Follow up story to 'Meg'. Which was the sequel to 'Deja vu and the Clones'.
Hercules (using the name Kevin Sorbo) is in LA and runs into Xena, who takes him to see Annie, Mattie, Gabrielle, and Harry.
This story is based on three season six Xena episodes ('Send in the Clones', 'Déjà vu All Over Again', and 'Soul Possession'), and loosely on two Hercules episodes: S4 E15 - 'Yes, Virginia, There Is a Hercules', and S5 E9 - 'For Those of You Who Are Just Joining Us' [ in that Hercules apparently is immortal since those two episodes take place in modern times ].
by
Chapter One
Evil Xena Again
“She's gone,” Gabrielle said as she walked into the kitchen. “She left again sometime last night, but I have no idea when.”
“What time did you two go to bed?” Mattie asked.
“About 11, maybe 11:30.”
“Did she say anything?” Annie asked. “Did she seem restless or anxious?”
“No, none of that,” Gabrielle answered, glancing up at the Chakram clock on the wall (it read 6:45). “We went to bed, made love, and I went right to sleep. But when I woke up a few minutes ago, she was gone.”
“What about the Chakram?” Mattie asked, obviously concerned.
“No. I've got that hidden; well hidden,” Annie told her.
Mattie turned on the TV for the morning news. “Well, if she's out causing more trouble, maybe it wasn't bad enough to make the news.”
“And that's why you turned on the TV?” Annie asked, half serious, half joking.
While Annie poured the three of them coffee, all three sets of eyes were glued to the screen. After the national and international news reports were finished, and today's weather report, the local news came on. Ten minutes later, a remote reporter was talking about a fight at an infamous biker bar in a particularly bad part of L.A.
“...Witnesses said the woman involved single handedly beat up more than a half dozen of the members of the Diablos Rojos motorcycle gang. Excuse me, motorcycle club. There are no cameras in or around the bar, but from witness descriptions, the woman bears a strong resemblance to this woman...”
The screen then showed a slightly out-of-focus, black and white picture of a woman dressed in a Xena costume.
“...who was involved in the daring daylight attack on a police substation two years ago, where she freed her companion using a circular weapon that seemed to be able to cut not only through her companion's handcuffs, but the bars of the holding cell as well. Neither have been apprehended at this time.”
Mattie muted the rest of the report. “Well, at least they don't have any pictures of you,” she said to Gabrielle.
“Yeah, there is that,” Gabrielle answered, upset.
“So, what do we do?” Mattie asked.
Annie shook her head. “I wish I knew. We can only hope that when Xena comes back home we can talk some sense into her.”
“It'd be nice if we could do the past-lives reliving thing again,” Mattie said. “But it's been so long since I did that, I think I've lost the ability.”
“We'll figure something out,” Annie said.
“Do you think she somehow got with Ares again?” Gabrielle asked, hoping it wasn't true.
“I don't think so,” Annie answered. “From what I got the last time he was here, he didn't have much use for her.”
“I sure hope not.”
Mattie unmuted the TV, but they had moved past the biker bar fight and were talking about local politics, so she turned it off
“Do you think Ares might help, somehow?” Gabrielle asked.
Annie chuckled. “I wouldn't count on it. In fact, I wouldn't even ask him to. I suspect that if he got wind that Xena was, well evil again, he'd do - something, just to fan the flames.”
Gabrielle nodded in agreement, then closed her eyes momentarily as she shook her head in frustration and anger.
Chapter Two
A Familiar Face, Unwelcome Help
Xena finished off her second piece of apple pie and third cup of coffee. It was a nice little diner; no one seemed to care that she was sporting a nasty cut on her head, and a bit of blood around her mouth and on her knuckles, and a few crumbled up napkins with blood on them. Thinking back on the bar fight, Xena couldn't help but grin. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had so much fun.
“More coffee?” the waitress asked.
“Nah, I'm good,” Xena replied.
“Okay. If you need anything....”
“Sure, thanks.”
But the waitress, whose name tag read Bonnie, didn't leave.
“What?” Xena said.
“I just wondered if you were okay.”
“Never better. You know, if you want to, we could get together later on, and screw or something. Or just screw.”
Bonnie got an uncomfortable look on her face, then left to take care of another customer. Xena grinned at her, and was about to leave, skipping out on the check, when a large man slid into the opposite seat of the booth she was in. She said nothing, but just stared. He stared back, a slight grin on his face, waiting on her to say something.
Finally she did. “Are you kidding me? You're here, in L.A.? Shouldn't you be down there in Australia or someplace filming that lame-o TV show?”
“Actually it was New Zealand,” he replied. “And the show ended. So I'm up here, back and forth between here and Vancouver, working on a pilot for another series. A space show.”
“Really? A space show?” Xena shook her head in mock disappointment, then said, “So, what name is it you're going by now? Kerry, Kelvin, Something or Other?”
“I understand you're causing some trouble here and there,” he said, coming straight to the point.
“So? Can't a girl have some fun?”
“Fun? You call bar fights fun?”
“Sure. Had a blast!”
“And when you broke into jail to get Gabrielle out?”
“What about it? You don't think I was going to let her stay there, do you?”
“No, of course not. But don't you think a low profile might be the better way to go?”
“We did that. And it was boring! BORING! BORING! BORING! Boring as shit!”
“So where is Gabrielle now?”
Xena got the biggest grin on her face she could manage.
“ 'By the gods!' as Gabrielle still says. You don't know! Oh, this is -- I don't know what it is, but I LOVE it!”
“What are you talking about?”
“There are two MORE of us! Another Xena and another Gabrielle. Well, they're calling themselves Annie and Mattie. But they are here.”
“I still don't know what you're talking about.”
“Do you remember an evil shamaness named Alti?”
Hercules shook his head. “Can't say that I do.”
“No matter. Anyway, back in the day, we hooked up for a while, then we went our own ways. But she wanted to kill me in the worst way. So, a couple of years ago, she was able to clone me and Gabrielle from strands of our hair she got from somewhere, which is how we got here. BUT - before that, the descendants of Gabrielle and me, and Joxer, had their old memories restored somehow, and thanks to Ares, everyone was put into the correct bodies, and they are here. And that's where Gabrielle and I have been living.”
Hercules had a skeptical look on his face. “So you're telling me...?”
“Exactly, two Xenas and two Gabrielles.”
“Can you take me to them?”
“Sure! I can't wait for you and them to see each other again.”
As they walked out of the diner, Hercules guided Xena toward a black BMW, a two-seat convertible.
“I should have known a 'Big TV Star' like you would be driving something like this.”
“The studio loaned it to me, for a while anyway. Depending on if the Suits like the pilot, and if some network picks it up.”
After they got into the car and took off, Xena asked, “So, how did you find me, anyway?”
“It wasn't so hard to do. You left quite a trail. Plus, you'd be surprised how easy a couple of hundreds will jog people's memories.”
Hercules glanced at her, then looked back at the road. “So, where are we going?”
“It's not far. Annie and Mattie have their own little detective business. They call it The A&M Detective Agency, so they can help people. Gabrielle and I have been living with them, and doing some 'investigating' for them. Basically, surveillance crap. Like I said - BORING as shit! The office isn't far. Turn left a few blocks up, then a half mile or so.”
As they drove on, Hercules noticed the area seemed to be less than what he expected.
“Right Here! Stop the car right here!” Xena exclaimed.
Hercules stopped the car in a hurry, but before could stop her, Xena jumped out of it and headed toward the door of a ramshackle building. And seeing a dozen chopped Harley's parked in front, it only took seconds for him to realize this was not the office of The A&M Detective Agency, but most likely was the biker bar that Xena had been in the night before. Over the door was a very faded sign with peeling red paint that read Tequila Caliente y Cervesa Fría (Hot Tequila and Cold Beer). Within seconds she disappeared inside, the door closing behind her.
Just as Hercules got to the building and reached for the doorknob, he heard the sharp click of the door being locked, then a second click of another lock. He started to knock, but when he heard noises coming from inside - fighting noises, he pushed the door open, the bolts of the two deadbolt locks breaking off in the steel doorjamb.
For just a moment he could only see shadows until his eyes adjusted to the semi-darkness. When he could see, Xena was vaulting over a pool table on one arm, her feet knocking two men backward. At the same time she picked up two pool balls and threw them left and right, taking out two more bikers, both hit between the eyes.
As Hercules headed toward her, someone swung a pool stick at his head, but he caught it, jerked it out of the man's hands, then punched him in the forehead with the end of it. Another biker tried using the pool table as a diving board toward Hercules, but he caught him in mid air, and tossed him into two more who were closing in on Xena, who had downed another one with a high side kick under the chin. Just as she was about to punch yet another one, Hercules grabbed her arm, swung her around, threw her up on his shoulder, and headed back toward the door.
“What the hell do you think you're doing?” she yelled out as she pounded on his back, which he ignored.
Just as he got to the door, one of the bikers started to stop him, but Hercules pointed at him, an intense look on his face, and the man let them pass. Hercules pulled the door shut behind him, walked over to the car with Xena still cursing at him, and dumped her into the passenger seat.
“You know they're going to come after us, don't you.”
“I know,” he replied. He then walked over to the row of motorcycles, looked at them for a second, and pushed the one nearest to him over with the bottom of his foot, causing a domino effect with all of them falling over.
“I always wanted to do that,” he said, as much to himself as to Xena.
And just as the ones still able to walk crowded out of the door, he floored the BMW, leaving them behind as he drove back in the direction he had come.
“All right,” he said seriously. “Where is it?”
“Keep going a couple miles, I'll tell you where to turn,” Xena answered sullenly. “Can't have even a little bit of fun!” she complained.
Chapter Three
Confusing Family Ties
As promised, Xena directed Hercules to the A&M Detective Agency. They went in, Xena leading.
“Harry, Hercules. Hercules, Harry,” she said simply as they bypassed Harry's receptionist desk and went into the main office.
“Everyone,” she said loudly, “A blast from the past.”
At first no one said anything, all seemed to be a bit stunned.
“Hercules?” Gabrielle said first. Then without waiting for an answer, ran to embrace him.
“Well, I'll be damned,” Annie said, starting to grin.
“And by the gods,” Mattie said almost at the same time, quoting Gabrielle's still favorite expression.
Looking over the head of Gabrielle, who still was wearing her hair short, and blonde, Hercules saw Mattie, her 'twin', who had shoulder length, strawberry blond hair; and Annie, the other 'Xena' whose hair that was also shoulder length, but a lighter brown, not black as Xena's was.
When Gabrielle released him, both Mattie and Annie gave him a hug.
“Hey,” Xena said, “I never got a hug.”
So Hercules hugged her as well.
“Well, you haven't changed at all these past 20 centuries,” Annie said. “Well, maybe a couple crow's feet around the eyes, or should I say laugh lines? Other than that, immortality looks good on you.”
“Thank you,” he replied with a smile, then said, “I have to say, I find all of this rather confusing.”
“I'm not surprised,” Annie said. “It was confusing for us at the start. But I guess you'd like to hear the story - stories.”
“Why don't we start at the beginning,” Mattie suggested.
“Sounds like a good idea to me,” he replied.
“Well, first,” Annie said, “This is Harry.”
Hercules and Harry shook hands.
“Did you ever know, or know about Joxer?” She continued.
“I don't -- know. But after all this time, all these years, I just may have forgotten him.”
“Well, way back in the day, he was Gabrielle's and my best friend.”
“Before this gets too involved,” Gabrielle said, “how about some refreshments, snacks or something, maybe an early lunch?” Then to Hercules she said, “This is going to take some time.”
“Harry?” Annie asked, “Think you could run up to the deli and grab us something? I promise we won't start until you're back.”
“Sure.” he answered. “Back in a jif.”
“He's our toadie,” Xena said.
“Are you going to start THAT again?” Mattie asked, obviously irritated.
“Why don't we sit down?” Annie told them. “She's right, this is a long story. So, where to begin?”
“What about Harry?” Mattie interrupted.
“This isn't something he hasn't heard a hundred times before. But if Hercules has something to tell us, we'll wait. So - where to begin?”
“How about with me and Gabrielle and Alti?” Xena said. “I think that is the least confusing part of it.”
“Sounds good. So, Hercules did you ever know or hear about a shamaness named Alti?”
“Xena mentioned her earlier, but I don't I ever did.”
“Well, we had a LOT of history, but the short of it was we ended up as enemies, and she wanted to kill me in the worst way.”
Almost an hour later, Annie had wrapped up both stories, with additions from the other three women.
“So, let me get this straight,” Herc said, “Mattie, you are a direct descendant of Gabrielle.”
“I'm pretty sure I am. So she must have remarried and had a child, or children, sometime after Xena was killed in Japan, But I just don't remember. And neither does Gabrielle. Even when I had my past-lives abilities I never thought to try to go back to see what eventually happened to me.”
“Okay. So you,” and Hercules pointed at Harry, “are a descendant of Xena.”
“Yep.”
“And you,” pointing at Annie, “are Joxer's descendant.”
“Yes.”
“So none of you think it's odd that not only do you look exactly like you did back in Greece, but you came from ancestors that looked like the other one?”
At this they all laughed.
“Believe me,” Mattie said, “We have gone around and around and around trying to figure out how that happened.”
“So, Xena, you and Joxer never....”
“We did NOT! EVER!” Both Annie and Xena said at the same time.
Hercules glanced over at Harry.
“Don't look at me!” he said to Hercules, then he said to Xena, “But what about Meg? She looked exactly like you. So maybe that is why you look like you do even though you are my, well Joxer's, great, great, great, and so forth, great granddaughter.”
“Well, maybe that could explain that,” Annie answered. “But that doesn't explain how you were descended from Xena.”
“But what about Eve, and Virgil?” Gabrielle asked. “What if they got together, got married, and had kids? He did eventually forgive her for killing Joxer when she was Livia. And that could be why Ares was able to switch both your spirits from one body to the other.”
“OKAY!” Xena exclaimed. “Stop, stop, STOP! All this cross family speculation crap is giving me a headache! Who cares? And what difference does it make anyway?”
“I think it's interesting,” Hercules said.
“So, Hercules,” Annie said, changing the subject. “Did you ever know what might have happened to Eve? That's one thing I'd like to know. And if she did marry Virgil, then that is something I would really be happy to hear.”
“I wish I could tell you something, anything, about her, but I have no clue about what happened to her.”
“So what about me?” Gabrielle asked. “Anything at all?”
“As far as I know, you went back home to live with your sister.”
“Maybe you found someone in Poteidaia to marry,” Harry suggested.
“Could be,” she answered. “I suppose that's the most logical explanation.”
“Or,” Hercules said slowly as he was thinking, “Gabrielle, you had a sister.”
“Yes, Lila.”
“And you both had the same mother and father?”
“We did,” Mattie answered.
“Well, since you both had the same genes from your parents, then maybe you are descended from Lila. She did have children, didn't she?”
“She had a daughter, Sarah. But she could have had more, but I don't know.”
“Interesting theory,” Annie said. But does that explain...?”
“THAT'S IT!” Xena yelled out. “One more word about all this family shit, just one more, and I am gone! And you won't see me for a week! Maybe two. Maybe never!”
Annie then turned to Hercules.
Chapter Four
Hercules' Journeys
“So, what have you been doing these past thousand or two years?” Annie asked Hercules.
“Traveling mostly. I left Greece almost immediately after I -- after I killed my father when Eve was born.”
“I wondered what happened to you,” Xena said. “I thought maybe you didn't want any part of the battle that I, we, had with the other gods.”
“No, it wasn't that. In fact it was, well, I don't remember exactly how long now, but it was quite a few years before I heard about that.”
“Where were you?”
“After I left, I traveled through Britannia to Ireland for a while, and then to the North-lands. Then I went south to Egypt, then traveled to the Orient. And mostly I was doing what I usually did - fighting warlords, evil monarchs, the bad guys, when I wasn't keeping my head down, trying to remain anonymous. Of course there were always natural disasters - earthquakes, floods and such. If I was able to teleport like Ares or Aphrodite I could have done more; gotten to them faster. Anyway, about a dozen or so years ago I ended up in Australia, and then went to New Zealand. And that's where I got tapped to play myself in the TV show.”
“And nobody knew it was you?” Mattie asked.
“No. They just thought I was another actor who just happened to be exactly what they were looking for.”
“Exactly?” “Xena asked with obvious skepticism and sarcasm.
“Apparently so,” he replied.
“Ever have any run-ins with Ares?” Xena asked again, the sarcasm gone from her voice.
"A few times, but he's always so busy doing what he does best he doesn't have much time to visit. Which is fine by me.”
“And Aphrodite?” Gabrielle asked.
“Sometimes we got together. But like Ares, she's always so busy with her stuff. But I'm glad she took the time to straighten things out with Harry and Maggie. Which, by the way,” he said to Harry. “Where is she? I'd like to meet her.”
“She's in Florida taking care her aunt, who is having really bad health problems. So I don't look for her to come back any time soon.”
“That's too bad, she sounds like a really nice woman.”
“The best.”
“So did you ever find another wife, or wives?” Mattie asked. “Any children?”
“Almost, quite a few times, in fact. But seems like there was always some something that kept me single. Mostly, I think it was that I knew that in 50 or 60 years or so, they would die of old age, whereas I would well, not. And no, no children.”
“That you know of,” Xena said, the sarcasm back.
“Surely there were goddesses or demigoddesses somewhere you could have fallen in love with.” Mattie said.
“Well, there was one,” Hercules said slowly.
“So spill!” Annie insisted. “Who was she?”
“Her name is, was, Morrigan, and when we first met she was an Irish demigod, and kind of evil. But then she killed the Irish Druid of Justice. And then the way things seem to go - she became the new Druid of Justice. This happened a few years before Eve was born. Anyway, after I killed Zeus, I just had to get away, so I ended up back in Ireland. And Morrigan and I were together for quite a long time, close to a hundred years I guess. But after the Romans had almost conquered England, she was worried that Ireland would be next. And she expected me to fight alongside the Irish and English Druids, using their limited magic, to drive them out of England. But when I told her I wanted no part in battling against any army, not even the Romans, this didn't set too well with her. And we had more than one very, VERY serious and loud argument about that. So eventually we both decided if I wasn't going to fight alongside her, it might be better if I just left. Where she is now, or if she's even alive, I can't say. Anyway, when I left, I went to the North-lands and looked up Thor and Baldr and a few others.”
“I didn't know you knew any of the Norse gods,” Xena said. “We were there, Gabrielle and me. We had quite a run-in with Odin, and I used one of his Golden Apples to restore Ares' godhood.”
“That's right, I do remember hearing something about that.”
“So anything like that happen to you?”
“No, I was mostly hanging out with Thor and Baldr. We did fight a few giants that were always threatening. We didn't kill any of them, but we drove them off, until the next time they got brave enough to try again.”
“Did Thor ever let you use his hammer?” Mattie asked. “Or even hold it?”
“No, he didn't. He seemed particularly possessive when it came to his hammer.”
“So how long were you there?”
“Not long, a few years at most. I have to say I really got tired of those cold winters. I decided I wanted warmer weather, which is how I ended up in Egypt. And before you ask - I traveled the length of Italy along its western coast, trying to stay as far away from Rome as possible, although I did see Roman soldiers all along the way. Anyway I made it to Brindisi, then caught a ship that took me to Alexandria.”
“What was it like?” Harry asked, not wanting to be forgotten about.
“Full of Romans. By the time I got there, they had pretty much conquered Egypt, so I kept a very low profile. Stayed in the poorer parts of the city. And while I was there, Christianity got a foothold.”
“So, how did you feel about this new religion usurping all of the old gods?” Annie asked. “And I'm not talking just about just the Greek and Roman gods, but the Norse and Egyptian ones as well?”
“To tell you the truth, except for new rites of worship, new prophets, and new icons, I couldn't see that much difference. People were still killing, and dying, just to prove theirs was the only true religion.”
“So, any exciting adventures there? Ever meet up with any of the Egyptian gods?”
“No. And I didn't even try to. Like I said, I just kept my head down for 40 or 50 years, until I got tired of it, so I decided to keep traveling east, and ended up in China.”
“And what was that like?” asked Gabrielle.
“Well, I was there during the Han dynasty, which now it's considered as China's Golden Age. Confucianism became a big part of their culture about this time. The Silk Road was established while I was there, and with so many Westerners traveling and trading with them, I didn't stand out so much. All in all, I think I enjoyed living there as much as any place I had ever been, including Greece. I even had a few lovers, but nothing serious, and naturally, nothing long-termed.”
“What about the language?” Harry interrupted. “Was it hard to understand it, or to learn to speak it?”
“Not at all. I think that is another part of the god-half of me - I can speak and understand any language I come across.”
“So, how long were there?” Gabrielle asked.
“Well, after Emperor Wu died, things slowly started going down hill for a couple of decades, but then things got back on track. I think I was there three, maybe 400 years. Saw a lot of changes - Buddhism got started. Romans ambassadors showed up. Paper was invented.”
“So why not stay longer?” Mattie wanted to know.
“Like all empires and kingdoms, there was infighting among the Elite, which caused a weakening of the empire, which led to attacks from outside invaders. The country got so fragmented, I decided it was time to move on.”
“Which way?”
“Farther east, to Japan.”
“Yeah,” Xena said slowly. “Not my favorite place.”
“Nor mine,” Gabrielle added.
“Well, they hadn't forgotten about you, and what you did. I was told at least a half dozen times about how a warrior woman from the west sacrificed herself to destroy the Eater of Souls.”
“So what about Gabrielle?” Annie asked. “Did they say anything about her, tell any stories about her?”
“Yes and no. Apparently none of them knew your name,” he said to Gabrielle. “But there were drawings, some in color. And with almost every picture of Xena, somewhere nearby was a woman with short straw-colored hair wearing blue armor.”
“That was me, us,” Mattie said as she glanced at Gabrielle.
“At least we weren't completely forgotten about,” Gabrielle replied to Mattie, who nodded in agreement.
“Did you ever make it to Mt. Fuji, and the Fountain of Strength?” Xena asked.
“Actually, I did. But it had been destroyed. From what I understood, they were so afraid another demon might use it to gain strength, they used their black powder to blow it apart, and then completely buried the opening from where it flowed from inside the mountain with boulders.”
Annie was about to ask yet another question, when Harry broke in. “Any chance we could head home early? No one's come in, and I don't expect them to.”
“You're right, I say we get out of here and go home.”
“Of course, you're coming home with us,” Mattie told Hercules. “You still have a LOT of history to tell us about.”
“Okay,” he replied with a half laugh. “And I could use a home-cooked meal. One of you does cook, don't you?”
“That would be me,” Harry bragged.
Chapter Five
Hercules, the Titans and Hera
“You know, as exciting as all this geography and history is,” Xena said with exaggerated sarcasm, “If that's the best you can do, I think I might find something else to do; someplace else to go that's got some action.”
“Well,” Hercules said, not wanting Xena to go off by herself again. “You remember I said I had a few run-ins with Ares.”
“So?”
“So, one or two of them weren't exactly peaceful, brotherly-love encounters.”
“Oh yeah?” Now Xena was interested.
“Oh, yeah,” he replied. “And after that home cooked meal I was promised, I'll be glad to spell it all out, every last punch and kick and energy ball.”
“Okay,” she said, with a bit more enthusiasm. “But it better be good!”
“Trust me,” he replied with a smile. “It will be.”
Annie, Mattie and Gabrielle, rode in one car; Harry had his own; and Xena rode with Hercules.
“Nice place,” Hercules commented after they had arrived and went inside.
“Thanks,” Annie answered. “We like it. Not too big, but not too small.”
“You guys know what you want for supper?” Harry asked.
“Why don't you surprise us,” Mattie responded. “But we've still have a few hours. How about some kind of appetizers?”
“Something that goes with beer,” Xena added.
“I'll see what I can find,” he said as he went into the kitchen.
“So, about that thing with Ares,” Xena said. “Now's as good a time as ever to spit it out.”
Hercules thought for a few seconds. He knew the tale he wanted to tell, but wanted to wait until after supper for that one.
“Okay, did you ever hear about the time Ares allied himself with three of the Titans who were freed by the demigod Evander?”
“No. How did that happen?” Gabrielle asked. “And who is Evander?”
“Well, Evander is Ares' son.” Hercules looked at Xena. “I guess he got tired of waiting around for you to give him one.”
“Who's the mother!” she demanded to know.
“It was Nemesis.”
“That bitch!”
Hercules just smiled at her, then continued, “Evander had the power to make things happen just by thinking about them, so Zeus had him rescue Hera from the Abyss of Tartarus. But he felt so sorry for the Titans Oceanus and Helios, who also were down there, that he freed them as well. Then Ares told them where to find Atlas. Well, Iolaus and I managed to destroy Oceanus and Helios by making them collide as they were chasing after us - water and fire, you know. But then Ares told Atlas where the Pillar of Olympus was. And since Atlas still wanted to kill all the Olympians, by destroying the pillar, Olympus would fall and it would be destroyed as well.”
“Why would Ares do such a thing?” Annie asked.
“You know, I never did understand why. But after Ares aligning himself with Dahak, I guess it was Ares just being himself, for himself. Maybe he thought that after Olympus was destroyed, he would be top god.”
“So what finally happened?” Mattie asked.
“Well, Hera was throwing her bolts around, trying to turn me into stone, but I deflected one of them and it hit Atlas just as he knocked down the pillar, so now he is stone and will be holding up Olympus forever.”
“And you and Ares.” Xena said. “No fight?”
“Not this time.”
“Any stories where you do ?” Xena asked impatiently.
“One or two. But I think we should wait until after supper.”
“Give me 30, 45 minutes,” Harry responded. “Steak and all the trimmings sound good?”
“Good enough,” Annie replied, and Harry went into the kitchen to start cooking, with Mattie and Gabrielle following to lend a hand.
In the meantime, Annie and Hercules just made small talk about Annie's detective agency while Xena downed several beers waiting for supper. After they had eaten and were once again settled in the living room, Xena insisted Hercules tell them about the encounter with Ares. And it had better be one where they were going at it toe to toe, or she was going out, “for a while.”
“Well, let me see.”
Chapter Six
Hercules Versus Ares
Hercules thought for a few seconds.
“Okay, this one is pretty good. I was on my way to China, traveling through the steppes of what now would be the southern parts of Russia and northern Mongolia. I was riding a horse and leading one with my supplies, when I ran across a nomadic tribe of Mongols. Not knowing any better, I suppose, they attacked, and killed the horse I was riding. And of course I let them take me prisoner rather than maim or kill any of them. But when they discovered I spoke their language and realized I was no threat to them, they decided not to kill me.”
“How generous of them,” Xena said with her characteristic, and tiresome sarcasm.
“Yes it was,” Hercules replied, not taking the bait. “I was with them for a couple of months when their scouts reported that an even larger, rival tribe was sending a raiding party through one of the mountain passes to attack them. The tribes did that all the time: attacking, taking the horses and supplies and the women, and killing all the men and male children. Anyway I went back with the scouts to where they would be coming through the pass. Looking things over, I told the scouts to report back and I would wait there. After I thought they had gone, I started throwing boulders down, hoping that the raiding party would think it was unsafe and would retreat back through the mountains. But when they started clearing the pass, I just kept throwing more and more of the boulders down around them, even breaking up part of the mountain to get more.”
“Sounds like hard work,” Harry interjected.
“It wasn't easy, it took all afternoon and most of the night. The next morning I saw that they were sending armed men on foot to cross over - they were really determined, let me tell you. So once again I started in with the boulders. And then suddenly blue energy balls started blasting apart the rocks. So I threw more, and more of them down.”
“I'm guessing it was Ares.” Gabrielle said. “So far from Greece?”
“It was. What with the Romans controlling everything, I just figured he was looking for greener pastures. It turns out he was grooming this tribe for BIG things, and they needed the supplies and horses from the tribe I had been staying with. So after a while, when it was obvious we were at a stalemate, Ares showed up on the very wide ledge where I was, as mad as I've ever seen him, and he said he didn't care why I was doing it, but said to stop it or else! And when I tried to explain why, he threw one of his energy balls at me, this one crackling with electricity. It wasn't hard to duck away from it, and when that didn't work, he jumped the 20 or 30 yards separating us, and we started going at it fist to fist. And so we fought back and forth for I don't know how long, all morning I would guess. We would punch or kick the other one back a dozen yards or so. And sometimes we would be just stand there trading punches to the face or the body.”
“So who is really stronger, you or him?” Mattie asked.
“Well, I am. But if he really wanted to kill me, he could do it.”
“How?”
“He could come up behind me and keep up a non-ending barrage of his energy balls. Or he could teleport behind me, grab me around the chest, then teleport us 10 or 15 miles up in the air, and just drop me.”
“So why do you think he never did that?”
“I think it is an ego thing. Ares is incredibly strong, and I think it just galls him that I am stronger than he is, and he wants to prove to himself that he can beat me mano a mano.”
“Or maybe,” Mattie said, “next to Aphrodite, you are the only family he has left, and he just can't bring himself to kill you. You know, Lila and I got along most of the time, but when we argued, it was sometimes serious - yelling, pushing, pulling hair, swinging at each other, and even wrestling around on the ground like boys.”
“That we did,” Gabrielle agreed. “And Mother and Father made sure we were appropriately punished for it, too.”
“Could you kill him? If you really wanted to?” Annie asked.
“No. Not even if I wanted to. There are only two things that I know of that will kill a god - the Hind's blood dagger, and a weapon made from a bone from Kronos, like the dagger I made from his rib that I used to kill Zeus with.”
“So what finally happened?” Xena asked, the boredom coming back.
“His men retreated back through the pass to the other side of the mountains. I'm guessing they witnessed some of the battle, since we were concentrating on each other so much and not what they were seeing. And no doubt they wanted no part of the two 'mountain gods' that were fighting each other, and destroying the mountains at the same time. Which we were well on the way to doing.”
“No, I mean between you and Ares.”
“Well, when he finally realized no one was there to attack my friends, he got even madder, said something about having better things to do, and just disappeared.”
“So what about your friends? What did they say?”
“Not much. They were just as superstitious, and as fearful, as their enemies, so when the scouts reported back to them about the fight they had witnessed, they were more than happy to give me another horse, more than enough supplies, and to send me on my way.”
“They didn't even say thanks?” Mattie was incredulous.
“Not really. They just wanted me gone. And so I left, still heading east.”
“That kind of sucked,” Xena said, trying to stifle a yawn.
“Well, I was ready to go anyway.”
“Okay,” Gabrielle said, “I think it's time for someone to get some sleep.”
She took Xena by the hand to pull her to her feet.
“You might be right,” Xena agreed. “Been a long day.”
“And I think I need to bandage that cut; we wouldn't want to wake up with blood all over the pillow cases.”
“Okay, whatever you say.”
“Are you spending the night?” Xena asked Hercules.
“No, I've got a motel room.”
“Okay. G'night.”
“Good night. Pleasant dreams.”
“Right!” she shot back, as sarcastic as ever.
As Gabrielle guided Xena toward the bathroom, the three of them started collecting the snack plates, glasses, cups and used napkins to take to the kitchen. Harry was in his bedroom talking to Maggie on the phone; had been for most of an hour. Once they were in the kitchen, they waited until they heard Gabrielle's final 'good night.'
Chapter Seven
Conspiring
For almost a half minute everyone just looked at each other, finally Hercules said, “I think she bought it.”
“I think you're right,” Annie agreed.
“Yep,” Mattie said.
Annie touched Hercules' cheek, and then hugged him.
“It really is so good to see you,” she said into his ear.
Hercules smiled as they broke the embrace. “You too, both of you. Although these new looks are going to take some getting used to.”
“Well,” Mattie said. “New looks to you, but old ones for us.”
“I was surprised when I got your call,” he said to Annie. “Very surprised. How did you know it was me?”
“It was all Mattie. She's the one who recognized you, she knew where you were, and she suggested we try to get in touch with you.”
“How did you know?”
“Well,” Mattie explained, “I watched a few episodes of your Hercules series, and even though the actors playing Iolaus, Autolycus and Sal looked almost like they did back in the day, and even kind of acted like them, you were you. Spot on exactly.”
“Well, with all the doubles and triples that seem to be everywhere, what made you think I wasn't just another doppelganger?”
“Because you are Hercules; the one and only. I didn't see how there could be another one of you anywhere. And besides, since I knew Ares and Aphrodite were around, then it only made sense to think you were too.”
“But how did you know I was in Vancouver?”
“Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how many websites and message boards and newsgroups that are dedicated to both you and Xena? It wasn't hard to find out you had been filming the new show.”
“Yeah, about that. I told Xena that I was just now filming the pilot, not that the series is 99% over, so maybe we can keep that from her. And, since my time is mostly free now, whatever you need me to do, I'm yours. Well, there may be a bit more to be done, some looping, I'm sure.”
“What is that?”
“It's going into the studio and redoing dialog that might be drowned out by background noises, or not clear enough or loud enough. But if I have to go back it shouldn't be more than a day or two.”
“Good to know. Now we just have to figure out what to do,” Annie said.
“Does Gabrielle know you called me here?”
“No, we didn't tell her. Didn't want to take the chance she'd inadvertently let it slip. Not that she would deliberately say anything, but why chance it?”
“So, what do we do?” Mattie asked.
“I'm not really sure,” Hercules answered, “but I do know what some of the problem is, she's just --”
“Bored,” Annie interrupted. “Yes, I know. She's bored living this 'civilized' life. I've tried to keep her busy, her and Gabrielle, but without any real action, any excitement, she has started making her own.”
“She told me she and Gabrielle were working for you, surveillance. She made it sound really tedious.”
“Well, it is. But it's all been night work. I can't have her doing anything during the day that might draw attention to her, or either of them. Did you happen to see this morning's local news?”
“No.”
“Well, they had a piece on the bar fight, and they brought up a picture of Xena when she broke Gabrielle out of jail. And I'm just afraid that if I let her go like she wants to, she'll end up in jail.”
“Or dead,” Mattie added.
“Or dead,” Annie agreed. “You know if they try to arrest her she'll fight back, and these days the cops don't play around. They may try to use a Taser on her, and if that doesn't work, which I have a feeling it wouldn't, they will shoot her.”
“I think you're right,” he replied.
“I'm beginning to think she just isn't made for this ... century,” Annie continued. “At first I believed what Gabrielle kept saying - that Alti was responsible for all the evil in her. But now I'm starting to wonder if it's just her nature; after being a warrior for so many years she just doesn't know any other way of life. Sure, she, we, had times when we weren't in battle mode, but the way she was brought back, well, she wasn't raised up like Mattie and I were - 'civilized', for want of a better word.”
“Gabrielle seems to be doing okay,” Hercules pointed out.
“But she was never a warrior, not a true warrior, not like Xena and I were.”
“Which brings us back to the main question,” Mattie said. “What do we do about Xena's rebellious nature?”
She shrugged. “What CAN we do?”
“Did you hear when when she threatened to leave for a week, or forever?” Hercules asked.
“I think we all did,” Annie answered.
“It sounded to me like it was a cry for attention, or ... help?”
“Maybe it was, but we can only do so much.”
“Maybe she needs a man,” Mattie said, half joking.
“How about it?” Annie said to Hercules, almost serious. “You started her, us, on the right path one time. Maybe you can do it again.”
“Thanks, but no thanks. That's one 'labor' I don't think I could manage.”
“Maybe if she left town for a while,” Mattie suggested. “It's like she needs a challenge. What if she spent some time, I don't know, maybe in northern Canada, or Alaska? Some place that would really challenge her survival skills. Maybe it would make her appreciate what she has here.”
“That sounds all well and good,” Annie replied, “But would she really want to do that? And even if it would do her some good, how could we convince her to go?”
“Maybe if she had a good man to go with her,” Mattie tried again.
“Or a companion she loves and trusts,” Hercules came back.
“I don't know. Do you think Gabrielle would want to go, even if Xena agreed to go?”
“Want to? No,” Gabrielle said from the kitchen door. “Would I go? Of course I would. Where Xena goes, I go; no question about it, ever.”
“How long have you been standing there?” Mattie asked.
“Not long - a minute or so. Just long enough to hear that you want her gone - out of town, and out of the country.”
“We don't want her gone,” Annie told her, “We just want her safe. Like -- maybe out-of-town safe.”
“Are you sure she's asleep?” Mattie asked.
“I'm sure,” Gabrielle replied. “That gash on her head looked like it was from a pool stick, it wasn't just a simple cut. And as bad as her head was hurting, which she was able to hide from all of you, I think maybe she might have a mild concussion. So I gave her a couple of tablets to stop the headache and to help her sleep. And between the beer and the tablets, she'll be out until tomorrow morning.” Gabrielle sighed sadly. “But we still have to do something about her. I just don't know what.”
“Hercules,” Annie said, “What about Aphrodite? Do you think she could do some kind of magic, possibly a spell of some kind to change Xena's attitude?”
“I wouldn't put a lot of trust into any of her spells. They don't seem to last like you'd think. Look at how many couples she has fall in love, and then they fall right back out of love.”
“But this is different,” Gabrielle argued. “What if she just repressed the evil in her? Or removed it altogether? Something like that?”
Hercules shook his head. “I still wouldn't put my faith in her abilities. I love Aphrodite as much as any brother could love a sister. But I know her limitations, and I just would not trust that she could make any kind of long-term difference.”
“But even if it were only for a short time, maybe we could figure out a way to make her want to be good.”
“You know,” Annie said, “There still is the problem of her being wanted by the police, starting back when she broke you out of jail. I've been stopped a couple of times because we look alike.”
“I didn't know that!” Mattie exclaimed.
Annie nodded. “And if I hadn't had a valid driver's license, they might have taken me in for questioning. So, unless she has some cosmetic surgery and changes her hair color, being arrested is still a real possibility.”
“Which brings us back to the question - what can we do to help Xena?” Gabrielle said sadly.
“Well, it's getting late,” Annie responded. “Maybe if we all sleep on it, one of us will think of something.”
“Maybe.”
“Hercules, do you want to spend the night?” Mattie asked. “The sofa is actually pretty comfortable.”
“Thanks, but I think I'll go back to my motel room. The human half of me still needs to shower and shave and put on clean clothes.”
“Then how about breakfast?” Mattie insisted. “Harry cooks just as mean a breakfast as he does supper.”
“Sure. What time? I'm always up with the sun.”
“How about sometime between seven and eight?” Annie suggested.
“Sounds good.”
Hercules hugged Mattie and Gabrielle goodnight, and Annie walked him to the door.
“Don't worry,” he assured her. “We'll think of something.”
“I hope so.”
Annie gave Hercules a particularly warm hug and a kiss on his cheek, then watched him drive away, still not convinced there was anything any of them could do.