~ Ownership 2 ~
by S. Berry
Disclaimers: I'm not sure if this is Nadine's POV or a separate piece on a related theme. It's still about ownership, however. It's much darker than Ownership, but you need darkness to see the light.

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Copyright © 2005 by S. Berry. All Rights Reserved.


She thinks she's using me. She thinks I don't know she doesn't love me as much as I love her. I do. I'm not stupid. I also know she *does* love me in her own way. She could find a hundred better sugar mamas than me, if that's all she wanted. I have several richer friends who are reputedly considerably better lovers that she doesn't look twice at. She stays with me, looking after me and bolstering my damned ego at the expense of her own desires.

She's no saint, but neither am I. I daresay I'm worse for continuing to press my attentions on her despite knowing she doesn't fully enjoy them. Why do I keep doing it then? Because I need her. I don't know how else to connect to her; to reach her. I know I need to let her go, yet I bind her closer. I hate myself for my weakness; for the pride that won't allow me to ask her for help. She owns my heart, my soul, and I, in turn, take her body. I despise the part of me that insists that's a fair trade.

Yet, I keep deceiving myself; telling myself every time I go to her that this time will be different. It never is. I let her hold me and lie to me. I want so much to believe her sweet lies. I want so much for them to be truth. For just a little while, I lay there in her arms and pretend. Pretend that we're a happy, normal family, and I won't wake alone, silently banished back into my personal hell until the next time the weakness in me becomes too strong to resist and I find myself back again.

Continued? Maybe....



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