Thanks again to my beta reader, Barbara Davies.
A Handful of Heaven
Part 5
By Midgit
Tori threw her keys down on the table once she had parked the Shogun in the garage and climbed the steps into the house.
She sat heavily on the sofa once more, in the darkness. Leaning her head back she regarded the shadowed ceiling.
She had never felt like this before, never worried about anyone else, and the way she felt now was totally new to her. Jealousy was something she never considered. She knew she could trust Eden, just as she knew that she could trust the blonde American. So why did she feel like a thousand ants were eating away at her insides?
She felt in her pocket and found her cell phone. Regarding the small instrument for a moment, she contemplated calling her lover. Would it seem as if she was checking up on her? Of course it would.
However, without really thinking about it, she pressed just two keys and waited while the small phone dialled the programmed number.
There was no answer. It rang for a good few moments, until it connected to Eden's answering service.
"Hi, this is Eden. I can't answer right now; but leave a message and a number, and I'll get back to you."
Tori could hear music in the background and remembered where they were when Eden recorded that message. For a moment the memory of sitting in the car, watching the lights twinkling on the seafront at Weston Super Mare, made her forget her current predicament.
Weston Super Mare. She'd heard so much about the resort on the banks of the Severn as it opened out into the sea. Weston on the Mud, some called it because when the sea went out, it disappeared from sight, leaving the mud banks in its stead.
But it had only taken a 45 minute drive to get there, and it was as close to the seaside as they could get at such short notice. It was a pleasant drive, down through Cheddar Gorge and past the Chew Valley reservoir, named after the valley and small village that were deliberately flooded to provide a source of water for Bristol and the surrounding areas.
Cheddar Gorge was formed when the roof of an underground river collapsed in Stone Age times, creating a beautiful corridor of rock, which led down to the village of Cheddar. It was here that the villagers discovered the caves in which they used to store their cheese before refrigeration was discovered.
Tori's thumb idly caressed the keys on her cell phone as she remembered the drive back from Weston Super Mare. They had made a detour, and found a quaint little pub where they'd indulged themselves in a couple of huge steaks.
Tori hit the redial key, standing as she did so and pacing around the house. It was as she was ascending the stairs that she heard it; the theme from a TV show playing, somewhere in their bedroom.
She searched through the room, not finding the phone. And then it stopped ringing, so she dialled again.
This time she followed the sound into their bathroom and found the phone on a chair, beneath a towel. She picked it up and sighed deeply. Looking at her watch and finding it to be approaching 10pm, she made her way back to the computer room.
Eden looked across at her friend who was driving. "Why are you grinning like that?" she asked.
"I'm just thinking about what Annie said back there."
"About what?"
"About you playing rugby."
Eden screwed her face up. "Why is that funny?"
Jude laughed again. "I just have this vision of you fighting for the football."
"Rugby ball," corrected Eden.
"Same thing isn't it? It's the same as American football."
The snort of derision that came from Eden was most unladylike. "It is nothing like American football. You must have seen it played while you were at the Uni."
"Only once."
"Once? You were living in the City with the most successful rugby team in Europe and you saw one game. That is shameful."
"It was a mixed game, just for fun."
"Even worse." Eden showed mock annoyance and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"Don't you play mixed rugby then?"
Eden shook her head. "No, it's not a game that can be played by mixed teams. Have you seen the size of the guys that play it? The front row forwards are over six feet nowadays and they're usually the shortest in the team."
"I hate to ask this, but, um, front row forwards?" Jude looked over the rim of her glasses and shrugged at Eden.
"Ok. A rugby team is made up of different parts. The forwards, the half backs and the backs. The forwards are the ones who fight for the ball, or maul. The half backs are the players who make the plays. The scrum half," Eden smiled and pointed a thumb at her chest, "me, is the player who takes the ball from the back of the maul, or if there's a scrum, the scrum. Then I have to use it the best way I can."
"In the game I saw, they spent a lot of time scrabbling around on the floor," said Jude as she turned off the main road onto a side road and caused Eden to squeak when she forgot which side of the road she should be on. "Sorry." She smiled at Eden. "Sorry, bud," she said louder to the horrified driver of the car she narrowly missed.
"It doesn't sound like the game you were watching was being taken that seriously," Eden huffed.
Jude ignored her remark. "So you get the ball and play it like a quarterback?"
"No!" Eden was horrified. "The ball can't go forward."
"So what the hell are you going to do with it?" Jude threw her hands in the air, before returning them to the steering wheel.
Eden scrubbed her face with her hands. "I would either pass it to the backs or kick it forward," she said calmly.
"You said it couldn't go forward."
"It can't be thrown forward, it can be kicked forward."
"Sounds dumb to me."
"Do you want me to explain or not?"
"Go on."
Eden took a deep breath. "The other half is the fly half. That is really the most important position. The fly half is the most important play maker. The scrum half will often look for the fly half when the ball comes out of the scrum. Quite often the fly half will be the goal kicker too."
"Hey, now that's the same as American football." Jude looked pleased with herself.
"Nope. In American football the kick is always taken from directly in front of the posts. In rugby it's taken from wherever a try is scored."
"What's a try?"
"When the ball is grounded over the opposition's try line. That is the object of the game; cross the opposition's line and ground the ball."
"We just have to cross the line," said Jude.
"I know. In rugby the ball has to be grounded, and if it's dropped, no try. So if the try is scored in the corner, the goal kick will be taken from the touch line."
"Wow, that must be hard to do."
"It is quite an art, goal kicking."
"Ok, let's go back. So you put the ball in the scrum?"
Eden nodded. "Yeah, I feed the ball into the scrum; there are eight players that make up the scrum. The front row are called the tight head, the hooker and the loose head."
"Hooker!?" Jude got an uncontrollable fit of giggles.
"Jude! Get your mind out of the gutter." But the laughter was infectious and Eden tried to explain around her own fit of giggles. "The hooker is the centre of the three front row forwards and hooks the ball into the scrum after I've fed it in. I have to feed it in such a way that both teams have a chance of taking it. But if you get the timing right, your team should get it every time. Then it's fed back through the scrum and pops out of the back. I have to be there to take it."
"So from there............... what?"
"I can pass it to the backs."
"And what do they do?"
"They try to get to the try line."
"And the other side try to stop them?"
Eden nodded. "They get tackled to the ground and the whole thing starts all over again."
"Makes sense," said Jude sceptically.
Eden shook her head. "Listen, I'm going to give Tori a call." Eden reached into the back of the car for her jacket and pulled it into the front with her. She patted the two pockets.
"Bugger."
"What?" asked Jude.
"I didn't bring my phone."
"Is that a problem?"
Eden thought for a moment. "I suppose not. I just wanted to call her and let her know where we were. I told her to join us if she wanted."
"You did? Why didn't you say?"
"You wanted to go to Bristol, and I'm sure if Tori was coming she would have been there by the time we left." She sighed. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have come. She had a bit of a hump on."
"If I knew what a hump was......."
"She was in a bit of a mood," Eden explained.
"About you coming out with me?" Jude looked across at her companion.
Eden nodded. "But I wasn't going to let that stop me. I have to have my friends, Jude. I'm not giving them up for her. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone, but I have to have a bit of my own life too. Am I being selfish?" she asked her friend.
"No, you're not being selfish."
"I don't think Tori has ever been as committed to a relationship as she is to ours. There are things she's having a hard time dealing with. She's......" Eden was searching for the words to describe her complicated lover.
"She's what?"
"She's a big kid sometimes. She quite often can't confront problems and runs away." Eden smiled to herself. "She needs a lot of reassuring. But in other respects she's the strongest woman I know."
"I still find it hard to believe she just left you in that hospital."
"I know. Now...." Eden paused, "now I can understand why. But at the time...." Eden drew in a long shaking breath. "At the time I thought she'd left because she didn't want me."
Jude reached out and put a hand on the blonde's thigh. "Eden, just the fact that you've both come through that awful experience goes to prove that you're destined to be together."
"You think so?"
"I'm sure." She gave the thigh a gentle shake. "Now, tell me more about this barbaric game."
Tori woke with a start. She'd fallen asleep on the sofa in the lounge, still clutching the cell phone. Looking at the illuminated figures on the VCR she saw that it was just after midnight. She knew Eden wasn't home, the blonde would have woken her. But just to make sure, she climbed the stairs and looked in the bedroom. It was strange how empty the house felt without her lover. She loved this house. But she'd bought it to share with Eden, and the thought of being alone there scared her.
She shivered, wondering where that thought had come from. Eden was out with a friend. She'd be home soon.
Wouldn't she?
Tori returned to the sofa, which gave her a view out of the front of the house and down the long driveway to the road beyond. She settled down, cell phone in hand, and waited.
Eden guided the American to her home. The car pulled through the iron gates and onto the gravelled driveway.
"It's late. I hope you'll be able to get up for your bus to the airport," said Eden, yawning.
"I'll be fine; I can sleep on the way up."
"You want to come in for coffee?"
Jude shook her head. "No, I'd better get back to the hotel. I still have a few things to pack." She took Eden's hand in her own. "Thanks for tonight." She kissed the blonde's fingers.
"I enjoyed it." Eden leaned over and kissed her friend on the lips. "You'll always hold a special place in my heart, Jude."
"And you'll always have a piece of my heart. I'll always love you, Eden."
Tears were forming in the American's eyes, and Eden pulled her into a hug.
Jude pulled back. "I have to go."
"Okay," Eden sniffed. "Mail me when you get home, okay."
"I will."
Eden got out of the car and watched Jude turn the car and drive out of the driveway. The security light had come on, so Eden wasn't left in darkness.
She made her way into the silent house, glancing at her watch as she went. It was 1.35am.
She and Jude had parked just off of Park Street in Bristol and made their way to The Pineapple, a gay bar with a much bigger lesbian presence that the dear old Tap in Bath. It was a place they frequented when they were together a few years before. By 11pm, they were enjoying themselves and so went onto The Queens Shilling, a huge club. The music was loud and the temperature high. It was a nostalgic evening for them. They met old friends and made new ones. They danced the night away, not realising the time.
On the journey back Eden had been silent. Sensing that something was not right, Jude remained silent also, giving her friend the time to contemplate whatever was bothering her.
"I really want this to work with Tori," said Eden suddenly.
"Why shouldn't it?"
Eden leaned her head back against the headrest. "No reason, apart from Tori's guilt complex."
"Over the shooting?"
"Over just about anything that goes wrong." Eden drew her fingers through her own hair. "She can be a little over protective."
"To what extent?"
"No, overprotective was the wrong word." Eden thought again. "Sometimes she makes decisions that are out of context with the problem."
Jude was silent for a moment. "Like leaving you, after you'd been shot, because she thought you'd be better away from her?"
Eden nodded. "Yeah, however much it hurt her, it was still what she thought was best. And I still find it hard to get her to tell me if something's wrong. She bottles up. It can be so frustrating." Eden suddenly realised where they were. "Here," she said, pointing to the iron gates, and Jude eased the car into the drive.
Eden crept into the bedroom. In the moonlight she saw the lump in the bed, which she knew was her lover. Silently she made her way to the bathroom, shedding clothes as she went and pulling the door gently closed behind her. After a few moments she left the bathroom, turning off the light as she went. She eased into the bed beside the tall woman who was turned away from her.
"Tori?" she whispered and waited to see if her lover was awake.
There was no answer and so she curled up against the long body and went to sleep.
It was some time before Tori slept, however. She watched the moon as it ducked behind the clouds and closed her eyes when the warm body of the blonde curled against her. She knew she should just turn and take the smaller woman into her arms, but didn't. She heard her lover's breath even out in sleep and then slid out of the bed and onto the balcony, taking a blanket with her.
It was an hour before she went back to bed. She stood at the side of the bed looking down at the blonde, her features relaxed in sleep. Then she slid between the covers, being careful not to touch Eden because she was cold from standing outside for so long. She let out a long sigh, knowing sleep would be a long time coming.
The following morning Eden awoke alone in the bed. Looking at the alarm on the bedside cabinet she found that it was just after 7.30am.
Eden sat up and listened for any sound of her lover. She heard the distinctive sounds of computer keys clattering away. Pulling a sheet around her she made her way to the small office.
"`Morning," said Eden, leaning against the doorframe.
Tori looked up and gave the blonde a brief smile. "Good morning. You want some breakfast?" Tori stood and walked around the smaller woman and out into the hallway.
Eden was left gazing at the empty office chair. Tori had seemed to need to be away from her. Was she running again? This time Eden would pursue her.
She found the tall woman putting slices of bread in the toaster. "Tea or coffee?" asked Tori, putting a collection of cutlery on the kitchen table.
"What's wrong?" Eden eased into one of the chairs beside the pine table.
Tori cocked her head. "What do you mean?" She placed the milk and cereal on the table.
"There's something wrong. I know you." Eden reached out and grabbed Tori's hand as she made her way back to the toaster. "Please, tell me."
Tori regarded their joined hands. Then her eyes found the green of her lover's. "I love you Eden," she said.
Eden stood, the sheet falling and pooling at her feet. Her hands buried themselves in the ebony locks of the taller woman and she pulled Tori's head down so that their mouths met in a long and heartfelt kiss. "And I love you." Eden rested her head on Tori's chest. "Tell me what's wrong."
Tori tightened her hold. "I'm scared of losing you." She felt the blonde pull out of her arms and step back, then found herself looking into angry green eyes.
"Did my going out with Jude bring that on?"
The sight of her lover angry and naked standing in the middle of the kitchen with her hands on her hips was somewhat distracting. "I.....I....." Tori gave up and turned away from the sight, retrieving the toasted bread and setting it on a plate on the table.
"Tori, for chrissake, don't the last few months tell you anything? D'you think I'm just hanging around here waiting for something better to come along?" She grabbed Tori's arm and turned the taller woman to face her. She waited until the blue of her lover's eyes was on her. "Well? Is that what you think of me?"
Tori regarded her for a long moment ... then spun on her heel and left the kitchen.