Gabrielle's Journal Series:  Mothers

by Murphy

Same as before! I do not own them, you know who does. It is Alt! This is number five in the Journal Series. Do not know how many more I have in me. We shall see. Deb! Love Ya! Thank you to my beta team: Becky Lovall, Sam Ruskin, and LJ Maas. Thank you to the Ex-Guards! You all are wonderful! -Poem by Gwen Harvey

Journal Entry:


Hello. This has been the first time in a week I’ve had a chance to write to you. A messenger found Xena and I, just outside Athens. We were there to meet Hercules and Iolaus for a festival. Cyrene took ill and they didn’t know if she would make it. After we said fast goodbyes to our friends, we rode like Tartarus to get to Amphipolis. Poor Argo, she was panting hard by the time we got there. Xena would only stop for short rests, so I gave Cyrene's stable hand strict instructions on how to baby Argo; plus, I rewarded her with a few extra apples for having to put up with a moody owner and my extra weight.

The look on Xena's face, when that messenger found us and gave us the news, is still with me. She turned pale and those baby blues that I have grown fond of, filled with worry. In a flash, we were on our way, quiet and deep in thought.

Cyrene has become more of a mother to me than my own. She has loved and accepted me from day one, treated me with love and respect. I love her with all my heart. It’s a nice feeling to have some kind of parental love. It moved me to tears when she told me to call her mom; that I was a daughter to her, also.

When I was growing up, I learned to be a good little girl and do what I was told. Then, when I was a grown woman, my husband would take care of me. Dare to dream. I couldn’t really blame my mother; she learned the same crap by her mother. Women were to be seen, not heard. They got a reality check when I was born.

Cyrene and I spent time talking about Xena, my family, and the future. She made me realize that I need to simply love my mother for who she is and stop trying to change her. I also learned some cute stories about a young Xena. She got into some interesting trouble as a child. I will need to tell our kids about the time their mother had a run in with a very angry rooster, and lost.

I also learned of the dark times. Lyceus and Xena were two of a kind. Wherever Xena went, Lyceus was not far behind. When he was lost, so was Xena. Cyrene still has guilt over how she treated Xena. She always said that if only she would have stuck by Xena, her daughter would never have gone through what she did. As I have learned, we cannot live by what ifs. It only makes things worse. She thanked me for bringing the real Xena back to her. I sat back and watched them slowly heal old wounds, and become mother and daughter once more.

When we arrived in Amphipolis, Toris was outside to greet us. He told us that mom caught the fever, has been unconscious for the past couple days, and the Healer is worried. The Healer said, women Cyrene’s age don’t fare well with this kind of illness. He doesn’t know who this woman is or whose mother she is. Cyrene will make it, if only out of sheer stubbornness.

My wife is very worried. She hasn’t left her mother’s side since we arrived. Xena is so tender with her mother. Every half a candle mark we try to get some water down her, along with the fever medicine. Xena takes a cool cloth to her mother, trying to bring her temperature down. I have to admit that when I first saw her, I had to go out of the room to cry. I must be strong for Xena.

I forced Xena to rest. We took shifts, Toris, Xena and I. Cyrene was sweating and shaking, and floating in and out of consciousness. The thing that is the most painful to watch, and brings us all to tears, is mom’s cries. She yells out for her lost son, when she calls for Lyceus. I thought for sure that would do my wife in. Then, she called for her daughter that she thought she lost. That did us all in. I held onto Xena while she held her mother and we all cried.

Toris, all that man could do, is stand back and let his tears fall in silence.

Last night I came to Cyrene's room to force my stubborn warrior to rest and stopped at the sound of Xena singing. I watched through the cracked door as she rocked her mother and sang, with her eyes full of tears. Gods, it broke my heart. Then she started to talk to her mama. Asking her mother’s forgiveness for all she had done; for not being the daughter Cyrene needed, and then she just sobbed. I lost it and ran in the room when she sobbed, "Mama, please don't leave me." I grabbed hold of her and held her so tight. My sweet warrior, your mama will make it. I chanted repeatedly, until she calmed down. I helped her to the little cot in the room so she could rest. 

After a couple of very hard days, we were blessed with a beautiful sight. I saw the woman who gave my wife those blue eyes wake up. Her fever broke and it was a most joyous time for all. She was showered with hugs and kisses.

I know where Xena gets her stubbornness. Can you believe that woman wanted to get up and take care of the tavern? It took all three of us, threatening her, to get her to rest. I even told her if she got up, I would have Xena cook for the customers, which earned me a playful slap on the butt, and a growl from a very smiling warrior.

It was wonderful to see Xena and her...our, mother bond. All children need to have their mother’s love. We crave it. While Xena and Toris get to be a family I have time to come here and write. I find myself missing my own mother. Wishing we could be close one day. I also find myself saying thank you, to whoever is listening, for my second mother.

To my second mother:

I want you to know that you've made such a difference in my life with your warmth and kindness.  You have taken me into your house, into your arms, and into your life, with a smile and total acceptance.  Thank you for your friendship and all the times when you listened and understood.  Thank you for loving me as if I were your own.  Please know how much I love you and how much you really mean to me.  I love you, Cyrene. My second mom.

I will finish this entry later. I have the need to write my mother and to hug my second one. Be back later.

Hello, again. As we thought, Cyrene got up the next day and went to work. Xena gets her healing skills from her mom. That woman got up as if she was never ill. Gods, I hope I have that strength at her age. The tavern and customers missed her greatly. She was back in old form. Xena and I will stay a bit longer. I want mother and daughter to have more time to bond. I want them all to feel like a family once more. It is sad how we do not learn to value a person until we come close to losing them. We must all take time out and say I love you. It is too late when they are gone.

The messenger I sent brought back a letter from home. Mother and Lila are coming to visit and help Cyrene out. Surprise was written on my face. Wonder what she had to do to get father to let her come. It will be nice to have time to bond with my mother. It will also be nice to have both my mothers get to know one another. To be a family.

Until tomorrow,

Read Journal Entry #6 "Sisters"

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