---

I must say, I'd love to have the opportunity to just...interrupt them:

X: No honey...you have to have upward momentum which exceeds speed and thrust and....yeah...just....there..ya...

G: Mmmrph....

X: Huh?

G: Mmmrph...murgph

X: Someone at the door...? Nah...who'd be stupid enough to..

T: Hidy ho, neighbourly kinky type people...I'm here to ask if you'll do a

survey for me. Good...thought you would.

X: <narrowing eyes and pushing G's head back down> We're kinda busy, ya know? Take a hike.

G: <nodding head as eyes roll back from lack of O2>

T: Er...is she supposed to be blue like that?

X: Ha? Oh, shit...Gabby? Baby, you okay?

G: Gasp!

X: Geez, woman...I thought you were practising at holding your breath..skip

breathing...stuff like that...

G: <Gasp...> I'm....I'm trying...Xe...Xena...<gasp>

X: Oh, honey...I know...

G: ...doing my best...<hiccup>

T: So...here's the first question...

X: Fuck off <patting the blonde's shoulder> All ya need is more practice,

honey

T: Later, first...how long have you two been muff divers?

G: <shocked gasp> Wha...?

X: <pushing lips out, shock glare #1 fails to scorch woman's hair> Look

honey...you just keep practising and I'll take care of this loud mouthed...

T: Yeah practice Gab...see...even I know you're doing it wrong, you have to

get your hands up under...

G: Why, I never!

T: Well, duh! Obviously.

X: You! Knock it off.

G; But I thought you said more practice...

T: hey, just cos SHE doesn't know how to blow a dead bear...

G: I do, too! I've been practising!

X: Heh? Is there..something you wanna tell me, Gabrielle?

T: Well, at least THEY don't complain...don't get much instructional value,

I'm sure...only one pointer, after all.

X: Er...next question

G: Bu..bu...

X: <never mind...we'll talk about this later>

T: So, do you like back to front or front to back and are you always on top

or do you let her ride you and if you do does she own her own strap on or

does she borrow yours and is yours plastic or wood or ivory, for that

matter?

G & X: <stunned silence>

T: So, like...c'mon...I have other houses...I hear Cally is just down the

street. I'm sure she and Velaska are just champing at the bit to be the

first ones on the block to complete this survey...might even win prizes.

G: Prizes?

X: <pushes head back down> Study hard, grasshopper...harder...

T: So...are you gonna ans...

X: <sigh> yes, yes both ways, always, no, all three and anyone touches my

stuff dies.

G: But you said...mrphhh

X: Never you mind...I said MAYBE

T: <jotting down answers> Okay, so like, you never answered whether you

are full time lezzies or partake of the pork every now and again...

G: Pork?

X: pork..poke...dick...you know...

G: I don't...

X: <rolling eyes> she's an innocent

G: Innocent?

X: She was with one guy...once...he died

T: Ohh...that bad, huh?

G: Hey!

X: Hehehe...that's a good one.

T: Heh...I did think about being a comedienne, ya know...briefly.

X: Yeah, now see, I could never bare my soul like that...in front of

strangers...

T: Whatcha mean? You, timid?

X: Did. I. Say. That?

T: Er...no.

G: <giggle>

X: Grasshopper! Continue the lesson...digital manipulation 101

G: Like...this?

X: Ouch! Jeez...trim yer nails, woman! Then come back. And make it

snappy.

G: <grumble> Bet you never treated Lao Ma like this..

X: <waiting til blondie leaves> Never had to...simple common DF, after

all.

T: <nodding wisely> I getcha.

X: So...you knew she was doin it wrong, huh?

T: Hell yes! Jeez...even a man on a galloping horse could see that.

X: So...you finished your survey?

T: Why...yes, yes I am.

G: <yells from front porch> Where's the clippers, Xena?

X: Er...I think I loaned em to...to...Velaska! yeah....! Go see those

two...

G: Oh. Okay...well, I'll be back in a few, ok? you sure you'll be

okay...?

X: Go..go...we'll..er...I'll be fine...grasshopper.

G: <giggle>

T: Grasshopper, huh? What, those stubby short legs of hers are good for

jumping or what?

X: Hehehe...no...she's a pupil, ya know? A novice.

T: Ah....oh great learned one...you are a Teacher?

X: I learned from the best...

T: You were a pupil of the great Alti?

X: <spewing forth Pepsi> What!? That...that...low life scum sucking

noodle nursing dyke wanna be...

T: Touched a nerve, I see...

X: Don't tell me you...YOU...went to her school?

T: Nah...actually, they threw me out.

X: Ha! Couldn't make the grade, huh?

T: Well, actually...she wanted me to teach but without pay

X: Ah...yeah, she was pretty much of a cheap screw

T: Took a look at my credentials and well...I was a shoe in...

X: Yeah? Who'd ya learn from?

T: Heh...well...the great Ares

X: <gulp> Ye...yeah?

T: yeah, his oral dexterity was...uncommonly expertise in many...many

...many fields.

X: Heh...I'll...bet.

T: some very indepth sessions, you understand...

X: Yeah?

T: Oh, yeah...he'd have two of us students begin with the art of

seduction...

X: I'll bet he was good at that...

T: Oh baby...and then we'd get to foreplay...

X: <gulp> yeah?

T: Yeah, skipping past the usual 5.7 version and get right into 6.4

X: Six...point...four? Really!? I've...only...

T: Really? Well, you look so...practiced...so..natural.

X: I try to keep up on things...I'm on so many lists for updates, ya know?

T: Hmm mmm...

X: So...just what was Gab doing that you could tell right off..

T: Ahh...well, see she had her chin angled the wrong way...and her hands...

x: Just a sec...<moving down the bed> So, if I was in this position...

T: Oh, that's easy...you have to place her hands under...and then push the

legs up very high..

X: <groan>

T: And then you

G: I'm back, honey...they said you never...Xena! What are you....

X: <panting> Re...re....re....search, honey!

T: Mrphrrere...

G: hey, what does she mean by calling you 'grasshopper'?

 

Okay, okay...so I'm a legend in my own twisted mind...heheh.