PART 18

Candles cast a surreal glow on the walls in perfect melody with the soft music playing in the background. Two figures basked in the hot tub, bathing each other at a leisurely pace. Helen sat behind her lover and stroked the damp curls of her sex, drinking in the comfort of the blonde’s nearness. Her full, luscious lips left a trail of burning desire across Allison’s wet, slippery skin until their eyes met. Helen was entranced by the silent sadness of Allison’s face.

The blonde pulled away, her dripping hair clinging to her neck, fighting back tears. She found herself studying the lean, dark-skinned woman’s face with a mixture of sadness, longing, and desire. She loved this woman before her but felt heavy and overwhelming guilt. Every time the older woman touched her, whispered to her, shared her dreams, and made love to her, she didn’t know the true Allison Albrecht. All this time, she had been lying to Helen, dreaming about someone she couldn’t have, and living like a person she really wasn't. She couldn’t lose her lover the way she’d lost Sam; she had to be wholly truthful with Helen. She felt the screams of frustration at the back of her throat.

Helen held the younger woman in her arms, their eyes never breaking apart their tenuous contact. "Baby, something’s bothering you." Helen’s stomach clenched tightly at the prospect of bad news. "You can tell me anything. I love you. Nothing can change my opinion of you."

The blonde’s lower lip trembled as she returned Helen’s look of concern. She hesitated, torn by conflicting emotions. Finally, she gave in. She needed so desperately to share her burdens. "Helen." She smoothed the attorney’s hair and stroked the dark woman’s soft cheek. "There’s some things I need to tell you." Allison rigidly held her tears in check and chewed on her lip, knowing that what she was about to confess would forever change their relationship. More likely, for the worse, not the better. "But, not here." Allison stood up, water trickling down her slim, hard body.

Helen’s eyes widened in appreciation, taking in the blonde’s slick figure. The lawyer nodded and stepped out of the tub, handing a plush, snow-white towel to the younger woman. She made no move to dry Allison off as she usually did. Unsure of what to do next, Helen cast her gaze downward.

Allison dried herself off quickly and combed her hair, studying Helen’s towel-clad figure. She was indeed lucky. The taller woman was a one of a kind.

Helen rested her hand on the brass doorknob, drawing support and strength from it. When she finally spoke, there was a softness in her voice. "Want a drink?"

Allison heaved a deep sigh. "Yeah, that would be nice. I’ll have whatever you’re having. Meet me in the bedroom." She raised a fair eyebrow and gave Helen a loving smile.

Helen nodded silently and closed the door behind her, leaving Allison alone with her ghosts. Jumbles of thoughts played in her mind. The blonde wasn’t sure where to even start. She hoped that her lover would be understanding and supportive.

Moments later, both women were comfortably ensconced in the satin daffodil sheets, half-sitting, half-laying, holding each other. Allison rubbed her companion’s nose with her own and placed a butterfly kiss on Helen’s pleasant lips. She noticed the turbulent look of concern and uncertainty in her bedmate’s dark eyes.

The older woman shook her head and smiled ruefully. "Darling, I can’t help but think the worst when I see that look of sadness and loneliness in those pretty emerald eyes of yours. It hurts that I haven’t been able to get rid of the hurting, that you haven’t trusted me enough to share whatever it is that is bothering you." A knot rose in her throat.

The blonde squeezed the hand in hers and pressed closer to Helen. "I’m talking to you now. I’m telling you now. I know you love me and I never meant to hurt you. Never. I’m so sorry I haven’t been entirely truthful." Allison spoke fiercely. "It’s a long story so we might as well get comfortable."

"I’m all right. Are you?" Helen squeezed Allison’s hand in encouragement.

Allison’s eyes were misty and wistful. "I don’t know where to begin so I’ll begin with the most important thing before I chicken out."

As causally as she could manage, Helen spoke, uncertainty making her voice seem harsh and demanding. "What?"

"I have a son." Allison bit her lip and looked away. She didn’t know how she felt. She had finally told someone her secret and there was no going back now.

Helen’s first thought was: How the hell am I supposed to react? She saw the pain and distress on her lover’s face and her heart melted. She whispered, noticing the fine hairs that graced the tip of the blonde’s ears. "Oh Allison. I don’t know what to say."

"I should give you more information, I guess. Gosh, it’s a long story." She gave a forced smile and a tense nod.

To lighten the atmosphere a bit, Helen quipped. "More information would be nice." She raised a dark eyebrow and rested her head on her hand.

Allison’s breath caught in her throat and she was unable to continue for a moment. Finally, she spoke, reaching for her lover’s hand. "Remember what I told you about being raped? Well, when I was twelve years old I got pregnant and had a baby. Momma kept and adopted him. Allen." Her eyes clung to Helen, analyzing her reaction.

Helen’s eyes widened at the news. "That’s terrible. To be pregnant at twelve, giving birth at such a young age. I’m so sorry that happened to you." She stroked a tendril of damp strawberry blonde hair from her lover’s cheek and tucked it behind an ear.

Allison pressed even harder into Helen. "Don’t be sorry. I’m not. Momma said it was all my fault. That I seduced her boyfriend, Bob, and that I deserved to be punished. Allen was supposed to be my punishment but he wasn’t. I love him. I wouldn’t change that one thing about my life. I only wish I could raise him as my own or at least make Susan treat him better. There’s a lot more to this story, you know. I’m not scaring you off, am I?" Allison’s eyes had a hopeful glint to them.

The older woman inclined her head in negation. "Of course not, baby. It wasn’t your fault. I’m glad you told me. I am right here, with you." The lawyer spoke confidently, worlds of weight lifted off her shoulders, with the new reassurances. So she and Allison were still fine.

"That was the big whopper. I haven’t said everything yet. You’re the first person I ever told about all this and I hope, in the end, you won’t hate me or think less of me." Allison paused, seeking comfort and solace in her companion’s arms. Helen remained quiet, prodding the blonde on with her eyes. "I feel really bad for Barry. He misses Sam so much." Allison fell silent.

Helen stiffened at the mention of the blonde’s former lover. What is the connection here?

"You know that I broke up with her and she didn’t take it too well. Uhh… Barry had this interrogation the other day, asking all sorts of questions about the day Sam left. I lied through my teeth but I felt so bad. Barry and Sam deserve to know what really happened but I can’t risk losing my son." The last words rolled around nicely in her mouth and Allison enjoyed the way they felt on her lips. My son. She had actually said the words out loud and they had a real meaning this time.

Seeing the encouragement and acceptance in Helen’s almond eyes, Allison plowed right on. "Sam left because she was angry with me and my mother. Momma caught Sam and me making out. She told me to dump Sam or else. At first, I stood up for myself, for Sam, for our relationship, but momma pulled the ultimate Ace. Allen. If I didn’t do what she wanted, she would make sure that I never saw Allen again. That she would make his life miserable, and if I told Barry anything, she would make me the guilty culprit. I was eighteen and I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t tell Sam what happened. I broke up with her but she was stubborn. She wouldn’t let go and she begged me… I said some really mean, cruel things to her and she just went off her rocker. Sam’s the one who caused my mother to go into labor two months early. Momma’s weird. She was more concerned with the relationship ruining the family name and Sam’s deafness. She just thought that me and Sam were me and Bob all over again and that I was doing it just to sabotage her relationship with Barry." Allison’s head was bowed and her body slumped in despair.

Helen’s expression was grim as she absorbed the information. The longing pain in Allison’s jade eyes whenever she mentioned Sam caused stabs of jealousy to run through Helen. Helen felt a swell of anger at Susan’s abhorrent behavior but was dismayed to realize she was more jealous than angry. Jealous of Sam and the love Allison still harbored for the blue-eyed woman.

Allison felt Helen shudder and draw in a deep breath. The lawyer’s coal black eyes were wary. Helen shifted away from her companion by only inches, but the movement was enough to clue the younger woman in to her anxiety. "Do you still," there was a pause as Helen chose her words carefully, "love Sam?" A sense of inadequacy swept over her.

The blonde shook her head and wrapped the lawyer in her arms. The lie came easier than she expected. "Oh, Helen. I love you, not Sam. Please don’t doubt that for one moment. This has nothing to do with how I feel about you or about the relationship I had with Sam. I just feel horrible about deceiving Barry. He misses her. And not just about Sam’s departure but the fact that Allen is my son, not momma’s. I can’t stand it anymore. I want my child back. Strike that; I never had him in the first place." Tears blinded Allison and choked her voice.

Helen rested her companion’s head against her breast. She held Allison for a few minutes, solacing the distraught woman. Allison finally looked up, an almost lethal calmness in her eyes. "Thanks for listening. I really needed to get it out and I feel better now." She searched the lawyer’s face for understanding and acceptance.

Helen leaned in and placed several fluttery kisses on her lover’s full mouth and creamy skin. "That must have been hard for you, Allison. You aren’t to blame. It’s that witch. Keep in mind Barry may miss Sam but it takes two to tango. She could always come back of her own volition and resolve matters. Why don’t you talk to him? I’m sure he would be understanding and he’d appreciate it."

"I can’t. If he divorces momma, she still has custody of Allen and I’d never see him again. I have no proof and he would probably believe momma, not me. What can I do, really?" Frustration strained Allison’s worried voice.

"He’s a smart man. He can figure it out. He’s a divorce lawyer for chrissakes. He deals with custody issues all the time. So do I. We can help you. I will help you. I never wanted kids. I’d be the first to admit that but anything’s worth it, for you. Clue him in, anonymously, something." The dusky woman spoke passionately, the protectiveness in her rising.

Allison blinked several times in disbelief. "You don’t want kids? I hope mama knows."

Helen laughed. "Mama would have a conniption if she just heard me. I never really wanted kids. Still don’t. If you came with baggage, well, I could deal with that. But babies and screaming two-year-olds are not my forte."

"Oh." Allison’s face fell. She couldn’t imagine life without children of her own. "You uhh… wow. I always assumed you wanted kids." The blonde recalled the many conversations with her stepsister when they’d discussed their future together. Kids, a houseful of pets, traveling. She flashed back to one such discussion. They were at an amusement park, just the two of them, chatting languidly on the Ferris Wheel and holding hands.

Helen picked up immediately on the sudden shift of their conversation. "I love you, baby. Ahh…" She sighed, running her fingers through her lover’s hair. Had their relationship reached this level of seriousness?

"It’s ok." Allison attempted a smile. Before she and Sam had gotten together, Sam hadn’t wanted kids. Helen just needed time to get accustomed to the concept.

"I’m open to the idea." Helen half-smiled and parted Allison’s lips for a kiss. "We’ve gotten off track here." She devoured the softness of the blonde’s lips, searing a path down her neck and shoulders

"Helen…" Allison stopped the older woman’s overtures. "I don’t want you thinking of me as bringing ‘baggage’ to our relationship."

"That’s not what I meant," Helen murmured. "That came out wrong. What I’m trying to say here is that I love you no matter what. Okay? And if that means supporting Allen, I am all for it."

"Thank you, sweetie." The blonde smiled and rubbed Helen’s soft flesh gently. The lawyer’s touch and presence was reassuring.

"You can’t let your mother get away with what she’s done." The older woman took Allison’s hands in hers. "You don’t deserve to be treated like dirt. Fight for your child, Allison. We’ll get him."

Allison raised her chin and shook her head in the negative. "No. I’ve got to think about what’s best for him, not for me. He certainly doesn’t need a major life change. Besides, with Barry and Susan working things out, everything at home is much better. And Allen has this…" Allison gestured, indicating something major in the space in front of her, "Huge, built up idea of his father. To him, Phillip Albrecht is the greatest man who ever lived. It would break his heart to learn the truth. Am I making sense?"

Helen nodded encouragingly. "I understand. Baby, I’m so glad you feel secure enough about us to tell me about Allen. It means a lot."

*****

Barry sipped coffee from his silver travel mug, briefcase in hand, and nodded a greeting to the receptionist at the front desk. He stepped into the utility room and peered into his mailbox. Only one envelope today instead of the usual pile of paperwork and mail. He opened it casually, noting the local postmark.

The paper within contained only six words, but the short message caused Barry’s blue eyes to widen and his jaw to drop slightly. Susan knows what happened with Sam. His brow furrowed in mystification and frustration. The first thought that entered his mind was that Julia must be the sender. Whoever had sent it had typed the addresses and message, thus rendering it impossible for him to recognize their handwriting. Barry turned on his heels and headed back outside, calling to the secretary, Mary Jane, to cancel all of his morning meetings.

Fifteen minutes later, a hopeful yet confused Barry knocked on Julia’s front door. If the note was true and Susan was indeed lying, their marriage was over. He didn’t want that but maybe Sam would come back.

Julia answered the door and a bright smile appeared as soon she recognized her visitor. "Hey, Barry! Aren’t you supposed to be at work today?" She stepped aside to allow the big man to pass. "Would you like something to drink?"

She was greeted with silence as Barry yanked a piece of paper out of his suit jacket and shoved it in her face. "You wrote this. Tell me what’s up with this attempt at James Bond."

Julia skimmed the paper. Her hair bobbed as she shook her head. "I don’t know. I didn’t write that note."

The lawyer rolled his eyes. "Regardless, you do know what happened. Tell me! Do you know who sent that note? Have anything to do with this?"

"No, I don’t. This is the first I’ve heard or seen this note. Maybe Allison wrote it, trying to clue you in. Maybe Sam wrote that. I don’t know." Julia’s brow rose in frustration.

"Is Susan lying?" Barry pleaded with his azure eyes. "Just tell me, give me one little measly hint! I’ll take care of it. I’ll investigate and find out. Sam’s important to me."

The woman shrugged. "I’m sorry, Barry. If I could help, I would, but I’m clueless. Why don’t you talk to Susan again?" Julia was being truthful when she said she didn’t know for sure if Susan had been involved in Sam’s disappearance. "The note might not be true. Have you considered that?" She led him into the kitchen and poured him a cup of coffee.

Barry brushed the cup away, ignoring her attempt at hospitality. "Apparently, some one knows! Those words didn’t just type themselves!" He waved the note in front of his former sister-in-law’s face. "And no one really knows what’s going on with Sam and me except you, Allison, Allen, Susan, Susan’s sister. Sam. Maybe my parents but…" He studied Julia’s face for a reaction but found none except genuine concern and friendship. "Jul. We’ve been friends since grade school. If you know anything about this note, you can tell me. If you’re afraid that Susan will retaliate, I won’t allow that to happen."

Julia laughed. "No, Barry. I don’t know anything about the note. I don’t know much except what Sam told me. I suggest you talk to Susan and Allison. Again."

Barry sighed. "Ok. Fine. Good bye, Jul." He rose and hugged her. "I’m going home to talk to Susan. Later babe." He showed himself out and his car screeched down the street in pursuit of the truth.

*****

"Hi Beauregard! I’m setting the VCR to record Oprah since I’m working this afternoon. Why ever are you home, sweet-honey? Is something wrong?" Susan chirped from her seat in the living room.

Barry plastered on a big grin and sauntered into the living room. He was going to bluff his way and see if he could get his wife to trip up. "Susie, darling! Good news. Sam called me at the office this morning and we had a good long talk. She told me some shocking information and I have to admit…" He paused for dramatic effect and furrowed his brow, a small scowl showing. "I’m disappointed." He shook his head deliberately. "Care to explain?"

The redhead sharply withdrew a breath and stammered. "I’m sorry, Beauregard. I’m lost." I’m not saying anything until I know exactly what Samantha had to say. Perhaps she didn’t mention me or my involvement. Barry sighed as Susan rose from the couch. She threw her arms around her husband. "So wonderful! Tell me all about it."

The barrel-chested man returned the embrace half-heartedly, wishing he knew if Susan was being sincere. This didn’t pan out. Julia shared nothing. Susan might not know after all. The note could have been a fake. We’ll see. "I have to go back to the office. I just wanted to tell you the good news." He retreated, watching the redhead with interest. Susan betrayed nothing.

****

"I hope I did the right thing, Helen. Do you really think the note was a good idea? I dropped it in the mailbox the day after I told you and it’s been a month now." Allison snuggled up to her lover and drew lazy circles on the caramel skin.

Helen sighed and echoed her comments of the past several days. "Barry should have gotten it. I’m sure he just chose not to discuss it with you or question you, at least for the time being. He certainly didn’t mention anything to me. As I said before, Sam is her own person and makes her own decisions. Personally, even with the break-up and what Barry said, that isn’t long enough to warrant a grudge lasting more than two years. She can come back whenever she wishes. You can’t feel responsible and you’re just looking out for yourself and Allen." She stroked the strawberry blonde hair languidly and entangled her hand in Allison’s tresses. "I have to be in court soon. Have you given any further thought to my invitation of living with me after graduation?"

Allison grinned enthusiastically. "Yes! I’ll miss living with Allen but it’ll be great sleeping with you each night and waking up in your arms in the mornings, hmm?" She raised a fair eyebrow in playfulness and kissed Helen’s cheek. "However, I do insist on paying my share. I know you offered but I’d feel like I was taking advantage of your kindness."

The lawyer rolled her eyes. "I really don’t mind. We’ll discuss it later. I have to go get ready. Care to join me in the shower?" She jumped out of bed and held a hand out to help Allison out.

The blonde grunted. "That’s a tough one. Shower with you, sleep in… I’m coming!" She grabbed Helen’s hand and followed her companion to their awaiting playground.

*****

Allison surveyed the apartment after Helen left for work. It was a nice place, indeed. She was graduating in a few weeks and she couldn’t expect to live at home for the rest of her life. Her lover’s apartment was large, luxuriant, comfortable, and close to Allen’s school. It was not a long drive to the Cannizarro residence and it would be easy for her to visit her son on a frequent basis. The commute to her new workplace, an elementary school, was a jaunt. She’d be finally free of her mother’s domineering ways and gain a bit of independence. She wasn’t worried about Allen’s well-being with the Cannizarros since Barry and Susan had rekindled their relationship. Moreover, Helen had made it clear that the boy was welcome to visit anytime.

Barry had thought it wonderful that his co-worker and stepdaughter had become friends and he probably wouldn’t raise too many questions as to their living arrangements. Susan was an entirely different story. She would raise a stink but Allison was tired of acquiescing to her mother’s demands. A colored ain’t suppose to live with white folks unless they’re the help in the maid’s quarters. It was vintage Susan, all right.

Allison’s green eyes brightened as she thought of the guest bedroom. I’ll put my Behrens paints in here and in Helen’s study. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. I can’t wait to decorate! The guest room could become Allen’s room. He’ll keep clothes, games, and other things in there. He can decorate a bit too. She would be straightforward with her son about her relationship with Helen.

*****

Allison picked up the paperweight on Barry’s desk, fidgety. She was nervously anticipating the big man’s arrival. He left a note on her bedroom door asking her to swing by the office for a little chat. She suspected the conversation would center around the anonymous tip she’d sent earlier that month. Susan had gone into a rage and called her immediately after Barry had mentioned Sam. Allison wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with the note but Susan was upset that Sam had told Barry what had really happened. She had also made it clear to Allison that no matter what, Susan’s involvement in their break-up was to remain strictly between the two of them.

Allison heard the door open and she jerked back guiltily. "Hi Barry."

Barry grunted a greeting and set down a filing box and his briefcase. "Hi, sweetheart. Sorry I’m late. Have a sit-down." He gestured to a dark red leather chair facing his desk and sat down in his own seat, sighing with relief as weight was lifted from his feet. "Been standing all damn morning in line! Anyhow, how have you been doing lately?"

The blonde smiled. "I’ve been doing great. You know how it gets around this time of the year. Crunch time but soon I’ll be done with school and that’s that. You’re looking better these days."

Barry waved his hand in dismissal. "Oh, thanks. Been getting more sleep and laying off the drink." He reached into his desk and brought out a flask. "A sec." He took a sip from it and smacked his lips in approval. "Sweet stuff. Want a sip?" He motioned her to the flask but the blonde shook her head in the negative. "Susan told you about Sam? She called and we’re talking again. I have to admit, I’m disappointed. She hasn’t told me everything but I’d like it if you could elaborate some more. Particularly where your mother comes into the picture."

Allison shrugged. "I don’t know about momma. After I talked to Sam, the next thing I knew, she was beating up on her. End of story. Nothing more, nothing less." Her stomach clenched at the thought of lying again to the lawyer.

The big man rubbed his temples. "Nothing about Susan. Umm. You remembered anything else?"

Allison shook her head. "How’s Sam?"

Barry’s eyebrows shot up. "Oh. Um, she’s fine but she still won’t visit because of everything that happened. I might be able to go out and see her alone."

The blonde chewed her cheek. "Alone? She doesn’t want to see anyone else? After over two-and-a-half years, she’s still mad?"

"Yes. That’s why I’m still investigating, trying to find out more details. I’m hoping to have a family reunion. I’d love for Beau to meet his other big sister, and I know that you and Allen miss her. I want us to be one family, not split up halves." He held up an index finger to illustrate his point and sighed heavily.

Allison nodded in affirmation and regret. If not for her, everything would be fine. She shouldn’t have ever gotten involved with Sam, much less carried out a relationship lasting over a year. She’d known from the first day that it would be bad news in the long run. "Yeah, Barry. I’d like that very much. Give her my warmest regards. I best be going. Good bye."

Barry nodded and stood up to bid farewell. "Later, Allison. Good day." As a seeming afterthought, he shouted after his stepdaughter. "Wait! I noticed that the book you told me you were reading the day Sam left was published last year. Can you explain that?"

Allison whirled around to face her stepfather. "Oh, I must have thought of the wrong book. It’s been a long time. I don’t remember everything." She smiled at him. "Barry. Can’t we get past all this and just focus on the future?"

The lawyer grinned toothily, throwing his hands up. "I wish. I do wish but Sam isn’t that way, is she?"

*****

Allison nervously glanced at the neat white envelope lying on the passenger seat next to her. She had sealed the back with a sticker, ensuring that no postal employees or snoopers would read her private message for Sam. The front of the envelope was blank. Allison would let Julia take care of that, if the older woman was even willing to cooperate. As the blonde exited the freeway and headed towards Julia’s neighborhood, doubts hit her. I shouldn’t do this. She probably won’t read it anyway. The letter’s too long.

Allison cringed as she thought about the five-page mini-novel she had written to her stepsister the previous evening. She desperately wanted to atone for her actions, to bring Sam back home with her father, her aunt, her little half-brother, where she belonged. Apparently, the note to Barry about Susan hadn’t been productive.

The green-eyed woman only wrote one draft of Sam’s letter. The words were straight from her heart, a truthful indicator of her feelings. Allison knew that the best way to get Sam to even consider a return was to tell her truth about the breakup.

For most of the letter, she rambled on, putting off the necessary. She talked about how Barry and Allen missed her, how Beau would love to have his big sister, and how sorry she was. Finally, Allison could say no more. She took a deep breath and filled the remaining half-page with tense handwriting.

The blonde gripped the steering wheel and tapped the brakes as she eased her Taurus, the Christmas gift from Helen, into Julia’s driveway. With a mix of dread and relief, she saw the older woman’s van parked under the basketball hoop. Sam’s aunt was home. There was no getting out of this.

"Allison?" The look on Julia Julian’s face when she answered the door was best described as shock turning into suspicion. The older woman had not set eyes on her niece’s former lover since that day at the Addict, soon after their breakup. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"Hey." Allison waved apprehensively, fidgeting on the edges of the stoop. Julia stared at her from the half-opened door. "I… I…" She stammered nervously, fingering the paper rectangle in her hands. "Could I come in for a few minutes? I won’t be long. I have to go to work soon." The blonde had intentionally timed her visit so that she wouldn’t be forced to drag out her stay and answer a lengthy list of questions from the taller woman.

Julia blinked, the surprise from the sudden visitor wearing off. "Yes. Come in." The older woman motioned Allison inside the house.

The blonde hung back a few inches, so that she was trailing Julia instead of walking next to her. Once again, Allison realized how beautiful Sam’s aunt was. She carried her tall, slender frame with regality and grace, but also with a touch of sadness. Despite the death of her husband over half a year ago, the widow had taken care of herself. She was still fit and trim, and the house seemed to be maintained well. Her long hair was braided casually, and she wore comfortable jeans and sandals.

Julia stopped abruptly in the doorway of the living room. "What do you want?" She wasn’t about to play hostess and ask if her guest wanted a drink or a snack, or a sit-down on the couch. She looked at the younger woman coolly, noticing that the blonde had matured in such a short time from a pretty, baby-faced teenager into a gorgeous young woman. Her breasts were firmly rounded, supple, and her jeans set off the shapely curves of her body. Allison’s hair was a rich, glowing strawberry blond. Her lips were full and rounded over even teeth. And most importantly, gone was the childhood immaturity, replaced by a serious aura of maturity.

Allison swallowed anxiously. "I… well. First I wanted to say how sorry I was about Julio’s passing. He was a wonderful man and—"

Julia interrupted tersely. "Yes. Your stepfather conveyed your regards at the funeral. Is that all?" She turned toward the door.

"One more thing." Allison extended her trembling hand, which held the envelope. "For, uh… for Sam." Her green eyes darted around the room nervously, avoiding the taller woman. "I’d really appreciate it if you could… give this to her."

Julia narrowed her sharp brown eyes and accepted the letter, remaining silent.

"I didn’t write anything on the front. You know, ‘cause I don’t know her address and I wasn’t sure if I should put down my address as the return especially since I’m moving soon. Yeah… well, anyway. Thanks." She chuckled uneasily. "I’ll be going now."

Julia spoke just as the blonde reached the front door. "What are you doing?"

Allison whirled to face the taller woman. "What do you mean?" Her heart pounded at Julia’s intense scrutiny.

"Seemingly without a care in the world, you waltz into my home after almost three years with a letter for my niece. Odd, don’t you think?" Julia boldly met the shorter woman’s gaze.

Allison’s green eyes widened and she was visibly trembling. She answered in a rush of words. "We all miss Sam and need her back. Barry especially. I thought if I explained, that would help."

Julia’s face darkened with unreadable emotions. "Fine. I’ll send it to Sam, but she most likely won’t read it. It’ll probably land in the trash."

"Uhh…" Allison bit her lip and jammed her hands into her pockets. As she shook her head, her luxuriant hair tumbled about carelessly. "That’s, uhh… yeah, that’s understandable. Just, you know… I hope she won’t. Anyway, thank you for your help. I really gotta go."

Julia curiously watched the blonde practically run to her car and make tracks down the street. The older woman shook her head and exhaled heavily. She closed the door behind her and wandered into the kitchen, already knowing that Sam wouldn’t open the letter. Not a chance. Might as well not send it. She tossed the envelope into a pile of other papers she’d been meaning to send to her niece next week.

*****

A few days later, Julia gathered all the items for Sam. Barry had gotten into the habit of writing Julia a check each month for a hundred dollars or so. The amount was not too extravagant to arouse Sam’s suspicions, yet the amount was not so small that it wouldn’t help the runaway.

Julia took out her checkbook and wrote an amount for $150, made out to Sam. She’d added $25 of her own on top of Barry’s $125. In a small yellow envelope, along with the check, she inserted several pictures from her niece’s Christmas visit and a news clipping that would interest Sam.

She drew a sheaf of insurance papers from the pile and tucked them into a larger yellow envelope, Sam’s address already written on the front. Julia placed the smaller pouch into the bigger one, then finally fingered Allison’s letter. The tall woman had resisted many an urge over the past few days to open the letter, especially since she was sure Sam wouldn’t. Her niece was stubborn as a mule and although she hadn’t said so in as many words, Julia could deduce that at the very best, Sam felt bitter animosity for her stepsister. Although, the aunt was sure, somewhere in the recesses of her soul was an equally passionate and enduring love.

Julia’s inquisitiveness got the best of her. She carefully used a sharp knife to cut the envelope open. Sam wouldn’t know it had been tampered with anyway. Thick, folded pages, covered with feminine blue cursive, cluttered the front and back of the whole message. Allison hadn’t spared one inch of space.

Ignoring her conscience, Julia carefully perused several paragraphs.

Julia’s guilt got the best of her and she refolded the papers hastily. The letter was meant for Sam’s eyes only. Even if her niece had no intention of reading the message, Julia had no right to violate Allison’s privacy. The older woman skipped the rest of the letter and retrieved a fresh envelope, and slid it in the yellow parcel with the other items.

*****

"You’re moving in with a COLORED?" Susan’s anguished wail rose as she repeated Allison’s horrible statement. "What happened to that nice medical student?" The older woman wheezed and tightened her grip on Priscilla.

"Momma… come on!" The blonde shook her head incredulously as her mother gaped from the couch a few feet away. "Helen’s place is perfect. It’s right in downtown, only a few blocks near where I’ll be working, only a half-hour’s drive or so from here."

Susan’s eyes bored into her daughter’s face emphatically. "Hannah Vanilla is bad news! Honestly! She’s a washed-out lawyer! I’ll help you find a nice cute place near the hospital. You’ll meet a young handsome doctor." The redhead winked knowingly. Her daughter had no common sense.

"Helen Vierow is her name!" Allison thrust her chin out stubbornly. "And she’s a damn good friend."

Susan snorted. "Have you no respect? What will people think? You, living with a 60-year-old colored? And just when I got elected garden club president!" The redhead pointed an accusative finger at her daughter. "You love to torture me, don’t you?"

"Momma… Helen is 35. Even if she was 60, so what? She’s very flexible about everything. Her apartment has two bedrooms, a great view—"

"What ever will Beth Miller think?" shrilled Susan.

"Momma!" Allison admonished her mother. "Beth’s at college in Maine. We don’t talk much anymore." And thank goodness. The self-proclaimed fashion queen was just as annoying as her mother.

Susan interrupted rudely. "The point remains. People will…Don’t expect me to visit! Next thing I know, you’ll be her maid." She stuck her nose into the air haughtily and turned her attention to the purring kitten on her lap. "What does Beauregard think of this whole matter?"

Allison half-smiled, resisting the urge to snap her mother’s neck. A few more snide comments from Susan, and the blonde would reach breaking point. "I really don’t care if you visit. And Barry thinks it’s great that Helen and I are friends. I’m sure he’ll be glad to hear we’re becoming apartment-mates."

"You don’t care if your own momma visits?" Insincere pools of tears trembled on Susan’s eyelashes.

Allison sighed. She couldn’t alienate her mother too much, especially if she wanted Allen to stay with her often. "Oh, momma." The blonde rubbed her forehead, tired. "I’m just staying with Helen ‘til I find a better place." Which will be never.

Susan glared at the younger woman suspiciously. "Then don’t move out."

Allison moistened her lips, a hint of annoyance showing in her jade green eyes. "We both know it’s time. You want me out of the house."

Susan stiffened as she weighed her options. Allison out of the house, living with a colored. Allison at the house, sniffing around Beauregard. "Be that way!" The redhead chirped. "You live with Eileen if you want. But only until you discover more suitable arrangements."

"My thoughts exactly." Allison joined her mother on the couch and put her arm around the older woman’s shoulders. No matter what, she still loved her mother and wanted them to be close. She needed her mother’s approval. "Thank you, momma. I’m moving out next week. Guess I better start packing."

Susan harrumphed and shrugged off her daughter’s touch. "I’m still not visiting."

Allison winced at the harsh statement. "Please be happy for me. I’m out of college, starting out in the world. I love you, you know that. I’m happy for you. You’ve got a great husband, a great son."

Susan let out a cackle. "Why should I be happy for you? You’re pathetic, Allison Alexandra."

Allison became rigid and stood. "You’re welcome, momma. So very welcome."

*****

A smirking Jackie and a drooling Susan stood at a counter at a jewelry store in the most expensive and fancy mall in town. Susan removed an eyepiece from her sooty gray eye and sighed. "That is indeed a fine piece of jewelry. The emerald tones really set off your eyes, Jackie."

Susan’s sister harrumphed. "Oh, Susanna. Of course it does. It wouldn’t look good on you in any case. Besides, I honestly doubt that your Beauregard is willing to spring for a nice piece like this. Even your salary at," Jackie paused to snicker at her sister, "the construction firm wouldn’t cover this." She turned to the salesman at the counter. "Ring this up. And a pair of those small diamond studs for my poor, impoverished sister here." She pointed to Susan who was silently fuming with a fake smile pasted on her pasty features.

"Oh, how kind of you, dear sister. I hardly think I’m impoverished." Susan studied the showcase, wishing she could have the diamond bracelet in the center.

"Indeed. I heard that your daughter is living with a Negro. True?" Jackie turned and studied her sister with a critical eye. "You must have gone wrong somehow with Allison Alexandra. She’s 21, single, a college graduate, and living with a…" Jackie coughed; the thought was distasteful to her.

"Oh, Jacqueline. Must you mention that? Allison has just ruined herself. She’s gained ten pounds." Susan paused as Jackie gasped and her jaw dropped. "She has this notion of doing charity work for a living. She refuses to go out and look for a suitable husband. Now she’s living with that colored woman. She’s just horrible. I’m ready to wash my hands of her."

Jackie hmmed as she held up her new purchases. "Let’s have luncheon at Guten’s. Today’s special is a salad with freshly smoked salmon. You can get that since you seem to have followed Allison’s example on the weight scale. I can get a nice seafood dish on the other hand. At least she isn’t at home to seduce your Beauregard away from you." Jackie smirked at her sister’s reaction.

Susan’s eyes narrowed and her nose flared in anger. Her sister just had to rub her the wrong way every time! "Indeed. That’s a nice necklace you’re wearing. I haven’t seen that before." She wanted to change the topic of conversation. She wasn’t going to allow the subject of her wayward daughter to ruin her day.

Jackie fingered the necklace and grinned evilly. "Daddy sent it to me last week for no reason whatsoever. It’s really nice isn’t it? I saw it here and it was $25,000 and I mentioned it to mother. Next thing I know, daddy sent it via overnight mail. Nice, huh? Has he sent you anything lately?" Jackie paused to gauge her sister’s furious reaction, then continued innocently. "That reminds me. Daddy gave the boys a new racing boat. What did he get Allen for his birthday? Oh, that’s right. Nothing."

Susan’s voice turned syrupy sweet. "Actually, no. The last thing I got from him was my Christmas present 22 years ago. But no matter. Beauregard provides me with what I need."

"What you need, not what you want. I don’t exactly see your house teeming with servants and your daughter is living with the help!" Jackie sauntered ahead of her sister, smothering giggles.

Susan stopped in her tracks. "I’m tired of you rubbing your money in my face, Jacqueline. You and Daddy! Fuck you, I’m leaving."

"Tsk, tsk. Such temper. Now you know why you didn’t win Miss Arkansas and I did. If not for Phillip and your hormones, gee, you just might have a normal life but now look at you. Poor, lonely, adulterous husband, slutty daughter, horrid children, an illegitimate grandson, to name a few things. Ta-ta. I’m not in the mood to deal with you and your ugliness, Susanna. Call me when you’ve calmed down. Ciao." Jackie threw a wave over her shoulder as she departed, leaving behind a very angry and upset older sister.

*****

Allison flexed her hands, steadying her nerves. She turned the engine off and yanked the key out of the ignition. The Taurus again was parked in Julia’s driveway. The older woman had had one month to mail the letter. Sam should have responded in some form by now. The blonde certainly hadn’t heard from her stepsister, although Barry said he and his daughter were improving their relations.

Allison told no one about the letter, save Julia. She didn’t want word to get around to Helen, which was exactly why Allison was visiting the older woman this evening. Her lover was out of town so the blonde wouldn’t need to explain her whereabouts. The female lawyer wouldn’t understand that Allison’s letter was an olive branch, mostly on Barry’s behalf, not an attempt at getting back with Sam. Living with Helen was turning out to be great and the last thing the blonde intended to do was screw up their relationship.

Allison got out of the car and wiped the palms of her sweaty hands on her jeans. She’d just come from work at the Addict. Even though she was a manager, she couldn’t wait to quit that place in next month and do what she really loved—working with children, seeing that spark in their eyes as they suddenly understood a concept, teaching them, guiding those fresh young minds.

She tucked her hair behind her ears and rang the doorbell. After a minute, no one answered, although Julia’s van sat clearly in the driveway, illuminated by the moonlight. Allison frowned, hoping the older woman wasn’t avoiding her.

"Hello." Julia finally tossed the door open. She arched back in surprise at the unexpected caller. "Allison." Julia’s speech was slightly slurred. She teetered unsteadily and held on to the doorknob for support. "Sorry." She apologized with a grin. "Lost my footing for a second there."

"Are you ok?" The blonde scanned the taller woman quickly. A fluffy lavender robe hung carelessly on her body, and seemed to be tied around hastily.

"I’m fine." Julia shrugged but the melancholy aura around her stated otherwise. "What can I do for you?" Her eyes slipped down to Allison’s cleavage. The upper portions of her breasts were visible, as the blonde had unbuttoned the top few buttons of her shirt. The girl had plenty to show. "Darling, you have a stain right there." She fingered the small gray smudge on the lapel of the younger woman’s shirt. The shorter woman’s skin was moist with humidity from the sticky summer night.

Allison chuckled nervously at the change in Julia’s personality since their last encounter. That could mean good news. "Thanks for letting me know. So, have you heard from Sam?" She asked hopefully.

The older woman shook her head and waved the blonde in. "Come in. Have a seat out on the patio deck. I’ll bring us some drinks and munchies. Want to try this new biscotti from Han’s?"

Allison followed Julia through the house and they stepped onto the brick patio. The blonde looked around. The white trellis was covered with vines and roses. A small radio played a romantic song softly and the lights, both inside and outside, were dimmed. The blonde noticed that several recently empty bottles of liquor littered the deck.

"This deck is really beautiful, Julia. May I ask what song this is? It’s so sad and romantic."

Julia set down a coffee tray laden with hot coffee and hard cookies. "That song was our song. Julio’s and mine. It played at our wedding. Today would have been our 25^th anniversary." Julia poured a mug of coffee for her guest and motioned to the sugar and cream.

Allison sighed and her head dropped. "If I’ve come at a bad time, I’ll leave. I’m sorry for intruding."

The older woman shook her head insistently. "No. Don’t go. It’s nice to have company. Let’s sit together on the swing. It’s a beautiful night, don’t you think?" She gestured to the heavens wistfully. "Stars, moon, clouds. Lovely."

Allison followed Julia’s lead. The moon shone brightly against the coal black sky. Twinkling stars and cottony whisks of clouds decorated the canvas. With a pang in her heart, the blonde immediately thought of Sam and all the nights they’d spent together under the night sky. Holding each other. Hugging, kissing, playing, some petting and making out. Just talking. She’d lost many a tickle battle.

Allison swallowed and forced her thoughts to the present. "Incredible up there. Do you mind if I get some water instead? I’m wary of coffee after working all night at the Addict. Even being manager doesn’t take you away from that smell or taste." Allison stepped towards the door.

"Help yourself. Soda, water, tea, anything you like." Julia motioned to the door with her head and smiled, her eyes devoid of expression.

A moment later, the blonde returned with a Coke in her hand. "This is cold, just the way I like it." She sat down next to the older woman. "Thanks for letting me in. I stopped by to…uhh…see how Sam was doing. Did you give her the letter? I hoped that it might smooth things over, in a manner of speaking." Her tone was hopeful and her green eyes held nothing but anticipation.

Julia shook her head. "She didn’t read it. She tore it up and threw it away as soon she realized whom it was from. Sam called me and bawled me out. She was so angry that I had seen you, that I had accepted the letter and even mailed it."

Allison’s face fell. "She didn’t read anything? Nothing at all?" Her fair eyebrows rose slowly in question and her mouth curved downwards in a frown.

Julia snaked an arm around the blonde’s shoulders and squeezed her close. "I’m sorry. It isn’t just you. It’s Barry too. She won’t see him, read his letters, or take his money."

Julia had been angry with Allison all those years for breaking her niece’s heart. But now after seeing the younger woman and especially after reading an excerpt from the letter, an extraction that the older woman suspected barely touched the surface of the whole matter, she realized that everyone made mistakes. Allison and Barry were not immune to this simple human flaw. After reading the first few paragraphs of Allison’s letter and seeing her tonight, Julia knew instantly that the blonde loved Sam and still did.

Allison’s face took on a confused twist. "Barry said that they’ve been talking and things seem to be getting better but Sam still won’t come back to visit."

The older woman guffawed. "That’s hilarious! Why is he saying that? Sam e-mailed the other day and I know for a fact that she’s still not speaking to him."

The blonde pursed her lips. "That’s odd. Barry…I swear he said he and Sam were speaking again. Huh."

Julia studied the young woman with intent eyes. "Do you still love Sam?"

Allison jerked away and stared at the black sky above. "I’m with someone else now."

"That doesn’t answer my question." The aunt cupped the blonde’s chin and guided her eyes back into contact with her own.

Allison whispered almost inaudibly. "Yes, I do. Does she ever talk about me?"

The brunette stroked the woman’s strawberry blonde hair gently. "No. You’re a forbidden topic."

"She hates me. I wouldn’t have broken up with her if not for…" She trailed off, fighting back tears.

"She doesn’t. I’m sure that somewhere deep down inside, she still loves you. Why did you two break up?"

Allison sucked in a breath as despondency mixed with optimism flitted across her features. Somewhere deep down inside, she still loves you. "Where does she live? I know she isn’t at Gallaudet anymore. Maybe if I went to see her myself, I could talk to her." She raised her brow hopefully. "Please tell me, Julia."

"No. If I told you and you went to see her, she won’t talk to me in addition to ignoring the rest of the family." Julia shook her head, her face set in a stern expression. "There was this really minor incident with Barry when Sam was in eighth grade. She wanted a green bike. Barry promised to get her the green one but instead he forgot and got her a blue bike. She refused to speak to him for five months, even when he exchanged it for a green one. That’s Sam for you. Nothing changes her mind. She’s stubborn and prideful. She doesn’t listen to her heart."

"Why is she that way?" Allison asked. "It always seemed as if she was furious at the world. We talked about it a lot but…I don’t think even she knows why."

"That’s just how she is. Running away is a part of her life. Always has been. I think she just has so much anger bottled up inside and she won’t talk to anyone or share her feelings or face things that make her upset. I’d bet you that the major, probably only, reason why she’s staying away so long this time is because she trusted someone with her heart for the first time since her mother and brother died, and the gift was shattered."

Julia held up a hand in a preemptive strike. "I used to be angry at you but I realize that you both were young and relationships don’t always last forever. People make mistakes and that’s what you did. Sam needs to understand that sometimes things don’t work out. She just needs to move on with her life." Julia shrugged and poured herself another cup of coffee. "Those biscottis are good. Try one." She gave the blonde a piece and grinned.

Allison bit into her cookie and smiled. "This is good, Julia. So, uhh… well, can you at least tell me how she’s doing? You know… in school, dating anyone?" The blonde held in her breath.

Julia tilted her head. "No can do." She handed Allison another treat.

The blonde’s expression was tight with strain. "All right. So, where are the kids?"

"Jules is at a friend’s house. Juliette is at band camp. She’s working on her trombone." Julia smiled at the mention of her kids.

The blonde shook her head. "They shouldn’t have left you alone on a night like this. You must miss Julio."

Julia sighed and tightened the robe around herself, despite the humid summer evening. "It was better for the kids not to be here. Julio was a wonderful man and a good father. The kids remind me so much of him. Not just looks-wise but personality-wise too. Sweet and intelligent. Jules has many of the same mannerisms Julio had."

Allison touched Julia’s arm lightly and squeezed the older woman soothingly. "You are lucky. Most people never meet their soul mates, but you did. You got almost twenty-five years and two children with him."

"Yes. I’m always grateful for what we had together and I have no regrets. I just wish I had a chance to say good-bye, to tell him one more time how much I loved him." Tears streamed down Julia’s face as she dabbed at them with a tissue.

Allison hugged the older woman, allowing her to cry on her shoulder. Another song wafted through the night air and Julia looked up to meet her companion’s emerald eyes. Anguish clouded her face even more. "That reminds me of the song Julio and I danced to at our first ball. Even though it was one of those slow songs you just barely move to, Julio still stepped on my toes the whole time." Julia giggled at the recollection, the image of the gawky boy, only a teenager at the time, remaining as vivid as ever in her mind.

Allison laughed as well and drew the older woman in closer for a hug.

"Dance with me, Allison." Julia softly asked her guest and stood, resting her head on the blonde’s shoulder. She interlocked their hands and closed her eyes.

Allison obliged her hostess and swayed in tune with the music and her partner.

She had learned a valuable lesson tonight. She didn’t want to be Julia’s age and alone, with sorrowful regrets. Allison repeated her vow mentally. Sam was done and over with. Allison made a mistake, and tried to atone, but Sam wouldn’t meet her halfway. She’d focus on being happy with Helen.

*****

Allison, Helen, and Allen sat in the living room of the apartment watching a video on the large television screen. The boy yawned widely for the umpteenth time. "I’m tired. Can I go to bed now?"

Allison nervously glanced at Helen and back at her son. The two women had discussed the matter at length, and reached the same conclusions. Allison would tell Allen the truth about her relationship with Helen. If the boy happened to mention it to Barry, Susan, or anyone else, that was fine. The blonde was tired of bowing to her mother.

She turned to the towhead seriously and took his hands in hers. "Allen, there’s something I wanted to discuss with you tonight. You’re sleeping in the guest room while I sleep with Helen."

Allen nodded complacently. "Like you used to do with Sammy." He ended the sentence firmly, not questioningly.

Allison’s expression stilled and grew even more somber. "Yes. Helen and I are together."

Allen yawned again, as if the statement had been obvious. "Oh. Ok. Whatever. Are we still going to the amusement park tomorrow? I can’t wait to ride the new Tarzan Demon-Devilio."

Allison was baffled by Allen’s causal response. "Do you have any questions?"

The boy looked squarely at his older sister. "No. As long you’re happy, that’s fine with me. I remember Sammy used to make you really happy, Al."

Helen pasted on a smile of nonchalance, a cold and congested expression settling. Sam this, Sam that. Enough.

Allison sighed, noticing Helen’s reaction from the corner of her eye. "Sweetie, Helen makes me very happy. I love her." To affirm her statement, the blonde touched her lips to Helen’s for a prolonged kiss.

Allen’s eyes immediately flew shut, and his hands provided a double layer of protection over his sensitive eyes. "Ew! Gross! Don’t be like momma and Barry."

Helen chuckled and broke the embrace. "Someday, Allen, you’ll love kissing. And more." She winked at the boy, whose no longer sleepy green eyes were wide open.

"Not me." The boy scowled resolutely.

"We’ll see." Allison inserted her two cents with a grin. "Say good night to Helen."

"Good night to Helen." Allen innocently followed his sister’s request.

"Allen!" The blonde exclaimed. "Enough of that."

The attorney chuckled. "Good night, Allen. Sleep well." She reached over to tousle his fine strawberry blond hair, which was becoming lighter than his mother’s.

"Come on, kiddo. I’ll tuck you in." The younger woman took her son in her arms. Allen wrapped his arms and his legs around her back solidly, crossing his feet. His head bobbed up and down as he was carried to the bathroom. "You’re getting big," Allison commented in awe. "I can hardly haul you around anymore."

"That’s ok." Allen whispered in his sister’s ear before she set him down. "I can take care of myself."

The blonde sighed and looked away. "Brush your teeth." She pointedly indicated the boy’s toothbrush next to the sink. As he vigorously scrubbed his pearly whites, Allison proceeded. "It’s ok to ask for help, you know?"

"Mmm." He nodded in affirmation, his teeth sudsy.

"Are you happy at home? Things better with momma and Barry?"

Allen spat out the toothpaste then rinsed and gargled his mouth. "Better. But I don’t think it’ll last. Even if stuff was perfect, I still wanna live with you."

Allison’s heart glowed at the compliment. "Oh, sweetie. Why?" She took his hand and guided him to the guest bedroom.

The boy shrugged. "I just feel right with you. You ask me how I’m doing and stuff."

"Yeah." Allison turned around while Allen undressed and put on his pajamas. She returned to the boy when she heard a thud in the bed.

"Can I?" He furrowed his brows expectantly.

Allison tugged the covers over the boy’s small body. "That would be great. Maybe soon… I need to get more money first and wear momma down. Maybe by this time next year, you’ll be here."

Allen closed his eyes and murmured. "Momma won’t like about you and Helen."

The blonde bent over to kiss the boy’s forehead. "She won’t. But if she asks, I don’t want you to feel like you gotta lie."

"Mmm." Allen turned on his side, dozing off. Allison placed another kiss on the towhead’s cheek and stepped out of the bedroom, extinguishing the lights.

*****

The boy’s eyes widened as they fell upon the colossal roller coaster, the Tarzan Demon-Devilio. "Ccccooooolllll!" he squealed. "Let’s do that one first!" He sprinted off, leaving Allison and Helen strolling behind him.

Allison turned to her lover, grinning. "Come on!" She motioned towards the ride. "Last one’s a rotten egg!" She took off after the boy, running pell-mell through the half-full park. No matter how hard she had tried, Sam had always beaten her to the rides. Panting slightly, the blonde corralled her brother steps away from the ride entrance. "I win!" she crowed gleefully.

Allen glowered at his sister, then thought of a better tactic. "I let ya win." He shrugged casually. "’Cause from now on, ya won’t win nothing."

"Anything," Allison corrected automatically. "You won’t win anything."

"Miss English Grammar." The boy shook his head regretfully. "You won’t win nothing cause I gonna beat ya."

"Sure, sure, Mr. Caveman. Want to bet?" Allison chided gently and grabbed Allen’s hand. They were halfway up the ramp when the blonde remembered the third member of their party. She leaned over the railing, scanning the park for the dark attorney. "Do you see Helen?"

Allen scrunched his face and scanned the area on his side. "Right there!" His finger zoomed in on the obviously bored woman. "Hi Helen!" He called, waving his hands vigorously. "Come with us!"

"You two go on!" Helen yelled back from her perfect spot in the shade, fanning herself with the park map. "Too hot!"

Allison put her arm around the smaller boy’s shoulders. "Ok!" She shouted. "Be right back."

Helen watched the duo clamber up the steps, tickling and swatting each other playfully. In a few minutes, they were fastened securely in a car and ascended. A heaviness settled in the lawyer’s heart as she studied the young boy and his companion. They laughed gaily, carefree, despite the sweltering summer heat. Helen frowned in disgust, realizing her shirt was already soaked.

Allison was wonderful with her son, with children in general. On the other hand, children practically spurned Helen. They were loud and crass, although Allen was better than most. The dusky woman recalled the conversation with her lover from several months ago. Helen sighed, knowing for once and for all that she definitely did not want children. A pseudo-stepson was enough.

"Helen!" Allen careened to a stop, nearly knocking the older woman over. "That was so cool! We gonna for another trip. Come on!" He grabbed her hand.

Allison followed behind the boy, green-faced and quivering. "You two go. I’m sitting this one out."

"All right." Helen threw a forced smile in the younger woman’s direction as Allen practically pulled her to the line.

The taller woman forced her hand out of the boy’s sweaty grip and wiped the moisture off distastefully. "So, you liked the ride?" She asked, trying to appear interested.

"Yeah!" The boy’s face shone as he recounted his adventure. "I thought we were stuck upside down that loop and…" His voice chattered excitedly.

The line was much longer this time, as more people trickled into the park. Helen felt each additional revolting sweat bead trickle down her back, down her face, and between her breasts. So slimy! It seemed to be taking forever to get on the cars. "How long is the wait?" she finally asked crossly.

"See that sign? 15 minutes from this point." Allen indicated a marker next to the railing. "If we hadn’t come early, we’d have to wait like 45 minutes for each ride. But this way we can ride a few times without waiting forever."

Helen’s face twisted into a grimace. "God! And on the hottest day of the year."

"It’s not that bad, Helen." Allen eagerly explained. "We can go on the water rides. They’ll cool us right off. We’ll get all nice and hot for them."

Helen nodded woodenly. "Do you know what’s in that water? Germs, chlorinating, algae, ehh!" She shivered in disgust. "I’ll pass. I don’t like being wet with my clothes on."

The boy frowned. "That’s ok. Al will come with me." They moved up a few feet as the line gradually surged forward. His face brightened. "Hey! When we get back can you show me some of your magic card tricks?"

"Sure." Helen grinned approvingly. "I’ll teach ya how to do some."

"Cool!" The towhead crowed. "Here we go!" He jerked Helen’s hand and dragged her to the back car.

Meanwhile, after a calming drink to settle her queasy stomach, Allison had been studying the somewhat awkward exchanges between her son and her lover. Helen seemed distinctly uncomfortable, but how much was due to the heat or to other factors, Allison wasn’t sure. She had to remember that Helen had never really interacted with kids before. She paid for their tickets to the park, was paying for their apartment rent, and a lot of other things. She was good to Allen, but was she good with Allen? Like Sam had been?

Allison tried to imagine herself at 35, with a screaming child at her side, pleading with her to go on the rides. A smile spread across her face. She wouldn’t mind one bit. She looked up, and in the distance, near the arcade, saw a familiar tall figure with long, shiny black hair. Sam.

The blonde’s heart caught in her throat and an unexplainable surge of happiness and joy flowed through her body. "Sam?" she whispered softly.

The tall woman was accompanied by a chiseled, muscular man. He laid a kiss on her cheek, both giggling. The woman tilted her head somewhat, and Allison’s heart crashed. That wasn’t Sam. The nose and the face were all wrong.

Allison sighed and interlocked her hands. She closed her eyes momentarily, cursing herself for her inability to let go of the past. She could picture herself at 35, with children and still doing daredevil activities. Helen could be there too… but Allison didn’t feel right. Mentally, she replaced Helen with Sam and the picture clicked instantly.

Enough! Get a grip! Opening her eyes again, she noticed Helen and Allen toddling over to her, and Helen looked even more sickly than Allison had after the ride. The blonde grinned at the sight. "Hey, guys. Smooth cruising, huh?" Her lips curved upward mischievously.

"Why… why… didn’t you warn me?" Helen held her stomach and dropped onto the bench next to her lover. "Oh Lord!" She panted heavily, her hand over her hammering heart.

Allison slid an arm around Helen’s shoulder. "I can sympathize."

Helen stared at Allen in amazement. "He isn’t fazed. The boy’s got an iron will."

Allen laughed at the compliment. "Go with me again, Al? Wanna go, Helen?"

The blonde shook her head. "Maybe later. Let’s go on some calmer rides, ok?"

"Okay." Allen grinned, always cheerful. He scampered off towards the swings, leaving his two companions to trail behind.

*****

Before Allison realized it, another summer passed. She started the job that she actually enjoyed, teaching a class of fifteen first- and second-graders. She loved working with deaf children. Their language was so beautiful, so melodic, pure. Sometimes the job was difficult, because some families refused to learn sign, and the children suffered. Also, the range of language aptitude in the group varied wildly. Some kids didn’t even know their abc’s when they came to her, while others already read at the fourth-grade level. Regardless, Allison loved each child in his or her special way.

The students, in turn, adored their bubbly young teacher. She was so much better than the other teachers of the deaf at the school, especially the stern Miss Mildred Whipside, who had never married. She was sixty years old, with prim spectacles perched on the edge of her beaky nose, and wore the same kind of shapeless dresses every day to school. Furthermore, she frowned upon what came to the students naturally—sign language. Instead, she emphasized auditory and speech training, even though her methods, as evidenced from years of teaching, had yielded no positive results.

*****

Allison found herself completely unprepared for her first anniversary with Helen. It was tomorrow; the date had just snuck up on her. One year. We’ve been together one year. The blonde shook her head wonderingly as she pulled into a parking space at the mall. Time to hit the stores and find a present. Allison wandered in and out each store, the merchandise not quite fitting for Helen.

At every turn, she was discouraged by thoughts and memories of Sam. How a shirt would match Sam’s azure eyes perfectly, or Sam’s love of executive toys like a sand sculpture tool. She couldn’t look at a single gift without thinking of her former lover and whether or not Sam would like it, especially since her birthday was right around the corner. Sighing heavily, the blonde gave up and stopped at a department store. A business suit would be a tacky gift but if she couldn’t find anything else on her way to the women’s department, it would have to do. It was difficult to shop for a woman who had everything and limited likes.

Julia Julian spotted a frustrated Allison in the ladies’ department. The grimacing blonde was holding up a women’s charcoal pantsuit. "Hello, Allison." The older woman tucked her dark hair behind an ear and approached the younger woman. "That doesn’t look like something you’d wear."

Allison met the taller woman’s dark eyes. "Hey Julia." Her face immediately curved into a smile. "Uhh…no. It’s for my lover. It’s our one-year anniversary and I couldn’t find any other appropriate gift." Allison chuckled lamely, embarrassed.

"Oh." Julia observed. "Your heart mustn’t be in it if that’s all you can come up with." She didn’t intend her remark to bite but it did.

Allison rolled her eyes and set the pantsuit back on the rack. "You’re right on that count. You know Helen Vierow? She’s one of the lawyers at Barry’s firm. That’s whom I’m dating now. I can’t get her anything because she has everything and besides, I keep thinking of Sam at every stop. After three years, I still…never mind." She shook her head and bit her lower lip in consternation, feeling the need to confide in Sam’s aunt. She was really the only person aware of their relationship.

"I’ve met Helen a few times. She seems to be a nice person. Why don’t you get her one of those tabletop water fountains? Better than a suit, certainly." Julia smiled kindly.

The blonde considered. "She already has two of those. Sam should be finished with college this spring. Amazing, huh?" Allison’s eyes took on a wistful vacancy.

Julia nodded, not refuting or confirming Allison’s observations. She put an arm around the younger woman’s shoulder and whispered. "Well, I’m sure together, we can find something for Helen. Let’s go to Old Tymers Shoppe. They have many interesting things. Artwork, things from before you were born, collectibles, figurines."

A few hours later, the women emerged laughing from the specialty shop, laden with purchases. "Thanks, Julia. Helen will love this antique tea set."

Julia grinned. "I didn’t think I would meet anyone who could out shop me. I had fun. Thank you, young lady." She straightened and looked Allison in the eyes. "I wish Sam would get over this and talk to you. Perhaps the two of you could work things out. I like you. Ah well. Nothing I can do about that. I best be going. The kids will be home soon. I’ll see you around."

Allison gulped, her emotional state in tatters. "Julia, there’s no use hoping for something that will never happen. Helen’s good to me and we love each other. I’ll settle for that."

The older woman shook her head imperceptibly. "You love her but you aren’t in love with her. Your heart belongs elsewhere. Is that fair to Helen?" She stroked the blonde’s cheek.

Allison’s lower lip fluttered. "I don’t know. I have to move on with my life. I doubt that it’ll ever be different with anyone else." She shrugged. "Thank you again and I’ll see you around. Good bye." She turned away and walked slowly to her car, her head churning around the words the older woman had tossed at her.

*****

Allison and Helen remained seated on the floor in front of the fireplace, holding each other, sated from a bout of serious lovemaking. "Happy anniversary, honey. I’m glad you liked the tea set." Allison kissed her lover gently and rested against Helen’s chest. "Goodness knows I can’t wait to go on that Bahamas cruise with you. You spoil me, Helen."

"Mmm." Helen ran her tongue over the hollow of Allison’s neck. "You deserve to be spoiled." She blew out a breath and circled her arms around the blonde, embracing her. "Can I ask you something?"

A chuckle floated upward. "You just did."

"That joke’s getting old!" Helen swatted the blonde’s shoulder. "No offense but that painting over there is ugly. What’s up with that?" Helen had arrived home a few days ago after work, and immediately noticed the new addition to the wall, a painting of a mountain landscape. The illustration was very amateurish, out of focus, fuzzy, with a poor color selection. She had been meaning to ask the blonde about it.

Allison stiffened and forced herself to calm down. "I didn’t think you would mind if I added a few touches of my own to the apartment."

Helen mumbled inaudibly.

"What was that, darling?" Allison’s green eyes narrowed to slits.

"Nothing." Helen’s nose flared in annoyance.

"Do I have to ask you permission to do anything? Besides, I’m the one who painted that landscape." Along with Sam. Sam had been trying to get Allison to try her hand at art, but the blonde was adamant. Sam composed a glistening canvas of the fog-shrouded Blue Ridge Mountains for Barry’s office and coaxed Allison to attempt one as well. The green-eyed girl started off well, only because Sam’s strong and reassuring hand was guiding her. Once her stepsister let go, however, Allison floundered. But that picture would always be special to the blonde, because she and Sam created it together.

"No, not at all. That’s not what I was saying. Barry has one like that in his office too, only much better. Sam painted it, didn’t she?" Helen asked coldly.

Allison’s expression turned somber. "Oh, Helen. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you’d be uncomfortable. I can move it." Seeing doubt in the dark eyes, Allison hastened to defend herself. "I didn’t put it up because Sam painted it. I hung it because I thought it was a lovely piece of artwork, good decoration. That’s all there is to it."

"No, that’s not true, Allison." Helen broke apart from her companion and crossed the room, standing at the window with her arms crossed. Her voice broke as she spoke. "You’re still in love with her."

Allison stepped up to Helen and placed a hand on the taller woman’s shoulder gently. "No, Helen. I love you."

"Bull. I can see it in your eyes. A couple of times, when we were making love, you called out her name, not mine… or… God. I dismissed it because, I don’t know why. I thought, with time, you would grow to love only me. But I see now that’s not possible." Helen’s voice was resigned. The blonde opened her mouth to speak but no sound came out. "It’s all right. I care for you but I think, maybe, we should take things easy. Date other people, go causal. You still need time to work through whatever problems you have."

Helen bit her lower lip.

"No!" Allison responded piercingly. "That’s not true. I’m committed to you, to us. What about the house we were going to buy with a yard for the kids?"

Helen said with quiet emphasis: "It doesn’t matter. We have different goals, different things we want out of life. I don’t want children. You do. I love this apartment, Allison. I love the life and beat of this place. And I love you too, honey. But…"

The younger woman’s tone was apologetic. "Why didn’t you say so? I don’t want to force you into anything." She exhaled and continued in a whisper. "I’m sorry, babe. I do love you but I still…uhh…have some things to work through like you said."

Helen turned and hugged the blonde, surprising both of them. "I love you too. That’s why I’m giving you space and time. Maybe I’m not right for you." Tears sprung to her chocolate eyes. "This isn’t easy."

"Thanks for being understanding." Allison craned her neck slightly and kissed the lawyer. "Come on." She took the older woman’s hand in her own and led them to the bedroom.

Helen paused, confused. "What are you doing?"

Allison sighed. "I love you and I don’t want to be just your friend. I don’t see anything wrong with holding each other and just…uhh…you know? We’ll just take it slow."

The older woman nodded. "Okay. That’s fine with me." She led them both into the bedroom and shut the door.

*****

Allison stopped in the kitchen at the Cannizarro house. She stayed overnight at her old home whenever Helen had ‘visitors’. In spite of their casual relationship over the past months and occasional bouts of lovemaking, Allison still felt uncomfortable that Helen dated other women. The blonde preferred not to be caught at home when they visited, although no sex was involved.

Allison grabbed a bottle of ice water and swigged down half of its contents, swilling contently. Priscilla glided into the kitchen, glaring at the occasional houseguest, and hissed at the blonde. She jumped up on the kitchen counter and sat down, a leg extended over her head. She licked her stomach clean. Allison motioned to remove the cat from the kitchen counter but was discouraged quickly by a series of hisses and claws at full attention. "Stay right there, Prissy."

Barry sat on the couch, groaning and flexing his ankles. Today was one of those days he felt every single day of his forty-six years on the Earth. Every joint and muscle ached and in spite of the air-conditioner, the August heat seeped through the windows and walls and baked the house to unbearable temperatures. He flipped through the channels, determined to remain as cool as possible.

He spied his stepdaughter dueling with the pet in the kitchen. "Hey Allison! Mind turning on the ceiling fan? It’s hot in here."

Allison poked her head in the living room. It was indeed sweltering and her stepfather looked simply miserable. "Wonderful weekend isn’t it?" she said sarcastically. She flicked on the ceiling fan and the blades lazily turned to circulate the stank hot air. "You look miserable. Would you like something to drink? We should go for a swim."

Barry nodded, smiling. "Oh yeah. Toss me a cold one." He put his hands up to catch the ice-cold can of beer and winced.

The blonde noticed the cringe and her brow furrowed in concern. "You ok?"

The big man shrugged. "Just sore today, could use a massage. I’m getting old and stressed. Maybe when Susan gets home." He gingerly leant back into his chair and squeezed his eyes shut as a job of pain shot up his spine.

Allison shook her head. "Momma won’t be back for a while. Why don’t you let me do that?"

Barry’s cerulean eyes widened in pleasant surprise. "Whoa. Sure! I’d love that. I’ve been in pure misery all day and going swimming didn’t do any good. Especially without those trees to shade us from the sun. Damn maggots just had to ruin those trees." He stood carefully and lumbered to the bedroom. "Y’all don’t mind if we do it in the bedroom? It’s more comfortable in there." He stretched out on the bed and removed his shirt. "Ahh, I’ve been looking forward to this all day. Hmm. So, are y’all looking forward to starting your second year of teaching soon?" He closed his eyes in satisfied pleasure as his stepdaughter straddled him and massaged his back.

"My goodness! You’re tense. You’ve been working too much lately. Why don’t you go on a little vacation? I know y’all went to the beach last month but with two young boys, that couldn’t have been very relaxing. I’d be happy to watch them both while you and momma take a trip someplace and just let go." She kneaded the muscles in the older man’s back, admiring his strength and fitness. He was a handsome man.

The big man shifted under Allison, feeling an erection. "Umm, yeah. That’s very thoughtful of you but a vacation with your mother is not a vacation. You know what I’d like to do? Used to do this with Sam all the time. We’d go up to the lake every summer. Stay there for a few days, camping and fishing. Sitting on the boat all day and just enjoying the quiet and solitude. This coming January, it’ll be what, four years since she left? Ooh, that’s just the spot." He angled his back to get more attention.

Allison smiled. "That must have been nice. It sounds peaceful. Look, Barry. Why don’t you do that? Take Allen with you. He’s old enough. The two of you can hang out and you can teach him how to fish. He’d have fun doing that. Momma wouldn’t."

"Amen to that. Susie’s a lot of things, but an outdoorswoman, she’s not. That’s a peach of an idea. I’ll ask Allen. I never thought him to be a outdoors kind of child." His brow furrowed as he tried to imagine his stepson under the blue sky, trees, and playing with dirty things. A silly grin crossed his face and settled in.

Allison’s thoughts ran along the same lines. "I know Allen isn’t exactly a rough and tumble boy and he’s a bit fussy about getting down and dirty. But I know he would love to have a few days with you. It’ll be fun, something different from working your butt off at the law firm and putting up with momma on the weekends." She moved her hands higher and started to work on her stepfather’s shoulders.

Barry stifled a groan as he felt the blonde’s breasts brush against his back. He reminded himself that this was a merely friendly encounter, and with his stepdaughter to boot. But he couldn’t help it. She was a beautiful woman, he was a man, and biology demanded it. The gentle touches sent currents of desire through him. He relaxed and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, moaning when Allison finally undid the knots in his shoulders.

Susan gently closed the side door into the house and set down a bag of groceries. She’d gotten off early from her job at the construction firm and decided to cook her Beauregard a special romantic dinner. Both of the boys were away visiting friends and she and her husband would finally be alone in their home. She tiptoed into the living room, wanting to surprise her man. The television played loudly but there was no Beauregard. Her eyes flew wide open as she remembered the Taurus out in the driveway. Her jaw set in an angry thin line and she marched into the bedroom, expecting to catch her husband and her daughter in the act.

"Beauregard! Allison Alexandra!" The image before her was too horrible to bear. The hussy was all over her husband and he was shirtless, wearing a goofy grin and moaning. The redhead picked up the nearest object, a vase from the hallway table, and threw it at the couple on the bed. The vase bounced off the bed and fell to the carpeted floor with a quiet thump.

Barry and Allison broke apart, surprised. "Susan!"

Susan balled her fists at her sides and let go of an ear-piercing scream. "Adulterers! How could you, Beauregard Bartholomew! Oh!" She shook her head firmly as her chin quavered. "Fuck you both. Get out of here, Allison!" Spittle flew from her mouth as Barry scrambled to explain. Susan spotted her husband’s huge erection and her eyes grew wider with rage.

Allison smirked, deciding to capitalize on the circumstances. She was sick of her mother’s continual obsession with her and her men. She walked out of the room, stopping first to tell her mother something. She leant into the older woman’s ear and whispered, "Paybacks are a bitch. You say something often enough, believe in it enough, and it’ll happen." An evil grin spread and she sauntered out of the house.

*****

The wide-screen television blared at full volume in the Cannizarro living room. A jumble of pictures flickered onscreen as maniacal, animated robots shot at each other. Allen and Beau sullenly sat on opposite ends of the newly purchased ivory colored sofa. The youths took care not to touch one another as they stiffly watched the cartoon.

Beau wore a colorful red T-shirt that obviously cost a pretty penny. His brand-name jeans complemented the shirt, both in appearance and in price. Priscilla napped contentedly on the dark-haired child’s lap.

Allen, wearing his newly purchased glasses, was thin and wiry, only a few inches taller than his four-year-old brother. He patted his neatly trimmed strawberry blond hair every few minutes, making sure each strand was in place.

The black-haired boy finally broke the silence and tugged on the other’s shirtsleeve. "Allen, get me a drink," he commanded, glancing firmly and purposefully into green eyes and then into the direction of the adjoining kitchen.

Allen glared at his half-brother. "No, I’m busy. Besides, you have two good legs." He returned his attention to the show.

Beau scowled as Priscilla opened her deep blue eyes and hissed at Allen’s response. The feline extended her sharp, long claws and stared evilly at the blond youth.

Meanwhile, Beau studied his arm. Finding a satisfactory spot, he promptly bit himself and collapsed to the floor, clutching his stomach and crying. "Momma! Allen hit me and bit me. It hurts! Momma!" Beau screamed hysterically. Priscilla landed on the floor gracefully and immediately scowled at Allen.

Susan Cannizarro, her hair heavily dyed with red to cover up the sprouting gray, immediately ran into the living room. She gathered her younger son into her arms and cradled him, wiping away his tears. "Oh, baby. Shh. Momma’s here." Susan kissed his forehead and scowled at her older son. "Allen Alexander! Stop picking on your brother! You’re nine, almost ten, years old! Act your age!" Priscilla nodded her elegant head firmly in agreement and pranced off daintily to take care of nature’s call.

Allen’s face dropped in protest as his mother automatically believed Beau. "I didn’t touch him! I swear I did nothing." He was interrupted by howls from the so-called victim.

"Momma, look! His teeth in my arm!" The dark-haired boy smugly showed his mother a small semi-circle of teeth marks in his right arm. Susan didn’t examine the imprints closely enough to deduce that her son bit himself.

She frowned at her older son and scolded him accordingly. "Allen, Beau is only four years old. Go to your room and think about what you’ve done. Go!" She continued to rock Beau in her arms and stroked his hair soothingly. Allen, disgusted at the sight, stomped up the stairs to his bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

Allen flopped onto his bed and stared daggers into the ceiling. Beau was such a spoiled brat and got away with everything. His momma doted on the brat while Barry spent all of his time at work. They’d had a grand time last month on their fishing trip, and Allen wished Barry would play with him more often. But he was hesitant to ask, since the big man wasn’t his real father.

Al wasn’t happy either, not since Sammy ran out on them. His sister had been happier with Sammy than with Helen during all their time together. He still didn’t understand why Sammy had left so angrily that day, pushing him back into the snow like she didn’t care about him. But that had been a long time ago, and he didn’t remember much about Sam anymore other than her angry face as he lay in the snow watching the Bronco speed down the road. He recalled a few other things about her too—she had been an alien. She gave him better copter rides than Barry and let him eat cookies when no one was watching.

Sighing, Allen hauled himself out of the bed and slouched to a picture hanging on the wall. His biological father, Phillip Albrecht, with his famous dimples and charming smile, stared back at him from the grave. Al didn’t know how lucky she was, that she had actually known and been loved by their father. The youth eased the photo off the nail and squinted at it in the dim light, then carefully replaced it. He studied the rest of his room—typical pre-adolescent fare. Posters of baseball and basketball stars crammed the walls, and a soccer beanbag chair decorated one corner. The view of the untapped wilderness, of flowing trees and gorgeous sunsets, in the backyard was invaluable. Pricey clothes sat neatly folded in his drawers and hung from the racks in his closet, but Allen didn’t want any of that. He would give everything up—the cool video games, the swimming pool, his expensive private school for gifted children—if only he could go back in time. He wouldn’t let his father die. And then momma wouldn’t have been upset at his death. She wouldn’t have turned into such a witch then.

*****

Barry swung shut the side entrance door between the kitchen and the garage, pausing at the refrigerator. He screamed as spiky, vicious feline claws appeared out of nowhere. "Reowr!" The cat pounced on Barry, burrowing her claws into his leg, tearing the fabric of his expensive pants.

"Damn cat!" Barry yelped. He kicked Priscilla across the kitchen and into the pantry. With a howl, Barry shut the pantry door and returned to the refrigerator as the feline hissed indignantly from her forced prison. A low growl escaped Barry’s throat as he realized there was no more beer. He’d have to get more at the store. His blue eyes fell upon newly arrived fat legs stuffed into black stretch pants. He stood, towering over his wife. "Hello, Susan. I’m just home for a few minutes to get my files and then it’s back to the office." He stretched to his full frame and looked at the redhead with disdain.

He had lost most of his respect for her last summer when she’d ‘busted’ Allison massaging him. She wouldn’t believe his protestations of innocence, and only after two weeks had she even begun being civil to him. Their marriage had plummeted immediately after then.

Susan grinned insincerely at her husband. "Oh, Beauregard. That’s the 12^th night in a row you’ve had to stay over at the office. Why don’t you spend some time at home with me, hmm?" She trailed a long, red polished nail down his chest and paused above his belt buckle. She raised her lips to his. "Oh Beauie- don’t you miss the old days?"

Barry recoiled from Susan’s touch and nudged his way towards an exit. "Maybe this weekend. I have to run. Helen’s expecting me at the office."

Susan drew back as well. "Damn bastard! I know you have something going on with that woman! Just admit it! Oh Beauie-poo. I love you. Why do you have to work all the time!" She wiped away crocodile tears as they slipped down the slopes of her face. She threw herself around the barrel-chested man and clung to him for life.

"Susan, for the umpteenth time, Helen and I are just business partners. That’s it." He pried her arms from his waist and stalked past the living room into his home study to get a few files.

Beau awaited his father in the older man’s office, jumping impishly from under the big man’s desk. "Dad, you’re going to buy me a new toy. Momma said I could get that new electric car!" He pounded his fists on the massive desk.

Barry shook his head. "No. You have plenty of toys. Maybe for your birthday or Christmas." He didn’t like the way his son ordered him around. "You can’t just expect everything to be handed to you on a silver platter. You have to ask nicely for things. What do you do around the house to earn your toys?"

Beau burst into tears. "Don’t be mean, daddy! Momma said you would! You would!" His voice increased as he kicked his legs furiously. Tears streamed down his face. Susan came running into the office and gathered her son into her arms.

"Oh, honey. Don’t cry." The redhead looked at her husband accusingly. "Beauregard! Did you have to say no?"

The father placed both hands on his hips and tapped his foot in impatient anger. "Yes. I have to. The boy has to realize, unlike his mother, that he can’t get everything just because he wants it." He grabbed a pile of files from his desk and stormed out of the office.

He heard Susan’s voice wafting through the walls. "Don’t worry about your mean daddy. He doesn’t love you like your momma does, you hear. I’ll buy you the car. I promise. Let’s go to the store right now and buy one!"

Barry’s stomach clenched as he thought of yet another few hundred bucks going out of the window. The construction firm shtick hadn’t lasted much longer after Susan caught him ‘cheating.’ Finding her husband at fault, the woman felt enabled to quit work and lift her spirits by shopping and spending her unfaithful husband’s money.

He bumped into Allison on her way in the front door. The blonde hugged her stepfather warmly. A huge grin played across her face. Regardless of whatever had been going on between Barry and Susan, he had still been good to Allen, making sure he never wanted for anything like food or clothes. The two guys had even gone on a few camping trips, and Allen still couldn’t stop talking about all the fun he’d had.

Susan rounded the hall corner, stopping in her tracks as she saw her husband and the harlot daughter of hers hugging a bit too intimately for her comfort. Not again! Rubbing it in my nose!

Barry smiled. "Hey Allison! I was just on my way out. Here again for dinner?" He liked the two Albrecht kids, although he didn’t see them much anymore. They weren’t greedy and demanding like their mother and their half-brother. It wasn’t their fault Susan was such a bitch.

"Yeah. Actually, I’m here to take Allen to dinner. You’re welcome to join us. I know Allen would love spending some time with you." She smiled easily at the tall man.

"Certainly. I’d enjoy that. Just not with Susan. I’ll drop those files off at the firm and meet you. Maybe Helen can join us. Where y’all eating? Let me treat you since your birthday just passed. The Big Two-oh-Three." He raised his eyebrows playfully.

Susan detected a look of lust in her daughter’s eyes and swallowed furiously. Damn harlot! Still hot to trot after my husband!

"Sure. We’re going to The Jungle. Meet you in an hour, ok?"

Her stepfather nodded enthusiastically in reply. "I’m there. Later." Barry whistled to himself as he left the house. As Allison had become an adult, they’d grown closer and become friends. He’d love to spend more time with her and Allen. He enjoyed the blonde’s company and intellect, and he and the boy could debate for hours on end about this sport or that sport.

Susan remained where she stood. So her daughter and her Beauregard were meeting for a rendezvous. Hmm. She’d bring her camera and get some evidence for once and for all.

For the past years, they’d outsmarted her on every turn and she’d been unable to gather any evidence that would hold up in court that they were having a liaison. She could whack herself on the head for neglecting to snap pictures of their steamy ‘back massage.’

The redhead returned to Beauregard’s study where her baby boy was playing. "Beau, go get ready. Momma’s taking you to the toy store. Then we’ll go someplace special for dinner and take pictures."

Beau nodded as he colored onto his father’s desk. "Are you going to catch Allison and daddy?" He hated his daddy and hated his half-sisters even more. Samantha, who couldn’t even talk, had tried to kill him. She had run away when her attempt failed. He was so glad he’d never had to meet her. And Allison always was trying to steal his daddy from his momma. That wasn’t right. "I’ll go get my jacket and shoes. Can you tie them for me?"

"Stay put. I’ll get your jacket and shoes for you." Never mind the fact that her son was four years old and could very well tie his own shoes, much less retrieve his jacket.

*****

After Susan and Beau left, Allison knocked gently on Allen’s bedroom door and waited for the boy to call her in. The expected summons finally came as Allen managed a weak: "I’m here. Come in."

The blonde flicked the light on and sat down on her son’s bed, next to his drooping figure. She rubbed his shoulder gently. "What’s the matter, sweetie?"

Allen acknowledged his sister’s presence with a small scowl. "Beau got me in trouble. Again. I didn’t do anything!" He sulked.

Allison didn’t know what to say or do. Beau got away with everything and Barry wasn’t willing to run intervention. She hated the way her mother treated Allen and her heart broke to see her son so unhappy. "Well, will this cheer you up? Barry’s meeting us for dinner at The Jungle. No momma, no Beau."

She and Helen had been discussing possible plans for Allison to sue for the custody of her son. First, the blonde would talk to her mother about allowing Allen to live with her. The chances of that working out were doubtful, but Helen seemed confident that Allison would win a suit. The alienation between Barry and Susan was especially helpful, because the big man would make a great witness in Allison’s behalf. Plus the fact that Allen was of deciding age helped tremendously, although the green-eyed woman wasn’t sure the towhead would take the truth well. The two women still had a few details to hammer out, but things were looking up. The blonde hoped to have good news for her son by next week.

The boy grinned, his troubles forgotten immediately. "Yeah. That’s the way to go! But first, I wanna show you something." He swung his legs out of bed and onto the floor. He dragged out a small tower from under the bed. "My computer! I built it myself. Double motherboards, 128 RAM. I just need to get a monitor, the chips, the audio card, and a fan, then it’s ready to go. Cool, huh?"

Allison smiled, affected by the boy’s contagious enthusiasm. She had utterly no idea what he was talking about. Computers was his game, not hers. "That’s great! Do you need any money for your… uh…. project?" She crossed her legs and giggled as Allen prepared to launch into a detailed explanation of the hard drive.

He groaned. "Of course not. You’re a teacher with a zillion college loans to pay off. Forget it. I saved up some money and the Thompsons are paying me to baby sit their kids next week. I got it covered." Allen shoved his techno-toys back under the bed. "Come on, let’s go!" He was excited about seeing Barry. It wasn’t often he and his stepfather just hung out without a nasty fight dangling over their heads.

*****

Susan grabbed Beau’s hand and dragged him through the double doors of The Jungle. The appropriately named restaurant boasted twenty varieties of trees that grew out of the floor. The ceiling was covered with lush green growth. A ten-foot high waterfall in the corner spilled into a gentle bubbling creek. Mist sprayed into the air, giving the establishment’s patrons the feeling that they were in the jungle. Recorded music and the chatter of parrots and monkeys rounded off the theme restaurant. Waitresses costumed in skimpy roughhewn Amazon garb dotted the dining establishment. The waiters’ threadbare uniforms consisted of simple loincloths and ripped shirts.

Beau yipped with excitement as his wide eyes took in the splashy interior. "This place is cool, momma. Can I swim over there?" He pointed directly to a sign adorning the waterfall. The billboard pointedly read: "Please stay out of the water."

Susan nodded mutely, her eyes surveying the room for her adulterous husband and the trollop. "Of course you can, sweetheart, but let’s not. We have a nice, big swimming pool at home and right now I need you to be a good little detective." She held up the camera and winked at her son. "Look for daddy and Allison." A low growl rippled from her throat as she stalked past the hostess stand, saying: "Darling, I’m just looking for someone who’s already here."

The redhead’s dull gray eyes came to life as they spotted Barry snuggling up to that blonde tramp and the colored. Allison was gripping Barry’s arm and giggling right into his ear. The nerve! If that wasn’t enough, the Heather Vanna woman, her daughter’s horrible roommate, was clutching his other arm and laughing into his other ear. Susan squeezed the camera in her hand and pushed Beau behind her. "You don’t need to see this, honey. Follow me!" She marched to the table and glared at Allen who was no better than the lot of them. He had no respect for his momma’s feelings!

Susan glared pointedly at Barry. "How nice to see that I and your son were invited."

Barry gulped and glanced at his law partner and stepchildren. "Why don’t you three excuse us for a moment?" He looked pointedly at Susan with a slight frown.

The blonde pushed her chair back and stood. "I’ll be going to the powder room. Allen, didn’t you say you needed to use the boys’ room?" She grabbed Allen’s arm and hauled him out of his seat and marched towards the rear of the restaurant, Helen behind them. Count on Susan to screw everything up! She could see Barry and Susan’s claws readying for yet another fight.

Susan realized that Beau meandered off to the aquarium at the far end of the room. "Beauregard, you can’t even keep track of your own son! God knows where he’s wandered off to!"

Barry groaned. He had seen the boy walk off towards the aquarium. He opened his mouth to speak but the redhead interrupted. "You two-timing bastard…"

Once they were alone in the bathroom, Allison took Helen’s hand. The lawyer sighed and peered sympathetically at her good friend, apartment-mate and occasional lover. "Come here, baby." The older woman gathered Allison in her arms and held her snugly.

Allison whispered into Helen’s hair. "Whatever would I do without you?" She brushed her lips against the older woman’s.

Helen returned the gesture, pressing her lips to Allison’s in more of a caress than a kiss. "Don’t be so down." She cupped Allison’s chin in her dark hand and forced the blonde’s green eyes to meet hers. "You won’t have to worry about all this for long. Allen will be with you soon."

"I hope so. I really do." Allison sighed, outlining the tips of Helen’s breasts with her fingers.

The attorney’s hand stroked Allison’s full buttocks, pressing the blonde into her. "To be continued later, ok, baby?" She ground her lips together wryly. "We better get back and rescue Barry."

The duo joined up with Allen and met the others at the table. Susan was crying, her make-up streaking down her face. Beau sat in his mother’s lap, simultaneously comforting her and glaring at his father. "We’ll be leaving now." Susan pointed her nose haughtily in the air and grabbed Beau’s wrist.

"Momma, I wanna stay with daddy and look at the fishies." His eyes pleaded with his mother’s scowling face.

"No! Don’t you love momma? If you stay with daddy that means you don’t love your momma." She shook his arm furiously and Beau simply nodded and hugged her.

"Of course, I love you, momma." He followed his mother out of the restaurant, clutching her hand but gazing longingly at the aquarium.

Allison looked at Barry incredulously. "Why didn’t you encourage Beau to stay?"

Barry shrugged and licked his chops in anticipation of a yummy meal. "He’s her son. Let’s eat!" He looked up to see three stern faces staring back at him. "What?"

Helen shook her head but knew she was not in a position to say anything. Allison spoke for both of them when she said: "Beau is your son too! He needs you."

The tall man scowled. "I don’t need any more crap from y’all! If I wanted whining, I’d just go home to that woman! Off subject!" He banged the table with his hand and motioned for their waiter. "I’ll have the Environmentally Conscious meal and a glass of wine."

*****

Allison and Helen lay in the lawyer’s oversized bed, their sweaty and naked bodies comfortably tangled. The older woman was feeling much better about their relationship. They’d made love every night for the previous week or so, and Helen got the definite feeling that the blonde was finally moving on with her life, gradually but finally accepting that Sam wouldn’t be a part of it. But there were so many other obstacles in their way—Allen, kids, whatnot.

"Got good news for you, baby." Helen’s voice was rich and husky.

"Tell me then." Allison drew Helen’s face to hers for another long lip lock.

"I talked with a lawyer in Chicago about your case. Course, I didn’t mention any names. He thinks you’ll have a cinch gaining custody."

Allison became instantly wide-awake. "That’s great news!"

"Definitely." The taller woman propped herself up, running her hand across the blonde’s hard, fiery body. "Whenever you’re ready, we’ll file."

"No." Allison dipped her head reprovingly. "I want to talk to momma first."

Helen sighed, sucking on the blonde’s fingers. "I’d like to inform Barry before you talk to Susan. Get him on our side first."

"No." Allison repeated her feelings. "If there’s a chance that matters can be resolved peacefully, I’d love to try."

"That’s your decision." Helen met Allison’s green eyes. "Good luck, baby."

*****

"Al. Are you gonna talk to momma today?" Allen looked at his sister hopefully. He jammed his book bag in the backseat of the Taurus and jumped into the passenger seat. The car creaked under his rough pressure.

Allison cringed. I’ll talk to momma today. I’ll try my best." She pinched his ruddy cheeks and started the engine. The Taurus started over smoothly. "So, how was school?"

Allen laughed. "We had a sub teacher. You know how that goes."

"Oh, no!" The blonde chided the boy accusingly. "Remember I’m a teacher too. That poor sub…"

Allen winked at his sister and looked out of the window. "I don’t think I like this Taurus. A new Bronco would be cool."

Allison shuddered at the seemingly innocent remark. "Broncos aren’t my thing, I’m afraid."

The towhead looked at his older sister. "Does it have anything to do with Sam?"

The driver stopped at a red light. "No," was her terse reply.

The passenger shook his head and moved to look at his sister closely. "How come you never wanna talk about Sam?"

"It’s want to, not wanna. I didn’t raise you to be a caveman." She deftly changed the subject, glad that Allen’s school was so close to her former residence. They’d be home before Allen cracked her defenses.

"Don’t change the subject, Al. Every time we talk about our dad or Sam, you clam up. You still like, love her, much more than Helen." He leaned his head against the window and sighed.

"Don’t use "like" like that. I wasn’t changing the subject. I have no idea why she left. End of story." Her voice shook at the mention of dredging up horrible memories. "We’re home. Go upstairs while I talk to momma, ok?"

"Yeah. I, like, gotcha, like totally like yeah." Allen grinned devilishly as his exasperated sister slapped his hand.

"Don’t you go being a brat!" Allison laughed. She got out of the car and pushed Allen into the house. "Momma! Where are you?"

Susan’s figure remained stretched across the couch and she held up a lazy finger to her mouth. "Hush. I’m watching yesterday’s Oprah episode. Wait for commercial." From the corner of her eye, the redhead surveyed her daughter’s outfit. The woman was twenty-three years old and could still not dress right!

Why can’t you press pause like a normal human being? "Sure, momma. I need to talk to you, though." Allison walked into the living room and sat on an overstuffed armchair.

When commercial came on, Susan pressed stop and sat up to greet her daughter. "Darling Allison. Since when do you wear white after Labor Day?" Allison wore an appalling lime green short-sleeve sweater, and white jeans complemented by a pair of sandals. "You’re here for my fashion advice, aren’t you?" She grinned happily.

The blonde rolled her eyes and moved to the opposite end of the couch. "Momma, I’m here about a more serious matter. It’s Allen." Allison glanced nervously behind her. She didn’t need Allen to hear the conversation.

Susan sat upright. "God. What is it now? Is he telling you more tall tales of Beau? I’ll…"

Allison interrupted the redhead. "No, momma. He’s not happy here. He wants to come live with me."

The older woman narrowed her eyes. "Absolutely not. What’s wrong with living here? He has everything he wants. Besides, I’ve been kind enough letting him visit that colored’s home. But live there? Absolutely not."

"Momma, I’m planning to get my own place. And you and Barry fight all the time," Allison pleaded. Since you "caught him cheating." "And Allen doesn’t get enough attention from you." She was interrupted by an enraged redhead.

Susan leaped from the couch. "How dare you insinuate that I’m a horrible parent! It’s Barry’s fault! Yours too! Not mine. Not mine! You hear that, young lady!" She jammed a finger into her daughter’s face. "Imagine what the town will think! My son going to live with my daughter? With a colored to boot! I’ll be the talk of the garden club, the country club, the yacht club. Goodness, no! They’ll think I can’t provide for my boy."

Allen flinched from his vantage point. He was hiding behind the staircase, listening to every word that was being exchanged. It didn’t sound like Al was going to win this argument.

"You care too much about your appearances! This is about Allen and his happiness. I have a big enough apartment. I have a great job. This is what Allen and I both want! He’s nine years old and able to make educated decisions on his own behalf." Allison stood eye to eye with her mother, challenging the older woman aggressively. "Look, momma. I’m no longer a scared 18-year-old kid. I’m 23 now and I have a lot going for me."

"Absolutely not! I can’t afford to look bad. This is really inconsiderate of you. I’m not surprised, though. You’ve always been a nasty daughter. What about Beau and me!" Susan turned away from her awful daughter and stared out of the living room window. The view was positively beautiful. Lush green, rolling hills, blue mountains, healthy trees. Birds chirped in the air as flowers struggled to blossom in the spring thaw.

The blonde touched her mother’s shoulder lightly, speaking from her heart. "Momma, Allen is my son. How can you be so selfish, thinking only of yourself and Beau? What if someone wanted to take Beau from you? You wouldn’t like that. Please. Allen’s hurting. Can’t we just try this for a month? Just an experiment? He’ll be happier with me. He’s my son! I gave up Sam for him and now…I can’t…" She bit her fist, stifling a sob.

Allen’s ears perked up. Allison had been talking quietly but still… "Son…Allison’s my mother." He mouthed the word over and over again, images jumbled around in his mind. Son. Allen’s my son. Allison’s my mother? That’s impossible. He looked down again, watching the scene closely.

"How dare you mention that murderer’s name in this house! She tried to kill Beau and me!" Spittle flew from the older woman’s jowls as her angry gray eyes widened. "You whore! It’s all your fault! You should have thought of that before you seduced Bob and had his bastard child! You broke my heart twice! Next thing I know, you’ll be carrying Beauregard’s seed!"

"Momma! I don’t know why Sam went off at you. I swear I didn’t tell her you made me break up with her!" Allison pleaded, hoping that rationale would return to the woman before her.

The hidden figure’s jaw dropped open. What was this? Who was Bob? His father? He was a bastard child, illegitimate, and …Phillip wasn’t his father. They’d lied to him all his life. His sister was his mother and she made Sam leave. He retreated before he could hear any more.

"It doesn’t matter! She’s out of our lives. I saved you from a life of sin. You should be thanking me! I saved Allen and you from a horrible life on the streets! You ingrate." She spat at her daughter.

"Momma! You couldn’t have done that to your own child and grandchild! I should have realized that a long time ago. It’s much preferable than suffering with you!" Allison was responded by a resounding slap on her face.

Allen slipped into the master bedroom and slid open a cherry wood drawer in the nightstand next to Susan’s and Barry’s king sized bed. A gleaming revolver stared grimly at him. He reached in and checked the chamber. It was fully loaded and he flicked off the safety. The shadow slid across the hardwood floor silently, working its’ jaw. He burst into the living room and aimed for the two arguing figures. "Shut up!"

Allison and Susan jumped around and their eyes widened with shock. Their hands automatically shot up into the air. Allen had a wild look on his face, and his upper lip was snarling, pasted against his white teeth. "Tell me the truth!"

Susan was the first to recover. "Truth? What truth, darling son?" She needed to give the performance of her life now.

Allen waved the gun around. "Don’t call me your fucking darling son! Who’s my real mother, dammit! Fuck it all!" He aimed for Allison. "Tell me!" A tear streamed down his freckled cheeks. "Why? I heard Susan say some guy named Bob was my father! What about Phillip?"

The blonde realized that her son must have overheard the conversation. "I’m so sorry, honey…"

"Shut up! Who’s my mom? Does Barry know about all this?" Allen spied Priscilla trotting towards him. "Damn cat!" He aimed the gun down and fired; the recoil flung his arm backwards. The bullet slammed into the cat and she screeched, red blood matting her silky white fur.

Susan gasped and turned to Allison. "You’ve raised a murderer! Look at poor Priscilla!" She pointed a trembling gnarly red tipped finger towards the bleeding and dying mass of fur and skin.

Allison tried to cajole the youth and walked towards him gently. "Allen. Please. I understand you’re upset. We shouldn’t have lied to you all those years. I am your mother. I love you very much and…" She was interrupted by a bullet slamming into the wall behind her and she immediately quieted down.

"You’re my mother? Susan’s my grandmother? This is fucked up! Who’s my dad? What about Sam?" His voice jumbled as he steadied his gun hand.

"Yes." Allison nodded meekly. "It’s not Phillip. He’s your grandfather. He died when I was eight years old. Your real father is a man named Bob, who was momma’s boyfriend. He raped me."

"Lies. It’s just a bunch of lies! He never raped her! She seduced him." Susan pointed accusingly at her daughter. "Allen Alexander! Honestly, don’t tell me you believe her!"

"Oh my God." Allen stepped back as the force of betrayal slammed him in the face. Phillip wasn’t his father. Tears streamed down the boy’s cheeks. "Oh Al… but you said he loved me. And…" He turned to Susan. "Momma… but you told me when you were pregnant with me, he would sing to me in your womb."

Susan held up a steadying hand. She could handle this, no problem. "Darling… baby. Come here. Momma loves you." She extended her arms towards the boy.

"Wait. Wait!" Allen’s jagged breathing increased and he wiped tears away. "Do you mean my father’s still alive? My real father’s alive!" Suddenly, Allen was overcome with joy. His biological father… "Where is Bob? Tell me about him! Tell me about my father." He pointed the gun firmly at both terrified women. "You go first, Al."

Allison gulped and cleared her throat. She was tempted to lie for the time being and get them all out of this potential mess unscathed but finally decided to tell the truth. Her son deserved that much. "He left… he…" The blonde’s chin trembled. "He found out I was pregnant, denied he was the father. But the next day, he was gone and our trailer was clean as a whistle. He packed everything. Momma and I thought… it would be best to raise you as her son, as Phillip’s son."

"Is Bob really my father?" Allen snarled.

"Yes!" Allison pleaded with the boy. "I am absolutely sure of it."

Allen swerved the gun into Susan’s direction. "Where’s he now?"

"I don’t know!" the redhead wailed. "I haven’t heard from him at all since! Allison’s a hussy! She seduced him—candles, flowers, music, champagne—"

"I did not!" Allison screamed at her mother. "I was twelve years old and fucking scared out of my mind!"

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" Allen’s voice clamored above the din. "What was his full name?" His crying intensified as he whirled the gun around in the air.

"Robert," Susan volunteered nervously. "Robert William Kinner. And…" She poked a finger up tentatively. "Can I just say that regardless of everything, I love you very much and you’re every bit my child as Allison and Beau are. I love you, Allen." She stared at the boy firmly and reached for him. "You are my son."

Allen crushed his eyes shut and squeezed the trigger twice. He heard a heavy body slam into the floor and he pried open one eye to see Susan lying on the floor clutching her stomach. "He shot me! He shot me!" The redhead yelped in surprise. "He shot me!"

The shooter swung his gun towards Allison. "My life has been a lie! I’ve lived miserably all those years while you did nothing! Fuck you!"

"I tried!" Allison screamed. "I didn’t know what to do! Susan blackmailed me at every twist and turn!"

"Did you drive Sam away?" Allen completely lost control of his senses. "You drove her away!"

"You know I was in love with her. But momma made me break up with Sam! She said if I didn’t, I’d never see you again!" Allison appealed with terrified green eyes.

Allen pulled the trigger again and saw a bullet slam into his biological mother’s arm. The force knocked Allison to the floor. The blonde grabbed her upper arm, clutching her wound in pain. Blood quickly stained her green sweater sleeve.

Allen shrugged numbly. "My life is so screwed. It’s over." He pointed the gun barrel into his mouth.

Allison’s eyes widened as she realized what her son was about to do. Without thinking, she leaped from the floor and broke into full stride. She ran across the room, tackling him. A final gunshot rang out deafeningly throughout the room and two lithe bodies fell to the floor like unstrung marionettes. A strawberry blond head rolled from side to side, bouncing slightly on the hardwood floor. Eyes rolled back and only white was seen. Blood pooled on the floor as lifeless eyes studied the gruesome scene.