Marlene asked.

Still grinning, “I think I'm going to have a new boyfriend this summer.”

“What?!” Marlene almost stopped the car in the middle of the road.

“Just drive,” I said grabbing the dashboard. “Yeah, Tom is going to be my new boyfriend,” I waved the note at Marlene, “as far as my parents are concerned anyway.”

“Oh my God! That's an awesome idea.” She reached over and squeezed my arm, “I'll help, anytime you want to see Tom you let me know.”

“Thanks Marlene, you're the best friend ever.”

As soon as I got home from school, I went straight to my room and opened P.J.'s note. This one was written on notebook paper in her handwriting and not a typed note.

“Dear Jamie, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am about what happened and you getting hurt. If I hadn't gone after Todd that morning, maybe no one would still know about us. I've missed you so much and I wish so much that I could see you. I wish you could come to my house and study with me and well, you know…

I spent the whole first week after what happened locked in my room when I was home until my mom finally made me come out and really talk about what was going on. She wasn't even mad. Dave wasn't real happy about what was going on between us but I think he's coming around. I think Mom was just relieved that I wasn't pregnant.

Your mom came to my work. She didn't make a big scene but she insisted I come outside with her and she told me to stay away from you. She didn't say what she would do if I didn't but I was afraid she'd ship you off or something and figured I rather see you at school and not talk to you then not see you at all. Then the police talked to me and they said I couldn't talk to you until they did and your mom kept them from talking to you. It was so hard. I wanted to talk to you all the time and I couldn't tell you why I couldn't talk to you. It really hurt me to see you so angry, especially at me. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you what was going on.

After the police talked to you I wanted to talk to you but I was afraid that you were still mad at me and I knew that your mom had told you to stay away from me. That's when I got the idea about leaving notes in your locker. I don't have classes over where you do so I no excuse to be on your side of the building and I was afraid your mom might have someone watching you. She seemed really angry about all of this. I just don't want to get you into trouble and sent away from me.

I wish so much that we could go to the prom together. I would love to dance with you and just hold you but we both know that can't happen. I'm glad you're going with Daniel. He's a nice guy and I know he's like us.

Jamie, I don't really know how to tell you how I really feel about you. Just being near you made me feel like I could conquer the world, I love the way you listen to me and talk to me like I've got a brain. You never talk down to me like some of the other popular kids do. You make me feel like I could belong in your world and I hope that's true because I want you to be in mine.

I hope you care about me like I do about you. I hope we really get to talk soon. I need to know how you feel about me. Do we have a chance to make this thing between us work? I hope so, if not I'll always be your friend.

Love Always,

P.J.”

I crushed the letter to my chest letting my tears flow freely. She loved me. She was in love with me like I was in love with her. Somehow we had to be able to make things work out for us.

Chapter Thirty-Five

P.J., a.k.a Tom, and I exchanged notes through my locker for the rest of the week. It was so wonderful knowing that she was Tom and that we could talk through the letters. She didn't mention anything else about how we felt about each other and neither did I. That was something that we needed to talk about face to face. I hated hiding our relationship but it was for the best, especially since my mother was still upset about this whole thing.

Daniel was still being evasive about his plans for what we were going to do after the prom but I was hoping I could get him to take me to see P.J. I believed he will, I hoped so anyway.

I'd seen him this morning and he told me that he'd be at my house at eight o'clock tomorrow night so we could take pictures at my house then we were going to his house so his mom could take pictures. We'd probably get the prom a little after it started at nine o'clock but neither of us really cared about being there on time. Both of us would forgo it all together to be with our lovers if we thought we could get away with it but we both know that our parents would talk to people to make sure we both showed up, especially my mother.

Daniel was waiting for me this morning when I got to school. “Hey,” he said with a big grin on face, “I wanted to remind you to bring clothes to change into after prom tomorrow night.”

“Are you going to tell me what we're doing?” I asked.

“Nope, big surprise,” he said, mischief dancing in his eyes.

“Big surprise, huh?” I shook my head and looked around to see who might be listening, “Hey, what's the chance of you taking me to see P.J. after prom for a few minutes.”

He tilted his head to one side like he was thinking about it, “I think that can be arranged.”

“Yay!” Grabbing him, I gave him a big kiss on the lips in front of several of guys who I knew had been teasing him about being a geek. It was fun to hear the audible gasps from their group and to see Daniel blush right down to his muddy brown roots. “See ya later,” I practically skipped to my locker. I could not wait to see P.J. outside of these schools walls and hopefully steal a kiss or two.

“My but aren't we in a good mood,” Marlene said as she leaned on the locker next to mine.

“Daniel is going to take me to see P.J.” I stopped and looked around, “Um, I mean, Tom, for a little while after prom.” I opened my locker and picked up the note that dropped to the floor, as it usually did. “What plans do you guys have after prom?”

“Barry has a hotel room booked.”

“What?!”

Marlene laughed, “It's not like we're not already having sex but this will be the first time we'll get to do it in a bed and not have to worry about someone hearing us. And I'm doubling and tripling up on birth control. I'm not going to be another prom night pregnancy statistic.”

“Good,” I said squeezing her arm. “I'm actually glad you guys are doing that instead of going to a party and drinking. You could have become another prom night statistic that way. By the way, is Diane having a big party this year?”

“Oh no,” Marlene shook her head, “She got into so much trouble with her parents over the YouTube and Facebook incident that she has not been allowed to do much. Actually, I think she's trying to keep a low profile after all that. I bet it scared her shitless when they told her that she could have gone to jail if she had been behind putting it on YouTube.”

“The cops told her that?”

“Oh yeah! It's a very serious thing. I think especially after that guy at Rutgers killed himself over the webcam thing.”

“I remember that story, it was so awful and sad,” I said, my anger over the my incident returning, “You know I still haven't heard whether or not they actually charged Todd for sure. I heard he could be charged for putting child pornography on YouTube because I was underage.”

“It's takes a while for them to do those investigations. I have an uncle in Indianapolis whose a cop there and he said that so many people think that investigations can be done quickly the way they show on TV but it takes a long time to gather all the evidence, go over it so they can make sure they charge the right person with the right things,” Marlene said.

I nodded and picked up my backpack and we started walking towards Ms. Paul's class. “I want him to get some kind of punishment for passing it around even if he didn't actually record it.”

“Well, he did get expelled and is on house arrest until the investigation is complete. He only got off that easy because his dad has a really good lawyer,” Marlene said.

I linked arms with her, “Let's talk about happy stuff. How big of a graduation party are you parents having?”

We talked about our graduation parties and made plans to get together the weekend after Memorial Day and go to the pool. After we got into Ms. Paul's class, I opened my note from P.J. It read, “I have a HUGE surprise for you tomorrow night.”

“What's it say,” Marlene whispered.

I handed her the note.

Grinning she handed it back, “Wonder what that means?”

“I don't know but I can't wait to find out.”

* * * * * *

My parents have been absolutely retarded all day. You would think that I'd never been to a prom but I went to my junior prom just last year. They both took the whole day off to spend with me, which was actually pretty awesome. Mom made my favorite breakfast of scrambled eggs, sausage links, sausage gravy and homemade biscuits. Dad and I sat in the living room and watched cartoons together almost all morning.

That afternoon they took me shopping for a new phone. Dad, our official family gadget geek, finally decided on a new Blackberry with a purple shell. We went to the service provider and got it hooked up with service. I was so excited. I wanted to call P.J. first but I knew I couldn't do that with my parents sitting right there so I called Marlene.

It was funny, after all the drama over what happened with me, P.J. and the YouTube incident. Neither of my parents had brought it up in the past few weeks. I think they both probably were hoping that life was going to go back to normal, especially since I was going to prom with a boy and I hadn't mentioned P.J. to them in the past few weeks either.

Little did they know that life was never going to be like it was before, oh well, maybe it was for the best to keep them in the dark for awhile and let them have their little fantasy that it was just a phase that I was going through. Maybe I would tell them the truth after I finished college. I'd hate to piss them off and have them stop paying my tuition.

We had lunch at one of our favorite restaurants then went back to the house so I could start getting ready for prom. I spent the rest of the afternoon bathing and grooming myself for the big event. Mom came up and helped me with my make up, which she applied to perfection. At seven-thirty, I finally descended the stairs in my royal blue dress. It fit my small waist and bosom perfectly with one side sleeveless and the other side having a two-inch strap going over my shoulder. The skirt was long and full and flowed gracefully as I walked. My mother, the shoe goddess, found the perfect set of heels that matched the color of the dress exactly. She also found a tiny handbag that matched it perfectly with a long silver strap the stretched over the opposite shoulder of the hip it laid on.

Dad was at the bottom of the stairs snapping pictures away with his digital camera. Finally he stopped and looked at me with a look of awe. “Wow, you are so beautiful,” he said quietly and I could see the tears misting in his eyes.

“Thanks Daddy,” I said giving him a big hug.

“Yeah,” Mom agreed, “You look absolutely stunning, baby girl.”

I hugged her too, “Thanks for all your help with this Mom.”

“You're more then welcome. I can't wait to see Daniel. I bet he looks so handsome in that tux his mom picked out.”

“I bet so too,” and as if we'd summoned him, the door bell rang and Daniel stood on the doorstep.

Dad opened the door, “Wow,” he said stepping back and letting Daniel in, “You look great, son.”

“Thank you Mr. Edwards,” Daniel said as he stepped into the room.

He did look amazing. He'd transformed from the nerdy guy at school with pencils in his front pocket to a prince. His tux was dark grey and he had shoes to match, his vest and tie matched my dress perfectly and really stood out against the white silk shirt he was wearing. His short brown hair was spiked a little in the front, which was the popular look the guys were wearing and he didn't have his glasses on, which caught me off guard.

“Where are you glasses?” I asked.

“At home, I've got my contacts in,” he grinned, with a twinkling look in his light blue eyes.

“Wow,” I said giving him another really good looking you over, “You look amazing.”

“As do you,” he said with a slight bow.

“Let's get some pictures going on you so kids can get on your way,” Dad said.

We had agreed on white roses for our flowers. Daniel produced a stunning white rose wrist corsage from behind his back and Mom handed me the white rose boutonnière we'd gotten for him. We both put our flowers on and started posing for Dad.

Dad must have taken a thousand pictures. Finally he said, “I think I've got enough.”

Mom kissed me lightly on the cheek, “You two have fun and make sure you're home by midnight .”

“ Midnight ? We were going to stay for the post prom party that will probably go on until at least one,” I said, trying to buy me some more time to see P.J.

Sighing, Mom said, “Okay, be home by one-thirty and not one minute later.”

Looking at Dad for an appeal, “What about two?”

Shaking his head with a chuckle, Dad looked at Mom, “It is prom. I think we can trust her to be good. Two should be okay.”

Mom gave him a hateful glare but reluctantly agreed, “Fine, but I will be up waiting for you.”

I grabbed her up into a big hug, “I won't be late I promise.”

Daniel was actually blushing. I'm sure he thought my parents thought I was buying time for us to make out, “I'll make sure she's on time Mrs. Edwards.”

Hugging Dad, I whispered in his ear, “Thanks.”

He hugged me tight to him, “You be very careful out there tonight.”

“We will,” I said as he put me down.

Mom and Dad stood at the door as we left the house, “We love you,” Mom called, “Be careful.”

“Love you too,” I called back with a wave.

I'd known that Daniel had a truck but I was surprised to see that it was an older model Ford king cab. It was huge. There were four doors and a full backseat. “Wow,” I said getting in. “This is a monster.”

“It's a hand-me-down from my dad. I balked when he first gave it to me but the first time Michael and I went fishing in it, I found that the backseat had very good use,” Daniel said and I could see the blush on his face even in the darkness.

Looking back into the backseat and imaging to Daniel and his lover trying to maneuver back there brought a smile to my face, “So it worked out for the best huh? Did you guys actually fish on that trip?”

Daniel laughed, “Some, we both love to fish.” At my questioning look, he said, “I am still a guy even if I am a gay nerd.”

I laughed, “I'm so glad you have such a positive attitude about who you are.”

“I don't have a problem with who I am but the rest of my family does, except my mom. She's wonderful, of course, Dad calls me a ‘mama's boy' all the time but it's true. I love my mom. She has always totally supported everything I've done and I think she knows about me and Michael.”

“Really, wow, and she's okay with it?”

“I'm not sure how okay she is with it, but she loves me unconditionally so I think she's prepared to deal with it.” Daniel said, stopping at a stoplight, he turned to me, “But if my father or brothers find out, I might be found in the river somewhere before I can get away to California .”

“Oh my God!” I gasped, “Are you serious?”

“I'm afraid so,” Daniel looked at me with a frown. “They give rednecks from hell a new meaning.”

“Wow, what about Michael's family?”

“Not quite as bad,” Daniel said, taking off again when the light changed. “Both of his parents are college educated and little more worldly then mine. His father played football in college and has probably seen a lot but Michael is also the son he wanted. He plays all sports and excels in football. He's definitely a man's man but he's queer as a three dollar bill.” He laughed, “When he's with me he can be such a girl, it's pretty funny. I think part of it he gets from having three sisters.”

Laughing, I said, “That's awesome, maybe at least his family will accept your relationship and welcome you into their family.”

“I don't know about that but they won't try to kill him when they find out he's gay. Here we are,” he said as we pulled into the drive of a modest home in a neighborhood, not far from mine.

Daniel came around to my side of the truck and helped me out. I was glad he did. I would have probably fallen out on my head if he hadn't. His parents were waiting for us at the door as well as his two older brothers, who still lived at home. It was funny that Daniel, who his father says is a “mama's boy” is a smaller, exact replica of his father and his two brothers look more like their mother.

His mother hugged me gently, “Wow aren't you beautiful.”

“Thank you,” I said blushing.

Daniel's dad seemed very surprised and clapped Daniel on the back, “Got you quite a pretty young lady there son.”

“Thanks Dad,” Daniel was clearly embarrassed so I reached over and squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Jamie these are my brothers, Luke and John.”

Biblical names, I noted, “Hi.”

“Okay,” his mom said, “Let's get some pictures. I'm sure you kids are ready to get going.” She pulled out a small digital camera and had us pose by the white door. She didn't take quite as many pictures as my dad did but it still felt like it. Finally she finished, “You two look so beautiful together.”

“Thank you,” I said, looking at Daniel who looked like he was really ready to get the hell out of there.

“Okay, we'll let's get out of here, the prom is going to have already started by the time we get there,” He said going to his mom and hugging her.

His dad held out his hand for a handshake, “Be careful out there son, there'll be all kinds of fools out later, and don't be drinking.”

“No sir,” Daniel said, shaking his Dad's hand. He opened the door and ushered me outside, “See ya all in the morning he called.”

“Be careful, Hon, love you,” his mom called.

“Love you too mom,” Daniel called back. He helped me back into the truck and got in. “Well?”

“Interesting,” I said, “Does you dad ever hug you?”

“No,” Daniel said as he backed the truck out. “He'll give the other guys half hugs but he will barely touch me.”

Shaking my head, I said, “That's so sad. He really has no idea what a wonderful son he has.”

“Thank you,” Daniel smiled over at me, “But he doesn't consider me a wonderful son and that's okay. I don't consider him a wonderful dad.”

“So are you going to tell me what my surprise is?” I asked, changing the subject.

“You'll see soon enough,” he grinned.

The parking lot at the high school was already almost completely full. “Wow, are we that late?”

“Not really, but this is both the senior and junior prom so everyone wanted to get here early and get a table,” He said. He finally found a parking spot towards the back.

Once again he helped me out of the truck and let me lean on his arm as we walked up to the school. My heels and the parking lot were not agreeing with each other. We finally got to the gym door where they were letting people in. Daniel stopped and took both of my hands, “You really have no idea how much I appreciate you coming to the prom with me.”

Leaning up I kissed him lightly on the lips, “I'm honored to be here with you and I'm so glad we've become friends. I hope it's for a lifetime.”

“Me too,” he said, tears misting his eyes. He sniffed and took a deep breath. “You ready?”

“Lead on, good sir,” I said taking his arm.

He opened the door for us and we were met by Principal Williams and the school secretary, Mrs. Thompson. “Welcome the Paris by Moonlight Prom,” Principal Williams said. He directed us to an area where they had a model of the Eiffel Towel with a full moon behind it. There were street lamps and rock benches as if we were standing on a street in Paris . It was amazing. There where sheer curtains coming down with lights shining on them that made them look like moon beams. We were stood in a position so the Eiffel Tower and the moon were behind us and the professional photographer the school had hired came over and positioned us so that Daniel was standing slightly behind me with one hand on my waist and the other holding my hand. The photographer took several pictures. We were ushered over to a table where his assistant gave us information for ordering pictures and then sent on as the next couple came in to get pictures.

There was another Eiffel Tower and moon towards the end of the gym and several street lamps and tables with fake storefronts and restaurants painted on panels lining the walls. It really looked like we were sitting in front of restaurants and stores in Paris and dancing in the streets.

Marlene rushed up to us, “Oh my God! You guys look so amazing!”

“So do you,” I said hugging her. “Where's Barry?”

“He's at our table, come on we were saving you guys a spot.”

There music had already started and people were dancing and standing around talking. Marlene and Barry had gotten a table close to the stage so we'd be able to see the crowning of the king and queen of the prom easily. Both of them had been nominated for king and queen but neither expected to get it. Diane was also up for queen as was, Jessica Bennington from the cheerleading squad and some other girls. The guys running for king were mostly football players. I had voted for Marlene and Barry.

Barry was wearing a silver tux that matched Marlene's sparkling silver gown. She too had chosen a long gown with a flowing skirt. Barry had a white shirt and mauve vest that matched his boutonnière and Marlene's corsage. “You guys look so beautiful together,” I said.

“Thanks,” Barry said with a big grin.

I felt a little envy for Marlene. She had a very handsome, popular guy who adored her and who her parents adored. They had plans for a future together that they were going to make happen. I wished so much that I could have all of that with P.J.

Daniel had gone to get us drinks of punch. He had just returned and handed me my drink when there was some commotion on the other side of the gym. “I wonder what's going on,” I said then took a sip of my punch.

Barry stood up too so he could get a better view. What ever was going on seemed to be headed towards us. There were audible gasps coming from the crowd and “Oh my Gods.” The crowd opened up as who ever it was moved in our direction. I stood too, watching as the crowd moved to the side and then I saw her. Fortunately, Daniel had taken the glass from my hand because I would have dropped it. With her blond hair flowing about her shoulders and dressed in a sleek mid-thigh black dress, P.J. Thomas was walking towards me. Never in a million years would I have ever expected to see P.J. in a dress, it just wasn't her thing, but here she was in this sexy dress that was clinging to her curves. Her legs were tan and bare. She was wearing low heel black shoes that matched her dress and a corsage with a royal blue rose that matched the color of my dress.

I must have looked like I was going to faint because Daniel grabbed my arm to steady me. “Surprise,” he whispered.

Looking up at him, I realized this was my big surprise he was talking about, and big surprised it was. I was absolutely speechless. She walked right up to me, her dark eyes twinkling, “Hi. Jamie.”

“Hi,” I said breathlessly, making myself look at her eyes and not her cleavage that was staring me in the face. Finally finding my voice, “You…you are stunning.”

“Thank you,” she said grinning. “Bet you weren't expecting to see me here tonight.”

Shaking my head, I said, “No,” then letting my eyes rake over her, “I never expected to see you in a dress, ever.”

She laughed, “I do have a feminine side occasionally, but I must say my mom and sister really had a good time getting me ready for this.”

“They did a wonderful job,” I said.

Daniel nudged me and I realized that Jamie was there with a date. I looked up at this extremely handsome, muscular guy she was with and jealousy hit me like a ton of bricks. Jamie smiled and touched the guy's arm, “This is my date Michael Simms, he's from Wayne County .”

“Michael,” I smiled tightly, “It's nice to meet you. This is my date Daniel Richards,” I stepped back and motioned to the table, “These are our friends Marlene and Barry.”

Marlene was grinning wickedly, “We've met already.”

“You have,” I said confused. Barry was grinning too. I looked at Daniel who was absolutely beaming, “Oh my god, this is Michael .” Then I looked back at Marlene, “And you knew about this.”

“I helped plan it,” she said proudly. She scooted closer to Barry. “Why don't you two join us at our table?” Marlene patted the chair next to her and took my arm, “Sit before you fall down.”

I did practically fall into the chair next to her. Daniel brought his chair over helped P.J. sit next to me, and then he and Michael found two more chairs to add to our table. “Wow,” I said, looking around the table at the co-conspirators. “You guys all planned this?”

“Yep,” Marlene laughed, “Even Barry had a hand in this.”

“I'm speechless,” I said looking at P.J. “Did they talk you into this or did you volunteer?”

P.J. laughed, “Daniel approached me with the plan and Marlene helped master mind it and talked me into wearing the dress. I asked Marlene to help keep you in the dark.”

Swinging my head back to Marlene who grinned, “I knew P.J. was Tom all along. I even put some of the notes in your locker.”

“Are you serious?”

“I put some in there too,” Barry confessed. “No couple should be kept apart just because their parents don't agree with them being together.”

Marlene reached over and kissed him on the cheek, “Isn't he awesome?”

“Yes,” P.J. and I said in unison then laughed.

“Michael, it's nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you.” I said, bringing Michael into conversation.

“I've heard a lot about you too,” he said looking at Daniel. “We are both so glad you agreed to come to the prom with Daniel, it allowed us to get to go to prom together, sort of.”

Leaning back, I looked P.J over, “I still can't get over how amazing you look. I would never have believed that I would ever see you in a dress.”

“It was Marlene's idea and took quite a bit of convincing to get me to do it but the look on your face was well worth the few hours I'll have to spend in this thing,” she said pulling down on the hem of her dress.

“Yeah,” Marlene said, “I told her that this would be the perfect way to end her time at Bracken County High. She's been labeled a troublemaker, druggy, punk, lesbian and some other things by the stupid people we go to school with so I told her she should set them all on their ears by showing up in a hot dress with a hot guy.”

P.J. touched my arm, “It was well worth every minute I had to endure my mom and Patricia putting makeup on me. You should have seen the look on Diane's face when she saw me. I thought she was going to pass out.”

Putting my hand on hers and squeezing, I laughed, “Oh my God! What I would have given to see that!”

“Me too,” Marlene laughed.

“The look Principal Williams gave me was priceless too.” P.J. laughed, “He looked at me with eyes about to bug out of his head and goes, ‘P.J.' I was like ‘yes.”

“I told you it would be well worth suffering for a few hours through wearing a dress,” Marlene smiled at P.J.

“You were right,” P.J. agreed. “I'm really glad you talked me into this short dress, although, I really don't understand why you girlie girls would want to wear them all the time. I've constantly felt like my ass was hanging out since I put it on.”

That brought around of laughter from everyone at the table. Barry stood up and held out his hand for Marlene's, “Let's go dance.”

I stood and helped P.J. up. “I wish I had the balls to dance with you're here but I'm afraid they would throw us out.”

“Probably,” P.J. grinned then whispered in my ear, “Well dance later.” She turned and took Michael's hand as he stood and offered it to her.

Daniel came around the table to take my hand and lead me out on the dance floor. “What do you think about your surprise?”

“I love it. You are amazing,” I caught Diane watching us from the corner of my eye. I leaned into Daniel, “Wanna really make Diane's eyes pop out of her head?”

“Sure,” he quickly agreed.

“I hope Michael doesn't freak but I'm about to give you the best kiss you're probably ever going to get from a girl.” I kissed him passionately, pulling him into my arms as if we were really lovers. I finally released him and looked over at Diane whose mouth was hanging open in shock, “Yeah that was worth it.”

Daniel chuckled, “That was but it also let me know for sure that I'm gay. If a hot girl like you kisses me like that and it does nothing for me, well, that answers any doubts I may have had.”

“Did you have any doubts,” I asked him quietly.

He looked down at me, “No but you really clinched it just now. I'd never had a girl kiss me like that and sometimes I'd wonder if it would change things but it didn't. No offense, but I almost gagged.”

My head dropped into his shoulder as laughed shook my whole body, “Oh my God, well, gee, thanks.”

“I'm sorry,” he said laughing too. He pulled us further out into the group and closer to Michael and P.J.

People all around us were whispering about us but I could hear them. Especially about P.J., she had really thrown everyone here for a loop showing up in that hot dress with Michael. She was dancing close to him and whispering in his ear. It looked very intimate and I was a little jealous but when we got close to them, I heard Michael whisper to Daniel, “Don't be mad, she just wants to put on a show for the jerks here.”

Daniel smiled, “Go for it.”

We danced through four songs including a slow song before we went back to our table. Marlene and Barry were there and had gotten drinks for all of us. “Thanks you guys,” Daniel said as he said down in his seat across from me. “I'm parched.”

“Me too,” I said, taking a sip of my punch.

Barry leaned forward, “You guys are all playing this so good. If I didn't know what was going on, I would swear you guys were couples.”

“Good,” P.J. said taking a sip of her punch. “That's what we were hoping for.” P.J. leaned towards Daniel, “We saw one of Michael's cousins here with junior. That's why we were acting the way we were on the dance floor.”

“That's cool,” Daniel said, “You guys apparently didn't see the kiss Jamie gave me when first started dancing then.”

P.J.'s head swung towards me her eyes narrowing. “Diane was watching us,” I explained. She nodded but it made me have butterflies that would be so jealous of me.

“Oh my God!” Mark Hinton said as he and Andrea approached out table. “Eddie Watson said he saw you here in a dress and I called him a liar.” He held out his hand for P.J. “Stand up here P. and let me see ya,” he let out a cat whistle when she did stand. “Damn girl, why the hell you been hiding those legs?”

Andrea punched him in the arm, “Excuse me?”

“Sorry Andi,” he dropped his head and put his arm around Andrea. “But damn P.J., you look amazing.”

“Thanks Mark,” P.J. grinned and looked at Andrea who was glaring at both of them. “This is my date Michael. Michael this is one of my good friends, Mark, and his girlfriend Andrea.”

Michael stood and took Andrea's hand, kissing the back of it gallantly then took Mark's and gave him a hardy hand shake. “It's nice to meet you both.”

Michael sat back down and Mark leaned closer to P.J. and looked at me, I could hear him whisper, “I thought you two were together.”

P.J. looked at me and grinned then whispered back, “I'll explain later.”

Mark nodded then stepped back, “I just had to see for myself that you were actually here in a dress.” He squeezed Andrea to him, “We're going to go dance some more. Nice to see you all.”

“Yes, nice to see you guys and P.J., you do look amazing,” Andrea said with a smile and a wave as they walked off.

“This is too much fun,” Marlene said with a laugh. “I've had several people ask, ‘Is that really P.J. Thomas?' It's just too funny. I'm so glad you came in that dress P.J. That's the last thing that everyone in this school is going to remember about you. They won't talk about all the other stuff, they will just talk about how you blew everyone away by showing up in that stunning dress.”

P.J. blushed, “Good but I have to tell ya, I can't wait to get out of this thing. These heels are killing me and I still feel like my ass is hanging out.”

“We're only staying until they announce prom king and queen then we've got plans.” Barry said taking Marlene's hand and kissing the back of it, making Marlene blush.

“Us too,” Daniel said.

“Oh really?” I said.

“Yeah, it's your other big surprise for the night,” Daniel smiled at me then winked at P.J. who blushed and looked shyly at me.

My heart start racing, did that mean that we were all going someplace where we could be alone? I looked at P.J., who met my eyes. The look in her eyes answered that question. I wanted to leave right that minute but I knew for all of our sakes we had to stay long enough for a lot of people to see us so the reports going back to our parents was that we were at prom until it was over or almost over.

We all got up and danced several more times. We girls went to the bathroom together. I'd hoped to steal a kiss from P.J. but there were too many people in the bathroom. All of the girls in the bathroom who knew P.J. or knew of P.J. stopped her and complimented how great she looked. I could tell it really made P.J. feel so good. Maybe she would where dresses more often. I know I'd love to see her in one again, but then again, I loved the way she looked in jeans and t-shirt.

They finally announced prom king and queen. It was Jessica Pennington and Robert Garrett, who was basketball player and not Jessica's date. They shared an awkward dance. All of us danced a few more dances but we had already worked ourselves into a heated state of anticipation. I know I had and I could tell by the look in P.J.'s eyes that she had too.

“You think we can get out of here now?” I asked Daniel as we went back to the table.

“Yep, I'm more then ready,” he said as we got back to the table. Marlene and Barry were packing up their stuff too getting ready to head out.

“You all be careful, there will be a lot of people out drinking and driving,” Barry said. “We're going straight to our stationary spot for the most of the rest of the night and trying to stay off the roads.”

“Yeah, us too,” Daniel said. “We're going where hopefully no one else will be going.”

Barry nodded. Marlene gave me a hug then hugged P.J. “You guys have fun. Jamie, I'll talk to you tomorrow.” She went around the table and hugged Daniel, “You keep my girls safe.” She took Michael's hand, “It was so nice to meet you, Michael.”

“Nice to meet you guys as well,” he said giving Barry a firm handshake.

They left with a wave. I noticed several couples were preparing to leave. “Let's get out of here,” I said tugging on P.J.'s hand.

“Sounds good to me,” P.J. said putting her hand on Michael's elbow, she looked at Daniel, “Meet at the designated spot?”

“Yep, we'll see you there,” he said with a wicked grin.

I looped my arm in his, “Where we going?”

“It's a surprise.”

Laughing, I said, “I knew you were going to say that.”

Chapter Thirty-Five

We hurried out to Daniel's truck and got out of the parking lot before too many people were trying to get out. I noticed that we were heading out of town and there was a truck following us. Daniel saw me looking behind us, “That will be Michael and P.J.”

It didn't take long for me to figure out where we were going. We were headed to the lake. We passed the road going to the beach and I turned to Daniel, “I thought we were going to the lake.”

“We are, but Michael and I found a very secluded beautiful spot that I don't think very many people know about.” He turned off the main road. We traveled a few miles down a paved side road then turned off onto a gravel road. There were no houses and I could tell we were passing fields and woods. The headlights finally settled on a small bank. Daniel parked the truck in a place that looked like it was used for people to park. Michael's Ford 150 pulled up next to us. All four of us got out of the vehicles. “Here we are,” Daniel said getting a blanket and cooler out of the backseat of the truck.

P.J. produced a blanket out from behind her seat and a bag. “Did you bring clothes to change into?” she called to me.

“Yeah, why we going skinny dipping?”

“Oh that would be an idea,” Michael said, “I wonder how cold the water is.”

“Too cold for me, I guarantee,” I said with a laugh.

“Yeah, me too,” P.J. agreed.

I grabbed my bag out from the backseat of Daniel's truck and followed P.J. towards the beach. I stopped to see what was keeping the guys. They were locked in an embrace and kissing by Michael's truck. Funny, I'd never really thought of what I would think about two guys kissing. It was a little weird but sweet because you could tell that Michael and Daniel are nuts about each other. I turned back towards P.J. and she was waiting for me. She cupped my face and kissed me deeply. Finally pulling back she said, “I've been wanting to do that all night.”

“Me too,” I said touching her face lightly.

“Okay, this is the plan,” Daniel said as he approached us. He pointed down the shore of the lake. “There's another flat bank like this one just a little ways down the lake. We're within running distance if you need us. If you don't, we'll be back in about,” Daniel looked at his watch, “an hour and a half. Then we must leave because I have to get Jamie home by two.”

“Okay,” P.J. said. “I doubt we'll have any problems.”

“Have fun girls,” Daniel said s he took Michael's hand and headed into the bushes.

P.J. had taken her shoes off and was spreading the comforter she had brought on the ground. “Does your mom know you've got this?” I asked.

“No, it's Patricia's,” she said moving to me and pulling me into her arms. She kissed me then gripped my hands as pressed her forehead to mine and swayed slightly as if we were dancing. “I wish we had music so we could dance.”

“We can still dance to the music of our hearts,” I said slipping my arms around her neck and mimicking her motions.

We danced slowly for a little while then she seemed to remember that I was wearing a long dress. “Oh my god! I hope we didn't ruin your dress,” she said pulling the hem off the ground.

“Well let's get it off me then,” I said huskily. Just dancing had made me want to rip my dress off and lay down with her on the comforter.

P.J. moved behind me and helped unzip the dress. She helped me carefully take the dress off and fold it up. “I'm going to put it in Daniel's truck so it won't get any dirtier than it already is.” She rushed over to the truck and stuck the dress in the backseat.

I was shivering when she got back to me. “Are you cold?” she asked running her hands up and down my arms.

“Just a little but I doubt I'll be that way for long,” I said, standing there in just my underwear and slip was making me self-conscious.

P.J.'s eyes dropped to my breasts. She put her hands on me and I was instantly warm. “It's your turn,” I said turning her around so I could get her out of her dress. I unzipped the dress and found that she wasn't wearing a bra. I moved my hands down her arms as I pushed the dress off of her, finally slipping it down her legs, leaving her in nothing but her underwear.

She cupped my face and kissed me. “Lay down with me,” she whispered. We both got down on the comforter so that we were lying facing each other. It was so romantic. There was almost a full moon over us and the lakes quiet lapping sounds made me feel like we were a million miles away from the rest of the world and people's judging eyes.

We began kissing and touching each other. There was no need for words. We both knew what we wanted, what we needed. We spent the better part of the next hour getting to know every inch of each other again. Finally spent and knowing that our time together was coming close to an end, P.J. pulled me against her. “Will I get to see you this summer?”

“Yes, this summer and for as long as you still want to see me,” I said quietly, turning to kiss her.

She rolled over on her side to face me, “Do you think we can make it through you going to school so far away?”

“I'm just going to Bowling Green , it's only a few hours away. It's not like I'm going across the country,” I said, touching her face.

“I know this may sound crazy,” she whispered, “but I want us to grow old together.”

“It's not crazy. I want that too,” I whispered back. “I'm in love with you and I want you in my life, always.”

She kissed me deeply. “I'm in love with you too and I want you in my life always too.”

We laid there smiling at each other then we heard a whistle. “That would be the guys giving us a warning that they are coming. We better get dressed,” P.J. sat up and pulled me up with her. She kissed me again then stood and helped me stand. We dressed quickly before the guys came out of the weeds.

“Decent?” Daniel called before they actually stepped into our clearing.

“Yes,” I answered.

The guys came through the clearing holding hands. “Let's get packed up so I can get Jamie home on time,” Daniel said.

We all gathered everything we had brought and put them into the trucks. I took a Diet Coke out of the cooler and took a long drink. “Thirsty?” Daniel teased.

I poked him in the ribs, “Aren't you?”

“Very,” he laughed taking out a Mountain Dew for Michael and himself, then he got a Coke for P.J.

“Well, let's say our goodbyes,” P.J. said, putting her arms around my waist. “We can't have Jamie getting grounded for getting home late. She might have a date with Tom next week.”

“Tom?” Michael asked.]

“It's a long story, Honey,” Daniel said, “I'll explain it later.”

P.J. kissed me hard and deeply. Finally she pulled away, “You guys be careful and text me when you get home. Okay.”

“I will,” I said reluctantly letting her go.

Daniel too was having trouble letting Michael go. “Call me as soon as you get home.”

“I will, I promise,” Michael said, giving Daniel one last kiss.

We went to our separate vehicles. Daniel got us turned around and we waved to P.J. and Michael as we pulled away. I leaned over and kissed Daniel on the cheek. “I will owe your for the rest of my life for what you did for us tonight.”

“No my sweet,” He smiled, “We're even. This was as much for me and Michael as it was for you and P.J.”

I moved closer to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. Yawning I said, “I'm exhausted.”

“Me too,” he laughed and put his arm around me.

He drove very carefully through town and thankfully we didn't see anyone who seemed to have been drinking. When pulled into my drive I saw the living room lights were on. Mom was waiting as she had promised. It was two o'clock on the dot. I kissed Daniel on the cheek again. “Call me or text me when you get home,” I said getting out of the truck. I grabbed my dress and shoes from the backseat.”

“I'll just text,” he said, “See you Monday.”

I watched from the doorway as he pulled away. Mom opened the door just as I was about to put my key in. “Hey,” I said sleepily.

“Really stretched that out the very last minute didn't you?” she asked.

“We were having such a good time we didn't want to come back yet but I'm here and I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted,” I said kissing her on the cheek and heading for the stairs.

I could feel her watching me. Finally she said, “Good night, love you.”

“Love you too,” I said going up the stairs. She was such a worry wart. I wonder what she thought we were doing all night. I really hope she will chill out by the time I went to college.

My phone buzzed and it was P.J., “I made it home okay. I love you.”

Feeling filled with warmth and joy, I text her back. “Great, I'm home too. I love you too.”

Chapter Thirty-Six

The last two weeks of school flew by. There was so much to do, finals, preparing for graduation and saying goodbye. P.J. came by my locker every day and I still got notes from her as Tom. After the way she was dressed at the dance and being there with a guy she pretended to be hanging all over all night, apparently made most people decide that what every happened between us was just experimenting and now we're just good friends.

My mom's whole family and Grandma Edwards were coming to graduation. I wasn't even looking forward to visiting with any of them except for Grandma Edwards. Mom drove me and Dad crazy having us clean the house repeatedly the day before graduation. Caterers were at our house at seven-thirty that morning preparing for the graduation party Mom and Dad were throwing. They had both invited friends from work and a few of our neighbors. It was going to be a really big party.

People started arriving around nine that morning. Graduation was at twelve but I had to be there by eleven. I spent most of the morning hiding in my room and avoiding aunts and cousins who were being particularly nosy about everything.

Finally I made myself go down stairs. I was wearing a black dress that had thick straps over my shoulders but clung to my waist. I was wearing it for P.J. who I knew I would see when we getting ready to walk. My aunts and cousins gushed over the dress and my earrings and necklace. They started asking me about college and why I wasn't going to UK like everyone else in Mom's family had.

Dad finally rescued me and took me to school. I met up with the rest of my classmates and we went over the walk procedure. P.J. rushed up to me and wrapped me in a tight hug. “I can't believe I'm actually graduating. It's all thanks to you.”

“I helped but you wanted it enough to make it happen,” I said looking up into her beautiful brown eyes and wishing I could kiss her.

She stared down at me, “You made me want it.”

“You two need to stop,” Marlene said as she came up to us. Grinning she said, “You two keep it up and you'll blow Tom's cover.”

P.J. and I both laughed but stepped away from each other.

“Okay everyone; let's get in line to go out to the seats,” Ms. Carlson said. It was weird seeing her in a dress instead of her usually gym clothes. I'd always thought she was pretty but today she looked beautiful in her blue and black dress, with her long brown hair down instead of up in its usual pony tail. I still wonder about her and Ms. Paul. They both seemed to have become more careful about talking to each other at school since what happened to me and P.J.

Everyone got into line in alphabetical order. I turned and smiled back at P.J. She was absolutely glowing in her happiness to be in this line and I was happy for her. Ms. Carlson led us to the door of the gym, when the graduation march song started she led us into the gym and we went to the seats we were supposed to sit in while the principal and superintendent gave talks. After the valedictorian speech and president of the class speech, we would start going up on the stage they had set up at the end of the gym and get our diplomas.

Graduation was everything I thought it would be. I cried during the valedictorian and the president of the class's speech. Everyone cried during the president of the class's speech, even the guys. The realization that this was really it for high school and being kids, we were becoming adults as this moment passed. We would be going out into the world and starting our lives as adults.

I could see Mom and Dad and the rest of my family from where I was sitting. Thank God mom had a digital camera; she would have gone through ten rolls of film if she'd have had an old fashioned camera. It would be interesting seeing the pictures because she was crying the whole time she was taking pictures.

P.J.'s mom was just as bad and doing the same thing. She even took pictures of me when I was getting my diploma. Looking out into the crowd when I was on stage, it looked like P.J.'s entire family had turned out for her graduation. There must have been thirty people sitting in their section of the bleachers.

When it was all over and we started making our way to our families, P.J.'s mom rushed up to me and hugged me tightly. Tears rolled down her face and she pulled back and looked at me. “I can't thank you enough for helping P.J. to get to be here today.” She hugged me tight again and whispered in my ear, “I'm glad you and P.J. have worked things out, she's nuts about you.”

Blushing I smiled at her, “Thank you.” I whispered back and kissed her cheek. “I'm so glad P.J. is here today and I'm nuts about her too.”

P.J. came up to the two of us and put her arms around both of us in a big group hug. “My two favorite women,” she said and winked at me.

“Excuse me,” my mother said coolly as she approached with a fake smile on her face. “Jamie, we're waiting for you.”

“Okay Mom,” I said and winked at P.J. as I followed Mom to where our family was waiting.

I noticed Dad smiling over at P.J. and he gave Dave a wave, Dave waved back. I wondered if the two of them had talked about what had happened between me and P.J. It would be nice if at least one of my parents would understand my being gay. I guess only time will tell.

The rest of the day was long. Many times I wished I could disappear and go to P.J.'s house where I could just image the fun they were having. Mom's family is so uptight. They don't really joke about anything and everything seems so serious.

Grandma Edwards stayed off to herself. She had never been welcomed as a part of mom's family and I tried to spend as much time with her as I could during the day. Finally Dad said he was going to take Grandma Edwards home and I jumped on the opportunity to get out of the house. I really doubted Mom's family would really notice I was gone since they were in a full scale discussion about the family farm and how to make it more profitable.

On the way to Grandma's house, we talked about me going to school in Bowling Green . She was very excited because it wasn't far from where she lived in Edmonson County . “I tried to convince your dad to go ahead and get you a car so you could live with me instead of on campus but he insists that you have to live on campus your first year,” she said.

“That's true,” I said backing Dad up, “They do require incoming freshman to live on campus unless they have family living close to campus.”

“Well, maybe on the weekends you can get one of your friends to bring you out to see me,” she said patting my leg.

“Maybe,” I said, thinking that maybe P.J. would come to visit one weekend and I could take her out to meet Grandma Edwards. I'd love to know what she thought of P.J. I still hadn't decided if I was going to tell Grandma Edwards I was gay but I wanted her to know P.J.

We finally got to Grandma's house and got her safely inside. Dad wanted to visit longer we knew but we had to get back, though. Mom had already called to see where we were.

The drive back was much more relaxed. Dad and I talked about the family vacation we had planned the first week in August and about what I planned to do to keep myself entertained during the summer. I told him that when I wasn't at Grandma Edwards' I was going to hang out by the pool with Marlene and just enjoy being a kid for one more summer.

When we reached our exit on the interstate Dad turned to me and said, “I hear that you have a new love interest.”

My head swung in his direction and I swallowed hard, “Where'd you hear that?”

“Just a little bird,” he said with a grin, “Somebody named Tom.”

“Ah…” I stammered, “Yeah, yeah Tom. He's been sending me notes for the past few weeks of school.”

Dad reached over and took my hand, “It's okay, Jamie. I know who Tom is and it's okay.” He gave my hand a squeeze then put it back on the steering wheel. “I may be a little bit of a country hick but I understand the ways of live and love. The most important thing to me is that you are happy and that you share your life with people who make you happy. If P.J. makes you happy, that's all that matters to me.”

Stunned I stared at him, “Really?”

“Really,” he took a deep breath, “Now you mother, that's another story. She still hasn't recovered from you not wanting to be a UK cheerleader and I'm not sure she will ever accept your relationship with P.J. or any other woman but she loves you and she always has what's best for you at heart.”

Loosening my seatbelt, I moved close enough to him to kiss him on the cheek and put my head on his shoulder. “Thank you so much for understanding. At least one of my parents is not going to disown me.”

“Your mother won't disown you. I just wouldn't discuss it with her unless you can't get out of it,” He said putting his arm around me. “I know I shouldn't encourage you to not be honest with your mother but until she calms down about everything that has happened, I'd continue to keep her in the dark about your love life. I don't know if she'll ever really come around to understanding your being gay but she may finally realize that your happiness is what's important. But I am always here for you, no matter what, okay?”

“Thank you, Daddy,” I said and snuggled closer to him as we drove the rest of the way home.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

The summer went by way to fast. P.J. a.k.a. Tom and I spent as much time together as we could. Marlene and my dad were both co-conspirators to making sure P.J. and I got to be together. The good and the bad of that was that I feel even more deeply in love with her and now that I had to leave Brackenburg to go to school and I was going miss P.J. desperately.

P.J. took my leaving very well. Marlene called and asked if I could come over to spend the night at her house for the last time before we both left for college but actually she and P.J. had made arrangements for P.J. and I to spend the night at a hotel out of town.

It was an amazing night. We made love and talked about the future. P.J. promised that I would get to see her more than I thought I would while I was going to school.

Now, as I was sitting on the campus lawn, on this beautiful late summer day, trying to study, all I could think about was being in her arms and wishing she were here.

My cell phone went off announcing I had a text. I picked it up and it was from P.J. “Missing me?” she wrote.

“Yes,” I wrote back, “Very much. Can't wait to see you again.”

“It'll be soon, promises” she text back.

Sighing, I text back, “Okay. What you doing right now?”

She didn't text back so I assumed she was at work and had to get off her phone. I picked my Sociology text book and tried to focus on the words again. I was finally comprehending what I was reading when a shadow fell over me. I looked up to see what was blocking the sun. Deciding I was seeing things, I said, “Excuse me?”

But I wasn't seeing things P.J. leaned down next to me and kissed me lightly on the lips. “I'm watching you, that's what I'm doing right now.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked, touching her face.

Her dark brown eyes shimmered with mischievousness, “I just got out of class.”

“What?!”

“Yep, art history,” she said with a grin.

“Oh my God, P.J. don't tease me. Are you seriously going to school here? How'd that happen? When?”

“You remember the art show here in the spring?” she said, sitting next to me.

“Yes.”

“I won and I got a one year scholarship to go to school here.” She said, “I'm on academic probation for the first year because my grades from high school weren't very good but I did real well on the ACT.”

Stunned, I stared at her with my mouth open, finally finding my voice, “So you are here for a year for sure?”

“I'm planning on being here until I get my degree in graphic design,” she said with a grin, “And you're never going to believe her talked me into going for it.”

“Who?” I asked, thinking it would be Mr. Casey the art teacher.

“Your dad.”

My mouth fell open again, “My dad?”

“Yeah, apparently, he and Dave have known each other for quite a while. They'd been talking all the while we were going through everything we went through. Because your dad had seen my art work, he told Dave that I should really pursue an art career but I wasn't so sure. Well, after I won the art show, he came by one evening and talked to Mom and Dave about me going to school down here with you. I just happened to come home from work when he was there and he said that he really wished I could be down here to look after you.” She shrugged, “I thought it sounded a little crazy but he said he would help mom and dad with the financial aid paperwork. So I took the ACT and talked to the admissions counselors here and worked out a deal so that I could use the scholarship and financial aid to pay for school but I have to keep my grades above a C or I won't get to come back next year.”

“Wow,” was all I could think of to say. I could not believe that my dad had gone to that much trouble to help P.J. and me get to be together.

“I'm living with a sister of Dave's that lives here in town so I don't have to live on campus, so that helps and I've already got a job a the McDonald's up the street,” she said, beaming.

“This is so amazing,” I said hugging her. “You are going to get to go to school with me. We get to be together every day. I just can't believe it.”

She took my hand and got on her knees, “I'm not exactly asking you to marry me, because it's too soon for that but we've got this chance to be together in a new place with no one to interfere with our relationship. I want us to start our life together now. I want us to start working on our future together. We may be young, but I know I want you in my life forever and I hope you want that too.”

I got on my knees too and looked into her eyes. “I do.”

The End.

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