Into the Dark

by Sharon Smith



This is an alternative uber story. The characters are my own. They just look and sometimes act like characters that belong to RenPics and USA Studios.

General Disclaimer:

This fiction is about professional musicians, so yes, there will be sex, drugs and maybe even some rock & roll every once in a while. I really don't think I need to say much more than that, but I will, just in case…

Adult Subject Matter:

One of the main characters deals with an addiction, one that causes her to hit rock bottom and do things that may make some people uncomfortable.

Love/Sex Disclaimer:

This story features consensual sexual relationships between adult women, some implied m/f relations, and a bit of BDSM. (Not a whole heck of a lot, but just enough to warrant the disclaimer). There's nothing extremely explicit. If this bothers you, is illegal in the state you live or you are under the age of 18, find something else to read. There are loads of general stories out there in the Xenaverse.


Again, these characters are in the music business so, yes, there is some bad language. UberX seems to want to have a foul mouth for some reason. I don't know where it's coming from cause I really don't curse often, except when I'm at work. Actually, I did happen to write some (okay, most) of this there.


Yep, there be a bit of violence in this fiction. Nothing gory though.


Got me some of that here too.

Music Business Knowledge:

I can't claim I know very much about the business, so if any of this seems terribly out there to you, it probably is. I do know how to play the drums though, so I can tell you about that.

Many thanks to kas, Yolanda, Peace, Rainne, Denise, Kevin and the pups for beta reading this baby for me. Thank you to Peggy for supplying me with the name of the band, and to Missy Good for giving me permission to use Tropical Storm- the book, in a small part of the story.

Any comments can be sent to:

Part 5

Chapter 13

Rebecca noticed the dark woman's hands were shaking as she was driving the 3 plus hour drive from the Garden to her Amagansett home. "Are you okay? Why are your hands shaking?" She looked at her lover's face, noticing that Jordanna looked tense and a million miles away. "Do you want me to drive?"

The dark woman shook her head as if clearing her mind of her previous thoughts. "Huh?"

Rebecca put her hand on the drummer's knee and squeezed it lightly. "I just asked you if you were okay."

Uh, no, I'm not okay, Rebecca, but how do I explain that to you? "Uh, yeah… I'm fine, Rebecca, why?"

Rebecca wondered if the drummer was coming down with something, but somehow she had the feeling there was more to it than that. "It's just… well you're a million miles away, your hands are shaking and you have sweat running down your face. Are you okay to drive?"

Jordanna shook her head again like she had done a few minutes before. "I can drive," she said gruffly, shifting in her seat to get comfortable. She realized that wasn't going to happen because the aching in the lower half of her body wasn't going to let her. She tried hard to get the visual images and the redhead's seductive words out of her mind, focusing on getting home and making it through the night without doing something she'd regret.

Rebecca didn't find Jordanna's assurances comforting for some crazy reason, but decided not to push the drummer further on the subject. "Okay, but if you need a break just say it and I'll drive."

When they arrived at the house, the dark woman's hands were still shaking as she tried to unlock the front door. "Shit!" she muttered under her breath, hoping the young woman wouldn't notice. Rebecca grabbed the keys from her and opened the door. After they both were in the house, Rebecca handed the keys to her lover and touched her arm. "What is wrong, Jordanna? Don't try to tell me its nothing."

The dark woman glared at and walked past her, heading up the stairs to her bedroom. "I'm gonna get changed."

Rebecca headed for the kitchen. "I'll make us some tea, maybe we can watch a movie or something?" She got no response from the drummer.

Jordanna locked the door behind her when she got in her bedroom. She knew she couldn't let the young reporter see this and cursed herself that she had let it happen. Too many years of over-indulging herself while she was on the road. How could it not happen? The images, the temptation… it was all too much for her to handle. Did she really think it would just go away now that she had found love?


But it hadn't, and her body was more than telling her that. She went into the bathroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Rebecca was right- she was shaking and sweating profusely.

Maybe if I just take care of this by myself…

She went back into her bedroom, unzipped her leather pants and laid down on her bed, slowly easing her hand down to feel her own wet curls that were protecting the area just aching to be touched. She needed that release, but just not this way. She needed to feel the power again… needed to feel the control. Her body craved it, like a junkie needs a fix. She needed to let the darkness inside her loose again.

You want this. You need this. You've got a beautiful piece of ass downstairs waiting for you. She says she loves you. See how far she's willing to go for you, Jordanna…

But her heart and her head fought it.

Don't do this to her, Jordanna. She deserves better than this. She's not one of your sleazy groupies.

She closed her eyes and sat with her head in her hands for a few minutes, praying to God for control, hoping that the overpowering urge would pass.

But it didn't.

"Rebecca!" She screamed her lover's name on the top of her lungs as she got up and walked to her bedroom door to unlock it. "Come up here NOW! Please!" Her lips twitched into a twisted grin as she let her dark side take control of her actions once again.

Not knowing what was wrong, Rebecca took the stairs two at a time. "What? What's wrong?" As soon as she walked in the room, the reporter saw the look in her lover's eyes and noticed the unzipped pants right away. What the hell? "Jordanna, talk to me please."

The dark woman didn't say a thing with her mouth, but her eyes that were filled with desire said all that needed to be said. That's all that Rebecca could feel, those intense eyes burning into her like a hot flame… wanting… needing.

The next thing the reporter felt was her body being slammed against the wall, and hands ripping at her clothing. The buttons on her denim shirt flew all over the room, and the drummer pushed her bra up violently. She could feel Jordanna's heavy breathing against her neck and felt the cotton of the drummer's shirt against her now bare breasts.

"Let me fuck you," the drummer growled, not waiting for her answer before taking Rebecca's sore nipple into her mouth and tugging hard on her new jewelry.

The drummer's body was present in the room with Rebecca, but her mind was elsewhere…

Jordanna imagined a small, dark-haired woman she had taken in… what town was that? Was it this tour? She couldn't remember. What she did remember was that she had no trouble coaxing the woman back to her hotel room after one of their after-show parties. She also had no trouble coaxing her out of her clothing… and she did enjoy the feel of the sting when Jordanna spanked the woman mercilessly. What was her name? Couldn't remember that either.

The images of that night remained in Jordanna's mind as her out of control body continued its assault on her lover. Rebecca felt her body shudder, unaware if it was from pleasure or pain. "What? Fuck me? Oh God, Jor… yes, please…"

Another tug on the reporter's jeans and she felt the cool air against her completely exposed body. Jordanna put her leather-covered thigh in between Rebecca's legs and forcefully spread them apart, cursing when the jeans around her feet got in her way. "Get these fucking things off," she commanded, smacking the young woman's foot so she would lift it up, allowing Jordanna to pull Rebecca's shoes off and free her legs to give her access to the young woman's sacred treasure. "That's better."

In the hotel room, the drummer had the woman tied to the bed with a blindfold on. "You certainly are willing to do anything for me, aren't you? You all are." she purred as she caressed a breast with her whip, smiling when the woman's nipple stood at attention for her. The woman merely shook her head. The whip worked its way further down her body. The drummer felt herself shiver as she heard the woman moan.

Rebecca moaned when she felt the drummer slide down to her knees, her hands never leaving her sensitive body. The moan turned into a full-blown groan when she felt Jordanna's tongue make contact with her beyond wet center. The scene was both scary and exciting to her, and she realized that she wanted nothing more than the drummer to take her at her terms.

In that hotel room, the drummer had the bound woman spread eagle on the bed. Jordanna was on her knees between the woman's legs. She leaned forward and whispered into the woman's ear before she nibbled on it. "Tell me what you want me to do to you." The bound woman cried out as she felt the dark woman's insistent nibbling make it's way down her neck. "I want to you to love me with your whip, Jordanna, and then I want you to fuck me with your body."

The dark woman looked up at her lover, her intense blue eyes were screaming with desire. "You like that, don't you? You want me to fuck you until you scream, don't you?" Rebecca felt paralyzed when she looked into blue eyes and heard the words the drummer was saying.

The reporter's legs were getting weaker and she felt like they were going to give at any time. "Up, now!" the drummer commanded, grabbing hold of the younger woman's leg and putting it over her shoulder. "Stay like that until I tell you to move." Rebecca had one hand on the wall and the other on Jordanna's shoulder to hold her weak body up.

The drummer could feel herself responding to the situation, the old power of power grabbing a hold on her once again. Rebecca watched her lover as she closed her eyes and arched her body backward, letting out an animalistic moan that Rebecca thought all of Long Island could hear, as a powerful orgasm ripped through her body. Did she just?


"I guess I didn't explain the rules to you little girl," the dark-haired woman growled. "You don't speak without being spoken to first, got that?"

Rebecca nodded her head.

"Good girl."

Jordanna's mind remained in the hotel room in that unknown town as she invited two of her fingers to join her tongue in her quest to dominate the small woman. "Oh God, Jordanna… don't stop," Rebecca pleaded as she felt the dark woman start to pull away from her.

The reporter nearly lost her footing as Jordanna began to get up. "What did I say about talking?" she said as she started to walk away from the reporter. "Stay there," the dark woman hissed. "Do not move an inch."

Rebecca watched Jordanna as she walked to the other side of the room and opened her dresser drawer. The dark woman spoke in her lowest register. "Close your eyes."

The sexy voice spoke straight to Rebecca's already aroused body. "What?"


Doing as the drummer said, she could hear that her lover's breath was heavy and ragged. She was fumbling around with something, but she didn't know what it was.

The dark woman spoke again. "Get down on your knees," she commanded, rummaging around her dresser drawer for the tools that she was looking for. She ran her hand across the cold metal handcuffs, and a chill went through her body. Her hand finally came to rest on the soft leather strands of her flogger, and she caressed them sensuously. She lifted out the items that she wanted, and shut the dresser drawer. "And keep your eyes closed."



Rebecca couldn't believe that she was actually doing what she was doing, but within seconds she was down on her knees waiting for her next instruction from the dark woman.

"Like a dog," the drummer growled.

You've got to be kidding me? "Jordanna?"

"You heard me, do it!"

The small woman got down on her hands and knees. Her body was responding wildly to the dark woman's commands. She could feel the heat her body was giving off, and felt the wetness between her legs gently reminding her that if Jordanna didn't touch her soon, she was probably going to die from need. "Jordanna, please," she whispered as she felt her lover's presence come up behind her.

Leaning over Rebecca, Jordanna ran her hand between the small woman's soaking wet legs and whispered in her ear. "You spoke without being spoken to again and you must be punished. What do you want me to do to you?"

"Take me," the reporter pleaded quietly.

"Say the word."

The word?


"Take me, please?"

"Open," the dark woman commanded as she offered the reporter her finger dripping with her own essence. Rebecca willingly accepted the finger, enjoying the feel of the digit in her mouth until Jordanna pulled it away. The dark woman ran her fingers between the reporter's legs once again. "I will teach you how to share," she said, before she slid her finger into her own mouth.

"Mmm… you certainly are ready," the dark woman purred. "Aren't you?"


Rebecca thought she was going to lose her mind if Jordanna kept up the slow torture. She moaned when she felt the leather of Jordanna's pants against the back of her thigh. "Since you asked me so nicely, I'll grant your wish," she said as she slapped the smaller woman hard on the ass. "Unh," the reporter moaned at the contact.

After a few seconds Jordanna slapped her again. "Oh God. C'mon, Jordanna, ple…oh yes…" she screamed as she felt something whip across her back, leaving a heated stinging sensation in it's wake. She then felt Jordanna spread her legs and penetrate her hard with what she assumed was a toy of some sort.

"You want this, don't you?"

A whisper. "Oh God…ye… yes."

"Good," the velvet voice said. "I only want to please you. Now tell me, how do you want it?"

The reporter could barely speak. "What?"

Taking it slow, the drummer pulled Rebecca into an upright position and ran her hands over the younger woman's breasts. "How do you want it?" she whispered in Rebecca's ear, keeping her rhythm in sync with the reporter's. "Fast, slow, hard, gentle? Tell me how you want it… tell me…"

"Uh…" Rebecca had no clue what she was saying, thinking or doing now. She was ready to go over the edge and was glad that the dark woman, crazed or not, was the one to take her there. "Fuck me…Fuck me…Fuck me!" the young woman screamed.

Hearing Rebecca's voice screaming those obscenities brought the dark woman's mind from that hotel room and back to reality.

What the hell did I just do? This is Rebecca- the woman I claim to love. Not a cheap quickie.

Oh God, what have I done?

Jordanna felt tears starting to stream down her cheeks and all she could do was ride Rebecca's 'go there bus' with her until the last stop of the tour before she collapsed on the floor with the young reporter in her arms.

"Oh God, Rebecca… I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have… I didn't mean…" The seriousness of the situation hit the drummer hard. "I am so sorry."

Rebecca saw how vulnerable the drummer looked at that moment down on the floor in a heap- the strap on she used hanging lazily between her legs. "It's okay. C'mon, Jordanna, I'm okay, see… I'm okay, really," the smaller woman crooned, cupping the crying drummer's cheeks in her hands. Something clicked in Rebecca's head.

Now I know why she was acting like that. Now I know why she doesn't behave herself on the road. She can't.

"God, I… I am so sorry, Rebecca," the drummer said, really feeling fear for the first time. Fear of losing something so special, something she had no idea she needed more than anything in her life. "Did I hurt you?"

The reporter locked eyes with Jordanna. "No, you didn't hurt me." Except for this painful stinging across my back. You just scared me a little, Jordanna."

"Oh God," the drummer whispered quietly as they remained in each other's arms on the floor. Jordanna felt her heart breaking. "Rebecca, I'm sorry I scared you… can you forgive me?"

The reporter ran her fingers through the drummer's dark hair. "There's nothing to forgive, Jordanna… addiction is not an easy thing to admit or control."

"What?" Jordanna could feel her anger building at the sound of the word. "But… I'm not…"

Rebecca kissed her gently before she could say anything more. "I didn't understand what was the matter with you before, but now I do."

Jordanna got up and walked away from the young woman. "I'm not an addict, Rebecca. Don't call me an addict… Susan's a fucking addict!"

The reporter followed Jordanna and pulled her around so she could look into her eyes. "Yes…" She cleared her throat. "Yes, you are, Jordanna. You might not see it that way, but you are."

The drummer's eyes became cold and her voice harsh. "And I suppose you will tell me, Rebecca, just what exactly am I addicted to?"

"Sex, Jordanna, you are addicted to sex."

"No… I'm not," Jordanna tried to object. "I can stop."

Rebecca picked the flogger up from the floor and said the first thing that came to her mind. "Why didn't you then?"

"I…" The drummer noticed the tool that Rebecca had in her hand. "Rebecca, did I hit you with that?"

The reporter answered her quietly. "No." She lied.

Jordanna lunged forward and turned Rebecca's body around, only to be greeted by four fresh stripe marks going down her back. "Damn it, Rebecca, don't lie to me! I did hit you with it."

"I know you didn't do it to hurt me, Jordanna. You didn't even know you were doing it."

"And that's supposed to make it right?" The drummer closed her eyes and let the tears fall. She backed herself up against the wall, and slid down it. "Don't fucking make excuses for me, Rebecca. There are none." She sat there quietly for a while, with her hands covering her eyes, and then stood up.

Rebecca walked up behind the drummer, who was now standing in front of the window, looking out. She wrapped her arms around the tall woman's waist and laid her head against her back. "Jordanna, this only proves that you are addicted… if you weren't, then why would you do that? Not once did you say my name… when we make love you always say my name, Jordanna… always. It was like you were someone else, somewhere else, with someone else."

The drummer couldn't argue any longer. She couldn't hold back a new set of tears. Oh God. I am an addict.

"It wasn't you, Rebecca. The person I was just with wasn't you. Can you understand that? I… I didn't ever want you to see me like this, or for you to be involved… especially not as a participant. I really thought I could handle it, Rebecca," the drummer said, her voice weak and shaky. "I really did. I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry for what I just did to you… did to us."

Rebecca pulled Jordanna closer; unable to hold her own tears in. "Jordanna… you didn't do anything to us. Please believe that. I love you. Trust in that."

"I do," the drummer admitted. "I never wanted to hurt you, Rebecca."

"Jordanna, please look at me." The drummer remained in the position she was in, looking out the bedroom window.

"LOOK AT ME, JORDANNA!" This time the drummer listened and turned to look at her. "You did not hurt me," Rebecca explained, looking her in the eyes. "Please believe me."

Jordanna felt her heart pounding hard. "Rebecca, I love you and I don't want to lose you. I can't stand the thought of losing you."

Rebecca leaned her forehead against the dark woman's and started to laugh. "You are not going to lose me. Got that?"

The two moved away from each other and Rebecca noticed the look on the drummer's face. It was a look of relief, but she still couldn't help but notice the sadness in Jordanna's usually sparkling eyes. "I'm going to go shower and put some clothes on… but we need to talk about this more, Jordanna."

The drummer cringed at the mention of a shower. "Take a cold shower. Your back is going to sting from the marks."

Rebecca nodded and started to walk toward the bathroom. Jordanna called out to her. "Let me know when you are done, I have to take care of your back, it needs salve."

"I will," the reporter answered, and then closed the door behind her.

Jordanna stood quietly by the bathroom door, and listened as Rebecca prepared herself for a shower. She heard the water turn on and she knew the exact moment the water hit the young woman's back by the audible gasp she heard. She pulled a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt out of her closet, and went into the bathroom downstairs to shower.

Once Rebecca became acclimated to the water and the intense stinging in her back, she began to lather up. As she was showering, bits and pieces of conversations she had shared with the dark-haired woman had come back to her. Rebecca now knew that her lover had an addiction and knew that she needed to get help for it before it consumed her… or consumed them both. She thought about what the drummer had said about Susan's addiction to cocaine.

"An addict will do just about anything for their fix, Rebecca. Anything. They always seem to find a way."

She realized now that what Jordanna had said had not just come from understanding what it was like to be addicted, but from actually knowing because she herself had an addiction. She also knew that she would fight it along with the dark woman, even if she didn't want her to.

Shutting the shower off, she dried her wet body as best as she could without making contact with her back. She opened the door slightly. "Jor?" She saw the jar of salve sitting on a table next to the bed and grabbed it. "Jordanna?"

The dark-haired woman walked back into the room fully dressed. "Lie down on the bed."

Rebecca did as she was told, lying on Jordanna's bed on her stomach. She felt the end of the bed dip as her lover settled her weight on it. "This is going to sting."

The reporter grabbed onto the pillow tightly and only jumped a bit as Jordanna began to gently apply the salve to the marks on her back. Jordanna took her time, making sure she didn't apply any extra pressure to the wounds and then stopped.

Rebecca felt the drummer's movement still and then felt the strange sensation of something wet splashing across her back. "Jor?" She turned her body slightly and looked into the wet eyes of her lover.

"I'm so sorry," the drummer repeated once again as she looked back into concerned green eyes. "I can't believe I did this to you." She put the cap back on the jar of salve and got up from the bed. "I think that's good for now. Get dressed." She turned around and walked out of the room.

After she threw a robe on, Rebecca went back to the kitchen to make the tea she had started to make before the drummer had called for her. Jordanna was already in the kitchen, sitting with her elbows on the table and her head in her hands. Her car keys were on the table in front of her. Rebecca immediately walked over to the drummer and started to give the dark woman a hug but she shrugged her off. "Don't."

Rebecca felt the sting of the word and stepped away from the drummer. "Jordanna… please don't shut me out."

The drummer sat there silent for a few minutes as Rebecca finished making the tea. She placed the two cups on the table and sat down next to Jordanna. "At least drink your tea."

Jordanna took a sip of her tea and spoke. "I'm driving you home tonight."


"I think it would be best if you leave, Rebecca," she said coldly. "Get as far away from me as you can, before I hurt you again."

Rebecca felt tears stinging her eyes and tried to blink them out of them. "You don't mean that."

"I do mean it. I want you to go."



"I said no, I don't want to go."

"Rebecca, please…"

"Do you really want me to go?"

Jordanna didn't answer, instead choosing to stare into space.

"DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO GO? Answer me, damn it!"

"Now I know I'm supposed to spend my life alone, just like she said I was supposed to," the drummer said as her answer. Her voice was emotionless. "Nobody deserves living with a low life shit like me. Least of all someone beautiful and wonderful like you."

Rebecca slapped Jordanna across the face, trying to get her to snap out of it. "No! Don't you dare say that about yourself."

"But it's true, Rebecca." Jordanna started to nervously rock back and forth on the chair, as if that would help make the situation go away. She started to cry again. "I didn't realize that it had gotten that bad. I didn't know."

Rebecca took Jordanna's hand and rubbed it between her own. "Jordanna, you told me who you were before we entered into this relationship. You told me that you were into rough sex. You also gave me the courtesy of thinking about that and deciding for myself whether or not I wanted to get involved with you because of it." She stopped speaking and closed her eyes to gather her thoughts. "Please give me that courtesy now. Let me decide whether or not I want to stay here with you. Don't tell me you're taking me home without discussing it with me first. This isn't just about you."

"I know it's not just about me, Rebecca. It's just… I can't control my actions. Do you understand how that feels?"

"No, I don't understand it, Jor. Tell me how it feels. Explain it to me."

Jordanna stood up and looked out the window, rubbing the kinks out of the back of her neck with her right hand. "I guess the best way to explain it would be to compare it to a seizure patient. One minute you're standing there and everything is fine and then boom, two seconds later you're down on the ground unable to control yourself."

She turned around and walked back to the table, sitting down in the chair next to Rebecca. "You don't realize how quickly your life can be turned upside down… all it takes is the blink of an eye and everything changes," she continued. "It's a helpless, frightening feeling to walk around with everything being so uncertain. I feel like a big question mark sometimes."

"God, that sounds awful."

"It is awful. I've got so much temptation in front of me when I am on the road, Rebecca. It's hard for someone like me to say no to it. I've never really had to say no… until now."

Rebecca put her hand on her lover's arm. "Because of me."

Jordanna nodded. "Because of you."

"So, what you are saying is that you've always given in to the lust because it's easily available to you and has been so much a part of your life for so long. Tell me if I'm off base here, Jordanna."

"No… you're right, Rebecca. I've never felt the need… or desire… to be faithful before I met you, but now I do." The drummer shook her head solemnly. "I thought I could control those desires now- but I proved I couldn't. How do I handle this? I'm pretty much okay when I'm at home but once we hit the road and all I have is women offering themselves to me, showing me their bodies… the temptation is just way too inviting. Like you said, I can't ignore them forever." A single tear escaped and dripped onto the table.

"Did you…" The reporter started to ask Jordanna a question, then thought twice about it and stopped.

Jordanna looked into her eyes. "Did I what?"


"C'mon… you can't start a question and then stop like that. What were you going to ask?"

Rebecca blushed, pretty much knowing the answer to the question without having to ask. "Did you… well, you know… every night when you were on the road?"

Jordanna rubbed her head and looked down, surprised that she was finding it hard to talk eye to eye with the reporter about this. "Yeah… pretty much."


"I dunno… it was there for the taking, I guess. And your body… well, at least mine, goes on a high when you are on stage. Especially if the show is a really good one, that high is even more intense cause the crowd is going wild and your adrenaline is really pumping. Once I get off the stage, that adrenaline is still pumping, you know? I need something to relax… to release that energy." She paused and thought about her next statement. She had never been willing to admit this to anyone before, including herself. "Another reason would be loneliness. Being on the road for months at a time can be a real drag when you are all alone, Rebecca."

"So tell me the truth now, Jordanna, do you really want me to leave?" Rebecca asked suddenly, her heart pounding in anticipation of the answer.

Jordanna stood up, picked up the car keys and walked out of the kitchen. She hung the keys back on the key holder by the front door and went back into the kitchen. She saw Rebecca looking at her expectantly as she walked back in. She pulled the reporter into her arms and hugged her as tight as she could without hurting her back, and whispered into her ear. "No baby, I don't want you to leave."

Rebecca's breath caught. "Good, cause I don't want to leave, in case you didn't notice. We will get through this together, Jordanna… whatever it takes. Just know that I love you and I am here for you," she said, placing a tender kiss on her lover's lips. "C'mon, love, I'm tired, let's go to bed."

She led the dark woman up to her bedroom, watching her climb into the bed before doing the same. She felt Jordanna's breath catch as she snuggled up behind the drummer, her arm coming to rest on the dark-haired woman's stomach. Jordanna turned and pulled Rebecca close, letting her body relax as she felt the warmth and love radiating from the small woman next to her. Within minutes, the two were sleeping soundly in each other's arms.

Chapter 14

Waking up early wasn't a curse for Jordanna when she was on the road. Late night after-show parties and the ever-constant revolving door of visitors tired her enough to keep her in bed past the crack of dawn. Once home for a few days though, her body got into the routine of waking up just before the rooster was ready to crow.

The room was still dark when she opened her eyes. The bright red numbers on her clock read 4:15. Yawning, she stretched as much as she could without disturbing the sleeping form next to her. Her body was telling her it was time to get back into the swing of things. Easing herself gently out of the bed, she went into the bathroom to take a quick shower and change into her running clothes. Walking out of the bathroom, she pulled her windbreaker over her head before she stopped and gazed at her still sleeping lover. Rebecca's face was bathed in the moonlight, making the drummer's heart skip a beat when she looked at her. She is beautiful. Not just on the outside, but on the inside too. She proved that to me last night.

Last night.

The drummer sighed when she thought about what had happened, and prayed to God that she didn't hurt their growing relationship too much. Rebecca's a forgiving woman, but… does she deserve forgiveness?

Jordanna sighed again as she grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a quick note to the reporter, letting her know where she was in case she woke before Jordanna came back.

As she slipped out the back door of the house, she felt a chill from the cool breeze coming from the ocean, hoping that the soon to be waking sun would make its presence known quickly. The temperature had risen in the past few days so much that there was no trace of snow from the late-season blizzard that they had experienced.

She took to her run with sure, even steps. Her body, beaten from being on tour for over a year, was adapting quickly to it's old routine. Looking up into the yellows and pinks of the sunrise, her mind quickly went back to the events of the previous night and how she almost ruined the best thing to ever happen in her life.

Because of the young reporter, she looked at things differently now. Knowing that the road ahead would be a difficult one for both of them, she still was happy that there was a road ahead for them. She couldn't remember the last time she was truly happy, but she was now and that was all that mattered.

That's if I don't fuck it up.

Rebecca saw the other side of the moody drummer, the side Jordanna didn't let anyone get close to. What most people saw as conceit and arrogance, Rebecca looked beyond and saw Jordanna for who she truly was- someone that had to be an arrogant rock star to boost her low ego. The drummer smiled when she thought of that. Nobody would ever think that someone like her- tall, dark, gorgeous, and a drummer in one of the world's most famous rock bands could ever have a confidence problem.

But she could, and she did.

Looking back, Jordanna had looked at life for the past 15 years through clouded and cynical eyes. Now, for the first time in her life, everything was crystal clear to her. Could the love of one person do all of that for her? And, more importantly, would she be able to hold onto that love?

Jordanna's good mood quickly faded.

I can't lose that love. I need her here… with me. Does she want that though, especially after what I did last night?

Ask her to stay with you and find out.

She will say no so don't even bother, you loser.

Jordanna fought against that ever-present dark side trying to be hopeful, but what if she does say no? A lone seagull landed in her path, blinked at her, and then flew away.

She slowed her pace down to a fast walk when she saw the town of Montauk in the distance. As the buildings got closer, she walked up to the dune area and cut in between two small oceanfront hotels to walk along the street where people were just beginning to come to life. Making her way past the tourist shops, she went into the bakery and took a deep breath, inhaling the intoxicating smell assaulting her senses. She walked out of the store armed with a box full of donuts and pastries, and chuckled lowly. So much for the run. This is like eating a whole bag of potato chips and washing it down with diet soda.


Hazel eyes watched from the driver's seat of the black BMW as the drummer walked into the bakery. She's alone… that means Rebecca's alone at the house.

A gloved hand picked up the cell phone lying on the passenger seat of the car. Did she tell you she's being threatened yet, Rebecca? No, she's too busy defiling your body to do that, isn't she? Does she make you scream out her name in passion, Rebecca? She's good at that, you know… that's her specialty. Slut.

The gloved finger began to dial the drummer's number as soon as Jordanna emerged from the bakery. Let's see what she's told you about me, pretty one.


Waking up to an empty bed, Rebecca opened her eyes slowly. She looked at her lover's side of the bed. "She's up early." Noticing the note that Jordanna had left on her pillow, she picked it up and read it.


Went out for a run on the beach. Will stop at the bakery to pick up something so don't eat too much before I get back. I hope you like pastries.


She drew a little smiley face. Gosh, how adorable. She hopes I like pastries? She's gotta be kidding, right?

Rebecca smiled as she folded the note up and put it on the table next to the bed. Slipping out of the bed, she walked to the window, and let the morning sun douse her with warmth. She went into the bathroom and got the shower water running. She took a long shower, wincing only slightly as the hard water messaged her back.

She wrapped herself up in a towel, and went into the guest bedroom to pick out her clothes for the day. As she was slipping into her jeans, she jumped when the phone rang. She knew the dark-haired woman was out for her run, but assumed that her staff would pick up the phone. Figuring it may be Jordanna calling, she picked up the phone since no one had bothered to answer it yet.


A muffled voice came over the receiver.

"Don't think that this is over, Jordanna. You are going to have to pay for what you did. Mark my words… you will not live to see the year 2000 and neither will your little girlfriend so enjoy her while you can, you fucking tramp."

Rebecca didn't know what to say. "Wait… who is th…"

The line went dead. The phone fell out of the reporter's hand. What the hell was that all about? Then the realization hit home. Someone is threatening to kill Jordanna and me. Throwing a bathrobe on to cover up her naked top half, she quickly ran down the stairs to see if her lover had returned. As she ran into the kitchen, she nearly knocked over Jordanna's housekeeper, Rosa. "Oh, I'm sorry."

Rosa turned and gave her the once over. She was much younger than Rebecca had originally expected, and a lot more attractive with long, curly dark hair, and big, pouty lips. The way the woman's dark eyes shot daggers at her made her wonder if her lover had ever taken a roll in the sheets with her. She certainly wouldn't put it past Jordanna.

After what seemed like an eternity of scrutiny, the woman finally spoke. "Jordanna is out for her morning run."

The reporter took an immediate dislike to the housekeeper, and forgot for a brief moment about the phone call she answered the woman. "Yeah, I know she is, she left a note for me on her pillow," she said with a wink.

Rosa glared at her. "Oh… I see. Well, there is coffee ready if you want it. Jordanna said that she was going to pick up breakfast. That means pastries. The woman has…" Rosa paused and licked her lips. "Quite the sweet tooth."

At that moment, Jordanna came in through the kitchen door. "What do I have, Rosa?" She dropped the box of goodies off on the kitchen table and grabbed two mugs of coffee for the reporter and herself. She gave Rebecca a quick kiss and teased the housekeeper. "What have you been telling her about me, Rosa?"

"She was just telling me that you have a sweet tooth." Rebecca looked directly at Rosa and continued. "But I already know what you like to eat Jordanna, don't I?"

After seeing the devilish gleam in Rebecca's eyes, the drummer got the very distinct feeling that there was something going on between her lover and her housekeeper. She looked at Rebecca and shrugged questioningly. "What did I miss?"

Rebecca smiled and winked at her. The smile quickly faded as she remembered the phone call. "That can wait until later, we gotta talk about something important now."

"What's up?" the sweaty drummer asked.

Rebecca's face was all business. "Jordanna, you got a phone call when you were out."

Jordanna's eyes twinkled. "Oh yeah, from who?" she asked in a teasing voice.

"That's what I need to know, Jordanna. What in the hell is going on here?"

The drummer didn't understand. She grabbed Rebecca by the arms and looked at her. "What do you mean? Who was on the phone, Rebecca?"

The reporter's legs started to feel weak. "Someone called threatening to kill you, Jordanna. To kill me, too. Who the hell would do something sick like that?"

Jordanna blinked. Shit! "What else did this person say, Rebecca?"

The young woman started to cry. "The person said that it wasn't over and you… we… would not live to see the year 2000. Oh yeah, and that you had to pay for what you did."

"Was it a man or a woman, Rebecca? Could you tell?"

"I don't know, the voice was kinda muffled and once what the person was saying registered in my mind… well, that was it. What the hell is going on, Jordanna?"

Jordanna pulled the reporter into her arms. "Shhh… it's okay, baby. Let's sit down and I'll tell you what I know." Leading her to the couch in the living room, Jordanna had Rebecca sit down first and then she sat next to her. She pulled the young woman close to her, and stroked her blonde hair to comfort her.

Jordanna started to explain. "I have been getting death threats for about a year now."

The reporter gasped and clutched onto the dark woman. "It's okay, baby… let me finish." She felt Rebecca relax slightly in her arms.

Jordanna continued. "First it was stupid little threats through the mail with letters cut and glued on paper that said 'Die bitch' and things like that. The police wrote it off as a crazy fan and pretty much closed the case, but right before you joined us on the tour I got another threatening letter, this one more personal. This person, whoever it is, knows about my past."

Rebecca thought about the damage Jordanna's ex did to her house. "Do you think it could be Susan?"

Jordanna shook her head. "I thought that at first, but by what the threat said, this person knew me when I was younger… before I knew Susan."

"What do the police think?"

Jordanna didn't answer right away. "I… didn't tell them about that threat… and I can't tell them about this one."

"I… I don't understand. Why?"

The dark woman didn't know what to say. "I couldn't tell them about it. It said too many incriminating things." She looked away.

Rebecca was confused. "It can't be that bad. Who did it incriminate?"

A whisper. "Me."

Rebecca pulled away and looked at her lover. "You? What… why?"

Jordanna closed her eyes. "Years ago I did some things that I'm not too proud of, Rebecca. I was a pretty fucked up kid. Associated with some nasty people and got myself into a lot of trouble."

"Tell me."

Jordanna shook her head. "I can't, Rebecca. At least not right now."

The reporter didn't want to get angry with her lover but couldn't control it. "I think that since they are they are threatening me because of you, that you OWE ME that fucking answer, Jordanna… NOW!"

The dark woman winced at the words. "I will tell you soon, Rebecca, but right now we gotta get ready for the soundcheck."

"To hell with the soundcheck, Jordanna! What if this person is at the Garden?"

Jordanna caressed the reporter's face. "Why do you think all the bodyguards have been hovering around me, Rebecca?"

"Don't they always?"

The dark woman shook her head and laughed. "No… not like this. One guard actually wanted to stay in my hotel room with me when I had a… guest… to make sure she wasn't the crazed fan. I told him that he just used that as an excuse cause he wanted to watch two women get it on with each other. You shoulda seen it… his face turned so red."

Rebecca got up and turned away from the dark woman. "This is not funny, Jordanna."

Jordanna followed her. Pulling the reporter into her arms again, she whispered in her ear. "I'm sorry… I know it's not. We will get through this, baby, trust me." She looked into the young woman's green eyes. "Can you do that?"

Rebecca immediately felt calmer and nodded. "Yes, I trust you with my life."

Jordanna couldn't help but feel elated by the words, especially after what she had done to Rebecca the night before. She wanted that trust more than anything. "Good." She whispered in her ear. "I love you, Rebecca."

"I love you, too."


Jordanna walked off the stage dripping with sweat, and scanned the room for Rebecca. When she didn't find the young woman, she headed directly for the showers. Standing in the shower room, she felt someone come up behind her and touch her gently on the small of her back. "I was looking for you," she said, her voice purring. She turned around to see Candy, the redheaded groupie that she told Rebecca about, the one that follows the band around show to show. She was standing there with her blouse unbuttoned, and desire in her eyes.

Surprised when it was not her lover, Jordanna was speechless. "Uh… I thought you were somebody else."

"I'll bet," the woman said, as she began to work the drummer's sweat-soaked tank top off of her body. Jordanna pushed the woman away. "When I said no to you yesterday, Candy… I meant it. Get your fucking hands off of me!"

"You had no problem fucking me senseless all those other times, Jordanna, what's the problem this time?" the woman asked.

Rebecca had watched the redheaded woman follow her lover into the shower. "That little hussy bitch," she said to no one in particular, before she started off behind them. When she got in the room, she heard their voices but couldn't see them because the showers veered off to the right. She held her breath as she rounded the corner, catching the woman's last comment to Jordanna. The reporter cleared her throat and then spoke. "I'm her problem."

Jordanna turned and smiled as Rebecca approached them.

"Who the fuck are you?" the redhead questioned, anger in her voice.

Jordanna answered for her. "She's my lover… that's who she is. And if you don't mind…" She paused and ran her thumb across Rebecca's chin. "I'd like to be alone with her," the dark woman said, dismissing the woman.

"I thought that bleached blonde bimbo was your lover, Jordanna?" the woman hissed.

Jordanna snorted. "You mean Susan? She's history… and so are you. Now get the fuck outta here." She watched the woman turn and walk away. "Oh… and Candy?"

The redhead turned around, a look of hope in her eyes. "Yeah?"

"Don't bother to check on the guest list the next show, your name won't be there."

"Your loss," Candy said before she cursed and turned away, slamming the door behind her.

"My loss," Jordanna said in a childish voice before she burst into laughter. "That was good, baby… she didn't expect that from you."

"Is… is that what happened yesterday?" the reporter asked hesitantly. She wanted to know if a visit from someone like Candy is what set the dark woman off.

Jordanna looked at her and then closed her eyes. "Yeah."

"I thought so. She came in here when you were showering, didn't she?"

The dark woman nodded. "Yes."

"What happened?"

Jordanna's lips twisted before she grinned. "Nothing."

"Did she touch you?"

The drummer snorted. "Yes." At least she tried to.


Jordanna pulled the young woman close to her, leaned down and gently brushed her lips against the reporters. Rebecca sighed. "Like that?"


The drummer slowly eased the reporter's shirt over her head and then did the same with her own. "Shower with me?"


The dark woman worked the hooks on her lover's bra with expert ease, ridding Rebecca of the offending garment. She smiled as her eyes caught sight of the silver hoop hanging from the reporter's nipple.

God, that is so incredibly sexy on her.

"Yeah here… unless you got any better ideas. I know I will not be able to make it all the way home to Amagansett without ravishing you on the side of the road. I don't know about you. "

Jordanna popped the button on Rebecca's jeans and slowly pulled the zipper down. She slipped her fingers on the inside of the jeans and started to ease her out of them, pleased that the young woman wasn't wearing any panties. "Mmm… you came prepared, I like that," she purred softly in Rebecca's ear.

Rebecca grabbed the drummer's hands and stopped her. "Wait."

Jordanna's head snapped up, and her mind instantly went back to the previous night. "Rebecca, I… I understand if… if you don't want to be with me after what I did to you."

"No, that's not it, love." The reporter took the drummer's hand in hers. "You wanted to know if I had any better ideas… well I think I do."

The drummer's eyebrow rose. "Do tell."

Rebecca smiled. "My apartment."


The reporter rolled her eyes. "My apartment, dopey… is pretty much around the corner from here. A shower I know is clean, a nice comfy bed, a bottle of wine, candles… what do you think?"

"I definitely think you are on to something, lover… that's what I think."

Rebecca followed Jordanna out of the showers and they started to leave the building. "Wait," the reporter said, as they walked past the backstage bathrooms. "There's something I need to do first."

Jordanna leaned against the wall. "I'll wait out here for you."

Rebecca grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door, pushing it open and walking in. "No, come in with me."

Jordanna narrowed her eyes. "What are you up to?"

Rebecca winked at her and dragged her through the bathroom to an empty stall. "You'll see." She let Jordanna's hand go and walked in the stall, letting the door close behind her.

Jordanna sighed. "What did you do, bring me in here so I could listen while you pee?"

The door opened slightly and Rebecca crooked her finger at the drummer, telling her to come in.


The reporter shook her head and pulled the door open wide. She grabbed a surprised Jordanna by the hand and yanked her in the stall with her. She pointed to the drummer's jeans. "Take your jeans and panties off and get up on the toilet."


"You heard me, just do it."

The drummer smirked and did as she was told, locking the door behind her before she hopped onto the seat.

"No." Rebecca opened the door. "Door stays open."

Jordanna's brows lifted straight to the sky before a mischievous grin grew on her face.

"Ever since I saw what I saw when we first met, I can't get the picture out of my head. Are you with me so far?" the reporter asked and waited for an answer.

"Sure am," Jordanna answered, feeling her center begin to throb in anticipation already.

"I don't ever want to see that girl's… head… in my mind anymore, do you understand?"

The drummer licked her lips and nodded.

"I want to see a different head in my mind when I think of someone going down on you in the bathroom or anywhere else … namely mine. Now lean your back against the wall and slouch down at bit, Jordanna."

After the drummer did as she was told, Rebecca walked up to the toilet and straddled it. She spread the drummer's legs apart, dipping her fingers into the drummer's treasure. "You're so wet for me, love."

"For you…" the drummer mumbled quietly and closed her eyes, grabbing onto the walls.

Rebecca kissed the drummer on the inside of her thighs slowly, grazing her center with her tongue for a brief second.

Jordanna let out a loud moan. "Oh God… Rebecca… please don't tease me like that."

Rebecca could feel the drummer's leg muscles quivering from the strain of keeping herself up in the uncomfortable position she was in, and now had a new respect for her lover.

She made it look so easy.

Jordanna lifted her leg just slightly to allow the reporter easier access. "Rebecca… I can't hold on here that long… this has to be a quickie, baby…" Removing one hand from the wall, she pushed her lover's head in close before bracing it onto the wall once again. Rebecca held onto Jordanna's shaking legs for her as she licked and sucked hard on her womanhood, making the dark-haired woman come hard and fast. The reporter hung on to her as the strength drained right out of her body and she started to slide down the wall, helping her down onto her rubber-like, unsteady feet.

Once the drummer was able to stand up on her own, Rebecca handed Jordanna her clothes and watched as she got dressed.

The drummer looked at the smirking reporter and laughed. "Are you happy now, baby?"

"Yes, very… and you?"

Jordanna pushed Rebecca against the wall gently, rubbing her body against her lover's and bent her head down for a kiss. She ran her tongue along Rebecca's lips, tasting herself on them before the young reporter let her in completely. When they broke away, she looked into Rebecca's green eyes. "Does that answer your question?"

A still smirking Rebecca pulled the door open and they walked out of the stall, ignoring the looks and comments they were getting from the people in the bathroom. Jordanna stood next to Kelly as she was at the sink washing her hands, and locked eyes with the guitarists in the mirror. She laughed and shrugged. "Wasn't my idea, Kel."

"Sure it wasn't," the guitarist drawled as she finished up her business and walked away.

Chapter 15

The two women spent all night at Rebecca's apartment, enjoying their time with each other relaxing. The next show at the Garden wasn't until Sunday night and they had some free time, so the women decided that they would hit a play before heading back to Jordanna's house.

"You've never seen it, right?"

"No, I haven't seen it and I really want to but you've seen it so many times… that's stupid, Jordanna. Why don't we see something neither of us has seen," the reporter argued.

"Rebecca, I loved 'Les Mis'… get it? I L-O-V-E-D that play, so it would not be a hardship for me to spend 3 1/2 hours seeing my favorite play again with my beautiful lover at my side."

Rebecca rolled her eyes. "You're such a mush sometimes, you know that?" She continued looking at the list of plays listed in the paper and tried again. "What about 'Rent,' have you seen that yet?"

The dark woman shook her head. "Yes, and Phantom, Miss Saigon, Chicago, Beauty & The Beast, Lion King, Smokey Joe's, Cats, Art, Jekkyl & Hyde, Ragtime, Fosse… I even saw 'Grease' when that chick from that chop socky television show was in it. You know the actress they say I look so much like? I saw that one, too, Rebecca. So do I have to go on or do you get my point?"

"Hey, I happen to like that chop socky show… so don't make fun of it."

"I've watched it a couple of times. The sidekick's a real babe… In fact, she kinda looks like you, Rebecca," Jordanna said with a laugh. "So, do you think the two characters are lovers?"

"Jordanna, if you read back in ancient Greek history…" The drummer rolled her eyes and shook her head. Rebecca continued on. "Stop that! As I was saying, if you read anything regarding Greek history, the two characters from the show are supposedly real… and they were soulmates."

"Oh God, Rebecca, you don't really believe this stuff, do you? I've got a fanatic on my hands."

Rebecca paused and waited for Jordanna to finish smirking at her. "The actresses that play the parts are supposed to be pretty much an exact likeness to the real warrior and bard, looks wise."

The drummer couldn't believe that Rebecca actually believed all the garbage she was being fed. "And I suppose that you believe that the warrior and the bard's souls live on from generation to generation together, like they also talk about."

Rebecca took Jordanna's hand and walked her over to a mirror. They stood side by side looking at the reflection looking back at them. "You don't think anyone could experience an eternal love like that, Jordanna?"

The drummer shivered and closed her eyes. "Yeah, I guess they could," she said with a shrug, wondering. I must be going nuts; she's got me believing… "Anyway, we were talking about plays, Rebecca. My point was, um, what the heck was my point? Oh, yeah, I've seen them all."

"Okay, you win… you've seen 'em all. 'Les Mis' it is then," the reporter said with a grin. "What about something to eat?"

"How 'bout we eat somewhere on the Island on the way back to my house, a diner or something?" the drummer asked.

Rebecca linked her arm in the dark-haired woman's and led her to the door. "Sounds good to me."


The two women followed the usher to the second row center in the theater. Rebecca decided that she liked having a famous girlfriend with a little pull. "These are great seats," she said as she sat down. "I've been waiting so long to see this."

"Did you bring tissues?"

Rebecca turned and looked at the drummer. "Tissues? Why would I bring tissues?"

The dark woman shifted in her seat a bit, stretching her long legs out to the side trying to get comfortable in the tight space. "This play is bittersweet, baby… don't get too attached to any of the characters," the drummer explained.

"Are you trying to tell me that you, Jordanna Fox, cried through this play?" the reporter teased.

Jordanna rolled her eyes and laughed. "Do you really think that I am that insensitive? This is an emotional play, I do have a small heart here, you know," she said, pointing to her chest.

The theater lights dimmed and the actors took the stage. The reporter leaned in and whispered in the drummer's ear. "You've got my heart too, Jordanna."

The dark woman swallowed the huge lump growing in her throat and cursed herself for not bringing any tissues. She didn't even hear the opening lines of the play.

"Look down, look down, don't look 'em in the eye…"

"Look down, look down, you're here until you die…"

Something made Rebecca tear her eyes from the stage and look at her lover's face. Are those tears in her eyes? The play just started. It's not that sad yet. "You're crying already?"

"I got something in my eye," the drummer said quietly.

Three hours later, Rebecca sat wiping the tears from her own eyes as the play wrapped up.

"Take my hand and lead me to salvation

Take my love, for love is everlasting

And remember, the truth that once was spoken

To love another person is to see the face of God…"

"Do you hear the people sing

Do you hear the distant drums?

It is the future that they bring

When tomorrow comes…

Tomorrow comes"

They stood up, along with the rest of the crowd, to applaud the actors taking their bows on the stage. Jordanna could tell by the huge smile on her lover's face just how much she liked the play. "So, what did you think?" she asked, as they were walking out through the lobby.

Rebecca smacked… her on the arm. "You know what I think. It was…"

The drummer finished for her. "Incredible?"

"Yeah… incredible."

It was dark out by the time the play had ended. The two walked the 5 short blocks back to Rebecca's apartment hand in hand. "I can't believe that you live so close to that theater and have never seen that play," the drummer said, incredulously.

"I guess I was just waiting to see it with the right person…" the reporter started to say, but was interrupted by a group of young boys barging in between the two of them.

"Fucking queers!" the one boy yelled, slamming all of his body weight into Rebecca nearly knocking her down. No sooner had the words come out of his mouth, the boy had found himself face down on the pavement with a very angry drummer on his back. "Apologize to the lady," she growled.

The boy's friends took off down the street, leaving him alone with the reporter and the enraged drummer. "No… I ain't apologizing to no lezzie."

She pushed her knee harder into his spine. "Apologize!"

"Jordanna… stop…don't hurt him."

The kid tried to get a look at the woman that had him pinned to the ground. "Jordanna? As in Jordanna Fox?"

Jordanna ignored his question and increased the pressure on his back. "Say you are sorry now or I'll kill you right here, you little dickless asshole!"

Rebecca tried to get her lover off the boy. "Jor… baby… he's just a stupid kid."

"I know… someone's gotta teach him a lesson."

"That's not what I meant, Jor… please…" the reporter begged, leaning down and making eye contact with the drummer. "Don't hurt him please… for me."

Jordanna sighed heavily and got up off of the kid. "Consider yourself lucky she was here… now get the fuck outta here before I change my mind," she said, watching the boy start to run off down the street.

Rebecca leaned up against the newsstand that they were standing next to. "What just happened, Jordanna? Why did you respond like that? You didn't need to threat…"

Jordanna rubbed her forehead, and turned to Rebecca, her normally warm blue eyes blazing. "The kid was a rude little jerk, Rebecca, and he needed to be taught a fucking lesson. Apparently his parents never taught him manners."

"But did you need to threaten him violently? The kid knows who you are now."

"What's he gonna do? Turn me in?" The dark woman grabbed her lover by the arms. "That's the only way I… these kids know. So yes, I had to get a little violent with him, Rebecca, otherwise he'll never learn."

They walked the rest of the way to Rebecca's apartment in silence.


The dark woman grabbed the bottle of the wine that they had forgot about the night before and poured two glasses of it. "Here," she said, handing a glass to her silent lover. "Are you mad at me?" she asked as she sat down on the couch.

Rebecca took a sip of wine. "No, I'm not mad at you… I just didn't expect you to do that."

"I'm sorry," the drummer said quietly as she got a good look around the room for the first time. "You have a nice apartment, Rebecca. Very homey… I only really got a look at your bedroom, the bathroom, and the shower last night."

"Thanks. It's all right… nothing like your place though." Rebecca said mindlessly. "Jordanna?"


"Can we talk about your past?"

The dark woman sighed and looked up at her lover. "C'mere," she said, as she held her hand out and pulled the reporter down next to her. She finished off her glass of wine and then poured another. "My past… is a very long, very fucked up, very difficult thing for me to discuss, Rebecca."

The reporter ran her hands through the drummer's dark hair. "I have all the time in the world for you, love. Seriously though, I need to hear it, Jor, please?"

Jordanna closed her eyes and looked down, visions of the past flashing in her mind. "I…I… don't know if I can do this."

"Yes, you can baby… you can tell me anything, don't you understand that? I love you… no matter what you tell me… I love you."

I hope to God that's true.

Jordanna cleared her throat, feeling the bile rise in it. "I did some things… things that if anyone ever found out about them would…" She took Rebecca's hand in her own and kissed it. "This is off record, right?"

Rebecca leapt up off the couch and paced in front of her lover. "Jesus Christ, Jordanna, what kind of a person do you think I am? You think that I would write about your past? I can't believe this! My lover doesn't fucking trust me, that's just great!"

The drummer tried hard to remove her foot from her mouth. "Rebecca, please… I do trust you… sit down. I don't know what I was thinking when I said that. I'm sorry." She locked eyes with Rebecca, who was standing there in a defensive pose. "Please, sit down… I will tell you."

Jordanna thought about just how much she was going to tell the reporter, and a real feeling of sadness came over her when she thought of what Rebecca's reaction would be. Would she be so horrified and disgusted that she would leave her? Rebecca had already been a victim of her addiction and that hadn't sent her running for the hills. But…

Everyone else in her life had run so far.

"Rebecca?" They both spoke at the same time, breaking the silence that fell upon them. "Jordanna?"

They both chuckled. After sitting back down on the couch and taking the drummer's hand in her own, the reporter spoke. "You first."

Jordanna kissed each knuckle on the reporter's hand slowly. "I don't know where to start."

"Start from the beginning, love."

The drummer smiled and rolled her eyes. "How did I know you were going to say that?" She finished off her wine and poured her third glass. "More wine?" she asked. Rebecca shook her head no. "I'm still on the first one."

"Okay… the beginning… yeah, well, um…"

Rebecca put her reporter's hat on. "Tell me about your childhood, Jordanna."

The drummer sat silent for a few seconds and then began. "I grew up on Long Island… you know that, though. That's how I know Kelly and Rach, we went to school together." She smiled sheepishly. "We lived in a very suburban area. My father was a foreman at one of the factories by my house and my mother worked part time at the library."

Rebecca moved closer to the drummer and put her head on her shoulder. "Go on."

Closing her eyes, all the images of her youth flashed before the drummer's eyes again. Playing one-on-one with her father in the driveway. Him not coming home. Her mother's boyfriends. Her best friend's older sister. Her mother beating the crap out of her. Living on the streets. Meeting Karla. Working for Dre.

Julia Smith's death and Jordanna Fox' birth.

"I um… well, you know I have no brothers and sisters, right?"

Rebecca nodded. "Yes."

"I grew up in a middle class family, did all the things a typical teenager did. I was on the honor roll in school… never had to study," she said with a little grin.

Rebecca chuckled. "I hated the kids that were like that. I always had to study." She patted Jordanna on the knee and urged her on.

"I was very involved in school activities. I was team captain of the girl's basketball team and I was the only female percussionist in the band. That's when I first met up with Kelly and Rachel. We formed a band together and played at the school and some small little 18 and under clubs in the area. My best friend sang lead vocals. My father…" Her voice became emotional and she stopped talking.

The reporter pulled her close and noticed tears in the dark-haired woman's eyes. "What happened to your father, Jor?"

"I loved him so much, Rebecca," she blurted out as tears let loose and streamed down her face. "He left home one day and never came back. Not a word, no note, nothing. I never saw him again."

"My mother blamed me for it, Rebecca. She said that he hated having me as a daughter and he left because of me," she continued. She wiped the tears with the back of her hands. "We were so close when I was young, we did everything together. Why would he hate me?"

"He didn't hate you, Jor." Rebecca kissed her lover gently on the cheek. "How well did you get along with your mother before he left?"

Jordanna looked at her. "We tolerated each other, I guess. She wasn't a very warm woman. Whenever my Dad and I would do something together she never wanted to come. She always stayed home." She swallowed a few times. "He bought me my drum set when he saw that I was interested in taking drumming further. Paid for my lessons at the Drum Center. He was there when I was in the recitals they had every year. She never really showed an interest in anything I did. She never came to anything I was in."

Jordanna seemed like a small child to Rebecca as they spoke of her youth, not the hard edged, adult woman that everyone thought she was. "Sweetheart, it sounds like she would be the reason he left, not you. She just blamed you instead of taking the responsibility for it."

Jordanna cracked a small smile. "I hope so." She sighed. "Still doesn't change the fact that he's never been in touch with me since, though. I found out a few years ago that he remarried right away and had a couple children afterwards. My guess now, would be that he was probably having an affair back then. I think they both were, actually."

"Sounds like a good guess. What happened after he left, love?"

The drummer took another sip of her wine. "She met this slob named Bruce at a bar and he moved in the house not long after. The pig didn't have a job. He would sit at home in the afternoon when she was at work drinking beer, eating, and watching porn."

"Sounds like a real winner to me," the reporter commented.

Jordanna frowned. "That's an understatement. After a while, he sorta forced me…"

Rebecca's breath caught and she burrowed herself further into her lover's embrace. "No, don't tell me…"

Jordanna shook her head. "No, he didn't force himself on me if that's what you're thinking. But he did," she continued, "Force me to sit and watch the movies with him. After a while he would jack off right in front of me. Never once touched me, though." She closed her eyes. "I'll never forget, he had the biggest penis I had ever seen and his back was so hairy… ugh. He's probably a good part of the reason I prefer women."

"You think?"

"No," she laughed a bit. "I started to question my sexuality before my father left home. But he certainly wouldn't make me find men more desirable, that's for sure."

"I guess not."

"After a while," the drummer continued, "He started to watch the all-girl porn. I think watching that turned me on more than it did him. When the video would end, I would go upstairs and say I had to study just so I could um… release myself, if you know what I mean."

Rebecca blinked at her. "Did you like watching those movies?"

"Not at first. After a while, though, it got so that I actually looked forward to it, I hate to say."

The reporter never understood what the draw was to those movies. She saw quite a few of them when she was married to David because he liked watching them, but she never got the attraction. They seemed so unreal to her, and definitely did nothing to turn her on. "So that's when you started to realize you were gay? Because you liked watching women have sex with each other on screen?"

Jordanna shook her head. "No, I started to realize it when all the girls in my school started dating the guys and lusted over Joe Elliott and the members of Def Leppard. I, on the other hand, had a huge crush on my best friend's older sister and thought Ann and Nancy Wilson were sexier than any of those male hair band members."

"Oh." They sat quietly for a while. "Did your best friend's sister…" Rebecca started to say.

"Her name was Laura."

Rebecca continued what she was going to say. "Did Laura know you had a crush on her?"

"Um…" The drummer pursed her lips. "Yeah, she must have known. Whenever I would go over to Tracey's… Tracey was my best friend, by the way. When I would go over there, Laura would always join us, and she'd pay a lot of attention to me, always trying to make some physical contact of some sort. She was 3 years older than I was. She had just graduated. Most girls that age wouldn't be seen with a younger sister and her friend, you know?"

"Tell me about it." Rebecca chuckled. "I always hated it when Lisa and Ryan would follow me around when I was with my friends."

"My point exactly. The only thing was, I didn't see it that way back then. It only occurred to me after…"

Rebecca cocked her head to the side. "After what?" she questioned.

The dark-haired woman looked down at the ground and cleared her throat. "One afternoon my mother and Bruce went out somewhere so I sneaked into the closet where I knew he kept those videos hidden. I was watching one and I practically jumped through the roof when the doorbell rang." She stretched her legs out to get more comfortable. "Laura was at the door."

"And? Tell me what happened."

"She seduced me, Rebecca."

"Seduced you? " Rebecca chuckled a bit. "How?"

Julia opened the door wide and let Laura in the house. "What's up Laura?"

"I want to talk to you, Julia. Your mother's not home, right?"

Julia shook her head. "No, she just went out with Bruce. What did you want to talk to me about?" she asked nervously. Laura had never come to her house alone before.

Laura sat down on the couch next to Julia and put her hand on the young girl's thigh and started to rub it. "I think you know."

"Uh…" Julia mumbled and looked away, not sure how to react to Laura's boldness.

"Do you like it when I do that to you?" Laura asked, running her other hand through her long strawberry blonde hair. "Julia, I like you a lot and I think you like me."

Julia looked down at Laura's hand, which had made its way to the inside of her thigh. She looked directly into Laura's brown eyes. "I do," she whispered and closed her eyes. She could feel the heat rising up her neck as she began to blush.

"Touch me," Laura whispered as she guided Julia's shaking hands to her breasts. "Don't be afraid, I won't bite… hard."

"I've never done this before," the teenager admitted as she began to caress Laura's breasts through her shirt. She could feel the blonde's nipples reacting to her touch.

"You are doing just fine," Laura said lowly before she leaned into the teenager for a kiss. She kissed her softly, taking her time before she worked her tongue into a stunned Julia's mouth. "Oh God," the teenager muttered, responding to all the new sensations she was feeling.

"This is just the beginning, Julia," Laura said, as she pulled her shirt up over her head and exposed more bare flesh than the teenager had ever dreamed of seeing. Julia moaned at the sight of Laura's small, creamy breasts. Her nipples were red and pouting, just waiting to be devoured by the inexperienced teenager.

"I need you to do something for me, Julia," the blonde said.

"I, uh… okay…"

Laura pushed Julia down to the floor and onto her knees. "I need you to suck my tits, Julia. Will you do that for me?"

"Oh God." The teenager felt a jolt of desire shoot through her body at the words. "I…I… shit… I… yes…" she stuttered, and waited for the older girl to instruct her further. When she didn't, the shaking Julia hesitantly began to place light kisses on the older girl's stomach, and worked her way up to her breasts.

"Suck them please, Julia… now!"

She shyly took a nipple into her mouth and sighed, sucking on it gently on it while Laura guided her hand to the other one. "Yes, Julia, like that… that feels so good."

The teenager could feel the slow ache begin to burn between her legs. "I want you," Laura moaned, and began pulling Julia's tucked Union Jack tee shirt out of her jeans and up over her head. "Gotta get this off," she said, as she unhooked the teenager's bra and let it fall to the floor. She pulled Julia closer to her so that their nipples touched, sending a quick jolt to both of their throbbing centers.

"Oh yeah, that's much better," Laura crooned, before she went for the button on Julia's jeans. Unzipping them and easing them off of the tall teenager, she flipped Julia over so that she was now on top of her. "Lean back, Julia," she commanded, pushing the young girl down on the couch. Laura slipped her fingers under the top of Julia's panties and pulled them down slowly, revealing the young girl's dark curls.

Completely naked for her to see, Laura took the sight in and then sighed. "You are so beautiful, Julia, did you know that? I remember when you were that skinny, gawky best friend of my kid sister. Look at you now… so grown up and so ready for me."

"Thank you," Julia responded as she began to blush. Embarrassed at being so exposed, she looked into Laura's eyes and started to tug on her jeans. Laura quickly disposed of her jeans and panties. "Do you see how much I want you, Julia," she said, running her fingers through the moist area between her legs. "Taste me, Julia, this is all for you," she said before offering the young girl her finger. "Uhmmm," Julia moaned after tasting the offered finger.

Laura laid her body on top of the teenagers. "Now, I want nothing more than to taste you, will you let me?" Julia nodded her consent as the blonde girl shimmied her way down the teenager's body. She realized that Laura obviously had quite a bit of experience at this. "Open your legs for me, let me inside," she said and the teenager obeyed. "Mmmm, Julia… you're so wet for me." Laura kissed her way up the insides of Julia's legs before she finally kissed the young girl's center. Julia's hips left the couch at the contact. "Oh my God… Laura!"

They were much too involved to have heard the front door open and slam shut. When they looked up, they saw a gawking Bruce and Julia's furious mother standing in the doorway.

"What in the fucking hell is going on here, Julia?" her mother screamed, after she caught sight of the two naked girls on the couch. Laura leapt up and ran for her clothes.

Julia's mother was shocked. "Laura? Get dressed and go home now. I'll deal with you later… I'm sure your father is going to love this!" She grabbed her daughter by the hair and pulled her up off of the couch.

"Damn it, Julia! I trusted you and this is what you do?" she said before she slapped the teenager across the face. "My daughter's a fucking queer!" SLAP! "I hope you are proud of yourself." SLAP! "How many girls have you fucked before, Julia?" SLAP! "Huh, you little dyke slut?" SLAP! "Did you enjoy yourself?" SLAP! "I hope you did, you lezzie!" SLAP! "I can't believe this fucking shit!" SLAP! "You are going straight to fucking hell now, Julia, do you realize that?"

"MOM!" Julia put her hand in front of her face to deflect the last blow. She knew her lip was bleeding because she could taste the blood in her mouth. Her blue eyes turned to ice. "Don't you ever…" she said, grabbing her mother's hands, "Lay your fucking hands on me again Mom! Ever!"

Bruce stood there and watched the interaction between his girlfriend and her daughter. Her beautiful, naked daughter. His eyes took in every inch of her body and he felt the blood begin to rush to points south. He needed to get away. Fast.

Her mother watched him run up the stairs, looked at her daughter and let her hands drop to her sides before she collapsed onto the couch. Julia took that moment to go into her room and pack her bags, taking the few things she owned and putting them into her black 'Zildjian Cymbals' duffel bag.

"Where in the hell do you think you are going?" her mother asked after she noticed Julia emerged from her room with the packed bag slung over her shoulder.

"I don't know… Tracey's."

Her mother snorted. "What, so you can go fuck your little girlfriend again, Julia? What does Tracey think about the two of you?"

"Tracey doesn't know," Julia answered, fighting to keep the tears from falling down her face.

"You really think their parents are gonna let you stay there after I tell them what happened?" her mother quipped.

"I really don't care. I can't stay here. Not with you. Or Bruce."

"You walk through that door, Julia, and you will never, EVER, walk back in here again!" her mother threatened. Julia smirked. "I am not joking, Julia!"

"Fine… have a nice life Mom."

Her mother jumped up and blocked her, pulling her by the hair. "You are just like him. He couldn't stand being around you, did you know that? That is why he left me." She pointed her finger in Julia's face. "Because of YOU, it's your fucking fault he left!"

Julia looked at her mother with pity. Her mother caught the look and snapped. "Don't you dare pity me, you fag! You are sick and perverted. All of your kind are. Now get the hell out of my house! I am not your mother. This is not your family."

"I don't want to be a part of this family," Julia said, as her hand started to turn the doorknob. She turned around and faced her mother. "Oh and Mom, would you tell that fat slob Bruce that one of his porn videos is still in the VCR, will ya?" Julia said and laughed. "He's probably upstairs jacking off right now after seeing Laura and I on the couch." She winked at her mother. "He's got a really big penis, is that what you like about him, Mom?"


The dark-haired teenager opened the door and walked out of the only life she knew.

Rebecca was stunned. She remembered the fight she had with her own parents when she told them that she was going to school in New York after she graduated and here Jordanna's mother just let her 15-year-old daughter walk right out the door. "God, that's awful, Jordanna. She just let you go like that? Just because she caught you having sex?"

"I haven't seen her since that day," Jordanna said with only the slightest bit of regret in her voice. "And, I don't think it was because she caught me… I think she just wanted me out of her life, too, after my father left." She looked down. "I gave her the perfect reason to fight with me by doing what I did. That was her way out."

"That is terrible."

"I know. She was so self-righteous and had no reason to be. I mean, she let that disgusting slob Bruce move in with us. I think she knew what he was doing during the day, in front of me. She wasn't shocked when I called her on it. My mother was sick… and she's a pretty selfish and vain person. I think all she cared about was what people would think about her, and forget what they'd think if they found out her daughter was gay or a fag as she called me. I shamed her Rebecca. It was the perfect excuse." She laughed a bit. "She never worried about what they thought about that pig moving in with us right away, though. Isn't that convenient?"

"Is that…" The reporter bit her lip and hesitated. "Is that also why you don't like to be called names?"

The dark woman turned her head to the side, not following the question. "What do you mean?"

"Remember when we went to that Italian restaurant on the pier in Montauk?"

The drummer smirked. "Yeah, how could I forget. You certainly made it quite memorable."

"Before we went, you warned me that people might think we were a couple. You also said you don't react well to being called a fag or something like that. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah, I remember. What does that have to do with anything?"

Rebecca pushed Jordanna's dark bangs out of her eyes. "Tonight you nearly killed a young boy because he called us queer."

"So… I don't like being called names. Most people don't. I'm not following your point, Rebecca."

"I think it's because of your mother. When she was hitting you she called you every name in the book… so when someone else says it to you now, you go a little wild."

Jordanna laughed. "I thought you were a journalist, not a psychologist. You are too much, Rebecca."

"Don't you see, Jordanna, as a journalist, it helps to be able to understand what makes a person tick to really write a good article on them," the reporter responded.

The drummer let a wicked grin cross her face. "So…" she said, pulling Rebecca on top of her, giving her a quick kiss. "What makes me tick, Dr. Freud?" She kissed her again, this time with a little more passion. Rebecca could taste the wine on her breath. "Huh, Rebecca? Tell me what makes me tick."

Rebecca took a deep breath after that last kiss. "Don't try to change the subject, Jordanna. I think this is important."

"Yeah, I guess…" The drummer pulled away from Rebecca disappointed. Rubbing her temple, she thought about what the reporter was trying to say to her. "So… you think, what? That I overreact when someone calls me a name because subconsciously I'm remembering all the nasty things my mother said to me the last time I saw her?"

Rebecca nodded. "Did it hurt?"

The dark woman sighed. "Did what hurt?" she said with irritation in her voice.

"Did it hurt you when your mother said those things to you?"

Jordanna jumped up, rubbed her head and poured herself another glass of wine. "Of course it hurt, Rebecca." She leaned up against the kitchen table and downed the glass in one swallow. "As cold as she was to me, she was my mother and to hear those things coming out of her mouth was far worse than any beating she could have given me."

Rebecca got up and stood next to the drummer, taking her hand in her own. Jordanna looked in the green of the reporter's eyes. "I guess you are right, Rebecca. I just never really thought about it," she admitted.

The young woman rubbed the drummer's stomach. "Are you feeling all right? Do you want to head home now, Jor?"

Jordanna picked up her car keys off of the kitchen table and handed them to Rebecca. "I… don't think that I can drive, Rebecca. I drank that whole bottle of wine by myself and I'm feeling it."

Rebecca grabbed the keys from the dark woman. "No problem. We should get some food in your stomach." Her stomach rumbled. "And some in my stomach, too."

Continued in Part 6.

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