Into the Dark

by Sharon Smith


This is an alternative uber story. The characters are my own. They just look and sometimes act like characters that belong to RenPics and USA Studios.

General Disclaimer:
This fiction is about professional musicians, so yes, there will be sex, drugs and maybe even some rock & roll every once in a while. I really don't think I need to say much more than that, but I will, just in case…

Adult Subject Matter:
One of the main characters deals with an addiction, one that causes her to hit rock bottom and do things that may make some people uncomfortable.

Love/Sex Disclaimer:
This story features consensual sexual relationships between adult women, some implied m/f relations, and a bit of BDSM. (Not a whole heck of a lot, but just enough to warrant the disclaimer). There's nothing extremely explicit. If this bothers you, is illegal in the state you live or you are under the age of 18, find something else to read. There are loads of general stories out there in the Xenaverse.

Again, these characters are in the music business so, yes, there is some bad language. UberX seems to want to have a foul mouth for some reason. I don't know where it's coming from cause I really don't curse often, except when I'm at work. Actually, I did happen to write some (okay, most) of this there.

Yep, there be a bit of violence in this fiction. Nothing gory though.

Got me some of that here too.

Music Business Knowledge:
I can't claim I know very much about the business, so if any of this seems terribly out there to you, it probably is. I do know how to play the drums though, so I can tell you about that.

Many thanks to kas, Yolanda, Peace, Rainne, Denise, Kevin and the pups for beta reading this baby for me. Thank you to Peggy for supplying me with the name of the band, and to Missy Good for giving me permission to use Tropical Storm- the book, in a small part of the story.

Any comments can be sent to:

Part 6

Chapter 16

Rebecca let the drummer doze most of the drive on the Long Island Expressway. Looking at the dark-haired woman sleeping peacefully next to her, she was happy to have some quiet time to think about what her lover had told her about herself. Was it only two days ago that the drummer had lost control of herself sexually after the show at the Garden? Since then, they had both received death threats, she had seen for herself the dark woman's temper with the young boy, and found out that Jordanna's parents had pretty much both abandoned her at a young age. No wonder she's fucked up. I would be, too.

She remembered that Jordanna had mentioned stopping to get something to eat at a diner that she really liked in Hauppauge. When she saw the exit the drummer said it was located at, she got off. "Jordanna, wake up." She nudged her gently on the shoulder. "Baby, we are at the exit you said to get off."

Jordanna's blue eyes fluttered open. "I fell asleep?" She felt her stomach want to rebel. "I feel a little sick."

"You need to get something to eat. We are at Route 111 like you told me, how do I get to the diner?"

The drummer looked around at her surroundings. "Make a left here and we will have to make another left about a mile and a half down the road on Vets Highway- it's a main intersection. The diner is called the Paradise. It's on the right hand side of the road." She put her head against the window and let her eyes close again.

Rebecca shook her head. "Yeah great, you sleep… I just hope we don't end up in Connecticut."

"I'm not sleeping, just resting my eyes," the drummer mumbled minutes later.

"Oh, okay… right."

"And unless you got on the ferry or drove straight into the water, we'd never be able to get to Connecticut that easily from here," Jordanna said in a sleepy voice.

"Smart ass."

"You know it."

Rebecca drove down the dark, winding road passing a few small intersections until she saw a main one. "Hmmm… is this it?" she said out loud.

"Does the sign say 454?" the sleepy voice asked.


"This is it, then."

The reporter made a left and spotted the pink and blue neon sign with palm trees on it that said 'Paradise. ' She pulled into the parking lot and found a spot as close to the front as possible. "C'mon Jor, we're here."

Rebecca got out of the car and walked to the other side, opening the door for her lover. "Are you all right?" She held her hand out to help the drummer out of the car. "Do you want to just go home?"

"No, I'm okay," the dark-haired woman responded. "I could use some coffee."

"Yeah, me too."

The two walked through the parking lot and up the steps. Rebecca held the door open for her lover and waited for her to walk in. Jordanna stopped abruptly and turned around to face the reporter. "Did I tell you that this is my hometown?"

Rebecca shook her head. "No, you neglected to mention that."

"Yep, this is where I grew up." She snorted. "Whaddya think? Maybe I'll see some old friends tonight."

"You sure you want to eat here then?"

The drummer answered as the host was seating them. "Yeah… it's a good diner, the food is excellent." Hearing her answer, the host turned and smiled at her. His gaze lasted longer than it should have. "Thank you. It's always nice to hear such nice complements like that," the man said, pulling a chair out for Rebecca and turning back to look at the drummer again. Jordanna stared back. "Your waitress will be right over," he said as he walked away, fleeing from the intense blue eyes studying him. He only knew one young girl with dark hair and blue eyes like that. Could it be? Nah…

Rebecca noticed the looks that the man was giving her lover. "What was up with him, Jordanna?"

"I don't know." She pulled her seat closer to the table. "He looks a bit familiar to me but I can't place him."

The diner was packed with people, which was unusual at the late hour they were eating. After they finished deciding what they were going to eat, they waited for their waitress to finally come to take their order.

"Can I get you something to drink first?" the woman asked. Jordanna looked up at the waitress, who had turned and looked away. A flash of recognition appeared in the drummer's eyes, and she looked at the woman's nametag. "Tracey?"

The waitress looked at her, her brown eyes opening wide. "Oh my God… Julia?"

"I don't use Julia anymore… its Jordanna now," the drummer said to her childhood friend.

"Yeah… I know all about you, the big freaking rock star. The one who screwed my sister and then took off, never to be seen again. You… and your whole trashy family broke my family apart. Do you know what happened to her?" Tracey asked in a sarcastic tone. "Do you know what happened to Laura?"

Trashy family? And I screwed her? She came to me. The drummer didn't want to fight, so she just went along with what the waitress said. "No, what happened to her?"

"After your mother told my parents about the two of you, Laura ran off to find you. We never saw her again… at least not alive," the waitress said sadly.

Jordanna shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "What…"

Tracey had tears in her eyes. "AIDS, Julia, she died of AIDS."

The reporter's head shot up after hearing the last sentence and she looked at her lover. Jordanna locked eyes with her and shook her head. "You don't think…"

"I don't know what the hell to think, Julia!" Tracey spat. "All I know is that my sister is dead and you are not only alive, but a millionaire jet setting around the world… where is the fairness in that?"

The drummer looked down. "I'm sorry."

"Your being sorry will not bring her back!" the woman screamed. Other patrons of the diner were now listening to the conversation. The host came over to see what was causing all the commotion. "Tracey, what's going on here?"

Rebecca spoke up for the first time. "I think we better leave, Jordanna."

"I knew I recognized you, you sleazy bitch," the host said to the drummer after the mention of her name, and handed them their coats. "Yes… I suggest you do just that."

Jordanna looked at the host and finally realized whom he was- Tracey and Laura's father, Kevin. The family must have bought the diner from the previous owners. "Good to see you, too, Mr. Erickson," she said with a phony smile.

Tracey turned and spoke to the reporter as they got up to leave. "Are you her girlfriend?"

Rebecca nodded. "Yes I am."

"I suggest you run as fast as you can… she's really bad news," the waitress warned her. "And get yourself tested."

Jordanna put her arm around Rebecca's shoulder and started walking toward the door. "C'mon, lets get the hell out of here." She stopped and turned to look at the waitress. "Good seeing you again, Tracey," she said sarcastically, but her voice softened before she finished. "I am truly sorry to hear about Laura."

Neither of the two women said anything until they got to the car. "Give me the keys," the drummer said, walking to the driver's side.



The reporter was adamant. "No… you're drunk and angry. You still haven't eaten anything and you are not driving!"

"So then drive, Rebecca. Get me out of this fucking town," Jordanna snarled at the reporter as she walked to the other side of the car.

Rebecca started the car up and pulled out of the parking lot recklessly. "Where are we going?"

"What?" the distracted drummer said.

"Damn it, Jordanna, I have no idea where the hell I am… which way do I go?"

"Oh… make a right at the light and follow the road down a few miles." The drummer knew she had to calm down. She had no right to take her anger out on her lover. "I'm sorry, Rebecca."

"For what?" the reporter said coldly.

"For you having to hear that, and for me losing my temper with you."

Rebecca felt her heart rate slow down. "It's okay." She paused. "About what she said about Laura…"

The drummer knew where the conversation was going, and rightfully so. Her lover had every reason to be concerned. "Rebecca, I've been tested. I get tested every few months."

"I thought that two women couldn't…"

"That's what most people think," the dark woman answered quietly. Jordanna turned her body to look at her lover. "Rebecca… two women can contract and pass along the virus too if they are not careful. No one is exempt from this disease."

Rebecca scratched her chin. "When we make love, are we careful?"

Jordanna sighed heavily and looked down. "No,, baby, we're not."

"God, I never really even thought about it until now, you know?"

The drummer pursed her lips and shook her head. She's so innocent. "I know, and that's my fault. I know better. We should have been more careful right from the start." She turned and looked out the window, watching the buildings pass by as they drove. "Like I said before, I get tested quite often so hopefully there's nothing to worry about. There is one thing I can tell you though, Laura did not give it to or get it from me. She was my first."

Rebecca's eyes widened at the revelation. "When your mother caught you… that was your first time?"

"Yeah, it was, although we never really finished what we started."

Rebecca started to laugh. "I don't know why, but for some reason I can't picture you ever being a virgin."

The drummer's eyes twinkled in the light. "Well… believe it or not I was," the dark woman said with a chuckle. "I could tell that Laura wasn't though. She seemed to be a bit more experienced. I was a nervous wreck and I didn't know what to do… although it's true I wanted her and had a crush on her for a long time, but I never expected her to just show up at my house and seduce me like that."

"That's what I was going to ask you."


"Why you were so careless… why you couldn't have found somewhere more private to do your business, like your bedroom."

"Stupidity?" Jordanna thought back to the year or so after the incident. "I asked myself that same question so many times after it happened." Her eyes took on a far-away look. "Especially when I was out on the streets looking for my next meal."

Rebecca stopped at a red light and looked at her lover. "What did you do after you left home?"

The drummer could feel her stomach doing flips after Rebecca asked the question. "Do we have to talk about this now, Rebecca?"

"If we don't talk about it now, when will we?"

Jordanna sighed and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and began. "All I had to my name when I left home was around $400, some clothes and a junky old car I had saved up my allowance for. I had just gotten my permit and didn't have my real license, but at that point I didn't give a shit. I remember driving around until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore."

She drove around with no specific destination until day turned into night. Her eyes burned from the driving and the crying that she had done.

She thought about what she was going to do. Things like where she was going to sleep, how she was going to feed herself once her money ran out. Things that she had never had to worry about before.

She decided that the park & rides designed for commuters at some of the exits along the Long Island Expressway would probably be the best place to park without being noticed by the law. Exhausted from driving all day, she pulled into the closest one in Brentwood, which happened to be one town over from her hometown. In her mind she knew that it wasn't such a good idea because of the town's crime ridden reputation but she was too tired to care. And hungry. She hadn't eaten since the morning, before Laura had made her pleasurable but fateful visit.

'Was that only this morning?' she wondered as she ripped open the bag of Cool Ranch Doritos she had bought when she stopped at 7-11. After she finished the Doritos and washed them down with a Big Gulp, she climbed into the back seat of the car and settled her tall frame down as comfortably as she possibly could.

Tired as she was, she couldn't seem to fall asleep, even into an uneasy one. The repercussions of the day's events had hit her hard. Blue eyes stared out the window of the back seat looking up at the stars, hoping she would find some answers in them. All she found was a cold, dark, heartless sky and an intense pain in her heart. She couldn't believe that she had gone from the emotional experience of exploring her sexuality for the first time to being disowned by her family forcing her to sleep in a parking lot all within one day. It was all too much for a 15-year-old to comprehend.

She thought about what her mother had said to her as she was walking out the door. 'I knew she blamed my father's leaving on me. Fuck her! And I am not sick and perverted. I'm not.

Am I?

The sounds of the commuters woke Julia up in the morning. 'People that have homes and families to go to,' she thought, feeling sorry for herself. "Ouch," she said out loud as she was trying to work the kinks out of her abused neck. "Sleeping in the car is the pits."

She spent the next few months of her life living from day to day, not sure where her next meal would come from. She found herself spending most of her time walking the streets of Brentwood, liking the diverse mix of backgrounds of the people that resided there. It was a town where someone like her could easily get lost, because she was one of many people living off of the streets.

It was on the street that she met a woman named Karla. Possibly three or four years older than Julia, she made her money any way she could. Whether it was by selling her body or running drugs for her dealer, she always found a way. When they met, the two instantly took a liking to each other. Karla because she saw a little of herself in the young girl and Julia because she needed a friend. The older woman lived in a small studio apartment in the basement of a house, and quickly invited the homeless girl to stay with her. Julia spent many nights alone with Karla, who took it upon herself to teach the inexperienced girl how to satisfy a woman. Other nights she would accompany the older woman on some of her drug runs.

After seeing that her friend had a knack for the scare tactics needed to pull off the drug buys and runs that they did, Karla introduced Julia to her dealer, Dre. She knew that the young girl was uncomfortable living off of her, so she thought that maybe she could get a job of her own through Dre.

Standing in front of a convenience store in a small shopping center in Brentwood, the two women waited for Dre. "That's him," Karla said when she saw the black BMW pull into the parking lot. Dre got out of the vehicle and looked the two women over. Towering over the women in height, his 6'6" frame made even the tall girl seem small in comparison.

The man's dark brown eyes looked Julia over like a fresh piece of meat. "Tall," he said, looking her up and down. "Nice," he commented as his eyes hit her chest area. He looked at Karla. "I approve. You have good taste." He turned to speak to his subject. "Karla says you are looking for work?"

"Yes," she whispered, nervously shifting from foot to foot. She cleared her throat. "Yes, I am looking for work."

"What are you willing to do?" the deep voice asked. His brown eyes never left her blue ones.

She walked up to him and spoke in her lowest register. "What would you like me to do?"

Karla stepped in between the two of them and spoke up. "Dre, Julia comes with me on some of the runs that I do. She's got the attitude for it. If you need another runner, she'd be perfect."

Dre walked past Karla and ran his hand down Julia's ass. "Good. You got the job. Fuck up once and it's your head, Karla." He led the young girl to his BMW. "Now, Julia, why don't you show me what else are you willing to do."

She lifted her eyes and looked at his again. He smiled.

"That's the man in the photos?" Rebecca thoughtlessly blurted out after Jordanna had finished speaking. She remembered the box that she had accidentally dropped in the drummer's closet, and the photos that fell out of it.

"What photos?"

The reporter didn't know if her unpredictable lover would be angry with her for going into her closet but she didn't want to lie to her. "The ones in the box in your bedroom closet."

Jordanna turned and glared at Rebecca, feeling her anger rising at the intrusion. "What? Why in the hell were you going through my closet?"

"Calm down, Jor… I knocked the box off of the shelf when I borrowed your sweatshirt the day of the snowstorm. Some photos and other things fell out of it. I just cleaned it up and put it back."

"Oh," the drummer said, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the seat. She could feel a serious headache coming on. "Yeah, that is him in those photos, if they are the ones I am thinking about."

"Why hide them away, though?"

"It's a part of my life I'd like to forget."

"Then why do you keep them?"

God, why all the questions now? I have a headache. "Because." She paused. "This way I won't ever forget what I did."

"What you did?"

Frustrated with all the questions, the drummer slammed her hand down on the dashboard. "Damn it, Rebecca… can't you stop the questions, stop being a reporter, and just be my lover and my best friend tonight?"

The reporter could feel tears coming to her eyes. She was starting to question whether being with the secretive drummer was worth all the frustration she was feeling. "I thought that was what I was being, Jordanna."

Immediately regretting her actions, Jordanna looked around to see where they were. "Get off the next exit, Rebecca," the drummer requested. The reporter drove right past the exit. "Please get off at the next exit, Rebecca."

The young woman sighed, put on her directional and pulled into the right lane. She put her directional on again when she saw there was an exit coming up, and got off. When she got to the end of the ramp, Jordanna motioned for her to pull into an abandoned gas station parking lot.

"Look at me," the dark woman asked quietly. "Please."

The reporter sighed and unbuckled her seatbelt before turning in her seat to face the drummer. "What do you want, Jordanna?"

"I need to say something to you and I want you to listen." The dark woman could see the tears and hurt in her lover's eyes. She lifted the armrest that was the barrier between them and held out her arms. "C'mere."

"What if someone sees us?"

"It's dark out. We aren't doing anything illegal and besides, look around, we are in an abandoned parking lot- who's gonna see us? I just want to feel you in my arms right now, Rebecca."

"Oh." The young reporter sat in the same position for a minute and then climbed into her lover's arms.

"You feel good," the drummer said as she kissed her lover's forehead lightly and held on tight. "I'm sorry I've been acting like such a child, Rebecca. I'm drunk, hungry and tired but that's no excuse for me to take my anger at life out on you like I've been doing tonight. Forgive me, please."

Rebecca wanted to remain angry with her lover but couldn't. "God, Jordanna, you make it extremely difficult to stay angry with you."

Jordanna gave Rebecca her best puppy dog eyes look. "Then please don't."

Rebecca sighed. "I hate it when you make that face." She turned and kissed Jordanna on the lips gently. "Let's go find us something to eat now, okay?"

Chapter 17

The front door of Jordanna's home was a welcome sight for both of them. They had just enjoyed a peaceful meal at a diner down the road from the drummer's home in Amagansett. As soon as they walked through the front door the drummer announced that she was going right to bed. Rebecca wasn't tired, and she figured she would use the time alone to do a little research to see what she could find out about sexual addiction. "I think I am going to work on my article a bit, I'll be up in a while."

"Okay," the drummer said as she walked over to Rebecca and kissed her. "Goodnight, baby."

"Night, Jor."

Rebecca watched her tired lover climb the stairs and headed for her bedroom. Once she was out of sight, she pulled out her laptop and went to work. She typed the words 'sexual addiction' in the search area of the search engine she had chosen- only to see the first 20 out of 21,979 sites that were found. "Holy shit," she mumbled to herself. "I'll be here all night."

She skimmed over the selections that had come up, and was relieved to see that the engine had pulled up any site that dealt with addictions in general, not only sexual ones. "Well, I think that I can rule out the gambling hotline… and drugs, thank God. Sexual harassment… weeellll? I don't think so, at least I hope not."

The next thing she saw made her laugh out loud. "Jane's Addiction at Toad's Place? I don't think Perry Farrell will be able to help Jordanna anytime soon. Next…"

Her eyes came to rest on a site just marked sexual addiction and recovery, and she clicked on the link. "Hmm… damn… so many kinds of addiction, let's see if I can figure you out my love so we can get you some help." She sighed as she read the definitions and realized that her lover had a little bit of each kind from the little she knew about her sexual habits.

Rebecca took her pad out and took notes on some of the things that she had read. She found the definition of Jordanna's addiction interesting, if not a bit scary… especially since the dark woman had basically said all of what she was reading herself.

"Coping mechanism for stress… didn't you tell me that already, Jor? Just in different words." Rebecca continued reading. "Keeps feelings inside," the reporter snorted. "Oh yeah, that's her all right."

Rebecca scrolled down and read further. "Addiction usually starts with self-satisfaction… hmm…. you did say you did that after watching those girl-girl videos with Bruce…" Rebecca scratched her head and thought about that. "I think with all the women you've had falling at your feet, you don't have to worry about that now, do you, Jor?"

The reporter didn't hear her lover come down the stairs and walk up next to her.

"That's not necessarily true," the dark woman said quietly, her voice a hoarse whisper. Noticing her lover jump at the sound of her voice, she peeked around Rebecca's head and looked at the screen. "What are you doing?"

Rebecca looked up and saw Jordanna standing there wearing only a short black unbuttoned silk robe revealing a lot of bare skin. "Uh…" Rebecca babbled, distracted by the vision in front of her.

I like this robe.

She breathed in heavily as the slightest movement the drummer made the robe part more, making her view even more distracting as a rosy nipple peeked out, calling her name.

In fact, I like this robe a lot.

"I'm doing research. I thought you were tired."

Jordanna seemed oblivious to the havoc she was reeking on Rebecca's hormones. "Couldn't sleep."

Jordanna wanted to see what the reporter was researching and sat down next to her. "Can I see what it says?" She felt curious… and sad at the same time. Her eyes were beginning to moisten as she tried to read what the website had to say. Recognizing herself in most of the words she read, she knew that she had to accept the fact that yes, there was a problem. It's something that she'd known for years, but always denied.

She read the information on the screen along with Rebecca, and wondered why the reporter had stopped scrolling at the point they were at. Jordanna reread the last line and looked at Rebecca.

'Addict is usually never satisfied with sex.' Oh God, she must think…

The drummer put her hand on Rebecca's cheek and turned her head so she could look directly into her eyes. "Rebecca, you are a wonderful lover. Please, don't ever doubt that. You make me very happy in and out of bed."

"Oh." Rebecca cleared her throat, which had become unusually dry and then continued to scroll down on the page. Jordanna put her hand over Rebecca's right hand, the one controlling the mouse. "Stop, go back up a little." Rebecca brought the arrow to the arrow up key and clicked on it until Jordanna told her to stop. Rebecca read what Jordanna was looking at.

'Believe it or not, the driving force behind most sex addicts' compulsion is a desperate need for love. '

"Oh God, is this true?" Rebecca closed her eyes, saddened by the thought. "You don't feel loved?"

Jordanna turned away from her lover, unable to look into her caring green eyes. "I didn't," she whispered and turned back around. "For a long time."

Rebecca's eyes started to tear and she tried to blink them out, only causing everything to become a blur. She wanted to cry; she wanted to take on some of her lover's pain for her, but she knew she couldn't. "Jordanna, please tell me you feel loved now."

"I do now, yes."

Jordanna got up and went into the bathroom and grabbed a few tissues, handing them to her lover when she came back out.

"Thanks." Rebecca accepted the tissues and wiped her eyes with them. "Jordanna…"

The dark-haired woman put her hands up, stopping the reporter from saying what she was going to say. "Rebecca, I… since you came into my life I've felt more than loved. You don't even have to say it- you've shown me in so many different ways. It shows in your eyes when you look at me, your actions when you do things for me and in your caresses when you make love with me. Without you even saying the words, I just know."

Rebecca ran her hands through her lover's bangs and smiled. "Just making sure. Um, getting back to that website, everything I've read… well, they talk about pornography a lot, Jordanna. Are you into porn?"

"Well, you already know I was introduced to porn early in life… thanks to my mother." The dark woman blinked once and an errant tear ran down her face. Damn these emotions. She stood up and took Rebecca's hand. "Come with me."

Rebecca followed her into the living room, and watched Jordanna grab a set of keys. She opened the locked door of a large wood cabinet that stood off to the side of the room. She pulled out one of at least a hundred tapes that were in the cabinet and handed it to her lover. She heard Rebecca gasp. "Oh God…"

"Yeah. So I guess that answers your question."

Rebecca was speechless. She flipped the tape over to confirm what she thought she saw. There in living color, was a familiar dark haired, blue eyed woman looking back at her. "This… uh, this is you."

"Yeah, it's me. That's not the only one I was in," the drummer admitted. "I did around four or five of them."

Rebecca walked over to the cabinet and glanced at the rows of tapes, running her fingers over them. "I would think that this cabinet was owned by a man, Jordanna."

"Nope, they're all mine."

Rebecca cringed at the thought. There's so much I don't know about this woman. "Why?"

"Why, what?"

The reporter took her pick and pulled one out. There again, staring back at her, was her lover. A tall, very naked, dark-haired man with a perfectly sculpted body stood behind her in a strategic position. "Why would you do one of these films?"

"Money," the dark-haired woman answered frankly. "At least that's what it was at first…" she paused and her eyes took on a far away look. "Then it became a need. And here I am today, 10-11 years later finally realizing, no admitting… that I am addicted."

Rebecca didn't say anything; she just put the video back, closed the doors of the cabinet and locked it. Quietly, she walked over to her partner and put her arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug. They stood there in each other's arms for quite a while feeding off of their love of one another before Jordanna spoke. "Thanks," she whispered in the reporter's ear.

"For what?" the reporter asked, lifting her head off the drummer's shoulder to look up into her eyes.

"For knowing that I needed a hug just now. For loving me, faults and all… like you do. For loving me after what I've said and done to you. For caring enough to research and try to help me through what just might be the biggest fight of my life. I don't deserve someone like you, Rebecca, but I thank God that you stumbled into my life."

"I thank God for that too, Jordanna," the reporter said before she broke their contact. "And you are deserving of it, love… but that's something that you'll learn with time." She smiled and started to walk toward the stairs with the drummer walking right behind her. "Are you ready for bed now?"

"Yeah, I think I'll be able to sleep now. I love you, Rebecca," the dark-haired woman said, and she stopped and took the reporter's face in her hands, brushing her lips gently across Rebecca's.


The stalker sat looking at a recent publicity photo of Jordanna and smiled. Enjoy life, Jordanna, cause there's not much of it left for you. Just like there wasn't for him. I will never let you forget that, even when you are rotting in hell.

The stalker went into a closet and pulled out a Glock 9mm and loaded it. Things were falling into place.

You are mine.

Looking at another photo, one that included the drummer and her new lover taken backstage at the Garden, the stalker frowned. It's a shame you had to get involved with the tramp, Rebecca, now you have to die too.

Chapter 18

"Where did you say you have to go today?" Rebecca asked as she took a sip of her morning coffee. Jordanna was standing on the other side of the kitchen, making toast and cooking bacon and eggs for the two of them. The reporter was glad it was Rosa's day off. She still had to ask Jordanna about her relationship with her housekeeper, but just not now.

When she was finished cooking, Jordanna brought their plates over to the table and sat down next to her lover.

Rebecca looked down at her plate. "What's this?"

"Bacon and eggs," Jordanna answered dryly.

"I can see that," Rebecca said with a frown. "I asked for sunny side up, hon- these are scrambled."

Jordanna smirked. "Sunny side up, scrambled… same thing. They all leave your body the same way."

"Ugh…" Rebecca took a deep breath and shook her head. "Next time…"

Jordanna finished for her. "You'll cook."

The reporter took a hesitant bite of the eggs. "Hmmm, not bad. So, where did you say you had to go today?"

"We have to do an interview at a local radio station. They were instrumental in getting us airplay when the first album came out so we always make sure we stop by and do whatever we can for them. I have to pick Rachel up on the way there, and it's about an hour drive from her house so I'll be gone for a few hours. Why don't you come with me?"

"No, I have to get working on my article. John wants to see what I have so far, which isn't much. You're a very distracting person, Jordanna."

The dark-haired woman captured the reporter's mouth with a kiss. "I hope you mean that in a good way."

"Mmm… I do."

"I really don't like the idea of leaving you here alone, Rebecca," the drummer said, thinking about the threats that they had received.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"I'm taking the Pathfinder. The keys to the GT are on the table in the living room if you want to go somewhere… just leave me a note so I don't go crazy with worry about you, okay?"

"I'm not planning on going anywhere, Jor, but if I do, I will leave you a note."


Jordanna had just finished getting dressed and walked into the living room. "I'll bring my cell phone with me in case you need to reach me," the drummer said. "I left the number of the radio station in the kitchen."

"Yes, Mommy…" Rebecca put her hand on her hip and laughed. "What time is my curfew tonight?"

"I'm being overprotective, aren't I?"

The reporter crossed the room and put her arms around her lover's waist. "Yes, you are… but I have to admit its nice feeling protected."

"Mmm…" Jordanna bent down and kissed Rebecca. "I'm glad," she said, feeling the reporter's response to her kiss. "I'd rather stay right here with you, though."

"You'll be late," Rebecca said as she smacked her lover in the backside and gently pushed her out of the room. "I'll be fine, Jordanna, really. Don't worry about me."

"Okay, see you later, baby," the dark-haired woman called out to her as she walked out the front door. "Lock the door behind me, please."

"Yes, Mom."

Rebecca locked the door and then waited for the champagne colored Pathfinder to back out of the driveway. She watched it take off down the road, before picking up her cell phone and making the call she had wanted to make since she saw her lover's answers to the questions regarding addiction that the one site had asked.

She dialed and waited. "Jackson, Hill and Associates," the tinny voice on the other end of the phone said.

"Jim Hill, please."

"May I ask who is calling?"

"Rebecca Hurley."

"Hold on please."

Rebecca rolled her eyes when she heard the painful sounds of Air Supply coming through the receiver of the phone. "God, Jim… can't you switch the station?" she muttered to herself. "What a cruel thing to do to your clients."

"Always a critic, huh, Becky?" Jim answered with a hearty laugh. "How are you doing, stranger?"

Rebecca leaned back on the couch, making herself more comfortable. "That's my job, Jim, and I'm doing great, how have you been?"

"Fine, fine… so, what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I need a favor from you. Can you look someone up for me?"

"Uh, yeah… whaddya need?"

Rebecca frowned, feeling the guilt of her actions already. "Everything you can get… police record, medical history, the works."

"Hold on a sec, Becky…" Rebecca could hear her friend searching for something to write with. The one thing she always remembered about Jim was that he could never keep his desk clean. "Gimme the name."

"Jordanna Fox."

She heard him laugh. "Jordanna Fox, as in the musician? Tall, dark, blue eyes, gorgeous but major trouble?"

"Yeah, that's her."

"Can I ask you why, Becky? Getting into a new kind of reporting?"

She leaned forward and fiddled with a pull in her shirt. "She's my latest assignment, Jim. That's all I can say."

"You meet her yet?" he asked. "I hear she's a complete bitch. Beyond gorgeous, but a bitch none-the-less."

Rebecca smiled. That's what I thought at first too. "Yeah, I met her. She's not that bad, once you get to know her. I'm staying at her house right now."

Have you heard the rumors about her, Becky? Has she tried to jump your bones yet? "She know you are doing this?"

"No, she doesn't… and she won't find out right, Jim?"

"Not from me."

"Great." Rebecca paused. "I appreciate that."

"Just be careful with her, Rebecca, she's got a real bad reputation," he warned his friend, as he quickly skimmed over Jordanna's police record. Real bad.

Rebecca sighed. "She's fine, Jim. Let me know what you come up with, okay? Call my cell phone number."

"Okay, Beck. Will do… Hey, when are we going to get together? I never get to see you anymore. I miss you."

"Soon, Jim, soon. I miss you, too. Thanks for the help. Bye."

"I'll let you know what I come up with. Take care, Becky."

Rebecca finished her call and put the phone down on the table. She felt restless and uneasy, and thought about Jim for a while. She met Jim when she was still going to NYU and she dated him briefly after her marriage with David ended. Rebecca thought about using his Private Investigation Agency for information to write a few articles on a couple deadbeat musicians that John had assigned her to, but her conscience wouldn't allow her to do it. She wondered why would it allow her to do it this time, with her lover.

She decided that she would sit in the sunroom to work on her article, and to wait for Jim to get back to her with the information he came up with. She picked up her laptop, Jordanna's cordless phone and her cell phone and headed into the sunroom. As she walked through the living room she noticed the keys that her lover had used to open up the cabinet that the videotapes were stored in were still on the table.

I shouldn't.

She continued on her way to the sunroom, setting her laptop down on a small desk Jordanna had on the one side of the room. She went over to the stereo and flipped the dial to 102.3, which was the radio station that Jordanna and Rachel were heading to. "Cool station," she said when she heard 'Custard Pie' by Led Zeppelin playing. "They have good taste." The disc jockey announced that the two women would be there momentarily to do an interview, and mentioned the growing group of people waiting outside the station to meet them. Rebecca's heart did flips when she heard it, knowing that her lover was weak to any temptation that might come her way at the moment.

Trying to get her mind off of things, she sat down at the desk and started to work on her article, and sang along with the Melissa Etheridge song on the radio.

" Before I saw your eyes, I was in control of my soul on a whole…"

The reporter was wondering whether Melissa knew her lover or not. All she saw was Jordanna's blue eyes as she listened to the lyrics.

"This desires too much, it's rented out my brain, showing previews of your body, driving me insane… baby, that's crazy. "

"Oh God, that's it…it's all your fault, Melissa…" she said to herself, closing out her file and heading to the living room. "I have some nerve calling Jordanna weak, don't I?"

She walked up and looked at the keys to the cabinet and shook her head. This is wrong. She turned to walk away… and stopped. Oh hell… she left them here. Maybe she wanted me to watch them. Taking the keys and opening the closet, she picked out the video that Jordanna had handed to her the night before and put it into the VCR.

The television came to life and Rebecca settled herself down on the couch. 'Where in the hell do they get this God awful music? ' she thought as the opening credits rolled. Fast forwarding through the first few bump and grind sessions on the tape, she then caught sight of a familiar dark haired woman on the screen and rolled it back a little. She sucked in her breath at the first sight of her lover on the screen. Jordanna didn't look any older than 18. Her height was the same, but her body was much thinner than the sleek, muscled body that she wears today.

It was a 'women in prison' film, and Jordanna was one of the sexy young inmates. At the moment, the warden of the prison, who looked about 25 years her senior, was disciplining the young Jordanna by taking a paddle to her bare backside.

Rebecca could feel her body reacting as she watched her naked lover bump and grind with just about every actor and actress in the film. She thought about the drummer. This is this how you feel most of the day, isn't it Jordanna?

She watched it all the way to the closing credits, and decided a cold shower was definitely needed. She rewound the tape and went to put it back in the cabinet when she noticed the tapes that were behind the others. They had different city names and dates marked on them in Jordanna's handwriting. Pulling out one that said Houston 8/27/96 on it, she eased it out of its case and slipped it in the VCR. The first thing she heard was her lover's voice, telling whoever was in the room with her to get on the bed. She watched two women, one blonde and one brunette walk across the room and climb on the bed. She heard Jordanna's voice again, but didn't see her.

"Take her shirt off… slowly." The blonde hesitated, but then did what the drummer asked her to do.

"Very good, ladies," Jordanna purred. "Now, you do the same… and remember what I said, don't rush."

The brunette's hands were shaking as she unbuttoned her friend's blouse. Rebecca heard Jordanna's voice again. She spoke slowly and precisely, and a picture of her lover sitting in a chair across from the bed formed in her mind. She pictured Jordanna dressed in a shiny black rubber corset with spike high heels on watching the two women pleasure each other. Let's not forget about the whip coiled and ready to strike sitting in her lap. All they need to do is call her Mistress.

"You two have never fucked each other before, have you?" the drummer asked.

Both women shook their heads no.

"Mmm…" the dark woman moaned. "Watching you fuck each other for the first time will be a real treat for me then," she added. "Now, remove her bra… hook by hook. I want to see those luscious tits."

"You've got such a way with words, Jordanna," Rebecca said out loud, as she sat staring at the television, trying to decide whether she wanted to continue watching something that her lover taped for private viewing or not. She decided to continue, curious to see if Jordanna ever shows herself on the tape.

The brunette woman took her friend's bra off, and the camera panned in for a close up of the blonde woman's breasts. "Mmm, her tits are beautiful, too… now suck them," the drummer commanded. The brunette did as she said. "Are you going to join us, Jordanna?" she asked.

"If you are good girls and do as I say, I might join you. If you want that, then don't disappoint me."

Rebecca was hoping that her lover hadn't joined them for obvious reasons, but a small part of her was hoping to see her in the video. To see how she was with someone other than herself. God, that commanding voice is just WAY too sexy. It was the voice Jordanna used the night she lost control. The confident, sure, soothing bedroom voice that had turned the reporter on to no end… like it did to her then, and was doing to her now.

It was then that she heard another voice, a man's voice, on the tape. Her eyes opened wide as a naked Gary got on the bed with the two women, and he smiled into the camera. Jordanna instructed the brunette to pleasure the blonde woman at that point and the camera turned off. Rebecca was just about ready to turn the video off after a minute or two of static but then the camera turned on again.

"You know the rules, Gary," the dark-haired woman purred.

What rules?

Gary grabbed his wallet, pulled out a condom and handed it to Jordanna, who proceeded to put it on him.

Ah okay, those rules.

"Oh, Christ… she slept with Gary, too?" she said out loud, looking at the picture on the screen. Her lover stood up to her full height and began to kiss him. His mouth started to stray down her neck and then he took an attentive nipple in his mouth, as she sighed contently. She wrapped her body around the slightly shorter man and lifted her leg up high, taking all of him in. He grunted and she let out a loud moan as he began to pump his manhood in her.

Rebecca felt like she wanted to throw up. She wondered why Jordanna never mentioned her relationship with Gary before. Was there a relationship? Would she jump back in bed with him as soon as she hit the road again? She heard Jordanna's low voice in her head.

No, I wouldn't.

She hoped that was true.

Rebecca practically jumped out of her skin when her cell phone rang. She turned the video off and ran into the sunroom to grab the phone. "Hello?"

"Got a pen? Jim asked. "Take this down. The bitch has quite a nice record. Did you know that her real name…"

"Is Julia Smith… yes, I know that." And don't call her a bitch.

He sighed, hoping that the reporter was not getting into something she couldn't handle. Apparently, she was closer to the dark-haired drummer than she let on if the woman was willing to tell his friend her real name, one she didn't use anymore. He wondered how close they had actually become.

She sat quietly at the desk and wrote what Jim was telling her, not really hearing what he was saying. He gave her brief details about each incident, mentioning that she was arrested for the first time at age 20 for possession of narcotics and blurted out some kind of comment about Jordanna's fetish for having sexual encounters with women in public places.

After she hung up the phone, she looked down at the words on the paper.

Brentwood, NY: Arrested June 1989, possession of narcotics.

New Orleans, LA: Arrested February 1993, lewd behavior, assault on a police officer, resisting arrest.

San Diego, CA: Arrested May 1995, lewd behavior, indecent exposure, resisting arrest.

Kansas City, KS: Arrested December 1997, disturbing the peace, destruction of private property, resisting arrest.

Chapter 19

Jordanna adjusted the headphones she was wearing and looked at her watch for the 10th time in 5 minutes. The disc jockey was asking them questions about the tour, and when they thought they would be heading back into the studio to cut the next CD.

"I have around 6 songs that I have been working on that I wrote while we were on the road," the dark-haired woman answered. "I know Linda has a few she's been working on."

"But we are going to take a couple months off before we even think about going into the studio," Rachel interjected.

"Do you guys like touring?" the disc jockey asked.

"I like performing live… but I don't particularly care for touring at long lengths of time anymore, though," the bassist answered.

Jordanna smiled at the disc jockey, because he knew her well and already knew her answer to the question. "I like touring," she said to the listening audience. "Although, I must admit I have been enjoying the break right now."

The disc jockey cut to a commercial and walked out of the room. Rachel tried her best to control the smirk that was forming across her lips. Jordanna raised her eyebrow at her. "What?" the drummer asked. "Why are you smirking like that?"

"Cause someone's in love," Rachel said chuckling.

Jordanna blushed. "Knock it off, Rachel."

Ron, the disk jockey, walked back into the room. He was an old friend of the band, and was one of the few men Jordanna had dated. "What did I miss?" he asked, noticing the mischievous look in Rachel's eyes and the blush on the drummer's face.

"Nothing," the drummer said.

"You chicken shit," Rachel said, shaking her head. "Tell him."

"What?" Now Ron's curiosity was definitely piqued.

"I… I met someone," Jordanna said shyly.

Ron looked at her like her hair was on fire. "Yeah, you meet a zillion women every day, so?"

"I think she's the one, Ron," she admitted.

Ron lifted up his hand, signaling that they were about to come out of commercials. "Hey, we are back at WXNG, and we'd like to thank our two very special guests for stopping by. Thanks Rachel… Jordanna. It's always a pleasure to have you guys with us, and we look forward to the three upcoming sold out shows at the Coliseum."

"Thanks for having us," Jordanna responded as Ron queued a song from their first CD. After it began, he jumped out of his seat and crossed the room to be near the drummer. "Did I hear you right, Jordanna Fox? You think you met the one?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Wow," the shocked man said. "Does she feel the same?"

"I think so… at least I hope so."

Rachel flung a CD case at the drummer. "H-e-l-l-o! Let's talk about clueless…" the bassist teased. "She feels the same about you, believe me… it's written all over her face every time she looks at you."

"That's wonderful, Jordanna. Although… I have to say, I was kinda hoping for a reunion," Ron admitted. "But I'm so glad for you."

The drummer reached out and messed up the top of Ron's long, curly brown hair. "You know if I ever decided to marry a man… it would be you, Ron."

"I know," he said with a smile. "But a guy can hope, can't he?"

Jordanna laughed and gave him a hug. "You'll like her, Ron, she's great."

"There will be a lot of women with broken hearts outside, you know. Most of them are waiting for you to come out."

The drummer gave Ron a kiss on the cheek. "I better go let them down easy then… it was good seeing you again, Ron."

"Yeah, good luck girlfriend… So, will I be invited to the wedding?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Wedding? Oh, of course… you can be my best man. See ya, Ron."

The drummer joined Rachel, who was already outside in the parking lot signing autographs and talking with the fans. Jordanna could feel the people immediately closing in around her, and for a brief moment felt like she was being watched. I think I should take these threats more seriously.

She shook her head and walked forward, heading closer to her Pathfinder. Rachel caught the look in her eyes. "Jordanna? You okay?"

"Yeah… I'm fine," she said as a young fan handed her a photo to sign. She looked down at the boy and asked him his name. 'He has to be around the same age as Cindy, ' she thought. "Brian," he answered, giving her a big smile. She smiled back and the boy's mother asked her if she would pose for a photo with him.

"Sure," she answered. "Why don't you get someone else to take it and get in the photo too," Jordanna suggested. The woman handed another fan her camera and stood next to the drummer and her son. "Thanks so much, Jordanna," the woman said after the picture had been taken.

They stood out there for over an hour, making sure not to disappoint any of the people that had made the special trip out there to meet them. Jordanna turned down quite a few invitations from both male and female fans looking to get to know her better.

After they had signed the last autograph, Rachel and Jordanna got into the Pathfinder. "He's a nice guy," the bassist said, watching Jordanna put her seatbelt on and adjust her seat.

"Huh? You mean Ron?"

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, he's a really great guy."

"Yeah, he is."

"Why did you date him, Jordanna?" Rachel asked. "I mean… you knew you were gay but you dated him anyway."

"He's a lot of fun to be around, Rach. I told him right from the start that I was gay, but he was okay with that. We had good time together, but it was more like two friends going out and not romantically, you know?" the drummer explained.

"Sorta like the way you and Gary are?"

"No. My relationship with Ron is… was… absolutely nothing like that."

"Did you sleep with him?"

Jordanna raised a brow. "Which him?"

"Ron, you idiot. Everyone knows about the arrangements you and Gary have."

Arrangements? That's a polite way of saying it. "What arrangements?" the drummer asked, interested in what was being said about them.

"Well, it's no secret that you guys go out cruisin' together, if you know what I mean."

"I know what you mean, Rachel. And? What about it?"

"Rumor has it that you and Gary will share the same woman sometimes."

Jordanna smirked. "Yeah, so?"

"So you and Gary have slept together, in a way…"

The drummer rolled her eyes. "Christ, Rachel, let's talk about beating around the bush. Yes, Gary and I have done the dirty, if that's what you want to know." She shook her head. "Ron and I came close, a lot of foreplay, but we never went all the way. I knew he deserved better than what I could give him, so I couldn't go through with it."

"You? You couldn't go through with it?" Rachel laughed. "Speaking of the subject… I'm proud of you."

"Huh? Why?"

"Cause I thought I might have had to take a taxi home… with all the invitations you got."

"Yeah well…" she stammered.

"You've got it bad, Jordanna," the bassist teased.

Jordanna revved up the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. "Think I should take Sunrise Highway all the way home? There's so many lights on the highway out here," the drummer said, changing the subject.

"Okay… I get your hint. Subject is closed," the bassist said.

Jordanna reached over and pulled her cell phone out of the glove compartment. "Do you mind if I make a phone call?"

Rach grabbed the phone from her. "You drive, I'll dial. What's the number?"

"My house."

Rachel dialed Jordanna's home number, listened to see if it went through and then handed the phone to the tall woman.

Rebecca answered the phone on the third ring. "Hello?"


Jordanna could hear the smile on Rebecca's face through the phone. "Checking up on me, Jor?"

"You know it, baby."

"Everything is just fine, Mom, stop worrying. Are you on your way home?"

"Yeah, we just left. I should be home in a little over an hour. Any progress on your article?"

Rebecca frowned and hesitated a bit. She hated lying to her lover. "Yeah, I'm making headway."

She's watching the videos… I can tell. "Good, I'm glad. I wouldn't want my being such a distraction to interfere with your work," the drummer said as the red light they were sitting at turned green. "I better go, baby. I'll see you soon."

"I'll be waiting here for you. I love you."

Jordanna turned her head, leaning as close as she could to the driver's side window. "I love you, too," she whispered softly, then pressed the end button on the phone and turned off the power. She handed the phone back to Rachel. "Can you put that back for me?"

Rachel laughed and put the phone away. "You know I should, by all rights, tease the hell out of you right now, Jordanna."

"But you won't," the drummer said dryly. "Unless you really feel like walking the rest of the way home."

"No, can't say I feel like doing that. It's kind of far."

As they drove along the highway, Jordanna noticed a bunch of kids running on the track of a high school that was visible from the road. It made her think about the accusations Tracey had made about her. "Rach?"


"Do you remember Laura Erickson from Hauppauge High?" the dark-haired woman asked.

Rachel scratched her head and turned to look at Jordanna. "Wasn't that your best friend's older sister… she had really long strawberry blonde hair?"

"Yeah, that's her. Did you know she died?"

"Mmm, yeah… she died of AIDS right? Not long after you took off if I remember correctly, why?"

"Cause I just found out about it last night. How come you didn't tell me?"

"I figured you knew already, you and Tracey were so close. How did you find out?"

Jordanna snorted. "We visited the old neighborhood last night on the way back from Rebecca's apartment. Went to the diner."

"The Paradise?" Rachel smiled. "Wow, I haven't been there in years. Is the food still as good as it used to be?"

"I wouldn't know, we never got the chance to eat anything there."

"Why? What happened?"

"The Ericksons just happen to own the place now," the dark woman said. "Tracey's a waitress."

"You've got to be kidding me? What happened when she saw you?"

Jordanna sighed. "Let's just say that she wasn't very happy to see me," the drummer said, running her hands through her inky black hair. "She pretty much blamed me for what happened to Laura."

"Why would she think that? Oh… oh geez, Jordanna. You didn't?"

"C'mon, Rachel, I had nothing to do with her death. But apparently when she ran off it was to find me."

Rachel never knew the whole story behind Jordanna's mysterious disappearance when she left home at 15. She was curious, as all of Jordanna's friends had been, but not one of them had the guts to question the moody drummer about it. When someone actually did find the nerve to question her, she gave vague answers as to why she had left and where she had gone during that time. Her mother had simply told anyone who asked that her daughter had run away.

"I guess something happened between you and Laura," Rachel said, wondering if Jordanna would actually supply her with the answer to that.

"Yeah, you could say that."

Rachel had to laugh to herself. There goes them vague answers again. She must have slept with her. "Mmm, so Rebecca heard the conversation that you had with Tracey?"

Jordanna nodded. "Yep," she said, opening the window for some fresh air. "I feel bad because I took my anger out on her and she had absolutely nothing to do with it."

"How did you take your anger out on her? You didn't hit her or anything?"

"Oh God, no… I just was just acting like a bitch," the dark-haired woman responded.

A smile formed on Rachel's face. "You mean you were acting like your usual self?"

"Yeah, I guess… she kept asking me all kinds of questions and I'm just not used to that so I kinda lost my temper. I know that she does it because she cares, but I'm just not used to people caring for me like that. You all know how hard it is for me to let someone in. I want nothing more than to be able to let down my guard with her Rach, I really do. I just don't know how to explain that to her."

"Explain it exactly the way you just did, Jordanna."



The drummer really did hate driving on Sunrise Highway because there were just way too many lights. "Shit, we were catching all the green lights there for a while," she said, as she slowed the Pathfinder down to stop at a red light. "Hey, do you mind if we stop at this shopping center for a few minutes?" Jordanna asked, noticing a florist there.

Rachel opened her window. "Nope, I don't mind."

The drummer pulled into a parking spot right in front of the florist, put the Pathfinder in park and climbed out of the vehicle. "I'll be right back."

Rachel watched as Jordanna walked into the florist, amazed at the change in the dark-haired woman. She would never in a million years have imagined that the drummer would want to settle down, but it seemed to look like her relationship with Rebecca had done just that.

Jordanna walked out of the florist with a stuffed teddy bear in one hand and a dozen red roses in the other. As far as Rachel knew, the drummer had never given any of her female friends anything, except a couple hours of her time and then an escort to the door. But something romantic, like she was doing right now?

Forget about it.

Rebecca was a special woman.

The drummer opened the door, put her purchases in the back and then slid into the driver's seat. "Not a word from you," she said, having noticed the huge grin on her friend's face.

"You love her," Rachel simply stated.

Jordanna smiled at the thought and it lit up her whole face. "I now know what love feels like, Rachel… and it feels so right. I love her more than anything."

"I'm really happy for you, Jordanna. You deserve it."

Jordanna rolled her eyes and laughed.

"No, I'm serious, Jordanna. Everyone needs love in his or her life. I mean lust is fine, but it doesn't make you feel complete like love does."

"Yeah, I'm learning that," the drummer admitted. "I never understood that before, but now I do."

"You know, Jordanna… it's nice to be able to talk to you like this. I feel like the girl that I once knew is working hard to find her way back. I guess I have to thank Rebecca for that when I see her."

"I guess you will," the dark-haired woman said quietly.

They both sat silent for a while, thinking about what had just been said.



"That teddy bear is soooo cute…" Rachel said with laughter in her voice.

"Shut up, Rachel."

Chapter 20

Rebecca checked the time and shut off the video she was watching, this one more recent.

God Jordanna, what are you doing to me? I've never seen so many naked people in my life as I have since I met you…

Figuring that Jordanna would be home soon, she rewound the tape and put it back in the cabinet where she found it. She heard the garage door opening. "She's home," she said out loud to herself.

Rebecca quickly ran into the sunroom, picked up the book that she was currently reading and crawled up on the couch. She heard the front door opening and footsteps.

Walking through the door of the house, Jordanna looked down at the teddy bear and began feeling like a schoolgirl with her first crush. Am I really giving this to her? Yeah, I am. "Rebecca?"

"In the sunroom," the reporter called out.

Jordanna walked to the sunroom, standing half in and half out of the room holding the bear and flowers behind her back. "Hi."

Rebecca looked up from the book that she was pretending to be reading. "Hey, how'd the interview go?"

"Good," the drummer answered. "Did ya hear it?"

"Why are you standing there like that?"

Jordanna felt her face flush as she walked into the room. "I got you a little something." She handed Rebecca the flowers and then the teddy bear.

"Oh, Jordanna… he's so cute." The reporter took the bear in her hands and hugged him close. "And the flowers are beautiful. Thank you."

Jordanna kneeled down on the floor next to her lover. "Not half as beautiful as you are, Rebecca," she said, taking the reporter's hand and kissing it. "I love you with all my heart and I just wanted to make sure that you knew that."

Rebecca's eyes saddened as she thought about how she had just looked into the drummer's past life… her private life, behind her back. Jordanna didn't miss the look. "What's wrong, Rebecca? Did I say… do… something wrong?"

The reporter put her hand on the drummer's cheek. "No, honey, you did everything right…" Tears streamed down her face. "I did everything wrong."

Jordanna pulled Rebecca into her arms, questioning her with her eyes. "I don't understand, Rebecca. What could you have done wrong?"

"I… I… when you were gone I watched some of the videos in that cabinet. I found the ones hidden behind, the home movies…" Rebecca said, feeling completely embarrassed. She looked up, waiting for her lover to react and she saw that Jordanna was smiling.

Smiling? "Jordanna? Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah." The dark-haired woman wiped the tears off of Rebecca's face with her thumb. "I heard what you said. Rebecca, why do you think I left the keys there?"

"You wanted me to watch them?"


"Why? Now I don't understand," the reporter asked, confusion in her eyes. "I mean… I'm glad you are not mad that I watched them, but I don't get it."

Jordanna kissed her on the forehead. "You know it's hard for me to say how I feel, Rebecca… and it's hard for me to talk about myself. You had so many questions and… I… I figured if you saw those films some of your questions about me might be answered." She shook her head and closed her eyes. "I honestly didn't know how you would feel after you saw them though. Some of the earlier ones… I didn't always join in on the action and um, you mentioned self satisfaction the other night and… well I…"

The reporter found Jordanna's rambling adorable and had to control a smile. "I understand, Jordanna, you don't have to say no more." Rebecca smiled and leaned forward once again, this time to place a light kiss on the dark-haired woman's lips. "Mmmm," the drummer moaned into her lover's mouth.

"Jordanna?" the reporter said, breaking the kiss.


"That… um, was not the only thing I did while you were gone." Rebecca could feel her heart begin to pound. Even she was angry with herself for contacting Jim about Jordanna's past. She couldn't even imagine how her lover was going to feel about it.

"Yeah? What else did you do?" the drummer said, with a look of mischief in her eyes.

Rebecca got up and looked out the window at the crashing waves, wanting nothing more than to throw herself into them at the moment. "I have a friend."

Jordanna laughed. "Okay?"

"He's a private investigator," the reporter continued, her back still turned to her lover.

Jordanna's smile quickly faded. She didn't think she was going to like the rest of what Rebecca was going to say. "And?"

"I called him and had him do a background check on you," the reporter admitted.

The drummer was up and by Rebecca's side in a flash, turning her around so she could look at her. "WHAT? Why? What kind of a check, Rebecca?"

Rebecca felt tears falling again and wanted to control them but couldn't. "Medical history, police record, the works…"

Jordanna closed her eyes. She could feel her body starting to shake. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I wanted to know."

"You could've just asked me," the drummer said, visibly upset.

"I tried to ask you the other night and you got mad at me, Jordanna. I'm sorry… I was wrong. I shouldn't have done it."

Jordanna couldn't argue with Rebecca on this one. She did get angry at all the questioning. "So… what did you find out?"

"A lot, actually."

"You know I've been arrested, I take it," the drummer said, a little bit of sarcasm in her voice.


"Do you know exactly what happened?"


"Do you want to know?"


The drummer grabbed her by the arm a little more forcefully than she should have and sat her down on the couch. "Sit down." She walked over to the same spot Rebecca had been standing in and looked out the window.

She was quiet for a while and then spoke. "I was arrested… for possession… when I was working for Dre." She cleared her throat. "I had to spend 4 months in prison for that, Rebecca." She paused. "I actually was sent to jail for 6 months, but I got out after 4 for good behavior."

"You spent time in prison?"

"Yes, I did, Rebecca." Jordanna turned around and looked at her quiet lover, who was looking at the carpeted floor. "Then I was arrested again in New Orleans," she continued.

"Tell me about that arrest, please."

Jordanna sat down on the couch next to her. "Have you ever been to New Orleans during Mardi Gras?"

"No," the reporter answered.

"Well… it's one big fucking party there then. Drinking, drugs, sex… you name it, it's happening there."

"That I know. Go on."

"Right before we got our recording contract, we did a little tour that took us down south. It happened to be when Mardi Gras was going on." Jordanna stopped and sighed. "One night after an early show, Gary and I went to this bar to have a few drinks," she continued. "Gary's originally from New Orleans so he knows all of the hot spots there. Anyway, we met these two women there and they were really into the spirit of the festivities." She paused. "Do you really want me to continue with this, Rebecca?"

"Yes I do, but speaking of Gary, can I ask you something?"

Jordanna narrowed her eyes at the sound of the younger woman's voice. "Sure, what?"

"Why didn't you tell me you two were together?"

Jordanna burst out laughing. "Gary and I were never together!"

"But I saw you on a video…"

The drummer put her hand on Rebecca's knee and gave it a quick squeeze. "We're only friends, Rebecca. Every once in a while we would have sex, but that's it. Nothing more."

"Ah, okay." A day in the life of Jordanna Fox. "Continue what you were telling me before, please."

The drummer sighed. "Okay… so anyway, to keep up with the Mardi Gras tradition, Gary decided to ask these two women to show us their um…"

"Tits," Rebecca said, helping Jordanna find the correct terminology used during Mardi Gras.

"Yeah, he asked them to do that… and some women will oblige and others won't. These two were more than happy to oblige." She looked into Rebecca's eyes and saw uneasiness there. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine…" Rebecca rubbed her head. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You get embarrassed saying words like tits in front of me when you had no problem saying that, or even worse words to those women in the video I watched?"

"You're not one of those women, Rebecca. You're my lover and my best friend. I respect you more than that."

"Oh," Rebecca said quietly and looked down. Well that's good to know. "Please, do continue, lover."

Jordanna sat silent for a second. "We bought them a few drinks and by that time I was shit faced and feeling no pain, so I asked the one woman to show me her tits…" she said with hesitation and let out a little laugh, her face blushing slightly.

"Okay." She started again after she regained her composure. "I asked her to show me them again and she did. This time, I couldn't control myself and I…"

"You what, Jordanna?"

"I suc… kissed them right there at the bar. She responded to what I was doing and that only got me going more. I picked her up and walked over to the pool table and laid her down on it. I lifted her miniskirt up knowing full well she didn't have any panties on and I went down on her right there in front of everybody in the bar."

"Holy shit, Jordanna…" Rebecca knew she shouldn't have been shocked by this revelation but she was. "Right in front of everybody?"

"Everybody," Jordanna confirmed. The drummer felt her heart pounding, almost as if it were going to take off and fly right out of her chest. "The people in the bar were cheering and going wild… they were really into it and to be honest, so was I." She closed her eyes.

"What about the woman?"

"She didn't protest, Rebecca… she begged for me not to stop what I was doing."

"So then how did you get arrested?"

"A couple of off-duty cops happened to walk in as it was happening. The next thing I knew, they had me on the ground and I was fighting with them. I punched one of the cops in the face. Gary was fighting with the other cop."

"Resisting arrest."

"Yeah… and assault, amongst a whole slew of other offenses."

"That's stupid."

"Yeah… you're not kidding."

"Were you the only one that got arrested?"

"No, Gary, and the woman I was with got arrested, too," the dark-haired woman explained. "I called and had my lawyer post bail for all of us."

"Oh," the reporter responded, wondering where exactly Jordanna could possibly have obtained the money to post all of their bail before the band had their recording contract. She kept her thoughts to herself.

"Do you want to know about the other times I got arrested?"

"Yes… no… yes, I think."

Jordanna smirked a bit at Rebecca's answer. "You know Aerosmith's song "Love in an elevator?"

Rebecca couldn't help but laugh. "You didn't?"

"I did. That's why we had to stay at a different hotel in San Diego on this tour, not that you would've known that, though. We've… or should I say I've been banned from that hotel for life."

"What if a little kid tried to get on the elevator?"

"At that point of my life I didn't give a shit who was getting on as long as I was getting off," Jordanna admitted dryly.

Rebecca put her hand on her lover's arm. "What about now?"

The drummer's eyes narrowed questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, would you give a shit now… now that you've met me and my daughter? If you had Cindy with you and went to get on an elevator and there were two women… or anyone… doing what you did, would you care at all?"

I guess I deserve this question, don't I? "I would want to beat the living shit out of them, Rebecca." She looked her lover directly in the eyes. "I wouldn't do most of the things I used to do now that I've met you."

"Good, that's what I needed to hear. What about the last arrest in Kansas around a year ago? Why on earth did you trash a hotel room?"

The dark-haired woman got up and walked quietly back to the window. "I didn't," she whispered.

"You didn't trash the hotel? Then what… I don't understand."

Jordanna didn't speak for a minute. "It was a cover up, Rebecca."

The reporter stood up and walked over to her lover, and placed a warm hand on the drummer's shoulder.

"I was in the hotel lounge one afternoon when I met these two local women there," the drummer began. She turned around, looked at her lover and let the tears she was holding in begin to fall. "At least that's who I thought they were."

"What do you mean?"

"It turned out that they weren't locals, they were there, vacationing with their families at the hotel."

Rebecca narrowed her eyes at the dark-haired woman. "You lost me here, love. Can you fill in the blanks a little for me?"

"Okay, I met these women in the lounge. We had a few drinks, did a lot of flirting and I ended up inviting them to my room with me." She closed her eyes. "I had sex with both of them."

Rebecca swallowed the lump that was already forming in her throat, moved off to the side and leaned up against the wall where Jordanna was standing to listen to what the tall woman had to say.

The drummer sighed heavily and began the rest of the tale. "The next afternoon, as we were leaving the hotel for our soundcheck a policeman steps in front of me and slams me against the wall. Then he proceeds to handcuff my arms behind my back and starts to read me my rights."

"I had no idea why I was being arrested," she continued. "I was totally embarrassed, everyone was standing around watching. Apparently there was a photographer lurking around somewhere because there were photos of me being led to the police car in handcuffs all over the papers the next day."

"When we arrived at the police station, I saw the two women that I told you about there with their families. This small woman, who I assumed was the mother of one of the girls that I had sex with, came flying towards me, knocked me into the wall, and slapped me hard across the face." Fresh tears started to fall down the dark-haired woman's cheeks. "That's when it hit me what I was being arrested for."

Rebecca knew by the tears that the drummer was shedding that this was not an easy story for her to tell. She put her hand on her lover's arm. "Jor, honey?"

"One of them was a minor."

Oh God…

"I was arrested for statutory rape."

Rebecca felt her world come crashing down on her. She knew her lover was by no means an angel, but for her to be arrested for rape… well that was just something she never wanted, or expected, to hear from the woman that she shared a bed with, the woman that she gave her heart to.

The woman that owned the other half of her soul.

The admission plunged Rebecca into a darkness she had never experienced before, a darkness that she knew she had to walk through with Jordanna in order for the both of them to survive.

The reporter felt her legs start to give out from under her and she grabbed onto a small table, which was the closest piece of furniture she could find. Jordanna took her by the arm and walked Rebecca to the couch, helping the unsteady young woman into a sitting position before returning to the spot she originally was standing at in front of the window.

"Rebecca, I… I… I didn't know she was under age."

"How old was she?"

The drummer didn't answer her and instead acted like she didn't hear the question.

"How old, Jordanna?" the reporter repeated forcefully.


"Fifteen? Jesus Christ, Jordanna, you slept with a child!"

The drummer crossed the room with the speed of a cheetah, bent down and grabbed Rebecca by the arms. "Goddammit! Don't you think I know that, Rebecca? Do you think a day has gone by since then that I've forgotten that I fucked a 15-year-old?" she hissed, her angry voice cracking with emotion. She looked into the terrified eyes of her lover, let go of her arms and stood up straight, making her way back to the spot in front of the window once again. "I'm sorry."

Rebecca looked up at her with an angry, yet frightened look in her eyes. "So what happened? Shouldn't you be rotting in jail right now?"

The comment was like a blazing arrow ripping straight through the drummer's heart. "Yes, I should be rotting in jail right now." For more things than just this, unfortunately…

Rebecca got up and walked over to the drummer. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"Yes, you did mean it," the drummer said sadly. "And I should by all rights be in jail right now. Luckily for me, I'm a rich woman and can afford the fast talking expensive lawyers. After they arrested me, the girl admitted to the police that she lied to me about her age. She told me she was 23."

"That still doesn't make it right," Rebecca said angrily. "Besides, you really believed a 15-year-old was 23?"

"Yes, I did believe it. I figured if she was in the bar she had to be over at least 18, right?" the drummer admitted, and walked back to the couch to sit down. "Rebecca, have you seen the young girls these days? She may have been 15 but she had a body of a 30-year-old." She closed her eyes, envisioning the beautiful young girl writhing under her body in ecstasy. "And when she offered me that body, I took it. I didn't force myself on her though."

The reporter stood looking straight ahead, her green eyes void of any emotion. A tear slid down the left side of her face.

"My lawyers," the drummer continued, "Convinced the girl's family to settle out of court. The deal was that they would drop the charges and forget it ever happened if I paid them an obscene amount of money."

"I take it they are a rich family right now."

The drummer nodded solemnly. "Yes, they are."

"What about the District Attorney? Wouldn't they want to bring you up on the charges even if the family dropped them?"

"The DA is now a rich man also, Rebecca. And it's funny how if a little money is involved, the records of the actual charge can change to a different one, just like that," Jordanna said, snapping her fingers as if she was making something disappear. "Our judicial system really is a joke, if you think about it." She looked up at her lover, who looked as if she didn't know if she should stay in the house with her or if she should run as far and as fast as she could. "I'm not proud of what I did, you know."

Rebecca sighed heavily. "I never thought that you were. It's just," she stopped and sighed again.

"It's just what?"

Rebecca sat back down on the couch next to the tall woman. "I really don't understand how you could continue to sleep around after that as if nothing ever happened."

The dark-haired woman turned her body on the couch so she was facing her lover. "I continued sleeping around because I couldn't stop," she said quietly, in a voice filled with emotion. "Can you understand that?"

Rebecca got up and walked to the window again, looking out at the sea to escape the intense blue gaze of her lover. "I do understand, Jordanna."

"You're free to go you know. I can certainly understand it if you don't want to continue to share a bed with a rapist." Jordanna watched as Rebecca's body stiffened, and small shudders ran down her spine. "Just because I told you I loved you doesn't mean you have to stay with me," she continued. The drummer cleared her throat, removing all traces of emotion that she was showing in her voice. "I know sometimes love just isn't enough."

The moment of truth had come and Rebecca realized that she was going to have to learn, and learn really fast, what the term tough love actually meant.

They had discussed, albeit very briefly, that the drummer would seek help for her addiction right after she had lost all self control with Rebecca the night that they played at Madison Square Garden. Jordanna had agreed at that point that therapy would be the best direction for her to go, but she had brushed it off and they hadn't discussed it since.

Today was the day that Jordanna would have to decide whether to shit or get off the pot.

The reporter tore her gaze away from the ocean, and turned to look into the tear stained face of her lover, who was rocking back and forth on the couch with her head in her hands. Rebecca walked over and kneeled on the floor in front of the drummer, taking the tall woman's hands in her own. "You know I love you more than anything, right?"

Jordanna lifted her sad blue eyes to meet sad, yet compassionate green ones. "Yes."

"Do you love me?"

"More than life itself."

"You have a decision to make then, love."

"I know I do, baby."

Jordanna sat back on the couch and Rebecca climbed onto her lap, and leaned her head on the dark-haired woman's shoulder. "You know I'll be here for you, supporting you all the way, right?" the reporter whispered into the tall woman's ear.

"I know you will."

"You also know the only way we will be able to have a future together is if you get help, Jordanna."


"No, Jor, please don't start this again… I just told you how I felt about you. I don't think I'm asking for much. Are you willing to get help or not?"

"Yes," the drummer said quietly as she watched from her seat on the couch, two seagulls picking at something in the sand. "I'll do whatever it takes, Rebecca."

Th reporter smiled and kissed the drummer on her tear streaked cheek. "Jordanna?"


"I think you were set up."

"Set up?"

"By that girl and her family. A quick and easy way to become rich, you know?"

Jordanna chuckled slightly, and Rebecca looked up at her. "I'm sorry, it's not funny. It's just that I said the same thing as I was going back and forth to the lawyer's office all those days. I told my lawyer what I thought and he told me I should just leave well enough alone since they had just agreed to drop the charges."

"Jerry told me to keep my mouth shut about it too, in a threatening sort of way," she added. "He told me to consider it a learning experience and that I had better start thinking with my head and not with my pussy, otherwise something like that would be bound to happen again."

For some reason Rebecca found herself snuggling tighter in the dark woman's embrace, not understanding the serious need to be in her comforting arms, especially after what she had just learned about her. Am I going to be able to make love with her now without thinking of the young girl?



"I think you were enticed and made a very bad decision that day, and paid for it. I believe you when you say that you thought she was 23. You have never given me a reason not to believe you."

The dark-haired woman blinked and her top lip twitched. "Rebecca?"


"Thank you for being who you are," the dark-haired woman said, and then placed a kiss on the top of her lover's golden hair. "And for believing in me. Lord knows I don't deserve it, but thank you."

Continued in Part 7.

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