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Disclaimer: Xena Warrior Princess, it’s characters and all related materials are the property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures.
Those lucky dudes.
Character uses are for entertainment only, not to hurt any rights. As always.
Xena’s POV: The Warrior Princess tries hard to think of a way to get rid of her new companion.
I really don’t know what came over me. Like seriously…maybe I have been hit in the head during my endless summers of fighting one time too many, or maybe the gods are playing one of their cruel mind games. Yes, maybe its Ares, punishing me for leaving him, now up there somewhere, his stupid ass on one of his thrones laughing at me.
Why…gods, why did I take her with me?
I know she saved me from being tortured in my hometown…even though that wasn’t something I couldn’t have handled by myself anyway. But come on now Xena, have you completely lost your mind? A simple ‘Thank you’ and ‘Have a safe journey’ would have done just fine. Just fine.
But no…here we are…
I cringe as I hear her stomping around the campsite, pretty sure that every thug in our near surroundings was sharpening his knife by now, ready to attack soon.
I can hear Argo snorting behind me, and I lift a hand to gently pat her muzzle, silently apologizing to her for my mistake.
Okay…so I am a stupid old warrior nut who obviously has gone insane. And now, better consider the problem at hand.
How to get rid of her?
I mean, surely I could just drop her off in the next village. Wouldn’t be a problem, and with my reputation, they wouldn’t even ask questions, probably just hide her from the big, bad warrior princess, and I could be on my way.
I have enough reasons to do this. I really do.
But…on the other hand, you never know what kind of crazy town that is, or what they might do to a former possession of mine. Maybe not the best idea…
I roll my eyes as she drops the pot with the soup, spilling half of its contents over my bedroll.
Great. Just great.
Maybe I could just leave her here, in that wide forest. It wouldn’t take me more than a few seconds to saddle Argo tonight, when she is sleeping…and snoring too…and be out of here. Yeah…that sounds like the right thing to do.
Right?
I should have done it two days ago as we left Amphipolis and she was sneaking up on me. Well…maybe sneaking up on me isn’t the right thing to call it. I could have heard her half a mile away with the noise she was making. I heard her stomping through the under bush, cracking a dozen small sticks on her way, squeaking as the little mouse scared her almost to death, grunting as she got stuck for a few minutes in one of the bushes with the thorns.
I could go on like this…oh my god!
I jump up and make a quick move forward, barely rescuing my bedroll as she has put it near the fire to dry the stains of soup, just not noticing that when she stood up and turned, she accidentally kicked it halfway into the flames.
And she doesn’t even notice it!
No, that little sheep just goes on bustling around, rummaging in her bag as if her life depends on it, and talks…talks…talks!!!
I can only stand there and stare at her back, while she is babbling her way, about how she needs to find a way to bring some order into our campsite.
Our campsite?
Thank the gods I have mastered self-control to a maximum, or I would simply explode. First of all, this is MY campsite. And MY campsite has been very clean, and very much in order. Until a certain young woman, which I could throw my chakram at right now but will not, came stumbling in here and ripped it all apart.
I throw my bedroll down on its original place and shake my head in disgust as I go back to Argo, my teeth grinding together harder the more she keeps talking.
Doesn’t she ever stop? Has nothing left to say? Needs to breathe?
My eyes turn to slits and I can’t help an evil grin as I remember the piece of cloth in my saddle bags, surely fit enough to get her to shut the Tartarus up. That would be…so good. And I suppose every animal in that forest would be eternal grateful to me too.
Another clank and I growl darkly as I can make out the sound of her stumbling over my sword that has been put near the fire waiting for me to sharpen it, and now she is complaining about that too, of me leaving my…stuff…laying around.
Stuff.
Sure blondie.
That stuff is the one thing keeping me alive these days, and sane too, because I have nothing left, nothing except my horse and the clothes on my back. And looking at her, I know that I will use my stuff more than once a day to save her too.
Wait…wait wait…hadn’t we agreed that I would get rid of her?
I sigh and sit back down, growling again as Argo nudges me, obviously as interested in that thought as I am.
Poor Argo.
She has been subjected to the queen of clumsiness too already, with that stupid girl bumping into her every other second while walking, if you want to call it that, and once, as she tripped and was about to fall, has held onto my poor horses tail for dear life.
…I am sure there are wild animals here in the forest too, and if I leave her, she either gets attacked by a raccoon that is sick and tired of her babbling, or eaten alive by wolves or a boar or…
Okay, so leaving her here in the forest is out of the question.
Damn it.
She has stopped rummaging for now, kneeling in front of her things, her back turned towards me, mumbling something that I am not able to make out.
That’s a first, and I can’t help a relieved sigh.
Just a few moments of peace and quiet, that’s all I need.
A few moments to think and make up a plan.
Get her back to her parents…no, no I have seen them, and that flea bag they want her to marry, and even if she is annoying, it’s not that bad for me to subject her to this.
Maybe I could find someone she could help, like on a farm or something. On the other hand, if she is as bad with that as she is here with me, they will probably send a bounty hunter after me for what I did to them.
I rub my temples and sigh again, the ever present headache I got the moment she entered my camp back with a vengeance. Well, maybe she will get herself killed while working with…nah, come on Xena, that’s not fair and you know it. Look at the positive sides. She can cook.
If that isn’t the truth for sure. I had the best fish for breakfast I ever tasted, and I am sure that soup will be good too. If there is something left in that pot. So I surely won’t starve if I keep her around. Not that I was worrying about that before, but somehow the food she makes tastes…better.
I watch her for a moment, and then I realize what it is I am actually seeing.
Her shoulders are shaking.
Her whole body is.
And then my hearing picks up that distinctive sound of a stifled sob.
Oh come on now, really?!
Just great.
With my luck, she has hurt herself in her carelessness, and I have to make nice and help her. Again. Just like last night when she almost cut her finger off with my knife. Because she was not looking at what she was doing, but up at those stupid stars above, explaining to me at how they might be lost souls searching for…whatever it was she said.
I get up slowly, shaking my head while walking over to her, crouching down to her left.
“Let me see.” I say, my voice carrying every single bit of annoyance I hold at the moment.
She doesn’t move, and I can feel the beginning of anger inside me.
“Look, if you don’t tell me what happened, I can’t take care of it.”
She sobs again, and then turns her head, and all of a sudden I am struck speechless at the incredible sorrow and sadness I can see in those mystical green orbs.
“I…I should leave…I…I am only a burden…to…to you.”
For the whisper of a breeze through the trees surrounding us, I can only stare at her, at a loss for words.
That is my chance, maybe the only chance I will ever get. She is offering it, wanting to leave me out of her own free will. That’s it Xena, that’s it, come on, just say it, tell her to take a hike, and then you will be…alone again.
Our eyes meet and hold.
As lonely as she will be.
And I can feel something inside me change.
I shrug, then reach forward and take her arm, which shows a little burning mark, probably from the accident with the soup earlier.
“Don’t worry. You just need a little time to adjust. Now let me see…”
And I can hear a relieved sigh from her as I turn my attention completely to the task at hand, gently cradling her injured arm.
I don’t even dare ask myself why I said that, yet alone explain to me why I didn’t just kick her off the next cliff. I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Maybe, I really have lost my mind.
Or have I?