Designs of the Heart
by Heartbrkn Bard
See disclaimers in part 1
I must tell you, seeing you last night in the club brought back such wonderful memories of "us". But it's hard to plan my future if I don't know what is going on in that little head of yours. As a token of my love for you, please find a "penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss (I should be so lucky), and a dime for if you tell me that you love me (again)."Please take into consideration the extreme risk I am taking even "thinking"about writing this card, and realize that my love for you goes deeper than you can imagine.
Hearing Desi moving around in the bedroom, Jack quickly stuck the card in her bag, and went to comfort her lover.
"Is my sleeping beauty up?"
"No, she's not,"said Desi through her yawn. "What are you doing up?"
"Just had to go to the bathroom," lied Jack.
Desi patted Jack's side of the bed, hinting for her lover to come back to bed. Desi fell right back to sleep.
Feeling somewhat guilt stricken, Jack lay down next to her beautiful woman and fell back to sleep.
A few hours later the dark-haired beauty was awoken by the sound of breaking glass. Jumping out of bed, Jack headed straight for the kitchen. There in the far right-hand corner was Desi. In the far left-hand corner was the bag in which "the card", slightly open, was sticking out the top. Oh Shit! Think fast, girlfriend. You are so busted.
"What is that?" asked the obviously upset woman, pointing to the card in her lover's bag.
Walking over to Desi, Jack needed to think fast. "Oh babe, that's a card I bought for you but haven't gotten a chance to mail, yet."
Staring blankly into Jack's eyes, the green-eyed beauty wanted to believe what she was hearing. But she knew, deep in her heart, that the card was not for her. How could she do this to me? I have given her my heart and soul, and in return she lies to me?? I briefly saw the inscription in that card, who the hell does she think she's fooling? That card was not for me; it was for...for that little twit that causes nothing but trouble!! Starting to shake with anxiety, Desi simply said "Ok then, show it to me."
Trying to cover her ass, Jack didn't know what to do. She had to just keep going along with the "I am innocent" thing. "Well, since you can't wait to get it in the mail and from the look on your face, I can see that you don't believe me, then look at the card yourself. "With that Jack walked out of the apartment, and knocked on Tk's door.
"Tk, girl, open up," whispered Jack into her buddy's door.
Opening up the door, Tk found her frantic friend behind it. "You look god awful! What's the matter?" asked Tk.
Pushing her way into her friend's house, Jack paced Tk's kitchen. "Tk, what am I going to do?"
"Well Babe, you need to start by telling what the heck is going on."
Quickly and honestly, Jack told her buddy the whole truth. Then she begged her to go next door and see what Desi was doing, to make sure she was ok. Like a good friend would, Tk moseyed her butt next door to take a look at the damage that had been done.
"Hey Des?" screamed Tk, until she noticed that Desi was still in the same spot that Jack claimed to have left her. "Are you ok?" she questioned.
"Tk, please look at that card in the bag over there and tell me who it is written out to, please," said the stunned woman.
"Oh no Des, you are not getting me to do that. I trust Jack.. The question is, do you?" asked Tk.
"I did...I do...I don't know what I do anymore."
"Word of advice, Hon: if you don't trust her, look at the card and get it over with. If you do trust her then go next door, hug her, and tell her you love her."
Looking at Tk with a spacey look, she realized her friend was saying the truth. In reality, Jack was her girlfriend and she needed to trust her.
"I am going back next door now, Desi. You need to really think this out, but quickly. Jack can't sit in my house forever. "With that Tk left to go back next-door.
Jack was waiting impatiently in the kitchen. "Tk, please tell me you convinced her not to look at the card!"
Unsure of what the beautiful woman next door might do, Tk had to tell her best friend the truth. "Girlfriend, I am not sure what your lover is going to do, but I did tell her that if she wants to be with you she needs to trust you. I think I convinced her but I can't promise you anything. You really fucked up this time!"
"Thanks a lot. I don't need you to tell me I messed up, I know that already." Jack confessed.
"Hey, the truth hurts, huh? Well get next door and try and smooth things out, will ya?"
Jack did exactly that. Nervous as she was, she knew she had to face Desi, and the consequences.
Going back next-door to her apartment was the last thing she wanted to do right now, but knew it was the right thing. So off she went.
Hearing Jack come back in, Desi knew she had to make a decision and fast. I know that card is for Joe. How can she do this to me?? I have done nothing but love her unconditionally, given her every part of me including my innocence and she lusts over someone else?? Against her own beliefs, Desi convinced herself to let it slide, but not without warning to Jack.
"Ok fine then, I'll just wait for the card to come in the mail, but if it doesn't, girlfriend, you will have a major problem on your hands--ME!!"
"Ok"was all Jack could manage get out. Now I need to find that same exact card and get to the post office, pronto!! But this is not going to be an easy task considering I bought the card on a ski trip with some buddies a year ago. I will have no choice but to look for one very similar in color and words, then pray for the fates to be on my side. Oh geez, I can't lose Desi over my own stupidity. I think I need a good swift kick in the ass.
"Here, let me pick up that glass that broke." Jack offered.
"Don't...I mean you don't have to. I broke it, I'll clean it up."
"Desi, if you believe me then why do I feel animosity between us?"
"I'm sorry, just give it a little time. I'm still...um...shocked." admitted Desi.
Extending her arms to pull in her lover, Jack placed baby kisses on her angel's face.
Desi pulled away. "Please don't."
"But, I thought...?"
Desi needed to get something off her chest first, before she forgave Jack for this. "Yes, I know what you think, but you also need to know a few things. I am not stupid or blind! Do you think I don't notice how you 'drool' over Joe every time we see her? How, coincidentally, she is 'always' at the Lavender Chair when we go there? Jack my dear, I do notice! I realize everything."
Jack knew she deserved this, but never expected it from Desi. She never put much thought into how Desi felt. She was always too worried about herself. "I am such an awful person."
"...And further- more,"continued Desi, "my head does NOT believe you, but my heart wants to. And because I love you with all my heart, I'm going to let this go for now. Don't think for one damn second that I won't be looking for a card in my mailbox. I will be Jack, and god help you, god help US, if I don't get one soon."
Hanging her head in shame, Jack replied, "You will."
Jack knew Desi meant every word she said. With a bead of sweat rolling from her eyebrow, Jack knew she was lucky, very lucky.
It was a very tense week for Desi, waiting for a card she knew she would never get. Jack insisted she mailed it-another lie. What the heck was Desi going to do? Pretend it never happened and pray for no more incidents like that ever again? I know Jack is no angel and why I choose to stay with her I will never figure out. Who am I kidding?? I love her so much that I can't even tell the difference between right and wrong anymore. The more she shits on me the more I love her. Just remember, you can't teach old dog new tricks.
The holiday season was approaching and Jack was intent on getting her lover something she would never expect. She wanted to make up for last month when she fucked up with the card scene. Needing her butch buddy, Tk, to accompany her in selecting this very "special"gift, she gave her a buzz.
"Halo, your dime, start talking"
"Tk, you're a trip. Anyway, I need you to get dressed and come with me to pick out a Christmas gift for Desi,"laughed Jack.
"Ok, meet you on the corner in five,"agreed the best friend.
I hope Desi likes the gift I have in mind for her. God damn, I love her so much and all I do is screw up over and over again. If it's the last thing I do I'm going to make her mine!! Now I need to find the perfect ring for the perfect girl. Ring? Yes, dopey you said ring. Ok, pre-engagement ring, relax. What if she says no? Well, no is what you deserve but you know damn well that woman loves you to pieces. Yeah, but why? I am such a fuck up. Shaking her head to clear her mind of negative thoughts, Jack got with the program.
"Hey girl, are you ok? You looked like you were in deep thought there for a while,"questioned Tk.
"Yeah, I'm ok.."
"Ok, if you say so. So what's this perfect gift you have in mind?"asked the disbelieving friend.
"Well...Don't laugh, but I want to get her a pre-engagement ring."
"Alrighty then, it's your life. You want to put both feet in the grave that's your option," joked Tk.
"Thanks, ole-buddy, ole-pal of mine. That's why I asked you to join me, to make me feel a whole lot better, NOT!"
"Oh, come on Jack, you know I am kidding. Just because I won't commit to just one, doesn't mean it's the wrong thing for everyone," defended Tk.
"Ok, ok. Let's go, time to find that perfect ring..."
"Is there such a thing?" asked Tk.
"If it is for my Desi, then yes, there is a perfect ring."
Tk knew Jack loved Desi but just didn't know how to show it. Was proposing to her the right thing to do? Probably not. In my humble opinion, Jack needs to get her priorities straight first and then think about spending the rest of her life with a full time partner. You just don't ask someone to marry you simply because you fucked up. I do think Desi and Jack are soul mates, but I also believe that it will take many years of soul searching for them. Trial and error is the key and right now, Jack, my pal, is doing all the erring, while her beautiful and patient girl friend absorbs it all. Desi will also need to search, before she will truly know that Jack is the right one for her. Sometimes distance and separation help the matter, but knowing those two, they will never agree to it.
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