Erin stood looking out over the vast Utopian valley below. She rested her hands on the redwood beam that surrounded the large deck that was built on to the back of the cabin. She couldn’t believe the view before her. It was breathtaking. Absolutely breathtaking.

There was movement to her left and she turned slightly to watch two squirrels chase each other up the large Ponderosa pine flanking the deck. She smiled at them and breathed in deep the cool, fresh mountain air. Coming with Henderson up to her newly acquired cabin had turned out to be an excellent idea. They were now nestled atop one of Utopia’s numerous mountains. Away from the city heat, the crime, the crowds.

"Hey you." Henderson greeted with a relaxed smile. "How was your nap?" She walked up and joined Erin at the railing.

"Short." Erin answered with some disappointment.

"Still not sleeping well?" Henderson asked, having heard Erin scream out the night before.

Erin shrugged not wanting to share all the details of her nightmares.

"I’m still having the nightmares, but I think it’s getting better." She looked away from Henderson and let her eyes skim over the thousands of green treetops and focus on a mountain off in the distance.

Henderson sensed that the subject was closed and she didn’t want to upset her. She knew Mac needed her friendship and her support now more than ever. And she knew that meant being there for her with patience and understanding. She would talk when she was good and ready.

"Some view huh?" Henderson asked, leaning on the rail, loving her new surroundings.

"I’ll say. You shouldn’t have any trouble writing up here with a view like this. The view is pure inspiration alone."

"I hope your right." Henderson chuckled. "I’m still a little nervous with my decision to quite the force. What if I can’t make it on writing alone?" She had always had her police work to pay the bills. The money she had earned writing had just been like an added bonus.

"You’re kidding me right?" Erin looked at her and marveled at her doubts.

"No, Mac. I’m serious." Henderson said turning halfway to meet her eyes.

"I’ve read your stuff. Not all of it, but enough to know that it’s damn good. You must have thousands of fans just drooling with anticipation for the next book."

Henderson looked away, a little embarrassed by the flattering words.

"You don’t understand. What if I wake up one day, even tomorrow and it’s gone. What if I sit there at the computer and the words don’t come? And they never come again?" She had never admitted that fear to anyone before. But then again no one had ever known about her writing before Mac came along.

Erin watched her, a little surprised at the fears Henderson held. She had never considered that writers had fears such as this.

"That won’t happen." Erin said softly. "I’m sure you may have a day or even days when things just don’t click, if you haven’t already."

Henderson shook her head in silent agreement.

"But they didn’t last did they?" Erin asked, trying to reassure her.

Henderson met the bright green eyes across from her. "No, they didn’t last."

"You see, you’ll be fine."

"This last time, I had stopped for a couple of months because my head just wasn’t in it. And the only reason I came out of it was because I found a new…" She looked off again, her cheeks burning with heat.

"New what?" Erin asked completely clueless.

Henderson rested her elbow on the railing and set her chin on her fist. She stared out at the green valley below.

"Muse." She answered softly, careful not to look at Mac.

"Oh." Erin felt her own face flush as she realized the meaning of the word. "Well whoever she is, you should tell her so she’ll be sure to keep inspiring you."

Henderson stood suddenly and started walking across the lengthy deck to the double doors that led into the cabin.

"I need to get dinner started now if I’m going to grill. The sunlight will be gone soon." She tossed Erin a brief smile before heading in the roomy log cabin.

Erin turned back to the spanning view of the mountainous valley below. She reached behind her and pulled up a deck chair. Sinking down into it, she propped her feet up on the railing and rested her head back against the chair.

She had to admit, she needed the rest and some peace of mind, and she hoped escaping up to the cabin would do the trick. Maybe put a stop to the nightmares and the reoccurring flashes of her violent memory. But she hadn’t had any such luck so far. But then again, they had only been here one night.

She breathed deeply again, willing the mountain air to heal her mind. She closed her eyes and a face entered her mind. The eyes were brilliant and blue, full of fire and desire. She shivered internally as she recalled her intimate encounter with Elizabeth Adams. Even though she had been high on Ecstasy at the time, it had done nothing to cloud her memory whatsoever. If anything, the drug had heightened her senses, sharpened them to the point of making her crave the physical contact, as well as to help her to remember every incredible detail.

The word struck a frazzled nerve.

"It’s called Crave by Calvin Klein." Adams voice spoke seductively in her mind. She remembered the very moment the words had been spoken. She opened her eyes and pulled her thighs together tightly as she remembered the scent of Elizabeth Adams. She had always heard that scent was the strongest sense tied to memory and now she understood why.

She tossed her head back against the chair again and sighed as her body instinctively reacted to Adams even though she was nowhere near. She closed her eyes and allowed her memory the free will to linger on Adams for awhile.

A vision of the dark woman flashed in her mind. She was standing in front of her in the black leather and the chain mesh vest. The mask was gone and she was looking at Erin so intensely, so soft and yet, so hungry. Erin felt herself shiver again as she remembered her long, talented fingers, playing her, pulling at her from deep inside.

"Wine?"

Erin jerked and sat forward suddenly in the chair, her eyes flying open with surprise.

"Sorry." Henderson offered, a goblet of red wine in her hand.

"You just surprised me is all." She rubbed at her cheeks, hoping the heat she had been feeling with Adams in mind wasn’t displayed on her face for Henderson to see.

She held out her hands, grateful for the wine. "Yes, thank you." She gave Henderson a warm smile and sipped at the dark, flavorful wine.

"Dinner should be ready in a short while."

Erin watched the attractive woman pull a sip of the dark red liquid from her own goblet. The wine stained her lips, leaving them full and crimson, vaguely reminiscent of blood.

She shook her head at the voice from the past. A vision of the sexy movie star licking the blood from her lips pooled in Erin’s mind. Adams had sucked and bitten Angie’s full lips with erotic force. Erin shuddered, remembering how she had watched the two and it turned her on even now just thinking about it.

The memories were coming quicker today. One followed closely by another.

"You ok?" Henderson removed the goblet from her mouth and watched Erin with obvious concern.

"Fine. Just memories, flashes really."

Henderson’s eyebrows rose with hope. "That’s good, right? I mean, you want them to come, don’t you?" She couldn’t imagine what it must be like for Mac. She herself had been the one who had sustained the blow to the head. She should be the one with memory problems.

"I’m not sure anymore." Erin looked up at her with tired eyes. "I’m not sure I want to know." She looked away back out at the green valley and took another sip of wine.

"I don’t think you’ll ever be at peace until you do remember." Henderson walked away quietly. Leaving her troubled friend to her thoughts, wishing she could somehow take away the pain that was so clouded in Erin’s eyes.

Erin fingered the rim of her goblet and let her thoughts run freely in her mind. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t remember. She understood the scientific theory behind the post traumatic stress syndrome, but it didn’t give her any answers.

What had happened that night that made her mind close off? She thought back to what the paramedics had said about that night. They had come in the house to find her on the floor with Henderson’s head in her lap. She had been covered with Henderson’s blood, the head wound having bled profusely.

They said that they had tried to speak to her but that she wouldn’t answer. She gave no response whatsoever until they tried to remove Henderson from her arms. Then and only then did she react. She had screamed and cried, convinced that Henderson would soon die and then she collapsed on the floor and cried until exhaustion set in. The paramedics had then sedated her and when she came to in the hospital the next morning, she couldn’t remember the events of the previous evening.

She turned her head to watch the two squirrels run back down the tree. She couldn’t remember the events the paramedics spoke of. But as she thought about them now, she imagined that she would react in a similar manner. She pictured herself on the floor, Henderson unconscious and bleeding in her arms. Her heart ached at the thought of Henderson hurt and bleeding. The older detective meant so much to her. And yet she had only known her on a personal level for a short while.

She thought of her now as she rested her head back on the chair. She had become in tune with her now more than ever. Being up in the mountains with her at such close proximity, had heightened Erin’s already brooding attraction to the woman. She was noticing things she had never noticed before. The way she chewed her bottom lip when she tried to fight back a mischievous grin. Her hearty laugh, her kindness and intellect, her passion with words. Not to mention her body.

Erin closed her eyes and bit her own lip as her mind’s eye looked Henderson up and down. She thought back to the previous night and how sexy Henderson had looked in a snug gray tank top and matching cotton panties.

She had about fainted on the spot as she had stumbled upon her in the kitchen well after midnight, awakened by a nightmare. She closed her eyes and pictured her standing there, leaning into the fridge in the little tank top and panties. The fridge light lit up her body, showing off firm, ample breasts, a smooth, flat stomach. Her vision carried down to Henderson’s panties. She imagined touching her tight ass, running her hands over and down to come forward to her heated center.

What would she feel like?

She hugged herself as she shivered with desire. Her mind’s eye then traveled down from Henderson’s panties to her legs. Her beautifully muscled thighs, smooth and tan from swimming. She imagined kissing them, teasing them with her tongue, up and down the insides of her legs.

Her vision faded and she opened her eyes as the squirrels began to rifle through the feeding trough next to her. She sat perfectly still and watched them in amazement. She wished she could sit and continue to fantasize about Henderson but other thoughts weighed heavily on her mind.

She sighed and startled the squirrels, sending them scurrying back up the tree. Work, the investigation and her own current situation plagued her mind.

She had been on medical leave since the morning after the shooting. Thus, excluding her from the investigation itself as it had begun to wrap up with Tracy Walsh being pegged as the sole killer. She would’ve loved to have been a part of it. Especially since something continuously gnawed at her, telling her that her fellow detectives hadn’t found all the missing pieces. They believed Walsh was responsible for the serial killings and that she may have had help from Kristen Reece. What’s more they also blamed Walsh for her presumed death as well.

As for a motive, Erin’s fellow detectives had found evidence in Walsh’s apartment which showed she had a strong obsession for Elizabeth Adams. These included pictures all over her apartment walls of Adams, letters she had written to her, journal entries as well as stolen items from the club. Her obsession alone, the detectives believe, drove her to do anything in order to win the affection and attention of the powerful woman.

Erin gazed up at a hawk gliding over head and again felt the gnawing in the pit of her stomach. Something just wasn’t right about the investigation. She just wished she could put her finger on it.

Jack trotted across the deck, his claws clicking against the redwood. He was panting from his latest adventure from down below the house and into the valley, chasing God only knew what.

Erin let her hand fall down beside the chair and he walked over wagging his tail and happily licked it. His normally stark white fur was dingy and dusty from all his running around outdoors. When she wouldn’t scratch his back like he wanted, he walked away from her and headed over to his water bowl next to the back door.

She smiled after him, always endeared by the little deaf dog. Once at his water bowl, he dug in it with his front paws, splashing the water up on his fur, getting his water cloudy with dirt in the process. Once the water was almost completely brown, he lowered his head and drank from it heartily.

Erin laughed out loud at his behavior and Henderson emerged from the house carrying a long lighter and metal grill brush.

"What’s so funny?" She asked as she set them both down on the shelf attached to the grill. She realized that she hadn’t seen Erin smile in a long while.

"Jack." Erin said pointing.

Henderson followed the direction of her finger and looked down just in time to see Jack try to lie completely down in his water bowl.

"Jack!" Henderson shouted, smacking her palms up against her cheeks. "You’re filthy!" She walked over to him and he looked up at with his tongue hanging large and flat from his mouth.

"He’s hot." Erin said sticking up for him as she continued to laugh.

"If you feel so sorry for him then you can be the one who gives him a bath." Henderson turned and eyed her mischievously with her hands on her hips. She bit her lower lip and Erin noticed and felt emotion swirl in her tummy where seconds before the gnawing had been.

She stood from her chair and approached Jack with a large smile on her face. She looked over at Henderson and tipped her wine glass at her.

"Fine. I would be more than happy to. You cook and I’ll…" She looked back down at Jack as he started to dig again at the remaining water splashing her in the process. "Clean." She finished as Henderson began to laugh.

"Ok, Jack. This is going to be fun, ok?" Erin eyed him cautiously, completely unconvinced herself.

Jack stood staring at her from the center of the bath tub with his ears back and his tail tucked between his legs, scared to death as to what she was about to do to him.

Warm water lapped at his belly and Erin dipped the cup in the bath to scoop up some water. Jack looked over at the cup as she brought it closer. She tipped it at his head, figuring she would wet the hardest part first. As soon as the water hit his head, Jack bolted from the tub, gripping the side with his front paws, pulling his hinds legs up to spring up and over Erin who sat kneeling by the tub.

"Jack!" She screamed in surprise as she tried to catch him. His body was slick with water and he slid with ease right through her hands landing behind her and sprinting as fast as he could out the door.

She turned and crawled her way up into a stance and quickly gave chase. She rounded out the door of the bathroom and turned left into the kitchen area where Henderson stood staring in amazement with a pair of tongs in her hand.

"Jack!" Erin screamed again running after the wet trail that streaked along the floor. She caught a brief sight of him as he darted through the sitting room to the right of the kitchen, hopping along the sofa as he went, his butt tucked in hurried excitement. She threw herself across the end of the sofa, thinking for sure she could nab him, but Jack merely jumped over her and made his way to the stairs.

Erin shot up from the couch and glanced at Henderson as she reached the bottom of the stairs. The other woman was still standing in the same position, tongs in hand up in the air. Only now her mouth was open in complete awe of the scenario unfolding in front of her.

Erin darted up the stairs as quick as she could; knowing what was up there and promising that if Jack was doing what she thought he was doing…he was soon to be a dead dog, instead of just a deaf one.

She reached the top of the stairs and stood looking into the large loft area. The king sized bed sat in the center with a large window overlooking the front yard flanking it. She eyed the bed as she approached, her eyes squinting as she observed the disheveled covers.

Suddenly, the lump under the covers moved and Jack emerged, jumping and hopping about in circles.

"You little shit!" Erin said as she threw herself onto the bed. Jack avoided her easily and pounced like an agile kitten on top of her, barking at her with excitement while nipping at her hair.

Erin rolled again, trying to catch the wet dog with her hands but Jack had sprung to the other side of the bed, barking and nipping the air, tail wagging. She flung towards him and he ducked under the covers. Erin growled back at him in frustration and she too, delved under the covers in hot pursuit.

Feeling around for the wet, white fur she could so strongly smell she found him tucked into a ball near the edge of the bed.

"Gotcha!" she yelled in victory, encircling Jack in her arms and in doing so, tumbling to the floor in a tangled heap of wet fur and bed clothes.

Applause came from the loft landing and Erin looked over to find Henderson grinning from ear to ear as she clapped. Boy would I love to be in Jack’s position right about now.

"You two are better than the Stooges." She smirked, trying hard to swallow back her growing desire for the blonde.

Erin lay on her back with Jack resting on her chest, the covers tangled around them.

"Funny." She said to Henderson as she tried to spit some wet white hairs from her mouth.

Henderson waved her hand at Jack who struggled to get free from Erin’s vice like grip. More than happy that Henderson wanted him, Erin released him from her clutches and he sprinted across the room to his owner.

Erin pushed herself up from the floor and began trying to wipe the furs from her clothes. She looked up at the rumpled mess of a bed and sighed.

"Don’t worry about the bed; I’ll take care of it." Henderson offered while giving Jack another hand sign. The dog immediately sat obediently in front of her, his attention never wavering from her hands.

"You don’t have to do that." Erin said as she walked to the bed and began to yank the covers off. "It’s my fault he got away from me."

Henderson laughed again as the crazy scene replayed in her mind.

"Not entirely." She said, wiping the laughing tears from her eyes.

Erin stopped and stood with her hands on her hips, eyeing Henderson as she laughed.

"I should’ve told you that Jack hates water being poured on his head." Henderson said before she started laughing uncontrollably again.

"Ya think?" Erin said, trying hard not to laugh herself. Instead she glared down at Jack who was still sitting so politely in front of Henderson.

"Yeah, and I should’ve taught you some signs, to get him to listen." She took some big breaths and calmed her laughing. "I just got so caught up with dinner, I didn’t even think about it."

"Hey that’s what I’m here for." Erin said throwing up her hands and turning back to tackle the bed. "For laughs."

Henderson laughed softly behind her. "Come on Mac, I promise I’ll stop laughing." She could barely get out the words before laughter overtook her again.

"I don’t think it was that funny." Erin said over her shoulder with a smile starting to tip her face.

"The hell it wasn’t." Henderson approached her, needing to get to her to understand. "The way you chased him, the way you two were wrestling on the bed and then falling on the floor." She bent down, her sides hurting from the laughter.

Erin turned to look at her and couldn’t help but start laughing herself. Henderson’s face was red and Erin helped her to stand upright.

"I guess it must’ve looked pretty ridiculous."

Henderson shook her head and breathed as they both tried to calm down.

"That’s an understatement." She smiled, trying to stifle the last of the laughs.

Erin piled the comforter on the floor along with the sheets. She tired to spit out more dog hair as she wiped at her shirt unsuccessfully.

"Mac, leave the bed." Henderson said breathing deep, glad the pains in her ribs had left her. She hated the words as they spilled from her mouth. She Mac in her bed, not leaving it.

Erin reached down to pull off a pillow case, ignoring her.

"I’ll take care of it." Henderson reached down and grabbed her hand, stopping her. Let me make love to you, right here, right now. Well, maybe once the bed was clean. "Besides you still have to finish washing Jack."

Erin turned to look at her with wide eyes. "Oh no. Uh uh." She started shaking her head which caused Henderson to start laughing again.

"Seriously." Henderson finally managed to say, releasing her grip on Erin and holding up her hand. She tried to breathe before the pains returned to stab her sides once again. "I’ll just show you some signs and he’ll be fine."

Erin raised her eyebrows, not quite believing her.

"Come on, I’ll prove it to you."

"Ok." Erin replied reaching down in frustration and yanking off her shirt covered in wet dog hair. "This time, I’m playing tough."

Henderson let her gaze fall over Mac’s body as she walked off in front of her on her way to the stairs. She swallowed hard and bit back her urge to reach out and touch her. She had wanted to explore Erin’s full breasts and muscled torso ever since that first night at her house when she had watched her pull off her shirt for J.R. to attach the wire.

Erin disappeared down the stairs and Henderson looked down and gave Jack the sign to follow her. It was going to be a long night, made even painfully longer now that she had seen Erin bare some skin.

An hour later, Erin was towel drying her hair when Henderson called her for dinner. She had finished bathing Jack, who had indeed behaved himself after she had given him some hand commands. Then, smelling like a wet dog herself, she had jumped in the shower to cool off and clean up.

She turned and hung up the bath towel on the rack behind her.

"Coming!" She yelled out the bathroom door. She then walked out of the bathroom and across the hall into her bedroom to slip into a cotton button down sleeveless shirt and a pair of khaki linen shorts.

The cabin itself had four bedrooms. Three of them were side by side downstairs with the fourth being the loft upstairs. The room she was staying in was spacious enough, with a double bed, a night table and a dresser. All of it a light lumber, giving it its rustic appeal. Henderson had made one of the rooms into her office and the last room was currently being used as storage.

Every so often Henderson would walk in to retrieve some boxes to unpack. Erin always did her best to help, but mostly Henderson just insisted that she rest or spend her time doing things that she liked.

She ran her fingers through her wet hair and walked down the hallway into the kitchen. The sun had just set and Henderson had opened the doors and windows to let in the cool night air. Both the front and back doors also had screen doors, to ensure a summer breeze free of insects.

Soft jazz played from a small stereo and Erin made her way into the great room which opened up from the kitchen. On the left side, next to the kitchen was the dining room table. On the right side, the room opened up into a large sitting room which contained a stone wall fireplace and mantle. The ceiling in the great room was highly vaulted and the back window was floor to ceiling, allowing for a breathtaking view of the valley below.

Erin made her way to the table which was already set for two and lit up with candles. Henderson walked in from the back deck, a plateful of steaming chicken kabobs in hand.

"Here let me." Erin said, moving quickly to get the plate.

Henderson could smell the fresh scent of soap and shampoo on Erin and she looked away as the vision of Erin wet seared through her eyes. A brief image of her standing nude in the shower soaping her full breasts assaulted her senses and she nearly choked on her saliva at the thought.

"Thanks." She managed to cough out as she headed over into the kitchen, returning with a bowl of pasta salad and the bottle of wine.

"This looks terrific." Erin said, sitting down and placing a kabob first in Henderson’s plate and then her own.

"Hope it’s as good as it looks. I’m starved." Henderson said spooning out the pasta salad for them both before refilling their wine glasses. What she was hungry for wasn’t food, but she dug in heartily hoping it would at the very least distract her.

Erin took first a bite of pasta salad and then the chicken. "It is." She chewed gratefully. "It’s even better than it looks."

After several silent bites, Erin noticed that something was missing.

"Dare I ask where Jack is?"

Henderson grinned and sipped her wine. "He’s pouting."

"Mmm." Erin replied, pulling off a piece of chicken and green pepper.

"He hates baths." Henderson said with a stifled chuckle.

"No kidding?" Erin said giving her a raised eyebrow as a warning.

God she’s gorgeous. Henderson thought to herself and then grabbed at her wine for a much needed chug.

"Just for that," Erin continued. "You now have to answer me any question I ask." She grinned playfully at her dinner companion.

"No way." Henderson said with a grin.

Erin eyed her and noted how beautiful she looked even in the worn jeans and faded flannel shirt with the sleeves cut off. So incredibly beautiful while so incredibly rugged.

"Yes way." Erin teased, not backing down. "Let’s see, what to ask." She contemplated as she ate, wanting to be sure to ask the perfect question.

Henderson continued to eat her pasta salad while Erin stared her down, searching her mind for the right question.

"You’re wasting your time Mac. I never said I would go along with this little game." But she was enjoying the friendly banter. It was good to see Mac being so playful, so relaxed. And there was even the hint of contentment.

"You will." Erin countered.

"What makes you think I will?" I’ll do anything you want. Anything.

"Because I have powers over you." She said, laughing at herself at how ridiculous it sounded. She looked over at Henderson who had stopped eating suddenly. "Super powers" Erin added, wiggling her fingers at Henderson.

Henderson finally moved and sipped her wine. Even though she knew Erin was joking around, the words had shocked her. They were true. More than true. And yet Erin had no idea. Why should she? She doesn’t feel the same way so how could she possibly know or even understand. Terror shook through her as she realized how vulnerable she was and at the hands of this young, beautiful and confused woman. She couldn’t let her know. She had to keep fighting it. Mac had too much on her right now to be dealing with her feelings.

"More wine?" She asked as she rose from the table.

"No, I’m good." Erin said, suddenly feeling a fool. She rose with Henderson to clear the table. "Thank you for dinner. It was very good." She carried the dishes into the kitchen and piled them next to the sink.

"I’m glad." Henderson said, coming to her side to start in on the dishes. She needed to do something with her hands. Anything. She needed to distract her mind and body from Erin MacKenzie.

"No, let me clean. You cooked." Erin said, grabbing her wrist softly.

Henderson wouldn’t meet her eyes but she stood ramrod straight at the contact. Her touch was like a bolt of lightning shooting up through her, lighting up every cell in her body to the point of implosion.

"Patricia?" Erin asked concerned. "What’s wrong?"

"Nothing." She walked away quickly and headed out the back door. It took all her power not to run at a full sprint out the door. Once on the deck she placed her hands behind her head and looked up at the millions of stars. She breathed in deeply and willed her heart to stop pounding so hard.

Maybe it had been a mistake inviting Mac up to the cabin with her. As much as she valued their friendship and cared about her, it was becoming plainly obvious to her that she was falling in love.

"Christ." She said aloud and into the black night. How could she have let it happen? Sure she had been immediately attracted to the rookie detective upon first laying eyes on her all those years ago at the academy. But so what, lots of women are attractive and as soon as she had found out she was married, she had viewed her as just another pretty face.

But once she had met up with her that first night at her house, she had known she was in trouble. She hadn’t expected to find such a passionate, naïve, and sensual creature underneath the gorgeous exterior. And to top it off, the blonde had a hidden attraction to women and an unhappy marriage.

Henderson walked down to the edge of the deck and stepped off into the yard. She should’ve walked away that night. Wiped her hands clean of Erin Mackenzie and the desire she so clearly felt creeping up within her. But she hadn’t. And now she was stuck up here with her, miles away from civilization, miles away from a healthy distraction.

She bent down and began picking up logs. So what now? "Now," She told herself. "You go in there and act like everything’s fine. Poor girl doesn’t need to know how in love you are with her." She’s got enough on her plate.

Erin had just finished with the dishes when Henderson returned, a couple of large logs in her arms.

"I thought we would fire up that fireplace tonight." She said as she walked in and tossed them into the large pit.

"Sounds great." Erin noted, glad that Henderson was back to sounding herself and at least speaking to her.

While Henderson got the fire going, Erin made them both some hot chocolate with Butterscotch Schnapps and then made herself comfortable on one of the overstuffed sofas in front of the fireplace.

"Here you go." She said, offering Henderson the steaming mug who then settled in next to her on the couch.

"Thanks." Just drink the hot chocolate and try not to notice how beautiful she looks in the firelight. She took a large sip. Oh God, I’m gonna need more Schnapps.

They both sat in silence for a few minutes, staring into the roaring fire.

"Patricia?" Erin asked softly from her end of the couch.

"Yeah?" She turned to look at the attractive blonde next to her. She gulped at her astonishing beauty.

"Have I done something to upset you?" Erin stared down into her mug and ran her finger along the rim.

Henderson was silent for a moment and she turned to look away from Erin. She cringed inwardly at having made her feel as such.

"No, of course not." She replied, trying to reassure her as she stared back into the fire.

"You sure?" Erin asked, wanting to believe her but unable to ignore her recent behavior.

"Yes." This time she met her eyes, needing to convince her. "And to prove it to you, I’ll even answer that one question you wanted to ask me."

Erin smiled at her and looked back into the fire. She had no idea what to ask her, her own brain too occupied at how the firelight looked against her auburn hair.

"I was only kidding." She said, sipping her cocoa.

"I’m not." Henderson said leaning over to toss a throw pillow at her playfully. "Come on, ask me anything."

Erin blocked the pillow and set her cocoa down on the coffee table. "Ok, Miss writer…" She desperately searched her brain for a question, having no clue what to ask. She drew in a breath and asked the only thing that came into her mind.

"Who’s this muse you speak of?" She tossed the pillow back at her and was surprised when she didn’t catch it or even try to block it. She just stared at her, a look of obvious shock written all over her face. Oh God. What am I going to do? Run. Don’t let her see it written all over your face.

"Patricia?" Erin said, swallowing hard. She looked like she had at dinner, like the blood had suddenly been drained from her body.

Henderson rose quickly, setting down her mug. She tried to walk past Erin to head upstairs but Erin reached out and grabbed her arm and stood up alongside her.

"Hey, what’s wrong?" She asked softly, searching her blank face for answers.

Run. Henderson tried to shake her off, but Erin reached out with her other arm.

"Talk to me? What’s going on?" She pleaded.

Henderson opened her mouth to speak, but stopped as her eyes met Erin’s. You’re hurting her. Look at her, she thinks she done something wrong.

"What is it?" Erin tried again, very softly.

Henderson looked down at her hands and Erin let go, not wanting to restrain her. She thought for sure Henderson would continue her flight, but when she didn’t move, Erin looked at her and met her eyes.

She found them looking at her, burning a deep blue, just as they had in a dream she had once had. Her cheeks were flushed and her dark red lips quivered.

"It’s you." She whispered her voice tight with emotion.

Erin shook her head, not quite understanding. "I don’t understand." She said.

"My muse. It’s you." She reached out and touched Erin’s wrist, needing to feel her hot skin on her own once again.

"Me?" Erin asked overwhelmed with the revelation as well as the desire that was quickly spilling into her blood.

"Yes." Henderson replied huskily. With her grip tightened on Erin’s wrist, she then gave into her long hidden want and desire. She pulled Erin into her and wrapped her other hand around the base of her neck.

Erin felt her move in and a rush of desire flushed her face and lips just as Henderson’s warm, wet mouth claimed hers with surprising force.

Erin fell back onto the couch, wrapping her arms around Henderson, bringing her down on top of her.

Their tongues danced and dueled and Henderson groaned as Erin took her tongue and sucked on it hungrily.

Henderson knew she had lost the control she had been fighting to hang on to all along. Mac tasted so good, too good. She couldn’t stop herself now even if she had wanted to. She kissed her harder, deeper and maneuvered herself between Erin’s legs, pressing her thigh against her, rocking into her.

Erin moaned into her mouth and Henderson pulled away and looked down at her, gasping for breath.

"Why did you stop?" Erin asked, her green eyes starving with want.

"Is..is this ok?" Henderson asked, suddenly unsure.

"God yes." Erin said, reaching up and pulling her down again.

Henderson laughed at her new found freedom and she hungrily began licking and sucking the blonde’s neck.

Erin arched up at the sensation and tried to raise her hips to grind against Henderson’s firm thigh.

With her brain and body pounding with hot blood, she almost gave in and pressed her thigh into Erin’s warm crotch. But the moment had been so long in coming, she wanted to make it last.

"Wait." Henderson pulled away again and pressed Erin back down softly. "We should do this…" She traced a finger across Erin’s lips and down over her throat. "Slowly." She finished, meeting her eyes.

Erin tried to pull her back down again, needing to feel the heat of her. "Who says we have to go slow?" She grinned, wanting her now, needing her now.

Henderson bent down and kissed her softly, warmly, tenderly before pulling away again.

"Since this is your first time with a woman and all, I thought we should take it slow."

"But this isn’t my first time." Erin blurted out without thinking.

Henderson continued looking into her eyes, the statement not yet sinking in.

"What?" She asked, turning her head. But before Erin could answer, she had already figured out what she meant. She pulled away completely and stood up.

"Wait." Erin said, following her.

Henderson stood there next to the couch, looking at her, but looking through her.

"Adams? Was it Adams?" She asked, needing to know. I’m dying inside. Please, tell me it wasn’t her.

"Does it matter?" Erin asked, wanting Henderson regardless of the past.

"Yes it matters." She shook her head and then met her eyes. "Was she, gentle?" She asked, taking a step closer, suddenly realizing that her first time might not have been pleasurable in any sense of the word.

"Yes." Erin replied, unable to hold her gaze.

Henderson sucked in a breath of air, obviously surprised. It hurts. Oh God how this hurts.

"So, was it ok then?" Henderson asked softly although extremely afraid of the answer.

"Yes." Erin said, sitting back down on the couch.

"I see." She ran a hand through her hair. Somebody kill me now.

"I don’t see why this matters." Erin said quickly, looking up at her. "You’ve slept with her too."

"You’re right Mac. Perhaps we should compare notes." She smacked her hand down against her denim clad leg as it fell from her head. And then, all at once, horrible jealousy and anger overflowed and poured from her.

"Tell me, how many times did she make you come? Did she fuck you so hard you saw Christ?"

"What?" Erin sat up, alarmed. "No, of course not."

"I know what happens on leather night, Mac. You can’t fool me. Did she tie you up? Make you her little suck pig?"

"No!" Erin shot up, wanting it to stop. "It wasn’t like that at all."

Henderson stopped and ran her hands through her hair again. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest. She could feel the anger burning through her, the jealousy pitting her heart.

"It was wonderful." Erin added softly.

Wonderful? Henderson watched her for a moment more in silence before turning and heading out the back door, slamming it behind her.

part 4

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