Impulse: Book Two
IT'S JUST THE BEGINNING
"This is Book Two in my series called Impulse.
If you haven't read Book One: AFTER ALL IS SAID, you might want to start there."
DISCLAIMERS: (see INSTALLMENT ONE)
Copyright © 2002 by Mezzo All Rights Reserved
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The Crawfords sat down on the couch and Tori sat in the chair next to them. Paul had made them all a drink. Making themselves comfortable, they tried the best they could to make Tori feel at ease.
"Well dear. What is it that has gotten you feeling so hesitant?" Paul and Diane sat patiently giving Tori time to collect her thoughts.
"Well, let me start by saying that the two of you have been so wonderful to me through the years. You have always made me feel like one of the family. And for that, I will always be grateful. I cherish my relationship with you and Cole. He is very special to me." She stopped and gave them each a smile.
"We feel the same way Tori. You know you will always have a special place in our hearts. Cole feels the same way."
"Thank you. That really means a lot. I know that you've always held hopes that maybe Cole and I would get back together. But I'm afraid that isn't going to happen.....especially now." Tori paused to gather her thoughts.
"Tori, whoever this person is I'm sure they must be wonderful." Diane was getting very concerned. Why was Tori being so secretive?
"Well let me preface what I am about to say first.... It has taken years to come to terms with this. This is not a phase and it is not going to go away. This has nothing to do with my relationship with Cole. We share an incredible relationship and I have always wanted the best for him. Unfortunately, that does not include me. You see I used to watch my parents when I was younger. I came to believe that love was something that you never compromised on....that when true love exists, there is nothing like it. I want that for Cole. And I want that for myself. Unfortunately when love hits you, you can't choose the package that it comes in. And to tell you the truth, I wouldn't change one iota of the person that I have fallen in love with." Tori waited to see if the Crawfords had anything to say.
"Tori dear.....is this person a criminal or something? Why all the mystery?" Diane did not want to rush Tori but she was really getting anxious.
"No this person is far from a criminal." Come on Tori.... sometime today. You love Brett.......and that's all that matters. Who cares what other people thin? "She's very kind hearted and very beautiful. She's Brett Montgomery." There I said it. Tori waited for the fall out.......... But it didn't come. Looking at Diane and Paul, Tori could see that they were in a bit of shock. And something else. What that something else was she wasn't quite sure.
The Crawfords sat there stunned. This was not what they expected and yet, when Tori mentioned Brett, everything seemed to make sense. They did after all witness the two women's relationship since youth. In recollection, Diane and Paul remembered their connection. Drawing the correct conclusion, Diane thought about the look on Tori's face as Brett walked away. That was it; the peace that she saw on Tori's face was actually one of love. The love she held for Brett.
Paul Crawford on the other hand, though he comprehended what Tori was saying, was a little uncomfortable with the idea. He didn't quite understand the attraction. Victoria and Brett had grown up to be beautiful women. They could have anyone they wanted. Why would they choose this lifestyle?
"Tori, you know I understand that you and Brett are very close. You always have been. But how can you possibly say that Brett is the one? I mean, don't you want to have children? Won't you miss the company of a man?" Paul truly wanted to understand this but wasn't knowledgeable about this subject at all. All he knew was he was losing a really great future daughter in law.
"Uncle Paul, let me first answer your question by saying, I do want to have children and I have known many wonderful men. All of those things I can do if I choose to. But my love for Brett was something I did not choose. For as long as I can remember, my love for her was just there. I can't stop it anymore than I can stop breathing. For so long I denied what I felt for Brett because I thought it was wrong. But that didn't make it go away. It just made it even the more intense." Tori stopped, remembering the loneliness that she felt when Brett wasn't in her life. Has it really only been two days since Brett and I revealed everything to each other?
"Just think about it Uncle Paul.... Everyday you go around and take breathing for granted. It's always there or else you would die. Now one day someone comes along and tells you 'you can only breathe half the air that you're used to'. But you can still exist. Since you're only getting half the air and you're aware of it, now you're need becomes even more intense. It's all you can think about. Everywhere you go, all you can think about is the air you're not receiving. Nothing you do can stops that need. You try everything you can. But the air can never be replaced. It's that important. Soon you come up with ideas to use even less of the air that you are receiving so you can conserve it. You stop exercising because you use too much air, so you end up out of shape. Your self-esteem becomes less and less because it was the air that made you feel whole. Soon the people around you start to get mad, because your lack of air has made you angry, bitter and unbearable to live with. You then feel tired and lethargic and soon you are not going to work. You become less and less the person that you're proud of because you don't have the other half of what you're body needs."
Looking around the room, Tori
took in the pictures of the
"That is what it has been like for me without Brett for the last 16 years. Since Brett and I were young, there was no limit to our bond. We shared one hundred percent of our hearts as children. One day my heart told me that I had to stop my feelings for Brett because I was taught that what I was feeling was wrong. At first, I tried to just be friends. But my feelings would not go away. They just got more intense. When I no longer could control my feelings, I tried to limit my time with her and it did nothing but break both of our hearts. When that failed to dampen my feeling for Brett, I decided to try and completely erase her from my life. I tried to replace her with other things and other people but she could not be replaced. Soon I started to loose faith in everything because the love I received from Brett was what gave me hope, gave me strength. I started to close off, become bitter, and angry because I could not have what I needed most. I started to become less and less a person I could live with." Tori paused to get back her composure. Any thoughts of the years spent in separation conjured up very painful memories for her. Once she felt calm again, she continued.
"Then one day I decided I needed the other half of my soul. Brett is the air that I breathe and I cannot live without her. I don't love Brett because I choose to. I love Brett because I have to. I'm sorry to have to say this. It really is not and has not been my intention to hurt anyone. If there was any way I could have what I have with Brett with Cole, there would be no way on Earth I could have walked away. But I don't. And I pray that he will someday find what I have found. Because the moment Brett came back into my life, I could breathe again."
Tori finally finished her explanation and hoped that somehow this helped them understand how truly important Brett was to her. As the three sat in silence for a few minutes, tears began to form in Tori's eyes. Their silence made her think 'they did not understand' and she was saddened by the thought. How could love not be understood?
Diane and Paul had never heard such a heartfelt declaration of love. They shared a look between them and nodded. They both got up and went to Tori's side.
"Well honey, I guess we have a new member in our family. Brett is a very lucky woman and if you love her, we love her, although we already do since all of you kids are like our own. The fact that she can produce such a love in you Tori, only increases our love for her. Although we will be hard pressed to find another like you, and Cole definitely has his work cut out for him, we are happy for you. Be happy sweetheart. You have our support. What your parents shared when your mother was alive was nothing but spectacular. And watching you and Brett grow up kind of helps us to understand what you two share. It is special indeed." Diane stated and then looked at her husband.
"Absolutely. I may not totally understand what you and Brett share. But I can recognize love when I see it. You are very lucky to have each other." Paul reached down and pulled Tori to her feet. Taking his wife and Tori in his arms, they shared a group hug.
"Well what do you say we get back to the party?" Paul said with a smile that matched his son's and one that Tori had grown to love throughout the years.
"Um yeah. But I'm going to have to ask you to keep this between the three of us. Nobody really knows about Brett and I yet and we would rather break it to them slowly. I only told you because I didn't want you to hear it from someone else."
"Thank you sweetheart. That was very thoughtful of you. We would be glad to keep this to ourselves. But I have a feeling everyone's going to be very happy once they do find out. You and Brett somehow fit together. Once the shock of it wore off, it somehow made sense. Don't you agree dear?" Diane looked to her husband.
"Yes, yes, I have to agree." Paul was glad to see the happiness in Tori's eyes. There was no denying what he saw there.
"Thank you. That really does mean a lot. So come on I'm starving." Tori felt her heart rate return to normal. She had been nervous about the conversation and was relieved to have another seal of approval. Things were definitely falling into place.
TO BE CONTINUED. Installment Twelve