DISCLAIMER: This story and all its characters belong to me. Any similarities to anyone living or dead are purely coincidental. Most of the places in this story actually exist or existed, though.
AUTHOR NOTES: English is not my native language, so please be patient with me. This story is set on the Oregon Trail in 1851. Although I did a LOT of research and tried to make things as realistic as possible, there might be some mistakes. Please let me know if you spot any.
SUMMARY: “Luke” Hamilton has always been sure that she’d never marry. She accepted that she would spend her life alone when she chose to live her life disguised as a man. After working in a brothel for three years, Nora Macauley has lost all illusions about love. She no longer hopes for a man who will sweep her off her feet and take her away to begin a new, respectable life. But now they find themselves married and on the way to Oregon in a covered wagon, with two thousand miles ahead of them.
RATING: NC-17. This story depicts a loving/sexual relationship between two consenting adult women.
THANKS: A very big thank you goes to my beta reader Pam for her corrections and valuable input. I couldn't have done this without you!
FEEDBACK: Feedback, comments and constructive criticism are welcome at jae_s1978@yahoo.de
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Nora lay in silence. She could feel her heartbeat quiet and her breathing slow. After a while, she pushed up on her elbow, slid the suspenders off Luke’s shoulders and started to undo the buttons of her shirt.
“You don’t have to do this,” Luke’s husky voice stopped her.
Nora playfully pushed her back down. “Shut up, Mister Hamilton.”
Luke lay still and stared up at her. “You know that there’s no Mister under these clothes, don’t you?” she asked quietly.
Nora pressed a kiss to the collar-bone that she had just laid bare. “I wouldn’t be doing this if there was.”
“Really?” Luke looked at her in disbelief. “You…you want to touch me because of my body, not in spite of it?”
Nora rested her chin on her hand to stare down at Luke. “Why is that so hard to believe? You prefer touching a female body to that of a man, too, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but I’m hardly the norm, and you…”
“…and I found out that I’m not all that different from you in that regard,” Nora interrupted. “I haven’t been attracted to a man in so long…and it really surprised me that there was something about my new husband that was so appealing to me.” She grinned down at Luke. “Well, I guess now I know what that ‘something’ was that made you so special, huh?”
She reached out to open the second button, but Luke’s hands stopped her again. “Nora…”
“Don’t do this to me,” Nora said quietly.
“To you?” Luke echoed.
“Yeah. You brought me great pleasure, and now I want to touch you, too.”
Luke squirmed uncomfortably. “I’m not sure that I… can… or should. What if…”
“Luke… you have trusted me with your gun, with the oxen and the wagon. You even trusted me with your secret and your very life. Please, trust me with this.”
“Are you sure that you want to do this?”
“I wouldn’t have initiated this if I wasn’t. I’m not some wide-eyed, innocent girl, Luke. I know you, and I know myself.” Nora smoothed her hands over tense shoulders. “I will neither be surprised nor abhorred by your body. You don’t have to keep up the façade of a man. Not with me.”
Luke stared up at her with almost childlike wonder. Then she sadly shook her head. “You want to make love to a woman, but I don’t know how to be anything else but a man.”
“I don’t want you to act like a woman, nor do I want you to act like a woman. Don’t act at all – just be yourself, all right?”
Luke gave her a shaky nod. “I’ll try to remember just who exactly that is.”
Nora raised herself up on her knees. Her belly soothingly rested against Luke’s side as she undid button after button. Finally, she slipped the shirt off the strong shoulders. “Lift your arms,” she ordered and then helped Luke to slip the sleeveless undershirt over her barely healed shoulder and over her head.
Then, both of them sat and stared down at the coverings around Luke’s chest.
Nora’s first impulse was to take them off as fast as possible, but then she paused. Luke had let her make all the decisions, had made sure that she felt comfortable at every turn while she had made love to her. Now, she would do the same for Luke. “Would you be more comfortable if we leave that in place for now?” She nodded at the thick bandages that held down Luke’s breasts.
“Would I be more comfortable? Yeah.” Luke let out a shuddering breath. “I’ve never let anyone touch me…there, and I’m not sure I can—”
“Hey.” Nora lifted one strong hand to her lips and kissed it. “No expectations and no pressure, all right? I’d like to see and touch you, all of you, but if you can’t do that, you just tell me and we can find another way.”
Luke hesitated. She had wanted this to be about Nora instead of about whoever she was with, had wanted to let her experience whatever gave her pleasure, but she hadn’t expected that it would be her body that would please Nora. When she had dreamed about making love to Nora, she had never thought about Nora reciprocating. Slowly, she straightened her shoulders. “I do trust you. Lets take them off.”
Nora reached out her hands, but then stopped again. “Do you want to do it yourself?” Maybe Luke would feel less nervous if she could control what they did and when they did it.
Luke nodded. She awkwardly reached around her chest to find the secured ends of the wrappings. Slowly, she peeled back layer after layer of the bandages, uncovering the soft skin beneath.
Nora watched the process without moving. She studied the small breasts, so much firmer than her own. The fair skin of Luke’s chest contrasted with her tanned neck, face and arms. Her gaze wandered over the defined muscles of her abdomen, over powerful shoulders until it reached strong, but gentle hands.
Luke was a curious combination of male and female characteristics. Nora was sure that the only lover that Luke had ever had and the lovers that she might have in the future would find whatever she wanted to find in Luke – a gentle man or a strong woman, whatever she preferred to find. Luke, desperate for some affection, would play every role that her lover expected of her.
In the beginning, Nora had been no different. She had wanted a loyal husband and a kind father, and Luke had been both. Now she wanted to experience making love to a woman, and Luke willingly revealed her female form. Her whole life, Luke had played a role to survive, and she had become so adept at it that she could no longer separate the role and the person behind it.
A sudden determination gripped Nora. She promised herself that she wouldn’t try to force Luke to fit into any mold, may it be that of a man or that of a woman. She would accept every part of Luke equally.
The longer Nora just sat and looked at her, the more uncomfortable Luke felt under the intense scrutiny. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, covering her exposed breasts.
Nora looked away from her body and directly into her eyes.
Luke could see no judgment in the forest green eyes, only admiration, affection, and a hint of desire. Some of the officer’s daughters in Fort Leavenworth had looked at her with the same expression, but Luke had always known that it was directed only at the carefully prepared illusion that she presented to the world, not really at her. She had never thought it possible that anyone would ever look at her this way without her disguise.
“Don’t be afraid,” Nora whispered to her, “I won’t hurt you.”
The soft reassurance calmed Luke and made her even more nervous at the same time, because it showed her how much their roles had changed. Now Nora was the protector, and Luke was the scared woman.
Nora reached for Luke’s hand and pressed a kiss against the palm, then to every one of the fingers that had brought her so much pleasure. Next, her lips caressed the tiny hairs on Luke’s forearms and pressed soft kisses to the bend of her elbow. She slid her palms over the tense shoulders, kneading them for a moment, before her fingers dipped into the hollow at the base of her throat. This spot seemed so vulnerable, so female, that Nora couldn’t help but press a tender kiss against it.
She could feel the strong muscles vibrate beneath her hands and lips. Her gaze flickered up to the familiar face. “Tell me if it gets to be too much,” she told Luke.
With gentle fingers, Nora traced the arch of Luke’s ribs and trailed a single finger over the outer swell of her breast.
Luke stiffened. She was trembling and almost hyperventilating under Nora’s touch, and Nora could see that it wasn’t just caused by arousal. Being touched as a woman was scary for Luke, and yet she made no move to turn away or hide from her.
The trust that she could see in the smoky gray eyes took Nora’s breath away. “How does this feel?” she whispered, stroking the breast.
“I can’t decide if I want to run away or grab your hand and press it against me more firmly,” Luke answered hoarsely.
Nora bent down, letting her breath wash over one hard nipple. “Well, I pronounce myself in favor of option number two, but there are other ways to do this if this is too much right now. Just tell me what you want me to do. What did Tess—”
“No.” Luke touched her lips to silence her. “We’re not in a brothel; you’re not Tess, and I’m not a customer. This is me and you.”
Nora nodded. Secretly, she was very pleased with that answer. “So, we’re turning over a new leaf, huh?” New land, new life, new roles…
“Let’s try. I think we could both do with some changes in our lives.”
“Well, then let’s change you out of these clothes for starters,” Nora suggested, trying to introduce some playful humor into the tense situation. Sexuality hadn’t been fun for her in the last few years. It had been a means to an end; sometimes even a matter of life and death. With Luke, it had been wonderful and fun. She had enjoyed the little playful gestures, like the conversation with the unborn baby, that Luke had used to relax her. She would try to do the same for Luke.
Slowly, she worked the button of Luke’s pants free and pushed them down over slender hips. When the pants pooled around Luke’s ankles and Nora pulled them off, she curiously eyed the phallus-shaped padding that Luke had sewn into the crotch of her pants. “I’m impressed,” she said with a little smirk.
“It’s not that big,” Luke protested.
Nora laughed. “Not with the size of this…thing, I’m impressed with your skills as a seamstress.”
“Oh, yeah, of course.” Luke blushed, and this time, Nora could follow the path of that blush until it reached her chest.
God, she’s sweet, Nora thought. “Lie with me,” she said with a smile. She waited until Luke had settled down on the bedroll again, then reclined on her side to Luke’s right. During the last two months of her pregnancy, she hadn’t been able to lie on her back for too long. Her back was already aching a little from the earlier exertion, but she ignored the discomfort, concentrating solely on Luke. She curled her body against Luke’s side as much as her large belly allowed her to and nestled a thigh between Luke’s.
For long seconds, they lay pressed against each other without moving, Luke’s finely muscled torso molded to Nora’s soft curves. Their breasts brushed against each other, and Luke sucked in a breath. She had never experienced a sensation like that before.
She concentrated on that feeling until Nora’s thigh gently nudged her legs farther apart and pressed against her center. She groaned, but relaxed a little. This was a sensation that she knew from her encounters with Tess.
But Nora didn’t content herself with doing the things that Tess had done to her. Instead, she started to place a long line of kisses down Luke’s neck, over her shoulder and then, in smaller and smaller circles, around one of her breasts. The golden-red hair fell like a curtain onto Luke’s chest, blocking out the sight of Nora’s lips on her breast.
Quickly, Luke reached out and brushed back the reddish strands. She needed to see to fully realize that this was her body that Nora was making love to.
Nora’s lips formed a sensuous “O” as they wrapped around Luke’s nipple. The gentle sucking would have made Luke lose her balance if she hadn’t already been lying down. She helplessly rolled her head from side to side on the bedroll. “Nora,” she groaned. With Tess, she had always hated that helpless need in her voice because it made her feel vulnerable and out of control. The effect that Nora had on her body and her mind was even stronger, but she trusted Nora enough to let her see the person behind that though, in control exterior.
Nora’s nose bumped against the underside of the other breasts as she moved over to lavish kisses on it.
The soft sighs and murmurs of pleasure that escaped Nora’s mouth as she caressed, kissed, and nibbled Luke’s breasts were as astonishing for Luke as the touches themselves. She had never imagined that someone could get so much pleasure from her breasts. For Luke, they had always been more of an annoyance. Jesus! Luke arched her back as Nora gently bit her nipple. Guess she’s on a mission to change that!
Nora created a path of heat as she moved downwards with sensuous licks, playful nips and a variety of kisses. The muscles under her lips spasmed as she dipped her tongue into Luke’s navel, and then sucked on the soft skin just an inch below.
She scraped her fingernails over the few fine hairs that were dotted below Luke’s navel. Her fingers stopped when they reached the patch of dark curls. Nora looked up, watching for Luke’s reaction. She raised a questioning eyebrow.
Luke’s face was flushed, but she nodded at Nora to continue.
With a hint of disbelief, Luke watched the slender fingers comb through the curly hair between her legs. She had never thought that she would see Nora do that outside of her dreams. She shuddered when the fingers grazed the sensitive flesh beneath. Lifting her head to look up at Nora, she took in the expression of quiet wonder on her face. This is new, and scary, and wonderful for her, too, she realized. The realization that Nora wanted her, desired her, was overwhelming. Luke had never thought that there were other women who loved women – and could maybe even love her. Then her head fell back down onto the bedroll as Nora touched her a little more firmly.
Nora’s lips, warm despite the cold air around them, followed the path of her hands. She nuzzled the dark curls, then kissed the soft skin of a thigh.
Luke gently touched a strand of red hair, needing to connect with Nora.
Dark green eyes looked up at her, and Luke felt her heart begin to beat even faster under the heat of that gaze. Tess had always looked at her with affection and told her she enjoyed the “change of pace” of being with a woman every once in a while, but Luke had never seen the raw desire that she had felt reflected back at her.
Now she did. Nora was not an emotionally unaffected participant in this.
Luke quickly let go of Nora’s hair as Nora’s lips wandered up her inner thigh, afraid to hurt her should she lose control. She didn’t want to do anything that might remind Nora of the experiences she had at the hands of some customers in the brothel. She clutched at the bedroll instead, desperately trying to anchor herself.
Nora took a deep breath. She gasped at the muskiness that she had breathed in unintentionally. To her surprise, there was nothing revolting about the way Luke smelled. She breathed in again, then lowered her head and kissed Luke’s most intimate place like she would kiss her lips. She had told Luke just to do to her what she thought she might like having done to herself, and now she was taking her own advice. She had enjoyed the rather unexpected sensation when Luke had kissed her between the legs.
With her customers, Nora had always despised using her mouth on them. Some of them had been kind and gentle with her, but still, the experience was much too intimate to enjoy with a stranger. But when Luke arched up against her lips, a wave of pure joy pulsated through Nora’s body.
Experimentally, she flicked her tongue over the swollen nub she could feel under her lips.
The strong legs under her hands stiffened as Luke bucked her hips.
She reached out a hand, gently urging Luke’s fingers to let go of the bedroll and entwine with hers. She playfully rubbed her nose against Luke’s inner thigh and felt her shudder when her warm breath met Luke’s center. Her tongue slid into Luke’s warmth again, tasting her.
Luke’s hips began to rise and fall under her mouth, and Nora held onto her thigh not to lose her place. The taste of Luke on her lips and the strong body moving against hers were intoxicating. Nora felt drunk with joy and power.
Luke’s thighs pressed intimately against her ears, drowning out the moans and the breathless panting.
Nora curled her lips around Luke’s clit, just holding it for a second. She could already feel the gentle pulsing begin.
“Nora!” Luke groaned. “God, Nora.” Her free hand cupped Nora’s cheek, neither pushing her away, nor forcing her closer, just establishing another connection between them.
Nora blinked away the tears that suddenly burned in her eyes. She closed her lips over Luke and started to suckle. “Good?” she whispered against Luke.
Luke trembled and quivered under her. “I-it’s— Nnnnngh! Nora!” The words died on her lips as Nora’s touch continued. Luke moved her hand restlessly against Nora’s face.
A slow pulsing started in her own belly as Nora felt the convulsive tremors begin against her tongue.
Luke stiffened, her legs closing around Nora and pressing her even closer against her. With a hoarse cry, she fell back onto the bedroll.
Nora gently kissed the pulsing nub once more, then quickly moved up, sliding against the sweat-dampened body. She settled down on the bedroll next to Luke and leaned up on her elbow to study her.
Luke lay still, her heaving chest the only movement. Her eyes were squeezed shut. As Nora watched, the gray eyes fluttered open and stared up at her. The expression in the depths of those eyes was wild and tender at the same time. Luke sat up so fast that Nora almost flinched back, but Luke wrapped her arms around her so fast that she never got the opportunity to move back even an inch. “Nora,” Luke said.
Nora wasn’t sure if it was the intensity of that single word or the close embrace that suddenly made her heart thump in her chest. She brushed her lips against Luke’s temple and held her close. She could feel how agitated Luke was. “Hey, hey, are you all right?” She pulled Luke even closer, enjoying the feeling of their bare bodies pressing against each other.
Luke gave a shaky nod. She leaned forward and kissed Nora with languid slowness, then jerked back for a moment when she tasted herself on Nora’s lips, before she deepened the kiss again. “I love you,” she whispered against Nora’s lips.
Now it was Nora’s turn to jerk back. “Luke,” she said slowly, warningly. She moved away from the tight embrace, holding Luke at arm’s length, physically and emotionally. “I can imagine that this was an overwhelming experience for you, and I know that in the heat of passion—”
“The heat of passion is not why I fell in love with you,” Luke protested. “I experienced the heat of passion with Tess, but I never thought I was in love with her. I don’t love you because you shared the bedroll, your body, and this incredible night with me. I love you because…” She thought for a moment, then shook her head. “There are too many reasons to even count. Nora, you are a wonderful woman, and the way you grew into yourself during this journey…it just takes my breath away. I know in my heart and in my soul that you’re the right one for me. Can’t you feel the connection between us?” She turned desperate eyes on Nora, silently pleading for a sign that her feelings were returned.
Nora touched her cheek in a calming gesture, and Luke immediately pressed her face into the soft touch. “Of course I do,” Nora said. “I know that we have formed a very special… friendship during the last few months. But love…? I thought we agreed that love is not for us? Remember back at the Boise River?”
“I changed my mind. You changed my mind,” Luke said with a sad smile. It hurt to know that Nora didn’t feel the same, even if Luke had never really believed that she would. For one second, she’d almost let herself believe that what she had always thought impossible could really be true. You should have known better, you fool. Did you really think that a woman as wonderful as Nora could really love someone like you?
With a pained expression, Nora suddenly pressed her hands against her lower belly. “Oww.”
Luke’s eyes widened in alarm. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you…earlier?”
“No, of course not. If anything, you should be proud.”
“Proud?!” Seeing Nora in obvious pain made Luke feel anything but.
Nora gave her a tight smile. “That orgasm was quite intense. I’m still pulsing.” She rubbed her lower belly again.
Luke bit her lip and averted her eyes, hiding her hurt and disappointment from Nora. She was glad that she’d been able to bring Nora pleasure, but without Nora’s love, the pleasure didn’t really mean anything. Even though she was still lying wrapped in Nora’s arms, she suddenly felt lonely. She sat up and put the bandages back around her chest. The familiar protective layers didn’t shield her heart from the hurt, though.
With a sigh, she pulled the blankets up around them and closed her eyes, trying to drown out her thoughts. She just wanted to sleep, dream of making love to Nora, and forget about everything that had happened afterwards.
Nora settled down on her side, her cheek against Luke’s shoulder. She closed her eyes, too, but Luke could feel that her body wasn’t relaxed at all. “Luke,” she said after a few minutes.
She didn’t want to talk about it anymore, but finally Luke sighed and answered, “Yeah?”
“I think the baby’s coming.”
The blanket went flying when Luke snapped upwards. “What?! You don’t mean…now?!”
“I’m afraid, yes.” Nora frowned. “My back aches and my lower belly clenches rhythmically, and I don’t think it has anything to do with my orgasm or it would have stopped by now instead of getting worse.”
Luke shrugged into her shirt and tried to close the buttons with trembling fingers. “I’ll go for help, bring Bernice back here!”
Nora held onto the pants that Luke wanted to pull up. “No. If you go, I’ll be trapped all alone in these God forsaken mountains. You’ll never find them in the darkness and bring back help in time. I can’t do this alone, Luke.”
Luke closed her eyes for a moment. She pushed her feelings back into the recesses of her mind. There would be time to deal with what had happened between them later. When she opened her eyes again, they held a new look of determination. “Then I’ll stay and help you.”
“Have you ever helped with a birth?”
“Yeah. More than a dozen times.”
Nora blinked. She had not expected that reassuring answer. “You have?”
“Mostly, I just sat back and watched, but once or twice I had to reach inside and—”
“Reach inside?!” Nora clenched her teeth as another wave of pain started.
Luke quickly pulled up her pants and knelt down next to Nora. “Yeah. When the mare had problems—”
“Mare?” Nora spat out with a pained groan. “What are you talking about?”
“I was a ranch-hand and a dragoon for years. I helped when the mares had their fillies.”
Nora pointed a warning finger at her. “I’m not having a filly!”
Jacob Garfield had warned her never to argue with a heavily pregnant woman. Apparently, the same went doubly for women in labor. Luke decided that in this case, discretion was the better part of valor. She quickly changed the topic. “What can I do to help you?”
“Right now, you can only do what you did with your horses: Sit back and watch,” Nora answered, her annoyance at being compared to a mare now laced with humor. Another cramp-like pain started in her lower back and then radiated around to the front of her belly.
Luke could see her grip the bedroll until the pain lessened again. It was hard for her to see Nora in pain without being able to do anything to help her. “Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do? Do you want a cup of water?” At Nora’s nod, she hurried to the wagon. Her fingers trembled when she opened the water barrel and she had to concentrate not to spill the water on her way back. She knelt down and helped Nora to slowly sip the water.
“Luke, calm down.” Nora stroked the fingers that were clenched around the cup. “This is gonna take a while, and I need you calm.”
“A while? How long exactly?” Luke asked, fighting against her rising panic. She should have been safely in Oregon City to give birth, or at least with the other women on the train, not here, trapped in the mountains, with only a nervous former soldier to help her.
Nora shrugged. “When I gave birth to Amy, I was in labor for eighteen hours.”
“Eighteen hours?!”
“Don’t look at me like that! Do you think it was my idea? If God had asked me my opinion before deciding on a birthing process, you’d be able to order babies along with Godey’s Lady’s Book. Besides, I think the midwife said something about it not lasting so long with the second baby,” Nora tried to reassure Luke and herself.
“You think?”
“I didn’t listen all that closely at that time,” Nora explained. “After those eighteen long hours, I was determined that Amy was gonna stay an only child anyway.”
During the next few hours, Luke slowly began to understand that sentiment. For the first time in her life, she was glad not to be a man, because she didn’t want Nora to ever have to go through this again. The contractions were getting progressively stronger, longer and closer together, until they seemed to come without any pause between them.
Luke tried everything to make her a bit more comfortable. She massaged Nora’s lower back, where she seemed to feel the pain the most, and wiped away the sweat beading on Nora’s forehead with a cool cloth. She fought her way through the dense forest to gather some wood that was dry enough to build a fire.
Then, finally, when the first gray light of pre-dawn lit the sky, the pushing and bearing down began.
Luke was getting more worried by the minute. Nora already seemed exhausted.
Another contraction ripped through her. Nora grunted in pain as she bore down again. When the pain finally eased, she fell back, panting heavily, until the next contraction started. “This is all your fault!” she ground out between clenched teeth.
Luke froze, her hand with the cloth suspended in mid-air. She swallowed. Jacob had predicted that Nora would say something like that during labor, but he had assumed that Luke had been the one to get Nora pregnant. “Me? I didn’t father that child,” she defended herself.
“No, but you gave me the orgasm that induced labor!” Nora hissed.
“Oh.” Luke bit her lip and decided to just shut up.
When the next contraction hit her, Nora let out a loud cry. “God, that burns!” She gasped and panted when the wave of pain finally receded. “Please tell me that you can at least see the head by now!”
Luke, resting frozen on her knees, numbly shook her head.
“You have to look to see anything!” Nora nearly yelled at her.
With hesitation, Luke pulled back the blanket that rested over Nora’s bent knees and took a peek. Her eyes widened and she had to press both palms to the ground not to topple over. “I-I can see the baby’s head!” She gazed up at Nora, trying her best to look encouraging. “It won’t be long now, just a few more pushes.”
“Mama? Papa?” Amy’s scared voice came from inside of the wagon. The moaning and yelling had finally woken her up.
Panic threatened to overwhelm Luke for a second. She couldn’t deal with this at the same time, too. Then she straightened her shoulders and gave Nora a reassuring nod. “I’ll get her to settle back down. I’ll be right back.” She took the five steps to the wagon, using the time it took her to hide her nervousness from Amy and looked down at the scared girl with a calming smile. “Hey, sweetie, you should be sleeping.”
“Can I sleep with you and Mama?” Amy pleaded.
Luke knew that she couldn’t let Amy leave the wagon. It would scare her to see her mother in so much pain. God knows it’s scaring me! “Tomorrow, all right? If you go back to sleep, I promise that I’ll have a big surprise for you when you wake up.”
Amy reluctantly settled back under her blanket.
“Good girl.” Luke breathed a sigh of relief. She pressed a gentle kiss to Amy’s forehead and started to turn back around when another pained groan could be heard from Nora.
“Mama!” Amy shot back up.
“No, no, no, little one, you stay right here.” Luke gently pressed her back down. “Mama has a bit of a belly ache, but it will be better soon.” At least I hope it will!
“Luke!” Nora moaned from her position next to the fire.
Luke took one last glance at Amy. “Stay here, please. I’ll come and get you as soon as I helped your mother.” She hurried over and knelt back down in front of a panting Nora.
“How’s Amy?” Nora asked between clenched teeth.
“Just fine. She’ll be asleep again in a moment,” Luke lied. She didn’t want to add to Nora’s distress. Worrying about one child at a time was more than enough for the moment. She peeked under Nora’s blanket again. “You’re doing good! The head is almost out. One more push should do it, I think.”
Nora dug her heels into the bedroll when the next contraction peaked. Her face started to turn red as she took Luke’s hand in a vice-like grip. Her other hand was pressed against her mouth, trying to hold back a scream.
Luke could practically feel her bones grind together. She winced in pain, but didn’t draw back. She was sure that the pain in her hand was nothing compared to what Nora was going through. She looked under the blanket again. “Nora! Let go of my hand!” she said urgently.
The baby’s head was finally out, but it was covered with a sac-like membrane, making it impossible for the baby to breath. Luke had seen a similar thing with the horses she had helped to deliver. She gently pinched the membrane, which broke and released a fluid.
With one of the clean cloths she had prepared earlier, Luke cleaned the tiny face.
“Is the baby all right?” Nora panted between contractions.
“She’s fine. Just one more push and you can see for yourself,” Luke promised. She steadied the baby’s head when the next contraction started and Nora bore down again. With trembling fingers, she guided the first shoulder out and then quickly had to grab the slippery baby when it slipped from Nora’s body.
Nora collapsed back onto the bedroll.
Luke cut the umbilical cord like Nora had told her to earlier, then quickly cleaned the baby and wrapped it in her last clean shirt. Then she sat back and stared at the tiny bundle in her arms. Suddenly, she had to blink back tears. Afraid that she would drop the baby should she try to stand, she moved forward on her knees until she could place the baby in Nora’s arms.
Nora caressed the baby’s face with the tip of her index finger, tracing the tiny features with the same expression of wonder that Luke felt. She opened the shirt a bit to count her fingers and toes. “A girl,” she said, her voice hoarse and shaky. She looked up at Luke.
“Yeah. She’s beautiful.” Like her mother. Even with her blotchy red face and sweat dampened hair, Luke couldn’t think of Nora as anything but beautiful.
Nora looked down at her newborn daughter. The baby’s face was a little blueish, but quickly gained a normal color, and she blinked up at her mother with puffy, unfocused eyes. Still, Nora wholeheartedly agreed with Luke’s assessment. “Yes, she is. Look at all that black hair.” She stroked the dark fuzz on the baby’s head. “She looks like you,” she told Luke with a smile.
Luke swallowed, but didn’t say anything. She wanted so much to be a part of that baby, to be a part of her life, but she wasn’t sure if that dream would ever come true.
The newborn began to nuzzle against Nora, and she lifted her to her breast.
Luke watched in awe as the baby began to nurse. She had never seen anything as beautiful as this. “God,” she whispered, afraid of destroying the moment should she speak more loudly. “I love you.”
Nora closed her eyes. “Luke…don’t say that. Not when I can’t say it back.”
Luke shrugged helplessly. She hadn’t thought about it – if she had, she certainly wouldn’t have made a fool of herself a second time. It had slipped out before she could censor herself. Still, she couldn’t deny her feelings, even if Nora would never return them.
Someone cleared their throat right next to them.
Luke reluctantly looked away from mother and child, expecting to see Amy who had climbed out of the wagon.
Instead, she met Bernice Garfield’s disapproving gaze.
“Bernice!” Nora joyfully smiled up at the older woman. “Look who has decided that she didn’t want to wait until we reached Oregon City to be born.” She held up the bundle in her arms with a tired, but proud smile.
The steely expression on Bernice’s face softened. “I had a feeling something like this would happen. That’s why I made Jacob bring me back at the first hint of daylight. I had a bad feeling about leaving you behind all on your own.”
“I wasn’t on my own,” Nora objected. “Luke was with me, and he did a wonderful job.”
The smile vanished from Bernice’s face when she looked back at Luke.
Luke could feel that she had heard her declaration of love to Nora – and didn’t approve of it.
“Maybe it would be better for this innocent child if you stayed out of her life,” Bernice said quietly.
“What’s the meaning of this, Bernice?!” Jacob’s voice suddenly thundered behind them. He had come up behind his wife and heard her last sentence. “You’re not making any sense. Of course Luke is gonna be a part of the baby’s life! He’s her father, for heaven’s sake!”
Luke watched Bernice take a deep breath and open her mouth. She didn’t want to hear it for she already knew what Bernice would say. With just a few words, Bernice would destroy her life and take away the only family she had ever known.
“Jacob, please, I… I didn’t mean it like that…” Bernice tried to talk her way out of it.
Jacob stared her down. “How did you mean it then?”
Bernice wrung her hands, but remained silent.
The older woman went up a few notches in Luke’s estimation. Bernice had never left any doubt about her disapproval, but now she was risking her husband’s wrath by protecting Luke’s secret.
“Explain yourself, Wife!” Jacob demanded. It was clear that he wouldn’t move an inch without an explanation.
“You heard what Nora said,” Bernice ground out, addressing Luke. “Nora doesn’t…she doesn’t love you. She—”
“What are you talking about?” her husband interrupted. “A blind man could see that she does! The night Nora almost lost her baby, you even told me—”
Bernice gave a reluctant nod. “I know what I said. But back then, I didn’t know…”
“Didn’t know what?” Jacob pressed when Bernice fell silent.
Bernice shook her head, refusing to answer.
Her husband’s face took on the color of an overripe tomato.
“What she didn’t know back then is that the baby isn’t really mine,” Luke said before the situation could escalate further. “Nora was already pregnant when I married her.” Admitting to that was a small price to pay for keeping her secret safe and helping Bernice out of her desperate situation.
Jacob stared at the baby for a moment, then rested his gaze on Nora before he looked back at Luke. “But you’re willing to raise her as your own?”
Luke nodded without hesitation. “I couldn’t love her more if I had fathered her myself.” She didn’t say it just for Jacob’s benefit. Holding the baby in her arms for the first time, she had immediately felt the love that she held for the baby’s mother extend to the little girl, too.
Jacob turned a steely gaze at his wife. “Then what is this nonsense that you’re saying about him staying out of the baby’s life? Didn’t you once say that you consider the man who provides and cares for a child the father, even if he isn’t by blood? Does that mean you changed your opinion?”
“No, no, that’s not…I don’t mean that at all…it’s just…he…” Bernice gestured at Luke in desperation, but couldn’t explain without revealing Luke’s secret.
Jacob didn’t even listen. “Then maybe you want me to disappear from Wayne’s life, too?” His normally calm voice vibrated with emotion.
Luke stared from one Garfield to the other. She didn’t understand what was going on between them. Suddenly, their discussion didn’t seem to be about her and Nora anymore.
After long moments of tense silence, Jacob turned to her, his expression like stone. “I didn’t father Wayne, but I always considered him mine anyway. I thought that Bernice did, too, but it seems that’s not the case at all.” Without another word, he turned and disappeared into the forest.
* * *
Bernice stood frozen to the spot. Tears were running down her face, dripping onto the ground without her even noticing. She pressed a hand to her mouth to muffle a sob, then turned abruptly and ran away, too.
Luke’s and Nora’s gazes met over the still nursing baby, but then Luke quickly looked away as a feeling of guilt gripped her. In her opinion, the Garfields had always had the best marriage of all the couples on the train. And now that might be ruined, just because of me…
“Ow!” Nora suddenly winced and held the baby out to Luke. “Take her for a moment.”
“What? Why?” Luke stared at the newborn in alarm. Before this day, she had never held a baby, and she didn’t think that now was the time to practice it, not when she could easily hurt the baby in her agitated state of mind.
Nora still held out the baby. “Because I’m having contractions!” she hissed.
“C-contractions? You mean you…you’re having twins?!” Luke wasn’t sure if she should be elated or taken aback. Mostly, she was just panicked.
Nora laughed for a moment, before she grimaced in discomfort. “No, it’s the afterbirth. Take her, please.”
“I don’t have much experience with babies…” Try none!
“You won’t hurt her,” Nora encouraged. “You were wonderful with her earlier. Just support her head and neck with one of your hands.”
Luke slipped one of her hands under the baby’s head and lifted her into the cradle of her other arm. “Like this?”
“Yeah, that’s good.” Nora rubbed her lower belly.
“Mama?” came Amy’s voice from the wagon.
Luke gazed down at Nora, hesitant to leave her alone.
“Go,” Nora encouraged her. “This is nothing compared to what I went through before.”
Very slowly and carefully, Luke stood and made her way over to the wagon with the baby in her arms. “Amy? Come and meet your little sister.”
Amy scrambled up from beneath her blanket and eagerly rushed towards Luke. Then she took one good look at the baby and frowned. “But she is sooo small! I can't play with her. Can I give her back and get a filly?”
Luke bit back the laughter that wanted to bubble up. She was afraid that if she allowed herself to laugh, she would lose control of her emotions and the tears would follow close behind. The night had been a constant up and down of various emotions - fear, uncertainty, desire, joy, love, panic, sadness, disappointment, and guilt. Before she met Nora, Luke had led a simple life, feeling very little except for contentment and sometimes a mild annoyance. Now she had experienced the whole spectrum of intense emotions in just one night.
“She’ll grow and you can play with her when she’s a little older,” she reassured Amy, silently wondering if she would still be a part of the little girl’s life when she was Amy’s age. Then she resolutely forced back the thought, because it hurt too much.
She got Amy settled down for the night and left the baby with Nora who was getting cleaned up with the help of a stony-faced Bernice. She decided to go and search for Jacob. I better ask him for help with the wheel now, before Bernice tells him everything and he refuses to help me, leaving me to freeze to death next to my broken down wagon!
Luke stalked through the dense forest, enjoying the time away from the small camp where so much had happened in the course of just a few hours. She finally found Jacob sitting on a fallen log, driving his knife into the bark again and again. “Jacob?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jacob told her brusquely.
Good, neither do I. I had enough heartache for one night. “Do you think you can help me with the wheel?” Luke asked him. “I want to get Nora and the baby to Oregon City as soon as possible.”
Jacob slid from the log. “Let’s get it over with.”
* * *