I Found My Heart In San Francisco

Book 13 Monogamy

By: S X Meagher


Part 18

Later that afternoon, Ryan spent some time trying to track down one of her classmates to see what had gone on in class while she was playing hooky at the golf course. She was cutting across campus when she spotted Franny Sumitomo from the basketball team. "Hey, Franny! Wait up!"

The shy freshman stopped immediately, then turned and smiled when she saw Ryan. "Hi. How are you, Ryan? Feeling better?"

"Yeah, yeah, things are going pretty well. I’m with the softball team now, you know. Not to dis you guys, but the atmosphere is a heck of a lot better."

"You don’t have to tell me," Franny said. She looked around rather furtively, then said in a quiet voice, "I’ve been talking to the coaches at Oregon and Washington State about transferring. I don’t think I can stand another year here."

"Really? That surprises me," Ryan said. "I know it’s important for you to be close to home – and I know that you parents enjoy watching you play. They came to every home game, didn’t they?"

"Yes, they did," she said, "but Stanford isn’t interested in me. Their point guard is a freshman, too, and there’s no way I’m a better player than she is. Oregon and Washington State could both use me, and sitting out a year wouldn’t be too horrible. I mean, it’s not what I want – but I haven’t had any fun this year at all, and it seems silly to work this hard if it’s not enjoyable."

"Well, the two people I had the most trouble with will be gone next year," Ryan said. "Won’t that help?"

"Yes, I suppose so. But, to be honest – I don’t trust Coach Hayes. She’s let Janet and Wendy ruin this year for all of us. I think she lets her personal feelings for people get in the way of making the proper coaching decisions. I don’t even know if she cares anymore, Ryan. We’ve got 6 games left and the team is sleep-walking during practice. I’d quit now if it wouldn’t look so bad to the coaches at Oregon and WSU."

"Look, Franny, I know this year has been hard for you, but give it a couple of weeks before you make a decision about transferring. I also think you should talk to the coach about how you feel. She can be surprisingly empathetic if you catch her on a good day."

"Maybe I’ll talk to Lynette," Franny decided. "I don’t know if I have time to wait for a good mood to overtake Coach Hayes."

* * * * * * * * * * *

When she got home from school, Ryan called the private investigator, Dick Williams. "Hi, Mr. Williams, it’s Ryan O’Flaherty."

"Hi, Ryan. I was just about to wrap up our little matter. I’ve got some interesting things for you."

"Could I add one little bit, Mr. Williams? I know I wanted you to focus on Cassie Martin, but there are two more people who might have had a hand in this, and in a way, they’re nearly as culpable as Cassie is."

"Sure, Ryan. Give me their names, and I’ll get right on it."

* * * * * * * * * * *

On Tuesday morning, Ryan brought the papers in before she took off for school. As was her habit, she unfolded them and placed then on the kitchen table so that her partner had them waiting for her. Even though Jamie wouldn’t be home until late afternoon, Ryan wanted to maintain their normal routine to welcome her partner home. The New York Times was first, since Jamie said she had to read a real paper before she could stomach the Comical, as she called it. As Ryan set the Chronicle into place, she stopped abruptly when she spied the story on the bottom corner of the front page. "Sen. Evans fully backs Admin on gay policies."

This should be good, she said, rolling her eyes in reaction. She scanned the article, then went back and re-read it, shaking her head. What in the holy hell is wrong with that guy? It’s like he can’t stand to have things go well for any length of time.

Picking up the phone, Ryan dialed Jamie’s cell, smiling gently when her lover picked up on the first ring. "This had better be my father, saying that he was maliciously misquoted," the blonde said.

"No, it’s just me, offering sympathy."

"Well, that wasn’t the best headline for me to see first thing this morning," Jamie said. "Poor Lauren nearly fainted at the string of profanities that I let out. I think she’s down talking with Scott right now about changing roommates."

"Hey, you’re understandably upset," Ryan assured her.

"Yeah, upset about covers it. My stupid father got cornered and declared that he supported ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’, and the congressional ‘defense of marriage’ bill."

"I can’t understand why he’d do that," Ryan said. "He’s already said he’s against Proposition 22. Isn’t the defense of marriage bill the same thing?"

"It is to me," Jamie said. "In fact, the defense of marriage bill is worse in my opinion. It not only prohibits the federal government from recognizing gay marriage, it forbids the government from honoring marriages that individual states sanction. That’s far worse than Prop 22. He’s like a friggin’ pendulum. Every bit of progress is met by an equal amount of backsliding."

"It does seem that way, doesn’t it," Ryan sympathized. "I’m pissed at him as your father, and I’m pissed at him as my senator. This sucks."

"It does," Jamie agreed, "and now I’ve got to call and scream at him before I go play tournament golf."

"I’ve gotta run, babe. I’ve got my cell phone on. If you need to call me – please do."

"Thanks. Have a good day. I’ll give Daddy your disgust."

Jamie waited patiently while her father’s secretary searched for him. He was in the Senate chambers, but he stepped outside and placed a return call on his cell phone. "Hi, Jamie, what’s up?" he asked, oblivious to her pique.

"I was more than a little upset to see your comments on those ridiculous policies the administration is backing, Dad."

"Huh … oh! Uhm … why would my comments upset you, honey? Those policies aren’t new."

"Why on earth would you stand up against Prop 22, and yet say that you’re in favor of the defense of marriage bill?" she nearly screamed. "That’s so inconsistent."

"Yeah, it probably is … a little bit," he agreed, "but the administration didn’t feel they could take the risk of going against the defense of marriage bill. It’s only politics, Jamie."

Sighing heavily, she said, "It might be politics to you, but it’s my life and my civil rights you idiots in Washington are playing with!"

"Hey!" he snapped, "I can hear that you’re angry, but I don’t appreciate being called an idiot!"

"Supporting the defense of marriage bill, while decrying the politics behind Prop 22 is idiotic," she said, enunciating each word.

"That’s your opinion, Jamie, but I would think you’d have some sympathy for the position we’re in here. It doesn’t do much good to take the kind of stand you advocate if you’re then voted out of office. You have to compromise, and take it slow."

She paused for a moment and quietly asked, "Dad, I have a question for you, and I’d appreciate a straight answer."

"Okay," he said hesitantly.

"How do you personally feel about those two issues? I don’t want the administration’s position. I want yours."

"Well," he said, delaying his answer as long as possible, "I uhm … guess that I tend to agree with the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy. I mean, I know it’s not the best solution, but the leaders of the military are clear that it can’t work to allow gay people to serve alongside straight ones. I think we have to defer to their expertise."

"Uh-huh. We have to defer to their sweeping prejudices about gay people, about women serving in a combat role, etcetera, etcetera. Those are the people who you want to make social policy, right, Dad?"

"I know it’s not perfect, Jamie, I’ve already said that. But we have to have some policy, and this is the one that seems to be working."

She tried to control the steam that threatened to whistle from her ears, and asked her follow up question. "What about gay marriage? Where … do … you … stand?"

"I uhm … I think that gay people can definitely form loving unions that are as valid as a nor … uhm … regular … couple can have. You and Ryan are good examples of that."

"Uh-huh. Go on."

"But I’m not sure it’s a good idea to give state sanction to those unions. I think it sets a bad example for kids."


"Now, don’t get defensive," he said sharply. "You wanted to know my position, and I’m telling you."

"Fine. Tell me how it sets a bad example."

"Well, if someone is having a hard time deciding if they’re gay or straight, having the option of full acceptance might push him or her over the edge. If we retain some social disapproval, that person might stay straight. I honestly think it’s best to urge people to be straight if they can be."

Ignoring the idiocy of his answer, she posed her second question. "What about having children, Dad? What about adopting?"

"Uhm … I’m sure that you and Ryan would be fine parents, Jamie, but again, I don’t think the state should place children in a gay home. It gives the child an impression that can be dangerous."

She was quiet for a minute, her roiling stomach urging her to spit out some of the venom that was coursing through her gut. "And yet, you’ve agreed to participate in our wedding. Are you going to make a little speech about how our union sets a bad example? For God’s sake, at least have the courage of your convictions! If you think our union is wrong, I don’t want you there! And if you think our children will be raised in a dangerous environment I don’t want you to have anything to do with them!"

"Jamie, please, don’t go off the deep end."

"Look, Dad, I knew that you were having trouble with this, but I can’t have you participate in my marriage if you think it’s morally wrong. That’s not going to happen. I’m marrying Ryan in August, whether or not you’re there. Think about it and let me know if you’ll be part of our celebration." With that, she hung up, and pushed the off button on her phone. Thank God he’s four thousand miles away. I might actually strangle him if I could get my hands around his neck!

* * * * * * * * * * *

Ryan called about an hour later, inquiring after Jamie’s mental health. "It didn’t go well," the blonde said. She proceeded to give her partner the low points, then added, "Right now I’m trying to think of how to get a blood sample from him to do some DNA testing. I’m absolutely sure he’s not related to my grandfather, or to me!" She let out a deep sigh, then said, "Wish me luck. I tee off in 10 minutes. I’m going to picture my father’s face on the golf ball – that should improve the length of my drives."

* * * * * * * * * * *

Knowing they would have a fiery, emotion-filled evening, Ryan poked her head in the front door after softball, slightly afraid that Jamie would be hurling breakables at the walls. But the house was completely quiet, save for some soft music coming from the second floor.

Immensely pleased at the encouraging sign, Ryan nearly skipped up the stairs. She was more excited about seeing Jamie than she could convey, and her skin was tingling when she tossed open the door to their bedroom. "Where’s the most beautiful woman in the world?" she called out.

"She’d better be opening the bathroom door to give me a proper welcome home," her lover replied.

Ryan pushed the door open a crack to find Jamie neck deep in a fragrant bubble bath. A tray filled with every possible type of sushi and sashimi was resting on the counter, along with a massive bottle of Kirin beer nestled in an ice bucket, alongside two plastic glasses. Placing her hands on her hips, Ryan shook her head and said, "You never cease to amaze me."

"Don’t stand there gaping at me," the low voice purred. "Drop those sweaty clothes and get in here."

Ryan did so, pausing to brush her teeth first. "I want to make a good impression," she winked.

She knew she’d have trouble kissing her partner once she got in, so the brunette knelt on the floor and spent a few minutes showing Jamie how lonely her lips had been. She did such a good job that the smaller woman considered ditching the dinner and the bath, but thought better of it when she realized she was starving. "Come on in, love. Bring the tray with you."

Ryan did so, securing the legs of the bed-tray as she placed it right next to the tub. It took a few minutes of fitting the human puzzle-pieces together, but she was soon nestled between Jamie’s thighs – her most favorite place on earth. "Could I be happier than this?" she asked rhetorically. "I think not."

"I’m pretty high on the happiness scale, too," the blonde murmured, leaning forward for a few nibbles of salty skin.

"How can that be?" Ryan wondered. "I thought you’d be foaming at the mouth about your dad."

"No, I unloaded on my father, but I’m pretty calm now." She shook her head and said, "Damn, Ryan, he and I sure set each other off."

"I know," the larger woman soothed. "Did you talk to your mom about what happened?"

"Yeah," Jamie replied glumly. "I talked to Poppa, too. Neither one of them seemed surprised by his position, and they each think that he’ll slowly alter his view." She shrugged and said, "Maybe I’m too impatient."

"You’re hurt," Ryan said, resting her head on her lover’s chest. After a moment, she felt Jamie start to relax, and soon their bodies were molded together. "I’m hurt, too," Ryan added.

"I guess that’s it," Jamie said softly. "It’s stunningly hurtful to have your father tell you that he thinks you’d be a bad influence on a child." She leaned forward to look at her partner, pain filling in her eyes. "How could he think that?"

"Easy," she sighed. "He’s letting his deeply held prejudices color his actions. It would be bad enough if he was only a parent, but he’s a senator, too. His actions affect millions and millions of people."

"It is just prejudice, isn’t it."

"Yep. It’s taking something that bothers you on a visceral level, and then intellectualizing a way to rationalize discrimination. For what it’s worth, it’s usually not done with malevolence. I’m sure your father believes what he said. He’s got so many negative images of gay people burned into his brain that he can’t let the positive images overcome them."

"But what do we do, honey? How do we reach him?"

"One thing is for sure. We don’t cut off contact with him. He needs to be around people who see us as complete human beings. Being around my family can only help."

Jamie nodded slowly. "You’re right of course, but I can’t bear the thought of seeing him right now." She shuddered and said, "He sent me an e-mail this afternoon where he justified discriminating against us with the analogy that it’s the same as discriminating against blind people who want a driver’s license. just because you can’t let them drive, doesn’t mean you think they’re bad or wrong for being blind. You’re only trying to protect society at large."

"Ouch!" Ryan said, making a face. "So being gay is a disability, or a birth defect, huh? Nice."

Jamie colored a little and revealed, "I shot back an e-mail that I’m not proud of. If he were President, the Secret Service would be over here by now."

Ryan nuzzled against her and said, "He’s hitting your hot buttons with this, honey. I know it’s hard, but I think you’ll feel better if you try not to hurt him as much as he’s hurt you."

"Yeah, yeah," she said in a mechanical voice. "Do unto others, and all that crap. I’m sick of thinking about it. Let’s talk about us."

They spent nearly an hour filling each other in on their weekends, then Jamie gave her partner an in-depth assessment of the golf team’s victory in Vallejo. "Wish I could have been there today," Ryan sighed. "It’s so reassuring to look up into the stands and see your face. I’ve enjoyed my sports so much more this year, Jamie. It’s been great, and I regret that I won’t be able to go to any of your away matches."

"You can make some of the local ones," the smaller woman reassured her. "Golf is a different type of sport, anyway. I don’t play off the crowd the way you do."

"Mmm … I guess that’s true. I still hate it, though."

"You’ll get your chance. I want to keep playing in amateur events once I graduate. I think the competition has been good for me. Maybe someday you can be in the gallery when I’m competing in the U.S. Amateur."

Ryan turned around as much as she could to gaze into her partner’s eyes. "The hell you say! I’ll be your caddie!"

Giving her a firm hug, Jamie pressed her cheek against her partner’s warm, wet, back. "You’d be the cutest caddie on legs," she murmured.

"That’s nice to think of," Ryan sighed. "I love to dream about our future."

"I do, too. And tonight, I want our immediate future to include lots of remarkably scandalous dancing. I want to be around gay people tonight. I want to act like the lesbian that I am, and not be belittled because of it. I want to be with my own kind!"

* * * * * * * * * * *

They dressed in their separate rooms, and when the larger woman came out she smiled at her partner. "I haven’t seen that outfit since the Dyke March. You look adorable."

Jamie pirouetted, bowing at the compliment. She wore a green ribbed tank top, green Army fatigues, and shin-height Doc Marten’s, with her pants tucked into the boots. She returned to the mirror and fussed with her hair, commenting, "I want my hair to stick up, but it’s a little too long."

"I like it this length," Ryan said, "but it would look cute shorter, too. Get it cut if you wish."

Jamie smiled and said, "I only want it to stick up tonight. I’m sure I’ll want it longer by tomorrow, so I’d better leave it alone."

"That would be the wiser course," Ryan said.

"Besides, I’ve been thinking about growing it out again. Would you like it long?"

With images of long, golden blonde hair trailing down Jamie’s bare back, Ryan found her head nodding mechanically. "Nice," she muttered.

"You sound like Homer Simpson," Jamie said, chuckling heartily. "I enjoy your long hair so much, that I thought you should see which way you like it better. I’ll grow it out and then let you choose how I wear it. Deal?"

"Long. I like it long," Ryan said, grinning like she’d been struck with a heavy object.

* * * * * * * * * * *

When they returned from the bar, Ryan sorted through the mail that Jamie had brought upstairs earlier in the evening. She opened a small, square envelope, pursed her lips as she read the card, then threw the card and envelope away.

"What was that?" Jamie asked.


"What did you throw away? It looked like an invitation."

"Oh. It was. just some of my old buds from the gym. They have a big party every year to celebrate a couple of birthdays. Two of the women share a birthday and they always have a big blowout – a real wild one."

"Uhm … any particular reason that you threw it out without even mentioning it?"

"Oh! I assumed you wouldn’t be interested. Are you?"

"Well, gee, Ryan, when we met, you had dozens of friends. I remember you always talking about hanging out with your buddies. But now you don’t see any of them. Is that because of me?"

"Uh-huh," Ryan said, nodding.

"But why? I certainly don’t want you to stop seeing your friends. Don’t you … think they’d like me?"

"Aww … Jamie," Ryan said, tucking her arms around her partner and smiling when she heard her sigh heavily. "Of course they’d like you – I guess I assumed you wouldn’t like them."

Giving her a semi-perturbed look, Jamie asked, "And why is that? Am I too straight-laced for your friends?"

"Heck, no," Ryan said, trying to think of a reason that wouldn’t irritate her partner. "Well … uhm … you’re not straight-laced …"

"You think I’m straight-laced!" Jamie cried.

"No, no, I don’t," Ryan said. "I think they’re a little wilder than you are. Big, big difference."

Pouting, Jamie walked over to shut down her computer. "Is not," she grumbled.

"Yes, it is," Ryan said, coming up behind her and turning her around. "They’re more … I don’t know," she said, "they’re just kinda wild."

"I can keep up, Ryan," the blonde said, narrowing her eyes. "I think we should go, if you don’t have a softball game, that is."

"No, the party’s Saturday night, and my game is at home in the afternoon. I could be up for a party."

Smiling broadly, Jamie said, "Cool. Call them and accept."

Chuckling, Ryan said, "No need, babe. They won’t have any food, and they’ll buy a couple of kegs of beer and make everyone pay $5 to get in. The more the merrier."

Jamie’s eyebrows rose again. "No food? Like, none at all?"

"Hmm … if anyone remembers they might have a cake, but it’ll be from a grocery store. One year they were all jazzed ‘cause they got one half price since it was made up for someone’s anniversary."

"Well," Jamie said, her eyes widening. "This sounds like it will be interesting. Maybe we should drag Mia along with us. She always does well at parties."

"Sure, that’d be fine. But, she’ll attract a lot of attention in this crowd. The drunker they get, the cooler they think they are."

"She seems so down, honey, I think we should do whatever we can to cheer her up. Having a bunch of women flirt with her is a sure-fire picker-upper."

* * * * * * * * * * *

Once she was dressed in her warmest pajamas, Jamie said, "I think I heard Mia come in a few minutes ago. I’m gonna go see how she’s doing."

"Okay. I’ve got some work to do for class tomorrow. I’ll be in my room."

"I hope you don’t plan on working late, sweet cheeks. I’m gonna have my way with you tonight – and I don’t want to get started at midnight."

Giving her a very sexy grin, Ryan said, "I’ll gladly fit you into my schedule. I missed you something fierce."

"I’ll be back in a few. Work fast."

Walking down the hall, Jamie cocked her head as she tried to discern what the odd sound coming from Mia’s room was. Poking her head in, she saw her roommate lying on her stomach, head buried in her pillow. Her body was shaking roughly, and she was obviously crying, but the sound was muffled and distorted by the pillow.

Approaching the bed, Jamie sat down gingerly, so as not to frighten her friend. "Mia, baby, what’s wrong?" She ran her hand up and down her back, feeling the heat that radiated off her body.

Rolling over, Mia looked up at her with swollen eyes and said, "I’m scared shitless, but I’m gonna tell my parents about Jordan."

"That’s why you’re crying?" Jamie asked, confused.

"No," Mia sniffed. "I’m crying because I just talked to Jordan. I’m so worried about her, James. Did Ryan tell you that she came out to her parents?"

"Yeah, she did. It didn’t sound like it went very well."

"I have a feeling that not many things go well with those two. Her mom was the most self-involved person I’ve ever met, and even talking to her seems to wear Jordan down. I don’t know what the deal is with her father," she sighed. "Jordy idolizes him, but he gives her that Hollywood bullshit that everyone seems to thrive on in L.A. Do you know what I mean?"

"No, not really. What does Hollywood have to do with it?"

"I saw this constantly when I was working in the film industry last summer. Everybody acts like they like you, and that they’d give anything to spend some quality time with you, but something desperately urgent keeps them from doing so. They have no interest at all in this other thing – but they absolutely can’t get out of it."

"And Jordan’s dad uses that excuse with her?"

"James, as far as I know, she’s asked to see him twice this year. The first time was when we were in L.A. for the volleyball games, and this was the second. Both times he blew her off without a minute’s hesitation. She asked to see him to tell him about me, but he wouldn’t cancel a massage! She hasn’t seen him since summer – and she was 30 minutes from his house, and he couldn’t squeeze her in."

"Brutal," Jamie murmured.

"She seemed to take the whole weekend in stride, but since then, she’s been more and more depressed. It hurts her so much, James, but it’s like she can’t express how she feels about it. Talking about her father in anything less than a positive light is strictly forbidden!"

"Damn, that must be hard for her," Jamie said, shaking her head. "But what does this have to do with telling your parents?"

"I want to show her how proud I am to love her," Mia said, her eyes filling with tears once again. "Her own parents don’t give a crap about her, but I love her, James. I love her with all my heart."

"Oh, Mia," the blonde said, hugging her tight. "I know you love her, but are you ready to do this? I hate to see you rush into it only to make Jordan feel better."

The curly-haired woman sat up and shrugged. "When will I ever be ready? My parents will go ballistic for a while, then things will calm down. What’s more important to me is that Jordan knows how much I love her, and that I’ll always be proud of our love."

"I’m proud of you," Jamie said, giving her another hug. "I know you’re worried about this, and I’ll support you in any way that I can."

"I know you will," Mia said, smiling wanly. "But I don’t think there’s much you can do other than pray that my mother doesn’t strangle me with her bare hands."

* * * * * * * * * * *

Two long-legged women sat at opposite ends of a smallish couch, their legs entangled. "Do you want me to stay over, sweetie?" Sara stretched a little, looking at her watch. "I have to get up by 5:30 to get to work on time if I stay, so if I do, we’d better get to bed."

"Yeah, I want you to stay." Ally disengaged from their loose embrace and pulled Sara to her chest.

They kissed gently for a few minutes, then Sara started to put a little more enthusiasm into her kisses. "Mmm … I’ve never been with anyone who can turn me on so quickly. I’m tingling all over."

"Let’s go to bed," Ally said. "I missed you last night. I really love sleeping with you."

"I do, too, Ally. I sleep so much better when we’re together."

Ally pulled back and stroked Sara’s face, her own expression gentling. "I know, but it doesn’t make sense to get together when I work until 8."

"Oh, I’m not complaining. I don’t want to monopolize all of your time. Being apart a little makes it more special when we are together. To be honest, I like missing you a little bit."

Ally stood and pulled Sara up with her. "You go get ready for bed. I’ll put the dishes away. Be with you in a few."

Giving her a friendly pat on the butt, Sara went into the bedroom to put on one of the T-shirts she’d laid claim to. Even though they’d been sleeping together at least 3 nights a week, they hadn’t progressed much in their intimacies. Sara didn’t have a problem in the world with that, but she could tell that Ally was bothered by it.

When the taller woman walked into the bedroom, she flopped down on the bed, fully clothed, and linked her hands behind her head. "I uhm … I’ve been talking to my shrink about … you know …" she began awkwardly.


"We’ve been talking about the small steps we can take to make me more comfortable, but … damn, Sara … it sounds like this could take months and months. And she still says that the odds of me ever truly changing are pretty slim. She says I’m probably hard-wired this way." She draped an arm over her eyes and lay perfectly still for a few moments. "I don’t know if we’ll ever get to where we want to go."

"Don’t sound so sad, sweetie," Sara urged, lying next to her. "I’m very happy with what we have. I’ve got the best-looking, smartest, strongest girlfriend in the whole Bay area, and she makes me hot, hot, hot. What’s wrong with that?"

"Oh, Sara, it seems hopeless to me. Yes, I enjoy what we do, but when I’m touching myself I have to fantasize about holding you down and controlling you – and that’s exactly what I don’t want to do!"

"I fantasize about that, too," Sara said quietly, turning to look into her partner’s eyes. "I never would have guessed that it would work for me, but it does. I love it when I feel you overpower me. It turns me on more than I could have imagined."

"Arghh!" Ally got up and started to strip. "This is making me crazy. Can we please go to sleep?"

"Sure. Come to bed." Sara held the covers up, and Ally slid in next to her. "Don’t forget all of the progress we’ve made. Please don’t, Ally. Things are good – they’re very good between us. Look at what we have, rather than what we’re still working toward."

"I’ll try," the larger woman sighed, but her words were not encouraging. She sounded resigned and depressed, and it saddened Sara to see how much her lover was struggling.

"We’ll get there, baby. You promised that you trusted me, remember?"

"Yeah. I just never promised that I trusted me." Ally turned her back, letting Sara cuddle up to her, a feeling of unease settling over the darkened room.

They lay there in silence for a few minutes, with Sara trying to decide whether she should try to draw her lover out. The issue was obviously weighing on Ally’s mind as well, since she kept sighing heavily, occasionally giving her pillow a rough punch.

"Sweetheart," Sara whispered, "don’t shut me out." She tugged on Ally’s hip, trying to turn the larger woman over. The sandy haired woman was obviously not in the mood to be coerced, because Sara was unable to move her an inch. "Come on, baby. Talk to me."

"There’s nothing to talk about," Ally grumbled.

"Sure there is." Since she couldn’t move her, Sara got out of bed and went over to crouch down next to her lover. "Tell me some of the small steps your therapist suggested."

"I don’t wanna." Now Ally turned over on her other side, once again facing away from Sara.

Not to be deterred, the brunette walked around the bed once again, and slipped in between the covers. "Look, I know how hard this is for you, but you seem to be fixated on hitting a home run. That’s not how it has to be." She moved closer, until she had her arm tucked tight around Ally’s waist, stopping her from turning away again.

"Go on," the larger woman said. "I know there’s more."

"I think we’ve been doing fine," Sara assured her. "I feel satisfied and cared for and I’m very, very happy. But, I can tell that you’re very frustrated. Now, tell me exactly what’s bothering you."

Letting out a deep breath, Ally looked into her partner’s eyes and said, "It’s my lack of progress. We haven’t done one more thing since the night we started touching ourselves. I don’t want to spend our entire relationship masturbating, Sara! I was doing that with girls when I was 15!"

Giving her a kiss on the forehead, Sara asked, "What did you do when you were 16?"


"It was a simple question, babe. After you touched yourself in front of another girl, what did you do next?"

"Uhm … I’m not sure …"

"Come on, now," Sara urged. "I know you have a very good memory. Think hard."

Ally did, then smiled briefly, and said, "I remember the first time I touched another girl. I think I was probably 16, or thereabouts."

"Tell me," Sara said, smiling encouragingly.

"Okay." Ally took a breath and began, "I had a huge crush on a girl from my neighborhood. She was a year older, and she had a car. Her name was … Sally, and she gave me a ride home most nights. There was definitely a vibe between us, but I could tell that she was afraid to make the first move. One night, we were at school pretty late, and on the way home, I suggested we stop and watch the sunset."

"Nice," Sara said, grinning. "Good move."

"I thought so," Ally agreed, finally smiling genuinely. "So, we went to this nice, secluded little lake and talked and joked around. She leaned over to get something out of the glove compartment, and when she sat up, she was right next to me. I figured that was my cue, so I started to touch her leg very gently – just running my nails up and down her jeans."

"Mmm … sounds nice."

"Yeah, it was. She started giving me more and more signs that she wanted me to go on, so I started to kiss her." She had a little half-smile on her face, and she said, "She was a heck of a kisser."

"Did you go any further?"

"Yeah, but we didn’t follow the usual script. I tried to touch her breasts, but she pulled away from me, and shook her head. I thought that I’d pushed her too far, but to my shock, she took my hand and put it right between her legs."

"Bold woman," Sara said, chuckling.

"Yeah, she was. I didn’t want to disappoint her, of course, so I got her jeans off and started to investigate. It was the first time I’d ever touched a woman that way, and I swear, my head nearly blew off! My heart was beating so hard, I thought I might have a stroke!"

"Oh, I know the feeling," Sara said.

"It was fantastic," Ally said. "All my years of dreaming of how it would be came true in that moment. She had me pinned to the passenger door, and she was lying in my arms while I touched her. We had the window open, and she rested her head on the open window, while I kissed her and touched her. Damn, it was great," Ally said, a fond smile on her face.

"Did she touch you?"

"Huh-uh. I couldn’t bear it at that point of my life, and she didn’t offer. But, I got so much pleasure out of touching Sally that I didn’t mind a bit."

"It doesn’t sound like you were really in control," Sara commented. "I thought you said you were always in control – even early on."

"Huh … I guess you’re right. Sally was the aggressor, even though I’m the one who did all of the work." She shrugged her shoulders and said, "It felt so nice to touch a woman, that I didn’t care whose idea it was."

"I have an idea," Sara said, her dark eyes growing even darker. "Let’s act like we’re 16 again." She took Ally’s hand and placed it right atop her mound, pressing it against herself gently.

Ally’s eyes grew wide, and she looked like she desperately wanted to run. But Sara’s calm, open gaze kept the larger woman grounded, and she found her head nodding in agreement. "I’ll do my best," she said, her voice trembling.

Sara took her in her arms and started to kiss her once again, working to spark the passion that flickered to life so easily between them. As usual, it didn’t take long before the brunette was thoroughly aroused. "God, what you do to me," she murmured. "I swear I’m wet the first time I look at you. And you make me wetter … and wetter … and wetter … as the night goes on."

Ally gulped noticeably, and Sara tried to make the next move as easy as possible for her. Locking her eyes onto her partner, she slipped off her panties, then started lightly caress her own body. The larger woman was transfixed, unable to even blink as the brunette’s mouth quirked into a very sexy grin. "Your turn," she said, beginning to work at Ally’s zipper. The large body was nearly frozen with fear, but Sara got her pants open and then eased them off of her. Guiding Ally to spread her legs, she nestled her body along Ally’s long frame and started to kiss her again.

Making the kisses as incendiary as she could, Sara continued to kiss and suck on her lover’s tongue and lips until Ally was moaning continually. Turning around before Ally could protest, Sara rested her head upon the broad shoulder and said, "Give me your hand, sweetheart."

The larger woman did so, gasping in amazement when Sara pressed the trembling fingers into her wetness. "Good God," Ally muttered.

"I told you," the brunette sighed, automatically pressing her hips forward. "I’ve never been this aroused by any woman in my life, Ally. You make me sizzle."

Lying perfectly still for a few moments, Ally tried to calm her racing heart, soothed by Sara’s hand gently and patiently stroking her arm. She had been in this position hundreds of times before, and she slowly was able to allow the long-familiar sensations to help quell her fears. Going on autopilot, Ally let her fingers explore, amazed by the heat and the silky softness of her partner’s most private place. "You feel so damned good," she growled into her nearby ear.

"Touch me, baby," Sara murmured. "Touch me everywhere."

Trying to stop her racing thoughts, the larger woman let her body and her libido take over. "Mmm … I want to. I want to so badly." She leaned forward and slipped her fingers deeply into Sara, while giving her a ravenous bite on the tender skin of her neck.

Sara gasped from the twin sensations, her body jerking roughly against Ally’s chest.

Her confidence growing now that she was in control, the larger woman purred, "I’ve got you," as she wrapped her free arm around Sara’s waist. "You move as much as you need to. I can stay with you."

"I feel so safe in your arms." The brunette turned her head as much as she could and kissed the soft cotton T-shirt that covered Ally’s chest.

"God, I love holding you this way." Ally withdrew from Sara’s heated depths and began a gentle, but thorough, exploration of her. Using the softest touch imaginable, she glided over the glistening skin, making Sara moan throatily.

As her whisper soft touch trailed over the tender flesh, Ally slipped her legs under Sara’s, then spread them wide open. Her arm tightened around Sara’s waist, nearly restricting her ability to breathe. Pressing her lips to the back of Sara’s neck, she began to nibble and suck, muttering, "Put your hair over your shoulder, baby. I want to savor every inch of this luscious skin."

Complying immediately, Sara sank back against her powerful lover, flinching again when Ally sucked a little too hard. "Ohh!" she gasped, unable to stifle the startled sound.

"It’s hard to sort out the feelings sometimes, isn’t it? Your brain tells you that bite hurt; but your hips nearly twitched off the bed."

"I don’t care if I can sort out my feelings," Sara murmured. "All I know is that I’ve never felt more alive."

Biting back tears, Ally kissed her partner’s neck and ears, lingering to suck a tender earlobe into her mouth and laving it with love. "Me, too," she whispered when she felt more composed. "I feel so alive when we’re close like this."

Sara’s hips shifted when Ally touched a very sensitive spot, and she gasped, "Hold me tighter, I’m so close."

Surprisingly, Ally wrapped both arms around her, hugging her in a bruising embrace. "Let’s slow down a little," she said, her voice strained, and sounding a little breathless.

With a frustrated sigh, Sara took in a few deep breaths, valiantly trying to control her body’s need to climax. She held Ally’s hands tightly against her body while she fought off the nearly automatic response that the dexterous woman had created in her. "Okay, I’m okay now," she said, stretching to get the kinks out.

"Mmm … watching you struggle to control yourself is so damned hot," Ally growled into her ear. "I’ve got to feel your body more." She reached up and grasped her T-shirt by the shoulders, and tugged at it until it came free. Now clad in a white, ribbed, sleeveless shirt and a pair of red, silk boxers, Ally started to kiss and touch her partner in the most sensual manner Sara had ever experienced. They weren’t even face to face, but that didn’t make the slightest difference to the brunette. She could feel Ally’s hard nipples pressing against her back, and could run her fingers down the tight, firm muscles of her legs, growling in pleasure as she did so.

They rubbed and slid and pressed against each other, the experience made even hotter by not looking into each other’s eyes. It was like a rabidly erotic stranger was loving Sara senseless, and she reveled in the sensation; feeling Ally’s strong hands slip and slither over every inch of her skin. They were practically wrestling on the bed, so great was their desire to feel and touch everything they could reach. Sara repeatedly pulled her lover’s head down to be able to bite and suck at her lips, their haphazard, sloppy kisses driving each of them mad for more.

Wedging Ally against the headboard, Sara grabbed her hand and clutched it between her legs, panting, "Now, baby, you’ve got to touch me. I’m begging you."

Biting and sucking frantically at the irresistibly soft neck, Ally spread her fingers apart and started to gently stroke along Sara’s silky inner lips, being careful not to touch her clit. The brunette was so hot that Ally knew one touch would make her explode, and she was totally unwilling to have this delightful experience end one moment before she had to.

But Sara had other ideas, and after mere moments, she held onto Ally’s hand with a death-grip and forced the larger woman to let her manipulate herself against her until she cried out lustily. "Good God!" she moaned, grabbing Ally’s arms and wrapping them around herself. She cuddled furiously against her lover, rubbing her face and hair into Ally’s powerful chest. "I can’t believe how fabulous that felt," she murmured thickly, feeling like every nerve was on fire.

Waiting one second longer than was absolutely required, Ally flipped her partner onto her belly and started to grind against her – pressing herself firmly against the round globes of Sara’s bare ass. "Oh, yeah," Sara cried, feeling the overwhelming desire that radiated from her lover’s body. She reached back and gripped Ally’s hip, feeling the defined muscles contract through the silky shorts as she rocked her powerful frame against Sara’s body.

Suddenly, Sara’s legs were forcefully spread and Ally was astride one smooth thigh, rocking and pumping for all she was worth. Her body was so forceful and energetic that Sara had to grip onto the headboard to avoid getting a concussion, but she found the sensation even more erotic when she pushed back against the stronger woman. Soon, they were in a rough but effective rhythm; with Sara pushing back strongly as Ally furiously rocked against her leg.

Sara had never been taken so forcefully, and she loved every second of the experience. Hearing the frantic panting burst from Ally’s lungs, she knew the end was near, and bucked back hard against the straining woman. Suddenly, Ally’s hands were digging into her shoulders as she pumped against her leg with every bit of her strength. With a great burst of air, she howled out her release, then collapsed heavily against her partner, forcing the air from Sara’s lungs.

Immediately, Ally slid from the smaller woman’s body, always aware of her greater size and weight. "Fuck me!" she panted, wiping at the sweat that ran down her face.

Sara sat up, leaning against one arm as she took the edge of the sheet and blotted the perspiration from her lover’s body. Pulling up the hem of her shirt, she slipped the cloth up between the larger woman’s breasts, then down her belly. Gazing at the dark stains on the once bright boxers, Sara shook her head as she plucked at the material and said, "I don’t think there’s a thing I can do for these."

"Small price to pay," Ally murmured, grinning up at her. She took a quick look at the garment and said, "As long as they’re already ruined …"

"C’mere, you wild woman," Sara growled, pulling her partner to her chest. "I’ll give you two minutes to catch your breath, then I need those fabulous fingers again. I didn’t have an ounce of self-control before, but I promise I’ll hold out longer if you’ll give me another chance."

Ally pulled her close and kissed her soundly, easing back to give her partner a luminous grin. "Now, that felt like sex."

"That was sex, sweetheart, but so was every other thing we’ve done together." She kissed her again, lingering on her swollen lips. "It’s all sex, baby. just different kinds of sex. Over time, we’ll have every kind of sex there is … I promise you that."

Running her hand through the sweat-dampened chestnut hair, Ally looked down at her partner and said, "I never, ever thought that a yuppie lawyer would be the one for me, but you … are … it."

"Then come down here and tag me again," the brunette giggled, pulling her partner in for a hungry, rough kiss.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Continued in Part 19

Return to Main Page