DISCLAIMER: This story and all its characters belong to me. Any similarities to anyone living or dead are purely coincidental. Most of the places in this story actually exist or existed, though.
AUTHOR NOTES: English is not my native language, so please be patient with me.
This story is set on the Oregon Trail in 1851. Although I did a LOT of research and tried to make things as realistic as possible, there might be some mistakes. Please let me know if you spot any.
SUMMARY: “Luke” Hamilton has always been sure that she’d never marry. She accepted that she would spend her life alone when she chose to live her life disguised as a man.
After working in a brothel for three years, Nora Macauley has lost all illusions about love. She no longer hopes for a man who will sweep her off her feet and take her away to begin a new, respectable life.
But now they find themselves married and on the way to Oregon in a covered wagon, with two thousand miles ahead of them.
RATING: NC-17. This story depicts a loving/sexual relationship between two consenting adult women.
THANKS: A very big
thank you goes to my beta reader Pam for her corrections and valuable input. I
couldn't have done this without you!
FEEDBACK: Feedback, comments and
constructive criticism are welcome at jae_s1978@yahoo.de
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Backwards to Oregon
By Jae
Part 4
Nora shielded her face with her hand, but still, there wasn’t much to see. Luke had told her that right here, in the middle of the endless sagebrush-covered plain, was a major decision point. The trail divided, with wagon ruts continuing to the left and to the right, though Nora couldn’t see where they were going.
“I say we stay on the main route and take the road to Fort Bridger,” Tom Buchanan said, pointing to the left fork. He was low on supplies and his youngest child was sick again, so Nora couldn’t blame him for wanting to choose the safe route that had enough water and made a visit to Fort Bridger possible.
“Do what you want, but I’m gonna take the Sublette Cutoff,” Bill Larson announced, already steering his mules to the right. “It’ll save us over fifty miles.”
Nora stared at the road to the right. Fifty miles?! That would shorten their journey by two or three days – and given her exhaustion, that almost seemed like an eternity to her.
“Yeah, but it’ll mean traveling through a desert area,” Jacob Garfield pointed out. “Fifty miles with no water, very little grass, but plenty of rough road and alkaline dust.”
The emigrants argued back and forth, but no unanimous vote could be reached. Nora looked at Luke, but as usual, her husband didn’t voice his opinion. He just stood there, eyeing both trails with a furrowed brow.
Finally, the Captain sighed. “Seems like we have to split up. I’ll take the shortcut. Those of you who don’t want to take the risk go with Tom to Fort Bridger.”
Splitting up? Nora bit her lip. Won’t that weaken our defense if we encounter Indians or thieves? At the same time, hope began to blossom deep inside her. She was sure that Brody Cowen, the adventurer, would take the risky shortcut. If Luke decided to detour to Fort Bridger, like she thought he would, Cowen would be out of her life for good.
Luke stepped closer to her. “What do you think?” he asked, pointing first at the left, then at the right trail.
Nora blinked. Luke was probably the man who knew most about the road that lay ahead, and he was asking her, a former prostitute who had never been west of Independence before? Most other men hadn’t bothered to ask their wives’ opinions. “I’m not sure. We don’t really need the supplies, so a detour to the fort isn’t a necessity, but fifty miles through the desert…”
“I think we should risk it,” Luke said, his lips a grim line.
“Really?” In the past, Luke had avoided to put her or Amy at risk, and now he decided against the safe route?
“Yeah. Two or three days could mean the difference between you giving birth in the middle of a snowstorm in the Cascade Mountains or safely in a doctor’s cabin in Oregon City.” Luke directed a glance down at Nora’s belly, then up into her eyes.
Nora pressed her palms against her belly. So, Luke’s decision is based on our welfare. I should have known.
The other emigrants began to gather in two groups at both sides of the fork.
With longing, Nora looked over to the trail on the left. The Garfield family had directed their wagon to this side, preferring the safer route. A glance to her right showed her that Brody Cowen had joined Bill Larson and the Captain at the start of the Sublette Shortcut.
“So, which way do we go?” Luke asked once again.
Nora forced her gaze away from the Garfields and looked down at her dusty boots. “Whatever you think is best.”
“No. That’s not the way I want it to be,” Luke said. His steel-gray eyes gleamed with determination.
Nora turned her head to squint at him. “W-what do you mean?”
“You’re not my servant, you’re my wife. I don’t want you to just follow my orders; I want to hear your opinion. This is something that we have to decide together.”
Sometimes it seemed to Nora that with each step west, she discovered not only the unknown land but also new things about her husband. Have I been too…sheltered in the brothel? Are there other men out there like him and I just didn’t know it?
“So?” Luke prompted.
Nora took a deep breath. “Then we take the shortcut. Giving birth in the middle of a snowstorm is not exactly an appealing thought.” It wasn’t only that, though. Nora didn’t want to take the easy way out, choosing only what was best for her. If it would shorten their journey considerately, she’d pay the price of suffering Brody Cowen’s presence a little longer.
“You sure?” Luke’s gaze traveled over to Brody Cowen and then meaningfully back to Nora.
Nora’s fingers felt for the small revolver hidden in one of the pockets of her apron. “Yes,” she answered.
With a final nod, Luke turned away to tell the Captain they’d join his group.
Nora wandered over to the Garfields’ wagon.
Bernice’s gaze rested on her the whole way. “You’re not coming with us, are you?”
“No, we’re not.” Suddenly, Nora had to fight back tears. Bernice had been the first friend she’d made for herself, almost like a mother or a big sister. “I guess this is good-bye.”
“Yeah.” Bernice sniffled and engulfed Nora in a warm embrace. “You take care of yourself and the little ones, you hear?” She gently touched Nora’s belly.
“Is Jacob really determined to take the detour to Fort Bridger?” Nora asked. She had hoped that Bernice would be with her if she had to give birth on the trail. She hadn’t formed close friendships with any of the other women on the trail. Emeline Larson had enough of her own problems and didn’t need to deal with Nora’s on top of it.
Bernice squeezed her one last time. “We have to. Our supplies won’t last until we reach Fort Hall.”
Jacob came over to them. He awkwardly patted Nora’s arm instead of hugging her. “I’m sorry to hear that you won’t come with us. We could have used someone like Luke.”
Right on cue, Luke wandered over. He shook Jacob’s hand and politely nodded at Bernice, while Nora hugged the Garfield children.
Amy, who had enthusiastically shared hugs with everyone, began to cry as they walked towards their own wagon, and she began to understand that the Garfields weren’t going to follow.
Nora bit her bottom lip. She hadn’t really thought about what their decision to take the shortcut would mean to Amy. It would mean saying goodbye once again to people she’d gotten to like. Bernice had been almost like a grandmother or an aunt for Amy and her youngest daughter was Amy’s favorite playmate. Now she would be a lonely child again.
For a second, Nora wanted to turn around and tell Luke that she’d changed her mind, but then she watched Luke urge the oxen forward. He didn’t look back, his gaze fixed only on the trail that led west. With a sigh, Nora vowed to do the same. Reaching Oregon before the first snow fell was the most important thing, everything else was pure luxury.
* * *
Nora sat with her back leaned against a sack of flour, biting the end of her quill deeply in thought.
They’d reached the Big Sandy at noon and had decided to camp until nightfall to rest. The wind threw up clouds of dust and made it impossible to build a fire or set up the tents, so each family retreated to their tent, the covers drawn shut as tightly as possible.
Amy was finally asleep, and Luke had gone with the other men to drive the cattle towards the hills where they would find grass. Nora was alone with her diary and her thoughts.
Sitting in the wagon, while the wind howled around the wagon and ripped at the covers, Nora felt isolated and alone like she hadn’t for a long time. Bernice, her only friend west of Independence, was probably many miles away by now. Only friend… She stared down at the blank page of her diary. Is Bernice really your only friend? What about Luke?
In the last few months, she had learned to trust him like she’d never trusted a man before. He’d held her life and Amy’s in his hands more than once on their journey west, and each time, he’d proven worthy of her trust. But she did more than respect his skills and admire his integrity. Admit it, you like him.
The cover at the end of the wagon was opened, interrupting her thoughts.
Luke climbed into the wagon.
Immediately, Nora set her diary aside and moved to bring him a plate of bread and cold beans.
“Stay.” Luke gestured for her to sit back down. “You don’t have to wait on me. Finish your writing.”
With a relieved sigh, Nora sank back down against the sack of flour. With every day that her pregnancy progressed, her feet were more swollen and her back seemed to ache more than the day before.
A plate in one hand, Luke settled down in the only empty place in the wagon – right next to Nora, leaning against the same sack of flour that served as Nora’s backrest. “Can’t think of something to write?” he asked after a while and pointed at the empty page with his fork.
Nora sighed. It was exactly the opposite. There were too many thoughts going through her head. She closed the leather-bound diary. “The words just don’t come tonight. How about I give you that promised reading and writing lesson instead? It’s too windy to go out for target practice anyway, so I might as well take my turn in playing the teacher.”
Luke chewed thoroughly, taking his time to answer. Finally, he swallowed. “I’m too old to learn this.”
“Nonsense! It’s never to late to learn. Don’t give up before you even tried.”
He took another bite, then set his plate aside. “All right. I’ll try.”
Carefully, Nora pulled an empty page out of the back of her diary. She began to scribble down the letters of the alphabet and then showed it to Luke. “This,” she pointed at the first letter, “is an ‘a’ like in ‘apple’.”
Luke took the page from her to study the letters. Their hands touched, and both of them quickly looked away. “Why are there two letters for the ‘a’?”
“You use the capital ‘A’ in names like ‘Amy’ and at the beginning of a sentence,” Nora explained. She circled the letter for him.
Luke studied the many unknown symbols on the page. “There’s a lot to learn.”
“Yes, but there’s also a lot of time until we reach Oregon. If you study for an hour or even half an hour each day, you can write the letter, telling your friends that you arrived in Oregon, on your own.”
Still, Luke looked skeptical. “If you don’t run out of patience before that.”
“You never lost patience with me, so why should I?” Nora held his gaze. “I told you, I dreamed of becoming a teacher, and you can’t be worse than an eight-year old, can you?”
Luke laughed roughly. “Let’s hope not. At least, I can already count and know how to write the numbers.”
“You do?” Nora knew nothing about his past. Had he been born in a poor family that couldn’t afford to send him to school? But then how and why had he learned the numbers, but not to write and read?
“Keeping count of her money was important to…” Luke stopped himself. “It was important where I grew up.”
Nora laid the quill down. “Tell me about it. Where did you grow up?”
Luke pointedly looked at his pocket watch. “Let’s get this lesson over with. We won’t have the time again until we reach the Green River.”
With a sigh, Nora reached for the quill again.
* * *
Luke looked around, making sure that nobody was watching her, before she discreetly spit out the dust in her mouth. It might have been a manly gesture, but Luke didn’t like the constant spitting anyway. Here, in the middle of the Green River Desert, it was a necessity.
They had filled every water casket and every canteen in the Big Sandy, and had waited for dusk before they started their journey across the grassless fifty-mile tableland. The boys of the train walked ahead of the wagons, carrying lanterns to show them the way. Traveling by night was cooler, but the wagons still stirred up the alkaline dust and sand.
They’d traveled all night, through deep sand, steep ravines, and dried-up alkali lakes. By sunrise, they still hadn’t reached the Green River, but they knew they weren’t lost because the trail was marked by abandoned wagons and the bleached bones of dead cattle.
By noon, the oxen began to slow under the blazing sun. The morning dew that provided some meager fluid for the cattle had long since evaporated. There was no grass for them, even wild sage hardly grew in the sandy soil.
They stopped for half an hour of rest while the sun beat down on them. Luke carefully dipped a tin cup into the water barrel, measuring the amount of water for each animal. She checked their hooves and found that Snow White had lost an ox shoe. The hoof of one front leg threatened to split in the dry, hot air and on the rough trail. Luke used the break to apply hot tar to the hoof, sealing the split.
“Here.” Nora came over, offering her a tin can in which two slices of peach remained.
Luke licked dry lips, but made no move to take the can. Instead, she held up her hands that were smeared with tar. “I’ll eat it later.”
“There’ll be more sand in the can than peaches if you don’t eat it now.” Nora carefully stepped around the bucket of tar and held out a slice of peach.
Luke swallowed – not because of the mouth-watering sight of the peach, but because Nora obviously wanted her to eat the slice right out of her hand. “No, I’ll—”
“Come on, or it’ll go to waste in this heat.” Again, Nora held out the piece of fruit.
Reluctantly, Luke bent her head and picked up the slice with careful teeth. Her gaze met Nora’s, and she swallowed the peach in one bite, too distracted to chew the fruit thoroughly. Coughing, she forced it down her throat. “Thanks,” she gasped.
Nora turned away with a smile. “You’re welcome.”
A few hours later, the first wagon began to lag behind. Amy and the other children complained of thirst every few minutes, and Luke started to watch Nora with concern. Her ankles were swollen, and she kept pressing a hand to the small of her back. “Nora!” she called to get her attention. “Do you want to ride for a while?” She pointed to Measles who was walking along behind the wagon. The riders had dismounted hours ago to spare the horses the extra-weight.
“No, I’m fine,” Nora answered bravely.
Just then, the oxen that had just plodded on with lolling tongues and glassy eyes began to pick up their pace. After a few more yards, they broke into a clumsy run.
With relief, Luke looked down the bluffs. The Green River, a wide, swift-flowing stream, lay below them. The water glittered in the sun. It looked clear, and Luke had heard that it was filled with trout and other fish. Cottonwoods lined its banks, and mountain sheep grazed on the lush grass in the valley.
Most of the emigrants broke out in victory dances and hurried down to the river.
Luke followed a bit more slowly. She knew that they had overcome one problem only to be met with another. Unlike most other rivers they had encountered, the Green River was not going in their direction, but bisected the Oregon Trail as a north-south-barrier. They had no choice but to cross the Green River, said to be the most difficult crossing on the way to Oregon. A dozen graves downstream provided testimony to the dangers of the crossing.
The Mormons operated a ferry that carried the emigrants over on pulleys, but they charged eight dollars per wagon and an extra dollar for every horse or head of cattle.
“The water’s not that high for July,” Luke said, gazing down to the river. “I think we should save us the money and hire a guide instead.” She knew that every dollar that they saved now would help them start their new lives in Oregon and survive the first, hard winter.
“Trust a dirty Indian with our lives and our wagons? Ha!” Bill Larson spat out, barely missing Luke’s shoulder.
Luke stiffened, but remained calm. She’d learned not to react to provocations like that. She felt a fleeting touch to her back and straightened further, knowing it was Nora, offering silent support. “The Shoshone are traditionally friendly to us, and they know the Green River better than anyone else. We’d be fools to refuse their help.”
“He’s right,” the Captain decided. “An Indian guide won’t charge as much as the Mormons, and we won’t have to wait our turn at the ferry.”
Without waiting for Larson’s protests to die down, Luke started to loosen the bolts that fastened the wagon bed to the running gear and propped the bed up, above the reach of the water, with blocks.
Soon, two Shoshones were guiding the double-teamed wagons into the river.
“Do you want to take over?” Nora offered her the whip.
“Do you want me to?” Luke gave back the question. She knew that they were following a gravel bar so narrow that the smallest misstep by the drover could overturn the wagon and send their provisions rushing downstream. The fear and self-doubt in Nora’s eyes told her that she was aware of it, too.
Nora’s jaw clenched. Slowly, she straightened her shoulders. “I think I can do it…if you trust me to.”
Luke didn’t hesitate. “You know I do. The boys are playing favorites anyway.” She nodded at the oxen. They had gotten used to Nora’s more gentle, but equally determined approach of handling them.
“All right, then.” With a tight grip on the whip, Nora waded into the river, urging the oxen along.
Luke’s gaze followed her. She couldn’t help the proud grin that curled her lips. It was good to see Nora begin to trust in her skills and in herself. She swung up into the saddle and followed Nora, keeping an eye on her and on Amy who was peeking out from the back of the wagon.
The river was deep, and she heard Amy shriek when the water ran into the wagon box, but their guides never hesitated and within an hour, they were safely on the other side.
While they waited for the last of their fellow travelers to cross, Luke took Nora and Amy to the gray sandstone bluff that ran parallel to the river at a few hundred yards distance. Many other emigrants had left their names behind on Names Hill, and Luke had looked forward to carving Nora’s name in a place where the younger woman could see it.
Nora watched as she worked the sandstone with her knife. “You still know the letters. See, I told you you’d be a good student.”
* * *
Nora looked back over her shoulder. In the past week, they had traveled over steep mountain ridges and crossed clear streams like Ham’s Fork. Finally, they had reached the green Bear River Valley. Here, the Sublette Cut-off rejoined the main route from Fort Bridger, but of course, there had been no sign of the other part of their wagon train. Nora knew that the Garfields and their companions were still many miles away, but sometimes, she couldn’t help but look out for them anyway.
“Mama, it stinks,” Amy complained from her place inside the wagon.
Nora nodded. A strong rotten egg odor wafted through the air. “Yeah, it does.” She pinched her nose.
“That’s Sulphur Springs,” Luke explained, “one of the springs along the banks of the Bear River.”
Nora saw the disappointed faces of the other emigrant women. We won’t be able to bathe in that particular spring, that’s for sure. She didn’t know if she should be disappointed or relieved. Since her encounter with Brody Cowen in the hot spring, Nora had mixed feelings about taking a bath. Her tired, pregnant body longed to sink into a tub of hot water, but she knew she was much too scared of Cowen to fully relax. Maybe it’s just as well that we can’t bathe here.
But it seemed like her conclusion had been rash. They rounded a bend in the Bear River and found themselves in a landscape filled with cones, craters, bubbling springs and geysers. Some of the springs were cold, some warm, and others hot.
The men gathered around one spring, declaring that its waters tasted like beer. With a shake of his head, Luke told them that it tasted like rust and walked away.
Nora began to gather their dirty clothes, determined to use one of the hot pools to do their laundry.
“Ah, ah!” Luke blocked her way and took a pile of shirts from her arms. “You’re not lugging around heavy, sodden clothes!”
“But the laundry needs to be done,” Nora protested. She wasn’t keen on doing the heavy work. The fear of losing her baby was constantly on her mind. There wasn’t much of a choice, though. Now that she no longer had Bernice to help her, she had no choice but to do it alone. She vowed to be as cautious as possible.
“Then I’ll do it.”
Nora stared at him until he began to squirm.
“What?”
“You want to do our laundry?” she asked in disbelief. No other man on the train had ever offered to do a woman’s chores.
Luke shrugged. A blush of embarrassment began to climb up his neck. “You said it yourself: The laundry needs to be done, and you sure as hell are not going to do it. So that leaves me.”
“Do you even know how?”
“You think I never washed my clothes before I met you?” It was a gentle rebuke. His grin took the sting from his words.
“No, of course I don’t.” She had to admit that compared to most other men, Luke was always clean and neat.
Luke dumped the pile of soiled linens into one of the warm pools. “You can watch and correct me, if you want.”
Nora sat down on a rock and watched. It was hard to sit still, while all around her, the other women did their own laundry. Even Emeline Larson, obviously pregnant and with new bruises on her arms, was scrubbing her husband’s shirts.
From time to time, one of the other women would take a surreptitious glance at Luke. The younger ones giggled as they watched him scrub one of Nora’s chemises.
Luke blushed each time, but he never paused in his task. Finally, he hung the wet clothes on a line strung between two wagons.
Nora glanced at Amy, who watched her stepfather with curiosity. What kind of woman will she become if she grows up around Luke? she suddenly wondered. For a moment, she heard her family’s scornful words about suffragettes and feminists again. Then she straightened her shoulders. She’ll become a woman who doesn’t think she’s worthless just because she’s not the son her father longed for.
She watched Luke take care of his own chores, checking on the oxen and horses. Not allowed to do any hard work, she felt useless. “I could—,” she began to offer.
“Why don’t you go and have a bath before all the best hot springs are taken?” Luke suggested.
Nora gazed with longing at some of the other women who were heading off with towels and a bar of soap. “Maybe later…”
“Why not now? Later you’ll have to help with the cooking because, frankly, you’re a much better cook than I.”
Once again, Nora marveled at his ease in complimenting her. No other man had ever praised her for skills beyond the walls of the bedroom. She couldn’t help the pleased grin that formed on her lips, but then remembered that she still had to answer his question. The smile disappeared from her face.
“Is it…” Luke looked around, making sure no one could hear him. “…Brody? Are you afraid that he’s gonna catch you bathing alone and helpless?”
He’d guessed her thoughts before she could voice them. Nora’s hand felt for the small revolver in her apron. “I’m afraid my bathing suit has no pockets.”
A blush inched across his face.
Nora smiled again. So he knows that my bathing suit consists of nothing but bare skin, huh? I wonder if he’s trying to picture me like that… “I think I better stay here, with you, where he won’t try anything. It’s just not worth the trouble.”
“That’s just not right!” Luke’s voice was rough and louder than usual. “It’s not right that you have to make sacrifices just because…”
Nora briefly touched his arm. The muscles under her fingers were like stone as he clenched his hands to fists. “It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not.” Luke stared at the ground, brooding. Finally, he lifted his head and fixed his steel-gray gaze on her. “Well, you could…take your bath while I’m watching…watching for Brody, that is, not you of course, because I wouldn’t…I would never…”
His embarrassed rambling made her smile. “I know you’re a gentleman.” Even in situations where it’s not required.
“So, you want to…take a bath? I could sit down on a rock, facing the opposite direction, and…well, there’s still today’s reading lesson to go over…”
Nora hesitated. Finally, she looked down at her dusty clothes and skin and nodded. She wanted a hot bath more than anything else right now, and with Luke standing guard, she was not afraid. The thought of Luke seeing her naked wasn’t scaring her.
She slung a towel across her shoulder, quickly grabbed her bar of lavender soap and called Amy away from her “conversation” with Measles. Hand in hand, they went in search of the best bathing tub.
Luke followed a few yards behind them, taking care not to intrude even though Nora wasn’t even undressed yet.
Without warning, a high-pitched whistle shrilled somewhere in front of them.
Amy jumped and clutched Nora’s skirt. “What’s dat, Mama?”
“I’m not sure. It almost sounds like…” She turned to look at Luke. “Surely there can’t be a steamboat right here in the middle of the wilderness?” The whistle had sounded exactly like that of the steamboat that had brought her to Independence three years ago.
Luke grinned. “No. But you’re not that far off. That’s Steamboat Springs.” He pointed to a large, flat rock in the midst of a grove of trees, right next to the riverbank.
As the walked closer, Nora could hear gurgling and hissing sounds from under ground. Curious, she took another step.
“No.” Luke quickly caught up with her and held her back with a gentle touch to her shoulder. “Don’t go any closer.”
A four-foot geyser shot out of a crevice in the rock, emitting the steamboat whistle-sound once again.
Amy stared with big eyes and an open mouth, and Nora suspected that she didn’t look any more sophisticated than that. “How…how does this work?”
“I think it’s the gas that gathers below the rock,” Luke explained. “The water recedes for a few minutes, then the pent up gas escapes and the water shoots out. That’s what causes the pipe-sound.”
Three of the wagon train’s young boys had gathered behind them and stared at the geyser, too. When it receded, they plugged the exit hole with a handful of sod.
Amy clapped in delight when the hissing gas blew the grass skyward.
Nora let her watch for a few minutes, then tugged on her hand. “Come on, Amy, let’s continue our search for the perfect bathing spring.”
“No! Watch!” Amy pulled her hand back. She only had eyes for the small geyser and the game of the boys with the sod.
“All right. One more time.” She waited until the water bubbled up and then receded once again. “Now…” She tried to get Amy to move away again, but the girl still didn’t budge. “Amy…come on!”
“No!”
It wasn’t often that Nora had to be strict with her normally obedient daughter, and she hesitated to take her away from the spring by force. There were so little entertaining things for a child of her age on the journey, and now that the Garfields were no longer traveling with them, Amy had lost her favorite playmate. Was it really fair to pull her away from this fascinating spring just because she longed to sink into a pool of hot water? She gazed at Luke.
“We should go before it gets dark and you’ll get eaten alive by mosquitoes while you bathe,” he said.
“Amy…”
“Don’t wanna! I watch the spring!”
Nora looked at Luke again. “Do you think we could let her stay here on her own?”
For a second, Luke blinked, obviously startled that he had a say in the matter of Amy’s upbringing. “It’s too dangerous. The water here is very hot.”
“Did you hear that, Amy? The spring can be very dangerous for children, so you have to come with us. I promise that we’ll visit the geyser again before you have to go to bed, all right?”
Amy didn’t look convinced. Her lower lip was trembling, her brows knitted and her arms stiffly pressed to her body.
Uh oh! Nora knew this position. She knew that one would rather move a rock than Amy when she was like this. She took a deep breath and prepared to order her daughter away from the spring.
“Amy, did you know that I visited Steamboat Spring before?” Luke’s quiet voice surprised her. He was talking to Amy in an adult-voice, and it made Amy look up.
She shook her head, but didn’t answer verbally. Her lips were still pressed together too tightly for that.
“And when I was here, a family was watching the geyser, too. They had a little boy not much older than you. While his Mama wandered over to see the next spring, he bent down and drank from the spring. Guess what happened?”
Amy was listening intently now. “Don’t know,” she mumbled with wide eyes. “The boy falled in?”
“No, but he badly burned his tongue, because the water is very hot.”
“Uh oh!”
Luke nodded gravely, almost making Nora giggle. She held her breath as she watched them interact. “Do you know why that was a very bad thing?” Luke asked.
“It hurts!”
“Yes, it did. But that wasn’t the worst thing.” Luke didn’t offer what had been. He made her wait and ask.
Finally, Amy relented. “What was the bad thing?”
Luke put on his saddest expression. “Because he hurt his tongue, he wasn’t able to drink the delicious lemonade his mother made that evening from the carbonated water from another spring. He had to watch the other children drink the lemonade, while he couldn’t have any.”
Amy’s whole body relaxed as she turned to Nora. “Mama, can I have lemonade? Please?”
Nora had to hide a smile. “Well, that depends…”
“Please!” The girl tugged on Nora’s skirt.
“Then you shouldn’t risk burning your tongue, huh?”
Amy moved away from the bubbling water of Steamboat Spring. She grabbed Nora’s hand. “I go with you now.”
As Nora led her away, she grinned back at Luke over her shoulder. “How manipulative of you, Mister Hamilton! How did you learn to handle unruly children like that?” Just three months ago, small children almost seemed to scare him, and now he had handled the situation as if he’d dealt with Amy’s more difficult moments for years.
“Well, let’s just say that I learned from the best, Mrs. Hamilton.” He winked at her.
“Me?” Nora pointed at her chest, trying hard to look indignant. “I’m not manipulative!”
* * *
Luke laughed. “Yes, you.” Manipulation and seduction were the main means of survival for a prostitute. They learned to be good at acting and manipulating their customers or they didn’t survive in the business for long. Luke knew that Nora had been no exception. She pretended to be a virgin when we met, even though she has a child and is pregnant with another!
But still, Luke believed that after the first few days of their journey, after she had given up on her attempts to seduce Luke, Nora had always been honest with her. Yes, hiding her pregnancy from Luke hadn’t exactly been a prime example of honesty, but she told herself that it had only been a lie of omission because Nora feared the consequences.
All thoughts about Nora’s honesty suddenly vanished as Nora reached the warm spring of her choice and slipped out off her bodice and skirt without much warning.
Or any warning at all! Luke quickly turned away and fixed her gaze on a nearby cedar, but not fast enough.
It was impossible not to register the smooth, fair skin that her clothes normally covered. Nora’s belly was more rounded than she remembered from watching her bathe in Alcove Springs a little more than two months ago, but Luke didn’t find her unappealing at all.
Quickly, she settled down cross-legged and let her gaze wander over the surrounding hills and trees, everything to distract herself from the sounds of rustling clothes and then the splash of water as Nora sank into the warm spring with a sensuous groan.
As the pregnancy progressed, it had become a bit easier to see Nora only as a mother and try to forget how attractive she was. Now, with even a fleeting glance at her half-naked body, it was impossible to miss that she was still very much a beautiful woman, not only a mother.
More splashing sounds and Amy’s excited squeaks came from behind her. “Papa, look!”
Luke stiffened. “Very nice, Amy,” she answered without even turning around.
“Looook!” Amy demanded again.
Luke took a one-second glance over her shoulder, trying not to look at anything else but Amy who had a crown of soap froth piled high on her head. She had to clear her voice before she could tell her, “Very nice” again.
“That’s true,” another voice agreed. “Verrrrry nice!”
Luke whirled around. She stiffened when she saw Brody Cowen stroll over, his gaze fixed on Nora. She had hoped that Brody would just cease his inappropriate behavior towards Nora, now that Luke was aware of it. Obviously, he’s not going to just stop. Nothing in my life can ever be that easy, right?
Amy began to cry when she saw Brody.
Clenching her jaw, Luke rose to block Nora and Amy from his gaze with her own body. She didn’t want to start a fight. All her life, she had always avoided getting into trouble. Each argument, each fight she got into held the risk of her getting hurt, possibly leading to her secret being discovered. She had simply walked away from situations that had other officers scramble for their weapons and demand satisfaction in a duel.
But now, she couldn’t just walk away. There was more at stake here than her honor and her image. “I suggest you turn around and leave,” she demanded. She kept her voice as quiet as possible, not wanting to attract the attention of the other emigrants.
“Why?” Brody leered in Nora’s direction. “She’s more than enough for the two of us. I’ve seen her service two customers in a row before.”
You goddamn bastard! Any residing hero-worship she might have felt for Brody vanished in a wave of heat and rage. Without thinking, she took three steps towards Brody, before she remembered her rule. No fistfights. “I’m not her customer, I’m her husband,” she said through clenched teeth. “And I’m not sharing! Now go, or I’ll tell the Captain and have you banished from the train!”
Brody casually folded his arms across his chest. “What’ll you tell him? That your beloved wife was the most sought-after whore in Independence? That’d get you banished from the train, not me!” He laughed mockingly.
The worst thing was that he was probably right, at least partially. Revealing Nora’s former profession wouldn’t get them banished from the train, but there would be negative consequences nonetheless. The women who had formed friendships with Nora would now start to talk about her behind her back. Some men might even react like Brody had and think they could take liberties with Nora. And Amy would once again be mocked as the bastard child of a prostitute. So, telling the Captain was out of the question. Luke realized that she had to handle the situation on her own.
“I’ll make you an offer…” Brody’s leering gaze was still fixed on Nora.
Luke cursed the fact that he was a few inches taller than her and could glimpse Nora over her shoulder. A real man wouldn’t let his wife be humiliated like that! A man would have shot him, or at least punched him out by now! “We won’t make any deals with you, so move on and leave us alone,” she told him tiredly.
Nora and Amy had hastily dressed, and Luke wrapped an protective arm around each of them and ushered them past Brody, back to camp.
Brody’s mocking laughter burned in her ears for hours.
* * *
Nora stared at the tent’s wall. It was well past midnight and she was tired, but still, she couldn’t sleep. She lay still, trying not to wake up the other occupants of the tent, but her mind was whirling. Thoughts of Brody, her past and the uncertain future kept her awake.
Weeks of travel were still ahead of them, and that meant that she would have to endure Brody’s presence in the train for much longer. She’d had cruel customers before who had delighted in humiliating her, but at least, they’d always been gone by the next day. Brody wouldn’t just be gone tomorrow.
She had hoped to at least be safe when Luke was around, but that didn’t seem to be the case any longer. Brody had no respect for Luke, and Luke was clearly hesitant to demand that respect by using violence. Nora had never really expected him to. She wasn’t sure if her slender husband stood any chance in a fight against the more sturdy man. Luke was a hard worker and not exactly weak, but he had none of the rough strength that many of the other men had.
Nora had always liked the gentleness that she could sense beneath the aloof surface, but now, it made her worry about Luke.
There was a rustling at the tent’s flap.
Nora’s head jerked around. Every fiber of her body turned to ice. Is that Brody Cowen, trying to get in? She peered through the tent, trying to see anything in the darkness.
The flap was opened, and a shaft of moonlight fell into the tent.
Nora relaxed. It wasn’t Brody, just Luke slipping from the tent. Probably following the call of nature, she told herself. She rolled around and closed her eyes, but still, sleep wouldn’t come. She waited for what seemed like an hour, but still Luke hadn’t returned. The last remains of sleepiness vanished as she had now something else to worry about.
Where’s Luke? What is taking him so long? Her mind’s eye showed her pictures of Luke lying in a pool of blood, killed by Brody who had lurked in the darkness. With a gasp, she sat up. She began to dress, knowing she wouldn’t sleep until Luke had returned safely anyway. She checked on the still sleeping Amy, tugged the blanket tighter around her, and then stepped out into the night.
She walked across the open space in the middle of the circle of wagons where the horses were grazing or sleeping. Measles snorted a greeting and nuzzled against Nora’s apron. “Sorry, girl, no apple tonight. I’m searching for your master. You haven’t seen him, huh?” With a sigh, she turned and walked away.
“Stop! Who’s there?” A figure sprang up next to the small fire at the edge of camp. It was Elijah Rogers, who was standing guard tonight.
“It’s only me, Nora Hamilton, Eli,” she told him quietly.
Eli Rogers sat back down. “What are you doing up?”
“I couldn’t sleep and thought I would take a walk.” For some reason, she didn’t want to tell him she was searching for her missing husband. Maybe because it would signal that they weren’t sharing the same blanket at night. “Is anyone else still up?”
Eli laughed. “Are you kidding? We’ll be traveling a very bad road towards Portneuf River tomorrow. Everyone else is getting all the sleep they can.”
So he hasn’t seen Luke. Where is he? At least, it probably also meant that Brody Cowen was asleep and not lurking in the darkness, waiting for her. “All right. I’ll take that walk now and then go to bed. Goodnight, Eli.” She slipped past the circle of wagons and tents and headed for the river.
In the silence of the night, she heard something splash down at the banks, hidden by a small grove of cedars. Goose-bumps broke out all over Nora’s skin. She gripped the small revolver in her apron pocket tighter. Suddenly, she longed to be back in the relative safety of her tent, but she took a deep breath and tiptoed forward.
The splashing became louder.
Quietly, she crept closer. She hid behind a cedar, leaning against the rough bark. She counted to three, then peeked around the tree.
Someone was bathing in the river, standing half-naked with the back towards Nora. Is that Luke? What is he doing, taking a bath in the middle of the night? The water must be freezing!
When the person turned, she could see the silhouette of a woman. It’s not Luke. So, where is he? And why is everyone out tonight, without the guard knowing about it? What’s going on, here?
The woman in the river was scrubbing herself, splashing her face with the cold river water. Her shoulders were heaving, but Nora wasn’t sure if she was shivering in the cold or crying. After a few more minutes, the woman stumbled up the bank and sank to her knees.
Nora could hear her sobbing and was just about to step out of her hiding place to comfort her, but suddenly, another person was kneeling next to the woman, enfolding her in protecting arms.
The woman jerked back with a startled cry.
For a second, Nora could see her face in the moonlight. Emmy! That’s Emmy Larson. With another black eye and a split lip. She forced down the bile that rose in her throat. She had known for some time that Bill Larson beat up on his wife – everyone on the train had known about it, but they had all looked the other way, because he was her husband and there was nothing they could do about it. Nora had hoped that now, with Emeline being pregnant, Larson wouldn’t hit her any longer, but obviously he had no more consideration for his son or daughter than he had for his wife.
Emeline stared at the man kneeling next to her, prepared to flee.
Nora heard his low murmurs, saw him wrap a comforting arm around her shoulder. Suddenly, there was no doubt in her mind about the whereabouts of her husband. She could practically sense that it was Luke kneeling in the mud.
For a moment, Emeline’s half-naked body froze under his touch, then she fell into his arms and started to sob uncontrollably.
Nora could only stare. Her eyes, now used to the darkness, could make out the small circles that Luke’s hands traced on Emeline’s back. He softly stroked her hair and whispered in her ear, until the sobs subsided to an occasional hiccup.
Only when she had to gasp for air did Nora notice that she had held her breath while she watched Luke. Never, not even once in her life, had she seen a man comfort a woman in this way. Emeline seemed to sense that he was different from any other man, too, because the battered woman relaxed in his embrace where Nora was sure that she would have run away from any other male. Nora was proud of the way he was consoling Emmy, but at the same time, a spark of jealousy began to glow in her belly as she watched Luke hold the half-naked woman close.
When Luke helped Emmy up and began to lead her up the bank, Nora quickly turned around and hurried back to camp, always keeping ahead of them so they wouldn’t discover her. She slipped into the tent and crawled back under her blankets. She was out of breath, but as she heard the tent flap being opened, the tried to affect the quiet breathing of a sleeping person.
Luke stopped at the tent’s entrance. Nora could see him check on Amy, then his head turned in her direction, and she quickly closed her eyes. She heard him tiptoe through the tent and settle down on his bedroll.
Curiosity burned in her chest. She wanted to ask him what had happened to Emmy tonight, why he’d been down by the river and why he had taken on the role of Emmy’s comforter. Just a few months ago, she would have never dared to ask – a wife was accountable to her husband, but not the other way around. That’s what she’d learned and believed in her whole life. But Luke didn’t seem to believe in those strict traditional rules of marriage. He’d encouraged her every day to form her own opinion and voice it.
Nora timidly cleared her throat. “Luke?”
Luke’s blanket rustled. “You’re awake?”
Isn’t it obvious? I’ve never been prone to talking in my sleep. Nora realized that he was stalling. He didn’t want her to ask where he’d been. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Luke lifted up on his elbow. She could feel his gaze rest on her in the almost-darkness. “Is it…the baby? Is she kicking again?”
Nora felt her lips curl into a smile. Without realizing it, he always referred to the baby as a “she”. “No, it’s not that. The baby is quiet for once. I just lay awake, thinking.”
“Worrying,” Luke translated.
Nora bit her lip. “Yeah. And then you were gone from the tent for so long…”
“Just a quick stroll through the camp to check on Measles,” Luke said.
That was an obvious lie. Should I let him get away with it? “No,” she said loudly.
“No?”
“I’ve checked on Measles when you didn’t return to the tent. You weren’t with her.”
Luke sat up. “Are you accusing me of anything?” His tone of voice wasn’t angry, but cautious.
Am I? Another wife would accuse him of having an affair with Emeline Larson, but Nora knew that was not it. Luke’s embrace had been tender, but without any passion. “No. I just want to know where you’ve been. This wasn’t the first time that you slipped away from the camp in the middle of the night.” Nora remembered the night he had been shot by the guard. She suspected that he hadn’t just visited the latrine then, either.
“Where I do or do not go is none of your business,” Luke grumbled.
Nora blinked and closed her mouth. So much for being allowed to voice my opinion. She rolled around, away from Luke. She’d thought she was used to being degraded and humiliated, but this harsh rebuke from Luke hurt more than she had expected.
A touch to her shoulder made her flinch.
“Nora…I’m sorry.” Luke gently pulled her around. “I’m sorry.”
Nora stared up into gray eyes. She could easily read the regret in them. “It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not. It’s just…” Luke sighed. “I’m just not used to someone caring about where I am or what I do. I was…down by the river. Emeline Larson was there. That damned husband of hers hit her again, and she was in the middle of the river, trying to cool her face and wash the traces of him off her body.”
Luke had been honest. Well, at least partially honest. He still didn’t explain why he was out there in the middle of the night. Nora decided to let it go. She wanted to believe that he would tell her when he was ready. “I know,” she said, deciding to return his honesty.
“You…know? What? How?”
“When you didn’t come back, I was worried and…I searched for you. I saw you with Emmy down by the river,” Nora admitted. She waited with baited breath for Luke’s reaction.
Luke was frowning. “Why didn’t you show yourself? I could have used your help, you know?”
“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to interrupt. There was something so… From what I could see, you didn’t need any help at all.” She looked up into his face with admiration. “You were really good with her. I never thought that she would let herself be comforted by a man, not after what she just went through with Bill.”
Luke shrugged awkwardly. “Everyone with a compassionate bone in his body could have done it.”
Yeah, yeah, just try to convince yourself of that. I know that you’re special, Luke Hamilton.
“Let’s go to sleep now. Tomorrow’s gonna be a hard day.” With a soft squeeze to her shoulder, he retreated to his side of the tent.
* * *
“Sit down before you fall down, Nora.” Luke took the frying pan from Nora and pointed to a fallen log. “You, too, Mrs. Larson. I’ll take care of this.”
She gave Emeline Larson an encouraging nod, but the woman still hesitated, not used to sitting by the fire while a man attended to her. Finally, Nora had to pull her down to sit next to her.
“Beans,” Amy’s groan said what most of the adults were thinking.
“Well, if you insist I could shoot one of the ‘cute sheep’ that we’ve seen earlier.” Luke pointed to a rugged mountain that was called Sheep Rock. Mountain sheep were wandering around its base. “Then you wouldn’t have to eat the beans.”
“Noooo!” Amy hastily began to shovel down her beans.
Nora giggled and even Emeline had to smile.
Satisfied, Luke handed out plates of beans and bread to the two pregnant women.
“Thank you,” Emeline said in a whisper, not meeting her eyes. “And thank you for last night.”
“What the hell does this mean?!” Bill Larson’s roar made everyone stop eating. He had suddenly appeared behind his wife. “Do you think you can cuckold me? You, you joke of a man?!”
“Billy, please, he’s not-”
Larson pointed a threatening finger at his wife. “Shut up. I’ll deal with you later.”
Luke clenched her jaw. She was torn between wanting to run and wanting to rip off the finger that he had threatened Emeline with – or even the whole arm. “There’s nothing between your wife and me,” she told him as calmly as possible.
“And just to make sure that it stays that way, I’m gonna clean your plow!” Larson raised both fists and took a fighting stance. “Come on, Hamilton. Come on, you coward!”
Luke knew that she had a good chance to beat him – she’d learned how to fight growing up in seedy neighborhoods and in the barracks of half a dozen forts. But still, Larson was taller and heavier than her, and she wouldn’t win a fight against him without wounds and grazes of her own. An injury or a defeat could easily lead to her secret being discovered. “I’m not the one who likes to discuss things with his fists,” she said with a glance at the bruises in Emeline’s face.
“What are you implying?” Larson took a step closer, crowding Luke.
Luke held his gaze. “You know exactly what I mean,” she said quietly.
“What’s going on here?” the Captain’s voice boomed behind them. “Why is this taking so long? We’re moving on, people!”
Larson didn’t look away from Luke. He pointed a thick finger at her. “I’m not through with you!”
Wonderful! Now I’ve got two enemies in the train. Slipping away from the camp to bathe or tend to other female needs was getting more and more difficult. With a sigh, she turned to re-yoke the oxen.
* * *
“A letter!” Nora triumphantly waved a battered envelope. “I’ve got a letter from Tess!”
Luke grinned, relieved to see Nora smile again. Just an hour ago, she hadn’t been able to hide her disappointment at reaching Fort Hall and finding out that it was nothing more than a few shabby looking buildings enclosed in a log wall.
But Amy still trudged over the parade ground with a constant frown. Even the promise of eating fresh vegetables and fruit tonight, something they hadn’t had for some time, didn’t cheer her up.
“She’s just grumpy,” Nora said. “We should return to camp so that she can take a nap.”
“You mean so that you can read your letter, huh?” Luke smiled at the way Nora clutched the envelope with both hands.
A blush colored Nora’s cheeks. “It’s just…it’s such a surprise! I didn’t expect to hear from Tess until we reached Oregon. I don’t know how she managed to get a letter to Fort Hall before we got here.”
Luke shrugged. “She probably sent it with some gold-digger or an officer from a military expedition. Men on horses make much better time than our slow moving oxen with the heavy wagons. A lot of men visit Tess just before they head west.” She stopped when she became aware of just whom she was giving this explanation. Nora knew better than anyone else how many men visited Tess’ brothel. “I’m sorry…I…I didn’t want to remind you of…”
“No. It’s all right. I’m not ashamed of what I did while I…” Nora took a sidelong glance at her daughter. “…while I lived in Independence. Not anymore.”
Luke didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded and they walked back to their tent in companionable silence.
Once they had Amy settled down for the night and all the chores were done, Nora sat down to read her letter. A smile was firmly etched on her face as the opened the envelope.
Luke was glad to hear from her old friend Tess, too, but her joy wasn’t as unblemished as Nora’s. To tell the truth, she was a little worried about the letter’s content. Had Tess remembered to refer to her only with male pronouns? Or had she assumed that, after many weeks on the trail, Luke had long since revealed her secret to Nora?
Not wanting to make her feel like she was watching her, trying to decipher the words in the letter, Luke forced her gaze away and reached for her newest project. Yesterday, she had started to work on hollowing out half of a yard-long log.
“This is not a new wooden yoke for the oxen, is it?” Nora asked, looking up from her letter.
“No, it’s not.” Luke found herself almost embarrassed to admit it. “It’s a cradle.”
The letter fluttered into Nora’s lap. “A cradle? For…my baby?” Her hand covered her belly without thought.
Luke awkwardly shifted the knife from hand to hand. She knew she was sending Nora mixed messages. On one hand, she had told her to search for another husband as soon as they reached Oregon, but on the other hand, she was building a cradle as if she expected a succession of Hamilton-offspring to grow up in it. “Well…” She shrugged, trying to play it down. “I figured the little one’s going to need it. How’s Tess?” she quickly changed the topic.
Nora picked up the letter again. “She’s fine…but she complains that business has been dragging since…for the last few months.”
Since Nora left, Luke translated. She knew enough about life in a brothel to realize that the beautiful, red-haired Nora had obtained the highest prices. Luke clenched her teeth and forced her thoughts in another direction. She’d always tried to avoid thinking about the talents that Nora had possessed in her former profession. “But otherwise, Tess is fine, huh?”
“Yes…” Nora rubbed over a paragraph of the letter with her thumb. She glanced at Luke, then quickly back down. “She asked…”
Luke let go of the knife. She wanted to avoid cutting herself if Tess had somehow managed to get her in trouble with her question. I just hope she didn’t give my secret away! “What?” she asked after several seconds of hesitation.
“She asked…how our marriage is going.” Slowly, Nora looked up from the letter.
Luke found herself looking into the intense green eyes. Her mouth grew dry. Suddenly, she desperately wanted to know the answer to that question. How did Nora think about her and their marriage? Did she regard it as the farce it was? “What will you write her?”
“What do you want me to write?”
That was not the way Luke wanted things to be between them. She didn’t want to be anything like Bill Larson who tried to control everything his wife did, said and even thought. “The truth,” she said.
Nora still hadn’t looked away. “Then I’ll write that you’re hardworking, gentle, and a good father to Amy…and even more afraid to trust someone than I am.” Finally, Nora lowered her gaze, as if afraid that she’d said too much.
And with good reason, Luke thought. You wouldn’t have anything complimentary to say about me any longer if you knew the truth.
When Luke didn’t answer, Nora was the one to break the silence. “Tess also wanted to know how you reacted to… the fact that I’m with child again.”
Luke stiffened. Tess would immediately know that she hadn’t fathered the child, so she wouldn’t ask Nora who the baby’s father was. She hoped that it wouldn’t make Nora suspicious.
“Maybe you want to answer that question for Tess?” Nora hesitantly suggested.
“My writing is not good enough yet.” Luke’s emotions regarding the baby were much too confused to give a clear answer. Sometimes, when she lay awake at night, she dreamed of settling down with Nora, Amy and the baby, building a happy little family, but then, in the light of day, she reminded herself that it could never be.
Nora accepted that answer with a sigh. She became engrossed in the letter again.
Relieved, Luke reached for the knife and started to carve out the cradle.
“Lucinda,” Nora suddenly said.
The knife slipped. It sliced across Luke’s palm, but she hardly felt the pain as she stared at Nora. What the hell did Tess tell her?!
“You’re bleeding,” Nora said.
Luke still stared at her. She didn’t even blink, too shocked at the name that she hadn’t heard in many years. “What?”
Nora pointed at her palm. “You cut yourself.”
Why is she talking about my palm? Why is she so calm? She was almost too breathless to speak, but she managed a “What did you just say?”
Nora’s gentle fingers lifted her hand and pressed a cloth against the cut. “You cut yourself,” she repeated, dapping at the wound.
“No, not that. I mean…that…that name that you…”
“Lucinda?”
Hearing that name again was more painful than the cut on her palm. Lucinda had been the name of a helpless girl with no perspectives in life, while, at least to the world, Luke was a man who could do whatever he set out to do. She nodded weakly.
“Tess asked me if I’d already thought of a name for the baby,” Nora said, still cradling Luke’s hand. “You seem to assume that it’s gonna be a girl, so I thought maybe we could name her Lucinda – or Lucas junior, if it’s a boy. What do you think?”
Luke felt Nora’s fingers tremble against her own, equally unsteady hand. She relaxed as she realized that Nora had no idea that “Lucinda” had once been her own name. Then she realized that the question still possessed it’s own dangers. Naming the baby after her would mean agreeing to raise it as her own son or daughter – and not just being a temporary second-parent. Luke bit her lip as she considered the dilemma she found herself in. She didn’t want to disappoint Nora now that she had just started to trust her and learn to rely on another person, but she also didn’t want to give her any false hopes. She didn’t know how long she would stay with Nora and her children, but one thing she knew for sure: She didn’t want to hear the name “Lucinda” shouted through the house. Not only would it remind her of a time in her life that she would rather forget about, but she also didn’t want to take the risk that she would maybe react instinctively to the name that had once been her own. But of course, she couldn’t very well tell Nora that. “Is there no one in your family that you’d want to name the baby after? Your father or your mother?”
The pressure that Nora applied on the wound increased. “No.”
“No one? No brother, sister, cousin...”
Nora shook her head. “I’ve never been close to anyone in my family.”
It was hard to believe for Luke that someone could have a family and still not be close to anyone. Growing up as a neglected only-child, she had often dreamed of having loving parents and siblings.
“You don’t want the baby to be named after you, do you?” There was a defeated tone in Nora’s voice.
Luke took the piece of cloth from Nora and stalled by inspecting the cut. “It’s not that,” she murmured.
“But?” Nora prompted.
“I’m not that fond of my name. There are other, much nicer names.”
Now Nora seemed to relax a bit. “Do you have a favorite?”
Oh, no. I’m not naming this baby when I’m not sure if I’ll be around to see it grow up! “No, not really.”
“What about…Nathaniel, Nathan or Natalie?” Nora asked.
Luke’s fingers tightened around the cloth. It was the one name in the world that meant anything to her. Was it just luck, a simple coincidence, that Nora had suggested those of all names? “Why that name? Does it mean anything to you?”
“It means something to you,” Nora said quietly. “You sometimes call out for a ‘Nate’ in your sleep. Is he a friend of yours?”
For a few moments, Luke considered not answering. She had never told anyone about Nate. But then she realized that Nora had earned her trust. She couldn’t tell her the most basic truth about herself, her biggest secret, but she could tell her this. “He was my friend, yes. We fought together in Mexico. He didn’t make it home.” Nate’s whole life, reduced to three short sentences.
“I’m sorry. If he was a good man and a good friend, then it would be a good name for the baby, wouldn’t it?” Nora gently touched her sleeve.
Luke wrestled with herself. She closed her eyes, then exhaled. “Yes,” she admitted.
“All right.” Nora looked down at her belly with a smile. “Did you hear that? Your name’s gonna be Nate…or Nattie.”
Amy began to murmur and sigh in her sleep. She tossed and turned, throwing off the blanket in the process.
Luke, sitting closer to the girl than Nora, reached out to tuck the blanket back around Amy. “Nora?” she said with a frown. “Have a look at Amy. She’s not always this hot when she sleeps, is she?”
The letter was quickly forgotten as Nora rose to check on her daughter. Her eyes widened as she laid a hand against Amy’s forehead. “She’s burning up with fever! Her shirt is soaked through.”
Hot and cold waves of panic raced through Luke’s body. She didn’t know how to deal with a sick child. “What should we do?” She looked helplessly down at Amy’s flushed face.
Amy struggled against the blanket as a cough racked her small body.
For a moment, the same panic that Luke felt glimmered in Nora’s eyes, then she straightened her shoulders. “Let’s try to give her some tea and a little onion syrup.”
“Tea. All right…” Luke scrambled to her feet, grabbed a pot and rushed from the tent.
The camp lay in silence. Bill Larson and some of his friends were still sitting in Fort Hall’s small saloon, and most other emigrants were already asleep in their tents and wagons. Luke had never missed Bernice Garfield so much as in this moment.
She hurried down to the Snake River, and quickly dragged a pot of water back to the camp. Without a comment, she hung the pot over the fire that the guard had already burning.
“What are you doing?” Only when he spoke did Luke notice that it was Brody Cowen.
“I need hot water. Amy’s sick.” Luke didn’t have the patience to deal with him now. God help him if he’s trying to stop me now!
But Brody only settled back down. He made no move to help Luke, but he also didn’t try to stop her.
With the hot water, Luke rushed back to the tent.
Nora was still kneeling next to Amy. She had changed her into a dry sleep-shirt and had covered her with an extra blanket.
“Here’s the hot water,” Luke said, lowering her voice to an almost-whisper. “What kind of tea do you want? Sassafras?”
“Yeah. But I need some sugar to sweeten it – she won’t drink it otherwise.”
Luke didn’t hesitate. Once again, she raced through the camp and quickly returned with some sugar from their wagon. She poured a generous spoonful into the cup that Nora held out in her direction.
Nora settled Amy on her lap, pulling her against her chest to raise her up a bit. She blew across the tea’s surface, before she patiently poured it into Amy’s mouth.
Hours went by with preparing tea, changing cold compresses, and trying to get Amy to swallow some of the onion syrup. When the sun came up, Amy fell into a restless sleep.
Nora looked up at Luke with red-rimmed eyes. “She can’t travel like this. It would be her…death.”
Luke gazed through the half-open flap to the mountains in the distance. The snow-capped peaks reminded her of the need to continue their journey as quickly as possible. If they lost too much time now, they would find themselves still on the trail when the first snows fell.
“Maybe I can stay in Fort Hall until Amy is better,” Nora said when she didn’t answer. “I could try to get some work in the saloon or—”
“No,” Luke interrupted. “You’ll never have to work in a saloon again. I promised you that when I married you, and I still mean it. We’ll both stay here with Amy until she’s well enough to travel.”
Nora blinked. Tears trembled on her eyelashes. “But the wagon train… the others won’t wait for us, will they?”
“No, probably not. But maybe we can join another train in a few days. Amy’s health is all that matters now.” She rose to tell the Captain about her decision.
* * *
Nora cried uncontrollably. Her whole body shook with her sobs. “God, I never thought…”
“Hey, hey! I thought you’d be happy to see me again.” Bernice Garfield used the edge of her apron to wipe away Nora’s tears.
Nora laughed through her tears. “I am happy! It’s just…I thought I would never see you again, and then Amy got so sick and we had to stay behind when the others left…” She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.
The other emigrants had left Fort Hall almost a week ago, leaving behind only the three Hamiltons and the Larsons, because Bill had been too hung over to travel. To her discomfort, Brody Cowen had decided to stay behind, too. Just when she had thought that she was forced to continue the journey in the company of only two men she hated, their old friends who had chosen the longer route via Fort Bridger had arrived at Fort Hall.
“The little darling is all right now, isn’t she?” Bernice asked with almost grandmotherly concern.
Nora turned to look at Amy who was resting next to the fire, cuddled up in Luke’s protective arms. “Yeah, she’s fine now.” She closed her eyes and sent a silent prayer of thanks to heaven.
“Has Luke been sick, too?” Bernice asked.
Nora’s gaze wandered from Amy to Luke. He’d lost some weight in the last few days, and the dark circles under his eyes told of many sleepless nights spent sitting next to Amy’s bedroll. Luke had tried to keep his emotions hidden behind a mask, but Nora knew him well enough by now to see through this act quite easily. She knew that he had been as worried about Amy as she herself had been.
“It was a hard week for all of us,” she said with a sigh.
Jacob Garfield rose from his place by the fire and held up his cup of coffee in a silent toast. “We’ve just taken a vote,” he announced loudly. “Luke, you were elected Captain of our small wagon train.”
Luke raised both hands. He didn’t look enthusiastic at all. “I didn’t even run for Captain!” he protested.
Jacob laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “Congratulations.”
* * *
Slowly, Nora made her way through three-foot high sagebrush and over razor-sharp rocks, careful not to stumble in the darkness and lose her balance with her growing belly. At a grouping of black lava rocks, she stopped and sat down with a relieved sigh. Lately, she often found herself a little short of breath and she knew that it would only get worse in the last months of her pregnancy.
She peered down the cliffs. She could see the water of the Snake River, battering the jagged walls of the lava gorge below, but she knew that it was impossible for her to climb down.
Luke had led the exhausted oxen down a precipitous path to the river earlier tonight. Nora knew that she couldn’t have done it. She was worn-out after the day’s travel over the worst road since leaving Independence. The steep trail led over sharp rocks that cut the oxen’s feet. Choking dust and clouds of mosquitoes hung in the air. Not long after noon, oxen began to collapse in front of the wagons. Amy had been inconsolable when they had to leave “Red Rose”, one of their oxen, behind.
Now, after stopping for the night, when she would have finally been able to rest, Nora couldn’t. A rhythmic twitching in her belly kept her awake. She smoothed her palm over her belly, but knew that she could do nothing to stop the baby’s hiccups, so she just sat and listened to the sounds of the night.
She could hear the roar of the American Falls that they had passed an hour before stopping for the day. Then another sound drowned out the peaceful rumbling of the water. An angry shout, then the sound of flesh hitting flesh, and then stifled whimpers. Nora knew only too well where the sounds where coming from. Emmy. He’s beatin’ up on her again. Her jaw began to hurt as she clenched her teeth.
Instead of calming down after a while, like Bill Larson usually did, the sounds from the Larson’s wagon didn’t stop, they became even louder. There was a loud snap, as if something heavy had been shoved against the wagon’s boards, then a cry of pain.
Nora took a deep breath. She had listened to Emmy’s muffled crying more than a dozen times during their journey. As much as she wanted to, she had never intervened, because she always thought she didn’t have the right – or the means – to do it.
She didn’t know why or how, but that opinion had slowly changed over the last months and weeks. She was no longer convinced that their marriage certificate gave Bill Larson a right to terrorize his wife. It’s Luke, she realized. He set new standards for me. He treats me like a person, not a possession, a slave to order around or a whore to satisfy his needs.
She touched the small revolver in her apron pocket, reassured to feel the cold metal against her fingertips. With a pounding heart and wobbly knees, she made her way towards the Larson’s wagon.
“Hello, luscious,” a voice from the darkness stopped her. “What are you doing out here, all on your own? Been waiting for me?”
Nora froze when Brody Cowen stepped out from behind a wagon. In her desire to help Emmy, she had completely forgotten about him. “N-no. I’m just h-heading back to my tent… to Luke. He’s waiting up for me.”
Brody smirked. “I bet he doesn’t even know you’re gone.”
He didn’t. He’d been asleep when Nora slipped from the tent. Her eyes darted left and right. Quickly, she tried to step around Brody and escape into the darkness.
Brody’s brawny arms closed around her like iron shackles. He pulled her back against his heaving chest.
Nora shivered and started to struggle when she felt his lips on her neck. “Let go of me!” She tried to use the tricks that Luke had taught her, but Brody only grunted when she kicked his shin, but didn’t loosen his hold on her. “I’ll call for help!” she finally threatened.
“Ha! So everyone can learn about your sordid past, huh?!” Laughter shook his body.
Nora used the opportunity to get one hand free. Her fingers dived into her apron pocket and came up holding the revolver. The barrel was shaking when she pointed it at Brody.
“Nice toy.” Brody grinned down at her. “Do you even know how to use it?”
Nora had to swallow before she could speak. “I do.”
“And do you also know what it’s like to shoot a man? To stand right next to him and pull the trigger? There’s gonna be a lot of blood and it’ll all be on your hands. Think you can do that, huh? Can you look into his eyes while he’s dying, knowing you’re responsible for it?” Suddenly, his hand shot out and grabbed the revolver, pulling it from Nora’s grip. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now, where were we…?”
“Emeline? Is that you?” Bernice Garfield’s voice sounded from just a few yards away. “I heard someone cry out and—”
Both Nora and Brody froze. He grabbed her hair and roughly pulled her head back until she had to look into his cruel eyes. “You better keep quiet about this or I’ll make sure you regret it!”
She stumbled when he let go of her.
“Nora?” Bernice had reached them now. “Did you hear… hey, what happened to you?” She smoothed a motherly hand over Nora’s tangled hair, then fixed a suspicious gaze on Brody. “What are you doing here, all alone with a young woman who is not your wife, Mister Cowen?”
The protective tone of her voice was a balm to Nora’s soul. No one had ever taken a stand for her. No one but Luke. It felt good to see a woman have the courage to stand up to a man.
Brody Cowen flashed a superior grin. “Just out for a stroll, Mrs. Garfield.”
“Nora?” It was clear to see that Bernice didn’t believe him. “Did he…bother you?”
Nora held her breath. There it was – the moment that she had to make a decision about the way she would live her life. Since marrying Luke and setting out for Oregon, she hadn’t really had to make any decisions. The Captain, Luke and the other men decided which road they would take, when to stop for their noon break and where to camp. She had limited herself to what she did best – making sure that she and her daughter would survive. The easiest thing to ensure survival would be to keep quiet and suffer in silence until she reached Oregon and Brody would be gone from her life.
But suddenly, there were other things that were important to her. Surviving alone wouldn’t be enough any longer, when it meant sacrificing her dignity. If she ever wanted to leave her former life as a prostitute behind, she would have to stop men like Brody Cowen from treating her like one. “Yes,” she whispered.
“Yes?” Bernice tilted her head, as if she wasn’t sure if she had understood correctly.
“Yes, he is bothering me,” Nora said a little bit louder.
Bernice put her hands on her ample hips. “I think you better leave, Mister Cowen, before I decide to wake up my husband - and hers.” She pointed at Nora.
Brody smirked. “Oh, don’t worry, she’s used to being ‘bothered’, isn’t that right, Fleur?” Not waiting for an answer, he winked at Nora and then strolled away.
Bernice stared at him until he had disappeared into the darkness. Then she turned and directed a confused gaze at Nora. “What’s going on? What is he talking about?”
“It’s nothing,” Nora said. In her mind, Bernice was the epitome of a respectable, hard-working woman, and she didn’t want to lose her friendship by telling her about her past.
“Why did he call you Fleur?”
Nora had hoped that Bernice had missed that, but of cause she hadn’t. She pressed her lips together, searching for something to say.
Bernice stared into her eyes. “You’re not on the run from the law, are you?”
“No.” A tired smile flitted over Nora’s face. She just didn’t have the energy to lie to her friend any longer. “Fleur was the name I used…in my former profession.”
“Profession?”
Nora sighed. She had hoped that she wouldn’t be forced to say it out loud. “I worked in a brothel.”
The normally imperturbable Bernice could only stare at her with a shocked expression. “And Brody Cowen…?” She gestured, but didn’t find the words to ask.
“He was one of my customers, yes.” Nora closed her eyes. She didn’t want to see the expression of disgust on Bernice’s face. “And now he thinks he can still take those liberties with me.”
Bernice was silent for a long time. “And your husband? Does Luke know about…that you…lived in a brothel?” she finally asked, her voice almost a whisper.
“Yes, he knows. That’s where I met him.” She opened her eyes to see Bernice’s reaction.
Bernice’s eyes widened. “He was one of your…?”
“No,” Nora said quickly. Suddenly, defending Luke’s honor was more important than defending her own. “He… refused my advances, but then he came back and asked me to marry him.”
“Even knowing what you did for a living?” Bernice wondered aloud. “It must have been love on first sight.”
Nora knew that it hadn’t been, but she said nothing. She didn’t even know how to explain to Bernice why Luke had married her, because, frankly, she still didn’t understand it herself. She looked at Bernice, waiting for a reaction to her revelation, but none came. Bernice continued to look at her with the same motherly warmth. “You’re taking this awfully well,” she finally said quietly.
Bernice laughed. “What did you expect me to do? Yell and turn my back on you?”
“Well…yes,” Nora admitted.
“Who am I to pass judgment on what other people had to do in order to survive.” Bernice shook her head. “You are a good mother, a hardworking wife and a loyal friend. You deserve a chance to start anew, without people like Brody Cowen interfering.”
Nora stumbled as her knees turned to jelly.
“Hey, hey!” Bernice caught her in a motherly embrace. “You were really worried about my reaction, weren’t you?”
Nora nodded, her face pressed against a rounded shoulder. “I was so glad to have you in my life again, and I didn’t want to risk losing your friendship. You’ve been more like a mother to me than my own mother ever was.”
“Lord, you make me feel old!”
The comment made Nora chuckle, and she finally felt herself relax.
Bernice looked down at the enlarged belly that was pressed against her in their embrace. “The baby...,” she suddenly realized with wide eyes. “And Amy? They’re not…?”
“Luke’s?” Nora bit her lip. As much as she wanted to believe otherwise, they weren’t. “No, they’re not.” She didn’t add that a customer had fathered her baby, knowing that Bernice would guess it anyway.
Bernice shook her head in disbelief. “You’d never know it watching him with Amy. I’ve never seen a man care that way for a child that wasn’t his own flesh and blood.”
Quiet, dragging steps interrupted Nora’s answer. She let go of Bernice and quickly reached for the revolver that she had put back into her apron pocket.
She didn’t need it. Instead of Brody Cowen, Emeline Larson’s pale face appeared in front of them. She stumbled forward, bent over, clutching her stomach.
“Emmy!” Nora called out to her.
Emeline sank to her knees, then rolled onto her side. When she reached out pleading hands to Nora, she saw that there was blood on them. “My baby…,” Emeline whimpered. “It hurts so much.”
“Let’s take her to the tent,” Bernice decided.
Holding up the bleeding woman between them, they stumbled through the darkness, heading for the closest tent.
Luke sat up when they entered, already fully dressed – one of her husband’s little quirks that Nora hardly noticed anymore. “What happened?” he asked with a sleep-roughened voice.
“I think she’s losing the baby,” Nora whispered, her thoughts going back to the night when she’d almost miscarried.
Luke’s gaze met hers, and they silently shared the terrifying memories of that night. Then, Emeline’s moans pulled Nora from her thoughts.
As she kneeled down, she felt Luke’s warmth in her back when he stepped closer. “What can I do to help?” he asked.
Nora opened her mouth, about to tell him to just stay out of their way, but then she stopped herself. Luke had been so good with her when she had almost lost her baby. He’d been the solid rock that she clung to, he had encouraged her and given comfort. He was not the average man, who mostly stood by, looking helpless and uncomfortable. “If she lets you, you could try to calm her down some.”
Nora helped the still sobbing woman to undress and covered her with a blanket, while Bernice rushed to get her cramp-stopping herbs. When she looked up, Luke was holding Emeline’s hand, wiping her sweaty face with a wet piece of cloth.
The three of them worked for almost an hour, but neither the labor pains nor the flood of blood coming from between Emeline’s legs stopped. The contractions were coming faster and faster, until Emeline let out a piercing cry. After a few endless seconds, she collapsed back against Luke.
With tears in her eyes, Nora looked at the much too small, lifeless bundle in Bernice’s arms.
Luke directed a questioning gaze at her.
Biting her lip, fighting not to break down into sobs, Nora shook her head.
“My baby,” Emeline mumbled weakly. She tried to sit up to get a look at her child, but Luke held her back with a gentle embrace.
“I’m sorry,” Nora whispered. “It was much too soon. It wasn’t ready to be born.”
Emeline’s wails broke the silence of the night, waking up the rest of the camp.
“Goddamn, woman, shut up! How am I supposed to sleep with all that noise? What the hell is goin’ on here?!” Bill Larson stumbled into the tent, apparently still drunk. He stared down at his heartbroken wife and his dead baby without showing any emotions.
“What’s going on?! What’s going on?!” Nora repeated in disbelief. For the first time in her life, she didn’t think about her own survival, she didn’t think about how chanceless she was against the violent man. She was too angry to think at all. “Your wife just lost the baby, thanks to you and your drunken beatings!”
Larson took a threatening step forward. He shook a meaty fist at Luke. “Shut your wife up or I’ll do it for you!”
Nora swallowed, for the first time realizing that her angry words had put her and Luke in danger.
Gently, Luke disentangled his hand from Emeline’s. He stood slowly and stepped towards Larson until only a few inches of space remained between them. Larson was half a head taller, but Luke looked him in the eyes as if he hadn’t noticed this at all. “My wife can say whatever she wants to, and neither you nor I have a right to stop her. Not that I’d want to, because she’s right. And now go,” he said softly.
There was nothing weak in Luke’s soft tone. Nora could feel a deathly danger lurking just under his calmness. His normally gentle gray eyes were like sharp steel now.
“What?!” Larson stared at him with an expression somewhere between amusement, anger and confusion.
“Pack up your tent, take your wagon and go. You’re not welcome in this train any longer,” Luke said, still not raising his voice.
Larson laughed. It sounded like the roar of an animal. “That’s not your decision to make, weakling. I’ll stay for as long as I want to.”
Luke slowly shook his head. “It is my decision. I’m the Captain of this train now. Go.”
“Who’s gonna force me to, huh? You?”
“I’d say Mister Garfield’s shotgun is more than up to the task.” Luke pointed to something behind Bill Larson.
When Larson whirled around, Luke followed him with two quick steps, pulled the revolver from the half-drunk man’s holster and hit him over the head with the barrel.
Larson went down with a groan.
Nora stared at her normally gentle husband who calmly looked down at his fallen enemy. They were still alone in the tent – with no sign of Jacob Garfield or his shotgun.
Luke started to bound the unconscious man’s wrists.
“What are you doing?” Nora asked in disbelief. She was trembling now, knowing that Luke had just made a mortal enemy that would kill him as soon as he woke up.
“We’re not that far from Parting of the Ways. At the Raft River, the roads to Oregon and to California split,” Luke explained. “The wagon train behind us is heading for California – I’ll ask them to take Larson with them, and only let him go when we’re far enough away.”
Emeline’s sobs became even louder. “Please don’t do this. He’ll only take it out on me.”
“He won’t be able to – you’re coming with us,” Luke announced. Then he stopped and looked down into Emeline’s eyes. “That is, if you want to,” he added more gently.
“B-b-but…how will I survive?! I’ll never make it to Oregon on my own, and even if I do, I’d never survive the first winter without a husband to take care of me!” Emeline cried with despair.
“You’re not on your own. You’ve got friends on this train.” Luke nodded at Nora and Bernice, then, reluctantly, he pointed at himself, too.
Emeline’s head shook wildly. “You’ll all be busy building your own homes.”
“Yeah, that’s right,” Luke admitted. “Building a horse ranch is gonna be a lot of work – and I could use some help. What do you say, do you want the job? I can’t pay much, but…”
Emeline stared at him, and Nora found herself doing the same. He’d told her repeatedly that he was taking on the role of father and husband only temporary and that she should find herself another husband as soon as they reached Oregon. And now he’s taking on the responsibility for yet another woman?
“Why are you doing this?” Emeline whispered.
The gray gaze flitted over Nora’s face as if he would find the answer there. Maybe he does, Nora thought. Maybe he’s thinking that I could have easily been in Emmy’s place. If Luke hadn’t turned out to be the kind and gentle man he is, it could have been my baby, dying before it was even born.
Luke shrugged, clearly embarrassed that his intentions were thrust into the center of attention. “A woman being left to the mercy of her abusive husband, without anyone to intervene…it’s just not right.” He turned away and strode to the tent’s opening. “I’m gonna wake up Jacob. I’ll need some help with that parcel.” He pointed over his shoulder at the tied up Bill Larson, and then he was gone.
“He shouldn’t be doing this,” Emeline said, her voice still a whisper. “He’s putting himself…all of you…in danger, just because of me. I’d be better if I just stayed with Bill. Maybe I can convince him not to follow you and take revenge…”
Just a few months ago, Nora would have said the same thing. She had suffered the cruelties of customers in silence, because she’d known no other way. But since leaving Independence, so many things had changed. Luke had taught her not only the skills to fight back, but, more importantly, he’d made her believe that she had a right to do it. “Emmy…” She knelt down next to the pale woman and looked her right in the eyes. “Do you want to stay with Bill?”
“It’s for the best—”
“Do you want to?” Nora repeated, her gaze even more intense.
Emeline looked away. Tears were leaking from the corner of her eyes. “No.”
“Then you won’t.” Nora stood and looked at Bernice. “Come on, we have a burial to prepare.”
* * *
Luke shifted in the saddle, trying to get a better view of every little detail in her surroundings.
On the other side of the river, multiple small waterfalls were spilling from the canyon wall, forming a line of white foaming cascades along the dark lava rock. Luke wasn’t sure where the seemingly thousand of waterfalls were coming from, because the land around them was barren for many miles around.
But the picturesque waterfalls were not really what Luke was on the lookout for. Since leaving Bill Larson with a group of emigrants heading for California, she hadn’t slept for more than one or two hours at a stretch. Constant worrying kept her awake.
She could already feel the days grow shorter, and their oxen and mules were losing their strength. The responsibility for the small wagon train rested heavily on her. But the struggle against time was not the only thing that worried her.
Here, near the Salmon Falls, Indians were all around them. They had put up their lodges near the river and were fishing. Most of them, the Shoshone in particular, were friendly and even traded fresh and dried salmon. But Luke knew that the Bannocks, also at home along the Snake River, were eyeing the white emigrants with suspicion. Now that their group was so small, a few angry braves could become dangerous to them.
As a result, Luke was constantly on the lookout for hostile Indians and also for any sign of Bill Larson following them, while she kept an eye on Brody Cowen at the same time. In quiet moments, Luke admitted to herself that she might have bitten off more than she could chew. Yeah, and then you went ahead and volunteered for the role of patron saint of helpless women! she chastised herself. You’ve driven yourself into a trap of responsibilities that you can’t escape from! What the hell became of ‘Never get involved’, huh?
She’d lived with that philosophy for many years, making neither friends nor enemies who could discover her secret. But since leaving Independence, she’d broken that personal law more often than she could count.
She’d made the two thousand mile-trip to Oregon three times, but this time, the journey had become one of discoveries – not about the landscape, but about herself. All her life, she’d thought of herself as a man, but on this journey, she’d discovered characteristics about herself that were definitely female. She empathized with Nora’s and Emeline’s situation more than any “other man” on the train, and the thought of taking care of a small child didn’t scare her any longer. Spending time with Amy had become one of the highlights of her day. Isn’t it ironic? Now that I’m married and a “father”, more of a man than I’ve ever been in the eyes of the world, I’m discovering that there are still some female traits left in me! Sometimes, she worried that being with Nora had softened her, weakened her tough exterior, so much that she’d give her secret away some day.
Nearing hoofbeats made her turn around, a hand already on the butt of her rifle. She relaxed when she recognized Tom Buchanan, whose horse fell in step with Measles. “I wanted to have a word with you,” Tom said, his expression serious.
Luke nodded at him, warily waiting for what he might have to say.
“It’s about Emeline Larson…”
Luke had waited for this moment. She’d already suspected that some of the men in the train would criticize her meddling in the Larson’s marriage. Brody Cowen had already announced that Larson had the right to treat his wife however he wanted to, and that Luke had been wrong to send him away. “Yeah?” Luke asked impatiently. She was as determined as ever to defend her decision.
“You can’t take care of a small child, two women, and a baby on the way,” Tom Buchanan said.
Luke straightened her shoulders. “I’m not sending her back to her husband, if that’s what you’re trying to achieve.”
Tom held up his hands. “It’s not. I’m not too fond of Larson myself. But I think I have a better solution.”
“I’m listening.”
“Well… I’m a horrible cook, and I need someone to do the laundry and look after my children… I’ve lost my wife, and Mrs. Larson ‘lost’ her husband…” Tom gazed at her expectantly. “So, what do you think??”
Luke had to chuckle. “Are you asking me for Emeline’s hand in marriage?”
“No!” The forty year old man blushed. “No, of course not. It would be a… mutually beneficial business relationship.”
Business relationship… Luke mused. That’s what I told Nora at the beginning, too. Just business, nothing more. “It sounds like a good idea, but…it’s not my decision to make,” she pointed out. “You have to ask Emeline.”
Tom gave a short nod. “All right.”
* * *
“Good afternoon,” Tom Buchanan greeted formally. He tipped a finger to his hat. “Mrs. Hamilton. Mrs. Larson.”
Nora flicked the whip to keep the oxen moving, then curiously looked up at him. She had seen him talk to Luke and knew enough about men’s body language to realize that he was somewhat nervous. “Good afternoon,” she answered, while Emeline just gave him a shy nod.
The young woman was sitting next to Amy on the wagon seat, still too weak to walk along all day.
“What can we do for you, Mister Buchanan?” Nora asked when he didn’t break the silence.
“I just spoke to your husband, Mrs. Hamilton…” He stopped and turned towards Emeline. “I have a proposal for you. You need someone to protect and provide for you and I need someone to run my household and take care of the children.” He looked at her expectantly.
Emeline’s eyes widened. Her hands nestled helplessly with the strings of her apron. She directed a questioning gaze at Nora.
Nora immediately recognized the gaze. She had looked at Bernice more than once in that way, silently asking for advice. Now she was the one who was suddenly in the role of a mentor. Come on, you can do this! It’s not that different from bargaining with a customer! “You realize that Emeline is still a married woman, don’t you? If she agrees to your proposal, you won’t have any conjugal rights.”
Tom pulled his hat from his head and kneaded it between his hands. “Of course! I didn’t—”
“You’ll give her a place in your tent, while you sleep in the wagon?”
“I can do that, yeah,” Tom immediately agreed.
“And when we reach Oregon? What will become of her?” Nora continued her negotiations.
“I’ll still need a housekeeper. She can stay with me, of course.”
Nora nodded. “Housekeeper…then you’ll pay her for her work?”
Tom reached under his collar with a finger as if the shirt had suddenly become too tight. “I can’t pay her much, but I should be able to set aside a small amount for her.”
“All right.” Nora turned to Emeline, studying her pale face. “What do you think? You’re free to agree or refuse, whatever you want to do is fine with us.” She hoped that Emeline would agree. Taking care of Tom’s children would help her to get over the loss of her baby, and the wages that Tom paid her would afford her a certain independence. But she remained silent, not wanting to take the decision away from Emeline.
Emeline hesitated for a long time. Then she shyly looked from Nora to Tom. “I accept.”
* * *
Another difficult decision – and I’m the one who has to make it. Luke crossed her arms across the saddle-horn and looked down at the Snake River from the hill the wagons had stopped on.
The river made a bend and briefly escaped from its high canyon walls at this point. Luke knew that this would be the only chance to cross to the northern bank, allowing them to travel the direct route to Fort Boise with ample drinking water. If they didn’t cross here, they were forced to follow the southern route around the bend through a dry, barren wilderness.
Luke gazed at the two small islands that lay side by side in the river, dividing it into three branches. On her last expedition to Oregon, the islands had been covered with grass, but it had all been eaten off by now. They could use the islands as stepping stones to cross the river, but it still wouldn’t be easy.
“What is it?” Nora stepped next to her and gently touched one of the forearms that still rested on the saddle-horn. “You’re frowning.”
Luke looked down at the hand on her arm. She resisted the urge to cover the fingers with her own to keep them in place. Her whole life, she had always shied away from other people’s touches, but her body seemed to have given up its resistance when it came to Nora. “I’m not sure if we should risk a crossing,” she said, directing her gaze back to the river.
“It doesn’t look that bad.”
Luke nodded. “Yeah, but it’s a lot worse than it looks.” The Snake River was a clear stream that didn’t look as challenging as some of the rivers they’d had to cross. It was its clarity that was so deceptive, making it appear much shallower than it actually was. Combined with the swift current and its uneven river bed, the Snake River was considered the most treacherous river crossing on the entire Oregon Trail.
“Still, I don’t like the alternative,” Nora said quietly.
She didn’t like it either. Just this morning, one of their best cows had died, and the dry southern route was sure to kill many more. Luke gave a quick pat to Nora’s hand, glad to finally hear her voice her opinion without fearing a rebuke. “Yeah. Let’s try to cross it.”
Their wagon was the first to cross. The hundred yards to the first island were covered pretty easily, even if Luke had to hold onto the yokes to keep from being swept away by the swift current. After a moment of rest, Luke drove the oxen into the second, seventy-five yards wide stream.
This time, the oxen had more of a struggle. The river bed was uneven, with many holes and uneven water’s depths. The lead pair of their five yoke of oxen were swimming, up to their necks in water, while the last yoke was still paddling through shallow water.
When they reached the second island, Luke raised the wagon bed another few inches and put another yoke of oxen in front of the wagon. She knew that the last stretch was not only the longest, but also the most difficult part of the crossing.
They fought for every single inch against the rapid current. Luke, breast-deep in water, could already feel the oxen slow. The current beat against the wagon, until it slowly began to tilt to one side. Cursing, Luke sent a quick glance inside, preparing to pluck Amy from the wagon should it overturn.
Just then, a few men from a wagon train that had crossed before them appeared on the opposite bank. Two of them waded into the river and attached ropes to the wooden yokes, while their comrades on the bank began to pull.
Luke breathed a sigh of relief when the wagon finally rumbled up the bank. She immediately extended her hand to the closest of her saviors.
The young man with the auburn hair shook her hand with a smile. There was something oddly familiar about him, but at the same time, Luke was sure that she had never met him before. “Luke Hamilton,” she said with a grateful nod.
“Ben Macauley.”
Luke had to grip a yoke again to stay on her feet. Macauley?! Suddenly, she knew where she had seen that smile, those moss-green eyes before. Lord, he’s Amy’s father! She had always assumed that Amy had been fathered by a customer, too, but there could be no doubt that they weren’t only sharing the same smile and eye-color, but the same last-name, too. Nora never told me she’s divorced! If she’s divorced…maybe she just ran away from him!
At that moment, Nora pulled back the wagon cover and slowly climbed out of the wagon. She froze when she saw the man standing next to Luke. “B-ben?”
Moss-green eyes widened. “Nora?”
They both hesitated, rooted to the spot.
The stranger took a slow step forward, but Nora still eyed him with mixed feelings. Luke had seen the flash of joy in her eyes, before it had been replaced with wariness. Her own feelings were more than just wary. Luke felt a wave of jealousy engulf her. It wasn’t just her damp clothes that made the fine hairs all over her body stand on end.
The feeling grew more intense as the wagon cover rustled, and Amy peeked out.
Ben Macauley stared at the girl, then his gaze traveled back to Nora. It was clear that he could see how much they resembled each other. There was no mistaking them for anything else but mother and daughter.
Luke had to realize that her jealousy didn’t stop at Nora, it extended to Amy as well. Up until now, she had been the only “father” that Amy had ever known, but now there was suddenly someone who could claim that title and the role in Amy’s life.
“Is that…?” Macauley was still staring at Amy.
Nora stepped closer to her daughter and drew her protectively against her body. “Yes, that’s Amy. My daughter.”
“And you…?” Ben Macauley gestured at Nora’s swollen belly.
“I’m with child,” Nora confirmed. Luke noticed how defensive she sounded. “Again,” she added almost defiantly.
Ben Macauley finally looked away from Amy to throw glances over his shoulder at the men of the wagon train. “You’re not with Raphael Jamison, are you?”
“No. But I am married,” Nora said quickly. Her hand groped for Luke’s arm, searching for support. “This is Lucas Hamilton, my husband. Luke, this is Benjamin Macauley, my brother.”
Brother?! He’s not Amy’s father? Luke coughed in surprise. Belatedly, she took the hand that Macauley held out for her and shook it weakly. “Nice to meet you,” she mumbled while she studied Nora out of the corner of her eye. She hadn’t even known that Nora had a brother, and she couldn’t understand why they weren’t in each other’s arms by now, celebrating their reunion.
“Luke!” Tom Buchanan’s shout made her look up. The second wagon had reached the middle of the river and was in need of a little help.
She quickly turned to Ben Macauley. “If you’re camping anywhere near us tonight, you’re welcome to come over and have dinner with us,” she offered, not wanting to miss the opportunity to learn more about Nora’s family and give her a chance to reconnect with her brother.
Macauley nodded and handed her the rope. “I’ll be there.”
* * *
“Why did you do that?” Nora snapped as soon as the last wagon had safely reached the other side.
With a groan, Luke bent down and pulled off her boots, pouring out the water. From her place perched on the back of the wagon, she looked up at Nora who was standing with her hands on her rounded hips, clearly angry with her. Luke frowned. “What did I do?”
“You invited my brother!”
“Yes?” Luke failed to see how this could be a problem.
Nora stamped her foot, reminding Luke so much of Amy that she had to suppress a grin. “You didn’t even ask me if I wanted to have him over! You’re always telling me that I should say what I want, that I can have my own opinion, and now that it matters, you’re not even asking me!”
Luke set her boots down. She helplessly stared at the wet leather, not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know… I thought that you’d be happy to spend more time with your brother.” During her lonely childhood, Luke had always wished for a sibling, and she couldn’t imagine not wanting to see a brother.
With a sigh, Nora sank down on the wagon’s backboard next to Luke. Her anger seemed to dissipate and was replaced by an expression of resignation.
“You didn’t get along with your brother?” Luke asked her softly.
“We didn’t spend enough time together not to get along. My brothers mostly ignored me – except, of course, for when they bullied me around or paraded me around in front of their friends when it was convenient for them.” Nora shrugged, feigning nonchalance, but the bitterness in her voice told Luke that there were still hurt feelings.
“Brothers?” she asked to keep Nora talking. “You have more than one?”
Nora nodded. “I have three, but not one of them sided with me. They all stood by when my father chased me out of the house.”
“What happened?” Luke asked before she could stop herself. She bit her lip, realizing that she didn’t have the right to ask about Nora’s past when she was unwilling to reveal her own. “You don’t have to answer that… not if you don’t want to.”
Nora’s emerald green eyes looked directly into her own.
Luke barely held herself back from squirming under her intense gaze.
“Well, seeing that it was what led to my working for Tess and marrying you, I figure you’ve got a right to know,” Nora said.
Luke shook her head. “No. Your past is just that – your own. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
Nora looked down at her hands that gently rested on her swollen belly. She gazed up at Luke from under half-lowered lashes. “I never told anyone but Tess, and even she doesn’t know the details…”
“If it hurts you to talk about it—”
“I trust you,” Nora said, finally looking up.
God, did she have to say that? Luke wanted to run away, to escape from Nora’s trusting gaze. She knew that she couldn’t return that trust, not when it would most likely destroy the life that she’d built for herself.
“You never asked about Amy’s father.” Nora’s voice was almost a whisper, so low that no one else in the busy camp around them could hear.
Luke plugged at the damp fabric of her pants that were clinging to her thighs. “I assumed you didn’t know or didn’t want to tell me.”
“I know exactly who fathered Amy. I wasn’t always a prostitute, you know?” A bittersweet smile played about Nora’s face.
Luke had to look away. “Yeah, I know.” She had always assumed that Amy’s father – like the baby’s - had been an unknown customer. Somehow, she was glad to hear that Amy’s father hadn’t been some stranger, paying to share Nora’s bed. Then she froze as another possibility occurred to her. “You…you weren’t…? Amy’s father didn’t…?”
Nora’s head tilted. “He didn’t what?”
“He…he didn’t…force you?” Luke had known more than one woman who had been forced into prostitution after being raped. Their families had disowned them, because they no longer considered her a “decent” woman. She held her breath, waiting for Nora’s answer.
Nora slid her hand over Luke’s and squeezed softly. “No, he didn’t.”
Luke closed her fingers around Nora’s and breathed a sigh of relief.
“His name was Raphael Jamison. He was an adventurer with high-flown dreams and a poor sense of honor.” Nora sighed. “My father forbid him from courting me – he wanted me to marry the son of his business partner, not some ne’er-do-well without any means. But Rafe promised me the moon, and I was naïve and in love… I met him behind my family’s back. The last time I saw him was the day I told him I was with child.”
Luke felt herself stare at Nora in disbelief. “He just disappeared?” She couldn’t imagine just leaving a woman like Nora. Oh, you’re a fine one to talk! Leaving her is exactly what you plan to do once you reach Oregon, remember?!
“He told me he was not the marrying kind.” Nora’s voice was hollow. “I spent three months hiding the pregnancy from my family, trying to find a way to get them to understand and accept the child. They didn’t.”
Luke rubbed her thumb over the back of Nora’s palm, but said nothing.
“My father told me in no uncertain terms that no daughter of his was having a baby out of wedlock. He had no use for a ‘ruined’ daughter who he couldn’t marry off to one of his influential friends. Even for him, my body, my purity was the only thing of interest. He never cared about me, my opinions or my happiness.”
“What about your mother?” Luke asked, after clearing her voice.
Nora grimaced. “In seventeen years, I’ve never heard her voice an opinion that my father hadn’t expressed first. She watched with tears in her eyes as he threw me out of the house, but she never said a word.”
Luke finally understood that Nora’s childhood had been as lonely as her own, even if she’d lived with a big family. “Where did you go?” she asked softly.
“I worked as a seamstress in a small town, but when my pregnancy became obvious, the dressmaker threw me out and replaced me with another woman. I was sleeping in a livery stable, begging for food, when I met Tess.”
Luke didn’t need to ask another question. She understood Nora’s situation almost too well. To ensure her survival and that of her daughter, Nora had had no choice but to accept the work that Tess offered her in her brothel. “Do you want me to go over to your brother’s wagon train and tell him to stay away?” she offered.
Nora slid down from the wagon. She turned around to face Luke. “No. He’s still my brother and he helped us with the river crossing today. The least I can do is offer him a warm meal.”
* * *
“Let’s take a walk and have a smoke,” Ben Macauley said after he’d eaten the last bite of his sister’s meal. He stood from his place at the fire and directed an expectant gaze at Luke.
Carefully, Luke schooled her face into a calm expression, hiding a grimace. She’d never gotten into the habit of smoking a pipe or chewing tobacco. Not that it mattered. She knew that Macauley wanted to lure her away from the fire to have a man-to-man talk. The irony wasn’t lost on her.
She lifted Amy, who’d stayed close to her or Nora all night, keeping away from the strange ‘uncle’, from her lap and gently set her down. With one last glance at Nora, she followed Ben Macauley to the edge of camp.
“So,” Macauley stopped to light his pipe, “you are the man who married my sister.”
Is this the ‘What are your intentions toward my sister’-talk? Luke silently wondered. It’s a little late for that… She gave a nod.
“That’s a very honorable thing to do. I mean…” Ben Macauley gestured with the mouthpiece of his pipe. “To marry a woman who’s been with another man, and to be willing to raise a child that’s not your own…”
You don’t even know half of it, young man! Luke said nothing. She had no intention of telling Macauley that his sister had worked in a brothel and was pregnant with a customer’s baby. “She’s a good wife and a wonderful woman,” she said instead.
Macauley shrugged. “Still, I want to thank you in the name of my family. My father took it pretty badly when she told him she was with child, but I think he’ll be proud to hear that she’s now the wife of a decorated former officer.”
Luke tilted her head. On one hand, it was a good feeling to be accepted into the family, but on the other hand, she had to force down a wave of anger. The Macauleys still weren’t interested in Nora’s happiness. They didn’t want to know what kind of person she had become, all that mattered to them was that she’d married a well-respected man so that they could keep up appearances.
“I want you to know that you – both of you – will be welcome in our home anytime. Why don’t you come with me when I return back east?” Nora’s brother suggested. “You could take up employment in the family business.”
Luke didn’t even have to think about that offer. She had long since decided that she didn’t want to be a soldier or an employee anymore. In Oregon, she would be her own “man”. “That’s not my decision to make,” she told him. “It’s for Nora to decide whether or not she wants to live under her father’s roof again.”
Red lashes blinked. Ben Macauley was clearly not used to men who let their wives make their own decisions. Finally, he shrugged. “All right. You’ll let me know?”
Luke nodded and stared at the setting sun. Maybe this would solve her problem about what to do with Nora once they reached Oregon. Maybe she’d want to return with her brother, now that her father would welcome her back. Somehow, Luke couldn’t bring herself to be happy about it.
* * *
“What did he want to talk to you about?” All chores were done and Amy was settled down for the night, now Nora couldn’t keep herself from asking any longer.
“He said we were welcome in your family’s home anytime. He even offered me a job in your father’s business,” Luke told her. His expression was calm. It didn’t reveal what he thought about that job offer.
Nora thought about it. Three years ago, she would have been overjoyed if she could have returned to her former home, and she would have gladly submitted to her father’s rules. Now, after living with Luke for almost four months, she couldn’t imagine living under her father’s thumb again. Most of all, she would never expose Amy to a life like that. She knew that Amy would never be a beloved grandchild for her parents. They would never fully accept her, but always treat her like a barely tolerated bastard. “What did you tell Ben?” she asked.
“Not much. I told him it was your decision.”
Nora laughed. “I bet that went over well with Ben.”
Luke grinned at her, and for a moment, there was the silent understanding of conspirators between them. “He very nearly swallowed his pipe.”
Slowly, Nora’s smile vanished as she realized that Luke still hadn’t voiced his opinion about the offer. “Do you want to take him up on it? My father is one of he richest men in Boston. He could pay you much more than you’ll ever make raising horses.”
Luke leaned back on his bedroll. “Being rich is overrated.”
Her mouth fell open. She stared at him. Then, her laughter virtually exploded from her. She’d never heard anyone dismiss her family with all their power and money just like that. “God, you’re amazing.” Nora leaned over from her own bedroll and gently kissed his cheek. She could feel the heat under her lips as a blush shot up his face. For a moment, she was tempted to follow the blush down with her lips, but the stiffness of the body next to her made her move back.
He rubbed his hand over his cheek. “I’m not,” he grumbled. “I just don’t want your family’s money. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t return to Boston. You could tell them that it’s just until I’ve built a house for us. Then, I could have someone send them a letter, telling them that I died. You could live your life as a respected widow.”
“You’ve got it all planned out.” Nora didn’t know whether to be amused or angry.
Luke shrugged. “Just a suggestion. You can take it or leave it.”
“Then I’ll leave it, if you don’t mind. If I ever return to Boston again, it won’t be for more than a visit,” Nora said with determination.
“All right.”
Nora could see him relax back against his bedroll. For a minute, there was silence in the tent. “What else did he say to you?”
“Not much. He offered me the official gratitude of the Macauley clan,” Luke answered.
Nora frowned. Her family didn’t even know Luke. What did they have to thank him for? “Why’s that?”
“Well, he told me how honorable it was to marry a woman who already had a child and to agree to raise it as my own…” Luke rubbed the bump on the bridge of his nose, a gesture that, as Nora had learned, signaled embarrassment.
For once, Nora agreed with her brother. “It was a very honorable thing to do. It still is,” she said softly.
“It’s not. Not really. Amy is a good girl.” Luke turned to look at the sleeping child. “Any man would be proud to call her his daughter.”
Yes, Nora admitted with a proud smile, Amy is a good girl. Every man on the train liked her, but agreeing to be a father to her was an entirely different matter. “Yes, but I imagine it could be hard on you if people like Brody Cowen announce to everyone that she’s not your daughter…and that the baby won’t be yours either.”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t care what people like Brody say.”
He’d told her that again and again, but still, Nora found it hard to believe. Knowing that his wife was carrying the child of another man who’d paid her to have relations with him would have been hard on any man’s pride. “But what if someday you…we have a child of our own…a child that’s your own flesh and blood—”
“That won’t happen,” Luke interrupted gruffly.
It was clear that he didn’t want to talk about it any longer, and Nora sighed in frustration. She couldn’t just let it go. The more the pregnancy progressed, the more she started to worry about the future of her children. “Are you really sure that you won’t someday resent them for how they came to be?” she asked in a whisper.
“I won’t.”
Nora sighed again. The two-word answer didn’t really reassure her.
“All right.” Luke sat up and turned around to face her. “Listen. I know what it means to grow up as the bastard child of a prostitute. I’m the last person who would ever resent a child for that.”
In the silence, Nora could hear her own heart pound in shock. “Your…your mother…?”
“Was a prostitute, yes.” Luke tried to sound emotionless, but Nora could detect the vibrations in his voice.
So this is were his vast knowledge about life in a brothel comes from. He grew up in one. His mother was a prostitute. Was, Nora repeated. So his mother is dead. That wasn’t really a surprise for Nora. She knew better than anyone else that most prostitutes never lived to see the day when they’d finally saved enough to leave the brothel and start a new life. Many were murdered by violent customers or killed during a brawl. A lot of the girls she’d known had died of consumption, syphilis or as a result of botched abortions. Others literally drank themselves to death or fell prey to laudanum. Nora hesitated to ask.
Still, Luke could probably see the question in her eyes. “She was a drunkard. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she killed herself.”
Nora felt tears burn in her eyes. She quickly wiped them away, instinctively knowing that Luke didn’t want her sympathy. “H-how old were you?”
“Twelve.”
Much too young to fend for himself. “Who took care of you?”
“No one. I took care of myself,” Luke said.
At twelve?! “What about...your father?”
Luke didn’t answer. He didn’t need to – his gaze spoke volumes.
His mother was a prostitute, and he has never known his father because he was a customer who didn’t care what became of his seed. Nora looked down at her belly, then at Luke. The parallels were obvious. “Is this why you married me?” she asked frankly. He’d taught her to speak her mind and now he would have to live with the consequences. “So Amy wouldn’t have to grow up the way you did?”
Luke’s gray eyes looked directly into her own, then quickly away. “It was one of the reasons, yes,” he admitted, looking almost ashamed.
As far as Nora was concerned, he had nothing to be ashamed of. “Saving Amy from having to grow up as the bastard of a prostitute was one of my reasons for marrying you, too,” she confessed in return.
Luke’s gaze met hers. A smile crept onto his face. “Well, then it seems that we both got what we wanted from this marriage.”
I got everything I wanted then. But now, I want more. Nora blinked, surprised at the sudden thought. She took a deep breath and forced her thoughts in another direction. “If you grew up in a brothel…” She hesitated. Like every young girl, she had been taught that a lady didn’t discuss the physical acts that happened between a man and a woman, not even with her husband. When the time came, she had to quietly submit to her husband’s urges, but she never, ever talked about it. But Nora was no longer the lady that her mother had raised her to be. She had grown used to the coarser language of the parlorhouse girls. “Why would you ever want to set another foot inside a brothel?”
“It’s not as if I’ve been there every day. I wasn’t a regular. I just went there a few times, mostly when my comrades didn’t take no for an answer,” Luke said stiffly.
Nora gently touched his arm. The muscles under her hand were knotted and hard like steel. “There’s no need to become defensive. I didn’t mean it as an accusation. I just want to understand. I mean…you’re kind, and honorable, and handsome. You could have easily found a beautiful, unspoiled girl who would have gladly married you and shared your bed.” Just three years ago, before she had sworn herself that she would never again be the naïve girl, blinded by infatuation, she could have easily fallen in love with him. Something about his gentle strength was very appealing, and judging from the way Bernice’s daughter mooned over him and Emeline’s shy gazes, she wasn’t the only woman who thought so. “Why did you visit a working girl, after what you witnessed growing up?”
Luke looked away. He plucked at a corner of his blanket. He was silent for so long that Nora was already convinced that he refused to discuss the topic with her, when he finally answered, “I’ve never been with one of the girls. It’s just…It’s only ever been Tess.”
It didn’t really come as a surprise to Nora. From the first time that she’d met Luke, she had suspected that he’d shared Tess’ bed and he had never tried to tell her otherwise. But still, knowing it for real now still gave her a weird feeling. It’s not that I’m jealous, she told herself, it’s just that imagining my husband and my best friend in bed together…it’s awkward, that’s all. And it made her wonder why he had repeatedly shared Tess’ bed, but refused to lie with her. “Are you…were you…in love with her?”
Luke picked a few loose threads from his blanket. “She’s my friend and a very attractive woman,” he said without looking up.
“Is that a yes or a no?” Nora wanted to know.
“It’s a no,” Luke finally answered. “I knew our roles from the start. There was no room for love in our relationship. What she offered was friendship and…occasional relief, and that was all I was prepared to accept from her.”
Nora understood. Like herself, he had learned through experience that love was fickle and could hurt you much too easily. He wasn’t expecting to ever find love, and certainly not in a prostitute’s bed. And not in mine, either. With a sigh, she settled down. “Good night, Luke.”
* * *
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