Gabrielle's Journal Series:  Trials Of Relationships

by Murphy

More fluff! The muse is stuck on these Journal Entries! Still Alt! Thank you to the beta team! Beck Lovall, Sam Ruskin, and LJ Maas. Ex-Guards! You are the best! Deb! Love ya! First poem’s author is unknown, the second poem’s author is by Michelle L. High.

Journal Entry:


Hello. It’s me again! It’s been one of those days. Xena is in her moody warrior  mode. I cannot do anything to please that woman. If I didn’t love her so much, I would have already killed her.

She goes through these once in a while. You might think it is her moon cycle or something. Gods! The tests in a relationship can be a real hassle at times.

I guess this is where faith and love come into play.

I remember when my mother would have these days with my father. She would stomp around the house, snap at Lila and me. My parents would hardly talk, like they ever talked that much in the first place. After a day or two, things would go back to normal for us. Father would grunt and mother would hop up and do what he wanted.

With Xena, we are more equal in our relationship than my parents were. I love her and I am trying hard not to wrap my staff around her head, but Gods, she is making it tough. I tried everything to get her to open up, tell me why she is being such a...well, a bitch. There is no other way to put it!

I asked her, "Who pissed on your sword this morning?" Only to get a growl in response.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner were all not to her liking. I didn’t pack the gear correctly so that turned into a fight, after which we didn’t speak to one another all day. Thank the Gods for those stupid bandits, though they would beg to differ. We both worked some much-needed stress out. At one point she had me so upset, I stormed off into the woods to cry. I stayed out until dark. I felt her check on me a few times. She climbs into the trees to make sure I am okay. I come back to an empty bedroll, but she must still be in the trees, deep in thought.  

I know we will be fine; we always make it through. Life cannot pass without some challenges. They keep you on your toes; let you know you are alive. Sometimes you wish they would just go away. Even through all my anger, love wins. Starting with how she makes me feel. I work it all out by writing.

My words now flow out in a poetic blur and it is about love, not anger. So, I sit here now, while my wife is thinking, and work through my emotions for the day. The one thought I come back to is love.


A love that’s only been written of,
The kind of which others can only dream.
They pray to find our kind of love -
Passionate, warm, yet pure and clean.

Your gentle words, your shining eyes
Are only a part of the love we share.
Your tender voice and quiet sighs
Are little things that show you care.

When we’re together, all I know
Is how much I love you.
And all that I can hope for
Is that you love me, too.

As long as the Gods are glad for us;
That we should be together,
Then, we know our happiness
And love will last forever

We all have bad times but the good ones outweigh them greatly. Xena and I promised each other not to go to bed angry. She will come back and we will talk.

"Gabrielle?" I look up from my journal.  I can tell she was crying.

"I’m so sorry for being such a--" She is giving it some thought.

"Bitch?" I say. Well, that got me a smile.

"Yeah, that." Her smile fades and she looks at her feet.

"What was going on with you today?" I asked, a little too sternly. Those blue eyes look into mine.

"Gabrielle, I go through times where my past seems to haunt me." A tear slides down her cheek.

"You know that burned out village we past a couple days ago, with all those people who now have nothing?" Tears are coming steadily now.

"I did that at one time, I hurt people like that."

She is now sobbing and I pull her into my arms and rub her back until they lessen. Being with her all these years, I know we will go through this many more times. It will never stop until she learns to forgive herself. While holding this proud warrior, I look to the stars and pray that my love can do that for her. Until then, I will be by her side, holding her.

"Xena? Like I have said before, that was not you. The person I hold close to me is the same one that helped the injured, and got the villagers to the next town to start a new life. That is the difference." I said that sternly also. She knew she couldn’t debate me on this.

"Love you, my bard." She wipes her tears and gives me a peck on the cheek.

"Love you too, warrior, even though at times you drive me insane." That earns me a chuckle and another kiss.

"We better get some sleep, we have a busy day tomorrow," my warrior says.

"I’m almost finished here, why don't you get comfortable. I’ll join you in a minute." She stands and hands me a piece of scroll. I look at her puzzled.

"What's this?" I watch as she gets our bedroll ready for sleep.

"It’s something I wrote for you. Don’t take too long, I want to hold you." I love those sweet baby blues.

"You, wrote something?" I give her a smirk.

"Yes I did, smart ass." She gives me a cute growl then lies down. I start to read.

To Tell You How I Feel

How do I express to you how I feel, my heart, my soul it's a package deal.  The longer we are together the harder I fall, my love, my compassion you have it all.  I love you more than words can say; the feeling grows stronger, each and every day.  Do you understand; I would obey your every command?  With every star I see, each time night falls; I wish us eternity together with all my might.  I hug and kiss you every day, and although I know it isn't much, it's the only way I have to show you the love I put into us.  I try to tell you each time that we meet; however expressing my feelings is no simple feat.

Love you my bard,

I look over to my sleeping lover, Gods, how I love her. I go back to my journal and finish up.

As I told you, love will win out over all. It is hard at times, but it is very worth it. Now that she has turned me into a mushball, I will now go get me some warrior.

Until tomorrow,

Read Journal Entry #5 "Mothers"


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