Summary: Gabrielle is hurt over the relationship between Xena and Marc Antony, and can't stand to be around her lover any longer. Will she leave Xena forever, or will Xena find a way to win her back?
Disclaimer: See Part 1
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Enjoy the show! Or so to speak.
Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into your sunlight
The future's open wide, beyond believing
To know why hope dies
Losing what was found, a world so hollow
Suspended in a compromise
The silence of this sound is soon to follow
The sun was hot, boiling the armour that covered her tanned skin, and she cursed it for not protecting her. The metal did nothing to shield her from the pain in her heart as she staggered down the dirt path, pulling Argo along behind her. She cursed the Gods be damned armour, she cursed the unforgiving sun, and she cursed herself for getting herself into this mess in the first place. If only she hadn't taken the path she did, if only she had rejected the advances of Marc Antony, then she wouldn't be travelling alone. If she had only done right by her lover, the sun wouldn't be so hot, and the path not so steep, because she'd be in the company of Gabrielle.
And the Gods know, nothing could be so bad when she had the blonde bard by her side.
But without her, everything seemed so much harder, every step she took was so painful, without her love's encouraging and comforting words being whispered in her ear. There were so many questions in her head, all gone unanswered. All her hopes and dreams of redemption and a peaceful life were dashed. And even though she could feel the sun beating down upon her, her world was in darkness, without her bard's light to lead her. Her world was empty, just like her chest which was missing her heart.
And finding answers
Is forgetting all of the questions we call home
Passing the graves of the unknown
As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading
Illusions of the sunlight
And the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting
Love gone for so long
It had been almost a moon now since Gabrielle had left her at their camp, taking all her belongings and riding away on her horse. A whole moon without her love, the taste of her lips, the touch of her hands. And the silence, the silence was neverending. She could hear the sound of the wind, the swaying of branches, and when she was on the ship back to Greece, she could hear the waves crashing against the boat, but there was always something missing. The soothing sound of her love's voice, caressing her soul, and filling her with a love so strong that she felt her heart would explode. It was so quiet without it, and her heart felt weak, like the next beat could be it's last.
She missed the stories that the small bard would tell as they travelled. She missed the way her lover's voice would change with each character, and how her hands moved as they tried to describe the scene she was setting in the mind of her audience of one. She missed everything about Gabrielle, from the way she crinkled her nose when she smiled, the way her stomach muscles rippled with every step she took, to the way she snored softly as she slept, her face the picture of innocence and purity, showing none of the pain she carried so heavily in her heart.
And more than anything, she missed those small, soft hands that touched her so intimately. The fingertips that caressed her skin, massaged her tense muscles, brought her to climax. She missed the way they tangled in her hair as they made love, the blunt fingernails that scratched down her back when she was so deep inside her lover she didn't know when she ended and Gabrielle begun. The hands that roughly grabbed the back of her neck and crushed her lips against the soft ones that belonged to her soulmate, the hands that held her hips as she thrusted into her lover until they both tumbled over into pleasure that couldn't be described in words.
She missed Gabrielle so much that it hurt, physically and emotionally, but she was gone, never to return.
This day's ending is the proof of time killing all the faith I know
Knowing that faith is all I hold
Faith. Faith was all that she had left. Faith that maybe she would make it through, faith that maybe her soulmate would return to her. A part of her knew that it was hopeless, that she'd return to Amphipolis and that her lover wouldn't be there waiting for her, but she had to have faith. Because without it, she had nothing, and she couldn't keep living without the hope that maybe Gabrielle would forgive her. Maybe, Gabrielle would realise that they were made for each other, and give her another chance to prove that she could be worthy of her love.
Who am I kidding? I thought to myself, furiously kicking a log out of my way and watching in satisfaction as it shattered against a nearby tree. I'm not worthy of her brilliance. I've known that from the start, that I don't deserve her light. I didn't deserve any of the things she offered me, I just took them for granted, thinking that she would never walk away. And look what that got me, nothing. Nothing except for a self inflicted broken heart, and a path to walk alone. I don't know which path to walk without her, I don't know who I am without her. I'm lost.
And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love
Without love gone wrong
Lifeless words, carry on
But I know
All I know
Is that the ends beginning
It felt like the end, the end of their relationship, maybe even the end of her life. But she knew, she had to keep going, because even though her lover might not be waiting for her in Amphipolis, someone was. Eve, their daughter, was waiting for her to come home, and she wouldn't dissapoint her. Everything else may be lost, but she would always have their daughter to remind her of their love. And when she found her, she was going to hold her and never let her go, and then she was going to make some changes. Not small, hardly noticeable changes, but big, life changing differences, so that when Gabrielle came to see Eve, she would see that I can change.
I will show her that I can be everything she needs. I will be the woman she deserves, I will be loving and affectionate, I will comfort her, and hold her when she cries. I will talk to her about everything, everything that I feel, and all the dreams I have for our future together that I never told her when I should have. I will provide for her, and profess my undying love for her everynight as she lays in my arms. I will be her home.
Who I am from the start
Take me home to my heart
Let me go
And I will run
I will not be silenced
All this time spent in vain
Wasted years, wasted gain
All is lost, hope remains
And this war's not over
No matter how hard the rest of this journey is, no matter how many men and armies I have to fight, no matter how cold the nights are when I'm not wrapped up in my lover's warm embrace, I will not give up. I will use my pain and my hurt to make everything right again. I can't give up, I can't lose, because if I do, my life will have no meaning. Even with my daughter in my arms, I won't be able to see the sun, because without Gabrielle, there is nothing. So I will fight, fight for the love that I threw away, the love that I don't deserve, because I need it. I've wasted so many years by her side, never really telling her how much I loved her. She has lived and died for me, she has battled Gods for our daughter, she has laid upon crosses for our love, given up her way of peace for my life. She has given me everything, and I have given her nothing, except for a few exciting stories to tell, and a whole lifetime of pain and suffering.
No more will I be selfish and secretive, I will give her my all. I will give her the bad, but most of all, I will give her the good, because she deserves nothing less than every part of my being. Because I belong to her, even though she doesn't know it, my heart, soul, mind and body are in her grasp. She is the love of my life, my soulmate, my light, my entire world, my greater good, and I will fight for her.
I will fight for her, and I will see the sun once more.
Theres a light
Theres the sun
Taking all the shattered ones
To the place we belong
And his love will conquer all
Yesterday I died, tommorrows bleedingFall into your sunlight
To Be Continued In Part Three
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