CHAPTER 10
Kikola was lost as to what to do. At first, she waited hoping Tehvay would come back home. When an hour passed and Tehvay still had not returned, she grabbed her coat and started walking straight to the Veilans' house, because that was where Tehvay most likely had gone. Halfway there, Kikola thought it better to give Tehvay some time to cool off.
She kept walking and walking, trying to make sense of what she had said to make Tehvay storm out of the house. She was so absorbed in her thoughts that when Kikola finally realised how far she had walked, she was only about a kilometre away from where Rikana lived. As bizarre as the reality was, Kikola was coming to see Rikana as something of a friend.
Kikola covered the distance quickly, but once at Rikana's door, she found herself hesitating to announce her presence. What if she's not home? What if she laughs at me? What if—
Kikola's hand took on a life of its own and knocked. She waited. She was about to give up and walk away when the door opened. Rikana stood there wearing a short skirt and oversized shirt; her hair was loose and wild.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"I was in the neighbourhood," Kikola replied.
"This isn't your neighbourhood."
Kikola conceded. "I was out taking a walk, and I ended up here."
"Shouldn't you be home with Miss V.? Let me guess… she didn't like the flowers."
Kikola lowered her eyes at the mention of the flowers. "The evening didn't go as planned. I— I didn't…" Didn't what? "…know…" Know what? "…where else to go."
"What is it with you and Veilan? Does my door have a sign that says 'ring for counselling services'?" Rikana asked in her usual sarcastic tone.
Kikola breathed an internal sigh of relief at seeing a way out. "I am sorry. I will leave."
"No, wait." Rikana reached for a jacket hanging on a peg. "Come on. Let's go for a drink, and we can talk."
For a moment Kikola saw Rikana drop her defences. The brash exterior fell and revealed the person underneath.
The moment didn't last long. "I think we're both going to need to get drunk for this one." She cackled.
The drinking establishment was near Rikana's home. It was large, with various sized sections, some elevated, some sunken, around the central bar. It was also very quiet – only a handful of patrons were seated around the place.
"Sit there," said Rikana, pointing to a table in an elevated portion. "I'll get the drinks."
"I will just have a water."
"I said, I'll get the drinks. Sit!"
Kikola was already regretting it, but she did as she was told. The area where Kikola sat was big enough for six people. Despite its elevated position, the majority of the bar was hidden from sight by panels of coloured, frosted glass. With the muted lighting, this gave the large establishment, a cosy and private feeling. A short while later, Rikana returned with a tray. On it were four small glasses containing a clear liquid, two large glasses of dark gold beer, and a glass of water.
"Drink this first." Rikana placed one of the small glasses in front of Kikola.
"What is it?"
"Livatten. Now drink." Rikana picked up one of the remaining small glasses off the tray and downed the contents in one go.
"What's livatten?"
"It'll make things bearable. Drink!"
Kikola obeyed. The colourless, odourless liquid burnt as it slipped down and left a rather pleasant fruity aftertaste. Rikana took the beers off the tray and placed one in front of herself and the other in front of Kikola. Rikana took a long sip of her beer and poured one of the livatten into it. She nodded for Kikola to do the same.
"So, talk," said Rikana.
Kikola took a drink and started talking. "Tehvay and I had—" she blurted out and stopped herself.
Rikana shot her a wary look. "I don't think I need to know that. Whatever you get up to with each other is your business."
"What?" Then it dawned on Kikola what Rikana was insinuating. "No! Not that! We had an argument."
"Oh, is that all."
"It's the first time."
"It happens. It probably won't be the last time." Rikana tipped her glass of beer and drained the glass.
Kikola took a deep breath. "It might be; she left."
Rikana sighed. "How drunk am I going to have to get to cope with this?"
"I don't know," replied Kikola. "I am new to this situation." She frowned as she noticed another tray of drinks on the table. Rikana was knocking back a shot of livatten with her right hand and taking a beer off the tray with her left. Kikola glanced down at her own beer; she had barely drunk a quarter of it.
"Go at your own pace," said Rikana. "But you're going to need more than that to get through this."
Kikola picked up her beer and took a drink.
The alcohol was having its affect. Kikola was not a big drinker, and after a couple more sips her head was buzzing. "I don't think I should drink more." She reached for the glass of water.
"Why? It's not like you're going to get anything else tonight!" Rikana cackled and placed a shot glass in front of Kikola.
"Hey, Rikana," a voice called out from the shadows nearby.
Kikola turned to look at who had spoken. The young man was dark and swarthy. A few days growth of beard clung to his face. He stood with a half full glass of beer in his hand. "Thought I saw you come in. Want some company?"
"Not tonight." Rikana jerked her head towards Kikola. "Busy."
"Who's ya friend?" He looked at Kikola with a smile and a winked.
"I—" Kikola started to speak. Rikana's cold hand covering hers made her stop.
"She's my friend. Find your own?" Rikana's voice was light and playful.
The man smiled and gave a little laugh. "Didn't know you liked your own kind."
"Well, I'm diversifying." Rikana's thumb stroked the top of Kikola's hand. "What she lacks in one department, I'm sure she can make up for in others."
The man's laugh grew louder. "Have fun. See ya 'round." He wandered off.
"See ya," said Rikana. When the man was out of sight, she removed her hand.
Kikola stared down at her own hand. The feel of Rikana's light touch still lingered on her skin. Strange thoughts she didn't want to think started creeping into her mind. She picked up the glass of livatten and took a dainty sip of the liqueur. Surprisingly, the livatten tasted smoother and sweeter with every drop. She lifted the glass and finished it in one swallow.
"Okay, so what made her walk out on you?" Rikana returned to the reason they were there.
Kikola struggled to make sense of the situation, and the alcohol wasn't helping her clarity. She tried answering Rikana's question, but all she could think about was Rikana holding her hand. "I am not at all sure…" Is she flirting with me?
Rikana was staring at her over the top of the glass as she drank her beer. "Come on," she said as she put the drink down. "Spit it out."
"What was the question?"
"Why did Miss V. walk out on you?" Rikana uttered a small laugh. "If I was her, I would. You're not my type after all." She cackled. "Though if I was Miss V. you would be my type." Rikana looked up at the ceiling and frowned. "In which case, I wouldn't leave. Though you can be annoying." She paused. "But would you be annoying if I was her?" She shrugged and looked at Kikola. "So, spill."
Kikola concentrated on what she remembered about the conversation. "Tehvay wanted to go to Inosa with the PPG and I thought she shouldn't, though it might not have come out quite as I intended it. She said something about 'master and slave' and me wanting to control her body."
"Oh, so you go in for that kinky stuff, eh?" Rikana teased.
Kikola looked aghast.
"Relax, your secret is safe with me." Rikana winked. "Though it's nothing to be ashamed of. We've all dabbled a little! Do you use your cuffs?"
"No, it's nothing like that!" Kikola was almost in a panic at the easy way her words could be twisted against her.
"Hey, I was just kidding. You don't look so good."
"I'm not feeling all that well–" Kikola's stomach began to spasm.
Kikola remembered Rikana dragging her from the seat and quickly getting her outside. The chilly air woke her up for a moment, but then the grogginess took over again. The rest of the night was a blur.
~~~~
Tehvay went to the only place she could, to her parents' house. She was met at the door by her father.
"What's the matter?" Pallin asked.
Tehvay didn't know how to answer. She was still trying to process the situation herself. All she could do was stand there and cry.
Her father ushered her into the kitchen, where his wife was just clearing away their dinner plates.
"What's happened?" Asta asked.
"I-I just…" Tehvay could say no more.
Her mother whispered something to her father. He nodded and left the room. Asta guided Tehvay to a chair at the table and sat down next to her. "Talk when you're ready, dear."
A few moments later, Yuniph popped her head around the door. "What's going on?"
It only took a look from her mother to tell Yuniph to leave. When Asta wiped the tears off her daughter's face, Tehvay broke down in fresh sobs.
"Come on, let's get you to bed. Sleep now and we can talk in the morning. That'll be better."
Tehvay allowed herself to be led upstairs to the spare bedroom.
Yuniph came to give her a set of nightclothes. She gave Tehvay a brief hug and left.
Tehvay looked around the small room and remembered the last time she had slept in it. It was when she and Kikola had first arrived on Trengos and stayed with her family until they got a place of their own. What am I doing here? she asked herself. And why hasn't Kikola come looking for me? Tehvay changed and got into bed. It was a long, miserable, and seemingly sleepless night.
The next morning, Tehvay knew she would have to give her parents an explanation. Reluctantly, she came downstairs dressed in Yuniph's nightclothes, expecting to find her parents and sister seated at the kitchen table – the scene of many conversations she had had with them over the past few months. When she walked in, only her mother was there waiting for her.
"Has Kikola called?" Tehvay asked.
"No," Asta replied. She rose from the table and poured Tehvay a hot cup of dyodpeth. "Would you like something to eat?"
"No thank you, Ima. My stomach is feeling a little unsettled. I'm not sure I could tolerate any food."
Asta returned to the table and placed the cup in front of her daughter as she sat down.
If Tehvay had to say which of her parents she favoured in looks, she would have said her father – the square chin and rectangular shape of her face were clearly his. Or maybe Tehvay thought that because she spent so much time with him. As she studied the face of the woman seated opposite her, she saw her own deep-set eyes and rounded nose. Thin lines creased her mother's brow and her cheeks were a little fuller, but Tehvay recognised the beauty her mother must have been and still was.
"Do you want to talk about what happened between you two?"
Tehvay's eyes gazed down into the steaming cup of dyodpeth. "Kikola and I got into an argument last night."
"What was it about?" Asta asked.
Tehvay took a sip – a stall tactic as she tried to decide how much to share with her mother.
"Trujilon and Ellovene asked me to be part of a delegation that is going to Inosa to discuss starting a PPG there."
"I see. And Kikola wasn't supportive of this?"
Tehvay's emotions came flooding out as she recounted the argument. "Not only was she not supportive, she actually forbade me to go to Inosa!"
"She forbade you? That doesn't sound like Kikola."
Tehvay felt a little betrayed by her mother seemingly siding with Kikola, but quickly realised that she might have overstated the truth. "Okay, forbade might be a bit strong," Tehvay admitted, "but in essence she said I couldn't go, which is the same thing."
"Why do you think she reacted that way?"
"I don't know…" Tehvay paused. "Because she wants to control me. She practically admitted she'd prefer it if we went back to being owner and slave!"
Asta sat back in her chair. "Hmm, did she say those exact words?"
Tehvay recalled what was said, as she remembered it. "Not in those exact words, no. But that's what she meant. She said that it was a time when she felt she had control."
"I see." Asta took a long sip of her dyodpeth. "Then what happened?"
"Then I said that if she felt that way then perhaps we needed to re-evaluate our relationship, and then I left."
"Do you think, just perhaps, Kikola was voicing her concern for your safety, and rather than wanting to control you, she just wants to protect you?"
"I need her love and support, not her protection." Tehvay looked away. She could feel a build-up of anger that she couldn't explain.
"I think she's proven her love and support, don't you?" Asta tilted her head to get into Tehvay's eye line. "And as for wanting to control you, are you certain you aren't projecting your own fears?"
"How do you mean?"
"I mean, Kikola is bound to feel like she's not in control of her life anymore, and she might even be missing her old life as an Elit. And that scares you."
"Scares me? How?"
"You're scared that as you embrace your newfound freedom, Kikola may not embrace the person you are becoming."
How did she know that, when I didn't even know it? Tehvay thought. "Maybe you're right, but I am not going to give up my independence for anyone, ever again. Not even to help Kikola feel more in control of her life."
"Nor should you, but a relationship is give and take. If you go off to Inosa, she will be here alone worrying."
"She won't be alone. She'll have you. You'll look after her, won't you?" Tehvay suddenly felt worried about Kikola being alone.
"I'll look after her, of course," replied her mother. "However, I'm not you. I'm not the one Kikola gave up everything for. She gave it up for you. And as I've got to know her, I know she would do it all again. But that doesn't mean it was easy for her, or that she doesn't miss the status she once had. She walked away from it all to be with you. I'm not saying you should give up your involvement with the PPG, but don't forget to make time for Kikola. Is it imperative that you go to Inosa?"
"I wouldn't say imperative, no."
"Then perhaps you should rethink going– for Kikola's peace of mind."
Tehvay stared into her cup of dyodpeth. "Yes, I could do that, but it might be too late."
"How do you mean?"
"She didn't stop me from leaving. She didn't follow me, and she hasn't called. So, what am I to think?"
"In any relationship, there are bound to be misunderstandings," Asta replied. "Kikola doesn't strike me as the type to pack up at the first sign of trouble, and neither do you. The two of you have some things to work out, but you will."
"I suppose so." Tehvay brought her cup to her lips and finished the last of the beverage.
Asta retrieved the pot and poured her daughter another cup. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" she asked.
"No, Ima. I have no secrets from you. Ask me anything."
"It's about your love life." Asta shifted in her seat and a slightly embarrassed look came over her. "Does Kikola take control… in the bedroom?"
Now it was Tehvay's turn to shift in her seat and look embarrassed. "Well, you see… the thing is… Kikola and I are not exactly… what I mean is, we're not… we haven't…"
"Oh! I'm sorry. I just assumed that your relationship was intimate."
"It is intimate," Tehvay said, "sort of. It's not for lack of wanting. It's just that we get to a certain point, but then all these painful memories come flooding back and I just can't." Tears welled up in Tehvay's eyes.
Asta reached for her daughter's hand. "My poor child. You never said anything."
"I thought it would've resolved itself by now."
"What about Kikola?"
"She's been very patient and never pushes for more than I am capable."
"I am glad to hear it. She is a remarkable woman, your Kikola."
"Yes, she is." Tehvay smiled, then her face became sombre again. "She never complains, but I know it must be so frustrating for her. And the more time that goes by, the harder it gets for me. Not only do old memories get in the way, but there's the disappointment I know Kikola must be feeling." Tehvay hung her head.
"Maybe that's the key for both of you."
"What is?"
"New love is fraught with insecurity," Asta said. "Physical intimacy bonds two people in a way that no mere words can ever do. And with that bonding comes the freedom to shed one's fears – to trust, to feel in control."
Tehvay listened intently to her mother's wisdom as Asta continued to explain.
"Maybe by getting past this impediment to your intimacy, you will free yourself of painful memories that hold you back from enjoying the indescribable pleasures that two people in love can share together."
"I will try. Thank you, Ima, thank you." Tehvay leaned over and gave her mother a kiss on the cheek.
Asta smiled and pointed to Tehvay's cup. "Drink up, and then go home to Kikola."
Tehvay drank. The beverage warmed her inside, but there was another warmth there: the warmth of having a mother to turn to in times of trouble.
~~~~
It must be morning, Kikola surmised since she was waking up in bed.
How did I get home?
She ignored the pounding in her head and looked around.
This isn't home!
There was movement on the other side of the bed.
"You're awake," said Rikana.
Kikola stared in shock and sat up. "What? Wh— how? What?"
Rikana cackled and got out of bed. "Breakfast?"
Kikola averted her gaze from her naked colleague. She looked down at herself, and she too was naked. By reflex, she pulled the sheets up to cover herself. "What time… what happened?"
"What do you remember?"
"Drinks. Talking. You and I leaving the bar."
From the corner of her eye, Kikola saw Rikana pick up some underwear, study the article of clothing intently for a moment, then discard it.
"Anything after that?" Rikana pulled on a skirt and top.
Kikola thought hard. "No."
Rikana cackled again. "Woo, if only you could remember." She made a purring noise.
Kikola turned back to face the young woman. "We… did we… no we didn't. Did we?"
"We? Do you remember what I said? I only accept one-way traffic." She waved a finger at herself and Kikola. "So, there was no 'we'. You on the other hand…" she let the sentence trail and allowed a smirk to curl her lips. "You were… unstoppable."
Kikola's eyes grew wide with disbelief. "No! It can't be. It… never… I… wouldn't… I haven't… Tehvay…" Kikola stopped when she saw Rikana laughing.
"Tehvay, exactly. You couldn't stop talking about her. How beautiful she is. How magnificent she is. How you feel you don't deserve her. How she completes you. I could have got down on my knees and begged you for a fuck, but even in your drunken state you would never betray her that way." Rikana paused. "Not that I did get down on my knees and beg you. I was just being hypothetical."
"So, nothing happened?"
"Plenty happened. You talked about Tehvay. I listened. Now that you're sober, well, more soberer, it's my turn to talk and your turn to listen. You're a meathead. You had a little disagreement with your girlfriend, and now you think the Spur is going nova. Get over yourself and go talk to her."
Kikola reflected on the situation. She hung her head. "She left."
Rikana tossed a wadded-up ball of Kikola's clothing at her. "She was probably pissed off at you. It happens. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you or doesn't want to see you ever again. People argue."
"Not us." Kikola detangled the mess of clothing and found her shirt. There was something encrusted on it that might have been vomit. She impotently held it out towards Rikana. The young woman chuckled, opened a drawer and tossed a clean shirt at her. It landed on Kikola's head. "Thank you," she said and put it on.
Rikana sighed. "Look, I'm going to put this down to you being an inept inbred idiot. Couples argue. They say things in a way they don't mean, and sometimes they walk away from each other to create a space that they need before they really say or do something bad. They get over it. You'll get over it."
Kikola slipped on her underpants. "Really?"
"Really."
"How?"
"By not boring me with this shit!"
"Is this some sort of reverse psychology?"
"Huh? In what way?" Rikana asked
Kikola rubbed her temples. "I don't know. I have a headache," Kikola grimaced, "and an awful taste in my mouth."
"That taste ain't me." Rikana cackled.
"I need some water. May I have some, please?"
"Sure." Rikana left the bedroom and returned with a glass of water. She handed it to Kikola.
"Thank you." Kikola took a sip of water, and then drained the glass. She glanced at the chronometer. "We should be going to work."
"Not today, we'll call in sick." Rikana retrieved the glass from Kikola.
"That would be deceitful."
"How do you feel?"
Kikola's stomach did a slow roll. "Not very well."
"So, you won't be lying then."
"I suppose not. What about you? How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. I just need something unhealthy for breakfast before I start the day. You'll need some, too. Then I'll call you a hired vehicle so you can go home and make up with Tehvay."
"Thank you. That's very kind of you."
"I'm doing this for my benefit. I want to make sure I don't have to listen to you feeling sorry for yourself again." Rikana grinned. "Though having you sharing a bed has its benefits." She raised two fingers in a V shape in front of her mouth and licked them.
Kikola finally started to understand the young woman's humour and smiled.
The breakfast did little to settle Kikola's stomach, but a hot shower somehow made her feel a bit better. A few minutes later the hired vehicle arrived.
"Okay, off you go," said Rikana.
Kikola stared blankly, her head still pounding.
The young woman nodded towards the door. "What are you waiting for? A goodbye kiss? Go home!"
~~~~
The house was eerily empty and joyless. At least that's how it felt to Tehvay as she came through the front door. Kikola must have already left for work. That was to be expected; however, a small part of her was hoping that Kikola would have been there, sick with worry, waiting for her to return. Better still, thought Tehvay, I wish we hadn't quarrelled in the first place!
Tehvay noticed the bouquet of wilting flowers still lying on the kitchen table – the one Kikola had brought home to surprise her. She located a vase and put them in water, taking pains to arrange it, hoping the flowers could still be saved – like their relationship.
She sighed and headed upstairs. As she entered the bedroom, Tehvay noticed that the bed had not been slept in – no evidence that Kikola had spent the night or went to work that morning. Tehvay's heart sank a little, but she didn't want to jump to any conclusions. Right now, all Tehvay wanted to do was get out of the clothes that she had been in since yesterday and get cleaned up.
She stood in the shower, allowing the hot water to wash over her body, rehearsing what she would say to Kikola when she saw her. Maybe I should give Kikola a call now to let her know that I'm back home, Tehvay thought. Oh, but I don't want to get into a discussion over a comm device. We need to talk about it face to face.
As Tehvay towelled off, she heard a noise downstairs. She quickly put on a dressing gown and went to investigate. She was surprised to find Kikola standing in the kitchen holding another bouquet of flowers.
Tehvay noticed that Kikola looked a little worse for wear. She wasn't at all the spit and polished officer without even a strand of hair out of place. Instead Kikola had dark circles under her eyes, and she was wearing a strange shirt; oversized, bright pink and red diagonals, something that Kikola would never own.
"What are you doing home? You weren't here when I got home this morning. I assumed you had already gone to work."
"I didn't go to work today. I called in sick. Here, these are for you." Kikola glanced down at the wilted flowers on the table. "A fresh bouquet for a fresh start."
Tehvay accepted the proffered flowers and inhaled their fragrant aroma. "They're lovely. Thank you." She couldn't let the shirt go unremarked. "Where did you get that shirt? It looks like something Rikana would wear."
Kikola looked down and pulled her jacket closed. "It is Rikana's. I spent the night there. My shirt got… it was… dirty." She took a step towards Tehvay. "I am not exactly sure what happened last night, but if I said anything to upset you, I am very sorry."
Tehvay took a step towards Kikola. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have walked out on you last night. That was wrong of me. Forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive," Kikola replied, closing the gap between them. "I should not have said you couldn't go to Inosa with the PPG. It is not my place to say where you can and cannot go."
Tehvay reached for Kikola's hand and held it. "No, you do have a right to voice your concerns. This is a partnership, and when we have disagreements, we don't argue and we don't run. We sit and talk things over – work things out."
Kikola let her hand drop. "It's not that I want to control you or return to being owner and slave. I don't. I just want to keep you safe. It's all I have ever wanted." Kikola broke eye contact and glanced down at the floor.
"I know that," said Tehvay. "I apologise for not listening to you, for not giving you a chance to explain your position more clearly." Tehvay raised Kikola's chin and held her gaze. "I owe you so much. You gave up everything – your career, your position, your family – for me. I didn't stop to think how that would make you feel. Of course, it must've made you feel like you had no control. And I can't blame you if you do resent all the time I have been spending with my family, Trujilon and Ellovene, the PPG."
"No, I am happy that you spend time with family and friends. I suppose I was a little jealous of the time the PPG takes away from us. However, you are passionate about it, so I should be more supportive."
"You are… very supportive. And you have been very patient. Not at all demanding."
Kikola gave her a half-smile. "I am more than willing to be patient, for as long as it takes. I just want you to be happy and fulfilled."
"And I want the same for you. Starting now." Tehvay took Kikola by the hand and led her upstairs.
I will not allow anything spoil this for Kikola or for me, Tehvay silently vowed. She let her dressing gown fall to the floor and joined Kikola on the bed.
"I want you to just relax. I'll do all the work."
Kikola was about to protest the need, just as she had done many times before, but Tehvay stopped her with a kiss – a kiss that deepened with each breath. Tehvay liked to kiss Kikola. Her lips were so soft and yielding – nothing like the owners who had filled her mouth with rapacious tongues and other things.
Her lips took a meandering path to Kikola's breasts. As Kikola responded to her caresses, Tehvay felt the pleasure she was giving Kikola reflected back to her. It was heady and arousing in ways Tehvay had never before experienced. For the first time, she felt empowered to discover what making love truly meant.
Kikola's hips rose up to meet Tehvay's mouth as her tongue lavished long broad strokes through moist folds. Kikola's gentle moans were becoming more urgent. Her clit was pulsing with arousal. Tehvay knew it was time to explore uncharted territory.
She moved up to kiss Kikola's abdomen as her fingers replaced her tongue. She hesitated for a moment. Her mind flashed back to a previous time she was made to perform a sex act: her owner laying beneath her, telling Tehvay what to do and how to do it; the threat of a beating hanging over her if she got it wrong. This is different, she thought. This is the woman I love.
"Are you okay?" Kikola asked with concern. "Do we need to stop?"
Tehvay glanced up and smiled. "No, I'm fine. How about you?"
"Fine, yes… better than fine."
"You ready for this?"
"Yes! I am so ready."
"Good." Tehvay inched one finger inside and let it come to rest.
"You might feel a little discomfort, but it won't last. Okay?"
"Yes! Anything! Please."
She took Kikola's nipple in her mouth and sucked on the hardened nub as her finger pushed past the thin membrane. Kikola grabbed hold of Tehvay and held on until the twinge of pain had passed. Once Tehvay felt Kikola's vaginal muscles relax, she slowly withdrew.
"Are you finished?" asked Kikola.
Tehvay smiled. "No, I've just begun." Her finger went in deeper, but not too deep. Kikola whimpered as Tehvay gently moved inside her – slowly withdrawing then entering again. Kikola gasped as Tehvay quickened her pace. Kikola's hips met each thrust with urgency.
There was much more Tehvay could have done to prolong it, but as this was Kikola's first time, she didn't want to make her sore. So, when she sensed that Kikola was close, Tehvay plunged in as deeply as she could and used her thumb to stroke Kikola's hooded pearl. That sent Kikola over the edge. She let out a guttural cry as her body stiffened and shuddered.
Tehvay held Kikola in her arms and listened to her breathing return to normal. A feeling of elation and relief washed over her. It had been such a long journey to this moment for the two of them. There were times when it appeared they might never get here: so many obstacles – some seemingly insurmountable. Yet through it all, Kikola had been steadfast in her determination that the two of them were meant to love each other.
Tehvay suddenly felt quite overcome with emotions. Tears started welling up in her eyes.
Kikola leaned up and wiped away a tear that had rolled down Tehvay's cheek. "You are crying. Are you all right?"
"Yes, yes I am fine. How about you?"
"I'm better than fine!"
Kikola wanted to kiss Tehvay and asked her permission. "You never have to ask me that," Tehvay said. And to prove it, she pulled Kikola into an embrace and allowed Kikola to take the lead.
Kikola was careful not to cover Tehvay with her whole body as she leaned over Tehvay and kissed her. Tehvay parted her lips, inviting Kikola to deepen the kiss. She welcomed Kikola's tongue to explore her mouth, to taste her own essence on Tehvay's tongue.
Tehvay's pulse quickened to feel Kikola's hand softly caress her breast. Her abdominal muscles clenched involuntarily when Kikola's fingers traced a path to Tehvay's hips. Tehvay so desperately wanted to feel Kikola inside her, to experience a flood of desire coursing through her bloodstream and the indescribable pleasure of joyous release. However, Tehvay hadn't felt aroused by another's touch or by her own for a long time. That thought brought up memories of the last owner who abused her. Gallish, the woman Boran killed. She would order Tehvay to masturbate in front of her but not allow Tehvay to reach orgasm. If Tehvay showed any signs of pleasure, Gallish would order her to stop and administer an electric shock to herself. The shock did no lasting damage, but it hurt a lot. Sometimes it would cause her to lose bladder and bowel control. Tehvay quickly conditioned herself not to react to genital stimulation.
Tehvay touched Kikola's arm. "Kikola, stop."
Kikola looked up, "Am I doing it wrong?"
Tehvay pulled Kikola in close and held her in the crook of her arm. She stroked Kikola's dark brown hair and kissed her temple. "No, my love. You were doing it right. It's just…"
How can I explain it to her? That her touch doesn't excite me, no matter how much I want it to, Tehvay thought. I can't tell her, because none of it is her fault. She only wants to love me, and my broken soul won't allow it.
"Did it bring up bad memories?" asked Kikola.
"Maybe one or two, but those have been replaced with one very good memory." Tehvay gave her a knowing smile.
"I am glad. I hope it will be nothing but good memories from here on out."
"So do I. But I need to take things one step at time. There are some things I can't talk about yet. One day, maybe."
"I understand."
Do you really? Kikola had said she understood many times, but Tehvay needed to hear Kikola proclaim it again.
"You know I will never force you to do anything you are not ready for," said Kikola, her voice was small, almost pleading. "All of this is on your terms. I only want to be with you."
Tehvay languidly closed her eyes and invited Kikola to join her in a kiss.
They remained wrapped in each other's arms for several minutes. Finally, Tehvay loosened her hold and looked down at Kikola.
"I want you to know that I've decided not to go to Inosa."
"Really? That's… if you are sure."
"Yes."
"I love you, Tehvay."
"I love you too, Kikola."
Tehvay was feeling the effects of the sleepless night she had and wanted to close her eyes. She pulled Kikola in closer, leaned over and gave her one last kiss, and then started drifting off to sleep. The last thing Tehvay remembered was Kikola's arm wrapping around her waist and their hands entwined together.