Disclaimer: See Part 1
Note: There is a brief description of a date rape in this chapter. It is very short and not graphic.
Chapter Seven
Kim sat nervously in the passenger seat of Jess’s Durango. They were heading to San Diego to meet Jess’s sister, Sam. Since the hearing called by Rodman and his subsequent suspension something had changed between them. Kim had lost that final fear that was keeping a barrier between them. The last few weeks had been wonderful and they had grown closer every day. Kim was thrilled when Jess asked her to come with her to meet Sam. Now that they were on their way Kim was suddenly nervous.
"So did you tell her I was coming?" Kim asked Jess for the third time.
Jess laughed. "Yes Kim, I told her I was bringing someone with me."
"That’s it? That’s all you told her?"
Jess grinned mischievously. "What else did you want me to tell her?"
"Nothing," Kim grumbled.
Jess knew what Kim was getting at but had decided it would be much more fun to surprise her sister. She’d never brought a woman home with her before. This was going to be entertaining. She had no doubts Sam would love Kim.
When they pulled up to the apartment Kim put her hand on Jess’s arm stopping her from getting out. "Do I look ok? This is just casual right?"
Jess leaned over cupping Kim’s face in her hands. "You look wonderful and Sam is going to love you. Don’t worry." Jess kissed her lips softly.
When the apartment door opened, Kim’s jaw dropped in shock. Standing before her was a carbon copy of Jess. She leaned over whispering to Jess, "Are you twins?" Sam must have heard her as both women broke out laughing.
"No, we’re not twins." Jess laughingly assured her.
"Definitely not! I’m the younger, prettier one," Sam told Kim grinning at her. She couldn’t help admiring the beautiful blond standing next to her sister. "Since my rude older sister doesn’t seem to be making introductions, I’ll do it. Hi, I’m Sam."
Kim shook hands still flabbergasted at how alike the two women appeared. Sam even had that mischievous little smirk of Jess’s.
"Well are you going to let us in?" Jess teasingly asked her sister.
Sam ushered them inside and once everyone had settled in the living room Jess made the introductions.
"Kim this is my sister Sam. Sam this is my girlfriend Kim."
Jess watched in amusement as Sam’s jaw dropped open. She stared at Kim in amazement. After several tries she finally found her voice. Turning to Jess she asked. "Who are you and what have you done with my sister?"
Jess just laughed, finally confiding to Kim. "I’ve never brought a woman to meet any of my family before." A brilliant smile broke out over Kim’s face at that bit of information.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They’d had a wonderful day together. Sam insisted they go to the San Diego Zoo when she found out Kim had never seen it. The visit had held several surprises for Kim. Where Jess was guarded and aloof, Sam was outgoing, friendly and openly affectionate. In just a few short hours she felt like she’d known Sam for years. Kim had wondered before if Jess’s distrust of people was a family trait. Now she knew it wasn’t. It made her even more determined to find out what had happened to Jess to make her so distrusting and controlling. Kim did have to admit that as reserved as she knew Jess to be with people, she was very loving with her sister. Kim had enjoyed watching the two women interact. It allowed her to see a whole new side of Jess.
Jess was sorry to see the day end. Kim and Sam had gotten along famously. Jess knew they would be making many more trips to San Diego together. As they were getting ready to leave, Sam pulled Jess into her arms and whispered in her ear. "This one’s a keeper Sis, don’t let her get away."
"Come back and visit whenever you can," Sam invited Kim. She pulled Kim into a tight hug. "You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to my sister. Welcome to the family," Sam whispered in her ear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jess sat in her office trying to work on charts. She was pulling a double and the ER for once was relatively quiet. Her thoughts kept drifting to the past month and Kim. Something had changed between them when Jess defended her to the Hospital Board and her Staff. Jess realized up until then Kim had been holding back, her fear keeping a barrier between them. Neither woman had admitted their love for each other but Jess knew she loved Kim and deep in her heart, believed Kim loved her.
The past month had been wonderful both at work and at home. Work had never been so enjoyable and with Rodman on suspension the atmosphere was almost relaxed at times. Even though they both still maintained separate residences, it was a rare night they slept apart. On the few times they had, Jess hadn’t slept well. The bed had seemed big and very empty. All her fears about being in a relationship had proven groundless. When Kim’s clothes and belongs had slowly slipped into Jess’s house she hadn’t felt trapped as she feared. She had rejoiced with each new entwining of their lives.
Jess’s thoughts drifted to the previous night. They had spent a wonderful evening just relaxing and enjoying being with each other. It amazed Jess how easy it was just to be with Kim. She’d made love to Kim with a passion that sometimes scared her in its intensity. When Kim reciprocated in the heat of passion she’d forgotten herself and pinned Jess’s arms above her head as she slid on top of her. Jess had immediately tensed up, it was an unconscious response. Kim had felt her stiffen and with a disappointed sigh had released her sliding down to lay next to her. As was always the case when that happened in their lovemaking, Kim asked Jess to tell her what was wrong. Jess had claimed it was nothing. Both women knew that wasn’t true. Kim always backed off and didn’t push, for which Jess was very grateful. She knew it was affecting their relationship but just didn’t know how to tell Kim the truth. She feared it would change how Kim saw her.
Jess’s pager went off interrupting her musings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kim lay curled up in Jess’s bed waiting for her to come home. Jess was working a double but Kim didn’t want to spend the night alone. She’d volunteered to feed Thor and Jess had asked her to stay at her place so they could be together when she got off. Kim hugged Jess’s pillow loving the scent that was totally Jess.
Her mind drifted to last night. She’d forgotten herself and in the heat of passion had pinned Jess to the bed. Jess’s reaction had been immediate. Kim had hoped with time Jess would open up to her and tell her what caused her to react so negatively. I know I could help her overcome the problem if she’d just tell me what it is, Kim thought. She already had a pretty good idea what had happened but needed Jess to trust her enough to tell her. Jess had made great progress. Kim was able to touch her and bring her to climax without Jess having to guide her hands, as long as Jess held the upper position. She’d even convinced Jess once to come up over her and let her pleasure her with her tongue. Still Jess insisted on remaining in control of their lovemaking. If Kim forgot and tried to take control she tensed up and became unresponsive. Plus Jess refused any type of penetration. Kim knew some women just didn’t like it but couldn’t help feeling there was more to it with Jess.
Kim had admitted to herself several weeks ago that she was in love with Jess but hadn’t told her. As wonderful as their relationship was, she felt that until she helped Jess conquer her demons there would always be a barrier between them and the truly complete relationship they could have. The psychiatrist in her just wouldn’t let it go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kim woke slowly feeling a warm body pressed against her back and a gentle hand under her tee shirt stroking her breasts and belly. She attempted to turn over but the arm around her tightened holding her in place. "Good Morning," she said turning her head to meet Jess’s gaze. Jess’s pupils were dilated, her arousal apparent. "Good morning to you," Jess murmured huskily before taking Kim’s lips in a deep kiss. Jess’s hand slipped down into Kim’s underwear. She groaned at the wetness she found there. As Jess started to stroke her Kim wondered just how long Jess had been touching her before she woke up. She was so wet and ready. She opened her legs wider inviting Jess inside. Jess slipped inside, both women moaning at the sensation. As Jess began to slide in and out, her hips picked up the rhythm and she began to thrust against Kim’s from behind. It wasn’t long before both women climaxed. Jess turned Kim to face her cradling her still shaking body against her chest.
"I missed you last night." Kim said once she’d recovered. "Why didn’t you wake me?"
"We got hung up with an MVA and it was after 1am before I got home. You were sleeping so soundly I didn’t have the heart to wake you."
"So are you on today?" Kim questioned.
"Nope, I’m off for the next three days. Don’t have a shift ‘til Monday." Jess smiled happily.
Kim glanced over at the clock. "Damn I’m on in an hour but I do have the weekend off. How about we meet at my place after I get off? I’ve got to get some laundry done." Kim had given Jess keys to her condo after the first night she’d spent there. She’d been pleasantly surprised when Jess cheerfully accepted them.
"Tell you what, how about I make us dinner at your place and I’ll toss in some laundry while I’m there." Jess offered with a smile.
"This would be so much easier with only one place." Kim groused. She caught the slight stiffening of Jess’s body and quickly backpedaled. "I didn’t mean it like that… I just umm meant…um dealing with the logistics of two places… I mean…
Jess pressed her finger to Kim’s lips. "You’re right it would be and I hope it will be soon."
Kim was shocked. She gazed into Jess’s eyes looking to see fear or doubt but all she saw was sincerity. She hugged her fiercely and kissed her with all the emotion she was feeling. Jess was out of breath by the time Kim released her.
"Well I guess I should offer to do your laundry more often," Jess teased.
The blaring of the alarm interrupted Kim’s response. She looked at the clock realizing she was going to be late if she didn’t leave now. "I have to go, we’ll talk about this later," she stated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The aroma of dinner cooking hit Kim as soon as she opened the door of her condo. She made her way into the kitchen. Jess was standing at the stove stirring a pot and swaying slightly in time to the music coming from the living room. Kim felt her chest tighten, wishing she could come home every night to Jess. She quietly walked up behind her, wrapped her arms around Jess’s waist and hugged her tightly. Jess turned in her arms, leaning down to gently kiss her.
"Hey beautiful, how was your day?" Jess asked nuzzling Kim’s ear.
"Great now," Kim murmured, snuggling in Jess’s arms.
"Why don’t you go change and I’ll finish up dinner." Jess reached for the bottle of Merlot sitting on the counter and poured Kim a glass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dinner had been wonderful. Jess made spaghetti and garlic bread. They’d finished off the bottle of Merlot as they relaxed on the floor in front of the couch listening to music and talking. Kim hoped after a bottle of wine Jess would be relaxed enough to talk about her past. If Jess was serious about them moving in together she wanted everything out in the open between them. She turned to face Jess then gently pushed her onto her back. Kim slid on top straddling her hips and placed her hands on her shoulders pressing down slightly. As expected, Jess tensed up. This time Kim didn’t move. She could see Jess fighting with herself trying to relax and not push her off. Kim couldn’t stand it anymore.
"Tell me Jess, tell me why that happens and don’t say it’s because you don’t like to be on your back. We both know it’s more than that." Kim insisted.
"It’s noth…."
"Don’t!" Kim snapped. "Don’t tell me it’s nothing. I can help you Jess with whatever it is. I know something happened that makes you panic when you’re held on your back. Who hurt you? Talk to me, we can work it out together. Don’t let this come between us." Kim demanded in frustration.
Jess sat up suddenly almost knocking Kim over. She pulled way and quickly rose to her feet. Her fear and embarrassment were overwhelming her and that made her angry. "I’m not one of your patients Kim and I don’t appreciate being analyzed. This is me; it’s how I am. If you can’t accept that then I guess I better go." Jess told her angrily. She grabbed her backpack and was out the door before Kim could even react.
Tears began to stream down Kim’s face as the door slammed. She couldn’t believe Jess had walked out on her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jess knew she was overreacting. She just couldn’t seem to help herself. When Kim had pushed, demanding to know who had hurt her, it hit too close to the truth and she’d panicked. All her fears and insecurities had just rushed to the fore. She reacted the only way she knew how, with anger. The thing she’d feared most was losing Kim’s respect if she knew the truth. Now it seemed she’d lost more than Kim’s respect, she’d lost Kim. Her heart was breaking as she drove home, the tears streaming silently down her face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jess spent a horrible night. She’d tossed and turned all night and when she finally did manage to fall asleep she dreamed of that night so long ago. She woke in a sweat with her heart pounding. As the sun broke over the horizon, Jess sat drinking coffee on the deck. Her mind was a whirlwind of pain and anxiety. She’d never told anyone what happened that night. She was too ashamed to admit she’d allowed herself to be controlled by someone else and used so callously. That one moment had defined how she reacted to every other person in her life. On that day she’d vowed she would never allow another person to control her like that. Her trust had been shattered and she’d never trusted another person completely again. It had ruined many would-be relationships. And now it was costing her her relationship with Kim.
She spent the day arguing with herself over what to do. Kim was the first woman she’d ever loved. The thought of letting her go was tearing her apart. Was she going to let one event so long ago ruin the wonderful thing they had between them? She could hear Sam’s words echoing in her mind, This one’s a keeper Sis, don’t let her get away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kim couldn’t remember spending a more miserable night. She’d finally cried herself to sleep. Her dreams had been filled with Jess. She was always ahead of her in a corridor but she was never able to catch up to her. She called out to her pleading with her to stop but Jess never turned to look back. Kim knew it was all caused by her fear of losing Jess. She could kick herself for pushing her. Jess had told her upfront about her problems, warning her it wouldn’t be easy to be in a relationship with her. She’d been making progress and opening up more to Kim all the time but she hadn’t been happy with that and just had to push for more. She needed a loving caring girlfriend not a damn psychiatrist, she berated herself. She spent the day moping around her condo. She had picked up the phone countless times to call Jess but knew she couldn’t. It was up to Jess now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jess spent a second horrible night and half of the next day before deciding she was no longer going to let the past rule her life. She’d even called Sam telling her only that she and Kim had a terrible fight. Her sister had told her in no uncertain terms she was a fool to let Kim go. "That woman loves you Jess," she’d told her adamantly. Sam urged her to work out whatever the problem was.
She drove over to Kim’s determined to do whatever it took to get her back.
Jess was shaking when she rang Kim’s doorbell. She wasn’t sure of her reception after walking out on her. It seemed like forever before the door opened.
"Jess, Oh My God… Jess." Kim pulled Jess inside throwing herself into her arms crying hysterically. She had convinced herself Jess was never coming back.
Jess stroked Kim’s hair as her own tears traced down her cheeks. "I’m sorry Kim. I’m so sorry." Jess kept repeating as they clung tightly together. Finally getting herself under control, Kim pulled Jess’s head down kissing her fiercely.
"Don’t ever do that again!" Kim cried in an anguished voice.
"I won’t. I promise. I’m sorry." Jess reassured her as she wiped the tears from Kim’s face. Cupping her hands around her face she kissed her gently. "I promise, I won’t run from you again. I… I love…I love you Kim." Jess finally managed to get out.
"Oh Jess, I love you too." Both women started crying again. Kim finally took Jess by the hand leading her over to the couch. They sat together trying to balance the joy of their declarations of love and the feelings of contentment with being back in each other’s arms with the tension of what almost tore them apart.
Jess was the first to break the silence. "I’m sorry I ran. I need to tell you something but I’m scared."
"Nothing you could tell me would make any difference Jess, I love you." Kim tried to reassure the nervous woman. She could feel the waves on anxiety coming off of Jess.
Jess looked deep into Kim’s eyes seeing her sincerity, praying it was true.
"Could we maybe have a glass of wine?" Jess asked hesitantly.
"Sure, I’ll be right back."
While Kim was gone Jess positioned herself against the armrest of the couch spreading her legs and leaving room for Kim to sit between them. Kim brought the wine back and seeing Jess’s position realized what she was doing. Whatever it was she wanted to tell her she didn’t want to look at her while she did it. This worried Kim. Kim handed Jess both glasses of wine before taking her place between Jess’s legs and accepting one of the glasses. She leaned back against Jess’s chest feeling how tense she was.
"Whatever it is Jess, you can tell me." She tried to reassure her.
Jess took a big gulp of wine before beginning.
"You were right. Something did happen in the past. It has affected not only my sexual relationships but also my ability to trust in general. I’m sure you know by now how much I need to be in control." Jess paused to take another healthy gulp of wine.
"It happened my senior year in high school. I’m from a small town of about 5000 people. Our school wasn’t very big. There were only 85 people in my graduating class and less than 300 in the whole school. I was pretty much a loner. I’d already gained most of my height and bulk. Not too many guys were interested in a muscular 6 ft tall girl. I participated in what sports there were for girls, which wasn’t much. I worked out on some old weight equipment I found at a yard sale." She paused for another drink of wine. "I wasn’t the most feminine of girls. I wasn’t really interested in guys that way. I realize now I must have subconsciously known I was attracted to girls. In my small town that was unheard of and if there were any other gays at my school I never knew it. By senior year my parents were becoming concerned that I wasn’t dating. Even some of the few girls I was friends with started to question why I didn’t date. It was around that time I was approached by one of the players on the football team. He was a big guy, almost 6 foot 6 and well over 200 pounds. With his blond hair and rugged good looks he was popular with the girls. Our little town actually had a decent football team. All the girls wanted to date the football players. David seemed sincerely interested in me. My parents were thrilled when I went out with him. We started dating pretty regularly mostly with his football buddies and their dates. When we went out alone together he kissed and touched me but never anything beyond light petting. I never really felt anything but I guess I was trying to fit in. He always stopped when I asked him to. I kept dating him cause it made my folks so happy." Jess stopped to finish off her wine. "Could I have another glass?"
Kim got up to get the wine. She tried to make eye contact with Jess but she refused to look up. Kim returned with the wine but before sitting down she took Jess’s chin in her hand forcing her eyes up. Leaning down she kissed her softly whispering against her lips, "I love you." When she resumed her position Jess wrapped one arm around her hugging her tight.
Jess was silent for several minutes. Kim wasn’t sure she was going to continue. Finally, Jess took up the story again.
"We had been dating almost a month when he asked me to the Homecoming Dance. It was a big deal in our little town. My mom was ecstatic; I think she spent two weeks dragging me to stores looking for the perfect dress. My folks extended my curfew to 2am for the night of the dance. David & I and two of his football buddies and their dates went together. The guys managed to sneak some liquor in and by the time the dance ended they’d already had a lot to drink. I didn’t know ‘til we left the dance that the guys had rented two motel rooms. David had been trying to convince me to sleep with him for the last two weeks. He kept saying how on Homecoming night he wanted to make me truly his. I knew I wasn’t ready but thought maybe once I had the experience that would change. I went to the motel room with him and his buddies and their dates. We sat in one room and drank while the guys took their dates one at a time into the other room. I still wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it but after a few drinks when our turn came I went with him." Jess fell silent and Kim could feel the tension building up. Jess took several more sips of her wine but didn’t speak.
"Jess, you don’t have to tell me the details. I have a pretty good idea what happened." She turned slightly in Jess’s arms until she could cup her face in her palm. "It wasn’t your fault, he forced you."
"No, that’s just it Kim, he didn’t." Jess looked everywhere but into Kim’s eyes. "I need to tell you this. I’ve never told anyone, not even my family. I just hope you won’t think any less of me for it." Jess said in a pained voice.
"That will never happen Jess. Go ahead and tell me what happened." Kim urged gently. Jess turned Kim around so her back was to her again. She wrapped one arm around Kim’s middle before continuing.
"When we got into the room he immediately started groping me. He pushed me back onto the bed and lay down on top of me. Before I knew it he had pushed my dress up and was pulling my panties down."
Kim could feel Jess’s body begin to shake. She tried to turn in Jess’s arms but Jess held her fast against her chest.
"It happened so fast!" Jess cried. "I never even realized he had his pants open ‘til I felt him push my legs open and start probing between my thighs. I panicked knowing I couldn’t go through with it. I pulled away from him pushing against his shoulders trying to get him off me. I told him. "Wait David, Stop!" He pulled my hands off his shoulders and pinned them above my head. I started to protest again but it was too late… a burning pain streaked between my legs and he was…he was…" Jess broke down and began to sob. Kim tried again to turn in her arms but Jess stopped her. "I need to tell you… I need to tell you the rest," Jess choked out. Kim stroked Jess’s arms where they were wrapped around her. Jess calmed enough to continue.
"I just laid there while he thrust into me, grunting in my ear. I never fought him Kim. I just let him do what he wanted. When he was finished he got up and pulled his pants up grinning as he stuffed my panties in his pocket. He patted my cheek and thanked me laughing the whole time. We went back out to the group and he took me home like nothing ever happened. I trusted him. I thought he cared for me." Jess cried bitterly.
"Oh Jess, I’m so sorry. He did force you. You told him to stop and he didn’t. That’s rape."
Jess began to sob. She finally allowed Kim to turn in her arms and hold her. Jess finally gained some control over herself and managed to meet Kim’s eyes. She was overwhelmed by what she saw; love, compassion, sorrow. She knew she had to tell her the rest.
"That’s not the worst of it." She told Kim quietly. Kim’s anger soared, what else had that bastard done to Jess?
Kim kissed Jess gently wiping away her tears. "Tell me," she said settling back between Jess’s legs.
Jess picked up her wine glass and emptied it before continuing. "When I got to school on Monday I noticed right way all the snickers and looks I was getting. It was later in the afternoon when I finally found out what was going on. I overheard two of David’s football buddies talking. Seems David and his buddy Brett had a bet as to who could… what was the term they used… oh yeah… pop the most cherries before the end of the year." Jess said angrily. "David bet Brett 50 bucks he could nail me. That’s what he was thanking me for that night, winning the bet for him. I never saw David again except to pass him in the hall. The few times I did see him he just smirked at me. He never was interested in me. He just used me to win the bet. The rest of my senior year was a living hell. He bragged to everyone who would listen how he bagged me. I swore that day I would never trust anyone again. I allowed him to use and control me. I promised myself that I would never be in the position to be controlled or used again."
By now there were tears pouring down Kim’s face. Her heart ached for what had been done to Jess. She knew Jess blamed herself and would never truly move on from what had happened to her until she placed the blame where it belonged, on the bastard who raped her.
"Jess, I want you to listen to me closely. You’re not to blame for what happened. You told him to stop and he didn’t. That’s rape."
"But I didn’t stop him. I just laid there." Jess insisted sadly.
"He pinned your arms when you protested. Do you really think he wouldn’t have held you down if you fought? He weighed what? 240 pounds? He raped you Jess. Just because you didn’t fight doesn’t change the fact that it wasn’t consensual. You told him to stop." Kim could see Jess’s mind working. She’d obviously never thought this through. She had just blamed herself all these years. Jess turned anguished eyes to Kim.
"He…He… He raped me?" Jess whispered brokenly. Kim quickly switched positions pulling Jess into her arms as her body was wracked with sobs. Kim rocked her, whispering soothing nonsense in her ear and stroking her hair. Jess cried for a long time in Kim’s arms, pouring out the grief she had never allowed herself. When her tears finally trailed off, Kim spoke again. Kim had been thinking of ways to help Jess though this. She knew Jess would never go for traditional counseling. Her mind hit on a unique approach. It was off the wall but she hoped it would work. They had made so much progress together already. She smiled to herself anticipating Jess reaction.
"We can work through this together Jess." Kim assured her adding, "Now that I know you’re a virgin."
"WHAT?!" Jess’s head jerked up in shock.
Kim smiled at her, one side of her mouth lifting in a little smirk. "That’s right, a virgin. You’ve never willing given yourself to anyone."
"But he broke…. I mean I’m not." Jess stuttered.
"Oh that’s just a piece of membrane. Riding a horse can break that. Your virginity can’t be taken from you. It has to be freely given."
Kim watched as the wheels turned in Jess’s head as she tried to take in what Kim had said. Kim laughed to herself when a light blush colored Jess’s cheeks.
"But I have before… I mean… we have already…You know what I mean!" Jess was clearly struggling.
Kim laughed softly. "Yes Jess we have made love but only up to a point. You’re still a virgin. I’ve never been inside of you." Kim was pleased when Jess blushed hard. She believed what Kim was saying. Kim knew it would take time but everything would work out for them. She decided to push a little further. "And I look forward to the day you grant me that gift." Jess blushed even harder.
"I love you Jess, I would never intentionally hurt you. Trust me…please." Kim pleaded, suddenly serious.
Jess looked into Kim’s eyes and saw all the love shining there. She felt as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. This woman truly loved her and would never use her. She’d found where she belonged, here with Kim. "I love you too Kim… and I do trust you."
They shared a gently kiss, it wasn’t about passion but love and devotion. Kim knew she’d finally found where she belonged. It was here with Jess.
They retired to bed, both women emotionally drained from the whole experience. They spooned together in bed, Jess wrapping Kim securely in her arms both savoring the feelings of safety and contentment of being together. Kim wasn’t surprised when Jess woke during the night with a nightmare. She held and caressed her until she drifted off to sleep content and secure in the arms of her love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jess woke the next morning surprised to find Kim spooned up behind her. She was the one who usually did the holding. Kim’s arm was securely wrapped around her chest, her hand resting between her breasts. Jess remembered a nightmare starting but it just as suddenly stopped and she was wrapped in a warm protective blanket keeping her safe from the dream. She smiled contentedly, realizing Kim had protected her even in her sleep. She gently extricated herself from Kim, rolling over to face her. She slowly eased her onto her back and began placing soft kisses on her face and neck. Kim groaned in her sleep. Jess pushed Kim tee shirt up then watched as her nipples tightened in the cool morning air. Unable to resist, she gently caressed a bud with her tongue. Kim’s eyes blinked open. "Good Morning," she murmured. Jess lifted her head smiling before kissing her passionately. Their tongues danced together. Jess’s hand slid down Kim’s abdomen heading south. Kim’s hand shot out grabbing Jess’s wrist and stopping her.
Jess’s pulled out of the kiss in surprise. "What’s wrong?" She questioned softly.
"What were you doing?" Kim asked.
Jess looked at her in confusion. "I was going to make love to you."
Kim chuckled. "Oh no, my little virgin, that’s not how this works."
"Huh?" Jess was totally confused.
Kim knew she shouldn’t be but she was enjoying Jess’s confusion. Snuggling back up to Jess’s side she explained.
"Remember what we talked about last night?" Jess nodded. "Well, no more taking control. We are going to start from the beginning. We’re not going to make love again ‘til it’s mutual…. totally mutual." Kim clarified. Jess swallowed hard at the implication. "I need to know you trust me completely before we go forward. So we’re going to start over and work on those trust issues. We’ll slowly work up to it. Then, when you’re ready, we’ll make love…together."
"But I do trust you." Jess insisted.
Kim suddenly straddled Jess pinning her to the bed, her hands on her shoulders. Jess stiffened in reaction. Kim slid back down to her original position. Jess sighed in frustration. "Ok you’re right, but I still don’t see why I can’t…"
Kim cut her off. "No Jess, you’re not in control any more. We’ll work on this as a team. I love you Jess. Please work with me." Kim pleaded.
Jess grumbled under her breath, she was still aroused from earlier. She knew Kim was serious about this and she had promised herself she’d do what ever was necessary to make things work with Kim. And if she was honest with herself she wanted to get through this and finally be free of her past.
"Ok." Jess grumped. "Tell me how this works."
"First, we are going to work on trust. Let me show you what I mean." Keeping eye contact with Jess Kim slowly slid on top of her. Jess stiffened but Kim never moved. She reached up slowly stroking Jess’s face but never attempted to touch her otherwise. Kim continued to gaze into Jess’s eyes until the tension left her body. Kim smiled at Jess when she sighed heavily, completely relaxing under her. Kim lowered her head resting it on Jess’s upper chest. They lay like that for several minutes. Jess for the first time began to enjoy the feel of Kim’s body pressing down on hers. Jess’s hands came up and stroked up and down Kim’s back. "Now what?" Jess asked a little nervously. Kim’s head came up making eye contact again.
"Now we go make breakfast and get ready for work." Kim amazed Jess by rolling off of her and getting out of bed.
"That was it? You’re not going to try to touch me?" Jess realized this wasn’t what she expected. She thought it would be some psychobabble trust exercise where Kim would insist on touching her while she held her down.
"Nope. I told you, trust first." Kim said. "Then maybe we’ll work on some light petting," she teased wiggling her eyebrows.
Damn! Jess muttered as she thought about that. She’s got to be kidding. Jess watched Kim’s butt flex as she walked away. She wondered just how long she’d be able to keep her hands to herself. Her face lit up as a thought suddenly accrued to her.
"Hey Kim," Jess called. Kim turned to find Jess gazing at her with that little half smirk. Kim knew this was going to be good.
"Yes, Jess what is it?"
"We could really build lots of trust in the shower. You know all the vulnerable wet naked skin." She said with a hopeful lusty expression.
Kim chuckled. "Forget it Jess you’re not even close to second base yet." Kim couldn’t help laughing at Jess’s pouting face.
Jess pouted as Kim headed for the kitchen. Nope this was definitely not what I expected. Shit… I hope I get over this fast.