How To Steal a Million Revisited

By Ri

This was a lark that turned into a story, It is based on one of my favorite comedies reflected in the title above. This is basically a tribute to a film that gave me so much pleasure, no right infringements intended toward 20th Century Fox or The Fabulous Audrey Hepburn and Peter OíToole, This is not an exact telling of the movie that would be boring this is meant only as a loving reflection of it. Please enjoy.


Kate lay in her bed reading the latest murder mystery, which was probably the wrong choice since every bump in the night made her jump under her covers. Her father was at an exhibit opening and she was completely alone in the house and her nerves were rattled.

Suddenly she heard a noise that came from the front foyer of their New York Penthouse. She got out of bed and snuck half way down the stairs. Before her eyes was a tall figure who was inspecting each of her fatherís paintings, well forgeries really. Her father was a fourth generation forger. One of the best in the business. The Retinue collection was all fakes. Great fakes to be sure, almost impossible to spot fakes, but fakes none the less.

The thief had taken down a perfect copy of a Renoir. Kate carefully took down her Great Grandfatherís dueling pistol that was mounted on the wall of the stair case.She very shakily held it pointed at the thief.

"Donít move," She said shakily.

The thief whirled around and Kate nearly dropped the gun. There before her was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and Kate was captured by the gaze of the womanís sky blue eyes.

* * * * *

Nat Miller was a world renowned art expert and criminologist. She had been hired to find out once and for all if Mr. Retinue was a great collector as he was well know as; or an art forger as her client suspected. Her client was an old friend of Retinueís and didnít want to see the old fool go to jail, he merely wanted to satisfy his suspicions.

Nat nearly fell over when she saw the angelic figure before her. She was very slight with short blonde hair and a very short, very revealing pink nighty.

"Believe me I wonít, but can I put this down? The frame is a little heavy."

The blonde nervously nodded her head and the gun wavered in her shaky little hand. Nat could of easily gotten the gun but she didnít want to end this...yet.

"Itís very beautiful. I am sorry but you do have so many beautiful paintings I didnít think youíd miss just this one."

A tiny bit of a smile appeared on the girlís pretty face, "Uh, why did you pick that one?"

Nat shrugged, "It was the handiest."

"Oh..." ĎOh my, thatís fatherís fake Renoir. I simply canít call the police.í She cocked her head looking at the tall and beautiful thief and then the fake.

"Uh, Iíll let you..." She waved the gun and some how it went off grazing the thief's arm slightly.

The girl fainted, Nat smiled.

* * * * *

Kate woke up on the couch in the living room. The thief stood over her with concerned blue eyes, an amused and ironic twist to the slight smile on her lips.

"Hey, Iím the one who was just shot, remember?"

"Oh," Kate sat up and led the thief to the bathroom to care for her shoulder. As Nat entered the bathroom after Kate, she took off her black shirt to reveal a very femine bra and incredible body. Kate could barely breathe due the beauty before her eyes but she began to carefully clean the wound. Nat grinned and exaggerated the pain as the beautiful blonde cleaned her wound.

Kate wasnít stupid, she could see the woman was playing on her sympathies. The problem was that she was both sympathetic and attracted to the thief.

"Oh, will you please stop being such a big baby? Its just a flesh wound you must be used to them by now."

"Hey, its my flesh! And just for your information very few society burglars get shot at."

"Are those the rules?"

"No, it is just the way it usually goes. What on earth was that old thing you shot me with anyway?"

"Civil war dueling pistol." She replied as she helped Nat back into her shirt gently. "All set. Now go."

"Iíd be happy to, but how?" She asked the young woman with a smug smirk.

"What do you mean, how?"

"My arm. I really canít drive and I canít take a cab at this hour of night. Way too many questions, you know...So?"

Kate grimaced, "Ok...fine...Iíll drive you." She stomped over to her closet to get her coat. "Where exactly am I driving you to?"

"The Plaza."

"The Plaza?" She asked in a startled, high pitched, voice. She breathed and calmed herself down so she could ask in a normal tone, "You're a very chic burglar arenít you?"

"Yep, oh one more thing before you go to sleep would you mind wiping off that painting for finger prints?" She asked with a charming, lopsided grin.

Kate looked at the other woman incredulously, "Sure, and I suppose you want me to kiss you goodnight, too?"

Natís grin broadened as she walked over to the petite, young beauty,"Well I donít usually on a first acquaintance but since youíve been so sweet Iíll make an exception to my rule." With a sweeping movement Nat had Kate in an embrace and the kiss that followed shocked them both. It went right through their hearts to their very souls. It seemed to be like an electrical shot that left both feeling almost faint. They were dazed as they parted and gazed into each otherís eyes in astonishment.

* * * * *

Mr. Retinue went into his living room and flopped on his couch, flushed with his triumph at the opening in Soho. His great masterpiece was a sensation and he was full of glee as watched his daughter stumble in from the foyer still dazed from her encounter with Nat.

"Kathryn, why are you dressed in a nightie and coat...?"

His daughter squeaked as she ran to him, "Oh Daddy, we were burgled..."

"What?" He asked both shocked and scared, "Are you ok, Sweetheart?"

"Sort of, oh Daddy, It was so horrible. She tried to steal your Renoir. Then I shot her so I had to drive her home and she kissed me! Oh Daddy she was just horrible," She explained as she cried into her father's arms. Retinue loved and knew his daughter well. He knew the way her head was working, "Tell me, Sweetheart, what did this horrible woman look like?"

She sniffed and pulled back taking his hanky and wiping her eyes and nose. "She was tall, strikingly beautiful, with the most incredible blue eyes and lovely smile...In a mean and menacing way of course, Daddy. I mean she acted like I meant to shoot her..."

"Did she molest you?"

A tiny little grin and a vague look appeared on her face as she shook her head no, "Not much."

* * * * *

Nat sat at her desk carefully studying the tiny pieces of paint she scraped off the Renoir. She got up to answer the door, She was wearing black jeans and a black cotton t-shirt, she looked very sleek but not at all like a scientist was supposed to.

"Well?" Asked the handsome older man as he strode into her hotel suite.

"Well what?" She asked with a grin as she crossed the room to get a drink.

"Is it or isnít it?"

"Memorex?" She asked with a smile leaning against the bar.

"Natalie Miller, is it a fake?"

"How the hell do I know? I just got started on it. Why on earth is so important to you any way?...Is uh....Is the daughter involved in this?" She needed to know. Nat knew it was wrong but she would protect that girl no matter what.

"Kathryn? No sheís an innocent. The forgers in that family go from father to son, like a fortune or something."

"So why do you want to know?" Relief washed through her as she realized that the beautiful girl she had kissed was not involved.

"Lets just say its for my own sanity. He cares nothing for money. He rarely sells them. His joy is fooling the experts like his father before him. I ...I just want to know if my theory is right."

"Well I donít know yet. Good bye Larry, Iíll let you know when I know."

She said as she briskly led him out the door. After the door closed she walked over to the window and stared outside at the New York skyline, "Just as soon as I know what it will do his daughter." She said quietly to herself with a determined look on her face.

* * * * *

Natalie walked slowly into the Russian Tea Room. She wore slim black pants and a silk, midnight blue, blouse that made her striking eyes sparkle. She wore her long black hair in a simple pony tail which brought out her high cheek bones. She looked beautiful and casually elegant. She walked right by the person who called to meet her at the famous restaurant. Kathryn was dressed in a lace, back cocktail dress her blonde hair was mostly hidden under a sleek black hat. There was a sharp whistle and Nat turned around her eyes widening. The cute and attractive girl from last night was a drop dead gorgeous woman this afternoon.

She walked over on slightly shaky legs and said in a whisper, "I almost didnít recognize you."

"Oh?" Kate asked innocently.

"Yeah," Said Nat slipping into the booth beside the young beauty. "I was surprised to get your voice mail. I was very pleased though. I had an impression that last night was...well..."

"I find Iím in need of a woman with your skills..."

A sexy smile crossed Natís face, "Oh, which skills?"

"This is a business deal, Miss Miller." Stated Kate a bit nervously.

"I see, what kind of business?"

"I need you to pull off a heist."

Nat almost laughed out loud, "A heist?" She asked in disbelief.

"You know a job," Said Kate exasperated.

"Oh, you mean a robbery." Said Nat with mock sincerity, sliding a little closer to Kate.

"Yes, I thought you would be interested in a big time job," Sliding further in the booth and away from the distracting woman.

"What kind of job?" Nat purred as she slid closer still.

"The Kelly Gallery,"

Real astonishment now played over Natís features, "Why that Gallery? If I may ask?"

"I need you to steal the crystal panther."

"That...thatís your fatherís!" Replied the astonished woman.

"Of course. Iíd never ask you to steal something that didnít belong to me."

"Oh, I see," Nat took a deep breath, ĎThis is nuts I should get up and walk away.í But one look into those hopeful sea green eyes and Nat was a goner.

"Why?"

"Why?" Kate took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, ĎWhy does it matter why I want it stolen?í Thought Kate desperately.

"Yes, I think its a logical question. Why steal your own statue? Why donít you wait till you get it home and then steal it? I will help you with that. We could practice all night." Nat added with a playful grin.

ĎThis woman is impossible!í thought Kate angrily. She looked into those warm blue eyes and thought, íBut damn it I know I can trust her.í She gave her head a little shake and looked at Nat in a scolding way as she said out loud.

"This isnít a game. Its something I must do."

"Why?"

"I just do."

ĎI am going to get up and leave this beautiful crazy woman right now...í Nat thought with determination. Then she sighed and shook her head and said in quiet, charming voice, "Iíll meet you at the Kelly Gallery at 2pm sharp tomorrow. Be on time." She said giving in as she always knew she would.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, I think." Nat wondered if she was out of her mind.

End part one

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